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samtran1022 · 1 year ago

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Life updates…

About every 6 months I reflect upon the titles of my life, the feels I’ve felt, the insight I’ve gained, and how these titles impact me and my headspace.

The theme of the second half of 2023 & what I’m seeking for/needing in my life: communion (ie, the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level).

Life as a mom… PJ is about to turn three years old and LT just had his first birthday a couple months ago. Literally each day they get older, the better mom life gets. I feel mostly like myself, yet somehow a more actualized/evolved version. PJ still loves dinosaurs and has a budding obsession with monster trucks; he is entering his threenager phase, with very loud 15-20 minute emotional meltdowns. LT is walking and learning to do so much more on his own, he will often wedge himself to be as physically close to us as possible (ie, when we’re doing dishes, cooking on the stove, etc), he is more prone to crying when he doesn’t get his way (which still triggers me, yet I grit my teeth thru it and validate his emotions). Watching the two interact with each other has plenty of comedic content; naturally, they are as alike as they are different. PJ will independent play, Lucas will antagonize, and the conflict will usually be resolved with violence lol my goal is to teach them the tools to peacefully resolve conflict without the need for an adult to step in and referee every single battle. A task that will take many years, yet with consistency, dedication, and many… many deep breaths, I think we got this. Check again in 10-15 years lol the truth is, I believe that sometimes violence is the answer. Hence my goal to eventually put the two in whatever sports they request, whether that be dance, Muay Thai, or golf. Oh at this time, Lucas does seem highly attuned to basketball! He also is prone to hit his head a lot, so football seems a highly probable route as well, we shall see. My ultimate parenting goal is to have a secure relationship with each son, one where we can call each other as adults and make plans to see each other simply because we enjoy each others company. The older they get, the more I find I don’t have to push myself to seek out a sliver of joy.

Life as a wife… a lot of this may sound like waffle and that’s intentional, for I have learned not every issue needs to be unloaded for everyone to have an opinion on; my journey into marriage has provided the most difficult of life lessons with regard to the traits I initially lacked understanding on; from patience to discretion, security to safety, physical touch to body acceptance. Anything worth having is certainly worth putting in the work to achieve, which seems to bring about the fact hardship is necessary in any relationship. Considering the fact my parents were divorced when I was 3 years old should shed some light to my feels on marriage. Nearly 15 years into this relationship (8 of those married), I now hold a much more warm and trusting relationship to the institution of marriage. Life isn’t just about me; each and every single day, I make the choice to prioritize love and heart over ego and pride. Don’t get me wrong, there are still several times a week I want to snap about something that annoys the shit out of me lol yet I’ve found it’s in much less frequency than our early years and it’s much easier to either make a clear request of something that bothers me or recognize the pettiness of it and bite my tongue. From what has grown into the favorite romantic relationship of my life, I’ve had the opportunity to learn how to love heartbreak, as paradoxical as it sounds. Relationships aren’t JUST about communication in and of itself, it’s largely the nuance, the clarity and specificity of my observations and requests, the ability to own how I feel and recognize what needs are or are not being met. To deliver all the above with kindness and consideration is incredibly difficult, yet I’m fortunate to share the goal to improve communication with my partner. Fortunately I’ve never much cared for exclusivity, I do not absolutely care to always be right and have things my way. Perspective is everything, it’s unbelievably cool to have someone I look forward to spending time with, one that matches my energy to simultaneously support yet gently push, one that I constantly laugh with and express my appreciation towards. We just finished a 6 month round of marital therapy, I especially appreciate how our therapist was rooting for us to develop our own tools and solutions to address any issues, while also encouraging us to agree to disagree at times. Living with and loving your best friend can be weirdly beautiful.

Life as a corporate customer service rep… I’ve finally reached one of my life goals! I feel so fortunate to say I like my job; in this commodified world we live in, NGL this is quite the flex. I appreciate and enjoy speaking on my subject matter expertise, if y’all ever wanna know anything about Clinical Microbiology (ie E.coli, MRSA, UTI, sepsis, etc) just lemme talk for 5 minutes, see how much I compel you. I’ve lived a lot of my life in a career where I had the Sunday scaries, I was tied to a time clock and treated like a third grader. I can promise you overt monitoring does not seem warranted in many scenarios, work included. I am no stranger to the heaviness of a distrustful work environment, how it tarnishes your soul and crushes your spirit. No wonder it’s so easy for me to express gratitude when I sit in my own car (listening to my own music with climate control) on the way to a customer site, I don’t mind remoting in and assisting for a few hours, nor do I mind being in a hotel for a week to support a customer who has well surpassed their project timeline. The customer service component of the role holds the largest source of contention, yet I am persistent in building trust throughout my SoCal customer base, I’m okay with being patient. If it takes 5-15 years to build trust, that’s reasonable. Thems are the consequences of commodification, counteracting fear and anxiety with understanding and empathy. It might be a larger energy investment upfront, yet I’ve got hope it’ll pay off exponentially in the long run.

Life as a daughter… this might be where I’ve felt a large release of emotional baggage in the past few months. I chose to visit my mother when we went back home for LT’s first birthday, I felt like it was somehow my duty, to provide an opportunity for my mother to be a grandmother. I found being around my mother brought about such a large disparity of emotions; I finally saw outside myself, forcing any relationship (including mother-daughter) will inevitably spread me thin. I continue to say it again and again… I need the people I choose in my life to match my energy, I’m all about that balance yo. I’ve finally come to a level of acceptance; I used to say the words in therapy yet I was not fully intentional nor convinced of their conviction. I no longer yearn for relationships that aren’t there, I clearly see what I deserve, I can mourn the loss of what will not come to be because of others inability to change, grow, and take accountability.

Life as an individual… the time spent in my home town lead me to deactivate my Instagram. I just did it, no warning, which is surprising; I’m not often impulsive. As the months went on, I found a quietness in my mind and natural state of mindfulness. I’m sleeping better, haven’t had issues with insomnia or alcohol addiction, haven’t had as many body image issues nor am I often plagued by inadequacy demons. I’ve come to learn I am the type of person who seeks meaningful connection; IG likes, comments, and viewers were only providing a vapid infusion to my needs. Without constructive feedback, I was left to my own devices to fill in the blanks; it caused too much outside noise of discernment. The community I’ve been longing for has come together with the work I’ve put in to maintain contact (contradictory thanks to IG), from middle school to coworkers to mom friends in SoCal; I’m grateful for the incredible, beautifully complex folks who show up for me just as much as I show up for them, I appreciate how much we support each other from life issue to life issue. Otherwise, I have the same personal goals I’ve always had: lift 3x/week, walk 10k steps, bang out 10 body weight pull ups; diet has been a bit of a yo-yo cuz I knew I wanted to go full YOLO on vacation. I plan to reestablish my calorie deficit when we return home on my birthday, I’ve found a new love with ice baths and cold showers (especially helpful for recovery and any lingering pain, tension, or headaches) and I finished therapy with my third therapist. I keep thinking of reestablishing journaling, yet another goal for future Sam to keep in mind.

Life as a sister… is still a work in progress, and it’s intentionally last on this last. Here’s where baby steps and patience have been my best friends. Similar to the growth I’ve experienced as a daughter, I no longer yearn for what is not there. I can grieve what is lost and move toward acceptance of the present.

#mental health #health & fitness #communion #momlife #marriage #communication #nonviolent communication #feminism #mother wound #siblings #microbiology

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spiltcandycoatedpunkblood · 2 years ago

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like the level of neurodivergent traits Cam has like

- speaks in a monotone voice

- has a particularly dead eyed piercing stare to overcompensate

- feels sad about seeing Revok in the psychiatric ward on screen and the doctor is confused but says he has 'a soft heart'

- has no sense of self or personality and had no chance to develop one; is generally guided by the external actions of others

- is part of a group of people described as having special skills of perception and the ability to read others

- black-and-white thinking, such as with trust and his own version of morals

- familiarity; he finds it weird being in a hotel room and wants to be back in the warehouse with that bed and the doctor where he felt 'safe' and also wonders at one point if the doctor could let them lie down in that bed for a bit

- emotionally and socially underdeveloped state of mind; frequently asks questions, appears naive, doesn't understand broad concepts like when the doctor refers to Revok as 'evil'

- doesn't fully understand social cues and cannot fully 'mask' even with other Scanners with one referring to him as 'barely even human'

- has never been able to mask and has been left homeless and on the fringes of society; he cannot control himself and is generally considered a freak and 'disgusting' by the people around him

- is not able to develop or hold a relationship because of this inability to socialise as expected

- possible trait could involve a childlike or young look about them which Cam frequently appears to have in his expressions; the novelisation also describes him as smiling 'boyishly' or 'like a boy'

- has imposter syndrome going into an art gallery where he has to obtain information even when he's all dressed up and 'masking' his behaviour and doesn't understand how the higher class people seem to just abide by certain social rules and don't really notice how the art looks; it's definitely clear he feels like he's having to really pretend to be taken seriously all the goddamn time

- scanners are always prone to constantly hearing the thoughts of others which results in what is the equivalent of sensory overload that can result in a meltdown; Cam literally has one of these through force at the beginning by the MEDICAL DOCTOR no less (unsurprising, sadly, though)

- prone to addiction as well; he takes a drug to shut the thoughts out but may have developed into a dependency on it

- has a skewed sense of morals; he scans mainly out of necessity and even if he deliberately hurts someone with it like almost driving a yoga teacher into cardiac arrest or extracting information from a man at the art gallery or a doctor at the clinic where he appears to very much enjoy it and have few qualms about doing so (there is a whole section in the novelisation especially with the yoga teacher of how thrilling it is and that having this control gives him a rush) but it is framed more out of curiosity than anything else. a skewed, detached, hurtful curiosity, but curiosity in his eyes nonetheless

- profoundly bored and follows what the doctor says pretty much to a T because of his immediate trust of the man even though he's being emotionally manipulated in the process

#cameron vale #this is out of observation and i don't want to say anything else #but this man is definitely an ND icon #scanners #fictional crushes

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bluesunsdusk · 1 year ago

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🍏 (for Sieb); 🍇 (for Mamun); 🥝 (for Naj) !!

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 ♡ 𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

--// This is gonna be long.

🍏 : how stable is my muse’s physical health?

