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sugdenlovesdingle · 4 years ago

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a little fix it for yesterday’s Hop scenes with kayak boy where Aaron was lying to himself.

I took some creative liberty with the dialogue because I wasn’t in the mood to rewatch that mess.

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“I’m saying… I don’t know what I’m saying, mum! I need to figure this out on my own!”

“Ben is a good bloke…but you’re going to lose him if you put Robert first.”

“I’m not!” Aaron said and Chas raised an eyebrow. “I’m not. And I’m not putting Ben first either. I’m putting myself first. It’s a lot to take in, alright?” he rubbed a hand over his face and got up. “I’m going for a walk, I need to clear my head.”

“Well don’t take too long, Ben’s not going to wait forever.” Chas called out as Aaron grabbed his jacket and walked out the door, wondering if it would be such a bad thing if Ben didn’t wait for him and moved on.

His mum was right, it probably would be good for him to be with an easier person than Robert, but would it make him happy?

He wandered around the fields surrounding the village, trying to make sense of his thoughts, and somehow they always ended up back at the same thing.

Messed up forever.

He sighed and made his way over to the Hop. He had to talk to Ben.

When he arrived at the centre he saw Ben was busy with a class so he decided to wait for him to finish.

Only before he’d had a chance to talk to Ben, Vic saw him hanging around and called out his name as she made her way over to him. From the corner of his eye he saw Ben stop and change direction to put his gear away instead of going over to him.

“Hiya…” she started. “I know I said I’d keep you updated but you kind of took off…” she trailed off. “I’ve been on the phone all morning. With Robert.”

“Is he coping alright?” Aaron couldn’t help himself, he had to know.

“Yeah. Yeah. He’s alright. Considering.” Vic told him and he nodded. “You know, he’s supposed to ring me back in a bit via his solicitor.”

“He’s going through with the appeal then?”

“He wants to know what his options are first. If it’s worth it.”

Aaron frowned.

“Anything that reduces his sentence is worth it, isn’t it?”

“That’s what I said. But you know Robert. He still thinks he deserves to be in there for what he did.”

“But Luke hit him first.”

“I told him that. At least he’s agreed to talk to his solicitor about it. And I’m seeing him next week. Hopefully I can knock some sense into him.”

Aaron scoffed.

“You have met your brother, right Vic? Stubborn git.”

“Well… I know one person that at least used to be able to get through to him.” She gave him a pointed look. “I know things are complicated between you… but he’ll listen to you.”

“So I’m supposed to tell him to go for the appeal then?”

“He’d do anything for you, you know that.”

Aaron rubbed a hand over his face.

“He has to do it for him, Vic. Not because I tell him to.” He told her. “I… I’m…”

“With Ben.” Vic interrupted. “So you’ve said. But does that mean you don’t care about Rob anymore?”

“No. Of course not. I’ll always care about him. I’ll always love him.” Aaron said and he swore he could see Ben flinch from where he was clearly listening to their conversation. “It’s complicated.”

“I know. I’m just asking you to give him a little push in the right direction. You two can figure the rest out when he gets out and comes home.”

“You don’t know if it’ll work. Didn’t Ethan say there was only a small chance?”

Vic smiled.

“So you have been listening to me!”

Aaron ducked his head and laughed and bat Vic’s hands away as she tried to tickle his side. For a second he remembered the many times Robert had done the same and his heart hurt, but then Vic’s mobile rang in her purse.

“That’ll be him. Will you talk to him? Please? Just five minutes.” She pleaded. “Help me convince him and get my big brother home.”

Aaron bit his lip and nodded as Vic pulled her phone out of her bag and answered the call, putting it on speaker.

“Hiya!”

“Is this Victoria Sugden?” an unfamiliar voice said and Aaron assumed it was Robert’s solicitor.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I’m your brother’s solicitor, he’s here with me, ready to talk to you. I assume you have a lot to discuss.”

Vic looked at Aaron.

“Yeah, there are some things I’d like to talk to him about.”

“Ok I have to remind you that I have to put the phone on speaker and the call will be recorded. So don’t discuss anything you don’t want the prison to know.”

“Alright.” Vic agreed and Aaron nodded too.

There was some rustling and a beep and Aaron silently braced himself.

“Vic?”

Vic smiled at her phone.

“Rob! How are you?”

“We talked two hours ago.” Robert replied and Aaron could practically see the fond smile on his face.

“So? A lot can happen in two hours.” Vic argued. “So how are you?”

“Still fine. They gave me the day off to get legal advice so… here I am.”

“Good. Have you thought about what I said earlier? The appeal?”

“I’ve thought about it…”

“And? Will you do it?”

“I don’t know Vic… it’s a lot of hassle and might not even work.”

Vic groaned in frustration and gave Aaron a “See?!” look.

“Come on Robert don’t be a prat. You’re not throwing away 12 more years of your life because there is only a small chance.” Aaron said before he could stop himself.

There was silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Aaron thought Robert had hung up.

“Aaron?” Robert said carefully, softly, as if Aaron might disappear if he spoke up.

“Hey… you’re on speaker here too. Vic told me you were being an idiot.”

“I’m just being realistic. I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“I know.” Aaron replied. “But a small chance is still a chance. It’s not fair that you have to waste away in there while Luke bloody Posner is out there living his best life, when he killed his brother.”

“We don’t know that.” Robert argued. “Maybe that shovel was the final blow.”

“Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he would have dropped dead no matter what after Luke hit him.”

“There is no way to prove that though…”

Aaron snorted.

“We both know you’ve watched enough crime shows to know that’s not true.”

Robert sighed.

“You’re so annoying when you’re right.”

Aaron laughed.

“I thought you’d be used to that by now. I’m always right.” He said, the familiar back and forth between them felt like any random phone call. “So are you going to stop being stupid and try?”

“For you?”

“No. For you. You deserve to be free, Robert.”

“I’m sorry, we’re almost out of time and Robert and I still have some things to discuss.” Robert’s solicitor interrupted.

“Alright. We’ll let you go.” Vic replied. “I’ll see you next week, Rob. I’ll book the ferry tonight.”

“Aaron?” Robert asked, ignoring Vic. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah. I’m here.”

“I… I know I have no right to ask you this… not after the way I treated you… but… you know me… selfish as ever…” He trailed off and cleared his throat. “Uhm… when Vic comes over here next week… will you come too? I… I really want to see you…”

Aaron looked over his shoulder at Ben who was still pretending to put his gear away.

“I… uh… I… I’m… ok. I’ll be there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

Aaron rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Still. I’m glad.”

“Yeah…”

“Well we’ll let you go now. We’ll see you next week then.”

“Yeah alright. See you next week.” Robert agreed. “Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“You know…”

“Yeah… I know.”

They ended the call and Vic rushed off right away, saying something about having to pick up Harry from nursery.

Aaron took a deep breath and turned around. He knew he had to talk to Ben.

“So… is this the part where you give me the boot?” Ben asked, not even pretending he hadn’t heard the whole conversation.

Aaron wondered how he could give someone the boot who he wasn’t even seeing but decided to let the comment go.

“We do need to talk.”

“And here it comes. Let me guess “It’s not you, it’s me”? Something like that?

Aaron sighed.

“I can’t turn my back on Robert. He means too much to me.” He started. “We were married. We were starting surrogacy to have a baby together. A second child. I was going to adopt his son. Our son. And then the Posners screwed everything up and the idiot went and handed himself in. He handed himself in so I could have a life without having to constantly look over my shoulder. I can’t just forget that.”

Ben nodded.

“Ok. I understand. You still love him and you don’t want me.”

“No. It’s… it’s complicated ok? I do care about you… and you’ve been great... helping me and supporting me with Liv and everything.”

“But…”

“But…” Aaron shrugged. “I just… I’m not exactly boyfriend material right now. For anyone. My life’s basically been on hold for almost two years… My life’s been empty… grey… bleak… and just hearing his voice just now gave me a burst of colour again.”

“Because you’re still in love with him.” Ben stated.

“I… it’s more complicated than that.” Aaron settled on. “I can’t explain it because I don’t really know where my head is at myself.”

“Ok…”

“But… we have a laugh don’t we? I like hanging out with you… as mates.”

Ben nodded.

“Friend zoned. I get it.” He looked at a spot somewhere over Aaron’s shoulder. “I have to get back to work. I don’t want to get sacked and dumped all in one day.” He said and left.

Aaron sighed but let him go. He shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking. He wasn’t really sure where he wanted to go, but knew he didn’t want to go home.

Before he’d even left the Hop grounds, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked the message and saw a text from Vic with a screenshot of a ferry booking site. She’d circled a time slot and put a question mark by it. He stared at it for a few minutes before hitting reply.

“Book it.”

#robron #robron fic #Aaron Dingle #robert sugden #victoria sugden #my writing

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scrapyardboyfriends · 4 years ago

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Early “Belated” Live Blog Part 3 - Thoughts on...Ben...Sigh

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THOSE WHO CARE!

So...with these episodes we had a mention or two about Gordon and Aaron going off about Robert with Ben there and chasing him around the Mill (upstairs is off limits to you sir!)

But on screen Aaron has only told him the vaguest thing possible about Gordon and nothing about Robert other than that he was married and now divorced.

So...have more conversations happened off screen or was this the first time Ben has even really heard about Robert and off screen he got the whole spiel of “Robert was the love of my life and my husband and he’s in prison for killing Luke’s brother Lee who raped Victoria, only now maybe it might have been the injury Luke caused that killed him and maybe this could mean something for Robert and...” and then they walked into the Mill talking about it?

Because Ben all of a sudden being in a conversation about Robert with Aaron when Aaron has never even mentioned his name to him was just...weird.

I wanted to punch him when he was all “do it for Liv” though. Ben would fit right in with Chaddy wouldn’t he? I mean Chas clearly already loves him.

But just overall, Ben and Aaron’s relationship still makes no sense to me considering it went from 0 to 60 instantly when he came back. I know things clearly got messed up because of Covid or whatever but to not even try and make it realistic that he’s suddenly this familiar with the family and this good of a friend to Aaron is just weird and jarring. I mean, the rational side of my brain doesn’t even hate Ben so much. I mean he’s a bit dull and still not really a character but I don’t hate his scenes with Aaron that much. I mean I still don’t see any romantic chemistry but they’re also not really trying to show that right now. It just bugs me because it’s like they’re pretending that he’s closer to all of them than he has any reason to be based on actual on screen evidence.

I mean Ben being all “Liv you can always text me if you need me” felt insane because previously, they had literally only said about three words to each other and it’s just strange to have it seem like he’s really gonna be there for her. Like, based on what?!

Again, clearly he was supposed to be back earlier but I still think they could have rewritten it to have him be there and still be supportive but not just glued to Aaron’s side and acting like he’s his bff or something and he’s been a friend to the family for years. You can have some kind of in between.

I just feel like if that first day in the cafe if Ben had let him go deal with the Liv situation on his own and then Aaron had gone to get a coffee or something the next day or whatever and run into Ben and he had asked him about Liv and then given him the idea about the video message and then Aaron found him later to say thanks even if it does no good, at least he feels like he’s done something. And maybe they have a chat about the “toxic” conversation and Ben says he’s sorry for going off on him even if he did sort of deserve it but he can see that Aaron really does just care about his sister or something to that effect and that he’s there if he ever needs someone to talk to. That way he’s supportive and helpful but doesn’t just become his shadow and have all the answers because they made everyone else incompetent.

And then they could have left it and had them run into each other again last week and had Ben check in again and see how it’s going and see that Aaron is stressed and offer to distract him for a bit and Aaron could maybe take it the wrong way like a romantic thing but Ben could clarify that he just wants to help and they could just watch a film or something to stop him going crazy for a couple hours and then he can go right back to worrying. And then Vinny could come by with the news about Liv calling.

And then maybe they could have left Chas out of it and had Aaron getting a coffee before getting on the road and run into Ben who says he has a day off and wouldn’t mind going with, like a road trip. And maybe when they stop to get signal and check directions, they talk a bit and maybe Robert comes up because Aaron misses having him there to help him with Liv or something and Ben asks if that’s the ex husband and they talk a bit about Robert and him being in prison to tee up Vic’s bombshell later. I mean it’s a bit obvious but also I feel like it would have transitioned better.

And then just, Ben still would have been there a lot and been supportive but in a more normal way and less like he’d already moved into the Mill and they’d been friends or boyfriends for months and knew everything about one another. It’s just too much too soon in a way that feels jarring and disingenuous and I have no idea where it’s going to go now that Robert has been brought up in this way and they’ve still never had a conversation about what they even are. And I know he was spending every waking second worrying about Liv but you know I mentioned earlier that Nicola was able to be there for Bernice but still mention her own problems. They can do more than one thing at a time and I just feel like none of this has endeared people to Ben because even people who don’t mind Ben still find the whole thing weird that he’s just all of a sudden attached to Aaron.

I don’t know why I bother working out how it could make better sense but it’s how my brain works. Sorry for the very long ramble.

#belated live blogging #current emmerdale #emmerdale complaints corner #emmerdale spoilers #current aaron #nonron

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nooneelsecomesclose17 · 3 years ago

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To answer to one of your anon, I don't like Ben/Aaron mostly because everything happens so fait between them, offscreen and like you said, they went from Ben calling him toxic to "omg we are so in love", Aaron wasn't ready for a relationship 3 weeks ago, he wanted to dumbed him. They always seems to annoyed to be with each other. Something is so weird between them. It's like they can't stand being with each other.

I'm not invested in many couples now but i just want them to have this special connection between them and the show doesn't give us that. I mean, for example, we saw this little thing between Andy and Katie and Katie and Robert. To me, it's not about Robron. While i do love them together, i always felt like Aaron took Robert for granted. No, it's just i want to feel for them, to have a positive connection with ben/aaron but we don't see it at all with them, not like with the very few scenes we had with Victoria and David. Ben/Aaron, it's like two guys who are forced to work together but they can't stand each other. I feel like Ben do everything so Aaron can depend on him but as the same time, the way Ben looks at Aaron, i feel like he dislikes him somehow. And Aaron, each time he makes a move toward Ben, it's because he heard something about Robert or because his mom forces him to be with him. It doesn't feel natural at all. At least with Alex, Aaron liked him. I don't know how to explain it, ben/aaron just feels forced to me by the writing and by the characters of Ben and of Chas, Aaron forced himself to be with him as well.

Sorry for my bad english

That is the big problem for me. It’s so fast and there’s no depth at all, which you need if you are a soap couple 😂

It’s awkward and it’s uncomfortable watching Aaron like this. It could probably be good if they put the effort in. If it’s meant to be that way for a reason then ok, but it still needs development. We didn’t see Chas meet him the first time, instead she just adores him. I just want a story, like you say, the way we got with David and Vic. It’s those little moments that were not getting and so it feels really shallow.

It’s not going to be Robron and nor should it. I think you’re right, but they took each other for granted at times tbh.

It all feels like it’s heading somewhere and they just can’t be bothered to build it up enough.

Your English is wonderful btw 🙂

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softlass27 · 4 years ago

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Robert Week 2020 Day 3: Family A family dinner goes awry when revelations about the Sugden brothers' past come to light.

FYI, this is set in a slightly AU version of husbands era where Andy returned at some point and is living in Emmerdale again (I brought Adam back too, because why not).

