#gas equation
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TSRNOSS, p 588.
#high altitude populations#bacterial conjugation#oligotrophic lakes#detergents#deoxycholic acid#deoxyribose#disinfectants#potassium permanganate#oxidation of ferrous iron#electroconvulsive shock#ozone#xenobiotics#aromatic ring#biodegradation#trophic level#mercury#volcanoes#brain#metabolic rate#gas equation#gas bladder#carbon monoxide#spores#oligotrophs#ultraviolet light#high altitude#mutation
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HOO BOY you mentioning y0 kiryu calling y6 maji daddy got my brain goin 2000 miles an hour, its such a good thought
for me it's the only thought on my mind :)
#you know nishiki ain't letting him get away with it#little does he know I'm boutta add saejima to the equation in a nice suit OH BABY big guys in suits OH YEAH#yakuza#ryu ga gotoku#majima goro#kiryu kazuma#kazumaji#nishikiyama akira#my art
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annual realization where this gas station’s operations and my life owe it all to visualive i’m serious
#kommento#// thinking if i should put all my thoughts in the body of the post instead of tags like these but oh well it’s a quirk of mine#// friendship is so important to me cca is so important to me that one skit with that mention of cca is SO IMPORTANT TO ME friendship is so#// without vl i would have never think of adachi as affectionately as i do right now like no dojima hangout times are going to save me in#// any alternate timeline there’s no going back#// i would still love mimi yes but just in a different flavor#// i really don’t how how to describe that fork in the road but yeah i just /waves hands around/#// unlike most adachinators i develop adachis super weak and sad sympathy and basic morality with a gas station attendant instead#// of detective yaoi and family fun times#// you thinking adachi would win the idgaf war but those two skits in vl blow that all out of the water#// i mean there’s the rest of the game but like i commit favoritism crimes okay#// LITERALLY JUST TOSS HIS SOCIAL LINK AWAY for a second think about what adachi is think about him in the ps2 context#// LITERALLY JUST READ THE MANGA PLEASE i’ve had my theories tested and confirmed on how much you can care about tohruadachi#// at the bare minimum information you have on him and experiencing him as organically as possible IN THE ORIGINAL NON GOLDEN CONTEXT#// you could even go through the drama cds and see how genuine of an adachi he is like seriously forget the golden era and fanservice#// get bancho out of the equation and think about who is right now at that moment#// okay i’m tired now i’ll stop here but i wish people could just enjoy adachi more without the sentiment hes a fuckable antagonist#// dont romanticize his emptiness and hate for the world Like That but rather as human as he already is before you learn he’s a pawn for god#// adachis a special character to me genuinely i wish i could talk about him more often if i didn’t have chronic Not Like Other Girls diseas#// such a fun brain excercise sometimes just wish that i wasn’t poisoned by fandom and that fact they gave him a rep like this that makes me#// so embarrassed or even ashamed to say his name out loud and admit i like him#// LIKE close your eyes and forget hes the villain and he’s the murderer just look at him and think how and why he’s a fucked up guy underne#// underneath the goofball facade he pulls. now think and wonder how much of a genuine goofball he is#// it’s like thinking about ichinose except everyone else is a mysoginist that’s why they take don’t take her seriously#// okay adachi tag most used tag blogger is signing out goodnight guys mwa
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#so I’ve grown up with a gas oven#and not an electrical one#so you could never really set it to a certain degree like you can electrical ones#originally once upon a time very long ago it had numbers to indicate how hot it would kinda get#and the manual (that was lost) had examples of what you did at that number#but those numbers were apparently easily wiped away and suddenly there were no numbers anymore#so I’ve basically set the temperature of the oven on the size of the flame#but I usually had a standard angle I went for#completely unknown what number and kinda temperature that equated though#I just had a ‘this suits everything’ attitude#it didn’t obviously but that’s how I operated#now I have an electrical oven with degrees#and bc the numbers are there I can no longer just wing it and hope for the best#that’s a me thing though not the oven’s fault#but also the oven’s fault bc it doesn’t work like a gas one does#anyway#so now that I cook something for the first time like ‘freely’#aka I’m gonna take my leftover cooked potatoes from yesterday and make them yummy in the oven#I have no idea what degree to go for#I put it on 200 now so we’ll see how that goes I guess 😂#it basically just needs to be reheated and get a crispy surface#so it’s not critical that it gets cooked a certain amount or anything#we’ll see what happens I guess 😂
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I feel like a good shorthand for a lot of economics arguments is "if you want people to work minimum wage jobs in your city, you need to allow minimum wage apartments for them to live in."
