#the imposter syndrome is kicking in today
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hugmekenobi · 3 days ago
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Sorry, I am seeking help again because for some reason writing a wedding when I'm not married is much harder than writing all the other things I've never experienced. Plus, writing happy emotions is not my strong suit lol cause I always worry I make it sound cringy and weird so...
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savage-rhi · 4 months ago
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Magenta 😥
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mercysought · 5 hours ago
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the seduction meme is nice but I am feeling more and more that I need to do an update
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nataliescatorccio · 4 months ago
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mood today is feeling deeply inadequate and always the forgotten person yay!!!
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that-was-anticlimactic · 7 months ago
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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pierswife · 1 year ago
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UM HI HELLO I'M BEING TRUSTED TO HANDLE A THING AT WORK BY MYSELF AND IT'S A BIG THING???? AN IMPORTANT THING??? HELP???
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itmeblog · 1 year ago
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We got a new review!
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0rchidm4ntis · 2 years ago
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i want to skip classes tomorrow bc i need to go get groceries but also i skipped the entirety of last week mhhhh
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Do you have a list of what you will/won't write ficwise?. I'm not seeing one anywhere and just wanna know if I'm blind or if you don't have one yet ^^'
Oh hi babes you're not blind at all; don't worry!! I'm assuming you're asking Star Wars wise as that's the big fandom umbrella I'm posting most content for these days? I don't have one written up and ready to post just yet for Star Wars fic requests, and tbh-
I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to take them until the completion of my current TBB Hunter fanfic series! This isn't a hard no by any means, darlin'!
Maybe let's say that whenever I make the "Will/Won't" list and add that to my #frostfics masterlist tag and the pinned post, it's safer to assume I'm in a ready position to potentially take on requests?
Kinda excited/thrilled/surprised that you're interested in my work and thought of making a request at least; even if I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to take em 🩷
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aromacaque · 2 years ago
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haha i am soo scared i am going to dissapoint everyone and make something bad or mediocre or even slightly worse than my last and not actually improve and then people will criticize it and be dissapointed and hahahahwhhshs help
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insomniac4000 · 3 months ago
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I have an idea for a fic about will! So u get invited onto the fellas or saving graces podcast and since their in the same building where will films his videos you could like bump into him and just something along those lines aha
Fellas to lovers
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Y/N felt the nerves build up with each step she took walking down the East London Street, eventually she made it and looked up at the light brick building with big windows; The Fellas Studio’s where inside were some of her favourite Youtubers and content creators. For months and years y/n had watched these people form the comfort of her own home but now, she was considered their contemporary but she had a huge case of imposter syndrome.
“Hi, I’m Y/N I’m here for The Fella’s podcast?” She said to the receptionist politely. The receptionist gave her a pass and sent her up on her way. Cal and Chip were waiting, just talking casually on the chairs when they heard footsteps on the stars and a very nervous y/n entered the room. The boys were lovely, they spent a few minutes trying to ease nerves and ran over some questions before the recording was about to start. Y/N clutched the microphone, steadying the slight shake of the hand just as Calum announced recording.
"Welcome back to The Fellas Podcast, the place where we get the most interesting people on the internet to sit down and chat. Today, we're excited to have someone who’s not just interesting but downright viral. She’s been breaking the internet with her hilarious skits, relatable content, and just that magnetic personality. Please welcome TikTok sensation, Y/N!" Freezy did the intro and y/n smiled through the nerves as much as she could.
"Thank you so much for having me, guys! I’m a huge fan of the podcast, so this is a bit surreal for me."
 "We’re excited to have you here too! First off, how does it feel to be the queen of TikTok right now? I mean, your rise has been insane—millions of followers in such a short time." Cal started off with an easy question to try and ease y/n in as much as he could.
"Honestly, it still doesn’t feel real. Sometimes I wake up and have to remind myself that this is actually happening. It all happened so quickly, you know? I started posting just for fun, and suddenly it’s like—boom—everyone’s watching."
"Let’s talk about that ‘boom’ moment. Was there a specific video or a moment where you thought, ‘Okay, this is really taking off’?" Chip asked
"Yeah, there was one video that really kicked things off. It was a skit about dealing with overprotective parents, and I guess it just resonated with a lot of people. The comments were flooded with ‘This is literally me!’ and people tagging their friends. The video hit a million views in like 24 hours, and from there, things just snowballed."
"I remember that video! It was everywhere on my feed for days. What do you think it is about your content that connects with so many people?" Freezy added in, by this point y/n’s nerves had subsided massively, her body language relaxed more, she stopped playing with her long brown hair as much and she allowed to self to sink back on the sofa a little bit more.
"I think a lot of it is just about being relatable. I try to tap into those everyday moments that everyone experiences but maybe doesn’t talk about openly. Whether it’s dealing with awkward social situations, struggling with mental health, or just the weird quirks we all have—if I find it funny or interesting, chances are someone else will too."
"And you’re not afraid to get personal, either. You’ve shared a lot about your own life and struggles. Was that a conscious decision from the start?" Chip was now coming in with a more personal question, it was one of the ones they had shown y/n at the start so it didn’t come as a shock and she was ready to answer it.
"At first, not really. I was just making content that felt natural to me. But as I started getting more followers, I realized that people appreciated that openness. I think it helps people feel less alone when they see someone else going through the same things they are. It’s therapeutic in a way, for both me and my audience."
"Has that openness ever backfired? We all know the internet can be a brutal place sometimes." Cal already knew the answer to this question, it was something all content creators needed to know how to toe the line.
"Oh, for sure. I’ve had my share of trolls and negative comments. There were times when it really got to me. But over time, I’ve developed a thicker skin. You have to, in this line of work. At the end of the day, I try to focus on the positive feedback and the amazing community that’s been built around my content."
“And you definitely have at least one massive fan in this office, apart from us a certain Mr Lenney always comes in and shows us your videos,” Chip added and as him and Cal had a little laugh about it.
“No way really?” Y/n tried to laugh along and tried to seem like she was calm and just going with the flow but on the inside her heart was beating faster, Will? That beautiful blue eyed boy who’s content she had been watching for years? He liked her stuff?
“He’s also single now so feel free to drop downstairs to his office once you’ve finished here, I bet he’ll go wild! Anyway enough about the lanky Geordie idiot what does the future hold for Y/N? Are you sticking with TikTok, or do you have other plans in the works?" Chip asked, y/n was grateful that the conversation had changed now, although she was now thinking some thoughts about that Geordie male that she could never talk about in public.
"I’ll always have a love for TikTok, but I definitely want to branch out. I’m working on a YouTube channel right now, and I’ve been talking to some brands about collaborations. Maybe even a podcast—who knows? The possibilities are endless, and I’m excited to see where this journey takes me."
"That’s awesome! We’re sure whatever you do next is going to be huge. Before we wrap up, any advice for aspiring creators out there?" Cal asked as the podcast was about to wrap up.
"My biggest advice is just to be yourself. Don’t try to imitate what’s already out there. People are drawn to authenticity, so find what makes you unique and run with it. And most importantly, have fun with it, if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, it’s not worth it."
"Wise words! Thanks so much for joining us today, Y/N. It’s been a blast having you on." Chip smiled
"Thanks for having me, guys! This was a lot of fun."
"And to all our listeners, make sure you’re following Y/N on TikTok if you aren’t already and keep an eye out for her next big move. Until next time, take care!" Cal signed off the Podcast and once the recording has stopped y/n exhaled a deep breath.
“You did really well, you should be proud of yourself,” Cal smiled giving y/n a small hug.
“Thank you so much, I’ve never done a Podcast before and I was really nervous but you two made me feel really welcome so thank you,” y/n told both of the boys sincerely. There was a little small talk but then Chip and Freezy needed to leave as they had a meeting. Y/N thanked them again and made her way downstairs, she momentarily paused remembering what The Fella’s had to say about a certain someone. She continued down the stairs, pulling out her phone ready film a TikTok when she felt her body collide with something.
