#ive been having a really bad week frankly speaking

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

.

[atthebell]

do you have any recommendations/resources to learn spanish?? i've been using busuu for about 104 days now, imo opinion it's actually pretty fun and i like it but i think my main problem with it is that it goes too fast?? it's hard to explain. it's also started to feel kinda repetitive to me. i still love busuu and i'm going to continue with my course, but it'd be nice to also have something else. like, preferably not an app, maybe a textbook or a website or something :D i don't really WHERE to find resources for language learning, despite being bilingual, i never really had to look on the internet to learn the languages i speak now, i picked it up from the people around me you know?

i've also been ''using'' duolingo but tbh, i really hate it. it feels boring to me, everyday it's ''ok what sentence am i going to be forced to write for the 40th time today?'' the single 'square' has 5 lessons and a 'unit' has around 10-8 of those squares and to finish a 'unit' you have to do about 50-45 of those lessons, which is shit because a 'unit' is only going to teach about 3 sentence structures and if you're lucky maybe 5. it's so shit, those greedy fuckers basically made it unusable. i've been using for about 140 days now, every single day i take at least one lesson, and it STILL has not taught me a SINGLE spanish tense. btw, i even had an entire phase where i would finish UNITS in about an hour and a half (1 min or less for every lesson) and still not a single ''pretérito Indefinido'' actual pain 🫠🫠 one day ll delete that app, one day (i guess that's why i like busuu in the first place, it actually teaches you these tenses and even some slang while duolingo makes you write ''papá, quiero visitar a nuestra abuela'' for the 700th time this week)

i want to watch vods and stuff, but tbh, i feel way too embarrassed? like, i don't know enough spanish to really understand them and even when they say basic sentences that i understand, i still have to listen to it multiple times and slow down the clip for me to really get it. the thing with spanish is that i'll understand the meaning of the words being said but i need to take a second or so to really comprehend what they mean together you know? i don't want to have to watch the stream slowed down because that would definitely make me feel stupid 😭 maybe when i have better spanish i'll start watching vods. although i do listen to spanish songs sometimes, it's fun :D

first thing: you don't have to feel embarrassed about needing time to process things/needing to listen to things slowed down. language learning is difficult and there are a lot of obstacles for many people; this is something i do understand and want to stress that i get that it's hard. you are not a bad person or an idiot or whatever for having a hard time understanding things-- you are still learning, and besides that, sometimes hearing things isn't someone's strong suit (it absolutely did not use to be mine, but i've practiced a lot and gotten much better at it. i'm still much much better at reading text in other languages, but it is something you can always improve on). if you need to take extra time to watch things, that is not a personal fault of yours nor does it make you stupid. everyone has different skill sets, and you can always practice to get better.

second thing: my own criticisms of both busuu and duolingo, along with their strengths. duolingo first, because i've used it since like. idk like 2016? not consistently but i've used it far more over the years and i'm very familiar with various changes they've made and the esp, ptbr, and french courses. busuu ive only been using for a few months

to get it out of the way, the recent change to laying off translators and using more AI in lessons. this sucks, obviously, for a myriad of reasons. machine translation cannot match with human translation, and frankly never will be able to. there are vast amounts of nuance and cultural context necessary for translation, along with the fact that an AI led course does not actually hit on all the things someone needs, particularly on a basics/foundational level. and from an ethical standpoint, laying off a ton of human translators because you think you can replace them with inaccurate machine translation sucks and is why so many people have dropped duolingo, myself included.

duolingo also has limitations in terms of format-- it gamifies language learning, which can make it feel more accessible to people and makes people want to open it and practice every day. however, most people use duolingo to do one lesson once a day and that's it. they're not getting in practice from lessons previously completed, they're not drilling vocab or conjugations, they're not actually maintaining or even remembering what they've already learned. obviously there are people (like myself, when i still used the app) who practice far more than that and continue to drill previous lessons, but that's not the majority, and it's not incentivized by the app. the paywalling of completing certain lessons and being able to drill error words also sucks for this reason. basically duolingo is not an ideal setup for actually maintaining knowledge once you go through it the first time and also the way the courses are laid out just. does not, imo, actually make sense. they rarely actually explain what they're trying to teach you and they don't get into enough detail on most concepts. and there is no incentive to review, which is hugely important. not an ideal situation for language learning, especially on its own.

my pros for duolingo: it gets you to practice daily. this is honestly what i use busuu for at this point-- when i get a notif for it, i open it up and flick through a lesson, but i also pull out a textbook or two to look at things there and practice stuff. if whipping out duolingo every day helps you practice a language, that is, at bare minimum, something. preferably you should be studying for at least 15min if not up to an hour or more of a language a day in order to really pick things up and maintain them; you can absolutely use duolingo or busuu for that (busuu i think is far less well formatted and oftentimes the lessons are very specific vocab, at least in the later courses).

for busuu, my issues are like. it's a poorly made imitation of duolingo, aside from a few things. the community aspect is something i REALLY like-- being able to send an exercise to a native speaker and get feedback on what to work on is great, especially with how it's a short answer question that lets you form your own sentences and try out vocab in context. that's a wonderful feature, and i really think it gets at something duolingo is completely missing.

but yeah like i said in terms of the lessons, busuu has very strange ways of teaching things. firstly, it's usually super specific topics and vocab that aren't paired with anything conceptually that helps you progress. usually in a language course, it's best to pair a concept you're working on with either relevant vocab or something that can be used to talk about similar subjects/in similar ways (for instance, subjunctive with food/restaurant vocab, so that you can build sentences both with the new vocab and using the new verbal form in ways that make sense, i.e. "I'll have whatever she's having, If I were to order the pasta, I would get a salad too," "If I were richer, I would always order filet mignon" (side note subjunctive is very difficult for eng speakers so idk if these examples actually make sense 😭))

also busuu will repeatedly teach me something phrased one way or with a certain word and then mark me wrong and insist i use a completely different word/phrase. i cannot figure out why it keeps doing this it's very frustrating. and it has recently been teaching me some european portuguese which is not what the course is supposed to be so i'm just baffled by what's going on there.

another positive for busuu, at least in contrast to duolingo, is it teaches you the vocab and phrases before quizzing you on them, which duolingo does not do. this is like a positive and also an "eh, idk" because i get why duolingo does that-- it's trying to throw you into using surrounding context to figure out what a word means, and that's a very good way to practice, but i think it doesn't necessarily achieve it well and sometimes will just spring random words on you without enough context for you to know what it's referring to without just clicking on the word anyway.

also neither app are good at teaching you verb conjugation or tenses which is really unfortunate for spanish and portuguese in particular, as they're both languages where verbs are really really key AND where understanding tenses and their names are important, particularly for native eng speakers who never got taught tense names or like. any terminology for languages in english 🙃

also here is a thing i wrote up complaining about duolingo & verbs ages ago: Duolingo does not teach you things explicitly. It expects you to pick them up in a semi-immersive style, which works okay most of the time for most people but for many people makes actually learning and understanding parts of a language very difficult. For instance, it won't teach you the exact difference in usage between ser and estar, in Spanish or Portuguese. This difference is something I spent weeks on in Spanish class in high school and continued to review the rest of my time learning Spanish in an academic setting-- it is a key element of two of the most important words in the language. Duolingo also doesn't explain stem changes or irregular verbs and their typical endings-- it simply expects you to pick these up and memorize them through sentence usage. Basically it's very obvious Duolingo was created by english speakers who were never taught key elements of their own language (this is not a dig on their personal fault; i was also never taught any of this shit about english) and don't know how to go about teaching a language, and the limited format doesn't help.

third thing, finally getting to what you actually asked: there are a lot of resources for learning spanish online! i'm not as familiar with them as i'd like, as i learned spanish in an academic setting, but i'll do my best to list some things out and anyone else can feel free to add on. i've been meaning to make a language learning advice post for literally ages and i guess this is going to become it lmao.

here is a video explaining how to make duolingo work for you along with other resources: A Linguist explains how to make duolingo actually work (tl;dr pair duolingo with conversation partners, textbook work, listening to music, watching movies, etc. etc.)

i've tagged this with my language learning tag, which has a bunch of resources including some specifically for learning spanish.

tumblr user salvador bonaparte has a drive of free textbooks you can check out here, including a ton of spanish resources. i also recommend looking around the internet/specifically linguistics tumblr to find more resources as well as looking at used bookstores/amazon/etc. for spanish textbooks to use, as that will provide a more thorough foundation along with other programs/types of learning.

i've never used babbel or any other online program like it, but spanish tends to be one of the more resource-heavy languages because it's so widely spoken, so typically spanish programs on various apps/sites are REALLY thorough (duolingo's spanish program is by far their best course, with a ton more resources than most other programs. you can go up to the equivalent of at least c2 on there i believe, versus many other languages where they don't even list the CEFR levels)

finally, the not-so-online answer: if you're in college/have a nearby community/junior college, consider taking spanish classes there! this option probably costs the most out of any others, but i genuinely think an academic setting is the a great way to learn a language for many people. if you're not one of them, that is totally fine, but an actual spanish course at a college is likely to be the most thorough way to learn the language. also many CCs/JCs offer spanish classes online, so if you can't drive or for whatever reason can't go to in-person courses, you'll likely still have options.

this is everything i can think of right now but i also want to add once again that learning a language is difficult!!! i know that, and i know that i complain a lot about monolinguals, but i am specifically complaining about people who refuse to engage respectfully with languages that are not their own and dismiss anything they don't understand as being stupid/not worth their time/culturally worthless. i am not complaining about people like you, who are trying really hard to engage with non-english content AND are trying really hard to learn another language.

i also think learning languages is one of the most incredible experiences there are and that expanding the kinds of cultural and social boundaries that you engage with is a really important facet of humanity that i wish more people would participate in. i get riled up because this is something i'm really truly passionate about, not because i think anyone is stupid or whatever for not learning. i want people to just try it and give it a chance, even if it's hard for them, and i'm glad that you are trying, anon. <333

[tbd99]

entry: 11

I'm tired of feeding into my own sadness.

At what point can you truly say you're truly depressed, and not forcing yourself to say there? I feel that if I really tried, I could escape this emptiness that has been following me my whole life. I actually have tried that lately. I tried doing something that I loved... but I just couldn't. I got frustrated each and every day I tried making a change for the better. I just hope that one warm summer day, it'll all go away, and I'll finally feel happy. I don't even know what day it is, that's the kind of loop I'm living in. It's 2:50 am on some random day in the year, and that's all I know. I don't go outside anymore, and the reason for it is cowardly. I'm scared of the people, and their eyes. If I can't even try and be happy, why am I still here? If it takes to much of me to even do the littlest things. My mother has told me to do the same things for the past 3 days. Unload the dishwasher, clean the living room, and clean the bathroom. 3 small tasks normal people do everyday. But I'm not normal. I'm lazy. I'm a lazy person who can't do anything right. Mother doesn't say that but I know she thinks it. When I ask her to make me food because I'm hungry I know she looks at me like I'm a helpless child. but that's not true. i don't need anyone. i never have. i don't need anyone to try and fix me either. i begged my mother to take me to therapy and well... even the therapist said I wasn't depressed and to go on more walks. that's what the problem was. i was upset at first, no one could see how bad I was , but now that I think about it, I really was fine. even now, I am. people think about this kind of thing all the time. people think about suicide. people cut themselves. im no different. people just get over it faster than I do. I tried to look for pills in my mother's pill cabinet last night. or well-- a few weeks ago maybe?? my memory is really bad. she had nothing but allergy pills, but I could only look for like.. 4 minutes, until my sister came knocking at my door. it was scrambling to put the pills back in the cabinet, and I don't even know where this rant is going. i just think im ready to try again. that's my point. im not even spelling things properly or putting stuff in coherent sentences, and frankly, I don't care. someone I know is having a birthday party, and it would be a good way to say goodbye to all my friends. i normally try and do this each time I attempt. they've had to put up with me for so long, I feel as if I owe them a goodbye.

i wasnt going to go because ive been looking and feeling like total shit. i mean you cant look at me but if you did I look seriously awful. my skin is all grey, and my eyes are all dull. i haven't been speaking much, and honestly. i don't know how my mother doesn't know whats going on.. I've been starting to suspect for a while she knows, but doesn't really care to help. I've felt like this for so long, there's no way no one can understand me. I'm the youngest in my whole family by like... a whole decade. sometimes, I feel like some monkey in a cage. no one takes me seriously, and they all just disregard my actions as me being a teenager. which I get. I'm a pretty angst teen. but.. I've always been this way. I feel like the people in my family understand me, because they've been a teen before, but they're so detached from this feeling. sometimes, I wonder if anyone in my family has felt the things I've felt before. i don't think I'm sensitive, but, when you make a whole tumblr blog just to rant your feelings..... its sure starting to work that way. going back to that birthday party thing, I was thinking of going. but.. i hate the act I have to put on whenever I see my friends. I'm a very bleak and monotone person, but if my friends ever heard someone describe me that way, they wouldn't believe it. i put on this show whenever I'm around people, so they don't worry about me. I've been doing it my whole life. i don't know why I do it, it just makes me feel better if others don't know the rotting going on in my mind. i really don't feel good enough, but I guess ill stop ranting. sorry this was so rambly.

[nicolascageisagoth]

Yeah, yeah, I freaked right out," laughs Martin Gore. The other members of Depeche Mode are teasing him about disappearing last week and, though they're all treating it like a joke, it's obviously quite serious.

"This business did my head right in," he explains frankly, aannnnnnnd I had to go away for a few days.

We've had quite a lot of work on recently, there's a lot of stress and I've been moving house as well. So he escaped alone to a rural area of Germany 150km north of Hamburg. Ive got friends there that I've known for about ten years and I hadn’t seen most of them for seven years so there were reunion parties every night - lots of schnapps!"

That's the first time Martin's ever gone missing but the others don't seem the least bit surprised.

"I think it does you good to freak out every now and then." says Dave Gahan. "I almost did at one point when we were recording the last album. I was moving house and then had a bad car accident and at that point I thought that's it, it's over. I eventually came through it with a lot of grief and lots of drugs from the doctor.

Alan Wilder, though he says he's never actually "done a runner» claims he's "in a permanent state of being freaked out. I don't know who I am a lot of the time" In fact the only one who’s never gone a bit nutty is Andy Fletcher who Dave describes as "sort of like the backbone of Depeche Mode. He keeps us together. He's like," sniggers Dave, "the Charlie Watts (anonymous drummer of The Rolling Stones) of the band!

But why all this stress? Surely Depeche Mode, being an incredibly successful pop group, should hardly have a worry in the world?

Apparently not. It seems that every time they have a hit they’re in a bit of a panic to follow it up and keep the momentum going - they almost seem convinced that if they take a long break like Spandau, Frankie or Wham! have, they'll be forgotten.

"It'd be nice, reflects Alan, "to work at a different pace. We do things a bit more rushed than we would otherwise.

"Speak for yourself," murmurs Andy, who obviously doesn't agree. "It's not that we're scared - I enjoy the pace that we work at. The reason I don't take a year off is that I don't want to take a year off." But he does admit that "if there's any sign that our success is going down then yes, we do worry a bit.”

There's no need at the moment though - their new single, "It's Called A Heart" has just shot into the charts for their thirteenth consecutive hit (of all which, bar The meaning of Love and "Somebody" which wouldn’t fit -are on their greatest hits LP out soon). As usual Martin wrote it. “Obviously we feel fairly dependent on him - I think about that a lot,”admits Dave. The song, says Martin, is about "the importance of the heart in mythical sense, as the part of the body where good and evil are supposed to start.” I’m not sure whether I believe in it but it’s a nice idea.”

And, whatever he thinks of that, Martin admits he's definitely in love with Christina, his German girlfriend for the last two years. As for the others, Alan has been going out with his girlfriend for five years but thinks "falling in love is a bit of a funny idea. Andy says "there's no-one I really hate in the world but, as for my views on love, I don't really want to go into them. I'll only get into trouble with my girlfriend."

And Dave's just got married. Kept that a bit quiet, didn't he?

"Aaaah, he's very much in love." teases Alan.

"Well basically, yeah!" laughs Dave. "I've met a lot of girls in my time and have been with a lot of girls and, sure, I've been in love before, but Jo's the only girl I've ever met that I could live with. I just get on with her. We have lots of arguments just like anybody else but somehow… we cross over, there s something about it that's special.

We've been going out for six years and I just got up one morning and asked her and she just sort of said “yeah, alright”. It was that casual.

So they had a quick registry office wedding followed by a big party in a marquee on the lawn of a country hotel with people like

Alison Moyet and Blancmange. But the main reason for getting married, he admits, 1s that they want to start having children fairly soon. “I just think it would throw a whole new perspective on life,” he gushes. enthusiastically. Having to bring up a child totally puts aside all the things that were important to you before. Things like being in the band would become secondary”.

While Dave's been getting married, Andy's been moving into a new flat -"a cardboard box with lots of plants" - in London, something which the other members of the band give him loads of stick about." teases Alan. "He's started investing in things like wine racks, you get the drift? He's even got a couple of books on caring for plants," he adds with disgust.

"He's moved from Baz to London," complains Dave who still lives in Basildon suburb. Fletch has always been known as a “man of the people," he titters, by the kids and the fans. And now he knows that he's lost that and he's scared. He's desperate to hang onto it." And on they go, continually taking the mickey out of Andy. He doesn't seem to mind perhaps because he's the most down to-earth and level-headed of them all. When he's got his glasses on he looks just like a friendly, over-sized schoolboy, Martin in contrast, would stand out in any crowd. Besides his hair - at the moment curly on top, shaved at the back with a long thin plait hanging down one side - today he's wearing blue mascara, a diamante necklace and chipped black nail varnish. The rest of his clothes are quite modest but, yes, he says, he still often wears dresses whenever he feels like it.

“I don't really like it when it's played on because I don't see it as such a big thing”, he explains. "It's just something that I enjoy doing. I never bring the subject up myself. I'think I like it because it is different and because find male dress in general very boring. Men are very restricted in what they wear, in what is acceptable. Obviously I wouldn't go shopping in a dress but if I go out to a club I usually wear one.

"One thing I've noticed." he reflects, "is that everybody considers you gay if you dress effeminately, but the thing most people seem to miss is that most girls these days - well, most girls I know - seem to prefer effeminate boys.

