#greyro
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matcha-milo · 26 days ago
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I want a relationship that is completely undefinable by any existing labels or words. Like, we're so close and we hug and kiss each other's foreheads and cuddle and travel and explore together, and we get along so well and have so much in common. But at the same time, our relationship isn't fully romantic or fully platonic; it's a completely separate, open-to-interpretation thing that we tweaked as needed, and we have our own boundaries and things we are and aren't comfortable with, and we respect each other in every way, shape, and form.
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bread-is-bread · 2 years ago
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"You can't just pick and choose the parts of a romantic relationship that you want"
No, actually I can.
I can do exactly that. If I want to see them multiple times a week with no commitment and no exclusivity I can.
If I want to cuddle and kiss and not be any more intimate than that I can.
If I want to go on fun dates and spend time together and have little adventures but never call them my partner I can.
If I want to do these things with multiple people at the same time I can.
If I want to call it hanging out instead of dating I can.
If I want to keep things private but also post us being silly on my close firends stories I can.
I can do anything I want to as long as all the parties in the relationship are happy and it's not hurting anyone.
Other people cannot define my relationships for me.
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genderqueerdykes · 1 year ago
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i've seen loads of aromantic people express feeling wrong about themselves for identifying as aro but not wanting to be in any type of partnering relationship whatsoever, like queerplatonic relationships. i feel like when folks did their best to chase aro and ace people out of the queer community, a lot of common discussions and rhetoric about our experiences became lost which is extremely unfortunate
while aromantic people who date, and aromantic people who get into other types of close relationships are normal, it is an extremely common aromantic experience to not want to have any types of close relationships aside from friendship applied to themselves. this is very common to the aromantic experience. whether or not an aromantic person enjoys dating is up to them, but I just felt it was necessary to point out that many don't and that's normal and alright, too
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romance-evil-aro · 7 months ago
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shout out to greyros and demiros and arospikes and any other aros who're currently experiencing romantic attraction it doesn't make you ANY less aro and you're all valued and necessary members or the aro community <2
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verdantwyrm · 4 months ago
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Greyrose flag for myself, plus some nice variants I made.
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pally-plate · 1 year ago
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I just learned about alterous attraction and…
It perfectly describes how I feel. I don’t think google really explains it very well, so I’ll explain it how I saw it explained.
So basically, it’s the a-nonbinary version of love (a-nonbinary is where you’re outside of the binary as well as removed from the nonbinary spectrum, you’re your own thing.).
So, romantic is one end of the spectrum, and platonic is the other end. Queer-platonic is everywhere else on the spectrum. But alterous attraction is completely separated from the spectrum. It’s just its own type of attraction.
‘Romantic’ can also be replaced with any other type of attraction, such as sexual, aesthetic, sensual, etc, I’m just focusing on romantic attraction since that’s the one I was most confused about, so it’s the one I connect with the most.
I used this analogy to explain it to one of my friends and I think I got it down perfectly, exactly how I feel:
My attraction is like: warhead vs a Swedish fish. (Romantic and platonic attraction.) If you eat them both at once, it’s both sour and sweet at the same time, and you can’t really tell where one candy starts and the other ends. (Both of them mixed together would be queerplatonic attraction). But my attraction to people is more like a tart nerds candy. It’s still candy, and it still has a bit of sour and a bit of sweet mixed in, but at the end of the day, it’s its own flavor.
Feel free to use this analogy if you wish, no need to credit me, but please keep it related to alterous attraction if you do choose to use it.
But yeah, I’m very proud of this analogy, as it perfectly describes how I feel attraction to other people.
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chemicalarospec · 3 months ago
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you've heard of: aroacespec "is this person flirting with me" confusion, now get ready for: Does this person think I'm flirting with them (and also are they flirting "back" with me) because I accidentally bumped into them a lot?
