#greyro pride

[lgbtqtext]

Requested by littledemon55

[matcha-milo]

I want a relationship that is completely undefinable by any existing labels or words. Like, we're so close and we hug and kiss each other's foreheads and cuddle and travel and explore together, and we get along so well and have so much in common. But at the same time, our relationship isn't fully romantic or fully platonic; it's a completely separate, open-to-interpretation thing that we tweaked as needed, and we have our own boundaries and things we are and aren't comfortable with, and we respect each other in every way, shape, and form.

[verdantwyrm]

Greyrose flag for myself, plus some nice variants I made.

[xxcalicofemmexx]

greyromantic + gorgons

Greyromantic: Romantic attraction is rare and/or mild. Often used as an umbrella term for people who think/know they're on the aromantic spectrum, but don't know exactly where. An arospec identity that can be combined with other identities (greybiromantic, etc) or used as an identity of its own. Also known as greyaromantic, grey aromantic, and grey aro

[i-like-swiss-cheese]

hey alloromantics

i have a question

what the fuck is the deal with you guys equating romance to empathy

i am one of the most empathetic people i know

but i dont feel romantic attraction

and all of the sudden i am cold and heartless

it does not matter that i go to every food drive i can to help distribute food

or that i have told my mom about some things that are often overlooked (IE: homeless ppl, education quality, suicide rate, etc.) and begged her to use her political influence to do something about it

or that i always treat everyone with the same level of respect and give them equal opportunity in almost all situations (not like murderers or rapists cus fuck those guys)

or that nobody had even noticed that i was aro and i was always told that i had "the biggest heart I've ever seen" by others who then turn around and call me cold and heartless when i come out to them instead of giving me even 1% of the respect i gave them

why are you so insistent on oxytocin's being released in certain scenarios being the only thing that matters in this world

when you donate to a charity, you don't need to want to marry the recipients of the funds to go through with it, but when i don't want to marry them or anybody for that matter i am incapable of empathy???

and then when they realize that i did not come out as ace and am an aroallo they get even worse

one person (online thank god because otherwise i would be in jail for beating them to a pulp) said that because i wanted sex but not romance i was basically a rapist

how in the kentucky fried fuck does my not getting crushes mean that i am a rapist

I am friends with some victims of rape and the fact that people would think of me so lowly just because i was not like them to assume that i would do that to somebody, that i would make them feel that unique pain that i had to see my best friend's brother go through and never quite leave behind, all because i was different

because i felt enough trust and comfort in them to allow them to know this

because i am me

to any allos reading this, please please please never do any of these things to someone

i really wish i were one of you guys because it seems soooo nice and the idea of being in love looks like drinking ambrosia to me, but if this is what it does to people, then maybe i should be glad that i dodged that ICBM

i did not choose to be like this, and i would not if given the choice, so please, treat me with some basic human decency instead of treating me like scum

EDIT: this is not meant to demonize people with low empathy, they are also not r4pists

[dhddmods]

Autosexuals/Autoromantics are misunderstood.

Autosexuality and autoromanticism are such misunderstood orientations. It is not self-obsession, it is not being egotistical, and it is certainly not comparable to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and comparing it to NPD stigmatizes both autoattraction and NPD alike.)

Now before I get into further detail, let me make something clear - nearly everybody has low-level autosexual and autoromantic tendencies. For example, when a person looks at themself in the mirror and thinks that they look pretty today, or when a person sings because they like the sound of themself singing. Autoattracted people just have it at a higher level than non-autosexuals.

Autosexuality and autoromanticism is the attraction to oneself. This attraction could be exclusive attraction to oneself (and thus, falls on the greyasexual or greyromantic umbrella) or it could be attraction to oneself that is at a similar or equal level to ones attraction to others. Autosexuals tend to prefer masturbation to having sex with others, but thats not always the case, and many still do desire partnered sex as well.

An autosexual and/or autoromantic person might choose to date themself. Alternatively, they might choose to date themself and others. Or they might ignore their autoattraction altogether, and only date others, or remain non-partnering/single. Autoattracted people that date themself and other people are polyamorous, specifically autoamorous.

This differs from typical self-love and self-care because there is genuine romantic and/or sexual attraction involved. When I think of dating myself, I explicitly think of it as romantic. I do not consider it "treating myself", I consider it to be treating my partner. I wish to marry myself, to have sex with myself, to have a family with myself. I feel sad sometimes when I consider that I cannot split into two, and hold myself or kiss myself. That isn't something non-autosexuals experience. They care for themselves, but they don't fantasize of such romance or sex.

Another thing I must clarify - autoattracted people can be insecure. They can dislike themselves. They can have dysphoria and dysmorphia. They can insult themselves. And that just makes it hurt more.

