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#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.
autisticlee · 2 months
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
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#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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atmosghoul · 1 year
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sibling of sin oc omg omg tell me everything. 2, 3 and 25 please!!
RREEEEEE THANK U I LOVE TALKING ABT RIAN SM 2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them? very dirty sense of humour and great story teller. Rian will have the whole ghoul den in an uproar of laughter with their stories. Aether interprets for them before the ghoul's started being able to understand sign language and it leads to a fun two person theater type of vibe that everyone loves. Dew had the bright idea to ask Rian to recount movies or stories they all already knew as a way to work on their signing and it turned out to work surprisingly well. 3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? Rian presumes to know what other people are thinking. Sometimes this can work in their favour on the handful of occasions when theyre correct, but mostly it leads to them assuming someone is mad at them or doesnt want to see them. They only became aware of it when Aether had to sit them down and ask why they'd been so distant after he and the band got back from their first tour after meeting Rian. They'd assumed the ghouls would want to just rest when all they wanted was to see their Rian again after months away.
Along this same vein is that they dont know how to ask for help. If they ask you to help or do something for them, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, thats huge for them and you should take it as a sign that they really trust and feel comfortable around you. Aether realised this his first night meeting them when they allowed him to help them to sleep. He felt the hesitance. He always tries to reassure them though, will still provide help even when it's declined, taking pride in the small smile and blush on Rian's face when he does.
23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express? Hardest to process is feeling loved. Theyre so used to being on their own it just doesnt compute to them that the people around them actually care for and love them. The affection they get from the ghouls was damn near overwhelming at first. Especially with how rambunctious Swiss and Dew (and sometimes Rain) can get.
Hardest to express is anger or being upset. They hate taking up emotional space in people's lives. And showing negative emotions like anger or sadness in front of other people where they'd feel pressured to comfort you? oh no that won't do at all. They tend to bottle it up until theyre alone and know they won't be bothered. But by that time its been packed down inside a tight little box under lock and key with all the other times they've gotten angry or upset until it wont close anymore and it all comes spilling out. Aether tries to help them to express things in the moment, trying to latch onto any frustration they sense and tug at it just a little to push it towards anger and get Rian to finally let loose. Dew tells him about "Rage Rooms" and he thinks it an excellent idea for a date outing for him and Rian.
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tobi-smp · 2 years
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Ive seen a lot of your posts and i find many of the things you say to be facinating and eye opening when it comes to the dsmp.
But when it comes to your character or story critical posts it feels very... hateful? Hateful isnt exactly the right word because its clear you enjoy the dsmp. But perhaps frustrating and annoyed. Its like you expect these random minecrafters to be professional story boarders and directors?
I feel like a part of this fandom has forgotten that the story originally started on improv. Sure, the story could be more balanced since its scripted now.
And dont get me wrong its important to talk about flaws! But I feel like you and other people are putting these mcyts on a high pedestal. These people aren't in an animation studio trying to develope this detailed plot where something mentioned in season 1 will make sense in season 6. They're just friends who one day decided to make a story. Sure some of them take the story more seriously than others, but should everyone be held up to the same standard?
I think we should just let the silly little minecrafters do their silly little roleply.
1: I treat the dream smp like I treat all of the other media that I consume, because I find meta analysis And Critique fun.
critique is actually what I have the most fun writing, because I’m a very adhd and autistic person and it can be difficult for me to get my thoughts to flow into a coherent idea without a point of Focus. I’ll have a dozen ideas that I’m chewing on for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years that suddenly click in to place with the right Idea, the right wording, the right trigger thanks to thoughts I’ve had digesting a new lore stream or to someone else’s post. and that’s a really rewarding process for me.
I don’t critique because I hate the dream smp, I critique because being involved in this media and this fandom made me Feel Something and I want to unwind what that is. and getting at the bottom of those feelings means being honest. and that’s fun ! I enjoy being able to do that and I enjoy watching Other People do it too.
I Can get worked up and emotional, especially in the direct aftermath of a stream, but that’s a part of what makes it fun. getting worked up over something that’s ultimately harmless and picking apart what it makes you Feel is a really low stakes way of sharpening your analysis and capacity for self reflection, as well as just being, you know, Entertaining For Some People.
and what I Feel doesn’t have to be negative either, I’m just more likely to post a critique because, like I said, I am fantastically adhd. people know me as being very well worded, but trying to do analysis when I’m really invested in something is like trying to do crossword on a trampoline. my dms get my stream of consciousness in that regard fjkldaslkjadfs
2: the idea that we shouldn’t critique the dream smp because it’s done by amateurs has always been a take that reads as diminishing the quality of not only the dream smp, but of non-published media.
yes it Is a good idea to temper your expectations for what is realistically possible for these people in this context in this medium, because there Needs to be margin of error for live media. the dream smp has challenges that tv shows simply do not, and that’s part of what makes it as special as it is.
but to say that we’re not allowed to Think about it, that we shouldn’t take it seriously as a creative work and should just instead sit back and let it wash over us because it’s a Silly Little Minecraft Story just overtly devalues the story that’s being told and the work that’s gone into telling it.
some of the best stories I’ve ever experienced have been independent work from either a single creator or a small team of creators posted on the internet, often times from people just starting or who are new to the medium they’re telling it in. The Dream Smp Is One Of Those Stories.
I’m not comparing the dream smp to a blockbuster or something that’s been carefully crafted with millions of dollars and hundreds of hands like Arcane. I’m comparing the dream smp to Itself. to what it’s Already accomplished through it’s story telling and through it’s medium with the Exact Same limitations that it has now (minus the horrendous scheduling issues, which is out of the creators’ control but still something that could’ve and still Can Be better worked around).
the dream smp has some of the most compelling storytelling I have ever been a part of and it’s Because of its medium, not despite it. and that’s Exactly why I’m as invested as I am, Exactly why I’m not just going to turn my brain off and say that it’s just a silly little minecraft story.
every time I see someone say that it’s Just A Minecraft Roleplay and we shouldn’t think about it that much I remember quackity saying that this was the most fulfilling work he’s done in his entire 8 year career, and it can’t help but read as disrespectful to me. or at least as Misguided.
it’s Okay if you don’t like critical analysis. I do it because it’s fun and makes my engagement with a piece of media I like Better, and nobody else has to do if it that isn’t true for them. but this idea that people get that critical analysis Must stem from hatred, Must stem from impossibly high expectations, Must stem from a place of disrespect is a strange one that I think we as a fandom need to drop.
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lunerbean · 4 years
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Witch Tips 24
Holy shit it's been over a year since I posted one of these but it's because I kept setting myself up for failure by putting way too high of expectations on myself to crank out 10 new and unique and helpful tips everytime I got 100 new followers except first it was 10 and then it was 50 and holy shit I got so stressed about these so I've just been writing them down as I've thought of them instead and now here we are, please be gentle.
Hello here are tips
1. Use transfer paper and a hair dryer to decorate candles.
Maybe you're doing a spell for someone & you want to put a picture of that person on the candle. This can be a way to help you better visualize the effects of the spell on the person the spell is for. Or maybe you need a picture on the candle for some other reason. Maybe you want to put pictures of coins on it for a money spell. Or hearts for a love spell. Simply print out whatever you want on transfer paper, cut it out & place the image face-down on the candle. Then, you'll want to get your hairdryer and a piece of tissue paper (I highly suggest the tissue paper is the same color as the candle, otherwise you risk getting that color onto the candle. Which can also be fine, but if it's not what you want...) use the blow dryer on a low-warm setting to melt the photo onto the candle side. Remove the tissue paper and there you have it! A picture printed onto a candle.
2. You can incorporate witchcraft into ANYTHING... even brushing your teeth.
I recently got this fucking delicious toothpaste from Trader Joe's. I'm one of those people who sometimes struggles to brush my teeth twice a day because I hate the taste of toothpaste. So I got a super unconventional toothpaste flavor instead, "fennel, propolis, & Myrrh. And about a week after using it, it struck me -holy shit these ingredients have meaning behind them. Most obviously, myrrh is associated with wisdom and meditation. And fennel has been used in magic for centuries! Even if you use regular mint toothpaste, that ingredient has power behind it! Obviously this goes more so for natural toothpastes but I'm sure you can find a way to enchant other varieties as well! Use the ingredients already infused into your toothpaste for enchantments & glamours!
3. Actually study your grimoire.
If I sound at all harsh by saying this, it's only because I'm being harsh with myself too. Study your grimoire. Don't just write everything down & then expect to have it all perfectly memorized & be a master in everything you research. Reread it. Rework it. Learn.
4. Feel drawn to be a sea witch but you don't live by the ocean? Get a saltwater aquarium!
First off, I'm not saying that it's a flawless solution. Being a witch of the sea is more than just using salty fish water in your craft. HOWEVER, with that out of the way, there's no way that a salt water aquarium will harm your craft as a sea witch. Think of it like a houseplant for a green witch. Sure, living in the forest would be better but it's still something special to be able to bring a little piece of your craft into your home.
5. Personal taglocks make a spell more powerful, but exercise caution when using them.
Undoubtedly, using a taglock (such as a strand of hair) can better connect you to the spells you're performing, but they're not always wise to use. I only use them in extremely personal spells and crafts. Things that no one except for me can have access to. I would never suggest using a taglock on something that you wish to give another person (especially another witch) such as a spell bottle or sachet. Even if you're best friends. Even if you're siblings. Even if you're MARRIED. You never know when a relationship can turn south or what someone is capable of when they're extremely angry with you. Don't risk it.
6. Be respectful of the deities that you don't worship or work with
I don't work with deities. Shocker, I know. I have my own belief system when it comes to higher powers that I won't get into on Tumblr, probably ever. But I do believe in showing respect to all things, both living, dead, & otherwise specified. If a deity approaches you who you're not interested in working with, please remain kind & respectful with in declination. You're allowed to say no to anyone and everyone.
7. Just because someone is more experienced doesn't necessarily mean they're always right.
Without naming names or being too specific, there was a witch I followed on Tumblr for a long time. They were much older than me and had been a witch for like 20+ years. I followed everything they said as fact. But slowly, over time I started to learn more and realized I didn't always agree with them. They were SO negative. If they heard basically anything new that younger witches were coming up with, they'd have a whole 10 paragraph post about how "stupid and wrong and ridiculous and fake" these new witches were. There was not an ounce of open mindedness with this person. And because of that, I started to feel really bad about myself and my craft. Things they said would stick with me and I'd feel so shitty about it. Well fuck. That. More experience means absolutely nothing if the person is unwilling to learn or expand their minds beyond their previous knowledge. Anyone can learn and anyone can teach. Age means nothing. Surround yourself with open minded people.