So how do the rest of the band react to all this? "Occasionally," he says, "when I buy a new article of clothing and present it for the first time I get a few laughs, sort of you can't wear that sort of thing. Like when I got some rubber leggings recently. That's all I've bought recently apart from a dress or two - nothing exceptional."

Once they've finished promoting this single and the greatest hits LP.

Depeche Mode plan to "start programming for the next LP, due out in March, which will apparently be "a lot heavier, harder and darker." And until then they are just going so carry on living rather the weird life that pop stars do.

"Its like im happy - Im depressed," explains Dave, switching his face from a smile to a frown. “There isn’t really anything in between. You never just feel alright, you’re either extremely happy or you’re extremely depressed. There’s no-one that can really understand that unless they’re in a successful band.”

1985

Depeche Mode for Smash Hits 25.09.1985, 📷 Steve Rapport

[jlucero-uhwo]

Week 8 is over!

Time keeps on flying by, but Episode IV is completed and ready for listening! I returned to the office this week and began work on a skit for a client that's different than the kind of thing I'm used to editing. It really highlighted the way in which creative differences can affect not only the end product but also one's workflow. I took inspiration from that experience to expand on the subject a little more in this week's episode of Switching Gears.

The special topic for this week is Time Management which I've spoken about before but seemed all the more relevant this week due to some setbacks I've had around the house, mainly that my bathroom ceiling is leaking and trying to get that problem fixed. As a result, I haven't been able to finalize the landing page for the podcast just yet however it is from this experience too that I took inspiration to cover this week's special topic. One thing I've realized about the idea of time management itself is that while there's an abundance of lists and steps to take in order to work more efficiently, almost no one discusses the more difficult aspect of that undertaking, which is actually implementing those steps into our lives. Like many of the things we work on in our college career, time management is a skill, and one that we are likely to be bad at before we can be good at it.

Looking forward, our schedules have finally aligned enough that I should be able to interview Jeff, the company founder, for the podcast this week. I'm hoping to have a conversation with him about his own history in the field, his experience with interns, and what he feels best prepares a person for work in the industry. I'm looking forward to speaking further him about the subject and reflecting on any lessons I'm able to extract from the conversation.

Speaking of time... little did I realize spring break is next week already! I'm likely to be off of the island that entire time, so time management is definitely gonna be a factor this week as I'd like to get as much ready to go as I can before I leave. WIth so much to get done you'd think I'd be more stressed out than I am but frankly I've really been enjoying learning so many new things, hopefully I can keep that excitement afloat!

[dadbodosamu]

only you || part vi the final

Stepdad Osamu x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: breeding, oral (f receiving), biting, panties as a gag, pussyjob, teasing, female masturbation, dacryphilia (m+f), daddy kink, femdom, choking, wombfucking, light dumbification, spit, overstimulation, squirting

8.4k words

part i || part ii || part iii || part iv || part v | part vi || extras || only you, too

“She’s going to be here soon,” you yawned as Osamu reached around you to press his fingers against your clit.

“It’s only six,” Osamu mumbled against the back of your neck. You moaned softly as he slowly slid into you from behind. Osamu grunted as he bottomed out.

“Osamu,” you moaned. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you tightly against him. His thrusts were slow and deep and his fingers never stuttered as they rubbed over your clit.

“Feel good, baby?” Osamu asked. You nodded and turned your head, puckering your lips for Osamu to kiss you. He eagerly complied, slotting his lips against yours immediately.

He swallowed your moans as your stomach tightened and your thighs shook.

“Fill me up?” You asked softly, lips brushing against his.

“Gonna cum already?” He asked.

“Can’t help it,” you said. “You feel so good inside me.” You moaned loudly as he rolled his hips.

“Gonna make ya gush around my cock,” he said. You nodded as his fingers rubbed your clit faster.

“Samu,” you moaned. He lifted your leg to get a better angle.

“Gonna fill ya up, sweet girl,” he said. “Make ya a mommy, yeah?”

You nodded again, unable to speak as his cock repeatedly slammed against your cervix. The metal barbell that decorated the head of his cock dragged against your gummy walls deliciously.

“You-you ever thought of more piercings?” You asked as he kissed your neck and groped your breasts.

“Mmm, why?” Osamu asked. His hips slapped against your ass with a particularly strong thrust.

“Jus’ think a jacob’s ladder would be interesting,” you said, thinking of the way the row of piercings would constantly be dragging against that spongy spot inside you.

“Takes too long to heal,” Osamu said. “Can’t be away from this tight cunt that long.”

Osamu grunted as your walls clamped around him. You let out a high pitched moan.

“Samu, Samu! Gonna cum,” you moaned. Your walls fluttered as Osamu thrusted harder.

“Hold on, princess,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Cum with me.”

“Can’t wait,” you whined, pressing your ass against him to feel him deeper.

“Jus’-jus’ a lil more,” he said. Your eyes burned with tears as you struggled not to cum.

“Samu,” you whined, dragging his name out.

“Fuck, now, cum now, princess,” he swore. You cried out as his teeth sank into the soft flesh of your shoulder. His cock twitched as your walls clenched around him.

Your juices gushed around his cock as your walls fluttered, pulling more and more cum from him.

“Gonna milk me dry,” he moaned. His tongue ran over the tender bite mark he left.

You relaxed into his hold as your orgasms finally ended. You could feel his cock twitching, trying vainly to stay hard in your warm, wet cunt.

“Whatta ‘bout you?” Osamu asked.

“What?” You asked, resting your hand on top of his. You slotted your fingers between his.

“Ever thought about getting any piercings?” He asked.

“Why, you have any suggestions?”

“Well, these cute, lil nipples are just begging for attention,” he said, playfully pinching your nipple.

“Maybe,” you said, smiling as his free hand rubbed up and down your stomach.

“Wasn’t kiddin’ when I said I’d make ya a mommy,” he said. “Wanna see you big and round with my babies.”

“One day,” you said, cuddling into him.

“Wanna start trying in the shower?” He asked.

You laughed. “I think we’ve been trying all week.”

“Okay, wanna try, again, in the shower?”

“Samu, she really will be here soon this time,” you said as Osamu wrapped his arms around you from behind.

“I can’t just hug my love?” He asked, resting his chin on your shoulder as you washed dishes.

“That would be so much sweeter if I couldn’t feel your erection digging into my back,” you said. You flicked water from your fingertips into his face.

“I can’t help it,” he whined. “Ya look hot when yer being all domestic.”

“That’s your misogyny kicking in,” you teased, rinsing the last of the dishes.

“So what if I think ya would make my perfect housewife? Isn’t a man entitled to his thoughts?” Osamu asked.

“Nope,” you popped. You smiled widely and twisted around to face him. You wrapped your arms around his neck. “I’d be your little housewife. But only for you. Don’t let my friends know, I’m supposed to be a big, bad feminist.”

“You can be a big, bad feminist and a housewife,” Osamu said. “‘S’long as ya chose to be one.”

“Oh-ho, when did you get so knowledgeable?” You joked.

“I was in an all-girl feminists club in college,” he said, cockily.

“Mhm, how many of them did you sleep with?” You asked.

“None!” Osamu exclaimed. You just looked at him. “They were all lesbians.”

“Sounds like a club I’m interested in,” you said.

Osamu smiled. “Oh?”

“Wait, baby!” Osamu whined. You laughed as he pouted.

“I’m joking, joking!” You laughed. “Partially.”

“Oh? Really now?” Osamu asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“If you make even one threesome joke, I will leave you for Atsumu,” you said.

“I would never joke about a threesome,” Osamu said. “I’d be completely serious.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Calling Atsumu as we speak,” you said, pulling your phone out of your pocket. You held the phone up to your ear. “Hello, the hotter Miya twin?”

“Ouch,” Osamu winced. “Ya really got me where it hurts.”

You pocketed your phone and cupped Osamu’s face with your hands.

“I love you,” you said, smiling.

“I love ya more,” he said. He leaned down, pecking your lips. You giggled as he peppered your face with kisses.

“I love ya, I love ya, I love ya,” he said in between kisses. “I love ya.” He kissed you deeply.

“Cute.”

The two of you jumped apart as your mom’s voice cut through the kitchen.

“You’re home!” You exclaimed.

“We all need to talk,” she said, placing a stack of papers on the table and sitting down.

You and Osamu sat across from her.

“Divorce papers,” she said, sliding them across the table to Osamu.

“That was quick,” Osamu said, reading over the first page. “No fault?”

“I figured that was the quickest and easiest route,” she said.

You nodded as you read the papers over Osamu’s shoulder.

“We each get to keep what we came with,” she said. “I get the house, you get the restaurant. I’m willing to buy out your half of the car.”

“That sounds fair,” Osamu said. He flipped through the pages, reading each one carefully.

“More than,” your mom said.

“What about me?” You asked. The entire time she’d been here, your mom hadn’t once even glanced your way.

“Frankly, I have nothing to say to you,” she said, finally looking at you. “In my eyes, you’re nothing but the other woman.”

A pang of hurt shot through your heart. You’d known you’d hurt her, you just hadn’t expected her to write you off completely.

“He’ll get tired of you, too, sooner or later,” she said, sourly. “You’ll be ready to grovel at my feet for forgiveness once he gets rid of you.”

Tears pricked at your eyes. You glanced at Osamu, who was gripping a pen tightly.

“You have no right to say that to her,” Osamu said. “I didn’t get tired of you. If anything, you got tired of me. Always flirting with other men, going home with them, pretending like I didn’t know.”

Your mom gaped at him, speechless. “I-I…”

“Yeah, I knew about the other men. I know you tried Atsumu and the rest of his team,” Osamu said. “And I know that this is what you did in your first marriage. So don’t talk about Y/n being the other woman.”

“You cheated on Dad?” You asked, tearfully.

“She did, with me,” Osamu said. You looked at him. “I didn’t know she was married when we met, much less that her husband was dying.”

“Don’t turn this on me,” your mom said. “This is about your infidelity!”

“This is all around fucked up,” you said, wiping a stray tear away. “Just sign the papers and let’s go.”

You stood up abruptly, storming to your room where your bags were already packed, along with a few of Osamu’s bags.

You sat on your bed, head in your hands. You’d known she’d been a bad wife, but you’d never thought she’d cheated, much less while your own father had been on his deathbed.

“Baby?”

You looked up at Osamu in the doorway.

“Are you ready?” He asked. You nodded. You slung your backpack on your back and pulled your suitcase behind you.

“I just want to leave this house,” you mumbled. Osamu kissed your forehead as he grabbed his own bags.

“Let’s go,” he said. You followed him down the hallway.

You didn’t say anything to your mom as you slipped on your shoes at the front door.

“I’ll be back for the rest of my things later this week,” Osamu said.

“My apartment should be ready tomorrow,” Osamu said as you dropped your bags in the hotel room.

“The one in Osaka?” You asked. “Near my school?”

“The very one,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. “Now, tell me how ya actually feel, baby.”

You broke down. You buried your face in his chest and sobbed. Osamu rubbed your back as you cried.

“I can’t believe she cheated on my dad,” you cried. “She was- she was the love of his life!”

“I know, baby, I know,” he said, resting his chin on the top of your head. “Let it out.”

“He was on his deathbed, and she was out with some kid,” you sobbed. “He loved her so much and she just doesn’t deserve it! I wish she’d died instead!”

“I’m glad she didn’t,” Osamu said. “Never would’ve gotten to meet ya if she had.”

You nodded. “That’s probably the only good thing she’s ever done for me. Bring me to you.”

“I love ya,” Osamu said. “No matter how it happened, I’m here and I love ya so I can’t be too mad.”

“I love you, too, Samu,” you said.

“Are ya finished crying?” He asked, wiping away your tears. You nodded as he cupped your face. “Good, yer too pretty to cry. Now, I paid extra for a room with a jacuzzi, just for ya.”

“Just for me?” You asked. He nodded. “So you won’t be joining me?”

“Okay, maybe it’s for both of us,” Osamu said, smiling down at you.

“Good,” you said, resting your head against his chest. He hugged you tightly, kissing your forehead.

“Let me start the jacuzzi, yeah?” Osamu said, pulling away from you.

“Hurry up,” you said as he walked towards the bathroom. He turned and smiled at you.

“Almost sounds like yer gonna miss me,” he said.

“I’ll miss you terribly,” you said, dramatically clutching your heart. “Be careful with my heart, you’ve taken it with you.”

“As long as you’re careful with mine,” he said. You smiled as he disappeared into the bathroom and fell back onto the large bed.

Your phone rang from your pocket. You pulled it out and saw that Atsumu was video calling you.

You smiled widely as you answered.

“Uncle Tsumu!” You exclaimed as Atsumu came into focus. “What’s up?”

“The boys and I are on our way to the Olympics!” Atsumu exclaimed. You heard Bokuto and Hinata whoop in the background.

“That’s great!” You said. “Wait, does that mean you’re with the Ushijima Wakatoshi?”

“He’s sitting right across from me,” Atsumu said, turning the phone so that Ushijima was on the screen.

“Introduce me!” You screeched, sitting up excitedly. “Please, please, please!”

“What do I get in return?” Atsumu asked.

“I’ll convince Samu to let you join again,” you said quickly. Osamu poked his head out of the bathroom.

“Who’s joining what?” He asked.

“Atsumu if he introduces me to Ushiwaka,” you said.

“Ushijima-san, can you come here?” Atsumu asked, looking offscreen.

“The jacuzzi is ready, by the way,” Osamu said. You glanced at him.

“Just a minute,” you said.

“This is L/n Y/n, the number two setter in the nation right now,” Atsumu said.

You smiled and waved at the camera.

“I’ve heard of you,” Ushijima said. “You play very well. I can see why you are so highly ranked.”

“Oh, thank you!” You said, beaming. “I just wanted you to know I’m a big fan. You’re basically the reason I kept playing volleyball in high school.”

“Thank you,” he said. “Continue to play well.”

Ushijima disappeared offscreen.

“You’re the best uncle ever,” you said as Atsumu appeared back on screen.

“Of course, anything for my favourite niece,” he said.

“Baby, that water’s going to get cold,” Osamu said.

“I have to go, I’ll talk to you later,” you said. “Good luck at the Olympics!”

“Bye, doll,” Atsumu said. You ended the call and tossed your phone on the bed.

“I’m coming, baby,” you called, stripping from your clothes as you walked towards the bathroom. Osamu was slowly sinking into the steaming water. You climbed over the side and made yourself comfortable in Osamu’s arms.

“What’s this about Atsumu joining us again?” Osamu asked, wrapping his arms around you.

“He introduced me to the Ushijima Wakatoshi,” you said. “He deserves it.”

“I introduced you to four professional volleyball players,” Osamu complained.

“Have I not more than paid you back for that?” You asked. “I mean, I’ve barely spent more than an hour away from your cock this week.”

“Still not enough,” Osamu said, leaning down to kiss your neck. His hands drifted to your waist, holding you as his hips ground up. You moaned as his cock slid through your folds.

“Samu, wanna feel you,” you said, grabbing onto his arms. You bit your lip as he grabbed his cock, lining it up with your entrance.

“Whatever you want, baby,” he said, slowly pulling you down on his cock. You moaned softly as your walls molded around him. He pulled you back against his chest and held you closely.

“Love you,” you said, relaxing into his hold.

“I love ya more,” Osamu said, coiling his arms around your waist.

You leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as Osamu gently bounced you on his cock.

“Doin’ so good,” Osamu said. He moaned lightly in your ear. “Yer lil pussy is clenchin’ me so tight.” You reached down to rub your clit in slow circles. Osamu pulled you flush against his chest, rutting his hips up, forcing his cock deeper.

“Oh, Samu,” you moaned as your thighs trembled. You rubbed your clit faster, matching the pace of Osamu’s thrusts. “‘m gonna-“

“I know, baby, g’head and cum around my cock,” Osamu said. “Feel ya flutterin’ and clenchin’ ‘round me. Cum on my cock, sweet girl.”

You threw your head back as you gushed around Osamu’s cock. Your fingers slowly came to a stop, unable to move anymore. He knocked your useless fingers out of the way and placed his own fingers on your clit. You squealed as his fingers moved wildly over your clit.

“Samu!” You yelped, grabbing his forearm. He leaned down and kissed your neck sweetly.

“Ya got more in ya, sweet girl,” he murmured against your skin. “Gonna make ya squirt on my cock.”

You moaned as he lightly pinched your clit. Osamu smiled against your skin as your back arched against him.

“Gonna cum again,” you moaned, fingernails biting into Osamu’s forearm.

“Good girl,” Osamu said, kissing your neck. You cried out as Osamu’s fingers sped up.

“Samu, Samu, Samu!” You cried. Your eyes burned with tears as your walls clamped around him and you came for the second time.

“Still didn’t squirt around my cock,” Osamu said, disapprovingly. You frowned as he pulled his hand away from your clit.

“No, no, no-“

“Come on, baby,” Osamu said, lifting you up. You whimpered as his cock slid out of you. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make you cum again.”

He carried you into the bedroom and tossed you on the bed. Water droplets dripped onto the blanket below you.

You whined and reached towards Osamu. He looked at you from where he was kneeling on the foot of the bed. He seemed downright predatory as he eyed your wet, naked body. His grey eyes darkened as you spread your legs.

“Samu,” you whimpered, rubbing your swollen, sensitive clit. You whined. Your fingers weren’t enough. Weren’t big and calloused and long like Osamu’s. “Samu, I need you. Please.”

“Can’t make yerself cum, baby?” He asked, crawling towards you. “Need me to do it for ya?”

“Yes!” You cried. Your fingers moved faster as Osamu pressed his lips against the inside of your ankle.

“Maybe try fingering yerself,” Osamu said. He kissed up your leg slowly, lips never leaving your skin.

You desperately shoved three fingers in your wet heat. It still wasn’t enough. You needed Osamu. His fingers, his tongue, his cock.

You pumped your fingers in and out of yourself, crying in frustration. You just couldn’t reach that spot in you. Even when your fingertips did brush against it, they just didn’t feel right. You’d become accustomed to rough, calloused fingers and cool, smooth metal.

You whined in frustration as your thighs shook. Osamu’s lips were pressed to the bend of your knee.

“Samu,” you whined.

“What is it, sweet girl? What’s the matter?” He asked, softly.

“‘S’not enough,” you said, frustrated. “Need you, now.”

