#it’s some fucking horse shit

[sockdooe]

Every time someone edits Keith in the black paladin armor an angel loses its wings.

[x-amount-of-posts]

I NEEEEEEED Kurt shippers. or just Kurt insane people to know that the german word for tail is also german slang for penis

"You like my tail dont you" said in german ("Du magst meinen schwanz, oder?") will be read as "you like my dick dont you" by a german

this isnt to discourage people from using the word Schwanz, the oposite, i want people to write Kurt saying that because he WOULD

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I know the König x secret admirer reader is not gonna be officially continued but I was wondering if you could maybe explore part of it😭 there’s a part that mentioned that König gets laid in the military and I was wondering how angsty it would be if reader found out?🤭

Yes of course! ^^ It would be angsty... and fluffy! These two are the silliest people who ever lived tbh 🩷🐥

König is young in this AU (around his early 20s) and wildly inexperienced compared to some of the other recruits his age.

His first time was with a girl who joined the army when König had been there for about 1.5 years already. Desperate as he was with hiding the fact that he’s still a virgin, he tumbled into bed with this lady after a night out at the bar. She thoroughly seduced him, and König’s instincts told him she was only looking for fun, but he went with her anyway because, well. Loneliness can kill you, you know?!

He tried to woo her a bit after that until it became quite clear that this woman was not planning to settle down anytime soon. If anything, she was looking for a new conquest – and it’s fine, totally fine, except that König had surrendered a tiny piece of his heart to her along with his dick... That’s just how he is, and it took him more than a few months to get over the fact that it was ��just a shag” and he “shouldn’t take things so seriously”.

That’s also why he closed off from people again, decided to concentrate on work and training and gym – until our cute little angel stumbled into his life like the prettiest saving grace! König was a goner from the start because this girl's approach was very different, so gentle and sweet compared to grimy shot glasses and smudgy lipstick and raunchy jokes. It’s a given that he was a little shocked when she sent her that pic 🙄 reminding him of promiscuous women who are not looking for a soul but a body, but because he is what he is the first thing he did was crank things up a notch and send her a dick pic back…

Yes, he’s desperate, but he’s also an go hard or go home man and this time, König is relatively sure he’s dealing with a lovely, delicate soul. Someone who wouldn’t just leave him out in the cold after getting what she wants.

And everything is like a fairytale between these two until she finds out he’s not a virgin despite he seemed a bit… like one… (in this scenario I think reader is a virgin and she thought König was one too because of obvious reasons? lol) And it’s fine, totally fine for her as well, except that the image of König having the night of his life with some military babe is haunting her from dusk till dawn.

There’s bound to be some drama when she starts asking timidly whether she’s still there… Whether they see each other every day. If they talk to each other, if he trains with her, etc. What if they test rifles together, or go out again with the sniper crew and get drunk and König feels… a little lonely?

She knows he would never cheat on her, not in a million years, but knowing how much of a wet dog he is she can’t promise that she’ll be all calm and relaxed during weekends, knowing her boyfriend is out there, full of testosterone and heart, his heart somewhat susceptible to female influence… Maybe even good old seduction…

And what’s even worse is the jealousy, the envy.

What if she’s more badass than her? That doesn't take much... She must be fierce if she’s in the military, something completely different, a forbidden apple König might want to taste again. It’s maddening, and when she finally opens up about it to him, spitting it out one night when he asks what’s bugging his sweet angel, there’s a big fat silence that follows.

König can't even believe she has torn her heart to pieces over something like this, alone and upset and ashamed when she's a literal angel. He sits her nice and pretty in his lap and talks her ear off about how he has nothing against this woman, truly, but that she is nothing compared to his first (and hopefully last!) girlfriend. Their love could never be compared to what happened between him and that girl, these things can’t even be spoken together in the same sentence. If he’s completely honest, his first time was... disappointing. Awkward, humbling, a total drunken mess of which he remembers nothing except that the woman wasn’t completely present either and that he was ashamed that his first time had to be like this.

Honestly, he felt like he lost his virginity on the night when he came to see her. She’s everything he’s ever dreamed of, all he thinks about these days... It’s quite annoying, actually, because he’s supposed to concentrate on how the wind blows and that the ammo doesn’t get wet and that he’s properly concealed.