“Oh my God I’m sorry,” y/n cried as she looked up and saw a male, dressed in all black, a mullet on top of his head, smile on his face and an iced coffee in his hand, it was him.
“No harm done. I didn’t expect to see you here,” his northern accent thick, as if often got when he was excited.
“Oh I’ve just filmed a Podcast for the fellas. I’m Y/N,”
“Oh I know who you are,” Will’s smile got even bigger, y/n tried to push back a blush.
“I just didn’t want you to think there’s a weird fan running around all of your offices,” y/n joked. Will sipped his coffee slightly smiling.
“No, I know who you are. Hopefully the guys were nice to you?”
“Oh they were, they erm…” y/n hesitated for a moment to think about if you wanted to say the next bit but there was a spark in her which told her to go for it. “They said you might be a bit of a fan?” y/n asked cheekily, biting her bottom lip slightly with a smile. Will sighed.
“Those fuckin’ morons. I do enjoy your TikTok’ yes.”
“It’s okay, I’ve been known to binge your videos too. And not for James,” y/n added. Will’s eyes sparkled.
“Well that’s new. Say, what are you doing now?” Will asked, his smiled dropped a little bit and he started to play around with the straw in his drink, y/n shook her head.
“Nothing really.”
“Fancy joining me for a coffee?” Will asked, trying to steady his voice, he was doing a good job of it, he looked very calm and cool. Y/N smiled, her heart beating out of her chest.
“I’d love to.”
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zepskies · 1 year ago
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Assistant Hottie
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Pairing: Jason Teague x F. Reader (implied Jason T. x Lana Lang)
Summary: Jason Teague, Assistant Football Coach, meets you in the faculty break lounge at Smallville High. He tries to kick you out, thinking you’re a student. Technically, you are. Turns out, you both go to the same university. 
AN: So I know it’s about 20 years late, but I’ve been wanting to write some Jason Teague for a while now. There’s a very dated reference to iPods (remember this show was circa early 2000s).
Word Count: 2,600 Tags/Warnings: Implied love triangle (quadrangle?), fluff, tinge of angst, and a meet cute.
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“Hey, Coach T!”
Jason turns his head, shooting Clark Kent a smile that’s just a little bit forced. He slows down in the busy hallway so the younger man can catch up.
Clark’s friends, Chloe Sullivan and Lana Lang keep walking, though the brunette glances his way. Her hazel eyes catch his.
But Jason focuses on Clark, who’s coming at him with all six feet and three inches of farm boy earnestness.
Jason has City Boy Charm in his arsenal.
“What’s up, man?”
Clark smiles. “Real quick, just wanted to ask you about the drills we’re running today…”
Eighth period is about to start, meaning just another hour until school ends, and another day of practice begins on the football field. Clark takes all five minutes between classes to ask his questions about how he can better move the ball, his throwing technique, how to better communicate on plays with the rest of the guys.
As always, Jason gives Clark the best advice he has to offer. Even a few months into this job, he’s still feeling a bit of imposter syndrome. He’s only a couple of years older than the guys he’s coaching, and Clark is looking at him like he’s got all the answers.
Newsflash, champ. I don’t. Jason smiles though. 
Because Clark is something else. He’s a starting quarterback of a game he’s never played before in his life. Head Coach Quigley thought it was steroids at first, but Jason had a gut feeling about the guy.
“He’s not a cheater,” he’d told Quigley. The other man had scoffed, rubbing his chin.
“Okay, Teague. If you think so,” he said. “…Make him piss in a cup anyway.”
Since then, Clark hasn’t given Jason a reason to doubt him, at least on the field.
No, his reasons for still being wary of Clark are more…personal.
“All right, we’ll workshop the rest later on the field,” Jason says, as the starting bell rings. “You’re gonna be late for class.”
“Okay, see ya later.” Clark nods and holds up a hand in goodbye. To tell the truth, Jason is a little relieved to see him go.
Instead of heading to his office, he makes a pitstop at the faculty break lounge for a cup of coffee. He could use a little pick-me-up, even if it is from a watery K-cup.
When he pushes open the door, he’s greeted by the familiar smell of stale roasted hazelnut and microwaved fish. Along with the wall-to-wall countertop and refrigerator down the end, there’s a small round table fitted with just three chairs.
Uh oh, he thinks.
You’re sitting there with a pair of earbuds in, nodding to your music while you make notes with a red pen. The contents of your messenger bag are half-strewn across the table, displaying a couple of notebooks and binders, different colored highlighters, pens, and a post-it pad.
Your back is facing him, so he has to walk around the table to get your attention. He hesitates, before he taps your shoulder. He’s never had to do this before, and he’s actually a bit nervous.
“Hey there,” he says. His lips quirk when you jolt a little. You stare up at him with wide eyes and the top of your pen resting against your lower lip. 
“Uh…” You remove your ear buds and hit pause on your iPod.
“Did you get lost on the way to study hall, or you just here for the coffee?” Jason gestures to the Keurig machine on the counter. “Hate to break it to you, but that stuff’s not exactly quality joe.”
You blinked at him. “What? Um…I mean yeah, the coffee’s ass. But it is free, I guess.”
Jason tries to reign in his smile. He cards a hand through his blonde hair and taps his free hand on the table.
“Uh, are you ditching class or something?” he asks. “If it’s history, I get it. Snooze fest.”
He makes a flatlining motion with his hand. Your brows knit together in confusion…but then you brighten.
“Oh, I’m not a student,” you laugh. “But good on you for trying to lay down the law, Coach Teague.”
Now it’s Jason’s turn to be confused. “How did you know—”
You point with your red pen, over to the yellow patch emblazoned on his red polo that says: Crows Football and Assistant Coach.
“Pretty sure you’re the one the cheerleaders are calling Assistant Hottie,” you say. Your gaze is wry and a hint playful.
He lets himself smile, albeit with some embarrassment. He points at you.
“And you’re…”
“Part-time teacher’s aid,” you reply. Your hands make a frame around the stack of papers in front of you, that Jason now realizes you’re grading.
Great. His face warms a bit.
“Sorry,” he chuckles, and points to the coffee maker. “Let me just mind my business.”
He doesn’t know it, but you subtly watch him with a small smile while he goes about said business. The Keurig eventually spits out more roasted hazelnut into his Styrofoam cup.
With his prize in hand, he means to leave you in peace to head for his office, but your voice stops him.
“You can sit if you want. I need a break anyway.”
Jason can admit, at least to himself, that he’s curious. (About you.) He goes over to the table and sits down across from you. His eyes unconsciously dart over the splayed contents of your bag, and you don’t miss it.
“Sorry,” you say, as you try to reign in the mess and corral things back into your bag. “I’m kind of an organized chaos kind of girl.”
“No worries. I dabble in that philosophy myself,” he says with a grin. “I’m Jason, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you,” you reply, giving him your name in return.
You like his smile. His long fingers are wrapped around the steaming cup. Meanwhile, the afternoon sun is pouring in from the windows behind him. It shines golden on his hair and broad shoulders, and makes his green eyes look warm.
Those eyes glance down and focus on a familiar badge sticking out of your bag. His brows furrow.
“No way. You go to Kansas A&M?” he asks. “So do I.”
You blink at him. “What, you’re still in college?”
He laughs and leans back in his chair, blowing out a breath.
“Okay, wow! A bit rude," he says. "Just how old do you think I am?”
You bite your lip in embarrassment.
“Second thought, don’t answer that,” he quips.
“I’m sorry,” you say, through a bit of laughter. “I guess we’re both reading each other wrong today.”
Jason shakes his head and crosses his arms.
“No, no. It’s fine,” he says airily. “Lest I be any more presumptuous, can I ask what year you’re in? Major?”
You concede with a nod, but you’re still smiling too hard.
“Secondary Education. Junior year,” you say. Jason’s brows raise with his grin still in place.
“Okay, a future teacher on our hands.” He leans forward. “As it turns out, I’m actually a sophomore.”
