#everything is a lot right now and i can’t cope ig

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Well. This is kind of embarrassing and I’m struggling just to write this but it seems I’ve hit a block on things I want to write- it feels genuinely like I’m about to crash into the deepest icy waters that exist, and I’ve honestly my mental limit this week and it’s only a damn tuesday; feels like I am not all here atm, and I just don’t know if I can carry out any ideas or plans right now

You might still see me reblogging and posting smaller content for a few days- or it’ll go away tomorrow, but fuck I just feel not myself?

I’m deeply sorry, it’s either burn-out or I’m just drained and need a bit to recover, ‘m not going anywhere. I will be back, I’m just… tired is all

~ Mod Danny (🐾) / Co-Front: Rivaille, Ray, Saiki

[ohnoitsjetster]

jesse!!! hi!! i have one very important question for you: ARE‼️YOU 🫵🏼 DAN🧍‍♂️REYNOLDS🎤⁉️

(okay now for my real question, what’s your fav hatchetfield installment?? it could be a musical or nightmare time ep or even workin’ boys if you’ve seen it :] i’m curious!! oh also if you want you can tell me about orin, i’m vaguely familiar with lsoh but it’s been a while!! so yea, free pass to talk about your lil gay sadist of a dentist <3 this was just an excuse to give you an ask so yk you can really just talk about whatever)

SOL! Hi hi hi hi !! (Sorry for the late response)

OHOHO! A dual fandom ask !! This means another long rambling post for my four most dedicated followers to read!!!! Im sorry in advance!!! this will probably be boring to everyone but me!!!!

I think my favorite might be NPMD. That one changed my brain chemistry for sure. But so did TGWDLM, I really believe that watching Show Stopping Number at the tender age of, like 11… well it just explains a lot about how i turned out ([obligatory “fuck Robert manion”]). I also frequently shake Time Bastard, Killer Track, and Abstinence Camp around in my teeth like a dog like HAUUFHGIGJHJGKKGKFGKRGJ RFRRRGJGG RRHHRHHRHH HREHHEGEGHGRGHRHHHHFFNFHFGGHF like that. But yeah at the present moment I'm being insane about NPMD. The songs are all bangers (Yes all of them) and I am in love with every character (Yes every character). High School is Killing Me is kind of my anthem right now. For no. Particular reason. Also, your honor those three nerds are all literally me and also i am in love with them and also im that fucked up dead bully but in a totally normal way.

So. Speaking of fucked up dead bullies… ‘,:]

Orin Scrivello, DDS <3 my beautiful bbg who has never done anything wrong in his life except for literally everything he did. Worst guy ever. But hey, you can’t choose who you rotate around in your brain, or how many Pinterest boards you make about it. Another instance of “he’s literally me but obviously not actually at all but I think he’s silly so that’s basically the same thing.” A tale as old as time. I don’t know how many queer awakenings one person can have but I was definitely already trans and bi when I saw Orin for the first(?*) time last year, and now, well now im the same but im more pretentious about it and I own a leather jacket. (*I actually saw LSOH a long time ago when i was way younger, but I didn’t remember it almost at all and I’d thought “The Dentist” was like this mad scientist type character, which, not exactly wrong ig, so anyway he’s been swimmin around in my brain making me silly for who knows how long, but yeah probably just since last year). I swear to cope with hyperfixating on such a fucked up character I’ve literally been making au’s in my brain where he’s morally ambiguous, or gets a redemption arc (he does not fucking deserve a redemption arc he deserves to be chopped up and fed to a bitchy gay plant), or where he’s literally just a nice guy. Yeah I’ll sometimes just remove the character from this character to appease the brain demons. But the cool thing about the Not an Asshole™️ AUs is that, in the og, the whole story basically goes south when Seymour justifies killing to feed the plant cause he can kill that jerk Orin, so if he’s not a jerk maybe they all survive?? Idk i just like thinkin. Also… ALSO!.. I made a post a while ago that I might someday make Orin textpost memes using pictures from my actual stage production, and well, that day has come! or, will come, soon. I’ve made the pictures I just have to make the post. It was very fun Im excited to share em. Okay thats all TYSM for the ask bestie!!!

Oh and to address your first question…

I 🧑🏻 AM 💥 DAN🧍‍♂️REYNOLDS 🎤 ✅

[chasing-rabbits]

Have to laugh or I’d cry and I’ve had enough of crying for tonight. Having an awful breakdown but hey fuck it right because fuck that right who cares about that. Fuck that I’ve been crying every night breaking down since Sunday in fact last night was the only night so far that hasn’t ended in tears but hey fuck that. Fuck that I’ve been progressively getting worse. No fuck it fuck it doesn’t matter, doesnt matter none of it fucking matters so why the fuck do I keep trying for. I dont care I’m not doing this for me so why the fuck do I care. Why should I keep putting myself through this night after night for everyone else’s sake when I have the answer when I could just give in and stop fighting with myself to make the ‘right’ choices.

Just so fucking tired of fighting just so I don’t disappoint others or upset them. Like yes I am aware it’s a shit coping mechanism and yes I don’t ‘want’ to do it but also I do ‘want’ to do it because a shit coping skill is still better than not having any (at least not any that are working rn). Worst of all is how selfish all this is. My breakdowns are selfish. My BPD is selfish. It is inherently selfish, I hurt so much I am in so much pain it blinds everything else and it forces itself out of the shadows it screams and shouts to be heard it paralyses and puts you in harmful situations. It’s selfish because it’s so devastating it causes such immense pain that it can’t be ignored by those around us and when I can’t control it I require others help. And I’m not saying this in a derogatory way I saw something awhile back that talked about bpd in this way & I was prepared to be like ugh at it cos iykyk but the way it framed it actually made a lot of sense and it wasnt saying it in a shitty or stigmatising way but idk I wish I could remember where I saw it because it made a lot of sense unlike me right now. That being said I feel selfish because I can no longer keep everything inside. I don’t have the strength to do it on my own. I feel selfish because when I”m in so much pain I’ll cling to anything that can take it away. It’s selfish because those around me who love me are forced to take action when it hits because otherwise I’m a risk to myself & sure not literally forced but they love me they’re not going to leave me like that ig I’m saying my bpd is so volatile the breakdowns I get are so bad it leads to situations where they ‘have’ to step in bcos I can’t keep myself safe. I feel selfish knowing that just by being in someone’s life by virtue of loving me they are going to be put in situations where inevitably I won’t always be able to handle my bpd on my own sometimes it’ll get so bad I’ll reach out for help and they’ll want to because they love me & I’ll cling to them like a buoy keeping me afloat in a storm. I’m not a selfish person I know this but sometimes I can’t handle it on my own and idk sometimes reaching out for help feels selfish because it happens so often. because people have to set aside their day/time for me, for my bpd & it’s hard because you’re always told to reach out for help but when that help is so constant its hard not to feel selfish, guilty, weak, a burden. It feels selfish to be honest with people now because if they knew how bad I was doing .

[silvyslayer42]

I hope you realize that wishing harm on others makes you the shitter

I pray for your lost soul to understand that fiction does not affect reality the way you think it does and for you to find peace

I don’t wish harm on proshippers, in fact I want them to seek help. I just think going online and posting proships is at best an unhealthy form of escapism and at worst is actively promoting r^pe, pedophilia, and other horrible things.

The thing is that a good portion of them are just completely shameless and enjoy posting about p3dophilic or incest ships. They even tend to romanticize it and make it look cute, and while yes I do recognize that this could be a way to cope with trauma, if it’s posted online then anyone can see it and be influenced by it, and if it’s dressed up and treated like every other ship, they might start to think it’s normal.