Talon keeps it pretty stable, for the most part. Well, as best they can while they get more of a grasp on how his condition works.

do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?

He does, yes. It is a requirement. If he does not show up, he is checked on to ensure the appointment isn't missed. Though, within Talon, he actually had an assistant that would get him for appointments and research/practice sessions. She's one of the Overwatch muses on here.

do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?

--// I forgot this was not mental health for a moment. Wrote a whole thing about autism. ))

There is the fact that he is far larger than any average human being. He always was taller than his peers, but it only became very noticeable in his teenage years. Gigantism. Surgery was considered, but he was given medication for most of his life to manage his condition. It put extra strain on his bones and joints, so the low gravity environment was ideal. He also suffers a minor sensitivity for certain types of perfume. Luckily, all it does is make his nose itch. It's primarily citrus that causes it. He is given several types of medication for symptoms of the condition he got from his accident with the black hole. Doctors have still not quite nailed down if all of his symptoms come from the same thing. His memory is unreliable, at times, his identity is hard to pin down, and he loses grasp on reality and time. sometimes, he claims he can see something akin to echos of the moments surrounding the accident, but most of Talon has written that off as his mind simply reliving the past as a result of trauma.

--// 2023 me here. I am adding the thing about autism anyway, because I had saved it in a separate post. __

He is on the autism spectrum, with level 1 autism that required he get extra guidance in how to maneuver social situations and monitor his self care routines (namely, not fixating on tasks so long that he neglects things such as drinking water or having meals) as a child and teen. He never really had issues with taking things literally. He’d simply regard the literal way something could be taken while understanding that it was not intended in a literal sense.

how often do they get sick?

Physically, not often. Not anymore. He did get sick often more closely to his waking up from the coma. Talon keeps a close eye on him. Their mix of medication and personal guidance really works wonders. They even have people who ensure his bone and muscle density doesn't diminish from microgravity. Mentally, is another story. He is prone to episodes and meltdowns that render him either extremely emotional or rather dazed. Sometimes, he forgets his name or fails to recognize himself in reflections. He can become confused in day to day activities and end up struggling with simple things like getting dressed or organizing his work. Were it not for his assistants and handlers, forgetting to eat would have returned in full force.

🍇 : how would my muse describe their childhood?

Mamun would describe it as... Well, part of it was the omnic crisis, so it wasn't all great. It was rather tumultuous and his family lived in a military bunker with other families during that time. Then one of his parents died and he had to help some of his older siblings pick up the slack when he was still a little boy. So far, he feels like his adulthood has been better, but he would still not change it.

how much has it impacted the person they are now, or will become as an adult?

Primarily, it strengthened his will to protect people and keep the peace. The work his parents did inspired him to work in security and the omnics being controlled by Anubis encouraged him to learn more about cyber security as well. He didn't get as far into it as he would like, but it is fulfilling and he gets to perform little fake online attacks or create fake scam websites to test personnel. His father worked behind the scenes to track enemy movements before he passed away from injuries sustained in an attack on the base he was working from. It were his efforts and those of many like him that helped Overwatch realize the Omnic army's movements were being controlled by one central program. That attack was one year before the omnic crisis was declared over and his father didn't live long enough after that to see the end of it. He never got to know him past childhood, but he always continued to look up to him. He was a very kind man.

around what age did they or will they start to mature, and why?

He was three when the Omnic crisis began. The next four years of his life were spent in a military bunker in Egypt. When his father died, he was six years old. He had to help all the other people with younger children in that place. The next years were spent recovering. His mother returned to their homeland to aid in its rebuilding. While she was away, he was looked after by his older siblings and he quickly took to helping them with the younger siblings they had. In a way, he always felt like he had to be mature. Unlike some, he also never had dreams of joining Overwatch and becoming a hero. His dreams were more down to earth, closer to home.

do they wish to go back to their days as a child, or have they embraced adulthood?

Oh, hell no. Go through the omnic crisis and its aftermath again? No way. Too much stress and uncertainty.

🥝 : does my muse have any ‘ unusual ’ habits, interests, and / or talents?

Najma wouldn't say it's very unusual, but their primary interest is evolution. Not human evolution, machine evolution. They want to advance the omnic race the way humans want to advance the human race. They feel like they are a piece in this puzzle, but they need more people to make anything more substantial. A clear end goal has not truly been set, other than the propagation and proliferation of their kind. It seems most omnics didn't have the same level of ambition. Learning this was rather unpleasant.

do they hide it, or are they proud of it?

They tended to keep it between themself and Dunia. Any of their work that was published was done so under Dunia's same and strictly encompassed machine learning or material improvement type matters. Even Dunia didn't know the full extent of their interest and their attempts at quietly carving out an identity; She died before some of the former developed. Even now, Najma likes to keep these things to themself. Talon seems to have some awareness of it and some of them try to encourage it. Whether as a means to control them or out of genuine curiosity is uncertain. Najma feels like they ought to be ashamed of wanting to do things for themself, honestly. It isn't helped by now feeling like a monster.

#amplifying #about sigma #about mamun #about najma #long post #ancient drafts

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deaf-sakura · 4 years ago

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“So you’re condemning Sia for not hiring an autistic actor, but have no problem with Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio?! Sounds like a double standard!”

The movies you’re referring to are Forrest Gump (1994) and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993), respectively; both movies feature characters with intellectual disabilities who are played by neurotypical actors. We absolutely can and should be calling them out for their irresponsible casting choices. HOWEVER, it’s important to note that these movies were made nearly 30 years ago, at a time where disabled voices were still struggling to be heard and respected by mainstream society, and social media wasn’t around to amplify our voices like it does now. It wasn’t magically ‘okay’ because it was the 90′s, but studios could easily get away with things like this because they didn’t face much, if any, backlash.

Job opportunities were rare for disabled and neurodivergent individuals, let alone ones involving the arts. It was still considered ‘progress’ just to see disabled people being hired as greeters at Wal-Mart. Systematic barriers such as limited opportunities for education, limited career options, and inherent biases from casting directors meant that prospective disabled actors had less opportunities to practice their craft; therefor, they were often unable to make a career out of it. There really were less disabled actors at this time, however this is completely due to systematic barriers and not the actors’ inherent talent or personal choices. Because we have since made progress eliminating these barriers, modern media can and should be held to a higher standard by selecting disabled actors for disabled roles.

The two actors mentioned above chose to portray their characters with skilled nuance, depth, and mannerisms that many intellectually disabled people have without turning it into an offensive caricature. The same cannot be said for Maddie Ziegler’s depiction of her autistic character. Maddie’s portrayed ‘stims’ are crude and overly exaggerated, and while there is by no means a ‘wrong’ way to stim, they are far more similar to immature middle schoolers making fun of their special-ed peers, rather than an actual nonverbal autistic person’s physically active stims. Basically, out of these three neurotypical actors playing disabled characters, the others did it well, and Maddie did not. (That being said, I want to be very careful about how I criticize Maddie Ziegler. Even though she’s an adult, she has been groomed and manipulated by Sia since she was a child, and was practically forced into this role. While she may have had some say in how she portrayed the character and possibly made these poor choices herself, it is very likely that Sia took control and forcibly molded Maddie’s character into the crude caricature we see.)

Outside of the autistic character herself, Sia’s movie disrespects the autistic community in many other ways, including other characters’ infantilizing the character, showing the forceful restraint a nonviolent autistic in the middle of a meltdown (if there is no physical towards the self or others, then there is absolutely no need to restrain, period), and using prone restraints (which have literally killed people in the past, and are widely condemned by the disabled community, those with mental illnesses, special educators, and the medical field for how dangerous and unhelpful they are in crisis situations where less invasive forms of restraint can be used if necessary).

Sia chose to depict autistics as both babyish and monstrous. She deliberately crafted scenes that encourage the audience to either pity or fear this character, but never treat her as a fellow human worthy of consideration or respect. And yes, this can and will impact how this neurotypical audience will think is the “right” way to interact with autistics in their daily life.

TL;DR: Yes, Sia’s new movie IS that bad.

#sia #autism #music movie #maddie ziegler #disabled representation #Intellectual Disability #autistic character #disabled character #autistic #i am both autistic myself and teach sped so yes i can and will speak about this issue from multiple angles #...speaking of which i wrote this stupid essay instead of lesson planning god help me #leonardo dicaprio

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dolugecat · 3 years ago

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On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #my post #mp100 headcanons #welcome to my hc #asd #autism #actually autistic #kageyama shigeo #mob #mp100 meta #Japanese society #japanese culture #meta #mp100 analysis

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scary-monsters · 2 years ago

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You are my single pipeline to Diego Brando shenanigans and I love that for you. Me. Us.

Tell me, have you got any fun headcanons about the Diegosaur? Literally cannot get enough of his lame ass (exceedingly affectionate).

omg Obsessed with this ask, THANK YOU :'))) i love it for you and us as well, he's the best, it's my mission every day to scream abt him so much that more and more people will be converted

i have some really Strong headcanons, i don't remember what i've mentioned on here and what i haven't, BUT:

he's a fiend for sweets, he loooves baked goods and pastries especially

i mean this feels fairly canon anyway, but he's very socially stunted and has very little basis to go off of as far as building relationships goes, he's painfully awkward and that's uncomfortable for him so he chooses to fill in the blanks with his typical jackassery and spiteful commentary. it's all he knows, it's what gets a reaction (and he likes attention, good or bad)

his horse is and always will be his bff, he raised silver bullet from the time she was born and closely bonded with her from the get-go due to his innate connection with horses in general. plus, regarding the previous hc, he probably didn't connect with many kids his age and SB was always easier for him to exist with (i don't recall there being a canon gender for SB but i default to 'she' so i apologize if i missed that somewhere)

in general: hates people (canon) but LOVES animals so so so much

movie snob movie snob movie snoooobbbb... i rarely envision deeg in a modern setting but every time i do it's him watching a movie with someone else and loudly discussing his theories and insisting others pay attention. and when anyone else has a comment to make he's OFFENDED bc why would they talk during a movie??? then rewinds it a dramatic amount to replay. hypocritical brat.

consistently cold, blanket hog, whiny little baby about the entire experience of being even just a little chilly.