8. Put full moon water into your humidifier to charge your space.
This is an idea that only just occurred to me while I was setting up my crystals & jar of water to charge under the full blue moon on Samhain. I always turn my glowing humidifier on at night while I sleep. As I watched the mist begin to arise out the top I thought to myself, 'if I'm charging that water (the glass jar on my altar) for the full moon, why not this water too?' So now, I just add a little splash of full moon water into my humidifier water whenever I'm performing rituals or doing spell work. This way, the full moon water can charge my entire bedroom with the power of the full moon as I work.
Speaking of...
9. You can charge water under more moon phases than just full.
I don't know if that wording was weird or not so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. My point is, I always see people talking about moon water as if it's only full moon water. The moon holds power in every phase she goes through. Adding to the above tip, you can put new moon water into your humidifier to cleanse your space. Waxing moon water to help you plan and focus. And waning moon water to assist during a banishment spell. Hell yeah dude, all phase of the moon are useful and powerful!
10. Incense matches are a great alternative to full incense sticks
I love burning incense, but sometimes it can really overwhelm the area, especially because my house is small & I dont want to expose my cat to it. Incense matches are literally matches that are covered in incense powder. They burn for just a few minutes & produce a steady stream of smoke for spells. They come in a bunch of different scents. I buy them locally for 30 matches for $1.05USD but you can probably find them cheaper online. Still be sure to keep them away from pets & those who are smoke-sensitive.
Thank you so much for reading, follow me for more #10tips, search my blog for the previous 230 tips, & have a magical day.
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yuzhousky · 3 years
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Hi bummie🤗
The post about vsm225 has really rubbed me the wrong way and I have a few things to say.
First, I have a message for the person who submitted the ask to you: if you are going to bash somebody like that behind the safety and comfort of your keyboard, the least you can do is NOT post it anonymously. Show us your name and your face. How do you expect to be taken seriously for tarnishing someone's name anonymously?
I myself have been her long time follower on instagram. Does that make me and another 1300 people stupid? Shallow? Retarded?
However, the fact that i have been her follower will not make me biased to what i have to say.
Now, on a serious note, I like what she posts on her instagram, also i like what meimei (the girl who is looking after her account at the moment and posting stuff for vsm while she is struggling with covid) has been posting for the past month as well. Well, im lying. I dont like it, i LOVE IT. I love the vibe of posts, i love how spicy and sassy they are, and that is one of the instagram profiles i have the most interaction with. Because we are all there to have a good time, NOT to state facts. Vine is a very respectful person, she never throws hate or shade towards anyone, she never forces anyone to believe in anything she posts, and she never pushes her content in the as-a-matter-of-fact manner. Yes, there are sometimes hardcore bad translations from weibo, but i never take that stuff too deep, im able to get the point of what was behind it. Also, if she posts anything misleading for whatever reason, the moment she realises that she will own up to it and apologise.
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Everything else is not meant to be taken seriously, but as fun and good time. Only things regarding zz and jy work and what THEY allow US to see regarding their private life can be called FACTS, the rest is all product of our delulu, speculations, wishful thinking etc, and we choose what to do with it. Im a 39 year-old man, with a master degree and more than 2 brain cells in my head and a full on life going on, yet in my comments on instagram i will refer to zz as "queen", "wifey", "madam huang" all in the name of funny banters and light hearted content and not because i find it to be the FACT. The fact is that i have enormous respect for that boy, not that i find his sole existence to be the wifey queen of jy. The FACT is that we can all learn from him how to behave mature, be strong, stick to your guns and believe in what you do, do stuff you find to be good for you, not bowing down to anyone and losing your integrity will result in success, not whether he wore the same tshirt as jy. The fact is that zz has always remaind humble, well behaved and he never allowed the success to take the best of him, not whether or not him and jy spent 2 hot nights in sanya in february. I could go on forever with this.
Vine, and everyone else on the internet are NOT here to please the crowd but because they post the things that make THEM happy and make THEM feel good. Those are THEIR accounts. The rest is up to us - who do we find at the same wave length, whose vibe matches ours, whose posts we like, and so on. Therefore we choose who to follow, and we all should be respectful to any other work anyone else posts online. Because, behind each and every profile is someone who takes time of their busy lives and puts a lot of work to provide the content for us. I personally cant stand the profiles dedicated to johnny and reba ship, but i dont go around barking online that they suck. I simpy DONT GO THERE. I stay in my own lane, i follow the content i like and let others live. Im not going around saying, or as the person in the post casually said "POINTING OUT"- hey everyone, dont follow that person because it doesnt align with MY OWN taste level. What qualifies anyone to say that? What right does anyone have to say that? Does any of us live or spend time with the boys? Using the FACTS logic, i could come to bummies profile every so often and be like - listen girl, you have to stop leading people on with your "hints" and "coincidences" and stick to the facts only tyvm. Right? Instead, i choose to visit your blog every day, LIVING for the content you put here.
Of course, there is always the responsibilty towards what you post publicly for everyone to see, but as long as there is nothing harmful or malicious im not being nit picky about it.
There are so few profiles dedicated to yuzhou left. There is bummies blog and like another 10ish instagram profiles still actively posting about them as one. Why having any bad vibes about any of them? Why showing any negative energy to anyone? Throwing shade or hate? What is the point like? Aren't we all here because we are supporting the boys for ALL the work they have done in the last 5 years, watching their growth in life and careers and having some light, fun time while doing it? Why creating any bad blood? I mean, we are basically being gossips girls, sorry everyone, we are not saving the world here or curing pandemics to take things so seriously.
As usual bummie, im ending this by thanking you yet again so much for everything you do, keep up with the good work! 🤗🤗🤗
Thanks for sharing your opinion. However, I just wanna make some points clearer here:
Tbh I'm not biased towards anyone in this case so I'm just gonna say what I'm thinking now. The previous anonymous ask about vsm was somehow pretty harsh towards vsm and I really don't want anyone to throw shade on her at all because I know she's a lovely fan of YZ and she's just trying her best to share the latest info about the boys. I know not all of her posts are about the facts; many of them are just delulus and jokes among fans, which are normal, and of course it's her own account so she could literally share anything she wants. However, I myself prefer the clarity in news/info delivery more, I mean if the post is just a delulu or joke, it should be stated clearly in order not to cause misleading or misunderstood things, because many interfans do not have Weibo accounts to double check the info, not to mention those new fans who might get confused even more. I have to say that this isn't the first time someone asking me about the reliability of some vsm's posts on IG because of her "vague" words and translation, and then I had to find the original posts on Weibo again or double check the info with Chinese cpfs then told vsm to correct her words.
So my opinion is that we are all sharing info with a big love for our idols but we also need to care about the clarity and reliability of our content as well. Of course we do not need to please anyone on the internet but at least we're responsible for what we post and those who might read it.
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enderspawn · 4 years
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so now that we’ve had a few days since the syndicate stream, i think ive managed to cool down and step back to look at it more neutrally. ended up long and pretty rambly since its all pretty flow of consciousness so its under the cut, but heres some thoughts on the syndicate (and a bit on c!techno, since hes the originator)
in universe, techno has only just heard a new place was made. he doesn’t know jack abt it, so he goes over to check it out and learn whats happening. he meets w tubbo, who explains they arent a gov, and accepts it then goes. hes hesitant abt the nukes, but frankly? also understandable, they are nukes. any kind of mass weapon of destruction is something to look out for, same as if tubbo revealed his own wither vault. 
i think the reason that i, and many other ppl, had such a NEGATIVE reaction to what is a mainly harmless and completely reasonable interaction is. well, bc we’re the audience. we KNOW more than c!techno does. we know that snowchester very explicitly was formed without a government because they’re afraid of techno attacking. we know that the nukes are made to defend them, based off what happened to lmanberg. we know that ranboo joined partially to try and spare snowchester if worst came to worst. 
the reason we the audience were afraid of him going is bc we feared what would happen if he DID deem it a gov. bc we know the effort they’ve done to NOT be one, bc we have a connection to the town that c!techno doesnt. 
after then came calling the syndicate/techno tyrannical. after all- if they strike down every government then they are forcing ppl to follow their beliefs under threat of destruction or death. which is uhh pretty fucking tyrannical. 
the thing is that in the end the syndicate hasnt even done enough for us to like. KNOW if thats true. techno himself said hes totally fine w just group of people living together, hell hes in a damn SYNDICATE. you can def argue in general abt what gives the syndicate the right at all to decide if a gov deserves to exist, if being “”the deciders”” makes them inherently hypocritical. (this also is pushing that “they decide” bc, well, w the exception of tubbo now, theres very little chance the other ppl would win against techno and crew. it Would just be decimation. if they attack, they’re destroying it all). 
after all, they preach abt giving ppl the right to choose but then dont let them choose to form a gov. paradox of tolerance i suppose, since in anarchistic views there isnt like a “non-corrupt” government so every government is worth dismantling. (note, this is all based off my p limited understanding of anarchy theory and also Very Simplified for ease of speaking)
another reason we the audience may have been so afraid is bc, historically, techno doesnt lose. he may suffer personal losses and feelings of betrayal, but narratively hes won every battle hes really been in. its the status quo, so any possible conflict in the future you kind of expect the same. we were afraid of any kind of conflict starting. 
i think this stuff does kinda work in character too. c!tubbo admits himself he doesnt rlly know government stuff, and he doesnt seem to really know what techno would or wouldnt DEEM one- thus he has a similar fear to the audience of being struck down for it. ranboo, like stated before, partially joined bc he was afraid FOR snowchester. 
again i get that anarchy is against that greater establishment, but theres something to be said for the fact that. well. this is a block game. its systems work a LOT differently than real life, and real life anarchist theory may not transfer over well. there are a lot of good posts ive seen recently analysing lmanberg (specifically early lmanberg) and like. it genuinely worked to protect its citizens. they were able to pool together their resources and man power and protect each other from outside threats that would overpower them seperately. there IS no big overarching societal and deeply built in system to overthrow like in real life, if anything “having a government” IS the new system trying to form instead of anarchy (bc, to my knowledge, lmanberg was the first real “government” and the dream smp’s gov kinda formed as a response) it could def be another reason so many ppl are against enforcing anarchy-- this isnt the real world, and being in solidified groups could help the weak. without that, instead its the strongest survive and thrive while everyone else suffers. 
