#even if most of it is just me rambling to myself its like that same feeling to me
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eddiebabygirldiaz · 1 year ago
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no one told me how isolating unmasking would be
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theygender · 4 months ago
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This is your sign to get back into playing that video game that you love but put down a long time ago and never picked back up again for no discernable reason
#started playing breath of the wild again a week or so ago after a youtube video about why we put down games showed up in my recommended#i can link the video for anyone who wants it but the most helpful advice in it for me was to just. try playing it for two minutes#if all your fears were right and you cant get back into it then you can put it right back down after the time is up#but if youre enoying yourself then you can keep playing#a big part of my fear was that i wouldnt be able to handle the combat anymore after going like a good couple years without playing it#bc one of the biggest things i love about botw is that for the most part. link doesnt level up#theres no attack and defense stats that level up as you earn experience and make him mechanically better at fighting#for the most part its YOU the player leveling up your fighting skills with practice#...but that also meant that after so long away from the game i was scared that i would have lost all my skill at it#and the learning curve would be too great this late in the game (literally the ONLY main storyline thing left for me to do is fight ganon)#but i played for two minutes and i remembered how much i loved the game. like firsthand not just vague recollection#so ive been running around doing side quests and exploring and now it doesnt feel like im stalling the final battle anymore#it feels like im just intentionally taking time to fully experience the game#and after getting combat practice in again with my exploration im finding out that my fears were wrong!#if anything im even BETTER at combat now than i was when i put the game down#back then i was still terrified of facing lynels and walking guardians#but now im taking them down before they can even get one hit in on me!#im so proud of myself and im having so much fun#so. for anyone else out there. this is your sign to do the same#rambling#maybe once i finish breath of the wild i can even finally start on tears of the kingdom 🙏
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clits-and-clips · 8 months ago
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You know how people say that the world is different when you lose a love? I feel that
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bunnyboy-juice · 24 days ago
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honestly. being able to be honest with my loved ones about when i am Mentally Unwell but also Dont Want To Talk About It has done wonders for my mental health
#its nice just being able to tell people “im not okay! please dont focus too much on me tho!” and have them respect it#instead of doing things that will trigger me bc they are uncomfortable w the fact that im not okay#i deeply appreciate others sitting in their discomfort/holding the discomfort with me instead of comforting me#and like i get that ppl who offer space or time or comforts are trying to care for me but tbh its not welcome most of the time#bc when I'm upset often times it triggers deep emotional pain that only i can really manage by taking time to sit and calm down and Feel#(bc if not it becomes a flashback instead of Feelings from being Triggered) and having my attention diverted is actually distressing for me#bc i have to be grounded in very specific ways also that i just dont usually have the energy to explain bc like... i know how to do it?#and like also. i can just be Not okay. it doesnt have to be a Thing for me to acknowledge it#iderk what the point of this tag ramble is#im just like. really glad ive found people who understand that im not Avoidant just bc i have different needs bc of how my nervous system i#also if its not clear: please do not offer comforts for this. i am handling my own feelings and issues i just kinda wanna talk about it#also reminding myself its okay to not want to be comforted and that doesnt mean im Wrong or Bad or Resistant or Harming myself#(also ngl having a therapist who understands that certain coping skills may never go away but can be modified to be more useful is LIFE#CHANGING. DO YOU KNOW HOW FREEING IT WAS TO HEAR SOMEONE WHO ISNT CRAZY SAY “i can see how [these things] can be distressing and if you wan#to stop doing them we can explore new coping skills - AND if the distress from these coping skills is shame related we can work through it#and see what happens and its okay if you come out the other side using the same coping skills with a better understanding of yourself “#when most of my life every coping skill ive ever engaged in has been moralized (esp by therapists) and attempted to be beaten out of me.)#also I'm saying “comfort me” thru this bc even tho it's not actually comforting TO me when ppl do this ik thats usually their intent
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mayo-is-an-instrument · 5 months ago
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I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3