A year below you. You bury your reddened face in your hands, though a giggle still bubbles up.
He doesn’t let you stew in your misery for long though.
“Eh, it’s okay. Don’t feel too bad,” he says. You hear the smile in his voice, and you peek out at him from between your fingers. “I’m technically a year behind. Transferred from another school so I could take this job.”
Once again, your eyes widen as your hands fall away from your face.
“Oh, yeah? I assume you play football, but I’ve never seen you on the team…”
Jason’s smile turns playfully cocky.
“I don’t play anymore, but I’ll have you know, I was on track for the NFL.”
Yeah, for about a minute, comes a dull reminder in his brain.
You rest your chin in your hand as you meet his smile. “Okay. You definitely have the face of a guy who almost went pro.”
Your voice lowers at the end there, impersonating every “dude bro” you’ve ever met who thought he could throw a ball across a field.
“I’m serious.” Jason laughs, but then his eyes dim a bit. “I played for Metropolis U. Tore my rotator cuff, and uh…that’s it. Scrubbed. Had to start over.”
You dim along with him. “That sucks ass. I’m sorry.”
He snorts, almost spilling his coffee. “You’ve certainly got a way with words.”
“But you feel better for me calling you old, don’t you?” Your pen taps on your lip, and his eyes are drawn to the gesture.
He also notices your eyes, the shape of your face, the shade of your hair, the black Fleetwood Mac shirt (with a ripped V hinting at cleavage). It doesn’t exactly scream T.A., but you’re pretty.
Beautiful, really.
He tries not to notice that too much.
“Maybe a little,” he allows. He smiles behind a sip of his drink. It’s getting cold, as he forgets to actually drink it.
“My parents sent me to college to be a lawyer,” you confess. It perks his interest with raised brows. “Like my mom, and my uncle, and his father before him, and so on.”
Jason’s smile is back. You consider that a small triumph.
“I sat in one class. Intro to Business Law.” You shudder at the memory. “Jason, I wanted to bludgeon myself with the textbook. And it wouldn’t have taken long. That thing was the size of a Dostoyevsky novel.”
Jason laughs, even though he doesn’t know who Dostoyevsky is. It does unearth a distant memory of his 12th grade English class (he barely passed that one).
“So, I decided to disappoint them,” you say ruefully.
That, he understands all too well. He raises a finger at you. “Hey, a teacher’s respectable. But I happen to be an expert at disappointed parents, so you’re in good company.”
You smile, small but genuine. Jason counts that as a win.
“What’s your major now?” you ask.
“Sports medicine,” he replies, but you both hear the lack of enthusiasm in his voice.
Your head tilts, and your eyes soften. Not with pity, he thinks. Maybe with understanding.
“You could find something else you’re actually passionate about,” you say.
Jason bites the inside of his lip, sets his cup back on the table.
“Sure,” he says.
His lackluster answer is telling, and he can’t even think of a joke to inject into this moment to lighten the mood. (He even disappoints himself there.)
“Look, I get it,” you say at last. “You probably ate, slept, breathed that game. Like that’s what you were put on this earth to do. And I know you must’ve been good. Because the fact that this school hired you while you’re still in college is amazing.”
He meets your gaze steadily. 
Your smile brightens. “But I’m sure football’s not all there is to you.” 
That touches him. Warms him even, though he’s reluctant to let it. 
“We just met, and you’re already sure about that?” he remarks. 
You shrug, gesturing at his cup. “Well, I’m sure that you probably have crappy taste in coffee. I’m broke as hell, and even I don’t drink from a Keurig.” 
Jason laughs. If you only knew that he’d spent his summer in Paris, sampling some of the best restaurants and cafés in the world without even looking at the bill…until his dad cut him off. Needless to say, he’s had to refine his tastes.
“What kind of teacher do you want to be?” he asks, instead of getting to all that.
Your brow arches. “You mean what subject?”
“Yeah. What, like physics or something?”
“Ew. God, no!” 
“What’s wrong with physics?”
“Too much math. I’m shit at that shit,” you reply. 
“Okay. No to the sciences.” He laughs and rubs his chin, squinting at you. “Let me see if I can guess.”
You gesture widely. Go ahead.
“Not economics, I’m thinking. Too close to business,” he teases.
“Business law,” you correct. “But you’re actually right about that.”
“Hmm, history?”
“It's interesting, but it’s also rigged,” you say. “Only the victors in society get to dictate what gets remembered. Just look at Columbus Day. What a sham that is.”
Jason allows that with a nod and a smile. “All right, what then? Algebra? Geometry?”
“That’s math, remember?” you reply, with furrowed brows. “Besides, I don’t like mixing letters and numbers. It’s not sanitary.” 
He chortles at that. You’re a little ridiculous, but he kind of likes that.
“Okay, how about English?” he says.
Your gaze flicks up to his. A small, growing smile. 
“What makes you say that?” you ask. 
“Process of elimination?” he says. His smile curves. He saw your little reaction. “But I don’t know. I get the feeling you’re a hell of a lot smarter than me. The way you’re talking, all quick as a whip… Like I said, you’ve got a way with words.”
You laugh a little. “Oh, do I?” 
Jason’s brows raise expectantly as he leans back in his seat again.
Well, then? that move says. “Am I right?”
Your head tilts, and you answer the unspoken challenge in his eyes. You raise a finger and pull out one of your notebooks and you take up your red pen. You tap the top of it on your lip, in what seems to be your habit, and you begin to write on a clean piece of paper.
Your hand moves with purpose on each word. Jason watches you in curiosity. Though when you realize he’s staring hard at your paper, your free hand forms a wall against his probing eyes.
“No cheating,” you reproach.
He scoffs, but he waits for you to finish.
Finally, you tear off the piece of notebook paper, fold it up neatly, and you slide it over to him.
“What, are we passing notes now?” Jason can’t help but joke, even as he opens the little gift. “I thought we weren’t in class, Professor.”
You shake your head. “Just read it.”
He starts to, and his smile grows. He glances back up at you. “You wrote me a poem?”
“Just a little haiku.” You gesture at him to keep reading while you start to pack up your things. The alarm bell just tolled for the end of class, and you have another job to get to.
Jason’s eyes lower back down to the looping scrawl of your handwriting. His smile deepens into a smirk.
Assistant Hottie
You flatter me, see through me
Smarter than he thinks.
He stares at your words for a while. He rereads the last line a few times.
By the time he looks back up, your bag is packed and you’re standing, ready to go. You smile at him.
“See you on campus,” you say. “I also work at the Writing Center, if you ever need a spruce up on your essays.”
“Can I get you to rewrite my history paper?” he teases.
“Make an appointment,” you counter, still with that smile. “And we’ll see.”
You leave the faculty lounge, and Jason feels a suspicious jolt in his heart.
Something he immediately feels guilty about. 
Because the real reason he came back to Kansas is to continue his summer fling with Lana Lang, a senior at Smallville High. 
Well, to him, it’s not a fling. He used to think it was as close to love as he’s ever been. Recently though, he’s been getting the sense that she’s still hung up on her not quite ex, Clark Kent.
That’s not even the most complicated part.
She’s 18, and Jason’s barely 20, but their relationship could still one day be the reason he loses his job…
And maybe, any chance he might have of being friends with someone like you.
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AN: Lol no shade to my sciences, history, and math people! Just creating a character. Let me know what you think! 😉
And if you liked this...
Read the Sequel!
Check out "Miss Professor" to continue reading. ❤️
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Smallville Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Jason Tag List:
(Includes "Everything" tags + "JT" tags.)
