#everyone’s so upset today
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Alright who needs a home cooked meal?
#everyone’s so upset today#understandably so!!!!#the world is pretty scary atm#drink some water and have a warm home cooked meal#I can’t promise things will be okay but I know you’re strong#sorry I don’t like getting too serious on here about world events mostly for my own sanity#ive never made jambalaya before and i know its missing a lot but hopefully its still good#stupid mild tho because if it’s too hot I’ll die#text
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#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#ichiban kasuga#masato arakawa#ryo aoki#snap sketches#edit: two versions cause im indecisive about everything ever#this one goes out to anon ..... hi ....#Truly ask really did just. make me wanna draw em LMAO#idk why i decided they should get takoyaki afterwards but idk. best thing to do before you go to jail vjaLRKVKE#tbh i just know that whenever i was upset my sis would take me out to get food#it wasnt often since shes not home much but on the off chance she caught me on a bad day we'd always get ice cream or somn#ironically my sister's coming home from a trip later today and my sister's always been my best friend tbh so. funny timin for this doodle#i wont go on a mile long tangent like i usually do so ill just say my sister's really cool and important to me and i cant wait to see her#def why y7 hits hard for me ..... the FAMILY bro ........ beating aoki with a metal pipe as we speak#nuff of that tho. for now i sleep for ten seconds bye everyone
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personally, if everyone wants to focus so intensely on companion romances and approach thinking about these games like they're dating sims this badly, I think Bioware should introduce MORE emotionally-motivated "unfair" hard lock-outs because that's how many dating sims work
#I continue to not grasp why everyone is so upset that Lucanis will drop you but continue to be interested in Neve#this is not... a difficult thing to follow emotionally. him doing this is in fact perfectly in line with someone who is reacting emotionall#okay okay I'm done for today about this. i'm done. i'll shut up about this for a bit#DATV things
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I know that people are rarely their best selves at a funeral, but do you ever just watch your family move through the process of mourning the Patriarch and have a sudden and violent and vivid understanding of Why Everyone Is The Way They Are
#it doesn't really matter if the answer is yes or no#because the thing is i am watching my family disintegrate in the wake and wreckage of disability/chronic illness#and i am feeling a grief and a rage that i cannot quite cope with#i am feeling many things and I am extremely drunk on vodka and tequila and red wine and i spent all day emotionally regulating#the worlds most fucking fucked up audhd genetic pool i've ever seen in my life#i don't quite know how to cope with the things that have happened today and as busy as my brain is given all that i prolly shouldn't have#had quite so many substances#the crossfade is far superior to being sober around my family and apparently despite it all i wasn't too incoherent#i was a blubbering baby the whole funeral tho#and i did spend the whole reception trying to manage a pots episode and the whole after party trying to stabilize my cousins#i don't know where in all this I will really be able to grieve my uncle himself#but honestly part of the issue on that is that i am feeling rather upset with and disappointed in the few people in my family who I had come#to trust over the years#chrissy and jenn are still everything i knew them to he#*be#and everyone else.....well#the people i knew before at least#fucking intergenerational trauma - the musical
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Something about Emily being called rude and harsh for the way she handled Eldon basically harassing her, before being guilt tripped for hurting his feelings and then pressured into going on a date with him.
Something about Emily trying to gain Amanda’s trust by pretending to turn against the team, having to to portray herself as incredibly cruel and selfish, and struggling to cope with how easily everyone believed it.
Something about Emily saying goodbye to Michelle, tears streaming down her face, admitting to thinking she’s not kind or compassionate enough on her own, and scared that she won’t be able to be a mentor and a role model without Michelle to guide her.
Something about being a good person at your core, but nobody ever acknowledges it so you don’t even know that you are.
Something about this character who, despite the countless number of times she’s felt it break, genuinely believes she might not have a heart.
