#imposter syndrome is bad today

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 😥

[bethanydelleman]

A story about a king who is not well-suited for the job, but it's not like he's a tyrant, despot, womanizer, or squandering the country's wealth, he's just unhappy. He fully believes that he was divinely chosen by birth to be king, so why does he always feel like he isn't meant to do this? His only hope through each day and year is that he can eventually abdicate in favour of his son, but it will be at least twenty years before that's even possible.

He isn't good at court politics, he's not bad either, just not the sort of clever person who can stop the squabbling and get people easily on his side. He is haunted by a constant awareness that everyone near him wants something from him. He wonders if any relationship in his life is genuine. He longs for someone to call him by his real name instead of a title. His wife is a good partner, but it's no romance and she's still struggling to learn his language. He loves his children, but he chafes against the thousand unwritten rules and protocols that keep him from really feeling that he has a family.

Years pass and it never gets easier. Duty leads him on, because nothing else could keep him going for so long. His son seems intelligent and savvy, he only has to hold on a little longer. He's fully accepted that he'll never be remembered by history. He's no great king, just a placeholder for someone better.

He is on his deathbed when his eldest is twenty-five. He never had a chance to be free of the terrible burden that was the crown. He's never seen his wife cry so much, did she really love him all this time? His son tells him, "How can I ever measure up to your example?" What example? He was never a good king. Was he?

If only he could have known that he was

[hugmekenobi]

Sorry, I am seeking help again because for some reason writing a wedding when I'm not married is much harder than writing all the other things I've never experienced. Plus, writing happy emotions is not my strong suit lol cause I always worry I make it sound cringy and weird so...

[seekingthestars]

i feel like such a shit employee so often bc they keep being like "more responsibilities! leadership roles! here take this thing! here be in these meetings! here be in charge of all these things and stuff!" and i have absolutely no desire for any of that, i just want to sit quietly in a corner and do my designs and clock out when my day is over and not think about it any more

tired of everyone having to be a leader, i don't want to be a leader, i'm a good worker bee and that's fine with me, i'm tired and burnt out and i just don't want to be in charge of all this shit

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[feastingonchrist]

Ooh i don’t think i’ve been this overstimulated or sleep deprived in so long and at the same time at that like….. on top of other things here lately i have been genuinely curious about my autism diagnosis again. I got it in 2022 but i swore i was misdiagnosed but i seriously don’t even know anymore. I feel like i have been okay and more adjusted for a while (y’all it was so bad in 2021-23) and now i have a lot going on and today was a bad day so i may be overthinking or maybe it’s kind of a trauma response from being overstimulated and having shutdowns over and over again at one point. Like i felt that way yesterday and today after work. I’ve been way busier than usual, can’t focus in church, not used to the constant social interaction (i don’t mind it but yeah), new stuff constantly, inability to process, noticing my need for increased sensory input but unable to properly manage it, etc. IDK i’m just a bit overwhelmed. Like i was so overstimulated last night i finally got relaxed after praying then was wide awake. I gotta lock in cause burnout will be coming soon 😭 i finally got OUT of that too. It may be a combination of things as i’m trying to adjust to my new life but wow it feels identical to how it was when i was in autistic burnout literally the most traumatic time in my life. But yeah i currently don’t even know what sensory stuff works for me anymore cause i never even pay attention to that stuff but i’n ab to start having to again. Js trying to sleep and get grounded again but idk what to do.

[adventuresinpyjamas]

ESSAY DUE TODAY GOOD RIDDANCE (at the same time I really need to HD this to keep my GPA ok... rip)

qotd

What was one of the last books you read? Or one you've recently enjoyed? Or even one you're reading now?

I finally read for the first time the first three raven cycle books, which are fantastic! I love the fantasy element and like.... yeah it's so fab

Day 19/28

127

to do

run/ walk (if I have time)

wash dishes

wash/ dry laundry

review changes

scholarship bibliography

primary bibliography

polish question (and write it in the essay)

fix alteration paragraph

fix daemonologie paragraph

fix Newes summary

format (justify, uniform font etc)

double check quote length in ftnts

citations in footnotes (chicago full note)

double check citation spots

edit and polish essay

and finally, CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT

GRINDING TODAY AGAIN BECAUSE IT IS DUE AND I CAN TASTE FREEDOM!!!!!

In saying that I hate it so much and inevitably I think it's the worst thing I've ever written lollll bUT we remain positive, it's probably because I have been looking at it for months !!!! let's hope

Duo

50/50 xp

0/2 perfect lessons

9/15 minutes learning

Forest

0/1 cuckoo clock

0/2 any tree

0/70 mins any tree

[post-punk-revival]

Capgras in color negative

[howdoyousleep3]

am i going to make a big bowl of chicken nuggies and sweet potato fries to eat in bed because i’m sad, followed by tucking myself further under the covers to work my way through a big bag of hi-chews? yes

[bucketofchum]

Been dealing with some really bad self esteem shit lately...

[ivypond11]

apparently today is being on edge and hating everything i do day! really fun thank you brain i don't know what i would do without you ♥️

[coldbloodace]

Reminding myself that it's okay to write badly even during the thirtieth draft because it's a hobby I do for fun and I wasn't put on earth to live up to some invisible impossible standards

[zukkaoru]

sometimes i will be like. what if i don't actually have allergies and i'm just claiming i do bc my mom told me i did when i was little even though i don't ever remember getting tested? and then i go to goodwill and start sneezing bc something triggered my allergies so bad i'm still having problems 9 hours later

[tarnera-blog]

Sometimes I feel like just dropping all my social media and never looking back, but then who will validate my existence by replying to/commenting on my posts?

[goldengodcannibal]

,

[cloudd-nyne]

Bleh

Dysphoria is evil, and whatever being created it i hope you step on legos for all eternity