#feeling like I’m being replaced
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3:41pm — March 4, 2024
It feels like she’s getting bored of me.
She talks to her more. It makes sense, since she has most of her classes with her, unlike me. And the fact that she answers her calls more than I do. And unlike me, she actually knows more of the anime’s she watches than I do— I haven’t even made the effort to watch the anime’s she suggested I watch. I either didn’t have the time, or didn’t have the energy, or I was obsessed with something else and didn’t want to put that down to focus on something else. When you look at it like that, it does make sense as to why she would prefer to be around her more than me.
But at the same time, isn’t that a bit unfair? She is the same girl who isolated you, who talked about you and who called you out and kicked you out of the group chat back in Sophomore year. She was the one giving you death glares. And even with that, I stood by your side and supported you, I defended your honor and had your back. Me — who fears confrontation more than anything else in the world — confronted her and defended you against her. And now, you’re just besties? Why do I feel so left out? When my mom said, “I don’t know why you’re friends with that girl”, you say, “we forgive but we don’t forget”. But is that true? Is it really true?
But you guys do get along better, I have to admit. Better than you do with me. I see you laugh more when you’re around her, turn to her more than you do with me. Maybe I’m looking too far into things, but honestly, it makes sense as to why you’d rather be around her than with me. If you’d rather be with her than me, though, I want you to just say it instead of beating around the bush.
Why do I feel this way? I do everything I can for you. I will admit, it is unfair of me to not watch the stuff you like. I understand that that may be why you don’t want to chat with me that much anymore.
I let you vent about your family problems to me. I try to e by age as much as I can in order to make you happy; I listen to you, I validate your emotions, I offer advice, I even get angry on your behalf. But when I try to vent, all you say is, “yeah”, or, “[so and so] does the same thing / I deal with the same thing”, and then change the subject.
I don’t know what I want. My stomach hurts thinking about this, because we were best friends for 3+ years. We’re going to the same college together. I fear for my Birthday Dinner, because I’m afraid you’ll just talk to her the entire time. And I’m afraid if she’s not there, you’ll just be bored the entire time and not have fun. I don’t want to end our relationship, but I don’t wan to have a strained one where you don’t feel like you can be yourself. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
But if I’m being completely honest, I don’t really feel like I can trust you with myself. I don’t feel like I can be my true self around you, not like I actually know who that is. You claim to be my best friend, and I see you as my best friend, but I can’t help but walk on eggshells around you. I can’t help but read from a script when I talk to you. I can’t help but overanalyze the way I walk, the way I say things/ my speaking voice / my dialect, the way I react to things— everything, just to make sure you don’t judge me. You say you won’t ever judge me, but I see the way you judge others. Nobody’s perfect, I’m trying to learn that. But aren’t best friends supposed to trust one another? How can I trust you if I feel like this? Maybe I’m too sensitive, I really wish that I wasn’t— I wish that I could be as nonchalant and tough-hearted as you, but my heart is sticky and soft and fragile and easily broken. I don’t know where I got it from, but I wish it wasn’t me. I wish I could be anyone else, so people would actually like being around me.
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things in DC canon i’ll literally never get over
1. dick finds out batman replaced him as robin (without asking him) from the NEWSPAPER and simultaneously finds out bruce adopted a new kid without telling him (to make things worse: bruce didn’t even adopt dick)
2. dick finds out jason died from the newspaper (AGAIN? REALLY BRUCE?) and bruce had the fucking funeral WITHOUT HIM while he was still in space
#i’m only like 80% sure these are fully canon btw#correct me if i'm wrong#dc comics#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#robin!jason#batman#batman comics#nightwing#batman and robin#ok yes ik there’s a reason bruce didn’t adopt dick#aka he didn’t want to replace dick’s father#but imagine being a teenager and your foster dad adopts a kid without even telling you#and then giving him YOUR name without asking#like no one would feel great about that#i will never forgive bruce for not telling dick jason died / having the funeral without him#though i do love some yummy angst#where hood!jason yells at dick for not even being at the funeral#and dicks like ‘i was still in fucking space!’#like yes bruce was grieving but BRO thats ur other son come on
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#on a somber note#a weird feeling I’m trying to work through these days is the feeling that my dad is actively trying to replace me#like it’s a loooooong story#but basically at the start of last year he cut off ties with me for being bi#then spent the majority of the year on a crusade to adopt/foster a young boy with the intent to ‘teach the kid the faith’#and that ‘God is calling him to adopt/foster’#then at the end of last year he and my mom were rejected from an adoption agency#for not meeting their standards of ‘unconditional’ support they look for (based on interviews across my family—which is tea)#then fast forward to like a month and half ago and my dad—through sort of a back alley way with the Department of Human Resources of AL—#began to foster a 14-yr old boy#but WITHOUT the support or buy-in of my mom or 3 of his 4 kids (including myself)#I’m skipping a lot of details but my mom changed her mind between last year and this year#and so now I’m seeing my dad post pics of him taking this 14-yr old foster kid to do things he used to do with me when I was little#like go to football games or go kayaking#meanwhile he isn’t connected with me or my boyfriend (or my little sister….another story)#but it simultaneously makes my head spin and makes me sad and makes me infuriated all at once#and it’s validating in some ways that my mom and 2 of my 3 sisters feel similarly—that he’s trying to replace me#but it doesn’t make me feel any better!!#anywho…thanks for listening
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Another reason Buck just thought he was a really good Ally is that Eddie literally took him on a whole ass romantic date but like as friends so how was he supposed to know.
