#fuck being greatful
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TW(?): themes of self destruction, chronic pain and venting
Ykw, the thing about pain is it doesn’t just “get better.” Fuck no. It moves in, sets up shop, settles into every nerve, every thought until its not just a feeling anymore, it’s the background noise of ur life.
Ive gotten to a point where happiness feels like a trap because the minute I think maybe, just maybe, something good might last I feel that sting of foreboding.
And you know what? self-destruction doesn’t look so irrational anymore. The pain never stops, and I feel like theres this sick kind of relief in tearing things down yourself. like beating the world to the punch. You think ah maybe if you can just ruin things on your own terms, you’ll take back some control. But that’s a lie too isnt it. The pain’s smarter than that cuz its already two steps ahead, feeding on every ounce of anger, every moment you try to fight it. It wants you broken.
And I’m tired. Tired of the weight, tired of pretending that tomorrows going to be different. The world keeps throwing “hope” at me, like Im supposed to reach for it, but all I see is a shiny package with nothing inside. The pain is so fucking real, the rest of it happiness, peace that’s the lie. And maybe I’m okay with that. Maybe, if destruction is all Ive got left, at least its mine.
#vent post#bitter sweet existence#i am so tired#chronic pain#im just not#i feel bitter and frustrated#fuck being greatful#sometimes hope just sucks.#screaminh into the void#literally watch me forget how im feeling rn when i wake up tmr#im probably overthinking it#this is what trans looks like#i hate being trans lololol#also fuck pain#i feel out of control#and#out of place#i feel lost#:33333#im just silly#thoughts#vent thoughts
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i can't find the original post of this idea but im obsessed completely with Sam Reich! Master
upd: The original idea was by @ace-whovian-neuroscientist!!!
#i was sketching a comic of 15 being handcuffed to the podium (due to alexmeys great take on this) but eh#stuff i rambled while drawing this include:#master lost a game to the toymaker and it fucked him up so bad he reincarnated into a game host#he made his sonic into a mic that Sam holds during every introduction#doctor who#dw fanart#dw#dr who#doctor who fanart#the master#Sam Reich!Master#yeah make that fucker a tag#dropout#sam reich#game changer#northernfire art#Reich!Master
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svsss: the protagonist is great at teaching children and enjoys being a teacher
mdzs: the protagonist is great at teaching children and enjoys being a teacher
tgcf: the protagonist leaves a child alone in a hut with a known cannibal ghost and goes off on a little errand
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wei wuxian#wei ying#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#xie lian#it's so fucking funny to me. like its rly sweet how sqq and wwx are so good w kids#wwx to the point that he can manipulate Other people into being liked by kids (read: lwj buying toys for ayuan)#and then you have xie lian who seems like hed be great with kids and then repeatedly is not. unless that kid is hua cheng fggsgsksls#keri chats#mxtx#1k
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17 December 1975 / 15 May 1976
#hp#marauders#sirius black#regulus black#black brothers#sirius black fanart#regulus black fanart#marauders fanart#the black brothers#marauders era#my art#black borthers angst#mine#sirius and regulus#jsyk what you see there in the background actually is the sky you would see on the above dates from islington#i specifically chose the dates cause sirius wouldnt be visible anymore at that point#and he could have totally run away already by that point being 16 and all#also because i am such a nerd who has to get things correctly that is actually more or less the view you would have from claremont square#grimmauld place#took me for fucking ever to find some good references above the roofs and i still had to improvise a lot#originally i had an inbetween slide with regulus watching james and sirius walking together having fun in the great hall#but i didnt do more than just a very rough sketch of that it somehow didnt fit sorry#(also i am still not 100% happy with especially the first one but ive tried so long to fix it i eventually had to give up...)