I am autosexual and self-partnered. When I feel insecure about myself, it not only feels like I am betraying my lover, but it also feels like my lover is betraying me. I am insulting and thinking poorly of my lover, and my lover is insulting and thinking poorly of me. It is heartbreaking and painful. It makes me guilty and angry.

I have tried dating other people in the past, but they felt as though I was more attracted to myself than I was to them. Which wasn't true! I was equally attracted to me and to them. I wasn't leading them on, I was upfront about my self-attraction, and they claimed to be fine with it. But then they grew self-conscious as time went on, some even claimed I was narcissistic (which again, demonizes NPD and also is a total misinterpretation of autoattraction.) I tried to step back from taking myself on dates and whatnot, but then I felt guilty that I was not giving both my partners (myself and them) equal attention, and also felt angry and neglected (at myself) that I was being "demoted" so to say. That is why I often desire to date another autoattracted person, so that they may understand my struggles.

Please, I beg of you, read these articles (though warning for sexual topics.) Read the experiences of people with autoattraction. Try to understand us and be compassionate to us. Autoattracted people struggle and are marginalized too.

Here are a few sections of the article that really speak to my experience.

Article 1

Some autosexuals are also autoromantics which means they like the idea of dating themselves too. One woman, Ghia Vitale, has written about being in a relationship with herself. "I take myself out for coffee, go on walks in nature, dress in lingerie and cuddle up to myself, or simply sit in the darkness and bask in my own presence," she writes.

"Sometimes, I light candles and do sensual dances for my own entertainment. When I’m feeling especially positive about life, I do a lot of things to romance myself. I’ve learned how to create dates with myself out of thin air. Something as simple as lotioning my body can turn into a sensual, sexual moment, sometimes voluntarily and other times on its own."

I can relate to some of what Ghia is saying, and I do have an amazing sex life alone. And I also know that it can be just as fun with the right person who understands my needs. Besides, relationships aren’t just about sex. I personally love the idea of getting married and having a family one day. I don’t see why I can’t have that just because I sexually enjoy myself.

-

While I've learnt to embrace being an autosexual there are still times when I wish I was 'normal'. It's frustrating when your friends can't relate to what you're going through, and sometimes when I'm with a boyfriend, I feel bad that I'm getting a different kind of pleasure from our intimacy than he is. In those moments, I wish I could just put autosexuality on pause, and explore a more 'regular' sexuality.

But then I remember that nothing is 'normal' with sexuality and we're all different. People are queer, bisexual, asexual... as society becomes more open, and people are more honest about their sexuality, I feel like we're starting to see just how fluid sexuality is. I hope that one day, autosexuality is more widely understood because I'd love to be able to tell my family about it. Right now, they just wouldn't get it. I once tried to describe it to my mum but she looked freaked out, so I stopped.

I recently met a female autosexual online and confessed I might be one as well. It felt so good to have the response be mutual understanding, rather than laughter or awkwardness. We’re such a new community that we’re still figuring out exactly where we fit in on the sexual spectrum, but I’m just glad to have a way of explaining how I feel.

If the chance came to be involved with another autosexual it could be amazing. It would mean I'd have a truly equal relationship for the first time in my life, where we'd both feel the exact same way about our sexualities. I just have no idea how to find someone though - it's not exactly the kind of box you can tick on a dating app. At least, not yet.

-

Article 2

Adam is a polyamorous, gender-fluid autosexual who is also pansexual. But though their autosexuality is beautiful and fulfilling, it is entangled within a lifetime of depression and a longing grief for a love story that can never truly consummate itself. For Adam, the sexual bewilderment of loving someone who simultaneously exists and can never exist triggers a dissonance which he describes as akin to bereavement. As such, coming to terms with their sexuality means mourning themselves. “I needed to grieve that I cannot be with myself in the same way I can be with other people,” they say. “That I cannot feel the touch the same way, that I cannot hug myself like other people, or ever have sex with myself because there’s only one body.”

Please be respectful in the comments.

-Ally (they/them + fae/faer)

[amr2002amr]

romanctic attraction is thinking someone is cool, pretty, amazing, etc. and passionately desiring romantic things with said person and having this warm spark in you or butterflies in the stomach when you think about them or hang with them and desiring entering a romantic relationship with them. These feelings persist regardless of comfort level or compatibility. I am grayromantic and I have only experienced romantic attraction a couple times so I know what it feels like.

If you don't know, ask yourself, do you passionately want to do romantic acts with said person you're interested in, would that bring you fluffy joy and wonderous thrill or does simply being friends with them (or somewhere in between or any other tertiary attraction level) feel way better of an end goal to your passionate desires?