#what I mean is that Buck probably hasn’t had many close male friends in his life#like he was a reckless *problem* child whose parents probably didn’t care much for play dates etc#and then he spent his 20s driving around the country so he didn’t have any strong attachments#and then his first close male friend is *that* close#like he thinks that’s just how male friendships are#so he doesn’t realise that hey maybe there’s something to that#I mean look at the way Buck reacted to Eddie compared to Tommy#it’s literally the exact same#Buck sees Eddie and goes ohhh he’s a hot man and then he gets insecure and decides that what he’s feeling is that he’s worried#about being replaced#and then with Tommy he’s like ohhhhh that’s an attractive pilot who makes dumb fake mouth static#and then he’s like oh no what I’m feeling is jealousy that Tommy is friends with Eddie that must be it#like no he just doesn’t know how these emotions feel because he doesn’t have anything to compare it to and he just hasn’t thought about it#anyway he knows know and I’m so happy for him and Tommy <3#911 abc#911 fandom#evan buck buckley#Eddie diaz
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xxx.
#( ooc . mun speaks . )#i have been feeling. so not good lately.#i PROMISE it’ll be the last i talk abt this for awhile lol#i just cannot get the feeling of being replaceable or unwanted out of my head.#i keep feeling like . . . i’m not good enough#like. my writing isn’t good enough & my portrayal isn’t good enough.#& like i’m annoying or too much ooc.#ik ppl come here to get AWAY from yuckiness so im sorry to spread that.#i am just in a bad way i fear. just sad & anxious & feeling awful abt myself all the time.#there are such wonderful & kind souls here & i dont want to discredit their sweetness#ive just overall been having a rough time w/ my mental health. ill be okay though! just struggling atm.#tw vent#tw negative#tw negativity
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That being said; I’ll be clearing out my mutuals and things, getting rid of inactive users and whatnot, nothing huge!! Gonna do a total redo of Hermione’s connections section on her about page and my affiliates — so if you’d like to keep anything, do let me know!!
I wanna make things better and I don’t want imposter syndrome coming back so I wanna get my shit straight 😤
#{✦| mobile — out of character |✦}#{✦| not feeling like I’m being replaced anymore which is nice but the clear up will feel better!!#{✦| probs gonna go through my drafts and clear a lot out of those too#{✦| so if you wanna keep anything — be sure to link it to me!!#{✦| this means actually PLEASE tell me bc I won’t know otherwise
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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Constantly torn between genuinely loving the remake timeline’s depiction of Reeve and Cait and being immensely sad that pretty much all of my favorite lines of theirs from the original were totally excised or bc of plot developments will never be said
#Reeve is never going to argue with barret about the reactor bombings. bc the immense damage wasnt avalanches fault and he knows it.#he also looks a lot more wishy washy as a result. which I’m not a big fan of admittedly#his hypocrisy is something I like in the original bc it makes sense. the damage Shinra causes is something he can turn a blind eye to#bc hes so focused on midgar’s development and improving the reactors to better the lives of the ppl who live there#the reactors blowing up and killing ppl is his direct jurisdiction and he cares a lot about the ppl in the city. and so!#avalanche frustrates him even when he knows logically speaking that they have legitimate reasons for the things they do#(like this is additional canon but not least of all bc his fucking mom lives in the city.)#starting him out as already sympathetic to avalanche robs him of like. half his arc#also he’s so much angrier in the original to me whereas in the remake he’s so sad. and both are understandable!#but I liked the anger. I liked it so much#and Cait doesn’t get to have his lovely request for the party to not forget him before he’s crushed in the temple.#bc that sacrifice mattered to that version of him even if he can be replaced!!!#I do love his extra dialogue when holding up the altar in rebirth it’s great but!!!#SIGH.#idk man I love their original depictions deeply and I feel like they got shifted into being more sympathetic but less complex. it’s a shame#still love them tho. I would kill and die for rebirth Cait#text#Reeve tuesti#Cait sith#I think about them so much and I wish ppl appreciated their original arcs more#ff7
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The statements “Larry Butz is much more interesting and important than fans give him credit for, especially at the end of AA1 as Phoenix and Miles’ childhood best friend & with his witness testimony saving Miles from a guilty verdict as well as at the end of AA3 where he is shown genuinely trying to improve himself as a person as Laurice Deauxnim” and “Larry Butz is hard for most people to stand because of his consistent weird moments in AA3 which, along with his constant failing-to-get-with-woman jokes throughout both games, can get annoying and borderline intolerable for some people” are not mutually exclusive.