#i am having a lot of feelings about emily rn#i just rewatched michelles goodbye episode and this one part really stood out to me#she was like#‘i know i have this (*gestures to brain*) but i don’t know about this (*puts hand on heart*). everyone knows you cant survive without this’#and idk i was reminded of when the team votes for michelle as dance captain in s1 and emilys ‘does everyone really hate me that much?’#also in s1 when she was pressured/guilted into going on that first date with eldon when james (i think) said how mean she was being to#eldon and how much it upset him#which just…. ew#plus in s2 when she’s pretending to be mean to riley to turn the team against her and shes so upset by how easily everyone bought it#like i never realised until i rewatched the goodbye girl today but i think emily really internalised a lot of those moments and genuinely#worries that she’s a horrible person#……#this was heavier and angstier than i meant it to be lol sorry#thanks for reading if you made it this far haha#the next step#emily tns
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thinking about how significant it is that Maximus is specifically shown to be a man who humanizes everyone. he values the lives of his soldiers, he treats his personal servant like a brother, and he even considers the viewpoints of his enemies in battle. there is no arrogance, no superiority, no dehumanization of anyone, no matter how lowly and unrecognized.
which is what makes his betrayal and enslavement SO PAINFUL
because his captors and buyers see him as nothing. he's actually worth less than the lions he's sold beside, and he's shoved and herded and inspected and purchased like he's literally an object. I always marvel at how he looks around during the Zucchabar scenes. it's not just that he's shocked about how different the world is, and it's not just that he's mourning his family in total shock and devastation.
there's also this whole element that can't believe people could treat other people this way, and he can't fathom that his life, which he has always considered precious and valuable, is now worth less than the sackcloth they give him to wear. it breaks my heart
#he's so good!! so honorable!!!#he loved and respected everyone in his life!!!#he did NOTHING wrong#and yet he was punished so terribly#his kindness was rewarded with cruelty#his nobility was returned with dehumanization#i hate seeing him (and all the others) treated like property#he only has value for them once he starts being successful in the arena#like do they not know???#do they not understand that he is the most precious and dear and good-hearted man ever to draw a breath????#how can they treat him like that???#i'm upset about it today#how maximus specifically goes out of his way to respect the lives and dignity of everyone he meets#only to be treated like an animal for the slaughter#LET ME LOVE HIM THE WAY HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE LOVED#gladiator#text posts#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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WARNING IM GOING TO BE HONEST AND EARNEST HERE. i really unironically unconditionally liked now and then
#like honestly i listened to it 2794288 times in the shower and came to the disgraceful revelation that like. oh my god it is a fucking beatl#es song and theyre 81 and 83 and 37 and 52 and theyre still ON the same song and fuck shit yes i get the solo is NOT georges and it makes me#a little upset but its still done in his memory and his style andthis is PAUL we are talking about and of course he is going to run away#with a project like this and going to do the solo but EVEN then he made the solo with george in mind and tried to emulate his style whether#it was an accurate representation or not they still care so fucking much. theyre the FUCKING beatles releasing music TODAY what the fuck#i will definitely feel different about this tomorrow morning but ive listened to this thing through on repeat since it released and buddy.#who care. like SO fucking much everyone care but WHO CARE!!!!!!!!! OLD MAN BEATLES YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IN 2023!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry does this make sense. like im a george defender until i die but i could heard his guitars enough to be moderately pacified and#honestly im too tired and excited and emotionally drained to care anymore. tjey tried so so hard to do something and they DID it#i have a much MUCH more nuanced opinion that i could go into. but i dont want to rn🙏🏻#emi's meandering jotts
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every day i thank the universe that i have a job where customers are so niceys to me
#it was sooo busy at work today but i was never actually Upset just mildly stressed if i had to help multiple people at once#but everyone was nice! and patient! and there were cute kids sometimes#every customer at my job is so lovely i feel like i reeally lucked out and somehow got the only good retail job#also some customers brought a conure??? she was in a cage ontop of a stroller they were pushing#her name was chiquita <3#text
