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vettelsvee · 4 months ago

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GOODBYES ARE BITTERSWEET | Sebastian Vettel ✩₊˚.⋆ PART 4: FAMILIAR [PREVIOUS PART] [NEXT PART]

goodbyes are bittersweet masterlist f1 masterlist | ao3 | ask anything or let's talk!

ferrari sebastian vettel x ex gf!female reader

word count: 3811

summary: seb comes back home as a surprise only to see that hanna and a little mysterious girl receive them... instead of y/n, who was supposed to finally meet him

warnings: settled on may 2018. curse words, angst, seb and little emily meeting but they don't know who they are to each other, seb being VERY suspicious. seb pov.

taglist: [ @saltycomicsanimalssalad @hc-dutch @mycenterfold @simplyamberj @spitesfvl-blog @jaydaaasworld @lottalove4evelyn @zoeyjadetice2010 @jehun @ferralari @cosmoscoffeee @mcmuppet @myescapefromthislife @sleutherclaw @youre-on-your-ownkid ]

a/n: i haven't said anything, BUT taylor made a mashup for her surprise songs in warsaw night 2 that is an absolute spoiler of this series (if you know it TELL ME ON ANON BECAUSE I LITERALLY SCREAMED). anyways, we're back with an update FINALLY. sorry to make you wait (really, i wasn't doing mentally ok and I'm still struggling but here we are!), but in the next chapter we'll have y/n and seb finally meeting... but for the moments I'll wait to see your comments, anon messages and reactions (please please please) about everything that happens on this chapter and how suspicious seb's gonna be (hope you fangirl and like everything as much as i did writing this) + also remind you that feedback and reposts are truly appreciated. thank you for all the support you've been showing me these days, love you all <3

2018

May 3rd Heppenheim, Germany

Sebastian

The exhaustion was piling up in my body, and I knew that what I was doing was crazy. I was fully aware that facing my past with just two hours of sleep was quite risky, but I couldn't wait to see Y/N again. As soon as Hanna told me she had spoken to her and gave me the green light to visit her, I forced Britta to buy me a plane ticket to Cologne to head home as soon as I finished some Ferrari ads and all that shit I absolutely hated in Maranello. My excitement and nerves were so intense that I didn't even tell anything to my parents or Fabian, who would probably go crazy for not telling them earlier.

I let go of the suitcase reluctantly and, to my misfortune, it fell to the floor with a rather noticeable thud. I sighed and did my best to ignore it, ringing the doorbell and leaning against the wall while holding the bouquet of tulips I had bought for Y/N. I knew it was silly, but I was excited to have this small gesture as a sort of belated birthday gift for her.

"Who is it?"

I was notably surprised when, instead of my mother’s voice, a child’s one chirped the question.

"It’s Seb," I replied, trying not to make a big deal out of the situation. Maybe it was just the daughter, or even granddaughter, of one of my mother’s friends.

"I don’t know any Seb! Who is it?" she asked again, this time with a slightly annoyed tone.

"I’m Sebastian."

"Sorry, but I only know two Sebastians: one is the crab from The Little Mermaid, and the other one is the man who sometimes appears on TV at Grandma’s house."

I couldn’t help but laugh. Whoever that little girl was, she was the best thing I had come across in a long time.

"Mum also says I can’t open the door to strangers, so I can’t let you in. I’m sorry, sir."

"But my parents live here," I replied as calmly as I could. It was clear that the lack of sleep was affecting my patience.

"Are you Mr. Norbert’s secret son?!"

"Emily, let me open the door!"

The door suddenly opened, revealing a somewhat out-of-breath Hanna, as if she had come running to open it and was now trying to catch her breath. Next to her was a girl about five years old, with completely blonde and curly hair that reached roughly to her waist. The little one didn’t hesitate to smile and greet me with her right hand, and almost immediately, her eyes widened as she made eye contact with me. When I turned my gaze back to my friend I was quite surprised. Her skin, which was already pale, had turned even paler for no apparent reason. The girl, however, kept looking at me, curious and, in my perception, somewhat pleased.

Had Hanna become a mother and didn’t tell me?

Before I could react or say anything, the door slammed shut in my face, not giving me a chance to say anything. My surprise came when, a few seconds later, it opened again, revealing the same scene.

“You’re…” she started to say, hesitating. She was nervous, and her nerves only made me more anxious. “Seb… but not…”

“Is something wrong, Hanna?”

Instead of answering, she remained completely silent. I knew something was wrong as soon as she started to look at the ground instead of looking at me.

“Hanna?”

“Aunt Hanna…” the little girl, still by her side, intervened, trying to get her attention by tugging at her sweater sleeve. “The man who appears on TV with the red car is talking to you,” I widened my eyes, surprised. Did the girl know me? “Mom says that when someone talks to you, you should respond; it’s rude not to.”

“Do you know who I am?” I asked the little girl, crouching to her level.

“Of course I know you…!”

“Hey, sweetie, why don’t you go play outside for a while?” My friend intervened before the little girl could finish. “Sebastian and I need to talk about some things, okay?”

“Did mommy have a surprise for me and that’s why she brought him?” the girl asked curiously, pointing at me. “Mommy said she was going to bring me a surprise when she came back from…”

“Emily, that’s enough! Go outside and we’ll talk about mom's surprise later. We can even call her if you want, okay?”

Prater’s shout startled the girl, who simply picked up a stuffed panda from the couch and a red car that looked quite similar to the one I had in Formula 1 back in 2015. As soon as Hanna turned back to her, scolding her once more, she ran towards the yard.

I found it amusing that, when my friend turned back to me, that curly-haired blonde girl peeked around the door, trying not to let us see her, possibly feeling quite curious about what we had to discuss.

It didn’t bother me at all, but exactly the opposite. I used to do the same when I was a child and my parents had friends coming home.

“Are you here or not, Sebastian?”

Hanna quickly brushed her hand over my face. I immediately shifted my gaze from the little girl and refocused on her. She had her arms crossed, her sweater sleeves rolled up, and her face was completely red.

I wasn’t sure if she was angry with little Emily, with me, or with the situation, though she had no reason to be. After all, I was the one who had come to my parents’ house, my home, to get ready to see Y/N. It wasn’t my problem that I had encountered Hanna and this mysterious girl here, without any prior notice. At least, I didn’t see it as such.

“I’ve been here since I arrived, Hanna. You’re the one who’s gone crazy seeing me show up,” I responded tersely.

“You could have told me that you were coming.”

“Do I need to give an exact day for when I’ll be back home? Can’t I give my parents a fucking surprise?”

“Didn’t you consider that your parents might be running errands at this time? Or that…”

I left her talking to herself because the last thing I wanted was to argue, especially over something trivial like this. Her behavior was stressing me out too much, and that was the last thing I needed, especially considering that my ex and I might run into each other at any moment.

Without saying anything else, I headed to the kitchen to find a vase for the tulips for Y/N before they wilted. While filling it with water, I noticed the little girl. She was engrossed with that red toy car, moving it back and forth while murmuring commands with what seemed to be an attempt of technical Formula 1 words. She pushed her curls out of her face and suddenly decided to include the panda bear in the game.

I stared at the girl. Her face seemed familiar… too familiar, in fact. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I had a feeling I had seen her before in Heppenheim, though I didn’t remember seeing her as part of any family of my parents’ friends.

I tried to downplay the fleeting thought when Hanna arrived, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and, as I had guessed upon looking back, with a rather unfriendly expression.

Her eyes were analyzing me, I knew it perfectly. I sighed and placed the vase on the counter, arranging the tulips as best as I could while trying to ignore her behavior.

"Are they for Y/N?" she finally asked.

"Who else would they be for?"

"She isn’t here," she said abruptly, dropping the news.

Silence fell between us once again. I raised my gaze so quickly that I almost felt a bit dizzy. All she did was look at me, unable to continue the conversation or, at least, undecided on whether to continue it or not. Finally, after a few seconds, she decided to speak again:

"I know I told you she’d be here this week, but…" she hesitated. It was the first time I had seen her like this, and she was by no means the self-assured Hanna I had known since the first day of school. “Damn it, Seb, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but…”

"Does she have a boyfriend?"

That was the first thing that came to mind, and I immediately regretted blurting it out. Hanna laughed so hard that Emily, who was now chasing a butterfly, stopped dead in her tracks to see what was happening to her supposed aunt.

Hanna approached me. She gave me a few pats on the chest and then on the head, before giving me a hug that caught me off guard.

"How naive you are, Sebastian Vettel… Do you really think Y/N would have a boyfriend? Can you picture her having one?"

"Well, it's been five years since she broke up with me. It's about time she moved on, so I find it normal."

"Have you moved on? Do you have some secret girlfriend you haven��t told us about, Mr. Privacy?"

I didn’t answer, which was enough for her to know we were in the same romantic situation.

"I've slept with a few girls all these years, but I’ve never looked for anything serious," I confessed.

"Well, I’m afraid to tell you that you’re in the same boat as Y/N then. As far as I know, she hasn’t slept with anyone, although it’s understandable, considering she has…”

And before she could say anything more, she stopped talking. Again.

If the situation between us had calmed down, it had now become tense again. It was the second time that day, at least as far as I had noticed, that Hanna Prater seemed to have let something slip. I looked at her, searching her expressions for something that would give me a hint about what she wanted to say; she simply looked away and headed to the living room, sitting on the sofa and changing the channel from some cartoon pigs to the local Heppenheim news channel.

"What does Y/N have, Hanna? Or who does she have?"

"Y/N is in London, Seb," she finally revealed with a sigh, as if it was hard for her to tell me. “I know it’s not my place to tell you this, and even less that she would like you to know, but after your breakup… she has some contacts.”

"What kind of contacts are you talking about?" I wanted to know. Had she done something I wasn’t aware of? Was she in trouble?

"To say it briefly, because the story is too long, a guy from this very famous boyband back in the day decided to come here for a while to find inspiration for new music and see what to do with his solo career," she explained. “Call it coincidence, luck or an act of God, but Niall ended up going to the bar where Y/N works and, well… the rest is history.”

I didn’t know what to say… Yes, I hoped things were going a bit better for her than when we were together, but that she had met someone as important as that guy seemed…

"The thing is, Y/N is in London right now. But she’ll be back, so don’t worry. She’s been there for several days," Hanna continued. "Niall isn’t particularly good at keeping secrets, and since he knew she was the face behind Red, he had the bright idea of mentioning it to his label who, luckily, said they’d like to meet with Y/N to offer her a contract."

"And did you know any of this before telling me to come, or…?"

I tried not to sound angry, but the truth was I was, at least a little. To be more exact, I was more than just angry… I was upset. Upset simply because Y/N, knowing I had asked if she was the face behind that viral video that was having so much success, and now considering that she had a possibly important meeting with that record label, hadn’t bothered to respond not only to my question but also to my birthday wishes.

I felt really bad because, despite being the person who probably knew y/n better than anyone else in the world, it seemed like the opposite.

"Y/N didn’t tell me anything until the day before she left," she confessed quietly. "I swear, Seb, she was so reluctant to go that I even thought she wouldn’t go and you two would finally get to talk about everything…” Once again, a pause full of uncertainty gnawed at me from within. “The only thing she said to me before going to London was that she wasn’t going to sign anything and that she was going only because she hadn’t traveled since you two were together, and she actually was doing that because she needed to disconnect and think about a few things.”

"So… did she go for nothing?"

"She doesn’t want to sign any record deal, Seb. She just wants to put her life in order and continue it as it is now. She doesn’t need anything more than what she has."

I didn’t know what to say, but I had a thousand conflicting thoughts swirling in my head right now. It struck me as very strange that my ex-girlfriend didn’t want to accept a record deal. That was everything Y/N had worked for in this life, and now, when she had the opportunity, she was turning it down…

Maybe Britta was right and the Y/N I knew was now just a mere ghost of my past, still haunting my life to torment me with the answers I never got.

"Y/N should accept it," was all I could say, impassive to what my ears had just heard. "I can’t believe she’d turn down something she’s fought for so many years…”

Suddenly, a melody from a song I didn’t recognize started playing in the room. Emily appeared with a phone in her hand and ran to give it to Hanna who, upon looking at the screen, became quite alarmed.

"Sorry, Seb, it’s important…" she said without taking her eyes off the phone. "Emily, stay here with Seb, okay? I’ll be right back…”

Hanna left faster than I would have liked, leaving me alone with the little girl, who again kept staring at me.

"You’re just like on TV..."

The little blonde girl came up to me, too close, and began examining me closely. She placed her small hands on my cheeks and moved them across my face. I was sure she was leaving little traces of dirt, but I didn’t mind when I saw she couldn’t stop smiling and laughing.

"If my mommy were here, she’d be very happy to see you," she said, sitting next to me.

"Does your mom know who I am?"

She nodded.

"Mommy watches you on TV every day," she revealed. "Well, not every day, but when you’re on granny’s TV on weekends, she spends hours and hours watching you at your work!"

"So your mom likes Formula 1, huh?"

"What’s that?" she asked innocently. However, before I could say anything, she spoke again. "Oh, I remember now! That’s what’s on TV where the cars go really fast, right? And you drive one of them, don’t you?"

I nodded slightly while laughing.

"Mommy says it’s very dangerous and sometimes she’s scared about what might happen to you. Mommy really likes you a lot, you know? Why don’t you go out with her and be my daddy?"

"Sometimes it is a bit dangerous, yes, but don’t worry: today there are many safety measures to keep us safe, and we also take a lot of care when we drive,” I said quietly, trying to sound as calm as possible and ignoring her last request. Did this girl not have a present father?

The girl frowned, not very convinced by my answer and, possibly, upset by ignoring part of what she was surely eager to know. Her eyes, a shade of blue that was neither dark nor light, looked at me with curiosity.

"Have you ever hurt yourself while driving your red car?" she asked again, interested.

"Well, um…" I hesitated for a moment on what words to choose so as not to alarm her further. "Sometimes we have small bumps, but the barriers on the track protect us when we go off."

Emily seemed more at ease with the softened version of reality, although she still looked worried and upset. I didn’t know why I was telling her all this considering she was probably no older than five and I might be scaring her.

"Hey, now tell me something about you, since I’m on holidays and I don’t want to talk about my work! What do you like to do? I don’t know anything about you yet!"

Her eyes lit up when I asked her that. My main intention was to change the subject, but something inside me was glad to see her so happy when I showed some kind of interest in her.

"I love to paint and play!" she exclaimed. "I also like going to the park with mummy, dancing and singing at her work! And I also like tales!"

"What’s your favorite tale?"

“Mommy always tells me one about a prince who is part of a blue team and takes part in an important game every year, and he always wins! And in the end, he falls in love with a very pretty waitress, and they have a little baby and take care of it together, and they’re very happy!”

I got in absolute shock at her words.

Could it...?

No, it’s impossible, there’s no way that’s some kind of version of my story with Y/N. It must be the exhaustion and all the hustle and bustle of these last few days that are starting to make my head a mess.

I didn’t know what else to say, so while I tried to sort my thoughts, we sat in silence for a while. I changed the channel from the local one to the cartoons that had been on earlier to keep Emily entertained.

The little one didn’t say anything else, but she did snuggle up to me as if she had known me for much more than less than an hour.

When some amount of time had passed, I felt slight tugs on my shirt. I hadn’t realized I had closed my eyes and had dozed off a little. Emily’s little smile brought me back to reality:

“Is something wrong, little one?” I asked, worried that something had happened to her.

“Aunt Hanna is still on the phone, and Peppa Pig is over,” she pointed to the TV with her little hand. “And you probably have to leave soon... Mrs. Heike and Mr. Norbert are coming back any moment now!”

“But this is my house. I’m not going anywhere,” I said, trying not to laugh. “Heike and Norbert are my parents. Do you remember that I told you that before?”

She nodded, relieved and partly remembering that we had talked about it earlier. From her face, I knew she was about to say something more, but I didn’t hear her when I noticed my phone vibrating in my pocket.

I tried to disconnect as much as possible when I was on “vacation,” but given that it could be an important work issue, I decided to check what the notification was about.

To my absolute surprise, it was a message from Y/N:

Hi, Seb.

I’m so sorry for not replying to you earlier. I completely forgot...

I really wanted to, but with one thing and another, it’s been impossible. Hanna has probably talked to you about it, so I won’t say much more so I don’t stress you out more than you probably already are.

I promise that the next time you come, I’ll be there, and we’ll talk about whatever you want.

I think we have quite a few things to discuss about, and I hope you’re not upset with me when that happens.

I read the message more times than I could count, not believing what my eyes were seeing. Relief mixed with confusion at the last sentence. “I think we have quite a bit to discuss, and I hope you’re not upset with me when that happens” didn’t make me think of anything good, especially coming from Y/N.

I took some time to reply, maybe hoping that Hanna, who I saw was coming back into the house, could help me. I started to worry again when I saw a forced smile on her face, as if she was trying to hide something, just as she seemed to have been doing all day.

I started to hear the door lock and then it opening. I knew perfectly by the way of walking that it was my parents, and Emily seemed to know it as well. The little one jumped off the sofa and ran towards them, which surprised me quite a bit.

I only did the same, except I stood up as calmly as I could, with a kind of fear I couldn’t explain.

