#{✦| not feeling like I’m being replaced anymore which is nice but the clear up will feel better!!

[bccksmarts]

That being said; I’ll be clearing out my mutuals and things, getting rid of inactive users and whatnot, nothing huge!! Gonna do a total redo of Hermione’s connections section on her about page and my affiliates — so if you’d like to keep anything, do let me know!!

I wanna make things better and I don’t want imposter syndrome coming back so I wanna get my shit straight 😤

[nadvs]

out of bounds (part six)

pairing zach maclaren and soccerplayer! female reader

rating mature 18+ for smut

summary zach has never been the type to rebel, but when he meets you at a soccer camp where you’re both working as counselors, which has a strict policy against dating between staff, he’s tempted to break the rules for the first time.

» part one | two | three | four | five

» masterlist

Every made-up explanation you can think of won’t cut it. Nothing you say will be believable. You’ve been found out.

“They’re bug bites?” you say weakly, pulling up your shirt so the hickeys aren’t in clear view anymore. Ami laughs, shaking her head.

“I knew you and Zach were a thing,” she says. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I wouldn’t judge. You know that I’m breaking the rules, too.”

You sigh, dropping back into your bed.

“We really don’t want it getting around,” you say.

“Then you should be more careful about where you let bugs bite you,” she laughs.

“Ami,” you groan, half-chuckling. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t. You can trust me,” she says. “When did this start?”

You sit back up and give her surface details, recapping when you two kissed by the lake, then tried and failed to wait until after the season to pursue anything.

“Have you guys…” she asks with raised brows. Your cheeks burn.

“Last night,” you admit. Your stomach goes numb at the memory. “But seriously, you can’t mention it to anyone. If people find out and he gets fired, it’d crush him.”

The amusement in Ami’s eyes fades, replaced with compassion.

“Wow. You’re really worried, huh?” she says.

“He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I don’t want him to get in trouble,” you reply. “We decided today that we’ll keep things on hold. For real this time.”

“Can you keep it on hold?” she asks. “I don’t know about you, but it being forbidden makes it ten times hotter.”

You shrug. You’re unsure if you’d be doing this much this fast with Zach if you met outside of work, and he did tell you last night that he never moves this quickly with a girl.

“I’m going to have to try,” you say. Zach’s hard to resist, but for his sake, you don’t want to give in.

“Fair,” Ami sighs. “I knew it, though. Malcolm called me crazy.”

“You talked about it with him?”

“Yeah, the night you went shopping,” she says. “I said that I think there’s something there and Malcolm was like, I can tell he likes her, but there’s no way he’d break the rules. I wish I could rub it in his face.”

You shoot her a look.

“But I won’t,” she promises. You nod gratefully.

“He can tell he likes me?” you ask.

“He said when you’re around, Zach smiles way more than usual,” she recalls, “which is already a lot to begin with, apparently.”

Your heart flutters. Zach is already such a cheerful person, so to think you make him even happier, and very obviously at that, is flattering.

“I guess Malcolm would know since they’ve been best friends for so long,” you say.

“Yeah,” Ami agrees. “He actually…”

She chuckles.

“What?”

“He was randomly talking about Zach the other day,” Ami continues, “and he said that he treats every girlfriend like he’s gonna marry her. I guess he’s a hopeless romantic, so I hope you’re prepared for that.”

You chuckle, wholeheartedly believing it. Zach is sweet and sensitive and while you didn’t doubt his sincerity for a second, hearing that he’s not one for flings is a relief. Because you want so much more with him.

“Good to know,” you reply. “And you and Malcolm are still keeping things casual or…?”

“I don’t know,” she says with a hopeful smile. “But if it gets more serious, I wouldn’t be mad about it or anything.”

You laugh together and finally, you allow yourself to gush about the man who’s thrown you for such an unexpected loop. It feels nice to not have to keep it in anymore.

You’re relieved when Saturday rolls around. Even though fun days at camp are just as busy, you welcome a break from running training drills.

After breakfast in the dining hall, Ruby announces to the campers to prepare for a morning of hiking, an afternoon of swimming, and a camp-wide relay race before dinner.

The sky is cloudy, but the chance of rain is low, so you stay optimistic that you won’t be forced to spend the day inside.

You quickly realize it’s not going to be as easy to keep your distance from Zach today, because you’re put in a hiking group with him.

As you set out on the trail with your cohorts of campers, their chatter loud over the sounds of shoes crunching over the dirt and birds chirping in the sky, Zach leads the crowd under towering trees that line the perimeter of the campground.

It’s only been a couple of days since you spoke with him about cooling things down, but not talking how you used to has been disheartening. Neither of you have been scheming to find ways to be alone like you used to, settling for friendly conversations whenever your paths cross.

“We’ll get a pretty cool view at the midpoint,” Zach says loudly to the campers, turning back. He meets your eyes for a second, a small smile flashing on his face, before he looks ahead again.

You wonder if he took your words as you suggesting you two shouldn’t talk at all, when that’s far from the truth.

You make conversation with your campers while you hike, and when you reach the height of a steep trail, you approach Zach as he looks out at the view of lush forestland.

“Hi,” you say quietly. His eyebrows raise when he sees you, like he’s surprised you’re speaking to him. It’s your first moment out of earshot from others in too long.

“Hey,” he says.

“You know, I didn’t mean we can’t talk at all,” you say with a soft laugh.

The pang of rejection has been burrowed in Zach’s chest since your last private conversation. He’s hardly ever one for overthinking, but since you came into his life, all he does is mull over everything you do and say to him, anxious that you don’t like him as much as he likes you.

But now, as he gets lost in the softness in your gaze, he realizes what an idiot he is for worrying that you don’t also think that what you have is special.

He needs to remind himself that you’re just being careful. Not rejecting him. He shoves down the prickly feeling and smiles at you.

“I thought I wasn’t even allowed to look at you,” he jokes to dismiss his uneasiness.

“Stop,” you chuckle. “How’ve you been?”

Zach’s blue eyes dart over his shoulder, his lips flattening.

“I miss you,” he half-whispers.

You tilt your head as you gaze up at him, your lips in an endeared frown. You’ve gotten used to there always being a sense of a playful smirk on his face, a look of mischief in his eyes, but right now, he’s completely doleful.

“I miss you, too,” you say. “Forcing each other into the friend-zone sucks.”

Zach laughs, his heart warming.

“No kidding,” he says. At this point, he just needs to get through a few more weeks as just your friend. It feels like forever, but he’ll get through it.

After lunch, counselors work together to set up for an afternoon by the lake, handing campers life jackets and inflating water toys.

After set-up, you stand on the dock, shades shielding your eyes now that the sun has peeked out from behind fluffy clouds.

You look out at the beautiful water, surrounded by campers talking and laughing, feeling that calming sense of being where you’re meant to be. Even though the days are tiring and the kids can be difficult, you’re so glad you came here.

You hear Zach’s familiar voice as he chats and walks past you, followed by two boys. He leans down to grip the edge of the empty canoe bobbing in the water on the dockside, gently reminding them to enter the boat slowly.

You can tell he’s been running around tirelessly, his lips parted as he pants, sweat sheening his skin.

When he stands to collect the ore, he quickly lifts the bottom of his shirt up to wipe his forehead, giving you a glimpse of his chiseled body. You’re glad you’re wearing shades because you can’t take your eyes off of him.

You clasp your hands together, your body rushing with heat as you remember what happened a few nights ago. How taut his body looked when you were on top of him. The way he breathed and moaned when you slowly sank onto him.

You force yourself to look away. Seeing him like that and knowing you can’t have him is only making things harder.

A couple of hours later, the relay race is underway on the north soccer field. You’re standing at the touchline on your own, stationed to hand out water and snacks to any campers or staff who need it.

Your stomach goes wild with butterflies when Zach makes his way towards you, offering you a charming grin as he pushes his sunglasses up to rest on his head.

“No way,” he says when he approaches, squinting, his voice low. “You got the easy job.“

“Rude. It’s actually way harder than it looks,” you reply.

“Standing there looking pretty is hard?”

“Very,” you say, his compliment making you a little lightheaded. You mirror him, perching your sunglasses up.

“I don’t believe it.”

Zach opens the cooler, not giving you a chance to get a drink for him. He collects a water bottle and unscrews the cap.

“You remember when you told me I can’t look at you a certain way when we’re at work?” you say, pushing the lid of the cooler shut.

He smirks, tipping his head back as he gulps down water. You’re gazing at him like that now, your stare hard on him. It’s addictive being on the receiving end of that look. It makes him feel like he’s floating.

“Yeah, and it still stands,” he nods. “So, stop it.”

“I’m not even…” you scoff, crossing your arms. “I have a rule for you, too. You can’t lift up your shirt when I’m around.”

“What? When did I do that?”

“By the lake. And I don’t appreciate it.”

“Why not?” he chuckles.

“Just stop,” you flirt with a roll of your eyes.

“I need a reason.” By the smug smirk on his face, you can tell he already knows. Because he’s so cute, you give in.

“It’s hard not to stare,” you say. “And we’re not supposed to stare at each other.”

The flattered look you’ve quickly grown to love flashes on his face.

“Oh, you mean when I get hot?” he teases. “I can’t control the sun.”

“Zach,” you warn. He says your name with the same teasing tone.

“I’m serious,” you say.

“So am I,” he laughs.

You shake your head at him when he lifts up the bottom of his shirt to wipe the water off his lips. His eyes stay locked on your expression as yours drift down the cut of his abs.

Zach’s entire body buzzes when you look at him like that. He so deeply loves feeling wanted by you.

“You just don’t listen,” you mumble, taking your eyes off of him. He chuckles, letting his shirt fall back down.

“Come on, baby, it’s my fault it’s hot out?” he murmurs.

You can’t stifle your grin. Maybe he technically shouldn’t call you that if you’re pretending to be friends, but nobody can hear, and you love when he’s sweet like that.

“Everything’s your fault,” you say.

Zach winks at you before he turns to rush back to the game. It’s the type of silly banter that made you develop a crush on him so fast, and you’re glad you can at least flirt if you’re not going to sneak around anymore.

After the relay race, Tom reminds the campers that in a week and a half, you’ll be hitting the midpoint of the camp season, and as tradition goes, a staff soccer game will be held.

Even though it’s just a no-stakes match at camp to give the kids a fun chance to cheer on their counselors, you feel nerves twist in your stomach at the reminder.

Despite the fact that your love for soccer has slowly been finding its way back to you, your confidence still isn’t quite where you want it. And your instinct is to talk to Zach about it, to be comforted by the one person you’re trying to stay away from.

As you settle at your table for dinner that evening, you look for him in the crowd. He’s sitting at the head of his usual table, laughing in conversation. When he meets your eyes, you give him a smile. He returns it.

That evening after lights out, you’re lying in bed scrolling on your phone while Ami watches something on her laptop when you realize the nagging desire to see Zach is only getting harder to ignore.

You’ve also been considering telling him that your cabin-mate knows about him. It may just serve to worry him, but it feels wrong keeping something from him.

The way he looked on the hike when he said he missed you is stuck in your head. You miss him, too. As if you haven’t seen him in weeks.

It feels silly to keep your distance. You’re being too careful. You’re sure you can manage to hang out and keep your hands off of each other.

You hung out platonically before. Why can’t you do it again? There’s no rules against that. In fact, being friends is encouraged. You open your text conversation with Zach.

When Zach steps out of his cabin into the brisk air that night, he looks up at the sky to see he can hardly spot any stars. The air is thick with the threat of rain, but it’s stubborn, refusing to fall.

He heads out to the dock, sitting on the cool surface, his phone in his hand. Malcolm already fell asleep, so he decided to take his call outside to not wake him.

It’s never easy for him to be away from his family for very long. He appreciates checking in every so often, making sure his parents are doing okay, hearing how his sister’s summer is going.

As he catches up with them during the video call, at one point, his dad asks his mom where his glasses are and when she points off screen and his dad thanks her with a kiss to her temple, the simple, passing moment is a reminder to Zach of how loving his parents’ marriage is.

He grew up knowing that his mom and dad adore each other, that they believe they’re meant to be together. It’s fun to act grossed out by their affection, but in reality, he admires them. He’s never wanted to settle for less in a relationship.

Zach has always desired to be surrounded by love and approval. He’s sure his heart will never fully heal after his childhood, but when he knows he’s around people who like him, that wound feels much smaller.

And the way you accept him for everything that he is, never once looking at him with judgement, unconditionally offering compassion, gives him a sense of being complete, of that wound actually being gone. He hasn’t ever felt that before.

He looks out at the dark water, breathing slowly. He’s always thought of himself as an optimistic person, so it’s uncomfortable to be wallowing over his circumstances with you this much.

He forces himself to see the bright side. He may be facing weeks of not being able to be with you the way he wants to, but when the camp season wraps up and he goes back to his normal life, you won’t be living under any of these rules.

He’ll take you out on dates. He’ll hold your hand in public. And hopefully, you’ll still like him enough that he can introduce you to his family and officially be your boyfriend.

At that moment, his phone buzzes with a text. It’s you. havent worked on my defense in a while... do you have time to help a friend practice?

He grins, feeling the tension in his body dissipate.

You agree to meet on the field farthest from the staff cabins, positioned at the far edge of the campground. When you approach the pitch, Zach’s practicing kick-ups by the net under the bright moon.

“Show-off,” you say once you’re close enough. He looks up to see you, letting the ball roll away. His smile fades once he sees your bare arms under your t-shirt.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asks.

“No.” His concern remains etched on his face, quickly unzipping his hoodie and stepping closer.

“I’m fine,” you laugh, unsuccessfully protesting as he drapes his hoodie over your shoulders.

“Now you are,” he says, looking down at you with a relieved smile. He leans down to leave a chaste kiss on your cheek, then quickly pulls back.

“Sorry,” he says. “Not allowed.”

You chuckle, looking around into the silent darkness surrounding you.

“I think we can get away with it here,” you tell him. “But I figured if anyone sees us, we’re just two coworkers innocently practicing for the game.”

“I ever tell you you’re a genius?” he asks, cocking his head, his eyes trailing down your face.

“Don’t think so,” you reply.

“Well, you are,” he says.

“Thanks, baby.”

“Okay, you can’t call me that and not expect to be kissed,” he murmurs, cupping your jaw with his cool palm. He leans down to kiss you, slow, his lips just barely parting.

“We still have to be careful,” you sigh amusedly when he pulls away. “Let’s practice.“

“Right,” he says. “As friends.”

“As friends.”

Zach smirks, rushing to get the ball as you stand in front of the net, stretching to warm up your legs.

“How was your day?” he asks once he stands a few feet across from you, gently kicking the ball to you. “Barely broke a sweat, huh?”

You trap the ball below your foot with a gasp.

“What’s that mean?”

“You’re still gonna pretend standing next to a cooler is hard?” he asks.

You laugh and kick the ball with unexpected force, watching him dramatically dodge it as it whirls past him.

“Whoa, you mad or something?” he laughs.

“I don’t need your attitude or your hoodie,” you tease, pulling the sleeves off.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he relents, laughing harder. “Please put it back on.”

You roll your eyes and comply, loving how soft his sweater feels on your skin, loving how much it smells like him.

“Just go get the ball,” you say in resignation, a smile pulling at your lips.

“Yes, ma’am,” Zach replies.

You watch him jog towards the center line, expertly dribbling the ball when he reaches it. He comes forward and stops a few feet away from you.

“Hey, I have something to tell you,” you say. The guilt weighs even heavier on you when you see the worry in his gaze.

“What?”

“Ami knows about us,” you confess. “She saw my hickeys the other day and I couldn’t think of a lie fast enough. She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone. I’m sorry.”

His heart aches when he hears the distress in your voice.

“You’re sorry?” he says. “I’m the one who left them.”

You breathe out a chuckle, tugging at the sleeves of his sweater over your knuckles.

“You can be upset with me,” you mumble. “I know you didn’t want anyone knowing.”

“I’m not upset,” he replies. “It’s okay.”

“Really?” you ask.

Truthfully, hearing that someone else knows about you two makes him tense. It increases the risk of being found out, of disappointing his family, of ruining his reputation. But he can’t bear to make you feel any worse.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it,” Zach says, keen to push past the topic. He kicks the ball to you. “So, your day?”

“It was good,” you say. “The hike was nice. But thinking about the staff game made me nervous. I guess I’m still not all that confident yet.”

“And you came to the best for help,” he says. You kick the ball back, laughing softly.

“I did.”

“You’ll get into your stride again,” Zach tells you. “I wasn’t just trying to flatter you the first night. You’re a really good defender. Honest.”

“Thank you,” you say, stopping the ball when he kicks it to you again. This is exactly why you wanted to come to him. He consoles you so effortlessly, already making the nerves unravel. “How was your day?”

“Good,” he says. “I actually just got off the phone with my family when you texted.”

“How are they?”

“Falling apart without me,” he answers sarcastically. “My sister was saying my dad doesn’t do monster checks right.”

“I’m sorry, what’s a monster check?” you laugh.

“A check for monsters, obviously,” he replies. “I’m usually the one that scouts out Avery’s room before bed, but since I’m not home, my dad’s in charge. And his heart’s just not in it.”

“That is not something to slack on,” you play along.

“Right?” he says. “I couldn’t live with myself knowing a monster might’ve flown under the radar.”

You laugh again, touched by how sweet of a big brother he is. You kick the ball to him and start training together.

It’s been just under ten minutes of practice when you feel a cool raindrop on your cheek. Zach’s towering over you, your legs brushing as he tries to gain possession of the ball, when you freeze and look up.

“I just felt rain,” you say, gently panting. He takes the opportunity to gaze at you as you stare up at the night sky, the moonlight washing your pretty face in its glow.

You lower your gaze to meet his eyes, revelling in the feeling of him looking at you like that, like you’re the only girl that exists. It reminds you of the way he stared at you when you met, needing you to repeat yourself because he was too out of it to pay attention to your words.

“Zach,” you giggle. “It’s raining. We should go.”

In that moment, he feels a raindrop on his head.

“Oh. Yeah,” he says. He bends to pick up the soccer ball, dreading how long the walk back to the staff cabins is.

You rush off the field, letting him grab your hand, enveloped in the darkness of the night. Drops of rain start to hammer down within seconds, cold moisture covering your clothes.

“Shit,” Zach chuckles, running faster, pulling you forward. “We won’t make it.”

You’re both laughing breathlessly when you run into the closest storage shed, shutting the door behind you, clothes sticking to you.

When Zach stumbles over something in the dark with a grunt, you laugh even harder, asking him if he’s okay between your cackles.

“I could have broken something,” he says, pretending he’s insulted, “and you’re laughing.”

You feel for him in the dark, cupping his bare forearms as he stumbles over the disorganized supplies scattered on the floor.

“Are you okay?” you repeat, facing him, trying to make out his features in the dark.

“Why don’t people ever clean up?” Zach complains. “It’s a safety hazard.”

“For the third time, are you okay?” you say amusedly. Your hands feel up his arms, cupping his face as the rain loudly drums on the roof.

“Yes,” he finally murmurs. He wishes it wasn’t so dark so that he could see you, but if he turned on the light, it’d be too easy for someone to notice.

“Good,” you whisper. You gently stroke his cheeks with your thumbs, feeling a bit of stubble over his jaw, his skin cool from the night air as he leans into your touch.