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Magenta 😥
#imposter syndrome is bad today#anyone have tips or words of encouragement?#i got triggered by the scores on the platform#im at a 96 which isn't bad that's actually pretty fucking good#i need to stay above 85% to keep my contract#but i checked to see what areas that dipped and one of them I'm kinda going wtf?#about maintaining boundaries#im really huge on that shit and always let people know if they get uncomfortable with a topic subject or need to change the convo#we absolutely can always do that#so im kinda sitting here going “Okay where can i improve? where is this coming from? were they having a bad day? did i say something off?”#i know too you can't appease everyone and there are some clients that just won't like you for whatever reason and will answer the surveys to#dip your scores cause of resentment#logically i know these are things#im struggling with not having closure cause if i am doing anything wrong i want to correct that and i want to be told what it is#cause i can't change unless im given some direction#my mentor encouraged me to be myself show up authentic and I've been doing that#seeing the dip is making me second guess everything#and i know i shouldn't be upset cause again im at a 96 fucking percent!#but man I'm just kicking my own ass#magenta#magenta is my vent word
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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2024 Singapore GP | x
#hi everyone I'm sorry I vanished for a few days#this weekend has been hard here with irl family things and in my heart in the world of F1#I feel so so so so much for Daniel and I keep riding a roller coaster of anger that RBR let this happen and sorrow if this is it#then I swing back to hope#not just in 2025 (which I still believe in!!)#but that he can find joy and fufillment and love somewhere better#he deserves so much better than the callously cruel weekend from a sport he's given so much of his life to#I'll be a Daniel fan no matter where he goes next#but my trust in RBR is irrevocably shattered as it is for many (not that I had much to begin with!)#but he was thrown to the wolves and I'm just so angry and heartbroken this happened#but then the possible last lap of his potential last race given to Max#thank you Daniel#and I'm hopeful til the end#I hope he gets what he wants but he deserves so much love#and seeing the love from fans and the people in his life who DO care#I'm a newer fan but I have become so fond for Daniel so much and the anticipation is killing me#let him and fans have peace (even if the goal is Checo retiring after the Mexico GP then at least give some closure for the month between)#just a hard weekend#and the FIA absurdity with Max too ugh#and Carlos' crash in quali ahhh just an awful weekend#with that and an overwhelming family weekend I just couldn't bring myself to post anything#but thank you everyone for this space#I need to catch up but I have seen so many folks echo how I feel#it is upsetting and needless and uncerimonious and cruel#I'll be hopeful forever there is a chance#but Daniel deserves to be happy and RBR proved how heartless of a place they can be#I'll savor the silver linings of Max and Daniel's bond and those on the team who lifted him up#I'll be away again for a work event today but I looked around insta a bit last night#I'll post and tag for the GP if anyone wants to not see it!! still hurts but it'll all be okay in time I know it ❤️#autumn posts
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A friend of mine got into a fight today
It was premeditated, but I talked him out of it. He's extremely stubborn, and he has a bit of an ego, but to my surprise, he actually listened
However, in the class that I share with him and the stupid, loud-mouth guy that he was going to fight, said guy got in his face, and as soon as any contact was made, I sprinted and got my teacher, who was luckily a coach and could separate them if need be
Luckily, that wasn't the case, but my friend who saw it did see my friend get punched. She isn't entirely sure what she saw, but she thinks the guy hit him, but my friend only pushed him. (Whether that's because the teacher was coming or because he knew I didn't want him to fight; I assume it's the former, but yk)
My teacher stopped them, and the guy (a repeat offender) went straight to the office, and my friend was pulled into the hallway
We had a test, so I tried my best to study, but I felt shakier than I think I've ever felt before from a combination of the adrenaline I felt and the anxiety and concern I felt over my friend
Before the test started, however, the vice principal pulled me, the friend of mine who saw it, and three others into the hallway as witnesses. I knew the most, so I'm glad she called me out, and she said we were trustworthy, which I assume is from the time I reported other things to her.
