#about maintaining boundaries
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Magenta 😥
#imposter syndrome is bad today#anyone have tips or words of encouragement?#i got triggered by the scores on the platform#im at a 96 which isn't bad that's actually pretty fucking good#i need to stay above 85% to keep my contract#but i checked to see what areas that dipped and one of them I'm kinda going wtf?#about maintaining boundaries#im really huge on that shit and always let people know if they get uncomfortable with a topic subject or need to change the convo#we absolutely can always do that#so im kinda sitting here going “Okay where can i improve? where is this coming from? were they having a bad day? did i say something off?”#i know too you can't appease everyone and there are some clients that just won't like you for whatever reason and will answer the surveys to#dip your scores cause of resentment#logically i know these are things#im struggling with not having closure cause if i am doing anything wrong i want to correct that and i want to be told what it is#cause i can't change unless im given some direction#my mentor encouraged me to be myself show up authentic and I've been doing that#seeing the dip is making me second guess everything#and i know i shouldn't be upset cause again im at a 96 fucking percent!#but man I'm just kicking my own ass#magenta#magenta is my vent word
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#swear every time I see a video about gentle parenting and go to the comments#and see people bashing on or hating on gentle parenting#and they’re#saying things like ‘what kind of parent damages their kid by this horrible gentle parenting trend’#it makes me feel sad for this person#because my friend the basis of this parenting style and tactic is to be more understanding and empathetic with your child and allow them to#have a space for their feelings#while still maintaining boundaries#its as if they see the word ‘gentle’#and think wow you’re being to easy on your kids the world will be so much harsher to them#and yes the world will be harsh but you don’t need to be
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Shout out to Trant Heidelstam for being normal and well adjusted and conscious of his own feelings whilst surrounded exclusively by the most batshit insane people
#bro is over here being nice and kind while maintaining healthy boundaries#meanwhile Harry is starting a revolution#Jean is on his third pack of cigarettes in one day and is about to lost it#and Kim hasn’t felt an emotion in years#disco elysco#disco elysium#trant heidelstam
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me when I'm brave
#writing an email apologizing for a thing that happened that i feel so guilty about that it makes me sick !#but im apologizing instead of hiding away because im a brave responsible adult or whatever. and i gotta do scary and hard things bc it's th#best thing i can do in this situation#augwhauhahhggh#i still think of myself as a kid but im a legal adult and i have responsibilities and relationships to maintain and i have to be the one to#do that. im not a kid and i dont want to be treated as such so i have to do the hard bits of it too!!!!#i cant hide behind my parents#i shouldnt hide behind my parents#i dont want to hide behind my parents#and if i want that freedom i have to prove myself and take responsibility#theres a lot more conflict to be had in this life. being brave and handling this one will give me the experience and bravery to handle more#also i learned my lesson lolllllll you Can people-please too close to the sun and it will burn#there will be consequences that are worse than if you just straight up stated your boundaries#like it works the first few times but you'll get caught eventually....#guhhhhh#its okay i learned my lesson. isn't great to be human and have experiences 👍
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Hate to start the day doing this, but some reminders for boundaries:
Please do not share with me or on my posts details about your mental health, about your experiences with BDSM, or excessive personal information. We do not know each other, and this is a place to talk about fictional characters. People are welcome to discuss kinks here surrounding Shigadabi because that is what my writing is dedicated to, but please do not share personal information that I haven't asked for or consented to learning about.
Please do not use my blog or stories as a source for education. I am writing about fictionalized settings in which the things depicted will never be fully accurate or true to life. Taking advice from my writing, ESPECIALLY when it comes to entering a BDSM dynamic, can be dangerous for you and your partner(s). Please find actual educational resources to ensure your safety before you proceed. Even when I do talk about my own research, I do not do so with the amount of detail and specificity to be a reliable source of education. If you have sources like this, please do not share them through my blog, as this creates mixed signals about the content that is posted here.
If you are uncomfortable with dark material such as sexual assault, rape, all forms of abuse, physical and mental torture, involuntary body modification, etc., and the possible romanticization of these topics, then it is in your best interest to leave my blog. I do enjoy writing and discussing dark topics because I find them to be interesting avenues for storytelling. When I write a full story, I tag this content appropriately, and I do not owe anyone an explanation over why I choose to engage with these these or justify why they appear in my writing. It's fine if these are topics that you do not want to engage with or that you find morally reprehensible. If that is the case, then leaving/unfollowing/blocking me are all appropriate ways to avoid seeing this kind of content in the future. Anything else, such as belittling myself or others on my posts, sending comments or DMs that ridicule or demand an explanation for my writing of these topics, or messages that convey your disapproval and tell me that you won't be engaging with a story because of a topic, are not appropriate and will have you permanently blocked from my blog. You are welcome to your boundaries and criticism, but I do not have to be a place that hosts it.