The idea that fiction can never affect reality does not hold up under any scrutiny. What if another victim saw a post made by someone (even if that someone is a victim themselves) who proships, and was then triggered by it? What if a child who did not know better saw proshipping in online spaces that they’re a part of and thought that those types of relationships were normal or even preferable, and then became more vulnerable to that kind of victimization?

It being a coping mechanism is an explanation but not a reason that someone should do it, or be able to do it for recreation online because there can be bad coping mechanisms and proshipping is one of them.

And I know that being a proshipper online is fun and I know that because I was one. I was that dumb kid who saw people proshipping, believed that since it wasn’t real it was ok, and ended up getting duped into thinking it was normal. And I’ll be the first to say it, it was fun while I was doing it. It felt like I had a community, and it was honestly a great time “pissing off antis”. But as I got older, I guess I just realized that it was wrong, and it only stopped being fun once I admitted that.

Why am I spilling my entire guts to you in the first place? To be completely honest, I don’t always want to be your ‘enemy’ as an anti, especially if you’re legitimately using this stuff to cope with trauma and don’t know what else to do. I want every proshipper to seek out other, better, coping mechanisms. I honestly do think therapy would be beneficial for things like this and I definitely think some of you guys need some serious time offline.

All this to then say I honestly just think it’s kinda funny to bully proshippers. They chose to post this stuff publicly where anyone can see it and if they can’t handle a few insults then they could just, not post on the public platform, and do everything privately.

You don’t have more of a right to an online space just because you’re traumatized and like using a bad coping mech lol. A ton of antis are also victims so I don’t know where some of y’all get the idea that it’s only traumatized people proshipping and only people who have never been a victim or touched a mental illness with a ten foot poll who are antis.

I’m probably rambling a lot but I just have a lot to say on this topic because it’s been a part of my life for so long. But yeah back to the ask I definitely don’t want harm to come to anyone and if you got that impression I would like to dispel that now. I do think proshipping is marginally better than s3lf h^rm so there’s that ig? If you’re going to do something drastic if you can’t proship then do it if only to keep yourself safe, but that doesn’t make it ok and that doesn’t mean you don’t have to better yourself.

[themology]

steven grant x gn!reader “museum crush”

part one of the 'crush in various places' series. two. three. four.

notes: requests are open. wrote this in order to cope episode 5, i love steven so much he has all my love and support and my money and i will give him everything i have, self indulgent.

summary: in which you unintentionally plan an unforgivable crime in the museum and steven grant is all up for it.

warnings/contains: not proofread, i wrote this while being half asleep, nothing really, FLUFF, mutual pining.

pairing: steven grant x gn!museum crush!reader.

word count: 708 words, approximately 4 minute read.

okay so you're probably a researcher of some sort and had been visiting the museum for 2 weeks at best

you'd spend like... 2 days on a single exhibit, and no one seemed to not notice this, for some people it's quite odd like who does that?????

especially the staff, donna to be precise, but you managed to talk her out of it and you said you wanted to be left alone, she kinda hates you now

as for our boy, he thinks it's cute, he's come to known your routine after weeks of being there, you both never really had a proper conversation before, just a few greetings and shy smiles here and there, you both wished you did, but you guys are quite busy which is kinda sad.

until, until

“this is so hideous...” you grumbled under your breath

you were looking at this really awful display, and you wondered why tf it's there

respect to the ancestors ig but wtf is that thing

you were about to walk away when you heard a voice beside you, which made you jump a bit because the place in the museum our are currently in is empty because the place ain't interesting at all

“right there you are” cute accent, you know exactly who it is

and of course, out of nervousness and slight shock, you managed to say the stupidest response "what?"

"sorry i was just... you know... passing by"

you feel bad oml he looked kinda scared

you waved your arm frantically because yeah, you don't know what to do lol

"no... no... your opinion is valid, steven"

yes, you know who he is, donna usually shout at him like... 3 times a day

poor guy

"what?"

he looked genuinely shocked, well... he is kinda awkward really but he's too adorable to be overlooked to be honest

you've grown to love his hair, you'd think it's fluffy

"what?" here you go again... you didn't know how to answer and you wanted to slap your face, really

this was probably the end of your conversation and you guys won't talk again and that made you incredibly sad

how stupid can things be??!!?

"what makes you think that this... is..."

oh

gotta take the chance and be entertaining, perhaps

"don't know" you shrugged

"i just looked at it and i wanna throw it"

you looked around cautiously, giggling softly as you saw steven, in the corner of your eye, do the same

"but unfortunately, i can't do that"

that made him laugh

it's the cutest laugh you had ever head

it's sweet, it's almost as if he's been waiting to let it all out

no complaints though it's absolutely pleasant to the ears

"maybe another time, you know?"

he stopped laughing

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING WRONG PP LS

and he chuckled again

wtf

"sure, i'll call you when you know... we can obliterate this thing"

"obliterate?!" you whispered yelled.

his little smile dropped and uh oh "are we not supposed to do that?"

"NO! no"

"i like that... i like that a lot" lmao

y'all looked at each other awkwardly after that but hey... at least you guys are close now huh

right??

"so uhh... you can have my number for the... plan"

he basically turned the whole world upside down just to get his phone

HIS PHONECASE IS ADORABLE WITH THE EGYPTIAN PATTERNS AND EVERYTHING

you were grinning while typing your number

when you gave it back he waved his phone at you with another cute smile and ur heart is melting ik

"thanks..."

"y/n"

"right... thanks, y/n, love"

oh god

"no problem sweetheart" you replied

he was giddy and smiley i swear

and of course his annoying boss had to ruin everything

like let him rest

"right! see you later!" he desperately called out to you and you nodded with a wave at him

you promised that you're going to save him from that hellhole of a gift shop later

but first, you got back to your research

you almost forgot about it though lmao

it was a fun day though

steven definitely made it better

definitely did not regret expressing your intrusive thoughts about throwing an artifact older than your entire bloodline

<3

additional notes: i'll be writing more of these tomorrow because it's 4 am in here I NEED SLEEP; thank you for all the requests and i'll be working on them as soon a possible!

📌 DO NOT REPOST — blog navigation/masterlist. buy me a coffee. my carrd.

[t0shii]

hello! i saw your requests were open and i was wondering if you could do a comfort drabble or smth with suna, atsumu and ushijima with a s/o who has scars on their hands from past injuries?

⚠️TW⚠️ (kinda ig?) i used to scratch my hands a lot to cope with my anxiety when i was younger so i a few scars along my hands and cause i'm black they stand out a lot and they bug me sometimes so i'd really like some reassurance from some of my favorite boys

i adore your writing and thank you!!!💕

% scars

.! timeskip! suna, atsumu, ushijima (sep) x gn!r

.! comfort + fluff/ scratching, injury, scars, etc. not proofread

.! hi there, ty for the request! enjoy the twilight series reference i made in suna's..... im so sorry i couldnt resist 🏃🏻‍♀️

suna

it was odd that you had been avoiding holding suna's hand all day, no matter what he tried you would either shove them in your pockets or push them up into your sleeves. he was over it, usually you liked holding his hand so he was confused- he knew he hadn't done anything... what it worth bringing it up? 'no' he thought, 'they'll hold my hand when they're ready'. but two days passed and still you were avoiding it, causing him to worry- maybe it was something he'd done?

"hey, y/n?" he finally came up to you one day, as he walked up to you, immediately you hid your hands under your thighs. his eyebrows furrowed as he sat next to you on the couch, "did i do something wrong?" you look at him confused "what do you mean rin?" "i mean, you haven't held my hand for three days now, did i do something?" immediate guilt creeps into your chest, you hadn't even thought he'd blame himself for something you'd been so insecure about. "rin... it's not like that, honestly. it's just my hands-" "what about them?" "well the scratch marks, don't they bother you? they're all rough, not nice to look at all." you pull your hands from under your legs, for the both of you to examine.