[will drop the term qpr, queer platonic partner/relationship here for your use if you don't know it already]

[demiromantic-daily]

it’s a bit isolating being aro and feeling like it’s an identity that’s only discussed or even exists only online so everyone write in the tags your stories about meeting other aro people irl

[hihikawas]

Can you do icons of Serial Designation N and Butler N with Asexual, Greyromantic, and Fictoplatonic backgrounds, please

Absolutely!

Asexual, Greyromantic and Fictoplatonic N Icons for @mayordebbie ! Hope you like them!

As usual, if you have any issues please let me know!!

[strawberryy-fields]

Happy Pride to all the grayromantics out there!!

I wanted to take the time to talk and bring awareness to grayromanticism, because I’ve noticed that it doesn’t get talked about as often as aromanticism in general, or other parts of the community. Prepare for this to be long, because I have a lot to say.

To start off, for those who aren’t familiar, the term “grayromantic” is similar to “graysexual”, in that it refers to the “gray area” between being aromantic (experiencing no romantic attraction) and alloromantic (experiencing “normal” romantic attraction). This can mean different things to different people, but a common definition is that a person experiences romantic attraction to an extremely lesser degree than alloromantic people. It falls under the aromantic umbrella, and is used to distinguish those with extremely limited romantic attraction from those with absolutely no attraction.

This can look different for different people, and can exist alongside other sexualities! I myself am grayromantic and bisexual, and felt that these were the best labels to describe myself because while I am bisexual, I experience romantic attraction extremely rarely.

Growing up, I simply didn’t have crushes. Not on people I knew, not on celebrities, not on fictional characters. I had friends, and music artists I enjoyed keeping up with, and fictional characters that were my favorites and that I even fixated on, but at no point was there a desire to date them, to be with them, to want them to be mine in any way. The romantic aspect didn’t exist.

Now, I think that the important part to discuss here is that while its rare, grayromantic people CAN experience attraction. And this is the part that I feel gets left out.

My first ever crush was in high school, and it is the only crush that I ever remember having before meeting my current partner. And it was intense!! It was exactly the thing that had always been described to me, that felt like some fairy tale, or something that only existed in movies, and not in real life. The butterflies, the way my mind was on him constantly, the nervousness and the giggles, the whole shebang. It was exactly like the stereotype.

But after that crush faded (and it took a looong while to fade), it was just gone! And it would be years before I experienced anything even remotely similar.

I am now in a committed romantic relationship. I met my partner a few years ago, and while it wasn’t as dramatically intense as that high school crush I had, I felt the feelings arise in a way they hadn’t since then, years ago. And I got so, so lucky that he felt the same way, because being grayromantic, I had accepted that the likelihood I would ever experience a romantic relationship was very slim, because the likelihood that one of the rare few I would feel that kind of attraction for would happen to feel the same felt impossible, and I had made peace with that.

I am grateful to have my partner in my life, and I am happy with him, and I experience romantic feelings towards him, and I am still grayromantic. My past experiences are not erased by the relationship that I am in now, and if somehow this relationship were to end, I don’t feel that my relationship with romantic attraction in general will have changed.

There are people who will say that having that experience at all means that you are not aromantic, and are not welcome in aromantic spaces. And while yes, it is important for those who are strictly aromantic and no-romo aromantic people to have a space to themselves, it is also the case that for the majority of my life, I have not experienced romantic attraction, and that during that time, the thing that kept me from feeling absolutely broken as a person was the aromantic community.

I was able to see that I wasn’t alone in these experiences! That there were others who had fake crushes in order to fit in, and who thought that a stereotypical crush was a myth, or only fictional, and who felt extremely excluded amongst our very amatonormative society.

The point of grayromanticism is that its gray! Its that you experience a little bit of both. You are too aromantic to be considered fully allo, and too alloromantic to be considered fully aro. You can relate with the experiences that aromantic people have, and you are familiar with what romantic attraction feels like. It can be hard sometimes, not feeling like you’re enough for either end of the spectrum. I am here to say that there is a place for you.

I am here to say that if you are grayromantic, the times that you have romantic feelings don’t erase that. They are a part of that. And if those feelings ever get returned, and you are in a romantic relationshilp, that does not erase your grayromanticism, and your aromantic experiences in the past. You are still a part of this community. I see you, there are others that see you, and you have a place here.

I am grayromantic and proud. While this isn’t necessarily meant to be a post all about me, I wanted to share my experiences in hopes that it would help others to know that they aren’t alone in theirs. Thank you for listening, if you’ve made it this far. And to all the other grayromantics out there, thank you for being you, and for being a part of this community. You helped me to realize a lot about myself, and I only hope to be able to give something back in return.

