#i was a blubbering baby the whole funeral tho | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway · 1 month ago

Text

I know that people are rarely their best selves at a funeral, but do you ever just watch your family move through the process of mourning the Patriarch and have a sudden and violent and vivid understanding of Why Everyone Is The Way They Are

#it doesn't really matter if the answer is yes or no #because the thing is i am watching my family disintegrate in the wake and wreckage of disability/chronic illness #and i am feeling a grief and a rage that i cannot quite cope with #i am feeling many things and I am extremely drunk on vodka and tequila and red wine and i spent all day emotionally regulating #the worlds most fucking fucked up audhd genetic pool i've ever seen in my life #i don't quite know how to cope with the things that have happened today and as busy as my brain is given all that i prolly shouldn't have #had quite so many substances #the crossfade is far superior to being sober around my family and apparently despite it all i wasn't too incoherent #i was a blubbering baby the whole funeral tho #and i did spend the whole reception trying to manage a pots episode and the whole after party trying to stabilize my cousins #i don't know where in all this I will really be able to grieve my uncle himself #but honestly part of the issue on that is that i am feeling rather upset with and disappointed in the few people in my family who I had come #to trust over the years #chrissy and jenn are still everything i knew them to he #*be #and everyone else.....well #the people i knew before at least #fucking intergenerational trauma - the musical

42 notes · View notes