“You’ve come back home!” the little girl shouted excitedly, bouncing up and down. “Mrs. Heike, Mrs. Heike! Can I ask you something now that your son, the one who drives cars and is very liked by mom, is here?”

My mother looked at the little girl, and then at me. Her face changed completely when she realized that Emily wasn’t lying and that I was, in fact, back home. I didn’t know what Hanna was like at that moment, but I would swear she was more distressed than she had been all day.

Even my father, who normally was a person who didn’t get flustered by anything, seemed quite nervous.

Emily and I, however, seemed to be the only ones who weren’t catching on and were living in our bubble of innocence.

“Does your mommy have a nickname for you, Sebastian?” the little one asked me in a low voice, calling me by my name for the first time. Then she asked me to bend down and carefully placed her hand on my ear to tell me something so that no one would hear. “My mommy says I’m the sunshine of her life, but she always says to me not to tell anyone, that she calling me that way is a secret between us. No one answers me why when I ask them, do you know why?”

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shycloudkitty · 1 year ago

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His Sweetest Escape

Summary: Leon returned from a mission. Safe but exhausted and traumatized as hell. He doesn't want to drown in the suffocating thoughts of survivor's guilt. He wants an escape. And you were always his sweetest escape.

Pairing: RE6 Leon Kennedy! × Fem! Reader

Tags: (NSFW 18+), MDNI, FWB relationship, Angst at first, talking about Leon's trauma (necessary for the plot), Oral (f receiving!), Cunnilingus, fingering, sitting on Leon's face, nipple play, Leon being a tease. A bit ooc? Probably.

A/N: Hello Guys!!! My FIRST smut fic is here🤭. Yes I know…FWB again, but I just really wanted to write a smut fic with that trope😭. Also I am very serious about minors not interacting with this post. Please don't.

(Edit) : This can be considered a sort of rough prequel to Just a little touch. Cause for a prequel I have something else cooking up🤭

Hope you enjoy this and have a good day!! 😊😊

A huge thanks to @elfven-blog and @luniaxi for helping me a lot. A little birthday (belated) present to @nexysworld 🥰

Dividers by: @/cafekitsune

WC: 5.6K

Another mission. Another horde of zombies and tyrants. And dozens and dozens of lives that he wasn't able to save in time. But it was a successful mission or at least that's what he was told by his superiors.

Leon tiredly pushed open the door to his apartment and deeply sighed as he slowly entered and closed the door behind him.

It is said that a home perfectly reflects people's personalities. The things there give bits of how a person lives and wants to live, their likes and dislikes and much more.

And his cold and empty apartment gave a perfect reflection on who he was. The furniture was there, furnished of course. But that was it. No decorations or signs of someone living there. And that's how he felt he was. A person who had all the features of a normal person but cold and empty on the inside.

But then again he never found a home. This was just a place to live in.

Leon found a whiskey bottle from the liquor cabinet and dropped to the couch, groaning as he sat down after a long time feeling his injuries stretch uncomfortably making him wince. Leaning his head back and staring at the empty ceiling, flashbacks of the mission running wild in his mind. Taking a big swig of his whiskey to numb it. Trying to forget everything about that God forsaken assignment.

Leon kept drinking and drinking till he started to feel a bit numb to it and sighed tiredly to himself and pushed the bottle aside. Allowing himself to get a bit lost in his thoughts and closed his eyes.

He was so fucking tired of all this fighting, fighting it to no fucking end and never seeing the ray of hope that all of this shit would end one day. Instead it only got worse. And he fucking hated it.

His survivor's guilt continued to eat at him slowly and bit by bit on his consciousness, till he felt suffocated by it.

He opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and groaned in frustration. The fuck was wrong with him? Actually don't answer that, he already knows.

He took a deep breath to calm himself. Closing his eyes and taking small deep breaths.

Leon shook his head to himself and sighed again. This wasn't going to go away anytime soon. And he really didn't want to wallow and drown in the guilt or he was sure it would kill him more than it already had. He wanted an escape.

A sweet escape that always made him forget about the hellish missions and the guilt that comes with it.

He opened his phone and searched for your contact and pressed the call button. Bringing the phone to his ear as it rang.

For some reason he felt a bit guilty for only calling you for these things, which was weird because it has always been like this between you both… and neither of you minded it before.

Maybe he needs this more than he thought.

“Hey handsome” Your sweet voice rang in his ear from the other side of the call making his mood a bit better.

He cleared his throat and said “Hey… Doing anything right now?” Trying not to sound too desperate for her and playing it cool.

“Sort of… But… I can be free if you want~” trying to tease him a little bit.

A small smile bloomed on his face when he heard that and teasingly replied. “You will make time for me huh? That's sweet.”

You chuckle and tease him back. “Oh you know… I could never say no to you…or a good time.”

Your teasing words made Leon smile a bit more. Knowing you could always tease him a little and get away with it and he wouldn't mind it even once cause he loved the tease.

Leon then says. “Then be free and come here.”

“Uff… So bossy. Can't add a ‘please’ in your sentence?” You asked in a playful way.

“One more comment out of your smart mouth and I will come to your apartment to show you how bossy I can actually be.” Voice getting sultry as he teased you.

It's not like it will be the first time he bossed a sweet thing like you around… always so eager to please him, following the orders he used to give you while you were a moaning & whimpering mess but oh, so ready to do them… just for him.

How could he not feel like a God when you were always ready to be his devoted worshiper.

There was a beat of silence, and Leon smirked knowing that teasing worked perfectly in making you flustered.

He took the opportunity and said “Hmm… that's what I thought, now come here…please” emphasizing the word please more on purpose.

You lightly huff over the phone. “You know you are making a lot of promises.” your voice was clearly flustered even if you tried to hide it.

“Cause I can keep ‘em. I don't make empty promises and you know that…” His voice lowered. He knew how much he had an effect on you, and he couldn't help but use it to his advantage.

Leon waited for a response.

“...I do.” your voice came out more breathy than he expected.

“Good girl… now come soon. I am waiting.”

He cut the call and tossed his phone aside, taking a deep breath. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he got plenty worked up from just one call and it was probably less than a minute.

You were a damn vixen and he loved it.

Now that you were most certainly coming over, he could at least take a shower. He got up from the couch with a groan and stretched his arms a bit and made his way to his bathroom.

Removing his gear and soiled work clothes, he got in the shower and turned it on. Letting the water slowly wash the grime and dried blood away along with the horrible memories of the mission.

Instead he focused his thoughts on you. He let his mind slowly fill with the sweet memories of you. Your soft red lips against his… They tasted like candy, sometimes cherry but always something sweet.

And he especially loved when your pretty lips were wrapped around his cock…slowly taking him in and looking up at him with those greedy eyes all your senses focused on him to pleasure him.

How could he not want a sweet thing like you around forever?

But he wouldn't admit that out loud.

Leon could feel himself get more worked up as he felt more images fill up in his head and groaned quietly.

He huffed lightly, and quickly finished his shower and got out of it. Moving towards his wardrobe and wearing his sweatpants and one of his casual blue t-shirt. And decided to wait till you arrived.

15 mins later his doorbell rang and he grinned at the thought that it was you. And quickly walked towards the door and opened it.

And there you were, a smile on your face and a soft blush on your cheeks. Wearing a white crop top and blue jeans to pair it up with and he couldn't help but smirk at the sight. He bit his lip lightly and teasingly said. “You came huh?”

You rolled your eyes and smiled playfully at his words. “You called.” your voice being equally teasing.

He grinned and let you inside his apartment and closed the door behind you.

“When did you come back from your mission?” You asked as you went over and sat on the couch and looked at him.

“Today actually…” Leon said as he came over and sat beside you. You raised an eyebrow and said. “Today... Like..Just now?”

Leon nodded and shrugged lightly and looked at you. “Yeah. Why?”

Your eyes widened and said. “Wow… aren't you tired and sleepy as hell?”

Leon chuckled and shrugged. “No, not really.”

Well to be fair he was exhausted but that's why you were here… to take it all away.

You frowned slightly not believing his words. After all, he was gone for a considerably long time. You then slowly ask. “Are you sure?”

Leon just chuckled and teasingly replied with a smirk. “Don't worry your pretty little head about it… Although I am flattered that you care that much about my health.”

While he was grateful that you were concerned for him, he didn't want to talk about it. He would rather focus on you and get lost in you than talk about his awful work.

You roll your eyes and smirk at him and playfully reply. “Please… I am only asking because I don't think you will be able to last if you just came back home tired as hell.”

You knew what you were doing, but again a little friendly fire never hurts anyone. And in this, you don't care if it hurts you.

Leon looks at you in amusement and scoffs lightly, shifting closer to you as his voice lowered. “You think I wouldn't be able to last long hmm?” Slowly bringing his hand to your thigh and caressing it gently while looking in your eyes.

You bite your lip and slowly say. “You heard what I said… Did I hit the nail with that?”

No, but you did hurt his ego. And he was going to prove exactly how wrong you are. All in the name of friendly fire.

Leon started to gently run his fingers to your inner thighs and rub teasing circles there. His hand inching closer and closer... but never touching you where you really wanted him to.

His lips curve in a smirk and biting his lip lightly. “You really think that huh...” his hot breath hitting your neck. His gaze falling on your lips, on how you are slowly biting them.

Your face grows flushed and goosebumps rise on your skin as he… slowly moves his free hand on your other thigh and does the same thing there. His smirk grows wider when he feels you squirming a bit.

Everything around you feels so much hotter now… his touch, his eyes shamelessly tracing every inch of your soft body.

Leon watched as you cleared your throat and looked away from him. “Not really… I was just joking, you know.”

Leon smirked some more and teasingly repeated your words. “Just joking hmm?”

Your breath hitches when Leon presses his lips on your neck and presses feather light kisses on it while gently nibbling on it too. You tilt your head back giving him better access, eyes fluttering shut as his teeth lightly scrape your skin.

Your perfume slowly fills his senses and makes his mind hazy with lust. You smelled so fucking good to him. All this teasing was doing a number on him. So much so that now all he wanted to do was to fuck you dumb against this couch and still keep going.

He gently bites your earlobe and mumbles. “Can't have you making jokes everywhere on serious matters baby…”

You gasp as he suddenly spreads your thighs apart, settling himself between them. His bites on your neck get a bit more harsher as his hands start sliding to your ass. Gripping them tightly and bringing you close, pressing you against the couch and him.

He then whispers. “Can't have a sweet thing like you leaving my bed thinking my cock wasn't good enough for your pussy…”

You squirmed in his grip as his words shoot straight at your core. His touch felt as if it was burning right through your skin. You opened your mouth to say something and a small whimper escaped your lips as he bit down on a much sensitive part of your neck.

“Oh Leon…” You mumbled and looked at him. And he quickly sealed your lips with a kiss and mumbles against your lips. “I know baby, You love that cock don't you? Love how good it feels when it ruins your little cunt.”

A small mewl left your mouth as two of his fingers reached your center, sliding them up and down on your clothed cunt giving you the stimulation you were craving.

Leon smirked at your little sounds and snakes his other hand under your crop top, slowly groping your right breast in his hand. And tauntingly says. “Yeah…Feels good when I give that cunt a bit of attention, Doesn't it? Already squirming under my fingers and I haven't even started.”

Your body grew hotter as his fingers started to rub small circles over your cunt and now groping your breasts a bit harshly now. You can feel your panties getting wet from his teasing and lean more into his fingers to search for that friction. You whine and pout at him. “Leon…Stop teasing.”

He bites your earlobe. “You try to tell me what I should…And teasing you will be all I do tonight.” You pouted him in response and he just gave you a teasing grin.

As he says that he pinches one of your nipples making you jolt in surprise. You whine as he continues to pinch and roll it teasingly between his fingers drawing a needy moan from you.

He then pulls away slightly and starts to unbutton your jeans and kisses you. He lightly tugs at your lower lip, giving you a pleasant shiver down your spine. Removing your jeans he cups your ass and drags it a bit closer for him to see. Smirking at the wet spot on your cute lacy panties.

Soft moans and whimpers fall off your lips as he presses his thumb on your clit over the thin layer of the fabric and rubs slow teasing circles.

His free hand makes its way to your chest and eagerly lifts your crop top and tugs your bra down to free your breasts. And latches his mouth to one of them and eagerly starts to suck on them, not even bothering to fully remove it.

He then starts to slowly suck on your nipples taking his sweet time with it while still paying attention to your cunt. His eyes are shut as if he was concentrating on the world's most important task ever. Your moans started to get louder and more whiny, and feel the flimsy fabric of your panties sticking to your folds by now.

He suddenly pinches your clit at the same time he gives a harsh tug at your nipple. Your body twitches from the sensation and you whine louder than before. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you gasped for breaths.

You looked down to see his face and whined to him. “Leon, I want more…please.” Your voice was more breathy than before. You gave him a pout and looked at him with those same needy eyes which he usually gave into.

He feels so proud for having you this way, seeing how quickly you used to melt for him and gave him the control he was so desperately craving without any resistance. And he loved it every single time. Seeing your red pouty lips, eyes filled with lust, messed up hair, flushed face, it made his heart skip a few beats every time… He could always get lost in your beauty and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Leon presses a kiss at your temple and drops another at your shoulder. And smirks and in a taunting tone whispers. “We just started baby, Already can't last hmm?”

Ass. That's what he was. An ass for using your words against you.

He then pulls back and you whine at the loss of his touch. Panting softly, your skin feeling as if it was burning under his hot gaze. You look up at him and he wasn't any better but he had a better control on it.

He grins and kisses you softly on the lips to make up for the teasing and softly asks “Want to move this to the bedroom?” You nod and kiss him back. Wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him close.

You both kiss each other softly and he slowly removes the rest of your clothes and lifts you up in his arms and slowly stands up. You wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Your hands gripping his shoulders and continue to kiss him softly while he makes his way to his bedroom.

He places his hands on your hips to hold you and never breaks the kiss even once. If anything he pulls you more close and deepens the kisses. He opens his bedroom door and slowly lays you down on bed and pulls away a bit and smiles at you and softly whispers. “Want more?”

You nod and he leans in close and deepens the kiss. Gently caressing your body all over, his hands kneading the soft plush fat of your thighs and hips. Tongue exploring your mouth sensually while kissing you. Both of your eyes closed while enjoying the sensual kisses and touches. This was much calmer than what you both were doing earlier but still very sensual to keep you both going.

“Feeling better?” He mumbles against your lips.

You chuckle softly and in a teasing tone reply. “I would feel much better when you actually start.”

You feel a deep rumble from his chest as he laughs softly at that and shakes his head lightly. His voice takes a quick change from soft to sweetly seductive and whispers. “Fucking insatiable…Love it. Who could tell that a cutie like you was such a slut inside. But you are not gonna hear any complaints from me.”

Your cheeks burn red from his words as he now starts to kiss your neck and collarbone. A moan slipped from your mouth when he pressed himself forward and his boner made contact with your sensitive clit, letting you feel how much he was turned on right now. The cloth of his sweatpants gave enough friction to feel amazing as you started to grind against him, wanting to continue where he left off.

Soft grunts slipped from his mouth as he felt you eagerly rub your pussy against him. A rough chuckle leaves his lips and he mumbles. “Patience baby…” and moves his hips away to stop it, pulling a whine from your mouth from frustration.

He brings your lips in a deep kiss which you were more than happy to respond to. His hands found their way back to your chest to your breasts. Groping and massaging them and giving light tugs at your nipple which made your body twitch in excitement.

He then tugged your lower lip, gave a harsh bite to it and tweaked your nipple lightly. He continues this motion of torturing you like this. While you lay there under him writhing and moaning for him. “Leon… I can't take it… please..”

The little piece of shit just laughs and tweaks your nipples once more making you whimper for him. And in a taunting tone says. “Oh yeah? You can't take it hmm? Too damn bad…”

You feel him rubbing those little buds under his thumb sometimes rolling it between his fingers while basically tongue fucking your mouth. You whimper, whine and even try to push him off but if anything that encourages him to do more of that.

Soon you feel that invisible band in your stomach stretching and stretching… just waiting to snap. And Leon notices it, the way your body starts shivering and your moans get louder. He then leans in to whisper. “Gonna cum baby?”

You nod and look at him with a pout. “Please…” He just smirks and keeps doing what he was doing. Your body twitches and holds onto his shoulders. Your eyes flutter shut. You are just so close… Right… there.

And he pulls away.

Your eyes immediately shoot open. “Nooo!” A loud whine leaves your lips and look up at him with a frustrated expression.

How could he do this to you? Such a fucking tease? And you were so fucking close and he just had to pull away and ruin it.

He had a big shit eating grin on his face but he wasn't faring any better than you were. His shirt was clinging to his body, face flushed red and his hair messed up. And the way you can see his dick bulging in his pants proved he was just as pent up as you.

He was just teasing both of you to hell. Asshole.

You gave a pout as the tears from frustration started to brim in your eyes. “You are so mean…”

Leon smiles as he leans down closer to you and softly coos to you. “Aww… is my baby angry at me?”

You nod and continue to pout at him. Leon smiles and takes your face in his hands. And kisses you gently on your soft lips. You don't kiss him back at first but you hear his soft whispers to forgive him for teasing you so much. “Please baby… forgive me? I swear I wouldn't tease you now… Kiss me back?”