“Keep tryin’, baby,” he mumbled, kissing the inside of your thigh. He was so close to where you needed him, you could feel his body heat on your sensitive skin.

He pressed a kiss to your pubic area, and you nearly sobbed in relief.

“Samu,” you said, reaching down to touch his hair when he moved and pressed his lips to your other ankle. You couldn’t help it. You burst into tears.

“Baby, don’t cry,” Samu said, immediately abandoning your leg to cup your face in his hands.

“I-I-I need you!” You sobbed. “Need you in me, Samu, please!”

“I’m sorry, baby, let me make ya feel better, okay?” He asked. You nodded. “Now, don’t cry, my sweet girl. Okay? Let daddy take care of ya.”

Osamu lined his cock up with your entrance. He braced his arms on either side of your head and in one, swift motion, his cock hit your cervix.

You moaned loudly, wrapping your arms and legs around him. Your eyes rolled back as he pounded into you, his hips slapping against yours almost painfully.

“Feel better, my sweet girl?” Osamu grunted. You nodded, unable to find the right words. “Ya were made for my cock, takin’ it so well. When yer my lil housewife, ya’ll be takin’ like this whenever I want, isn’t that right, princess?”

“Yes, daddy,” you moaned, digging your nails into his back. His muscles flexed under your touch. “Gonna take your cock whenever you want. Always want your cock in me.”

“Gonna be my sweet, lil housewife?” Osamu asked. You nodded. “Move in with me.”

“Samu,” you gasped. He threw one of your legs over his shoulder, thrusting into you even deeper.

“Tell me ya will,” he said. He bit his bottom lip as your walls clenched around him. “Can’t- can’t live without ya.”

“Yes, yes!” You exclaimed as he reached between your bodies and rubbed over your clit with two skillful fingers. Your back arched as he pushed your other leg up, knee knocking against your chest.

“Fuck, I love ya,” he moaned, rubbing your clit furiously.

“L-love you,” you stuttered as your stomach tightened. “Gonna, gonna cum!”

Osamu’s hips sped up.

“Come on, squirt all over my cock, sweet girl,” Osamu said. “And I’ll fill ya up, just how ya like.”

You pulled him down, kissing him roughly. Your teeth clicked together painfully, but Osamu’s tongue pressed against yours made it easy to ignore the pain.

Your walls fluttered around him and he groaned into your mouth.

“Fuck,” you hissed as Osamu pulled away.

“Come on,” Osamu said, gritting his teeth as he pushed your legs against your chest. He slapped your clit.

“Samu!” You moaned. His eyes lit up as he slapped your clit again.

“Squirt. On. My. Cock.” Each word was accented with a brutal slap against your clit that had you screaming. Your thighs shook as your back arched. Your hands balled into fists in the wet blanket below you as your orgasm exploded out of you.

“Fuck, Samu!” You shouted, throwing your head back. Osamu moaned as your juices covered his stomach, dripping down to his heavy balls. His balls slapped wetly against your skin as he chased his own orgasm.

“Gonna fill ya up,” he groaned. It took all of your energy to stay conscious as he rutted into you.

Osamu moaned loudly and buried his cock deep as it twitched and spurted out his cum.

“Fuck,” he breathed, collapsing next to you. He cuddled into your side, nuzzling your neck as he wrapped his arms around you.

You smiled weakly as cum leaked out of you and down onto the blanket.

“I love ya,” Osamu murmured, pressing his lips against your neck.

“I love you,” you said. You twisted around to face him. “You really want me to live with you?”

“Of course,” Osamu said. “Can’t imagine it any other way.” He pecked your lips and pulled you closer. “I wanna wake up next to ya every mornin’ and fall asleep next to ya every night.”

Tears burned at your eyes. You rubbed them furiously, trying not to cry.

“Aw, baby, why are ya cryin’?” He asked, smiling at you. He wiped away your tears with his thumbs.

“I just- I really, really love you,” you said, sniffling. Osamu smiled and pulled you into his chest, kissing your head.

“I really, really love ya, too, baby.”

“I just think the bed should go a little more to the right,” you said, watching as Osamu and his friend, Suna, moved the heavy frame. “Hmm, does that seem centered to you?”

“It fucking better be,” Suna said, standing next to you. “Actually, a little to the right.”

“Fuck ya,” Osamu said, pushing the frame. You bit your lip as his arms flexed.

“Stop being horny,” Suna said, pushing you gently.

“I’m not!” You denied, smiling. “I’m just appreciating the view.”

“I’m not moving this damn thing another inch, I don’t care if it’s centered or not,” Osamu said, standing up. He pushed his shirt up as he placed his hand on his side.

“It’s good, baby,” you said. Osamu wrapped his arm around your waist.

“Let’s take a break,” Osamu said. Suna whipped out his phone.

“Let me show you all the embarrassing photos I have of Osamu and Atsumu,” he said with a grin.

“Ooo, yes, please,” you said. You leaned over to look at his phone.

“Baby, no,” Osamu groaned, grabbing your hand and tugging you away. “Don’t look at those. Why do ya even still have those?”

“Because I like to show Atsumu’s fans him getting his ass kicked,” Suna said, following the two of you to the living room.

“He did get his ass kicked a lot, didn’t he?” Osamu said, smiling.

“So you won?” You asked, sitting on the couch.

Osamu scoffed as he sat next to you. “Of course I did.”

“Atsumu is a pussy,” Suna said, handing you his phone. You giggled as you watched high school Osamu and Atsumu roll around on the gym floor.

“Can you send me that?” You asked. “I need it for when Atsumu gets on my nerves.”

“Give me your number,” Suna said. You typed in your number, saving it under your name.

“Come here,” you said, pulling Suna closer to you. “Smile.” You snapped a selfie and saved it as your contact photo.

“Come on, let’s finish the bedroom before ya two bond anymore,” Osamu said, standing up. He stretched his arms out, shirt riding up and showing just a sliver of his tanned stomach. You licked your lips.

“Shouldn’t you be happy that your girlfriend and best friend are getting along?” You asked, standing up.

“Yeah, we could hate each other,” Suna said.

“I knew ya two would get along,” Osamu said. “I almost didn’t want to introduce ya because of it.”

“What? Scared we might replace you?” You teased.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just finish the bedroom.”

“All that’s left is the bookshelf and the bedside tables,” Suna said.

“The bookshelf is oak, so it’s pretty heavy,” you said. “I want it facing the bed.”

“Come on,” Osamu said, bracing himself on one side of the large bookshelf. Suna grabbed the other side and grunted as they lifted it.

“Careful,” you said, following them to the bedroom.

They carefully sat it down in front of the bed and pushed it back and forth until it was centered.

“There,” Osamu said, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. “Now you can start unpacking your books while we get the bedside tables in here.”

You nodded as he leaned down to kiss you.

“Ew,” Suna said, wrinkling his nose.

“You wanna kiss, Sunarin?” Osamu asked, puckering his lips. You giggled.

“Shut up and let’s get these bedside tables in here so I can leave you two to your domesticity,” Suna said.

“Can you help me move the books in here first?” You asked. “It’s the three boxes by the front door.

Suna and Osamu nodded.

“Thank you,” you said.

Suna and Osamu lifted the boxes with a huff as you pushed yours across the hardwood floor.

“Work smarter, not harder,” you said, smirking as they struggled to carry the boxes.

“Why do you read so much?” Suna asked, carefully dropping the box in front of the bookshelf.

“Yeah, why can’t ya read on yer phone like everyone else?” Osamu asked, dropping his box next to Suna’s. You pushed yours across the bedroom and shrugged.

“I like real books,” you said, opening the first box. You grabbed an armful of books and carefully arranged them on the bookshelf.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people,” Suna groaned.

Your face burned. “I like to have a system,” you said, defensively.

“I think it’s cute, baby,” Osamu said. “Do ya want me to help?”

“Thanks, but I’ll do it myself, you two finish up the bedroom,” you said. Osamu nodded and gestured for Suna to follow him into the living room.

You quickly organised the bookshelf, adding in Osamu’s few books alongside your own as you went.

“I think we’re done,” Osamu said as you stood up, stretching out. You looked around the finished bedroom. “All that’s left is unpacking our clothes and whatever.”

“We can do that tomorrow,” you said, standing in between Osamu and Suna. Osamu wrapped his arm around your waist.

“We’ll have it really looking like home tomorrow,” Osamu said.

“I’m excited,” you said, smiling widely. “It’s our first night in our apartment.”

“We’ll have to break it in,” Osamu said, winking at you.

Suna gagged. “I’m taking that as my cue to leave. Call me if you need my help tomorrow, I’ll be in town for the next week.”

“Thanks for your help, Suna,” you said as the three of you walked to the front door.

“It’s no problem,” he said.

“I’ll make dinner one night this week, you should come by,” Osamu said. “Just as a thank you.”

“Let me know when and I’ll be here,” Suna said. He slipped his shoes on before saying goodbye.

“Bye!” You called after him. You shut the door behind you and immediately, Osamu was pulling you into him, kissing you and running his hands down your sides and up your shirt.

“Wanted to do this all day,” he mumbled, not pulling away from you for even a second.

“S-Samu, we should shower first,” you said as he kissed down your neck. “We’re all dirty and sweaty from moving.”

“Who cares?” He asked, pushing you against the door. “Jus’ gonna make ya dirtier and sweatier.”

“Sa- ohh.” You moaned as he bit and sucked at a spot on your neck. “Samu.”

“Come on, I wanna break in that new bed we got,” he said. You wrapped your arms and legs around him as he lifted you.

“Careful,” you mumbled, licking and sucking on his neck.

“Need ya,” he groaned, dropping you on the unmade bed. You pulled him down on top of you as you leaned back.

“Samu,” you moaned against his lips.

“Jus’-Jus’ let me take care o’ ya,” he breathed, pulling away and taking your shirt with him. You bit your lip as he took off his own shirt, revealing his lightly toned stomach and the faint happy trail that disappeared into his shorts.

“You’re so…” you said, running your hands along his stomach and up to his chest. “Fucking hot.”

“Baby,” he moaned as you pinched his pebbled nipple.

“I can’t keep my hands off of you,” you said, pushing him onto his back. You straddled him and pulled your bra off. Your hands went back to his chest as you groped and kneaded his pecs. You pinched and teased his nipples before leaning down and kissing his jawline.

“Stop- ah- teasing,” Osamu moaned as you rolled your hips. Even through four layers, you could feel his fat cock throbbing.

“No,” you said, kissing down his neck, leaving red bruises in random spots leading all the way down to his pecs. You rolled your hips again and groaned as his cock twitched under you.

“At least let me feel ya,” he said. His hands fisted the sheets as you sunk your teeth into the soft flesh of his right pec.

You rolled off of him and shimmied out of your shorts, leaving you in just a pair of white, cotton panties. You unbuttoned Osamu’s shorts and pulled them off before straddling him again. You leaned back down and sucked one of his nipples into your mouth while one of your hands groped his chest and the other played with the elastic of his boxers.

“Fuck,” he swore, throwing his head back as you ground yourself against his cock. “More, more, I wan’ more, please, baby.”

You pulled back, admiring the masterpiece that was Osamu’s chest, painted with bite marks and bruises. He was breathing heavily, chest rising and falling.

“Open,” you said, grabbing his jaw lightly. His mouth fell open, tongue poking out. You leaned over him and shoved three fingers in his mouth. “Suck.”

He drooled as he sucked on your fingers, gagging as your fingers hit the back of his throat. You moaned as you rolled your hips.

“Good boy,” you said, pulling your fingers away. Osamu leaned up, following them before leaning back. “Now watch me.”

You leaned back on one arm as Osamu propped his head up on a pillow. You shoved your spit covered hand down your panties, rubbing your clit slowly. You moaned softly.

“Samu,” you breathed. You felt his cock jump under you. “Samu, feels so good.”

“Wanna see,” Osamu groaned, grabbing your hips. “Please.”

You shook your head as you moaned again. A wet spot formed in the crotch of your panties, turning the thin fabric translucent. Osamu groaned and bucked his hips, looking for anything that would give him the friction he wanted.

“Gonna cum,” you gasped, rubbing your clit faster.

Osamu whined as the wet spot on your panties grew. “Samu, Samu, Samu!”

You sucked in a sharp breath as your walls clenched around nothing and your juices gushed out, coating your panties and fingers. You rubbed your clit slowly, moaning as you milked your orgasm. Cum dripped down, wetting Osamu’s boxers as you leaned up. You struggled not to just collapse in Osamu’s chest as you braved your hands on his stomach. You could feel his cock throbbing against your wet cunt.

“Wanna taste,” Osamu pleaded. You rolled off of him, breathing heavily as you pulled your ruined panties off.

“You really want a taste?” You asked. He nodded. “Open up.”

Again, his mouth fell open without a second thought. You shoved your panties in his mouth, gagging him. He let out a muffled moan.

You slowly inched his boxers down, releasing his heavy cock. It bobbed before laying against his stomach. You straddled him again, slotting his cock between your wet folds. You dragged your hips against him. The head of his cock teased your abused clit as you whimpered from the sensitivity. You tensed as cool metal shocked your hot skin. You relaxed as Osamu grabbed you hips, guiding you as you ground against him. You reached down and guided the tip of his cock into your entrance. You whined as you teased yourself with just the tip.

“Mm-mff,” Osamu said, his words muffled by cotton. You reached up and pulled your panties out of his mouth. “More, take more. Please, can’t take it anymore.”

You shook your head, rotating your hips. His neglected cock throbbed.

“Please, please,” Osamu begged. His fingernails dug into your hips. “Let me be in ya.”

“You teased me until I cried last week in the hotel,” you said, letting the tip of his cock fall out of you. He whined. “So until you cry, I’m not stopping.”

You rolled your hips. His cock dragged against your clit deliciously as you used his body.

“Con-consider yourself lucky I’m not riding your thighs,” you stuttered, moaning as his piercing teased your clit. “I thought about it.”

“Baby, please,” Osamu begged, eyes wide and lower lip poking out in a pout. “Wanna be in ya, wanna cum.”

“I’m not stopping you,” you said.

“Wanna cum in ya,” he said, frustrated. He’s eyes were glossy and you knew it was only a matter of time before tears started rolling down his cheeks.

“I want you to cum inside me, baby,” you cooed, rubbing your hands over his tense stomach. “But you know what I want.”

“I-I can’t,” he stuttered. You tutted and rolled your hips. The tip of his cock snagged your hole and Osamu let out a whimper.

“Come on, baby, I want you in me so bad,” you said, arching your back. “Want you to breed me, want you to knock me up with your babies, please daddy.”

“Baby,” Osamu whimpered as you took the tip inside your tight walls.

“Gonna cum again,” you moaned, rotating your hips. You moaned loudly, reaching down to rub your clit. Your walls clamped around the head of Osamu’s cock, milking it as you came.

“Baby, fuck, no, I’m gonna cum,” Osamu cried. His lashes were filled with unshed tears as you pulled away from him. His cock twitched as he came. You ran your fingers through the pool of cum that was on his stomach and licked them clean.

You hummed. “Baby, what‘s the matter? I thought you wanted to cum inside me.” You pouted as his lower lip wobbled. He blinked slowly and a tear ran down his face.

“Oh, baby, don’t cry,” you cooed, cupping his face. You kissed his tears away. “Gonna make you feel better.”

You pumped his cock a few times, bringing it back to hardness.

“Baby, please,” he whimpered as you thumbed his slit. You glanced up at him. Tears were still falling down his cheeks. “Please, I wanna be in ya.”

You smiled at him and straddled him once again. You both moaned as you sank down his length.

“Thank ya, thank ya, thank ya, I love ya so much, wanna fill ya up, fuck, please,” Osamu babbled. You wiped his tears away then grabbed his hands as you bounced on his cock. He intertwined your fingers, bringing both of your hands up to his lips. “I love ya.”

“I love you, Samu,” you said as his cock nudged your cervix. “Fuck, ‘m sorry for making you cry, baby.”

“Liked it,” he mumbled. He threw his head back with a moan as you swivelled your hips. “Liked it so much. Feels so good.”

“Oh?” You said. You moaned as Osamu rolled his hips. “You like when I take control?”

“Yes, yes!” He gasped as you sped up. You let out a choked moan as his hips lifted to meet yours.

“Let me choke you,” you moaned, running one of your hands up to his throat. He nodded as his eyes closed. You squeezed lightly. Osamu groaned loudly, his throat rumbling under your hand.

“More, more,” he said, reaching up to grab your wrist. You squeezed harder and his eyes rolled back with a moan.

“Fuck, so pretty,” you said. You moaned loudly as he bucked his hips up.

“Fuck,” Osamu choked out as his cock twitched. You loosened your grip on his throat, letting oxygen flood his lungs. “Gonna cum, gonna cum!”

“Fill me up, Osamu, please,” you moaned as his cock nudged your cervix. “Please, wanna be full.”

Osamu moaned loudly, pulling your hips down to bury his cock in your cunt as he painted your walls white. You reached down to rub your clit as he filled you up, clenching around him as you came. You both breathed heavily as you collapsed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you.

“So, I thought Atsumu was the sub,” you breathed.

“I can still flip ya over and bend ya in half,” Osamu said. He chuckled as you snorted.

“I doubt either of us could move that much right now,” you said.

“I think yer wrong,” Osamu said. “I plan on fucking ya in every room of the apartment before the sun comes up.”

“I say we continue this in the kitchen then,” you said as your stomach grumbled. “I’m starving.”

“We only have rice,” Osamu said. You groaned and rolled off of him.

“Pizza or sushi?” You asked, grabbing your phone from the bedside table.

“Sushi,” Osamu said. “Ya think we can christen the living room before they get here?”

“Only one way to find out,” you said, dialling the number to the sushi place. You winked at Osamu as the phone rang.

He molded his body against yours, nuzzling your neck as you ordered the food.

“We have twenty-five minutes,” you said, placing your phone back on the bedside table.

“More than enough time,” Osamu said. He scooped you up from the bed and carried you to the living room.

“No, no, absolutely not!” You exclaimed, laughing loudly.

“Come on, let me try it!” Osamu said.

“You are not eating sushi off my body, sorry, but no,” you said, shaking your head.

“I’ll feed ya, too,” he said. You laughed as he pouted.

“Okay, fine,” you said. “But not tonight.”

“I’ll plan it,” Osamu said. “Maybe I’ll even invite our friends.”