Also, this fic refers to an old storyline that I must have watched but have no real memory of, considering how long ago it aired. So I've had to rely on gifsets and the Emmerdale Wiki, which you can see here:

https://emmerdale.fandom.com/wiki/Stephen_Butler https://isabellaofparma.tumblr.com/post/176241877331 https://robsugdens.tumblr.com/post/176241303211/i-didnt-have-it-easy

On a warm Saturday evening in August, the Sugdens and their other halves all gather round Diane’s table for their tea. Family time still isn’t a particularly common occurrence for them, but Diane and Victoria insist on it every now and then, and they mostly manage to get through the odd meal without any drama these days.

So as Aaron sits in his usual spot next to Robert and Seb, he doesn’t expect much more from the next couple of hours than some small talk with his in-laws over homemade shepherd’s pie and apple crumble.

Andy and Victoria are both in a nostalgic mood, it seems, tossing childhood memories back and forth as they eat. Nothing too heavy, thankfully, just funny – mostly farming-related – anecdotes from their youth.

At least, Andy, Vic, Diane and Doug seem to find them funny. Adam smiles and laughs easily along with them, but Aaron’s mostly left nonplussed. Honestly, the only thing getting him through it is the eye roll and small kill-me-now grin Robert shoots him whenever they catch each other’s eye. Aaron’s husband is clearly just as bored by the farm talk as he is, only chiming in when someone addresses him directly.

How many stories can you possibly tell about runaway cows, anyway?

As the first hour drags by and some of them start helping themselves to seconds, talk turns to Butlers farm and how the Sugdens had come to take it over back in the day.

“Who were the actual Butlers, anyway?” Adam asks, shovelling a forkful of mashed potato in his mouth. “Don’t think my mum ever said when we moved in there.”

“Just a bloke who was getting too old to keep up with things,” Andy replies with a shrug. “Will or Wilf, I think. And he had a son, too, about our age, right Rob?”

Robert nods as he wipes Seb’s mouth (he’s going through an incredibly messy phase of insisting on feeding himself) but doesn’t add anything.

“Drawing a blank on his name, though – ”

“Steve,” Robert interrupts quietly, turning back to his plate.

“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Andy snaps his fingers as the memory comes back to him. “Steve… dunno what happened to him. We were mates for a bit but he moved away in the end. We’d fallen out, can’t remember why but – ”

Robert’s scoff cuts Andy off. Everyone pauses and turns to him as he finally lifts his head to stare at a confused-looking Andy.

“What?”

“Are you kidding me?” Robert asks incredulously.

Victoria tenses and glances warily between the two of them. “What’s the matter, Robert?”

“Yeah, what’s your problem?” Andy says with a frown.

“You seriously don’t remember what happened with Steve?”

“No… ” Andy’s bewilderment is quickly turning to annoyance. “Who cares, it was like, a million years ago. Do you remember everyone you fell out with when we were kids? Saying that, it’d be a pretty long list for you, wouldn’t it?”

“Boys, come on now,” Doug rumbles quietly. “Let’s not spoil the evening.”

Robert stays silent, but Aaron can see he’s biting the inside of his jaw. A telltale sign that he’s upset but trying to keep it together. He rests a hand on Robert's tense thigh under the table, ready to jump in to his defence if needed.

“Well, share with the class,” Andy drawls, ignoring Doug’s words with the beginnings of a smirk. Aaron has no idea what this is about, but he wants to punch it off his face. “What was it, then?”

Robert hesitates, eyes darting to Seb – who’s thankfully still oblivious to the tension – before shaking his head and stabbing at his food with his fork.

“What, nothin’ to say?”

“No.”

“Maybe we should just change the – ” Diane begins, but Andy speaks over her.

“No, come on, he’s started now. Spit it out, Rob, whatever it is that's got your back up.”

“I said no.”

No one else at the table would have caught it, but Aaron hears the wobble in Robert’s voice. He tightens the hand on his husband's thigh, trying to keep him calm, remind him that he's not alone at the table.

“What d’you bring it up for, then?” Andy isn’t taking no for an answer, apparently, and he’s starting to get on Aaron’s last nerve. “God, you always do this, always have to turn everything into some big drama, don't you? Come on, what was it that was so bad that – ”

“You found out Steve was gay,” Robert cuts Andy off, voice low but unmistakably clear.

Silence rings over the table as everyone freezes on the spot. Adam’s fork hovers in the air for a moment, before he sets it back on the plate with a clatter.

“Or, you heard rumours that he was gay, from that Ali kid. I dunno if he actually was, but that was good enough for you. You heard the rumours, you believed them – started passing them on to other people too, if I remember right – and after that, you wanted nothing to do with him.”

Aaron’s heart is thumping loudly in his chest, a familiar anger and defensiveness – for Robert, for himself, for this Steve kid – surging through him like wildfire. He watches Andy open his mouth uncertainly before closing it again, the irritation vanished from his face and replaced with shock. He looks like a deer caught in headlights.

“I asked you what the big deal was, why you cared so much if Steve was gay,” Robert continues with an air of apparent nonchalance, though Aaron knows better than to fall for the act, he knows Robert's fuming. Hurting.

“You said he shouldn’t have kept it hidden from everyone, you had a right to know what sort of person you’d been hanging out with. You were also very keen to make sure everyone else knew that just because you’d spent time with him, that didn’t make you ‘queer’, as you put it.”

Diane and Doug both look on uncomfortably, while Victoria brings a hand to her mouth in shock.

“Andy, you didn’t… ” she whispers with wide eyes. Adam lays a hand on her shoulder, looking almost as taken aback by the situation as her.

“I… ” Andy flounders helplessly, head whipping to his sister then back to Robert.

“Steve ended up moving away from the village in the end,” Robert finishes, pushing his plate away and tossing his napkin on to the table. “I guess all the shit he got over it – the name-calling and bullying – became too much for him to cope with, so he got the hell out of there. And no one ever mentioned him again.”

“Robert… ”

“Any of this ringing any bells for you, Andy?”

Andy gulps loudly before giving the slightest of nods.

“I – I forgot.”

“That’s nice for you,” Robert lets out a hollow laugh, before abruptly pushing his chair back with a loud scrape. “Sorry Diane, dinner’s been great but I don’t really fancy pudding. Lost my appetite.”

He scoops Seb out of his high chair and strides out of the room with a backward glance. Aaron rises quickly, muttering his thanks to Diane for the meal and following him, only stopping to throw a hard glare back in Andy’s direction. When Andy’s eyes meet his, he cringes and shrinks back in his seat.

Good.

“S’been a while since I’ve sat in on some proper Sugden drama,” Aaron say lightly, passing Robert a brew and Seb his sippy cup of juice.

Robert lets out a small huff but doesn’t speak, silently watching Seb playing with his toy cars on the rug. He hasn’t said much of anything since they left Diane’s and Aaron hasn’t pushed him. Not until now, anyway.

Careful not to spill their teas, he sinks onto the sofa and nudges Robert gently, raising a questioning eyebrow at him. Robert glances at him before sighing heavily.

“Probably gonna get an earful off Diane later,” he eventually mutters. “Causin’ a scene, spoiling a family meal again.”

“Somehow I don’t think she’ll blame you for this one. And if she does, she’ll have me to deal with.”

That gets him a tiny smile, at least.

“Gonna tell her off, are you?”

“I ain’t scared of her.”

Robert chuckles and leans into him, taking a slow sip of his tea. They sit in companionable silence for a few moments, before Robert begins to speak.

“I know Andy doesn’t have a problem with me, with you and me. I know he doesn’t think like that anymore, I wouldn’t speak to him if he did,” he says quietly. “We were just kids, and kids can be idiots, I get it. It’s just – it’s the fact that he didn’t even remember. To him it was clearly just a stupid bit of teenage drama, it didn’t mean anything. He probably never even gave it a second thought after Steve was gone. Whereas I… ”

Robert trails off, blinking rapidly and looking frustrated. Aaron reaches over to lace their fingers together, squeezing gently. As out and proud as his husband is now, it's still difficult for him to talk about his sexuality sometimes, about all the time he spent in hiding it.

“That day,” Robert eventually continues. “When Andy said all that stuff about not wanting to hang out with Steve anymore, I thought I was gonna be sick there and then. The way he acted like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever heard… I don’t think I got a wink of sleep that night. I just lay there in bed, picturing Andy’s face if he ever found out about – about me. If he knew what Dad knew.”

He sets his mug down and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It wasn’t like I’d been about to come out or anything, this was a couple of years after Dad… you know.”

Aaron nods wordlessly, feeling the hatred he’d carried for Jack Sugden ever since he learnt about that day bubble rapidly to the surface.

“I’d already buried the fact that I liked boys, I'd decided I was just gonna pretend it wasn’t there. But – but hearing Andy say all that stuff about Steve, the way he reacted to even the possibility that his mate was… It was like like the final nail in the coffin, y’know?” Robert’s bottom lip wobbles as he shakes his head, sounding so resigned.

“I knew then, that I could never tell him. Or my friends, or anyone in this stupid village. Any hope I’d had, deep down, that being myself might be... I don’t know, not accepted but… tolerated, maybe? It pretty much died that day.”

Sometimes, Aaron is reminded of just how drastically things in Emmerdale have changed in recent times. His adolescence and Robert’s were only a few years apart; on paper the time seems like nothing. But the reality is that in terms of mindset and attitude, things couldn’t have been more different for the two of them.

He remembers the fear, the absolute terror of others finding out the truth about him all too well. But once he was out, once the dust settled and everyone knew… apart from the odd snide comment from some tosser he didn’t even know, people were fine with it. His family, Victoria, Adam, Ryan, Holly… none of them cared, no one saw him any differently. If anything, he became closer to nearly every person around him.

The fact that Robert not only believed that the opposite would happen to him, but basically had actual confirmation of it played out right before his eyes, breaks Aaron's heart.

He puts down his own mug so he can pull Robert into him and tuck him under his chin, Robert’s arms circling his waist as he buries his face into Aaron's chest.

“I love you,” he murmurs into his husband’s hair, hands stroking softly. “You deserved better.”

Robert clutches him tighter.

Later that night, Adam texts him while Robert’s in the shower.

so that was fun

Aaron readjusts a sleepy Seb in his lap so he can reply.

What happened after we left? Andy say anything?

not much. diane and vic gave him an earful, he left pretty sharpish. looked proper ashamed of himself too. vic’s been going spare ever since, i’ve had to stop her from going to yours 3 times. u both ok?

We’re fine. Tell Vic that Rob’s alright, I’ve got him

will do. night mate

“Well, you’ve got balls, I’ll give you that.” Is the only thing Aaron says when he opens the front door to Andy the next morning, folding his arms across his chest.

Andy shuffles awkwardly on the welcome mat, a hand coming up to scratch his bushy beard.

“Is Robert here?”

“Yes.”

He doesn’t step aside to let Andy in. When Andy realises that Aaron isn’t budging, he sighs heavily, shoulders slumped.

“Look Aaron, I uh… ” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry."

“Not me you need to apologise to.”

“No, I know, but I just wanted to say that I was a right idiot back then, really stupid. Ignorant. And I’m – I’m not proud of it, but I don’t want you thinking I’m still like that because – ”

“I don’t think you’re like that,” Aaron cuts him off.

“…Yeah?”

“You wouldn’t still be standing here if I did.”

Andy pauses and blinks, face twisting nervously.

“Right, well uh… good, I’m glad. So… can I…?” He gestures to the inside of the house.

“Wait here.”

He closes the door in Andy’s face (not exactly necessary, but he takes some petty pleasure in it) and walks through the living room to the back door, stepping out into bright sunshine and the sound of splashing and laughter.

Seb’s playing in his paddling pool in the garden, happy as a clam, while Robert sprawls on the grass beside it, occasionally passing him one of the bath toys they’d brought down to the garden. The front of his t-shirt is absolutely drenched.

“Alright?” He asks as Aaron approaches.

“Andy’s here. Asking for you.”

Robert stiffens, grin dropping off his face.

“Want me to send him packing?”

There’s a long pause, before Robert sighs and shakes his head. “No… suppose he can come through.”

Aaron returns to the front door and beckons Andy, leading him to the back garden.

“Andy!” Seb cries when he spots them. “Pool!”

“Wow, look at this!” Andy calls as he steps closer. For all his and Robert's issues, he adores Seb. “You havin’ fun, mate?”

Seb nods vigorously, his damp sunhat bouncing on his head as he smacks his hands into the water. Robert tilts his head up to stare at Andy.

“Alright?” Andy tries for a hopeful smile, which Robert doesn’t return, instead refocusing his gaze on Seb.

“Can we have a quick chat?”

Robert passes Seb a rubber duck.

“Rob, come on,” Andy pleads, looking down at him imploringly.

Robert rolls his eyes, before pushing himself up and wiping his palms on his shorts.

“Can you – ?” He asks Aaron, gesturing to Seb.

“Course.” Aaron gives Robert’s wrist a brief squeeze as he passes him, before settling down next to the paddling pool, flicking some water in Seb’s face to make him laugh.

As he plays with his son, he keeps an eye on the two brothers, watching as they walk to the deckchairs at other end of the garden, sitting sideways on them so they’re facing each other.

Aaron can’t make out exactly what’s being said, not over the sound of Seb’s splashing and yelling, but neither of them look angry, which is a good sign. He just hopes Jack’s name doesn’t come up, otherwise that could all change in a heartbeat.

Andy’s doing most of the talking, elbows resting on his bouncing knees as he leans towards Robert. The expression on his face is uncomfortable but earnest, as he offers what is clearly an apology – Aaron doesn’t need to hear them to know that much. It makes a change; Aaron’s never known anyone so keen to deny any wrongdoing as Andy Sugden – especially when it comes to Robert and their childhood.

Robert keeps his face blank, sitting ramrod straight and staring somewhere past Andy’s shoulder as he listens. But as Andy continues speaking, his face begins softens a little and he eventually begins talking back quietly. Andy fidgets and looks down, but he doesn’t interrupt except to nod occasionally, replying only when Robert finishes speaking. It’s probably the most the Sugden brothers have communicated in years.

Aaron wishes he could lipread. Or that he had a slightly quieter child.

“Daddy!” Seb cries for his attention, hitting him in the chest with a plastic bucket.

“Oh, sorry mate, did you want a shower?” He fills the bucket with water and tips it all over Seb’s head until every inch of him is dripping, causing him to shriek loudly.

“That’s what you get,” Aaron laughs at the indignant expression on his son’s face, before glancing up to see Robert and Andy have stopped talking in favour of watching the scene fondly.

Andy stands and stretches. “I should get going, then,” he says to Robert, who stands to follow him.

“Stay for a bit if you like? We’ve got lemonade in the fridge, lots of ice.”

“Nah, you’re alright. I’m taking Sarah shopping soon,” he claps Robert on the shoulder. “Another time, though?”

“Okay, yeah.”

“I’ll see myself out.” Andy leans down to tickle Seb under the chin. “Enjoy your pool, Seb.”

He starts walking across the grass, before pausing and turning back to them.

“Rob?”

“Yeah?”