"These jobs are just for teenagers on the weekends." Okay, so you'll use minimum wage services only on the weekends and after school. No McDonald's or Starbucks on your lunch break.
"They can get a roommate." For a one bedroom? A roommate for a one bedroom? Or a studio? Do you have a roommate to get a middle-wage apartment for your middle-wage job? No? Why should they?
"They can live farther from city center and just commute." Are there ways for them to commute that don't equate to that rent? Living in an outer borough might work in NYC, where public transport is a flat rate, but a city in Texas requires a car. Does the money saved in rent equal the money spent on the car loan, the insurance, the gas? Remember, if you want people to take the bus or a bike, the bus needs to be reliable and the bike lanes survivable.
If you want minimum wage workers to be around for you to rely on, then those minimum wage workers need a place to stay.
You either raise the minimum wage, or you drop the rent. There's only so long you can keep rents high and wages low before your workforce leaves for cheaper pastures.
"Nobody wants to work anymore" doesn't hold water if the reason nobody applies is because the commute is impossible at the wage you provide.
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It happened spontaneously, but I love AU. So… Avatar Hiccup. Hiccup considered himself an ordinary person before meeting Toothless. (Dragons can be equated to spirits, i mean relationships between people and them). Then he discovered his talent as an airbender and Toothless became his teacher. Later, other talents were discovered, which made it clear that Hiccup was an avatar.
Astrid became his waterbender teacher. Snotlout was an adept of firebender, but he sincerely did not understand how to teach, because he himself used magic on a subconscious level. Fishlegs is an earthbender, but he did not go beyond the amateur level and could not become a teacher. The twins are always on their own wave. Ruffnut is a master in airbending and can perform techniques with clouds of gas, while Tuffnut is not a master, but is ready to set fire to the gas with his sparks at any moment. The twins always come in a set.
Brothers Grimborn! Lord of Fire Viggo. The aesthetics of blue flame and lightning were created for him. So I couldn't resist. The hottest flame and deadly techniques of lightningbending made him the most terrible opponent for the young avatar, but in the future, he will become the teacher of fire magic for Hiccup. I endowed Riker with explosion magic, as for me, it suits him perfectly. An explosive mixture of rage and bloodlust.
Berserkers! Remembering Viggo's words about how the berserkers in ancient times lured the Skrills with metal, I thought about a tribe practicing metalbending. Dagur discovered his talent for earth magic much later, including metal. I like to think that Dagur could be a threat to the avatar even as an ordinary person, relying on his ingenuity and physical strength. Heather is a master of earth and metal magic, she could well become Hiccup's teacher in this matter.
#my drawings#my art#httyd#how to train your dragon#viggo grimborn#rtte#rtte viggo#race to the edge#heather rtte#dagur the deranged#httyd dagur#rtte dagur#httyd hiccup#httyd au#viggo/heather#ryker grimborn#hiccup haddock#astrid hofferson#Astrid#hiccup/astrid#ruffnut#tuffnut#ruffnut thorston#tuffnut thorston#thorston twins#fishlegs ingerman#snotlout jorgenson#avatar#avatar the last airbender#crossover
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In this equation, the value of R = 8.314 J/mol·K, T is the temperature in kelvin, F = 96 485 C per mole of e-, and z is the amount of electrons transferred in the reaction.

"Chemistry" 2e - Blackman, A., Bottle, S., Schmid, S., Mocerino, M., Wille, U.
#book quote#chemistry#nonfiction#textbook#chemical reactions#equation#electrochemistry#gas constant#temperature#faraday constant#electrons
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We keep finding space stations, and we don't know why yet.
