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I'm really hoping that it's Nate's grave that Cain is standing by in that flashforward and if so I can't see anyone other than John being responsible for it. His exit was beyond random and if he had parted on bad terms with the show and they had rushed his exit because of that, you can guarantee the sun would have leaked it as they love to stir things for click's. The actor hasn't said a bad word about the show since he left either so I definitely don't think they gave him that random exit because they were suddenly parting with him on bad terms. We've also had several comments about no one actually being able to speak to him since he left, just that he's not responded to any text's or calls which is highly suspicious as he loved his daughter and had no reason to suddenly blank her! If that was really his exit they would have just had Tracy say he's checking in regularly on Frankie and once his settled they will visit him etc. Something is definitely up.

Ooh I hadn’t made that connection! That could be it.

I just want those random comments to mean something!

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Finally getting to watch this

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I’m still thinking about this, because as useless a character as Nate was that was a bizarre exit,he was just gone with barely a second glance except the comment about John seeing him last.

Are they just that bad at story w writing now or are they playing the long game?

Is Nate going to be like Alex during the Cameron era?

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I just can’t completely write off a year that gave us this …

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We’ll impressed with the security guy at the job centre this morning who waited until the lady seeing me had finished with the person before me and came back over to remove a chair so my wheelchair could fit and we didn’t have to move it.

Only a little thing but so many wouldn’t bother.

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3 letters today, all sent on the same day, one reminding me of my London orthopaedic appointment, one cancelling it, and one with a new date at the end of February 🙄😂

And we wonder why the NHS struggles for money and efficiency!

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Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2025 is everything we all want and need it to be.

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Your lips are warm, my head is light, were we in love before tonight?

This is not what I’d planned, I had a fuller version in my head but time just ran away from me. At least I managed to write one more thing before 2019 begins!! Title is from The Perfect Year from Sunset Boulevard. For @amandaj718, @aaronsmrshifty, @thisdamndesire and @rustandruin because without all of you my fandom life would be a lot worse off, and to everyone else in fandom, you’re all brilliant!

It was a stupid teenage spur of the moment thing. That’s all it was. Robert was leaving, sent out of the village by his Dad. On the surface it probably seemed like he was doing the right thing to protect his son, but they both knew the truth.

They’d met at the edge of the village, Robert still sporting a bloodied lip and reddened eyes from the tears. Neither one of them knew what to say, the conversations still so fresh, whispered declarations in the dark never shared again, just the knowing looks for days after.

He couldn’t go too, as perfectly movie like that could have been. So they’d said their goodbyes, promised to text like you do, promises dying on their lips, until Robert got in the car to leave, to drive away forever because Aaron knew without a doubt he wouldn’t be back.

“Promise me, seven years from now, the new year’s eve before your twenty fifth, you’ll be at the square in Hotten at midnight.”

“You’ll be off somewhere glamorous by then, you won’t want to know me.”

“I will. Promise me, Aaron.” He nods, because what else can he do. He doesn’t expect Robert to even remember his name in seven years time let alone want to come back to Hotten just to see him.

Yet here he is, on a random bench in the middle of Hotten, freezing cold, waiting in crowds of people. He won’t turn up, he’s sure of it. Last he’d heard from Vic, Robert was married to someone with money, comfortable and successful like he’d always wanted.

What would he think of Aaron, stuck in the same village, nothing much going on in his life. Oh sure he’d had adventures, going on the run wasn’t really the kind of highlight most people had. In a way though it had been one of the better things he’d done. It had forced him to stand on his own two feet, had given him perspective on his life even if it had ended up being one of the hardest things he’d done.

It’s not the kind of thing that Robert Sugden would do though, was it? 

He swirls the last of his beer round the plastic glass, thinking that this was a mistake. He could be at home, joining in the celebrations that his family have organised. Instead he’s sat here like an idiot.

It was just the kind of thing you say, wasn’t it? Teenagers thinking they were in love. Was it infatuation, was it just two loners confiding in each other when no one else would or wanted to listen. It wasn’t love or anything like that. It couldn’t be. 

He wasn’t the same person anymore, too much had gone on, and wouldn’t it be the same for Robert.

He should go home. This was a waste of time.