"well, i don't really care about that, babe. i didn't realize you were insecure about them, it's never bothered me before, why should it now?" he takes your hands in his, "besides, i think they're cool. it's like..... battle scars. ya know?" you chuckle at his attempt to lighten the mood, "yeah i guess so." "so, you don't have to worry about that, especially around me. got it?" "got it." suddenly his grin fades and his face is the most serious you'd ever seen, "and don't you ever, avoid holding my hand ever again- it's not gonna slide with me anymore." he tries his best to keep a serious face but fails as a giggle escapes his throat, "no but seriously don't do that, i was sad for like three days." "okay okay, you big baby."

atsumu

atsumu definitely noticed you staring down at your hands multiple times that day. the two of you had never really talked about the scars on your hands before, and he was totally okay with that! if you wanted to talk about you would and of course he wasn't going to pressure you into discussing it! but he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling he felt when he saw you look at them with that sad expression on your face.

"hey angel, c'mere?" he yells for you from your shared living room, you walk in to see him sitting on the couch, "sit, please." the stern look on his face had you worried "am i in trouble?" you ask, sitting next to him, as soon as the question leaves your mouth his expression softens, "what? no of course not, angel! i just wanna talk." he offers a grin and you smile nervously in return, "about what, 'tsum?" he takes a deep breath, "are you okay? anything bothering you?" he keeps the question open as to not overstep any boundaries and places a hand on your knee. you think, unsure if you should confide your insecurities to him, "well, i guess i have been a little insecure lately." atsumu lets out the breath he was holding, "about what, angel?" ".... my hands." you show him your hands, "see the scars on them? i just think.... i dunno, they're just not very pretty."

atsumu feels a slight relief that you've entrusted this with him but feels a sadness in his chest. "oh baby," he takes your hands, "you have nothing to be insecure about, really. i think everything about you beautiful, including your hands." he kisses a few visible scars, a smile forming on his lips, "i mean, if it makes you feel better, my hands aren't pretty at all. they're all calloused and stuff." he shows you the marks on his own hands from where he worked out a little too hard, "see? you're hands are way pretty, prettier than mine, even." he offers a smile before kissing every single scar and scratch visible on your skin.

ushijima

despite what people might think, ushijima is extremely observant, so of course he notices right away that you're hiding your hands more than you usually would. to his understanding, you were insecure about the scars you had on them and you didn't really enjoy talking about it, and he would never pry, but the more you pulled your hands away from his his own with that nervous look on your face, the more upset he became. honestly, it worried him. usually you initiate hand holding and would praise him when he did instead, ushijima couldn't shake the disappointment of you snatching your hand away.

for the third time today, you'd rejecting his hand, he was over it. "why don't you want to hold my hand?" he asks and though you're used to his direct personality, you didn't know what to say, honestly you were surprised he even said anything at all. "well-" before you can get another word in he asks another question, "is it the scars? you shouldn't be insecure about them" you stand there awkwardly, "h-how'd you know?" "well, you always fidget, sometimes you pick at them, sometimes you trace over them with your finger and other times you keep them hidden in either your pockets or sleeves. today you've been looking at them and hiding them more than usual, plus you keep rejecting hold my hand." you recall how he always gives you lotion and always takes your hand in his when you begin to pick at the scars on your hand, you'd never realized why he did it before until now.

"toshi, i didn't even realize you knew." you can't help the grin that forms on your face. "of course i did, and you don't need to be insecure about them."well it's not something i can help. i think they're ugly." a deep frown forms on his lips at your statement and he takes your hands into his, "that's not true, i think you're hands are beautiful, you should too. and they're hands, they still work the same with scars or without." he places kisses on your knuckles, "you don't need to worry about it anymore, i love them regardless."

[anatomyandcappuccini]

20 lessons for 2020

2019 has been a pretty challenging year for me. I started it being scared and anxious about everything, and I ended it single, with new career goals and surrounded by my best friends. Here are 20 lessons (100% tested and approved) that I learned along the way!

1. People only show their best sides to you but you would be amazed by how many people share the same feelings as you

2. If you feel like you can’t be yourself around a certain group of people, then you’re hanging out with the wrong group

3. Notice people who make you feel energized and happy VS people who drain all your energy. It’ll change your life.

4. You don’t need to justify yourself when you say « no » to something

5. However, you should say yes more often to spontaneous proposals and experiences

6. Honesty is a sign of respect

7. If you don’t give your 100% to something then you’ll be less likely to get that 100% back

8. Choose flaws over qualities. Your dream job also consists in not-so-dreamy parts, and this is what you should consider when choosing your career. The same applies with friends/lovers.

9. The person you sit in front of at the library can become one of your best friends (true story for me)

10. 99% of the scenarios you imagine in your head will never happen

11. Changing starts within YOUR thoughts and how you react to them.

12. Just because you’re offended it doesn’t mean that you’re right

13. Keep a critical eye to everything you hear/see.

14. Being vulnerable is a sign of strenght and not a sign of weakness

15. You can cope with a lot more than you think

16. Your life can totally change in a year and you can be a whole different person only if you’re willing too

17. Cherish what you already have in your life, happiness lies in gratitude

18. Wanting to be perfect for others will only make you seem a boring and hypocrite person

19. The habits you adopt now will define the person you’ll be in the future

20. Be curious. Read books, listen to podcasts, travel (even in your country), and talk to new people

Ig : @anatomyandcappuccini

[dykeza]

i mean tbh without dream's intervention, the only real flaw of new lmanberg (aka the result of a coop) was the butcher army. which was the result of near majority of lmanberg (if i remember right?? at the time of its formation, the only other members of lmanberg not involved were phil and karl i think). they fucked up in that they just executed without trial, but like. it wasnt a terrible government ig. idk man i just Hate doomsday <33 /lh

Yeah I can understand why Doomsday rubs people the wrong way. It’s supposed to, I think.

They cheated, first and foremost, saying they’d be there at a set time and appearing 30 minutes early (those thirty minutes being critical to the whole thing. I kid you not Doomsday would’ve been a lot different if they waited until 3:00 or whatever.)

Second, the L’Manburg people were sabotaged from the inside by Fundy, so they were without a good amount of their ammunition and food supply. They couldn’t fight for very long, because hunger and arrows would run short eventually. They only had their personal belongings to help them through the battle ahead.

But I still think Doomsday is the best war, *because* it was so unfair. It was chock full of emotion and force it left me feeling energized and excited even after the fight was over. The Chaos Trio are always fun to watch (especially their small scene at Techno’s before the battle) and apart they are interesting and dimensional characters.

Anywho, Doomsday wasn’t about anarchy. It wasn’t a governmental takeover, and it Certainly wasn’t a coop. What Doomsday was was a crossroads of different motives that lead to a Big Fucking Problem.

Dream - at this point, he was determined to see Tommy fall, and was willing to do anything to make it happen. People often forget that the Green Festival and Doomsday were the beasts that allowed the Final Confrontation to happen. Dream has to owe it to Techno and Phil for their outstanding performance at Doomsday, because without them he wouldn’t have the leverage he needed (which was Tommy finally facing the problem at hand: The Discs). Dream needed Tommy to be focused on the Discs only, and to do that he needed Techno on his side and he needed L’Manburg gone.