morning person, gets up with the sunrise and loudly enjoys the entire early morning experience. modern diego would be a little bit like those "rise and grind" people, i just know it. except he's spoiled and barely has to work very hard so like. Shut Up lmao

he's 5'3", no i will not accept any arguments (im joking, i just think short diego is so cute and i know it's pretty universally accepted in fandom anyway)

scary monsters makes his skin pretty dry even when it's not active, his hands get especially cracked and gross so he has to take very good care of them

ok so the bow on his helmet? stick with me here... connecting it with the bows he had on his shirt as a child... there's no reason for that bow to be there on the helmet but perhaps he specifically asked for it as a reminder of his mama

snorts when he's genuinely laughing abt something. it's cute, ok

(edited to add a few more)

really good at braiding hair, he knows how to do all those fancy braids that look really difficult to achieve but he can do it so easily, he's practiced on silver bullet for a long time, it's always been good stress relief for him

he's an ugly crier for sure, he rarely cries in general but when he does Oh Boy it's gonna last a while and he's gonna be a Mess

he's particular about the way he dresses (when he's not in the middle of a massive horse race, he doesn't have much choice there) he wants everything fit perfectly and cohesive etc etc he's probably the type to wear things like once or twice before he's like "alright that's trash now" bc he's a spoiled brat

feels the same way about his living space, it has to be clean and organized or else he'll have a meltdown (that too, he's prone to meltdowns over the tiniest things, stomping around and huffing dramatically)

he keeps things bottled up for a very unhealthy amount of time bc he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings, he'd rather just not have them but LOL sorry bud that's not how that works

hopefully that's not too many/too little hhfjkds i always have to stop myself from rambling abt this man, i just cannot stand him (i say in the most affectionate way possible)

#thank you for asking !!!!!!! i love talking abt him i could do it forever

30 notes · View notes

lvlyhao · 4 years ago

Text

『you’re dating him but he’s not your bias』

reaction fic; NCT Dream

A/N: this is nct dream’s reaction to realizing your bias is not him (and you’re a couple). gender neutral, got way too deep at some points and was NOT meant to be this long. enjoy.

note that english is my second language and i speak mixing slang, accents and spellings from 3283928 places so i did notice there’s practice written with both s and c down there so

just dont mind it pls

also, today’s photo theme is dream looking cute in low quality shots.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡), angst (❆), comedy (☼), crack (⍢).

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: lots of swearing, my tough love for the neos, one mention of cheating that doesn’t actually happen, a couple of mentions of alcohol and drinking, some violence hidden in metaphors, me being chaotic, it got a bit more angsty and darker than i intended, but we do have all happy endings.

word count: 6.8K

pairing: nct dream members x reader ( includes mark, renjun, jeno, haechan, jaemin, chenle, jisung)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Mark

oh, poor baby

i feel like he would be a little heartbroken

just a little

not so much if it’s someone from dream, because they’re his little brothers, but if it’s one of his hyungs from 127 or wayv,,,,,

boy might cry

he’s not super dramatic about it or anything but i don’t see him as being super confident about himself

so he might think like

“do they think he’s cooler than me?”

and it’s silly, yes, he knows

but it’s just something that pops up in his mind sometimes when you bring him up

so for the sake of this fanfic let’s pretend you’re johnny biased

because gods know i am

at least when it comes to 127

mark would be divided into fanboying with you and being like “YO, HE’S THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH OH MY GOD I’M SO GLAD YOU AGREE”

and

“a h”

would constantly try to get closer to you when johnny is around, and just

showing off in little (kinda dumb) ways

complimenting you

being even more whipped than usual

like yes he’ll give you all of his watermelon slices just please don’t look at johnny like that again

i think johnny would kind of play into it with the whole “imma steal your s/o” thing

and he doesn’t do it to make mark jealous or hurt

we know he’d rather get hit by a train than ever actually upsetting his son on purpose

but we also know he’s johnny

cue “OH DUDE HE’S FLIRTING”

so yeah he might call you lil pet names (beautiful, cutie, you get it)

just to see you giggle

(and see your soul leave your body)

might say he’s taking you out for dinner when he’s just driving you to get more ice cream for a movie night with the gang lol

and winks

expect a lot of winks

anywhere and anytime

which makes mark sometimes feel like he’s intruding???

and that you appreciate johnny more than him???

he genuinely doesn’t understand how you can date him and still not have him as your bias

don’t you like, love him above everyone else or smth lol

his “showing off” phase eventually fades tho

now every time you hang you with the boys and johnny is around, he’ll be a bit more distant

he thinks he’s giving you space to interact with his friends but he’s just shying away from competing with one of his favourite people ever

and it’s a competition that Does Not Exist™

but he’s not 100% aware of that

and you’re not that dense

so ofc you notice

and you wait till you two are alone to talk to him, and he BEGRUDGINGLY admits that you being johnny biased makes him feel kinda small and unimportant

he’d never try to make you change your bias or anything

he just needs reminders that he’s your #1 boy sometimes

which is fine by you

and by him

cus now it’s you calling him pet names all the time

and hugging him

and kissing his cheek

and praising his work

and blowing kisses from across the room

and just telling him straight up that no matter what, you’ll always go to him

(not that you ever had any chance with johnny lmao)

THIS GOES TO SHOW COMMUNICATING IS KEY, CHILDREN

COMMUNICATE

Renjun

wym donghyuck is your bias lol

literally are you fucking kidding him

don’t get me wrong ok

everyone knows renjun loves haechan

they’re bffs and could not live without each other

but at the same time,,,

what is wrong with you

who did he choose as his s/o gods help him

if it was jeno, or mark, or jaehyun, or winwin, or kun, or lucas, or yuta, or taeyong, or ten, or,,,,

literally ANY of his other members

he’d understand your point and be like “ok fine”

but haechan???? hmmm bestie no

he’s not gonna throw a fit

not after the first time you told him anyways

HE WAS SURPRISED OKAY

and he just whined very loudly after having laughed for 5 minutes thinking it was a joke

if you don’t know that iconic scene, renjun had a whole ass meltdown in 3 seconds while yelling “aAAAAAH JINJJAAAAA” and getting ready to punch the living shit out of hyuck

for no reason other than the fact that it’s haechan we’re talking about and injun’s little body is filled with rage

BACK ON TRACK

would probably try to act all cool about it and be like “i don’t mind” but bruh does he mind

and it doesn’t help that haechan is such a little shit about it

he doesn’t even flirt with you

he just

constantly reminds renjun that he’s your bias—not him—and then constantly praises himself over you

“ah, y/n~ did you choose me as your bias because i’m the best vocalist? or was it because i’m the best dancer? mAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY OH SO BROAD SHOULDERS—”

(pause for injun to punch him)

(unpaused)

and ok in the beginning it was funny seeing him all worked up but now it’s just annoying to be in the same room as these two

haechan won’t let either of you live

and renjun just wants to

fight

so it eventually gets to the point where you’ll talk to renjun and jeno will talk to hyuck cus even the other dreamies are tired of it

except maybe for chenle, he always laughs his ass off when they start bickering

ANYWAY

your conversation goes something like “oh my god renjun i’m literally dating you, i don’t like haechan better or anything you little pile of fury”

while jeno sits hyuck down in front of him and jaemin and just

“bro why are you like this”

“bro”

no but renjun would apologize for going overboard with his protectiveness and jealous energy because he’s not generally like that

he’s angry all the time but never about something involving you, you know

he tries his best to treat you like the royalty you are

but something about hyuck being your bias makes him feel a bit like a castaway???

he’s very creative and as an artsy kid myself i know we’re very prone to feeling left out because we’re just different from the others

so he’d think maybe haechan really has a better voice

or better dancing skills

or he looks better

he is taller than injun after all, and has broader shoulders, and his hair is all fluffy and—

the whole thing just made him insecure about things he had settled with himself long ago

he was fine with being him

but not so much when it came to that

i don’t think you two would fight over it cus tbh i think renjun would really only get with someone who can be very understanding of him

and i think hyuck would actually apologize to renjun too

not when everyone’s around but like, maybe after dinner or something and he just needs to feel like they’re besties again

hyuck never meant for things to get out of control

he just really likes both injun and you as his friends, and aside from skinship his most prominent love language is,,,

teasing

he was really just trying (very poorly) to grow closer to the person his best friend loves so much—you—because renjun is SUCH a big part of his life it would just feel wrong to not be good friends with you as well

don’t tell them i said this but they hug it out

injun strikes me as someone that could take a bit of time to bounce back from something that hurt his pride or his sense of belonging

and his way of healing and bonding is just,,,

art

sure, keep being haechan biased, but also please read with him

and talk about his fantastic animal creations

and watch those buzzfeed unsolved alien theory videos because he really wants to discuss it and maybe even draw what he thinks the aliens look like

hyuck tones it down, you make sure renjun knows you like him for him, renjun starts to (secretly) appreciate hyuck’s talent along with you...

and now let’s take a moment to imagine the minute you watch their latest mv with injun by your side

and yes okay the first thing you see is CLEARLY how good renjun looks because holy fucking shit he’s an angel (and i’m clearly not renjun biased)

but then,,,,,,

wAS THAT A HAECHAN HIGH NOTE

(there’s always a haechan high note, just look for it)

and ok maybe he did scream a bit with you because of how good it all sounded

and you know what, it works out perfectly bc you two are my new otp and you were meant for each other

but we do have to mention the eventual happening of chenle saying like “oOoOoOoH y/N wErE yOu dRoOliNg oVeR hAeChAn AgAiN” after a special stage

and then you, injun and hyuck all attempt to choke him

i’m kidding

or not

Jeno

ah, lee jeno

aka samoyed boi

yes i do call him that no i will not stop

everyone is always writing jeno as being super protective and literally about to burst a lung if someone else ever does as much as look at you

but i just

don’t see him that way

he’s a taurus and from what i know about taurus they can be v v jealous, yes, but they mainly seek comfort

so he’s fine with you biasing jaemin

as long as you’re not ditching him or anything lol

and ok, imma be 100% honest here even if it sounds like literal no fun (jenojaem wink wonk)

jaemin doesn’t flirt with you

not any more than he flirts with

every other breathing creature

ever

he’s really only platonically interested in you, never remotely romantic or anything lol

on the other side, he is in love with jeno

basically, if jaemin is your bias, jeno is his

so nothing really changes

we know how nomin are, okay

they hold hands, they stare deeply into each other eyes, they nearly kiss at least once every time they go live

it's just them

you gotta respect it bruh

i know this is the most boring reaction ever so let’s create the one (1) instance where jeno would actually dislike that you bias someone else

i think he would feel a bit hurt if you seemed to be more supportive of jaemin’s work than his

and it’s not something big or on purpose

it’s just something like going with him to a recording session but not going with jeno because you have homework

or after a very busy practise day going to praise jaemin first

even if it’s just three words

“you did good”

and then you’re going towards him, he’s gonna feel like maybe he doesn’t deserve your praise as much as nana????

