#I have not slept or eaten in like
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In a sudden turn of events I am going to be okay!!!
#I’ve officially dropped AP art#You know what that means? :D#I get to sleep!#And hang out with my friends!#And go for runs!#And spend more time studying Physics and Chem!#I am quite literally bawling my eyes out right now#I have not slept or eaten in like#two months#My emotions are going wild right now#Huge sense of grief or maybe loss but also#Just… so much relief#I finally get to take care of myself#And do the things I enjoy#And focus on the important things#My life has been RAPIDLY spiralling downwards since school started#But now it’s going to get a lot better#And I’ll be happy again#I’m going to be okay chat#I’m gonna be okay
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i wanted to put something here about how i love his hair but my brain is saying to put “blue eyes white dragon”
#i really like using super vibrant colors for eyes!#also im v proud of this expression which im calling ''i havent slept in 4 days and im about to say something SO traumatizing for u''#tim drake#robin#batman#dc comics#red robin#my art#ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.
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What I love about this fandom is how we are all in love with Ferdinand despite him being the most unlikeable person ever. Like he is an anti-social, rude, cold-hearted, know it all snob and we love him all the more for it.
When he enters the story this is what we immediately learn about him, but he was kind to Myne. So we know there is more to him, but we have to wait till to get it. Until that moment in the Trombe subjugation we weren’t sure how to fell about Ferdinand nor how’d he react because he is always the first person to remind Myne of her place. She’s a commoner and despite guiding her he also doesn’t let her forget that. So when he backs Myne we finally know we can trust him like really trust him. And that he is someone to lean on.
And even before we learn his sad backstory(which again takes VOLUMES hell PARTS). We already love and trust him. His backstory doesn’t endear us to him, because we have long since had love for him. He doesn’t need a sad woobie backstory for us to feel for him and feel positively about him because like Myne he has long since proven himself to us. And while many people in story would liken spending time with him to torture, we know that despite all of that he is a good person, and loyal to a fault.
And honestly, he doesn’t really grow in that aspect, I mean he learns a little but the things I listed earlier are still very much his character flaws. He doesn’t grow past them, learn to be kinder, socialize more, or anything like that.
They’re still apart of his personality, they’re flaws but they are his.
And in keeping these flaws we retain the part of him the is undeniably Ferdinand.
We love Ferdinand despite the fact that if we met him in person many of us wouldn’t like him, and I think that’s one of the most fantastic things about AoaB
#ascendance of a bookworm#honzuki no gekokujou#ferdinand aob#but daddy I love him#he’s so funny#and so terrible#like undeniably the most annoying man#like Magdalena I get it#but also HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HIM#HES LITERALLY PERFECT??????#*Ferdinand comes out of his hidden room reeking of potions having not slept in a week nor has he eaten real food in 2*#This is your man?#yes that is my man 🥰#sadly he's too conventionally attractive to be a tumblr sexy man
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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Happy Lee Know Day!
Happy 25th Birthday, Minho! Thank you for sharing yourself, and your art, so fearlessly. You inspire us! So glad to share the planet with your can’t wait to see what the next year brings. 💜
#happy lee know day!#happy birthday Lee know#lee minho#stray kids#stray kids fanart#my art#digital artwork#I posted this much earlier in his day#but it got eaten by tumblr 💀#he’s so damn beautiful#I honestly slept on Lee know for like a YEAR#and it was a mistake#and okay#Lee minho and Wang YiBo have very similar energy#both are unapologetically rainbow#both are savage as fuck#both are lead dancers#both are funny as hell
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I am so disgustingly tired, like idk why, I feel like I'm gonna die I'm so tired/fatigued/exhausted/drained/every possible word for it and my grandma suggested "maybe you're not eating enough red meat" so I'm gonna take this as an excuse to order a steak or a burger via DoorDash later. Living in luxury. Thanks grandma.