#mayodraws#dont really know what else to tag so#TIME FOR RAMBLING WOOHOO#im thinking of just getting rid of the name Mayo tbh#ive grown sick of it#honestly might just stick to my real name for everything atp#i use it for the entirety of discord now so 💀#i just feel like its not me if its not my actual name#its like its a separate identity of myself even if im the same person you know?#i like feeling that i am me even through a screen i am still me and not some offbrand representation of myself#so hey everyone my name is Hailey :3 feel free to call me that#soon enough ill change all my socials or the ones I actually use to be some form of 'Hailstorm' because it sounds cool imo#and its a nickname my sister gave me so it also means something special to me <3#should I have made a separate post for this? yes#is it too late? also yes#since im in a ramble session i may as well say more on my mind#im in a server for discord and i so badly have been trying to become friends with people there but holy shit even after like 2 months#i still cant gather courage to speak most of the time#hopefully ill open up more soon but man i need to just not be so shy 😭#are you having fun reading through the tags 💀💀#i would be surprised of anyone actually read all if them#if you did i hope you have a wonderful day 👍👍#also Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its Christmas totally#back onto the youtuve thing most of my videos are just shit like “toad screaming” or editing zelda cutscenes but at some point i want to#make scripted videos for nintendo related stuff#i already finished a script for ttyd and i know its not the best script but for being my first its good enough and ill learn along the way#okay im done yapping Happy St Patrick's Day
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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 4 months ago
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They are trying to convince me Jason was always reckless and angry and impulse and tbh that fact is worse than them killing him
#is he impulse and a bit reckless YES. he absolutely CAN be. but you have to understand. i am holdijg your hand. its all wrong right now#its when someone who doesn't like a character talks about them#and theyre sooo insistent that he ANGRY#but he is?? barely??#like ok. hi. hello. most anger was at the end. you cant just pull that#and it always tended to mirror batman's#like alot.#and it character development anger. pretty much all heros go through that#what im saying is that jason is not notably angry or angrier than anyone else. and it would've gotten better#he can be a bit reckless and impulsive though. but its not the Same as theyre doing it#do you get me#and he is perfectly willing to draw back or accept theres not much he can do to help a situation#hes a NEW hero. hes a KID. he had so much to learn#and he wants to help and if he feels like he can help he will. even if itll get him in trouble#he just found out his dad it dead like a week before The Batman told him to get in the car and put on the robin costume#and Man do i habe Thoughts on that (being adopted as robin first. which wow. that. wow.#he helped batman fight at the museum and then he gets called robin ans then adopted. how do you think that affects a child#it would be so easy to feel bats only cares about him as robin#not to mention how much pre-retcon (im not calling it crisis) stressed that the Only way to really be close to bruce is to be with him#as batman#and as established by everyrhing this kid is Desperate for a parental figure#hey does jay ever call batman dad or have b call him son. i genuinely cant remember all examples i can think of are before the retcon#its a bit hard to say how much of that story remained. kinda feels like none. i miss harvey bullock#RAMBLING hi i am talking to myself right now. back to the point at hand. yknow how it is when someone who doesn't like a character writes e#dc liveblog
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complicit-rot · 5 months ago
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i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back
#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡#u've been warned#i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl#but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter#any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible#it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7#its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic#i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit#but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school#ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other#i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever#i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else#i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with#<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point#be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me#i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak#i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always#comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers#sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad
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arolesbianism · 7 months ago
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I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
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manslutz · 1 year ago
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gonna word vomit in these tags oops
#rambling to myself whatever#ik i just need to settle into this flat and get used to living by myself but im kinda like#hmm have i cursed myself w being lonely#i think also this flat is pretty dark bc the other buildings block out the sunlight so my seasonal depression is going crazy in advance#like its dumb but im not very approachable irl so i dont have many uni friends on my course and im just kinda#idk how i feel about it all#if my timetable stays the same i have tues and wed off and im getting in my head wo the distraction#like ik ill be fine in theory but im overthinking rn and its not even 3am lonely hours#and ik i can go out and do things by myself bc i often do but sometimes its nice to have the company#i made most of my friends at dorms but it was intercollegiate so they all go to diff unis to me so timetables clash double#and my closest uni friend is studying aboard in ny rn :(#idk i just feel like sometimes im not on the same path as everyone at uni rn#or maybe ur 20s are really just isolating idk#esp after