And you really wanted to stay mad at him but… you couldn't do that for much long.

How could you when he looked at you with those blue lust blown eyes and gave you soft kisses across your face to make you forgive him?

You then slowly kissed him back and he was more than happy to oblige. Kissing you softly, taking his time to ease you and then he says. “Ride my face? I promise I will let you cum this time..”

Your face went red and your eyes widened and mumbled against his lips. “Really? Are you sure you want me to do that?”

You feel him nod, lightly tugging at your lower lip and say. “Of course…Want that pretty pussy of yours on my face.”

It's not like this was your first time riding his face either...

Your face goes red but you are more excited than embarrassed. You nod and kiss him back with more fervor. “Okay… I will.”

He pulls away and finally removes his clothes. Removing his sweatpants and freeing his cock from it. Groaning softly as his cock slaps against his stomach. Precum leaking from his cock. Spreading it with his thumb from his tip to the rest and lightly strokes himself. Hissing at how sensitive his cock was from all that teasing.

Your mouth waters at the sight of him naked. His body was littered with scars but that only made him more alluring at this moment. You just wanted to kiss and nibble on each scar till he was red from all the hickeys. It always took your breath away when you watched him like this.

You lick your lips and come closer to him and give him your most innocent doe eyes and make your voice as seductive as possible. “Can I taste you?”

Leon feels his cock twitch at the request and lightly bites his lips. He was really really tempted to take you up on that offer but he had other plans…

He tilts your chin up and says. “Look at you… so eager for this cock hmm? Already want to wrap your pretty lips on it.”

You feel yourself getting more slicked from his words and eagerly nod. “Yes…please, want to suck your cock so bad…”

Leon smirks and gives a teasing kiss on your lips. “Some other time baby, want you to ride my face today.”

Your face flushes deep red and nod. “Okay…”

He grins and lays back down on bed adjusting himself with pillows under his head and motions for you to come up.

You bite your lip and slowly crawl over to him. Slowly bringing your thighs on either side of his head, hands grasping at the headboard as you position yourself over his face.

A loud groan leaves his lips as his eyes locks down at your drenched cunt. He licks his lips and feels his mouth water, he immediately grasps your hips and thighs and positions your cunt in front of his hungry mouth.

You gasp softly as you feel him suddenly shift you more and look down at how hungrily he was looking at you.

Leon moves his hands to your ass and squeezes it gently. And looks at you. “Come on baby sit. And don't hover, don't want to waste a drop of you” His words make your stomach flip. Your heart thundering in your chest as you try to come up with something to say but feel your words stuck in your throat.

You bite your lips and follow his words. And slowly sit down on his face and the moan he let's out when his tongue makes contact with your clit was downright pathetic. He immediately tightens his grip around your thighs and your ass, closing his eyes and lapping at your cunt happily.

You moan softly as you feel his tongue give you lazy, slow licks from your labia to your clit. Taking his time with it, slowly tasting through your folds. Swirling his tongue around your already sensitive clit giving it occasional tugs with his teeth.

Your body twitches above him as your moans turn into cries of pleasure. Trying to move away from his face but he grunts and grabs your ass and pulls you back in. Giving your ass a light spank, “Don't move…”

You squeal and close your eyes as you focus on his tongue, trying not to move that much. Biting your lip, one of your hands makes into his hair. He groans at the feeling of your fingers lightly threading through his hair. And pushes his tongue inside your sopping hole, slowly fucking you with it.

He moans when he feels your juices on his tongue. You always tasted like a fucking heaven to him. He could stay between your thighs all day if he could. Drinking what you had to give to him while hearing sweet chorus of whines and moans as they left your mouth, his own favorite music to listen to when he came back home from those fucked up missions.

You were his personal haven, letting him have you like this, he felt the luckiest man in the world. Feeling you tug his hair, squirming on his mouth and still riding his mouth like it was your last day on earth. He fucking loved it. He could get off on having you just like this.

Your thighs squeeze around his head and tug at his hair a bit harder than necessary pulling a groan out of him. It only encouraged him to fuck his tongue into you faster. You squealed a bit as lifted you up a bit only to feel two of his fingers enter your cunt drawing a long moan out of you. Slowly sliding in and out of you, your wet walls eagerly sucking him back in.

A loud groan leaves your lips when he starts to suck on your clit too. “Oh fuck…Leon!” Hips moving on its own, as he continues to finger you and tug at your clit. Curling his fingers inside and moving them against the spot which always made you see stars. Your body twitches and eyes roll in the back of your head as he moves his fingers faster.

His fingers constantly assaulting that sweet spot within you, sometimes slowing them down to hear your pretty whines of protest and suddenly increasing the pace just to fuck with you. Feeling your thighs squeeze around his head tightly drawing a loud groan from him, the vibrations going straight to your core and giving you an instant jolt of pleasure.

All the teasing slowly piled up and you felt that familiar band in your core just waiting to snap at any moment. You clenched tightly around his fingers. He hummed in satisfaction as he felt you do that, removing his fingers and pushing his tongue inside, wanting you to cum on his tongue instead.

He held your hips tightly to support you and let you ride his face as much as you wanted. Both of your hands going down to his hair, tugging at it while riding his face at your pace. Your clit constantly bumping against his nose making you a moaning mess above him. “Fuckkkk… Leon… feels so good… Just like that! Fuck! Yes!”

His eyes roll in the back of his head as he feels the stinging pain as you tug at his hair. Loving the pain and pleasure that came with it. One of his hands goes down to his cock and stroking himself in time with the pace that you set. Feeling himself getting closer and closer as you both kept going.

He felt he could burst at any moment just from hearing the lewd noises you both were making. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

You open your eyes, your gaze drifting to the sight of him between your legs. And it instantly brought you closer to the edge than ever. His eyes were screwed shut, focused on giving you the high you were so eagerly chasing. His grip on your ass was tight enough to leave bruises, not that you cared.

You loved seeing his marks on your body anyway.

“M’ gonna cum… so close…” you whined as you looked down at him. His eyes opened to look at the heavenly sight of you writhing above him and smirked.

He winked at you and moved his tongue faster inside you and gave you a sudden spank from the hand that was already gripping you while he stroked himself with the other.

You whine from the spank and feel that band inside you finally snap “Leon!”. He soon comes after you with a loud groan and hisses as ropes of thick hot cum fall on his thighs and abs.

Your body twitches and shakes when the euphoria flows through your body. You felt so lightweight, feeling like you could drop at any moment. Leon gently grasped your waist with one hand and the other on your thigh, slowly helping you ride through your high. And eagerly drank up every drop. Humming softly in satisfaction.

You whined softly still feeling his tongue swirl around your clit. You tried to get off of him whining softly in protest and he gently lowered you down in bed. His chin was soaked with your release as he wiped it away with the back of his hand.

He brought you close to him, pressing you against him and giving soft kisses on your forehead and cheeks. Both of you were breathing heavily in each other's arms. His soft kisses act as a soothing balm to your tired body.

You gently caressed his hair and face in return as he started to pepper kisses along your collarbone now. “Feeling good?” Leon's soft voice entered your dazed mind. You smiled lazily at him and sighed softly. “I feel amazing…”

Leon chuckled and gave a soft kiss to your crown and pulled you closer. “Good…I would be disappointed otherwise.”

You chuckled and teasingly say. “In me or yourself?” He snickered and replied “You of course. I am amazing at what I do.”

You raise an eyebrow at him and say. “And I am not?” Leon smirked and bit your earlobe playfully. “That’s up for debate…”

You scoffed, giving him an offended look at him and narrowed your eyes at him “Excuse me?”

Leon had to bite back a chuckle as he saw you trying to be serious, and he could tell that you weren't serious either. Seeing your smile threatening to take over your face.

You huff when you saw a chuckle slipping from him. “You are laughing at me aren't you?” Still keeping your eyes narrowed at him.

Leon cleared his throat, trying his best to be serious. “No, I would never laugh at you.”

You rolled your eyes at him and said. “Liar.”

Leon chuckled, shaking his head in amusement and playfully whispered. “You look cute when you are angry.”

Your eyes widened at his words and looked away from him to hide your blushing face from his comment “Whatever.”

Leon chuckled. “Uh huh… What is this then?” Poking at your red cheeks.

You pouted at him and huffed. “Nothing okay? Just shut up.”

Leon’s snickered and a mischievous grin spread on his face. “You want me to shut up? Sit on my face again and then I will think.”

Leon's smirk widened as he saw your face flush red and looking away from him, squirming slightly as you thought about doing it again. Leon squished your cheeks and turned your face back towards him and looked at you with a smug face.

“You want to sit on my face again don't you?” A knowing smug smile on his face.

Your face turned beet red as you felt yourself heat up again from his words and slowly nodded.

Leon smirked and started to kiss your neck all over again and mumbled. “So...fucking...insatiable.”

This was sure as hell gonna be a long night for both of you. But none of you had any complaints.

God. It's done. Oh my god. FINALLY. I honestly didn't expect this to take so much of my time but it surprisingly did. I guess it did cause it's my first time writing smut rather than consuming it lol.

Anyways... I hope you liked this fic. Hope it made your day!!🥰😊.

Until next time 😊❤

-Bella

#resident evil #resident evil 6 #leon kennedy #leon kennedy × reader #infinite darkness #leon kennedy angst #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy × you #leon re6 #leon vendetta #reader insert #x reader #death island leon #older leon kennedy #bella fics #leon kennedy× y/n #fem reader #leon kennedy fluff #leon scott kennedy

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kairiscorner · 1 year ago

Text

the poll has spoken.

miggy and his feelings for you. (when he catches you smiling because of someone else)

summary: what's the next step after telling someone you like them? usually, stuff like that ends in rejection–but... you didn't reject miguel when he finally expressed how he felt for you. what's next after this? he can only handle his need to love you and declare that you're his and he's yours so much before he... before he breaks.

pairing: miguel o'hara x gn!reader

genre: a bit of angst and fluff 🫂🫂🫂

word count:

a/n: i'm writing this on the date of my blog's second monthsary, HEHE, this is kind of a belated monthsary gift (or early third monthsary gift~~~) for my miguel babes out there, y'all know who you are 🤩 anyway, hope you guys enjoy !!

the rapid palpitations of his heartbeat could still be felt in every fiber of his bones, of his muscles, as he reminisced that moment when he mustered up all the courage he had and breathed out those three, four words he's been dying to utter to you, for you to hear, listen, and sink in your heart as he tells you in such a soft, sentimental tone that he can't help but let out.

"estoy enamorado de ti."

"i'm in love with you, i love you."

he has never been able to recover from the shocks and tingles sent up his spine and tickling the back of his brain every time silence settles in and consumes him. the silence is a perfect, beautiful torment for miguel; because it is the silence that reminds him of how you held him dearly, teased him for his "dramatic", "extra" showcases of affection towards you, and that he remembers every bit of how he feels around you, the love of his life. you've always seen him as a very close friend–like an annoying, overprotective brother at times in the past–but those feelings have thus shifted; and is miguel ever so grateful for that happening.

he's been so scared and lost–like a child who's afraid of the dark wandering in a pitch black room, calling out for help–he was always unsure of what to do with these secret feelings he harbored for you. he thought it'd be better to bury them, to never let you know and take that secret of his to the grave; but he knew he would forever regret that. sometimes, wanting to love and wanting to protect the one you love are two very conflicting ideas–thet don't always end in mutual agreements. and ever since you declared that you reciprocated his feelings and loved him back through your actions and words... he has never felt an even greater need to love and protect you.

miguel's got a new role in your life now, to be the man who will protect and take care of you, ensure you don't go a single day without feeling loved, that you live every day, every hour of your life being as you are–happy and comfortable with yourself, hopefully with the addition of him in the picture. miguel trusts you among everyone else in his whole life–you are the only friend he has that's stuck with him this whole time and still puts up with him, despite his hard-headedness, and does the unthinkable: love him the same way he loves you. he couldn't ask for any more, really, when everything he's ever wanted in life had been granted in the brief moment you two shared when he swore to you he'd work on being such a pain in the ass for you and not be a selfish prick.

he's spent every waking hour searching for you, wanting to hold you close to him in private and smother you with all the love and affection in the multiverse. you have to understand, now, that miguel has never felt this compelled to be with anyone before in his entire life–this is his first time wanting someone with such devotion and affection behind that desire, it's a desire with depth, with genuine emotions; and it sometimes terrifies him. he doesn't know what to do with these feelings, save for acting accordingly to what they compel him to do, so long as it is within bounds of what you want and what you're okay with. however, there are times that those feelings of his get... a bit out of hand, may come off as a bit too strong. there are some things that his feelings compel him to do without him even being able to think of the consequences until it already happened and the damages have already been done.

he feels his heart get pierced by a sharp dagger, he feels like he's getting light-headed as he watches from the monitor on his screen that beautiful, all-too familiar face that he never wants to wake up without seeing as the first person to greet him in the morning, giggle and look so close in proximity with this... random person. miguel swears he's never seen this person before, this person's not a friend of yours he knows about, nor a relative, he can tell that much–they're someone he doesn't know about; a total enigma.

and that scares miguel, because he has no idea just how happy this person makes you.

he feels a twinge of venomous envy strike at his heart, and he feels his pulse quicken a bit when he witnesses the corners of your pretty lips curve up into a smile after that person told you a funny joke, said a nice thing to you today, or... maybe... no way, you wouldn't fall for their flirting, would you? miguel asks lyla to run a background check on the person close to you, and lyla reassures miguel after doing so that this person wouldn't harm you–they were just a 'really close friend of yours'.

"and you're positively certain about that?" miguel asked her as his eyes remained glued on your delightful figure, smiling all the while as this person continued to make you all happy and a little brighter than you seemed before. he hated it. he hated it because some random person was doing his job for him, to make you the happiest you've ever been–but who was he to pry you away from your friends? he loved you and trusted your friends, that he knew of–but this person, he has no idea of who he is–and this frightens him because... he might actually lose you to them, he thinks.

"miguel, i've never heard you use those two words together in one sentence before. you're anxious about something, aren't you?" lyla asks miguel with a curious look on her face, prompting miguel to bare his fangs as he furrowed his eyebrows together and glared at the AI assistant. "just answer me." "alright, grouchy, yes–yes, i'm positively certain this person has no intention of hurting them." lyla replied as miguel placed his palm on his face and rubbed his eyes clean of the frustration he was experiencing right then and there, only for it to return on his face with a scorching heat filling his frame the longer he thought about you smiling around this person.

miguel turned the monitors off and decided to distract himself with some missions, though you never left that spot in his mind and heart once as he fought anomalies and tracked the statuses of other universes. his other teammates believed he was acting pretty strangely whenever he'd go out and fight the anomalies; he'd act more brutal and less cautious than he usually would, bringing the anomaly to the brink of death at one point until peter b and jess had to intervene and contained the anomaly for him.

miguel had to sit the next mission out, and so, he was holed up in his office again, begrudgingly so. "either you tell us what's going on, or you're not coming on anymore missions." "no, that's stupid, i will be going on the next o–" "you're posing as a threat to the anomalies, a lethal one, and that's not like you." jess berated miguel like a mother chiding her son for having a temper tantrum. miguel sighed and leaned his head against his hand, his elbow propped up on the control panel to support his head. jess sighed and peter b entered the room once things cooled down. "hey, so... what's his deal?" "no clue." jess replied to peter b with a shrug as miguel slumped over on his desk, sighing to himself repeatedly as thoughts of you refused to leave his mind.

you were like an endless memory miguel wanted to relive forever, and he never wanted you to leave his mind, actually–but he knew he'd go crazy without properly talking to you about this, but the thought of that alone was killing him right now. he felt so helpless and pathetic, he couldn't even talk to the love of his life about what he was so afraid of... and now, the others had to pick up after his scattered, broken pieces. "what if we have them talk to him?" "with him being in this state? yeah, no, not the best idea." "c'moooon, they're the end all, be all solution to his little slump. i know, because mj is–" "alright, alright, i get it; save your hopeless devotion for mary jane later. call them up now, we need to go on the mission, parker." jess told peter as he smiled and contacted you to come over to miguel's office right then and there, with the very important reminder that miguel was: 'in a terrible slump and needs some love and affection to be cured.'

after a few minutes, miguel heard the doors to his office slide open, and the clacking of a couple of familiar heels were heard; before you could even speak, miguel immediately knew it was you. call it creepy or weird if you want, but miguel can't help but memorize every detail of you, because it's the mere thought of you that keeps him going–but the thought of you... leaving him, that's enough to stop him from even wanting to go on. miguel spoke out your name in a gentle whisper, but afterward, he immediately shied away from you–hiding his face in his hands again as you approached him.