I really am interested in Larry as a character but god it’s impossible for me to see him as anything other than comedic-relief-that-isn’t-comedic-nor-relieving, I really don’t feel bad when Phoenix is slightly rude towards him cuz I would act the same, if not worse
#this has been stirring around in my head for a bit and I finally saw a post that was annoying enough to motivate me to finally write this#I really want to like him and his bitchlessness but god and can’t stand his type of character#he’s like Michelangelo from TMNT 2007 but replace his already unfunny jokes with comments about wanting to get with April and failing#at least Mikey from TMNT 2012 has the excuse of being in a kid show that requires a character like him to exist + he gets better later#while I agree that he was flanderized — that doesn’t mean that I have to like his AA1 interpretation cuz ngl I find him annoying there too#it could just be a me thing but like I said I really do want to like him#it’s just difficult for me to reason away since I already don’t like his kind of character#to me it feels like the writers didn’t want us to like Larry — & if that’s the case they did a damn good job cuz I cannot stand him in-game#ace attorney#larry butz#I’m sorry for taking up your tag larry fans but this post is about him so I gotta tag him
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Ink October day twenty-nine: Wilder
To bewilder; to perplex.
Comparative form of wild: more wild.
#tears of the kingdom#loz totk#totk#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#legend of zelda tears of the kingdom#totk link#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 29#I have extremely conflicted feelings about this game that I think boil down to: I don’t dislike it but it did disappoint me#like there are a lot of things about it but the things I dislike are loud in a way that makes them hard to ignore#there are also a lot of tiny nitpicking things I dislike about it that I feel bad about because they are probably insignificant or cases of#people having different taste in things. like the bombs I miss my remote destination bombs :( but also the mechanics that replace them are#really fun. I actually think most of the mechanics and puzzles are really good (I probably have more fun in Zonai shrines then sheikah#on average) I also think expanding to the sky and underground was really smart and good. I think most of my issues are with the story#they did Zelda so dirty. sooooooo dirty. the three good things they did with her are 1 gave her good parental figures 2 cut her hair#3 tURNED HER INTO A FUCKING DRAGON. A WYRM. A CREATURE.#that’s probably my favourite main story thing besides maybe the companions and also Tulin#I love Teba the fact that his son is featured heavily and is done so good in this game is amazing.#also revali being basically never mentioned was really good. fuck you revali#love the Zonai HATE them founding Hyrule (or well rauru)#love the designs dragon goat people love good dad to Zelda the king can go fuck himself#the thing about me is I hate colonial the divine right of kings and monarchies so much. the kingdom of Hyrule stinks of these things#botw to me was in part a story of a monarchy failing. the king and the system failed Zelda failed Link and failed their kingdom.#I knew that more then likely they would be rebuilding the kingdom in the sequel but oh my gods does the addition of the politics of Hyrules#founding make it worse. there are so many people who have explained in detail this but right now my brain is just… GAH#*banging my head against the wall* can we PLEASE acknowledge the flaws of the Hylian royalty I’m not even asking for them to be discrowned#at this point I just want anything that isn’t this glorifying shit. and it sucks because I like Sonia!!! I like Minaru!!!#ran out of tags but I need you to know I am fucking vibrating about this
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i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)
#my little hc i kinda showed in the refs but didn’t point out: cuphead’s handle appears broken/in human form his ear is halved#cause he has microtia (that also affects the eustachiantube/middle ear). basically i am a HoH cuphead truther#also to add onto that i think he has poor auditory processing issues cause i also see him as AuDHD#double also. while he would use ASL on a bad hearing day i think regularly he also uses home signs to express words/concepts#autism-related btw. it’s actually a bit visible in insert cuphead media (to me at least LOL) that cuphead expresses a lot of body language#so not liking conversation oral or signed as well as replacing oral words w home signs is in character. at least to my headcanon whatever#floats your boat!#OH! plus his split upper lip that i draw him with isn’t related to the microtia. he just roughhouses and chipped/tore his lip open when he#was younger#cuphead is also a trans boy. it feels right to me LOL#even back in 2017 when i barely knew the game or also much about trans people i saw cuphead and was like hm. hm!