#fighting depression

[douglasbradburyverne]

The serotonin rush of posting something keeps the inner demons away

[grimfox]

the cure

sadness is a choice.

we like to think it's not.

some vague oppression.

waves of rot.

but really,

it's a knot of our own willing.

we are still alot.

there's depths beyond the deeps of sorrow,

longings never reached,

a swallowing of all that joy can bring.

on our own.

we are endless,

all the lost and self-defenseless.

all the walls you wither in win

are infinite prisons sentenced.

break the limits.

you can see it in your dreams.

you feel it when the inner speaks of

more than endings. stop pretending.

you're not evil,

just in need of mending.

take the time to learn to love

not others, or the rush they bring,

not mother's love, or brother's blood,

but search within.

unseen.

you aren't what you think.

nor feel, or dream, just moments.

you are not just what you know, it's

just a figment.

just ephemeral.

you're this instant.

you are now,

your body knows it.

all the soul, the heart, and decomposing flesh

which wished to shed the violence

of the time we live in.

never finished.

take your fangs out of your tongue.

give say to what you love,

break chains and let the spirit flutter up,

and fill it.

see what you become.

[taboo-delusion]

So, I just discovered something interesting.

This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.

I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.

Point is:

I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.

I am so fucking PISSED OFF

Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing

Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!

Basically:

MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS

AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.

Elaborating:

When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.

It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.

--

Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-

Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*

Drowning, even mostly unconscious-

Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*

Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-

Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*

Things around you actually get quiet-

Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*

TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.

Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.

(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)

I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):

As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."

Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.

Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)

I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.

People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)

(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)

Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.

ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.

Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.

I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.

Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.

TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.

[labelleizzy]

Just

DANCE

[litchiteany]

Still Here

Amidst the night’s veil, you stand tall,

Though shadows loom, you won't fall.

Despite the doubts that cloud your view,

You're still here, resilient and true.

Bridges burned, paths retrace,

Yet onward still, with steady grace.

Through tearful nights, you persevere,

Your strength unwavering, crystal clear.

Fight each battle, fierce and bold,

Let courage guide, your story unfold.

Be gentle now, with tender care,

For in your heart, hope lingers there.

You're still here, against the odds,

Embracing life, defying the gods.

So keep the flame alive and bright,

For you're still here, winning the fight.

JI

04-17-24

[i-am-trans-gwender]

This scene from Steven Universe is my main reason to keep on going

[chu-diaries]

100 days of mental healthcare: day 55/100

My day has had its ups and downs, but it was definitely better than yesterday. I burned my journals from the last three years this morning (very cathartic) and managed to get some work done. I'm currently celebrating any task I accomplish, even if it's a very obvious one. I also went to my mother-in-law's house for dinner and my brothers-in-law were there too. They are all very loud and I felt out of place the whole evening, smiling from one face to another at the table trying to follow conversations about topics I don't like.

“Getting something out of my chest” moment: I feel so exhausted from constantly fighting intrusive thoughts. It's like my energy has been drained to the last drop. Sometimes I wonder why I had to come into this world with so many neurodivergences when every other human being seems to get by so well.

🩸: day 2/28

💧: 1,5 L

🏃🏻‍♀️: 🚫

🏋🏻‍♀️: workout (30 min)

📝: 🚫

📚: hp and the half blood prince

🎧: cozy rain sounds

🎮: 🚫

📺: one piece ep. 342-344

🛑: 3h pick-free

💊: 🚫

[heartspin2023]

My WIP. Putting it down to dry while working on some fanfiction after posting the next chapter to Ascention!!!

Check out my Wattpad, AO3, Deviantart and TikTok and watch me grow my Art and writing! <3 ❤️

I love feedback, and am a growing writer and artist. DONNO- maybe someday I'll publish and become popular- you could be the first of my readers!

[gingerieno-girl]

Every day feels like I'm wading in snow. Deep thick snow. Each day takes more energy than the night can give. Every step pushed on by pure willpower. I don't know how long I can survive. I don't know if I'll survive. But I push further on. Knowing if I don't ill disappoint. Knowing if I don't I would truly have lost.

[ghostoflillith]

Meditation really is such a huge game changer when it comes to mental health and self improvement.

Yet so many people misunderstand it, or just don't want to try it bc they think it will be boring.

Was using your imagination as a child boring? Meditation is as boring or exciting as you make it.

Many people don't know where to start, or claim they just "don't have the time," but we make time for that which is important to us.

Do you smoke cigarettes or weed?

Even just 5 minutes a day, hell, a week, can cause such a massive change in your perspective of life.

Taking the time to slow down, breathe, and sort through your brain, in a world that is so "GO GO GO," all the time, is so crucial to keeping a clear head.

Getting in touch with ourselves, who we really are, our desires and fears, in a world filled with overstimulation and escapism has never been more important.

If you are curious, or would like to get started, or even just try it out to see "what's up," I highly encourage snooping through the "guided meditation" section of youtube.

Start off small, 5 minute, 10 minute, whatever feels right to you. What videos call to you? What seems interesting to try?

(I can send you a playlist of some of my favorites if you like!)

If you are serious about bettering yourself, meditation is a GREAT and FREE way to start!

I have learned so much about myself just through 5-10 minute daily guided sessions.