“That feels nice.” His voice is low and rough beneath the sound of pouring rain. You smile to yourself, adjusting to the dark, seeing that he shut his eyes.

“Then I’ll keep doing it,” you respond.

“You looked good out there,” he murmurs. “I mean, you’re skilled. You don’t have anything to worry about. You’re a solid soccer player.”

“So, to clarify, my playing looked good, but I didn’t?”

Zach lets out a tsk, finding your waist.

“Cut it out,” he scoffs. “You know how pretty you are.”

“I do?”

“Come on,” he mumbles. “Don’t even pretend to say bad things about yourself.”

“Or what?” you ask.

“I’ll cry. Is that what you want?”

You giggle, loving how easily he makes you laugh, feeling like you’ll be falling victim to your own impulses. And fast.

Cool down. You said you’d cool down. But there’s nothing cool about his lips pressing against yours when you pull him closer.

It’s only been a few days since you had a moment totally alone together, but when he kisses you with abandon, it’s like your body is getting its first drop of water after being parched.

As your kisses grow hungrier, Zach’s body melts into pure contentment. It’s perfect how you fit into each other, how his mind goes completely blank when he holds you, letting him ease into the bliss of your touch.

Your lips brush and your tongues graze and your breaths catch as you kiss, his grip on your waist tightening as your palms press on his cheeks.

“We’re bad at this,” you whisper when your lips part. “We’re bad at staying away from each other.”

“I’m okay with that,” Zach rasps, pulling you in tight, his body curving into yours.

You’re in a fog as you continue to make out, surrounded by him, listening to your shallow breaths and the heavy rain.

Your knees are weak by the time you pull away from each other, the roar of rain now reduced to calm droplets.

“What now?” Zach breathes. He needs to know if he’s going to go through the agony of not sneaking around with you anymore.

Every inch of his skin tingles with warmth. He wishes he could just lie down with you, not because he needs anything sexual, but because he hates the thought of saying goodnight and parting ways.

“I don’t know,” you reply. “I don’t like not kissing you. But I don’t like getting fired, either.”

Despite himself, he smirks, dipping his head to pull you into a hug and bury his face in the crook of your neck. You drape your arms around his broad shoulders, shutting your eyes as he squeezes you.

Zach breathes you in, feeling safer than he ever has in his life.

“I’m really glad you texted me,” he mumbles.

“Me, too,” you say.

When you sneak back into your cabin, still wearing his sweater, the fear you felt of getting caught the whole walk over reminds you of why you suggested you cool things down in the first place.

If you’re found out, it’s over. You’re still not sure what to do, if you should keep trying to stay away from him or just continue meeting in secret. But you do know that whatever you decide, Zach will respect it.

The next morning, you wake up with a sore throat. You realize you caught a mild cold from last night. And being sick in the middle of the summer while working an exhausting job is not ideal.

You barely make it through the day, then have an overnight shift in one of the campers’ cabins. By the next day, you’re a bit better, mainly dealing with muscle soreness.

After dinner, Zach notices the faraway look in your eyes as you sit across the fire and talk with campers. You were together just two nights ago, kissing and laughing, but you haven’t had a chance to speak privately since. And something seems wrong.

He discreetly pulls out his phone to text you: Are you ok?

You feel the buzz in your pocket and when you read his text, you meet his eyes, melting at the concern in his gaze. In an effort to ease his worry, you speak a little louder to the kids around you.

“Nobody caught my cold, right?” you ask. They shake their heads no.

“You’re sick?” Zach asks from the other side of the pit, over the chatter.

“A little,” you reply, your nose scrunching. “But the worst of it is over.”

Zach’s heart aches, upset that you’re in pain and that he didn’t notice sooner. It’s from the night you got caught in the rain together. He’s sure of it.

When he knocks on your door after lights out, even though he’s still uneasy about your cabin-mate knowing about you two, at least he doesn’t have to worry about how to look like a concerned friend and nothing more.

You’re sitting in bed when Ami swings open the door. Zach is standing on your front step, cupping something in his hands, his eyes darting between her and you.

“Hey,” he says, looking at you. “Thought I’d drop off some tea.”

Ami looks back at you, a grin on her face.

“You brought her tea?” she says. “That’s so sweet.”

“It is sweet,” you say with a shy smile. “Thank you.”

“Come in,” Ami says, stepping back. “You can hang out. I was about to go see what Malcolm’s up to anyway.”

“Really?” you ask, not buying it.

“He’s on an overnight,” Zach says.

“Is he? That’s crazy,” she says with a coy smile. She looks at you. “Text me.”

You know what she means; you need to let her know when she can come back since you and Zach might be in doing more than just hanging out.

Ami pulls a sweater over her pajama top and rushes out, leaving you and Zach alone in the cabin.

“Where’d you get tea?” you ask once the door shuts.

“From the office,” he says, crossing the room and setting the mug on your nightstand. He settles on the edge of your bed, inches away from you, gazing at you worryingly.

“I can get more if you need it,” he says. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”

“It’s really not that bad,” you tell him. “It’s just a headache now.“

He purses his lips, reaching forward to put the back of his hand on your forehead.

“I don’t think I have a fever,” you laugh.

“No other symptoms?”

“Just a sore throat yesterday, but it passed.”

“From being in the rain the other night?”

“That, and the stress of being scared we’ll get caught,” you laugh. He knows you’re joking, but his chest twists in pain. “Should I have told you?“

The question sets him aback for a moment, uncertainty rushing through him. You’ve been acting like you want a relationship, too, but maybe he’s being unrealistically hopeful.

Even though he’s been afraid to come on too strong, he needs to know, so he speaks before he can talk himself out of it.

“If I’m going to be your boyfriend, I need to know when you’re not feeling well,” Zach says.

You gaze at him for a silent few seconds. He’s unbelievably grateful when you lean forward and press your forehead into his chest, hugging him as best you can while you sit across from each other.

“It was just a little cold,” you mumble. “But I bet it would’ve been worse if my boyfriend didn’t make me wear his sweater.”

He cracks a smile, relieved, loving the way it sounds coming from you.

“Which you stole, by the way,” he says, making you laugh. He kisses the top of your head, then leans over to hand you the mug, steam curling from the top.

“Thank you,” you say. “How are you?”

You talk to each other about your days, swapping stories as you lean against the wall, taking slow sips.

“I’m cured,” you say once you’re done, setting the empty mug on the nightstand.

“Can I get you anything else?” he asks.

“Hugs,” you say, feeling desperate for his touch.

Zach grins, standing to let you comfortably lie down before he settles next to you. Your cheek is on his shoulder as he holds you in his arms, and when he lifts your chin to guide you into a kiss, you shake your head.

“You’ll get sick,” you warn.

“What? You said I cured you.” He pecks your lips gently, then shifts to kiss your forehead. “Where’s it hurt? Here?”

“Mhm,” you mumble.

“I don’t think it’s the cold,” he says. “Your head hurts because you think about me too much.”

You giggle, your hand trailing up and down his firm stomach.

“Oh, that must be it,” you say.

“I think about you too much, too.”

“You do?” You close your eyes as he continues to plant gentle kisses on your forehead. “What do you think about?”

“I mostly wonder when the next time I can be with you is,” he murmurs, “and how it can’t come fast enough.”

You stroke his chest, stopping to feel his heartbeat over the fabric of his shirt.

“Me, too,” you say. You trail back down his stomach and up again, arousal twisting in your core the more you feel him.

He sighs quietly. It’s unreal how just a minute of your touch does this to him. He’s already hard.

When you gently tug at his hip so he’ll turn on his side to face you, you feel him stiffen once his erection presses against your stomach, letting out a heavy exhale.

“I swear I didn’t come over to do this,” Zach murmurs, worried you’ll think he’d try to come by under false pretences just to hook up.

“I believe you,” you whisper against his neck, kissing softly, breathing in his scent.

Zach kisses the top of your head, cradling your jaw, revelling in the feeling of your affection, sure you can feel him growing even harder against you.

“I don’t know if – I mean, are we back to seeing each other?”

You shuffle back to meet his eyes, sympathy in your gaze.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been confusing,” you say. ���I know I told you we should cool down just to make out with you like, two days later.”

“I’m not complaining,” Zach says with a soft chuckle. Maybe someone else would be frustrated, but everything about this summer has been unpredictable and he’s always been quick to adapt.

“I can’t decide what to do. I feel like you,” you tease.

“Hurtful,” he jokes, squinting.

“Remind me of how much time we have left before the season ends,” you say sadly.

“A month and three days.”

“It’s cute that you know the exact number.” The compliment makes his cheeks flush pink.

“Yeah, I’m pretty cute,” he replies. You laugh, your fingers dipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt. He bites his lip when he feels your skin against his, eyelids low.

“You’re very cute,” you say. “And very kind for coming to check on me.”

His heart is racing. You’re looking at him in that way he said you can’t look at him at work. It gets him all flustered, making him feel like you want him as bad as he wants you.

“And so sweet and so handsome,” you continue, your hand sliding up his back under his shirt. “And so good for me.”

“Baby,” he sighs happily, the praise making his head swim. “You know what that does to me.”

“That’s why I’m doing it,” you breathe. “One more night? Then, we cool down, for real?”

“But your head hurts.”

You shrug, admittedly still feeling tension in your temples.

“You made it better,” you say. He shifts lower to kiss you, gently sucking on your bottom lip, breathing heavily.

His thoughts are rushing like a current, the desire to make you feel good, to relax you in the best possible way burning deep inside him.

When he pulls back a bit, his lips brush against yours when he asks, “Can I kiss lower? Make you feel even better?”

You catch the weight of his words, the coil in you tightening even more.

“Yes,” you breathe. “Please.”

“You never have to say please to me,” Zach says. “Not for that.”

You groan when he lowers to kiss your neck, down to your collarbones, over the swells of your breasts. He’s on his knees as he pulls up your shirt, trailing kisses up your stomach as he hungrily pulls down your pants.

You lift your hips to help him push them off, left in your panties in seconds.

Zach settles on his elbows, his eyes meeting yours as he rests with his head between your bent legs. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he puckers his lips against your inner thigh.

“You want this?” he murmurs.

“Yes,” you sigh happily.

“Me, too,” he says. “So bad.”

He kisses harder, surely going to leave a mark. His big hand drags over your knee, down your other thigh, resting at your pelvis.

His gaze refuses to leave yours, his lips still on your skin, when he lowers his hand to stroke his thumb over your middle. You moan softly, blinking slowly.

Like every other time he touches you, it feels like a dream. He can’t believe he gets to do this. The anticipation of knowing he’ll be tasting you soon makes his skin tingle.

Zach is agonizingly slow with his kisses, planting them all up one thigh, then moving to the other, then dipping to kiss right above where you need him most, over your underwear.

You lace your fingers in his messy hair, not pushing or pulling, just feeling his head move with every kiss, trying to be patient.

Finally, he puts his mouth over your core, kissing over the fabric, pulling a shudder out of you.

He can feel how wet you are, earning a taste of you, and it makes him ache with need. He looks up at you again as he gently pulls at the band of your panties.

Once you kick them off, his lips part in awe when you readjust to slightly spread your legs.

“Fuck,” he breathes. It’s almost nerve-racking, the way he’s staring at you. You’ve never been looked at like this. He gently pushes your knee down so he can see more of you.

“Fuck,” he says again, groaning through the word this time. He can’t wait any longer, lowering to press his lips against you. Your body rolls with pleasure when he makes contact, his lips warm and wet and soft, puckering against you.

Zach leaves countless kisses on you, angling his head so that he can give every part of you equal attention, licking his lips in between so that he can savor you.

You arch your back as he starts to languidly tongue you, letting out low moans and warm breaths. His nose presses against your groin, the sound of his wet kisses filling the room.

You run the heel of your palm over his head, caressing him, and he starts to suck your clit, his lips locked tightly.

“That feels so good,” you whisper. The way his mouth is working you sends waves of easy, soft satisfaction through you.

He threshes his tongue, gazing up at you as your face pinches in pleasure. You meet his eyes again, seeing how utterly intoxicated he looks to be doing something so intimate with you.

Zach pulls back, lips smacking off of you, panting now. He runs his hand up to your hip to find your hand and lace his fingers in yours.

“You taste so sweet,” he says, his tone thick with ecstasy, before leaning down again. It’s even better than he even imagined. You’re so slick and hot against his tongue. He could do this for hours.

You continue to run your fingers through his hair with one hand as you squeeze his fingers with the other, soft sighs spilling from your mouth. When you feel his tongue dip into you, you have to bite your bottom lip to quiet your moan.

His groans vibrate against you, guiding you into a state of pure solace. He pulls his hand away from yours to stroke his thumb in gentle circles over your clit as he tongues you. Every inch of your body tingles.

“Don’t stop,” you breathe. “That’s perfect.”

The praise spurs him on. His jaw is sore from how much his tongue is writhing inside you, but your pleasure is worth it.

The orgasm reaches you quickly, a million fireworks of ecstasy bursting through you, pushing you to quiver beneath him.

Zach kisses you as you come down from your high, shifting up to kiss your thigh, then your sternum, then finally your lips.

You meet his lips lazily and tenderly, tasting yourself on him. When you slowly trail your hand down his stomach to palm him over his sweats, he pulls back.

“No, baby,” he murmurs. “I don’t want you doing any work. Just rest tonight.”

He’s rock hard. You can tell how bad he needs the release. You want to do this for him, no matter how dazed you are. But you know he’ll feel guilty if he feels like you’re straining yourself.

“Then you do the work,” you whisper. “The condoms are in the bottom drawer.”

Zach sighs, kissing between your eyebrows, breaths shallow.

“I made you sore last time.”

“A good sore,” you breathily laugh.

“You’re sure?” he asks.

“I want you,” you say.

Your lids are low as Zach shifts to find a condom, pulling down his sweats and boxers, rolling it on carefully. His large frame leans over you, a flush coloring his cheeks as he looks down at you.

“I’m going slow,” he tells you.

“Whatever you want,” you say, and you mean it.

He holds himself at his base, slowly dipping himself into where his tongue was just minutes ago. His breath is strained as he sinks into you, wrapped in your soft heat.

He’s close to bottoming out, and stops, stroking your cheek.

“Still good?” he rasps.

“Yes,” you say. “Keep going.”

Zach sinks into you completely, taking a moment to savor how nice it is to be deep inside you again. His mouth is at the crook of your neck as he slowly starts to thrust back and forth, your bodies meeting with soft smacks.

The pressure of him is hard and perfect as your body rocks with his movements. You shut your eyes, swimming in bliss, breathing out short sighs into his ear as he rocks in and out.

He can’t believe how nicely you’re squeezing him, how perfect you feel, how lucky he is to be here right now. Your bed squeaks when he starts to move faster, his muscles tensing as you wrap your arms around him.

“Still okay?” Zach whispers.

“Yes,” you say. “Come for me.”

Your words are everything to him, the tender dominance he so deeply loves spinning him into a euphoric high. The way you make him feel makes the world stand still, makes him feel like perfection can exist.

He kisses you deeply, his stomach tautening as he comes. He continues to thrust slowly as he rides out the pleasure.

When he collapses, you kiss his cheek over and over, running your hand over the back of his head.

“Thank you,” he whispers. You smile weakly.

“Thank you,” you say.

Zach doesn’t let you stand up. After he gets dressed, he grabs a towel to help clean you up, gentle and slow. You’re still lying on your back when he sits at the end of your bed to pull your panties up over your ankles.

“You always gonna do that?” you tease quietly. “Put my clothes back on after?”

“Yes,” he says. He pulls them all the way up, then drags your pants up, too, before lying down next to you. You shuffle into the position you were in before, your cheek on his shoulder, his arms around you.

“My headache’s gone,” you tell him, “and I’m not just saying that.”

Zach’s chest gently bounces as he laughs.

“Good,” he says. He rubs up and down your arm. “Just tell me when I should go.”

“How’s never?” you ask. He smiles. His heart has never felt warmer.

“Doable,” he chuckles, kissing your forehead. “And… I’m with you. We’ll wait until the end of the season. I don’t want you stressed out, baby.”

“Okay,” you agree. It’s bittersweet and a month and three days have never felt so long, but you agree.

Eventually, you pull yourselves apart. You kiss Zach goodbye and text Ami that the coast is clear.

The next few days are a busy haze, full of stolen glances between you and Zach, and before you know it, it’s the midpoint of the season, the day of staff game.

It’s a scorching afternoon as you warm up on the pitch, eyes flitting to Zach as he jogs on the other side of the field.

Both teams were randomly assigned, and when you noticed that Zach was wearing a red vest over his t-shirt, not matching your blue one, you internally sighed.

You miss him. And if you were on the same team, at least you’d have a perfectly valid reason to talk with him right now.

The campers are seated under canopies on the touchline, already in a spirited cheer-off, rooting for the team their counselors are on.

Ruby blows the whistle to signal the start of the game. Your team keeps the ball on the other side of the field for the first little while, but remain goalless, until eventually, the red team starts to move in.

You’re focused, feeling more confident about your playing than you have in a while. You know you have Zach to thank. You hope you have the opportunity to tell him soon.

You’re quick on your feet as you watch the red team retain possession, the ball quickly spinning back and forth over the grass.

Finally, they make their move, with Zach leading. With slightly bent knees, you watch as he approaches the goal. You’re the only person left between him and your goalie.

He fakes left, but you call his bluff, stepping right to successfully kick it away. A chorus of groans sounds from the campers and some of his teammates.

“Oh, come on, Zach!” Malcolm shouts from the halfway line. “Obviously you want to go easy on your girl, but have some pride.”

“Chill, Malcolm,” Ami shouts back, laughing uneasily. You look back at your teammate, wondering if she broke her promise and told him about you. Or maybe Zach let him know at some point.

Or maybe Malcolm doesn’t know anything and you’re just reading into it. Your eyes dart to Zach as he jogs away. He looks back, his expression tense.

The game ends in a 0-0 draw, and Ruby decides it should come down to a penalty shootout just to end it with a bang. To your surprise, Zach misses, hitting the post. He looks rattled. Your team wins.

After lights out, you replay the moment on the field in your head, wondering how many people heard Malcolm. You want to question Ami about it, but you don’t get a chance to before she leaves for her overnight shift.

You step out into the humid night, figuring a walk will be a good way to clear your head. The anxiety eventually is too big to avoid, so you text Zach: everything alright? does Malcolm know?

As you pace past the camper cabins on your loop around the campground, you see that he replied. I asked him after the game. He knows. Ami told him.

You send a sigh up to the starry sky. She promised. Now not only is the secret out to two people, but considering that Malcolm is Zach’s best friend, maybe he was offended that Zach didn’t tell him, causing even more issues.

You text him: crap. sorry. do you want to talk about it?

You’re surprised and a little slighted to see him text back: It’s all good.

When you reach the staff area, you see Zach’s tall figure heading down the steps of his cabin.

Zach never thought he wouldn’t be glad to see you. But after the tense conversation he just had with Malcolm, he knows that the worry he’s harboring over the very real possibility that his aunt heard Malcolm’s words on the field today won’t make him good company.

He knows it’s not your fault. He willingly went into this with you. He pursued it. He left the marks on your body that exposed you. He should be mad at Malcolm for what he shouted today, and Malcolm only.

But he has a voice in the back of his mind pestering him, frustrated that you didn’t just hide it better and not tell Ami. And he feels like shit for being a little mad at you.