Happy Pride!

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Isn’t That Normal?

It’s Aro Week, so I’ve been talking about my aromantic identity on TikTok more often than usual. As a greyromantic person, I rarely experience romantic attraction, and in my case, there aren’t any specific conditions that lead to me having a crush on someone. I normally don’t, but sometimes, I do. It’s inconsistent, but it’s how I am.

Today, someone commented on one of my videos with a question: “How is that different from the norm?”

I’ve been asked this question before, and similar ones. “Why do you need a word for something like that?” “Isn’t that just how everyone is?” “Isn’t that normal?”

Well, it’s normal for me, certainly. But it isn’t “the norm,” or the way that our society expects people to be. The norm is for people to regularly experience romantic attraction to other people. Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction – infrequently, if at all.

So many things in the world are based on the assumption that everyone is alloromantic, or regularly experiences romantic attraction. The romance genre is massively popular, with hundreds if not thousands of books, movies, and series created each year. New dating apps and matchmaking websites are constantly popping up. Every store is covered in red and pink hearts in the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, and year-round, so many ads for beer or clothes or even cars feature an implication of “use this product and you will get a date.” Getting married – tying a romantic relationship to a legal agreement – gives you tax benefits. You can get baby onesies with the words “ladies’ man” on them, parents often refer to their toddler’s friend as their “crush,” and it’s common for public school dances to officially encourage bringing a date. In middle school, my classmates never believed me when I told them I didn’t have a crush on anyone. It didn’t fit their worldview. Aromanticism wasn’t, and still isn’t, the norm.

That said – given that we live in such a romance-focused society, it’s interesting how common it is for people to hear about aromanticism and think, “Isn’t that just how everyone is?”

We all go through life in the first-person. We can only truly know our own feelings, our own experiences. What we each experience is our own “normal,” and humans are very good at assuming that “what is normal for me” is also “what is normal for everyone.” The more you like a movie, the harder it is to understand how anyone could possibly hate that movie. The more you know about world history, the harder it is to understand that other people might not know the same world history facts.

A key part of growing up is understanding that other people are not the same as you. We have things in common; we can connect, empathize, and build relationships with each other. But we are not all the same.

When I was in middle school, and my classmates had a new crush every week, and thought that celebrities were oh so unbelievably hot, and burst into tears when the person they liked broke their heart (but still wanted to get together with them, despite how mean they were!)… for a long time, I assumed that they were exaggerating, if not outright lying. I thought that they couldn’t possibly be feeling all the things that they claimed to be feeling, because I did not feel those things, or feel them in the same way that they felt them. It was not normal for me, so I assumed that it must not be normal for other people.

But I realized, eventually, that it was pretty self-centered of me to assume that everyone – my classmates, the grown-ups, the celebrities, the book and movie writers and everyone else – was not telling the truth about their experience. Why should what’s normal for me be what’s normal for everyone? When people describe their experience to me, I believe them. If their experience is different from mine, I believe them. If their experience is the same as mine, I not only believe them – I know that I have found someone who belongs in my community.

So, if you watch one of my TikToks or read one of my blog posts where I say, “I rarely experience romantic attraction,” and your gut reaction is to ask, “Isn’t that normal?” – I encourage you to think a little harder about why that’s your question. Because this is normal for me. It might also be normal for you. But it’s not normal for everyone.

I don’t want to make any assumptions about the way you experience the world. You never have to take on an identity label if you don’t think that it applies to you or if you don’t feel that it helps you. But a lot of people regularly and frequently experience romantic attraction. Many people, myself included, do not.

[matcha-milo]

Am I the only aro-spec person who switches between wanting a committed partnership, be it romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, etc, and wanting to be as far away from relationships as possible?

[diningwiththeasquiths]

These past years pride month never felt like a celebration to me. After all, I do not feel any pride. Worse than that, I hate the fact that I'm aroace. So I felt pride just wasn't for me.

This month started out the same. But today I finally realised that pride month can be about (the struggle for) self-acceptance too. Which seems pretty logical now, but I guess my brain actively worked against me on this, like it often does.

So yeah. I do feel part of it now, and that helps me feel less alienated this month. Sadly I am part of the (large) group that still struggles with self-hatred, but we just have to keep trying to work on that, because we too deserve the joy of self-acceptance.

[angst-and-fajitas]

OOH it's aro week, a most fantastic time indeed! I should finish my dusk WIP for the occasion

[jonmartintrash]

I am visible

gif from: @im-a-ramblr

[grannycandy]

my type is: will never see them again so I don't have to think about it