Most are in orbit around planets, but plenty more are orbiting moons, stars, the odd black hole, or just floating in deep space.
Their age varies, some are so old that just getting close enough to dock makes them shatter like glass, others are so recently constructed that the lights are still on and the reactors are still fueled. All are empty of any life or robots smarter than a roomba.
The ones orbiting planets are orbiting dead worlds, or living worlds where nothing on them is smart enough to launch a space station.
The stations in deep space are weirder. The most information came from the one by Epsilon Eridani. A massive installation, it had docking rings for hundreds of vessels, all empty. It was in remarkable shape for how old it was (from the unrepaired micrometeorite impacts, we estimate it has been abandoned for about 3000 years), so we were able to access a lot of information from its main computer. We found the coordinates of several home planets, and visited them all. All were dead, empty, or in one case, simply missing. The star was still there, the other uninhabitable planets mentioned in the databanks were there, but their homeworld? Gone. No debris or expanding gas cloud, it's just missing.
And that's the thing: if we found space stations along with abandoned ruins of ground-based installations, that'd make sense. If we met dozens of living races, amongst a few empty satellites of long dead races, that'd also be expected. But this is all the evidence we're not alone in the universe we've found.
We've sent probes to over half the stars in this galaxy and visited hundreds in crewed spacecraft, but the empty space stations are the only evidence of alien life. Every planet is either a sterile husk, a gas giant, or a vibrant living world with nothing smarter than a giraffe living on it. Oh, there's strange life forms of every kind! But none of them seem sapient, certainly not sapient enough to build a space station.
Where is everyone? We've been asking that question since we first understood the Drake Equation and the Fermi paradox, but the question has taken on a new form as we've gone to the stars and found endless empty houses in the sky.
It's the difference between looking at an empty desert and walking through an abandoned city. In both cases, there's a silent emptiness, but in the latter case, it seems to contain a sinister element. This place is empty, but it shouldn't be. Something made it empty, and we haven't found out why yet.
We keep looking, and keep listening to the echoes of our own footsteps in the silent habitats.
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Figure 6.29 shows pV/nRT for He, F2, CH4 and N2, all of which are gases at room temperature.

"Chemistry" 2e - Blackman, A., Bottle, S., Schmid, S., Mocerino, M., Wille, U.
#book quotes#chemistry#nonfiction#textbook#ideal gas equation#equation#helium#fluorine#methane#nitrogen#gas#room temperature
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78 in chem rn..... two tests left incl. cumulative final...... hm
#got a 58 on the last exam so i want to keep that as the dropped grade. i just want my C i doubt ill get up to a B -_-#i feel like this last test is easier basically just algebra one its just gas laws... alas.#cumulative is crazy though i still am bad at balancing equations :|#ive got an 80 in bio. i can get high on the last lecture exam but that lab exam..... we did the math if we get a 60 its drops us just by tw#points.... lecture exam is worth double...#oh wait i still have an extra credit two page paper i can do. lol ez
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Ever since its discovery in 2016, astronomers have been investigating the weather on WASP-127b, a giant gas planet located over 500 light-years from Earth. The planet is slightly larger than Jupiter, but has only a fraction of its mass, making it ‘puffy’
Astronomers have discovered extremely powerful winds pummeling the equator of WASP-127b, a giant exoplanet. Reaching speeds up to 33 000 km/h, the winds make up the fastest jetstream of its kind ever measured on a planet. The discovery was made using the European Southern Observatory’s Very Large Telescope (ESO’s VLT) in Chile and provides unique insights into the weather patterns of a distant world.
eso.org
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SWEET TREATS



pairing: thanos x male reader
synopsis: You and Thanos get high and make a bet.
content warnings: 18+, no actual smut, mostly crack, weed usage, semi-nudity (they stack donuts on their dicks).
word count: 0.7k (its pretty short lol)
It started out as a normal night.
You had a routine with Thanos—hang out at his place, mess around, talk shit, and eat whatever snacks one of you happened to bring. Tonight, you showed up at his door with a box of donuts, the good kind with the custard filling and powdered sugar that got everywhere.