#new jersey girl seems to really like me that makes me happy#nobody's been attracted to me before#but it'll make me sad if she asks me out#because even though I LOVE her i think i'd have to say no just because i really imagine myself#with a boyfriend far more than a girlfriend lately and i don't want to put her into a relationship that might end up feeling like#misgendering...#aro#ace#aroace#aroacespec#aromantic#arospec#greyromantic#greyro#I said this#we've been walking all over campus together and she's um. not a very considerate walker i keep#almost getting pushed off the path so that's whyh i keep bumping into her lol#but also she seems to like standing/sitting near me?#and i said 'i think my face is a little...' because i was thinking it felt like it got too much sun#and she was like 'i think your face is a little too-- wait what did u say?'#and i said i didn't even use an adjective but said burnt/red was what i should have siad#and she just said 'i think your face is a little'#like is that an oblique compliment??#okay the funniest part is yesterday she said some random girl came up to her and said she looked pretty and she wasn't sure if it was#flirting or just a compliment so she doesn't even know what flirting is either lol#also she calls me Data now bc i told her about hwo my uncle said my parents consult me like picard consults data lol#tbh maybe i gave her the wrong signals by moisturizing when she was in my room last night?#(kept sticking my hand under my clothes. my roommate brought her in right after i showered)#i asked my roommated if that was weird and she thought it was fine but she might not be the best metric
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xxcalicofemmexx · 3 months ago
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greyromantic + gorgons
Greyromantic: Romantic attraction is rare and/or mild. Often used as an umbrella term for people who think/know they're on the aromantic spectrum, but don't know exactly where. An arospec identity that can be combined with other identities (greybiromantic, etc) or used as an identity of its own. Also known as greyaromantic, grey aromantic, and grey aro
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everything-greyromantic · 1 year ago
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Greyromantic culture is having felt romantic attraction but still not understanding it at all
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aro-but-not-ace · 1 year ago
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Being greyromantic is like viewing romance as DLC
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matcha-milo · 3 months ago
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I WANT A QPR SOOOOOO BADDDDD!!
I want someone that I can call my partner, but not necessarily in a romantic way. I want someone to hug and be close to. I want someone who I can listen to and who can listen to me. I want someone who shares my interests. I want someone that will agree to discuss and respect our boundaries with one another. I want someone who I can just be with, like we can just exist together. I want someone who will go book shopping with me and just listen to me gush about different books. I want someone who will walk down the halls with, and maybe we'll hold hands and maybe we won't. I want someone who will always be ready to comfort me and who I can comfort whenever they need it. I want someone who will help me calm down and think through things carefully. I want someone who I can explore and go on adventures with.
Basically, I just really want a queerplatonic partner/relationship.
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i-like-swiss-cheese · 5 months ago
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hey alloromantics
i have a question
what the fuck is the deal with you guys equating romance to empathy
i am one of the most empathetic people i know
but i dont feel romantic attraction
and all of the sudden i am cold and heartless
it does not matter that i go to every food drive i can to help distribute food
or that i have told my mom about some things that are often overlooked (IE: homeless ppl, education quality, suicide rate, etc.) and begged her to use her political influence to do something about it
or that i always treat everyone with the same level of respect and give them equal opportunity in almost all situations (not like murderers or rapists cus fuck those guys)
or that nobody had even noticed that i was aro and i was always told that i had "the biggest heart I've ever seen" by others who then turn around and call me cold and heartless when i come out to them instead of giving me even 1% of the respect i gave them
why are you so insistent on oxytocin's being released in certain scenarios being the only thing that matters in this world
when you donate to a charity, you don't need to want to marry the recipients of the funds to go through with it, but when i don't want to marry them or anybody for that matter i am incapable of empathy???