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If you're up for it could you explain what is making the Germany government stuff so funny? I can find news articles about it (a coalition is dissolving? There's been tension for a while?) but they're all fairly serious. Thx!
ohhh, sure thing! i'll do my best!
i'll say upfront: this is a pretty serious thing to happen. our chancellor fired our minister of finance, Lindner, which definitively breaks up the governing coalition. germany will likely have snap elections at a moment in which far-right parties are polling extremely well. if news coverage about it seems like people are Worried, that's because, well, they are.
however. the reason it's funny is because our minister of finance was fired. ministers aren't really... ever fired. like, it's not a done thing. i'll fully admit i didn't even know it was an option until yesterday. and our minister of finance wasn't just anyone, he was one of the most mocked and hated figures in politics to germans who vote anywhere left of center.
the coalition that governed until yesterday was made up of the green party, the social democrats, and the neoliberal party (FDP). the FDP is infamous (and i mean, my parents already raised me to hate them for that) for playing kingmaker in coalition governments: they never get all that many votes, but they get just enough that whoever they agree to form a government with will probably succeed. they then tend to force extreme concessions from their coalition partners, because hey, if we walk off, you can't govern at all! so you better play along!
for the past three years, this behaviour has been extremely frustrating for germans who voted for greens or social democrats, because policy from their faction was constantly being blocked by the FDP and often by Lindner personally. the FDP received 11,5% of votes in 2021, but to many of us, it felt as if they were the only party who really had any say in the governing coalition. it made the green and social democratic coalition partners look spineless and passive.
and now, i invite you to imagine how on the day of the US election results, the day the whole world rolled their eyes at the sheer fucking stupidity and pointlessness of it all, at NINE IN THE EVENING, just as germans are getting ready to settle in to bed to dream of nightmare global politics -
the news suddenly breaks that our notoriously invisible chancellor just decided to fire Lindner for that exact behaviour. this chancellor comes out and says, on camera, to the entire sleepy nation, that acting the way Lindner did - blocking necessary policies, refusing to approve budgets unless his party's interests were met - was childish, selfish, irresponsible, and unfit for government, so, whoops, he had to go. shame. coalition over, i guess.
so, politically, that was a long-needed but never-expected moment of triumph for those of us who think the FDP is a clown show made up of human TESLA shares, and it came at a hysterically funny moment.
on a personal level, i can barely explain how uniquely hateable Lindner has always been. he's what would happen if a stock index graph came to life. he hates poor people with a relish; he mocks welfare recipients and would ax minimum wages in a second. he's everyone's business major roommate who shows up in boat shoes fresh off a yacht to discuss NFTs with you. throughout the entire time that he's used his rich boy policy blackmail strategy, he's been smug about it, and he was never taken to task for it, and millions of germans have been longing to throw rotten fruit in his face since 2017. and now we finally get to do it. via memes. on the day of trump's election win.
so that's why it's funny.
#like the cocktail of emotions that Hit last night is utterly indescribable#our chancellor is FAMOUS for not speaking. like that's his whole thing. i've heard him say words maybe twice before#and suddenly there he is. bald. hamburgian. fresh from what must have been the most horrific 15 hour workday of his life.#and just comes out and tells the most annoying bug of a human being in his coalition to fuck off. dare we say iconic#but yeah on the whole things are looking pretty bad 🥰 i'm just a hater so this is great for me#hope this makes sense anon! sorry it's a lot of words!#asks#anon#germany#politics#< for blacklisting purposes lmao
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The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~
Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍
#maccadam#transformers#fic fanart#momu fanart#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#considering the speed and the amount of fanart#….yeah I can see why tumblr thought I was a bot lmao#also#I mostly read during night and then drawing from memory during day so uhhhhh the accuracy is questionable haha#mainly I feel like half of the time I don’t know how tf Jazz looks. The guy switching between his looks so often jdjfjfj#IM. SO GLAD THEY RESOLVED THEIR DRAMA EHEHBJGJ#The scene in medbay was so damn cute#oh my goddddd#the scene of the tac net crash#muah#loved it~#you know the thing is - I'm a biiiig fan of mutual feelings and actions#the scene of the kiss was absolutely great but it was a bit one sided#Jazz cared about Prowl but Prowl was far more concerned about information safety and strategy and stuff#but this?? mmmm~ Them caring for each other#Prowl using his last moments of consciousness to ask Jazz if he is mad at him#Prowl actually deeply caring of what Jazz thinks about him now when he knows Prowl killed his friends#i don't know how to explain#kisses are great but this (points) this is my favorite five star meal right here#also there is something so funny about Prowl slowly discovering fow fucked up Jazz is and just accepting it#but being so scared when Jazz discover how fucked up he is. Only for Jazz to be like “boo I knew about your fuckedupness from the start”
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Prompt 271
“Grandmother is visiting,” Damian suddenly said with no warning and with his usual not-quite demanding tone.