Techno - Technoblade is an anarcho-capitalist, sorry. He believes in the protection of private property but is adverse to governmental powers. Yeah this guy had his Empire ripped away from him by someone who Didn’t Respect His Claim of The Property (the property being the Entire World), and now he’s pissed and emotional about it. Doomsday was Techno’s girlboss moment, his big performance that cemented him as a VILLAIN villain. It wasn’t about anarchy, it’s never been about anarchy. Techno is too selfish and stubborn for it to be anarchy.

Philza - God bless this fucking weaboo. Doomsday was, like everything else, Phil’s way of dealing with his sons death. He even told Techno that he had his own reasons for attacking L’Manburg, disconnected from Techno’s “anarchistic reasoning.” He planted the blame on L’Manburg not because he is a terrible father or something shit like that, but because he believes Himself to be a terrible person for doing something he didn’t have control over. Philza sees himself as a bad person despite having no say in the situation of Wilburs death. Doomsday is another classic case of “Philza Minecraft doesn’t cope with anything ever.”

I love Doomsday, I think it’s fascinating and filled with character dynamics and depth that other wars haven’t reached, because at Doomsday there were no filters. Techno was open about his rage, as was Tommy. Phil actually had some lore moments!!! Hell yeah!!

Anyways Doomsday my beloved, I can’t relate anon.

[szynkaaa]

I more or less watched The Boy!!! And by watching, I mean I skipped more or less through the jump scare parts because I cannot do horror movies at all. I haven’t watched one since 2015 and The Boy was like the first horror movie after five years

Full disclosure, the ONLY reason I started watching the movie was because someone posted a gif of Greta standing close to Brahms who was all sweaty and breathing heavily n I was like “oh shit who dat he hot” and here I am 

Can anyone explain the sandwich scene to me? So Greta was scared shitless and locked herself in her room, but why did Brahms make her favorite sandwich for her?

I did some digging for interviews and generally what people have been saying about the movie, took some screenshots from youtube to put my thoughts and musing together too! 

Can anyone explain the sandwich scene to me? So Greta was scared shitless and locked herself in her room, but why did Brahms make her favorite sandwich for her? 

So first of all, let’s start with a low resolution photo I found on IG of James Russell without mask:

which brings me to my first musing/thought/question? 

It’s all under the cut, very screenshot and text heavy, you can find more Brahms drawing at the bottom though  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So at the end of the movie, we are shown a Brahms with a broken mask and his face being burned, indicating that he was in fact in the fire.

I assumed first that the fire was created by the parents to fake their sons death and then he had to live hidden inside the walls? 

But I’ve also heard apparently it was Brahms who set the fire to fake his own death or maybe an eight years old kid really was trying to burn himself down?? 

My other theory is that his parents made the fire and tried to kill Brahms and it did burn him but he survived, and the parents didn’t wanna go to jail sooo to hide everything they made their son live in the walls

i mean the responsible thing would be to turn their kid in and have him treated and stuff;;; listened to a murder podcast about two cases where kids murdered enough kids and how they are doing now interesting read Brahms made me think of those two cases 

I also do not think that the previous nannies were killed. Like, c’mon. You’d report a person missing and sooner or later it would go back to the Heelshire mansion and if the body counts piles up? Can’t look good and I doubt that the Heelshire wants the police investigating them close up. 

Also, when the mom was like “He’s chosen you if you’ll have him” to Greta? Is it just me or the wording or does it sound like a marriage proposal/arrangement xD 

Brahms is a brat and he sees the people around him as his possession or to toy around. But I also do think that he has some abandonment issues but not in the sad tragic kind of way lmao. Even if he was the one controlling and manipulating his parents from behind-the-scene (quite literally I suppose?), he was still told as a kid to live in hiding and that no one can know he is alive. I don’t know much about the human brain, but I can imagine how damaging that must be to his mental growth and set him back in some way? We don’t know too much about his relationship with his parents - but I assume that he must have still loved them in his own twisted way. Can’t imagine that he would have been indifferent about his parents suicide. 

The scene before Greta manages to back out - first he uses the child voice to beg her to come back and promises he will be good. That’s his manipulating Greta, but when that doesn’t work and she tries harder to open the door, he becomes more desperate to keep her there and then completely loses his temper and threatens to kill Malcolm if she doesn’t return. I’m pretty sure homeboy would have killed him anyway. And then later when she returns and he is all heavy breathing and smelling her hair and then jumps up when she shouts Brahms? Idk I def think there is some sort of abandonment issue going on. 

I don’t think he is a child stuck in a man’s body or manchild or whatever. I think that he does know how to take care of himself - but he just chooses to manipulate people with the facade of a kid to do his bidding and cater to his needs. 

Anywhomst, but clearly Brahms is also a very manipulative and controlling person based, based on how the mother was reacting on the destroyed bedroom, she really seemed to be at the end of her wits and just breaking down with her “you promised you’d be good”. It was very heartbreaking to watch and also scary because it really makes you realize just how much power Brahms holds over them?? idk maybe it was just me.

Next point: the CGI mask  + the burns 

So according to some interviews with the director stated that at the first test streaming, people weren’t really scared of Brahms because he was too handsome so they had to slap a mask over his face. The face was done after everything was filmed. I’m thinking the face burns were also added post-production when they were adding the cgi mask. Otherwise, James would have needed to go through the makeup department for some wicked face burns and it would have been visible during the filming and test screening too? Which would imply that at first the fire was supposed to be just  a cover story that their son is dead and it was changed later

Observation/thoughts on Brahms Heelshire

Love how he stands there with his hands behind his back and then nods when Greta tells him to go under the cover

James Russell is 191cm tall. So like. Brahms is really fucking tall. But I notice that most of the time he stands with a slight hunch. Could be due to him crawling through the walls and crawling out of places that requires him to do a lot of crouching. His bed in his hideout made me really sad, I’ll get to it later. 

Since James didn’t get many lines in the ten minutes that he appeared, I do think that his eyes did all the acting. They stand out even more with the mask on, there is just this crazy look on it. I also noticed during my rewatch that he doesn’t seem to blink much or at all. 

Oh yeah, he also peeped on Greta and Malcolm making out on the bed and then cockblocked them. We been knowing that he made a Greta doll and very likely jerked off to it. We also been knowing that he very very very likely wanted to bone Greta at the goodnight kiss scene still waiting for the maskeless kiss scene gimme gimme. I also highly doubt that Brahms has much first-hand experience with kissing n stuff. High key thinking he was trying to do copy Malcolm and do what he observed lmao

When I first watched the scene, I assumed that the hole behind the mirror has always been and it’s just another one of the hidden passages Brahms to slip in and out, but now that I’m looking at the shape of the holes, it seems to me more like the mirror and brick wall were broken at the same time?? If that is the case holy shit boy is s t  r o n g. I mean, he also punched through the closet door like no big deal so really what have the parents been feeding him. 

I’m also leaning toward the fact that he ran there because Greta screamed loudly. I don’t think he was in the room as them when everything went down there, it seemed more like he heard the scream and had to nyoomed over and then punched a way through to get out of the wall. And then went on to attack Cole. He must have known that Greta wanted Cole gone, since that what she whispered to the doll before going to bed. 

Tbh, I fully expected him to murder Cole in his sleep, but Brahms wrote a warning message in blood to tell him to get out soooooo like. Cole you were warned and now you gotta live with the consequences ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Brahm’s sleeping corner

This scene was shown at the end after Greta and Malcolm escaped. We also see them briefly during the part where Greta and Malcolm are trying to find a way out and stumbled into Brahms’ hideout. I’m not sure why the rules are slapped on the walls. It seems to me that Brahms is very very very set on that the rules / routine should be followed. In the movie, he called Greta and suggested to her that she should follow the rules, to which she then started doing it.