You already saw him. He’s not going to be a dick and ignore you. He’s going to pretend he’s fine.

“Hi,” you say softly, stopping in front of your cabin.

“Hey,” he says. “Out for a walk?”

“Are you mad at me?” you ask.

“What? No,” he says. “Why do you think that?”

“It feels like…” You hold up your phone. “I don’t know, this is the type of thing you’d want to talk about. But you just brushed me off.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. “We’re keeping our distance, right?”

You cross your arms, unable to shake the feeling that he’s not being totally honest. You know him well enough by now. Maybe he’s good at putting on a show for other people. But it’s not working on you.

“Zach, is this… is this what you talked about before?” you ask over the crickets chirping loudly around you. “When you said you don’t like to admit it when something’s bothering you?“

He looks down, his tongue jutting from under his cheek.

“Are you mad at me?” you ask again.

He’s silent. His mind is totally blank. He’s never been good at this. He hates that he can’t control how he feels. He feels like a bad person for being upset with someone so sweet who didn’t mean any harm.

“This just… it sucks,” Zach mumbles.

You nod slowly. It’s not a clear answer, but it’s enough. Your heart feels too heavy to force a conversation.

“Yeah,” you say. “It does.”

You turn to go up to your cabin. It hurts when he doesn’t stop you.

(part seven)

if you want notifications on when i post my fics, follow @xorafe-library and turn on notifications 💘

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#58: The Fearless (1.06)

gif cred: @nerd4music

What Rick and Michonne are about to do is super risky, and yet they aren't scared to take this on. And as Michonne will make clear, their fearlessness has everything to do with how safe Richonne makes each other feel 🥰...

So first, Pearl shows up to Rick’s room to see if he’s there and does she knock? Of course not. 🙃 She again just walks right in and then, seeing that Rick left his prosthetic in his room when he’s usually never without it, Pearl starts putting some pieces together. 

Rick leaving his prosthetic behind made me think about Rick and Michonne's final handhold in TWD. In TWD 9.03, Rick has his hand balled up in a fist when they get bad news. Then, Michonne slides her hand into his as he tightly holds her hand.

I've always felt that was a nice illustration of how Michonne is the one who can always get Rick to release his frustration and how being with her helps him feel like he’s never in this alone. They’re always held by each other's love and can recenter on that even amid frustrating or fear-inducing circumstances.

...But then Rick is taken from Michonne, he chops his hand off to get back to her, and what is he given as a replacement? A permanent fist. Almost like it represents how now Rick has to live with this cemented enduring sense of frustration.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

And then when Michonne re-enters his life and brings that man back in mind, heart, and soul, what does Pearl see? That fist extension left behind. Why? Because even Rick’s “permanent” fist can be replaced by the embrace of Michonne’s love, just like in their final irl TWD moment together. 👌🏽

So next, CRM soldiers start taking their seats and Rick and Michonne enter a tent to finish out their plan. I know some felt this plan was all too easy, but to me...

Rick doesn’t technically have to be incognito at all since he’s actually supposed to be a part of this CRM gathering and Michonne has a red-striped uniform so she’s not likely to be questioned either which explains why they’re able to maneuver throughout the space fairly smoothly.

As Richonne discreetly sets up the bombs, Pearl watches from a window as CRM soldiers gather for CRMchella before they horribly go and commit mass destruction on innocent people. 😣

But this military won’t get the chance to fulfill their operation because Rick and Michonne are in the middle of prepping to cause some mass destruction of their own. 

gif cred: @taiturner

I love the shot with Michonne’s wedding ring on her finger as she sets up the bombs. Our girl is wifed up, y’all. 🥹 I mean she has been for a long while, but still, I gotta celebrate it every time. 🥳

Also, I like how the contrast of the wedding ring and the bombs really hammers home the uniqueness of this epic apocalyptic love story. And it’ll always give me life seeing that Rick finally got to give her that ring like he dreamt about and that Michonne now gets to wear a ring of her own. 😌

As they walk back up to each other, Rick says, “This is it.” and Michonne says “Yeah.” And then Rick gets more specific about what he means when he says, “This is the last we’re apart.” Love it. 🥰 Spoken like a true magnet. 🧲😌

And Rick saying this just made it crystal clear that Rick and Michonne are about to be healthily attached at the hip from here on out. They’re not leaving each others side for anything anymore.

I know the finale being called The Last Time had some worried because it sounded so final and even ominous but y’all, I’m convinced it’s called 'The Last Time' because it’s the last time Richonne ever willingly part for longer than five minutes. 😋

gif cred: @nat111love

And it’s also super sweet that Rick says this because I got the sense that throughout this finale one of his least favorite parts of the plan was that he and Michonne would have to briefly separate again. So you know he’s happy they’re nearly done so that they don’t have to part anymore. 

Rick saying that was already nice, but then the moment gets even better as Michonne looks into Rick’s eyes and tells him, “I should be scared. Just standing here, I should be scared, but I’m not. Because of you.” The best. 😭😭

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

I adore the way this reemphasizes her sentiment that the only time she feels safe is when she’s with him. She really means that, and I love how she looks at Rick and has that subtle smile as she says it, knowing her husband is her truest safe space.

It's so meaningful how she's aware that the reason she's not scared right now is not just because she's a capable person who only envisions winning, but because she's with Rick, her other half who she trusts wholeheartedly. I love that Michonne always wants Rick to know that he makes her feel so secure even in the face of very dangerous circumstances. 🥹

And it’s really refreshing that this time around Rick is clearly responsive to hearing this from Michonne. When she told him that being with him is the only time she feels safe in episode 4, he felt he had to mask how he really feels about that - but here you can tell even in his subtle expression that his wife feeling this way means something special to him.

gif cred: @nat111love

Especially knowing how he started this show with loved ones who doubted his ability to keep people safe, Rick has to feel so uplifted knowing Michonne never doubts if she's safe when he's around.

I love how Rick and Michonne's love makes them both feel fearless. 🥲 For a time, their love made Rick riddled with fear of what could happen to Michonne. But, now that they’re back to fully believing the two of them can do anything, they’re back to operating in their fearless love. 😌

And then because gift-giving is truly one of Rick’s favorite ways to show his love, he says, “I forgot. I have something for you.” and gifts Beale’s sword to Michonne.

gif cred: @nat111love

Ok first of all - Man of the Year every year. No one is taking that title from Rick Grimes. 💯

Second of all; That is just the sweetest thing that Rick made sure to not leave Beale's sword behind because he thought it would make a good gift for his wife. 🥰 What a mighty good man. And mighty fine too.

I’ve long been convinced that Rick’s first thought when he sees most items is 'How can I turn this into a gift for Michonne.?' and TOWL just confirmed that lol. 👌🏽

Also, Rick really killed Beale in that briefing room, and before he left said...

Third of all; I like how this sword was so important to Beale and the CRM, it’s what thousands of soldiers swore on, for all of them it symbolized the power to kill and give life, it has a whole history...but then Rick decided what this sword is first and foremost is a nice little gift for Michonne until she gets her katana back. 😋

And Michonne might not even know exactly the significance of that sword because her and Beale didn’t really cross paths, but I know Rick knows that he’s giving this ‘life-giving’ sword to the woman that gives him life. 

Michonne’s smile at Rick is so sweet and appreciative as she accepts the sword. 🥲 Again, I adore that it’s always so clear that Michonne loves all the ways Rick shows his love.

And only Richonne can have such an adorable and heartwarming husband and wife moment while surrounded by tons of bombs and chlorine gas pods. 🤭

gif cred: @nat111love

So then they resume the set up, operating in sync of course. And the POV shot of them both lifting out a walker from the crate is great. 👏🏽We truly got us a couple that can do the lovers aspect and the lethal aspect to perfection. 🤩

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

Pearl is standing at another window looking reflective and the puzzle pieces finally come together for her as she thinks back to several moments where it was clear Rick was actually probably in love with Dana Bethune.

Pearl recalls Rick urgently persuading her to convince the CRM that Dana is a B, Rick following Dana’s lead instead of hers after Pearl stuck her neck out for them, Rick proving to have a good poker face during their game of poker, and lastly she recalls Rick saying “She’s not gone” as Pearl officially realizes that not only is the someone Rick loves out there not gone, honey, she was all up in the CRM breaking kill records and doing Pearl’s job better than Pearl. 💅🏽

Pearl heads off with this new realization as it has to be hitting her that the one family member she thought she had here, she actually didn’t know at all. Because if she had known Rick even a little bit better, she’d have noticed a lot sooner that Rick had changed the second Dana showed up.

This is a man who previously was shut down to the point of being basically dead and now his eyes light up every time he talks about this new consignee...the writing was on the wall about who Rick and Michonne were to each other.

But I won’t go in on Pearl too much because I also know a thing or two about being late to the party when it comes to Richonne - even tho I also should have been way more aware that Richonne was endgame from the jump. To this day I'm like how blind could I have been back then? 😅 But those blind days are long gone.

Always one to find a practical use for walkers, Michonne and Rick attach wire to Walker Beale and the elevator solider so that they can set off the bombs and Richonne can escape in time.

As Michonne leads Beale out of the tent while wearing his sword on her back, Beale was giving us MJ Thriller realness as a walker lol. 🧟‍♂️😋

And then Rick and Michonne exit the tent and quickly reunite after leading their walkers in opposite directions. And seeing this part always makes me smile because I was like 'wait...is this what Rick meant when he said ‘this is the last we’re apart’ - the 30 seconds they’d be apart to lead the walkers away?' Oh that confirmed even more that Richonne really is about to be attached at the hip from now on. 🤭

But also I get it, because even if it was just a few seconds spent apart, it was a dangerous few seconds considering the circumstances. So I’m sure Rick is glad to have that part over with and be back together. 

gif cred: @taiturner

Rick and Michonne make a run for it and then right on cue, Pearl shows up with her gun aimed at them. I was like now Pearl, you can be late to the party realizing who Richonne are to each other but you gotta be right on time right now?? Figures. 😪

gif cred: @sowhumpful

Pearl demands to know where Beale is and says she knows Rick lied to her. Pearl asks, “What did you do? Rick? Dana?” Rick tries to talk to her but she tells them to take off their helmets and she shoots at Rick’s feet to make it clear she’s not playing around.

I definitely see a lot of understandable hurt on Pearl’s face as it just becomes crystal clear that Rick was not her family…he was Dana’s.

In that regard, I do feel for Pearl because she needed something to believe in after being dealt a tough pair of cards. She wanted to believe in the mission she was given from Okafor and then the mission she was given from Beale, and she wanted to believe she found family in Rick. So I can see how that would be painful for her to realize so much of what she believed in no longer exists and maybe even never did.

All that being said, I still need Thorne to stop pointing guns at my babies tho. 🥊🙂

gif cred: @sowhumpful

Next, Pearl tells them they’re going to go back into the tent and undo whatever they did and then Rick and Michonne share a nod before turning around. Once again it comes in handy that Richonne are capable of communicating with each other without talking because they seem to quickly be on the same page as they walk toward the tent.

Pearl says they’re going to regret this when she finds Beale but I was like - ma'am...do you not see Beale’s sword on Dana’s back? When you find Beale he’s gonna be a 'creature crawling in search of blood to terrorize y’all’s neighborhood.' 😅

As Rick and Michonne walk toward the tent with their hands up, Rick demonstrates that being held at gunpoint is temporary but being a loverboy is forever as he still finds a way to make this moment romantic. He takes Michonne’s hand while they walk and this was a super heartwarming moment. 🥹

I love that Rick wants to use the one hand he's got left to comfortingly take his wife's hand and once again offer Michonne some sense of safety. And taking her hand is a comfort for him too.

Knowing that they’re very much between a rock and a hard place - with Pearl aiming a gun at them on one side & a tent full of bombs that are about to blow on the other - this handhold was Richonne letting each other know that no matter what they're in this together. 🥲

gif cred: @sowhumpful

I’m sure seeing Rick hold Michonne’s hand had to be another blow to Pearl as she sees that Rick found the someone he loves out there while she had to give up on ever finding hers. 

As Richonne stays holding hands, Michonne says, “It never died. It won’t stop. It can’t stop.” And unless I’m mistaken, I think the 'it' she’s talking about is their love and connection. And if so, I love that. 🥰

gif cred: @sowhumpful

Both she and Rick have expressed how they view their love as endless, undeniable, and unstoppable. And it’s sweet that that’s what Michonne acknowledges here because, even in this predicament, she's confident they’ll find a way since Richonne doesn't get denied.

Michonne knows nothing has stopped the two of them together yet and it won’t start now. And as always...she’s exactly right. 😌👌🏽

[tempestmothstorm]

I’m thinking about the whole "you are not your feelings" theme the side stories have and how that contrasts with the main game

Like the two talks in reflection where Sayori and Monika tell the others about how their emotions don’t have to define who they are and don’t make them bad people. This theme of singular traits not defining who you are/not controlling who you want to be is backed up by the rest of the side stories, which exist to show how the characters are multifaceted and human. They aren’t tropes or defined solely by their thoughts or actions. They aren’t perfect nor pure evil, only people trying their best. They’re real, complex people, and the ‘you are not your feelings’ phrase is proof of that.

The side stories’ goal of presenting these characters as human go directly against a ~certain someone’s~ goal of flattening and dehumanizing them in the main game. Its clear Monika here doesn’t really learn the ‘you are not your feelings’ thing in this world, something that happens with a lot of the lessons learned in the side stories (i.e. the ones in each title). Due to the whole disillusionment with reality thing, her attitude to the rest of the club is pretty dismissive, seeing them as one-dimensional characters tropes, making whatever flaws they have as their defining trait.

I'm going to focus on the CANYOUHEREME.txt though cause it pretty easily sums up her feelings so I'm just gonna put it here

Beneath their manufactured perception - their artificial reality - is a writhing, twisted mess of dread. Loathing. Judgment. Elitism. Self-doubt. All thrashing to escape the feeble hold of their host, seeping through every little crevice they can find. Into their willpower, starving them of all motivation and desire. Into their stomach, forcing them to drown their guilt in comfort food. Or into a newly-opened gash in their skin, hidden only by the sleeves of a cute new shirt. Such a deplorable, tangled mass is already present in every single one of them. That's why I choose not to blame myself for their actions.

All I did was untie the knot.

This poem is interesting because it does make them out to be more human compared to the anime tropes Monika says they are in the act 3 talks, but replaces the empathy found in the side stories with disgust, painting the club as gross, immoral, and everything the girls fear themselves to be. Monika sees the stuff they hide, all the complex feelings and less savory traits, and sees it as their truth, their whole being. Their feelings define them, what they think is their worst is all they've ever been, and that these things make them awful people. When Monika forcibly brings these things to the forefront, it's their fault alone when act out, because their darkest thoughts are all they'll ever be.

She knows they’re more than that, but she’s actively in denial about how much she actually cares, and the epiphany absolutely destroyed her ability to see her friends as actually complex people beyond their programing.

I think that's part of why comparing her to side stories Monika messes me up so much because she's like!! So nice!!! Mature!!!! And understanding!!!!! And she sees her friends faults and all!!!!!! And she loves them anyways and understands their goodness!!!!!!!!!! But main game strips that away from her and makes her cynical!!!!!!!!!!!! And she can't see the goodness in her friends anymore because they aren't real and they're scripts made to appeal to a dumb dating sim and she!!!!!!!!!!! Can't see them as people anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So their flaws turn into THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . And that concludes today's Monika analysis.

[wisteria-winter]

Pillowstatic, Lucifer's Commission

Inspired by @onesidedradiostatic 's #lucifer's commissions saga

Synopsys: The greatest artisan of hell gets one peculiar commission from one of the Vee’s.

Words: 3636

Started writing this a while back, it’s very much just one for fun. The characters might be a little more domestic, specifically the Vee’s

________________________________

CRASH

The sound of glass shattering spread through the room. Chards glistening on the floor like newly fallen snow. It was an accident. Valentino just lost his grip. It had all just slipped through his hand.

“This is the THIRD TIME! This month.” Vox screeches though his shaded screen. Anger clear, despite the distortions hiding his expressions. “If you keep forgetting the strap one more time, I’m not playing Wii with you guys anymore. Ever!”

“You said that last time too, Vox.” Velvette reminds, focusing more on her phone than whatever the two of them have going on.

“Well, this time I mean it! Do you know how annoying it is to replace my screen?”

“Oh. Don’t be like that Voxy, it was an accident.” Valentino tries, acting as harmless as he can.

“And YOU! I’m not talking to you, AND I’m removing your WiFi privileges until this is all fixed! How do you expect me to hold a conference looking like THIS!?” Vox retorts, pointing at his glitched out screen face, which had a clear indent where the remote had hit.

“Vox! How can you do that, to ME?! How do you expect me to work without WiFi?!” Valentino retorts, thinking only of himself.

“...” Vox isn't impressed.

Not getting a response he starts to work backwards with, “How about I get you something to make up for it? I could draw you a picture. Anything you’d like.” Trying to placate Vox, though he can’t really hide the contempt within, “Even if it’s the radio demon.” He really can’t understand Vox’s obsession with Alastor.

“Hmph. You did that the first time.” Vox has his back turned and arms crossed. He won’t give in that easily, not this time at least.

“How about a pinup? I’m sure it would...” Val gave a sigh, “look nice in your collection.” Dreaded river Styx, why is this the only thing that placates him?

Vox does perk up at the suggestion, but is quick to steady his resolve. “And you got that, the last time.” He says before crossing his arms again in annoyance. “And they forgot his antlers.” Like, how could they have forgotten his antlers? Did they not even look at the reference pictures? He- uhh- Sent a lot.

“Fine.” There is one thing that Vox doesn’t have, or rather, doesn’t have anymore, and he has been bugging them about it for quite some time. Valantino gives in and sighs, “What about a new body pillow?” he asks in the most monotone manner.

“Really!” Vox excitedly exclaims, uncrossing his arms and turning his face towards Val with glee, before realizing what he just did and going back to being stoic. “Yeah, I think that would suffice.” Though, glee and excitement are still present in his voice. Valentino gives the little dork a smile, despite how weird the circumstances might feel.

“Good. Then I’ll send the request to our merch department and see what they can do.” Valentino takes out his phone and starts writing something while mumbling under his breath that, “It shouldn’t be too hard to change an Angel picture to an Alastor one.” He then turns to Vox and asks, “What kind of-”

“I heard that! I’m not letting you create some sloppy half finished, inferior, mass-produced pillow. I want it to be an authentic, one-of-a-kind, high quality pillow that won’t rip at the seams and smells just like him.” Vox sounds exceedingly stern, why does the pillow mean so much towards him?

“Vox.”

“Okay, it doesn’t have to smell like him. But it has to be really good quality. There has to be an artisan that can make the best pillow in hell, right? Get that person.”

“Vox. What are you on about? What do you want me to do? Spend 50k just so you can get a nice body pillow of Alastor?” He says in disbelief. There is no way-

“Yes, exactly that.” He looks towards Valentino as smug as he can with his broken face. “Or else, no WiFi.”

“Ugh, fine. Do you want to commission them for the image too?” Val says with a dead tone, he has given up, given in, no use in fighting this stubborn brat when it concerns Alastor.

“Of course, it has to be special. Also, make sure that they don’t forget his antlers, and tell them that his hoofs are red and that the red claws are not gloves, but claws, just like mine and that his arms and legs start black at the tip then gradually melt into his skin. Oh! and don’t forget-” Vox rambles on, seemingly lost in thought.