“Oh, absolutely not,” you said. “Atsumu is not eating sushi off of my naked body.”

“What about Rin?” Osamu asked.

“I thought you didn’t like to share,” you said. “Food or otherwise.”

“Is it a crime to want to show off my beautiful, amazing, sexy girlfriend?” Osamu asked. Your face burned.

“Shut up,” you said, stealing a piece of sushi from his plate. “We can discuss details later.”

“I love ya,” Osamu said, smiling widely.

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumbled. “Love you, too.”

Osamu smiled again, and held out a piece of sushi for you. You smiled before copying him.

“Suna’s not allowed to take pictures,” you said. “In fact, I don’t want him to have his phone at all.”

“Fair enough,” Osamu said, shrugging and finishing off his roll. “Wanna help me wash dishes?”

“Yes,” you said, chewing the last piece of sushi as Osamu gathered the trash and dishes he’d insisted you’d used.

You followed after him, wearing only his t-shirt. Osamu dropped the dishes in the sink then immediately caged you against the counter.

“Ya look cute in my shirt,” he mumbled, nosing at your neck. He kissed your skin softly before leaning up to kiss your lips.

“Why, thank you,” you said, putting your arms around his neck. He lifted you and sat you down on the edge of the counter, pushing the too long shirt up to reveal your leaking cunt. His loads from earlier were coating your thighs as they slowly leaked out of your used cunt.

“Aw, baby, yer leaking my cum everywhere,” Osamu cooed, gathering his cum on his fingers and pushing it back into your hole. “Ya want more?”

“Please,” you begged as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He held his cum covered fingers up to your lips. You grabbed his wrist as you took them in your mouth, sucking and licking them clean. You looked up at him through your lashes. His eyes were dark and dilated as he watched your tongue move up and down his fingers.

“Fuck, baby,” he groaned. He pulled his hand away and shoved his shorts down around his ankles. His cock bobbed heavily.

“Gonna breed me again, Samu?” You asked, wrapping your arms around his chest and pulling him closer, wrapping your legs around his waist. “Gonna put your babies in me?”

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned, lining his cock up with your entrance. “Gonna make ya a mommy, fuck.” He moaned as his cock slowly filled you up, still stretching you out even after filling you up twice before this.

“Osamu, wanna have your babies,” you moaned as he thrusted into you at a nice, normal pace. You let your head drop onto his shoulder as he thrusted deeper, cock pressing painfully against your cervix.

“You will, baby,” he said, thrusting harder. You whimpered as his cock head broke past your cervix.

“S’too deep,” you moaned. Your fingernails dug into his back as he pushed deeper and deeper.

“Shh, shh, you can take it, baby,” Osamu said as you whined and whimpered. “Takin’ my cock so well, yer so good for me, princess.”

You moaned into his shoulder as he pushed your shirt up, squeezing and groping your breasts. He rocked into you at a steady pace, focusing more on thrusting deeper and deeper than harder.

“So deep in me,” you moaned against his warm skin. “Can feel you in my throat.”

“What was that, baby?” Osamu asked. “Want me in yer throat?”

“Can feel you in my throat,” you said, louder. “You’re so deep in me.”

Osamu snapped his hips against yours, punching past your cervix again, and stilling. You let out a long, low moan.

“Ya can feel me here, baby?” Osamu asked, pressing his hand against the small bulge at the bottom of your stomach. You whined and nodded. “What about here?” He pushed you back to face him and wrapped his hand around your throat.

“Samu,” you moaned as he gently squeezed the sides of your throat. Your walls clenched around him. He slowly started to thrust into you again.

“If ya wanted me t’ choke ya, ya jus’ had t’ ask,” he said. You breathed shallowly as he squeezed harder.

“More, more,” you breathed, holding on to his wrist as your lungs started to burn. “Fuck me.”

“Ya want more?” Osamu asked. His hips sped up, slapping against your noisily as he pressed down on your throat.

You couldn’t speak as he pounded into you, fucking past your cervix with every thrust. Your lungs burned and your head spun from lack of oxygen.

“Sa-mu,” you choked, holding onto his forearm loosely. He grunted and thrusted into you harder.

“Gonna cum around my cock, baby?” He asked, grunting as your walls clenched around him. You couldn’t answer, not even able to nod your head in response.

“Can’t answer? Aw, is my baby fucked dumb?” He cooed. You could barely comprehend his words as your head swam.

“My dumb, lil baby,” Osamu cooed, letting his hand loosen. You gasped as oxygen flooded your lungs. Your head spun and you moaned as your walls fluttered around Osamu’s cock. “Cum around my cock.”

“Cumming,” you gasped as Osamu’s hand tightened around your throat again. Your eyes rolled back as you gushed around him. Osamu fucked you through your orgasm, each thrust accompanied by the sound of Osamu’s skin against yours and a loud squelch as your juices dripped down your skin.

“Feels so good to be in control,” Osamu said, smiling wickedly as he choked you. “I control everything you do. When you cum, when you breathe. I love that you let me use you like a lil doll.”

You smiled as Osamu kissed you roughly. He released your throat and pulled back.

“Samu,” you whined.

“Open.” He didn’t give you a choice as he squeezed your cheeks, forcing your mouth open. You stuck your tongue out as he gathered spit in his mouth.

“My good, sweet girl,” he cooed. He spat in your mouth before kissing you messily. A mix of yours and his spit ran down your chins as he devoured you.

“Gonna cum in you,” he groaned as he pulled back, strands of saliva still connecting you two.

“Please, please,” you begged, wrapping your arms around his chest and digging your nails into the back of his shoulders. You pulled him in deeper with your legs wrapping around him tighter. “Knock me up, Samu, please.”

“Ya gonna cum with me?” He asked, rolling his hips. You nodded as he reached down to rub your clit. You moaned loudly.

“Gonna fill ya up, sweet girl,” Osamu moaned. You nodded and let your head fall against his shoulder. He moaned as you licked and sucked at his neck.

“Fuck,” you hissed as his cock twitched inside you. “Cum in me.”

Osamu grunted as he slapped your clit.

“Wan’ ya to cum ‘round my cock,” he said, slapping your clit again. Your thighs trembled as he rubbed your clit in fast circles.

“Samu, Samu,” you cried. “Gonna cum.”

You moaned, long and high pitched as your walls clamped down around him. He groaned as you gushed around him. His cock throbbed and he spilled inside you, filling you up with his cum.

You whimpered as he pulled out, clenching around nothing and pushing his cum out. He tutted and used his fingers to push it back in.

“Be a good girl and keep my cum in you,” he said.

You nodded and leaned back against the cabinets as he pulled his shorts up and started washing the dishes.

“Samu,” you murmured, carefully climbing off the counter. Your legs wobbled and you quickly wrapped your arms around Osamu, trying to keep yourself upright.

“Be careful, baby,” he said, drying the dishes. “You should’ve stayed on the counter until I was done. Come ‘ere.”

He gently twisted around in your arms and scooped you up, holding you closely to his chest.

“I love you,” you mumbled as he carried you through your bedroom and into the connected bathroom.

“I love ya, too, baby,” he said, kissing your forehead as he set you down on the marble countertop.

He started the bath and turned back towards you. “Now, stay there until I get back. Okay?”

You nodded and leaned back against the mirror. You could feel Osamu’s cum leaking out of you, so you leaned down and pushed it back in. You moaned softly as you thrusted your finger in and out, coating them in Osamu’s cum. You licked your fingers clean and pushed them back into you.

“What’s this?” Osamu asked, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorframe.

“D-Didn’t wanna lose your cum,” you moaned, using your other hand to rub your clit. “Kept leaking out.”

“Want me to get ya a plug, baby?” Osamu asked, watching hungrily as you fingered yourself. You nodded.

“Don’t wanna lose any,” you said. You moaned as your walls fluttered around your fingers. “Wanna cum.”

“G’head, baby,” he said, stepping closer to you. He kneeled in front of you, spreading your legs as your thighs shook. “Come on, cum fer me.”

“Daddy,” you keened, back arching. You moaned loudly as you pulled your fingers out of your heat and focused on your clit. You cried out as Osamu spread your legs further. “Fuck, gonna-gonna—“ You cut off with a loud moan as you squirted into Osamu’s face. Your thighs rested on his shoulders as your juices dripped down his face.

He closed his eyes slowly. “Fuck me,” he groaned, palming himself through his shorts. “Yer so hot, baby.”

You slouched down as he turned the bathtub water off and then returned to his spot between your thighs.

“Samu, no, no more,” you moaned as he buried his face in your cunt. You tangled your fingers in his hair, trying to pull him away as he licked up your slit.

“Ya got more in ya,” he said, pulling back. He kissed the inside of your thigh gently before licking into your wet, hot heat. You squirmed as his tongue pushed into your hole, his nose bumping your clit as he slurped up a mixture of both of your cum.

“Samu,” you whined, tugging his hair. He groaned, sending vibrations straight to your cunt. He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked roughly, desperately wanting you to cum in his face again.

“Come on, want ya t’ cum in my face,” he said, pulling back to breathe.

“Samu, it hurts,” you cried as he shoved three fingers in your abused hole. He ignored you as he flicked his tongue against your clit. Your eyes burned as your legs shook from overstimulation.

Osamu added a fourth finger as he thrusted in and out of you. His other hand palmed at his half hard cock through his shorts.

“Samu!” You squealed, thighs clamping around his head as he curled his fingers in you, dragging against that spongy spot. He curled his fingers again and again, sucking at your clit harshly.

“Fuck, fuck! Gonna cum! Samu!” Tears rolled down your cheeks as he pulled his fingers out of you and shoved his tongue in your stretched out hole as you came. Your juices gushed around his tongue as he moaned.

“That’s my girl,” he said, smiling as he leaned back on his feet. You breathed heavily as you leaned against the mirror, chest heaving. “Ya wanna get in the bath, now?”

You nodded. He carefully pulled his shirt off of you and pushed his shorts down before gently picking you up. He eased into the bathtub, rearranging you once he was comfortably leaning back in the hot water. You leaned against his chest. You crossed your arms and intertwined your fingers with his as you closed your eyes.

“Hey, baby?” Osamu asked.

“Hmm?” You hummed. He nosed your neck, pressing a few kisses against your skin before speaking again.

“Ya know I love ya,” he said, lips brushing against your ear. “Right?”

“I love you, too, Samu,” you said, leaning your head back on his shoulder.

“Only me?” He asked, kissing your shoulder.

“Only you.”

[un-pearable]

I HAVE RETURNED WITH SEASON 11 THOUGHTS. yes. i finally stopped what was a completely unprompted several week long procrastination for no reason at all.

ok first things first: not a fan of the 11 minute episode format!!!! i want my b plots back!!!!!!! its not fine but whatever i'll survive. number two this season was a little all over the place and definitely couldve benefited from being two separate seasons just because the first and second halves are so entirely disconnected from each other but its not the end of the world.

it is now time to talk about one of my most favorite things about ninjago ever: namely, the COMPLETELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE TIMELINE. following in the footsteps of the last writers, whoever has taken the reigns this season has carried on the age old tradition of sticking dates onto the ninjago timeline that make it more convoluted than beforehand. its wonderful. its delightful. i dont think ive ever seen a messier timeline in any piece of media in my entire life. the timeline was broken from the literal beginning between lloyd's existence & wu's flashback to garmadon getting banished to the underworld or whatever and it Just Got Worse. (no for real that entire thing is so terribly funny its like. ok garmadon got banished to the underworld when they were both presumably young adults maybe (???) so logically lloyd had to have been born sometime around there but when we meet him lloyd is probably like somewhere from 8-13 years old and wu and garmadon and misako are Very Old. and its just. so funny. its so funny. THAT ASIDE)

so back to the latest edits to the timeline. evil snake lady claims that wu betrayed her thousands of years ago. so wu is thousands of years old, but is also presumably somewhere around kai and nya's parents' ages given that they all seemed to be young adults at the time. which was also in ancient ninjago times and also like 50 years ago max. does it make sense? no of course not its the ninjago timeline. it gets even better though, because we are now introduced to the concept that … allegedly. there was a tenuous peace that existed for millenia between the serpentine and humans pre-wu & garmadon almost screwing that over so bad. and we can reasonably assume that the serpentine were created along with the rest of ninjago, so …… did the fsm just create garmadon & wu a few thousand years after chilling out in ninjago for a while? who knows. least of all me.

actually speaking of the first spinjitzu master i want to complain for a minute because i hate this guy. frankly i dont think he was a very good dad. i dont even think he was a mediocre dad. in fact i think he was a pretty crappy parent. like. like okay evidence number one: look at his children. the amount of mental illness there is unreal. you cannot look at wu and garmadon and tell me that the fsm was any sort of decent at parenting. like… ok im 99.9% sure they did not have a mom, which would imply that the fsm created them himself. which would FURTHER imply that, for some completely and entirely incomprehensible reason, he gave garmadon mostly (??? im still really unclear on this but we've gone through that) oni blood and wu mostly (??? see above) dragon blood. instead of, yknow, giving them half and half. to get more clear: he specifically screwed over garmadon for no reason. also it should be noted that even after wu and garmadon have found out that the evil snake lady is evil and 10000% intends to use spinjitzu to kill everybody they still dont tell the fsm about any of it because they fear his reaction more than they do the consequences of this. they go behind his back and use an expressly forbidden technique to clean up this mess because, again, they fear his reaction more than any of the other consequences. i do not think he was a good parent at all.

back in like season 2 garmadon says that wu was always the fsm's favorite and honestly i believe it given whatever the heck is going on with their blood, but its quite unfortunate that even the favored son still got massively screwed over by the fsm because said fsm SUCKS and is a TERRIBLE PARENT. like at some undefined point prior to the anacondrai drama the fsm just up and leaves for no reason in particular and like. wow. the guy really did just make one of his sons evil by default and then when it got worse he ditched and and dumped the responsibility of cleaning that up onto his younger son, thereby forcing him to send his brother to hell and traumatizing him for life. okay. thanks first spinjitzu master. and if that wasnt enough he then drops back in 50000 years later to try to drag lloyd off to who knows where and then immediately ditches again. his entire lineage is just mental illness: the family. i dont think that the fsm was like. actively trying to be an atrocious parent or anything but i do firmly believe he was grossly neglecting his duties as a father and was in general incredibly distant and unhelpful and probably spent more time getting mad at his children than anything else. tldr i hate the first spinjitzu master. i hate him so much.

anyways lets talk about wu for a minute while we're on the topic. i think its incredibly interesting that he wanted to 1) turn himself into snake lady whose name escapes me at the moment despite the fact that its pretty clear she wouldnt have stopped at just getting back at him and 2) go by himself to save zane when he had absolutely no way of getting home and knew it. frankly i would not be surprised if there was some amount of suicidal ideation / martyr complex going on there. in other news i am SO delighted 1) we got a garmadon and wu flashback. huge win for tumblr user iratusmus and 2) wu got to be the bad influence this time because that is so terribly funny. i think wu should want to do things he's not allowed to do more often. i support it. also, tangentially related: i know john mulaney is cancelled now or whatever but this is really just wu in a nutshell

and since i've already mentioned him, lets go ahead and talk about zane for a minute. i am…….. honestly incredibly disappointed with ice emperor zane like. the biggest problem here is that they didnt really do anything interesting with it - its never really relevant that its zane specifically who has become the ice emperor outside of 1) elemental power and 2) so that we can turn him to our side. like… it doesnt really have any connection to his past or even like. okay earlier in the season while lloyd, nya, and zane are trying to steal the other forbidden scroll of spinjitzu (im going to talk about that briefly in a second but we'll hold off on it for a minute) they come across a mirror that shows the onlooker's worst fears - lloyd's is becoming lord garmadon, nya's is failure/never amounting to anything in life, and zane's is losing his humanity. so you'd think that in an arc where zane gets corrupted they'd try it play into that but…. no. because even if the ninjago writers are new, it wouldnt be ninjago if we didn't set up a million concepts that couldve been really interesting if they had been properly explored and then we drop all of that to take the most boring route humanly possible. thank you, ninjago writers.

brief commentary on the forbidden scrolls of spinjitzu: i am SO confused on 1) why the fsm wrote them down. like bestie if you, specifically, are the one who forbade this, WHY ARE YOU WRITING IT DOWN!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU 2) how sticking them on a staff gives you an incredible amount of power. not even like. reading it or something. doing what it says on the writing. just the concept of holding it gives you power. hello ? 3) why it can banish people to the never realm if used in a certain way. they didnt even try to explain this one at all and im so confused about it. also, if it can banish people to the never realm, why cant it transport people across other realms? many questions, no answers.

ok back to this season's villains: lets talk about SNAKE LADY! in all honesty i dont have that much to say shes kinda a mid villain but at least shes a girlboss so i'll take what i can get. motivations are kind of lacking but whatever. i do really wish the writers would commit on whether or not its valid to be racist to serpentine. as a general rule im very much against demonizing an entire species/race/family as a result of "youre the children of [x] so you are born horrible and anybody who treats you poorly because of that is right" bc it reeks of racism and is incredibly supportive of unfounded prejudice and so on and so forth but like. ok if youre going to do that. the least you can do is STICK WITH IT!!!!!!! its literally like "ohhh the serpentine are evil" "ohhhhh condemning all the serpentine by virtue of their blood is actually kind of racist!" "ohhhhhh wu was so stupid for trusting that snake he shouldve been racist from the start" MAKE UP YOUR MIND. PLEASE. im not asking for much.

i also didnt like how they kind of tried to give zane's power to nya its like. ….. ok look i get it we've all watched atla if you can control water logically you should be able to control ice. HOWEVER. since you have decided that these are two separate elements you need to KEEP it that way because otherwise whats the point of having zane's power if nya is just going to take it. they didnt quite go that far but they were sort of angling for it and i dont like it. please give the women something of their own to do instead of just taking each other's (see: pixal becoming samurai x (actually unrelated but technically shouldnt it be ronin x given that nya/pixal dont serve a feudal master) instead of making up her own thing to do) or taking the men's (whatever the heck was going on this season with nya and ice). but whatever.

miscellaneous thoughts

akita is cool i support wolfgirls. i dont really have any deeper thoughts on her than this but i would like to see her again

didnt like how they brought back the giant hairy eyeball for a useless filler episode and had pixal beat it completely by herself, thereby cheapening the entirety of season 5 (or whatever season it was)

and. of course. this wouldnt be a proper season 11 review if i didnt talk about the literal most important part of the entire thing. that is right.