Thanos answered the door in sweatpants and a hoodie, looking like he had just rolled off his couch. “What’s up?”
You lifted the box. “Brought bribes.”
He smirked, stepping aside to let you in. “That depends. Are we talking gas station donuts or real donuts?”
“The hell kinda question is that? I have standards.”
That earned you an approving nod as you strolled past him into the apartment. His place wasn’t fancy, but it was comfortable—lived-in, full of random shit that only made sense to him. Some game controllers were scattered across the floor, the TV was still on from whatever he’d been watching earlier, and a faint smell of weed hung in the air.
“Damn, man,” you said, kicking off your shoes and collapsing onto the couch. “Didn’t even wait for me to start the party?”
Thanos grabbed a lighter off the table and flopped down next to you. “Figured you’d catch up.”
And so, you did.
After a few lazy hits, the both of you were comfortably buzzed, passing the blunt back and forth between bites of donuts. The conversation meandered from deep philosophical debates (which superhero had the worst life) to aggressively stupid topics (could a horse wear pants, and if so, how).
Everything was good. Relaxed. Just another night hanging out—until Thanos, in his infinite wisdom, leaned forward and changed the course of history.
"Alright," he said, looking at you with a sudden intensity that was both alarming and hilarious. "New bet."
You took another bite of your donut, already skeptical. “Oh, this should be good.”
Thanos smirked. “Whoever can stack the most donuts on their dick… wins.”
A beat of silence.
You blinked. “What.”
“You heard me.”
“No, no, I did. I just—” You gestured vaguely, like the sheer stupidity of the challenge was too big to be contained by words. “You want us to—what? Balance donuts on our junk like some kind of carnival game?”
Thanos shrugged, completely unfazed. “Scared you’ll lose?”
You sat up, narrowing your eyes. “I’d win.”
“Big talk for a guy who hasn’t even tried.”
“Oh, screw you, I’m in.”
And just like that, the dumbest competition of your lives began.
What followed was a series of events that neither of you would ever be able to explain to another human being.
The concentration. The frustration. The pure, unfiltered determination.
"Dude, stop laughing," you gritted out, trying to balance another donut.
"I'm not laughing," Thanos wheezed, very much laughing.
You threw a pillow at his face. "You're shaking the damn couch, you menace!"
"Not my fault you're weak," he shot back, squinting down at his own tower of donuts with the intensity of a man trying to solve a complex physics equation.
For a moment, silence. The air was thick with tension. Your focus was absolute.
Then—victory.
"HA!" you shouted, hands flying up as the last donut successfully stacked on top of your pile, beating Thanos by one.
Thanos blinked, looking from your donut tower to his, then back to you. Slowly, his expression darkened.
"Motherfucker—"
Before he could finish, he lunged. You barely had time to react before you were wrestling like two idiots, rolling off the couch in a tangle of limbs, crushed donut remains, and wheezy, half-giggled insults.
"Take the L, loser!"
"Screw you, rematch!"
"You wanna cry about it?"
The playfight ended when you both collapsed back onto the couch, exhausted, crumbs everywhere, Thanos half on top of you. He was still grumbling under his breath about his defeat, but you could feel the laughter shaking his shoulders.
You yawned, stretching lazily. "Admit it. I'm the donut stacking champion."
Thanos huffed, but you could see the corner of his mouth twitch. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."
A comfortable silence settled between you, the warmth of the room mixing with the leftover haze in your brain. Thanos didn't move off you, and you didn't make him (even though his dick was uncomfortably lodged between your thighs). You were both too tired to care.
"...Next time," Thanos mumbled, eyes fluttering shut, "I'm bringing bagels. Just wait."
You snorted, already half-asleep. "You're on."

© carnalcrows on tumblr. Please do not steal my works as I spend time, and I take genuine effort to do them.