the pandemic and many many lockdowns like i took a year out and all my old friends went straight to uni#and the diff in experience just meant they got closer and i got further#i only talk to one of them now and shes my ride or die but also she was kinda in a diff group of friends#and its funny (?) to think my main friendship group all still talk to each other#i just dont think im an easy person to be friends with#and idk why#its not for lack of trying or anything i just dont think im the type of person who has longlasting relationships#idk im not going into that rn#i also chose to go to a uni close to home so theres a lot that ive already done#its ok i can always do them again#but also im kinda like what if i just go home !! lmao#and itd be nice but i think itd make me feel worse when im back in the flat#hh whatever let me just get on with it and move on#its only 5 weeks until reading week and i only have this year left of uni#endure endure endure
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goldensunset · 1 year ago
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when a thing is so good you can’t even post about it tbh you have no idea how to even do it justice it’s so important to you that it just has to live in your brain quietly forever
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theygender · 1 year ago
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The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃
#rambling#for the curious the specific disorder is endometriosis and recent research has shown that endo is most likely linked to#estrogen dominance which is where either your body makes too much estrogen OR not enough other hormones (progesterone & testosterone)#and given that the only thing that has helped me at all has been going on full progestin-only treatments#and the fact that everything ive researched about estrogen dominance and low progesterone matches up with my symptoms#it definitely seems like low/no progesterone is the issue for me#(although the docs didnt test my levels beforehand and now i cant get them tested unless i want to go off treatments 🥲)#and like. this progestin treatment has changed my fucking life. legitimately#like it didnt just stop my (pretty severe) endo it also fixed like. all of my physical health issues. stuff i didnt even know was related#dont wanna get off topic talking about my other health issues but. going on progestin has easily been the best health thing to happen to me#but it also feels so fucking weird to be going through the same type of changes that like transfems go through on hrt essentially#as an afab perisex person. its not a bad weird but like its just a strange phenomenon and it would be nice to put words to it i guess?#like im a person who has lived the last 10+ years disabled by a reproductive disorder that prevented my body from developing 'normally'#and now im going through feminizing hrt at the age of 25 to fix my reproductive disorder#thats not exactly like. the normal perisex afab experience lol. but at the same time my specific reproductive disorder and hormone imbalance#dont classify me as intersex (no hyperandrogenism just some mix of too much estrogen/not enough progesterone or testosterone#typical anatomy (afaik) aside from the uterine abnormalities resulting from endometriosis)#and its just. such a weird position to be in. i share a lot of common ground with intersex issues but im not intersex myself#and the whole purpose of mesosex was to create a word for people who arent quite either. 'people who identify with but not as intersex'#and i think that describes me. but also like.... do i count?? 😭#tmi#request to tag
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harrylights · 1 month ago
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#ok sorry for all these posts but i’m trying to take my own advice and not just keep everything in rn#tw that i’ll tag separately at the end but: mental health bipolar addiction vague mentions of sui attempts and just general negativity sorry#hearing that he struggled with manic/low episodes too on top of addiction (etc) is just so fucking. !!!!!!!!!#as someone with bipolar 2 and a recovering addict this just keeps hitting harder and harder and i think about all the times i was manic#and was lucky enough to get help that kept me here on this earth#and it’s so fucking upsetting that even all the money in the world can only get you so far w these things. our world is not set up to help#its set up to make these struggles even harder than they already are and just. fuck#i won’t lie it makes me scared knowing that grief often triggers some sort of episode for me too and now i’m at my parents place w all these#photos of my dad on the walls and i’m in the same rooms that i fell in love w 1d in#i’m so fucking sick of people dying for basically the same fucking shit#most of my friends who OD’d or took their lives also had bipolar and addiction and i’m just like#what is it even gonna take for things to change#dealing w the inevitability of death is one thing but all these young ppl going thru their own versions of the same shit and nothing changes#it gets harder and harder each year and i can only hope that nobody else ik including myself won’t suffer the same fate here#but how am i supposed to hold onto that hope when it just. keeps. happening#i feel so weird making this post publicly bc ik it’s pessimistic and negative but my heart fucking hurts for so many reasons#and i wish i was home rn. i’m honestly tempted to just go back tomorrow like how tf am i supposed to deal w this and keep it to myself#rraahhhhhhhhhHHHHHHH#i can’t stop crying haha#rowyn rambles#tw mental health#tw sui ideation#tw addiction#tw death#tw overdose
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coridallasmultipass · 6 months ago
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i love how much you talk in tags. i love reading your words and how you talk and what about. might sound strange but its true. i like your mouth words dawg.