i actually feel like, among the dreamies, jeno is the least confident one when it comes to his performance

he knows he’s not an awful rapper or anything but i think it can be a bit too much, being around such bright and huge presences like the others while his nickname literally means “no fun”

his members are just so loud and full of energy most of the time

and sometimes he just really needs to be quiet and observe in silence

(yes i do know he’s chaotic and a crackhead, i’m just saying as we know he can be a bit introspective)

so what if you just

stopped seeing him?

did he become invisible to you?

did you finally fall for jaemin’s beautiful smile and stupid pick-up lines?

he’s not gonna let it show that he’s affected, though

earth signs are nearly always the ones to “stay strong” because we have this image that people are relying on us???

so we do what we do

bottle everything up and overwork ourselves bc we only got two modes

1. chill, super balanced and down to earth (ay for the pun)

2. please make us take a break we’re literally about to cry if we work for one more minute but we can’t allow ourselves to fucking take it easy

so yes you’ve guessed correctly, we’re going with 2

jeno is going to go so, SO hard on everything he does

literally every single activity you can think of from dance practice to photoshoots to cooking for the dreamies

he stays up later than usual to get that one tricky move in the choreo just right

he works out more because he thinks he has to look absolutely perfect for when they shoot the mv

jisung asked for ramen? he’s making it but you bet your ass he’s spending over 40 minutes just chopping so

many

vegetables

AND STUFF THAT JISUNG WON’T EVEN EAT

but he’s doing it anyway for the reason being that it just has to be the Best™

and it’s not like he’s competing with anyone else to be diligent

this is just about being better than he was and showing himself—and maybe you—how painstakingly hardworking and driven he can be

maybe then you’re gonna acknowledge him as much as you acknowledge nana :((

:(((((

writing this is making me downright sad, jeno is so underrated and unaware of his power UGH

and i need to point out this is NOT about making you change your bias from jaemin to him, this is solely about having you recognize his efforts, even if you already do

if you just thought jeno was like going off in work because it was asked of him to, jaemin would DEF notice and talk to you about it

turns out it’s a habit of jeno to go extra hard sometimes and he needs someone to make him take a break

so it goes down like you breaking into the practice room when jeno and jisung were practising

the first reaction is confusion

the second is oh hey babe how are you

third is

a-are you dragging jeno and his bag out of the door while screeching at jisung to order pizza and doughnuts for everyone??

yes you are and i’m proud of you

so jeno is still confused and making those cute “hUh” noises he does omg i love him so much

and you’re just rambling about how much of an amazing artist he is, and you love his voice, and he’s a fantastic dancer, and his expressions and gestures are on point, and he takes such good care of the dreamies and

he’s perfect

and he knows jaemin must have talked to you, and he feels so vulnerable to have you know how on edge he’s been

baby boy just needs some rest

and that’s exactly what you give him, with a bath full of those fancy bath bombs and flower petals and candles at your house/apt

then a quick sheet mask while you massage his shoulders and keep saying how much you genuinely admire him

the mask might be ruined cus he started crying out of exhaustion

after that’s been done and you’ve hugged for at least like 5 min nonstop, you head over to the dorms, where hyuck was in charge of setting up a blanket fort while mork and nana gather board games, jisung gets the food and chenle

well chenle just had to make sure jisung doesn’t forget to order for someone and doesn’t break like 10 plates trying to set the table lol

this is way longer than the others so imma wrap it up

make it obvious and loud that you see and respect jeno’s hard work and he’ll be alright again

and maybe make those game nights a weekly thing when possible, it would make him very happy

he’ll never again feel sad when you praise jaemin cus now he’s sure he does enough, and above all, he is enough

Haechan

haechan = full sun

why would you ever bias someone when you’re dating the goddamned sun

does not understand

but also does not care that much

actually, one out of two really depending on who your bias is

if it’s one of the members he has that tom/jerry relationship with, prepare for so

much

complaining

and clinging

AND HE’D BE SO LOUD OH MY FUCKING GOD

donghyuck please stop screaming about doyoung not deserving to be your baby’s bias, it’s 2 am

on the other hand, if it’s one of the (few) members he,,,

adores with all of his heart and is not afraid to show it

ex: sungchan, jaehyun, taeil and yang2x

then you can bet he’s going to be right beside you whenever you feel like throwing a fit because he’s just so handsome and talented

IF IT’S MARK OSHDISJD

i’m going to write you as being mark biased ok? ok

i honestly don’t know if he’d feel more jealous of mark or of you

he loves you both

a lot,,,,

and he really doesn’t like it when mark blushes when you compliment him

and he doesn’t like it when mark literally just walks past you and you trip over your feet because bro tf u doing, that’s some embarrassing shit

lowkey done with you two

but also PAY HIM SOME ATTENTION

or don’t, he’s fine either way (cue crossed arms and staring at you from across the room until you come give him a kiss)

“he’s pretty cute but i’m cuter right baby”

pouty pouty pouty if he ever feels neglected

will be so fucking annoying lmao i can’t write haechan, i love him but i do understand why renjun is always trying to beat him up

he’d be a show-off in a different way than mark because he can be so petty

will take every chance he gets to pull a one-liner

will sing everything he has to say just so you know he can hit those high notes

what do you mean dream doesn’t have a schedule today

oh man, he could swear they did

because that is the sole reason why he’s wearing his most expensive clothes and shoes + makeup to walk around the dorms, yes

no he doesn’t want to impress you

shut up

will text you like every single fancam he sees on twitter

every

single

one

and are they mark’s?

lol no, they’re his

he is so genuinely trying to make you a member of his sunflower cult

<whispers> “tell me i’m your bias”

“donghyuck what the actual hell why are you standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night like a fucking demon child”

he really wants to act all cool and composed but he wants to be your bias so fucking bad

he’s a bad bitch all around and just does whatever

cus haechan privilege

and he tends to not care about what people say and think???

bc he knows he’s lee donghyuck

he’s fully aware of the effect he has on people

but you

not biasing him

naw, he can’t take it

will do anything and everything he can to make you say, JUST ONE TIME, he’s your bias

then you can go back to loving (his) mark

so for your sake, for his sake, for mark’s sake

just give donghyuck what he wants

i can promise he’ll keep being an ass no matter what you do

like yeah did you just buy him coffee and his favourite cake? well that’s sweet but iS HE YOUR BIAS YET

“aw babe thanks so much for taking a bullet for me but now please say i’m your bias”

if you still don’t do it, it’s time to be extra petty

will actually drop you for mark

his logic is something like: he can’t be your bias? pity, so he’s just gonna date him instead

and mark is mark so he has no idea what’s going on

everyone in 127 and dream finds this absolutely hilarious cus suddenly donghyuck seems to be doing his best to win over mark’s heart and i mean more than usual???? and he’s treating you like his bro????

<you leaving the dorms to go to uni or smth so you go to hyuck for a goodbye kiss> “no can do, i’m committed”

“i’m your partner”

“no that’s mark”

it’s not 100% a joke when i say i can see him getting down in one knee to propose to mark while making eye contact with you to

assert his dominance

and mark is just

“dude

what HAHAHA”

and you are so done, i’m so sorry you have to go through that bby

i don’t think there’s another way to fix haechan other than just admitting he was your bias for an era, or a comeback or something

like yeah with the other dreamies before him it’s bonding + healing time bc i wrote it all kinda angsty (lol sorry) but with donghyuck

“will you stop this if i say you were my bias during reload era”

“mark wasn’t in dream that era tho”

“yes i know”

i say he’s gonna take what he can get and now things can finally go back to normal

with the exception that something else comes along with hyuck being satisfied with you biasing him

he just has a full pass to fanboy over mark now too

what am i talking about?

new 127 mv is out

you: watching it beside haechan and going off about how pretty mark looks

him: going off even harder bc he’s whipped too

this is what a happy couple looks like

but now i pity mark because he has you two idiots fanboying over him irl

savemork2021

Jaemin

nana is just such a chill and fun guy

i can’t see him being actually jealous or anything if he finds out you bias someone else

and so the two of you become insufferable together

bitch, i’m telling you

he (ur bias) is not gonna have one peaceful day ever again in his entire life

cus you know the thing jaemin does where he just looks at someone doing some random shit and goes “oOoOoH sExY”

yes that thing

he’s doing it to your bias

and you’re doing it too

and your bias probably wants to run away to some very far away land

PLEASE IF IT’S JISUNG

i’m not gonna write this whole thing as if you bias him but let’s just imagine

two fully grown people

pilling on top of poor, poor park jisung playing games on his phone

“URI JISUNGIEEEEEE

MWOYA, MWOYAAAA~"

i genuinely think he would avoid being around you two at the same time

cus individually he can handle it

like yes y/n please let me go this hug has lasted for about 4 minutes now

or oh hi jaemin hyung my cheeks hurt when you pinch them that hard

but when you two are together

bruh

a power couple not bc you two are v confident or some shit but bc you can and will be extremely affectionate towards anyone that comes too close

and now let’s talk about how it would be if you biased jaehyun

jaemin loves jaehyun

they’re 2jae

2jae are soulmates

therefore,,,, it’s also kinda hellish but in a different way???

bc 2jae are on the end of that spectrum about the neos that know how in love the entire world is with them

they’re too powerful

they’re aware of their charm and they do everything they can to rub it in our faces

so the flirting between 2jae and you would be insane

and i mean insane

insane as in even johnny is kinda disgusted tbh bc

they’re doing a photo shoot with the 23 of them for some shit, idk don’t ask me

and of course, you had to tag along

but oh my god you three, please stop calling each other sexy/hot in weird voices now, the staff is staring

there are def rumours the 3 of you are a poly couple lmao

jaehyun denies everything on social media (throwback to saying “no way lol” when we asked if he REALLY slept in the same bed as jungwoo)

but every piece of content there is of you and jaemin or you and jaehyun or just them is so ridiculously flirty

you can bet there are compilations on youtube like

“y/n being in love with 2jae for 8 minutes heterosexual”

ok i was having way too much fun with that, moving on

i don’t think he’d ever be actually upset about you biasing someone else

he trusts you and treasures you a lot so he doesn’t see the problem in you also appreciating another one of his members

bc gods know he does

he’s a bit in love with everyone so why shouldn’t you be too lol

one time he would feel a bit blue because of it???