#male reader#m!reader#squid game#squid game 2#squid game x male reader#squid game x m!reader#choi subong#choi subong x male reader#choi subong x m!reader#thanos squid game#choi su bong#choi su bong x male reader#choi su bong x m!reader#bottom male reader#x male reader#squid game x reader smut#squid game x reader#x reader#gay#squid game fanfic#squid game season 2#fluff#mlm
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Gotham is an environmental NIGHTMARE⚠️
This may be a really niche topic, but my degree is currently in Environmental science, so this is on my mind constantly.
Think about it:
The Joker is constantly messing with the air quality with his "laughing gas".
Poison Ivy's pheromones are definitely going to end up in the water supply.
Killer Croc lives in the sewers? Imagine having to deal with a sewer emergency and your boss goes "Dammit Waylon. Again?"
He's not even the only person who lives in the sewers canonically.
Bruce Wayne is constantly flying private. Don't even get me started on Batman and the Justice Leagues carbon emissions...
The Joker is constantly crashing planes/ cars into Gotham Harbor. You know that water is polluted beyond repair. Imagine having Aquaman step in because all the fish are in Gotham are dying...
Not to mention, Batman's rogues are constantly poisoning that water supply.
The Rogues' are also poisoning themselves by working out of old abandoned buildings that are riddled with asbestos....
On the topic of my girl Poison Ivy...
Can you imagine having this woman in class? Freshman year she teaches the hardest intro level botany course offered. You spend every week going to her office hours hoping to pass her class, then a decade later she is bullying you for not remembering the exact equation for photosynthesis while you clean up the mess SHE MADE. The drama.
Might write a fan fic about this in the next couple months. Comment if you would be interested!
Edit: I started writing a fic similar to this called The Intern if y’all are interested! Check it out!
#batman x joker#gotham city#Gotham#batfamily x reader#Bruce Wayne#Red Hood#batfam#batbros#tim drake#jason todd#nightwing#dick grayson#poison ivy#dc joker#killer croc#dc x reader#dc imagine#dc thoughts#poison ivy x reader#pamela isley
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₊˚⊹♡ education is hot!
education is literally the most valuable thing in life. please please PLEASE take advantage of that. self concept is important, good looks are important, happiness is important, health is important, but without education we wouldn't even know what any of that even means. ♡
having knowledge makes you magnetic. when you're smart, people will look up to you. and if people look up to you, it means they think about you, they admire you, and you have an influence on them.
life is knowledge. the more you learn, the more you are. knowledge is the fundamental basics to life. nothing is the root of everything but we wouldn't even know what nothing is without education. we wouldn't have language, we wouldn't have concepts, we wouldn't have technology, we wouldn't have the screen you're reading this on. we wouldn't have tumblr 😨
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 1. noting down ur findings
the smartest people ALWAYS note down what they learn, whether it be big or small. if you have lots of knowledge and / or the memory capacity of a goldfish then naturally you may not always remember what you learn. keeping it noted down in any preferably easily accessible format of your choice is so helpful and a very smart choice if you want to be an Intellectual™. notebook, sketchbook, binder, google docs, notion pages, tumblr posts, notes app, anything you like !!!!! just keep it noted down !!!! ♡
──★ ˙ ̟🎀2. utilising ur resources!!!!
so many people i know and millions of people throughout the world suffer with a crippling addiction to their phones, but what are you actually doing on said phone? you spend ages on your phone, your tablet, your laptop, reading, writing, playing video games, and so on, but even then, are you genuinely learning? are you taking the time to absorb the knowledge placed before you or are you skimming through it all in a mindless cycle of media consumption?
think about how you can utilise the things around you to learn. for example, make all that time spent on your devices useful. research, study, learn in your free time. knowledge is abundance. you can use your local library, your local bookshops, ur school or ur college or ur workplace just to find out more about your surroundings and about the world. it is so much more valuable thank you'd think.