"mig, what's wrong?" you asked him, and the sound of your melodic voice filling his ears made him go mad with affection for you but also ridden with guilt all over again as he remembered just how angry he was at that person making you smile and... at you, for being happy with someone who wasn't even him. of course, that anger towards you fizzled out quickly, but he can't help but feel awful that he can't be fine with letting you be happy with someone who isn't even him. "...nothing's wrong." he lied in a soft grumble. you folded your arms over your chest and raised an eyebrow up at him. "right, well, you looking like a sad, droopy-eared dog while hunching your back and burying your face in your palms when i'm not looking is the definition of something being wrong." you pointed out, making miguel bury his face in his hands even more at how right you were. "what are you even doing here?" "peter called me." "that pendejo... well, why'd you agree to come anyway?" he asked you as he turned to look at you with softened eyes, eyes that appeared to be on the brink of sobbing.

you pulled up a chair and sat close to miguel, so close that your knees were touching his own–making him look up at you in surprise. "because you've been avoiding me all week." you remind him, and that very fact made miguel tense up. he gradually turned his head to look at you with an evidently pensive look on his face, which was rare for him since he didn't really show much emotion... except to you, his beloved partner. being his partner gave you the privilege to see all sides of him–the good and bad sides–whether he likes to or not; and having been together with miguel for a while and being his friend for the longest time, you could tell something was wrong. "i'm... sorry, i'm just..." miguel muttered under his breath with a sigh as he rubbed his eyes again with his hand. you gently took his other hand in your own and interlocked hands with him, making him jolt up and turn to look at you in surprise.

you sighed and ran the pad of your thumb over the back of his big hand, thinking of what to tell him as you just held on to him closer and tighter. "is it about my friend?" you asked him softly as miguel tensed up even worse again. miguel's lower lip trembled and he took in a deep breath. "...n-no, why would... well, o-okay, yes, it is. h-how'd you..." "you were always the jealous type, mig." you tell him with a grin as miguel looked down in shame, but you placed your other hand on the side of his face and lifted his head up a bit to look at him. "but, i know you're not like this to hurt them or me. you love me, right? well... i definitely love you, too, unconditionally." you tell him in a whisper as you bring your face closer to his own shy one. you could see the signs that he was getting more and more flustered and embarrassed. "mi vida, i... don't deserve you. who wants such a jealous, overbearing, overprotective guy as their lover? i-if i can't trust them with you, then... can i even trust myself to make you happy?" miguel rambled as he felt his breath getting ragged and his grip around your hand tighten.

you leaned over and kissed miguel's plush lips, effectively answering his question. "yes, miguel–you are trustworthy, you are worthy of having me." you reassured him. you pressed your lips against his again, making him moan gently through your kiss and mumbling your name. "cariño... i'm sorry, still... i'm just... just really jealous, and i... wanna make you the happiest person in the world." he muttered to you, sighing. you wrapped your arms around his neck and held him close, patting his shoulder and shushing him. "you already do though... miggy, i want nobody but you, you and your sweet, jealous ass." you plant a kiss on the top of his head as you said that, making him even more heated up in the face and shy. "i can assure you, nothing bad's going on between us–they told me a few funny jokes that made me grin, but... i smile even wider when you're being all adorable like this with me. they're just a friend, and you're... the love of my life." you told him with a smile as miguel looked up at you, his hazel brown eyes gazing up at your own and concentrating on your pretty orbs.

"it's okay to be jealous, but... know that in every universe, i'll choose you and only you as my lover. you're perfect, miggy, you're all i want and need." and the minute you tell him all that... he feels his world slowly come together again, and his mood instantly lifting. he gently wrapped his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him, making him lowly sigh in relief. "and you already know i want and need you the most... no soporto estar sin ti amor... i can't live another day not being with you..." he murmured to you as an oath, an oath to not hurt you ever again, to not let his emotions overwhelm him and make you feel forgotten or guilty over something you didn't do, and... an oath to you that he loves you more than anything or anyone he's ever loved before.

he can't stop being jealous on instinct, he'll sometimes get insecure and anxious about himself, but... he loves you, that much, he knows; and you... you love him dearly, too. he just needs you to keep going and to keep feeling worthy and happy; you are enough for him, and he will always, always let you know that you are all he loves and cares about, in his own little and big ways and words–because... you love him like that, he makes you happy like that, and you couldn't ask for more.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @hearts4gabri @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @fictarian @yuridopted0 @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @fable-library @ophanimgold @smokeywhalee @capnshtfce

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #atsv miguel #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara fanfiction #atsv x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara fluff #miguel o'hara angst #atsv imagines #atsv

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aphroditelovesu · 1 year ago

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The Lost Queen - Christmas Special

— summary: With Christmas time approaching, you have to make sure that peace reigns in your apartment. The only problem is that his companions from two thousand years ago are in it.

— lady l: I know, it's late, but you already know me lol. Hope you like it! There may be small spoilers for future chapters, but nothing very explicit. Merry belated Christmas and a great New Year! Forgive me for any mistakes! ❤️🎁

— warnings: light spoilers for future chapters of TLQ and fluff.

— pairing: yandere!alexander the great x female!reader.

— wordcount: 1,963.

— the lost queen series masterlist.

— taglist: @devils-blackrose, @faerykingdom, @hadesnewpersephone, @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 , @kadu-5607, @zoleea-exultant, @borntoexplore11-blog , @wisdomcrys , @silmawensgarden .

It was Christmas Eve in the city, and twinkling lights decorated the streets, transforming the place into a spectacle of vibrant colors. The tall buildings sparkled with festive garlands and decorations, reflecting the Christmas spirit that enveloped everyone.

In the central squares, a special fair enchanted passers-by. Stalls sold everything from traditional gastronomic delights to unique crafts, while local musicians played Christmas carols, filling the air with comforting melodies.

Families strolled the streets, wrapped in warm coats and warm smiles. Children ran excitedly, eager for Santa Claus to arrive. The artificial snow fell gently, creating a magical setting for that special moment.

In a cozy apartment, a strange group were gathered to share stories and gifts or try to understand Christmas traditions. Laughter echoed in the corners, mixing with the aroma of hot chocolate and freshly baked cookies.

It was chaos. Your apartment was in chaos. A baby crying, men fighting about everything and asking you questions that irritated you deeply. But it was almost Christmas and you weren't going to let your bad mood or the fights those men were having ruin that day. You were almost certain that one of your neighbors would call the police if they continued like this.

''(Y/N), how does this even work?'' You turned to the person who asked you and smiled slightly when you noticed Hephaestion holding some rolled up blinkers in his hand. He looked at them as if they were the most perplexing and enigmatic thing in the world. Maybe, for him, it really was.

''You have to curl up against the tree and I'll do the rest.'' You explained, as you rocked Cyrus in your arms, trying to make him take a nap.

Hephaestion frowned and stared at the wires with suspicion shining in his eyes but headed towards the Christmas tree that stood in the middle of your living room.

''(Y/N)!'' You looked at Nearchus who appeared from your kitchen with an empty white ceramic cup, previously filled with hot chocolate, ''Do you have any more of that? It's delicious.''

A corner of your mouth curled up, ''On the stove.'' He stared at you confused, still not understanding the modern words properly, ''On top of the huge iron box.'' You explained gently. Nearchus winked at you and headed towards your kitchen, looking for more hot chocolate.

You ignored the others as you led Cyrus to his room, careful not to wake him. You smiled when you saw Alexander sitting in the armchair next to a crib, with Aella in his arms.

''Shh…'' He whispered to you, cradling the little princess in his arms carefully, ''She fell asleep just now.''

''This one,'' You nodded to the baby on her lap, ''also just fell asleep.''

Alexander smiled and carefully got up from the chair and placed Aella in the crib, stroking the baby's serene face in the process. You followed his lead, placing Cyrus next to his sister.

''How are the others?'' He asked you after pulling you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your waist. You smiled and placed your head on his shoulder.

''Well I think. Cleitus and Cassander were fighting over some ornaments and poor Hephaestion looked like his mind was going to break trying to untangle the blinkers.''

He laughed at your response and pulled away a little, kissing your forehead affectionately.

''It will take time for them to… Get used to all this. The gods know how long it took me.'' You suppressed a laugh as you remembered the first time he arrived in the modern world. Curiosity like that of a child or the time he wanted to attack a car because he thought it was a monster.

Gods, you had so much fun during that time. You would always fondly remember those memories.

''I can't believe it's been a year since all that.'' You mumbled. Alexander caressed your face with the palm of his hand, squeezing your cheek gently.

''Neither do I.'' He replied and kissed your lips quickly.

You smiled, your gaze sweet. Alexander blinked at you, all in love. Oh, you really loved that man. That time when you were scared and terrified was gone, now you were in love.

Hell, you were a woman in love, married with two children. There it is, something you never thought would happen so soon.

"Do you know about Perdiccas?" Alexander's body stiffened at the mention of his General and he slowly nodded yes, "Where is he then?"

Alexander shrugged, but you noticed the tension there, the anger, the barely contained jealousy, "On the balcony."

You nodded and kissed his lips passionately, "Try to be kinder to him. Perdiccas made mistakes in the past, but he doesn't deserve to be ignored or despised by you or anyone else. It was just a mistake and to make mistakes is human."

Alexander frowned, irritated, "I would hardly call that a mistake."

You bit your lower lip, remembering the fury, the hatred that Alexander had become when he found out about his General, his friend, plans. He had been so hurt and so furious, it had been a miracle that Perdiccas was not executed.

A miracle thanks to you, who convinced him otherwise. You shook your head quickly, as if you were trying to get rid of the bad thoughts that were plaguing you. From those dark and pain-filled days.

Everything was in the past now.

"It's Christmas time, time to forgive." You batted your eyelashes at him and Alexander smiled.

"I don't celebrate Christmas. But I can't deny that it's an interesting holiday." Alexander murmured and you stroked his stubble, "But I'll try my best for you."

"Thank you. That will be enough." You kissed him quickly and left the twins' bedroom, going to the apartment's balcony. You rolled your eyes in amusement as you passed by the room, hearing Cassander and Cleitus fighting over who should put the star on top of the tree. Hephaestion called them idiots and Ptolemy and Nearchus just laughed.

You opened the balcony door and immediately a wave of cold passed through your bones and you shivered a little, even more so when you saw Perdiccas sitting on a bench there and watching the decorated street, the cars and the people walking hurriedly.

"Everyone seems rushed." Perdiccas commented, without taking his eyes off the street. His face was pale and his lips were slightly chapped from the cold.

Your heart sank when you saw him like that. Despite everything you've been through, the mistakes you made, the pain… You would always care about him.

Sighing heavily, you sat down next to him, hissing when you felt your legs go cold.

Perdiccas finally turned to you and there was a deep sadness in those once warm and gentle eyes.

"It's Christmas…" You mumbled, not knowing what to say. It used to be so easy to talk to him, but now it was like there was a ball in your throat that prevented you from talking.

Perdiccas just stared at you, longing shining in his eyes.

"I-It's cold out here… You should go inside, you might catch a cold or something worse." You mumbled, curling your toes.

"I don't think the others would like that." Perdiccas shook his head, looking at his feet.

"Don't say that. Ptolemy asked about you just now." You murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Perdiccas laughed softly, but it was a sad laugh, "There's no need to lie, (Y/N). I know how you all of you feel about me, after everything that's happened."

You shook your head, "No, you don't. The others have nothing to do with what happened, they don't know everything. Only you and I know the truth."

Perdiccas pursed his chapped lips, "It makes no difference to them. Alexander hates me and because of that, they hate me."

Your heart ached at how sad, how broken Perdiccas's voice had sounded.

"I don't hate you and neither will anyone ever hate you." You smiled at him and stood up, facing him, "Come with us. It's Christmas, a time of peace and reconciliation."

Perdiccas just stared at your hand as you held it out to him, "I… I'm not familiar with Christmas…"

You smiled widely, "Then I would be happy to give you a history lesson on Christmas and what it means."

For the first time, Perdiccas' eyes shone with something other than sadness. Hope. A spark of hope shone in those beautiful blue eyes.

When he held your hand and stood up, discreetly stroking your gloved fingers, it didn't seem so cold anymore.

The hours passed quickly and although Perdiccas was reluctant, he sat down with his former friends and to his surprise, everyone was kind. Even Cassander held his tongue.

They were sharing childhood stories while you and Alexander fixed the tree. It was a little late to put up your tree, considering it was December 24th, but you hadn't had time these last few days.

Aella and Cyrus had already woken up from their nap and were being held by Hephaestion and Cleitus, who were playing with the babies.

As the night continued, you drank, some wine and some hot chocolate. Since you were still breastfeeding, you only drank hot chocolate.

"So what's the story of Christmas?" Cleitus asked. Everyone turned to you. Even Perdiccas, who had already heard the story.

"It depends on the culture, but the general consensus is that it is the birth of Jesus Christ." You said, adjusting a little ball.

"Jesus Christ?" Ptolemy asked, confused.

"The Savior, son of God for the Christian Religion. They say he was born on December 25th and since then we celebrate Christmas." You explained, after finishing arranging the tree. You sat on the couch, next to Hephaestion and Alexander followed suit.

"Oh…" Cassander said, drinking some wine.

"But the historical origin says that Christmas has its roots in pagan Winter Solstice celebrations, later adapted by the Christian Church in the fourth century to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. December 25th was chosen as the official date for this celebration ." You explained, remembering what you had read in a history book once.

They just nodded, not understanding everything you said. You laughed softly.

It was different, a different Christmas. You always spent it with your family or friends, but never with men from the past, literally. It was fun and iconic.

"Ah, it's almost midnight!" You exclaimed as you looked at the clock, it was just a few minutes until Christmas. You looked at your children and smiled.

While they waited for midnight, Ptolemy and Perdiccas talked about something. Cassander, Cleitus and Nearchus argued about an old childhood story and Hephaestion, Alexander and you just watched the twins with affection.

When it finally struck midnight, you got up from the couch and started hugging them and wishing them Merry Christmas. They looked confused but hugged you back and congratulated you the same.

They began to do the same to each other. You watched happily, until it was Perdiccas and Alexander's turn. You felt your hands start to sweat.

Alexander quickly looked at you and said, "Merry Christmas, my friend."

Gasps were heard, but you didn't listen, you just watched them. The way Perdiccas' face lit up and he hugged Alexander.

"Merry Christmas, my friend." Perdiccas said, hugging Alexander.

You smiled, feeling tears on his face. It seemed that peace would finally reign again. Christmas truly was a time of peace and reconciliation.

#yandere history #history #yandere historical characters #yandere alexander the great #yandere alexander the great x reader #alexander the great x reader #the lost queen #tlq #Christmas special #merry Christmas

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callsign-dexter · 3 months ago

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Fireside Romance 18+

Request: I just love the very present Kelly spam on your blog too much that I'm gonna send in an idea as well ! My bday is on the weekend, but I feel bad for all the other request before me. So you don't need to do it right now ❤️

Maybe something where you're just new at Firehouse 51 and Shays new partner on 61, and also hers and Kelly's new roommate. He wasn't happy about that in the first place but after he gets to know you he can't think of a better person to live with and you 3 get really close friends. One time you're alone with Kelly, when your nasty ex finds out where you live and shows up. As Kelly opens the door your ex starts making a scene about another guy living with you, but Kelly gets into protective mode and takes care of the situation not letting him near you and making him leave again fast. Then he sees you being a bit overwhelmed by the situation so he hugs you immediately and you relax into his arms, feeling butterflies all inside you, that he stood up for you and that adding to your already present crush on him. Taking advantage of the situation you kiss him, which he returns and somehow you end up in his bed where Shay later finds you both cuddled up together naked and she fist bumps herself cause she knew that would happen and she'll mock you first thing in the morning about that? 🤭

Omg I'm so sorry it's so long !!!!

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Paramedic!Reader

Warnings: angst, domestic abuse done by OC, drinking, fluff, smut, swearing

Masterlist

A/N: @talesofreading and @imagine-all-the-fandoms I hope you're prepared for some Kelly Severide smut.....

A/N 2: Happy 6 month belated birthday! So sorry it is so late!

Leslie Shay has been your long-time best friend, like so long that you both would consider each other sisters. She was the one to push you to go to school to become a paramedic, you had shown that you were capable and you loved helping people. She was a few years older than you so she had already been through the schooling and had been at 51 longer than you. After you finished your schooling and went through the fire academy you were placed with Firehouse 51 as a paramedic with Shay and to say you both were beyond excited was an understatement. You quickly made friends with everyone on the team including Kelly Severide when you went in to meet everyone.

When you were placed at Firehouse 51 as a paramedic you were in a seriously bad relationship but you had a place to stay but that was about to quickly change. You just started working there a week ago when your living situation was no more. Shay and you had talked about it and how abusive your boyfriend was. You wanted to break up with him and move out but had nowhere to go until she suggested you move in with Kelly and her. She promised that she would talk to Kelly about it and let you know, you thanked her profusely.

You had just gotten off work but stayed behind while the others went off to Molly’s because there was some paperwork stuff that needed to be taken care of with HR so by the time you were out of there you were getting home late. As you were driving home you ran into some traffic which made you even more late and that made you nervous. You tried calling your boyfriend, Taylor Hadley, but it went straight to voicemail and you left them but knew he would never listen to them but you still gave some sort of notification. You finally pulled into your apartment complex and walked into the building and took the elevator to your floor. When it dinged and you got out and started to walk towards your apartment everything was silent and that scared you. You took your key out and unlocked the door and was immediately met with the smell of alcohol and there was Taylor leaning against the wall arms crossed with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. “Where the fuck were you?” He asked in a demanding tone.