#tbh he just pawned his clothes onto mugman. who i’ve also changed my hc for i see him more as bigender than a cis boy now#LOL. i cast bi on mugman. sorry buddy#OH HIM TOO. im so sorry mugsy i have like two headcanons for you 😭😭😭#she uses he/she 2 me. i like casting personal parts of myself onto mugman even if i gravitate more towards cuphead/chalice#i see him as a bi ace as well. and a hopeless romantic. i don’t ship uhh i don’t remember what it’s called#i don’t ship cala maria X mugman (respect though) cause i see the cups as kids and i’m also a hilda X maria shipper LOL#but in the show. i will be real that she is a hopeless romantic. Look at that dork#FORGOT TO MENTION. i am a cuphead aroace truther to my grave. KEEP THAT MUSHY ROMANCE OUT OF MY HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE!!!!#like i said w cuphead before mugman is AuDHD (they share. many genes LMFAO)#however the difference is that they express it in different ways; while cuphead’s is more linked to his hearing/social behavior#mugman’s is more related to her emotions. i see it through my headcanon colored glasses that especially in the show mugman has more#meltdowns between the two cups#he has high emotional sensitivity both in positive and negative ways; former as in being strongly attached to cuphead and latter as in#more prone to meltdowns as well as being very literal#which isn’t a bad thing of course. mugman we are shaking hands so hard we are the same#OK that’s all the ones i want to share right now. i also haven’t shared her human or cup design i did but i’m workshopping chalice!!!!!!#i am leaving her out intentionally she deserves her own post because i luv her so much#ok post over. twenty minutes dedicated to autism about the twins out of the trio#cuphead
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mannnnnnnnbb fuck November I’m so tired of feeling lonely in my own life.
#lee’s bullshit#even being in [redacted] will not save you from the depths of November#trying to remind myself things are always changing and I can’t stop putting myself out there but I am tired.#what I am doing clearly is not enough in any respect and I am tired of feeling so worn to the bone all the time.#huge social miss today at the function. woke up late and ruined the schedule. couldn’t make a clear decision on dinner.#haven’t found a replacement roommate. haven’t finished my portfolio. haven’t applied to internships. haven’t finished my final project.#behind on everything and with every step I take I get pulled further and further backwards.#my roommate is graduating early and i feel like it’s my fault.#i shouldn’t blame myself for someone else’s bad behavior but im still beating myself up for being a cause for it.#my other roommate wants to move out to live on her own next year.#also blaming myself for that even tho its always on me to fix the mess of housing every damn semester#I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m not doing enough and even when I am that it just simply doesn’t matter.#saw one of my friends today but only for an hour. texting the group is like sending a blind pigeon out in a gale.#I know that things will get better but it’s just so hard . if someone genuinely asked how I was doing I could cry on the spot.#none of my friends are close enough anymore not at home not at school not in my family. there’s nowhere to go.#just tired. Going to go to bed soon. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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reformation bestiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeees
#this is vee speaking#lmao see i kinda feel like kr is gearing up to break my heart lmao#which i don’t mind but i also really mind lmao i’m so scared#there’s just the little details that make me nervous about ichikuu’s trajectory lol#like the front runner of ichikuu in the details i’m most scared about is the guidebook art where nb was crossed out by kuukou#and replaced by bat lmao like i’ll be popping the biggest bottles when kuukou finally lets his team in his heart like frfr lol#i hope it’s not at the expense of his relationship with ichiro tho lol#ideally i’ll get to hear the actually talk to each other before possibly being against each other for whatever reason#like it makes me happy that ichiro was comfortable enough to tell kuukou his ambitions in the bp track but goddamn lol!!!!!!#they really went and hid that detail lmao!!!!! pls let me hear a conversation between them pls pls pls pls pls pls—
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for the ship ask game...
feligami 🦚🐉
HI SELKIE 💘💓💗 let’s go into my room and sit on my bed. i have snacks 🥰
What made you ship it?
i didn’t ship feligami until very recently, since i have strong feelings about arocoded félix, but while i was making amvs i saw how many times they held hands and my heart was swayed.
