#for good mental health
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Ineffable May 2024
Day 6: Apology
#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#my art#ineffable may 2024#you may have noticed these aren't necessarily going up the day they are supposed to. i'm planning to do the whole list#but not stressing out about doing them “on time”#for good mental health
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yeah this is a self-evident biological hierarchy. that's why we have to enforce it with violence
#bolo speaks#<- spends way too much time reading subreddits dedicated to catching incels in 4k and making fun of them to be good for her mental health#but genuinely the number of men online willing to say men are inherently [this way] and women are [that way] and that's why dissenters#should be BRUTALIZED is insane
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I agree that "in Germany your boss legally has to provide you with work while you're at your job" is a bit funny considering the German stereotype. But I am really annoyed at people who act like this is some horrible hypercapitalist thing on that post about pushing people out of their jobs by just not giving them anything to do. When really it's very basic worker protection (within the context of German emplyment law.) Because under most circumstances you can't just be fired from your job. Your employer has to provide a reason for firing you if they want to get rid of you. You also have a right to specifially the work you were hired to do.
So your boss having to give you appropriate work makes illegal any of the following:
a) Making you clean toilets instead of (or in addition to) the clearly defined office job you agreed to do
b) Not giving you work and then firing you for not doing your work
c) Waiting for you to crack under the intense boredom of having to stay on one place with absolutely nothing to do for eight hours a day while your coworkers are roped into it to shun you (or hate you because for some reason you're the only one who doesn't have to do any work) until you quit "voluntarily"
or d) waiting for you to crack under the aformentioned pressure until you do what the people in the notes said they'd do, like watching movies or doing a second job instead which is something you then can be reprimanded and fired for
#german blogging#german stuff#like law is complicated and i'm not an expert so don't treat this as a ~source~ or anything#but i'm annoyed by people not even considering there might be good reasons for things like this#also i have absolutely zero patience for making light of what's essentially quite an effective bullying tactic#which can really screw up your mental health
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Laios saying he's stronger and better organized than Shuro because he eats 3 meals every day and sleeps properly is probably one of the most encouraging things a fictional character has ever said to me
#no bc i don't i have the words to explain how much i love this#my mental health regarding food has never been more optimistic#like wow are you telling me that eating will actually made me feel ???? good ?????#between this and sanji i might actually get a lil bit better huh#dungeon meshi#laios touden
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With truly all the love and empathy in my heart: crying daily over the sexual assault allegations against Gaiman isn’t healthy. I’ve seen multiple people –especially fans of GO – saying this since they came out, and it’s really fucking concerning me.
I wonder if it has to do with the insidious ideas that 1) people are either Bad or Good, 2) Bad people can only do Bad things, and 3) liking Bad things or Bad people makes you Bad.
None of these things are true.
People are mixed up and incredibly complicated. Someone can be an incredible artist/friend/chef/ally against racism/drag queen and still be predatory/homophobic/antisemitic/never tips their wait staff. People do things that harm others in big and small ways all the time. You do too. I promise.
(Also the idea of anyone, even people who do genuinely insurmountable harm, becoming somehow less than human is an inherently fascist ideology)
The fact that you (yes, you!!) do harmful things doesn’t immediately make you Bad. There are certainly things that someone might do that causes more harm (say, assault) versus less, but that doesn’t somehow infect all the things they’ve done in the past with their Badness. Gaiman helped write Good Omens. There’s no way now to say “I was wrong and this book was Bad all along” or even “oh, all the parts I like were written by Pratchett, the Bad parts must have been Gaiman.” You didn’t miss an inherent evil by liking the book in the past. It doesn’t make you Bad for liking it now.
(It also doesn’t mean that people associated with Gaiman, like David Tennant, are also Tainted by inherent Badness. Tennant isn’t, you aren’t. Saying otherwise is also a slippery slope argument into dehumanization and fascist ideas)
By all means: if it feels right, stop giving Gaiman your money. Stop tagging him in your Azi/Crowley fanart. But do this as a way to disentangle yourself from parasocial relationships that are actively causing you grief and to vote with your wallet, not because unlinking yourself from Bad Art and Bad People will somehow absolve you and make you Good again. If you already have a copy of Good Omens or Sandman, whether you reread it is between you and your gods. Interacting with a text you find important doesn’t make you Bad or Good. It’s just reading. What you do with the stories is what matters (ironically, that’s the message of a lot of both Gaiman and Pratchett’s work).