“I was down at the firehouse filling out some paperwork. I told you I was doing that this morning.” You said

“No, the fuck you didn’t.” He growled out and then threw the bottle at your head which had you ducking but the glass shattered and nicked you and the rest of the contents went everywhere and on to you.

“You’ve been drinking. I did tell you this morning.” You said not daring to move.

“No, the reason you’re so late is because you’re cheating on me!” He said, stalking closer to you.

“No no I wasn't, I swear. I was at the firehouse. You can call down there and ask them.” You said as he was face to face with you. He didn’t say anything but instead slapped you hard across the face, he was strong so it sent you crashing into the side table. Tears sprang to your eyes as you braced yourself on the table.

“You fucking bitch! Always fucking lying to me!” He growled out and grabbed you by your hair. You grabbed his hands and then threw you into the floor. Tears fell down your face.

“I’m not lying. I swear. I would never cheat on you like you do to me.” You said and that was a mistake and you knew it was a mistake and you wished you could take it back. His foot came in contact with your ribs and you could feel a couple of them break. You tried to protect yourself but that just made it worse. He was grabbing you by the hair again and bringing you to your feet. You were out of breath and you couldn’t catch it. He made a fist and punched you and blood instantly started to pour out of your nose, which meant that he broke it. He grabbed your throat and your airway was instantly cut off and he just continued to squeeze until you were almost blacking out. He backed you up in a glass cabinet and it shattered on contact and you could feel glass digging into you. He laid a few more punches into you and then he was throwing you down on the ground one more time and the air rushed back to you but it didn’t last long because he was kicking you in the stomach.

“Stupid bitch!” He yelled out and then he was storming out of the apartment leaving you there bleeding and crying. You pulled yourself up and steadied yourself on the wall until you got to your purse and then you were falling down on the ground with your purse. You pulled out your phone and dialed 911 as you were starting to fade in and out of unconsciousness.

“911 what is your emergency?” The dispatcher asked.

“My boyfriend just attacked me.” You slurred

“Is he there now?” They asked again.

“No, he he stormed out. He’s been drinking. He slammed me into glass, punched me several times, kicked me in the ribs and stomach. I’m bleeding a lot. I need help.” You said and you told your name, address, and the name of your boyfriend and then you were passing out.

*******************

“What do you think about adding a roommate?” Shay asked Kelly as they were sitting down on the couch.

“Why would we need a roommate?” He asked

“Well, rent is going up and having another person would help with that and help. Also, groceries are going up and having a third person splitting it would help too.” She said

“We don’t need a roommate; we have everything under control.” He said he liked his space but having a third person might help out. She didn’t get a reply because her phone was ringing and she was quick to pull out and she frowned and Kelly took notice of this. “Everything ok?” He asked.

“Med is calling me.” She said and she was quick to answer it.

“Shay, it’s Maggie. A Y/N Y/L/N was just brought in and you were listed as her ICE number in her phone.” Maggie Lockwood said

“Is she alright?” Shay asked, already getting up and rushing to grab everything she needed.

“No. She came in unconscious and that is all I can tell you until you get here.” Maggie said

“I’ll be down there as quick as I can be.” She said

“We’ll see when you get down here.” Maggie said and then they were hanging up.

“Everything ok?” Kelly asked

“No, Y/N is at Med.” She said, slipping her coat on and grabbing her keys.

“Y/N, the new paramedic that just started working there a week ago?” Kelly asked

“Yes, I got to go.” Shay said and was rushing off leaving Kelly there at the apartment alone.

Shay got to the hospital in record time and was parking and rushing in. She ran up to the receptionist desk and was about to start asking where you were but the voice of Will Halstead quickly called out her name “Shay.” He said and she looked up and he was waving her over.

“Will what the fuck happened?” She asked and he was guiding her to your room. He didn’t say anything as he stopped outside of your room and she looked through the window and saw you and her heart broke she turned to Will.

“She was brought in with multiple lacerations, a broken nose, several broken ribs, internal bleeding which we had to go in and fix which we just got down with, and she also had strangulation marks around her neck. It was bad. We almost lost her once on the table. I had to get Jay involved.” Will said and Shay was speechless. It was so bad that he had to get his brother, Jay Halstead, involved.

“Do they have anything?” She asked

“No, they are waiting for her to wake up to get more information.” He said and Shay nodded. “If anything happens or if she wakes up. Let a nurse know and I will be down here.” He said and she nodded and then he was patting her on the shoulder and leaving. She walked into your room and pulled up a chair and sat down.

“What the hell happened?” She asked, sighing not expecting an answer. She took your appearance in.

*********

The next time you were coming to you were in a hospital with blinding lights shining down in your eyes. You squinted and tried to move but everything hurt and tears sprang to your eyes. “Hey don’t move. You had some pretty serious surgery.” A familiar voice said and you opened your eyes to find Shay there sitting next to your bed.

“Shay?” You asked in a hoarse voice.

“Hey, it’s ok.” She said getting up and leaning over you, blocking the light and pressing the call button. The nurse came on and she told them that you were awake.

“What happened?” You asked and she smiled sadly at you.

“I was going to ask you the same things. What do you remember?” She asked

“I remember coming home late from the station working on some HR stuff. I was late. He was drinking and started yelling and I was defending myself and he didn’t like that and then he was getting violent.” You said straining to remember. Just then Will was coming in along with Jay and Hailey Upton and Dr. Daniel Charles, you didn’t know him.

“Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?” Will asked

“Sore.” You said and he smiled.

“You had a pretty big surgery.” He said “Jay and Hailey have some questions for you. Dr. Charles is here in support as well.” He added.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Charles and I’m the physicists here.” He said

“You don’t have to tell us anything. You also don’t have to have anybody in her while he questions you.” Jay said and you nodded.

“I’m ok with everyone in the room.” You said and everyone smiled.

“Remember you don’t have to answer these. You also have every right to stop the questioning if you get overwhelmed.” Hailey said and you nodded.

“Do you remember what happened?” Jay asked and you nodded.

“Yes, I do.” You said

“As best as you can tell us what happened.” Hailey said and you looked at Shay and she smiled and nodded at you giving you an encouraging nod.

“I was down at the fire station working on some paperwork for HR by the time I left it was late. As I was driving home, I got caught in traffic. I tried to call Taylor on my phone through Bluetooth when I was stopped at a red light. He didn’t answer so I left a message.” You said and took a deep breath and started getting tensed and the heart monitor started to rise and Dr. Charles took notice of this.

“Do you want to take a break?” Dr. Charles asked and you shook your head.

“No. I’m ok. Do I have to tell you the exact word for word he said?” You asked

“No, you don’t have to but you can if you want. It would help.” Hailey said

“He asked me “Where the fuck were you?” in a demanding tone. I told him that I was down at the firehouse filling out some paperwork. I told him that morning.” You said. He said no growled “No the fuck you didn’t.” He then threw the bottle at my head which had I ducked but the glass shattered and nicked me and the alcohol went everywhere and on me.” You said

“Which would explain the smell of alcohol.” Will said and you nodded and then continued.

“I told him that he had been drinking and that I did tell him this morning.” You said. “He accused me of cheating and that was the reason I was late. He stalked closer to me. I told him no that I wasn't and that I swear. I told him I was at the firehouse. I told him that he could call down there and ask them.” You said “He didn’t say anything but instead slapped me hard across the face, it sent me crashing into the side table. I remember tears sprang to my eyes as I braced myself on the table. He yelled “You fucking bitch! Always fucking lying to me!” and grabbed me by my hair. I grabbed his hands and then he threw me into the floor. Tears fell down my face. I told him “I’m not lying. I swear. I would never cheat on you like you do to me.” I knew that was a mistake and I wished you could take it back. His foot came in contact with my ribs and I could feel a couple of them break.” You said and Will nodded confirming this. I remember trying to protect myself but that just made it worse. He was grabbing me by the hair again and bringing me to my feet. I remember being out of breath and I couldn’t catch it. He made a fist and punched me. I remember the blood instantly started to pour out of my nose. He grabbed my throat and my airway was instantly cut off and he just continued to squeeze until I was almost blacking out. He backed me up in a glass cabinet and it shattered on contact and I could feel glass digging into you. He laid a few more punches into me and then he threw me down on the ground one more time and the air rushed back to me because he let go of my throat but it didn’t last long because he was kicking me in the stomach.” You said and again Will nodded.

“Which would cause internal bleeding and cause you have to have surgery. It ruptured your kidney and it had to be removed.” Will said and Jay nodded as he wrote that down.

“Are you good to continue?” Dr. Charles asked and you nodded.

“I remember him yelling “Stupid bitch!” Then he stormed out of the apartment leaving me there bleeding and crying. I remember pulling myself up and steadying myself on the wall until I got to my purse and then I fell down on the ground with it. I remember pulling my phone and dialing 911. I told them everything while starting to fade in and out of unconsciousness.” You finished and Dr. Charles was smiling.

“That was very good. Most domestic abuse patients wouldn’t want to give up their significant other.” He said

“He’s been doing it for 4 years.” You whispered

“Do you mind if we take pictures?” Jay asked

“I don’t mind. I only want Hailey and Shay.” You said and they nodded and everyone else walked out of the room. She took the pictures quickly and then they were welcomed back in.

“We will put this man away.” Hailey said and you nodded and then they were leaving and now it was just Will, Shay, and Dr. Charles with you. Will and Dr. Charles talked to you a little more and then they were leaving.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Shay asked and you were silent and shrugged.

“I don’t know.” You said

“I will talk to Kelly.” She said and you nodded. She stayed for a few more minutes and then she was leaving bidding you a goodbye.

*********

When Shay arrived home, she was determined to move you in. When she got into the apartment Kelly was just plating food. “Hey.” He said looking up and seeing her.

“Hey.” She said

“Is Y/N ok?” He asked

“No.” She said as he handed her a plate of food.

“What happened?” He asked

“Her boyfriend beat her up pretty badly. Bad enough to land her in the hospital.” She said and Kelly was actually mad. “I know you said you didn’t want a roommate but she has nowhere else to go. We have the extra room and she can make the payments.” Shay said and Kelly sighed he didn’t want a roommate but he couldn’t let you go back to that situation

“You’re right I don’t want a roommate but I can’t leave someone homeless or going back to a bad situation. She can move in.” He said and she sighed and hugged him after she put her plate down and he was fixing his.

“Thank you so much.” She said, the next time she saw you she told you that Kelly agreed and you were so grateful. You gave them the key and they went to pick your stuff up. It wasn’t much and that actually saddened them both.

2 days before you got out of the hospital Jay and Hailey were coming in and telling you that your boyfriend, now ex, had been arrested and that he had been charged with domestic abuse and DUI. They had strong evidence against him.

When you got out and to your new apartment your stuff had been put in the extra bedroom. Shay helped you unpack and once everything was done you joined them in the living room. “Thank you for letting me move in.” You said mostly to Kelly.

“I’m so glad to have you here.” Shay said

“You’re welcome.” Kelly said not sounding too enthusiastic but you took it.

*********

3 months into living with them, Kelly had been getting to know you more and you doing just the little things and some big things helped and that made him slowly getting into having you as a roommate. He was also falling in love with you and you were falling in love with him too.

1 month

It started out with you replacing everything that was low on stock into a month of living with them. You noticed that most of Kelly’s stuff was low so you, being a good roommate, stocked up on his stuff more and just stuff in the apartment in general. You were also having weekly sessions with Dr. Charles and weren’t there to see Kelly’s face when he noticed that everything of his and Shay’s stuff and some stuff that was hard to find like his and Shay’s favorite coffee creamer.

Kelly and Shay had just got off work and it was a rough shift. You had taken a personal day off of your three-day shift and it was approved especially after what happened. You were at the hospital having an appointment with Dr. Charles. Kelly stormed in with Shay walking in behind him. The apartment smelled nice and it felt warm like a home. This shocked them both and they looked at each other then they saw the note: “Hey, guys I’m going to be gone for a few hours. Don’t wait up for me. I have some stuff I need to get off my chest.”

“I’m going to take a shower.” Kelly murmured and Shay nodded as he walked into his bathroom, he noticed that fresh towels were hung up and when he looked into the shower, he noticed that his favorite shampoo and body wash were restocked. “How? It is so hard to find this.” He asked himself as he picked up the bottle. Kelly was slowly starting to come around to having a roommate but he wasn’t yet fully convinced. When Kelly had gotten out of the shower and changed, he heard laughter in the living room. He went out to see what was going on, he saw that you and Shay were on the couch laughing. You were laughing and turned your head to find him standing there and you smiled at him.

“Hey, Kelly.” You said smiling at him.

“Hey, you have a good session with Dr. Charles?” He asked and you smiled at him and nodded as he walked in and sat on the chair beside the couch.

“I did. I was having a hard time with something about Taylor and it was stopping me from doing things” You said and he nodded and then you got to talking again but one question was on his mind when the current conversation came to an end he decided to ask the question.

“I have a question for you.” Kelly said and you turned to him and smiled and nodded as a go ahead. “I noticed that our stuff was stocked and some of the stuff is hard to find. How did you find it?” He asked and you smiled at him.

“I found them at this really small shop. They only carry the hard-to-find things. I’ve actually been looking for months around places and when I find them, I buy everything and then I found this place and boom there it was.” You explained and he nodded.

“While we are asking questions. What did you do to make it smell so good in here? We couldn’t get that musty smell out of here.” Shay asked

“I used to clean a lot and while I was off, I deep cleaned. I also got some plugins and plugged them in the high traffic places. I wasn’t going to get a candle warmer because too many fires happen with those.” You said and they both nodded. Kelly couldn’t help falling further in love with you and how good of a roommate you were being.

2 months

The three of you were at work and for once it wasn’t busy. Everyone was doing their own thing and even though the three of you were together at home you three were alone together at work. Rent was coming up and you wanting to be a good roommate actually went ahead and paid it all. “I haven’t noticed that the rent bill hasn’t come.” Kelly said.

“You know I’ve noticed that too.” Shay said and you were being quiet and they noticed this. “Have you noticed it too?” Shay asked.

“I paid it.” You said taking a sip of your hot chocolate.

“What?” They both asked and you nodded.

“Yes, I paid it. I wanted to show you how much I appreciated you guys letting me live with you so I went ahead and paid it all.” You said looking at your roommates.

“Y/N you didn’t have to do that.” Kelly said “We are roommates, we pay for the bills and food equally.” He said and Shay nodded.

“I know but I wanted to do it.” You said now feeling guilty for it. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” You said feeling guilty. You felt so guilty that you decided to just leave feeling like they were angry at you and the look on your face broke Kelly he wasn’t trying to be mean he was just surprised. He and Shay looked at each other.

“Did I just make her upset?” He asked

“I think we both did.” She said

“I’ll go find her.” Kelly said and she nodded.

“Ok.” She said she was going to offer to go with him but she knew that he liked you and maybe this would help you both get closer to each other. So, Kelly went on the search for you, he checked everywhere and couldn’t find you until he decided to check outside and there, he found you sitting on the firetrucks bumper that had been moved out to be cleaned.

“Y/N.” Kelly said when he saw you and you looked up at him and you looked terrified and he hated that. “We didn’t mean to make it sound like we were mad at you. We were just surprised.” He said and you nodded. “Why did you do it? I’m curious.” He asked.

“I wanted to show my appreciation for you both letting me move in with you. I can afford it.” You said

“I’m not saying you can't. We appreciate it but we’re roommates and we split everything.” He said and you nodded.

“I know. It’s just how I was raised.” You said

“How so?” He asked and then you were moving so he could sit and he did.

“Believe it or not I come from a wealthy family. We get along great and the way we show appreciation. When someone finds out I have money whether it be male or female they either want to be my friend and use me for money or date me for my money and then they show their true colors.” You said and he nodded and listened and as he was talking to you, he was falling in love with you and as a roommate. You two talked until the bell was ringing.

3 months

By the third month of you living with them Kelly was 100% ok with having you as a roommate. He was also 100% ready to take it to the next level with you and he was planning to ask you out soon but that and among other things happened so much quicker. Since you moved in you cut all ties with Taylor and you thought he would be gone for good and that he was in jail but apparently had gotten out and you were shocked when you heard the news but he didn’t know where you lived, at least you didn’t think he did. You also had a restraining order against him.

It was just you and Kelly at the apartment since Shay had a date and was going to be gone for the rest of the evening until the morning. You and Kelly had been lounging on the couch when there was a knock on the door “Stay put. I got it.” He said getting up and walking to the door as you paused the show that you two were currently watching. You heard the door open “Can I help you?” Kelly asked.

“Oh, so she’s already moved in with another guy? It’s only been three months.” The familiar voice of none other than your ex-boyfriend, Taylor Hadley, sounded and you froze. You were quick to get up and go to the door but stopped far enough away but Taylor could see you.

“You need to leave.” Kelly said

“No, I came back for what is rightfully mine.” He growled out and that made Kelly’s blood boil.

“She is not yours anymore. You need to leave.” He said blocking the entrance way. Kelly was a lot bigger than Taylor and he could easily take him down with one push. Taylor seemed to move on from Kelly and focused his attention on you.