I told her everything I knew, although still a little shaky, and I went back and took my test
I'm on the bus now, and that was 7th period, but it's still on my mind
Someone in 8th period was retelling it to his friends, and he, to my surprise, mocked my part (which was going and getting the teacher because I didn't want my friend to be hurt) in a squeaky voice as if I was in the wrong
I don't have my friend's number, so I emailed him on his school email, and I hope he checks it so I can check in on him
#ramblinggg#rant#long rant#vent#long vent#tw fighting#i care about him too much to let him get hurt#i know he wasn't hurt because the guy didn't get very many punches in and i checked up on my friend before he went away and he confirmed#but i just hope he isn't in too much trouble#i guess i'll know based on if he's at school tomorrow#it may have also just been me but i think there was an extra softness in his expression when he looked at me#he was not like himself much today#he said he 'got in his feels' from how upset i was and that he wouldn't do it if it made someone he cared about upset (referring to me)#and he said he had a soft spot for everyone at our lunch table although one of the people doesn't talk to him and kinda despises him#and the other two he often makes fun of jokingly (although they don't often like it)#but we actively talk and he mostly talks to me#and when he walks into the cafeteria and im leaving separately from our friends he follows me and not them#so i guess i hope he secretly has a soft spot for me
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On the train of your last ask, what are your thoughts on dragons sexuality?
Personally I think he’s Demi something (more attracted to personality than looks or gender)
Honestly because we don't know that much about the guy it's kind of hard for me to form an opinion, and if Crocodad Real then we're going to find out his orientation eventually (since we gotta find out if that was a contributing factor to the Dragodile Divorce (assuming they're divorced)) so I'm kind of okay with not forming any headcanons, since the headcanon could get thrown out the window
If anything, what interests me is how Dragon's orientation could impact the story-- like when I've discussed the Dragodile Divorce I have mainly focused on speculating how Crocodile would've felt about it, but how Dragon felt about that is interesting too
Because if he's straight then yeah that probably contributed to The Divorce, but how did Dragon feel about it? Learning that the love of his life is now happier than ever before after transitioning and being happy for him, while also losing the version of Crocodile that he fallen in love to begin with? No longer feeling thet draw to him because of the thing that has brought him so much joy and comfort? Knowing that even if they did take down the WG the family Dragon had hoped to have would never come to be, because their relationship would now end? And that it would be on some level his fault, because he's not attracted to Crocodile anymore?
Like even if Dragon took things well and the divorce happened "on good terms", it would've been sad for Dragon too.
But then there's a slightly juicier option, because what if Dragon was bi, but the Divorce happened under unpleasant circumstances (be it Dragon lashing out or things getting violent because he couldn't recognize Crocodile) and he didn't figure it out until it was too late?
Because you'd still have Dragon going through some if not all of those previously mentioned feelings, of having to come to terms with the version of his significant other whom he had fallen in love with no longer existed, the family had pictured in his mind would never become a thing, that those things were be kind of his fault and that he had hurt Crocodile deeply in the process. But then he'd be looking at some news article of Crocodile's most recent heroic stunt, seeing his handsome face with that usual, unbothered expression, and realizing he still loved him? That he still wanted to be with him, wished they were together, even now that Crocodile was a far more handsome man than he was? And then the realization that he's bi hitting him like a fucking truck But it's too late. The divorce already happened. He already hurt Crocodile too deeply. Knowing Croc, he had probably already moved on. There was no fixing it, the relationship was over. At least for now, trying to go see Croc could be dangerous due to the WG and not wanting to risk the WG finding out about them and The Kid and Croc would probably be furious if Dragon even risked that at this point, after what he had done. Oh, and then Crocodile killed thousands of innocent people attempting to usurp a country by manufacturing a civil war. Something Dragon can't forgive. (Not to mention, hearing he had been taken down by their own son... Oof)
But what if despite all that, and not knowing the full circumstances behind what had happened (like the fact that Crocodile didn't know who the hell Luffy was), Dragon still loved Crocodile? What then?