Valentino just looks at him disapprovingly, wondering in a long whisper ‘w~h~y~?’. In essence, Val isn’t really looking forward to the coming conversation with the ‘best artisan in hell’, whoever that might be.

________________

Lucifer gets a phone notification. Ignoring everything in his surroundings, he takes his phone out and looks at whatever it may be. Huh.

“And here I thought you cared for dear Charlie's exercises.” Alastor says also ignoring the exercise and taking more interest in what Lucifer may be up to.

________________

A few moments before.

Charlie has assembled everyone for some team building exercises. There are some colorful balloons bouncing softly around her on the floor. The plan is to have a few exercises where everyone is in pairs. For the first part, the goal is to keep one balloon in the air for as long as possible, but you can’t touch it more than twice in a row.

“So then, Angel, who do you want to team up with?” Charlie asks, happy as always, making sure that their, now only, actually resident is comfortable playing.

“I’d like to go with Husk if that works.” Angel says.

“Yes! Sounds perfect! Husk?” Charlie responds, delighted over him showing engagement. This might actually be a really progressive day.

“Yeah, sure, works.” Husk agreed.

“Now then, Alastor?” Charlie then moves her attention to their one and only hotel manager. It would be nice if he participated more.

“I'd rather stay out of this one, wouldn’t want to accidentally pop one of your lovely balloons and ruin your diligent work.” He responds cleanly.

“You don’t have to worry about that, I have many more!” She says before stopping herself. “But I understand.” He’s already doing so much it doesn’t feel right to pressure him.

“Thank you dear.”

“Then Vaggie, does teaming up with Niffty work for you?”

“Yeah, but what about you?”

“Oh! Well, if Alastor won’t participate then we’ll have an uneven number of participants if I join, which wouldn’t work as-”

“I understand, it's alright, I’ll go with Niffty.” Vaggie gives her a soft smile, to which Charlie’s shines even brighter.

They all team up and get their balloons, though before they can start; Lucifer walks in and wonders what they are up to. He also positions himself between Alastor and Charlie as a small attempt to shield her from the sketchy and untrustworthy sinner.

“Dad, how about you join in?”

“I, sure, sounds like fun.” He answers, thinking he’d team up with Charlie for some father daughter bonding.

“Great! How about you team up with Alastor?”

“No.” They both respond in unison.

“Aww, come on. You two are always bickering, this could be a great opportunity to help you create some enjoyable memories,” Charlie says, wishing for everyone to be on friendly terms. “And it would mean a lot to me if you two were able to get along.” She ends, giving her dad some puppy dog eyes.

“Charlie...” Lucifer starts, not fully knowing what to say, before being interrupted by Alastor.

“Well, if it means so much for you dear, then I guess there is no choice than for me to join in the fun.” He says focusing on Charlie while approaching. “Though I guess that if the big boss himself doesn’t want to join, then I guess I’ll have to team up with you my dear.” He continues with a mischievous smile as he rests his arm on Lucifer like he’s a table.

“NO!” Lucifer retorts loudly, pushing Alastor off and away from him, letting the sinner fall to the floor, before composing himself. “I mean- I’ll join. I’d do anything for my sweet Char Char.” He tries to look at her softly, showing how much he cares. Though his expression quickly turns sour, seeing how she’s moved to Alastor’s side, helping him get up. Why does she care so much? Especially over a sinner who is clearly only bad news.

After helping Alastor up, she turns towards Lucifer. “Dad! This is exactly why we need the bonding exercises, what if you hurt Alastor?”

‘Why would I care about that?’ Lucifer thinks before answering absentmindedly. “He’ll survive, I didn’t even push that hard.”

Charlie just gives him a disapproving look.

“I told you I’d join.” He says defensively, why did it feel like she thought he was in the wrong?

“So, how are we to start, dear?” Alastor asks Charlie sweetly, ignoring Lucifer before turning to him with a gloating smile, making Lucifer's blood boil. In contrast, Charlie brightens up and goes into her presentation mode, restating the rules so that Lucifer hears them as well, and then proceeds to give each pair their own balloon.

It starts off quite well, though Alastor does accidentally pop some balloons with his sharp claws. Resulting in him and Lucifer electing to use their canes instead. To Charlie’s delight, everyone seems to be enjoying the exercise. It’s working!

Then a notification can be heard. Lucifer loses any focus he had on the exercise and takes out his phone, ignoring the balloon slowly descending beside him.

“And here I thought you cared for dear Charlie's exercises.” Alastor utters as the balloon hits the floor. He also moves closer to get a look at what Lucifer might be up to.

Lucifer, taking note of Alastor’s approach, makes sure to hide his phone from the demon’s view before reading what it says. -

 Hey, Luci! You just got an... interesting(?) order, They’re willing to pay 50k for you to make an image of an Alastor and put that image on a body pillow, a very high quality body pillow btw, where super adamant about that Also, got a bunch of reference photos, so you don’t have to worry about not knowing who this Alastor is I’ll send them over soon I got a bunch of notes they wanted you to follow and they are like, super specific and detailed, but like, whatever right?  Anyway I’ll send them too,  Or do you want to come and pick it all up?  (it’s a lot to send)

- And it said a lot, he had to re-read it a few times just to get a grasp of what it was about. Someone was willing to pay him 50k for an Alastor pillow?! 50k! Do they want him to use angelic wings as filling? Do they want him to embroider the image? Maybe? Yeah, sure. He can do that. Though that still leaves the big question of, WHY ALASTOR?! Ugh, Luci was not looking forward to having to spend so much time having to deal with seeing images of that one. -

Thanks Crymini. I can come and pick it all later today Did they want anything else or just the pillow with the costume image?

-

Think that was all, he seemed pretty irritated when he came in though So, maybe add some extra stuff to keep em happy? (If you want) (He did mumbled something about it having to smell like this Alastor dude, but it’s not really in the request, so think you can ignore that)

- ‘Yeah, sure’ Lucifer tries to write for some moments, before giving up and leaving his only employee on read. He’s going to meet her later anyway.

“So, what does the little picture box say?” Alastor interrupts.

Lucifer turns towards him, started by the closeness of the demon, Lucifer screams, drawing everyone’s attention. “Nothing.” He says as he scrambles away, getting some distance. It would be the end of him if Alastor knew any of this. Lucifer quickly composes himself.

“Dad? What happened?” Charlie asks calmly, approaching them.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing, though I find it quite sad that he’d place more importance on a supposed phone than the exercises you’ve worked so hard on dear. Quite a pity indeed.” Alastor responds.

She gave him a humoring smile then turned towards her actual dad to ask more directly. “What did she say?” Only considering the possibility that the only one who’d contact her dad, would be her mom.

“What?” Slightly panicking and wondering how Charlie figured him out. “Oh, nothing, just a few things, nothing important. Anyway, how about the next exercise, what do you have planned sweetie?” He tries to play off.

Charlie looks at him a bit confused but decides to leave it be and lets the focus shift towards the next exercise, as suggested. All while Alastor looks at the king with utmost suspicion, wondering what Lilith might have said that was so important to hide.

________________

Lucifer walks into the empty little shop and is greeted by his one employee. They converse a little and he grabs all of the images and the long list of requirements that were basically telling him to be as accurate as possible. ‘Huh? Alastor has hooves,’ he thinks while ignoring the disturbing amount of artistic rendition of how they look.

Opening a portal back into his room with everything, he starts to look through everything, putting all the images all over his room so that he can get a better overview of it all. When done he starts his creative process, drawing up some initial drafts. Though the more he draws the more he realizes that it’s going to take quite a while for this all to become perfect.

________________

At the end of the week his garbage can is full, Alastor pictures are all around and no real progress has been made. He needs a break, a breather.

After a while of just meandering around the hotel he hears some sounds from the kitchen, one of them sounding to belong to Charlie, so he makes his way there. Arriving he sees them all having fun, walking closer, he notes that they are mostly looking in books. Why read in the kitchen?

“Ah, your majesty, and to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?” Alastor asks, delighted, catching the devil off guard.

“Just wanted to check out the ruckus in MY kitchen.” Lucifer straightens his suit, ignoring Alastor and focuses on what Charlie might be up to, meeting her gaze. She gives him a quick awkward smile, before her attention drifts elsewhere. Thinking nothing of it, he approaches her. “So, Charlie, is this another one of your redemption exercises?” He asks with cheer and a smile.

“Kinda, it was Alastor’s idea though.” Ugh. "Isn't it great? What’s a better way to show appreciation than making something together?” Her glee and delight is so radiating, he finds it hard not to smile, as she continues her explanation.

“We are working on making a full course meal, Angel and Husk are in charge of the appetizer, Niffty and I are working on the main meal and Vaggie is in charge of the desert, while Alastor is supervising, giving us pointers. Oh! How about you join in too? You could help Vaggie with dessert! How about it?”

“Sure.” He agrees, for how can he say no to that face?

________________

“So Vaggie, what are we making?” He asks approaching Vaggie who seems to be looking through a book.

“I don’t really know, was thinking maybe an apple pie?” She answers, fully engrossed in the book.

Apples! His favorite! “Sounds great! What do we need?” Lucifer asks, taking the book away from Vaggie to read what it may say, instructions. Ooh, that makes sense.

Before he can read much, she takes it back and turns to the radio demon.

“Alastor! I need like 6 apples, some sweet almonds, butter, sugar and 2 eggs. Also, a pie form and some whipping cream.” She calls out. Alastor turns and gives her the same smile he always holds before snapping his fingers, summoning the items along with some tools for assistance.

Lucifer takes one of the apples, it’s bright green, and scoffs, “You call this an apple?” He says giving Alastor a most judgmental look. Then transforms the green misfit into a lovely red apple. “There, better.” Smiling at his own accomplishment and the slight annoyance that passed over Alastor. Ha!

Lucifer finds himself actually enjoying working with Vaggie, she’s a good girl, and despite the annoyance that is Alastor he can’t deny that it wasn’t too bad of an idea. Though he’d never inform anyone of that.

The final meal was also nice, and to Lucifer's delight, Alastor was acting as the busboy. He had set the table and explained each dish, letting his shadows bring the plates to each person. The only part of agitation was how clear it was that Charlie appreciated it too, winning her over even more.

________________

After the meal Lucifer decides to go back to his room but is interrupted by Charlie in the hall.

“Dad?” She starts carefully.

“Yes?” He stopped in his step, turned to her and tried to give her all his attention.

“How do you like living here?”

“It’s nice to always be close to you.”

“Un huh, and what do you think of everyone else? Vaggie, Angel,” She pauses shortly, “Alastor?”

“Vaggie is a very nice and strong girl. Angel is showing progress, I think. As for that Alastor, I doubt he’s ever going to be able to leave hell.”

“Do you want him to stay in hell?”

“He doesn’t deserve anything else but hell.” He says bluntly, starting to get in a bad mood having to be reminded of that guy.

“Right...” Charlie starts, looking at the ground having a hard time figuring out what to ask next.

“Honestly Charlie, I don’t understand why you keep him around. He’s not going to get redeemed and anything he can do I can do better, so just, depend on me more, I’m always here for you.” Lucifer slightly vents.

“Thank you, dad, but Alastor is still a big part of the hotel, and his idea today was really nice, wasn’t it? You and Vaggie looked like you were getting along really well.”

“I guess that’s true.” As much as he hated to admit it, he did have a nice time.

There was a little awkward pause, before Charlie spoke.

“So, umm, thanks for the talk dad and if you ever need any help then you can always talk to me. I’m here for you too, dad.”

She gives another pause, before steading her resolve “Even if it’s something like you’ve moved on from mom, I’ll understand, okay?” She gives him a somewhat sorrowful smile, clearly trying to stay strong.

“Oh no, I still love your mom, we’re just, having a bit of alone time is all.” He doesn’t really like talking about what happened, but there is a reason he still wears the ring.

“Okay dad, thanks.” She looks back to the way she came. “I think it’s time for me to go back to the others.” She says, trying to give Lucifer the choice of joining back.

“Okay, have fun.” He says, moving towards his room.

________________

His head is only filed with Charlie and to a lesser degree, the conversation. All until he opens the door towards his room and is hit by his reality. His room is plastered with Alastor pictures.

Oh.

Oh no.

A cold fear fills him, what if Charlie saw all of this?

And a thought tells him, she already has.

________________

He teleports back to the lobby, where they had all seemingly gathered after doing the dishes without him. Locates Charlie and bolts in her direction. Grabbing both her arms he looks her straight in the eyes.

“I do NOT like Alastor.” He proclaims with vigor. He can’t handle the thought that she might think otherwise.

“Yeah, we know.” Angel comments, directing their focus his way.

“No- I-” Lucifer looks back at Charlie and tells in a whisper for only her to hear. “I don’t like him like I like your mom.”

“Oh! What a relief, I don’t think Alastor would ever like you either.” Wait, what?

“Why not?” He says out of reflex, short and snappy, almost a little offended that there would be one who wouldn’t even consider the possibility of him. Not that he’d ever fall that low, but a peasant should always worship the king. Should they not?

“Because you’re an insolent fool who can’t even clean up after yourself!” Alastor injects with disdain, having been sitting in the armchair behind them during the whole ordeal. He then stands up and walks towards the two. Positioning himself by Charlie's side he takes his staff and points it at Lucifer's chest.

“And why are you here? I thought you said you were busy, hmm?” He continues.

“I am busy, just had to- wanted to make sure that Charlie was doing fine. Can’t be sure about that when you’re around.” Lucifer responds, as if he has the higher ground.

“You should have more faith in her, Charlie is a very capable person.” Alastor gives a short glance towards her, “I for one believe that she can accomplish anything as long as she puts her mind to it. Sad to hear you don’t feel the same.”

“I didn’t-”

“Now dear, you were discussing plans for tomorrow?” Alastor directs all of his focus on Charlie, fully ignoring Lucifer, except for a smug smile he quickly shoots his way.

________________________________

Hope it was a fun read ᵔᵜᵔ

Also, the idea with Crymini was something like, Lucifer is trying to connect with the rest of hell, but still doesn't really want to interact much with them. So he chose to create a shop of sort and found a random sinner to help him in exhange for a nice salary

[caylinmiraki]

My relationship with The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I love TotK, I really do. It's fun to play and to explore for a while. But that's it. I kinda have a toxic relationship with this game. It gives me the highest heights just to shove some pretty unnecessary hindrance in my face.

tl;dr: Erasing BotW from TotK was the worst thing they could've done to this game. It's hard to believe that this game's got 5 years of development under its belt. It truly is a disappointing Masterpiece.

I’m just going to head right in.

I absolutely adore a well-written story and exploring new Lands to see what kind of secrets it holds. and am someone who really can't deal with spoilers of any kind, so color me surprised when the second memory I encountered was the one near Lurelin Village where it's exposed that we got a fake Zelda. It felt great to have my theory proven right because I’ve cleared a few Stable Quests before looking for the Tears and figured it out (isn’t very difficult I know). But when I realized that I’d skipped a massive part of this story I was disappointed because I expected a story progression like Botw but ended up spoiling myself with one of the most impactful memories. At the same time, it was so frustrating to see everyone dance on the palm of this impostor's hand while the player knows exactly what's going on and you/Link couldn't do anything about it.

The fact that almost no one recognized Link or even knew of him was also so frustrating; infuriating even. This legendary Hero saved Hyrule along with Princess Zelda in a 100-year-long battle, only to be forgotten? While everyone knows of Zelda? Like, you wanna tell me that the whole time Zelda traveled the lands of Hyrule to learn about the people and forge connections, Link wasn't with her? Her appointed knight that never leaves her side?

I know they chose to basically erase him to make the story less complicated for people who didn't play BotW, but let's be honest the amount of players that fit this criteria can't be more than 5%, and that's thinking generously, so why ruin the experience for the other 95%? Besides a small part of the Zora, the Stableowners, the people at Lookoutlanding, some Shieka, and the Yiga-Clan no one knows about him. In addition to that we also only get two mentions of the champions from botw. Mipha is referenced and I think Daruk gets a mention as well. When I entered Zoras Domain in TotK and saw that they had replaced Miphas Statue with a statue of Link and Sidon (which I find hideous tbh) I was so fucking furious. I adore her and they just pushed her onto some faraway cliff to collect dust. I think Daruk gets referenced in a dialog with Yunobo but that’s it, besides his statue in Goron City. Urbosa and RevalI have been completely forgotten it appears. They could have at least referenced those two regarding their successors having similar powers.

However, I have to say that Gerudo Desert was one of the best areas in TotK with a nice twist to the Questline leading up to the Dungeon. The Desert is being plagued by weird undead monsters and shrouded in a never-ending sandstorm. Gerudo Town is desolated and abandoned and you worry for its citizens. I loved this dreadful approach on the Demon Kings homeland. There are just two things I can't agree with in this new Gerudo Desert.

First, they don't kick Link out of Gerudo Town after the situation is resolved. This clan of proud warriors that cling deeply to their roots and traditions, just let Link walk in and out of Gerudo Town as he likes. It apparently isn't that much of a deal anymore if young VaI were to see a Voi, and saving their Town for the second time after defeating Va Naboris, returning peace to Gerudo Desert, and retrieving their heirloom was now enough to allow him to enter without a disguise? Oh yes, I forgot BotW didn't happen apparently. Secondly, I want female Gerudo clothes for Link. Why would you rob us of this experience? I also strongly feel like they designed the areas in this order Rito>Gerudo>Gorons>Zora it just gets less and less refined throughout the game. I first encountered the Wind Temple and then went to the Water Temple afterward. I felt like I've skydived full speed from the sky islands straight into the depths without a paraglider. Moktoroc was a Boss I'd expect in a meme fight or mod or something, but a fully-fledged dungeon boss..?

Talking about bosses, something I really enjoyed in TotK were the encounters with Master Khoga. He is such a delight to encounter in this game; truly the most polished and lovable character in all of TotK (and BotW in my opinion). He has his purpose, he is silly, sometimes overly so, but all in all, is he a real threat to the inhabitants of Hyrule and Link. For real, Master Khoga and his Clan always recognize Link and engage with him BECAUSE he is Link and not because he just happened to be there. When I encountered Master Khoga for the first time in the depths I was so excited because I remembered that he fell down this chasm in BotW and that the most iconic and best villain in BotW is still alive. I really was just so delighted I think I almost cried (I'm a huge fangirl, leave me alone). He and the Yiga Clan made the Depths their own in the time that passed between those two games. The only thing I would have wished for was that Master Khogas questline could have been a bit longer and that he shouldn't have ended up like in BotW. And what I would have liked was to have one huge Yiga-Clan structure that served as their home base in the depths, like the Yiga Hideout on the surface.

There are just three more things I want to mention that don't sit well with me in this game.

First: the Depths are empty. I want to make each Zelda game my own and play it at least once to 100% in any regard. All Locations, all Shrines, all Lightroots, all chests, all quests, all Koroks (urgh), and so on. I want to harvest everything this game has to offer. But when I was "exploring" the depths in my progressed savestate I just found myself comparing the overworld to the depths to find shrines or lightroots. I traveled from one destination to another just to complete my task and gaining every shrine in the process was a nice addition. Tbh, I don't even know what the reward was for clearing all Shrines. I remember you got some kind of seed or flower from the lightroots tho.

The depths are incredibly dull. What happens in the depths?