“Who?” Tim wasn’t the only one to startle, seeing as Bruce had practically froze, a downturn to his lips in a silent show of confusion.
Damian scowled. “Are you deaf Drake? Grandmother is coming to Gotham to, quote, make sure I am being properly cared for.” None of them had known that Ras was with anyone actually. At least Tim was pretty sure that would have been in the files.
“Oh?” Dick didn’t quite crouch to Damian’s height but it was a near thing. “She-” “He,” Damian corrected, interrupting him. They all exchanged a glance before Dick continued.
“Is he coming to the Manor or…”
Damian scoffed again, a tiny bit of a flush against his face. “No, Grandmother will most likely be staying with Akhi-”
Now wait one moment-
“YOU HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER?!”
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Deadly Decisions#Danny & Ras are the homoerotic rivals that no one knows if they’re flirting or attempting a murder#It’s actually both they’re just also both Immortal#Danny to Jason: You can become a crime lord if you finish college- you’ve said you wanted to get a degree this is ur chance#Dusan (nodding): Mother has made all of us finish at least our basic education nephew#Why yes this does mean that RH has just made the heads in a duffel bag debut & the bats have no clue it’s Jason#Normally Danny wanders the universe but RAS (affectionately derogatory) HOW DARE U TRY TO HIDE THE GRANDCHILDREN#Morally Gray Danny#He’s well over 300 and that has an affect lol#Also has some fun fae vibes thx to his ghost half & human half finally balancing out#Let Jason & Damian be brothers#Tiny Damian: Akhi look I found a frog :>#Jason (newly not brain damaged & has no clue who this small child is): …. That’s great#Tiny Damian: *GASP* Akhi you can talk now :D#Fuck it- all the Al Ghuls deserve fangs from ecto contamination#Is Danny actually Dusan & Talia’s mother? No one knows and no one wants to ask the probably immortal fae being okay#Danny brought Damian a ghost hound puppy & Jason an original signed Pride & Prejudice book#How come Bruce wasn’t aware of Danyal? Talia forgot to inform him that the mother she was speaking of is in fact still alive#He disappears for a decade sometimes longer she was using past terms how was he supposed to know
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lurking in radfem spaces has really changed my entire view of most mainstream internet spaces because once you realize just how censored women's voices and feminist thought are on these sites, and how much porn and misogynistic values are defended, you can't unsee it.
how anyone can bear to participate in an online space where porn, of all things, is lauded as the bastion of "self-expression" and yet any woman slightly critical of popular cultural opinions is demonized is wild, especially when a lot of that porn is a) violent and misogynistic b) often accessible by minors c) gross and shallow d) myriad of other reasons far better writers have probably described
fuck I'm just so tired. seeking rationality online is just opening a pandora's box of garbage and seeing the reflection of how bleak the social hegemony has become.
#the worst part is that the only mainstream opposition to this kind of culture is from the right#and they're also fucking terrible most of the time so that's great#the fact that most popular leftist online “thought-leaders” don't discuss this more often is certainly something though...#imagine being too busy to make navel-gazing video essays about identity with fancy lighting and silly editing#when this kind of attitude towards a whole HALF of the population is perpetuated online#god I hate thinking about social politics#and yet here I am#I need to throw my internet router against a wall I think#radical feminism
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blink and you'll miss it moments around skyhold....