super saiyan jay.

so yeah. season couldve been better but honestly super saiyan jay makes up for everything wrong the ninjago writers have ever done

my apologies for the v e r y late reply this weekend was hw hell. but i did learn my favorite heartwrenching fact about neanderthals so :] small wins. absolutely THRILLED to see these in my inbox let's goooo

b-plots how i miss you... hate hate hate that the 11 minute episode is default now in animation, it works well for some shows (having watched all of SU through - yeah it works, but only really well for shows with very specific scopes, and ninjago is nothing BUT vastly outsizing its own scope)... having just finished rewatching s1 all in one sitting holy crap does the b-plot do so much heavy lifting for making the story actually work. s1 is. a mess. but it genuinely does so much better at foreshadowing than i expected and the ability to juggle multiple plot points in a single episode is SUCH a loss for the later seasons... the netflix season chopper curse my beloathed. nothing else to say there we both know we've experienced vld

yes!!! kudos to the team for fuckin it up even worse than archie sonic i love it to bits. we've got time loops we've got alternate realities we've got immortal(ish) old guys with fucky aging and a kid with even fuckier aging and retconned in hereditary superpowers. we've got every possible "what the fuck thats not how that works-" moment imaginable and it's stunning. everything about wu and garmadon's childhood (if you can call the implied thousands of years where they looked like kids/teenagers that) is fascinating to me and i am thrilled to find out how the spinjitzu brothers books fuck it up even more. the bad luck these guys gotta have for all their positive relationships dying out (humans :() and making all their enemies out of psuedo-immortal weirdos who can hold a hell of a grudge.

tangentially related yess obsessed with the FSM's pioneering fatherly shittiness. first dad worst dad. objectively better than if he was an actively good dad or was genuinely trying to harm his kids this is just what happens when god has zero positive role models. or role models at all. and deals with his complex feelings about his heritage with baby creation. idk the way they handle garmadon's morality is utterly deranged and i love to see them repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot trying to justify him being ~evil all along~ this honestly does more to explain why wu is. like that. than anything about garmadon adjfaksd. all this aside using this entire segment as my ref for my never-to-see-the-light-of-day spinjitzu bros fic thank you for having the wu and garmadon thoughts of all time <3

wu and zane.... i will never get over them. as previously mentioned i just finally finished rewatching s1 with Intent and ohhhh boy do i have infinite emotions over them and while 99% of it is extrapolation it is so incredibly sweet how much wu genuinely cared about zane and his lack of memory and how much he tries to comfort him. meanwhile all of that goes over zane's head bc he is. very bad at understanding his + others emotions at the time and most of the stuff wu is trying to help him with either hasn't registered or zane isnt even close to being able to put words to it much less internalize someone else's attempt to help. all this for wu to disappear on the brother acquisition mission for two weeks and come back to him being Completely Fine And Cool Cuz I'm A Robot Master :D. theres no way wu has any idea what a robot is in s1 and im living for it fuck the retcons. man's bewildered and his pseudo son (mark III) is Overcompensating.

my eternal inability to shut up about zane aside. all that to say wu's eagerness to make Terrible decisions in this part? stunning. the squandered potential of the ice emperor? i could complain about this for weeks. and have done so much to my discord friends chagrin. thank you for validating me AND reminding me to be infuriated. i will go read seven fics about it and have equally strong opinions about those (one day i will write the nature v nurture themed zane fic that lives in my brain and only contribute to this problem). uh. where was i going

LITERALLY YEAH?? ive never seen ANYONE bring up the complete nonsense of the staff and it's abilities WHY does it get magic cheatcodes to the ninjago multiverse. why did they not take the chance to make a joke about chima again. the world may never know

serpentine racism... once again the most common of kids media "everyone in this group is Evil bc we need punching bags" consequences and entirely unanswered. the early seasons imply the skulkins just integrated into everyday life and like half the snakes are just chilling... if you can accept the whole ass skeletons why are we still conflicted about pythor girlboss edition. tangentially: i am now obsessed w/ the idea of pixal stealing ronin's identity bc she was being pedantic about the definition of samurai. do it girl dude doesn't stand a chance.

THE ANIME EPISODE.... i have unwittingly entered the orbit of dragon ball fandom and i am SO excited to torture my brother who's a fan with this one it's such. it's so. it's beyond words. i've seen people hate on this and they are SO wrong this is exactly what ninjago has always been. utterly bonkers and doing whatever the hell they want.

[pluviophile-imagines]

LOWI CONGRATS ON THE FOLLOWER MILESTONE!! 🥺💞💞💞 u deserve it and so much more!! for the kiss prompt could i get 18 with shinsou ?? 🥺👉👈

TYSM SOFFFF so uh. I’ve been fuckin stupid dkfnskfb my dumbass rlly wrote Shinsou correctly on my master post like a week ago and then still managed to write for Shigaraki instead when it came to the actual piece 😳 so thanks to my handyman brainrot you get two—that’s right, two!—characters for the price of one ur welcome ♥️ I cheated a lil bit so shinsou;s not sitting in the reader’s lap it’s just his head but i think its cute 🥺 also Shiggy’s is like twice as long as ive been trying to write them oops i rlly like the jealous reader premise 👉👈 it’s under the read more bc of that and bc of kiiiinda spoilers? if yall arent caught up to the manga you won’t get it but if u are it’s canonical. Whew that was a lot! Enjoy!

Kisses where one person is sitting in the other’s lap

Shinsou

To say that your relationship with Shinsou is new would be an understatement. You’ve been friends for years—ever since the third year of high school when you’d been assigned to him as his support—but you’ve never been particularly close until recently when you’d once again found yourself working on his hero costume and support items.

He’d only asked you out yesterday after nearly two months of tension-filled glances and fleeting touches. Now, the two of you are watching a movie at your mutual friend Kirishima’s apartment, sitting quite awkwardly on a loveseat and pretending like you don’t want to get closer to each other. You haven’t told your friends yet about your new relationship status, but that’s not entirely what’s holding you two back. If anything, it’s run-of-the-mill first date awkwardness (if watching a movie with six of your closest friends around can be considered a date), too afraid to initiate anything.

The movie’s dull; the two of you have pulled out your phones to snark at each other through text, a strategy you’d begun weeks ago after being hushed one too many times by Kaminari because you were talking too loudly. The bright screens probably aren’t all that much better, but you two are in the back anyway; nobody can see it unless they turn away from the TV.

You risk a glance up and end up locking eyes with Shinsou. Your face heats up, heartbeat quickening, as he gives you a charming smile. You watch him glance around the room, unsure at first why he’s doing it until he turns his attention back to you and slowly, silently, moves over across the loveseat into your personal space.

Your legs are touching now, faces so close your nose is nearly brushing his. One of his hands has come to brace against the armrest you’re leaning on, allowing him to stay leaning in.

“Hey,” he says, little more than a whisper and clearly hushed so the others don’t hear.

“Hey yourself,” you respond, earning yourself a low snort.

Instead of vocally responding, he pushes himself back up to a sitting position and then moves his hands to maneuver your legs until you’re no longer curled up against the couch’s backing but sitting like a normal person.

Then he lays down, head resting on your thighs, and turns to face the movie.

You’re grinning uncontrollably. All possible self-conscious thoughts of the others seeing you are dashed from your mind; you like the weight of him in your lap too much.

You spend much of the rest of the movie like that, easily over half an hour. A few minutes in he reaches down to find your hand and bring it to his hair, encouraging you to stroke it. It’s even softer than you’ve imagined in the past, fluffy and thick and genuinely nice to run your hands though. There’s a surge of contentment that rushes through you, and maybe a little bit of pride at the knowledge that you can do this pretty much any time you want now.

By the end of the film, you’re pretty sure Shinsou’s fallen asleep. He gives you the scare of your life, however, when he grabs your arm as you’re trying to pull away. His eyes open, purple irises trained on you.

What happens next you blame on grogginess, him still not quite being awake. He blames it on you; whenever you mention it, he says he saw you and had become consumed with an overwhelming desire to just lean up and kiss you. Whatever the reason, it’s nice for you.

His hand comes up to the back of your neck, tugging you down just as much as he lifts up. It begins soft, kind of sweet, just lips as the two of you melt into each other—but it doesn’t stay that way for long. Within moments the two of you morph the kiss from a quick peck after a movie to a very passionate makeout, and frankly you’d be more concerned if they hadn’t interrupted the two of you.

You pull away when you hear Kaminari’s wolf whistle, left sitting on the loveseat with a burning face and your boyfriend in your lap, still half asleep.

Shigaraki

You’re not jealous.

No, you’ve been dating Tomura for months. You can’t be jealous when he’s, well, yours, and has been for quite some time. You’re his first relationship, his first everything, and it’s frankly foolish of you to feel this insecure just because some floozy is simpering at him from across the enormous room where you and the rest of the League are scattered about. It’s not like she really wants him, or even knows him; he’s just the hew big-shot leader and she’s decided being his lover sounds good. Too bad that role’s already taken.

Still, there’s a sinking feeling in your chest—an ache in your heart, a burning lump in your throat—that says now that Tomura is Grand Commander he’ll drop you for someone better.

You don’t realize you’re glaring daggers at the woman until she catches your eye. She has no business looking that smug; the only reason she’s allowed in the room is to give Tomura reports. You’re the one lounging next to him as she approaches; he has your legs over his lap, his thumb absent-mindedly rubbing circles on your thigh.

And when she bends down to drop the report on his lap (as if your damn legs aren’t there, you want to scoff) she draws the eyes of every League member except the one she wants, because you’re the one who has Tomura’s attention.

He’s wearing Father, but you’ve long passed being afraid when he looks at you from between those lifeless digits and you can see the expression beneath; those lips tugging down slightly in a pout, brow furrowed, eyes far softer than they have any damn business being while hiding behind the severed hand of his old man. He’s concerned, and a little confused.

Tomura plucks the report from your legs and sets it aside, reaching to pull you fully into his lap. To your surprise he takes Father off, too; he buries his face into your neck to prevent the outsider from seeing, lips just brushing your ear so that you can hear him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve been pouting ever since the secretary came in, brat.”

Like hell you’re saying anything in front of her. You remain stubbornly silent.

He doesn’t like that, you can tell, but while the secretary’s interest is lost on him he knows you well enough to tell that you’re uncomfortable with her. Presumably that’s why he doesn’t press the issue and kisses you instead.

You don’t expect it. Tomura’s not exactly one to shy away from PDA (you’re sitting in his lap in front of the whole League, for fuck’s sake), but intimacy is something he’s never wanted to take beyond closed doors. When he’s in a sour mood you’ll kiss him sometimes, even in public (he’s invigorated by your affection in many way, but never anything you’d call heated.

This kiss, though, is. It’s anything but chaste, perhaps even downright lewd. He’s all but initiating a makeout with you while Miss Secretary is standing right there. Maybe his affection-motivated ways are rubbing off on you, but it helps more than it probably ought to.

You’re dazed by the time he pulls away. The sound of the door slamming closed snaps you from your trance. The secretary, ploy foiled simply by your annoyed expression, had left. It doesn’t matter. None of this was ever really about her in the first place.

“There,” Tomura says, audibly quite pleased with himself. “She’s gone. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, leaning in to tuck your own head into his shoulder. Your voice is muffled when you speak, quiet so that only he can hear.

“It’s dumb.”

“It’s bothering you,” he says simply. There’s an underlying statement there: tell me so I can destroy it for you. In many ways, Tomura is a predictable man.

You know he’s not going to drop it, so you accept your fate. “She was making a pass at you.”

He tenses beneath you, holding you closer. You risk lifting your head from where it’s buried to see the way his nose is scrunched up. “She wasn’t.”

“Yeah, she was.”

There’s a pause, like he’s processing everything you’re saying. Then, seemingly finally registering what exactly is bothering you, his hands move to grip your hips and maneuver you to straddle him, sitting fully on his lap facing him. “Fine. Why’re you pissed about it, then?”

You lean in again, arms coming to wrap around his neck as you bury your face into his chest and try to ignore the tears that are coming. You’d never be able to live it down if any of the others saw you crying over the fucking secretary.

But you know more than anyone thanks to many late nights assuring your boyfriend he’s the only one for you that Tomura can empathize with this insecurity. It’s a little strange how the script has flipped.

“She’s a high ranking MLA member, she probably has some crazy strong quirk. I’m quirkless. I dunno. I guess I’m scared you’ll drop me for someone like her. Like I said, it’s dumb.”

He doesn’t speak for a moment. You sit there, listening to his heartbeat and matching your breathing to his. Then he speaks.

“Your emotions aren’t dumb. It’s okay that you’re feeling this way. Thank you for telling me.” He’s parroting you, you realize; this is what you tell him every time he comes to you for comfort when he’s gotten in a mood. You feel a little fuzzy, warmth flooding your chest. “But I think we both know they’re irrational.”

“Tomura… I—”

“I’m not interested in some lame-ass NPC,” he interrupts, no hesitation and entirely sincere. He doesn’t even need to think about it. “You’re my player two, my endgame. The only thing in this world worth protecting. You really think that secretary can hold a candle to you? I didn’t even notice her. Why would I when you’re here?”

You can’t help it, you surge upward and kiss him, just as passionately as he had you mere moments before. His right hand traces up your spine to find the back of your neck and pull you closer, sending a thrill through your body as your own arms tighten around him.

“Oi! Horndogs! Get a damn room, don’t make us see that!”

You break away at Dabi’s words, panting slightly, and if the sincerity of Tomura’s little rant hadn’t convinced you that his words were true, the look of utter adoration he’s regarding you with would have.

[firewoodfigs]

Hi!! Could you do "It was a hospital bed, and A slipped in carefully to lie beside B all night" for a Royai fic from that prompt list? Thank you!! ❤️❤️

hello anon!! thanks for the prompt aaaah I had a lot of fun toying with it in between work and the other shenanigans that have been cropping up this week <3 I hope you don't mind the somewhat unusual ending ahaha I dimly recall writing a few other fics indirectly responding to this prompt (here and here!) so I wanted to try something slightly different from my usual fare 👉🏻👈🏻 part of this was also originally from a two-shot I'm working on, tweaked to fit the prompt hehe. I hope you enjoy!!! 🥰

                                       +++++

Riza can think of a million reasons why hospitals are awful.

First, the food. She’s not sure if it’s as nutritious as they make it out to be; there are times when she wonders if it’s even edible. She’s had worse, of course - hospital food isn’t as bad as ration bars - but she’s quickly getting tired of eating plain yoghurt and bland porridge every day, for every single meal.

Second, the stench. Riza hates that every inch of the place smells like a victim of obsessive cleanliness; she has to resist the urge to upchuck every time the door opens and the smell of chemicals and antiseptic filters in like an unwanted guest.

Third, the fact that she’s sharing a room with a man who, at this point, is behaving more like a cat on hot bricks than a disciplined soldier is quickly driving her insane. She’d readily agreed to be his caretaker, of course; Riza doubts there’s anyone else capable of dealing with his antics and ever-growing anxiety. But after hearing him sigh and toss and turn in his bed for the fifty-eighth time that night (she’d counted, because she was bored out of her wits, and there was nothing else she could do other than sleep or stare at the ceiling, per doctor’s orders), Riza decides she’s just about had enough.

She looks at him from her bed. He’s presently engaged with twiddling his thumbs, thinking out loud.

Riza sighs and rises from her bed quietly. She brings the IV stand along with her - an unnecessary inconvenience - and carefully slips into his bed once she’s made sure that the tubes and wires connected to them are tangle-free.

“I never pegged you as an opportunist, Lieutenant,” he murmurs, despite her best efforts to be discreet. “Sleeping with your commanding officer while he’s blind?”

“You could always court martial me later, sir,” Riza deadpans. “Now scoot over.”

Luckily, he obliges without much retort. 

“Your wish is my command.”

Riza huffs. She adjusts the thin, scraggly piece of linen that the hospital justifies as a blanket - another downside of this shitty place - and makes sure he’s probably covered, warm.

“Three words,” she mutters.

“Eight letters?”

“Twelve, actually.”

Roy raises a brow. “What could it be?”

“Would you like to wager a guess, sir?”

“Not really.”

“You’re an idiot,” she says. Roy laughs, and it’s a tiny little sound that is so discordant with his current mood, but it’s at least genuine. “Now go to sleep.”

“Alright, alright.”

He stops fidgeting, for a while. Riza closes her eyes and attempts to fall asleep - and she actually does, for a while - at least until she hears the sheets rustling again, the movement and tension coming from beside her. She groans softly.

“You should sleep, sir.”

She feels him stiffen. Roy smiles sheepishly, looking right through her like she’s not there. It still unnerves her how this is probably going to be their new normal: him without his sight. Her as his eyes.

“Sorry.”

Riza frowns. An apology is not the answer she wants. What she wants is for him - or them both, actually - to sleep and rest and properly recuperate so that they can have a speedy recovery, so that they can get out of here as soon as possible.

“Bad dreams?” she asks, because it’s the exact same thing that’s been haunting her. (She’s lucky her throat makes it impossible for her to scream or kick up a fuss; she’d hate for Roy to stumble blindly through the room in what he probably thinks is an act of chivalry and/or heroism.)

He shrugs.

“Then and now,” he offers. His smile fades, and he lapses into an unexpected moment of vulnerability. “Hard to differentiate between day and night nowadays, too.”

And because Riza doesn’t know what to say, she simply brushes her knuckles against his.

Roy returns the gesture, drawing indiscernible patterns on the back of her hand with his bandaged one.

“Well, it’s almost midnight now, sir.”

He lets out a small laugh, but it’s painfully hollow.

Riza shifts slightly. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze - hospital beds are clearly not meant for two persons (or anything inappropriate) - but it doesn’t bother her all that much. She just wishes there’s more she can do, to comfort him. Make him feel a little less gloomy.

“It feels like I’ve been sleeping for years.”

“If it helps reduce the incidents of you falling asleep during office hours, then you should get more sleep now, while you can.”

Roy turns, like he’s searching for her, even though there’s not much closer she can be at this point. He exhales shakily. She feels his hand trembling against hers, and responds with a gentle caress. (She knows he’s still feeling guilty, probably berating himself internally about their predicament, about what transpired beforehand. And to be fair, there’s a part of her that’s still angry about all that's happened underground. They’ll probably have to talk about it, at some point, but probably not now — not when they’re both still drugged up and only half-lucid.)