#dot txt#she's absolutely right tho i haven't eaten red meat in a while#my diet has been horrific#and i slept 9 hours last night#and i was at the doctor to get routine bloodwork and all my vitals are fine#so like......i'm fine.......i just can barely keep my head up without dying rip#but i love when i have an excuse for doordash#i can't go to the store and buy my own steak because i'm.............so damn tired i'm gonna DIE
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it is so pathetic and sad but very funny if u ignore the patheticity, but I'm like. so tired. body is exhausted from the cleaning. but i desperately want to draw. so i'd like to thank the inventor of neck pillows for giving me something that will allow me to sit up just enough to draw while still mostly resting 🙏
#it is probably not very good for me but. i want to draw DBFJDKL#idk why im so weak and shaky today. wait. wait. wait. i hope its not the a.dhd med. uhm. hmmm#I'll. do some searching. uh oh LOL#i have r.italin from last year and the c.oncerta hasnt been working so i decided to skip the latter and just take the former#just to try it again#and it worked so well for focus but like. ermmm.... i MIGHT just be rly tired though#this will require more experimenting....#and some research LOL#i have until friday afternoon at which point I'll have my psych appt and will need to know what to ask for djdjkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#OKAY RETURNING TO SAY I THINK IM GOOD IM PROBABLY JUST TIRED TODAY LOL PHEW#i think i just havent eaten enough today and i havent slept well in a while fjdkdl and all the cleaning is catching up to me finally
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#ive been having a really bad week frankly speaking#and its culminated in me passing a hypermobility test with uhh flying colors and mildly horrified faces#so guess who might have eds.#anyway ive had a migraine for most of today. i finally ate and took an excedrin and that took the edge off.#havent slept well. havent eaten well. cant keep up with housework.#i have a friend with eds so its not as scary as it could be#on the other hand. i have a friend with eds so Ive seen the toll its taken on her first hand.#and like. the bulk of my issues started six years ago. well after it should have for eds to make itself known.#especially with my gymnastics and acrobatics that i did for seven years.#i dont fuckin know man. on one hand eds would explain a LOT. on the other it brings up a lot more questions.#on top of all that my body is breaking down in real time so as much as i like my job its not sustainable past the next idk. five years.#ive been told I should start a yt channel before. it might be a start.#i have a headache.
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I am continuing to have friends and family way cooler than I am :’D
Yesterday I met up with a friend who has a strong relationship (I’d say it sounds very queerplatonic and beautiful) with a finnish person so my friend has been visiting Finland a lot
Oh and then they casually mentioned having watched käärijä a few time saying being at his gig was a cozy time (even if they didn’t understand all he was saying)
I -
#safe to say I was just a little jealous :'3#how can you CASUALLY mention you went to a FEW käärijä concerts like that and expect me to act cool :'D#I am happy for them tho#also sorry for not being very active yesterday#idk what happened but around 8 o'clock I was suddenly very dizzy (although I'd just eaten ) and my eyes seemed miscoloured so I got scared#I went straight to bed hoping it would be over today#I am still a tiny bit dizzy and I have semi-big black bags under my eyes although I slept more than 10 hours#I really hope this is not anything bad and just me not having slept well for a while#so my body is trying to ask me to slow down#wow look at me talking nonsense in the tags as usual#but yeah#it was nice talking to my friend yesterday#hope to talk with them more in the future now that they've moved to the same island as me#(I can use more rl nonbinary friends :3 :'D)#also yeah now I have a sister with a casual käärijä wardrobe and finnish roommate#and a friend with a finnish partner that have watched käärijä live#what's next :'D?#micahs thoughts#personal
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wouldn't it be nice. if people made sure they knew what the fuck they're talking about before talking about it
#i'm so done with people who have loud hot takes on bg3 without having fucking played bg3#and i don't mean takes on the merits of the game or the flaws of the studio or w/e i mean. the lore. the characters#like you having watched a bunch of clips and tiktok thirst traps ≠ you knowing shit about it#how are you gonna make confident statements about the characterizations and story arcs Without Having Experienced Them#hell i've played the game i still haven't experienced fucking everything#i couldn't tell you shit about minthara i've yet to play a run with her in my party#i don't go around making posts about minthara then. because i don't know this shit.#sorry just saw someone say the game doesn't have Any dialogue that confirms the characters are bi and not just 'playersexual'#And specifically mentioned astarion as an example. what. What. the guy whose whole story is about having slept with a bajillion people.#like. the point of my post rn isn't so much about bg3 like. people being wrong about a game is Whatever#it's that this attitude needs to fucking Die altogether. people should know to shut their mouth if they're not informed enough#be it about games be it about politics music science architecture Anything. i don't know what fucking possesses people#to confidently make assertions about shit they don't have a solid understanding of#you won't catch me commenting on idk. how to make the best enchilada. on account of i've never fucking eaten one#let alone made any. let alone tried enough different recipes to gauge which was the best one.#stick to what you fucking know and if you're really so eager to give your personal opinion on something#do research before you talk so you can minimize the risk of you sounding like a clown
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Honestly one of my favorite things about Teresa and Sharpe is their inherit language and culture barriers and the endless amount of opportunities they have for silly moments with that.
A lot of British officers were really taken aback at the...let’s say, lax manner of strong words used by Spanish women. Sharpe, who uses those words all the time, would find it funny, if not endearing to hear Teresa say frequently, especially when flustering other officers. He learns the curse words first, and then the rest of the language naturally. (He’s quite fond of her frequent utterings of pollas en vinagre). And then the officers are like “Ah, it make sense those two are good company for each other...ruffians...”