“You’re such a fucking bitch. Sleeping with every guy you come across, especially that cop that arrested me. I’m going to teach you a lesson for cheating on me.” He said and tried to come in but was met with a wall of Kelly and he was quickly pushing him out. Throughout the whole deal you were as silent as you could be quickly becoming overwhelmed with his presence.

“It’s time for you to fucking leave. You’re not welcome here.” He said and pushed him out into the hallway and shut the door quickly and locked it. He pulled out his phone and made a quick text to Jay. Kelly turned to look at you and you were wide eyed and staring straight ahead and shaking slightly. He was quick to walk over to you and take you into his arms hugging you. “Hey, it’s ok. I got you.” He said into your ear and you hugged him back. After being in his arms for a few minutes you pulled away slightly and that caused him to look at you. You both stared into each other’s eyes and suddenly you were leaning in and kissing him. At first, he was frozen shocked but very quickly got over that and kissed you with so much passion that the only time you broke apart was when you needed air. Both out of breath you stared at each other and his eyes were hungry and he was quickly kissing you again and picking you up which made you squeal into his mouth and then he started moving towards his bedroom. You both kissed each hungrily, teeth clashing with each other tongues battling for dominance. As he entered his room and shut the door to where it was only a crack.

Kelly walked to his bed and when he was there, he slowly laid you down on the bed and was overing your body with his broad one. The heat was quickly rising but you didn’t want to stop. Clothes were quickly shed until you were both nude in front of each other. He went back to kissing you and you could feel his erection on your thigh. Kelly ran his hands up and down your body and his kisses trailed to your neck where you leaned it to the side moaning. “I love you.” You moaned out and he stopped and looked at you and that made you look at him.

“Seriously?” He asked and you nodded.

“Seriously.” You said and smiled and kissed you hard.

“I love you too.” He said when he broke the kiss. He brought his cock to the entrance and once it was seated there, he slowly eased himself into you and you moaned welcoming the stretch. It was painful at first but it soon turned into pleasure. He was bigger in length and girth than any of your exs, especially Taylor.

“Fuck you’re so big. Stretching me so well. I always imagined being in bed with you and how big you were but you exceeded my expectations.” You said and he smirked into your neck.

“I’m glad I could exceed those expectations.” He said and he started to move which made you moan.

“Oh fuck!” You yelled out in pleasure.

“You’re taking me so well. Squeezing me so tight.” He moaned and in turn you squeezed him and he groaned. “Keep doing that and I won’t last long.” He growled out and that sent shivers, good shivers, up your spine. “You’re my good girl.” He moaned out and that made you wet. As he thrusted into you and made you see stars, in a good way, each time he moved inside you made you fall in love with him more and that familiar knot started to grow. Nails dug into his arms which were holding his broad body up from crushing you.

“You’re making me feel so good, Kels. Don’t stop.” You moaned and he smirked.

“I don’t plan on it. Not now. Not ever.” He said and thrusted into you.

“Please go faster.” You moaned

“Your wish is my command.” He said and picked up his pace and that just brought more pleasure to you.

“Oh fuck! I’m close, Baby. So, close!” You yelled out and he didn’t care that you were being loud he wanted to let everyone hear he was the one making you feel this good.

“Who is making you feel this good?” He asked

“You.” You moaned

“Say my name.” He growled out.

“Kelly! Kelly is making me feel good!” You screamed out and he smirked.

“Damn right. Are you going to be my good girl and come for me?” He asked

“Yes!” You moaned out loudly as he brought one hand to your clit, leaving him resting his body weight on hand which was not a problem for him, and started to rub it vigorously which sent waves of pleasure throughout you.

“Come for me, Sweetheart.” He said and as he spoke and that added pressure on your clit did you in and that knot exploded and you were coming hard and squeezed him tightly.

“Oh fuck!” You yelled out as you came and he was close behind you painting your walls white with his cum. Both of you were sweaty and out of breath as he slowly and gently pulled out of you as he pulled back the covers. He pulled them up and you shimmed under them and he laid them over your naked bodies. You cuddled into him, face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around you. “I meant when I said I loved you. I have fallen in love with you over these 3 months.” You said he searched his face as he smiled.

“I’ve fallen in love with you romantically and as a roommate over these 3 months too. To be honest I didn’t want a roommate but having you as one has been perfect. I want you to be my girlfriend and take you out on a date.” He said and you smiled.

“I would love that. Although we skipped some steps.” You said chuckling and he chuckled too.

“We did but it was worth it.” He said and you smiled and nodded.

“Definitely was.” You said and yawned.

“Get some sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.” He said and you nodded and you closed your eyes and fell to sleep. As soon as he felt you breathe even out and that is when he allowed himself to fall asleep.

The next morning Shay was rolling into the apartment early and was confused when she didn’t hear the two of you up and her eyebrows furrowed. So, she went on a mission to find out where the two of you were. Both vehicles were here and you both clearly weren’t in the kitchen, dining room, living room, and she couldn’t imagine why you both would be in her room but she checked anyway. She then checked your room and the both of you weren’t there. A smile grew on her face as she was starting to pieces as there was one last room to check. The door was cracked and she silently opened it and there the two of you were naked cuddled together sound to sleep and she was overcome with joy. She backed out moving the door back to where it was beforehand and made her hand into a fist and fist bumped the air. All along she wanted you to move and the two of you fall in love and after 3 months it happened. She made her way to the kitchen and started to make coffee.

You were slowly waking up and at first confused as to where you were and who was holding you but you quickly remembered and smiled at the memories that came flooding back from last night. You looked at the peaceful look on Kelly’s face and slowly leaned up and kissed his lips and he squinted in his sleep but he was slowly waking up. He cracked his eyes open to find you smiling at him. “Good morning.” You whispered.

“Good morning.” He replied in a gruff voice, smiling.

“Last night was wonderful. I never knew sex could feel so good.” You said and he kissed you.

“I will make you feel good every night for as long as you let me.” He said and you smiled.

“Please.” You said

“Gladly. Want some pancakes?” He asked and you nodded as your stomach growled.

“Yes.” You said and he kissed you one more time before he was getting up and pulling on his boxers and sweatpants and you admired his god-like body and then you were rolling out of bed and pulling on your underwear and grabbing Kelly’s discarded t-shirt that came down to your thighs and covered everything. Kelly watched you the entire time.

“You look good in my shirt. You should wear my clothes all the time.” He said and you smiled.

“As long as you will let me.” You said and he smiled and then you two kissed each other and headed out of the living room and into the kitchen. As you were nearing the kitchen bacon was heard sizzling and as you walked in there was Shay fixing breakfast.

“Good morning love birds. Have a good night last night?” She said smirking and you blushed and Kelly smirked.

“We sure did.” He said and you smacked his chest but you couldn’t help but agree.

“Soooo how did it happen?” She asked

“Taylor found out where I lived and tried to start something and broke his restraining order and it just went from there.” You said as she handed you a plate of food and Kelly a plate of food. You both went to sit down next to each other and then she was bringing drinks over.

“I have to say I’m really glad that she became our roommate.” Kelly said and she smiled.

“She really is the best.” Shay said

“Stop you guys.” You said and Kelly chuckled.

“She’s telling the truth.” He said as he took a bite of his food and so did you. As the three of you ate and talked about everything you could feel Kelly’s hand on your bare thigh and you looked up at him and he was fully focused in a conversation with Shay and you listened loving hearing them talk but you were just enjoying his hand on your thigh and being close to him. As Shay looked down at her phone looking at and still talking Kelly looked over to you and into your eyes, his eyes were filled with love and so were yours.

“I love you.” He mouthed and you smiled at him.

“I love you too.” You mouthed back and he smiled and you honestly meant it. You couldn’t wait to spend more time with him as your boyfriend.

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

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impishtubist · 11 months ago

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A belated birthday gift for @carlav-blogs , brought to you by Finish Your Fucking Fics February <3

---

“Daddy!”

“Hi, baby.” Harry hoisted his daughter in his arms and kissed her cheek. “Did you have fun with Grandad and Pops today?”

“Yeah! Grandad bought me a unicorn!” Athena wiggled out of Harry’s grip and grabbed his hand. “Come see!”

“She has enough toys, Sirius,” Cedric said good-naturedly as he followed his husband and daughter into the cottage. There wasn’t any heat to his words. He knew as well as Harry that fighting Sirius on spoiling his grandkids was a losing battle.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Sirius said cheerfully from his armchair. “It isn’t a toy.”

“What do you mean, it isn’t--” Athena opened the back door, and the words dried up in Harry’s mouth. “Oh.”

“I’m gonna name her Cassiopeia,” Athena said, bounding over to the unicorn and petting her neck. “Pops helped me pick the name from one of his books.”

“Honey…” Harry trailed off. He turned to glare at his godfather, who had gotten up from the armchair and was now lounging against the open doorway to the kitchen with a shit-eating grin on his face. “We can’t take the unicorn home with us.”

“Why not?” Athena’s eyes were wide and imploring. “Pops says they’re really easy to take care of! An’ I’ll feed her and water her every day, an’ take her for rides, an’ - “

“Baby, we live in London, you can’t ride a unicorn in the middle of--” Harry pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Sirius.”

“Athena,” Sirius said, dropping into a crouch and beckoning her to him. “How about we keep her at Grandad’s house?”

“Sirius!”

“You can come visit her whenever you like, and she’ll have lots of room to run. Look, she’s already making friends with Pops’ Grindylow.”

Indeed, Cassiopeia had wandered over to the pond, and was drinking from it while the Grindylow watched her.

Athena sighed. “I guess.”

“Good.” Sirius kissed her cheek. She went over to Cedric, who shot Harry a significant look before taking Athena’s hand and leading her to the Floo in the other room.

“You can’t just buy her whatever she asks for, Sirius!” Harry said as soon as they had gone.

“Of course I can. She’s not my kid.” Sirius patted his cheek. “Saying no to her is your job, Harry James.”

#wolfstar #hedric #imp is writing #kid fic

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scrapyardboyfriends · 1 year ago

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I'm not sure which whodunnit was worse...Caleb's two second one or having the horse murder Craig. Hahaha

Like what are they even doing?!?! haha.

Whatever, I support Ice. Would he also like to retroactively take the blame for Lee's death so Robert can get out of prison? I think it could work. There was a Wild West event going on after all.

I don't even know what to say about that episode. It felt like hours and for what? And how many overhead shots of those goddamn chairs did we need? And god they made me look at the flashback of Caleb and Tracy kissing again too! Why?! They've got to stop with their obsessive flashback rewinds and replaying their one interesting shot that they're so proud of. It's not good. Sigh.

And like where does all of this even go now? Lydia's gonna move up to Home Farm because she thinks Sam killed him and then at some point she'll find out it was the horse and then be mad at Kim and Cain for not telling anyone?? And like why the hell couldn't they just tell Lydia anyway? Like...it was literally an accident. This is so dumb.

I mean eventually it's all gonna come out and no one is actually gonna go down for this. So again...what is the goddamn point?!?

Sure they introduced a bunch of new stories...stories that all would have been better served being introduced in a natural way rather than part of a gimmicky Dingle whodunnit week where the fucking horse was the culprit.

I can't...

I need Ryan to come back stat.

I never really believed there was a chance he'd be back this week. I feel like if there are current plans to bring him back, it'll probably happen next year after his second kid is born. And if so, his return is more just like an idea on the horizon because these people do not plan long term. If anything it'll be like "Aaron gets worse until Robert returns" or "Aaron's angry arc ends and then Robert returns". I can't imagine there's anymore thought beyond that if there are any plans at all. Either way, it still feels more possible he could return now than it did before Danny came back. it's clear they all want him back. And when this week of episodes is supposed to be your best stuff...well...let's just say it's totally understandable that they'd want him back because wow do they need help.

#emmerdale complaints corner #ed lb #belated live blogging

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srbachchan · 9 months ago

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DAY 5894

Jalsa, Mumbai Apr 7/8, 2024 Sun/Mon 2:06 pm

🪔 ,

April 08 .. birthday greetings to Ef Bhavana B Rao from Bangalore .. 🙏🏻🚩

April 06 .. belated birthday greetings to Ef Karan Dhillon .. and Shreyasi J. Singh from Indore .. 🙏🏻🚩

.. so there may be thought that the Blog has had a late night .. but no .. the cable has been cut outside by 'cable cutters' .. some digging goes on to enhance the Newtwork .. and hence the absence for such .. they still working on it .. and hope that it shall be restored soon ..

The Dongle .. the Saviour in such occurences is emplyed but does not seem to be functioning to its optimum ..

Ahh .. the exigencies of modernity and communications ..

BUT ..

we move on ..

and there is some respite tp to the Mumbai Indians .. we won finally .. and pray we continue .. with due respects of course to those that support other teams .. which is a constant dilemma ..

SO .. a hypothetical case in point ..

Your dharm sthan .. धर्मस्थान be Allahabad, now Prayagraj .. UP .. but your support team is in Mumbai .. your कर्मस्थान .. karm sthan .. so where does your allegiance lie during a game match between MI and LSG .. the Mumbai Indians v The Lucknow Super Giants .. Lucknow the Capital of the State of UP - Uttar Pradesh .. UP ..

😳

😁

.. and many other such ..

its a bummer .. !! if the slang can be used here .. apologies !!

Sunday at the GOJ are no such exigency .. they are universal in its execution and desire and presence ..

.. and you see and read docu's of certain happenings in the World of yesterday and today and the days to come and wonder .. how on earth does the human mind think and react and execute its life and the lives of others ..

It is never in peace and harmony .. mistrust and intrigue and doubts and the facade of friendship .. and the reasons, why and the wherefore ..

history keeps changing and is abreast of the culture and way of the circumstances and the mind ..

and each year and month and day we think what shall tomorrow hold .. or indeed what shall today .. and the confusion of what did we do and what shall we do to leave behind for the progeny .. for they are the true inheritors ..

OR .. as Babuji has put in his poem on INHERTANCE .. 'वसीयतनामा' .. the document that contains your WILL ..

'my sons, just because they are my sons, shall not be my inheritors .. they that are my inheritors shall be my sons .."

'मेरे बेटे, बेटे होने से मेरे उत्तराधिकारी नहीं होंगे ; जो मेरे उत्तराधिकारी होंगे, वो मेरे बेटे होंगे' ~

so we rumble along , network difficulty and all .. the alternatives being brought into operation .. the Dongle, the WiFi of the personal phone .. and so on ..

THERE ARE SO MANY ALTERNATIVES IN TODAY'S WORLD .. SAY IT AND IT IS THERE ..

BARING YOUR SOUL .. 😇

My love ..

🌺

Amitabh Bachchan

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yoonia · 2 months ago

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🖋️ I just finished Blooming Wallflowers and felt so sad that it ended so soon! Can we have a snippet of what happens after? are they going to continue seeing each other? will OC's daughter get to be closer to Mista Joonie? 🥺🥺 I want to see them hang out again in a less stressful time (because poor OC always stressing!). it would be cute to have Joon helping her out with the girls again. he can finally have a taste of OC's homecooked meal and she gets to make him dinner for once. that'll be sweet. I just love the concept of home date night 🥺

💌 for my love letter, I just want to say happy belated birthday 🥳 I've been following you for a long time. even if I'm no longer around much on Tumblr, I still come back from time to time and wonder what you'll be sharing this time. It's always exciting to find out that you post something new. your stories always feel so comforting, even when they are the most heart-wrenching angst ever! Your blog and your presence have always felt so positive too. just like how you are creating this lovely event 🥺 I think that's the reason why I still stick around no matter how much negativity has grown on Tumblr, because I know there's at least one writer here who still spreads positivity and exudes a comforting aura just by being here (and that's you!)

I love how you touch on real life issues and how you present them in your stories. even in the short ones, we get to feel the character growing through your fic and it feels really fulfilling to experience it 💜

For Blooming Wallflowers, I loved how you wrote the characters. even the daughters. often fanfics aren't so accurate when it comes to writing children (how they speak, behave, etc) yet you always make these characters feel so real, and I love that 💜🥺

Thank you for sharing your talent with us. I hope you have a wonderful birthday 🎂

Thank you so much for reading Blooming Wallflowers! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and are loving the characters. Your idea made me think of cute moments between Joon, OC, and the girls, but as always, my mind think otherwise the moment I began writing the ficlet haha. Anyway, enjoy your moodboard and this "little" snippet, love!

— title: Dinner with Mista Joonie | pairings: Namjoon x female reader| genre: firefighter!Namjoon, single mom!reader, mature, friends with benefits!au | word count: 1,150 words — summary | Namjoon comes to join you and the girls for dinner. — ratings & warnings | +18 / M for mature; allusion of a one-night stand, memories of hooking up, sexual tension, implied smut scene: public sex, kitchen sex, morning after sex, food play, implied oral sex.

— original: Blooming Wallflowers by @yoonia — fic drop date: Oct 28th, 2024 — song companion: sleepless

“You should’ve let me help.”

His deep voice draws a smile to your face, yet you make no move to turn around. Not even when you can feel him approaching you from behind.

“You’re doing enough to help already,” you answer him as you rinse the last of the dinner plates under the running water. A large hand takes the plates out of your hand right as you are about to slip them into the dishwasher, taking over your work.