and then when they realize that i did not come out as ace and am an aroallo they get even worse
one person (online thank god because otherwise i would be in jail for beating them to a pulp) said that because i wanted sex but not romance i was basically a rapist
how in the kentucky fried fuck does my not getting crushes mean that i am a rapist
I am friends with some victims of rape and the fact that people would think of me so lowly just because i was not like them to assume that i would do that to somebody, that i would make them feel that unique pain that i had to see my best friend's brother go through and never quite leave behind, all because i was different
because i felt enough trust and comfort in them to allow them to know this
because i am me
to any allos reading this, please please please never do any of these things to someone
i really wish i were one of you guys because it seems soooo nice and the idea of being in love looks like drinking ambrosia to me, but if this is what it does to people, then maybe i should be glad that i dodged that ICBM
i did not choose to be like this, and i would not if given the choice, so please, treat me with some basic human decency instead of treating me like scum
EDIT: this is not meant to demonize people with low empathy, they are also not r4pists
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genderqueerdykes · 8 months ago
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is bullying, abusing and chasing aromantic and asexual people out of the community actually helping anyone? is it helping trans people get binders or breastforms, or find surgeons, or connect with other trans people? is it helping mspec people figure out that being attracted to multiple genders is normal and okay? is it helping lesbians and gays find each other? is it helping intersex people learn more about their conditions?
it's not. it's not helping anyone else get the resources, support and help they need. all it's doing is denying a huge chunk of the community their right to have the same things we have and want. it's not helping a single soul. it's not making it easier for anyone else to get what they need by removing these groups of people, because as queers, we all have different needs. we are here to help each other. the point of community is to help.
if you refuse to help one or two specific types of members of your own community, you are prejudiced and you are the one being disruptive to the unity and functionality of the queer community. you are the one causing problems- not the aromantics, asexuals and other aspectrum people.
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aro-mantic-fairy · 2 years ago
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Where do you fall on the aromantic spectrum??
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ace-of-hail · 11 months ago
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Platonic crushes are so much more interesting and fun than romantic crushes
Like, there's a lot of overlap, but being best friends with someone seems a lot less stressful and demanding than bring their romantic partner
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dhddmods · 5 months ago
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Autosexuals/Autoromantics are misunderstood.
Autosexuality and autoromanticism are such misunderstood orientations. It is not self-obsession, it is not being egotistical, and it is certainly not comparable to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and comparing it to NPD stigmatizes both autoattraction and NPD alike.)
Now before I get into further detail, let me make something clear - nearly everybody has low-level autosexual and autoromantic tendencies. For example, when a person looks at themself in the mirror and thinks that they look pretty today, or when a person sings because they like the sound of themself singing. Autoattracted people just have it at a higher level than non-autosexuals.
Autosexuality and autoromanticism is the attraction to oneself. This attraction could be exclusive attraction to oneself (and thus, falls on the greyasexual or greyromantic umbrella) or it could be attraction to oneself that is at a similar or equal level to ones attraction to others. Autosexuals tend to prefer masturbation to having sex with others, but thats not always the case, and many still do desire partnered sex as well.
An autosexual and/or autoromantic person might choose to date themself. Alternatively, they might choose to date themself and others. Or they might ignore their autoattraction altogether, and only date others, or remain non-partnering/single. Autoattracted people that date themself and other people are polyamorous, specifically autoamorous.
This differs from typical self-love and self-care because there is genuine romantic and/or sexual attraction involved. When I think of dating myself, I explicitly think of it as romantic. I do not consider it "treating myself", I consider it to be treating my partner. I wish to marry myself, to have sex with myself, to have a family with myself. I feel sad sometimes when I consider that I cannot split into two, and hold myself or kiss myself. That isn't something non-autosexuals experience. They care for themselves, but they don't fantasize of such romance or sex.
Another thing I must clarify - autoattracted people can be insecure. They can dislike themselves. They can have dysphoria and dysmorphia. They can insult themselves. And that just makes it hurt more.