I headcanon that that’s the routine that he grew up with as a kid and it’s just very very very very very hard to break out of it - not that he is trying to break the routine. 

I’m failing to find a good way to put my thoughts into words, but I guess the rules and routine is sort of his coping mechanism? 

I suppose if you had an OC that you ship Brahms with and want to change stuff around the house, the OC would have to very slowly introduce new rules and routines. Baby steps, yknow.

Brahms has a violin hanging there! Honestly I would be surprised if Brahms didn’t know how to play at least one instrument. The family also has an old ass piano/clavichord (?) and Brahms loves classical music soo yeah. Love me a boy who appreciates classical musical hehe

I suppose the egg boxes are there to soundproof the room more - maybe so he can play the violin? 

There’s also music sheets hung around his attics, it’s not clear on the screenshots but when you rewatch the scene and shove your face close to the screen. Some are hanging next to the violin and there are some taped on the wall next to his bed and porn too

nice to see he has a fridge and microwave, I was concerned that he wasn’t well fed and that leftovers might not be enough, but then again. Dude is 191 cm so clearly he has been drinking his milk

Didn’t take a screenshot of his vanity, but there is a crocodile magnet stuck to the mirror hehe. I do think that he shaves and stuff, otherwise his beard would be much longer??

We can see more music sheets stuck to a pillar on the right. 

Loving the christmas lights that he has hanging there above his bed. It’s cute. 

On the shelf he has a bunch of tupperware and empty bowls. Most of hte things are neatly organized. We can also see some books and a pen

There’s some sunlight streaming inside - I do hope that Brahmsy stays warm during winters.

Here we can see more of the food that he has there - there is also a sink but I didn’t snatch a screenshot of it. I think those are potatoes in the pot? Maybe he does know how to cook some basic stuff, I do wonder if he has a functioning kitchen up there. Probably not for fire safety reasons lol

Yall see that thing on the note sheet covered pillar? Ngl, that’s a whole ass aesthetic right there.

He got a few potted plants up there. Took a closer look at them and it seems like they were healthy. So he knows how to take care of plants, which is nice to know I suppose?

Yes, we all know what he was doing with the doll and what the tissue balled up tissue implies. However, has anyone noticed the size of the bed??? 

If you scroll up a bit to the screenshot of Greta seeing the doll, it looks t i n y. The make shift doll takes up more than half of the space. 

Yall. this breaks my heart. Dude is a beanstalk. I’m pretty sure the bed is from when he was a kid shoved by his parents to live inside the wall, does he have to sleep there in his adulthood too??? 

Even though Brahms strikes me as someone who probably doesn’t sleep much or during normal times, that bed must be so tiny for him. He must be sleeping with his knees bend and shit unable to stretch out :((( 

Brahms: is a psychopath that smashed the skull of a girl and very abusive tormented his parents and then Greta Me: omg he needs a bigger bed that poor thing :(((

Brahms’ DIY corner 

Ah yes, Brahm’s little DIY/creative corner. 

Homeboy got lot of animal traps, cages and taxidermies hanging around, pointing strongly toward that it’s a hobby of it? 

Also at the end where we see him fixing up the doll, we can get a better shot at his desk, and I gotta say the threads and stuff are all very nicely organized. Brahms’s table looks more organized than mine does lmao. 

So we know he is a crafty boy. Not sure how difficult taxidermy is but I imagine it does take a lot of time to learn? Well he had all the time in the world anyway.

So yeah, that’s a wrap. Congrats if you made it to the bottom of my incoherent thoughts and ramblings, have a bonus drawing of Brahms wearing different masks: 

[grantzarrr]

Only Ethan’s e.d

Summary: Y/n cant please herself anymore now that she has been with Ethan. So Ethan decides that his dominance needs to be up leveled.

Warnings: smut, spanking, bad writing and a little of a lot really. Maybe some grammar mistakes.

A/n: helloo- um I had to ‘take a break’? ig because of a bad breakup but i have completely become perfectly ok without that asswhole :D also sorry its bad and long ( 2,382!!) I don’t know how to put the “keep reading” :/ thanks for 90 :33

“Why the fuck can’t I do this?” You sighed, there you were legs spread with nothing but Ethan’s shirt bunched up on you and some socks on. You were propped up on some pillows on the bed trying to please yourself so good like Ethan would do to you. But for some reason you just couldn’t make it feel the same as Ethan’s fingers could make you. Ethan was like a god at fingering you, had you on cloud nine every time, had you withering, flicking and bucking your hips up for more when his tips would dance dangerously close to your g-spot. And his beefy thumb slowly circling your clit that he would sometimes dip down and lick down on.

The way his perfectly giant hands got down on you had you weak, making you cum or even squirt every time. The eye contact this man gave was the icing on the cake for you, staring you up and down then worshiping your body. Ethan knew your pussy like the back of his hand that he’ll fuck you with— he knew what motion to work his fingers on each event that fell near. And for some reason you could not pleasure yourself like you used to before Ethan would, you was more than fine with your self pleasement and for damn sure knew your own body. It was like the only thing that worked was Ethan’s cock and fingers now and it would annoy you often, how come your boyfriend—which was heavenly by the way— how come his fingers automatically became the only thing to get you off? When you’ve been dating for about 10 months.

You never had a vibrater nor a dildo before but you decided to order both—just to see how they both worked for you. You ordered a purple 6 inch dildo, not as big as Ethan but it’ll do, you thought. Then you ordered and a bright pink, “4 setting, pleasure giving vibrater” which something you were actually looking forward to using.

But then you decided to try at least one more time with your fingers. But this time with a little help— you opened PornHub and tried finding some rough stuff just to get you going a bit. You angled your phone on the nightstand to where you could see it from the bed and got back in position, as the video started where the couple being already in their position made your pussy tingle some more. Though you just had to imagine it was Ethan to get yourself really up there.

And this is where Ethan had just got done from filming with Grayson and headed to your apartment. Just to cuddle though and not to walk in on his girlfriend trying to finger fuck herself— that was his job. Once he did pull up and make it there, he started getting all giddy and soft just knowing his girl was there in his hoodie nice and comfy on her phone or watching Netflix. Don’t get him wrong, he would love it if he seen her getting ready for some rough and hot sex— Ethan Dolan only did rough and hot sex. Especially after a long day of bickering with his idiot of a brother some hot sweaty sex was calling his name. But tonight he just thought he knew that you were all cozyed up and boy was he wrong.

He had a spare key for just in case, he thought that he wouldn’t tell you he was coming over because you looked so cute when your eyes lit up when he would surprise you and thinking you had his hoodie on he was so giddy. Ethan then slowly made his way down to your room and seen the door open halfway so he just took a little peep. And when he did every soft little moment left his head immediately. There his girl was vigorously trying to please herself using her other hand to roughly toy at her clit and oh look she was coping the man that’s fingering the girl on Porn.

Ethan froze right there in the door frame, freezing at the glorious site in front of him. He just stared at her beautiful pussy being toyed with— his perfect pussy. As the tint in his sweats started forming bigger, his frustration bubbled as well. He remember specifically telling Y/n that “Fucking with this pussy without my knowledge would just lead to you not being able to left a finger to touch it.” But he just knew that she would continue to be a little bratty fuck— like now.

He waited a bit though to just let this occurrence go through his mind a bit, just wanting to hear her little chokes and whines. But he had enough of the rougness Porn playing when he was right there so he decided it was enough. “What do we have here, baby?” He said now walking into the room, exposing himself to her.

