#fear of growing up

[gor3sigil]

I spent the majority of my life being scared to DEATH about getting older. When I was 10, I listened to a song about growing out of the innocence of childhood and cried for hours. When I was 13, I could have panic attacks and crying fits because I was terrified of not being passionate about music as much if I grew older. I cried when I reached my 20s. And I'm scared shitless about turning 30.

The adults in my life were MISERABLE. I was told almost every day that growing up meant giving up, making sacrifices, having to bury inside everything you ever were as a child and teenager to fit in the mould or you were going to be the scum of society, useless, not worthy of anything.

The adults in my life were traumatized and never did anything to address their traumas. And they openly didn't want to. They were persuading themselves that they were fine or that it wasn't important to heal from the past. But their traumas transpired in everything they did, every decision they made, and the way they treated me.

And look, I'm not old by any means. I'm almost 27. But I spend every day that makes me closer to 30 like a waiting room before my inner death. Like one day I'll wake up and become a zombie and everything I ever loved and was passionnate about will be erased from my mind and heard, only to be replaced by the excruciating burden of responsabilities, chores, work, filling papers and wondering how I ended up living this way.

That's why I left my family. Because I was so sure that they would shove me into the same patterns they were in that I just dropped everything and went away. And the reaction I got in return was "Well, do you think WE'RE happy ? No, but life goes on anyways." I felt my inner child scream in agony. I packed, took a train, never returned.

And thank god I did.

It warms my heart so much when I see peolle here in their 30s still engaging in famdoms, nerdy hobbies, passions like writing, drawing, make music. Know that you're the reason I keep going and am a little less scared of being myself and growing into who I want to become.

[nemo-bros]

nothing in my life will ever go back to the way it was and idk if I can get over that

[degeneracyismylegacy]

[thereadscarf]

— i knew things would never be the same again the moment i asked you where the pots and pans are stored.

[sevenwinged]

i’m still holding onto childhood,

weaving the threads of it between my fingers to try to keep it close to my heart,

but i’m moving beyond it at an exponential rate,

threads cutting into my skin and my circulation,

and i fear if i don’t let go soon

i won’t have fingers left to hold onto it with.

[yeshellothisiscustomerservice]

Anyone else low-key afraid of becoming an adult? You're out of the twilight zone of leniency for being "weird" and now you're in the Big Boy World where you don't get freedom.

[d3adgoddess]

What is fear?

What is fear, if not the man who raised you? What is fear, if not that weird feeling in your guts, that you are about to get caught? Even though you did nothing wrong.

Fear is when "yourself at home" and "yourself outside home" are not the same person. Well... I guess I should not call it a home, because home is where you feel safe enough to be who you really are.

What is fear, if not getting scared by footsteps down the hallway that get closer and closer, each second? It sounds like the devil got lost inside your own house, because again, why would you call it a home? If there's no shelter during storms and no hugs, during sadness?

Fear is when you hide your emotions in order to be falsely taken care of. Lying to yourself that everything is fine, or at least, it should seem like it. Because you are always fine, it doesn't matter what happens. You have got to be fine.

What is fear, if not not praying every single night to wake up dead? Or just, to not wake up at all. Not in this house. Not in this place.

Fear is knowing that hell would be less painful than looking into fear's eyes. Hell would be like a warm hug and a lovely wet kiss after a cold rainy day.

That's what fear is.

[hiddenjane]

Excerpt from “A Heap O’ Livin’ Along Life’s Highway”

This book was my great grandma’s before she passed. This poem struck at my heartstrings because I never got the boyhood that I should have had (both due to being disabled and transgender).

I’m sure my great grandma would not approve of the queer man I am becoming. But I like to think she’s smiling down at me from time to time, even if she is a bit homophobic.

[whollyjoly]

i want the whole SEASON of bucktommy

i want buck being wooed - flowers and being taken out and a little protective hand on the small of his back

i want to hear all the soft ways tommy can say evan and the look on buck's face when he does

i want to see them at tommy's karaoke trivia place because holy shit buck would love it (and didnt oliver say that we're getting buck singing this season cause uhhhhh)

i love that this is such a fling, such a happy thing for buck - he is finally feeling that puzzle piece click into place and it is freeing

and i cant wait to see all the small ways we see that play out!!!

let buck be happy challenge 2k24!!!!

[nemo-bros]

cw/tw vent abt growing up

i spent so long as a little kid wishing to be an independent grownup

and now I know it will be extremely difficult for me to ever be independent

but every step closer to that feels both like a little win and a major loss

i feel like I'm falling apart and I have no idea how I'm supposed to do any of this

and i have no idea how to reach any of the things I want to do

and I have no clue how any adult does this let alone me

[factsilike]

Something that I personally appreciate in MDZS is how WWX's fear of dogs is shown and handled.

Like so many stories, irl and in fiction show dogs as totally harmless uwu beings that will only protect you and lick your face, so personally for me it's nice to see a story where it's acknowledged that some dogs can be very vicious and violent, that they can and will bite you at any provocation, and that they can be very dangerous, especially to a young child, and in the end it's completely fine if you don't like them.

And no one who truly cares for WWX tells him to just get over it either; LWJ goes out of his way to protect him from them, with or without WWX requesting it (and he never makes fun of him or ridicules him for his fear), JL too (begrudgingly but firmly) gets Fairy to leave the scene when WWX is shown to be near catatonic with fear around her.

Just something that I think personally validates my own fear of dogs.

[chaikachi]

"It's okay, it's okay, you're still here." "It's okay, it's okay, I'm right here."

[thereadscarf]

and now, the light of the smiles we shared that contests the sun’s rays are sealed in a mere photograph at the dark corner of my room.

sometimes, it serves as my nightlight throughout lonely nights.

[sevenwinged]

because i’m only twenty yet i feel so old and so young at the same time. because i cannot imagine being twenty-five but would never want to go back to being sixteen. because i feel like im being flung through time, unwilling, grasping what i can from my youth before it’s gone. because im scared of my future and ashamed of my past. because i’m only twenty and the world is so large, but the space i inhabited as a child is too small for me now.

[bixels]

I just saw one of your fave games is What remains of Edith Finch and I’m so happy! I feel like its a lesser known game but i loved playing through it. I’m so happy to know more than just my small friend group know about this game!

Sorry this isn’t a question. Also want to say that you’re art is amazing and the development of the designs is so interesting to see. Also the way you draw intimate scenes have so much emotion to them. I love the Aj and rarity kissing comic so much, you can just feel their love for each other ;w;

Thank you so much!

I highly, highly, highly recommend What Remains of Edith Finch to anyone interested in narrative game experiences/"walking simulators." It's one of those games that was handcrafted with nothing but love. Every room you explore is just... real. The way the light flows in and makes the colors of the living room, the kitchen, the bedrooms glow. Playing the game is like walking through your childhood home as an adult and seeing how the dust clings to everything you once touched. Also genius-level gameplay mechanics, ones that can make you completely empathetic with the character you're embodying or feel completely complacent in their tragedy. It's really not fair to call it a walking simulator because it's so much more and so much smarter than that.Everyone talks about the fish one.

The theme of death and memory and storytelling and the burden of invisible trauma and self-fulfilling prophecies is so affecting too. The ending made me cry.

[deadtiredghost]

the only reason Tim Drake and Damian Wayne don't get along is because if they did the writers wouldn't be able to come up with a plot contrived enough for them to struggle with.

they would be the ultimate team if they could just work smoothly together.

but they cant so balance is restored to the world i guess.