@sleepyqueerenergy @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28
@charmed-asylum @waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @jc-winchester @fromcaintodean @deanbrainrotwritings @jackles010378 @akshi8278 @rachiem4-blog @waters-2567 @jessjad @sweettimelady @iprobablyshipit91 @leigh70 @clinicallydepresso @lokigirl666 @xiphoidbones
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nanowrimo · 1 year ago
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How to Write a Quality First Draft
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Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. ProWritingAid, a 2023 NaNo sponsor, helps you turn your rough first draft into a clean, clear, publish-ready manuscript. Today, author Krystal N. Craiker shares some tips on how to make sure your first draft has some good bones to start with:
One question I often hear about National Novel Writing Month is, “Won’t my novel be of terrible quality?”
It’s true that writing 50,000 words in 30 days won’t give you a polished manuscript. And it’s always great to embrace the creative mess of the first draft.
However, there are some tricks to ensure that your first draft has plenty of usable content. These tips are also a great way to move your story along when you get stuck.
1. Have a Plan
Pantsers, this might be hard to hear. But having even a basic outline of your story can ensure you stay on track. You don’t have to sacrifice creativity when you outline. After all, you’re still the author creating a story. 
A detailed outline can even act like your messy first draft. The more work you put into planning, the better your first draft will be. When I spend more time plotting, I spend far less time cutting things from my later drafts.
2. Make Every Scene 3D
Okay, I get it. Not everyone is a plotter. Luckily, there are other things you can do to ensure your first draft is good quality. One is adding enough sensory detail to bring your story to life.
I like to use a 3D method: have at least three of the five senses in every scene. It’s a great trick to improve the flow of your scene. Take a few minutes to immerse yourself in your story and write what your characters are experiencing.
You might change it or move it around in your final draft, but you’ll save yourself time during revisions if you add sensory detail from the beginning. 
3. Reword Your Writing
Sometimes we get stuck after one bad sentence. The imposter syndrome kicks in, and the scene just falls flat. 
Ideally, we completely turn off our inner editor during NaNoWriMo. But when you encounter that one pesky sentence, it’s okay to rewrite it. 
You can use a tool like ProWritingAid’s Rephrase. Just highlight your sentence, click Rephrase, and select a new sentence. Rephrase uses your own words and enhances them. And don’t worry about security and privacy—ProWritingAid never uses your writing to train AI.
4. Embrace the Chaos
Of course, the most important thing about National Novel Writing Month is to embrace the messy creative process. It’s okay not to have a perfect manuscript at the end of the month—no one will. 
Everyone will need to revise, edit, and rewrite after November ends. That’s why NaNoWriMo includes "I Wrote a Novel... Now What?" resources. And when you’re ready to turn your mess into a masterpiece, ProWritingAid will be there to help.
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Krystal N. Craiker is the Writing Pirate, an indie romance author and content writer who sails the seven internet seas, breaking tropes and bending genres. She has a background in anthropology and education, which bring fresh perspectives to her romance novels. When she’s not daydreaming about her next book or article, you can find her cooking gourmet gluten-free cuisine, laughing at memes, and playing board games. Krystal lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband, child, and basset hound.
Top photo by No Revisions on Unsplash
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astriiformes · 9 months ago
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Yesterday the TA for my history of health and the environment course got up in front of the class to say we'd be getting our prospectuses for our final paper back today, and that about a third of the class really needed to refine theirs because the ideas they'd turned in were too broad or undefined for a 10-page paper.
Which made me nervous, because she specifically mentioned folks proposing covering 200 years' worth of history, and I'd focused mine on both the 16th and 17th centuries. So I was convinced I'd gotten a poor grade on the assignment and would need to talk with her about my plans.... until I actually got mine back today and saw she'd given me a perfect score on it, because I'd explained my research plans thoroughly enough. So now instead of having to grapple with doing poorly on an assignment (the worst), I'm grappling with my TA apparently thinking my research skills are refined enough that I can tackle things other students maybe can't (strange, baffling).
And then, on top of all that, at the train station I ran into one of the folks from the center for premodern studies at school who said I should send them an email because they're inviting a few undergrads to come along to a printing event they're doing at a local book arts place and they apparently want me to be one of them?
All of which is really kicking my imposter syndrome in the gut, which given that I was really feeling it yesterday is nice, but also a little jarring if I'm being honest. What if I was good at things and people recognized that I was good at things. What then.
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the-authoress-writes · 3 months ago
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Up Where We Belong Part Three
Pete “Maverick” Mitchell x Writer!reader
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Up Where We Belong Masterlist
Synopsis: When a writer experiencing horrible writer’s block goes to the Apple Valley Airshow for inspiration, she meets a certain older, daring naval aviator, leading to maybe a little more than just inspiration.
Warnings: Mentions of family member deaths, cancer, some to-be-expected cursing, age gap (reader is in their late thirties to early forties).
But really, this is just fluff.
Author’s Note: This was a pain to finish—you know the feeling when you know what you have to do, but you don’t know how to do it?
(Insert Ben Solo/Kylo Ren/Adam Driver gif here)
Yeah, that was this.
So many parts of this were so stubborn, even when I knew what the next story beat was; combine that with the inner critic being a bitch and the imposter syndrome impostoring, this was a labor of love.
Obviously, I pushed through, and here we have the final chapter of “Up Where We Belong”, which I am very proud of.
Again, I name a story after a song, from another movie about the Navy, funnily enough.
(Only three of my stories on my masterlist are not named after songs)
I can’t stop, apparently.
So here we go!
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Even while her phone was telling her she was on the right path, she briefly wondered if she was, in fact, lost.
It couldn’t be more obvious that she was in the middle of nowhere, lonely desert stretching out before her for miles and miles, with nary another car in sight, much less a building that could conceivably be a hangar.
It comforted her to see a blue Bronco pass her by at a brisk pace as she continued down the route indicated by her phone, having not seen another car for the past fifteen or so minutes.
She eventually turned when her phone instructed her, the hills along the road she’d been driving next to giving way to an enormous desert plain, and the slightly heat-distorted sight of a building in the distance, probably a mile off.
A smile crossed her face, that had to be it.
As she drew closer, the nerves she’d been tamping down started to bubble up again, and she cursed herself. “Get a grip, woman, you’re here to review a scene, not to go on a date.”
Despite that, the fact that she’d spent nearly half an hour planning what she’d wear today felt like a Freudian slip—a loose orange tunic with small blue embroidered flowers on the hem and sleeves, dark wash skinny jeans and brown ankle boots—eventually deeming it not too much, but not like she didn’t care.
As she got closer, the building became more impressive, despite its rather homely outward appearance—from the white-painted wood panels worn down to their natural color here and there, the fading “United States Navy” emblazoned at the top, to the faint, sun-bleached squadron insignia on the open bay doors—it just felt beautiful in a wild way.
She parked about several yards away from the hangar doors and shut off the engine. “Okay, what’s going to happen will happen,” she muttered, “you’re going to survive it hook or by crook.
And besides, you don’t even know if he’s married or in a relationship.”
And with that rousing Crispin Crispianish speech, she picked up her messenger bag, slinging it onto her shoulder as she got out of the car.
The desert heat and silence washed over her as she moved towards the doors, calling out, “Hello?”
“In here,” came the reply.
She stepped inside the hangar, the shift to relative darkness briefly obscuring her vision, causing her to blink as her eyes adjusted, to see Pete standing by Bianca, looking somehow even better than she remembered, like something out of a movie.
His gaze was fixed intently on her, the slightest smile on his face, and she couldn’t help but match his expression, a “Hey there, sailor,” thoughtlessly slipping from her lips, which she immediately mentally kicked herself for saying; “Damn it, woman, how awkward can you be?” flashed through her mind like a neon sign.
Thankfully, he only brightly replied, “Hey, glad you could make it.”
Her smile widened. “Not going to miss it—for all I know, this is a one-time opportunity,” she truthfully replied, determined to make the most of this opportunity in regard to her novel—other… hypothetical motivations notwithstanding.
He shrugged, eyes sparkling, his movie star smile as devastating as a whole volume of honeyed poetry. “Who said it was?”
She chuckled, wrenching her gaze away from him before she said or did something stupid, settling for the sting of her teeth on her lip to knock her back to her senses.