He could be lying in a ditch with dummy rounds whirling past him and all he could think about are her eyes and lips and giggling and tits and, and… that. How warm it is, how nice it is, how he would just want to curl himself next to her when he hops back to his bunk in the evening. Her smile is the last thing he sees before he dreams, her voice is what he hears. All the things she said, all those sweet, silly little things, chime in his ear before he sleeps.

And all the precious moments they’ve already spent together, the times he made love to her under the trees... There’s nothing like that in the whole world and if she thinks something else can top that she's even sillier than he thought. He could comb through all the continents and he would never find a girl like her.

So tell him again... Why would he go to a shot glass of saltwater when he has a jar of wild honey right here at home?

[blashdafish]

silly nutmeg tiger doodle

[xenonsdoodles]

dedue: animals don't like me. it must be my face

byleth "stop looking at me like that" eisner: I know exactly what you mean. let me help

[front-facing-pokemon]

[vellichorom]

hypothetically, how would someone go about 3d modelling thierry, particularly his hair. Hypothetically.

GOOD QUESTION! oh god i don't know. he used to have sensible hair,

COME BACK..... SOMETIME TOMORROW & i'll have a mental breakdown & then i'll try & give the best Actual breakdown of his hair that I can manage to give you as someone who tried to download source filmmaker once & did not get anywhere. did not even get the program working. not even on the computer if i remember correctly

joking aside you Scare me with your hypothetical creativity & kindness. thank you

[ratatatastic]

local man haunts (me) open practise yet again more news at 11

[raptureshots]

Atlas n Frank...

theyre best buddies (TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!)

funky lil alt under the cut :-)

i hate these guys so much they're literally all i fucking think abt on a daily basis its horrible /silly

(i could go. on and on abt them in this. au honestly . the whole au IS technically abt them anyways sooo)

[valkyurii]

it’s funny how things have gone full circle with malenia. she was so hated when the game first came out, but then people grew to like her. then the dlc came out and now people hate her again lmao

[shibusawaz]

am i the only one who finds tiktok hate on tumblr a little like. excessive.

let's be real here. tiktok is, by majority i'd say, teenagers. yes, those teenagers sometimes do and say stupid things. but a lot of you guys here are in your twenties, or older. and like, as a teenager who also does and says stupid things, not cool! it's not cool to be an adult making fun of teenagers doing things you know DAMN WELL you'd be doing too if you were our age.

you guys wanna preach and preach your live and let live lifestyle until oh! people on tiktok do something that copies you, and do it differently. oh no! oh my god! it's the end of the world!!! shut up

[dootznbootz]

I literally will think of the stupidest shit and if it makes me giggle, it's "canon" now. It just is. Idk why I keep doing this.

[truegenius]

i say this as a long time supernatural fan: fuck that goddamn destiel meme

[burninglights]

seeing some of you getting snotty about people not having first aid kits & first aid training without advising people on what they should have/what they should know is doing my nut in. without further ado:

First Aid Kits (what should be in yours)

If you’re going to uni/moving out of home, you really ought to have a first aid kit. Small first aid kits are fairly inexpensive and come with basic first aid supplies.

Included in my first aid kit is:

1 card of paracetamol tablets

1 card of ibuprofen tablets

A length of gauze bandage

1 tube of topical antiseptic (I use Savlon or Germolene)

1 tube arnica/bruise cream

30x plasters, assorted sizes

5x long strip plasters

10x antiseptic wipes

3x individually sealed small sterile gauze pads (7cm x 7.5cm)

4 sterile small adhesive dressings (7cm x 5.3cm)

it’s a good idea to also have an emergency card in your first aid kit, with the contact details for your next of kin and any health conditions written on it. They usually come as part of first aid kits anyway, and have a little clear plastic pocket to keep them in.

Also, remember to replenish whatever you use from your kit, and to keep an eye on expiration dates of medications/ointments.

Medication management

If you’re on medication long term (antipsychotics, antidepressants, statins, anticonvulsants, immunosuppressants, insulin etc.) you should have a two week overlap period; where possible, you should order a refill of your medication two weeks before your current supply runs out, so that if there are supply issues, you’re not going to be left hanging.