“Humour me, Lieutenant.”

“What?”

“I can’t sleep,” he confesses. Dimly, Riza notes that his voice has taken on a somewhat petulant edge — like a child complaining about their bedtime, but she doesn’t comment on it. Being nearly bedridden for a week is enough to drive her nuts, too. “I’ve tried counting sheep and all that shit, and it’s just — it’s not working.”

Riza sighs. She’s tired, yes, but she’s also aware that she’s probably not going to get any sleep at this rate. She tries to think of ways to stave off his restlessness. Reading is one — she can probably bore him into sleep with a Xingese recitation (she’s gotten pretty good at that lately), but she’s technically not supposed to be talking much. Alcohol is another, but neither of them are supposed to be drinking (and besides, the only form of alcohol available in hospitals isn’t meant for human consumption). Maybe chess, then. She’s not particularly keen on playing a game of chess, now (because she just wants to sleep), but she thinks it’ll help exhaust some of his boundless energy.

“We could play a game of chess, if you want. Breda was kind enough to drop a vinyl board here in the afternoon.”

“I can’t see —“

“I’ll tell you where I move my pieces.”

He frowns, clearly not liking the idea. “You’re not supposed to be talking much, Lieutenant.”

“I’m fine,” she insists, turning to pour a cup of water for herself before continuing. “I won’t have to speak much — unless you’re being a nuisance or a cheat or a fraud.”

He laughs. “I’ll be none of those things, Lieutenant.”

“Good.”

She sets up the board on his bed and helps him sit up. Riza lets him play white.

“It’s your move, sir.”

“You’ve made yours?”

“No. You’re playing white.”

“Tough. It’ll be more embarrassing if I end up losing.”

Riza smiles. “Well, we don’t know that yet, sir.”

He opens with pawn to e4. She helps him move his pieces and parrots her movements back to him. Pawn to e4, too. Pawn to d4. Same here. A closed game, not quite like his usual aggressive style of playing.

Riza watches as he frowns with intensity. It’s probably more a test of memory than strategy for him at this point. She wonders if there’s a way he can adapt to chess, to the military’s utilitarian (and frankly unsympathetic) demands now that his sight’s impaired.

(Life is so unlike chess, Riza thinks, in spite of Roy’s silly metaphors that postulate otherwise. The rules are never fixed, and the universe is always rife with uncertainty. It’s not like chess, where you can predict your opponents’ moves if you get good enough. Neither of them had expected that he’d be here right now, losing sleep and contemplating life over a chessboard while blind.)

He clucks his tongue, reciting a series of movements from memory. The Blackmar-Diemer. Riza smiles indulgently.

Still as aggressive as ever, sir.

Of course.

The game quickly becomes a round of blitz, and though he manages to open his lines and mount a rather decent attack, it’s clear that he has trouble recalling after the eighteenth move. It's still an impressive feat, though. Better than the average layperson.

“Check,” Riza announces, conversationally. Technically, she’d had the advantage, both on the board (and in real life). It shouldn’t really count, and besides, checkmate isn’t her objective — it’s to get her commanding office to sleep.

“Well-played,” Roy hums. He’s strangely still in his bed as he closes his eyes, rubbing at his temples — presumably to ease off an oncoming migraine. It happens a lot, when he’s in deep thought, when he’s over thinking. Thinking too much for his own good. “I need to work on my recall, I think.”

“I think so too, sir.”

He laughs, but the sound is again empty, foreign. It is so at odds with his usual smirks and unbridled laughter (when he’s laughing at someone else, or a joke made at somebody’s expense), like there’s an ache beneath the surface that she cannot reach.

Roy turns slightly, bumping into his dethroned king as he adjusts himself on the bed.

She blames the sudden, uncharacteristic urge to cry on her drugged-up system.

(Riza doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to how uncommunicative his eyes are. He’s always regarded each and every one of his subordinates with respect and meaning and gratitude, but he’d simply looked over the unit as if taking inventory when they had come by earlier.

But she’ll make do, Riza thinks. She has to. She’s always known him in a way nobody else has, in a deeply intimate way, like a book she’s memorised by heart.)

They fall silent for a few minutes. His lips part a little - she knows  he’s about to say something - but it snaps shut again, like he can’t bring himself to say the words.

Riza simply waits for him, like she always has; holding onto his held breath like it's the last thread of hope. She leans into his touch a little closer than necessary.

I’m right here, even if you can’t see me.

Roy smiles.

“I hope I won’t forget your face, Riza.”

[cookinguptales]

Love living out here in the forest, hate having to drive two hours every time I need to have blood drawn lmao.

Today we have to drive to the nearest town with a LabCorp because I need a lot of bloodwork done, which means I have to go on a long car ride without any food or electrolyte tablets (my love) in my system for about 12 hours. I have a whole host of chronic illnesses, so lbr, this is gonna fuck me up. Good chance I’ll be very iffy the next couple days. If you really need me, send me a chat or an ask so it doesn’t get lost in my notifications and I’ll get back to you when I can! I promise.

I say this because next week I am going to be even more iffy so just in case I don’t feel up to talking before then, I’m not dead! I’m just gonna be hooked up to an IV for several days lmao.

[cut for personal stuff]

I haven’t been talking about it really in-depth because frankly, I doubt people really want to hear the gory details of my personal life but like. Things have been pretty bad for the past eight months or so. Health-wise. I mean, they’re always pretty bad, but things have been... worse. I always joke about oh, I can’t see today, oh I can’t keep food down, oh my body sounds crazy today but like. Honestly speaking, it’s been really hard. My work has suffered, my writing has suffered, my mental health has suffered. The brain fog has been absolutely unreal. I can’t tell you how frustrated I’ve been with these stories in my brain that I can’t seem to draw out. I want to show you them so badly and I’m running out of time... Sigh.

I digress. I was in the process of getting signed up for ketamine treatments before the pandemic hit and I’ve finally gotten an appointment to get started next week. Again, I don’t really talk about it much in detail but like. Yeah, I’ve had MDD since I was in elementary school and there have been some very dangerous periods in my life. It’s extremely treatment resistant and if we’re being entirely honest, dark thoughts are just kind of the cosmic background radiation of my life and have been since I was too young to even understand what I was thinking about. It’s been even harder to push through lately, but ketamine has been shown to help in a lot of SSRI-resistant situations... idk. They say it should also help with the pain, but I guess we’ll see. I’ve sure heard that before.

(At least if no one else is having a good time, I’ve sure given some doctors a puzzle they enjoy...)

I’m kind of scared, honestly. It’s a daunting set of (somewhat experimental) procedures anyway, but also like... I’m scared that it won’t work and this will just be my brain forever? But I’m also scared that it will and I’m going to have to figure out how I’m going to afford this going forward. It’s not covered by my insurance. 🙃 So my brain’s kind of all over the place, but some of that is also that I’m hungry and dizzy as hell but I won’t get to eat or consume salt for another *checks watch* 4-5 hours. ;;

(Why yes, I’m sure I do sound very scattered rn. Don’t worry, I’m not the one driving. lmao)

idk, just trying to keep my head up. We have to drive all the way down to freaking San Francisco next week and I’m not looking forward to THAT drive, but I’m hoping I have the energy to do some grocery shopping down there. Again, love the forest. Hate the food selection out here in the middle of absolute nowhere. lmao

I do not know how the ketamine is going to affect me just like, frankly speaking, I usually don’t know how fucking any medication is going to affect my weird-ass body. I could be fine and happy as a clam posting about vampires next week! But I could also be out like a damn light and totally uncontactable. So heads up either way.

OH BUT SILVER LINING the doctor did say I’m allowed to take my motion sickness pills before we drive down today, and if you’ve ever been on the roads up in the far northern part of California, you will know why I about cried with relief lmao.

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[dracosearlgreytea]

indelicate marks (11)

indelicate marks: chapter eleven - the accusation 

A/N: aaa okay so heres the next chapter! ive been lowkey stressed about posting this chapter as it took a lot to write, but i hope you enjoy it.. thank you so so so much for the increased support from everyone, if i havent replied to a comment dw i do read them! they literally transform my day no matter how i feel, so yeah just thank you. lotsa love - ivy 

warnings: language, strong descriptions of ptsd/reliving bad memories, graphic descriptions of deep cuts and bleeding

lovely tags: @h-annahayy @okaydraco @fanficflaneuse @thatoneasrastan @biinspiration @honeymelon22

indelicate marks index 

January and February, after the first meeting of the year, passed by quiet. Draco's state was getting worse. Every time you'd see him, even when you'd met twice a week, something about him was growing... darker. Sometimes it wasn't just the bags under his eyes, or the sharpness of his cheekbones. Sometimes it was the way his tone never lifted out of the monotonous state he tended to abandon around you. Sometimes it was the way he could hardly hold a conversation, or the anxiety would overwhelm him and you'd have to sit with him tucked into your chest, praying that his breathing would settle soon. But, somehow, within the misery that hung over the two of you, you also managed to find the friend you had waited so long for. Draco was funny. Dry, and witty, and frustratingly funny. The things that he'd say as a passing comment could make you double over in laughter. You'd always find his lips shooting up into that wicked grin you'd grown to adore. That smile was something you'd find few and far between, and its rarity only settled it closer to your heart. He was smart, too - a lot less stupid that he made himself out to be. Draco could easily give Granger a run for her money, if he wanted to. He had a secret passion for Muggle literature. Something, which you found out totally by mistake  - and continued to bring up at any given opportunity just to annoy him. To your utter shock, Draco also played piano. He'd described an organ, back in Malfoy Manor. His parents would usually enchant to play by itself - but, his mother had still taken it upon herself to teach him how to play it when he was a child. The insights he offered you into his life were quite frankly fascinating. It was still odd. The dynamic between you was never quite settled; impermanent. There were little things you found yourself holding onto. Like his smile, or the way he frowned when he listened to you talk, as though he was really focusing on your words.   Since your realisation at the beginning of the year, your affections for Draco had only grown. Most of the time, you'd manage to ignore it, only swallowing back the flutters in your chest. Because there was no way you could fancy Draco Malfoy. There was no way he would ever reciprocate, and there was no way it could ever work between you even if he did. And, it was nice. Being friends with someone. You could cope with the darkness he carried. You could cope with pushing away any indication of your developing attachment to him. Having someone to talk to, to even just be around - complicated or not - was a privilege you had never had. But, as much as you attempted to ignore it, the tension at Hogwarts was also getting a lot worse. Trying not to think about what would happen when you had to return home at the end of the year was difficult. Even the idea of having that mark on your arm was sickening. You didn't even want to acknowledge the fact that to take it, you would have to expose the mark that already sat on your forearm. Most likely, to the Dark Lord himself. The glares got worse. The comments got more threatening. Walking the corridors was not safe for you. Not when your parents had killed so many families of the students around you. It hadn't exactly been before, but now, with that suffocating atmosphere, it had only gotten worse. Keeping a firm grip on your wand at all times was second nature, at this point. You had been on your way to a meeting with Draco when your fears became too real. The feeling of someone following you had been tugging at your conscious for most of the day. But then, most people were watching you, anyway, eyes lingering on you in every hall or classroom you passed through. So, you'd only shrugged it off as your paranoia overreacting. It was still light. With winter beginning to pass, the nights were growing shorter. Weekly trips to the classroom were no longer spent in the dark, much to your appreciation. Just as you reached the last staircase leading to the third floor, it jumped into action. It swung away from your destination, and you ground your teeth, hanging onto the railings. Again, you only passed your mistake off as a busy mind - until you glanced behind you. The previous staircase had also moved. A distinct dread began to poison your gut. With the piece of staircase behind you gone, your only choice was to progress onto wherever this one would take you. You swallowed, staring up as the stairs docked. It lead onto a one-way corridor, a piece of the castle that was rarely used, and a quiver ran over your hand as you wrapped your fingers around your wand. Slipping it from your back pocket, you finally shifted. Someone wanted you in that corridor. Someone wanted you cornered. The second you stepped off of the stairs, it jolted away from you, only confirming your assumption. Stranded in the corridor, the lack of windows cast an eerie shadow down its length. There was only two classrooms coming off the sides, and one at the end - most likely locked, with a spell more powerful than 'alohamora' would fix. Edging forwards, you flung your eyes around you. Your heart was thudding dangerously in your chest - it was currently dinner. No one would be around to help if something happened, assuming anyone would help you. Draco was unlikely to come searching for you if you turned up late, waiting on the opposite side of the moving staircases. You only hoped you could reach the stairs before something bad could happen to you. Pausing, your eyes met the end doorway. It was ajar. You pressed yourself against the wall as you shifted closer - the opening only offered to show you a slice of darkness within. Someone could be, however, waiting for you inside. Hoping your curiosity would get the better of you. Preparing to jump you. Setting your wand upright and poised, you lifted your hand, before shoving the door open. Only, before you could get a glimpse inside, it had slammed shut in your face. You stumbled back a couple steps, true panic setting in. "Was it you?" A voice came from behind you. You'd walked straight into a trap. Taking in a shuddering breath, you spun to face the voice. A flicker of your brow, and you stared at the figure blocking the end of the corridor. "Potter?" He had emerged from one of the classrooms either side of you, wand clenched in his fist and eyes hard. Stupid, you're so stupid, you should have checked. "Was it you, Y/N?" Harry repeated, watching you with an unpredictable atmosphere to him. "Did you curse the necklace?" It took a second for any words to form on your lips. Your mind was going to into overdrive. Harry would not hurt you intentionally, you knew that much - he wasn't that type of person. But what he could do unintentionally... "I don't know what you're talking about." You said. Attempting to appeal to whatever friendship you'd had last year, you kept your voice as clear and honest as you could. Harry, however, did not shift. "It was you, or Malfoy." His voice lilted with questioning, and your jaw tightened. You had to remind yourself to keep breathing, act natural, even at the mention of Draco. Shit, what the fuck has Draco been doing? I know it's bad - it's the Dark Lord - but Merlin, if Harry is involved... "I said," You forced an eyebrow up at Harry in emphasis. "I don't know what you're talking about." Voice gruff, relief flooded through you. You'd managed to keep your composition. There was a million scenarios involving Draco running through your mind, and you bit back a shudder. "Then prove you're not one of them." Shit. Harry had gestured to your arm with his wand. You grew rigid in terror, a shaking whisper falling from your lips before you could swallow it back. "What?" "Show me your arm, and prove to me you're not a Deatheater." Harry said, voice a lot more forceful than before. No, no. No, this can't be happening - he wouldn't - he can't - "I don't have to prove anything to you, Potter." You spat - but there was no denying the quiver in your words. Sickness curling in the pit of your stomach, you clutched your wand, scrutinising Harry's every little movement. He shifted. It was so, so slight. Maybe he was moving towards you, maybe he was only adjusting his stance. It didn't matter, because before you could think, you raised your wand and shouted the first thing that came to mind. "Stupify-" "Expelliarmus!" You could only watch in utter horror as your wand flew through the air and clattered to the ground. All the way at the other end of the corridor. Behind Harry. No, no, no- You couldn't move. Frozen. It was as though you were in that cupboard again. Crushed against the wall, watching as two boys enchanted a blade and laughed at the way you choked for breath. "It's okay, Deatheater. You're going to get your mark soon." Harry was moving towards you now. You stumbled, falling back against the door, hands coming to press down on the handle. Locked. No escape. Breathing frantic, you could only stare at Harry with wide, angry eyes. You didn't speak as he grabbed your left arm, pulling it out in front of you. No, you didn't even struggle. You were still in that fucking broom cupboard. Harry's fingers burnt horribly against your skin, pushing up your sleeve. His eyes lingered on you as he did so, long enough to make your skin crawl. Then, he looked down. It burnt. Burnt, as though Harry had struck a match and put it to your flesh. He came to stare at you again, falling a few strides away from you as you snatched your arm back to your chest. You wanted to shout - no, scream at him, but you could do nothing but hold in the gasps of pain. Harry hadn't seen the blood. He hadn't seen the way the cuts had began to tear open, slowly. Excruciatingly. "Get the fuck away from me." It was hardly a whisper - more some inhuman, animalistic snarl. It was all you could manage. The flames were growing hotter and hotter and you'd forgotten how to breath. My wand. I need my wand. "Y/N - I'm so sorry - I-" "Go!" Something in Harry managed to click, seeing your contorted expression. With one last, horrified look, he turned and rushed away, the stairs swinging back to greet him as he did. The second he was out of sight, you let out a shuddering breath, daring a glance down to the state of your arm. Blood was already spilling down your fingers. It seeped into the fabric of your shirt, like the sea lapping at the shore - but bloodier, and a lot more sickening. "How does it feel to bleed, Deatheater? I bet you're fucking enjoying it, you sicko, just like your parents did." An involuntary whimper escaped you, unable to contain it with your mind so hazy from panic and pain. Agony was lacing its way up your arm and through your entire body, and you had to remind yourself - your wand. I need my wand. Staggering forward, you focused your gaze on your wand at the end of the corridor. Blood was spilling steadily onto floor, staining your shirt, but you refused to acknowledge it. Groans escaped your throat, scalding pain cutting deeper and deeper into your skin. Feeling the liquid thick on your hands, you, almost instinctively, gave it another look. Your entire sleeve was coated in red. An overwhelming nausea hit your gut. Falling against the wall, you desperately attempted to get your breath, but it only came in short pants. You'd barely made it halfway down the corridor. Harry had taken too long to leave, given the cuts too much time to reopen before the worst kicked in. Last time, with Draco, the reaction had been quick and easy. This time, you were alone, and wandless. Head spinning, you attempted to choke down a deep breath, and pushed forward. Everything was starting to blur a little, your head a spinning mess of thoughts. You couldn't focus. Tired. You felt so tired. You were close. You were so close to grabbing your wand, hands slick with blood as you stretched out your arm, shaking. Another step - a stumble. Your entire body crashed to floor. There was a terrible, harsh blow to the side of your head. Your ears filled with a high buzzing, sight wavering as you stared from your wand only inches away from you, to your left arm. Ten letters, red and clear. Tears rolled down your cheeks, but you didn't recognise them. It hurt, it hurt so bad, you couldn't think, couldn't breath. It was all a blur, really. A blur of torments and whispers. A blur of blade against skin. "Deatheater." "Y/N? Y/N-"

[whynotwinnie]

Wounded: a Kylo Ren x OC part 3

VENUS

"X2, can you please watch over the supreme leader, and if there are any irregularities in his heartbeat or oxygen levels come get me."