Her eyes flit about the hangar, eventually landing on Bianca, the frontispiece of the whole room. “Great place you’ve got here, must’ve been hard to get, though, with it being Navy land.”
“Not that hard when you’ve got friends in high places,” he replied.
The sentence itself was vaguely humorous, something wry, an inside joke, but there was a weight to his tone, like the joke had lost its humor, and instead turned into something to grieve.
She tilted her head slightly, another enigma comprising Pete “Maverick” Mitchell revealing itself.
But before she could think too much, he broke the sudden silence. “Anyway, uh,” he clapped his hands, “you had a scene that needs checking?”
She blinked and raised the leather messenger bag on her shoulder. “I have my laptop right here.”
He gestured grandly to his couch, and as they moved towards it, she surreptitiously wiped her hands on her thighs, perspiration disappearing in the dark wash of her jeans, then busied herself with opening her laptop, finger fumbling on the start screen as she felt him settle in the seat next to her—realistically, she knew he’d likely sit next to her, but just because one knew something didn’t prepare one for experiencing it.
Again, the blinking cursor on her MacBook’s screen seemed to cackle at her, but she ignored it in favor of typing in her password, opening the laptop to the dreaded dogfight scene. “Here it is in all its misery,” she half-joked.
“May I?” he gestured to the device.
“Go ahead,” she sighed.
Pete picked up the device, leaning back with it in his lap, eyes darting about the screen, mouth moving slightly as he read, and in a matter of moments, his hands came up, mimicking the movements she’d written, while his face alternately made skeptical, approving, and a few amused expressions.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” she plaintively asked, bracing for the worst, when he carefully placed the MacBook on his coffee table what seemed like an eternity later.
“It’s not bad at all,” he shook his head, an earnest expression lighting his features. “There are some maneuvers there that are only plausible for the P-51 in a rare set of conditions, and a… couple that I’d say are more in line with the capabilities of the F-35–or the 18 in my hands—but overall, it’s pretty damn good for a self-professed newbie to writing a dogfight scene.”
Her jaw fell open. “You’re kidding me.”
“Swear on my wings,” he laughed, the sound so musical, it was almost annoying how perfect and beautiful this man was.
“How would you fix it?”
He pointed, “Do you have a pen and notebook?”
“Never go anywhere without one.”
That beautiful smile of his spread his lips. “Well, let’s turn and burn, then.”
They worked for a couple or so hours, Pete writing out more plausible maneuvers to replace the impossible ones, demonstrating them with some models he’d run off to another corner of the hangar to retrieve, both of them mutually deciding to leave most of the only slightly implausible ones in, save for the ones where the bounds of reality were a little too stretched for the aerial conditions she’d already committed to, while she elaborated on what he’d written, fitting it into the novel’s style.
Eventually, she released a breath of victory, and proffered the laptop to Pete again, now actually proud of the dogfight scene. “You want to read it again?”
“Alright,” he easily agreed.
He read it again, the scene before her the same as over two hours ago, but this time, the skeptical and amused looks were replaced with a captivated and admiring expression.
“Well?” she prompted.
He blew out a breath. “It reads even better than I thought it would, you’re really good at this.”
She leaned forward, needing to be sure she hadn’t imagined him saying that. “It’s good?”
Pete leaned forward, into her personal space, matching her, as he fervently said, “It’s amazing.”
Her breath caught as the moment stretched taut around them, the two of them close enough for her to see the light reflecting off the peridot and aquamarine flecks in the brilliant jade of his eyes.
She looked around the hangar again at his earnest gaze, the itch to do something stupid scratching at her skin once more—she had a feeling that that would be a pattern for her with Pete Mitchell. “So, tell me, what exactly is it you do for the Navy, Captain Mitchell?”
He froze minutely at the end of her sentence, swallowing thickly as he processed the question.
“If you’ll have to kill me, there’s no need to tell me,” she joked, as she literally saw his brain reboot.
He blinked and chuckled softly, coming back to himself. “No, no, nothing as secretive as all that; I’m an instructor at TOPGUN—basically, I teach the Navy’s best aviators how to be better.
That’s why I talked about students during our phone call.”
“We’ll have to compare notes sometime to see who got it worse—I used to be a high school English teacher.”
Pete winced. “Ooh, teenagers, I don’t envy you.
But imagine taking hotshot twenty-somethings who fly multi-million dollar weapons as a career, who think they’re the best and know everything, shoving them into one room, and having to show them quite vividly that they don’t know everything.”
She gave her own wince. “Ooh.
But come on, you can’t have it that bad—especially if you fly an F-18 anything like how you flew Bianca at Apple Valley.
You’re telling me they’d still act up after getting so thoroughly schooled?”
He tilted his head from side to side, amused. “You’d be surprised, but uh… well, let’s just say that most of the “old man” comments typically tend to lose their bite by the end of the first hop.”
She laughed loudly, throwing her head back, just imagining the reactions of those hotshot kids. “As they should—I’d pay to see their reactions, come to think of it.”
She looked back at him to see his gaze was intently focused on her, but it didn’t send a shiver down her spine—at least not in the unsettling way it usually did when men stared at her. “Maybe my next class cycle, you’d like to come down to North Island, sit in the control tower, listen in on the first hop or two,” he said.
“An opportunity to see an experienced naval aviator in his element; I must say that’s an appealing offer.”
“You just let me know if you want to take me up on it.”
It was sheer instinct to say, “You know, I just might.”
Lowly, he replied, “I’d like that.”
The honestly there was breathtaking.
A glance out the bay doors showed that the sun was starting to hang low in the sky, casting a yellow-orange glow on everything, and caution nipped at her heels. “It’s kind of getting late, and I don’t want to bother you into the evening, I should go.”
Pete’s face fell ever so slightly. “You’re no bother, but I understand if you need to go.”
The slight drop of his features felt like a fall from a high precipice, sinking like a stone in her stomach. “Thank you so much again for your help, I really can’t thank you enough for everything,” she reassured.
“It’s no problem,” he said, almost resignedly.
She felt an intense yearning in her soul to strip that lonely note from his voice, to lift the sadness from him which came in like a squall, so she said the first thing that came to mind, her heretofore carefully-maintained caution getting unceremoniously kicked to the curb. “Uh, this might be stupid, and I’m so sorry if I’m being a nuisance, so feel free to tell me off, but… would you mind if I called you again?
Honestly—I, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in much detail with, and—and I’d love to talk with someone who understands the perspective my granduncle might’ve had.”
To her happiness, he brightened. “Not at all, I’d li—it’d be ni—” he sighed, a little wry smile playing on his lips, “feel free to call.”
She resisted the urge to giggle at his fumbling for words. “Okay, I’ll do that.
Thank you.
I promise not to call at like, 2:00 in the morning, when you’re asleep.”
He laughed, but pulled a face that had her mentally frowning as they both stood; however, she didn’t mention it, and instead gathered her things before Pete escorted her to her car, opening the door for her. “I’ll uh, expect your call?”
If the former sadness in his tone tugged at her heart, the thinly veiled hope now there positively wrenched it, and caution was nowhere to be seen. “It might come sooner than you think.”
The boyish, excited expression on his face was enough to make her heart skip a beat. “I look forward to it.”
By the time she reached home, while eating some ramen on her couch for dinner, she found herself picking up her phone and going to Pete’s message thread.
She typed and retyped her message again and again, debating whether or not to send anything at all, but eventually settled on “Just thought I’d let you know that I survived the drive home to bug you another day 🤣”, and sent it off before she could think too much.
Her finger was on the verge of clicking her phone off, but then she caught sight of the typing bubble, and she absentmindedly chewed her lip as she waited for his reply.
Eventually, after about a minute of the typing bubble popping up and disappearing, a message finally came in. “I had every confidence that you would. 😉”
She leaned back, setting into her cushions as she figured out her next message.