(then again to devils advocate my own point, a lot of times they’re referring in those posts to a time where wilbur, who was actually “in charge” wasnt around a ton, so there was less of a power structure in place. also, you CAN still have a group of ppl without being a “gov” (like snowchester or the syndicate) but then we get back to “what is a gov by the syndicate’s standards” as well as if they want to remove a gov at its start or JUST when it seems “tyrannical” (so if they believe a gov is inherently tyrannical). like if i started a direct democracy gov and explicitly called it a gov, do you take it down? its taking the opinion of all citizens and allows everyone equal power. is that corrupt just bc its ALSO a gov, or does it get to stay? where is the line?  idk man maybe give the gov like a free trial. if it starts being corrupt then step in but if they’re vibin they’re vibin. chill w the anarchy /lh /hj JFKDLSJF)
idk man this isnt fully conclusion imo i just wanted to long think abt this. also fuck this block game for getting into legit political theory and ethics and shit. “is someone valid in doing something for another person that they believe will help the other person if it limits their personal freedom” (or, is techno correct in enforcing anarchy bc he believes it is the best form for ppl, EVEN at the cost of their personal freedoms to make a gov) is too deep to be asking for a fuckin block potato pig. this is why i dont do a ton of discourse im just stupid and it starts getting philosophical at some point FDSKLFJ
yall can respond w your own thoughts to this if you want, even debate it!, but idk if ill respond bc uhhhh Brain Empty fdjsklfj i just wanted to ramble and sort out my own thoughts on the matter now that im not uber pissed at c!techno JFKDLSJFKL
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thevirgodoll · 4 years
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idk if tou will ver reply to this but lets go
first off sorry for my bad english. I fell really insecure bc of my body. Im not skinny, im not fat, im not thick, im...a square, i dont have ass and got a huge belly. When i look sideways in the mirror i feel sick. But at the same time i dont wanna change the way i eat and live cause i hate this fitness lifestyle and i want to love myaself the way god made me... But i dont know what to do.
Ppl always tell me how georgeous i am, and they sey i look like a bunch of beautiful celebrities and i feel that like when i see my face on the mirror i just know im THAT bitch but at same time i always think ppl must be lying or that because of my body i dont get reconized enough? Like... Why dont boys ir girls want to get with me? Why dont ppl ask me to be a model or something if i look like other models and stunning singers and actress? What should i do?
Hi angel. Your English is fine. Never apologize for that.
You do not have to look a certain way first and foremost. People, especially women, are always under the impression that they have to fit a certain “mold”. You don’t have to fit any category regarding your looks...you just have to be yourself and own it.
If you are unhappy with the size of your belly, sure you can exercise and eat cleaner some days of the week. But overall, that won’t change the fact that you perceive yourself as less than. When people lose weight while maintaining a negative sense of self, they still have distortions with their thinking and low self esteem in the long run. So, altering your body is not really the solution...that should only come when you’re in a place of love and compassion for yourself and you feel the need to improve an area of your life, not conform or make yourself fit a mold. You have to ask yourself where this is coming from.
Questions to reflect on:
•Why do I feel inadequate when it comes to my body image?
•Where did these feelings originate? Is there a past experience I can pinpoint?
•Is it hard for me to be honest about these feelings? Is there trauma surrounding my self image or esteem?
•Who has given me the image that I feel I need to conform to? Is it social media? Has social media negatively impacted my perception of myself? How can I change this?
Answer these in a diary or document. Keep it to yourself to honor your experience and privacy. After answering these questions, you may find yourself feeling shameful or gross in a way. This is normal because you’ve tapped into uncharted territory.
What to do now?
Reshape your definitions and expectations. Challenge yourself daily.
•Confidence regarding body image is not the existence of perfection and need to control. It is the ability to appreciate your body’s value. The things that are uniquely designed, and make you YOU.
•How do you honor your body image when you express yourself via fashion? Have you allowed yourself to fully navigate your own fashion sense? Allowing yourself to do this will give you a sense of power and appreciation for your qualities. You will learn to dress for your shape, not cover and hide.
•Stop consuming unhealthy media that affirms your negative thoughts. Social media might be influencing your expectations and standards regarding image. Be honest with yourself, and know how to cater to your needs.
•Allow yourself to exist without condemnation. Judgment of yourself is condemning your existence, as if parts of you are a mistake or shouldn’t have been formed. Your thoughts are not facts. Call yourself out on your stuff. Say: “That is not true, actually. I know I am smart. I am worthy.” Refute irrational thoughts with things you KNOW to be true about yourself. List your strengths. Have you ever given yourself props?
•Treat yourself the way you’d like to be addressed. You say people say you’re beautiful. You should treat yourself as such and carry yourself with that importance. Why haven’t you ever thought of yourself in a high regard?
•Take other people off pedestals. It’s typical to put certain people on pedestals and glorify their looks, but it’s not helping you. It is time to focus on yourself and end the cycle of comparison. It is exhausting you.
•Accept some hard truths about yourself and the world. By that I mean, you have to recognize that there will be people evil enough to be jealous or make inflammatory comments. Maybe you’ve had that experience. But you should know something: not everyone has to approve of you. Their behavior is projection of their own issues. Stop living for other people’s approval and comments. It’s going to hurt you in the long run. And in general, most people are too busy with their own lives to judge you the way you harshly judge yourself. You don’t have to be adored by everyone, but you do have to be loved by yourself, understand your own value, and reshape your expectations. You do get treated different when you carry yourself like you know you’re something special. That is just a fact of life.
Above all, this is a process and you have to remember nothing in life is linear or clear cut. These are all things you have to do in order to work towards a healthier body image. Have you ever taken time to just create a pampering routine and dance and just let yourself go? You have to foster a deeper connection with yourself, rather than a connection with the world. What you wake up with is yourself, and what you go to sleep with is yourself. Your quality of life can improve little by little in the way that you address yourself in your head, treat yourself with your actions, and validate yourself with compassion and empathy. It will fail unless you believe in the process and get mad enough that you want to change. You have enough bravery by sharing, so you have to be even braver and address the things that are stealing your joy.
Sometimes, our biggest enemy is the way we learned to deal with our own pain and feelings. The way we learned to process information. The way we learned to navigate life through our past, and it attacks our self image and self perception. You’re working against yourself and your unhealthy mechanisms, not everyone else. These mechanisms have to change as we begin to grow older.
There are different versions of you looking at who you are right now, who you have potential to become, and who you will be. Remember this truth as you work towards a better you. The answers are within you.
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tweedfrog · 4 years
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Hi! Just wanted to pop in and say how much I adore your fics. The Elia, Rhaenys, and Aegon tags are nearly impossible to get through. 95% of the fics don’t even feature them prominently and of the remaining 5%, either they’re horrible people bullying faultless Lyanna and Jon 😒 or wonderful angels (unlike that awful witch Catelyn Stark 🙄) who exist to be Jon and Lyanna’s cheerleaders and absolve them of any guilt.
Also I wanted to commend you on your Rhaenys and Elia characterization. Especially Rhaenys! I think a trend I sometimes see is that female characters are only allowed to be happy after they’ve rejected any femininity and taken up weapons and become brash and daring and loudly opinionated. And those girls deserve happiness for sure! But it’s so nice to see a Rhaenys who does lean towards soft power. Who isn’t only a horse and weapons and wild sex enthusiast because she happens to be Dornish. Because that kind of characterization doesn’t really ring true to me for someone like Rhaenys who is in the spotlight a lot. Who’s actions and personality are going to reflect on her abandoned mother who lost out on the throne. I’m so glad characters like her and Elia and Rhaella get to be the heroes of a story while still performing femininity (and frankly using that as their weapons).
And I think you handle the Lyanna situation very well. Personally I’m ambivalent towards Jon and am not fond of Lyanna. But I also don’t like overblown animosity that feels cartoonish. There might be negative feelings directed at them by certain characters, but they aren’t acted upon in any uncharacteristic way. Those two feel more like afterthoughts to Elia and Rhaenys. And while I very much lean into the drama of it all (because it’s so rare for Elia to win this much) I can very much appreciate the reality that Elia and Rhaenys aren’t spending every waking moment thinking about Jon and Lyanna. They have lives to lead and it’s pointless keeping a scoreboard of who got what win over the other. There’s no need to compete, but there’s also no need to be friendly and accommodating is the vibe I’m getting from your story and I really love that. (But I also like that negative feelings exist because let them be human and relatable!!!!!)
Sorry for the word vomit 😅 but I really love your writing and it’s one of the only things I look forward to in this fandom anymore tbh. Thank you so much!
this is so sweet oh my goodness and I’m in a crappy mood today because of uni stress so this really made my day thank you for sending me this
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I’m glad you find Rhaenys and Rhaella exercising soft power interesting. I think you’ve got the right take on Rhaenys! She is someone who would love to be able to be loud and brash and is quite opinionated (see: her outright telling her father she would marry anyone to get away from him) but in the red keep where her every move is scrutinized she doesn’t have the option to do that. She has a complicated relationship with the way she presents herself which is also heavily tied up in the fact that she is the only visibly non-white member of her family and she faces scorn for obviously being half-Dornish.
I think the whole “I’m not like other girls” vibe of only letting girl characters be cool and better when they dislike girls who behave in “traditionally feminine” ways is just as shitty as painting girls who don’t behave in traditionally feminine ways as “masculine” (and trying to say they have male privilege – like what?). The truth is that even though some traits are ascribed by society to one gender or the other – there aren’t any traits that are more inherent to one gender than the other. And quite frankly in a society like Westeros women are going to have a complicated relationship with their performance of gender regardless of how they perform it.   
I also really enjoy women in old stories using the small tools available to them as women to undermine a system that disregards them because it’s fun!
Thank you for saying that my handling of the Jon/Lyanna situation is realistic! I once got accused of bashing - which I don’t want to do so that was a bit of a blow. But I don’t think I’m bashing them to have my characters think negatively of them or disliking them. I did some investigation (mainly by reading r/relationships lmao) into how people feel when their parents break up due to affairs and the common thread I saw was a LOT of pain and resentment and yeah some jealousy and dislike of half siblings who resulted from those new relationships. And that’s in our society where we have stuff like divorce and no one’s starting wars over kidnapped fiancées. Imagine how much more resentment there would be in a situation where not only did your father leave you but that also 1. Put your life in jeopardy 2. Put your inheritance rights in jeopardy 3. You can’t just leave and tell him to fuck himself because in this society the family you have grants you saftey and power. Honestly Rhaegar’s lucky someone hasn’t snapped and stabbed him yet.
You're right to say they aren't accommodating or friendly, saying that Lyanna and Jon are an afterthought is probably right. Rhaenys Rhaella and Elia have approached something like tolerance with Lyanna – they’ll leave her alone if she leaves them alone and that’s the way everyone likes it. In an everyone lived situation I simply don’t think it would be realistic to approach it in any other way. And because Elia and Rhaenys are more on the “winning” side of this I dont think they would spend every waking moment dwelling and brooding on Lyanna.