“You – you’re my brother,” Andy chews his lip, looking serious. “My family. Family’s supposed to rely on each other, and I made you feel like you couldn’t. I really am sorry.”

There’s a long silence as Robert stares at him, unmoving. For a moment, Aaron thinks he isn’t going to say anything back, and then –

“S’okay, Andy. It’s forgotten.”

“Okay,” Andy nods, sounding relieved. “Oh, and please let Vic know that I’ve spoken to you, will you? Before she castrates me.”

Robert’s mouth twitches. “Can’t have that. I’ll let her know.”

“Cheers. See you, Rob. Aaron.”

Andy takes his leave, shoving his hands in his pockets and disappearing around the corner of the house.

Robert sinks down onto the grass next to Aaron and lets out a long breath.

“Okay?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

Robert smiles and presses a kiss to the side of his head. “I’m fine. We talked, it was good.”

That’s probably the most Aaron’s going to get out of him, for now at least, so he smiles back and snakes an arm around his waist. If Robert’s good, then he’s good.

“D’you want me to get the drinks from the – hey!” Robert splutters when he’s cut off by Seb chucking a bucketful of water in his face, giggling madly when he hits his target with impressive accuracy.

“Good aim, kid,” Aaron grins, ruffling Seb’s soaked hair.

#robertweek2020 #sugden brothers #robron #ALL THE FEELS #my writing

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nooowestayandgetcaught · 4 years ago

Note

1-36 ALL OF EM. ALL OF EM.

THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR, BRO. ALL FANDOMS.

1. First ship you remember

Peter Pan/Wendy Darling (Disney’s Peter Pan) is my best guess as far back as I can remember. That’s the original OTP next to Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle (DCU) and Ariel/Prince Eric (Disney’s The Little Mermaid).

2. Your newest ship

Hmmm,,, I haven’t really watched anything new,,,,,,, but I mean I did get into Geralt/Jaskier (Netflix’s The Witcher) recently. I really like them.

3. Favourite ship ever

STARES LONGINGLY AT PETER/WENDY

I go between them and Mulan/Li Shang (Disney’s Mulan) and Korra/Asami Sato (Avatar: Legend of Korra) and Yuuri Katsuki/Viktor Nikiforov (Yuuri On Ice) and Arya Stark/Gendry Waters (GOT/ASOIAF) for my favorite ships of all time

4. Favourite m/f ship

I grew up on the His Dark Materials books and I always was a Lyra Belaqua/Will Parry shipper and that has never ever changed. They’re so sweet. I WOULD LIKE PHILIP PULLMAN TO BRING THEM IN THE NEXT BOOK THAT IS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT. DO NOT FUCK AROUND.

5. Favourite m/m ship

you really can’t wrong with Ash Lynx/Eiji Okumura (Banana Fish) except you can and I don’t care,,,, everyone’s alive and fine and not depressed,,,,,,,

6. Favourite f/f ship

do you know how much my heart broke when they refused to do Emma Swan/Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time) EVEN THOUGH everything in canon said they were True Love????? now I’m just pissed,,,,, I can’t let go of them

7.Most innocent ship

OH GOD,,, KATARA/AANG (AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER). THE FLUFFIEST. THE HAPPIEST. THE SWEETEST BABIES.

8.Most fluffy ship

WHAT DID I LITERALLY JUST SAY???

9.Most angsty ship

good god it’s Clarke Griffin/Lexa (The 100) but I still love them and I know I wasn’t THERE for Lexa dying but I’m STILL livid about what they did and how they treated the LGBT+ community and I’m gonna throw hands,,,, ever since it happened and Clexa is mentioned in the show,,, it’s always so painful,,,,, Clarke is not letting Lexa go and tbh she shouldn’t and I’m gonna get mad again

10. Most smutty ship

Smut is optional, not a requirement for my ships.

11. Ship that you would never have wanted in canon but like in fanworks

I don’t fucking trust MCU so they can have none of my ships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12. Character that you can only imagine in one ship

BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

13. Most shippable character

Merlin (BBC Merlin) and Harry Potter.

14. Character that you can’t imagine in any ship

Any character I don’t like.

15. Favourite poly ship

I love love love love Rey/Finn/Poe Dameron. Finnreypoe. Jedistormpilot. I fell in love with Rey/Finn and Finn/Poe through “The Force Awakens” and then saw in the novelization that there was hints of Rey/Poe Dameron and LATCHED onto it. Don’t even fight me with “The Rise Of Skywalker” because it was COMPLETELY a Jedistormpilot movie and that’s all I was there for. Those three characters.

16. Characters that you kinda ship but prefer as brotp FRIENDSHIP

since I think Katniss might be aroace,,, I wanna say Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark and don’t get wrong,,,, I do ship but more platonic ship

17. Characters that you ship and can’t imagine to be friends

Spike himself said that Buffy Summers/Angel (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) dynamic could never be friends and only friends and he’s right

18. Guilty pleasure ship

GUILT IS CRINGE!! CRINGE CULTURE IS DEAD!!! YOU SHIP THINGS TO YOUR HEART’S DELIGHT!!!!! HAVE FUN!!!

19. Ship that you never expected to ship.

I was straightbaited by Black Sails while watching as it aired and never saw Captain James Flint/Thomas Hamilton coming,,,, or them unburying the gays,,,,, I thought the whole time Thomas and James were sharing Miranda,,,

20. Ship that you liked but don’t anymore

at one point I liked Callum/Soren (The Dragon Prince) but I’m over them and I’m over that show and I don’t support Aaron fucking Ehasz

21. Ship that one day you were thinking of and thought “wait,when I started shipping it?”

I DO THAT LITERALLY WITH EVERY SHIP I HAVE

22. Ship that you immediately fall in love with after one scene despite not considering it before.

aahhhh I saw Toni Topez interact with Cheryl Blossom from Riverdale after their confrontation which was like,,,, the first time they ever spoke to each other,,,, but then the diner scene happened, and now I ship them. And they’re canon.

23. Poly ship that you ship despite not shipping some of the characters in it outside of poly ship.

I only ship Ryn/Maddie Bishop/Ben Powell with each other. That’s it. IT’S A CANON INTERRACIAL LGBT+ SHIP. IT’S REAL. I’M SO HAPPY.

24. Biggest notp

Dick Grayson/Barbara Gordon (DCU),,,,, oooh don’t get me fucking started

25. Favourite foe yay ship

L/Light (Death Note). That’s a classic. I know Light made sure his ass was murdered but c’mon,,, c’mon,,,, THE CREDITS TO THE LAST EPISODE THO??? DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT???? THAT WAS GAY AS HELL.

26. Characters that you like in every dynamic (lovers,friends,enemies)

we gotta go with Doctor/Master (Doctor Who),,, they’ve been all three,,,,, nobody can tell me otherwise and that’s the beauty of these two! My favorite versions are 1) Thirteen/Dhawan!Master, 2) Ten/Simms!Master, and 3) Twelve/Missy and if you add Simms!Master with the last one then it’s GOLDEN

27. Ship that you expected to ship before reading/watching franchise and you do

I saw gifs and things of Anne Lister/Ann Walker (Gentleman Jack) before I started watching and I already knew I was gonna fall in love AND I DID

28. Ship that you expected to ship before reading/watching franchise and you don’t

this might be a weird one but I really thought I was gonna ship Victor Van Dort/Victoria Everglot or Victor Van Dort/Emily (Corpse Bride) and I just didn’t for either of them. I DO HOWEVER SHIP EMILY/VICTORIA EVERGLOT.

29. Favourite crossover ship

OHHHHH we gotta go with Kate Kane/Kara Danvers (Arrowverse) like look at them look at the gay it’s like SuperBat but the female millennial version

30. Favourite canon ship

Princess Bubblegum/Marceline (Adventure Time)! I’m overjoyed they are canon! I’m not done watching all of this show but still,,,,, and that means we can get Prince Gumball/Marshall Lee to be confirmed canon too?? Yes??

31. Favourite non-canon ship

I know we can’t like CONFIRM in canon but Frodo Baggins/Samewise Gamgee are in love and there’s no denying this. They’re canon enough to me.

32. Favourite ship for hurt-comfort

All of my ships are good for hurt/comfort and whump. I don’t discriminate.

33. Ship that you ship in one installment of franchise but not in other (for example in movie,but not in the book this movie is based on)

I ship Hannibal Lecter/Clarice Starling in the movies for Hannibal related things, even though Will Graham exists in them, but I ship Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham for NBC’s Hannibal 100% and won’t ship them with anyone else

34. Ship that you never expected to ship when you were younger but here you are

I never expected to ship Harry Potter/Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger all together years down the road,,,,, since as a kid I flip-flopped between Ron/Hermione & Harry/Me,,,, er,,,,,,,,, I mean Harry/My OC That Was Definitely Not Me At All and Harry/Hermione but here we are

35. Ship that you have kinda love/hate relationship with

right now it’s Rue Bennett/Jules Vaughn (HBO’s Euphoria) because they’re so cute,,, they really are,,, but they can be so bad together and I hate that! I just want it to work out but Jules doesn’t understand her own feelings,,, and is kinda fucking around with Rue’s feelings,,,,,, and Rue needs to deal with her drug addiction problems first,,,, but let’s see what happens for Season 2

36. Characters that you can’t decide if you prefer as ship or brotp

okay FIRST OFF we don’t “brotp” anything no more because the term was created with homophobic connotations so replace it with “friendship” and honestly I can’t decide if I like Lucifer/Chloe Decker (Netflix’s Lucifer) as a romantic or platonic ship or somewhere between. I haven’t decided.

#ask #glove23 #long post

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robronsecretsanta · 5 years ago

Photo

play it again, sam

Robert Sugden has everything he could possibly want: fame, fortune, and a successful music career. What he doesn’t have is Aaron Dingle.

+ playlist

For @saras-almanac; Hope this holiday finds you happy and well, and that you have a wonderful next year! I wanted to give you something that you requested, so I hope I hit all the right notes. (Pun intended!)

:::::

He knows he’s probably not welcome here again, not after all the things he’s said and done since. But it’s Christmas Eve and there’s nowhere else he wants to be, so he ends up driving back to Hotten. (He knows he could technically take his sister up on her standing invitation to spend the holidays with her and her husband, but Robert’s gone five years without doing that even once, so he doesn’t want to break and give up this year.)

His first thought when he walks up to the bar entrance is just how the exterior is still exactly as he remembers it; a piece of land that time forgot as the world around continued to tick by. The windows are still frosted, diffusing the warm yellow light from within, even a gentle coat of snow can’t seem to change that. It looks like something you’d sing songs about, and maybe in another life he would have.

Robert pauses outside the door, rethinking his decision, wondering if the price he may have to pay is even close to worth it. But the part of him that made him drive all the way up here insists that yes, it is, and it would still give up more than double. After all, who can weigh the price of home beyond a heart that does nothing but miss it?

So he takes a deep breath in, and pushes through the front door, dread creeping up his spine speedily. He has a lot to answer for, and yet more to make amends for, so he’s back to where it all started.

:::::

If the outside is the same, the inside has changed, and his eyes are quick to notice it. There are decorations covering every inch of surface that’s not currently in use, and even Christmas music playing overhead. (It’s a cover of a song that he can’t recognise, but still sounds vaguely familiar; a niggle of an itch at the back of his brain, but right now he’s more focused on other things.)

The lights are dim, and there’s a fire burning in the hearth, adding extra warmth to the cozy atmosphere. There might have been some change in The Scrapyard’s management’s policy since the last time he was here because there are pride flags hung on the brick back wall. However the handwriting on the chalkboard hanging right next to them is that same messy scrawl, so he doubts too much has changed besides that.

“What are you doing here?”

Robert turns to find himself faced with a much younger man than he’d been assuming to find, though his countenance is just as hard as he’d been expecting. He steps up to Robert with a fire in his dark eyes, and the promise of a threat in his clenched fists. “Thought Aaron told you you weren’t welcome here.”

“Ellis, it’s alright.”

Robert heaves an internal sigh of relief. He’d never admit it, but the other man had had him worried. He’s clearly in shape, and between Robert giving his security guard the night off, there’s no way he could have taken him. (There’s also that niggle at the back of his brain, confirming that he would have deserved whatever was coming.)

Ellis takes a step back, folding his arms across his chest, staring him down before eventually turning away. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Go on home. Marlon won’t stop texting me.”

Ellis turns to look at him, before finally nodding, then turns to look at Robert one last time. When he speaks again, his eyes are a hard steel, though his words are aimed at Aaron. “Call me if you need any help taking out the rubbish.”

He fires one last glare and heads out the door, bumping into Robert’s shoulder forcefully on purpose.

Robert doesn’t react, doesn’t say anything else, not wanting to have made a bigger scene that might draw attention. With Ellis now gone, it’s just the two of them… along with a few of the regular late-night punters. People who have nowhere else they’d rather be either. So in a way, he’s one of them.

Robert slowly exhales, and brings his gaze up, finally letting his eyes settle on Aaron. He’s wearing an old green jumper and skinny black jeans — not unlike when they’d been dating.

And just like that, it’s a kick to the chest; a quick punch that sends his heart careening. Aaron hasn’t changed at all, and yet he’s changed so much, a man where a boy used to be. He’s grown out his close-shaved hair — now curlier on top — and is wearing it completely gel-free. Robert’s heart pangs as he wonders who caused that to happen, which of the men who might have come after him. (He has no doubt Aaron dated again — and that’s without Victoria messaging him.)

“New boyfriend?” He tries to joke, his voice barely holding steady under the weight of those blue eyes. Aaron’s gaze is fixed and firm, scrutinising every last inch of him. (For a second Robert wonders what he might see in his face, and what changes he might be finding. Robert’s fashion hasn’t changed, though his hair’s a bit more styled, and his skin is a bit more tanned than it was when he was last here. He’s taller and broader, with a slightly deeper voice. No longer that skinny lad of 22.)

“New bar keep.” Aaron eventually replies, his tone flat and perfectly neutral. If he’s had any reaction to seeing Robert suddenly turn up in his pub, he’s sure as hell not showing it. And somehow that cuts more than anything else, despite Robert knowing he’s not owed anything.

“Suppose there was an opening.” Robert tries again, hoping for any inch of give from the man in front of him. But Aaron simply turns and heads behind the bar, green jumper pulling tight against bigger biceps.

“What do you want, Robert?” He says it like a sigh; a long-suffering parent looking for answers. Robert almost feels like a wayward child as his stomach starts to lurch, his face growing hot from the question.

“Thought I’d get a drink,” he replies as pleasantly as he can, still intent on ignoring everything about Aaron’s general demeanour. He unzips his big brown coat to further underscore his point — and show off the fitted white shirt he has on underneath. If Aaron checks him out while he takes a seat in front of him, he completely misses it.

“There’s plenty of pubs in London.” Aaron points out, making no move to serve him.

“Missed the service.” The charm offensive continues, though much less assuredly. “No one pours a pint quite like Aaron Dingle.”

“Not my problem,” Aaron shrugs and leans against the back wall, crossing his arms against his chest.

Sitting this close, Robert’s taking in every detail that he can, doing his best to update his memory. His beard is thicker, fuller, and much better maintained, and his chest is now broader and more muscular. (Robert remembers Vic mentioning Aaron training to box, but he’d never really asked after that. The thought of Aaron sweaty and half-naked and fighting other men would have caused his resolve to break completely.)