“Aaron?” The voice is quiet amongst the noise of the square, plenty of people already well on their way to bidding the year farewell, but he’d recognise it anywhere, had heard it in his dreams enough after all.

He forces himself to look up from his glass, convinced it’s a dream and there won’t be anyone standing there, but there is. Unmistakably Robert, older, different but still him. His breath catches in his throat like something from those books his Mum reads when she thinks no one is looking because he’s actually here, and he’s gorgeous, all smiles and crinkly eyes.

“Hi.” Good one, Aaron. Seven years and that’s all you can say. “I…I didn’t think you’d turn up.” 

“I never break my promises.” He can’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. “Not to you. How are you? You look…you look amazing.”

“Shut up.” He still doesn’t know why he’s here. Is it a goodbye to old friends thing, because he’s married, it can’t be anything else. He won’t still feel like that, even if Aaron does, always has. “So, Vic says you’re married?”

“Was.” Oh. He shrugs. “Haven’t spoken to Vic in a while. What about you?”

“I see her nearly…Oh! No, not married, or divorced for that matter.”

“Vic, um…well she mentioned, she didn’t talk about you much but…she was upset, told me about…” He shuffles a little, looking awkward.

“Jackson.” There’s nothing to say, he doesn’t want to get into it, wants to leave the memories where they are. “It was a long time ago.”

“I’m sorry, that you had to…that you dealt with that. If I’d known I…”

“You’d what? Come home? You wouldn’t Robert and it’s ok.” They stand in silence for a while. He doesn’t know what to say. Maybe people are right, you can’t go back, only forwards.

“I…I didn’t think this would be so awkward. Never used to be like this.”

“Seven years is a long time. Maybe we’re different people now.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“All that time, and not a word from you. I…you could’ve been dead for all I knew. If it weren’t for Vic…you can’t just stroll back in and expect everything to be the same, Robert.”

“So why are you here then?”

“Because I promised.” He sighs, “Did you even think about me at all? You could’ve…I don’t know, I could’ve come to you or…”

“You know how it was with Dad and…everything I said, I meant, but I couldn’t…he was in my head, all the time. I couldn’t…I wasn’t comfortable with myself. You understand that, don’t you?”

“And now?”

“Now I realise that what other people think…well it’s not my problem. I never stopped thinking about you, and I should’ve contacted you, but…well this is more dramatic, isn’t it?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Guilty.” He can’t take his eyes off that smile, wider now, happier. “So…”

“So…”

“It’s…two minutes to midnight. You got any plans for the new year?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“How the next two minutes go.” It’s impossible but Robert’s smile grows even further and then he’s tugging Aaron closer, as close as he can and Aaron bites his lip. They should probably talk and all that, but if New Year’s Eve can’t be a time for making split second decisions, then what’s the point.

“10…9…8…”

“I missed you Dingle.”

“Thought about you once or twice I suppose.” He fires back and it makes Robert laugh.

“4…3…2…1!”

He doesn’t even think, just kisses him, and it’s everything he’s imagined the past seven years and he never wants to stop. Robert moves first, pulling away, still smiling as the cheers and singing go on around them.

“Happy New Year then.”

“You know what? I think it’s going to be.”

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Can Cain and Caleb just kill Anthony now?

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Watching All Creatures great and small and Mum says ‘did he used to play Robert Sugden.’

Me: Oh…yeah, I think so 😂😂😂

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I’m catching up on the big soap quiz…can we have Steven Mulhearn back next year?

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I’ve gotta ask…what was the point of making John a Sugden?

He’s had a handful of scenes with Vic, very little conflict over it with Aaron that lasted more than seconds and all the other family is gone.

Did they plan it before seeing if they could get Ryan back and just went with it anyway? Are they playing the long game and there is a return? Why?

I hate not knowing things.

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October 17th 1972 // February 10th 2009

Bonus:

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I hope Jack Sugden is burning in hell quite frankly.

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I think Joe for Will is a fair exchange. May I suggest another…

Robert for Wendy would suffice.

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No offence soap journalists but Will wasn’t a soap ‘legend’. For me that’s someone like Kim, or Zak or Charity, someone who has been in it for years and has had the big talked about stories, the iconic stuff. That wasn’t Will.