1. You get the Autobuild ability

2. Fire Temple (Great design choice btw, very esthetic tho not challenging)

3. Minerus questline

4. Master Khoga and the Yiga-Clan

5. Weird Poe trading Statues (idk if this should count tbh)

6. Lost Woods access

7. Demon King Ganondorf (Daddy)

So we've got 6-7 major events in the depths. An area as big as Hyrule itself filled with almost nothing. You encounter abandoned Mines that always work the same. Search for the chest, pick up some Zonaite, and off you go. Yiga-Clan outposts; kill the Yiga, read the journal, loot the chests, and next. And don't get me started on the recycled dungeon bosses you can now just kill for fun down there. WHY?? I hate when bosses, incredibly strong monsters that are tied to a location as its last obstacle, as its guardian to prevent the Hero from accomplishing his goal, just get reused as an overworld boss. Tho they're so easy to kill a Gleeok is more dangerous. Now that I think about it King Gleeok might just be the most challenging Boss in TotK.

The second thing I would have wished for, but knew it would not happen was for Link to permanently lose his arm and for Zelda to remain a Dragon. I knew it wouldn't happen because Zelda always has a happy ending but it would have solidified TotK as another huge break in the tloz formula. Link losing his arm would have shown just how incredibly dangerous this whole situation really was, even to the Hero of the Wild. A crippled Hero with lost limbs and remains scarred for life (like the theories for the Heros Shade from Twilight Princess) is something Zelda lacks and just solidifies that Link is fucking overpowered and nothing can stop him. Don't get me wrong, I know it's kinda his thing to just be like this and to make the player feel accomplished in saving the land of Hyrule and its Princess, but we’re in the 2020s, and people want some kind of realism, drama, and especially in this case, involvement in the story. The way things are, it just feels like a fever dream sometimes. Might be an unpopular opinion but I'd like to see Link struggle for once in a while. (I know, botw’s basically a summary of Zelda and Links’ struggle to save Hyrule, but that’s not my point here and you know it.)

I know the chances of Zelda remaining a Dragon forever were close to nonexistent, and I think I wouldn't have a problem with this, if the developer had just given us a real explanation as to why, and how this is even possible. Mineru emphasized multiple times, that this forbidden ritual is irreversible and that she would erase herself if she were to proceed. Her decision has such a massive impact on the Story. Zelda went to such lengths to protect her Kingdom and support Link, she gave up everything and she was so terrified but her trust in Link is just so great that she believes that he will at least save Hyrule; her kingdom when she can only provide him with the tool to do so. Only to be reversed because two ghosts appeared. The theory that Sonia and Rauru channeled their energy through Link to reverse Zeldas form like Mineru said is just that, a theory. But aside from Raurus power and spirit residing with Link in his arm, where did Sonia come from? When the imprisoning war happened Sonia was long gone and there were no hints of her spirit being connected to Link or Zelda. It just feels unpolished and the explanation of "magic" isn't satisfying at all.

Lastly, something that bothers me in particular, I don't think many miss this feature. I am a huge fan of the Dark Souls series and challenging games in general. So my disappointment, when I learned that there wasn't a Master Mode for TotK, and there are no plans to implement one in the future, was immense. I would have loved to play through this game with a more challenging note and 100% it that way. I’m really sad about this, would have loved to see improved golden monsters that would have destroyed me and tested my skill.

To end this rant on a positive note, TotK is still one of the best games I've played. Its mechanics and freedom of action are one in a kind and I could spend hours just playing around with ZonaI devices and build the most ridiculous builds. It has really well-thought-out Quests and fun characters to interact with. Link and Zeldas relationship (as an aromantic myself) just feels so fulfilling. I know many people see their relationship and their dependency on each other as signs of a canon love story between these two, and by all means, go for it (that Zelda lives in Links house now is evidence enough. And I ship them occasionally myself)! But for me, the fact that it isn't explicitly said leaves room for interpretation, and, they are just two people who can 100% trust each other and whose lives are so incredibly intertwined that they are just codependent at this point. I love how they've written Zelda and Links relationship.

And my highlight, of course, is Ganondorf and the final boss fight. I adore Ganondorf his design is so incredibly well done, you feel his ambitions and dominance throughout every "encounter" we witness. Though we don't know those ambitions and anything about him besides that he wants to restore the rule of "the survival of the fittest", to be honest. He is pure fanservice I tell you. And I live for this.

The final fight is a (almost) one one-on-one with the Demon King(Just like Twilight Princess, one of the most epic showdowns of all time). An excellent magician who mastered all forms of weaponry just like Link and is even capable of flurry rushing (an ability that many/I thought was Links champion ability in BotW). It's epic, it's cinematic, and filled with surprises. When I fought Ganondorf in the first half, I just assumed we got two phases, and that's it, like in Botw. But holy shit. The second phase started and his health bar just kept going and he looks like THAT with his cocky attitude; brother. The moment you defeat him, and think it's over, you realize what he's about to do but before you can act he just grabs Link, and smashes him through tons of stone, and debris (however he came out of this unscathed; would have loved if he got at least a little injured and then healed by the light dragon or something.) and suddenly you are in the skies facing off against this massive titan of a Dragon. This fight is as challenging as the Dark Beast Ganon fight in BotW but its buildup and the resulting fight high above the surface with the help of Zelda who subconsciously knows it's her destiny to support Link in this fight makes it way better than just a cinematic final showdown. Link manages to defeat the Demon Dragon and after he blows up like a nuke (wtf was that anyway, so awesome!) and Zelda is transformed back to her human form. Link is skydiving to catch Zelda as they plummet from the sky and the moment, he finally reaches her hand and catches her will be forever one of the most emotional and impactful scenes in any Zelda game. Despite its flaws, TotK offers an undeniably captivating experience. With its innovative mechanics, memorable moments, and interesting characters, it carved its own niche within the Zelda universe. While it does leave me a bit disappointed that it ended up like it did, expectations for Zelda Games are always skyrocketing but I still don’t think that we expected too much. I rate this a solid 8.5/10 while every other Zelda entrance is a 10/10.

I love TotK but like I said. It's a toxic relationship and whenever I find myself wanting to revisit this Hyrule I rather play BotW than TotK. Sorry for my rant.

[gamesception]

let’s read rgu, chapter 23

Bluh, frustrations with tumblr.  I think the bug triggers when I hit “ctrl-z” to undo after changing the format of a text selection, deleting the entire post body while also clearing the undo chain?  Hideous.  Anyway, where were we.  Right, Utena knows Akio is the villain, and he admitted as much, but she thinks he’s her prince and is too in love with him to go against him.  Or she thinks Dios is her prince, and Akio is the only way to reach him?  A bit unclear.  And kind of disappointing compared to the motivations walking into the final battle in the anime, but fitting with manga Utena being all about her prince.

Touga’s not mad, he’s just disappointed.  So disappointed that he leaves.  I guess his oath doesn’t add up to much.

But you can never be my Prince. Because you’re a girl.

Parallels.

No, Anthy, we wouldn’t understand.  Because, at least to this point, the manga hasn’t explained what your & Akio’s deal is at all.  We pretty much understood what anime Akio and Anthy were about before the final duel - Akio’s existance as the fallen prince, Dios as the the now unobtainable ideal of his former self, Anthy as the Rose Bride and what that actually meant.  We haven’t gotten any of that in the manga yet - it’s not even clear what the relationship between manga Akio and manga Dios is yet, if indeed there is any.

Look, see, is she in love with Akio, or Dios?  She clearly doesn’t see them as the same person.

So anyway, Akio, Anthy, and Utena head to the dueling arena to have their wedding ritual, and Utena draws the sword, and then this happens.

which is sad and sweet, but but then immediately progresses into some random Akio castle magic nonsense that I’m even less invested in now than I was the first time I read it.

So Utena passes out and floats in the air while Akio takes the sword, and Anthy says some stuff, and there’s a big flash, and the student council all rush to the dueling arena, and...

Oop, there Akio in the prince garb, while Utena has become the Rose Bride.  Whoops!  And since she’s the rose bride...

Yup, out pops the sword.  The same sword?  A different one?  Unclear.

Although in Akio’s big villain monologue we do finally start to get some details.  Dios is in the castle (making the castle actually important, where in the anime it kind of wasn’t in the end), Akio /used/ to have the power of dios and/or be dios - hence “take back” rather than “take” the power.

Although it would be nice if Akio could point out where Anthy fits into all of this.

Oh.  Thank you.

Kind of underwhelming?  Kind of lackluster?  The idea that Anthy could be replaceable as the rose bride just... it feels flat.  RGU manga - the version where Anthy’s actually not all that important I guess.

Utena & the Student Council - Saionji especially - demand that Akio release Anthy if she’s really not important anymore, and he refuses?  Seemingly arbitrarily?  Like why should she have to be entombed in her glass coffin if she’s not even the rose bride anymore?  Presumably there’s some arcane ritual reason, sure, but in the moment it feels like Akio just refuses out of spite, which seems at odds which his prior characterization (like shouldn’t he at least pretend to be sad about abandoning his sister?) and aslo utterly self defeating, because if he just let Anthy go Utena would have gone along with him to the castle and all would have gone according to keikaku, but now instead when Akio goes to kiss Utena and take her to the castle...

she fuckin bites him.  Pretty satisfying.  Not quite as satisfying as that shove in episode 39, you know the one...

Yeah, that one.  Not as satisfying as that, but still.

Anyway, Akio fucks off to the castle on his own, and leaves Utena to uselessly beat her hands bloody trying to open Anthy’s casket.

But then down comes Dios to put the ring back on her finger, and gives her the power to break the glass coffin...

which then turns back into Anthy’s sword

And Utena & Anthy quick change back to their usual outfits, and they have a brief but genuinely touching reunion where Utena apologizes.

Now that Anthy’s back, she can further explain Akio’s motivations.

And that’s... just kind of blunt?  Kind of boring by comparison?  Not as interesting as the prince who fell from grace by letting a princess suffer for him instead of the other way around, who somehow can’t understand why all his schemes to reclaim that lost grace fail when they all amount to him doubling and tripling down on the same original sin that caused him to fall in the first place - making others, especially his sister, suffer in his place.

I don’t know if I’d call manga akio /more/ disappointing than manga Miki or Juri, but he’s up there.

Regardless, Utena & Anthy are going to the castle to stop Akio.  It’s not quite clear from this dialog whether the SC are going with.  I kind of hope they are, because, again, it’s just kind of silly watching them toddle along behind Utena, and I’m a sucker for ‘power of friendship’ moments, even (especially!) when they’re ludicrously unearned.  “I’m going to stop the villain with my bestest friends - Anthy, my math tutor, Anthy’s abusive ex boyfriend, the pushy creep who forcibly kissed me multiple times, and a girl who tried to stab me with a sword because she was jealous over the pushy creep’s unwanted attentions!”

But anyway, that’s where the chapter ends, so next time we’ll be back to fresh reactions.

[roving-boi]

Dear Diary

So, a lot happened I guess. To start, I don’t live with my dad anymore. A few days before school started I made the last minute decision to live with my mom. The new house is actually pretty nice. I have my own room, I go to a new school now. But it was kinda ugly making the leap. My dad was very angry and when I went back to his house to collect some of my belongings he basically kicked me out and screamed at me. It’s been about a month and He’s tried to contact me since but I haven’t said anything to him. I probably won’t talk to him again for awhile.

Things at my moms house have been alright. I have a functioning shower, my own space and bathroom, and nobody criticizes me. School is kinda weird though, and I’m not used to like a million people crowding the halls. I don’t really like being exposed to so many people. It makes me feel so little and small, like my existence is not really that significant. I wonder how many other people feel the same way. I think there’s just too many people, how does one expect to find the love of their life if there’s like 8 billion people and millions all around you. Human relationships are so weird.

I guess things are better for me lately though. I’ve been more relaxed and less stressed out. And I think my acne is starting to clear up. I’m happy to be spending time with my brother and my mom. My step dad and I had like a long talk with my mom and we sorted everything out and I got closure and an apology for how he treated me as a child. I feel relieved and I’m happy my mom is helping me get my life back on track. My dad refused to give me my social security card so I had to get a replacement which was a pain in the ass. Now I have to go get an ID and then soon after get a license.

I’ve been having dreams about jay still, I’m still angry about what she did. Since I’ve lived here I’ve had a dream I kicked her ass in the school bathroom and another’s where I shoved her into dirt. Selu recently got out of a psych ward for trying to overdose. I’m so mad that nobody seems to care but me. Jay most likely doesn’t care at all and neither of her friends who pretend like they do. Nobody cares. This world is so sick and I want to throw up.

Anyway on a more lighthearted note, I hope to decorate my new room soon. I’m thinking of putting up white Christmas lights or something with some posters. I wanted to paint my room pink but my mom said no but it’s alright.

[planet-crait]

Heh I’m glad someone likes my analysis lolz. I would continue to just scream into the void but it’s nice knowing I’m not just blindly screaming into said void. I’m not sold that it was Dev that caused the rift that very quickly started forming between them immediately it seems after they met. I mean look at Devs face after he first met Peri

I genuinely think Dev looked at Peri and thought he had a new friend. In the first episode we see them together Dev noticeably has his glasses back on and is very demanding

With Dev we know he tends to wear his glasses as a mask when he’s blocking someone out. His glasses were off when they met but are already back on which indicates he’s blocking Peri out and doesn’t feel safe with him which is a huge red flag for me. Kids should feel safe with their godparents but Peri doesn’t make Dev feel safe. Even after he befriends Hazel again he still wears them when it’s emotionally just him and Peri while with Hazel they come off.

Given how Peri at the end of Operation Birthday Takeback asks Dev to make a wish I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how the interaction after the Camera fades to black in Lost and Founders Day which made Dev shut down. It’s clear Dale uses stuff to try and replace being emotionally present and available for his son, and having someone else try to do the same would likely hurt Dev a lot. The word wish seems to send Dev into a painful rage in Operation Birthday Takeback, we can see his eyes fill with tears the second Peri says the word “wish”.

Pushing stuff at Dev from adults seems to turn Dev away. When Hazel does it, it comes along with emotional care and support while with Peri it is just a way to distract Dev and doesn’t have any love behind it which seems to cause him more pain.

But yeah I can’t help but notice Peri is happy to ditch Dev as quickly as he can, which has some painful similarities to Dale which I wouldn’t be surprised if Dev picked up on that. It’s kind of heartbreaking that the fairy Dev got is very similar to Dale which I imagine might have made it even harder for Dev to open up, both ditch him and both use stuff to try and fill in the void.

What I find interesting about that screenshot from Dig a Little Deeper is that on the official wiki it’s labeled as episode 28 while Operation Birthday Takeback is episode 27. I wonder if writing wise it was written as if Dev and Hazel aren’t friends anymore given how angry and closed off he is. It’s hard to say for sure obviously given how they were aired but it’s something I noticed while trying to track and make sure I’m watching the episodes in the correct order.

“Peri truly cares about Dev”.

Can you even imagine how absurd this actually sounds? No, it certainly doesn't mean he doesn't care at all (after all, this is his first godkid). But certainly not to the point of "truly" caring.

Or do such people really consider Peri, who is literally obsessed with rules, sometimes completely forgetting about Dev and not even so empathetic, to be truly caring? Okay?

This new show is only a few months old and already it has its own "fanon" and "canon". Okay, I'll start.

Fanon Peri after the finale: I mIsS mY gOdKiD and want to go back to him because I care about him so much!!11! 😭

And I hate Dale with all my magic guts 😡

Canon Peri after the finale:*farting bike sounds*

[bellatrixscurls]

“raspberry” ☁️ d.m. x t.n x p.p.

warnings : smut, daddy kink, fingering, oral, dom!draco, switch!pansy, switch!theo, sub!reader, fem!reader.

summary : you and your lovers go on a picnic, but things take a turn when they become more and more attractive.

word count : 5.7k

a/n : it was pretty long already, but might make a part two if you want!

“theo, love, give y/n/n the raspberries from the basket, please” instructed pansy, her eyes flicking to theo’s for a second before focusing back on cutting some kiwis for the fruit salad.

theo did as told, opening the basket and grabbing the box of raspberries, placing them on the spot beside you. but you were too preoccupied to notice that, as your eyes trailed from pansy’s hands, down to her lap.

her thighs were exposed, her dress almost letting you see her panties as her eyebrows pushed together, eyes and hands focused on the fruits. she was so beautiful, more beautiful than other days. you’d convinced her not to straighten her hair this once, so it was wavy, and natural. the sun was emphasazing the beautiful shade of green of her eyes. in conclusion, she looked like the most beautiful goddess.

as soon as she was done with the fruits, she placed the now full bowl beside her and laid back on the blanket, her curls falling around her head perfectly. “what’s wrong, baby ? you like raspberries” she told you as soon as she noticed your frozen figure and the untouched raspberries, a big pout on her lips.

“like y-you more” you mumbled, looking down at your lap as you began fiddling with your fingers, your cheeks now burning red.

she narrowed her eyes in confusion, looking at the two boys to see if they understood, but found that they were just as clueless. “you all subby, my love ?” draco asked from beside you.

you nodded, leaning into his touch the moment his palm cupped your burning cheek. “wanna make you feel good” you said, your attention now fully on draco as you stared into his silver eyes.

pansy nudged theo, who cleared his throat suggestively, making you and draco turn to look at him, “how ‘bout we make you feel good, princess ?” he suggested, his loving, yet lustful gaze on you as draco gently laid you on your back.

you didn’t want any release yourself, and only wanted to see your lovers in pleasure, but the moment those words left theo’s mouth, you found yourself nodding vigorously, your muscles relaxing against the thin blanket.

“yes, please.”

pansy gave draco a knowing look, as he was usually the one to degrade you and tell you how disobedient you were.

“legs spread, m’love. please” theo cooed softly, his fingers caressing the inside of your thighs. you obliged almost immediately, pushing your legs apart as your pink dress rode up, revealing your panties. theo stayed there for a moment, admiring the sight before him as he continued to squeeze and caress your soft skin.

pansy pushed past him, so she was now before you, her soft hands replacing theo’s. “gonna eat you out now, yeah, baby ?” you nodded eagerly, whimpering a small ‘please’ as pansy chuckled, leaning closer to you and whispering, “daddy and theo don’t know how to, do they ? mommy does it best, hm ?”

she was playing with your mind, while trying to rile the two boys up, knowing they could still hear despite her soft, quiet tone, “i don’t-” “excuse me, pansy ?” rang theo’s offended voice as his hand flew to his heart, holding his chest, “one, you can’t just steal someone’s meal like that, it’s fucking rude” you giggled, watching intently as the usual competition between the two started to peak, “and two, i’m better than you.”

pansy scoffed, clearly amused by her boyfriend’s words, “well, i’ll have you know, theo, that y/n/n here said-”

“fucking enough!” draco interrupted, bringing everyone’s attention back on him as he glared at the two, “who even gave you permission to eat my baby out, hm ? ‘cause i didn’t and she sure as hell said that she wants me, not you” his voice was stern as he regained his dominance over the two.

they watched him with wide eyes, now submissive to him as their heads dropped, avoiding draco’s gaze at all costs, “yes, daddy.”