#Moon posting#Asks#Dragodile#OP Meta#Answering an unusual amount of asks today because 1) Compensating for being AFK for a while and#2) The Tumblr News are deeply fucking upsetting and I need something to lighten my mood desperately ngl#So clearing my ask box it is wheeeee#Sorry this is a little incoherent lmao#Something about Dragon looking at Crocodile and being like ''why the fuck are you more handsome than me'' cracks me up okay#When your transgender husband gives you gender envy#I just love the story telling potential bi Dragon would give us because like. Yeah if they're straight then the relationship is joever#But if he was bi then there's that theoretical possibility they could maybe reconcile and get back together#And the fucking drama? The possibilities? I'm so here for that man give it to me#Luffy and/or Ivankov telling Dragon to get over himself and admit that he still loves Crocodile and wants to be with him? Gimme#Dragon taking a deadly blow to protect Crocodile because he doesn't want to lose him again? It's a trope for a reason#OR Dragon craddling a dying Crocodile begging him not to die because he still loves him? Oh yes#Crocodile trying to sneak away while everyone celebrates the destruction of the World Government#And Dragon showing up like ''I don't wanna lose you again pls don't go ;_;''#And Croc telling him to either piss off OR to hurry up and get on the ship so they can leave before Luffy finds out#I am. Obsessed. Dragodile Retirement Romance let's fucking go#THE POSSIBILITIES MAN. Like I don't wanna get my hopes up because I doubt we'll get Canon Gay Dragodile BUT IT COULD BE SO GOOD
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look how fucking small this baby is
(believe it or not she is Three Entire Months Old)
#red said#she's Sam's newest niece. which i think makes her my niece at least to the degree that I'm being referred to as Aunt Ruth#i feel like. 12.5 years into the relationship. we are functionally attached for the purpose of family relationships.#also i saw my best friends' kids today too!!!!#their oldest is 4 and she's always been the most remarkably self-possessed child but oh man she's a delight#she was DEEPLY upset at having to leave my 'amazing' room and go home. she asked repeatedly if i could come visit her tomorrow#and clung onto my waist for like 10 minutes while we said goodbye to everyone#she paid Sam and i 10p 'because thank you for letting me be in your house it was great' and then sidled up to me later to say#'hey you know i gave you and Sam a present? you could also give ME a present i would like that'#and i was like you know what kid? i respect the hustle. here is a random d10 for you to keep.#i love kids man. babies are gorgeous and toddlers and young children are so fucking funny. SO devoted to chaos.
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feel like people forget a lot of the time that yeh u don't really know who i am or whatever but i am still a real person with feelings like the amount of hate i get is just unwarranted and it's the fact that some of u guys are okay with saying such disgusting things is really quite fucking worrying
anyways, i am much better than i was feeling earlier on today but yeh anons are off for the foreseeable future n i don't think i'll be turning them on in a hurry
#sorry to drag it out#but not really cos it's my shit#but yeh like i was acc quite upset#n i'm sure whoever wrote those anons is reading this so hi!#n ik i joke around a lot but i am acc quite a sensitive person#bc i got bullied a lot during school#n it was just not nice to receive the anons i did#when i didn't say anything today#like it was so out of the blue as well#anyways hope everyone's had a good day
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Good morning I was going to make a post about how Granblue robbed us of yet ANOTHER big sword dragon man that could have had lizard eyes but doesn't (SOL BADGUY GUILTY GEAR STRIVE), but then I kept scrolling
They at least glow :) I'll take it
#textpost#Sol's eyes glow SOMETIMES in Strive. If you Heavy Mob and catch it in the right lighting on the right frame you can see his pupils#light up first before his eyes go entirely solid yellow. It's really cool actually#I learned about the perpetuity ring today after seeing the ring icon on my one friends' Azusa and googling it#You can marry them....#SOMEHOW I do have exactly ONE perpetuity ring#I don't have Siegfried though lol I also STILL don't know his lore the entire way lmao#But I know Siegfried Nibelungenlied's lore and I can't imagine it being toooooo different from that#The other knights' lore seems to more or less align with their source material#Going to be so soooo so upset when I get to Gawain and it's not Sir Gawain & The Green Knight Gawain#(it won't be. it's never that gawain because honestly why tf would it be rofl there are so many other gawain stories)#It should be the Gawain from that Latin language story that has the functional recipe for Greek fire in it /s#(De Ortu Waluuanii Nepotis Arturi)#*opening granblue fantasy and pushing everyone else out of the way* Show Me The Knights
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