The week passed by, and she didn’t pass a day without messaging Pete at least once—he was so easy to talk to about pretty much everything, and it was so comfortable, to just pick up her phone and ask a question or say something non sequitur, his reply coming within the hour, if not within the next ten minutes, starting a conversation by text or a subsequent call, either of which could last hours.
However, this had a drawback.
It meant she didn’t work on the novel nearly as much as she should, and she eventually found herself staring again at her cruel, blinking cursor as her mind stubbornly remained blank.
It wasn’t nearly as bad as her first block, or the block regarding the dogfight scene, but she was starting to get a little frustrated.
Deciding to take a little break from blinking at her laptop’s screen, she traded it for her phone, open, as usual, to Pete’s message thread. “Feeling a little frustrated right now…” she shot off.
Forty-five minutes or so later, she got his reply. “Sorry to hear that.
You want to talk?”
“You free?”
A beat later, her phone rang. “So—frustrated, huh?”
Just hearing his voice had some of the frustration draining from her. “Yes.
It’s absolutely infuriating; I know what happens next, it just doesn’t want to—” she gestured sharply even though he wouldn’t see it, “you know?”
He hummed, “I know the feeling, the same thing happened to me a couple of times when I was writing my paper for my Master’s.”
“You have a Master’s.” she restated, shocked.
“Two, actually—Aerospace Engineering and Physics.”
It was said so matter-of-factly that she simply blinked for several seconds, impressed. “Another layer to Pete Mitchell,” she said, once she found words again.
“Like an onion.”
His joke made her snort while he continued, “I’ll let you in on a little secret—you’d be surprised how many naval aviators are actually nerds.
Don’t let the flight suits and Ray-Bans fool you.”
She laughed, but soon grew serious. “Oh God, Pete, I don’t know what to do—I mean, the last time I productively wrote anything was last week, at your hangar.”
There was a long pause, so much so that she thought the call had dropped, but when she looked at her screen, the line was still connected. “Pete?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” He sounded tentative. “Uh, if, if you wanted, you could—could come down to the hangar this weekend—you never know, being where you were last productive might shake something loose.”
“Sure, I’d love to—I mean—anything to make any progress, and—and the company’s pretty good too.”
She tried not to sound too eager to see him again, but she knew she probably failed at that.
“…Is there anything I can do to turn that ‘pretty good’ to good?” the now-familiar smile could be heard in his voice.
“We’ll see what happens this weekend, Captain.”
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This time, when she stepped into the hangar, Pete was kneeling next to one of his numerous motorcycles, hands buried somewhere in its engine, dressed again in a white t-shirt and jeans. “You know, I’m starting to think you live in a white t-shirt and jeans,” she joked, though it was undeniable how good he looked in them.
He looked up, a warm chuckle escaping him, “That’s not true; once in a blue moon, the shirt’s black, and you’re forgetting my flight suit.”
She grinned, “Oh, we have a comedian here, yet another layer!”
“I’ll be here all weekend,” he bowed and swept his arm out to the side before standing and wiping his hands on a nearby rag. “You’re welcome to make yourself comfortable in the living area, can I get you any coffee or anything?”
“Uh, maybe a coffee?”
“Sure thing; how do you take it?”
“Two teaspoons of sugar, splash of cream if you have it.”
With a nod, he strode to the trailer further in the hangar, and soon emerged from the silver Airstream, steaming cup in hand, which he set on the small table beside the couch, where she had settled. “Just ignore me and do what you have to do.”
“Thank you for letting me intrude on your space.”
“No problem, you’re a very welcome change from my usual routine and company.”
She placed a hand on her heart, “Gee, you sure do know how to make a girl feel special.”
A mischievous light entered those beautiful eyes of his, and he leaned down, placing a hand on the back of the couch, making her crane her head up to look at him. “Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet.”
She swallowed thickly, and he glanced down, tracking the movement, but her “Is that so, Captain?” had his eyes meeting hers in a flash.
“Yeah, I’d say that’s so.” The slight rasp in his voice could have been a trick of her imagination, but before she could think about it, he cleared his throat and stepped back. “I’ll let you get to work.
Like I said, just ignore me,” he said, tone light once more.
She wasn’t sure if ignoring him was completely possible, but she replied, “I’ll call you if I need your opinion on anything.”
He threw her an insouciant salute, before heading off into the depths of his hangar.
The blinking cursor of her laptop was just as evil as it always was, but it didn’t seem so daunting here, so she buckled down, beginning to shave out some progress with the soft sounds of tools in the background—it wasn’t as much as she’d like, but anything was better than what she’d been doing, or rather, not been doing the last few days.
After an hour of sitting and writing, she stretched and stood, looking for Pete, curious as to what he was up to.
“Pete?” she called out.
“I’m back here!”
She followed the sound of his voice to a workbench near a sink in the recesses of the hangar; he was looking through a jar of screws, placing the contents into several smaller jars. “You make any progress with the writing?”
“Mm-hmm—not as much as I’d like, but it’s something; I just wanted to stand and stretch for a bit, take a little break from my screen.
What are you doing?”
“I’m working on some upgrades to one of my bikes, but I, uh, got a little sidetracked and I am currently sorting my screw collection,” he sheepishly said.
“Ah,” she nodded, “I know the feeling, the side quest that you absolutely have to complete before you can do anything else.”
“Yeah,” he grinned, “it’s crazy, isn’t it?”
She laughed, a frown soon creasing her brow as she happened to look off to the side.
Involuntarily, she stepped closer to the photo-covered cork board on the wall, gaze fixed on a photo of a young, flight suit-clad Pete, helmet in hand, standing in front of a jet, a tall, familiar-looking man next to him.
The other man was the spitting image of Pete’s son, the only difference perhaps being perhaps ever-so-slightly lighter and straighter hair.
“Bradley looks exactly like him, doesn’t he?” Pete’s voice intruded on her confusion.
She looked to her left to see him standing beside her, an old grief shining in his eyes.
“Yes, he does,” she breathed carefully, knowing somehow that she was in different waters. “Who was he?”
“Nick Bradshaw—Goose—my backseater, back in the eighties, when I flew F-14s.
My brother in all but blood… Bradley’s father.”
The story he proceeded to tell was tragic and heartbreaking; she didn’t even have to see the muted grief in his eyes as he spoke to imagine the anguish he must have endured that day, having to hold Nick’s lifeless body in his arms for what undoubtedly felt like an eternity.
“I became Bradley’s legal guardian after his mother died of cancer, and… while there were a lot of rough years where we didn’t talk to each other, we made up late last year; came out stronger for it, I think.”
“I’m so sorry, Pete,” she breathed.
He smiled ruefully. “Wasn’t all bad, though; got some pretty good brothers out of all that, though I can’t say they’re all still here.”
The dots connected in her head. “The friends in high places?”
He nodded sadly. “My best friend—he was my wingman for decades until he became an Admiral, ended up the highest ranking one this side of the country, in fact.
He died shortly before Bradley and I made up; cancer.”
She didn’t know what possessed her, but she reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together.
His breath hitched, and he looked down at their linked hands, before turning glassy eyes to her.
She was caught in that piercing gaze, which seemed to look right into her soul, and something told her that she was incredibly lucky to be seeing this vulnerability.
The weight of that was almost enough to bring her to her knees, but she pushed that aside in favor trying to ease the sadness in his eyes. “Cancer really fucking sucks, doesn’t it?”
He burst into a watery laugh. “Yes, it fucking does.”
She laughed along with him, squeezing his hand, making the callouses on his palm press against the soft skin of hers. “You want some help with your screw sorting?”
He sniffled, chuckling, “I feel like you’re using me as a distraction.”
“Yes, I absolutely am; are you complaining?”
Pete looked down at the floor, shaking his head with a soft smile. “Not at all, but I’m giving you five minutes before I make you write again, I’m not about to be blamed for any lack of progress.”
True to his word, after the five minutes were up, he shuffled her off to the couch, and she was glad that he wasn’t enabling her procrastination, thankfully able to make a fair bit of progress from there.