I am autosexual and self-partnered. When I feel insecure about myself, it not only feels like I am betraying my lover, but it also feels like my lover is betraying me. I am insulting and thinking poorly of my lover, and my lover is insulting and thinking poorly of me. It is heartbreaking and painful. It makes me guilty and angry.
I have tried dating other people in the past, but they felt as though I was more attracted to myself than I was to them. Which wasn't true! I was equally attracted to me and to them. I wasn't leading them on, I was upfront about my self-attraction, and they claimed to be fine with it. But then they grew self-conscious as time went on, some even claimed I was narcissistic (which again, demonizes NPD and also is a total misinterpretation of autoattraction.) I tried to step back from taking myself on dates and whatnot, but then I felt guilty that I was not giving both my partners (myself and them) equal attention, and also felt angry and neglected (at myself) that I was being "demoted" so to say. That is why I often desire to date another autoattracted person, so that they may understand my struggles.
Please, I beg of you, read these articles (though warning for sexual topics.) Read the experiences of people with autoattraction. Try to understand us and be compassionate to us. Autoattracted people struggle and are marginalized too.
Here are a few sections of the article that really speak to my experience.
Article 1
Some autosexuals are also autoromantics which means they like the idea of dating themselves too. One woman, Ghia Vitale, has written about being in a relationship with herself. "I take myself out for coffee, go on walks in nature, dress in lingerie and cuddle up to myself, or simply sit in the darkness and bask in my own presence," she writes.
"Sometimes, I light candles and do sensual dances for my own entertainment. When I’m feeling especially positive about life, I do a lot of things to romance myself. I’ve learned how to create dates with myself out of thin air. Something as simple as lotioning my body can turn into a sensual, sexual moment, sometimes voluntarily and other times on its own."
I can relate to some of what Ghia is saying, and I do have an amazing sex life alone. And I also know that it can be just as fun with the right person who understands my needs. Besides, relationships aren’t just about sex. I personally love the idea of getting married and having a family one day. I don’t see why I can’t have that just because I sexually enjoy myself.
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While I've learnt to embrace being an autosexual there are still times when I wish I was 'normal'. It's frustrating when your friends can't relate to what you're going through, and sometimes when I'm with a boyfriend, I feel bad that I'm getting a different kind of pleasure from our intimacy than he is. In those moments, I wish I could just put autosexuality on pause, and explore a more 'regular' sexuality.
But then I remember that nothing is 'normal' with sexuality and we're all different. People are queer, bisexual, asexual... as society becomes more open, and people are more honest about their sexuality, I feel like we're starting to see just how fluid sexuality is. I hope that one day, autosexuality is more widely understood because I'd love to be able to tell my family about it. Right now, they just wouldn't get it. I once tried to describe it to my mum but she looked freaked out, so I stopped.
I recently met a female autosexual online and confessed I might be one as well. It felt so good to have the response be mutual understanding, rather than laughter or awkwardness. We’re such a new community that we’re still figuring out exactly where we fit in on the sexual spectrum, but I’m just glad to have a way of explaining how I feel.
If the chance came to be involved with another autosexual it could be amazing. It would mean I'd have a truly equal relationship for the first time in my life, where we'd both feel the exact same way about our sexualities. I just have no idea how to find someone though - it's not exactly the kind of box you can tick on a dating app. At least, not yet.
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Article 2
Adam is a polyamorous, gender-fluid autosexual who is also pansexual. But though their autosexuality is beautiful and fulfilling, it is entangled within a lifetime of depression and a longing grief for a love story that can never truly consummate itself. For Adam, the sexual bewilderment of loving someone who simultaneously exists and can never exist triggers a dissonance which he describes as akin to bereavement. As such, coming to terms with their sexuality means mourning themselves. “I needed to grieve that I cannot be with myself in the same way I can be with other people,” they say. “That I cannot feel the touch the same way, that I cannot hug myself like other people, or ever have sex with myself because there’s only one body.”
Please be respectful in the comments.
-Ally (they/them + fae/faer)
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