“It is a little,” Robert eventually insists, ignoring the growing tightness in his chest space. It’s the ache of his heart slowly tearing apart and being shredded like strips of paper. He’d thought he had a shot, but he’s less sure now. He’s starting to rethink this whole plan.

“You need to stop being so memorable.” He perseveres on, not willing to give up without one last fight.

Something seems to crack, because Aaron finally moves, reaching below the bar to pull out a pint glass and fill it. He slides it to Robert without another word, though the force and speed of the gesture cause some of the beer to spill around it. A few drops splatter onto Robert’s jeans, not that he even notices.

“£1.50. Leave when it’s done.”

Aaron turns and heads into the backroom.

:::::

SIX YEARS AGO

The melody is fine, but then he plays a wrong note, and the effect is immediately jarring. Robert flinches and tries it again, but stops as soon as he hits it.

“It sounds fine,” Aaron says after his fifth attempt, walking over from the bar and standing by the piano. He’s wearing one of his biggest and baggiest shirts, paired with baggy jeans and a hoodie. It’s early enough in the evening that the pub is still empty, so Robert’s trying to squeeze in some extra practice.

“You don’t know what it’s supposed to sound like,” Robert chuckles, shuffling to the side and making space on the bench for his best friend.

“Not my fault I’m not inside your head,” Aaron shrugs, taking a seat beside him. “Don’t think I want to know what goes on in there.”

He pretends to shudder in fear as Robert’s cheeks grow warm, thinking of all the time he spends thinking of him.

So he pretends to ignore that comment and play a few more notes, hoping that repetition will lead to an answer. But as he approaches that same part again, a mental wall starts to build until he comes to a complete standstill. The song won’t progress and so he can’t either, the whole experience nothing but vexing.

He runs a hand through his hair — longer in the back — and pounds a frustrated fist on his upper thigh lightly.

“I can’t seem to figure out what comes next,” Robert complains, tapping a high note repeatedly. “Nothing I play seems to sound right.”

“Then play something else,” Aaron suggests, like he always does any time Robert’s blocked in this way. He’s the only person Robert allows to see him compose his songs. The only other person he’d ever go for help to.

“Any requests?” Robert asks, because he can never say no — at least not to Aaron — and because his fingers have found the keys he’s looking for already. The start of the song is already playing in his head, and his hands are itching to play it.

“Surprise me,” Aaron smiles, like he can really read his mind, giving him a playful nudge in the side to confirm it. They both know what’s coming next, because Robert can never resist, playing this song any chance he gets.

Robert takes his time, feeling each note, letting the intro build to the first line of the lyrics. With each second he plays, his tension starts to ebb, as something in his chest begins to open — though that may have something to do with Aaron’s presence beside him, seeing as Robert’s been in love with him since he was in Year 11. (He knows it’s a cliche to fall for your best mate, especially when he’s the only other gay guy he knows. But every time he sees him, his heart starts to swell, making him want to burst into song like he’s about to.)

“And you must remember this… A kiss is but a kiss… A sigh is but a sigh…”

He turns to look at Aaron — just like every time he sings — eager to see his early reaction. He may not have Springsteen’s presence or Sinatra’s voice, but he can still carry “As Time Goes By” like nobody’s business. Aaron smiles, blue eyes lighting up from within, as his head bobs to the melody. Robert can see him mouth along the words, though he’d never really dare to sing it.

Pleased with the response, Robert turns away, closing his eyes as he gives himself over to the music. He lets himself forget where he is, this time and this place, just holds on to the melody and the thought of Aaron.

He only opens them again, when the song is long done, having slowed down and held that last note. Next to him, Aaron’s sitting still, patiently waiting for him to return to him.

“Mum loved that song,” Robert exhales. He turns to look at Aaron. He gently lifts his hands from the keyboard, and lets the cover drop. “It’s the reason I first started playing.”

Aaron’s eyes light up, and Robert smiles to himself, shaking his head as he tells him, “I’d wanted to surprise her for her birthday.”

The memory of those lazy Sunday afternoons plays fresh in his mind, long stretches spent squashed into his mother’s side, watching all her favourite old movies on the telly. Casablanca had been her favourite by far, Sarah quoting each scene under her breath her whole time. (When Robert had asked why she’d loved it so much, she’d simply said, “Love isn’t always easy.”)

“What did she say?” Aaron quietly asks, and Robert realises he’d never told this to anyone. But something about this song and the way Aaron’s looking at him now, makes him understand what she’d meant then.

“She signed me up for lessons the very next day,” Robert tells him, chuckling ruefully. He shakes his head as he recalls her expression. “The whole thing was terrible. I couldn’t play or sing. Don’t know what I’d been thinking.”

“Can’t say much has changed,” Aaron teases him with a nudge, only this time Robert can’t muster up much enthusiasm. He’s sent out his demo to a few different record labels, and he’s yet to hear back from any of them. All his recent gigs got cancelled, and he hasn’t written a new song in a while, so he’s due a bit of a wallow.

“Feels that way sometimes,” he sighs out loud, running his hands over the smooth mahogany cover. He traces the line of the edge, feeling it dig into his finger pad, as his hand moves further away from Aaron.

“I don’t know what I’m thinking.” His finger comes trailing back. “Dropping out of uni to become a singer. I should probably give up and go work on the farm with my dad. Maybe then I won’t be such a failure.”

“Don’t be daft.” Aaron’s serious now — more serious than Robert’s ever heard him. “You’re the best singer I know, and I love your songs. I’m not just saying that because you’re my best mate.”

He grabs Robert’s hand, holding it in his, using it to gesture back at him. “Your dad doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’d make a terrible farmer.”

He indicates Robert’s fingers, long and smooth; the fingers of a trained pianist. Aaron’s always teasing Robert for his lack of calluses — or any roughness at all — as he works to keep his nails short and hands moisturised. (Not that Robert’s absorbing any of this, his single focus on Aaron’s fingers wrapped around the backs of his. He’s always run cold, but Aaron’s touch is nothing but hot, and it’s all he can do to not get consumed by it.)

He forces himself to meet Aaron’s gaze, only to find a certain softness waiting in his expression. It says, You’ll be okay, and You’re the best man I know, and Robert, I think you’re amazing. (Maybe he’d added in that last part for himself, but he’d really had a dream like that; Aaron looking at him like he’s his whole world, just like Aaron’s always been his.)

“Thanks,” Robert whispers, nodding a smile. He can’t help but notice how close Aaron’s lips are, and how he can smell the faint traces of his new aftershave. It’s one Robert picked out himself and gifted to him last Christmas.

“Don’t mention it,” Aaron jokes back, grinning at him cheekily, before growing more serious. “Really don’t. I don’t want to be responsible for your ego.”

It’s as Aaron’s joking, that Robert takes the plunge, throwing himself off the deep end. He lunges forward and kisses Aaron on the lips, cutting him off mid-sentence.

The fundamental things apply… As time goes by…

There’s that second of a pause, where Aaron doesn’t move, and Robert’s convinced he’s ended their friendship. He’s about to pull back, apologise and run away, when Aaron starts kissing him back just as ardently.

It’s a flood of relief, then joy and pure bliss, as Robert discovers it’s better than he’d imagined. It’s a warm beam of sunlight on a cold winter’s day, when he’s stood around on the farm freezing.

When they each pull away, they’re both out of breath, though neither of them can stop grinning. Robert would say something, but his heart’s in his ears, rapidly thudding, he likes me, he likes me, he likes me.

“Robert Sugden, I am not paying you to sit around and hang out with my son,” Chas declares when she enters. “The evening rush’ll be here soon, so finish setting up. You can do whatever this is, later.”

Robert looks down at his hand, still clasped in Aaron’s, his fingers curled around Robert’s tenderly. He’s yet to let go, but it seems like he doesn’t want to yet, Aaron enjoying this moment of contact as much as Robert.

“Later?” Robert asks, voice just above a whisper, wanting to keep what happened between just the two of them.

“Later.” Aaron confirms, giving Robert’s hand a gentle squeeze.

He doesn’t stop grinning for ages.

:::::

He knows what Aaron said, but he’s hesitant to leave. At least not without a proper conversation. But knowing him, he’s locked the front door to his flat at the back, and he won’t be opening it up for Robert. (Calling and texting won’t work either, because Robert’s certain he’s blocked his number. Even if he hasn’t, he wouldn’t answer now, not knowing Robert’s sitting at the bar there.)

So Robert looks around, for the only idea he has. The only way he can think of to reach Aaron. It’s a long shot, but it just might work, and right now, Robert’s desperate.

It doesn’t take him long to find it again: the piano now tucked away in a corner and covered in tinsel. But by the looks of things, it’s in pretty decent shape, even if it is a little bit dusty. Robert lifts the lid and taps a High C. The note rings out perfectly. The instrument may be in disuse, but it’s clear that someone’s been looking after it since — or at least enough to have it tuned regularly.

“Excuse me. D’you take requests by any chance?” An older man seated nearby asks him. He’s immediately interrupted by his slightly drunk friend, who demands, “‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’!”

“Rodney! You have to say ‘Please,’” The first man exclaims, aghast at his friend’s behaviour. “Honestly, you’re worse than Gabby and Arthur. At least they remember their manners.”

He then turns back to Robert and introduces himself. “I’m Doug, and this is Rodney..”

“Robert,” he replies, glancing back at the bar, but Aaron doesn’t emerge and both men are looking at him expectantly.

“Yeah. Why not?” Robert nods, unzipping his jacket all the way, before sitting down at the piano. He glances across the room, looking for hidden cameras or phones, anything that could record it or put it on the Internet. He doesn’t need a group of his fans to swarm the pub — on Christmas Eve of all nights. He’s already in the news enough as it is. He doesn’t want to subject Aaron to that kind of hassle.

He forgets all that when he studies the keys, the whole experience so strange and unexpected. He’d never imagined coming back like this. He’d always hoped it would be under happier circumstances. But it still feels like home when he starts to play, the piano still producing that same deep and rich tone. None of his keyboards in the studio come close to capturing this sound, not even his private grand piano. And more than that, it’s also the instrument’s response, his fingers’ muscle memory starting to kick in. He doesn’t need to think about how much pressure the keys and pedals require, or how far in advance he needs to prepare for it.

Now standing next to him, Rodney starts to sing, and he’s quickly joined by Doug’s voice. As they proceed to belt out the lyrics of the song, Robert can’t help but chime in. Maybe it’s the piano, or maybe it’s being back in this pub, or maybe it’s the lack of pressure that comes from performing for a slightly drunk audience, but the notes start to flow — and with it, Robert’s voice, though he knows he’s supposed to be resting it.

The singalong attracts the rest of the late-night patrons, who’re still at the back of the pub drinking. So soon after the song wraps, Robert gets his next request, Rodney yelling, “Band Aid’s ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’”

After another quick check, but no Aaron at the bar, Robert begins to play it. The song starts out clunky, a little hazy in his mind, but he’s heard it enough on TV that he can reproduce most of it. (Not that Rodney or the rest would know, seeing as their singing is off-key anyway.) But it feels nice to get this kind of break, focus on playing and singing just for the sake of it. He makes plenty of mistakes and sings in a silly voice, something he hasn’t done in ages. The other drinks seem to enjoy that a lot, as they soon start copying that in later verses.

They’re midway through the reprise when he feels a familiar flush of warmth on his back, the sign of a very specific spotlight. But Robert doesn’t falter, or even miss a beat, as he keeps on playing and occasionally singing.

When he wraps up that song, they’re all out of breath, so he doesn’t wait for another request to come in. Robert just launches into the one he’d been planning on playing from the start, his fingers finding the keys easily. Thankfully, no one seems to notice it’s not quite in theme; “As Time Goes By” having nothing to do with Christmas. In any case, he’s the only one singing this time, so he dispenses with the silly voices. The second he does, his voice starts to carry, soaking through the pub effortlessly. Robert’s grown as a singer over the years, having trained his voice much like one would with an instrument.

But still, he can’t shake that frisson of nerves that causes a knot deep in his belly. It’s been a while since he’s played this particular number for more than himself, having only intended it for one particular person. And with Aaron’s presence, the song pulls him under quick, sucking him in like a lullaby. And through it all, Aaron’s gaze never seems to waiver, remaining fixed on his upper back and locked between his shoulder blades. It’s the only thing that pierces his music-filled haze, as happens when he plays any song that reminds him of Aaron.

When Robert finishes, he gets a smattering of applause, the loudest of which comes from Doug, who solemnly nods, “Sinatra would have loved it.”

Robert nods in gratitude, but he’s already turning around, only one reaction that he really cares for. Only when he looks back at the bar to see what Aaron thinks, there’s no longer anyone standing there.

:::::

FIVE AND A HALF YEARS AGO

The second the call ends, he runs back into the pub, grabbing Aaron by the arm and pulling him into the men’s washroom. He can hear Chas complain, but he doesn’t give a fuck. The door swings shut behind them.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Aaron exclaims, doing his best to track his boyfriend’s excitement. Robert nearly trips, almost pulling them both down in his rush. Thankfully, Aaron maintains his balance. “What’s going on?”

He’s barely done asking before Robert pins him against the first stall and kisses him hard, not even caring if there’s an occupant in there behind them. Aaron doesn’t resist, going along with the flow, his hands coming to rest on Robert’s elbows.

When Robert does pull back, Aaron looks a bit dazed, pink cheeks a perfect compliment to his purple hoodie.

“Not that I’m complaining,” he says, a bit out of breath. “But what’s brought this about?”

“Lawrence White called,” Robert tells him, breathing slightly hard as he practically shakes with excitement. His volume is wavering between a whisper and a shout, getting louder at the end of each sentence. “He heard my demo and he wants to sign me as a client. He wants to produce my first album!”

Aaron’s jaw drops, registering the shock, before it comes back up to form a big smile. His eyes shine bright, twin blue stars, sparkling with pride and excitement.

“Told you he would,” Aaron says, voice falling just shy of smugness. Then again, it’s true. He’d never doubted for a second. “He does have an eye for talent.”

“But he’d never have heard me if it wasn’t for you slipping him my CD,” Robert tells him, trying to convey his gratitude. The shock of that phone call is just starting to set in, as he slips down the mountain of that initial high; the realisation of what this means really starting to hit him. His long-held goals finally coming to fruition.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Aaron looks at him like he’s grown two heads, both of them spouting nonsense.

“Robert, this is your big dream,” he points out, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “How could I not do everything in my power to help you?”

Robert doesn’t know what to say, just stands there gaping. He’s not sure what more he can say other than a million thank you’s. He doesn’t deserve Aaron, and he never really has, his boyfriend easily the better half of their relationship.

But Aaron’s not done, a proud look on his face, as he eyes Robert carefully. “You’ve wanted to be a singer for as long as I’ve known you. It’s time other people know how good you are.”

Robert’s still speechless, so he just kisses Aaron instead, hoping to show him everything he can’t say. His hands wrapping around Aaron’s waist to pull him closer, hands bunching in the extra folds of the baggy fabric. Aaron responds immediately, deepening the kiss, his hands moving up and squeezing Robert’s upper arms through his leather jacket. (It had actually been a present for his birthday that year, Robert turning a ripe 22 in April. Aaron had joked he’d needed to look the part, if he was ever going to be a “world-famous” singer.)