I think this tendency to have Elia and Rhaenys approve whole-heartedly of Lyanna and Jon is caused by 4 factors
1.     The misguided need to have them be good or to “give them agency”. Making a character a flat nobody who doesn’t have any emotions towards a situation that would be dangerous and deeply personally humiliating to them isn’t making them good or giving them agency its making them boring and unrealistic.
2. Not wanting to “pit girls against one another”. Look i hate this trope of 2 girls catfighting over a guy as much as anyone else but I have noticed that sometimes people say “don’t pit women against each other” when....2 girl characters don’t like each other for totally legitimate reasons. Elia doesn’t dislike Lyanna because she loves Rhaegar and Lyanna was a homewrecker who stole him. Elia is understandably angry because the whole realm is destabilized, her children’s lives and futures are in danger, and she’s been nationally humiliated. Let female characters be as complex as the male ones. No one bats an eye that Ned and Jaime despise one another because they’re men and we don’t expect male characters to be beautiful angels who never have a bad thought about anyone.
3.     To have them be good to contrast “bitchy” Catelyn. Cat isn’t a bitch and I will die on this hill. If you want to look at who was primarily responsible for the whole Jon situation Rhaegar and Ned are right there.
4.     Being unable to conceptualize non-white characters as having motivations (and negative emotions) that are either directed towards or separate from a (usually white) fandom fav character like Lyanna or Jon.
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astrologytingzz · 3 years
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Describing Every Zodiac Sign: From An Aquarius
Aries - Now we all know our Aries.They are a fire sign and they are passionate, motivated, and highly confident leaders who build big communities of friends and family. They like to surround themselves around people that love them for them and if you cant find the good in that then you have to go. They are direct in their approach and are not afraid to say what is on their minds. If you like what they said then good for you, and if you dont like what they said then oh well deal with it. Their weaknesses are a lack of patience, and will sometimes force things to go fast a little bit too much.
Taurus - Taurus are known to be intelligent, dependable, hardworking, dedicated, and stubborn. For the Taurus, it is all or nothing, there is no such thing as in between or halfway there. They are sometimes descripted as being a mean and heartless person but on the inside, they care a lot about other people they need to get their goals together too.
Gemini - Geminis are very intelligent, outgoing, and adaptable in my opinion. But sometimes they can be unreliable, sometimes they are nosy too, wanting to know everything about everyone and can be boastfull at times. Geminis are also impulsive being able to change their minds in a heartbeat. But apart from that, they are easy going and adjustable and they are willing to try anything at once.
Cancer - Cancers are like the homeboy of the zodiac signs. Easily one of the most emotional zodiac signs ever, but only because see themselves as greatness. They are nurturing, compassionate, Cancers are very loyal, they are arguably one of the most noteworthy trait. Cancers are also highly protective, in addition to being loyal, Cancers are extrodinary protective of their loved ones, sometimes even to a fault. They deeply charish and family and close friends and will often go out of their way to protect their loved ones. But they can be moody, and sometimes vindictive.
Leo - Leos are the star of the zodiac, their traits include being confident, comfortable being the center of attention, loyal, fiercely protective of their nearest and dearest, generous, luxury-loving, sunny, and big hearted. Their characteristics reflect themes covered by the Fifth House Of Romance and Self-Expression, which Leo rules. The Fifth House oversees leisurely fun, creativity, children, pleasure, and the most spirited, effervescent expression of love and sex, like flirting and dating. But the downside to the great Leos is that they are posesive, impatient, an self centered. Sometimes they feel like they can dominate other people. 
Virgo - Virgos are very hardworking, they understand that hard work pays off. They arent afraid to throw themselves into a project and do one damn good job on it. No matter what it takes, they may even have sleepless nights because they try to do their best on the things they do. Virgos are also humble and affectionate, along with their desire to see the best in people, they are unfailingly kind and are always willing to help somebody in need, Virgos are more patient then others. But the downside to them is that they are critical, stubborn, and they overthink too much.
Libra - Libras are natural peacemakers at heart. and they are experts at being tactical and diplomatic in their relationships and groups. They choose their words carefully and aim to find common ground with as many people as possible. Libras have a strong sense of justice. They want to make sure everyone gets heart, and are passionate about making sure that things stay balanced, Libras are witty, smart, and excellent conversationalist. They have active imaginations and are quick to think on their feet, which makes them great company and great problem solvers, but some bad traits about Libras is that they are indecisive, controlling and they are easily one of the most vindictive signs. 
Scorpio - Determination is one of the most well known Scorpio characteristics. There is nothing better to have somebody when your in trouble by your side then a brave and determined scorpio. They will run into danger without a second thought and are always the first to volunteer themselves for difficult tasks. Scorpios are also loyal and highly honest and ambitious. But there are some downside to Scorpios is that they are jealous, secretive, controlling, and resentful. A Scorpio is the mastermind behind every mischief. Their cunning ways are hard to deal with and impossible to comprehend. So the next time you think of challenging a Scorpio, well, good luck! Their ruthlessness is often accompanied by the urge to take revenge. A Scorpio will never let you get away with something. They will take revenge and will go to any extreme for it. So if you angered one, try and make-up before it is too late!
Sagittarius - Sagittarians are optimistic, lovers of freedom, hilarious, fair-minded, honest and intellectual. They are spontaneous and fun, usually with a lot of friends, and are perhaps the best conversationalists in the zodiac (maybe tied with Gemini). Due to their knack for contemplation and critical thought, a Sagittarius is prone to overestimating his or her intellect and, as a result, can come across as egotistical. Narcissism has a tendency to lead to self-indulgence, and Sagittarians can get carried away with it. While it rarely gets in the way of their work, it certainly poses the risk of driving away friends and family.
Capricorn - Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time. They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience and expertise. If you manage to anger a Capricorn and really push their limits, brace yourselves for the impact! When angered, this zodiac can be quite brutal and will cut you down with their words. So better watch out before you argue with them!
Aquarius - Not one for "going with the flow", Aquarians make their own mind up and then stick to it. You can not cajole or persuade them from their viewpoint, unless you've got *evidence* i.e. data, facts, peer-reviewed analysis. Aquarians live (quite happily thank you) largely in their own head. Dissecting knowledge, deconstructing conventions, dreaming up dreams, thinking about outer space (seriously). You could be telling them your dog is dead, and they are looking at you but their face is blank. *SPOILER* they're not listening, they're thinking about the cosmos. Though their natural intelligence, fair mindedness and (great) wit often wins them a wide circle of eclectic friends, ultimately Aquarius stands alone. They will not compromise their ideals, morals or need for freedom and independence for anyone. Though their natural intelligence, fair mindedness and (great) wit often wins them a wide circle of eclectic friends, ultimately Aquarius stands alone. They will not compromise their ideals, morals or need for freedom and independence for anyone. If an Aquarius isn't responding to what you say, chances are they have wandered off to their 'La La Land'. They are known to be absent-minded. This trait doesn't go well at situations which demand active participation. If the Water Bearer wants something, it is now or never! They won't wait around for things to happen and often lack patience. Aquarius is not the zodiac to wait for something.
Pisces - Pisces are known as the most artistic of all zodiac signs, and they frequently express their creativity in everyday life. They have strong imaginations, and their reputation as dreamers can help them when they pursue hobbies such as art, music, and writing. They aren't as bound by logic as many other signs, and their openness to new ideas allows them to explore creative avenues others may overlook or dismiss as impractical. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, there's no one better than a Pisces. Pisces are incredibly empathetic and in tune with the emotions of others. If they see someone crying, they will immediately want to know how they can help, and they may even begin crying themselves out of sympathy. Pisces are extremely generous and known for putting others' needs before their own. It's important to them that the people they care about are happy, so they'll go out of their way to do something kind or help you with a problem you're having, even if it sometimes comes at the expense of their own happiness. Pisces are the most sensitive of all zodiacs. They will get hurt on the smallest of things and expect you to apologise for it. Their extremely sensitive nature is the reason they are not able to handle the challenges of life in an efficient manner. Pisces has the flaw of thinking about negative outcomes of every situation. It is seldom that they think positive and when they do, something or the other blows their mind in the opposite direction. It is very hard to keep a Pisces on the right track when it comes to thinking.  
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iridescentides · 4 years
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hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜
okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.
5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)
okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:
its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together
the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important
the songs are good!!!
basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.
4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)
okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.
i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.
and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.
3. The Swap (2016)
okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!
the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.
the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 
the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.
2. Freaky Friday (2018)
this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.
first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.
yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.
on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.
but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.
freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.
1. Let It Shine (2012)
this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!
let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.
the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.
on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.
if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.
for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.
and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:
going to the mat (2004)
gotta kick it up! (2002)
tru confessions (2002)
dont look under the bed (1999)
invisible sister (2015)
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masterbeta29 · 5 years
Text
My review of Pokemon SwSh!!!! (or just Shield, cuz it was the version I play, LOL)
Finally, after finishing the game (including the Post game) and fully exploring the region, I think it’s time for me to say what I think of this 8 gen…
I know it’s obvious, but I mention it just in case: This is MY OPINION!!!, if someone disagrees with me its totally valid, I just ask for respect.
ALSO, English is not my first language so I might have certain lack/erros of spelling out there, or I repeat many words, hehe.
It is important to clarify that this review is based on SwSh base, everything that refers to DLC will NOT be included here, my opinion of the game is already done, the rest is extra content.
I wanted to give this review a more ‘’silly’’ tone, since giving negative opinions on the internet can be quite delicate and I wanted to relax the mood. Do not take this seriously, I still have my CONS with the game, but it is still genuinely enjoyable, which for me is the most important thing in a game.  I will talk about everything in general, so I will try to summarize certain points.
LET’S GO!!!
NEW FEATURES
Poke Camp, Curry Dex, Boxes and more
It’s like a dream come true for me, visiting other camps, seeing my whole party next to each other in the screen playing, discussing, running, is something really magical helps, me connect with them and know their personalities better, although I admit that I miss petting them lol and the minigames like in Gen 6. I also really liked the concept of curry as an alternative way to cure your Pokémon maybe I just wish there was a simpler way to know how to create new recipes (ALSO TMs).
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Access to boxes anywhere is wonderful especially when you are breeding, just like, changing the name of trade Pokémon and the move reminder.
Rotomphone
It is not used as much as a phone, more than in the post Game (I can be wrong tho) but it serves as Dex and that’s what’s important really, the new feature is that now it includes the bicycle, that can ride both on land and water and in my opinion it is a degradation of what the concept of  “Poke Ride” was, but as I said before, it fulfill the function it should.
Trainer Cards
The concept of being able to share and customize them with other players is super entertaining, although it is a bit annoying that you always have to make a new code for each small modification. As for the cards of the main characters of the game, I will talk with a little more detail later. 
