#i miss my friends

[theoncelee]

how it feels being home from college for winter break

[writingthethoughtsaway]

“I believed you even when I knew you were lying.”

- S. C. C.

[chaoparty]

melon🍒bun

[ask-fa-scar]

Have you been drawing a lot? if so- whaf are you drawing?

not often, ive been napping in and out against my will

mom came to finally give my sketchbook!!

not any of the stuff in my pencil case tho so i had to make do with the color pencils they provided for child patients...

[aka-faded]

oh the feeling of listening to and browsing through spotify playlists of old friends you've lost touch with/sort of fell out with because you need to feel like you still kind of know them and it's the only way you feel like you can have any semblance of a relationship with them.

[mckennatagen]

missing summer eversoslightly

[bunnymami13]

“don’t be acting like i’m the kinda girl who can sleep”

i haven’t been able to sleep for months, today it’s been especially bad.

i fell asleep for an hour or so but woke up having a panic attack.

i’m so lonely

i miss my mom

i miss my friends

i miss living and not just surviving

i miss me.

[katiefromcabin7]

give me your fav fluffy pjo fics (my dad just left my apartment, moving out is so scary)

[hearts4court]

how i feel after stress eating because i haven't finished any of my drafts and i have more requests in my inbox.

[blueseysyogurt]

there is NOTHING like the bond a lesbian and trans masc person share

[call-me-chips]

Long vent warning 🙃

So if you came here for my typical carefree content, don't feel forced to read this at all :)

Ik I won't care if you do or don't, but I just need to get this to someone

I see a lot of people talking about having no friends and having bad friends, and both are really bad and I'm not trying to put down anyone's experiences, but I feel like there's a different kind of hurt when your friends just don't like you. Like, they're good people, but they just don't like you.

Like, I have this one friend (J) where, he's the closest thing I have to a best friend (aka, we see each other once a week and seem to enjoy each other's company), but I really don't think J likes me

He always has an excuse for not hanging out. Always. My sibling and I wanted to go to a comic con and invited J and his girlfriend, K. He mentioned a few weeks before that he might not be able to go because he might have to babysit a child or something. Closer to the con, J said that he, infact, wouldn't have to watch the child, which we were happy about, but then immediately he said that he "wasn't allowed" to go to this con. The reason he gave was "My dad thinks comic cons are cults." Even though J's been to several cons, one of which was in the US (We're Canadian).

And just yesterday a group I was going to had a Halloween night, and J promised he would go. We all made plans to be there, but the night of, I texted him and asked him if he was coming, to which he responded with "I'm not allowed", even though he's at the age where that shouldn't matter at all

I asked him why, and he never got back.

Everything I want to do, everything we try to plan, he's got a reason to not go.

He says he likes me and likes hanging out with me, but I don't believe it. Every excuse he uses is bullshit.

And it really sucks because I truly thought he'd be a friend that sticks around. Every friend I've ever had has left the moment I got too close.

And it's not like I can easily make friends, as I've never gone to school and I'm not in college

My parents keep scolding me about how I have no friends and that "God designed people to need other people" and that I "can't live life alone", but I don't know how the fuck they just expect me to summon new ones.

I've exhausted all groups I'm in of potential friends. And it's not like I don't try to make friends. I've been rejected dozens of times

But I know I'm just about ready to stop reaching out to J. I'll just stop asking if he wants to do anything and see if he initiates anything. When he doesn't, at least I'll know for sure that he doesn't really like me xD

Slightly different topic, but I really feel like I can't ever open up to anyone (which is why I rant to strangers on the internet). Literally everyone I've opened up to has either left me or betrayed me with it

I shared my struggles with a licensed therapist, and she made me feel like my feelings were nothing. She told me it was a phase and refused to hear any more

I shared one of my phobias in a trusted friend group chat, and one of the dudes (W) sent me a gif of it, have me the worst panic attack I've ever had, and then W called me sensitive when I complained about what he did (I was crying non stop for 30 mins, couldn't calm down completely for the next couple days, and got triggered my a simple household item that has NEVER triggered me before. I mean like, I saw this simple thing, froze in place, started hyperventilating, and nearly had another panic attack)

And there are a few other examples, but the worst one is when I opened up to my best friend at the time (N). I opened up, shared my story, cried in front of her. She left me the following week. N suddenly started talking to her other friend more and I could barely get a moment alone with her anymore. We barely talk now

I'm just tired of people. Tired of trying. Idek what I'm supposed to do at this point. I only rant to strangers cuz it's a lot less painful if someone online unfollows you than if a friend leaves you

Anyway I think that's enough for right now, I got pretty carried away 😅

If you read all this, here's a cookie :3 🍪

[writingthethoughtsaway]

“Do you have any idea of how many little things remind me of you everyday?”

- S. C. C.

[i-lovee-youu-too]

[hetalia-club]

Ah to go back in time and re-live the 2016-2018 Hetalia fandom…

[awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat]

being in your twenties this being in your twenties that--

being in your twenties is getting separated from all your friends as they all choose different life and career paths and all of you being collectively miserable across the world and missing each other and crying every single day

[funeralprocessor]

It's remarkable how small your social life can become when you allow yourself to atrophy as a person