Maybe take a peek at Good Omens and re familiarize yourself with its other core message: People are not Bad or Good. People do bad and good things.
Then maybe drink a cup of tea. You need to rehydrate.
#kill the christian moralist in your head.#neil gaiman#gnu terry pratchett#mental health#parasocial relationships#good omens critical#< changing that tag bc some folks wanted Disc Horse out of the GO tag#don’t necessarily agree#but willing to respect it
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#you are enough#you are worthy#you matter#here and now#in the present#you are good enough#self compassion#mental health#friendly reminder
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Some good political news out there, in the UK, but for anyone who needs the slightest hint of positivity today
Source: BBC
#they talk abt autism and race and everything too as well like one piece of good news today#thank god we're no longer run by tories rn at least#uk politics#uk news#mental health#positivity#us politics#destiel#politics
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#life lessons#good life#mental health#self reflection#self improvement#self worth#self help#self care#self love#be yourself#letting go#new life#inspirational quotes#new beginnings#positivity#new day#new me
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#text#mental health#emotions#spilled thoughts#spilled words#positivity#good vibes#inspiration#self love#self care#healing#quotes#quoteoftheday#words#motivation#feelings#dark academia#llvampirell
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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You deserve a calm love with somebody who is good for your mental health and nervous system.
#quotes#feelings#emotions#love#romantic quotes#love quotes#calm vibes#wise words#thoughtful#good love#true love#mental health#you deserve peace#nerve#dumblr
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it's actually terrifying how quickly the concept of self care (originally a radical concept rooted in the black panther party's efforts to support other black ppl living through racism) became another tool of self-management which is viewed as both a moral obligation + an individual responsibility. businesses + employers + other institutions now easily wield it as a progressive way to say "if you're upset about xyz, make yourself get over it". "we are going to treat you like shit + you need to learn how to cope with that or else you're doing something wrong"
i have seen job listings where "ability to practice self care" was listed as a requirement for employment. as a case worker, we were repeatedly drilled on "self-care" as a response to unconscionably high case loads, traumatizing experiences, dead end job obligations, + poor living conditions due to subpar pay/high stress. my clients would go to appointments regarding their evictions, food insecurity, active domestic violence situations, etc + receive tips on "self care" without any tangible community, legal, or structural support to follow.
everyone absolutely deserves to care for themselves + it is useful to circulate affirmations + advice on how to do this. this should happen within communities, through a sincere concern/love for one another, as a way of helping everyone live the best life possible while we work towards total liberation. it should not be a replacement for caring for one another!!! it should be one of many ways of caring for one another!!!
#they once made me go to a training about how to turn off your feelings before working with institutionalized clients#literally stating that empathy + emotions are what cause burnout when working in the mental health field#i wish i was making that up i really truly do#i probably still have screenshots lmao#anyway remember when i was institutionalized myself because i was too good at turning off all my feelings???#cuz i do.#anti psychiatry
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Henry stop scaring the investors please (mouse doodle) This is just too perfect for how their dynamic is like in my AU lmao Original meme image here
#i needed to draw this bc my mental health has not been good for the past few days so have this messy asf mouse doodle#hidden hands au#fnaf au#henry emily#william afton#fnaf henry emily#fnaf william afton#fnaf#five nights at freddys#five nights at freddys fanart#fnaf fanart#my art
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And the most important thing to remember is that you have time. Time to discover new people and new projects and new places; time to heal from your past and your wounds. You might feel like you’re getting nothing done and nothing is happening, but you have time to discover your soul. It will happen for you <3
#mental health#mental wellness#self care#self improvement#self love#mental wellbeing#self help#depression advice#depression and anxiety#positivity#good vibes#good vibrations#good vibe quotes#feeling good#positive vibe#positivemindset#positive words#positive thoughts
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#self care#self care is not selfish#self care is not an indulgence#rest#give yourself permission#give yourself permission to rest#make yourself a priority#you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself#for caregivers#boundaries#people pleasing#fawning#codependency#self compassion#self love#self respect#mental health#be good to yourself too#self and others#relationships
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