Some time later, while in the middle of spell checking what she’d written, she looked up to see Pete place a fresh cup of coffee next to her before sitting in a chair opposite her, picking up a small stack of paperwork and a pen from the coffee table. “Just pretend I’m not here,” he whispered.
For a while, they worked together in silence, as the California sun set, but soon, curiosity began dogging her thoughts. “Doesn’t your wife mind that you’re here late?” she asked.
His gaze almost audibly snapped to hers, his jaw working as he seemed to carefully consider his answer. “…I’m not married.”
Her traitorous heart skipped a beat. “Girlfriend?”
“Don’t have one of those either,” he casually replied. “How about you?
Anyone waiting for you back in San Bernardino?”
She took a deep breath. “Not unless you count my neighbor, Mrs. Moscovitz.
She gets worried when I don’t come home before ten.”
A faint smile crossed his lips. “Good neighbors are hard to come by.”
“That they are.”
They worked in silence for another half hour before she stood and stretched; it was beginning to get dark, and while she was a little more confident driving the desert roads, she wanted to hit the highway before the sun fully set.
“Going now?” Pete asked.
“I want to hit the highway before it gets really dark.”
He smiled ruefully, “I understand, we got to get you back safe, I don’t want Mrs. Moscovitz to kick my ass.”
“And she could, believe me,” she laughed, gathering her things, and exactly like last time, Pete escorted her to her car, opening the door for her.
It was when she turned to face him that a thought body-slammed her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I’ve been writing a lot here, and I’ve thought of some of the best moments here, actually.
Um… I guess what I’m trying to ask is… would you mind if we made this—me coming over to write—a regular thing?”
He blinked, seemingly taken aback.
“If I’ve overstepped, please pretend I never—”
“I’m here every weekend, from Friday night until Sunday morning,” he interrupted.
“So that’s a yes?”
“Yeah, it’s a yes.”
“Okay,” she breathed, grinning. “I’ll see you next week, then.”
He matched her grin, “I look forward to it.”
Over the next three months, she made regular weekend visits to the hangar, the two of them learning each other, slowly growing closer as she told him about her life growing up in a family of pilots, her years as a teacher, leaving more and more of her heart behind in the desert each time.
Her heart panged remembering the day he told her why the P-51 was named Bianca.
“Uh, __?
I, er, kind of need some help,” Pete called.
Immediately rising from the couch, she walked over to where he was standing next to Bianca, hands deep in her engine. “What do you need?”
“Could you hand me that wrench there that’s out on the cart?”
After handing it off, a few turns of the wrench later, he stepped back, admiring the old girl while wiping his hands with a rag. “There we go, sweetheart, that’s more like it.”
“You spoil her, you know?” she shook her head.
“How can I not spoil her—look at her!” he replied, with a mock-affronted expression.
“Yeah, she is gorgeous, isn’t she?” she said, turning to look at the marvel of engineering Bianca was.
“She is,” he murmured, and something in his tone made her look back at him, only to see he also had turned to look at Bianca.
“Why’d you name her Bianca?” she asked, wanting to draw out the conversation before he would undoubtedly shoo her back to writing.
He sighed wistfully, “I named her after my mother.
Her name was Bianca Rivelli; Mitchell after she married my dad, of course.
She was from South Philadelphia—Little Italy in that part of town—and she met my dad when she was visiting friends in New York City during Fleet Week; it was love at first sight, she always said.” He hesitated, and a pit sank in her stomach. “She uh, passed from a heart attack when I was seven, but I know that it was heartbreak that really took her, after my dad was shot down and killed in Vietnam and branded a traitor, all because he died during an off-the-books mission.
She tried so hard to hang on for me, I know, and I don’t blame her for leaving—not anymore, not for decades—and when I got the P-51, I wanted to commemorate her somehow.
So I named her Bianca.”
She didn’t even think twice before lunging and pulling Pete into a hug.
He stood stiffly for a moment, and she was just about to pull away, but then he positively sank into the embrace, wrapping his arms around her.
“You’ve suffered so much pain, and it only made you kind,” she sniffled after a long while.
“I can still be an asshole sometimes, you know?” he said, voice wavering.
“Maybe, but you’re still unbelievably kind.”
Now, as she was once again driving to the hangar, trepidation settled at the forefront of her mind; she was nearing the end of the novel, and in fact, she was sure she’d finish it today; but what would happen without a reason to visit Pete?
This was the twenty-first century, a woman had the right to tell a man if she was interested in him, but if he didn’t feel the same, she might just torpedo the best friendship she’d had in a long time; she loved to talk to him, spending time with him was the easiest thing in the world, and not having that anymore seemed incomprehensible.
The hangar drew closer and closer, but she was getting more and more confused, and so decided to engage in the oldest, most revered of writerly traditions: procrastination.
She’d just hope that she’d find the opportunity, the thoughts, and more importantly, the courage, to say something to him.
Fear and nervousness dominated her emotions as she walked into the quiet hangar—much too quiet for a space inhabited by someone like Pete Mitchell.
“Pete?”
“You’re right on time,” he breezily said, coming out of the Airstream, cup of coffee in hand, “something told me to make your coffee already, and here you are!”
“Seems like you’re getting ESP,” she lightly replied, trying to belie the mess of emotions she was feeling.
“I don’t know about all that—maybe just for you,” he softly laughed, his eyes endearingly crinkling at the corners like they always did when he was genuinely happy.
And if that didn’t make her heart absolutely melt—truly, how this man was not married or in a relationship at this point, she didn’t know.
She settled into what she had dared to start thinking of as her “spot” on the couch, the coffee cup he was holding clinking onto the table beside her the next second.
“I’ll let you get to it,” he nodded, squirreling off to a corner of the hangar before she could get a word in edgewise.
With nothing else for it, she reluctantly began writing, and in a sick twist of fate, the words came easily, when she most wanted them not to come, in hopes of drawing this status quo out for just one more week.
One more week of driving to this lonely desert hangar, one more week of seeing those ubiquitous white t-shirts and Levi’s, one more week of hearing his voice, seeing his smile when he caught sight of her.
But fate was cold and cruel, and after roughly two hours, the draft was finished.
Tears welled in her eyes, but for completely different reasons than she would have said when she first began rewriting her Uncle Joe’s story.
“Hey, what’s wrong?
What happened?”
She looked up into Pete’s warm, concerned gaze, and didn’t that just make things worse? “I—I finished the draft.
It’s done,” she croaked.
“Hey, congratulations!
That’s great!” he encouraged, a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Yeah… yeah, it is.
I… I can’t believe it’s over… and I’m really feeling sad right now,” she numbly breathed, deciding for a little honesty.
He moved to sit beside her, his leg pressed against hers, and her breath caught at the proximity.
“Well, that’s understandable, you’ve devoted a lot of time to this, and it’s something very important to you,” he softly replied. “But hey, I have every confidence that this is going to be a bestseller—every publisher is going to want you, and won’t that make everything you went through to get to this point worth it?”
His words made her remember her PopPop, when he encouraged her to write about Uncle Joe and Céline, shortly before he died, and it made her smile despite herself. “It will.”
“That’s the spirit.” He reached up, cupping her cheek, thumb delicately brushing away a tear she didn’t even know had fallen, and almost subconsciously, she leaned into his touch.
He seemed to swallow reflexively, eyes quickly darting down before he met her gaze again and lowered his hand from her cheek, leaving her feeling bereft. “Uh, since it’s not every day one finishes a first draft and all,” Pete gestured, “how—how would you feel about taking a little celebratory flight?”
Her eyes widened. “In—in the—in Bianca?”
A smile she would venture to call sad inexplicably crossed his face. “Mm-hmm.”
“I’d love that.”
What better way to celebrate finishing her granduncle’s story than a flight in the same plane he flew?
At the very least, if she crashed and burned her friendship with Pete because she happened to find some heretofore unknown reservoir of courage, she’d have something shining and beautiful to remember him by.