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 3. wisdom
wisdom is the highest form of knowledge. to learn is to live so living is the only way you're going to truly learn, if that makes sense. therefore, by using this direct method, you gain the highest manner of knowledge; wisdom. wisdom is not being book smart or knowing how to solve equations or write essays but wisdom is genuine, pure, raw, life experience and life lessons, which, surprise surprise, can only be gained through experience and living your life. go out, try things, get out of your comfort zone, get comfy being uncomfy. you got this. ♡
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 4. social interaction
"nerds dont know how to socialise!!!" okay so maybe i adhere to this stereotype sometimes but social interaction is, however unfortunate it may be, a key part of being intellectual and having genuine knowledge. going back to wisdom and learning through experience, speaking with and networking with and sparking connections with others is a vital way to be educated and informed and cultured along with enhancing your social skills, because we need to know how to interact with others, too. if we can't spread said knowledge through connections and socialising so it can be passed down for hundreds of thousands for years to come then there is no point in learning at all because it'll have no use in the long run.
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 5. media consumption
feed ur brain. i cannot stress this enough. read books, fiction or non fiction. i know you've heard this a million times but it's true. read just a random article of interest every day to get your brain working. learn a new word every day, read news reports, letters, interesting blogs, articles, websites, do puzzles, crosswords, wordsearches, memory games, listen to podcasts, audiobooks, watch documentaries, youtube videos, interviews, ted talks, video essays, EXERCISE UR BRAIN
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 6. insights, emotional intelligence and empathy
as i've said before, and i'll reiterate again, knowledge extends beyond simply having book smarts and knowing how to work with letters and numbers. the most powerful method of communication amongst humans is emotion, and being well versed in how to read, understand and communicate said language is only learnt through real life experience and observation of real life experiences where the use of emotional intelligence and empathy come into play. analyse these experiences and note down everything
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 7. question ur sources and BE BOLD
one thing i was taught ever since i was little is that when ur online you need to be veeeery careful with all the information you get fed because there are lots of people out there, esp on the internet, with lots of different intentions and lots of different facts, even if they have good intentions and don't mean to mislead you. always double check whatever ur told with someone you know or on another website or two or a physical yet reliable source if you have one to hand, and cite your own opinions too. you get to choose what does and doesn't get to enter your mind. your mind and your knowledge is yours entirely and only yours to be tampered with and adjusted in any way you'd like.
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 things 2 study and be generally educated on:
social etiquette and politeness
countries and their respective laws, cultures, landmarks etc.
history of your own family and ancestry
languages you're interested in and basic phrases in several languages
information about your dream and / or current career
finances and how to manage your money
business, networking and persuasion
pet psychology and how to take care of them
capital cities and basics about places around the world, esp if you plan on going travelling
something beautiful about knowledge is that you'll never run out of it and it can never be taken away from you. people can take anything from you, but never your intelligence. ♡
all my love! 💖✨💘💗🎀💓
#not proud of my screen time today#(5 hours)#it is Not it my dudes.#i spent it wisely though!!!!!!#i was studying and writing and organising all my pinterest boards and spotify playlists and editing cute pictures................#if ur um. if ur intrestined. in. my stuff i make. go to. um. hue-hearts. my . silly little side blog#heavy are the thumbs that curate the girlblog#it girlism ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#im just a girl#girlcore#girlworld#girl code#girl therapy#girl thoughts#girl things#this is a girlblog#pink academia#pink blog#study tips#study motivation#studyblr#study blog
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Dr. Carl Sagan warned us all about following "experts" so here's a few questions ...
(1) When was the last time that Earth's climate didn't change ...
(2) Why did the last Ice Age end a million years ago ...
(3) Where is the actual raw data supporting the change ...
(4) Why is volcanic activity not considered ...
(5) Why is solar activity not considered ...
(6) Why are China and India exempt from constraints ...
(7) Why is water vapor not in the equation ...
(8) How can a gas that's heavier than air be a greenhouse gas ...
(9) What caused the Medieval warming period of 1000 CE ...
(10) How can higher taxes solve the issue ...
(11) What is the actual solution to the issue ...
(12) Why is the un-proven theory of Man Made Climate Change accepted as fact, instead of being debated by supporters and opponents in open forums ...
To the World Economic Forum, George Soros, Klaus Schwab, Bill Gates and the United Nations ...