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Dynamax
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At the beginning it was fun and exciting, but in the end it just became a gimmick that sometimes I had to use by obligation in raids. It is not as epic as the Megas and does not have the weight of the lore and cultural/regional connection like the Z-moves.
The Giga forms, although some are great, and I am happy that they gave Pokémon like Garbodor love, I also think that there were many missed opportunities, starting with the starters of the region or in giving forms to Pokémon that in previous generations already had like Gengar and Charizard.
Raids
They are incredibly fun, it is an activity that you can spend hours and hours enjoying, especially with friends but if we talk about NPCs… OOF, I understand that the purpose of Pokemon is that we all make friends and work as a team, but DAMN, if it is stressful when you lose a raid with 3 friends and an NPC, because the Pokémon only killed the NPC, it is almost impossible to defeat a 5 star raid with only NPCs, and as I said before I understand why they do them weaker, but there are some that are completely useless, I see you Martin Solrock lol.
Poke Jobs and Rotom Rally
I  will be honest, I have not used these features enough to have a solid judgment on these lol.
CHARACTERS
Magnolia
OK, I need to get this off my chest: I am incredibly disappointed and sad with this character, especially since she is/was our first old female professor, to be simply pulled into forgettable land.
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It started pretty well, but then it just disappeared until almost the end of the game to give the role of professor to Sonia … REALLY ?! I hate to say this, but she felt more like a device to give character development to Sonia, when she could have been used in scenes with Rose or repeatedly going into further detail about Dynamax for the MC (you know because she’s an expert about that topic…), before give the paper to Sonia. At least I am grateful that I had a little more screen time in the post game, although not even as a professor.
Sonia
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Thank you Sonia, for allowing us to discover and know the story with you, honestly she was the one who saved mostly my interest in the story. 
But speaking of the character, I like her, I like her dedication to get out of the shadow of Leon’s achievement and to show her grandmother that she is capable, which she finally manages to fulfill, she still has certain insecurities, but that makes her more human, she’s the real professor (I’m still salty for Magnolia tho)
Leon
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Everyone knows from the posts on my PT on Twitter that I constantly bullying the character, but I really like him a lot, he is an excellent guide/brother through the game, charismatic, EXTRA, but very involved in his role as champion, in the sense that he is always aware of what is going on and helping in the process, in addition to being strong (one of the most difficult battles in the game). Definitely among my fav champions with Cynthia, Steven and Kukui (I count him as champion, SU!)
Gym Leaders
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I love them, their designs, personalities, the animations, they are all incredibly memorable, my favorites are Opal, Kabu and Piers. 
But even so, I wish I had more to go on besides the lore on the back of their cards and their battle animations, I would have liked to see them more integrated in the story, and I feel that it lack a little more interaction with some of them, especially Allister and Melony in my case, but at least the trainer cards were a good addition to know them a little more, outside of being a Gym Leader.
RIVALS
OK, I’m prepared for everyone to hate me, *sigh*:
I… I DONT LIKE BEDE AND MARNIE THAT MUCH?… I mean, I don’t hate them, and they are both far from being the worst rivals, but I did expect a little more from both…
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Bede
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I am one of the few of the fandom that does not like rivals flat jerks, because for me, that is not a character but rather  a trait.
But I wanted to give it a try, and when I was just beginning to gain interest in him, they force his backstory in my face… And as I said, I like trainer cards…but more in characters, like G.leaders because these are characters that we don’t see much around the trip, but in the case of rivals, that appear several times and develop in the story, I personally like to get to know them little by little, discover their story and understand them in the course, here I felt it more as an excuse for me, to feel bad for him, especially at the moment he gives you his card.
His relationship with Rose is not explored enough imo. 
And a complete turn-around that happens offscreen, like no joke, the MC literally didn’t see any of it, he just disappears after the Opal scene (but to give him credit, that scene is one of my favorites in the game).
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But you know, I understood that he was just a lost boy, and I’m happy that he found a better place, and I admire his effort to want to change, so in the end I ended up liking him a little more.
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Marnie
Marnie is interesting, because although I agree with many people that she would have benefited from having more screen time, I consider that a good character does not need all the screen time in the world, is about what but what they do with it, and the problem I have with her is that her time was not well spent.
I like her dream and I really like her relationship with her brother, however there was no moment when I really connected with her. I feel partly, that I don’t know her character, like her various personality facets. 
Untapped opportunities: fight with her more times or with her…would have helped the character a lot imo.
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Hop
Hop is the best rival of the three hands down, his trainer card contains the right and necessary information to make us have an interest in the character, but also the story lets us know him more: a competitive boy, but who has insecurities, fears of failure, that is reflected not only by the dialogue but also in his Pokemon team (no really, it broke my heart when I realized that he didn’t have his Wooloo in his team), that he is frustrated and suffers, but he gets up, discovers other tastes and with these finds a new path, ugh perfect, I adore him.
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Forcing the player to defeat him is torture, it is like defeating Hau in USUM and Wally in ORAS breaks my heart.
Rose
In short: ok character, decent /meh antagonist, and a horrible villain. 
Like the climax of the story, Rose is forced in the end to be the villain, when he worked best as an antagonist, his plan makes no sense, his battle is disappointing, although his battle theme is awesome, but it just does not fit the character, the plan, nor the situation at all.
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But the character has a certain charisma, especially in his ‘’suit especially in his incognito suit.”
Oleana
Interesting character, with a potential backstory, with motives and characterization, who is underused in the story * sigh *… I LIKE HER THO
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Overall, I would have liked to see much more of the relationship between Rose, Oleana and Bede, I think it would have benefited the 3 characters…
Team Yell
They are … ok, it is cool to have a team that is not villain, that bother the player from time to time even for good reasons, I admire his dedication and loyalty.
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THE REGION
The region is aesthetically beautiful, the details, the structure, the contrast for example between Hammerlocke and Ballonlea, and despite not living in the UK or having had the opportunity to travel to the destination, according to my friends the region in which the games are based is very well related, which I think is excellent. However, despite the visual beauty, when it comes to routes and exploration it feels a bit limited, there are really some towns, where the most interesting thing to do is complete the Gym, there are almost no reasons to return to the previous town after having passed them…
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But, what I missed the most was the lack of exploration, discovery, the charm of the NPCs…
Many have told me: what about the Wild Area? Because of the ability to explore in an open area, it is probably the best in the franchise! and yes, the Wild Area is a very attractive part of these games (I will talk a little bit about this, later), but as I said, everything that is considered part of the capacity of the new console, I will not take it into account, it is unfair, because a portable console can NOT stand a concept such as the Wild Area although the developers had the idea before, not at least at SwSh scale.
And as I said before and again, the T.Cards are an incredible idea, but for me NOTHING compares to getting to know the characters through the world, dialogue, interaction… I’m going to use pokemon Moon as an example to make me understand better: (because it was the last main pokemon game I played before SwSh and that’s why I have it more fresh lol) Where you can enter Olivia’s shop, buy jewelry and visit her room and discover that she is a desperate single woman, or enter Gladion’s room and talk to the receptionist and that she tells you part of his story, that kind of things…
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Let’s see for example Melony, we know she has more children besides Gordie, but only for concept art, and yes, probably do unique models would take a while, but I honestly wouldn’t have be bothered  if they use generic NPCS, they did it with Lana’s sisters, then the anime can dedicated to giving them unique designs.
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Speaking of NPCs (mainly of those inside the houses), many lost the charm and authenticity they had… I mean, where is the lady who told us the story of her husband’s accident or the men of the coffee shop, who every time he prepares us a drink told us the story of where such a drink came from, ect… the NPCS on that side are boring…
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EXCEPT BALL GUY, he / she is awesome!
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I know this look like extra or unimportant things, but these little details really give life to the region, personality to characters that are secondary, it makes everything feel more united and also makes the main characters feel more inside the world, and honestly that is why on this hand, some cities felt empty for me…
But the other hand, I really liked what they did with the NPCs fans, see how the number increasing every time the MC wins a gym battle, makes the trip to become a champion feel more rewarding, It really helps you feel like a true champion when you got it. 
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Other examples like the girl NPC who is going to support  you in the Gyms while their pokemon is evolving, or how the NPCS react and change their dialogue corresponding to what is happening… beautiful, for this part the worldbulding is 10/10.
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The wild Area
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Probably the closest we have for now of an open space area in a Pokemon game, I have to admit that I get lost at least 1 half an hour trying to find the next destination (I understand you Leon), it was hilarious lol, at the beginning of the game it turns out to be a fairly limited area, and you really can enjoy it in its entirety when you finish the main story, but I don’t see so much trouble with that, since it’s partly the point, for balance. In general, it is a fantastic idea although I feel that it is necessary to polish it in certain parts, and NO, I don’t mean THE TREE, but I don’t want to be so hard on GF at this moment, because is the first time they experiment with such concept…
Pokemon and Music
I put these two together because they both share a very curious characteristic: EXPERIMENTAL. 
The pokedex is super solid, I love how these last generations, GF is doing its homework and is striving to make the pokemon belong to the region, as for animals, myths, culture…muah I LOVE IT, BRAVO.
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For me a good OST movie or video game not only has to be for the piece n yes, but how it is composed to accompany the events that occur on the screen, how it adapts and fits a certain scene of the story or character, and although I admit that in general it is not my favorite compared to other gens, there are tracks that have become part of my favorites:
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The crowd, the screams, the build up as you gradually approach the last pokemon, ugh. Dynamax is cool and everything, but THIS is the basis for me, of why these battles feel so energetic and exciting.
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That mystical atmosphere that catches you, is beautiful but at the same time mysterious, and perhaps many disagree with me, but the addition of the howls of the legendaries… I love it.
STORY
I think the game started extremely well, the introduction to the characters, the exploration, the introduction to the starters, the mystery of the legendary, everything is on track to me to enjoy this adventure to the fullest, but later I felt like it began to fall.
I understand that this is Pokémon and sometimes Pokémon does not need a complex story to make it enjoyable, as long as it makes sense and is entertaining, the problem I have mainly with the story is how they constantly get you out of it. I understand the concept they wanted to do: to take a more realistic point of view, in which adults take responsibility or in this case the champion and that later when you become champion you now can do what the champion did, and I like this concept, but the phrase of “you focus on the gym, we take care of the problems ” they say and they repeat it several times in the game like, I understood the first time!!! 
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Indirectly I felt like they were trying to took me out, and in consequence I lost interest in the story of the game, if it hadn’t been because Sonia bothered to explain to me the lore and a little of what was happening. 
It’s more like “tell us” and not “show us”
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and that’s the risk of this concept: you play as a main character, because you want to be a main character or share the role.