#solavellan#solas#gotta put out some tender stuff to balance the chaos target team leader solas has caused.#look i just need to go feral in the tags for a moment#okay the fucking. what's he call himself? the great adversary of her people's mythology....falls in love w a woman being forced into a role#not unlike his own#i t makes me c r a z y#like at one point he's all ooooh we're elves need to make sure the humans trust us to ensure safety. gives them a castle......#then he's all ''ooh you cant change the way your legend is getting out of hand. might as well accept it''#but he disapproves if you lean into it/call yourself the herald.#he approves of you fighting against the status quo. encourages sera to sow chaos and has a VERY interesting convo w her about power#''what lop of the top?'' ''yes.'' ''well what's that do except make room for a new top to come and fuck it all up?''#at which point he fuckin STUTTERS and is like. oh fuck. you're right. my bad. and then he shuts up in quiet contemplation#he's clearly wrestling w himself. and Ohmygod the felassanstuff.#like the Guilt. the Regret.#haunting that fucking rotunda.#and yet he's so in love w lavellan if they go that route.#like clearly some stuff was missing/fumbled in game. but like#how he fuckin screams for the inquisitor at the well?????!?! OK BOI?!#im just. the dread wolf. great adversary of the dalish pantheon.#turns out to be some somber grim guy with a fatalistic sense of humor who hates tea and greatly values free will#pina art
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Really fucked up that, when they’re young, Patrick and Art are SO tactile with each other, so comfortable sharing the same space. Art lets Patrick touch him and move him and physically overwhelm him and easily acquiesces to it, if not outright enjoys it.
Then in the present, they’ve been so far out of each other’s orbit for so long, held such animosity that when they have their moment alone in the sauna, Art physically recoils from Patrick’s close proximity! It’s so painful to watch because even as Patrick’s goading him, it’s so obvious he wants to be able to get back into Art’s space. But Art has erected all these walls around himself, he refuses to give Patrick an inch or even admit to missing how close they used to be!
AND THEN we see Art and Tashi later and he wants her to hold him, to be gentle with him, and just TOUCH him. Like, he does miss that kind of close physical contact! He either doesn’t know how to ask for it or is uncomfortable being that openly vulnerable. Worth noting that he pretty much always defers to Tashi in regard to initiating physical intimacy (with their first kiss, though he does state his desire, SHE has to be the one to make the first move). And it seems pretty obvious that Tashi herself isn’t comfortable providing that intimacy, whereas Patrick actively seeks to provide it (the hug/forehead kiss after their win together in the early years, dragging the stool closer to him).
Art has tried very hard to act like he doesn’t need physical affection and even though his discipline and devotion to Tashi has made him a stronger tennis player, it’s made him a hollow person, which, in turn, has kept him from becoming a GREAT tennis player.
All of this, of course, is why the ending hits so damn hard.
#challengers#challengers spoilers#art donaldson#unfortunately i have once again zeroed in on the most repressed character and made them my favorite#lol @ all the people saying he’s a manipulative snake: that’s part of what makes him great!#i think a fair amount of that manipulation or attempts at it come from a fear of loss and being alone#if he has to lose one to keep the other he’ll do it because it’s better than being left behind#hoo boy yet another character trait my fucked up faves have in common 😬#let’s not even get into how tashi AND patrick are trying to do right by him#tashi by making it so he can retire with a career to be proud of#patrick (who was pissed on art’s behalf wrt throwing the match) by laying all his cards on the table (court)#and giving art what he needed to play a great fucking game#there’s a whole other post to be written about how tashi and patrick handle art in similar ways#specifically that he submits to them so easily they take charge of him manipulate him the ways they want#good lord i need to see this movie again#or not might not be conducive to keeping my brain from melting out my ears lol
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You know, that bit about "If you offend someone, make sure it's not Yunmeng Jiang and not their Leader specifically!" is just so fascinating to me.