Please do not recommend fanfics to me. As I've talked about before, once I'm in deep for a fandom or ship, I stop reading any other writing about the ship. I do this specifically because I don't want to take the ideas, intentionally or unintentionally, from other writers, so I am never going to read a recommendation. I'm so glad that you have other writers and stories that bring you joy, and you should absolutely post about those stories either directly talking to the writer in the form of comments/asks, or create a recommendations list so that you can share that joy with other people as well! But my blog isn't a suitable place for it.
My goal here is to share what I love (kinky Shigadabi fanfic with a heaping dollop of introspection) and hopefully provide some fun for those of you who have chosen to join me! If at any point my content no longer makes you happy or causes you joy to engage with, you owe me absolutely nothing, and you should pursue that joy elsewhere! You will not hurt my feelings for doing so because we don't know each other!
I want to add that, overall, the community that is forming here has been incredibly kind, supportive, and respectful, and that logging on and answering asks or talking about the latest brain worm that's been chewing holes in our heads has been a consistent highlight of my life for many months now. Thank you to all of you who have been making this a joyful place to share kinky Shigadabi content 🩵
#tanco speaks#just a quick check-in to reestablish some boundaries#everything is okay at the moment#but ive noticed some behaviors over the last week that i want nipped in the bud#and also please do not try to confront others about these things maintaining my blog is my responsibility not yours!#please respect my ability to ensure my own boundaries 🩵
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House MD would have been better if they gave Thirteen a gay little entourage that she is texting all the time in a Signal chat and doing drugs with at her apartment watching Gregg Araki movies
#no one Thirteen posts#House MD#she is the best in this show because she is the only one with boundaries about her professional life#which she maintains because she spends every weekend at lesbian bars doing MDMA like skittles#why is no one talking about her
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Re: last ask, the real struggle of over-identify with a character is trying not to accidentally overshare through them 😂
#This is why I do my best to maintain a boundary between the version of blorbo in my head and the version I pull out for meta#I’ve had to delete a LOT of post drafts because half way through I went “huh this says more about me than SJ—“#Multiple fics have been banished to anon or priv for the same reason lmao#fish.txt
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#but actually can you guys say a prayer about teaching for me?#I know it’s mostly because it’s the end of the year#but a lot of stuff is just forcing its way to the surface#and basically it’s just me struggling with my natural strengths as a teacher and the boundaries of appropriateness that are necessary#to maintain it#like first of all. the beast that is my anxiety compounds everything and makes it so scary and terrible#secondly I thought I had. Like. A total handle on all of it#Teaching and boundaries I mean#and of course I do not#and part of it is that the anxiety that always kept me within the right lines is just shifting and changing#and I’m just distanced from some of the stuff that used to keep me grounded#like my family right now!#the new adulthood is adulting!#anyway like. I am not doing anything inappropriate or close to it (sounds like I am when I deny it lol)#but I am aware in a new and newly exhausted way of the absolute dangers#of being the kind of teacher who uses all of my personality etc. to wake kids up#And make them respond#but then still have to want to need to keep certain boundaries up#And I’m trying to figure it out but of course I CAN’t Do it perfectly#and then it’s so hard when your personal life is so hard and you’ve just gone through so much change in such a fast period of time#And it just feels like everything is spinning#and your heart aches and you’re tired and you just feel like you’re right at the center of all this emotional chaos#and all these people who wanna pull you off course and get you to cross certain lines#and some of the lines are just weird and arbitrary boundaries you put up to protect yourself when you started teaching at 23#Because you HAD to#So you can take some of them down and it’s fine but then there are some boundaries you know you need to keep up#And it’s more subtle than the black and white stuff re: appropriateness#Just the stuff that protects you and makes it easier to be the kind of teacher and influence that you want to be#and just trying to figure it all out while you’re exhausted and it’s the end of the school year#it’s just a LOT. A lot a lot
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Should I force myself to talk to women on hinge
#I do not want to#but I am also actively trying to overwrite unrequited attraction that is actually making me ill#so like. idk.#would that count as exposure therapy in this context?#I was introduced to the concept of limerence and I feel a lot more normal about it#not in the sense of ‘I am okay now’#but in the sense of ‘this is a shared and recognized phenomenon that acknowledges the compulsive nature of it#and suggests that it may come from a similar neurological place/process/imbalance as OCD#so instead of well meaning people who don’t grasp how overwhelming these feelings are telling me to just try to date other people#I at least have the validation of ‘you are not crazy because other people have experienced this kind of debilitating intensity too’#and the suggestions for coping with and overcoming limerence include CBT/DBT#which is a lot more structured and helpful than my friends giving me well intentioned advice for something they don’t really understand#like I cannot tell you how much relief this has brought me#I don’t just have a crush on a straight woman and can’t get over it i literally have these non stop intrusive thoughts about her#coupled with the constant mental noise of i know she isn’t interested and i need to be respectful and maintain boundaries#it has literally made me feel like I’m losing my mind or some kind of stalker#but a mental stalker#anyway it has been incredibly unpleasant and upsetting and now I’m focusing on consciously stopping and countering those thoughts#and approaching it the same way as my other intrusive thoughts#also note: I tried to make an appointment with my therapist but she is overbooked and if this does not yield change I might spiral again
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i hate violet sorrengail so much rn its unreal and this is coming from someone who loves evil women
#its just how her character is framed like the author clearly thinks she's right and wants readers to be on her side#even though she's a nightmare human being who feels entitled to private information about people and ignores boundaries while also#expecting everyone else to do the emotional heavy lifting to maintain relationships#xaden please dump her king you can do so much better you deserve someone who is actually willing to meet you in the middle to communicate#and wont just bulldoze all youre boundaries and ignore the clear communication rules you set#this is driving me crazy violet is goinng in the soup im turning her into soup
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I’m seriously considering setting up something to write original works as a second job online. Idk if I’d get a patreon or make a side blog here or what, but the general idea would be to take requests and set up payments. I don’t know if anyone would be interested and it’s a bit intimidating figuring out the details of setting it up. Ideally, people could send in requests and I’d be able to write something within a reasonable amount of time.