I’m aware this might not be possible for Americans owing to insurance and reassessment (I’m UK based, and just have to refill by filling out a form available in my GP’s office) and for those on controlled medications (opiates, methadone treatment for addiction, ADHD meds etc).

If you have medication that only requires use in emergent circumstances (ie. an EpiPen or an asthma inhaler), keep track of the expiration dates, and order a refill of your medication ahead of time. Better to have an extra inhaler knocking about for a couple of weeks than to really need one and not have it.

First Aid for Dummies & How to Get First Aid Training

Aif you’re ‘fresh out the womb’ new to first aid, or live somewhere where medical care is inaccessible, I highly recommend Where There Is No Doctor by David Werner and Carol Thuman, which gives step by step guides from scratches, scrapes and rashes up to emergent wound care. It’s not an exaggeration to say that that book kept me and my siblings alive for the first few years of our existencewhen we lived on the edge of the Kalahari 120 miles from the nearest hospital.

few bits and pieces of first aid I’ve picked up, both from training and being the world’s clumsiest son of a bitch:

Z-wrapping for wrists and ankles, especially if you’re prone to sprains. I don’t know how to explain this in a coherent way, so I’ve linked a video of how to do it.

For deep cuts or wounds that bleed a lot, you need to apply pressure and elevate the injury above the heart. It takes a nearly comically small amount of blood loss to become life threatening (blood loss equivalent to half a coke can is considered life threatening in adults) - if the blood is bright red, spurting/gushing, and the blood loss is uncontrolled, or if you have a clotting condition like haemophilia, you need to get to an urgent care centre yesterday. Call 999/911, maintain hard pressure over the wound, and keep the person calm and talking.

If someone has been stabbed an the knife is still in situ, for the love of God do not pull out the knife, or let them pull out the knife. It’s impossible to know what’s been hit without imaging, the knife acts as a seal in the wound; haemorrhage or massive internal injury are not situations you want to be dealing with outside of an acute trauma care setting. Call 999/911 immediately, and keep the injured person calm.

Learn how to recognise the signs of overdose. I went to a Midlands uni that had a reputation as a party uni, and hearing through the grapevine about ODs on nights out wasn’t uncommon. Narcan/Naloxone is a controlled substance in the UK so can’t be bought OTC, but I know it’s available to buy OTC in some parts of America and Canada. If you can, please consider carrying naloxone. If you witness an OD, call 999/911 immediately, and try to keep the person alert. If you have it, administer Narcan.

Don’t fuck with sepsis or meningitis. These diseases move fast, and can turn you into a past participle in as little as 12 hours. Get your MenACWY vaccine, know the symptoms, and call 999/911 immediately if you have the symptoms, especially if there’s been an outbreak in your area or you’ve had close contact with someone who is infected.

If you get bitten by a wild animal, (fox, bat, dog, raccoon…whatever) flushing the wound with water and then getting to A&E needs to become your number one priority. Tetanus, rabies and capnocytophaga infection are no joke: you need boosters/antibodies and antibiotics as a matter of urgency.

Finally, don’t be a hero. You are not John Wick. If someone is injured in an actively dangerous location or situation, the only thing you ought to do is call 999.

You really and truly don’t need to be able to pull a Hawkeye Pierce; the whole point of first aid is that it’s the first line of aid, and gets you to A&E or Minor Injuries so that you can receive professional medical attention.

That said, having a first aid training is incredibly valuable, both because you never know when some fuck shit is about to happen, and because by law most workplaces are supposed to have at least one first aider on staff, so it gives your CV an edge.

In the UK, the St. John Ambulance Trust offers workplace first aid certification, annual refreshers, sports first aid training, AED use & CPR certification and mental health first aid training.

You can also get personal first aid training for adults, children and babies with the British Red Cross for the cost of £37.50, as well as certified workplace first aid certification from £165.

The British Heart Foundation offer CPR training for free via their RevivR program; it takes 15 minutes, and can be used for workplace certification.

[vittoriaisfuckingpathetic]

have still been feeling a little down in the dumps lately, but i’m doing a little better. for example i actually have motivation to get up and play games, so that’s progress.

anyway, here is john and his new horse, Skibidi Rizzler

[sqvirely]

thinking about knights on the clock