“now, i’m gonna eat my pretty girl out, and you two better take care of her while i do” instructed draco, his hand never leaving your cheek as he gave it one last stroke before moving both of his hands to the hem of your dress.

his pale fingers tugged lightly at your panties as his eyes flicked back to yours, “can i take these off, pup ?” he asked, a genuinely worried expression on his face as he searched for any trace of hesitation. your eyes widened slightly — draco isn’t someone who usually asked for consent, because he knew that your safe word was in place, “pup ?” you finally nodded, letting him take off your underwear.

draco pulled a needy whimper from you at the feeling of him blowing cold air against your sensitive cunt, making you buck your hips slightly so you were met with his warm, slightly parted lips, “daddy, please. i want it so-” but not letting you finish your begging, his mouth attached to your dripping cunt aggressively, nibbling at your clit and causing you to look where you two were connected.

his face was nowhere to be seen, buried deep into your cunt and focusing in making you feel good, "o-oh, daddy!" you whined between shallow breaths, pushing his head even closer to your cunt. a few more whimpers from you, and draco’s content hums that sent shivers through your whole body, and theo felt like he couldn’t take it anymore.

the way your breasts were bouncing with every thrust of draco’s tongue made him go insane. and risking punishment, his lips wrapped around your already hard nipples, sucking gently while his hand took care of your other nipple.

and that only seemed to add onto your pleasure, as your hand went down to gently tug at his soft hair, while the other was scratching at the back of his neck. “so good, m’love. taking care of me s-so well” you whispered in theo’s ear, earning a wave of pretty noises from him — whines, to be exact.

feeling yourself at the brink, you knew just what you had to do. and even though you struggled a bit because draco’s beautiful eyes were watching your every move, you still somehow managed to say it, “c-can i please cum, daddy ? please, need it so bad, want to- oh god!” once again, you were left speechless and breathless as draco’s thumb circled your clit, all while his tongue was pistoning in and out of your tight hole.

and your worries were taken away when he gave a firm nod, closing his eyes when you finally let your orgasm wash over you, clenching around his cock as his left hand was firm on your lower stomach, holding you down. “daddy! theo! mm- ‘s s-so good, merlin!” you cried out as you came hard, pushing theo closer to your chest as the boy struggled to breathe through his nose.

after several seconds of you trying to calm down after your mind blowing orgasm, draco removed his mouth off you, gathering all of your cum from his chin and sucking it from his fingers, as you watched with lustful eyes.

but still, in your foggy mind, something was wrong. you could sense it, but not fully understand what was wrong.

and then it clicked. pansy.

draco too, looked over his shoulder to see pansy just standing behind him, crouched down, frozen in place as she watched you three with wide eyes. the boy crawled to her, taking her hands in his as he brought her knuckles to his mouth, kissing them softly, “s’not nice being bad, is it, bunny ?” he asked, to which she shook her head, a couple of tears almost leaking out of her eyes as her vision became blurry, “you wanna be good for daddy too, baby ? look what y/n/n got for being so good for daddy” his words caused your girlfriend to look up at you, blinking blearily as she let the tears wet her warm cheeks.

“wanna be good too, daddy” she said once her eyes were back on his, and draco smiled sweetly at her. you were confused by how subby she got for him, keeping in mind that she was dominating you just minutes before.

“good bunny” draco stroke her cheek, as his other hand wiped away her tears, “go to theo and let daddy see how good you can be, the two of you.”

[megan-is-mia]

Hi! Could i request for a D17 Riddle?

17. “I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world.” (Yandere! Riddle Rosehearts x Fem! S/o)

It was back again, that feeling that she was being watched. (Y/n) was not a very paranoid person by nature but the events of the last few weeks had her a bit on edge. It was small stuff at first; things being moved just a smidge from where she’d left them and maybe some easily replaceable objects going missing only to reappear a few days later in a different spot. It had escalated into the furniture being rearranging and her clothes going missing and not returning at all. She had first suspected that maybe one of her friends was pulling a prank on her but when she had confronted them all in a group nobody had a clue what she was on about. Then her suspension moved to it being a home intruder of some sort and calling the police only to come to the realization there was no evidence of a break in forced or otherwise. So now the young woman was left with only her own frayed nerves starting to drive her crazy and making her jump at innocent noises. All the stress of the matter had even made her too uneasy to invite her boyfriend over anymore. (Y/n) was pretty sure that watching her creep around fearfully in her own home would be a pretty big turn off for her partner. She was on her own until she finally figured out how to make whatever was bothering her go away. The young woman was skeptical that it was anything otherworldly, but she took up her friends’ suggestions to burn incense nonetheless and even if it didn't banish anything at least it smelled nice.

(Y/n) had tried lining her windows and doors with salt and for a day or two that seemed to work. Until it didn't and the sensation of being watched was more intense then ever and perhaps even angry that she’d tried to keep it out. At this point she was starting to run out of ideas on what to do. She sunk into her couch with a sigh and wrapped up in a blanket to keep away the chill. Looked like tonight would be another lonely night by herself while the presence stared at her. Until… suddenly her doorbell went off. Puzzled, she went to answer it and was met by her boyfriend who picked her up and spun her happily. “Hey baby, how are you doing?” he said, pressing kisses to the young woman’s face as he put her down and entered the house with a plastic bag in his hand. “Todd? What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting to see you” (Y/n) replied with clear surprise and joy. “Your friends told me you’ve been cooped up in your house for days so i thought i’d come visit” the young man replied cheerfully. Words could not describe how relieved (Y/n) felt at her partner’s arrival. With him here her mind could finally stop thinking about her unseen stalker for a bit and she would be able to relax. The couple settled down on the couch together and Todd opened the plastic bag which was filled with the young woman’s favorite snacks of candy, chips, popcorn, and soda. They flipped the TV on and began pigging out while watching their favorite movies together. Everything was going perfect until suddenly it wasn't. (Y/n) had gotten up to use the bathroom when she heard the loud sounds of things being knocked over. She rushed back to the couch to see Todd crawling on the floor with his head bleeding as a floating, bloodstained paperweight stalked him. The girl stared in horror as the paperweight swung down on her boyfriend’s head repeatedly spilling more blood until her partner stopped moving. The blood that had been spilled coated not only the paperweight but the thing that was holding it. In the low light she couldnt be a hundred percent certain of what she was seeing but it looked like an invisible man held the object used to beat her lover to death. “Come on out (Y/n) i know you’re watching” an unfamiliar male voice said. The girl remained transfixed in place as the voice let out a sigh and the paperweight was lowered down onto the coffee table. The bloodsoaked visage of the man approached her until they were face to face and the bloody hands wrapped around her to pull her close. “Oh my love this isnt how i wanted us to meet properly. I was going to make it so romantic but that idiot just had to butt in and ruin things” the unfamiliar male voice spoke into her ear. “Well there’s no way to go back and do things over again so we’ll just have to make do. Allow me to introduce myself, im Riddle” the voice rasped making a shiver go down (Y/n)’s spine. She was trying to not think about the fact her boyfriend was lying only a few feet away in a pool of his own blood. “Why… why did you kill him?” she said her voice was quiet and barely audible. “Why? Well it's simple, he was only to ruin you my love. You must understand I’m the only thing keeping you safe from a filthy, disgusting world. I want what’s best for you and what's best for you is to remain under my watchful eye here” Riddle said as if it was obvious. (Y/n) sniffled feeling tears starting to well up in her eyes. The invisible man proceeded to kiss each one away as they ran down her face. “Now listen closely okay? I’m going to clean up everything then you and I can cuddle on the couch okay? It’s gonna be okay my love” Riddle went on petting (Y/n)’s head as he led her back to the couch and had her sit down. He wrapped her up in the blanket and then set to work removing her dead boyfriend’s body as well as all the bloodstains that had been made. The harrowing image of Todd’s body laying limp would haunt (Y/n) for the rest of her days under the loving and wrathful gaze of the invisible man Riddle… THE END

[the-beskar-alchemist]

Episode 3

Welp here we go again!

My ramblings about tonight's episode, as always spoilers both series/in-game below the cut

-Joel making a grave-marker for Tess, and having to wait until they’re 10-miles away (my heart)

-Seems like they’re dropping hints about hunters (raiders), which means we’ll probably be getting to the second part of that conversation in a later episode

-Joel sucking at shooting is just further proof he was NOT in the military, but also it makes those of us who can’t aim very well in the game feel so seen lol

-So they replaced the Angel Knives arcade game with Mortal Kombat, which I can understand because, while AK would’ve been a nice inclusion for the sake of the fans, using MK instead helps non-gamers to feel more connected to the series

-“Just you”, Joel still at it lol

-We FINALLY get a reference to menstruation in a zombie-type series, although I’m surprised there were any tampons left after 20-years. The thing is while Joel doesn’t seem phased by the concept of periods, I’d imagine what with it being this early into their relationship he’s not going to be much help in that department because he’s still maintaining distance

-I’m curious as to why they’re not using in-game terminology to differentiate between the infected. It feels like they’re leaving it kind of vague so there’s room to play with canon info.

-Ellie being curious about the infection is understandable, and I realize the infected aren’t “people” anymore, but cutting one open like that? I’m wondering if this is an attempt at foreshadowing for [redacted]

-They moved up the plane conversation, which I can understand, they’re probably trying to plan ahead for pacing

-There’s no in-game explanation as to how the infection started, so they had plenty of room to flesh out a theory. Given big food companies collective histories of having consumer goods recalled it’s very plausible for the epidemic to occur that way (also Joel remembering pancakes?????)

-Friday night, September 26th 2003 - “A day that will live in infamy” in the eyes of Joel Miller

-Joel trying to shield Ellie from the horrible truth about the military, it’s a given that FEDRA was not well thought-of in the QZ but to actually see firsthand how cruel they could be hits you hard in the gut (Also in the game, the conversation about how FEDRA tried to control the spread was separate from the “these people weren’t infected” convo regarding the pile of bodies, it looks like they combined the two for pacing)

-The fact that, without having seen the casting choices beforehand, I could automatically tell that was Bill

-Took 3 episodes but we finally see a gas mask lol

-Am I the only one that’s tickled they included Home Depot??

-Bill being a prepper turned survivalist, I love how giddy he was when he realized he could do whatever

-2007 Frank - Where’s the Hawaiian shirt??? (”He’s the only idiot who would wear a shirt like that”.....as game!Bill would say)

-I love how Bill tries to act aloof but he’s totally standing on ceremony for Frank, my socially-awkward boy is not used to having people around (in-game Bill actually preferred it that way…..kinda)

-Serenading your house-guest on the first day? If that’s not a clear-cut sign that he’s into you I don’t know what else to say (also the fine dining? The little flair with pouring the wine?)

-Bill probably spent YEARS hiding his true self, it took an apocalypse to finally give him the freedom he needed to come out, I’d imagine if he was a prepper than he probably came from a redneck/conservative type family who didn’t support his lifestyle (speaking as someone with a redneck family)

-In the last episode the “nudity” warning had people thinking Joel and Tess were going to smash but they were blindsided by a naked infected woman instead. The irony of this is funny to me considering how Joel/Tess were not portrayed as being romantic in the way that everyone hoped, but then HBO spends an entire episode showing Bill/Frank being all loving and domestic

-Some part of me wonders if Tess was pretending that she and Joel were on a double-date with Frank/Bill (also I just can’t picture Tess as a fine-dining type of person, but eh……live a little while you can), and then there’s Joel trying to avoid putting a name on their “situation”

-Welcome to another episode of Construction Corner with Joel Miller

-So the interesting thing about show!Frank and show!Bill, they are WAY more domestic than their in-game counterparts. Game!Bill was such a hardass, he snapped at Ellie repeatedly, he kept giving Joel a hard time for coming to him for help. Show!Bill is so soft and considerate, he’s still stubborn but that comes with the territory of post-apocalyptic survival. This is such a twist on their part of the story, but it still works…? They weren’t even together in the game, Bill referred to Frank as a “fuckin’ idiot” and only claimed him as a “partner” (not in the LGBTQ sense, he literally meant like a work partner type situation), but he still showed clear signs of having feelings for him

-Frank dying of cancer seems like a “nicer” way to go (game!Frank was repeatedly bitten while away from Bill and wasn’t found until much later), but the series kept true to his desire to “go out” on his own terms, in this case it was an overdose (in-game it was by hanging)

-“Give me one more good day” - and Bill fucking DELIVERED

-I think it’s funny that it’s been 16-years and Bill still hasn’t covered that hole back up to reset the trap, but also it’s very symbolic of how (without Frank) there would be a huge hole in Bill’s life

- “You were my purpose” </3

- I’m thinking Frank has cancer, they mention not being able to find a cure before the outbreak

- Not the fucking couple’s suicide!!

-Oh FUCK no, I know ya’ll didn’t just use that same damn music from [redacted] in the game!!!

- Bill thinks well enough of Joel that he gave him the passcode for the gate at least

-Joel automatically knows something’s off because of the flowers, shows how observant he is and how well he knows Frank because you know Bill’s not going to be concerned about flowers unless Frank’s involved

-So instead of having the found-letter be left for Bill by Frank, it’s Bill leaving a last will and testament for Joel. Again this feels like a pacing thing, considering how complicated in-game Frank/Bill’s relationship was, and how much they butted heads

-Poor Joel, he just keeps losing people. I’m starting to think this is part of a setup for the part of the game where [redacted]

-Joel is still kinda paranoid about Ellie’s bite mark it seems

-We FINALLY get the trademark outfits for them!!

-I love that Ellie thinks the truck is a spaceship, but I’m kinda bummed we don’t get the bonding moment where Ellie pops the clutch

-No comicbook???

- I can’t believe they cut my favorite cut-scene, that is such an iconic moment

-I thought for a second they were going to show a glimpse of Frank/Bill holding hands but the shot through the open window is much better (also I like how it kind of mirrors the in-game menu animation)

Stellar performances by everyone once again (not as many Joel/Ellie scenes as I would’ve liked but still enjoyed the episode all the same)

I’m kind of bummed that we didn’t get the iconic Ellie/Bill moments (the pipe-hitting? “I am none of your goddamn business!”  ??    “Best stay on my ass” / “Can’t miss it”  ??)

I can understand why they made changes to Bill/Frank’s story, given how dark the game can be, it’s refreshing to see at least someone in the show have a happy ending (even in such a sad way)

(Seriously though?? Ya’ll took away my favorite cut-scene??? Please tell me my favorite little klepto found the [redacted] and we’ll get the cut-scene next week)

[marvelcriminalhoe]

The Vampire Kings Religion

Soft Dark! Vampire King! Steve Rogers x Human! Religious! Reader

Readers first “official” time being punished

AN: THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER !!! So, the next chapter isn’t ready yet, so I decided I’ll post one of my one shots for the story instead. I’ll post these when I don’t think the next chapters are ready, this way you still get something.

This one shot is set around the first week of Reader being in the kingdom

Series Warnings: Soft dark Steve, obsessive/possessive behavior, forced marriage, talks of blood, talks of feeding, death, eventual smut, eventual kinks, +18 minors DNI, maybe a little bit of dubious consent idk yet. This will be a soft DARK story so read at your own will.

word count: 853

series masterlist

The kingdom was nice, or at least, pleasant enough to be trapped in. You do however miss your home. You miss your own bed and your own room. You miss the window that you would stare out of every night and see the fairies flying around the woods.

You’ve stayed clear of everyone, as much as you can. At night, Steve makes you curl up next to him, something you are ashamed of getting used to.

After you saw what happened with Layla, how Steve told you punishments will always be given to those that don’t follow the rules, you have been doing everything you can to make sure you don’t step out of line. But today, today you just had to go and poke the devil.

It started off like every morning, Steve waking you up with a kiss, telling you he has to go handle some work things. Then, about an hour later, Wanda will knock on your chamber doors and bring you in breakfast. You’ll usually then go to the garden or go to the library, spending your days reading alone. Occasionally, you’ll go to the chapel, light a candle and say a prayer. Though, you aren’t entirely sure why anymore.

Then, you eat dinner with Steve, sometimes in his office, sometimes in the dinning hall with everyone else. And then, you’ll go back to your chambers with Steve, curl up next to him, and the cycle continues.

Truthfully, you have better days here than you did back home, but after a week of being in the kingdom, not cooking or going to the market like part of your usual routine, something you didn’t think was such a big deal to your mental well-being, you’re starting to feel like a cornered animal.

Which is how you’ve found yourself here, strapped to the bed you and Steve lay in every night, the Vampires fingers toying with you over and over.

He’s already brought you to the edge once, not letting you cross. But as his fingers toy with your clit, rubbing circles, you feel yourself start to reach your peak again, only for the vampire to stop before you can reach the bliss.

You whine loudly, taking in some deep breaths.

Steve slaps your cunt, tsk-ing his tongue at you, “Don’t whine, little one. You brought this on yourself.”

“I— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk back.” You whine, wishing you could run your thighs together but you can’t.

Steve sighs, almost as if he’s saddened for you, but the smirk on his face proves he’s not, “I know, you’ve been so good this week. So good. But you yelled at me in front of my men, and that can’t be accepted.”

“Mhmm” you moan as his fingers start rubbing your clit again.

“So needy baby.” Steve kisses your stomach, slowly traveling down with his mouth to where his fingers are. He replaces his fingers with his tongue.

Your breathing picks up as he moans into you, the vibrations with his tongue swirling your sensitive clit pushing you closer and closer. Just as you’re about to cum, he pulls back again, bringing tears to your eyes.

Steve looks up to you, some of your wetness glistening on his beard, he smiles at you, wide and dangerous like.

“You want to cum, darling? You want me to make you cum?” He taunts.

You nod your head, “please.”

Steve puts his fingers back to use, soft, slow, almost tortures circles being drawn into your clit, “Are you sorry for raising your voice at me? For yelling at me?”

You nod your head, a few tears falling down your face, wishing he would stop torturing you and move his fingers fast, give you anything.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I promise. I’ll be good.”

“I know.” Steve tells you, stopping his fingers and moving his head down, “I know you’ll be good for me.”

He dives in, swirling his tongue around your clit, sucking on it, even giving you small little nips here and there. When you reach closer to your peak, you’re afraid he is going to stop again, but he doesn’t, he doubles down faster and harder, moaning around you when you reach your peak, lapping up all of your sweetness.

He pulls away from you, watching your chest rise and fall, your eyes closed and your face with the most beautiful sheen on it. He leans up, kissing you hungrily, giving you a taste of your own essence.

When he pulls back, your eyes half open, Steve falls in love with you a little more in that moment. He was proud of you for how long you lasted without a punishment, but he knew you would crack eventually, you just needed that extra push, which he was all too willing to give you.

When his fingers crawl back between your legs, your eyes widen, making Steve smirk down at you, “You didn’t think we were done, did you darling?” Steve laughs, shaking his head, “You need to learn your lesson, and we haven’t even begun yet.”

******

taglist: @mansaaay @helenaeisenhower @fanfic-fangirl @thirstybunzy @broadwaybabe18 @apollonshootafar @cevans-winchester @austynparksandpizza @cynic-spirit @ivegotparticulartaste

[alltooreid]

I Think He Knows

Y/N has a huge crush on Spencer Reid, so huge she embarrasses herself every time she tries to talk to him. She is convinced he is aware to all her pathetic attempts at flirting and just chooses to ignore it, but turns out Spencer may be a little more clueless than she thought.

A/N: Hope yall enjoy this cute fluffy fic! I’ve been having a rough couple of days so writing a fun fluff like this was really comforting :) yes it is inspired by the t swift song, but you don’t need to know the song to read and enjoy! also my requests are open so let me know what you want to see! (also sorry if this is kind of short, but i’ve been super busy and wanted to put something out :)))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute pining fluff fic

Word Count: 2.3K

Content Warnings: mentions of alcohol, otherwise none.