“I don’t see how I’m helping,” Namjoon says as he continues setting the dishwasher to do its work so you can get to rest.

You wipe your hands dry using the kitchen towel before handing it to him. “For one, you took my distractions away from me,” you answer with a whisper, nodding towards the living room where your girls are busy flipping between their assortments of storybooks. “What did you tell them so you could escape?”

Namjoon grins. “Hana asked me to read them a story before leaving. I told them to pick a book each that I could read for them.”

Shaking your head, you let out a soft chuckle. “You shouldn’t fall for their puppy eyes. You were only invited to join dinner, not to babysit the girls.”

“It’s well deserved. They’ve been so proud about helping their Mom prepare the delightful dinner tonight,” Namjoon says, shrugging. He moves to rest his hips against the kitchen counter and crosses his arms over his chest, drawing your eyes towards his toned muscles, his t-shirt straining over them, and a flutter rising in your chest. “Thank you for inviting me, by the way.”

The damn flutter goes wild when he says this with a smile. A dimple appears. Your skin grows warm. “It was a pleasure. I’m just honouring a promise I made to you.”

It truly was. Ever since the night at the supermarket, you have wanted to cook for him. Imagining him eating TV dinner after working to save people’s lives—or pets, maybe?—makes you feel bad.

But seeing him tonight at dinner was a whole other matter.

You had expected it to be awkward. A single man sitting with a single mother and her two kids shouldn’t have seemed so normal. And yet, he blended in so nicely at the table. He even didn’t blink an eye every time any of the girls left vying for his attention. From bragging about their roles in helping you set up dinner, to showing off their artwork from today’s class. Even Suzy came out of her shell and chatted with Namjoon, asking him about his job and if firefighters really do get called to take kittens down from trees.

“Well, I’m honouring the meal I received tonight. Step one is pleasing the princesses over there with good storytelling.”

Shaking your head, you turn back to the kitchen sink to wipe down the mess. “I swear you’re too good at this.”

Namjoon comes to you with a deep chuckle, surprising you when he wraps his arms around you from behind.

“What are you doing?” you hiss at him while looking over his shoulder, afraid that your girls would catch their special guest hugging their mother.

“They’re still busy, don’t worry,” he whispers to your ear, deep voice vibrating from his throat, and those harmless flutters travel down south, settling right between your legs.

“Since you said that I’ve done good—” he whispers, his lips brushing at your skin. “Does that mean you’ll finally agree to go on a date with me? I told you, I’m okay if we’re out on a weekday. I’m not always on night shift, and might be working on the weekend anyway.”

You swallow down your words and the tightness in your chest. You promised yourself that the night you spent with him on your bed would be the only time. With so many things going on in your life, this would be the wrong time for you to start anything. Not even with the first hot guy who managed to catch your eye.

But Namjoon has been insistent. Exchanging numbers had given him the chance to text and call regularly, from catching up with your day, to flirting, and often ends with him asking for a date, or a quick hook-up, a quick repeat of your first night. Yet you have been resilient so far in refusing him.

Some part of you have been expecting that he would eventually give up and move on. Another part of you has always known that you will regret everything if you ever let it happen. While the rest keeps reminding you that he doesn’t deserve to be pulled into your mess, even if you really, really like him.

Feigning your disinterest seems to be futile. But then again, immediately continuing your hookup the next morning after you first brought him to your bed during the morning after breakfast might have sent a different message. Because having him finally have a taste of you on the kitchen counter that morning, with him lathering maple syrup on your bare breasts to lick off of your skin instead of pouring them on his pancake, was not the right way to show each other that there was no passion between you once the alcohol wore off.

But, maybe, just maybe, you have always known what that would do to a man who is so persistent in his chase like Namjoon does.

“Will this Wednesday be good?” you find yourself asking once the fight leaves your body. “I’ll be off work early and it’s my Mom’s day to bring the girls to her shop.”

It’s too easy to give in, after all. And you are surprised to find how quickly the weight is lifted from your shoulders once you stop denying your feelings.

You can feel his smile on your skin as he presses a kiss on the side of your neck. A promise. It draws a shudder through your body when you are reminded of what those lips on your skin did to you last time. “That’s my day off. So it’s perfect.”

You open your mouth, ready to turn to face him, when Hana’s voice calls out,

“Mista Joonie!” she yells from the living room, and both of you are quick to separate, right as your little girl comes barrelling into the kitchen with her books. “I found my book!”

Chuckling softly, Namjoon steals a quick peck on your cheek before stepping away. “Duty calls,” he says with a wink, and off he goes to follow Hana back to the living room.

You watch their receding back as they leave you in the kitchen, smiling to yourself as you watch Namjoon listening with rapt attention as your youngest blabber on about her favourite book and how her sister had chosen something just as good for them to read together.

Thank you for your sweet words. your message really means the world to me. And thank you for following me and staying with me for so long. I wouldn't still be here if not for readers like yourself who has been here with me.

Here's my little gift for you 💜

𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖉𝖊: dia’s birthday bash 2024 ⇝ closed!

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thechthonicherbalist · 27 days ago

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A belated Hiatus Post

I have been rather inactive for the past 3 months & received a lot of notifs about it. I won't be able to answer all of them, sorry for that. Here's my attempt to try & lay open a little why I've been gone and what the coming months will bring. I have pondered long how to write this in the least hurtful way, while also expressing my own emotions & experiences.

Those of you, who have followed my journey on pretty much any other page, probably know that I'm chronically ill with autoimmune disease, homebound since over a decade, that I got cardiovascular damage as a side effect & that since 2021/22 my condition severely worsened & often leaves me mostly bedridden for weeks at a time. I shared about the numerous surgeries & medical treatments I had in the past year, how I've slowly lost the ability to digest food before & require parenteral nutrition via an IV port since September '23. As well as how I tested positive for GI cancer in March. I've been waiting for an appointment to remove growths, cauterize multiple ulcers & take tissue samples to test for malignant cells since & been gone for a 6 week long hospital stay with a number of surgeries after September 16th & was taking time to recover from that since.

My mental health has gone really bad in the past year as well, for a number of other reasons but also this. I've experienced the biggest cptsd relapse I've had in the past 20 years in the past 14 months. I went from stable & happy, despite my illness and a low-contact situation with family, after almost 2 decades of therapy & inner child healing to escape and recover from an abusive childhood home; keeping my cortisol low and my nervous system calm to prevent further autoimmune flares & to be able to cope with my fatigue enough to do my work and happily make art and write... ...to the point where since about a year I'm in the middle of a full blown relapse of complex PTSD, severe depression and anxiety that has little to do with my offline life. Despite numerous attempts to resolve or remove myself from the underlying situation in order to preserve my well-being and safety, requesting acute intense psychiatric care during hospital stays more than 8 times, as well as consulting regular therapy sessions in social psychiatric help centres since January and ultimately return to therapy since June, I've only started to experience relief more recently.

🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐

And this is where the good news start!

🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐

In the past 2 months, I have finally been able to take care of myself, my work, household and hobbies & properly rest again, without constant exposure to anxiety inducing situations. And while the time in which I had surgery was still horrendous for a number of situations related to this, I have at least started chemotherapy now, without having to constantly fear that something terrible will happen again when I'm most vulnerable right before, during or right after my treatments or other crisis in my private life. So far the treatment is effective, even though I have all the unpleasant side effects that come with it. Overall my life is much calmer now and I don't live in constant anxiety anymore, which is a huge win for me. Moving forward, I want to return to doing things that are good for me & were originally intended for this blog, now that I can finally rest, heal, take care of my health and actually thrive & be productive at my own pace in peace.

So despite the fact that I won't be super active, here are my plans for the future:

Make more original art and art dedicated to my own passions and projects again and actually post them. I had started a series on learning to do folkloric art as well as a series on intrudcing MBTI personalities, glimpses into their lives, lots of research, writing small articles and doing my own art for this, in 2022.

Return to my passion projects from 2022/2023 (all NSFW): - My 9-pieced fanfiction series "Lestat's Lovers" and Art for it - My 8-pieced fanfic series "Things I didn't tell Thetis" - My 4-pieced series "To love a thing Death can touch" I have wanted to continue writing for a long time. The plot for the first one has been with me for 17 years & is deeply intertwined with my internal universe. I've always hungered to write & share it with the world with the art I used to make for it, but never finished or even started. It was devastating to be unable to do that for so long.

Post about my journey as a native practitioner of Bohémien Romani Culture, Slavo-Celtic Shaman-/Druidism and Kabbalistic Judaism, as well as the taught believes of Hellenism, Christianity and Christian Satanism in the past 20+ years, present and future.

Translate & publish the vast knowledge I've assembled about herbs & other natural substances, their uses in historic and folk medicine, magic, alchemy, spirituality, etc, their historic significance and much more. It's been a big interest since my childhood, I was taken on hikes to collect herbs & materials for homemade remedies and other things and taught how to make them from scratch, since I could be taken out in a baby sling.

Make blog posts about my culture, including its folklore, mythology, rites, magic etc. and post them here. (I borrowed books about this from the library, so I can give reading recommendations and cite interesting sources! :D)

Create a side blog about my music recommendations, as I'm very passionate about a lot of genres and want to keep things more sorted. <3

Stop being scared to make posts for my mental health & healing journey again, even if they might still get misinterpreted. I can't take the responsibility to manage others' perception & emotions or literally anything else they should work out themselves.

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thefloatingstone · 1 year ago

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The belated Pinned Post

I decided it might be a good idea to give my hoard of insanity (aka my blog) at least SOME level of direction for anyone who stumbles upon it.

Who the hell are you anyway? I'm C-Puff! But when I joined tumblr that name was taken and I've just never tried to reclaim it since then. I'm an animator/Ink and Painter and Youtuber I guess is something I can say now.

My Youtube channel is C-Puff Person where I talk about animation, cartoons and anime. My second and far less formal channel is C-Puff Plays which only exists so I can try and indoctrinate people into being as obsessed with the Mass Effect Trilogy as I am.

This is my main blog on tumblr. I technically have sideblogs but I gave up trying to have any kind of order to things so now everything just goes here.

For art, my tag is #I Need a Better Art Tag for links to my youtube, the tag is #My Videos

You're mostly gonna see me screaming about Mass Effect, Undertale, Sailor Moon, Revolutionary Girl Utena, History, Archaeology, Film and TV, and what ever else I'm insane about that week.

I have a Patreon which helps fund my videos, live streams and art and other projects. As well as a Ko-Fi which is more of a tip-jar than anything else. Theoretically I am also on Twitter although I am not super active there. However if you need to contact me somewhere other than tumblr that would be the best place.

Although my blog is generally sfw, please be aware that I am very much a 90s millennial kid (aka an adult who's been on the internet long enough to not give out personal info like my age). So my blog might not always be appropriate for minors. I won't stop you from following me if you're under 18, but I'm not gonna curate my personal space to accommodate you. So that's on you if you decide to follow me.

If you read all this thanks! And I hope you enjoy my unbridled id.

#Pinned post #links #bio #artists on tumblr #youtuber

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fuckingaromanticadventures · 6 months ago

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A quick reflection:

Normally, I'm fine with romance, as long as it's not directed at me. Some of my favourite books and movies and shows have romantic plots either primarily or with significance. Some of my favourite DnD characters that I've played are alloromantic and have crushes/relationships (a post for another time).

But then sometimes... Sometimes just the awareness of romance makes me uncomfortable. Up go my proverbial hackles, tightness spreads across my shoulders and jaw. It can happen gradually, or all at once- be short-lived and shallow, or lingering and deep. I don't understand it. I can't predict it. It certainly doesn't make my life easier.

But I am learning to accept it. It's... really hard. Especially when I'm in the middle of a pretty intense romance repulsion. Like- can't scroll through my dash because I follow fandom blogs intense.

It'd really easy to be mean to myself about this. To try and "fix" it, or push through it, hoping I'll "get over it". It's happened before, and hey, I might not even get burned out from forcing myself to be okay with it.

But I don't want to. I'm allowed to be repulsed by romance. I am repulsed by romance. (I never realised the things you don't say to yourself out loud until I read this post over and heard myself say it).

Some days- weeks, months, maybe forever- I'm going to have to relearn what my boundaries are. What makes me uncomfortable today might be fine tomorrow, and vice versa. And that... sucks, honestly. But I know it's not unique to me.

There's a comfort in giving myself room to breathe, and to change. In letting feelings just exist, without need for justification, or a promise of permanency.

So, for everyone who is still figuring themselves out, here's to you. You're awesome. I hope we never run out of new things to know.

Also: a very belated, but very happy, Pride.

#romance repulsed #aromantic #aro #lgbtqia #lgbtq+#queer

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shinmelodia · 1 year ago

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Love & Process: blue (2002)

Hello to everyone reading, and welcome to a highly belated attempt to squeeze some of my thoughts and emotions through some semblance of a creative process and onto a page. Today, I want to introduce this blog by talking about a lovely film, blue (2002), directed by Hiroshi Ando and based on a manga by Kiriko Nananan.

Since I'm still somewhat new at diving into live action film, especially, like, uh, Japanese indie film, its helping to start with the yuri genre. Because like practically any other woman on this site, I quite enjoy lesbians. blue's manga original offers something of an alternative to the yuri norm, though, and the film follows suit. Both are definitely examples of the Japanese filmmaking trend I've heard of called "mumblecore," (or maybe mumble-komi for the manga equivalent) that most people know through the likes of Inio Asano's early work. Like Solanin or Girl on the Shore, blue is shoegazey, quiet, and contemplative, adorned with moments of subtle physical intimacy, layered emotion, and stunningly beautiful compositions of daily life.

My metric for these kinds of slow mood pieces, which I've previously tended to watch at random whenever the mood struck me, is that if my barely-medicated ADHD brain can even finish them, there's clearly something special going on. blue passed with flying colors; yeah, ok, it took two sittings, but I spent all of both enraptured, immersed, and invested in the mono no aware of silent, fragile love and messy asymmetry that formed this movie's emotional palette. blue is about love, of course, but its also about process and expression, both emotional and creative, and how processing things, artistically, verbally, non-verbally--is often required of real, human love.

In being about this, I think it did things for me that a lot of yuri often doesn't and gently hit me in a place that I really needed to be hit. So, let me get into it. This is going to be...very personal, and also obviously spoil the details of the film, if you care about that, although I'm sure there will be plenty of depth left in the text that I leave untouched. Whether you read it or not, I'll be happy I made it. Oh, and sorry if I come off as really New for being so struck by themes and aesthetics that are probably sort of standard for this type of film. I can't help what I feel like writing about, though.

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Kirishima Kayako lives in a small town by the sea, one much like dozens of other anonymous, disaster-prone exurban towns in Japan at the turn of the millennium. She rides the bus to her girls' high school every day, where she eats lunch with her friends and tries her best to learn something in class. Really, though, she's aimless, quiet, lonely, and introspective. She's trying, but its rare for others to be able to tell. She's also in love with her classmate, Endou Masami. When she confesses at the end of the first act, on a windy beach against the vastness of the ocean, Endou responds that she's glad, and the two become our lesbians for the movie. Kayako falls to her knees and cries in relief. Masami is different from the others--she sees how hard Kayako tried. Does that mean she loves her back, though?

Endou Masami has cool passions and interests; she collects American CDs, which she expertly critiques and describes while lending to friends. The mere view of her vibing to her American alt-rock while smoking a cigarette in front of her apartment window is album-cover worthy in itself. Kayako feels the same way: one of the most intimately gay scenes of the pre-confession portion of the film is when Masami lights a cigarette and asks if Kayako is shocked. The quiet girl declares without hesitation, "No, I'm admiring the way you lit the match."

The whole early film is such a delectable, lonely vibe. The slowly intertwining couple's solidifying dynamic is the kind that forms between an emotionally complex introvert and the perhaps even more unknowable yet somehow more confident object of their affection. The two are classmates, (there's no classic yuri kouhais and senpais here) but for the early part of the film we are seeing things from Kayako's perspective and Masami seems unmistakably older in spirit. There's something about the dense emotions conveyed in her gazes at her new girlfriend, the almost world-weary tinge of recklessness in her distant grins. She talks about music Kayako's never heard of and lends out books with Romantic-era paintings that she has well-formed thoughts on. Kayako even openly admits that if she could, she would want to be Masami.

I think we've all loved a girl like that.

It's a pretty typical experience in middle school or high school, for really anyone lonely who loves women, to be drawn to these sorts of sad, beautiful, oh-so-seemingly-complex femmes. I guess straight men have a similar thing going on with the whole Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype, but for us women (or, women-to-be, at the time, I guess), the phenomenon of these people to us often involves a sort of existential jealousy. I'm not sure what is so alluring to other people about the sense that the object of their love has Something Going On that they are working through, or a vast and complicated life beyond the scope of one's understanding, but it me it always felt like something I was missing out on for myself. Obviously, a lot of their experiences and interests must be interesting and fun and super cool, you think, but even what pain you think they convey must be somehow more edifying than yours.