“Just don’t forget me when you get all famous,” Aaron teases when they eventually break away, having had to come up for air sometime. He means it as a joke, but there’s a look in his eye, that tells Robert that he really is quite serious.

“Why would I?” Robert asks, bewildered at even the thought of it. If there’s one thing he’s sure about, it’s definitely this. His heart won’t stand any quibbles. “You’ll be right there, next to me the whole time. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Dingle.”

:::::

He knows he should leave, but he figures it’s worth one last try; his most desperate of Hail Marys. A sorry may not heal the past of its wounds, but he’d at least like Aaron to hear him.

So he goes to the back of the pub and stands outside his front door, steeling himself to go inside any moment. It’s currently ajar, Aaron probably having rushed in and not taken the time to shut it properly. Dim light from inside his living room is spilling into the hallway outside, falling on Robert’s legs where he’s standing. He’s never been one to walk away from an opportunity like this — a guiding principle of his life thus far — so he knocks on the door and walks right in.

He needs to speak to Aaron Dingle.

:::::

When he enters the flat he sees Aaron right away, standing across the living room at his kitchen counter. There’s a bottle of whiskey sitting on it uncapped, and a glass in hand that Aaron’s drinking from like it’s oxygen.

Robert doesn’t want to intrude so he says nothing right away, glancing around the space where he’s standing instead. Things are mostly the same as when he’d once lived here, the sofa and television still resting in the same place. But the photos in the frames have been slightly revised — or at least edited to omit any glimpse of Robert. (There’s also the addition of a blanket lying rumpled on a chair, quite new from what Robert can make of it. It’s entirely like something he might have bought them once; a present for himself and Aaron.)

“Why are you here?” Aaron asks after several long seconds have passed by, his tone sharp and voice raspy. He places the glass on the counter with a loud thunk, but he doesn’t turn around. Just stands there with his back turned to him.

“Needed change for a fiver.” Robert’s first instinct is to joke, but then he sees the muscles of Aaron’s back tense. So he reaches for the truth, presenting that instead. It’s about time he came clean and addressed it.

“…and I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Aaron barks a bitter laugh, finally turning around to face him. “Lying to the world? Or lying to me?”

He waits a quick beat. “Or dumping me on live television?”

“I didn’t dump you-” Robert frowns, and attempts to correct. It’s the same argument from five years ago.

“You said you were dating someone else! You told the whole world you loved her!” It’s clear Aaron still feels that pain as fresh as it was yesterday. His voice is rough with it as he recounts it. “You promised it would always be the two of us. Not us and Priya Sharma.”

He spits her name out like it’s something rotten in his mouth, Robert flinches from the force of it. He’d known at the time it would cause friction between them, but he’d still foolishly gone ahead and done it. Of course, he hadn’t thought he’d still be feeling the effects of it five years on, that his fake relationship would still be a point of contention.

“I told you,” Robert sighs, an attempt to explain yet again, lay out his side of this old argument. “Nothing ever happened between us that you didn’t see. It was just a publicity stunt so we could boost record sales.”

“That’s not the point!” Aaron states, stepping forward and gesturing with his left hand. “You didn’t think we were worth enough to take a chance on. You didn’t believe in us.”

“Of course I did!” Robert insists, because he knows what he’d felt and it was real. “I would never have asked you to come with me to London if I didn’t. I wanted us to make a proper go of it.”

Aaron rolls his eyes and shakes his head, clearly not believing him.

“I was young and stupid,” Robert points out. He knows it’s not an excuse, but he really hadn’t known better.

“Well, that hasn’t changed,” Aaron fires back, when he actually tells him that.

“You know, you said you were fine,” Robert argues next, feeling that same rising irritation. He’d come here to right a wrong, not hash out the past ad nauseum. “When I told you about Lawrence’s proposal, you said it was okay. And that it wouldn’t come between us.”

“I was trying to support you. I didn’t know what that meant!” Aaron yells back. “I didn’t know I’d have to sit around watching the man I love kiss some other woman, all so he can make an extra bit of cash on his album.”

Robert winces, but bites his tongue. He really does deserve that. He’s imagined himself on the other side of that fence plenty of times, and he’s hated every second of it.

“That’s why I’m here. I want to make this right. I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry!”

“It’s been five years!” Aaron exclaims, his tone and body language entirely disbelieving. He lowers his voice as he then asks, “What changed? Lawrence ask you to come here?”

“I fired him,” Robert tells him the truth. “That’s not the kind of artist I want to be. I don’t want to have to lie to sell my music.”

He swallows roughly, and looks at his feet, he still hasn’t figured out what that other answer is. He’d simply woken up at the start of the week, aching for Aaron like a missing limb.

“And I don’t know what’s changed. Nothing really, I suppose. Other than me realising I still love you.”

Aaron stares at him, slowly starting to deflate, all fight slowly leaving his system.

“Robert, go home.” He sounds just about done, too tired for the rest of this argument.

He leans his hands on the back of the sofa, and looks at his feet. “You made a mistake coming back here.”

“My mistake was saying yes to Lawrence in the first place.” Robert explains vehemently, knowing where the original sin lay.

“I never should have done that.” He sighs out loud. Then softly adds, “Maybe then we’d actually still be together.”

Aaron still doesn’t look at him, but he doesn’t protest out loud. So maybe he believes that also. Robert tries to imagine a world where they’re still a couple right now and it hurts his heart to do so. He could have had this, instead of what he ended up with, and it’s all his fault and he knows that.

In any case, he doesn’t want to wear out his welcome any longer, so he just asks the question he came to get the answer to. He already knows the answer, but he cannot resist. It’s that little bit of fight still left in him. If there’s even a sliver of a sliver of a chance Aaron would take him back, he’s going to do his best and seize it.

“I don’t know if you’re seeing anyone…” It pains him just to say it. “But do you think we could try this again? Give it another try as a couple?”

Aaron doesn’t answer, and it’s like Robert expects. At least now he can close this chapter.

So he starts to leave, but then stops in his tracks, turning around to face Aaron once more. “I brought you something. I know it isn’t much. But they say don’t go anywhere empty-handed.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver USB, shaped like a mini silver Porsche. He doesn’t try and slip it into Aaron’s hand. Instead he just steps forward and places it on the coffee table.

A part of him had hoped he wouldn’t be leaving here alone, but understands where Aaron’s coming from and gets it.

“Merry Christmas, Aaron,” Robert says with one foot out the door, before pulling it closed behind him.

:::::

FIVE YEARS AGO

He’s leaning against the counter and sipping his morning coffee, watching Aaron make their weekly Sunday fry-up. Neither of them has to be anywhere else for a while, so they’ve got their whole day in front of them; Aaron in Robert’s navy t-shirt and pants, Robert in just Aaron’s black jogger bottoms.

The radio is playing like it always does, a happy compromise for the both of them; Robert getting to listen to contemporary singles of other artists on the charts, while Aaron gets his mix of classics and throwbacks.

“The garage next door says they’re hiring,” Aaron informs him, tending to the sizzling bacon. “I was always helping Cain fix cars back home in the village. Thought I might give it a try and apply there.”

“You know, you don’t have to look for work,” Robert says gently, looking at his mug as he says it. “We haven’t even made a dent in the signing advance that White Records gave me.”

“Yeah, but I can’t stay home with you all day,” Aaron says, glancing over at him. “No matter how much I want to.”

Robert pouts, not liking what he hears. Even if he does get what Aaron’s saying.

“But I’ll miss you when you’re gone.” He looks sorry for himself. “The flat won’t be the same without you.”

“Use that then,” Aaron retorts, only sounding like he’s half-joking. “Finish that song you’re stuck on.”

Robert groans and makes a face. “I suppose you’re right. Guess I’ll be busy while you’re off at the garage.”

“They haven’t hired me yet!” Aaron points out with a chuckle, though he’s blushing a little as he says it.

“They’d be fools not to,” Robert insists, just as an idea strikes him. He grins at Aaron, expression growing cheekier. “See if you can get one of those overalls home. I can help you… practice.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, even as his lips curve upwards. “And here I thought you liked me in a suit.”

“I can like both,” Robert grins and wiggles his eyebrows. “All part of being bisexual.”

He hears Aaron snort and sees him shake his head, thrilled his joke landed. He’s about to say something about how his favourite outfit involves “nothing at all,” when he sees his boyfriend go stock-still; shoulders stiff, spine as stiff as a lamppost, ears listening intently.

“What’s wrong?” Robert asks, but Aaron shushes him loudly, turning the gas down and reaching for the radio. As the volume increases, so too does the sound, where it was once just playing in the background.

It takes him a second, but soon Robert stills too, unable to believe what he’s hearing. It feels like he’s dreaming. But it’s all real. That’s his voice coming through the radio. It’s his first single and it’s out in the world, broadcast to millions of strangers. People all over the country have heard his first song, and are sitting and passing judgement.

But none of that matters, at least not right now, because he doesn’t care about their opinion. There’s only one that matters, and he’s standing in front of him, in danger of burning the bacon.

“What do you think?” Robert puts down his mug, jittery without the caffeine. Hearing his own song is like a shot of adrenaline in his veins, his heart just won’t stop racing.

“That you’re brilliant.” Aaron smiles proudly at him, not hiding behind snark and teasing. “And that your mum would be proud of you. Robert. This is amazing.”

He can feel his cheeks burn, but he doesn’t care, not embarrassed of his feelings. “You know, I couldn’t do any of this without you. Especially moving to London.”

“You’d have been fine,” Aaron insists, moving to turn the gas off. “You were always going to make it.”

“But I don’t think I’d want to without you here,” Robert replies, stepping forward to slowly embrace him. “Aaron, you’re the best part of this.”

“You’re just saying that because I’m making bacon,” Aaron says, letting himself be held as Robert presses a kiss to his shoulder.

“Don’t think so,” Robert’s lips move towards Aaron’s cheek. “Don’t love bacon half as much as I love you.”

:::::

He wakes up the next morning and checks his phone, but there’s no messages or missed calls from Aaron. So it’s safe to say that maybe he hasn’t checked out the drive — if he hasn’t thrown it out completely.

Robert sighs, and tosses his phone to the side, doing his best to avoid trying to call him. Aaron’s made his choice, and Robert needs to accept it. Going out there was always a long shot and on some level he’d always known that. After all, there are some mistakes you can’t always fix, and sadly this is one of them.

But maybe it doesn’t need to be that way. There are other apologies he’s due for. So he decides to do the next best thing and patch things up with the other major person he’s been neglecting.

“Hello? Rob?” Vic picks up quickly. The concern in her voice is evident. Not that Robert can focus on that now, he’s struck by how much she sounds like their mother. “Robert, is that you? Is everything alright?”

“Uh yeah,” he finally responds. “Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.”

After not calling or wishing you for five years.

There’s a beat as neither of them speaks, and he fears he’s made this whole thing too uncomfortable. But then Vic joyfully replies, “Merry Christmas to you too!” and it’s like all’s forgotten.

She sounds happy to hear from him, cheerful even, and Robert begins to think this wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe he should have gotten over himself sooner so he wouldn’t have wasted so much time. But at least now he’s learned that lesson.

“So how’ve you been? How’s Adam?” He attempts a proper catch-up.

He can hear the results right away, because Vic sounds thrilled. “He’s good. We both are. I’m the head chef at the restaurant.”

“Congratulations,” Robert grins, genuinely proud of his sister. The last time he’d been there, ‘Hotten Spicy’ had just opened up and she’d been working as a sous chef. “I’ll have to come up and try it.”

“I’d love that.” She sounds like she would, and he couldn’t be more grateful. “But enough about me! I should be congratulating you. What you did was incredible.”

Robert frowns, unsure what she’s talking about and with no clue what she might be referring to.

“What do you mean?” He finally asks, searching for clarification. Had Aaron told her about the previous night and how he’d gone up to Hotten and not seen her?

“You coming out,” Vic replies, sounding like it should be obvious. “It’s all over the Internet.”

When he doesn’t respond, she goes on to add, “The interview with NME, where you told everyone you’re bisexual?”

“Oh…” Robert says, relieved at that news. He’d done this interview weeks ago, but it had slipped his mind, what with his being consumed by thoughts of Aaron. (He makes a note to text his manager, Jai, seeing as he hadn’t known this rollout was coming on Christmas.)

“Yeah, well, it felt like the right time,” he adds. “I got tired of keeping it secret.”

“Well, I’m proud of you,” Vic says, and she sounds like she is. “And I know Aaron is too.”

“Why?” Robert asks, now on high alert and trying not to get too excited. “Did he say something?”

“No,” Vic replies, sounding a bit sorry. “But he only ever wanted you to be yourself. He really did love you.”

“Yeah, he did,” Robert agrees. Though that’s less for her than himself.

A long beat passes where they say nothing again, and at the end of it Robert blurts out, “Sorry.”

But as much as he says it, it won’t be enough. Aaron was right on that front. Robert was an idiot for so so long. It’ll take another five years to make up for it.

“I should have kept in touch more, Vic,” he goes on to say, intent on making a proper apology. “I should have been there for ya when dad passed. But I guess it was easier to stay away then.”

“I know. But it’s not your fault,” Vic says, gentle and warm and reassuring. “But it’s not your fault. You were just 22. We all make dumb mistakes at that age.”

“You didn’t,” Robert points out. And he’s right, because she’d kept her head on. As soon as she’d completed her GCSE’s, she’d gone after her dream and started apprenticing in a restaurant.

“Of course I did,” Vic argues back. “I just went ahead and married him.”

Robert chuckles, not expecting the joke. He’d forgotten how funny she could be.

She must be reading his mind, because when the laughter fades she says, “It’s not too late. You can still come over. There’s plenty of food for everyone.”

Robert bites his lip, turning it over in his head, and he finds himself quite liking the sound of it. Maybe home didn’t have to be a fixed place in time. Maybe it could be where you choose to make it.

“You know what? Maybe I will,” he tells her, starting to smile. “Been a while since I’ve had your cooking.”

When Vic doesn’t reply, he thinks he may have killed her with shock, but then she bounces back with ten times her enthusiasm.

“Hold on! Let me send you our address! Bring wine if you have some!”

:::::

He knows he should get back and mingle with the rest of the guests, but right now Robert really can’t help himself. He’s walking around Vic’s home, giving himself an impromptu tour, on the pretence of having to go to the bathroom.

Exploring the space, he can see much of Vic here, but also both his parents. There’s his father’s love of hardwood and clean classic shapes, and his mother’s flair for decor and textures. Vic’s accents come through in the colours she’s chosen, Robert highly doubting Adam has anything to do with this. Aside from the occasional eye-hurting object or display, his taste has been kept to a minimum.

It’s as he’s wandering around the downstairs floor he finds the piano, hidden in the corner of a family room. Robert’s not sure why it’s not sitting in the living room out front until he pulls off the sheet and sees that it’s the one he’d grown up with.

He almost calls Vic, but then he stops himself. He wants just a moment alone with it.

So he pulls out the stool and carefully takes a seat, the piece of furniture much smaller than he remembers it. (Then again, that had been 20 years ago, when he wasn’t as big as he is now.)