Because - what happened?
What the hell happened to solidify the Jiang as the "find out" of Jianghu??
Like, sure, Sandu Sengshou "killed Yiling Laozu" so you probably don't want to mess with the guy - but a whole sect?? "Don't mess with them or they'll clap back" is a bit of a different fame than "he's torturing demonic cultivators!" - that former is an experience-based life advice.
So, what happened? Did JC punch someone square in the face during a sect conference? Called Sect Leader Yao for a duel and kicked his ass? Fucked up a bunch of trade representatives when they tried to take advantage of the fledgeling Jiang sect??? Took Jin Guangyao's hat and held it out of his reach????
And exactly how trigger-happy are the Jiang disciples to be known as the people you don't fuck with???
I need to know what the hell happened!
#mdzs#yunmeng jiang#jiang cheng#headcanon#i need to know what is happening in yunmeng#jow defensove these guys are?#after years of being known as Barely Great Sect#probably took a lot of shit from other sects#is there a whole generation of jiang disciples that will punch a man in the throat at the barest provocation?#the First Gen of feral survivors that leave their fucks at home when travelling outside of Yunmeng?#they don't care they dont need 'allies' they need you to fuck off actually#grim-faced and hard-eyed wolves that will jump the throat of anyone trying to piss them off#that is - if their Sect Leader doesn't get there first
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AURGH auwarghh the autistic parental trauma... the epi was wacky hijinks then dropped this on us out of nowhere... (sobs) laios... laiiiiooooos
#he just like me fr#dungeon meshi#laios touden#actuallyautistic#aphelion.txt#dunmeshi#laios#autism things#im definitely chewing on that marcille lore/angst too but the laios nightmare sequence hit close to home!!#dont think falin had a great relationship with their parents either#i mean aside from being willing to abandon her in the dream. idk if that's 100% accurate to how they acted.#it didnt seem like her affinity for ghosts was gonna go down real good in that flashback#also i need to write that post abt how falin has girl autism (dont ask me what that means unless you want to enter an unskippable cutscene)#actually its pretty easy to hit most dunmeshi chars w the hammer of autism laios is just the most obvious#senshi hyperfixating and having meltdowns (Waterwalk Incident.) and low empathy for people until he's gotten Attached#i need to go find that post someone made about chilchuck being the token allistic it was so fucking funny#i have like 3 more dunmeshi autism metas in my mental queue apparently. please make me shut up
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i think we all moved on from orym being dorian's first love too quickly and how bc dorian has been so sheltered his entire life he didn't even know what lust or love felt like until he met orym and how him not knowing those feelings was one of the reasons dorian was so hesitant to express them. i think a lot of people, me included, were really wondering why he was so hesitant to express his feelings towards orym and thinking that it was simply about it not being the right time or wanting to give orym space to mourn his husband and while i'm sure that all played a factor in it, i don't think anyone really thought that part of why it took so long was bc dorian was falling in love for the first time and was overwhelmed and unfamiliar with what he was feeling
#*#critical role#dorym#robbie is just so masterful man that scene was just... i fucking loved it#liam ofc did a great job but i feel like robbie played dorian's feelings really close to his chest#even to the point where people wondered if robbie was just not comfortable rping romance (which would've been valid)#and i thought it was just masterful to keep people guessing (at least us i'm sure he and liam talked about being ok w it)#and there being a completely in character reason for it that i don't think anyone thought of
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things in DC canon i’ll literally never get over
1. dick finds out batman replaced him as robin (without asking him) from the NEWSPAPER and simultaneously finds out bruce adopted a new kid without telling him (to make things worse: bruce didn’t even adopt dick)
2. dick finds out jason died from the newspaper (AGAIN? REALLY BRUCE?) and bruce had the fucking funeral WITHOUT HIM while he was still in space