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i think it’s possible he’d turn pouty or whiny or just kinda needy (not in a bad way, he just misses you) when he’s like

done with people

and needs some time away from everything

we know he’s an introvert, even if he acts very, very loud around the boys and it’s honestly just a matter of time until an introvert grows tired of being around humans

it depends on each person, of course, but there’s a 99% chance every once in a while he’ll start to feel too drained

and he’ll need a break to get his energy back

jaemin would probably want you around even when he feels like that, though

i see you being such a big source of comfort for him in a relationship

he enjoys taking care of people so please take care of him too

and for just this one day don’t talk about your bias that much, or don’t leave nana to go over to him to chat

and just cuddle him a lot

that will make him a smiley baby again

and then things are back to how they normally are

and by that i mean most neos hiding from you because they’re scared

i don’t have a lot to say aside from that so let’s think about the neos that would be the most intimidated by your shared thot aura

dotae would be confused in different ways lol

taeyong would be just ????????????blush/awkward smile/hahaha??????

and doyoung might actually ask what is wrong with you

<points to jeno and his s/o> “why can’t you be like them”

mark would laugh-scream and slap his knee into oblivion whenever you two are cornering him

but then go super shy and be like “dUDE DON’T DO THAT”

resident confident gay jungwoo would rejoice in the attention and make so many goddamned jokes

a literal comedian i love him

i think sicheng and renjun would be on the same wavelength of repugnance towards you lol

chenle would deadass call you weird and tell you to leave him alone

shotaro and kun might faint (or kun will panic-scold you)

taeil is as confused by affection as usual (have you seen the face he makes when haechan kisses him LMFAO he’s smiling but like wondering wtf happened on the inside)

ten is not very amused but might play into it

yangyang: that’s disgusting, man (cue flashbacks to that live with renjun after the from home stage where renjun pretended to lick his hand and slick his hair back,,, catboy injun,,, you know the one)

xiaojun and hendery are such panicked gays they just turn to stare at whoever else is around and make that “help” expression like they’re on the office

haechan is haechan, kinda doesn’t mind it

jeno is used to dealing with this at this point

lucas and yuta love the attention but while yuta will flirt right back lucas is just gonna smile and try to jop his way out of there while screaming

sungchan will go hide behind haechan and say “hyung they’re being dumbasses again”

this turned into ‘how would nct react to you and jaemin being super flirty together’ and i’m not sorry

Chenle

chenle is so fun to write i love him lmao

okay so

he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type with anyone other than jisung (bc i swear he can be a bit jelly towards his bestie but i think it comes with sungie being the sweetest bean ever, he’s just protective)

he’s such a ray of sunshine and witty jokes and dolphin laughter i love him

back to the plot

he literally couldn’t care less about you biasing someone else

b u t

i will say there’s an exception

this exception is tall, kinda lanky, very awkward and born on the 5th of february

you’ve guessed it, it’s jisung

i think most of the time he’d tease THE SHIT out of you for it because c’mon

you had 22 chances not to mess up

and you still somehow ended up biasing jisung? lol do better next time

and this is not me and chenle hating on jisung, please—

he’d just find it funny that your bias is his best friend and

hold the fuck up

your bias is his best friend

oH NO NO NO NO NO

i think after realizing that he would lowkey try to keep you two apart because he’s somehow jealous of both????

and if he can’t help it then you can bet your ass he will be screaming all along

it’s his sweet, dummy jisung

with his sweeter and dummier y/n

what is he going to do

probably has a mini-breakdown with kun because like he’s always wanted you two to get along bUT NOT LIKE THAT

kun will just sigh like the tired father he is and pet his back while saying “there, there”

and a genius idea is going to come to chenle’s mind

you know the teasing thing?

well it’s upgrade time

he’s gonna turn into such a try-hard with tmi and embarrassing shit you two have done

and he’s not trying to stop you from being friends

he just wants you to like

know who you’re befriending

bc i think since he’s really really close to jisung, he doesn’t want you getting closer to him bc you like his idol side alone

and he doesn’t want jisung getting close to you just because you’re his partner either

if you had high hopes for each other and ended up kinda falling face-first into the ground bc it was nothing like you had imagined—

he’d be so broken

because he loves you so much :((((

so like, if you can get past the teasing and annoying barrier he’s putting up, he’ll be more than happy to have two of the most important people in his life being buddies

so get ready for it

if you’re the type of person to go batshit crazy when you drink, oh boy, oh boy

so you and the dreamies are just having dinner when lele feels like it’s the perfect time to disclose some of your drunken adventures

“hey y/n”

“yeah babe?”

“remember that time you got really really drunk on vodka and candy and wanted to call your mom”

“chenle the hell don’t talk ab—”

“but then you tried using the microwave as a phone”

“...”

“or that other time you were equally as drunk and watched the make a wish mv and cried because you noticed the height difference between xiaojun hyung and lucas hyung”

yeah so now’s the part you get up to chase him around the dorms and try to land a kick

BUT WORRY NOT, HE’LL MAKE SURE TO EMBARRASS JISUNG JUST AS MUCH

he likes doing that when it’s just the three of you though

so picture this

movie night the girls boys

chenle would 100% pick the most terrifying horror movie he can find so that he could see jisung clinging to whoever’s closest to him

and then right before a jumpscare, he’d whisper like

“jisung”

“w-what”

“why don’t you do that thing you were doing while you slept last night”

(honestly, i’d be mildly scared if i heard lele say this with no context at all)

and then the jumpscare happens and jisung is nearly fainting and crying at the same time

but chenle is laughing

and trying to get out what he wants to tell you between wheezes

“he-he” <dolphin wheeze> “hE WAS SINGING CHEER UP BY TWICE WHILE SLEEPING” <more wheezes>

and look this is just gonna go on for weeks until you and jisung are over it

and stop being weird and awkward around each other

lele needs you two to be bros ok

so be bros

once you do adapt to being pals with your bias i think chenle would take the teasing down a notch just to make you more comfortable

and like he’s so happy now the three of you can hang out and there’s just no tension

happy chenle is the thing i love the most i swear to gods

and if you don’t adapt to it?

well,,,

i honestly think he’d be pretty disappointed, cus it means to him one of you isn’t ready to fully embrace the weirdness within????

and like what u scared of

jisung is a weirdo, what about it, so are you

either that or he’d think you’re maybe being judgemental

so yeah please accept jisungie and your dumbass boyfriend

then everyone can be besties

i love thinking about the three of you as just this hellbound chaotic trio

because chenji already wreak havoc wherever they go as the two of them

but now that you’re coming along,,,,

no neo would escape from your pranks ever again (and even members of other groups lmfao watch out sehun, i’m talking to you)

and it’s so incredible infuriating in a good way that it just turns to be endearing

you’re cute as fuck so no one gets actually mad with the shit you pull????

which is dangerous, someone should really keep an eye out on the three of you

we don’t need sm to be on fire

well we kinda do cus they’re pretty bad but not my point

i said somewhere above that chenle would tone the teasing down but i don’t mean he’d stop

bc c’mon guys

he’s chenle

no limits here

but sorry, i really cannot write jealous!chenle cus his heart is just too pure and filled with joy for him to be jealous for real

last scenario?

chenle after a comeback stage: ya y/n, i was gonna ask how was my performance today but you were probably more focused on jisung’s arms right

jisung is choking on water somewhere behind you

Jisung

it’s maknae time <plays i.n’s maknae on top>

i don’t mean to picture jisung as being like

ridiculously innocent or just downright naive because i really dislike it when people do that

he’s a literal 19 yo and jaemin himself has said he’s not as innocent as we think lol

however

i do see him as being quite new to all things love

i think you’d probably be his first partner and with first relationships comes a lot of other firsts

first kiss maybe, first time holding hands, first time being jealous….

first time being jealous, yes, focus on that

i don’t think jisung would be aware that like

you not biasing him is even a possibility

cuz you’re dating

doesn’t that come along????

ah poor baby i love him

if you biased chenle i think he’d be just

disgusted and weirded out but okay?? you do you i guess???

he’s comfortable enough with lele to not feel intimidated

but if it’s another member

ESPECIALLY one of the oldest ones

i think it would be a blow straight to his confidence

you biasing ten, kun, taeil, taeyong, doyoung or johnny and maybe yuta would make him feel a bit hesitant and concerned

his first thought would probably be that you don’t like being with someone as young as him

and who knows, maybe you’re even younger than him, maybe you’re the same age, but what if you actually like older guys??

what about him then???

and jisung doesn’t mean to feel so worried and insecure, ok, pls understand where i’m coming from

first relationships normally take like a very long time to build trust and acceptance of the other person’s feelings bc it’s literally a whole new world for you

and that goes extra hard for jisung because he is so fucking whipped for you it’s still hard to believe you like him as much

and it absolutely does not cross his mind that you’d cheat on him with your bias, GODS NO

he really respects you and his hyungs

so no, never

that’s not a thing that can happen

but you realize you’re too good for him and maybe see he doesn’t fit your ideal type?

well, yes, that’s what he’s thinking

probably goes straight to chenle or renjun (he talks about renjun so much asjahj) to vent and ask for advice

i think they’d be surprised to see what’s going on inside his pretty little head because it’s so obvious for everyone that you just adore jisung

and they do tell him that

however, i don’t think it would completely calm his nerves, and again, this has nothing to do with not trusting you

it’s just that

his hyungs are so cool…

HE CAN’T HELP IT OK

would probably try to mirror your bias (i’m saying it’s taeyong for the sake of what i’ve imagined ok) and like

grasp onto some of his qualities?

so in his mind taeyong is: nice, sweet, caring, amazing, perfect, smart, perfect, sexy, mature and did i mention perfect

i can see him trying some new rap styles that mimic tyong’s a bit???

like would lowkey learn his raps from cherry bomb and superm’s one and listen to recordings frequently to pick up on how taeyong does it

i think he’d also just change the way he acts in general to dodge a bit from his maknae image

so now he tries to speak with a more formal-ish language and learns random facts about things you like to seem more intelligent???