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It felt absolutely surreal to sit in Bianca’s backseat, and it didn’t feel any less surreal as they cruised through the air.
Sitting up here, over two thousand feet above the ground, while she was happy with the direction she’d taken in her life, she felt she now truly understood why the better part of her family had dedicated themselves to the skies.
It was breathtaking and awe inspiring; with the mountainous desert vista out below, the clear blue sky above, she thought she’d never seen anything so beautiful in her life.
To get to see this every day, and to have the controls of a marvel of engineering beneath your hands as a pilot… the feeling was surely beyond exhilarating.
“How you doing back there?” Pete asked, voice tinny through the headphones.
“Just perfect—I can really understand now why you and my family do this for a living, it’s amazing up here.”
“I know, right?
There’s nothing like it,” he breathed, and she could almost feel the joy in his voice.
They flew on in easy silence for a while before he broke it again. “So, I have a question for you; we can keep flying nice and easy like this until you want to land or until we have to, or… we can have some fun—nothing like what I did at Apple Valley, but uh, it’ll definitely be a little bit more exciting than nice and easy.”
As much as she wanted to immediately say yes, she was still a little apprehensive. “You promise not to make me throw up?”
“Swear on my wings,” he solemnly promised, “and if you feel uncomfortable during anything, all you have to do is let me know, and I’ll immediately level off.”
She inhaled and exhaled deeply. “…Alright, go for it.”
“Okay, here we go!” Gently, he brought Bianca into a sweeping banked descent, and from there, while she was sure it was nothing for Pete, who’d done far more daring things in Bianca, and surely in his career as a naval aviator, this was the most thrilling thing she’d ever experienced in her life.
Before she knew it, Pete said, “We’ll have to land in fifteen minutes, so I’ll bring us back around, okay?”
Her heart sank. “So soon?”
He laughed, “We’ve been up here for almost an hour and a half.”
It felt like they just got up here. “What?!”
“Time flies when you’re having fun!”
“You’re corny, Pete Mitchell,” she chuckled.
“Guilty as charged!”
But the joyful mood didn’t last long—soon, the hangar and runway were in sight, and sadness suddenly overwhelmed her; she breathed mournfully, “How can I ever thank you for everything?”
“No need to thank me,” he replied, seemingly overtaken by the same sadness she was, though it didn’t have any bearing on how smoothly he brought Bianca onto the tarmac, and how he brought her back into the hangar.
The leaden pit in her heart and stomach seemed to grow even heavier; she’d been waiting the whole day for the time and courage to tell him how she felt, but she wasn’t able to find a moment or the courage to speak, and now her chances were slipping away, the sudden sound of silence as the engine cut and the canopy slid back feeling like the first handful of earth dropped on a casket.
“You need any help?” Pete’s voice intruded on her thoughts.
“No, I got it.” It wasn’t completely the truth, but anything to draw out the moments she had left.
With a nod, Pete eased himself up out of the cockpit and slid down the wing.
Finally, she was able to unclip herself from her harness and stand up, easing herself onto the wing—
“Ahhh!” she yelped, having lost her foothold on the wing, abruptly sliding down the warm metal, and then—
She suddenly stopped, toes just touching the ground, pressed against a firm chest, her hands fisting in white cotton, warm arms wrapped around her waist.
It was almost a replay of the day she met Pete, and it felt like fate was giving her one final chance.
She looked up into his eyes, knowing that if she didn’t say anything now, she never would. “Pete, I—”
The words died in her throat as he moved his hand to cup her cheek like he had two hours ago, and just like two hours ago, she leaned into the warmth of his touch, her breath hitching as she felt the gentleness with which his rough, calloused palm caressed her cheek.
He scanned her face, searching for something, and seemingly finding it, his viridescent gaze lighted on her lips, which had her heart stuttering in her chest and the air shuddering from her lungs.
“Don’t think, just do,” he muttered, leaning in, and like lightning, her mind sharpened; she leaned forward, pulling him the minuscule distance to her with a hand on his neck.
Suddenly, she found herself taking flight in a completely different way from five minutes ago.
Pete kissed her like he flew; with complete dedication, and like this was the last moment of pure, unrivaled, unfettered joy he’d ever have again, and her knees went weak, an entirely different thrill rushing through her, as she felt him push her up against Bianca’s fuselage.
She was breathless, she was taking the first breath of air she’d ever had—it was fire, it was light, it was incandescent.
She only realized the burn in her lungs when he drew back, both of them gasping for breath.
“God, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he breathed, voice deep and rough, eyes dark.
An actual whimper fell from her lips, and she replied, “Holy shit, I don’t care if it’s done, that’s definitely going in the book.”
He huffed a low chuckle, that devastating smirk on his face. “In that case, you want a little more inspiration?”
“Oh hell, yes,” she breathed, and pulled him back into her.
The End
Previous Part
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I very much had an inner debate as to whether the ending of this story was too similar to that of TG:M, but after a lot of soul searching, I decided that this was the only conceivable way to end this.
It starts with the P-51, and it ends with her.
You could call her Mav’s wingwoman, I suppose.
The Hangar, as I learned from an interview I will not be able to dig up from my YouTube history, is actually owned by Tom himself.
He said it in the aforementioned interview, and I honestly should have seen it coming.
The hangar was even featured in the background of the iconic video where Tom took James Corden flying in the P-51, and I am somewhat ashamed to say that I recognized it from shots where you only saw the corner of the building.
Yeah, do me a favor and please don’t bring that up.
“Crispin Crispianish” is a reference to the St. Crispin’s Day speech from Shakespeare’s “Henry V”, from which the title of the WWII book and series “Band of Brothers” is taken.
“Turn and burn” is a colloquial aviation saying which describes being cleared to takeoff from the runway generally without having to hold short of it for any duration of time, which leads to the aircraft immediately turning onto the runway from the taxiway shortly before the pilots push the engine thrust levers to Take Off/Go Around, which produces maximum thrust, and presto change-o, you have a generally expedited takeoff.
“You’d be surprised,” is absolutely a reference to Bradley almost punching Jake’s lights out in TG:M.
Yes, I am aware of the amount of art imitating life here; my writer and myself were very much twinning in our frustration with what we were writing.
You can pry ADHD/Neurodivergent/Genius IQ Mav from my cold, dead hands.
Here we have the answer to why the P-51 is named “Bianca” in my story.
I headcanon Mav has Italian heritage, and I thought this would be a nice way to put it in here.
I also made his mom from Philadelphia, because there’s a Top Gun ‘86 costume test shot of Tom wearing an Eagles sweatshirt, and as a Philly-adjacent girl, I had to somehow reference that even obliquely.
“You’ve suffered so much pain, and it only made you kind,” is an adaptation of a line from “Doctor Who”, which I thought perfectly describes Mav.
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cbk1000 · 8 months ago
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Is there a cap on the number of questions I can ask for the reblog ask game? XD 4, 11, 18, and 30, please!
Hope today is a great day! <3
4. a story idea you haven’t written yet I have tons. Some fairytale-inspired; I'd like to do a selkie fic. I also have a sort of Rapunzel-esque idea with Arthur being the damsel in distress locked in a tower. Another with Morgana as a sort of Baba Yaga-esque character and Merlin as her raven who used to be a man she turned into a bird for being annoying. Arthur is her annoying brother on a quest who needs her help; Merlin goes with him, of course, and Arthur breaks the spell on him and is highly dismayed to discover the annoying talking bird is a super hot man.
11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday Book of Merthur is the one I'm focusing on right now, though I do also have the sequel to the vet fic partially written.
18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic 'What he had written was, “Sorry. I am a tree.”'
30. share a fic you’re especially proud of My Imposter Syndrome is screaming, 'None of them, they're all crap!!!' but I'm going to kick it in the nuts and say Book of Merthur, because it's now officially the longest story I've ever written, and as a kid I read a lot of fantasy, and I feel like baby!Jenn would be stoked that adult!Jenn is writing a gay fantasy epic with lots of penis jokes.
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