Technically, they're finger words.
#gonna finish answering in the tags#im so glad someone cares ab all my ridiculous tag rambles#so thank uu <3#i remember i found the 30 tag limit almost immediately upon returning to tumblr and was like#oh shit i gotta turn down the verbosity? i thought this was the blogging site!#the only platform that encourages ppl to make comments in the tags but only if u show some restraint#mf ill show u restraint im gonna hit that 30 tag limit into next week#get outta here w that nonsense#anyway#its like i can talk somewhere between loud and clear speaking voice (text post) and whisper (read more)#tags is like the chill moment when ur hangin out w someone late at night just doing ur own thing and occasionally being like#'haha this post just said [x]' 'haha nice' and then back to comfortable silence#occasionally its the 'omGG HAHAHA CHECK THIS OUT' and it disturbs the peace which is fun#even if most of it is just me rambling to myself its like that same feeling to me#chill no filter late night thoughts at any hour#or maybe im biased bc im getting rly sleepy rn and thats the vibe im getting from this ramble#ok tone shift im getting a spicy hot take/ides and im just gonna put it here instead of bury it in the graveyard of my wips#tw puppet talk ahead#so you know that movie Teeth#wouldnt it be fucked up if the ssme concept applied to puppets intended to be manipulated with an arm inside them#you do something the puppet doesnt like and you get the nom#ok sry i was aiming for 30 tags im falling asleep rm gotta cutbit short#snknjmkjmmmmm#anonyymkud#annonynkus#anonymous#askdx#asked#puppets#mentions
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hollowfairybabybat · 7 months ago
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woke up took my usual 1mg of a xan n an edible im just goin 4 it 2day
#not it that some of u may think lmao but im just getting high af fuck consequences lol i do have to b able to kayak tho bc its pretty enough#to do that but i can totally do that high just prolly no videos of it this time but i got kinda good at it at the end n could slowly paddle#n film at the same time also they r drier than i thought tbh still too close to the water to make me fully comfortable like canoes r bad but#safer bc like theres a barrier between me n the water but on a kayak its like the barrier isnt there n the things in the water r so close#which ik theyre rly not usually minus tiny fish n if im being stupid n get near snake spots or a snake in general but some alligator gar n#paddle fish get so close to the shore n theyre both harmless but way too big that jusy thinking about them im startingnto get anxious n feel#sick lmaooo so uh yk anyway i have a weird fear of fish that seems to only get worse i think its from watching jaws as a toddler i hav no#no memory of that but hav been told i wouldnt get in the bath by myself for a while after soooo#either that or im just straight up scared of fish like over 9 inches n thats pushing it okay fish should not b big idk#dont even start on the ocean also ive lived in louisiana most of my life so also i have that *oh fuck alligator* in me any time i see a log#so like theres also that... n i think seeing alligators in louisiana a few weeks ago b4 coming here uh got me a lil more on edge#i rambled oops#batbaby rambles#but like fr lmao
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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heyitslapis · 8 months ago
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