For me, the edifying aspect was the mere fact of femininity itself. The idea of a girl who has deep and Real emotions, who feels Real love and Real sadness and can actually express that in how she looks, beautiful and imperfect, always threw into stark contrast my own inability to express myself comparably. I was depressed, I was growing up, and I felt things, too, but, as someone who everyone thought was a straight boy and who was too scared to admit to being otherwise, I lacked that sort of beauty, that means of expressing what was inside me through fashion, makeup, book or music knowledge or taste. Or at least I thought I did. Thus, my own emotions must have also meant less. So, I ignored them and belittled them, and entire years passed before I processed a thing correctly. I always wanted to be some other girl. That was the only thing that would fix me.

I assume that the teen (and, uh, sometimes beyond) existential pining experienced by some other people in real life usually lacks the fun bonus that mine had of a screaming void where my femininity should have been, but I'm not sure how much this actually matters to the crux of the kind of experience I'm talking about. That some kind of void is there is all that matters, really, and its there for Kayako in her relationship with Masami at the beginning of the film. She has nothing, Masami is everything, and just being close to her is enough, for now. Just being noticed, just sharing something with her, is all Kayako feels like she can ask for.

Of course, this incomplete way of seeing love can't last, which brings us to the next part of the film, which starts when the two are hanging out and Masami reveals through a guarded, distant grin that she had an abortion a while ago. This isn't something that shocks Kayako or is really meant to shock the audience, and it isn't the big moment where she forced to reconsider her feelings. Rather, she asks how it went, and Masami responds honestly. She mentions she felt horrible the next day and had to be picked up by ambulance from the nurse's office, prompting Kayako to recall silently what to us was the film's first scene, a view from her window during class of an anonymous ambulance, sirens turned off, discreetly rescuing a student.

That she had this ambiguously traumatic, and at least unpleasant and potentially taboo experience is something that could have made Masami feel even older to Kayako, her pain even more distant and obscure. It certainly already is a way that Masami herself feels distant from others. Yet, by considering her own special, observant view of the ambulance back when it happened, it becomes one that Kayako can in some small way assertively share with her. Rather than continuing to put her lover's experiences on a pedestal, Kayako in this scene makes a silent decision to turn a blossoming mutual acceptance simply that they happened into a moment of true intimacy between the two, a sleepover punctuated by smirking kisses and satisfied cuddles initiated by each of them for the other. Despite her remarks that Kayako is weird for unhesitatingly wanting to stay with her, its an intimacy that Masami is happy to accept. This is all an important turning point in Kayako's development because she begins to choose insight, closeness, and assertion over the distant admiration that trapped her earlier.

As we go on, we'll start seeing how blue's gentle impact comes from the way it doesn't glorify or sugarcoat that earlier kind of unhealthy and immature dynamic. Instead it subverts it by giving Masami depth and Kayako agency, before reaching an endpoint that reflects on how the dehumanization of that kind of depressed, pining relationship can be overcome. In that sense, blue is a yuri romance mostly about the couple coming to accept their own and each other's humanity and capacity for expression. Like any good mumble movie, its full of long silences and almost unrealistically hesitant dialog, and doesn't give any explicit internal monologues like a lot of manga do. The world of this movie is one where expression is an uphill battle, something that has to be worked towards and struggled through. It's the world that Kayako and Masami share, in their own separate ways. And that's why its such a triumph to watch Kayako finally find her voice, her passion, and her process, which all starts in this scene.

First, though, it's time to learn about the Something that Masami has Going On.

Things begin when Kayako is still sleeping. Masami gets a call on her house phone that she doesn't answer, but that sends her into a silent spiral of emotional dread. She spends the next day at school in the nurse's office, refusing to tell Kayako what's going on and confiding only in her friend Nakano. Then, when summer break comes along, she disappears, leaving Kayako alone at home, pouring silently over the book of still life oil paintings that Masami lent her.

It ends up being Nakano who tells Kayako why she left. It's the story Masami didn't tell about the source of her abortion: an adult, married man whom she had a relationship with and eventually a pregnancy from. She got things taken care of without telling him, alerted her parents and tried never to see the rotten salaryman again. That is, until he called. He wasn't getting along with his wife anymore, apparently, and she had some sort of attachment to him that made her come running back. Her taste in music originally came from him, after all. It seems that, for the time being, her devotion to this mysterious, abusive man is going to perpetuate a brutal cycle: she'll keep hurting both Kayako and herself all at once.

What really destroys Kayako and her relationship, though, is that she lies about it. When she comes home after some predictably rough interactions with this guy, she tells her supposed girlfriend that she was enjoying a vacation with friends, and even gives her some grapes, supposedly grown in the prefecture she was hanging out in, as a twisted souvenir. The more assertive Kayako enforces her boundaries without hesitation, though, in equally as blunt a tone as she complimented her love, as when she told her she wanted to stay with her, all those nights ago. "Why are you lying to me?" Its with that same grin, now tinged with emotionally oblivious deception, that Masami dares to at first first feign ignorance.

"Eh?" Her smile is shallower than its ever been.

So Kayako walks away.

Their dynamic has now become worse than just immature; it's entirely toxic. From an outside perspective, Kayako is working on her shortcomings, while Masami refuses to reconcile her past. This kind of toxicity, though, is sadly just as common in high school (and even sometimes middle school) as is the kind of misunderstanding, lonely pining I talked about earlier, just usually among different sorts of people. Appropriately, its often even that exact kind of beautiful, hurting, mature femme (in the eyes of disastrous, moody lesbians like Kayako) who is going through that sort of pain. Its that mysterious and tragic byproduct of compulsory heterosexuality that causes a lot of girls to seek validation in the love of an older man, and that I imagine becomes a sort of addiction to that validation that only masquerades as love. Hell, Masami attributes much of what made her seem so interesting on the surface, her love of music, to this guy. She feels like she'd be nothing without him, and the way Kayako praised her, at least in the way she interpreted it, did nothing to dispel this fear. Which I think is really why she decided to go back, even though it would mean betraying the very girl whose love provided her an escape from it all.

Its an ugly truth, and its one that yuri media usually shies away from portraying, but it is explored with refreshing frankness and resolved with astounding maturity by the end of blue. And I think its the source material's status as "alternative" (I guess in Japanese parlance, Garo-inspired) manga, not to mention the movie's simply as an independent film, that allows it to break with genre limitations in this way. There's been tons of writing done on how yuri definitely presents a fantasy of the sapphic experience. Mainstream yuri's origins in Class-S still to this day often cause it to portray romances between women as fundamentally different, and inherently more pure, than those involving men, trapping them in a bubble of unassailable innocence. While that kind of makes sense and seems extremely cool to those of us who celebrate having little interest in moids or whatever, it also has the effect of sugarcoating and sometimes even outright obscuring what real women, even (and sometimes especially) sapphic ones, go through.

There's already a decent amount of yuri, especially among those aimed at older demographics and those where its more of a secondary genre, that do deal with compulsory heterosexuality and the experiences that come with it. What are much rarer are yuri series where one of the lover's flaws more resemble Masami's than Kayako's. Not enough that I've read at least is willing to make its relationships messy, or have one of its leads just do straight up bad things like self-destructive cheating and lying.

Because, really, its the same as what Kayako went through, isn't it? The lonely longing for something more that feels like it can only be cleansed by denying oneself all one has and betting it all on being close to someone else. The only difference between the two's actions is temperament and perhaps socialization--one sought it from a cooler woman, the other from an older man. And somewhere out of sight, that sad, irresponsible, fucked-up adult was probably hopelessly lonely, too, just like Kayako had to accept Masami was. Maybe disaster lesbians, disaster bisexuals(?), and yes, disaster straights aren't so different after all.

Well, other than that Kayako has worked to process her feelings, while Masami went and ruined her relationship over them. That's an important difference. Still, though, even Kayako has some work to do about how she feels about all of this. Masami's pedestal has been smashed, whether she likes it or not, and now she's lonelier than ever. So where does this vampiric cycle of taking from others end? What substance can replace loneliness in this ouroboros of etropic emotional alchemy?

Kayako doesn't touch the grapes. Instead, she silently processes things, lies on the floor listening to the cicadas scream in the garden. The grapes go rotten, and her brother throws them out. She sulks for a while.

Then, she starts painting. A still life of grapes, inspired by the books that Masami lent her. At first, her drawing is lousy, as the school fine arts instructor later tells her, but the colors are gorgeous. The deep purples of the fruits are expertly layered to capture light and tell a story, one deeper than the instructor could possibly imagine. It's the story not only of the transformation of a relationship, but of the growth of one of its participants. As the hot, still air of the coastal Japanese summer cloys around her lonesome final vacation of high school, Kayako finally salvages a passion to call her own out of a floundering relationship. When school starts again and she picks up art classes, going to Tokyo for uni, a dream that was previously held only by Masami, starts to be within her reach. She has a future, an interest, and a way to process all has happened to her.

And then comes the time for Masami to try and return. She proves unwilling to address all that happened before, instead trying to kiss Kayako after school in the art room. Her undeserved attempt at intimacy is rejected with a shove, but so too is her self-pity that causes her to instantly run away. There's more that needs to be said that simply "I'm a terrible person." Kayako pursues her into the town's small shopping district as night begins to fall and neon crackles to life against a cool late summer night. Now the emotional climax of the movie begins.

First, Kayako starts talking. She tells Masami about the painting, about her summer, about how lonely she was without her, about all the places she wanted to go with her. She talks about how happy she was at the same time that she found something she wanted to do without her. This approach is new for her. She's never so far relied on words so heavily to express her emotions. When Masami points this out, Kayako says:

This is how she's choosing to process things for the time being. At first, it was being silent to carefully consider her emotions. Now, its speaking up to keep them focused on what she really wants.

Then, its Masami's turn, for the first time, to tell the truth. By now they're away from the small cluster of lights, staring out at the blackness of the beach where they first got together. Masami broke up with the guy, she says. But she also asserts that she came to his emotional aid to begin with because she felt his need for help was more important than anything else to her. She couldn't tell her girlfriend this before, because doing so would mean telling a truth she didn't think Kayako could bear to hear: that he meant more to Masami than she did.

Kayako already knows this, of course. And by speaking up to quell her justified anger, by weaving words like the deft strokes of honest color on the tip of a paintbrush, she's gotten herself to a point where she can accept it, too.

I mean, think about it. Masami is broke now; Kayako needed to buy her a sandwich so she wouldn't be hungry on their impromptu date. Her sabotaging drive to be validated and her inability to accept love from the girl willing to give it has, by all accounts, ruined her life for the time being and harmed those around her. Even though she broke up with the guy out of necessity, or out of some fleeting impulse to run back to Kayako, she still feels like nothing without him. As she says to Kayako later, now the envy runs in reverse--Kayako is passionate about painting now, while Masami will still amount to nothing. Despite it all, though, Kayako is willing to love her. She's called Masami out on what she needs to be, then decided to stay nonetheless.

"I always come second. You broke up with him, so the number one spot is vacant. When someone else comes, you'll put him there...

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For most of my life, I believed that artistic expression was primarily the product of unrestrained, innate, and self-indulgent passion. I thought it was just something people either have or don't have, and that when they do, its something that can drive them to great heights of accomplishment and happiness otherwise impossible for humans to reach. It was mostly Japanese otaku media that instilled this into me, I think. I grew up exposed to a dizzying array of diverse and often miraculous artistic products that captured my imagination in ways the safe output of my own boring, monolithic home empire never did, and most of them were made by people who literally poured their lives into working on them. From Eiichro Oda's future-destroying, decades-long devotion to making One Piece to Kentaro Miura giving his life to practically paint the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel in pen on page after double-page spread in Berserk, to all of the hyper-passionate, universe-shattering early works of Hideaki Anno and his animator cohorts, I thought that I lived in a world of weird and wonderful treats whose cooks had the work ethic of demigods and the talent to match.

And even on the lower levels of the medium, among fan artists, cosplayers, writers, posters, historians, I felt surrounded by people who lived and breathed impossible passion, whose lives must have been defined by a kind of information processing my brain simply wasn't capable of. They had some ability to inhale the miraculous vapors of an abundant artistic landscape and spew out works of their own that further decorated the texture of a fleeting age of impossible marvels. And all that time, there I was, left on the sidelines, interested in many things but passionate about none, and lacking the motivation to really work to pursue anything at all. It was (and, honestly, still is) a state of existential discomfort similar to that sort of lonely-girl-pining, but doubtlessly far larger in scale. Some people had passion, while I had nothing to show for all my years of being alive. For fuck's sake, there was so much stuff out there, and I barely could muster the motivation to even read any of it most of the time.

After a while, I started to feel like I was simply broken, like I was an empty person that didn't belong in the very world I loved living in. And while I think this might be a niche outlook and insecurity (although one represented, to my profound gratitude, in Masami), I think it's also how a lot of people think about love. Love is often portrayed as a feeling sparked entirely of instinct, one that, when a person truly feels it, will never cause them to make any mistakes or do anything fucked up to those they care about. Something that will drive those bolstered by it to impossible heights, improve lives beyond the sorrow and loneliness to which they are otherwise condemned. But, as Kayako learned and as Masami and I are having to find out, that isn't really the whole story.

Expression is love. Love is process. Therefore, expression is also the labor of putting love through a process, of rigorously trying to get your ass in a seat and put in the steps of putting your feelings into form. As this is required of art, so is it required of relationships. And so the two are a cycle. Creation requires emotions to process; relationships require emotions to be processed. And the love that creation inspires feeds itself into the love for others that inspires the emotion to fuel more creation. A Labor of Love. Again, I know I'm New.

But this is what Kayako has been working up to all movie long, first with her silence, then with some words, then with the labor of painting, the iteration of getting better, then with more words again. She has found a slow cycle that is elevating her above her loneliness, a cycle that Masami helped create, and is welcome within, but that can, if need be, exist without her.

Love, labor, process. Expression, creation, process. Creating, processing, choosing...in the end, to do it all again. To stay with what--and who--you have labored to love. And that is the choice Kayako has made.

I have not yet answered what, after thinking and writing about this movie for days on end, might be the substance that can replace loneliness as fuel for the alchemical cycle of emotional taking and giving. By the end of the lovers' reunion, sitting by the road under the slowly-illuminating blue of a haphazardly-clouded dawn sky, Masami doesn't feel like she has an answer, either. She feels small and hollow, manipulative and weak. She's jealous of the coping strategy her own girlfriend has developed to deal with the effects of her bad behavior. So, in the end, what is she? What is there even left for Kayako to love?

I'll be honest, this feeling is so fucking real I get perilously teary every time I think about it. Because, for as much as I mused about Kayako's feelings resonating with me as a former and sometimes girl-piner, when it comes to my current relationship at age 22, it's Masami in whom I see myself most clearly and brutally. It's hard not to when she is the only representation in romance, let alone in yuri, I have seen so far who is as much of a fucking brat as I am at times. Whose tendency to sabotage her own relationship makes it so asymmetric that what her girlfriend feels appears almost one-sided, but whose love is real all the same. If she lacks process, talent, maturity, mystique, if no one is ever going to be good enough for her, then what at all does she have left?

The answer to all of this is the thing that lies at the core of her being, that makes her who she is. The source of her potential to express herself, the starting point of a process yet to fully begin. It's hard to see, but it's there. Its what makes her Endou Masami. And its what Kirishima Kayako loves the most.

It's color. It's the thing at the core of creation that can't be described with words, that forms the motivation for any process. Its the vivid purple of a painted grape whose intentional creation transcends deception and nurtures discovery. It's the blue of a dawning sky whose light guides two girls in messy, lopsided love back into each other's arms. It's Kirishima Kayako. It's Endou Masami. It's what everyone has, and it's all anyone has.

It's the source of love, its process, and its object.

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Eventually, Kayako has to leave for Tokyo. That's the decision that's best for her, and its a decision that, for the time being, will leave Masami behind in the countryside, hard at work on the process of learning to love herself. At the end of the film, she sends Kayako one final piece of proof of who she is. It's a painting of sorts, recorded on VHS, composed not of oil but of compressed light and sound. Stylistically, as the camera zooms in, it begins to resemble less Renoir and more Rothko: at first, its the beach, then, simply the point of the horizon, the area where the sea and sky meet. Its raw, not quite processed, pure color, vibrant blue, filtered and compressed into chunky, washed-out 800x600.

By way of description, "this is all I can do."

For years, I've struggled to believe that my emotions, hindered by depression and self-sabotage, have any value at all. As someone for whom love, passion, and expression have always felt difficult, even putting my thoughts down on a page, let alone drawing, painting, composing, or directing, has always seemed impossible. Recently, though, I've grown a lot. I've found the beginnings of a process learned to accept its existence. Both this process, and all the loves that go along with it, are often uncomfortable. They are painful and brutal and blissful things into which to pour the labors of communication and the torments of understanding. I've learned to process discomfort for the sake of creation, to create for the sake of love. It sounds cheesy, but again, I can't help what I wanted to write about.

I hope you'll join me as I find more new things and tough feelings I love to process on this account. There's so much more I'd love to say about blue, just for starters. I could talk about my undying appreciation for the work of Mikako Ishikawa, or how the shots in this movie are so gorgeous and evocative that I'd seen many of them before in "Japan in the 00s" vibes compilations.

But, until then, this is all I can do.

#japanese film #japanese cinema #yuri #yuri manga #lgbtq films #teen romance #pining #film analysis #personal essay #blue (2002)#kiriko nananan #mumblecore #long reads

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