And Y/n nearly jumped out of her skin at the immediate present of her boyfriend. “Ethan!?” She shouted immediately pulling a pillow over her lower half, out of fear. “Don’t try to cover up now, you sure exposed it all to the man on Porn.” He teased with you, and truthfully you couldn’t tell if he was pissed off or if he wanted you to continue. He then torn the pillow away from you and opened your legs back. Once he seen just how fucked your pussy looked from you toying at it, he compressed his groan and glanced back up at you from between your legs.

His eyes were darker than his usual gorgeous hazel orbs and full to the brim of lust. Then he spoke a deep hasty voice, “Get on your knees.”, it startled you a bit, never once has Ethan spoken so dark or even to you so coldly to do that. And you loved every second of it, your eyes fluttered as you processed this— and not to mention the absolute puddle he was making you. You were sure he seen it as you still sat there legs spread. But you coughed up a softly, “Wha- what do you want?”, At that he just clenched his jaw.

“I’m mighty sure I’ve made my intentions clear, I want you on your knees sucking my cock till your knees hurt and you’re begging me lift you up.” The words seem to just roll off his tongue so smoothly and you were lost for words. “Perhaps i need to put you in your bratty little place?” He taunted with you. All you did was nodd, it completely blew your mind on where this new Ethan came from, he was never this dominant before. Yes he’s had to throbbing and wet for him in seconds like this but never leaving you completely breathless. He grabbed your throat and kneeled you before him. 

You reached up to slide down his sweats while staring straight up at him, maintaining the unspeakable eye contact. He was already rock hard from just watching you and your pussy. You then palmed him slowly though his underwear. “Angel, please no teasing and suck my cock.” He whined out, this is where you knew he’s at his weakest point when you suck him off, he would melt and wither under you when he felt you deepthroating him or when you swirled and kissed around his tip. Going down to his balls sucking them and letting them out your mouth with a pop. Or when you would trace your finger up over him before using your full hand and giving it a squeeze, something he warn you about.

He then grabbed at your hair and starts thrusting softly into your mouth. This is him letting you know he want to throat fuck you, which you allow. He reaches for more of your hair as he speeds up his thrusts, “Fuckk— i can feel me in your throat.” He moans, pretty little sounds leaving his mouth as he continued. “Fucking gag on me Y/n. Take it all- show me how much you can take down your pretty throat.” You were getting so thrilled at his words that you started reaching down to rub your clit. Surely Ethan wouldn’t know with everything that’s going on.

You started moaning a little more than usual on his cock, he could tell. So he cracked his eyes to see you two fingers down playing with yourself, he immediately stopped. You didn’t even notice- with the pleasure you were receiving having you nearly close to getting off blindly you. “Let me fucking show you what happens to little brats who don’t follow rules.” He stated sternly. Pulling his underwear back up but only throwing his shirt and sweats down.

You were now bent over on Ethan’s lap with the fuzzy handcuffs—that was in the ‘secret box’ you and Ethan liked to call it— on your wrists. “I want you to say that you’ll never disobey me again after each spank, got that angel?” He asked but sounded more of a demand the asking. You nodded but only to Ethan’s disapproval, he slapped you ass on the right cheek leaving a small gasp from you and a small discovery of a new kink from both of you. “Nodding is gonna get you know where, angel.”

You laid there appalled at this, did he really want you to say it? Has Ethan become this dominant? “Yes sir!” You squealed, he seemed to be pleased at your response and rubbing you ass cheek he recently slapped.

*spank* “I won’t ever disobey you again, sir!” Spank after spank after spank it continued, you continued to 27 till Ethan felt that was enough. And every spank he gave you, you felt yourself get even wetter and you knew Ethan could too. Your thong was right against his tight, but still he dipped his fingers down and brushed against your heat. “Ah so that makes you wet huh? I should’ve known a brat like you would melt in a second over this.” And he threw to on bed on your back.

Since you were still in handcuffs, you couldn’t touch Ethan, you couldn’t reach over and pull him in. So you decided to really fuck with him about it, “Why the fuck do you have me in cuffs? Your an absolute asswhole for this.” You cocked a brow up when he clenched his jaw and glared at you. “Watch that mouth brat, but since you have so much to say let’s see what you can say with the pretty little gag on, hm.”

He pulled out a orange gag ball from the box, something you didn’t even know was there. He reached around and put it on your mouth and tighten it to fit you. “I’ve spoiled you for to long, got you thinking I won’t break you for this.”

He became by pushing his shirt up from your body and making his way down to your already soaked and toyed with pussy. He slid you thongs off and kissed your clit with his soft plump pink lips and wet tongue, pulling your swollen and throbbing clit between his teeth and sucking hard. Letting out a muffled moan from you and your back started arching off the bed.

He entered two fingers into your pussy, a small form of relief when you felt him dive in. It was finally his fingers, he started speeding up with his movements, licking at you clit, he loved the way your pussy would take him and the way he could slide in so easily. “Mm my fucking pussy.” He growled and dived back down, lapping away so heavenly. Your high started back rising, his finger tips knocking at you g-spot leaving you to flick and buck you hips up so you could cum. He fingers were like perfectly molded for your pussy like it was made for you and you only.

“Mmm.” He heard you from the gag, “gonna cum for me?” He raised from your pussy to glance at you. You hurried and nodded, and Ethan stopped there, you groaned through your gags, really needed that release. “You’re only coming around my cock angel, keep those pretty legs spread for me.”

He was know hamming into you, legs on his shoulders, hands cuffed on the railing headboard and gagged to keep that bratty little mouth shut. Ethan looked up at you to see that your eyes were squeezed shut, so he smacked your inner tight, “Eyes open, angel. Want you to see who’s fucking yo this good.” He snapped, and you didn’t want to him to stop so you forced yourself to keep your eyes open. “Ugh, my pussy is taking me so good, such a pretty little pussy.” He moaned

You were so fucked out and tried already, and your mind being so hazy from the pleasure and the pain that you could only take it, your body trembling as he quickened his pace of his thrusts and strokes. Ethan could sense that you were so close, he didn’t even bother slowing down as he brought you closer to your release. You moaned his name loudly, legs beginning to shake again as you pulled on the cuffdaround your wrists and spit forming on the sides of your gag.

Your head was spinning as you felt his dick twitch inside you. You hoped he would let you cum you were so closed, your toes started curling as you almost reached that point.

“Fuckk- cum, right now angle cum with me.”

His words triggered you so much you came in an instant. The tightness of your pussy when you came made him release early, his cock squirting into you as he filled you up, knowing you were on birth control anyway. He then feel onto you, dick still in you as he uncuffed you and took off your gag.

You both layed there for a minute enjoying each other’s warmth untill Ethan got up and slipped his dick out of you. You felt so empty, he came back and cleaned you up then he layed back with you. “You look so pretty after a good fucking.” He said so softly, it made you giggle. “I love you and this new dominant side.” You said, he just hummed in response.

“You think we need a bath?” You whispered, “Not yet, I wanted to cuddle from the beginning and I get cuddles now.”