I took a break but just got back into it again and I already feel so much better.

When I first started, I was in a very very low place. Each meditation I did would leave me crying and shaking, not because I was sad, but because I was purging trauma trapped in my body.

Mediation helped me learn to regulate my emotions, feel them, and allow them to pass, instead of getting trapped in them. It has given me so much clarity about myself and the world around me. It's truly one of the best things I may have ever done for myself.

It has helped me build confidence, self assurance, helped me let go of things that desperately needed to be released, helped me connect with myself and my spirit guides, taught me patience (still working on that one lol) and so so much fucking more.

It has brought me feelings of true peace, which I had not experienced before. I am not so quick to be angered or triggered, I think much more logically and am less trapped in my emotions. It's actually kind of crazy how much my brain has changed in the last 3 years from meditation. If you knew me irl, you know I used to be VERY emotional, suicidal, prone to self harm tendencies. That's not who i am anymore, and a big chunk of that is due to meditation.

I respond more frequently, not from a place of trauma, but from a place of understanding and kindness. Coming from someone who's whole personality was nothing but trauma responses....I am forever grateful to myself for deciding to begin this journey.

Meditation is one of the most powerful forms of self care I have ever encountered. It is long lasting, unlike face masks and bubble baths.

Some of the most profound meds I have done are for emotional release, and I cannot recommend this more for people with trauma of any kind. Let that shit out of your body, instead of keeping it trapped and poisoning your spirit. (Only if you feel ready)

If you can learn to control your emotions, you can truly do anything.

Do you Meditate?

What kinds of meditation are your favorite?

Do you have any favorite guided meditation channels on youtube?

If so, drop them shits in the comments!

[usbshitake]

I hope it will be useful for some, what helped me deal with most of my depression and anxiety:

• focus on present (what can you do to better yourself in the place where you’re at now?what something productive and fulfilling you can be doing instead of procrastination and self-loathing?)

•routine (sleep at the same time, wake up at the same time, eat at the same time and hitting the gym in the morning)

•reading (makes your mind focus on one task, something productive)

•doing chores at once (when you postpone small things they pile up into a big mess and you get anxious and overwhelmed)

•setting small and realistic goals (when I want something big I get too overwhelmed and it feels like I’m not gonna reach my goal. But there’s nobody with a whip behind your back. Take your time, life is not a competition you can win and definitely there’s no need to rush)

•house cleaning (it takes away anxiety. It does)

•diary (I use Thera because this app has everything you’d need in an app)

•give yourself rest when you need (it’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Even to indulge in bad habits when you allow yourself to do so. Only know the limit and come back to routine once you’re done. You’re not losing a progress if you make a step back to recharge even in bad habits)

•find your loop (one day it just hit me the loop of my mystery why I was giving up so easily on everything: I realised that I needed to be “comfortable” all my life in order to be loved by my mother and it stretched out into all aspects of my life making me miserable and unable to stand up for myself when it’s crucial, I was in this “mindset loop” that I didn’t realise. And it’ll the answer suddenly popped up and I got free from my anxiety. Not that I overcame it, but! I got angry with me believing this notion. It helped me to move this rock from a place)

All and all doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. But I found all the things useful in my case. I just follow new and good habits in belief it’s gonna lead me into a better life, and gradually it does, you just need to try and walk with faith that there’s something better in the horizon. And you’ll definitely find it ❤️

[rainyfestivalsweets]

11/16/24

Recent meals & snacks.

I am doing ok. Fighting SAD. About to go walk on the treadmill. Or run idk

Will be having dinner out tonight at a favorite fancy restaurant

[kaynsuu]

All presidents suck

[randomenglishmajor]

I love reading a beautiful angst fic as much as the next person. For some reason, the Tim Drake ones hit me the hardest, probably because both he (in fics at least) and I have abandonment issues and feeling alone.

But then, I find a great one and devour it, cry, feel emotions, and it's great. But then, the next day, I'm emotionally drained. I have a depression day, where things involving talking to people or being around people just feels harder, and I just wanna hide at home and bury myself in something.

Do I stop reading? I dunno.

[fran-ryougi]

I'm into severe depression...

Animal Crossing is helping me. Not only Animal Crossing New Horizons, but also AC New Leaf and, recently, AC Wild World. Maybe I will also return in AC Pocket Camp.

It's helpful also Sky Children of The Light and others games, occasionally.

I have therapy and therapists but I'm struggling a lot, in everything. To keep myself safe and clean, to do my duties, etc...

Why I'm writing this?

I don't know... maybe it can helps someone. 🤔

[litchiteany]

The Void

In the quiet of the night, a numbness crept,

Where my shattered heart once wept.

The ache within, too deep to sigh,

Yet tears elude me, though I try.

Sharp like pins and needles its relentless sting,

As dreams dissolve, and hopes take wing.

But without sensation, how could I feel

When life has dealt cards I can't deal?

Accustomed now to this icy chill,

Where pain once dwelt, now silence still.

Oh, it's nothing, just my heart he toyed,

Leaving behind an endless void.

My heart lies dormant, in slumber deep.

Where secrets buried, their silence keep.

No more throb of love's cruel game,

Just numbness now, where there once was flame.

JI

03-31-24