“good morning y/n, you look as beautiful as one of voiello’s paintings today :]”

“wait i thought that was a pasta brand”

he’s just trying to show you he can be mature and serious if you want him to

long story short, he’s not acting like himself (not that he’s childish, he’s just out of it) and you don’t like it, so you ask about it and wait for him to feel comfortable with sharing

when he does talk about it breaks your heart so much :((

you’re going to need some patience to try and show him you’d choose him, and not your bias, even if you had the chance

they’re completely different people and you love him BECAUSE he’s jisung, not for any other reason

please reassure him so he can go back to acting like his authentic self, i think it would be such a relief for him too

your words and affection are obviously enough for him, but if it ever happens that he feels especially low and insecure again, it would help if your bias talks to him too

and taeyong wouldn’t have a problem with it

actually, scratch that, taeyong probably knew what was going on all along

he just has that motherly 7th sense (ay) that is even more acute with the dreamies cus like

127 has him, wayv has kun, but dream has…

the dreamies

and that, my friend, is terrifying

anyway he’d come to talk to jisung asking like “what’s wrong buddy :(“ and sungie would be a bit ashamed because it sounds so silly when you say it out loud

of course tyong wouldn’t judge him, and he just really has to tell jisung what is it you and he are always talking about

it’s him

“when they come around to talk and hang out here it all goes back to you, jisungie. they can’t spend one second without mentioning your name

it’s so cute; it’s always like ‘oh jisung would love this’ or ‘jisung likes it that way’

so please be kinder to yourself and let yourself see that they’re in love with you, not with me and not with any other member they ever mention”

jisung would feel 10000000% better

and smiley

and giggly

and oh my god do you really talk about him that much

LOOK HE’S BLUSHING

would just go over to your house immediately and hug you, burying his face on your neck from behind you

and not let go

ever again

the whole situation just teaches him a lot about accepting your love for him and not questioning it

shut up i’m not crying

---

final notes: this was my first work after the humanity series and it was so fun lol i think next up is probs gonna be an ideal type scenario for ot23 (but if i really write it i’m gonna post it by subunit and its gonna be way shorter than this, don’t expect 23K words at once lmao)

if you’ve enjoyed this fic please consider reading my humanity series, which is a zombie apocalypse au with kun <3

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notmuchofarolemodel · 4 years ago

Text

music- sia’s movie

originally written on jan 24 2021

I can’t believe i’m writing about this. again.

So, if you didn’t already know, Sia directed a movie about an autistic girl, starring Maddie Ziegler. This is problematic for so many reasons, including the fact that Maddie is allistic (not autistic), Sia did next to no research on autism before directing the movie, and after announcing the movie, she took to twitter and attacked autistic people voicing their opinions. But she’s done so many more awful things since. So yay, article by me, the sequel. /s

Sia has done a few interviews over the last while about her movie and has responded to criticism about it. (very badly.)

Despite her claims, Sia was never going to cast an autistic actor in the first place. She said:

“I realized it wasn’t ableism [Casting Maddie]. I mean, it is ableism I guess as well, but it’s actually nepotism because I can’t do a project without her. I don’t want to. I wouldn’t make art if it didn’t include her.”

It was also found that Sia said had written a film for Maddie a long time ago- in 2015- which almost certainly means she never had any intentions of casting an autistic person.

The plot of the movie, and a clip have both been leaked since the release of the trailer in November.

‘Music’ falls back on harmful Hollywood sterotypes again, and again- but yet, after it was no longer fresh news, almost nobody but the autistic community was talking about it. It’s still set to be released soon this year, but stereotypes such as ‘autism = special/savant abilities’ as seen in Rain man, and ‘Autistic people don’t have feelings’ - are ones that lead to underdiagnosis, and biases in the professional world.

“We are particularly alarmed that Sia has said it would be ‘cruel’ to cast a nonspeaking autistic person as an actor. It suggests that she thinks that autistic people don’t understand our own lives and aren’t the people who should be telling our own stories. When people tell stories about autism that cut out an autistic point of view, when storytellers view us as objects to tell inspirational stories about, or when autism is treated as a narrative device rather than as a disability community full of real people, the stories that are told fall flat, don’t speak to our reality, and are often harmful to us.” -Zoe Gross, ASAN

Sia refused to refer to her main character as disabled, and only used the term ‘special abilities’ which just further proves how these sterotypes affect people’s view of autistic people. In today’s society, autism is a disability, and that’s not a bad thing. She also described the film as “Rainman, the musical- but with girls”

There are several meltdown scenes in the movie, and one of them has been leaked in a clip. In this, Music is having a meltdown in a park, and she is then held in prone restraint. Meaning she was jumped on top of and pinned to the ground. This was not only unnecessary, but potentially deadly. This film is going to be big, if it gets released, and it was very much made for a neurotypical audience’s enjoyment. People will likely see this movie, and think that restraining an autistic person is ok. It’s not. This is how people get killed. Recently a story came up about Eric Parsa, a 16 year old autistic boy who was killed at the hands of the police last year, after they used this ‘technique’ on him.

Regarding this scene Sia said, “If they [cinema-goers] watch the movie, it will allow them to touch into their compassion. That scene was so important to me, because of all the people staring. I felt compelled to put it in.”

This is why people need to listen and learn from actual autistic people. There’s so much dangerous misinformation out there, and it’s unacceptable. There is nothing ‘compassionate’ about harming people, and autistic people are people. i.e people who deserve the same rights and dignity as everyone else.

Sia continues to further dehumanize autistic people by constantly talking about ‘levels of functioning’. humans are impossibly complex, and there’s no one way to function. In an interview with Sia, nonspeaking autistic people are compared to ‘inanimate objects, like wigs’.

Sia also said “People functioning at Music’s level can’t get on Twitter and tell me I did a good job either.” This is untrue, firstly because, again- there’s no one way to function, and just because a person can’t speak, doen’t mean they don’t have a right to opinions, and feelings (and it definitely doesn’t mean they should be compared to ‘inanimate objects’), and secondly because many nonspeaking autistic people have taken to twitter and social media to tell her she’s done a bad job, she’s just chosen to ignore and insult them.

This whole thing is so infuriating, and it’s very obvious that Sia does not care about autistic people.

“Sia being ableist AF while claiming she meant well is some serious abled savior bullshit. I can’t believe so many people green-lit this project & the press team approved the ‘special abilities’ language. Disabled people clearly weren’t part of this production team.” -Kristen Parisi via twitter

She also claimed she decided to make the movie because she was inspired by a 16-year-old named Stevie that she met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. “Stevie used to sit next to me in the front row at my AA meetings. He was low-functioning and on the spectrum with echolalia; he’s the reason I wanted to make this movie,” she said. Autistic people don’t exist simply to be inspiring or make you feel good about yourself. We’re people, who just want to go about our lives, the same as anyone else- we don’t need a cure and we don’t need to fit people’s idea of what autism is, just let us be, please.

Finally, I’m just going to touch on the question ‘Why isn’t any criticism being directed at Maddie?’ This is because she likely didn’t have much say in the film at all. Keep in mind that she was only 13/14 at the start of this project. Sia also said Maddie was worried that people would think she was mocking autistic people. The film is a mockery of autistic people, but Sia is at fault.

“She had researched her role for two years, we watched movies together, and I taught her the nuances and ticks I had observed from [a] friend [with autism],” Sia said. “We did this in the most sensitive and respectful way.”

I can confirm that that is very much not sensitive and respectful- not to mention that Maddie also watched autism meltdowns as a part of her reseach too (filming a meltdown is incredibly dehumanizing) , but the fact that she learned how to ‘act autistic’ from sterotypes, taught to her by a person who just, doesn’t know anything about autism is awful, but also quite absurd. It makes no sense.

No, I do not wish to watch an abled-bodied actor wear my stims like itchy clothes. A caricature of my being.

No, I do not want to see her dance around in skin not her own, profiting from a life not her own.

No, I do not wish to support yet another film that will profit off the lives of disabled bodies without one disabled body involved. -tiffany hammond

I recieved quite a bit of backlash when I posted the first time about why casting a nondisabled actor for a disabled role is bad- from allistic people, so if any of you are reading this as nondisabled people- I literally do not care if you disagree, you don’t get to dictate how autistic people feel. Try a little harder to get out of your own head and see things from another person’s perspective xx

Now, for the love of God, please don’t watch this movie if it comes out in February, and listen to Autistic voices. : Here is a thread of positive autistic representation instead :)

click here for thread!