The climax feels incredibly forced and confusing, I felt that there was no build out, almost no foreshadowing for what was happening at the moment, everything comes out of nowhere, and thats why, I started making Okami jokes with Eternatus, because I don’t felt that emotion of the ‘’Climax’’.
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Definitely in the part where the game shine was in the gym Challenge, as I said before, the gyms, the leaders, the atmosphere within them, the scale, the music that changing every time, until reaching the final pokémon, the challenges that we have to do before, the fans, becoming the champion, all this really is the identity of the game. 
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Pokémon returned to its roots, where this story is the story of us again, and becoming the champion here is everything, it is one of the most exciting and most satisfying Gym challenge in all generations with gyms.
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ADDITIONAL
Here I want to give opinions according to the experiences I had with certain things within the game, which I think are quite PERSONAL, because each person plays different Pokémon, by the team of Pokémon, because he decided to level up more or stay at a lower level or how you decided to follow the story of the game.
Difficulty
Decent, by the standards of Pokemon of course, I try not to leveling to much, and if I do, there are maximum 3 levels and only one pokemon… So, gyms were easy in general, perhaps a pair that were difficult (Allister and Melony), but I never did black screen as in other games, but definitely the most difficult battle in the game is Leon, which I think is appropriate.
Online
Its horrible lol, There were not only once but several times in which I lasted like 1 hour trying to connect with a person, it is ridiculous.The signal falling every so often. But in general the biggest problem I have is connecting with very specific people, not even with the infamous Festival Plaza had so many problems.
Gameplay / Pacing
It is normal the same as always which is fine, some drop of frames out there in certain scenes but nothing serious, some cuts and lack of scenarios / designs that if you should in when they took me a little at the time, but absolutely nothing compared as the haters make it look, the game is still incredibly enjoyable, and it can be played perfectly.
The pacing started pretty well/decently, but from the fourth gym onwards, everything became very very fast, and not to mention the climax and the Pokemon League, honestly all this last arc felt super stuck….
So my opinion in general is: I enjoy the game like any other Pokémon game, it has its entity, it has new and interesting things that I would like it to expand more in future generations and it has personality. Is it my favorite game or my favorite generation? No, I definitely enjoyed other generations more, there were many missed opportunities that they could take more advantage, and I feel bad for GF for making them release this game for this year and these dates, because unfortunately some cuts are very noticeable. But the generation just starting ,so we will have to wait and see what we have for the future. For now, Thanks Pokémon SwSh, for another adventure…
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hey-hamlet · 5 years
Text
BNHA AU Ideas: Lab-brat
also on AO3
TL;DR: 
Age 7, Izuku is taken from the family he knows to become a human labrat for the league of villains.
Age 13, he escapes.
izuku is a lil quirkless kid, born to an absent dad and a really great mum
like hisashi? he vanished when it came out izuku was quirkless. little did they know, he was actually trying to do right by them by doing that
because when izuku turns 6 hisashi's boss finds out about his quirkless son. dr tsubasa has new nomu fodder
hisashi tries to stop them but he doesnt want his son to suffer this alone if they kill him, so he gives in, they take izuku on his 7th birthday. bakugo is angry because no one will tell him what happened to izuku, because no one knows. inko moves in with the bakugos
now, they've never made a nomu from a quirkless kid before, but afo has given quirks to quirkless people before, and they didn't have any negative effects, which he's interested in. so they ask izuku if hed like a quirk and izuku says yes please! because he doesnt know hes been kidnapped, because his dad is there
afo is honestly just very interested in where this is going, he doesnt ever expect to really use izuku as a nomu, more a lab rat than anything. plus, the kid is cute and plays well with tomura so he might be useful
he asks izuku what type of quirk he'd like and izuku rambles about quirks for a little bit happily and tsubasa is Very Interested because if, like he thinks, the extra quirks dont break this kid's brain, hes going to have one very helpful labrat
also yes in this au shigiraki calls him "lab-brat"
so izuku eventually comes to the end of his quirk ramble and says "something minor but that can be used creatively"
so afo gives him a hardening quirk that can be used on a meter square of skin at a time
afo tells him it might hurt a bit but izuku says hes brave! so he takes it without crying and afo tells him hes very strong
izuku asks when hes going to see his mum. afo smiles and hisashi has a bad feeling
"your mum didn't want you anymore, she asked your dad to take care of you because he didn't like that you were quirkless. i didn't think that was fair so i told your father he could bring you to stay here."
and izuku is upset but his mum was never very supportive of him,,, she was nice? but other than that she just kinda exsisted. afo tells him its ok, sometime people are very mean without meaning to be and izuku is allowed to stay with dr tsubasa and his father so izuku cheers up a little
the doctor says hes going to work as his lab assistant as homeschooling and izuku is very excited to study quirks!! hisashi feels kinda bad bc he didn't want his son to be a villain but he's in awe of afo's ability to lie his actual ass off and his son is happy now so it's all good
basically: they know izuku has a hero complex a mile wide, so instead of breaking him, they play into it
anyway, extra quirks don't seem to degrade his mental function, afo tells izuku his quirks are from villains, trades and donations,,, which,,, he's not really lying ab that
izuku is priceless as a living growing experiment so they are very kind to him and pretty fond of him, he ends up getting a lot of healing quirks to compliment his role as lab-brat/nurse 
so he has a much less powerful rewind quirk than eri, its like only 3 times normal speed in reverse, activated by choice
he has a pyrokinesis quirk (he got it for his birthday, he wanted to match his dad)
a feathered wing quirk (requested by dr tsubasa bc it would he "practical" (aka dude has issues))
he no longer has the hardening quirk, it went to an "employee"
also has a night vision quirk, a disinfection quirk, a jump quirk and a mild resistance quirk
most of the quirks he has a helpful ones, but ones that couldn't be used on nomu bc they needed an actual strategy to use. he had an emitter with mind mutation qualities at one point? so hes kinda a mismatch of a fluffy, glowing, lanky green child 
v e r y smart, also very pale! because he's been outside very rarely
hes been told hes doing contract work for the heroics commission
so he does quirk testing (hes given the quirk for a bit and mucks around with it, then gives it back) and analysis
hes always thought something was wrong? because his big brother tomura hates heroes and ways always upset, his dad and tsubasa looked sad sometimes and sensei got hurt really badly one day and he had to help fix him
(he almost threw up bc afo had n o f a c e and izuku had to touch him, tsubasa couldn't convince izuku afo was alive until he had his eyes back)
and bc izuku is a soft boy he just wants to save them! so age 13 he goes to the part of the lab hes not allowed to bc its too "dangerous"
and
its filled
with what once
were people
he runs
afo isnt surpirsed exactly, he was expecting this and had a tracker implanted in the kid. but he thinks this could be interesting, new data to collect. the chip can read his vitals/location etc. so they dont need him by their side to collect data on him
so he just tells tsubasa and hisashi to let him go, afo will collect him if he gets too hurt. shigiraki is sad bc his mariokart buddy is gone but the labbrat with be back soon, because heroes are terrible
so they move the lab just incase, but dont really expect izuku to sell them out
so izuku is on his own in a city he doesnt know
hes not treated very well by strangers because hes very "mutant" looking, and has no money to his name. he doesnt trust police, he doesnt trust most heroes
a lot of the heroes he did analysis on turned out to be shady at best and hes nervous they'll throw him back to sensei
then he remembers nezu
nezu was a labrat, just like him.
and he thinks he might have a hope
so izuku knows the heroes that work at UA
he knows they are all good people too. heroics teaching pays well, but not as well as patrolling can, so they must value the kids over fame. however, he also knows rocking up in front of them asking to see nezu is a terrible idea 
but its the only one he has
so, before he does all this he gets nezu's email and explains that he needs to talk to him, knowing nezu wont respond but at least he'll know of izuku if this stupid idea works, so he becomes a hero chaser
mics fight? shows up, heals mic and tells him he needs to talk to nezu then he runs away bc the police are coming
midnight? blocks a knife with his wing and heals her wounds, telling her he really needs to talk to nezu
aizawa? finds him bleeding in an alley and sits with him for an hour while he heals his wounds, tells him he really needs to talk to nezu
so at this point, nezu is very intrigued mostly because mic, midnight and aizawa have no idea what this kid's quirk is, and they have described him as looking different each time
so when the alarm goes off at UA before school starts hes not particularly alarmed, and he asks everyone to wait before responding
hes rewarded when he sees a sheepish izuku knocking on his window
anyway, izuku isnt doing too hot. in fact, afo was a few days away from picking him up because he was starving, cold and in pain
nezu opens the window and the first thing out of izuku’s mouth is "i was a labrat too" and nezu is Very Very Interested
izuku spills all he can and its clear to nezu that even though izuku thinks hes been treated well? he hasn't been 
so nezu asks izuku if he has anywhere to go. which he doesnt, because his mum "gave him away" nezu asks if he'd be ok if he stayed with some of the teachers and izuku says "no i dont want to be a bother, ill find somewhere!" and aizawa walks in and says "lol nope come with me"
so hes just turned 14 fyi, aizawa is teaching some 3rd years and after they graduate hes getting a new class of first years (which hes going to expell all of them.)
so anyway, izuku tells them ab his quirks and nezu has a bad feeling so he calls all might and allmight has the worst feeling bc fuck its afo the bastard isn’t dead
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petitprincess1 · 5 years
Text
My Heroic AU (Now With OCs)
Warning: Long(er) Post!
I’m back at it again with another thing explaining my Heroic Au. Figured that I should probably explain some of my OCs (even though the main four are technically OCs too, but shush). So, for those who are interested, click here to read my first post (for those who read it, now they got heights and ages) about my AU. I would say you don’t have to read that one, but it helps to get a gist of things. But if you dont want to, here’s the main idea:
Central/Main Idea: Mine are more on the chaotic good side of things than lawful because I find it more fun and they kind of explore the whole “if villains can kill and destroy and people just accept it, why can’t a hero do the same, especially when justified and with a corrupt justice system?” Basically, whenever a hero does anything like kill or destroy, no matter the reason, they are automatically seen as corrupt or they have a dying need to be stopped, even more so than villains. My Heroic characters basically exist to prove such a thought wrong…even if they aren’t the most mentally balanced people.
Also, I will be using imaged from others that I have commissioned/requested, while also tagging them. If they do not wish for me to use their drawings, then that is perfectly fine
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Sayua Kobayashi/Cross-Boa (created by @little-geecko) Age: 34-35 Height: ~7 foot at full height, but can be about 6 foot 8 Job: Hero for hire/Archer Species: Naga (even though she doesn’t know how to shape-shift) Background: Very little is known about Sayua’s past, due to her being found as a baby in the middle of the forest…and her not willing to tell anyone about her background. Her parents, who were elders, often taught her to stay within the wilderness and often keep moving, due to them being nomads. They also taught her how to live off the land, how to defend herself, teaching her archery and how to create/fix her own weapons.