#i’m only like 80% sure these are fully canon btw#correct me if i'm wrong#dc comics#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#robin!jason#batman#batman comics#nightwing#batman and robin#ok yes ik there’s a reason bruce didn’t adopt dick#aka he didn’t want to replace dick’s father#but imagine being a teenager and your foster dad adopts a kid without even telling you#and then giving him YOUR name without asking#like no one would feel great about that#i will never forgive bruce for not telling dick jason died / having the funeral without him#though i do love some yummy angst#where hood!jason yells at dick for not even being at the funeral#and dicks like ‘i was still in fucking space!’#like yes bruce was grieving but BRO thats ur other son come on
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george rexstrew deserves awards for many things but i have to say. edwin’s bloodcurdling scream as niko gets killed deserves a whole award unto itself. like. that scream did not feel at all like a tv show scream. to a somewhat jarring degree. and i can’t express how much I respect that
#he has a number of very convincing screams and suffering noises which I imagine was an important prerequisite for the role#but this one is just especially chilling and again. jarring. not saying that the other actors are bad or anything but no one even comes#close to competing with george and its stark in moments like this#another screaming moment that I thought he did really well in particular is far easier to gloss over and that’s#when he and charles are escaping hell and he almost gets dragged down into lust#when he’s screaming out for charles he borderline SCREECHES#throughout that arc in general it’s just incredible but yeah#I think part of what makes it so convincing is that he isn’t afraid to be high pitched and genuinely Scream rather than yell#like. he is clearly immune to being put off by ‘you scream like a girl’ rhetoric#I think a lot of male actors avoid screaming and screeching like that for that internalized reason when. if you wanna be as realistic as#possible. a scream is high pitched. if you’re scared for your fucking life it’s just involuntary#I can also see it being uncommon due to difficulties getting that sound adequately recorded but yeah anyway you get my point#tldr: george rexstrew is great at disturbingly realistic screaming and I applaud him for that#I really hope he didn’t have to retake that part too many times..#his poor throat……….#george rexstrew#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives spoilers
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honestly i don't think sqq (jiu) would have minded the accusations of preferential treatment from yqy if they'd felt true. like as children he guarded the title of being yue qi's Favorite with teeth and claws. why shouldn't he be given preferential treatment? everyone ought to know just who qi-ge likes and trusts over everyone else. and for good fucking reason--who else here is watching out for qi-ge? as peak lords he's literally 2nd in command and chief tactician, if yqy values his word over yours, then its both what makes most sense and also what he deserves.
the thing is that to sqq, being accused of being favoured by yqy over others now just feels like a sick joke, because obviously (to him) that's not the fucking case. if he actually gave him preferential treatment you'd think he'd listen to what he has to fucking say, instead of believing what anyone else tells him about sqq. you'd think, if he was yqy's favorite, he wouldn't have left him to rot.
so i think, in a setting where they reconcile after becoming peak lords, that sqq would very much slap yqy's love for him in everyones faces as a kind of power move. a kind of, "oh, you thought that was favouritism? you havent seen yet what it looks like when qi-ge lets himself favour someone."
#svsss#shen jiu#may be related to the chapter of mott im editing rn#i mean at the end of the day what sj wants more than anything is love and security. and this soothes both of those needs#so long as sqq knows his place in yqy's heart i think he would not think twice about brandishing it to make a point#there is great power to be had in making sure everyone knows that the most powerful man in the world is your loyal dog#its just so funny to me to imagine post getting together qijiu like#other peak lord: zhangmen-shixiong is showing preferential treatment!!#yqy: yes <3#also i think sj is the kind of person who would think “if im going to be punished then at least i should do something worth punishing”#which is self-sabotaging behaviour at its core but sj is all about the self-sabotaging baby!!#at least if youre punished for something you did you know what you did wrong (get caught)#theres a kind of helpless anger in being punished for things that arent true/your fault that i think drives sj fucking insane
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