#perhaps kink prompts or something. it'd be more up to my personal boundaries and the request itself#i've been writing for years but i've only done assigned prompts for a grade or followed my muse#with a few prompts from events over the years#figured i'd throw out a feeler post to see if anyone would be interested or has advice on how to actually go about this#while maintaining anonymity and such as well#i just know that i need to either get more hours at work or get a second job and i've been playing with this idea for years#i have a few original things in my files that i haven't really looked at in a while too#i always assumed if i finished my zombie book i'd just publish it#but this would be different#my writing#Kira's writing
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Oh, I absolutely love Sebastian going 'I have cracked Alex's code of seemingly agreeing non-answers, so I will now ask important questions!' And Alex just going 'Uh-huh. Yup. Sure. Right.' (Eats sandwich like his years long crush hasn't just asked in a round about way if he's gay) These boys are the BEST at talking. I love it so much ❤️
They're both incredibly useless and I love them for it. I enjoy writing characters with very minimal communication skills who have a lot to learn and are still figuring out how to people, and while Sebastian can mostly do that, boy is he ever bad at it with Alex!
But he's getting there, it's like he veers in and out of the zone, so rather than being incompetent all the time, it's like the percentage at which he's competent at 'Alex' just slowly rises lol. I think we're around 30-35% now :D
#asks and answers#a stain that won't dissolve#thespectaclesofthor#alex's competency at handling/communicating with sebastian#is actually i'd say a bit higher#because he gets the answers he wants most of the time#and he's good at 'I'm Not Going To Talk About What I Don't Want To'#and whether or not he maintains the boundary in peak health#he certainly maintains it#when he wants to!#administrator gwyn wants this in the queue
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The new off book episode shook me to my core, I really needed it
#off book#oh my god#it’s about letting loose and conquering your fears#but while still maintaining boundaries#taking chances because you won’t know the outcome till it happens#just something I really really need right now
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being a bad omens blogger is wild cuz apparently there are just people who know people hanging out around here
#personal#what i mean by this is#any other band ive blogged about its been in a strictly fandom space#people had their fics read on slumber party and that was as close as they got to a band#and it was very easy to like. maintain the fandom mindset#you dont know these people maybe that song is about an ex#maybe you create characters with their names and faces and give them personality traits you associate with the public personas of your favs#and write fics featuring those characters#(wish i could find the post i made about that tbh. might be on my 5sos blog maybe?)#but NOW ill be scrolling through an omens blog#and therell be arguments where people are like ''hey dont talk to that user theyre someones fucken aunt and theyre being gossipy''#(not a real example)#like uh. okay. not gonna try to gatekeep fucken tumblr or anything#but for me its always been the case that what happens in bandom STAYS there and thats been an easy boundary to maintain#cuz everyone who knew anyone was on twitter/insta#you just say whatever cuz people understood that if you were in a band and didnt wanna see 20k about a guy with your name#fucking a guy with your bandmates name you stayed on twitter#have things just been weird cuz musk is running twitter into the shit?
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I do nooootttt understand Daniel commenting on this to Louis like “oh you were only maitre when convenient” like, I see this as Armand’s poor attempt at setting a boundary while still deferring to Louis as being in charge?? Armand said he served Marius with all his heart but STILL he was forced to do things he did not want to. Armand has and would do things to please his “master” that he does not want to do. What would happen if he said no? He looks terrified about how Louis will respond. It’s heartbreaking.
I want you to come. I want you to witness.
#prev tags are so correct THANK YOU#ppl reading this as manipulative??#Armand’s formative years were spent in slsvery and even once “saved#he was still a slave and made to do things he didn’t want to do but prob wanted to please his quote merciful master#he literally has no concept of healthy relationship or boundaries or even maintaining sense of self separate from a partner#but he DOES NOT want to do this!#and he doesn’t know how else to say it other than I will do it if you really make me#he is TERRIFIED of the ramifications of saying no to his partner#and Louis has no understanding or empathy for him#I don’t think he ever did tbh about the CSA stuff#he is like disgusted but trying to hide it#louis de pointe du lac#loumand#armand#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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