So when she suddenly switches to saying “Caracoles!” around Antonia instead of another Bad Spanish Word Sharpe is like ?? and Teresa has to be like “It means snails” bc she does Not Want their daughter repeating the Actual Word she meant- and Sharpe realizes they have that in English too- like bullocks or so, or cows. But he can’t help but laugh and say “Aw, snails!” and it’s just too funny for him!! He’s always learning something new about Spanish culture and Teresa has to teach him quite a bit. So just imagining him mad at something and he just goes “bloody snails” and then he cant help but chuckle. Bloody snails and frogs!! (Antonia, of course, upon hearing this thinks there are actual snails and goes looking for them).
But then the opposite is just as true. Sharpe teaching her about English Tea Culture and how Serious they are about it! Teresa is like “no it’s time to siesta!!” and he’s like “NO I am not missing my bloody tea time”. Teresa having to learn just how he likes it and him teaching her about Tea Culture and it takes some time to perfect it but she picks it up quickly. They go to England and Teresa is like “Ooh I can’t wait to see your culture!” and meanwhile Sharpe’s munching on a rat and pigeon kebab and then he and Teresa are betting on the cock fights after bc he’s from the gutters and That’s How They Do It On Vinegar Street, Baby!
#;ooc#(like there are so many other things i can list and i will later but these come to mind first bc sam and i just talked about these)#(and they all make me laugh and i love them)#(and especially considering i have a first hand account of a british officers introduction to spanish society and the reactions)#(im DELIGHTED to pepper in this new information into my sharpe fics LOL)#(teresa has been a partisan for seven years she's lost everything and slept in the dirt and eaten the Worst Foods)#(she can handle seeing sharpe's gutter culture LMFAO she's seen the worst in spain)
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Woke up feeling fine and I'm like YIPPEE but now I have a slight cold I don't even know whhy I have one but I do and I'm miserable again.
#aria rants#I HAVENT EVEN EATEN ANYTHING COLD#immediately took medicine. stay away i dont want a full on cold#dont want a fever. dont want no sickness. away i said!#im double miserable cuz i have like a slight cold and my allergies decided its a good time to be active#so not only did i have to take cold medicine. i had to take medicine for allergies too AND I AM SO SLEEPY#yall i slept early tonight too that was a nice achievement#and i was like awww yeee i aint gon be sleepy today#not. my body is a traitor honestly#but im stubborn so im gonna write and do stuff anyway. out of spite cuz my body betrayed me
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sometimes in life you have to spend a Sunday night crying and writing bad poetry about someone you haven’t spoken to in a year and a half
#we’re in the bad place tonight hehe haha 🥰❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰#pro tip: do not go back and read the last text you ever got/sent to the person you once considered the most important person in the world❗️#*talking to myself* delete the thread just delete the thread delete it just delete it you don’t need it just delete it delete the thread de-#anyway I hate poetry except when I feel like writing it#where’s that post that’s like#i have never gotten over anything in my entire life#that’s me#i do not have my person and my current best friend is lovely but she has her person and it’s not me and everything is bad and I am alone#<- thots that will go away once I have eaten these peanut butter cups and slept for 8 hours#ok hehe bye goodnight <3#mine
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#i know using alcohol to cope isn't good#but also like#now I've had a few drinks I just don't care about anything#everything just doesn't feel as awful#the last few days i haven't eaten or slept much at all#every time I've had time to think i just have a complete breakdown#I've been watching Bondi rescue of all things as an escape for the past few days#about 14+ hours a day#cos i can't fucking cope with life#i can't face anything#can't stop thinking about hurting myself#but alcohol in me and I'm like suddenly not as bad#......... it's gonna be a rough January fellas#personal#ignore me#mental illness#mental health#tw suicide
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hiiiiiiiiiiiii whatsuppppppp
hiiiiii sorento <3 licherally nothing i am sitting in bed feeling kinda sick and debating if i wanna get up to get food
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I hope my brother can arrange something so he can bear me part of the journey home after this week is all over and done because I am starting to suspect I will not be a safe driver and it could pose an unacceptably high risk that I'll semi-accidentally drive off the road.
#when will this pain end#i hope to discuss it and hopefully minimise the fallout and at least we won't see each other for a week or two. hopefully by then he might#at least be not avoiding me :/#ridiculous and foolish to care so much about any single thing or any single person#i was already nearing the end of my tether socially for this week in any case#and is that a surprise? ive barely eaten and barely slept during this time#i want to talk to his mother who suffered almost identically the same thing at the same age but i dont know if i can bear it or not#i just want to clear this up with him somehow#and now - finally - ten hours after i was first told this - the tears are coming but they cannot#if they do i dont think they will stop#i just need to get through today and then i can break down#maybe i wont help with packing up tomorrow i might not be up for it i dont know#this week has been such a mix of so so good and so terrible#the talks have been really good and all#and i do not regret spending time with him#altho one problem was one time he apparently would have liked me to go away and didn't say but oh! i would have preferred if he had#i feel terrible for not realising that i should've gone away at that point bc it should have been obvious#except it's not to an idiot like me :/
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