He lifts up the cover — made of a lovely rosewood — and runs his fingers across the ivories. He stops on the lowest note and gives it a tap. The sound that comes out is pitch-perfect.

So he tries another.

And then one yet again.

Each key is perfectly in tune now.

Before he knows it, his fingers have found their places, itching to launch into the song that started off this journey. Only now he no longer needs sheet music or to watch his hands as he plays. Now it’s all a matter of memory and showmanship.

You must remember this… A kiss is but a kiss…

Despite his resolve, he quickly gives in, unable to resist the temptation. He may not have his mother or Aaron in his life. But he has this song and his ability to play it.

It’s as he’s in the middle, playing and singing along, that he feels the return of a familiar spotlight. It’s there gently burning a circle on his back, sinking through his jumper and into the skin below it. But just like the night before, he doesn’t even pause, barely even bats an eyelid. It’s one of the virtues of playing this song. It’s truly hard to really pull him out of it.

When he does finish, it doesn’t go away. Just stays there, steady and burning.

Robert waits, and doesn’t say a word. Not sure what he has left in him to say, anyway.

But then a minute goes by, but Aaron’s still there. So Robert does what he’s always done in this situation. He slides to the left, making room on the seat next to him. He then quietly asks, “Any requests?”

He nearly jumps, when Aaron responds, “Surprise me.”

He knows Aaron’s waiting to see what he’ll do, but he’s been preparing for this moment for a long time. It’s taken him five years, but he finally has that request. He finally has something that might actually surprise him.

It’s a simpler arrangement, the melody too. As simple and stripped back as he can make it. He’d always planned for his voice to carry this song, even if he may not be the world’s best vocalist.

If I didn’t care, more than words can say…

Robert closes his eyes as he does his best not to look over at Aaron. But even though they’re sitting pressed up against each other — thigh touching thigh — he can’t feel or sense a reaction.

If I didn’t care, would I feel this way?

He tries to throw himself in the song like he has for days now, gently walking into it like a pool of water. But Aaron’s presence makes it all but impossible; the warmth of him a constant reminder.

If this isn’t love, then why do I thrill?

There’s a brief second, that he thinks he imagined, where he could have sworn he heard Aaron singing along with him. But that might have been his own nerves or his growing desperation, wanting to see Aaron’s reaction.

And what makes my heart go round and round while my heart stands still?

He tries counting to three in his mind and closing his eyes tighter, but all that does is conjure Aaron.

If I didn’t care, would it be the same?

He finally gives up and opens his eyes midway through, unable to bear not seeing Aaron’s face now.

Would my every prayer begin and end, with just your name?

When turns to his right, he finds Aaron looking right back, eyes as wet as his own feel.

And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?

There’s no hardness in them like there had been last night, just something that looks like… forgiveness?

Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?

Robert starts to smile, despite himself, hope blossoming in his heart for the first time in a long while. He’d been scared Aaron might never hear the song, let alone give him a chance to play it — only now he has the best of both worlds.

But before he can even bring himself to sing the next line, it’s Aaron who’s leaping forward and kissing him. Robert doesn’t wait, kissing him back, trying to pour all his love into that. He wants Aaron to know how sorry he is, and how he never intends to repeat the mistakes of his past. How he intends to keep them together.

Aaron seems to hear him, because he starts to slow down, the kiss going from fast and furious to slow and steady. It feels like maybe they have all the time in the world. All the time for Robert to make up for it.

“What changed?” He asks right away, the moment he’s able to think again.

“Don’t know,” Aaron admits, his cheeks a nice pink. He’s still wearing that old aftershave.

“Guess you just surprised me.”

#robron fanfiction #robron secret santa

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lopithecusfanfiction · 5 years ago

Text

Take it All Away: Chapter One

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden Rating: Mature Word Count: 4548 Alternate: AO3 Summary: When Robert goes out to a club, he doesn’t expect what happens. He should have been more careful, should have paid more attention. Now his life is flipped upside down all because of one stupid mistake. Warnings:

Rape/Non-Con

Non-Consensual Drug Use

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

Blackouts

Memory Loss

Implied/Referenced Self-Harm

Self-Harm

Panic Attacks

Other Additional Tags to Be Added (I will update this post when more are added)

Author’s Note: This is a “what happens if Robert is the one to get assaulted instead of Victoria” fic. I wrote this mainly because I wanted more hurt Robert (because I’m cruel and I like to see characters I love suffer.) I wasn’t planning on posting this until I was done with it but I wanted to post it before Ryan leaves the show and that is, unfortunately, coming up fast. I do have Chapter 2 and 3 done but that’s it. Updates will most likely be slow but I never abandon a story, so I’ve got that going for you. Also, my brother’s name is Aron so I’m not used to writing the name with two A’s (I actually often times forget that most people do spell it with two) so if you see at any time during the story I’ve spelt the name with one A, just let me know so I can fix it. This is my first fic in the Emmerdale fandom. I also live in America so I might get the slang they use on the show/things that are called differently here than in the UK, wrong. Hopefully I’ve obsessively watched the storyline enough times to pick up a few things, lol! I’m also not going to be able to remember to change the spelling of words that are spelt differently here than in the UK nor would I know all the words that are spelt differently (i.e. z vs s) so I’m probably going to just use the American spelling. I’m sorry if this bothers you. This is set around the time Robert, Aaron, Ellis, and Victoria go to that club except it doesn’t play out in this like it did on the show. Please enjoy!

Robert saunters down the stairs, fixing his tie around his neck. He can smell the toast Aaron has made and it makes his mouth water, stomach growling with hunger. Once at the bottom, he approaches Aaron and Liv, where they are sat at the kitchen table, eating cereal for breakfast.

“Good morning,” he says, leaning down to kiss the top of Aaron’s head. He sits down and takes a piece of toast, taking a big bite out of it.

“Mornin’,” Aaron replies, mouth full of food. Liv gives him a smile but says nothing.

“I have a bunch of meetings today and then I have that late dinner celebration I told you about with a few of the new investors,” Robert comments.

Aaron nods. “Yeah, I remember.”

“So you’ll be home extra late then?” Liv asks, getting up from the table and grabbing her school bag.

“Probably,” Robert answers.

“Well maybe, Aaron, you could have tea with Chas then.” Liv shrugs on her bag. “Then I can have Gabby over without my annoying older brother hovering over us the whole time.”

“Aren’t you going to be late for college?” Aaron quips, giving Liv a playful look.

Liv laughs. “I’m just saying.”

Robert watches the scene play out in front of him, his own smile of amusement on his face. He’s always loved seeing the playful banter between Aaron and his sister. It often reminds him of how he and Victoria are sometimes. There’s just something gratifying about picking on your younger sibling.

Liv says her goodbyes and leaves The Mill. Aaron watches after her, a wistful smile playing at his lips. “What?” Robert asks him.

Aaron takes a deep breath and finally goes back to eating his cereal. “I’m just glad to see she seems to be moving on from that whole Jacob stuff.” He slurps his cereal as he drinks the milk from the bowl.

Robert makes a face at the sound. “She’s a strong kid. She can get through almost anything.”

“Well, she does have the perfect role models when it comes to getting through tough times,” Aaron says with a small, playful smile.

Robert chuckles. “If you say so.” He stands then, leaning over to give Aaron another kiss on the top of his head, grabbing a couple pieces of toast on his way. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

*~~~*

Robert sits in a booth in the back of the Woolpack. He isn’t really looking forward to this dinner. He would rather be at home, curled up on the sofa with Aaron while they watch some corny film Liv picked out. He really hopes this doesn’t take long and comes up with a plan on how to make this whole thing go by as fast as possible while he waits. All he really has to do is eat a small meal while he schmoozes the guests of honor and buy them a few drinks. It should be easy.

That’s why Robert isn’t sure what to think when the children of the investors arrive instead of the men themselves. Two men and a woman who are probably about nine years younger than he is, approach him with wide smiles. He looks back at them in confusion, eyebrows knitting together. One of the men holds out his hand for a shake and Robert takes it. “Nice to meet you Mister Sugden-Dingle. I’m Lucas.”

The other man shakes Robert’s hand next. “Name’s Trevor.”

“And I’m Meghan,” the woman says, not offering her hand.

“Please, call me Robert.” Robert looks from one to the other. “Sorry, but I thought I was meeting-”

Lucas cuts him off. “Our fathers?” He chuckles. “Yeah, they thought we would have more fun instead.”

“But they’re the ones who made the deal,” Robert comments, incredulous. He’s starting to feel a little frustrated now. He didn’t come out tonight to entertain a bunch of young adults and if he’s being quite honest, it’s really unprofessional of the investors to send these three in place of them. “Sorry but,” Robert stands, “they really should have come out themselves.” He scoots out of the booth, grabbing his jacket. “It was nice meeting you but I think I’ll be off.”

“Woah, hold it.” Lucas steps in front of him. “We were promised a good time tonight; food, drink, the lot.” He smirks. “You wouldn’t want us to tell our dads that you skimped out on us, would ya?”

Robert isn’t sure what to say. He can’t lose these business deals, not if he wants the money from them. He and Aaron are trying to have a baby and they can’t do that if the new haulage company doesn’t work out. They’re desperate to make money, even if it means Robert has to entertain a bunch of children.

He sighs. “No, I wouldn’t.”

Lucas’ smile grows bigger. “Good! C’mon, let’s go.”

Robert stops them. “I thought we were only going to have a few drinks and some food?”

Trevor scoffs and looks around the Woolpack. “Not here.”

At that, the three of them turn and begin leaving the pub. Robert sighs again, heavier this time, and shakes his head, following behind.

*~~~*

Robert gets even more confused when the taxi pulls up next to a club. He gets out and turns to the group, asking, “Weren’t we just going to another pub or a bar?”

Meghan walks up to him and runs her hand over his shoulder. “And where’s the fun in that?”

Trevor smirks at him, wrapping an arm around Meghan’s middle. “Come on, Rob, lighten up a little. It’ll be fun.”

Robert bites his tongue, deciding that snapping at the little git wouldn’t do him any favors. Instead he says, “It’s Robert and this isn’t what I had in mind when I agreed to this.”

Trevor and Meghan laugh at him and start walking away to the queue while Lucas pats him on the back, leaving his hand at the nape of his neck. “It’s what our fathers want, Rob; for you to show us a good time and this is how it’s going to happen.”

He shrugs the man’s hand off. “I don’t really care what your fathers want. This is unprofessional to send you instead of coming themselves.” He looks the kid up and down in bewilderment. “I don’t really understand why they thought this would be okay.”

Lucas laughs, loud and obnoxious. “Because they’re too good for you, Rob. You’re some poor little pillock while our fathers are rich and powerful. Don’t you see, mate, they’re having fun at your expense.”

“They’re winding me up then?”

Lucas shrugs, walking away. “And the best part is, is you’re going to deal with it because you can’t lose this deal from what I’ve heard.”

Robert takes a deep breath in, trying to calm himself. This whole thing is ridiculous but he knows Lucas is right. He is going to deal with it. He has to. His and Aaron’s future depends on it. So with another quick, calming breath, he follows along and joins the queue at the entrance to the club. It’s quick moving, so it doesn’t take them long to get in, the three of his companions being ID’d. Robert heads straight for the bar and groans when he feels Trevor’s hand on his shoulder.

“You’re buying us all drinks, mate, and trust me, Meghan can put them back like you wouldn’t believe.” Trevor laughs and orders the three of them drinks. Robert pays reluctantly, glaring at them the whole time, and sighs in relief when they decide to leave him alone for a while to head out onto the dance floor, drinks in hand.

Robert turns back to the bartender and orders himself a beer, pulling out his mobile. He quickly navigates to Aaron’s name and starts typing out a text, wishing he could call him just to hear his voice which he knows will instantly calm him down, but the music is too loud to do such a thing.

To Aaron: sent 19:24

Save me

From Aaron: received 19:25

Sorry, can’t. Got Liv and Gabby drama to deal with. I’ll tell you later. What happened?

Robert sighs to himself again and begins explaining to Aaron what is going on. He finishes his beer by the time he’s done typing it all out and sending it, finding himself ordering another one. He tacks on one last message, wanting to get across just how irritated he is.

To Aaron: sent 19:36

It’s frustrating and unprofessional. They’re treating me as if I’m some chav who doesn’t know what he’s doing

From Aaron: received 19:37

I don’t get it, if it’s that bad then why don’t you just drop ‘em

To Aaron: sent 19:37

Because we need this money, Aaron. It’s for our baby

From Aaron: received 19:39

But is it really worth it?

To Aaron: sent 19:40

Yes it is. Anything is for our baby

From Aaron: received 19:41

Anything? Because we’ve been there before, Rob, and look where it’s gotten you

Robert rolls his eyes at that, annoyance building up in him for Aaron’s use of his past to have a go at him again.

To Aaron: sent 19:42

This isn’t like last time. This is legit

Robert can practically hear Aaron’s scoff as he waits for a reply.

From Aaron: received 19:42

Yeah okay. All I’m saying is don’t do too many things you’re uncomfortable with just for this

To Aaron: sent 19:43

I won’t. Promise

From Aaron: received 19:43

I’ve got to go. Try to have at least a little fun, yeah?

To Aaron: sent 19:43

Impossible without you

Robert smirks as he puts his phone back in his pocket, knowing Aaron scoffs again as he shakes his head, chuckling slightly at Robert’s comment. He turns around and leans against the bar, watching the crowd as they dance wildly to the music that is playing. He shakes his head in amusement. There are so many people that are willing to make fools of themselves once a little bit of drink is in them.

Within fifteen minutes, Robert is well and truly bored. He hasn’t left the bar and he finished his second beer ages ago. He debates getting another but he’s not really fancying the idea of getting plastered tonight so decides to forgo it. The problem is, now, he’s stood by the bar with nothing to do but people watching and he doesn’t even have anything to occupy his hands with. Robert scans the crowd for Trevor, Lucas, and Meghan and spots them in a frenzied dance, looking as if they are having a brilliant time.

Rubbing at his eyes, Robert turns back around to face the bar and orders another drink, relenting to the fact that he needs to do something to get through this night. He wonders how long he has to stay for it to be appropriate to leave, and figures he’ll probably have to buy his “mates” for the night a couple more rounds. As if in answer, Meghan comes up to him and leans in close to his ear, speaking loudly to be heard over the music, and hand snaking its way around his waist. “‘Nother round on you, aye?”

Robert nods with an eye roll and waits for the bartender to come his way before getting his attention. He orders them a couple more drinks, handing over a few more quid than necessary to pay for any future drinks they might get. She walks away with a flirtatious smirk and wink and Robert feels his face turn into a grimace before he can stop himself. Megan throws her head back and laughs, the sound lost in the noise of the music.

He’s stood there for another thirty minutes before he decides enough is enough. This whole night was a waste of time and he’s tired, agitated, and just wants to go home to Aaron where he can snuggle up next to him in bed. Robert sets his beer bottle down on the bar and pushes off it, ready to go tell Lucas that he’s leaving when someone bumps into him, spilling half their drink on his shirt. Robert has to bite his tongue to stop the retort that wants to come out, his mood becoming even more sour. He likes this shirt.