What are your favorite things about the ship?
i don’t ship it enough to have an answer for this question 🤣 get nina in here. nina has essays on essays about queerness and abuse recovery. i suppose my answer is the hand holding.
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
i have strong feelings about this one too. they would not have kids ‼️ they would not get married ‼️ down with the nuclear family ‼️
(ship ask game)
#miraculous ladybug#🦭#🌃#maybe i will ramble about why i think félix is arocoded eventually#although i think part of it is the level to which i associate myself with him i mean i get physical pain whenever i think about aus where#he’s replaced in adrien’s life because i feel his emotions so viscerally they’re entangled with mine#BUT i think the idea has narrative merit on its own i mean#just another way in which you’re called a monster not human not feeling things like everyone else#seemingly doomed to be alone because you don’t relate to other people in the right way#your cousin chooses love over you and you just can’t understand you know?#and possibly even félix’s inability to love being a command from his father#the bunny incident i mean#paralleling trauma based aromanticism and the complicated feelings of not knowing whether you were always this way or it was done to you#and how to proceed and whether you’re valid and whether there’s even such a thing as being fixed#but i also believe in aroace amélie which means we can draw another parallel between them and he can be comfortable and proud because of he#*her#and you could make an argument for aro adrien too but i’m getting way off track#whoops i rambled so much LOVE YOU SELKIE
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My first friend in this fandom<3333 and one of the reasons I even got into the life series/Grian 🫶
@aggressivenesswhilecrying
#did you know a flower bloomed?#It’s almost a year!#can you believe that?!#The very first conversation we had was only 340 days ago when it feels like years ago!#I don’t think anyone could replace you if they tried lol#I’m so happy we’re still friends after so long#Even if it isn’t that long#It’s probably the longest online friendship I’ve had#Your the one that stayed and I’m forever grateful for that#So thank you.#Thank you Mono.#You were the first person I told my real nickname to#You were the first I was really open with#You were the first to see my face#The first I ever added on something outside of where we became friends#So thank you#really#You are my day one.#My real slime#So thank you for 340 days of just being kind.#You don’t know how much it really helped me back then#I love you<3
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Every time someone edits Keith in the black paladin armor an angel loses its wings.
#keith kogane#listen I understand that he needs to be the black paladin but he should be there temporarily#it’s worse when people do it with lance#I’m sorry but Keith cannot be the black paladin in my mind heart and soul#that spot is RESERVED for SHIRO DAMMIT#HE FAUGHT SO HARD TO BE WITH THE BLACK LION AND YOUR TELLING ME HE DOESNT EVEN GET TO SIT IN HER SEAT ANYMORE????#IM SORRY?? ARE THE LIONS NOT COUNCIOUS??? DID BLACK JUST NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SHIRO AFTERWARDS???#it’s some fucking horse shit#and Lance should’ve stayed in blue and allura should’ve gotten red#allura dead ass does not fit within the blue lion#I love her but that woman is a red paladin#I mean even the fucking show jokes about it#lance being in blue fit his character far more and I believe would’ve led to far more growth#I hate how much people argue about who the better black paladin would be whether it be for Lance or Keith#its shiro#through and through#he ran so Keith could walk bitch#also yes Keith being with the blades is cool and it makes people realize just how much of a pain it is to not have a lion to protect you#to show the true stuggle of those who are still actively fighting against space nazis#that don’t rely on a giant robot#but here’s my thing#I don’t like that Keith separated#because I feel like his character goes backwards#I would’ve preferred Keith actually being there for his teammates and family then almost sacrificing himself over and over again#I also don’t think ryou should ever be in the black lion#like piloting#cause he’s not shiro and I think the black lion would know that#I just wish there was more shiro appreciation within the fandom#like how do people not understand that shiro is an amazing leader???#why does he have to get replaced???
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