Her parents ended up dying, due to natural causes, when Sayua was 19, forcing her to live on her own. She didn’t really bother moving from where they last had made shelter, since it was in a pretty well-protected and bountiful. And because she didn’t want to leave her adoptive parents’ graves. Everything was pretty calm as she did whatever she could to take care of herself, until a year or two later someone had ransacked her place and her parents’ graves were dug up.
Sayua was able to track them down easily to a small town and had gathered information from people (who she snapped at few times from them taking too long to answer her) from where the thief seemed to be located. When she found them, it seemed like she had found them also having an illegal pawning business where they basically stole whatever they could from people, sell it off, and run before cops are notified. Needless to say, she was going to give them hell for disrupting her peace and interrupting her parents’ eternal peace.When she came out with a few wounds, bruises and only a fractured arm, as well as the criminals being taken away, Sayua was approached by a man with a white top hat that was very interested in her deed. Personality: She’s a very strong-willed woman with a fiery temper, while also taking absolutely no shit from anyone. if you ever tell her that her short temper and snappy behavior is from being alone in a forest for so many years, she’ll tell you it’s not, while also holding a sickle to your throat. Despite her behavior, she also is a natural leader and will often take the lead or make the first move. 
She also tends to be very indifferent to what your status is and what you have down. So, it’s pretty hard to intimidate her, but she does have her limits. just hardly ever shows them. Don’t expect her to be terrified of people like Demencia or Flug because the moment they breathe to even say one sentence, Sayua will yell, “HOLY SHIT! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!” …She’s impatient.
Despite all these “negatives”, she does have a soft spot that she shows from time-to-time and will often try to inspire younger heroes to work harder to be their best. …Does telling people that they will die if they don’t man up count as inspiration? Also, she may or may not be asexual. She just says that she would rather not figure out how snakes have sex. That and Lucius doesn’t make it any better with all the sex jokes he makes.
~~~
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Lucius Wickes/Heartbreaker/Reaper (created by @skribblie) Age: 25 Height: 5 foot 8 Job: Hero for hire/Womanizer Species: Incubus Background: Lucius did live a pretty normal-ish life with his dad being a former demon from Hell that was one of Satan’s warriors, banishing all those that dare get in his way, and his mom being an accountant. He was raised and born in New Orleans, where his dad retired and met his mom. Lucius also met his ex-fiancee, Maria (yes, I know that Metauro’s ex-wife is named Maria. I made these backgrounds a long time ago…I am not changing anything). The two hit it off very quickly, due to Maria being immune to his passive infatuation ability and being more into just him, which he found absolutely incredible. He hadn’t really met anyone that wasn’t into him for simply being an incubus. Plus, Maria was also really into the supernatural, so that was something that put him at ease.
The two ended up leaving out of New Orleans to a smaller town that wasn’t even really on the map. Maria wanted to go there because she had always wanted to live a small, simple life and Lucius wanted to go there to propose. Unfortunately, neither got what they wanted.
Lucius refuses to say what all exactly happened, being vague on purpose to seem guiltier, except that her death was on his hands and that Maria’s last words were: “It’s not your fault.” …A man with a white hat also found him covered in blood, in the middle of a city that was littered with bodies, and had a thousand mile stare in his eyes. The only thing that made him snap out of it was of the man promising that he will make him atone for his sins. Personality: Lucius is a quick-witted smartass that really knows how to and when to get on somebody’s nerves. He has an extreme ego and isn’t afraid to boast about his best qualities He always looks for any opportunity to make an explicit joke or even to seduce someone. He will fervently deny that it’s some kind of self-medication and just say that it’s the price of being a demon. He also loves to play around or mess with people in any way that he can, even if it means that they may want to punch or kill him afterwards.
He’s the kind of guy that likes to cheat death or toe the line of danger, whatever gets his adrenaline pumping and unleashes a bit of the sleeping hellish beast within him. Whether that be through sex or even a bit murder, he’s all up for it. His preferred weapon is a hatchet or an axe.
Lucius can also barely control his demonic side and often keeps it under wraps. The only time he uses it is when in an emergency or when they both have a common end goal, which rarely happens. White Hat must be present when his demon side is let loose or else he’ll lose control fairly quickly and go on a rampage.
Lucius also often attends bars and even will be a bartender or even put on a show for the people. Anyone of any gender or configuartion loves him and loves them for helping him forget how much he hates himself.
~~~
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Mari Belmont/The Marionettist (created by a friend and @redmoondragon-art) Age: 16 Height: 5 foot Job: Assassin for hire/Student Background: Mari was born without any powers or anything really all that unique. However, her father was researching a way to genetically engineer a hero. He didn’t really have any other test subjects, but Mari, who was 5 years old at the time, had volunteered to help him. Mari’s mom was against her helping her father, but after a long argument, she realized that she wasn’t going to win. So, she just only wished for her to be closely monitored and safe. There isn’t much to her background, since she’s so young, but the process to become what she is now was very long and grueling. She often remembers times waking up in the middle of the night in her test tube, almost drowning. Personality: Despite her age, Mari often is the mother of any group that she’s a part of. Always making sure that everyone is ready and taken care. She also had taken dancing and aerial silks lessons when she was around 10. It was just something that she always found interesting and graceful. Mari also loves any activity that requires any bit of creativity or using her hands.
Her powers also allows her use her strings like a tightrope, aerial silks (without even hurting herself), and that she can swing on. Not only that, but she also can use them to control peoples’ minds and make them like her puppet, which she often just makes them kill themselves with whatever is nearby. 
She also is extremely playful and hyperactive. She will also defend the actions of her parents, especially to those that dare pretend they know better. She also attends White Hat hero academy whenever she has free-time. ..What do you mean you have to register?
~~~
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Panna “Pan” Ward/Pandora (created by @lightpudding) Age: 10-12 Height: 4 foot 4 Job: Freelance hero Background: Pan was very sick when she was born, an illness that attacked at her throat. Luckily, she was saved, but it cost her her vocal chords, rendering her mute, excluding a few small, quiet noises. Her parents were pretty kept in the shadows, even keeping some of their life away from Pan. All that is known that they were into the dark magic and even, rumored, satanism.However, they made sure that Pan was given as much care and love that she deserved, even home-schooling her and teaching her a bit of sign language.
Unfortunately. Pan only knew her parents for 9 years, due to a random attack that happened in her house. She had no idea what was happening because her parents hid her away in a closet. When everything had quieted down, she found her house completely in ruins and her parents dead bodies. She also found a jack-in-the-box near their bodies that was latched shut with a note, reading, “Take this and defend yourself. You’re the new Pandora.”
Pan wasn’t afraid of the demons that lurked within, especially if it meant that they could help avenge her parents’ death.  Personality: Pandora makes sure that everyone is okay before herself. It can even just be a random villain that she’s fighting. She’ll always come up to them with a small first-aid kit that she keeps in her box and makes sure they’re okay to go home. Although, a bandaid in a large, gaping hole in someone’s stomach may not help all that much. They still appreciate it though.
Her favorite demon in the toy box is a large creature that has hundreds of eyes all over his body, gnashing mouths, large, skin-tearing claws, and deep, timber voice that shakes the very ground. He has caused many deaths, made Satan himself even tremble in fear, created many widows, and has devastated thousands of armies. …Pan named him Lord Fluffybottom. He takes that name with great pride.
Pandora loves learning anything new and often will not ask for help, even if she’s too short to reach for something or has a hard time understanding. Pan also realizes that she is pretty much useless without her jack-in-the-box, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to help or fight, even if her hits amount to nothing. Luckily, not many people are willing to fight a defenseless child, even if she does take that as an insult.
Pan created the dress herself as a way to remember her parents, since it’s made from several pieces of fabric from their and her clothes. Not only that, but she doesn’t live in one place for too long and often moves from place-to-place. ~~~ I have more OCs, but they don’t have images and this going on for a bit long. I may make a part two. I hope that you guys like them and sorry if their stories may be edgy.
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thevirgodoll · 4 years
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3/3 ive been finding myself completely shutting down/ treating someone as if they dont even exist b/c i ld rather do that than react and im not sure if thats healthy. I dont really know how to not operate in extremes. Any advice?
This question seems similar to the last anon. You all are struggling with being kind to yourselves. I will tell you this: You cannot control what others do towards you. You have to release that incessant need to control others because it will not change. Other people will do whatever they want to do, and some of them may never see fault with how they treat you. It is up to you to pick up the pieces of who you are and move on. You cannot anticipate every single outcome in life. The only thing you can do is work on your intuition, and that involves trusting yourself. To trust yourself, you have to believe in yourself, which you do not. How can you protect yourself from outside negativity if you are so hard on yourself for things you cannot change? And even if someone does bring up your past, so? What is that going to do to you? Your past is behind you and you have to move ahead. You have to give yourself permission to evolve, even if other people don’t acknowledge that progress. You have to give up your need for everyone to see your changes because you will be waiting for the rest of your life. Everything you do from now on has to be for you. 
In order to truly serve yourself, you have to make an agreement with yourself that you cannot take things personally. Nothing other people do is because of you, it’s because of themselves. 
Everyone has one mission, and it’s to serve their own interests. By taking something personally, you assume you know what’s going on in their head, and you don’t. Someone else’s perspective and experience is their own, even if it is wrong, it is still valid. It has nothing to do with our worth at the time. 
This doesn’t mean you cannot be hurt by actions, but it does mean that you don’t allow everyone’s actions to reflect your worth or define your worth. Hold yourself to a higher regard. Know what you do have control over, and that is yourself. Stop living in constant paranoia of what these people think. If they have a problem, it is their own to deal with. 
Don’t create expectations and assumptions out of your own insecurities. Check your insecurities at the door. Validate your emotions, instead of attacking them. Rationalize your thoughts. This means you have to agree to try your best to not operate in extremes. You know it is unhealthy, so work towards checking it. You are worthy, even when you have the wrong reaction. However, work towards not being defensive out of someone else’s mistake. 
Don’t place your trust in what other people will do or say, but what you will do and say. Take responsibility for yourself. Instead of beating yourself, say that you know better and will do better next time. Always ask what you can learn, never why you didn’t do something the first time. Stop wasting your own time and energy. 
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The Post War Draco Arguement
It seems like everyone is weighing in on the idea of Draco Malfoy’s post book arc that apparently makes him a ‘good person’ because he ‘grew up’ and no longer tried to murder people or delight in their torture/death. 
Yeah. No. 
Harry, Ron and Hermione literally saved Draco’s life in the room of requirements and not even an hour later Draco is telling Death Eaters he is one of them in order to try to spare his own life. 