“So sorry, mate!” Robert looks up from his soaked shirt to a bloke who is about his age. The man reaches out to wipe at the liquid staining Robert’s shirt before realizing that he doesn’t actually have anything to wipe it up with. He pulls his hand back, frowning. “Shit, I didn’t see you there.”

Robert has to take a deep breath before speaking. “It’s alright.” He turns in the direction of the toilets.

“Oi, let me help you,” the man says, walking beside Robert.

Robert holds his hands out, dismissing him. “I’ve got it, thanks.”

“Look, it’s my fault. Just,” the man puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping Robert from walking away, “I want to help.”

Robert resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Fine.”

They both head into the toilets where the music quiets to a low thump, Robert’s ears ringing slightly. He grabs a handful of paper towels and starts to dab at his shirt. “You’ve got to get the towel wet first.” Robert’s eyes snap up to the mysterious bloke who spilled his drink on him.

“Look, I’m just trying to dry it. I was on my way home.”

“But you don’t want it to stain,” the man says as he grabs more paper towels and wets them under the tap. “Here.” He reaches over and starts to wipe at Robert’s shirt.

Robert stands there, not really knowing what to do. He can feel the heat beginning to crawl up his neck at the other man invading his space, getting uncomfortable at the proximity. The only person who isn’t blood related to him (besides Diane, of course, but she’s like blood) who has been this close to him recently is Aaron. He grabs a hold of the man’s hand. “I can do it.”

The man shrugs, taking a step back and handing over the paper towel. “Suit yourself.”

Robert eyes him before looking back down at his shirt. It couldn’t have just been a beer that was spilt on him. No, it had to be some fancy, colorful drink that is surely going to leave a blotch of red on his shirt. He sighs in defeat, throwing the paper towel in the bin. “It’s no use.” When Robert looks back up, the man is biting his bottom lip and Robert has to roll his eyes at the sight. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“Well, at least let me buy you a drink to make up for it.”

Robert’s shaking his head before the bloke even finishes his sentence. “No need. I was going home.”

“Just one drink.” The man is smiling at him.

“I’m married,” Robert says, pointedly.

The man chuckles. “I noticed, I saw the ring.” His smile grows, playful like. “Come on, it’s a harmless drink. Just to say sorry.”

Robert stares at him, debating. One drink won’t hurt, will it? It’ll please this man and it’ll give his shirt a little time to dry before going home. Sure he’ll still smell like a boozer but at least he won’t have to ride home in a taxi with a sopping wet shirt. “Alright, go on then.”

The man’s smile grows impossibly wide and he leads the way back out into the club. They push their way over to the bar where Robert leans down on it, arms crossed, and waiting for the bartender to make his way to them. “Name’s Theo.” The man, Theo , says, leaning a little closer to be heard.

Robert gives him a nod in acknowledgement. “Robert.”

Theo purses his lips, nods in approval, and turns back to the bar, the bartender asking for their order. Theo orders for the both of them and Robert quirks one of his eyebrows in question. “What?”

Robert shakes his head. “Nothin’. Just don’t want one of those fancy drinks.”

“You mean the ones with lots of colors and weird names?” Theo teases, laughing at him. “Don’t worry, it’s not.”

They don’t have to wait long before Robert spots the bartender coming over with their drinks. He’s about to reach out for his when he hears his name being called. He’s never rolled his eyes so many times in one night. Turning around, he faces Lucas who is perfectly bladdered. “Mate!” He wraps an arm around Robert’s shoulders, leaning into him. Robert suspects if he moved, Lucas would collapse to the floor by how much he was holding himself up on him. “We thought you had left.”

“Yeah, mate , I was just having one more drink then leaving.” Robert tries to push him off but he holds on firmly.

“You haven’t danced with us yet,” Lucas slurs, resting his head on Robert’s shoulder.

Robert groans in annoyance, pushing harder. Lucas stumbles back off him. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

Lucas waves him off, sticking his tongue out at Robert, and Robert stares after him in uncontained disbelief. “Friends of yours?”

Robert turns back to Theo who is holding out his drink. It’s some blue liquid with one of those mini umbrellas in it and an olive, all contained in a cocktail glass. Robert hesitantly grabs for it, frowning. “No, thank God. I was just someone who could pay out on their drinks.”

Theo chuckles. “Then it’s a good thing I bought you yours.”

Robert’s eyes travel back down to his drink. “What in hell is it?”

“Just try it,” Theo says, smile playing at his mouth in amusement. “If you don’t like it then I’ll buy you a beer instead.”

“Didn’t I tell you I was going home?” Robert brings the glass to his lips.

He doesn’t miss the way Theo’s eyes travel the length of his body. “You did and that you’re also married.”

Robert licks his lips. “I don’t cheat.”

“I never asked you too.” Theo gives him a quick nod, directed at the glass still by Robert’s mouth. “Drink.”

Robert shakes his head and sips at the liquid, swallowing thoughtfully. He gives it a second, dragging it out just to annoy Theo who looks at him expectantly. Finally, he shrugs. “It’s not bad.”

Theo nudges him. “See, I told you you’d like it.” The man takes a sip from his own drink, another one of those colorful ones.

“This,” Robert gestures between the two of them, “me drinking this thing, stays between us, yeah?”

“Mate, I’m probably never going to see you again after tonight. Your secret is safe.”

Robert huffs, shaking his head, and drinking more of the blue liquid. Theo watches him from the corners of his eyes, smiling flirtatiously at Robert every once in a while. By the time Robert is done with the whole thing, he’s a little more than just tipsy. He carefully sets the glass down with shaking hands. “How… how much alcohol was in that thing?” Theo shrugs and Robert frowns at him.

“You alright, mate?” Theo asks him, hand landing on Robert’s shoulder.

Robert almost falls to the ground, losing his balance as the room starts to spin. “I…”

He hears Theo laugh beside him, the sound almost distant. “You’re completely pissed.” He puts one of Robert’s arms over his own shoulder, helping Robert keep balance. “Let me help you to a taxi.”

Robert stumbles along as the room continues to spin out of control, leaning onto Theo. His stomach is doing flips and he seriously starts to think he’s going to be sick all over himself when the next thing he knows, he��s in a taxi sat next to Theo. His eyebrows furrow in confusion as his body starts to relax into the seat. “Did I tell you where I live?”

Theo watches him but Robert can’t focus. “Of course, you did. That’s where we’re headed.”

Robert shakes his head, his movement feeling sluggish. “I don’t… I don’t remember telling you.”

When he blinks next, he’s in some kind of lobby, sitting in a chair. He looks around, confused, sweat covering his entire body as he shakes uncontrollably. He’s having a hard time focusing on things, his vision blurry and unfocused. Every once in a while the room will sway and it’ll make his stomach feel like it’s doing somersaults. Robert looks around the room for a bin he can be sick into just in case, but can’t find one.

Theo strides up next to him, lifts his arm, slinging it over his shoulder once more, and helping Robert out of the chair. “Come on.”

He’s cold, that’s why he’s shivering. He’s naked and he’s cold and where is he? Robert looks around again, limbs feeling heavy, and he’s in a room, a hotel room by the looks of it - he doesn’t remember how he got there - with Theo sitting on the edge of the bed, back towards him and fumbling with his… his trainers?

“Wasn’t I going home?” He’s confused. Robert meant to go home. Why is he here? Did Robert tell the taxi driver to bring them here? No, no Robert wouldn’t cheat on Aaron. Not again. Not ever again.

Right?

“Theo…”

Theo turns to him, pulling his shirt over his head. He leans over, kissing Robert softly. “Shh, it’s fine.”

Robert blinks and groans as his heart pounds in his ears. His head feels like there is a hammer inside of it and his body is sticky with sweat. He’s lying on his stomach and Robert groans, the light overhead making his eyes hurt. He tries to bury his face into the pillow but grimaces when his face is met with wetness and the stench of vomit. Turning his head back to the side, his eyes roam over the room. He was expecting to see his bedroom, Aaron next to him, but is confused when he sees unfamiliar wallpaper. Where the hell is he?

Swallowing, he makes to get up, arms feeling weak as he tries to push up. When he bends his right leg to get leverage, fiery hot pain shoots up from his back. He hisses and immediately lies back down, breathing hard. That’s when he realizes it doesn’t just feel like sweat that has made his body sticky. There’s another semi-dry substance on his back and between his cheeks. His stomach churns and Robert has to swallow multiple times to try and keep from being sick, something he has obviously already done but can’t remember doing so.

Did he really get drunk and bring a stranger to a hotel room? No… no, he only had a few drinks. Definitely not enough to get shit faced. No, something else… Theo, Theo had gotten him a drink. Did he get drunk from that one? He couldn’t have. It didn’t taste very strong and besides, he wouldn’t have slept with some random bloke. He doesn’t do that anymore. He knows he doesn’t. Then… then the only explanation is…

Robert groans again, feels the bile rise up his throat, and jumps out of bed to try and make it to the toilet in time. He doesn’t and he ends up vomiting on the floor, pain shooting throughout his entire body. His legs shake with the effort of keeping himself up, one hand supporting his weight on the nightstand. He can feel something dripping down the inside of his thighs and Robert really needs to get out of there.

Frantically, he searches the room for his clothes and when he finds them, he pulls them back on with great effort, trying to ignore the pain his body is in. When fully clothed, he stumbles out of the room and makes his way slowly to the front desk where he tries not to show his discomfort. “Hi, checking out.”

“Name?” the receptionist asks him.

Robert hesitates, not knowing what name Theo put the room under. “Uh, I don’t know what it’s under.”

The receptionist frowns at him and Robert feels his face grow hot in embarrassment. “What room number was it?”

Robert shakes his head. “I-I don’t know.”

Her frown grows more prominent. “Do you have the card key? I can’t check you out if-”

Robert’s stomach flips again. “Just never mind.” He pushes off the counter and heads to the front doors, ignoring the woman’s calls. They’ll just have to figure it out themselves.

When he exits the building, he isn’t expecting it to be pitch black out. Screwing up his eyebrows, he looks at the time on his watch and groans in dismay. It’s half past one in the morning. Aaron is going to be freaking out. Robert quickly gets a taxi and tells the driver where to go, wishing he would drive faster as Robert pulls out his mobile. He has a few texts from Aaron.

From Aaron: received 23:02

Where are you?

From Aaron: received 00:24

When I said to have fun, I didn’t mean stay out this late, Robert

From Aaron: received 01:13

If you think I’m waiting up for you any longer, then you’re wrong

Shit. How is he going to explain this to Aaron? When he said he was going to be home late earlier, he had meant ten maybe eleven at the latest. Not almost two in the morning. Aaron is going to kill him and then when he finds out why Robert was so late, he’s going to resurrect him just to kill him again . Robert has to come up with an excuse and it has to be one that Aaron will believe. Aaron can never know he cheated again.

No, wait, he didn’t cheat. He… he can’t remember but he knows he didn’t cheat. That’s right, he already came to that conclusion earlier in the hotel room. Robert lays his aching head on the window, getting confused again. No, Theo… Theo gave him a drink. That’s when he started to feel weird, after he had drank it. So something… the drink. The drink had something to do with what happened. He can’t remember.

With a pain filled moan, he rubs at his face tiredly. The taxi driver is saying something to him, something about getting out and paying him. Robert lifts his head and looks out the window, eyebrows furrowing. He can’t be home yet. He doesn’t even remember half the drive there.

The drink must not be entirely out of his system yet.

Whatever was in the drink must not be out of his system yet.

Robert struggles out of the taxi and pulls out his wallet and pays the taxi driver. He stumbles up the drive, to The Mill, and fumbles with the keys for almost two minutes before he finally gets his coordination correct to unlock the door. When he enters, everything is quiet and Aaron is nowhere in sight. Glancing at the stairs, he contemplates attempting to climb them but his legs are shaky again and the room is spinning once more.

He barely makes it to the sofa before he collapses on top of it and passes back out.

———————————————————————————————————–

A/N: I haven’t written in months and I feel like the beginning of this chapter shows it, but hopefully it got better as it went.

I have so many British Slang/words links saved that it’s ridiculous.

Also, yes, I know how unrealistic it is for investors to send their kids to the dinner celebration. That’s the wonderful thing about writing. I can have anything happen even though in reality it would probably never happen, lol!

Thank you for reading! I hope you stick around even though I know nothing about the UK and how you all talk. If you want to give me any pointers, please feel free. Am I using too much slang? Should I use arse instead of ass? Let me know! I’m always willing to learn. ^_^

#Emmerdale #Aaron Dingle #Robert Sugden #Robron #My Fanifction #Take it All Away

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spongerobertstudpants · 6 years ago

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It's Emmerdale time!

My heart breaks for Victoria! (Btw, I have read the article and can't believe that ED didn't do a background check on the actor that's going to be involved in this story going forward. It would have been better if they didn't cast anyone...)

With the way Faith has been acting with the whole Amy situation, I excepted Eric to give her the cold shoulder sooner.

Oh Liv, don't break-in!

Not technically his fault, Amy...

Bear sure knows how to bullshit

Jamie is very good looking 😍 Better looking than Joe for sure.

My eyes! MY EYES!!!

Can we keep Jamie and get rid of Graham? Please!

Yay, it's my favorite police officer!

I find it a bit funny how Vanessa and Paddy are so against Jamie because he is a Tate, but they live in the same house with Noah...

Oh no Eric! He looked fine not that long ago.

That was the creepiest smile I have ever seen. It was like a horror movie.

Also what does Graham have against Jamie?

I honestly did not expect Eric's accident to become this big...

Okay, I have left the Liv/Leyla/Tracy/Priya thing until the end because I have some thoughts. First off, I'm so happy that Leyla brought up Aaron's abuse because that was the one thing bugging me about Liv blackmailing Maya. I know she was hurt to find out that Jacob was using her, but she knew that it was wrong and even said it several times. She should have reported it to the police or even just told David, but Maya had to get into her head and she went down a path that wasn't right.

Second, I get way Leyla was mad at Liv. She knew about the whole thing between Maya and Jacob for a couple of weeks, but Leyla should have also realized that Maya was manipulating her as well. And on top of that, getting Jacob to attack Liv. It will be interesting seeing what happens next and finding out if Maya is alive or not. I also do like that it's Liv/Leyla/Tracy/Priya together and not Liv separate from them.

_______________________

This seems a bit short, but I also probably tuned out half of the scenes. Some felt repetitive and others just dealt with characters I don't really care about. But that's how it goes sometimes.

It's still April 30th for me, so I hope everyone has a great day! And...

#emmerdale #late live blog #30april2019 #liv flaherty #leyla harding #tracy metcalfe #priya sharma #david metcalfe #maya stepney #jacob gallagher #eric pollard #jamie tate

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smittenwithsugden · 6 years ago

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Day 1 - Write a scene you felt was missing, from your favourite Robert era

So, this one hit me when I woke up this morning and went to look at all the Robert Week posts already posted. I didn’t think I would write anything for this week, but here you go. I don’t know if this is really my favourite Robert era, because I think I could never decide, but this is where inspiration hit me. This takes place during the abuse storyline, any night after everybody found out.

Victoria wasn’t one to wake up at night usually. Sometimes she had a hard time falling asleep, but once she was, she was gone for good.