“He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm seventeen, nobody understands No one understands”

“He has to know Penelope, I’m not exactly subtle.”

You and Penelope spent the majority of your lunch breaks in her office, discussing anything and everything. Recently however, the point of contention had been a certain young genius. One who you had a huge crush on.

“Spencer Reid may be a genius, and one of the best profilers I have ever seen but he most certainly does not know,” she said, as she drizzled more dressing on her salad.

“He has to, it feels like everyone knows. . . Do you think everyone knows?”

She shrugged, “They might, I know my Chocolate Thunder hasn’t picked up on it yet.”

“You haven’t told him? It’s already been a week since I’ve told you! How did you keep it a secret for so long?”

“You asked me very nicely not to tell anyone! Plus this one seems really important to you. I don’t want to go around telling people and for Reid to hear it in office gossip.”

You smiled, “Well you Penelope Garcia are the best, best friend ever.”

“You know it, now I know you desperately want to repay me for my services, and you can by giving me those exact ranch packets you have in your bag,” she said.

“They’re all yours, now let’s discuss something other than my pathetic schoolgirl crush. Like how stupid Kevin’s sweater was today.”

“Kevin? The other internal affairs technical analyst? Yeah what the heck was he wearing?”

“You know, I’m tired of having to carry the weight of the brains, looks and fashion sense out of the two of us,” you said. “Though, that is a good way to gather attention . . . I wonder if Spencer would actually hold a conversation with me if I wore something as ugly as that.”

She laughed, “You know I think that might send you backwards.”

You stabbed your lettuce, “At this point I’ll try anything.”

Before Penelope could respond, someone interrupted your lunch, your only other friend on the BAU team, Emily Prentiss.

“Oh hi Y/N! How are you!”

“I’m good Emily, what kind of gross things are you here to deliver today?” you and Emily joined the FBI at around the same time, and found comfort in the fact that you were both total try-hards. Emily was going to eat lunch with you and your fast friend Penelope, at least on days when she was in the office for lunch, but you and her both agreed that she should eat lunch with the team so that they can get used to having her around.

“Just some paperwork, no cases yet, knock on wood. Also I just wanted to say hello! What are you guys eating?” she asked, pulling up a chair.

“Some salads from that takeout veggie place PG is always talking about. I told you I was going vegetarian right?” “You did not! That’s great Y/N! We need to talk more, like we used to when we first started here,” she sighed, then perked up, “We should have girls night! Remember how fun it was that night at the bar? With Brad the real FBI agent?”

“Yes! We should! You know, Gideon’s replacement comes tomorrow, we should celebrate!” Garcia said.

“You know, I don’t know if the best way to celebrate a new agent is by drinking without them, but I’m down. We’ll toast our girls night to agent Rossi. Someone ask JJ if she’s busy.”

JJ was not busy, but when you and Emily asked, Morgan overheard.

“So am I not invited to the party?”

“Well it was supposed to be girls night . . . but I think PG would throw a fit if I turned down her 2nd favorite person in this building, so I guess you can come,” you teased. “You should come too Spencer!”

“I don’t know, that’s not really my thing . . “

“Oh come on! I know I would love to see you there,” you then realized that you were embarrassing yourself being so forward. “And I’m sure everyone else would too!”

“Alright, I’ll come, but I’m not drinking.” he said firmly. 

Before you could respond, Penelope magically appeared. “Good, you can be completely sober when Y/N gets wasted and embarrasses herself,” she said.

“PENELOPE! I’m not the light weight here! you’ll see Spencer, she’s actually awful. Two shots in and she’ll be on the floor,” this was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Spencer grimaced. “But it’ll be so much fun! You have to be there! You already said yes!”

“I just don’t know if seeing all of my coworkers get drunk while I watch is my idea of a fun evening. . .”

“Trust me! I’ll even stay sober with you, so we can judge them together. It’ll be a blast.”

“Ok, I’ll be there . . . but for now I need more coffee,” he pulled his chair out and walked towards the office kitchen. You silently cheered, forgetting how people were still standing around you.

“Well,” you awkwardly laughed, “um, I guess I better be getting back to my neck of the woods. I’m not a hot shot profiler like the rest of you guys . . . so see you all later!” You tried to escape before anyone interrogated you about your conversation with Spencer. However, a certain profiler followed quickly behind you. 

“So. . . you and pretty boy huh?”

“Shut it Morgan.”

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You stayed true to your word that night, Spencer stuck to water and you enjoyed a diet soda. The bartender, who you had grown fairly used to seeing on your many nights out, was shocked to hear you didn’t want any alcohol in it. 

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t drink, you already embarrassed yourself enough in front of Spencer fully sober.

“So Spencer, you know that new bookstore you said you were going to go to after work a couple weeks ago?”

“New bookstore . . .? Oh yeah! What about it?”

“Well after I heard you talking about it I decided to check it out . . . It’s really nice there! I go like every other night now! We should totally go together sometime.” Luckily, you were sober enough to keep a secret: the fact you were only going so much in the hopes of running into him.

“Oh really? If I’m being honest I wasn’t super impressed with their selection, it was mostly contemporary fiction. And all in English . . . Not really my thing,” when he saw the way your face dropped he quickly changed his tone, “but it’s great if that’s your thing!”

This. Is. Humiliating. The amount of times you had gone and bought books from the bookstore, you were there almost every night hoping to run into him after work and start a conversation. You felt stupid, of course he wouldn’t want to go on a book store date with you. If Spencer Reid didn’t like you so much that he wouldn’t even go to a bookstore with you, there’s no chance at a relationship.

“Oh haha, yeah you’re right it’s totally lame. . .”

“Didn’t you just say you went there all the time?”

“No! When did I say that? You must be drinking Dr. Reid,” you said, quickly hopping off your bar stool, and running towards Morgan and Garcia, not turning around to see how confused Spencer was, but only being able to imagine him as relieved. Relieved he didn’t have to make conversation with you anymore.

“I’m blowing this PG, he totally hates me.”

Morgan laughed, “Y/N, you’re acting silly, this isn’t high school, we aren’t seventeen, stop dancing around it and just go ask him out.”

“Morgan, he doesn’t want to go to a bookstore with me, no way he’s agreeing to a date.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, maybe he’s just not in the mood to go?”

“You go ask him then, 20 bucks he says yes.”

“You’re on Y/N/N.”

7 minutes later Morgan returned and without a word pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and deposited it into your hand. “Sorry, Y/N.”

Penelope then piped up, “I’m telling you Y/N, he just doesn’t know. That boy is clueless.”

You scoffed, “I think he knows Penelope. I’ve made it pretty clear.”

“Have you told him?”

You were thrown off, “Um, no but-”

“Well then you haven’t made it clear enough, have you sugar?”

You almost said something, but you couldn’t really think of a good rebuttal for the argument. So instead, you downed Penelope’s half dranken frozen margarita, and headed back over to Spencer.

“Hey!” he said as you made your way back over, “I was wondering where you went, after you left Derek came over and asked to go to that bookstore with me, isn’t that extraordinary. . .”

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” you blurted out.

“What?”

You sighed, “I’ve had a crush on you since like, forever, and I keep planning all these ways to ask you subtly but it’s just not working so I’m asking now. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“You like me? I didn’t know that . . .”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m not, I thought you were just being nice. You’re nice to everyone and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

You smirked, “Get your hopes up? Does that mean you’re obsessed with me too Dr. Reid?”

He laughed in response, “Yeah, you could definitely say that.”

You dug through your purse and pulled out your keys, “Ok, then let’s get out of here.”

He paled, “And do what?”

“We’re going on our first date.”

He smiled, and you both got up off your bar stools and headed out the door, ignoring Morgan’s snide remarks as you passed. 

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You couldn’t help but smile as you drove. Every couple of seconds you couldn’t help but look over at Spencer, getting lost in his brownish hazel eyes, which looked indigo in the night. He would smile, the kind of smile people write silly little romance songs about and spend verses to describe, and tell you to pay attention to the road before you run off of it. You would laugh, tell him to calm down. Although originally you had an idea of where you were going, now you just wanted to drive in circles, to bask in this memory. 

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“Think about it Doctor Reid . . .” you replied, teasing him in the way you’ve imagined since you met him. 

You pulled up to that little bookstore on 16th avenue, the one you couldn’t stop going to out of the sheer chance Spencer might be there, the one that was obviously closed this late at night, but was too perfect not to spend your first date at. 

“Although this is beautifully symbolic, it’s almost 2 in the morning, this place closes at 8. We’re 5 hours, 49 minutes and 17 seconds late.”

You smiled and pulled out your ring of keys, “You know, when I spent hours a night hanging around here after work, hoping that you would happen to come shop for books and see me here too, the woman who owns this store got pretty curious. So I told her why I was here, and after she got done laughing at me she offered me a key, so that if I ever had the guts to ask you out, I could take you here no matter what.” You turned the key and swung the door open, gesturing him inside and locking the door behind you, “but we have to keep the lights off, so no one comes by and tries to get in.”

You and Spencer sit in the non-fiction section, and enjoy the silence for a few seconds before you have an idea, “Read me something Reid.”

He reached up, pulling a book off of the shelf without looking, “Are you sure, A Brief History of 1491: Life in America Before Columbus, is first date material?”

“Although that book is anything but brief, anything you read to me will sound stunning coming from your pretty mouth.”

So he begins to read, attempting to slow down to a reasonable pace but still going abnormally fast. You didn’t care though, more than you listened to the history of the late fifteenth century you watched Spencer’s hands. They’re really nice hands.

His right followed the words as he read aloud and his left helped hold the book. He wiggled the fingers on his left hand unconsciously as he spoke, getting into the words of the book. 

After about 25 pages he glanced over at you, and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head. After a second he went back to the page, and continued reading. You didn’t think anything of it until a couple minutes later, when his hand made its way to your left thigh.

He held it and you leaned into him, and you both stayed like that until you fell asleep hours later, with his head resting on top of yours. 

At 8:30 Mrs. Betts, the owner of the bookstore, found you and Spencer, arms around each other, the book thrown aside. She smiled, glad to know you had taken her up on her offer. She went to go wake you up but glanced at her watch. She didn’t have to officially open until 10. 

She could definitely spare a couple of minutes. 

“I want you, bless my soul I ain't gotta tell him I think he knows”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

ATR’s tiny taglist: @reidingmelodies​

[mindofharry]

In which bucky realises the mistake he made and does everything in his power to get you back.

losing you masterlist: here!

smut!! fluff!! angst!! i’m so fucking in love with this series. mean!bucky, sex and a bit of grovelling! ALSO!!! thank you for 2k, i never expected to get this far with this page. writing has always been a passion for me so thank you guys for taking time out of your day to read my stuff. i appreciate and love you all immensely <3 happy reading!

The first thing bucky notices about you not being here, is the how quiet and lonely his apartment is. Usually, your moans, whimpers and giggles fill the small space. Not anymore. The only noise he can hear is you saying those words to him.

“You’re selfish and mean. And i deserve better”

It felt like it was ringing in his ear, no matter how loud the tv is or the children running up and down the hall, it was on a continuous loop. Selfish. Mean. Deserve better. It was meant to be no strings attached, something to let off a little steam. But then bucky got those butterflies, he wanted to take you dancing, take you to meet his friends. He didn’t like the feeling, so he didn’t the only thing he knew how to do.

Push you away.

Bucky didn’t like how he felt with you, he couldn’t understand it. He felt like he couldn’t be that person for you no matter how fucking hard he tried, bucky couldn’t be the one you cuddled up with after a stressful day. He couldn’t be the one cooking dinner for you. And he most definitely can’t be the person loving you, he’s just not programmed for that. Bucky hasn’t felt love in decades. He doesn’t know how to process it yet.

Bucky knew what he did was wrong and now laying on the ground, his back against the hard wood, the only thing he wanted was you. Y/N.

Bucky wanted Y/N.

He decided then and there, he would fix himself up, go to his therapist. And get you back.

Back in your apartment, you were still in your dress, only this time your make up was smudged and your date was cancelled. Who were you kidding? Nobody could replace bucky barnes, nobody. Fuck, you love him so much. This feeling, it’s so big. It feel like it’s taking up all of your body, this fire so big that no one can put out. Bucky is a drug, and you’ve definitely become addicted.

After what felt like hours staring at your wall, you decide it’s best to head to bed and just forget about what a disaster this night has been.

“So” Dr Raynor said, crossing her legs over. Bucky was sat in front of her, his legs bouncing up and down as his therapist tried to figure him out. Bucky hated therapy. He hated everything to do with it, he would rather be put in jail than do this bullshit sharing feelings thing.

But if he wanted any chance of getting you back, in his bed, kissing him than he would do it.

Bucky barnes was officially smitten.

“Tell me” Dr Raynor said, leaning foward. “What’s going on, james?” She asked and bucky sighed placing a hand over his eyes.

“I need help” He said and Dr Raynor nodded. “Well, yeah. That much is obvious” She teased making bucky roll his eyes.

“With a girl” He said and his therapist grunted leaning back in her seat. Bucky hasn’t been this embarrassed since middle school when he peed his pants and had to go home early, everyone laughed at him in the playground. He never forgot that, but right now, his therapist trying to keep her laughs in made him feel a little small and fragile.

“Fine. I’ll find someone else” He mumbled, moving to get up. Dr Raynor settled herself down and held her hand up to stop him. “Oh, be quiet. Tell me about this girl” She said putting her notebook down. Bucky looked down at his hands and smiled.

It almost startled the therapist, she’d never seen him smile like that. Or ever, for that matter.

“Y/N” He started.

“Y/N is the most beautiful and wise woman i’ve ever met” He said. “Always there for me, willing to do just about anything i asked her to do. Fuck, she’s the best thing that’s happened to me, since well ever” Bucky said and the therapist nodded.

“But i fucked it up. Said somethings i didn’t mean and now she won’t even look me in the eye. I was so shitty to her just because i couldn’t admit my own feelings.” Bucky groaned and Dr raynor nodded agreeing.

“James, what do you want me to tell you? You messed up, now go and apologise” She said and buckys eyes widened. “I can’t just apologise to her” He said and his therapist lifted her hand up.

“Exactly. Problem solved”

Bucky made a noise of complaint while dr raynor packed up her stuff. “See you next week, lover boy” she said walking out of the room and leaving bucky to his own thoughts.

Flowers? Chocolates? Dancing? A poem? What do women like you, like these days? God, he’s still way too new in this world to be thinking about these things. But he really fucking needs you. He needs you and your jokes, you and your witty nature.

Bucky just needs you, and he’s about to do anything in his power to get you back, starting with an apology.

You were sitting in your living room a glass of wine in your hand and new girl on in the background. Your mind was somewhere else, you’ve just felt off all day. You keep zoning out, not being able to concentrate. Is this what a broken heart feels like? A knock on the door brings out of your thoughts and back to reality. A shitty fucking reality. You sigh and put your wine down on the table and make your way over the front door, you nearly tripped over your stiletto heels on the way there. You didn’t move them last night because you were so exhausted and out of it.

Opening the door you see bucky. Just the man you didn’t want to see, you begin to close the door in his face when his foot blocks it. “Please, just hear me out” He begged and you sighed crossing your arms over your chest.

“Can i come in?” Bucky asked and you scoffed.

“Why should i let you come in? Do you remember what you did the last time?” You said and bucky placed a hand over his eyes, obviously frustrated. You didn’t understand why, he made your place in his life pretty clear.

“I should come in because i need to apologise to you. For everything. The way i treated you and the things i said. I need to apologise, so please let me in”

You sighed and opened up the door wider and walked down the hallway. You sat back down on the couch taking a gulp of you wine. You were so easy, you thought. You barley put up a fight, you should’ve just closed the door in his face. But you did want to hear what he had to say, what bullshit apology he’d come up with.

“So?” You said and bucky nodded sitting beside you.

“I miss you” He started and you rolled your eyes. “No, fuck. I do miss you, but i’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry” Bucky said grabbing your hand. You wanted to pull away but you just couldn’t, his hand felt so good in yours. You leaned over and put your wine on the coffee table. Bucky took that as permission to take your other hand.

“I had feelings for you, no i have feelings for you. I just, i’m not good at expressing myself, i’m working on it. My therapist told me to get you flowers and shit, but i left them in my apartment and this is just a whole mess” Bucky ranted, you had to bite your lip to make you not burst out with laughter.

“You talked about to your therapist?” You asked, giggling. Fuck, even your laugh is beautiful. What is there not love about you?

“I’m sorry” He said, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles. “I have feelings for you, and i didn’t know how to express that. So i pushed you away and treated you so badly. I’m going to apologise for that until the day i die. I just, i like you a lot Y/N” he said and you could feel your cheeks burn.

You really weren’t expecting that.

“My thought process was that i would never be that person, you know that boyfriend who’s ready to cook dinner and take the dogs for a walk” He said and you nodded understand.

“But i’m willing to do that for you, if you’d give me another chance”

You looked up at him, staring into those beautiful wide eyes. This is what you’ve been waiting for.

“Bucky....”

He moved closer to you bringing a hand to your cheek. “Please, i have hundreds of flowers and like 10 boxes of chocolates back in my apartment. Come back with me? Please?” He asked, so much vulnerability could be heard. You sighed and looked around.

You didn’t deserve what happened, but you know he’s sorry. Maybe a little more grovelling? Make up sex is the best, though. You contemplate a little longer and then nod.

“Yeah, i’ll stay at yours for a bit”

Bucky nearly cried when you said that. Maybe he’d actually have a chance.

He helped you up from the couch and watched you get your shoes. He could get use to this. “You ready?” He asked holding out his hand, you nodded taking it. It felt nice to be wanted.

After a short walk to buckys apartment, your met with (literally hundreds) of yellow flowers. You could cry, he did this all for you? You lift your hand to your mouth and look around the room.

“Do you hate it? I can get better-“

You interrupt him with a peck to the lips. He was shocked, but he didn’t hesitate with kissing you back. He placed both of his hands on the side of your head and as you gasped, he slipped his tongue in.

“Fuck, i missed you” you said in between kisses, you moved your hands to his chest. Bucky pulled away and moved back.

“I just want you to know, that i wasn’t planning on seducing you or anything. If you want i have sex we will, if you don’t, then we’ll watch a movie. There’s no pressure” He said reassuring you. You smirked and pecked his lips.

“Why don’t we go to your bedroom?”

Bucky pulls you along to his room, lifting you up once he opens the door. “Your room is messy” You said and Bucky laughed. “Hasn’t been the same without you” He said and you pouted, kissing his lips.

“I’m sorry about that, let me help you?” You said taking your shirt off, leaving you only in your pjs short and bare breasts. Bucky was staring at you intently, making your nipples harden. He reached out and ran his fingers across your nipples making you moan with pleasure. His finger was cold and just what you needed.

“Strip and then you’re going to ride me. Been too long princess” Bucky said and you nodded quickly taking your shorts and skimpy underwear off.

“Fuck” Bucky said as you lay down on the bed, legs wide open. You were dripping wet, your hands coming down to play with yourself a little. “You’re gorgeous,” He said, kissing the inside of your thigh.

“Seems like you’re wet enough for me, yeah? i’ll play with you more later” He said and you nodded, just wanting him to be in you.