Draco didn’t become good. He just realized that he would go to jail and be punished for his misdeeds if he didn’t put on some good boy pants. He’s not pretending to be good, he is a coward who is too afraid to be the bad person that he was. 
There is nothing in the books, in all seven books, to suggest otherwise. There are moments when he is terrified, traumatized, unbearably scared of the negative consequences he has wreaked upon himself, but there was no point where he felt compassion for others or regret. There was no moment where he went to Ron and was like... hey bro, you know how I poisoned you? You know, almost murdering you? Like, I’m totes sorry about that. I regret not only trying to murder Albus Dumbledore, but all the terrible side accidents that happened because of it. That must have been really painful and horrible for you, choking and suffocating and all that. 
Hey, Katie Bell, you know that horrible curse I put on you? Yeah, my bad. Knocked you out for your last season of Quidditch and nearly murdered you too, and destroyed all semblance of joy for your graduating year, but uh... totally wasn’t aiming for you? 
Nope, no remorse or regret, just gonna cry like a little fucking bitch in the bathroom about MY problems. Totally points to redemption. You betcha. 
The fact that people treated Ron like he was being immature for holding a grudge against him? Made me fucking livid. 
No, no, no, we don’t forgive people for trying to murder us. That’s just not healthy. “Forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, it is for the victim.” Some people will say. “So that they themselves can move passed the past and live a healthier life.” Sorry, but there’s a hard pass on that. 
Things that can be forgiven with time? 
A bully. 
If Draco had only bullied them, then sure. You’re both adults now. Maybe they’ll never be friends, but some hurtful words and such can be forgiven. 
But Draco Malfoy demonstrated time again to go passed simple bullying. He’s demonstrated pleasure at the thought of someone else’s death, has shown that he himself would want to be the cause of it, he attempted to murder Dumbledore- in the process nearly killing two students, and showed no remorse what so ever for either events. For either person. 
Only for himself. 
Draco Malfoy is a coward. He should have gone to jail for attempted murder, assault, endangerment, AND for being a Death Eater. Say all you want about him being a ‘child.’ He was well passed childhood. He was a teenager who was one year away from being an adult in the eyes of the wizarding world. Young enough to be forgiven for mistakes (because everybody makes them) but not young enough to be forgiven for attempted murder. 
And before anyone comes up with any weak ass arguments about him having his parents held as hostages... are you out of your god damn mind? Draco was thrilled to be made a Death Eater. He practically glowed with the joy of it on the train ride. Your little head cannon is just that. An imaginary thing that doesn’t exist. No one was a hostage. 
No. Voldemort gave Draco a job he couldn’t possibly handle and sat back to watch the shit show unfold. Daddy was in jail and Mummy was off and making deals with Snape and her sister so they were no where near being held hostage by the dark lord. 
It was only when Draco realized how outclassed he was, how much of an idiot he was for thinking that he could do this, that his fear of not being able to complete the task (not the task itself, mind you) overwhelmed him and made him realize that his life was truly in danger.  
One of the failings of the books, I always thought, was allowing Draco Malfoy to (essentially) get away with everything. His family remained alive. He was safe. Free to get married and have kids, apparently. It was only the disdain of the the wizarding world he had to deal with and that seems to have been all but forgotten by the time the epilogue rolled around. 
While people like Tonks and Lupin, Sirius and Cedric, Fred and Colin and many more died... this motherfucker got to live. 
Its quite sickening. 
And then good people like Ron are just expected to shake his hand and let things just... be? Fuck that. Draco Malfoy deserved to be poisoned and cursed and dropped off the Astronomy Tower with the entirety of Hogwarts applauding his death before heading off to the Great Hall for tea. 
The trope of Draco Malfoy being ‘misunderstood’ is as unjustifiable as the one that states Ron Weasley is a bad friend. These tropes are born out of a problem with culture. The idea that the ‘bad boy’ no matter how terrible he is, no matter abusive or sickening his behavior can always be justified by a shitty passed or other excuses (Draco). On the other hand the idea that a genuinely good person who stands beside the hero is unforgivable for having moments of weakness, of being human, and who is not perfect is also apart of society. The sidekick who has one bad trait is considered to be unworthy while a bad guy is considered misunderstood for having one line in one book that wasn’t absolutely bad. 
Romance Novels are filled with Draco Malfoys. They glorify his type. My best friend (who adores the trash) went on an on about an assassin who kidnapped this woman against her will (but for her own good, apparently). This assassin forces her to stay on this island with him. Yet he is misunderstood. He was horribly abused as a child and had these malicious terrible things done so despite the fact that he is holding her against her will, he is the good guy. 
Another book summary from my bestie? This guy ignores this girls safe word and goes too far. Repeatedly. But no, its not his fault! Because he was raised this way. He’s a good guy. Really. 
Again and again and again she tells me about these romance novels and it truly sickens me. That woman are so into this concept. That the guy who is abusive and horrible and mentally fucked up is more desirable and interesting than the well rounded, genuinely good people in the world. 
She has never, not once, described a healthy relationship in the hundreds and hundreds of books she’s read. Its all equally sickening. 
Which is why people find Severus Snape to be good. It’s why people prefer the Draco Malfoy’s to the sweet Ronald Weasley’s. They have a fascination with the mentally fucked up. They find a thrill with unraveling the reasoning behind it and for trying to draw out the good in all that fucked up-ness. 
The Romance Genre is the highest grossing Genre in all of literature. More than Sci-Fi or fantasty or Young Adult. This Genre, primarily bought by woman, is filled to the brim with abusive, terrible behavior that is glorified and giggled over. 
Because its popular. 
Because it sells. 
That is why Draco Malfoy is popular even though he has no right to be. It is vicious and ugly and sickening, but true, none the less. People like abusive assholes and they’ll fall over themselves to give them excuses. 
#Anti-Draco #HarryPotter #DracoMalfoy #Bully 
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fairycosmos · 5 years
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urgent!!! I FEEL SO LONELY MY CHEST HURTS AND IM CRYING. I CANT EVEN TELL ANYBODY EVEN THE CLOSEST PERSON TO ME BC I DONT WANT TO INFECT THEM WITH SADNESS BC I WANT TO THE BE KIND OF PERSON WHO RADIATES HAPPINESS BUT IM JUST NOT IM ALWAYS SAD AND I AM JUST NOT THAT KIND. I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND CONTENTED WITH WHO AND WHAT I HAVE BUT IM JUST NOT. I LITERALLY FEEL LIKE IM NOTHING, I FEEL SO WORTHLESS AND THAT I DONT DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND IM SO HUNGRY FOR LOVE
hey babeyyyy. i'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this rn and like i can't tell you how much i relate but still i,,,, can't imagine the extent of your specific type of pain god :(( i got your other message and yeah PLEASE let's just fucking drink wine together and scream at the universe for being so unforgiving and unfair. :(( it sucks because i know there's nothing i can say to change your core beliefs but i am eternally proud of you for getting through these episodes and for managing to get by on a day to day basis. it's not easy and you deserve all the credit in the universe, dude. listen not to be dramatic but self hatred is literally a position that morphs every situation into something it's not. i know all the bad things you think about yourself seem like 100% fact, like there's no room for argument or alternative thought, but that truly is the trick of the sadness. i am telling you straight up from a perspective that is not biased by your own negative emotions: you are not unlovable. just because you're alone right now doesn't mean you always will be, and it is not a measurement of your worth as a person. it is totally okay to lose it and to cry and to feel overwhelmed at times, but it is not okay to hurt yourself (in any way) because of it. there is a line and you WILL learn to walk it if you give yourself the chance and the tools to do so. i promise that these concepts DO apply to you and you are not an exception to happiness and positive improvement just because you're current perspective is clouded by how hurt you are. you don't have to believe me at the moment, but please allow it to be something you consider when you're in a calmer frame of mind. that alone is good enough. those small choices do matter.
i totally get what you mean when you say it feels like you're infecting others with your sadness. sometimes i feel like my very presence does that. and you're allowed to feel that way, but you must try to simultaneously recognise that emotional vulnerability usually only strengthens the relationship you have with those around you. it's a way to let love in, the love you're looking for. maybe it's not romantic love but that's just one faucet of tenderness. yeah it's embarrassing but you must examine why you feel guilty over simply having a spectrum of human emotion. and you'd do the same for those you care about, right? leaning on each other is a good thing, it is so so necessary. the give and take is what makes things work. i'm not saying you have to go spilling your secrets to everyone. i'm saying it's ok to admit that you're struggling, as you have to me. even if you have to fucking force the words out. give those around you the opportunity to be a true friend to you. this seems like a very deeply rooted issue and, to be honest, if you haven't done so already i would also ask you to consider maybe talking to a professional about it if you can. i know your brains immediate response will be to shut the idea down, but you gotta see that that's just another tactic that will perpetuate the painful cycle. it can be your doctor, a counselor, even a mental health hotline it you don't know where to start. it may be that you need to reevaulte your self perception and face up to why you feel so scared and upset. a professional will be able to offer you specialized advice, show you how to cope in a healthier way when these emotions do arise, and show you how to question the anxieties so you see how illogical they are. seriously, if this is impacting your happiness and overall well being then there is nothing wrong with needing a more intensive form of support. i can't stress enough that your mental health is just as important and complex as your physical health and you do not have to try and confront it all on your own. sometimes medical assistance is needed, and that is fine. that's just reality. i get that it probably doesn't feel like a viable and realistic option for you at the moment. but please just let the idea linger. it's completely normal to be afraid, to not want to do it. but breaking these patterns starts with choosing to do something different, something for the better. no matter how much your brain rejects it.
that's just a thought though. no pressure, no commitment yet. for now, all you have to do is take a breath. give yourself a moment. allow your mind to go blank for a few seconds. you're here and you're going to be alright. i genuinely believe this is a stepping stone in your life and not a trap or a permanent destination. all of the things you desperately long for are nestled in the future. maybe not where you expect them to be, but there nonetheless. life really does only make sense backwards, and you must give yourself the time to live out the solutions to your problems, angel. it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking your circumstances dictate your significance but they don't. others truly don't see you the way you see yourself and someday someone is going to prove that to you. you'll be hugged, you'll be cherished. and the lack of something in your life is NOT an indicator that you don't deserve it. you do, you always will. it is so normal/human to crave companionship and a true connection, but that want does not determine your whole life. again, i know you don't believe me at the minute. but have a little trust in your older self. no matter how dramatically awful it all seems to you right now, there is a balance. and you will adapt to it, especially if you attempt to. i really hope you're okay and that you try your hardest to accept the rationality instead of the self loathing. you may not be able to every time but just giving it a go will make a difference. i'm sending so much love to you and i am really always here if you need a friend or someone to talk to, ok? hmu anytime.
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