So if you wanted you could call it fate that this night she woke up around 2 because she needed to go to the bathroom. The hallway was dark when she tip toed to the bathroom and she didn’t bother turning on any lights. On her way back to bed she was a bit more awake and she stopped when she heard something coming from Robert’s room.

“Rob?” she asked, but there was no response. She carefully opened his door and the sight in front of her made her heart break a little.

Robert was sitting up on the edge of his bed, head in hands and his body was shaking.

“Rob, what happened?” she asked worried and quickly stepped in the room and sat down beside him.

His head jerked up to look at her and it was clear he had been crying.

“You’re scaring me,” she said.

“It’s nothing,” he managed to croak out. “Go back to bed.”

“It’s clearly not nothing, Rob,” she said. She looked around a bit and saw Robert’s phone on his nightstand, showing a picture of Aaron that Robert had obviously been looking at. “Did something happen with Aaron?” she asked carefully.

Robert shook his head and swallowed hard.

“I can’t help him, Vic,” he said and rubbed over his eyes. Vic sighed and carefully put an arm around Robert.

“Of course you help,” she said quietly.

“No, I’m not, he doesn’t want me around,” he said. “And I can’t even blame him, I mess everything up, I wouldn’t want me around as well.”

“Rob, that is not true,” Vic said. “From what Adam told me you were the one there for him from the start. It was you he trusted with this first.”

“Only because I pushed him,” he said. “Like I always push him.”

“No,” Vic said. “You can’t push somebody to reveal something like that. Especially Aaron, he would have told you to go to hell and you know it.”

Robert breathed heavily, trying not to cry again, now that Vic was here.

“I wanna kill him,” he pressed out. “Gordon. I really want to kill him. I feel so helpless, so numb, and I can’t even begin to imagine what Aaron feels like… and I…. god, I am such an asshole for sitting here and being upset when he is going through all that.”

“Robert, you are being whatever Aaron needs you to be,” Vic said. “You are doing great, being there for him, giving him space, whatever he needs.”

“I really want to be strong for him, you know?” Robert said quietly and Vic felt like he looked at a little boy again. Little Robert who dragged his best friend home with him so he would have somewhere to stay.

“And you are,” she said softly. “I know this is tough, but right now, this is not about you, or you and him. This is about him.”

“I know,” Robert said quietly.

“I get this is though,” Vic said and pulled him closer. “And you let it all out now, here, but I’ve seen you with him, Rob, and believe me, you are being exactly what he needs.”

“He’s so strong, Vic,” Robert said. “And with all the shit I pulled on him…. I… the way I handled him…and he still trusts me.”

“He trusts you again,” Vic said. “Because you’re not like that scumbag Gordon and because you changed and he sees that. I don’t know everything that happened between you, but I can see it, Rob.”

“If you knew, you wouldn’t…” Robert started but she interrupted him.

“I don’t need to know,” Vic said. “Because I see you now. Abusers and controlling people like Gordon, they don’t change, they don’t learn. Whatever happened, Rob, if Aaron was able to let it go and trust you again then you should trust him about that decision.”

“I’m scared, Vic,” Robert said quietly.

“I know,” she said softly. “But do you love him?”

She had asked him this before, quite a few months back, and the response had been very different to the one she was getting now.

“Yes,” he said immediately, plain and simple.

“Then trust yourself to do the right thing,” she said.

“Thanks, Vic,” Robert said with a tiny sigh. “I kept you up long enough.”

She got up and walked to the door but turned back around.

“You know,” she said. “I’m pretty sure he loves you, too.”

#robertweek2018 #robert sugden dingle #victoria sugden #robron #mentioned #day 1 missing scene #fanfiction #my writing #os #original

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folklorestv · 6 years ago

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Hamilton London: Review (Oct 2018)

I saw Hamilton in London on Oct 4, 2018 (matinee show) and I decided to write a little review; I was located in the stalls, row K, seat 40 (scroll further to the bottom of the post to see where my seat was exactly). I’d been wanting to see Hamilton for about two and a half years and I bought the tickets eight months ago, and it feels so surreal that the moment I’ve been looking for is over at last. I flew out to London on Wednesday, the show was on Thursday (two show day). We got to the Victoria Palace Theatre at around 1pm and by that time, a small queue had already formed outside. We got in pretty quickly as the paperless ticketing system works great! The redeveloped theatre is absolutely beautiful, not to mention fancy as hell. They let us inside the actual stage room at 1.45pm, there’s different entries and they let us know beforehand which one to take, so we were at our seats in no matter of time. Fortunately, my seat had plenty of leg room and sitting was not uncomfortable at all. Being in 11th row, I was super close to the stage. Like, for real, I was really close. You can’t tell on the photo, but when the actors were on stage I could see every single tiny facial expression. Let’s just say that I could always see clearly whenever the actors spit while singing/rapping.

I’ve written a review on each actor which I will put under the cut (it actually got really fucking long, I doubt anyone will read all of it). You will be able to tell that I actually prefer the West End company over the OBC! I only have the OBC to compare them to, anyway. One thing I want to mention beforehand (because I don’t want to write it multiple times) is that you could actually hear the cast’s British accents here and there, but overall they did a solid job at faking an American one! I rather enjoyed it whenever a bit of a British accent slipped through at certain words.

Jamael Westman as Alexander Hamilton: I honestly don’t know where to start. Jamael is absolutely amazing, in my opinion a lot better than Lin! He is a perfect Alexander Hamilton and I can’t praise him enough. I’m glad he extended his contract and hopefully I’ll be able to see him again next year. He is great down to every micro-expression, like I said, he definitely beats Lin. His voice is awesome and very lovely to listen to, he hits all his notes, and he speaks clearly which made the rapping fantastic as well. He has a wonderful gentleness about him that is beautiful in That Would Be Enough and Stay Alive (Reprise); his Hurricane and his verse in The World Was Wide Enough are breathtaking. Moreover, Jamael nails the role in both acts. He has that certain playfulness in the first act and I enjoyed watching him so much. In the second act, he plays the fatherly and slightly more serious role really well, too. In contrast to the serious part, he is amazing during the Cabinet Battles and earned a lot of laughs from the crowd! Opposed to Lin (in my opinion), Jamael just fits the role a lot better physically, too. He’s young, fresh and handsome and that is mirrored in his portrayal of Hamilton. To sum it up, Jamael’s energy as Hamilton is out of this world and I’m at a loss for words.

Rachelle Ann Go as Eliza Hamilton: She didn’t particularly stand out for me, but she is still an amazing Eliza! She brings the necessary eagerness in Helpless and you could see her go through a real character arc as she grew more mature. She has a phenomenal singing voice and her acting is great, too. She’s genuinely crying in Burn and you could feel all her disgust towards Hamilton, it was amazing. Furthermore, her scream in Stay Alive (Reprise) is heartbreaking. She’s an excellent emotional singer. She’s also a lot shorter than Jamael which just made them look cute as a couple on stage.

Giles Terera as Aaron Burr: I have mixed feelings about him. I had to get used to him first for a couple of songs as his lisp annoyed me a bit, particularly at the start with the spoken narration. I wasn’t a big fan of his voice but I soon realised that he’s an incredible performer! He can sing really well which he definitely shows in Wait For It and The Room Where It Happens, so as the show progresses the lisp became less noticeable and you can focus on his excellent performance and acting. Overall, he plays a different Burr than Leslie Odom Jr, and at the end I actually adored his portrayal since it’s fresh and new. I still preferred him in the second act, though. He does a great job of making Burr a victim and The World Was Wide Enough - especially the end of it - was simply beautiful.

Rachel John as Angelica Schuyler: Oh my lord, she is absolute perfection. She might have beat Renée Goldsberry for me just because she has that certain something, she is a lot more fierce. Her voice is badass and she killed Satisfied! You can see her gentle side in It’s Quiet Uptown which she plays really well. She can sing, rap, act and get all the right emotions across. I’m so glad I got to see her as Angelica! I would’ve loved to see her sing Congratulations as that song seems to be written only for her. As you can tell, I’m literally speechless when it comes to her. She definitely owns the stage whenever she is on it.

Obioma Ugoala as George Washington: Definitely one of my favourites. He was unreal. Imagine Chris Jackson but even better! He has a really powerful and super deep voice along with amazing vocals. He was full on yelling a few times in Right Hand Man and you definitely feel intimidated by him. He plays the comedic part in the Cabinet Battles well, which is something I haven’t seen with other Washingtons. He gives the role all the aspects that were missing and I was completely speechless after his performance! He gets the loudest applause after One Last Time as he does a particularly fantastic job during the song! His vocals are simply incredible and he dominates the tricky role of George Washington. Fun fact: He actually forgot his line “Remember, my decision on this matter is not subject to congressional approval / The only person you have to convince is me” in Cabinet Battle #2 while saying it and just changed it up quickly to “Anybody else’s opinion doesn’t matter”. I just thought that was funny, it just proves what live theatre is like.

Jason Pennycooke as Marquis de Lafayette / Thomas Jefferson: Absolutely loved him! I wasn’t immediately a fan of his Lafayette because I got caught up in how different he is to Daveed Diggs. But in reality, he brings completely new energy to the role, which I enjoyed a lot. Guns And Ships is flawless, so he is really likeable in the first act. He is sort of this small, young guy who comes out of nowhere and saves the day. The second act blows everyone away! His Jefferson is perfect, probably better than Daveed’s. His version is again different but he is so funny and gets the majority of laughs! Next to Jamael as Hamilton, he does perfect comedy in the Cabinet Battles - they both do. I am basically in love with his portrayal of both characters as he brings a lot to them each. He does a stand out performance and is a true joy to watch. Although he is so very, very different to Daveed, he is very talented and awesome in his roles! Again, the second act had me completely amazed. His rapping and singing is on point and he is really flamboyant and confident. I also met him at the stage door and he’s very lovely in person. He genuinely appreciated when I told him how much I liked his portrayal and he took tons of time with everyone.

Tarinn Callender as Hercules Mulligan / James Madison: Personally one of my cast favourites as I’ve been enjoying his Instagram stories (and Cleve’s) for a year now. I was super excited to see him on stage and he was perfect! His portrayal is quite similar to Okieriete’s, but I still enjoyed it! He brings a booming energy to the group as Mulligan in the first act and he morphs perfectly into Madison in act two. He kills his rap in Yorktown and I was in love. He has this wonderful “I’m so done with this shit” attitude about Jefferson which is funny and he gets a lot of laughs as well. Tarinn is a wonderful performer and has an amazing comedic timing! He is awesome alongside Cleve in act one, and then alongside Jason in act two. He lifts the scenes and picks up the pace. He was the nicest person ever at the stage door (I had been dying to meet him) and he took a lot of funny photos with my phone! It was a blast to see him that day, definitely my favourite part of my London trip. (I’m putting the photos he took with my phone at the end of the post.)

Cleve September as John Laurens / Philip Hamilton: My other favourite besides Tarinn! Cleve and Tarinn are an amazing duo, on and off stage. They put a lot of comedy into the first act and bring new energy to the characters’ beliefs. It is absolutely heartbreaking when John Laurens dies (right after Dear Theodosia) and Cleve is able to bring the sadness and the pride across at the same time. He is absolutely fantastic as Philip, too, I probably prefer him over Anthony Ramos. Take A Break was sooo funny, I wish everyone could see him in it! His portrayal differs from Anthony’s while he still stays true to the character. He’s so scared during Blow Us All Away and he’s genuinely shaking before the duel. Stay Alive (Reprise) is absolutely heart wrenching to watch. Cleve’s acting is flawless during the conversation between Philip and Alexander (”I did exactly as you said, Pa / I help my head up high / Even before we got to ten- / I was aiming for the sky”). He actually screams out in pain while talking and my heart shattered into pieces. He does an awesome job! Definitely a bummer that I didn’t meet him at the stage door as Cleve is such a lovely and funny person as well.

Sharon Rose as Peggy Schuyler / Maria Reynolds: She is the only understudy of the main cast that I saw but she really kills her role! I had heard recordings of Christine Allado as Maria before and thought she was amazing; therefore I was really curious to see Sharon. She is really fun-loving during The Schuyler Sisters and her portrayal as Peggy is everything it has to be. I thoroughly enjoyed watching her and she is adorable during Helpless and Satisfied. She also kills her performance as Maria during Say No To This and it reminded me more of Christine Allado’s version, rather than Jasmine Cephas Jones’s. Sharon hits every note and plays that helplessness and state of being devastated well, she’s definitely an amazing emotional singer, similar to Rachelle!

Michael Jibson as King George: I wasn’t sure about him first but afterwards I can say that I definitely like his portrayal more than Jonathan Groff’s. I prefer Jonathan’s vocals as I felt like Michael was sometimes struggling with the high notes, but he absolutely owns the stage when he was on it! All of his mannerisms are superb; he might have got the most laughs and cheering from the audience. The British definitely love to make fun of themselves and poke at the Royals, it was awesome! Michael adds a lot of tiny tweaks to the character which is really creative. He changed several things about the performance as King George that make the whole portrayal a lot more fun to watch. You should definitely go see him in his role if you ever have the chance. I also met him at the stage door where he seemed like a really laid-back and nice guy!

Jack Butterworth as Samuel Seabury: Now, this is a super minor role but I thought I should mention it anyway. Jack Butterworth is a pure joy to watch as Samuel Seabury. Completely different energy compared to the OBC; Jack seems a lot more innocent and playful. Also, he is standing on a podium and Jamael is almost taller than him without a podium, just a funny thing I noticed. Jack was definitely the right casting choice (as are all the other actors involved).

Gregory Haney as Charles Lee: Another really minor role that I want to mention nevertheless. Charles Lee is usually played by Leslie Garcia Bowman so it came as a bit of a surprise to me that Gregory played the role that day. I’ve been following him for several years as he was part of the Broadway cast before and I was really excited when he starred as Charles Lee in Stay Alive! He did a really good job in both Stay Alive and Ten Duel Commandments. His “I’m a general, whee!” sounds different than the Broadway one and earns many laughs.

Ensemble - Jade Albertsen, Curtis Angus, Courtney Mae Briggs, Jack Butterworth, Jon Scott Clark, Kelly Downing, Gregory Haney, Leah Hill, Walyon Jacobs, Miriam-Teak Lee, Chris Tendai: The ensemble are the true stars of the show; they bring beautiful harmonies and mind-blowing choreographies. Leah Hill stood out for me as the Bullet and she did a beautiful job. Miriam Teak-Lee is another one who stood out in all of the dancers, I’ve heard recordings of her as Angelica (she’s actually an alternate for all the Schuyler sisters!) and she definitely has potential to rise up. Kudos to everyone in the ensemble, they’re doing an amazing job every night.

Like I said, I was pretty close to the stage. My ticket was £100 while the ticket for the seat to my right is already £250. This is because my view of the stage was slightly obstructed to the left side which didn’t matter at all. The only thing I missed was Washington’s “Me, I trusted him” during Alexander Hamilton and I couldn’t see Hamilton standing on the staircase during Satisfied. Both of those are, however, very minor things that didn’t bother me. I felt extremely close to the actors in 11th row, and it was definitely worth saving £150 (the rows in front of me are £250, too).

Aaaand here are the photos Tarinn took with my phone!

#hamilton london #hamilton west end #hamilton london cast #west end #hamilton #kristina.txt

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