Bucky rolled over and took a condom out from the door, he quickly got out of his clothes and you almost moaned at the sight of him putting on that condom. He really does like hot doing anything.

Bucky lays down his head on his pillow and you quickly and swiftly move to sit on his lap, your knees either side of him.

You placed his cock, in your dripping pussy and loved the sound he made. Bucky groaned, his hands coming to your hips immediately, to guide you at a good pace. Your hands moved to his chest, scratching at it slightly, bucky moaned at that too. Pain kink, you figured that out pretty quickly. You began to move your hips and created a good rhythm.

“Oh, god” You whimpered, as you bounced on Bucky's cock.

“Missed you, and this” Bucky said and you nodded, your hips bucking.

You begin to move faster and faster, the bed frame hitting against the wall and bucky groans and your whimpers the only thing you can hear. God, you missed him and his cock so much. Bucky is so deep inside of you, you can feel everything. He’s so good at this, sometimes he doesn’t even have to try.

“This…. is so good…..” You said whimpering, leaning down to peck his lips. Bucky responded, moving his hands to your breasts and giving them a squeeze.

“Are you gonna cum?” He asked, bucking his hips up fucking you faster. You nodded and moaned.

“Please! Oh fuck” You screamed, feeling that pleasure start to build up. As the both of you came down from your highs, bucky brought you into his chest.

“I’m never losing you again”

Taglist: @formulamendes @ityagirljay @josegandulfo @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @beminetokeep @jbcalway @lxdyred @idkwhttocallmysrlf <33

[shingia]

Could I request Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Sakusa, Miya twins, and Tendou with a reader who used to self harm but was sober for a while, only to relapse after they left bc of a huge argument then please and thanks? Sorry if that’s really intense tho. And thank u for being so nice🙂💞

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

ok i reaaally hope this is what you expected. i didn’t know what kind of ending you wanted but i decided that you, my friend, needed comfort, so i gave you comfort because you deserve it ❤️️

i hope reading this will make you feel better! kisses on your nose ❤️️

type : (strong) angst | word count : 4.4K

warnings : mentions of self-harm, depiction of depressive behavior (plz do not read if any of these might trigger something, i want you all to be safe <3)

⇀ 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨

« fuck you, kuroo. fuck. you. ». those were the last words you had told him. they had hurt, but they were nothing compared to the last words he had told you, the words that kept playing over and over in your head as you slowly felt yourself drift to your old habits again : « i’m done with you ».

was it your fault ? did you push him over the edge ? you had many questions to ask kuroo, but he wasn’t there to answer anymore. so these thoughts were left spiraling in your head as you started to lose balance between love and pain. because his love used to be the cure to your pain. so now what ? what were you supposed to do other than going back to your old habits ? you couldn’t think of any answer.

on monday morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier because, first of all, you needed some time for the swelling of your eyes to go down, and second of all, you needed to mentally prepare yourself to see kuroo again. it had been two days since your fight, and he had not manifested himself once. it seemed to be well and truly over ; and that thought had been the main cause of the collapsing of your mental strength over the last two days.

during your first period, although you were avoiding his gaze, kuroo couldn’t help but cast glances in your direction. because he knew you better than anyone, and he could only imagine how hurt you were.

but he really started to get suspicious when he noticed you were not raising your hand to correct today’s homework. he had helped you with that last week, and you had told him that you felt confident enough to propose your correction to the class ; which rarely happened. so why weren’t you raising your hand ?

he had a bad feeling about the answer… he didn’t care about giving you quick glances anymore, he just stared at your arms until one of your movements would make your sleeve reveal just a few inches of your skin.

and he was horrified to have his fears confirmed. the cuts that he had so often kissed while holding you in his arms were back. and he knew it was all because of him. and although his first thought was that it was not his job to heal them anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to act unbothered.

he had loved you for long enough to know that you needed him right now. or maybe he still loved you ? it was not clear, but it didn’t matter right now. what mattered was that he needed you to listen to what he wanted to say, even if that was the last thing you accepted to hear from him.

« y/n, we need to talk » he told you once you got out of the classroom. you looked up at him ; his face was unusually austere. he carefully grabbed your shoulder and took you away from everyone else. 

« i can’t… i couldn’t walk out of there pretending like i didn’t see what your arms looked like » he started. « now listen, i know i fucked up, but i still care. and you still matter. whatever our relationship is doesn’t define you and most importantly, these don’t define you » he pointed at your wrists, his brows furrowed with concern. « so please, i’m begging you, keep in mind that i’m always here if you need to talk. always. and if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, but in that case, please find someone else. for the sake of everything we've been through together, don't let everything you’ve accomplished go to waste » and he wrapped his arms around you in the strongest hug he had ever given.

⇀ 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨

it had already been a week. and bokuto had absolutely no idea what to do. call you ? text you ? probably not. what would he even say ? « hi, sorry for slamming the door in your face after screaming at you for fifteen minutes. am i still your boyfriend ? » awful idea.

and while bokuto was pondering every option he had left to get in touch with you, you were left in the darkest place of your mind. and you hadn’t felt like that in a few months. because bokuto used to always be there, his number on speed dial whenever you feared you would relapse. and thanks to his unwavering support, you hadn’t. but was there anything in this world that was truly unwavering ? you really started to doubt it. and now that bokuto had left you, what could carry the pain away ? whatever the answer was, you were in no condition to think rationally about it.

you remembered how he used to celebrate every improvement in your mental health, how strong of a cornerstone he had been for you. and just the fact of not knowing where you guys were at after your fight was enough to make you feel like you were drowning again.

you were overflowing with emotions that you thought you couldn’t control, and apart from holding on tight to bokuto’s chest, you only knew one way to feel better.

you loved him, you really did. but after a week without hearing from him, you started to think that maybe his feelings were not as real as he pretended they were. and how could you not blame him for that ? for letting you down so fast ?

curled up in your bed, tears were streaming down your face ; because you felt weaker than you had promised yourself to be. you were exhausted, in every sense of the word, yet there was still a tiny bit of strength left in your body that made you grab your phone and open your conversation with bokuto. the last message was a bitter pill to swallow : « no problem babe, i’m always here for you ». it was just a week ago but it felt like an eternity had passed. your fingers started slowly typing on the screen and immediately hit sent, knowing that you would second guess your message if you re-read it. « can we talk? », just three words, it was the maximum you could get off of your chest right now.

but bokuto did not answer. for the simple reason that he was too busy catching his breath in front of your door. he frantically knocked, not stopping until you opened it.

« oh my god, are you okay ?! » he exclaimed, patting your entire body like he wanted to make sure you were well and truly there. and once he had made sure of that, he pulled you against his chest like he wasn’t planning on letting you go ever again. « did- did you… » he ventured to ask, not wanting to finish his sentence precisely because he was afraid of your answer. but when he heard you let out a muffled sob against his chest, his fears instantly got replaced by guilt. more than he had ever felt. « you’re alright, i got you. i got you now… » he murmured, his hands stroking your back tenderly. « we’ll get through this together, ok ? we’ll show the world how strong you are. because i know you are. »

⇀ 𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚

yes, sakusa had run away. and he was glad he had. because he knew how hurtful he could be with his words, and he had enough respect not to inflict that to you. but as he made his way back home, doubt started installing in his head. what if he shouldn’t have left you after your fight ? he immediately shook the thought away. no, you were good now. you were better. nothing like who you were when he met you.

and sakusa could be very convincing when he needed to, including with himself. that’s why he didn’t get in touch with you for the next three days, because he thought you just needed some time for yourself.

but when he received a worried text from komori when he got out of the gym after practice, he changed his mind within seconds. « i just saw y/n, something felt off. maybe you should check on them ? ».

sakusa felt a wave of guilt descend upon of him. of course he should. it was his fucking job to offer you his help, even when he thought you didn’t need it. and especially when he knew what you had already been through. he cursed himself all the way to your house, where he could only imagine how lonely you felt. not wanting to waste any more time, he pulled out his phone to call you. and heaved a relieved sigh at the sound of your voice : « hey, are you ok ? like, right now are you doing ok ? » he asked hastily. 

you sat on your bed and rubbed your strained eyes, fiddling with the cloth of your t-shirt. « i- yeah, i’m good… » you lied. « i’m at your door, open up please, i gotta see you » he said before hanging up.

you knew sakusa was not going to take no for an answer. so, after wiping your tears and putting on a long-sleeved hoodie and sweatpants, you went to open the door. 

« hi… » you uttered quietly. sakusa didn’t dare to move. he had been so determined to get to your house, but now that you were standing in front of him, he wasn’t so sure of what he was supposed to do.

you decided to be the first to break the silence,  « i’m okay. and i’m sorr… » « sorry. about everything. » he pre-empted you. seeing you like this made him fear the worst. so he gently grabbed your wrists like he wanted to hold your hands, when in reality he just wanted to confirm his thoughts. and when he saw you stiffen at his touch, he knew he had guessed right. « come here » he whispered before going in for a hug. but you pulled away at the last second. « can we… go to my room ? i- i feel better there » you asked timidly.

he didn’t even answer and simply wrapped his arm around your shoulder before taking you to your bedroom where you immediately curled up on your bed. you didn’t want sakusa to see you like this, but you were in no position to fight back anymore. quietly, he laid beside you and pulled you in a warm embrace, just tight enough to let you know that he got you now. 

when he noticed you were trying to find something to say, to explain yourself, he shushed you with a kiss on your shoulder. « you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. but i want you to listen to me very carefully : don’t ever think that you’re back to square one now. you’ve dealt with this before, you’ve grown and you can do it again as long as you promise yourself to get back up. and i won’t leave your side. you deserve so much more than what you give yourself, and i’m here to remind you »

⇀ 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚

tsukishima’s pride was important to him, everyone knew it. the only thing he valued as much as his pride was probably you. but during your arguments, the scale always tipped in his pride’s favor, you simply could not compete.

but surprisingly enough, it was you who had told him to go away after getting in the most heated argument you had ever had. and he didn’t have to be told twice : you had shattered his beloved pride, and he was not going to stay here begging for your mercy.

he still loved you, but he also had no problem ignoring you at school. yet for some reason, this argument didn’t sit well with him. well, no arguments ever sat well with him, but today felt different. 

ignoring you was one of the most hurtful things tsukishima could ever do to you. he had helped you through so much, and suddenly becoming a stranger to him was slowly bringing you back down.

« it’s just one time, i won’t relapse » you thought the first time you tried to cope with the pain the way you used to. but you feared it wouldn’t be just one time. you were diving into what you had said goodbye to ; but now that tsukishima was ignoring you, there was no one to stop you from falling, right ? 

well, that would have been true if he hadn’t kept a discreet but attentive eye on you. which is why he knew very well that you had gone back to your old habits. and he needed to do something about it.

but he wasn’t good with words, and he feared that actions would not be enough this time. he needed something more permanent, something that you could keep with you all the time. so he decided to do something he had never done before, and gave it to you as soon as it was done…

receiving a letter from tsukishima was definitely not something you expected. but what was written in it was even less expected.

« i’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but… i really need you to stop being so hard on yourself. i know it’s not something i usually say, but i fell in love with you because i learned to love your imperfections. and you have to start doing the same about yourself. please. and if you need to be held, to be listened to, i’ll be there. but i wanted to write something because i want you to be able to read this as much as you need, as much as you want. i want you to get better, but even more than that, i want you to want to get better. you can do it, i believe in you more than you can think. please come to me if you need it. i love you ».

the tears that streamed down your face had a salty taste, but for the first time in a long time, they tasted like hope as well. and the next time you came face to face with yourself and your thoughts, your eyes found find their way back to the letter, and you knew that there were people that still believed in you, counted on you, loved you. tsukki was just the first one of a long list. (<3)

⇀ 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

he had been there through everything. more than you would have imagined. which is probably why you felt desperately empty ever since he got so angry at you that he left without looking back. but at the time, it simply had not crossed his mind that you would suffer so deeply from his words.

but you did. a lot. and that was the reason you found yourself crying on your bedroom floor, not even able to be mad at anyone but yourself.

still oblivious to the true damage, atsumu thought he could get back to you by pretending like nothing had happened. he often did that because, to him, what was in the past belonged in the past. except that today, and in your situation, it could not work.

« wanna grab something to eat ? » was the first text he sent you. and you didn’t feel like answering, so you didn’t. « are you still mad ? i’m not <3 » was the second one. but you still didn’t feel like answering. maybe it was your fault ? maybe you were overreacting while you were just supposed to play it cool like he did ? but you would have played it cool if you knew how to.

when atsumu decided to go to your house, it was initially to apologize in person. he had not planned on seeing you looking the way you did, which was a heart-wrenching reminder of the dark period of time you had gotten through together. but here he was, standing in front of you, feeling more helpless than ever. he knew too well the look into your eyes, one that he hadn’t seen in a long time. 

he dropped the pack of snacks he was holding in his hands before cupping your cheeks. « oh no, no, no. i fucked up, didn’t i ? i am… so so so sorry. c-can you forgive me ? » he stammered, absolute panic in his eyes as he took you in his arms. why would i have to forgive you ? you thought. i’m the only one to blame. 

but atsumu seemed to also hear the things you didn’t say, and he refused to let you feel guilty for anything. ever so gently, he took your hands in his before placing the softest kisses on your wrists that were still covered by the sleeves of your hoodie. « i probably won’t ever forgive myself for leaving you alone. but promise me you’ll always come to me if you need help, or any kind of support, hugs, kisses… you name it. i’ll be your coping mechanism, and i’ll be the best you’ve ever had »

and he kept holding you for a long time, at least until he felt your breath become steady again. and if you thought atsumu was doting before, prepare yourself to be even more amazed now.

⇀ 𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

fighting with osamu was not frequent, fortunately. but when fights occured, it was bad. really bad. he tended to think that you could endure as much as atsumu when it came to harsh words ; but you couldn’t.

kind of like his brother, samu had a tendency to leave the past behind and pretend like nothing happened when he got in touch with you after a fight. and that’s what he did a week ago, after one of the biggest arguments that you had ever had.

too happy that he seemed to still want to be your boyfriend, you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you had gone back to your old habits during the time you were on bad terms. but as they said, old habits died hard, and your destructive thoughts were still very present even when things seemed to have gotten back to normal.

yet samu was not blind, and he noticed that you were acting a bit more distant since last week, since your fight. but he still thought that your problems could be solved by just keeping on pretending like everything was ok. and eventually, things would turn out ok by themselves, right ?

you were laying on his bed, turned on your side as you scrolled on your phone. usually you would have had an arm swung around him, but you didn’t want to take any risk, so you kept your distances. 

« hey, come closer baby. we’ve barely cuddled today » he told you before lazily wrapping his arm around your waist.

feeling nervous, you swallowed the lump in your throat before putting your phone on the nightstand. « i’m going to sleep, samu », you said, stretching your arm to turn off the light.

but he was quicker than you and gently grabbed your arm, careful not to apply any pressure on it. his eyes widened, he had barely seen your wrist but it had been enough to notice that the scars were recent. he put two and two together and looked at you dead in the eyes ; you looked ashamed, and it broke his heart. « when did y- was it because of me ? » he asked, his voice faintly shaking. you pulled away from his hand and held your arm against you, sinking in the pillow. « no, of course not. it’s nothing » you breathed out, looking away to avoid his gaze. but he was quick to make you face him again, with a slight pressure of his fingertips on your red cheeks. « there’s only one thing that i hate more than seeing you in pain. it’s knowing that i caused this pain. let me help you, y/n. please. you deserve to feel better. i’m sorry i didn’t give you as much love as you gave me. and i’m sorry for behaving like an asshole when you needed me. just… fuck, i just love you ».

tears started prickling the corner of your eyes, but he saw you trying to hold them back. with the most gentle look in his eyes, he proposed to turn off the light if it made you feel better. and you nodded ; you knew that you’d eventually had to have a face-to-face conversation with him. it was the only way to get better. but right now you just wanted to be held without thinking about what he’d see. or wouldn’t see.

so he turned off the light and let yourself get comfortable in bed before wrapping you in his embrace once again. his soft breath against your neck was obviously not enough to make all your pain magically go away, but it let you know that he had your back. and it was all that mattered.

⇀ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮

« i don’t want to do this anymore, y/n ! » tendou had yelled, making this sentence the peak of your argument. six words, and they were on replay in your minds since four days. you couldn’t believe that almost two years of relationship had ended so abruptly. but you had to face the truth : tendou had enough of you. and obviously you linked that to the turbulent start of your relationship. you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to deal with your self harm when you had just started dating. yet he had managed to make you feel so much better that you had been sober for about a year, all thanks to him. but maybe you hadn’t been grateful enough ? maybe that was why he had decided to end things now ?

the only thing you knew for sure was that he was gone, and you felt like you had lost your anchor.

you had spent the weekend in your dorm, and it had been a painful weekend. so painful that you did not get out of bed on monday morning ; it was just too much to handle. deep down you knew that you were not handling your problems the right way… and escaping reality was not viable.

but little did you know that tendou wanted nothing more than to see you again in the hallways and finally have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. and when he didn’t see you in class, he started to freak out. he knew how it was to feel alone and rejected ; and he started to fear that he had caused you to feel exactly that. so he did not follow his friends to the cafeteria at lunch and headed to your dorm instead, hoping that you’d open the door.

and you did. thank god you did. but panic started bubbling in his chest when his eyes laid on your face.

« alright, come here » he told you with a forced smile before pulling you in his embrace. truthfully, he didn’t feel like smiling, but he knew that the last thing you needed was to think you made him feel bad. when he was with you, his main goal was to cheer you up, he’d deal with himself later. « angel… did you do it again ? » he asked, his tone being the furthest thing from judgmental. you muttered a quiet apology, your face buried in his white uniform jacket. but something lingered on your mind. angel ? it sounded right, but you knew it wasn’t. not anymore. « don’t apologize ! the only person you owe an apology to is yourself » he whispered against your ear. slowly, he put his hands on your waist before bringing you to your bed where he sat right next to you, still refusing to take his hands off of your body.

 « tendou, you don’t have to do this… » you muttered, knowing that you weren’t supposed to be this close anymore. « i’m your ex, you don’t owe me anything ».

he immediately looked down to meet your eyes, an eyebrow raised in confusion. « your ex ? wh- you think i broke up with you ? y/n, when i said that i didn’t want to do this anymore, i was talking about fighting with you ! i’m sorry, i should have texted you these last few days, but i thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me »

a tear rolled down your cheek. tendou’s words sounded like heaven right now. maybe you weren’t alone after all ?

« now, do you need me to get you something ? band-aids ? anything ? » he asked, caressing your hair with his right hand. you nodded your head no and kept your head buried in his neck, like you were waiting for his scent to go to your head. « i know you’ve been through a lot, and i’m proud of you no matter what. but, you know… even though i have enough love for the both of us, i’d really want you to have enough love for yourself » he said and placed a kiss on top of your head, waiting for you to say something. but he sensed that you were not ready yet. and he was ok with that, the last thing he wanted to do was to pressure you. it was going to be a long path, but you had already done it, and you were going to do it again. and he’d be there the whole time.

ok so if you’ve read until there it probably means that you needed comfort (i hope i have given you enough) : so if you are in this situation yourself, PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for help, you can and you will get better. i’m rooting for you like saeko roots for karasuno ❤️️

@toworuu (didn’t forget about you ^^)