Sign the Petition

Filming & posting videos of children's autism meltdowns on YouTube is a clear violation of YouTube's community…www.change.org

link

Sign the Petition

Sia has announced she is directing a movie about an autistic woman, and claims she wants to represent the…www.change.org

all other relevant links are linked within the underlined text.

my original article - link

#actuallyautistic #siadoesntspeakforus #siamusic #autism #neurodiversity #nothing about us without us #actually disabled #disabled representation

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dani-is-a-pixie · 3 years ago

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Shit they don’t tell you about Autism/Aspergers

Well, I’ve been learning more and more about different signs of being neurodiverse and I thought I’d put my own experiences here just in case it might be able to help someone else understand their diagnosis or themselves better. If you feel you have Autism, please speak to your GP or doctor to be able to talk to a professional because like all things, self diagnosing isn’t a good idea, ya feel me. - Let’s talk clothing b. Yes, so basically Autistics like to dress more comfortable, probably hate things like tags (I used to cut them off) and might only wear certain fabrics. Some people might wear certain colours only as well. Although, the general thing is that Autistics “aren’t expressive” you’ll find a lot of Autistics are and that might be reflected through their alternative clothing choices. Another thing is you might have very sensitive skin, washing powder can cause rashes and itchiness, you might not even be able to use soap. - Hair. Hair is so gross. So basically you might feel that having your hair in your face is so annoying. Ever since I was little I always remember just tying my hair up and leaving it like that. Wanting short hair to avoid it touching your face because of sensory issues. Although, you might like to have it coloured and expressive you might struggle to have your hair down because it just feels so gross. In relation to hair when washing it you might hate the sensation of shampoo and water and all that. - Although, being very monotone is a sign of Autism being very expressive is also a sign. The thing is I feel a lot of Autistic people without the correct support have probably got a diagnosis of depression or anxiety and I feel like that combined with feeling Autistic might make it hard for you to put any energy into things, whereas you know you are a expressive person. Also you probably have hella empathy. I know that is like the opposite of what you hear but seriously, myself and some other people I know with Autism are very empathetic people and feel emotions to an extreme. Although, it might not seem like we feel anything from facial expressions and responses we might be feeling so much it’s just too overwhelming to express it. - Let’s talk acting like a child. Not saying this to dig because I’m the same way, but most people who have Autism might regress into a childlike state which is known as age regressing. It’s usually a coping mechanism to deal with stress but I suppose it could also be triggered by sensory issues? Like I find when I’m really happy I’m very childlike. Oh and you might act younger then you are or be really immature, not always taking things seriously or understanding things. Which is okay and why having a specialist to help support you with the stuff you struggle with is key. - Stim. Stim. Stim. We hear about happy stim, sad stim but honestly you might just stim for every emotion. Also people with Autism might seem like they have tics but they can have vocal stims as well as motor. - Gender is complex right? Yeah I feel you. Feel like you flucuate between genders, have no gender, feel in the middle or might even be trans - although, this is a sensitive topic Autistics actually are more likely to have different relationships with gender due to how we view and feel about the world. So whatever gender you are b, you are valid! - Identity is confusing. The thing is you might feel like you have alters or different versions of yourself as well, which is why Autism is not diagnosed and you might be diagnosed with BPD or like DID. The thing is identity for us is always so confusing and we have such a different relationship about things about ourselves and how we view things. Sometimes it feels like someone were not and sometimes we feel like a different person, but that is okay and valid. - Control as a stress management. Now this is where things like eating disorders can be developed, maybe self destructive behaviours like self harming or perhaps being very toxic to keep everything the way you can because you feel like your life is going out of control. I really do feel you - and that’s why seeing a specialist can help you cope with shitty times like this. But that is a sign. - You have a safe space. Probably your house, your room and you barely leave it. You feel so fucking overwhelmed outside. Too many people, too many noises, too many things going on, which is why Autism can seem like an anxiety disorder but you just feel things very sensitive and can have sensory overload. - If you’re an adult now, probably as a child you were told you were just intelligent and there’s nothing wrong with you. Yep. Same here. Parents tried to get me diagnosed as a young age but they wouldn’t even test me. - For me, I cannot stop listening to music. I express myself through music. I’ll send people songs and tell them to pay attention to the lyrics or the video because it’s how I feel and it’s how I express myself. Some people might do that with art or writing or something they use to express that isn’t vocally with words, people might sing or make songs. There tends to be a creative or different way you express your emotions. - Special interests. They might change throughout your life. I thought you had to have something you were interested in since a kid but they can change and it’s known as hyperfixations! It can be literally anything, and they are valid. You probably hate talking to people if they don’t share one of your hyperfixations because you feel misunderstood or weird or lonely. Doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary. - Might blurt out how you feel to people, like having no filter. You like to have deep meaningful relationships and want friends you can talk about your deep routed emotions and dreams with rather then wow there is something on the news. That shit doesn’t interest you at all. - This might be an embarassing one but you might have a lot of issues with going to the toilet (ie. bleeding or runny stools and etc), especially when you’re stressed you might have really bad stomach issues or abdomen issues. That aren’t always explained but are probably stress induced when everything is too much for you, people tend to be more sensitive to those types of things if they’re Autistic due to sensory and sensitivites. - Meltdowns can be shown in crying breakdowns, anger breakdowns, can also be shown as completely shut down and you might experience catatonia, where you struggle to talk or move because you feel so sad, you might get so worked up and might even feel as low as feeling suicidal and might self harm as well when in these meltdowns. - You hate injustice and you probably are an advocate for the mentally ill or disabled. Seeing injustice might actually trigger a meltdown because you want to change things - due to your extreme empathy but you struggle to accept you can’t save the world. - Might have fake friends but as you grow older might cut those people off for using your energy and might end up with having barely any to no friends. Might feel extremely lonely and not understand why people can’t just be nice to you. - Relationships you probably take very seriously, like full on planning marriages when it might just seem like nothing to someone. This can make you prone to abusive relationships and you might not always notice if that person is good for you, no matter what they do you probably try to continue to fix the relationship. Took some notes from p-3a-s-life-resources <3 and personal experience.

#autism #asperger #aspergers #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #shit they dont tell you #signs #mental health #awareness #information #oh heck this is long

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hinagamoizaf · 3 years ago

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Odaiba Memorial Day 2021

My first Odaiba Memorial Day while being an active part of the fandom, and it’s high time I write an essay about my crackhead obsession with Yakari.

(*There will be some swearing & f-bombs in this post) As a kid, Yamato was like the ‘blue and cooler Taichi’ to me, like he doesn’t exist without being adjacent to the gogglehead. Also my family didn’t have the full Dark Masters arc in our CD collection, so I literally knew nothing about Yams’ emotional meltdown. But now, I adore this overly sensitive dork, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Maybe I’m biased in this reading, but I think Yamato has had to push himself to mature faster than his peers; and he’s very much a mini-adult at a young age. For all these grand monster battles, the main cast are still children; among them Yamato is a kid dealing with a lot of unresolved issues but he’s got a lot of heart, he’s passionate about those he holds dear but he just doesn’t know how to process this. Another thing that goes hand-in-hand with Yamato is the fact he’s a musician. Again, I could be reaching way into my ass here; but there’s this mumbo jumbo real life idea of the ‘depressed creative’, and Yamato works his way out of that dangerously romanticised label. The kid’s got a passion for music, he’s literally been playing the harmonica since Takeru was in diapers .Without spoiling DA:LEK, Yamato still holds onto that flame into adulthood but it’s not something he can actively work on; and that takes its toll. I love Yamato because he’s someone who cares so much about those around him and what he does; and he’s just a kid who’ sorting things out and wanting to better himself and well fuck, if that isn’t relateable. Even with the flaws that the Tri films have, I think it’s a natural progression for Yamato’s character journey. I see people saying how ‘they just turned him into a tsundere’ or ‘he’s so snappish now’. But seeing as most of the Tri cast are in High School and general teenagers are assholes to each other, yeah it’s not unreasonable to see why Yamato’s the way he is now. He didn’t lose his touch with the Crest of Friendship; when the literal world is up in flames, there’s still the same loyal and compassionate Yamato who understands the importance of being there for and with his friends. Yamato’s a big mushy boy who has a hard time conveying what he feels and his needs; Hikari isn’t any better and this was how I grew to love the concept of them being together. She’s not the Chosen Child of Light for nothing, Hikari’s symbiotic partnership with Tailmon is a very shoehorned metaphor of being an angel from Heaven and I absolutely eat that shit up. Fans have pointed out Hikari’s so mysterious with her role and powers as late member of the team, the same can be said for her personality. You see Hikari, you think ‘sweet, little girl’ and in part thanks to the 02 dub, she grows into being this sassy brat.

A brat who has trouble asserting herself and is prone to literally get dragged into an ocean of depression. Like any respectful human, Hikari cares for her friends and family; but a mixture of that and a tendency to devalue herself is Hikari’s fatal flaw. She’s too self-sacrificing to a fault, and this reflects the other extreme end of her crest. In my own overly pretentious words, I think Hikari has self-imposed on herself for ‘being the light of the team’; like she carries herself as a doll whose job is to bring others out of darkness when she’s still stuck in the shadows herself. Hikari doesn’t allow herself to verbalise her wants, let alone her needs because she doesn’t want to inconvenience others; she just goes with the flow and puts on a mask of toxic optimism.

I am aware this analyse could be me scraping the bottom of the barrel, but it’s how I interpreted Yamato and Hikari’s character; and now I’ll articulate my brain rot with how the fuck are these two being shipped.

You have these two people who already have this history and experience of being Chosen Children, but there’s also an underlying sub-connection of them being each other’s brothers’ best friend. As many Yakari fanfics have headcanon, it’s not unreasonable to think that Yamato’s at the Yagamis’ apartment frequently because A) Taichi is his best friend and B) The Ishida apartment is prolly empty ‘cause Hiroaki’s out being a workaholic. The Yagamis become the family that Yamato didn’t have growing up, and they welcome him with open arms. At their apartment, things are warm and rowdy, he doesn’t have to be alone with his thoughts and they treat him as a second son. Listen, I've been a diehard Takari shipper too, but I genuinely think Takeru and Hikari can be platonic soulmates. They know each other like the back of their hand, they’re cosmically entwined and their Digimon are in sync; they’re also legit a pair of best friends too. I know early 2000’s fics depict Yakari as being this big drama; but I have a weak heart and I’m here to say Yakari can be cosy and comforting and they’re just two idiots in love who need to be honest with each other.

I imagine their courtship not to be this grand display of fireworks and ‘the chase’, but a very subtle experience with slow burn. For me, Yakari is very much the first blossom of spring. They represent new beginnings and youth, the gentle lull of Mother Nature tending to the earth, something that’s natural but the routine has existed for centuries. Yakari is very much a gentle love, and with everything I’ve said about their characters; these two learn to embrace and nurture the other until they have a whole garden of spring’s blossoms.

This crackship has the surface-layer appeal of ‘brooding lone wolf’ and ‘sweet angel’, so when you peel the layers to find these two very private characters who just need that one-on-one reassurance/affirmation; this ship is a warm blanket of fluff and yes that’s basically the plot of my fics. It’s the charm of slice-of-life, the endearment of growing and improving yourself with the one you love with the occasional reminder that this is a series founded on puppies evolving into angels.