X2 beeped a yes and you left the operation room with General Hux

"What were you thinking, out of everyone on the field you had to choose Ren to help," he said

"I almost didn't help him but he was going to die I couldn't just leave him out there. And keep your thoughts down he can hear them," you said glancing back into the operation room's window the IV finally worked and he was sedated but you weren't sure what the extent of his powers was.

"He read your mind right?" he said smirking slightly "I know I've worked with him all this time he's been in my mind many times." He touched your coat stained with blood "Is this yours?"

Your hand shot up to your head forgetting about your gash on your head. It wasn't bleeding but the wound wasn't closed.

"I guess it is it will be healed soon."

"You fixed Ren up?"

Oh yeah, the supreme leader almost bled to death in your infirmary.

"Yeah, a blaster shot wound in the abdomen causing internal bleeding, broken ribs that should be mending currently and a really bad concussion."

"Ren doesn't get shot," he said matter of factly

"I don't know who shot him Artimedge I just do my job."

"Alright, no need to catch an attitude Venus I'm just saying something definitely went wrong."

"Well yeah a lot of things went wrong doesn't mean i-"

And then you saw them, six huge masked men dressed in all black. You heard stories of them of what they and the supreme leader do. Your stomach turned as they headed straight to you. You grabbed Artimedge's arm and he pushed you behind him making him some sort of human shield.

"Where is Master Ren girl?" one said to you

"He's resting right now." You surprised yourself your voice came out even and calm even though on the inside you felt like you could cry

"Why didn't you inform anyone that he was taken here." The one speaking broke from the group and approached you. Artimedge didn't move an inch as you were still behind him.

"For the safety of the supreme leader and myself I didn't put his name on the record because if I would they would've came and finished the job. The supreme leader was severely hurt and I'm afraid if I wasn't there he wouldn't be her-"

The knight grabbed your arm and dragged you out from behind Artimedge and pulled you to the operation room and shoved you against the wall. The rest of the knights and Artimedge followed you in the room. X2 beeped wildly.

"Where did you find Master Ren?" he said

"In a trench near the enemy base." now you were definitely crying.

The knight grabbed your jaw and moved it so you were facing to your right he examined your gash and then turned you the opposite direction and then he let go of you. You stared into his mask he turned and looked at the supreme leader as if he spoke to him and then finally spoke after what seemed forever.

"You are the only one that can work Master Ren no one else, there will be two of us at the door at all times you are not to leave this room until Master Ren is healthy, no one in or out." the knight said.

You finally let go of the breath you were holding you lived to see another day.

"You have thirty minutes to get your belongings and to be back here." you stared at him not knowing if you could move or if he was just going to change his mind and kill you.

Artimedge pulled you out of the room and started to drag you to your quarters.

"Venus are you okay? Please say something you look terrible."

"That's not very nice," you muttered

He sighed "You should've just left Ren on the battlefield."

"Please don't reprimand me for doing my job Artimedge. Why are you saying all this stuff wishing the Supreme Leader was dead, aren't you on the same side."

"Ren gets distracted with his own personal matters and frankly it's giving the First Order a bad rep making us look like fools compared to the Rebels."

You finally got to your quarters. Artimedge sat you down on your bed and started packing your clothes. You were thankful that he was there because you were still traumatized by your experience with the Knights of Ren.

You stood up and started helping him "Do you know that knights name?"

"Vircrul, he's sort of the next in command after Ren of course."

You were shaking as you were folding your clothes, Artimedge took the piece of clothing from you and folded it himself and grabbed your hands.

"It's going to be okay Venus, Ren will be fine in a week and then you never have to see him after that or the knights."

You shooked your head, Artimedge was always right in a week you could just go to your normal life. You looked down at your hands still holding on to Artimedge's you didn't want to go back and he knew it. He let go of your hands and grabbed your bag.

"I wouldn't be late Venus." you took a shaky breath and followed him back to the infirmary. Right before you got into the infirmary he handed you your bag and grabbed your face with both hands you both stared at each other until you hugged him he wrapped his arms around you and you both stayed there for a while until you heard footsteps coming from down the hall you let go and gave him a small smile and then you walked into infirmary.

Once you stepped into the operation room you were stopped by one of the other knights. He grabbed the bag that you brought and dumped everything out on the floor.

Are you kidding me?  You had to bite down on your tongue.

"He's just making sure that you didn't bring anything to harm Master Ren," Vircrul said suddenly he was nonviolent with you.

If I wanted to kill him don't you think I would've just left him on the battlefield to die. Or killed him when we were alone?

You gave him no response you just started picking up your clothes that were now scattered all across the floor.

"The kitchen is going to send both of your meals here. Three times a day your droid is allowed to assist you." Two of the knights came in holding a recliner chair. "As far as beds go that's the best the infirmary could provide."

You shook your head in confirmation. Of course, after the battle, all the cots were being used you were glad they provided you with the recliner.

Once they left the room X2 came straight to you and you knelled hugging his metal body. X2 was the only familiar thing to you on The Finalizer he always knew how you were feeling and what to do. You were just so worn out from the events of the day, you looked at the supreme leader's body still unconscious before deciding that you were going to take a shower in the small refresher in the operating room.

"X2 please keep an eye out and get me if anything happens, it just going to be a quick shower."

You stepped in the refresher that had a small toilet and a small walk-in shower and quickly undressed knowing your luck he would wake up while you were in the shower you. Once you were finished you checked your head again the gash was now closed but it was still sore. Changing quickly into nightclothes a pair of black loose-fitting pants and a black tank top you were able to see bruises where Vicrul grabbed you. X2 beeped at the entrance of the refresher

His heart rate is rising he is going to wake soon.

You shooked your head and tied your hair up and left and he was in fact moving around the table not quite awake yet. He jerked and woke himself up and you grabbed his shoulders.

"Supreme leader my name is Venus and I am your healer I'm not sure if you remember but you had a blaster shot woun-"

"I remember."

"Are you in any pain or discomfort?"

He didn't speak.

"Are you hungry they are going to bring dinner soon I believe."

"What's the time?"

"It is currently 7:51."

He started to sit up despite his wound on his stomach.

"Supreme leader you can't go anywhere until you are healthy again the Bacta shot is going to help speed up the process but ultimately you just need time."

He ignored you.

"Your knights said you are to stay here until you're ready."

"I am their Master not the other way around nurse so if you can just shut up that would be wonderful."

You stopped talking immediately and watched him rise wincing as the bandages started spotting with blood. He was almost off the table when Vicrul walked in with someone from the kitchen staff holding with two trays.

"What are you doing girl I told you he is to stay here and rest. Why is he trying to get up?"

"I told him he didn't allow me to-"

"Shut up girl that's all I need to know about you of course you couldn't do the one simple task I asked of you."

Crying for the second time today you looked at the supreme leader and he was staring right back at you. What do you want from me? you thought knowing he could hear. A silent plea hoping he could save you from his knight that was yelling at you.

"You worthless girl you shouldn't even be a healer you are irresponsible and frankly not skilled enough I am going to see it immediately that you are terminated and kicked off at the next planet we stop at."

That was the end of the line for you as much as you hated conflict and yelling you knew your worth as a healer and you knew that you are the best at what you do the best on the Finalizer and probably in the galaxy.

"If I was so irresponsible and incompetent would I have saved the Supreme Leader? Who else do you know that could've done that or would have been willing to do it as I have? Where were you and your stupid knights to protect him? Isn't that your job?."

The knight took a step back so he was not so close and looked back at the Supreme Leader you looked at the Supreme Leader and he nodded but not to you, to the knight that was just yelling at you. With that Vicrul turned back to you and cocked his head to the side as if something was wrong with you and then turned and left.

With that, the Supreme Leader laid back down. There were tears still coming out of your eyes still very confused to what has happened. X2 beeped grabbing your attention.

"Are you done crying because I'm not sure if you noticed but I am now bleeding."

You looked at him and wiped your eyes, grabbing a pair of scissors you cut the bandages that were now bloody not talking to him while you replaced them with clean ones. Once you was done you heard his stomach grumble and that amused me somehow because someone as powerful as the Supreme Leader still needs to eat.

You stared at the plate brought to you before Vicrul  started yelling and then you stared at the Supreme Leader.

"Do you want to see what they brought you for dinner? Or are you okay."

No response.

That shit was going to get real old real quick

You walked over to the metal tray you noticed it was 2 different meals, one that the infirmary calls soft diet for people who are injured semi-badly and they cant handle anything heavy so the vegetable and lentil soup that came with a roll was his. The other seemed like a feast compared to his a bowl of white rice with some type of chicken curry on another plate some flat circle bread and even something chocolatey for dessert.

You grabbed his bowl of soup and walked towards him he was staring at the ceiling

"Did you want it? Its vegetable soup."

He wrinkled his nose in disgust and you had to smile a little. The Supreme Leader didn't like vegetables.

"There is something else if you want it?"

You turned and grabbed the other plate and pulled a small table to the Supreme Leaders side, You put the food on the table and slowly started to incline the hospital bed the supreme leader he wasn't sitting all the way up but he definitely wasn't laying down either.

You grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and put it next to his bed and sat on it.

"May I assist you with your meal?" You asked softly

He shook his head, yes and you exhaled.

Finally, he's working with me.

"Its just food don't be so dramatic," he said

"Well I was just trying to save your life and I almost got killed twice so maybe I will be a little dramatic."

You put some of the curry chicken on the rice and mixed it up it was surprisingly hot still considering it stayed out when you were getting yelled at and when you were bandaging the supreme leader. You blew on the food before putting it to his mouth and he was just staring at you. His eyes were filled with disbelief and you were just confused.

"Are you okay?" You asked body still stretched out towards him one hand holding the spoon and one hand cupped under the spoon just in case some fell

He responded by eating the food.

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[waiting4inspiration]

Just Try IV (Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader)

Summary: You decide to give Bucky a chance and get to know each other, agreeing to take things slow

Warnings: A/B/O dynamic, reader reveals backstory, asshole father mentioned, asshole ex mentioned, strong language 

Just Try Masterlist 

Bucky stares at you, his face falling as your words finally register in his mind. You’re infertile. You won’t be able to give him pups. The realization hits him like a knife, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. 

You notice his disappointment and wrap your arms around your stomach, staring down at the ground as tears fall down your cheeks. You know this is how he would react. What kind of alpha would want an omega that can’t give them pups? 

Keeping his gaze on you as he makes his way towards you. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls your back into his chest. “I don’t care,” he whispers, pressing his nose into your neck. 

Sighing, you don’t have the strength to fight out of his grip around and frankly, you don’t want you. It feels so good to be wrapped in his arms and his scent flowing over you. 

His scent calms you, making your shoulders relax and your body to lean into his. Why does he have this effect on you? You thought you had your body under control with all the shit you’ve been through with alphas. But you want to be with him. He makes you want to be his omega. But you know it’s not going to happen.

“You will,” you breath out, placing your hands over his. “I know you will. They all do.” 

The words barely come out of your mouth as Bucky places his lips on the skin of your shoulders. He couldn’t help himself. His eyes kept staring at your shoulder and your scent is so intoxicating, he just had to taste you.

Moaning as he places sloppy up your neck, your head tilts to the side subconsciously to give Bucky more room. “I don’t care. I want to be with you,” he growls, sending goosebumps down your spine. “Please. Just give me a chance, omega.”

The way his breath hits your skin and the desperation in his voice is enough to make your knees weak. Turning around in his arm, you look up into his dark eyes that send a tingle through your whole body. Running your eyes over his face, you bring up a hand to push away a piece of hair away from his face. 

How can you say no? He’s unlike anyone you’ve ever met. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get to know him. 

Nodding, you place a hand on the side of his face as he gives you a smile. He leans closer as an attempt to kiss you. You stop him by placing a hand on his chest and leaning away. 

Frowning at you, you lick your lips as you slightly glance down, staring at your hand that is placed on his chest. You can feel the muscles under the shirt and you start to wonder what it would be like to touch his bare skin. 

Shaking yourself out of the through, you look back up at him. “Can we take it slow?” you question, causing him to smile down at you. 

Gently placing his lips on your forehead, you lean into his chest to breathe in his scent again. “Of course.”

Now sitting across from each other on the sofa in the room, you and Bucky share your interests and favorite things. He tells you about the times he spent with Steve before the war and you can’t help but laugh at some of the stories.

You laugh is like music to his ears. It’s sweet and light and he loves the way you bring a hand up to your mouth when you laugh as if to mask the sound. 

“Why did you try and hide your status?” he questions after a moment of silence.

It’s the question you’ve been waiting for. Glancing down at your hands, you sigh as you try to pick the dirt that not’s really there out from under your nails. “I grew up in a house of alphas. My father was highly disappointed that I turned out to be an omega,” you explain, looking up at him with a small smile on your face. “You can imagine how much he hated me when my mother died after giving birth to me.”

Bucky shifts in his seat, wanting to wrap his arms around you but stops himself, not wanting to step over a line. “Take things slow,” he repeats to himself a hundred times as he watches you. 

“My alpha brothers were always rough and competitive. They made my father proud,” you speak again, leaning against the back of the sofa as you weave your finger through your hair. “Their attitude rubbed off on me and that’s when I decided that I had enough of being what people expected me to be because I’m an omega. But I knew I wouldn’t get where I wanted to as an omega, so when I started high school, I decided to fake being a beta.”

He listens intently as you speak, watching your smile slowly fade as you speak. “I got into MIT and graduated top of my class. But it wasn’t enough to make my father happy. He always criticized me as an omega and as soon as I actually did something with my life, he wanted to know why I wasn’t having pups already.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched at this fact. Your father was a real asshole for putting you down your entire life. “He wasn’t even happy for me when I found an alpha that was ready to settle down with me,” you whisper, knowing that it might stir up some jealousy in him. 

“You were with someone before coming here,” he states, gripping the edge of the sofa as you give him a nod. “What happened?”

Licking your lips, you turn your head towards the window to try an stop the tears from making their way towards your eyes. “He wanted to have pups. And after trying for a year, nothing happened,” you explain, looking back at him as you let out a sigh. “He found some other omega and left me.” 

Your hand lands on your neck where your bonding gland is. Bucky’s eyes land on your hand and understands immediately. You used to be bonded to him and when he left, the mark faded and you had a broken heart. It explains why you want to go slow with him now.  

“That doesn’t mean you’re infertile.” His words cause your head to snap up, glaring at him. “Mates can spends years trying before they actually have pups...”

“He was with her for a week before she got pregnant,” you cut him off, sneering at the memory. “He knotted her once and she ended up carrying his pups. That’s saying something.” Bucky looks at you with sad eyes before casting them down. Leaning back against the arm of the sofa, you stare at the floor, your eyes following the pattern of the wood. “That bitch got everything I was supposed to have,”

Bucky chuckles at your words. The sound that radiates from his chest makes you smile as you pull your eyes away from the floor to look back up at him. “And if you got what she did, I wouldn’t have met you,” he says, tilting his head to the side as his eyes run over your face for the hundredth time that day. 

He can't get enough of your face. It’s like watching a sunrise. It’s breathtaking. Within the few hours he spent talking to you, he’s noticed a few things about your face. Like the way, your nostrils flare when you speak about something in anger and the way you always close your eyes when you laugh, even if it’s a small giggle or chuckle. He notices the way your hands always ends up in your hair when you talking about a happy memory. 

Everything you do only draws him closer to you. Every small thing you do makes you even more attractive and only makes that urge to claim you stronger. But that voice inside him shouts over his alpha instincts.

“Take this slow...” 

Tags:@spaghettirogers @bookwormmads @veganfangirl5 @prussiangilbert @kissakatterna 

[ohtheseboysilove]

Sexy panties to dirty nappies [Ben Hardy x F!Reader] IV

Words : 4, 200 K +

Warnings : angst, fluff, smut

Summary :  Reader is eight months pregnant. The only problem ? She just find out. Yep, pregancy denial. Now, they only got one month to be ready for the baby. Ready…steady…go !

Note : Not you’re not dreaming !!! The new chapter is here after 16325 years of waiting !!! I think we got two maybe three more chapters before the eeeend

🌼Request are open🌼☀ Masterlist ☀

“It’s impressively well-done for a fake pregnant belly”

“It’s a real one”

“I mean look at the details and all, I can’t see the strap to take it off! ”

“I told you it’s my real skin, you dummy”

“You’re almost convincing sweetheart but you can’t be– holy shit ! Your fake stomach just fucking kick me !”

“Joseph, for the tenth times, I’m pregnant and the kick you just felt, it’s our baby girl” You scoffed as the ginger man looked at your belly with wide eyes.

“But– I saw you in a thigh dress last month, I’m sure I wouldn’t have missed your...” He gestured to your swollen abdomen. “...imposing hum state”

You and Ben had currently some of your closest friends at your place and they were all shocked by the new but they mostly congratulated you for the baby’s coming. Joe couldn’t believe the pregnancy’s denial thing, not that he thought you were lying, he just had a hard time to process.

“Do you have any idea for a name ?” Lucy asked with a soft smile.

You and Ben glance at each other, whining a bit.

“Not really. I love Lottie but Ben don’t want it” You pouted childishly.

“It’s not even a name ! It’s basically Charlotte’s nickname but you don’t like Charlotte, it’s not my fault baby” Ben chatted back before tacking a sip of his beer, earning a roll of eyes from you. “You don’t like any of my idea, you had reject every name I proposed !”

“We’re not calling our daughter Esmeralda, Ben” You huffed as you lay back in the sofa, wiggling to find a comfortable position. “And Isabella is out too, I’m not giving my kid the name of the dumbass from Twilight” Joe snorted and shook his head, patting Ben’ shoulder.

“These names are rather lovely (Y/N)” Commented Gwilym with a shrug.

“Didn’t ask for your opinion Lee” You scoffed and snatched the crisp’ bowl from his hand, munching loudly the snack.

“Don’t worry, the hormones drove her mad, she’s mean with everyone Gwil” The blond winked at the brown-haired man. “She’s probably gonna cry in less than half an hour”

“Piss off Benny” You mumbled, moving like a worm on the sofa, the baby was jumping around your belly and the task of relaxing was nearly impossible. “What about Mina ? It’s cute”

“I love it” Lucy and Gwil nodded enthusiastically, Joe just shrugged.