... WE AIN'T STUPID ... ... KNOCK IT OFF ...
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𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 - 𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜───── they don’t understand, but 𝔦'll hold your hurt in the box here beside me.

anton.lee &fem!rea. ⟡ 838HUNdrabble hurt-comfort, fluff 。。 est. relationship WARN!language 📻. archive
ⓘ call me back ꒰ req:yes/no @yudaies
“I got it,” You’d always say, “I don’t need help. I can do it.”
You were never one to ask for things when you were struggling; not even from the people who were supposed to be there for you. You could do it. You could handle it. You’d climb through hoops, or on countertops to get what you needed. You remain silent, struggling in the depths of your mind—a smile on your face. But, sometimes, you just wanted to cry. Sometimes you just wanted someone to ease the pain a little. To take the weight from off your shoulders and come uncover your soul. You wanted someone to see you, not praise you for all that you’d done. You were more than just cracked-glass.
Maybe it was because you had to grow up too early. Maybe it was because you never had that support engraved into you. Maybe having to act like an adult while you still played with dolls took its toll on you. Maybe you weren’t able to ask such a simple question because it was never met with anything but criticism—why weren’t you able to accomplish such a simple task? Why couldn't you solve this equation? Why didn’t you know how to put gas in a car, or change the oil? Why couldn’t you preheat the oven? Eventually, you asked yourself the same questions.
Why did you have to be dependent on people who were supposed to help you?
So, you never bothered them anymore—the fear of rejection strong.
You reached your hand high above your head, silently cursing yourself for putting things on the top shelf anyways. You huffed, feeling the deep desire within you to get off the countertop and find something else to hold what you wanted. However, there was a screaming voice inside your head, mocking your lack of attempt. You could reach a little higher, your fingertips were brushing it anyways. What was a little fall if you got what you wanted?
Would you feel accomplished? Would it satisfy you to feel pain as you rubbed at your bruised knees? Would it make you smile?
“Here,” You felt a warmth, a presence you’d grown familiar with, his body pressed to your back momentarily. Your heart beat unsteadily—from adrenaline, or proximity? “Let me help you.”
“No,” You looked over your shoulder, “I got it.”
Your faces were close, so close you could feel his breath against your lips. You never knew someone could look like that up close.
“I know you do,” He ignored your pleading eyes, knowing somewhere within them was just a mirage of what you wanted people to see. What you wanted to see. “But, I want to help.”
And that’s how it started; your undoing. The crumbling of the walls you built so goddamn high, even you couldn’t get over them. But, he picked at them pebble by pebble until he roamed your mind freely.
It was the small things: holding your jacket out for you to put on, brushing your hair after a shower, grabbing you a glass of water or a snack without wanting something in return, letting you vent instead of biting your tongue. He’d put your legs over his lap, and turn on your favorite show. He’d remind you every second of every day that you were beautiful if he could. He’d do anything for you to see yourself the way he saw you; wingless angel.
He never made you feel like a burden, normalizing the things that should’ve just been.
His soft voice would replay in your mind, a lingering touch on your heart—pulling the strings until they unraveled.
Maybe there was such a thing as everlasting love. Maybe there was such a thing as unconditional. Maybe you’d never felt trust before—maybe you’ve never actually loved before. Because to be loved is to not feel uncomfortable. To be loved is to not walk on eggshells. To be in love is to not make selfish sacrifices. To be loved is to listen. To be in love is to be on the same page. To be in love is to not feel like you’re at war with yourself. To be in love is to hear angels singing every time you look at each other.
“Anton,” His hands found your waist, helping you turn around and face him, legs now on each side of his hips. You knew you were fucked up, messy and little off-putting because of it but, you’d trust him because you wanted to, “I love you.”
The plastic cup clattered to the floor, along with the rest of your reserve. You were scared of heights, scared of romantic words, scared of receiving help, but ready to leap with his hand within yours. He’d hold your heart like it was the most delicate and rare artifact on Earth. He’d hold you like you’d float away—far out in space somewhere. He’d love you like his first and his last.
Because now you know, to be loved is to be healed, not cut open.
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