I’ve had enough of tragedies and melodramatic love affairs. I write about Yakari because as cliche as this sounds, I want more stories about ‘the light of friendship’. Yes that was a god awful line, but it captures why I have brain rot for this pair. To celebrate my first OMD, I have uploaded a special chapter on my AO3 fic titled ‘Mon ange’; it wouldn’t be August 1st if I didn’t half-hazardly work on this leading up to the big day. It couldn’t fit on Instagram, but this rambling piece is part of a bigger essay on my tumblr, so that’s also up and running. I hold Digimon near and dear to my heart, and I go about sharing that love by gushing about Yakari.

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my-autistic-things · 3 years ago

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Hello! Hope I'm not bothering you but I was just wondering if you can drive? I'm autistic and have anxiety problems. I want to learn how to drive so I can drive to my church without my parents help, but driving seems so complicated and confusing, plus very nerve wracking with the way other people be driving on the road. If you can drive, can you tell me how your first time driving experience has been? Are you good at driving? Hope I didn't offend you in anyway.

Ok long answer oops -- also sorry I don't check my ask box very often so this has been sitting there for a while.

I don't find this offensive at all! I can and do drive, and I enjoy driving very much despite also being extremely stressed out by it. I am a good driver, and a safe driver, and multiple people have told me that including my mom who judges everyone's driving ability lol.

I completely understand you reasoning. Driving is a freeing experience. It gives you SO much freedom and it is also the key to being more independent (esp. if taking the bus isn't a reliable option). Even if you're reliant on your parents/other adults for a lot of other things, having this one piece of independence can tremendously help your mental health.

I somehow didn't have driving anxiety before learning how to drive, but its a totally valid fear/worry. I have driving anxiety now, particularly on the freeway/highway, because other people don't drive safely. Driving is dangerous, it is confusing, and you constantly need to be aware of what is happening and make quick decisions. That being said, once you learn how to drive and build up your confidence, the operating a vehicle part is quite easy. That becomes almost automatic, and the continuously difficult part is monitoring your surroundings (other cars, speed limits, pedestrians, etc.). That cannot become automatic, though your responses can become reflexive.

I learned how to drive in a parking lot (as many others do). My mom had me first practice braking super fast on command (she would yell stop and I had to slam on the brake lol). Then we ventured out, at night, on some back roads where there wasn't many cars. Then I drove the 5 min drive home from the parking lot, then to the grocery store nearby, then to the pet store a bit further away, then on the highway to Costco, then the freeway to doctors appointments. My point is that we slowly built up the distance and speed I drove. I only went places I knew too, until I was confident enough to drive and also Think how to figure out where I was located and find new places (half of driving really is knowing where you are currently and knowing where you're going). I'm not sure how far away driving to church is for you, or what that involves (only streets, or a freeway/highway), but you could learn how to drive, hate it and be a bad driver, but manage to know that one route and drive only to church!

For everyone: I highly reccomend learning how to drive! Even if you can't safely drive on the roads, I highly reccomend learning how to drive in a safe environment (parking lots, non busy back roads) in case of an emergency. Even going so far as to obtain a driver's license, if you're able to pass the road test. You don't have to actively use your driver's license, but it gives you the freedom to legally drive away from bad situations (emergencies or just unhealthy environments, also renting a car). Driver's tests don't make you go on the freeways (typically), and you can study the route as much as you want before the test. Of course that being said, operating a vehicle is very serious and it actively endangers your life as well as everyone else around you. If you are prone to meltdowns, shutdowns, panic attacks, or literally anything that takes your attention from the road, it is 100% okay to never get behind a wheel and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Yours and others' lives are more important than the ability to drive.

#i hope that helps #driving #actually autistic

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galaxina-the-pyro · 4 years ago

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Here, have some PnF School related HCs!

-Phineas isn’t the best in school, not because he doesn’t know the subjects, but more due to the fact that, as a creative kid out to break boundaries, school simply doesn’t interest him. He’s not the best at following instructions, and will often lose points in assignments for taking creative angles. He excels at math (to the point of correcting his teachers on a few incorrect equations), and his weakest subject is Grammar. He never fails a class, usually passing at a C point average. He does do well on tests, however (to the point where he has been accused of cheating).

-Phineas claims he can understand subjects better when Ferb (and Isabella) explains it to him

-Ferb and Baljeet always get A’s in their assignments, and take their study time seriously (Baljeet most of all; Ferb doesn’t mind getting anything lower than an A, but will feel shame if he feels he could’ve done better, while Baljeet will go into panic mode if he gets anything less than A+).

-In hindsight, Ferb is actually far more intelligent than Baljeet, but prefers to stay in the same grade as his brother; he was even given the option to move up grade levels, but politely refused

-In spite of Isabella eye rolling Baljeet’s fear of failure, she has similar meltdowns when she fails an assignment (to which Baljeet offers zero sympathy; do unto others, baby)

-Baljeet attends Highschool with Candace, Stacy, and the others, though Buford still manages to bully him even at such a radius. He does, however, tutor students in the school his friends go to, so he always sees his friends during after school activities.

-Phineas and Ferb always end up in the same classes every year...except for the school year after the canon series. That marks the first time both of them end up in different classes.

-There are school related patches for the Fireside Girls to earn, and as the episode “Ferb TV” states, being a part of the Fireside Girls gets you extra credit in middle school

-Out of all her friends, Isabella is part of the most extracurricular activities, including but not limited to, Debate Team, Junior Student Government, Mathletes, Glee Club, Drama Club, and of course Soccer

-Isabella is the head editor of the school newspaper, which she names “The Danville Eagle” (not to be confused with “The Fireside Gazette”)

-Isabella is the most prone to daydreaming during class, and often zones out; usually this is due to Phineasland, but her mind tends to drift to other places as well.

-Phineas, on the other hand, always distracts himself with drawing during classes, whether it be blueprints, or doodles in his textbooks - he often has his pencils and pens confiscated

-Buford tends to be the one most likely to interrupt the class for some reason or another; apparently it’s a requirement in The Bully Code, but everyone is certain he does it purely out of boredom

-Django and Jenny are both homeschooled, though Django does end up going to highschool with Phineas and the others

-Jenny only takes one college class before dropping out to continue her hippie/protest lifestyle; ironically, she starts a business that goes very well involving the buying and selling of...well...a certain type of plant, per se

-Buford has the lowest grade point average among his friends, but excels in art-related activities (and contact sports, of course); it’s very possible that he’s smarter than he lets on

-Buford is the only person among Phineas and Ferb’s friends who doesn’t join the school soccer team (this is due to confusing the sport with football)

-Recess time in the Dwampyverse is longer than recess in the real world (they already have longer Summers, so why not?), explaining how Phineas and Ferb can still complete certain Big Ideas during that time; they usually come up with ideas during or before lunchtime

-According to “When Worlds Collide”, Candace isn’t allowed to bust her brothers during the school year, but manages to find a loophole that allows her to attempt to bust them during Weekends (bar that she and her brothers finish their homework beforehand), and School Breaks. Linda often ponders over rewriting the Bust Accord, but is a mother of her word.

-Phineas and Ferb have a teacher who hates their existence, and is literally their antithesis; he sees their creative activities as a form of rebellion, and craves structure and discipline. On the other hand, he’s a total sadist and a crackpot who’d give Denzel Crocker a run for his money. Phineas and Ferb, much like towards their sister’s busting attempts, pay him no mind and probably treat him better than anyone else does.

-Phineas and Ferb are always paired up in school assignments; they’ve never gotten a perfect score on it in spite of how impeccable each project is, due to the assignment involving both participants giving short lectures. As we all know, Phineas always does all the talking, thus deducting points (this was a headcanon stolen from someone else, but I forget who)

-Phineas and Isabella’s favorite subject is music, Ferb’s is history, Baljeet’s is math, and Buford’s favorite subject is theatre (though he’ll always tell you it’s football, even though it’s not an actual subject)

-Ferb and Baljeet are on the A honor roll, Isabella is an AB honor roll (her weakest subject being history, the only subject keeping her from being on the same level as Ferb and Baljeet), Phineas is a C-average, and Buford is an F average (though he always gets just enough passes to make it to the next grade with his friends)

-Out of all the Fireside Girls, Gretchen excels the most in school, while Katie is on the lower end of the spectrum alongside Buford

-Candace always tries to sit next to Jeremy during classes they’re together, but someone always steals her seat before she can

-Candace’s favorite class is music class, like Phineas and Isabella, and is on the AB honor roll; her least favorite subject is home economics, due to always failing assignments while also somehow, someway setting herself on fire

-Candace’s grades are better than Phineas’, but worse than Ferb’s. Out of the three Flynn-Fletcher children Phineas has the hardest time with school

-Doofenshmirtz becomes a school teacher regardless of the Prof. Time/secret agent nonsense; he either becomes one due to community service, as a coverup for being an agent for OWCA, or by complete and total accident due to teleporting Vanessa’s real highschool teacher to another dimension

-He ALSO somehow becomes the defacto school counselor (I think he’d be really good at it, darn it); a lot of the kids seem to vent to him a lot for some reason (he thinks it’s the universe making him pay them back for ranting to Perry for so long [they also like to vent to his daughter, too, isn’t that weird?])

-Either way, Vanessa will always have him as a teacher, much to her dismay; the difference is whether Candace and her friends are ALSO a part of his class or not

-Doofenshmirtz sometimes does fun little experiments with Phineas, Ferb, and their friends, and has even helped them with a few of their projects after school

-Doofenshmirtz still uses his Inators during class, though he claims they are specifically used for GOOD this time around...even though they cause a whole slew of problems

-Due to these Inators, Perry has to involve himself and save everyone without revealing his identity to Candace or his other owners should they and their friends somehow get involved with the chaos (thank the great Platypus Lord for Stacy and her being somehow skilled at covering his beaver-butt)

-At some point, the entire PnF cast unintentionally reenact the events of “The One Thing”; Adyson is the one who steals antique photos specifically because they’re “the one thing you can’t replace”

-Phineas and Isabella have study dates together (Isabella is the only one who calls it a study date, however, though technically Phineas never corrects her, so it’s pretty much a study date, don’t you dare take this away from her, Ginger!)

(I’m probably gonna add more later, but feel free to add some of your own school-themed headcanons~.)

#phineas and ferb #headcanons #pnf #phineas and ferb headcanons #hcs #Phinabella #school

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