“Nah, I’m not fan” The blond scratched his chin, thinking about other names. “Kelly ?”

“Urgh, no way. I was bullied by a Kelly in school, she was a real bitch” You shook your head, a hand massaging your swollen belly. “Ophelia?”

Your boyfriend whined and you sighed dramatically. The brainstorm for a name continued for a good twenty minutes, everyone proposing a name until you and Ben found one you both agreed on.

“Ellie. It’s perfect” You smiled and Ben smiled back, both of you reassured to find a name before the arrival of your daughter. “It’s short and adorable”

“Well done Gwil” Lucy gave a thumb up as he smiled proudly for finding the name.

“Mine was better” Grumbled Joe with a childish pout. “You could put as a her middle name”

“Ellie Skywalker Jones” Ben nodded and glanced at you “What’s do you think babe ?”

You raised your middle finger to the two men before wrapping protectively your belly with your arms.

“I think neither of you will be allowed in the hospital for the birth, I don’t trust any of you”

**

After a promise of paying the restaurant’s note next time you all going out, your friends accepted to help you to get the baby’s room ready. You were painting one of the wall in a light blue as was Lucy, both of you chatting during your task.

Joe and Ben were trying to find a way to put together the crib which it and more baby’ stuffs had arrive earlier during the day.

“So...do you feel ready for the baby hon ?” You stopped your movements and glanced at Ben who was already looking at you. You both knew the answer.

“Fuck no” Gwilym, Lucy and Joe laughed at your perfect synchronisation and Ben winked at you.

“But it’s not like we have any choice...it’s gonna be hard but we will find a way, right Benny ?” You asked and smiled lovingly when the blond stood up to plant a sweet kiss on your lips.

“Of course, baby. We can manage a little human, million of people do it, so we can do it too” He ignored the exaggerated aaaawwwww of Joe and pressed a second kiss, on your nose this time. “But maybe you should rest for a bit now. You have been standing for hours baby” He gave you his famous puppy-eyes and for once, you didn’t object.

You hummed in agreement and sat in the rocking-chair, giving some rest to your swollen ankles. Ben smiled with relief and went back to the crib as Gwilym was hanging few decorations above it, following your instructions.

“I was wondering guys...since you’re not going to the concert next week, can I have your tickets ? I met a really pretty girl the other day and if–“

“What ? What concert ?” You cut Joe with a frown.

“Queen + Adam Lambert, did...did you forget ?” Gwilym looked at you and Ben’s dumbfounded faces and get his answer.

“Holy shit, is it next weekend ? I completely forget it !” You slapped your forehead with shock. This surprise baby made you forget the concert you were waiting for practically a year. “Fuck, I will be still pregnant for the gig !” You stood up and cursed loudly, looking dramatically at Ben. “What are we going to do ?”

“What do you mean ? We’re not going, baby” The blond stated the situation like it was the most obvious answer ever. You scoffed, outraged by his reply and he shook his head, feeling the fight coming. “(Y/N), you’re eight months pregnant, you’re not going to any concert”

“But it’s Queen ! I’m waiting for that since I’m a little kid !” You reacted like a brat but honestly, the only thought of missing the gig made your blood boiled. “I’m going !”

“You’re not going anywhere” Ben snapped and crossed his arms, looking firmly at you. “Joe, you can have our tickets, there are in the kitchen, behind the echography of Ellie”

Lucy and the two boys looked awkwardly at each other at your bickering and quietly exited the room to let you both speak alone.

“Joe, you better don’t touch my ticket !” You warned as he shook his head and closed the door behind him. “I’m going Ben, I don’t need your permission” You humphed angrily and finished to put the big cloud sticker on the wall, ignoring Ben’s deep sigh.

“(Y/N), don’t be stupid please. We have standing’s tickets, you can’t go in crowd and stand for three hours in your state” You knew he was right but his tone was annoying you. He was scolding you like if you were a kid. “Be serious for a minute, I want to go too but I’m not going because you can’t”

“But I want to go” You whined and felt tears watering your eyes. You hated crying but since you were pregnant, every little thing that upset you, also made you cry. “I’m sure we can exchanged our standing tickets for seating tickets...”

“I said no, it’s too dangerous ! Jesus, stop being so childish (Y/N), for fuck’ sake ! We’re going to have a baby, if you don’t want to be a bad mother, you need to grow the hell up” Your lower lip was trembling after Ben’s harsh words, trying to suppress your sobs. The blond cursed and immediately regretted his words. “No, babe, I’m sorry. That’s not what I wanted to say, I–“

“Save it Ben” You cut him, coldly and made your way out of the baby’s room, sniffling quietly.

You were hurt. Very hurt. His words stung in you like poison, you were already doubting about your capacity of being a mum and now it was even worse. The rest of the flat was empty, your friends probably left at the uncomfortable situation. Great.

“Baby, please. Forgive me, I didn’t mean any of this. I’m just fucking nervous” Ben pleaded as he followed you in the kitchen. “I’m sorry” You ignored him and graciously wiped your nose with your – Ben’s – jumper’ sleeve before grabbing a cookie’s box, crunching one of them angrily. “Babe, talk to me, please”

“Fuck off” You replied and made your way to your room, slamming it in Ben’s face and carefully locking it behind you.

“(Y/N), let’s talk about it, you can yell at me as long as you want” He knocked on the door but you stayed silent. You muffled your cries with your hand and slid in your bed, feeling exhausted. Hormones were amplified all of your emotions and maybe you were overacting a bit but you couldn’t control yourself. For now, you were vexed. “Baby, I’m sorry, I really am. Please, let me in”

Ben’s voice was sounding lower as you slowly drifted into sleep, mouth half-parted as small snores echoed in the room.

**

When you woke up, you were feeling much better. Hungry and craving for cuddles. You felt stupid to react so dramatically, Ben would never hurt you on purpose and he wasn’t totally wrong about what he said. He was a bit clumsy with his words but he didn’t mean any hurt. You unlocked the door and went looking for Ben, walking frankly around the messy flat.

“Ben ? Frankie ?” You heart started racing violently as the thought that he left you all alone. That it, he had enough with you and left you and the baby.

You put a hand on your chest, feeling it raising quickly under the anxiety. You started crying and kept calling Ben’s name with a weak voice. You were ridiculous, deep inside, you knew he didn’t leaves you but your emotions were all over the place, messing badly with your rational mind. After five long minutes of more sobbing and intense fear, – raising a baby all by yourself ? Nightmare – the front door open.

“In, Frankie. Good girl” Ben cooed as the dog immediately ran to you, her little tail wagging excitedly. “Baby, what’s wrong ?” the blond looked at you worriedly and quickly closed the door before joining you on the sofa.

“You’re back” You murmured with round, teary eyes that made Ben’s heart melted.

“Of course, I’m back, baby. ‘ Was just walking Frankie” His big, warm hands flew to your wet cheeks, brushing it softly. “I’m not going anywhere, I already told you that (Y/N), you stuck with me forever, you and little Ellie” He pressed his lips on yours, several times as you sighed with relief, your fingers clenching around his forearm. “I brought you this veggie burger from Byron that you love so much” He added in a whisper, his mouth curled in a cheeky smile.

“With sweet potatoes ?” You asked with the sweetest, hopeful voice, Ben’s chuckling softly at your tone.

“Two portions of sweet potatoes for my pretty girl” He confirmed and you kissed his cheeks, wiping your wet eyes with a hungry smile. “I’m gonna make your plate, ‘kay ?” You nodded and he disappeared in the kitchen, Frankie immediately stealing his spot.

You scratched her ears with a loving smile while she rolled on her back, exposing her tummy for some more rubbing, her cute little pink tongue poking out. The blond came back, two plates on his hands before putting the little stool, to rest your feet on, in front of you. The sight of the deliciously greasy burger made your stomach grumbled loudly. You both silently ate your dinner, Ben stealing you soft glances from time to time, your plate resting on the top of your round belly as you eagerly stuffed your mouth with chips.

“About what I said earlier...”

“No, Ben, let’s forget that okay ? You were right, I acted like a little bitch, I was being stupid” You took a large sip of your soda and waved him off, licking your greasy fingers.

“Hey, I shouldn’t have talk you like this either, ‘m sorry baby” His plump lips pressed on your shoulder, making you smiled inevitably.

You wiped your fingers into a napkin and slid them on his cheeks, bringing in face to yours, kissing him cheekily. Ben moved the plate from the top of your tummy and pushed him away somewhere on the coffee table without breaking the kiss. You sat on his lap, bowing your neck to keep your lips connected, trying to ignore the soreness of the gesture but with your massive body between the two of you, it wasn’t really easy.

Ben lips trailed down your neck, nipping at your skin as you softly gasped at the nice sensation. But then little Ellie decided to wake up, giving this steamy moment a weird dimension. The baby was pretty energetic, kicking hard until Ben stopped, sighing.

“Is it only me or you also find weird to make out when this little cockblocker is awake ?” He narrowed his eyes, looking suspiciously at your swollen belly.

“Definitively” You pouted and let a light peck on his cute nose before getting back on your spot, your hand rubbed on your tummy. “Shush baby...aren’t you a jealous little thing ? Not letting your mama getting a well-deserve quickie on the sofa, that wasn’t really nice” You cooed at your belly, your daughter kicking back even harder at the sound of your voice.

“Can’t wait to have this little girl out of her Mummy because this is my spot, and I don’t like sharing” He gave you smug smile and avoid the cushion that you threw to him. “What ? I’m sick of using my hand, didn’t jerk myself off that much since high school. Miss our long, hot night of sex very much” He whispered the last sentence into your ear, bringing a shiver down your spin.

You whined. Loudly.

“Me too baby. God, that awful, I’m so horny and I can barely move” You cried as your gently tugged on Ben’s hairs. His gorgeous lips teasing you as he ran a tongue on it.

“As soon as we have a night just for ourself, m’ gonna take care of you, no cockblocker and no big belly to stop me this time” He brushed his lips against your lobe and moved away, his eyes matching your excitation. “Soon, baby, soon”

You nodded with a pout and grabbed back your plate, munching your burger as you ignored the knot of desire in your lower belly.

“Do you want my pickle ?” His fingers wiggled the large american pickle in front of your lips, mouth twitching up in a cocky smile. “It’s leaking, wanna taste ?” You knew he was teasing you and he was having too much fun with his dirty talk, he rubbed the head of the pickle on your closed mouth, knowing damn well that the baby was too awake to do anything right now.

His amused face turned into a most serious one when you decided to play his game too, giving a kitten lick on the pickle, your doe-eyes looking right him innocently. You hummed appreciatively and chuckled as his Adam’s apple bobbed visibly. You wrapped your lips around the vegetable, sucking on it with exaggerated noises only destined to frustrate him more. His cheeks were becoming pink at your gestures, his free hand sliding into his pants, palming himself at the sight, imagining your lips wrapped around him rather than this stupid pickle.

“You like that Ben ?” You murmured in a slutty voice, trying your best to not burst in laugh at his flustered state. Men were really weak. He nodded softly, groans leaving his parted mouth as his cock was throbbing in his hand, begging for some release. You put back your lips and moaned loudly around it, your hands pressing on his thighs cockily. “That what you get when you tease me, you twat” You crunched on the pickle and moved back, giggling at his wide eyes and burning face.

“You’re...the devil, woman” He chocked out in a strangled voice, stopping the movements of his hand. You stole the rest of the pickle and ate it nonchalantly, ignoring his pleading look. “Babe” He rubbed his nose on your neck. “Baby” He whined against your skin, his hot breath tickling you. “Please, my love. Need you. So badly” He caught your hand and pressed it onto his boner, showing you how much he needed you.

“Humm, what do I get if I land you a hand ?” You purred with a cheeky smile, your fingers brushing on his hard-on.

“Everything you want baby, please” You grinned in satisfaction and pressed your lips on his jaw, biting it slightly as your hand wrapped around his length, earning a loud gasp.

“Alright, you owned three girl nights once the baby is born, whenever I want” You glanced at him and he rolled his eyes but nodded anyway, he slid down his jeans and underwear, exposing his magnificent purple-head cock to you. “And you give me a massage tonight” You added with a smirk, your thumb teasing the top of his leaking dick. Ben sighed uncomfortably at your sweet torture and nodded eagerly, his hips bucking into your grip. “And a real massage baby, not a five-minutes-and-im-too-tired one ! With the relaxing oil I bought last–“

“Jesus (Y/N) !Yes, yes, yes ! Everything you want baby, can you just jerk me off ?” His head was threw back in the sofa, eyes closed and face twisted in need.

“So romantic my love” You joked and slowly started moving your hand up and down, nails slightly grazing on him, bringing your lips back on his neck. “How do that feel ?”

“So good baby. So so so good” He whimpered as your other hand went on his balls, massaging them gently. “Shit, how can you hand be so much better than mine ?” The blond kept his eyes shut, chest panting as his release was quicky building.

“For the same reason than I prefer your fingers in my pussy rather than mine” You murmured against his lips, grinning at his long and deep moan. “Feel so nice when you touch me, always hitting the right spot” You bit his bottom lip, quickening your speed around his cock.

“God, I love this dirty mouth of yours” He breathed as he opened his lust-filled eyes. “Kiss me” You pressed a simple kiss on his mouth, earning a disapproval groan from your boyfriend. “A real– fuck, a real kiss baby”

“I taste like pickle Ben” You giggled and wrinkled up your nose. “Yuck”

“Like I fucking care, gimme a kiss baby” You happily complied and slid your tongue into his mouth, adding some pressure on his hard member as you other hand flew back on his neck. “Oh my– feel so good! I’m gonna cum baby! Shit shit shit !” He sang in a high pitched voice as you praised him until he jerked in your hand with a throaty groan.

You wiped your hands covered in sticky cum on Ben’s shirt who gave you a dirty look but didn’t say anything. You just jerked him off, knowing you wouldn’t have any release in return, he better kept his mouth shut.

**

Few days later you were doing your exercise of the day : Walking to the elevator, get in it, walking even more graciously to the box letters, grabbed the mails and then going back to your flat in the same way. It was noting but it made you sweated and groaned every time.

You sat – more like grovelled – into the sofa, patting a sleepy Frankie and looked over the mails, putting the bills on the table with a grimace. You made your way to Ben’s office, dropping his work mails on the desk but your eyes fell on a large envelop, with the name of his agent on it. You furrowed your brows and took the envelop, wondering what it was. You curiosity would kill you one day.

“I hope for you Benjamin Jones that I’m wrong and it’s not what I think it is...” You mumbled with annoyance, trying to see through the envelop.

Ben had the bad habit to accept projects before talking to you, to avoid a drama. We ask for forgiveness, not for authorisation. But now you had a baby coming very soon and if you found out this asshole was away for a photo shoot or an interview somewhere else than in London...someone gonna be in big troubles. You were becoming angry and scared. He wouldn’t do that, he couldn’t. Now you were pacing in the room, trying to relax and not becoming too paranoiac. Too late. You grabbed the envelop and looked for the little knife that Ben used to opened his mails.

“Watcha doing ?” You dropped everything on the floor with a loud gasp, catched red-handed. Ben smirked at your guilty face, walking to you. “What did I do for you to search through my boring work stuffs hum ? That not where I keep the naughty photos my fans send me, you know that” He joked before placing a kiss on your hair, rubbing gently your belly.

This wanker came back from the gym quicker than you expected.

“And why are you trying to make go in early-labour, you ass” You groaned in a loud breath, heart beating quickly from the scare he just gave you. The blond chuckled, clearly picking on your mood but he was used to it now. “What is in this envelop ?” You shook it in front of your boyfriend’s face.

“Hum...nothing” The british lied and quickly grabbed the mail from your hand, taking it away.

“Benjamin! What is it ?” You slapped his chest to make him drop the envelop but he shook his head, refusing to tell you.

“Nothing baby, I swear ! Just boring work” He smiled innocently to you and it made you even more upset.

“Oh my god Ben ! Tell me ! You better not leave the city during the first year of  your daughter’s life or I’m gonna castrate you !” You shoved an angry finger in his chest before pinching roughly one of his nipple, making him gasp painfully.

“Fuck (Y/N) ! You hurt me” He whined like a child but at least you get the mail back in your hand. You smirked at him and started to open it under Ben’s annoyed gaze. “Okay, go on, you minx, ruin my surprise” The blond crossed his arms and rubbed his torso, mumbling about his nipple hurting.

You chewed your lips in hesitation, maybe it was really a surprise and you were just acting bratty. You sighed and gave him back the mail, half opened. You pouted and walked away, hormones making you crazy. You wanted to cry, to yell or just taking a nap you didn’t know. But the envelop was still in your though, making you wondering too much. And Ben being the perfect boyfriend he was, knew that too. That why he came sit next to you on the sofa, handing you the mail.

“I wanted it to be a surprise until the last minute but I know you gonna drive yourself mad with this, so here, open your present” You squealed in excitement, sending him the wider smile ever. “But please don’t go in early labour, that would literally ruin my present” He added, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Can’t promise anything Benny” You crutched your nose, taking out two shiny pieces of paper from the mail, eyes practically popping out of your face. “No, you didn’t ! Oh my god Ben !” You let out a scream in high-pitched voice and the blond covered his ears as the sound but a satisfied smile was on his lips.

It was two tickets for a Queen + Adam Lambert concert but this time, it was not standing but seating tickets, on a private balcony, much better for a very pregnant woman. You quickly wiped away the few tears on your cheeks and grabbed Ben’s neck, kissing his mouth several times, babbling several thank you.

“I’m glad you’re happy, baby” You buried your head into his neck, his large palms rubbing your swollen belly, his head on yours.

“I though you didn’t want me to go with little Ellie” You murmured against his skin, feeling overwhelmed by love for this incredible man.

“Well, it way safer tickets and it’s probably the last very exciting thing we’re gonna do before the baby so...yeah, let’s go see Queen” He replied with an amused tone.

“You’re damn right, Jones” You put your hand over his, both of you giggling at the kick from little Ellie “See, she is very excited too ! Baby girl gonna dance with Mommy on saturday night !”

Ben gave you a warning look and you pinched your lips, amused.

“Or we can just occasionally wiggle on our seat to not worry daddy to much” You added with an innocent smile.

“Much better” Ben agreed with a grin.

**

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