[fairycosmos]

Nobody would miss me if i were gone and i guess that I just wanted to know your best reasons for living because I’m coming up short.. :(

i really don’t know, i was just thinking this the other day :/ i try to focus on what’s going to get me through today rather than what’s going to get me through my life. i can’t think about my life. mostly i come up with small, basically meaningless reasons like eating my fave food or the sky or the possibility of the world finally cutting me some slack and loosening its grip on me a bit. i try to think about it a lot, how i haven’t met everyone i’m supposed to meet or seen everything i’m supposed to see. a lot of the time it’s not even any of that that keeps me here though, it’s just that dying is too hard. too scary. too inconvenient. too permanent. so look for the minor moments of peace or even just numbness, the lack of pain, that you find on a daily or weekly basis. anything that brings you a semblance of joy, no matter how little. art, music, walking, special interests, books, animals. whatever it may be. the trick of mental illness is that it often makes these things feel dull and insignificant and pointless. yet engaging in them despite that, even for five minutes a day, can be super self soothing even so. when it comes to the bigger reasons, the more existential reasons, i suppose my mind drifts to my family and the people around me. ig on some level we have to recognize that trauma and mental illness often skews our perception so much that we don’t even have an accurate idea of our own existence or what it means to people. you’re probably utterly convinced that nobody would miss you but you’ve been on a diet of self hatred for god knows how long, and so you can’t possibly fathom the way you’ve made a difference in people’s lives - directly and indirectly. after my sister died, i got a lot of anons telling me they had put off their own suicide after seeing how devastated i was, after realizing the absolute irreversible gravity of death and losing someone and how it can wreck the people who know you. and that has a ripple effect, on people who didn’t even know you that well, too. it’s just a spiderweb of hurt that never ends. i’m not saying you have to stay alive purely for others, but i am saying it’s something to consider when looking for reasons to stick around. another thought i often have is that i am going to be dead for all of eternity. it’s coming sooner than i think, and there’s nothing i can do about it. so i might as well ride it out until i get there and observe the brief flash of human consciousness i got. because it took coincidence after coincidence for millenia to get me here in the first place. but honestly, none of this is going to ring true for you if you don’t try to confront the underlying causes for these thoughts and feelings. i know it’s easier said than done, and idk the details of your situation or anything. but if it’s possible, or when it’s possible, i would really recommend reaching out to a professional - a hot line, your doctor, a support group, a therapist - if you can, or even just your friends and family to begin with. mental health issues are just as serious as physical health issues and often need the same level of medical care in order to overcome them. and that’s alright. you don’t have to go into great detail about what’s going on right away, and there’s no rush here. but learning to cope healthily and compartmentalize  by talking through your pain and being truly heard, is not as impossible as it seems at the moment. it is not some far away goal, it can begin by picking up the phone. obviously this is a super daunting prospect, and i understand that, but it’s just something to think about for now. you deserve support, and a future. this current mental anguish is not all there is. anyway sorry my answer is all over the place, none of this is coming out right and it probably wasn’t the best one i could give to be honest, but it’s where i’m at right now too and i just can not focus. sending you a lot of love. you do matter. please take care x

[sneezy-cheeseloaf]

recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. 

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

[melancholyblues0]

𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊

𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝓃𝑒 : 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓃𝓎

brian may x reader series

warnings : swearing, alcohol, future chapters will have smut so... be aware of that ig lol. like tiniest mention of weed

a/n : thinking of making this a bit of a series but we’ll see ? i also have a heavy week of exams next week but i am free from school for like three months (yay fucking hey) so i’ll try to prepare a second chapter because we all know i won’t revise lol. also loosely based off of a roger taylor x reader fic i read a while ago ! i can’t remember the name/author, but if i find it again i’ll tag the author. all characters are mine, aside from brian may/anita. thank you for reading ! this is set in 1994, and freddie doesn’t die/ john doesn’t retire because we’re not gonna deal with that kettle of fish in this fic.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧

it wasn't raining today, surprisingly. it wasn't as if it was unusual for the uk - it was always like this - rain, and then a week straight of blazing hot sun. you could even say you'd grown to love it. you'd enjoyed playing with little anya colston the day before, the thirteen year old who lived next to your parents. you'd been in the pool her parents owned, when you heard of a new couple moving in two doors down. rumours had gone round of the husband being famous, but for what you nor anya knew. you both just hoped they wouldn't be as dull and empty as the other adults were (something you and anya had bonded over - your mutual hatred for prissy adults).

~~~

"y/n, darling, please hurry up. you know your father and i don't want to be late." your mother called up the stairs, watching as y/n slid down the bannister. "and the countless times you've slid down the bloody bannister. you'll break your neck one day." she added, sighing as she gave you a once over. "where's xavier ? xavier, hurry up !" she called, and the heavy footsteps of her older brother sounded above them. "why is he always allowed to be the last one out, but i get a bollocking if i am ?" y/n groaned, sitting on the step. "because, you know how xavier's like." your mother said, sighing as xavier finally made an appearance. you huffed as she stood up, and stalked towards the door, xavier not far behind you. 

the second the family entered the maybank home, your mother made a beeline for the champagne flutes on the breakfast bar; your father to the men outside (also where more alcohol was), and xavier followed suit, albeit reluctantly. and although you could think of nothing worse than talking to the women, you followed your mother - entirely for the champagne. "y/n ! how are your a levels going ?" diane asked, peering at you over her wine glass. "i think she's doing alright - she did drop literature for psychology, but i suppose it's better than what she could've chosen." your mother smiled patronisingly. "oh ! darling, this is anita - she's just moved in." diane smiled, gesturing to the woman next to her. you had to admit, she was beautiful. and even better, she didn't share the same patronising smile your mother and the other women donned constantly. "it's nice to meet you, anita." you smiled, taking a sip from your flute. "not too much, sweetheart," your mother said. always the one to take the fun out of everything - and what was the point in not being able to drink; these gatherings were hardly tolerable sober, and you were seventeen. "i'm gonna go find the kids." you muttered, snatching your glass from the table. 

soon enough, you found three girls, only a few years younger than you, sat by the pool. "y/n ! c'mere !" anya called, waving her hand. you made your way to the girls, and anya introduced you - louise was the older girl, recently turned fifteen, and emily the younger, was ten. they were the daughters of the new family, so you and anya made sure to give them the run down on who was who. dominique and otis rains, your own parents; they only had you and xavier. diane and emanual colston were anya's parents (admittedly the least snobby), and had anya and carlson, who was louise's age. then there was adrianna and henry maybank, who had mina (the only girl your age, but after her parents found the pot you frequently smoked under her bed, they sent her to boarding school somewhere out west in the country). florence and alistair bohr (florence was the youngest and prettiest, but the one who tried the hardest. alistair was a sixty - something year old ceo. in your eyes, a perfect match). then finally, there was louise and emily's parents, anita and brian may. they said they also had an older brother, jimmy, who, when you looked over, looked deep in conversation with xavier. the girls appeared to sound equally as disdained by the adult snobbery as you and anya were (mina also - speaking of, it was a shame she wasn't here. you thought she'd broken up from school by now). you warned the girls of the sunday brunches too. it was either you tired yourself out by playing tennis, or you drinking sangria's and champagne with the women, who all ogled the fit male tennis players and bartenders, and seemingly had endless shit to talk.

you glanced up at the men - the very people you found trying to avoid at all costs, but you were curious as to who this brian was. you could've sworn you recognised his name, but from where you couldn't recall. as you scanned the group, you noticed an unfamiliar mop of curly hair - in which became familiar to you very quickly. how could you not know ? that was when the memories of your poster clad walls, concerts that left you and mina with sore throats, and various records with those four faces adorned across the front strewn across your bedroom floor rushed back. "one second." you murmured to the girls, as you got up, and dusted off your skirt, making a beeline towards the group in a spurt of confidence. 

"y/n ! i was wondering how you had been with those women for so long, i didn't see you leave. this is brian, our knew neighbour." your father smiled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "my youngest, y/n." your father grinned to brian, and you looked up at him. and christ, you knew he was tall, but he was a bloody giant. "i think what my father really means is that it'll be nice for another man around. he's getting bored of these three dinosaurs." you grinned, the same cheeky grin you'd inherited from your father. "glad to know you don't seem like the others." he laughed, shaking your outstretched hand. "god no, i like to think i taught her better than to end up like those women. in secret, of course, the missus would slaughter me." your father laughed, the others following suit. but you liked the look of brian, a lot. more than you should, but who could blame you ?  you'd practically been in love with the man since you were twelve. not that you would tell him of course. and then you heard the squeal, one you'd known all your life - mina was here. "i'll be back." you smiled uneasily, and rushed inside to find the tall brunette in the doorway. "get here you silly bitch !" she shouted, barrelling into you, tackling you to the ground. "language, mina." adrianna sighed, tossing the keys onto the shelf near the door. she too, like your mother had, rushed to the wine and the women. she needed a drink, after picking up her spritely daughter and managing to cope for a two hour car ride. you and mina rushed upstairs into her bedroom, and you slammed the door behind you. "right, do not freak out. we have new neighbours." you began, looking at mina's flushed face. "and ?" she asked,

"it's brian may."

"it's who, now ?"

"brian may."

"brian may ? the new - new - new guitar guy ? the man we've been gushing over since before we had tits ?"

"yeah, that's the guy."

mina laughed, tossing her hair behind her shoulder. "good god. glad you haven't pounced him yet. if it was roger, i know i would've." she smirked, making sideways glances to her own queen poster above her bed - that had been signed by every member during their '86 tour. "well, not only is his wife and three kids downstairs, he was bombarded by males. shame, really." you joked. 

"kids ?" she gasped, hopeful they were like anya. 

"thankfully, louise and emily are exactly like anya." you smiled. 

"i'll finish this later. i wanna meet the newbies." she wiggled her eyebrows, running out of her room, with you tow.

[peachyhan]

Announcement!!!

I’m pretty sure that whoever pays attention to me has noticed that I’ve been kinda.. absent? Distant? Inactive? Whatever word you wanna use, ig. 

And that’s because I’ve been thinking a lot for the past couple of weeks, and I’ve decided that I’m going to go on hiatus until February. When in February will I be back? Idk man, that’s a good question that even I don’t have an answer to. 

But fear not! I will not be completely gone, I’ll still be on here, reblogging and stuff, I’m just taking a hiatus from writing. Writing has always been my absolute most favorite thing to do. I never get bored of it (which means a lot because I get bored of literally EVERYTHING else), and it’s always helped me cope with my depression and anxiety, and overall just gave me a way to escape from reality for a little bit. 

But recently, I haven’t been able to write anything. And it’s not because I’m not getting any notes or anything, it’s literally me. Whenever I open up my google docs I can’t find the right words to write, and I just can’t come up with anything, and it’s stressing me tf out tbh. Ik people aren’t really expecting anything from me. I’m a relatively new blog, and ik people aren’t trying to rush me to post Metanoia pt. 2 or anything, but I feel like I need to get it up and posted. But at the same time, I want it to be perfect, and I want it to be a series that people will read and fall in love with the same way that I fell in love with writing years ago. 

That, and I haven’t been really stable mentally or emotionally recently. I’m not gonna go into detail, but just know that it’s gotten pretty bad. Really really bad, so bad that it’s consumed me entirely. But I’ll get better. I have hope that I’ll get better. 

I want to give my best from now on, not my mediocre. And I will give my best when I come back. But for now, I just need to take a step back, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just need to take a little breather, and I hope you guys can understand that- nalida <3

Tagging moots and networks that I’m in: @nct-writers @neo-the-stars-net @stayracha-net @districtninewriters @czennienet @straykidsland @starrdustville @smolbeanmika @hugsforjunnie @cotccotc @sarahbkwl @rr0zu @soft-black-teabag @just-a-gay-bean @juley-ju 

[kryptoniancape]

So... Carol also probably stopped visiting Daryl because he was spending time with Leah? Is that the soap opera route we're going to take writers? Right. After Caryl didn't talk for almost three seasons. Then Carol got married to someone else for another season. Now we're going to throw in a tragic love affair for Daryl... who we've been told will only have sex if in love and only fall in love once? I just.... I shouldn't be surprised and yet... here I am.

So, I already regret posting that person’s reply, bc contributing to the chaos is definitely not helping anyone lol. It’s been brought to my attention that the line in 10x06 is “your dog” according to closed captions. (I swear, my sheer boredom is driving me crazier than anything else). But anyway, since this came in just after I made that post, I wanted to clear it up in case I was in any way responsible for making you sad.

Now that that’s out of the way. According to everything I’ve seen (which is only reactions/interpretations of the spoilers because I don’t want to read them), Carol’s reasoning behind saying she can’t see him anymore is going to stem from her responsibilities at the Kingdom. Perhaps this is around the time the pipes and buildings start showing signs of falling apart, or they were dealing with some other kind of internal conflict.

Angst and whatnot doesn’t bother me. Yes, it’s not quite the arc we were led to imagine, and I was shook for a bit after finding out about Leah’s role, but generally I’m not opposed to this kind of storytelling if done right, especially because I’m still optimistic at this point and giving Kang the benefit of the doubt. Gimple era Caryl was rough (save for the no sanctuary hug), but I think Kang is trying to get even locals riled up and reinvested in their storyline after that drought. I’m sure there are locals who still need that push to see them as romantic even after watching s10, bc a lot of it was subtext. So one of the most effective ways to do that is through love triangle soap opera type shit. There has to be a driving conflict to explain why it takes them a decade to get together, ig.

I will also say that given the clues, I’m starting to think Leah might be somewhat abusive and volatile, and she’ll be back in early season 11 to stir the pot somehow before they really delve into the Commonwealth arc. It’d be a rather Freudian route, but could make sense for Daryl to be drawn to someone to fill the void that is eerily more like his parents or brother than he is. I won’t delve into the psychology, but I think this would still line up with the arc we wanted for him in a way. He’ll realize the similarity, that she’s problematic, and have an existential crisis about it; which hopefully ends with him realizing he needs to be more open about his feelings, ect. Cue him finally breaking free of the cycle. I think this episode is actually aiming to address his abuse and intimacy issues in a way we wouldn’t be expecting. And by the end of it we will see that Daryl has learned things new about himself.

I’m also starting to think that they don’t actually have sex. I think Leah will try to initiate but Daryl will recoil at the last second. Maybe they just kiss and then it cuts and that’s why the leaker is assuming they banged. I know the phrase “lot’s of sex” was used in the table read stream and by the leaker as well, but I’m hoping that was exaggerated for a pr stunt. If it was that easy for Daryl to just have sex, they wouldn’t have waited this long to give him a one night stand or smth. And there’s an explicit reason the sex is only implied and never actually shown. This is why I think they’re going to handle it with care. Either way, the relationship was described as toxic and tragic, and that would align with my theories, so I’m just gonna roll with it. After all, Carzekiel turned out to be Caryl-positive development, there’s no reason yet to assume this shit also can’t be.

I won’t pretend I have the answers, but I’ve taken a step back from all the semantics in the tags and only been following a couple of bloggers who process everything from a writer’s perspective. Some need that space to be negative, to cope. For me, it helps to stay level headed for now and away from the fandom war nonsense on twitter. I refuse to let fandom make me feel miserable about the content I enjoy. I’ll let the writers do that on their own. I do think the episode is still going to have a lot of surprises, because even with spoilers there’s so much we just can’t piece together, and I’m honestly looking forward to it.

I hope my rambling was somewhat insightful. And hopefully new shit doesn’t come out tomorrow that renders this just a bunch of clownery, but. Chin up, friend. I hope it’s not misplaced, and I’m in the process of crafting another meta to elaborate on this further, but for now I’m genuinely optimistic that we will all be laughing about 10c era one day.

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering.