billoddity

[billoddity]

10/12/2023

[billoddity]

idk anymore

[billoddity]

guess i'm just the test dummy for men trying something new or different or whatever the fuck.

[billoddity]

[billoddity]

"Could we have a conversation about Psalm 62?"

[billoddity]

new piercings⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

[billoddity]

taking all of my jewelry off the second i get into bed because of how overstimulating it is

+ i'm geeked

[billoddity]

watching the incredibly true adventure of two girls in love at 2:22 AM on July 18th, 2024

[billoddity]

I wonder if I'm ever stuck in someone's mind.

[billoddity]

Louise Glück // Kaui Hart Hemmings

[billoddity]

Rune Lazuli // Jerzy Kosiński

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[billoddity]

[billoddity]

07/15/24 - 1:44 AM

it's been a year.

well.. it's actually only been since march or so

you texted me off a burner while tipsy in germany since i'd blocked your number after you'd ghosted me.. again

apologizing for the third or twentieth or hundredth time

i don't know anymore i've lost count

i've also lost the sense of who you are or were or who we were or what we are now

last time we spoke the air was cleared and there was no animosity

i learned what forgiveness was for my sake

allowing myself vulnerability with no solution or quick fix

yet we've seen glimpses of each other and i can feel the weight of your shun

markets, first friday, online, past faces, and on and on and on you still somewhat linger around

just only last week or maybe two you were viewing my story

months ago you told me to unblock you

so what was it this time that hit a nerve?

why delete past posts?

why block me?

now?

i wish we could talk it through again

or ya know let bygones be bygones or whatever people say

that lack of knowing why still gets to me

not like it used to

but it lingers

you'll never read this or hear me talk about you so i can just genuinely say i still have so much love for you and i will always have a soft spot for you.

some days i miss how things used to be but i've accepted the fact that things have changed(as frank ocean would say)

i enjoy who i am now, i love my relationships, i look forward to going to work, and i'm so excited to see where i go from here

i am no longer living in a hole

life is so open ended

what i've learned to take from my recent lust for life is there's so many ups and downs consistently throughout our lives but it's never worth holding onto one or the other when change is inevitable.

you know i told you the doors always open the last time we spoke but i also set clear boundaries of what i won't tolerate again.

with that you can do what you will

the one thing i hope we can see eye to eye on one day is there is no reason for tension or animosity but more so an appreciation for what we had and how far we've come.

if there is a next time we catch a glimpse of each other then somehow or someway i truly hope we feel at peace with one another.

a smile wouldn't hurt either(i heard it's good for your health or whatever)

love,

penis boy

[billoddity]

the nostalgia of falling off the monkey bars

skipping a bar, fingers slipping

you feel like the wind knocked out of me

sometimes i miss that feeling

when your impact hardens the sand

the last of the air escapes from your lungs

every attempt to breathe in fails

leaving you incapable of anything other than staring upwards at the high you'd just had only moments ago

now that feeling comes from a drink

a smoke

sex with a stranger

pushing 100 mph while cutting on the highway

not eating for a few days

every moment before floods into thought

pure bliss once you crash out

when you're finally able to get back up again

sometimes i just wish i hadn't

[billoddity]

i take that back i do not wanna lick no toes