#they should’ve run a deal where like it’s $70 for new people but if you have botw already it’s only like $50 at most or something

[goldensunset]

when a thing is so good you can’t even post about it tbh you have no idea how to even do it justice it’s so important to you that it just has to live in your brain quietly forever

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Swipe Right

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: Bucky has been your neighbor for a few months now, so he likes to think you two are friends. Which is why he thinks you're the best person to go to to help him get back into the dating scene.

AN: inspired by one line of dialogue from the first ep of Falcon and the Winter Soldier. lol also, FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER EP 1 SPOILERS!

Bucky felt lost. Well, he's always felt lost ever since he suddenly came back along with have of the world's population. He was pardoned by the government and now a civilian. He was going through therapy to deal with his 70+ years worth of trauma and trying to navigate his way through the modern world. Everything was new and exciting but also overwhelming and exhausting.

His therapist encouraged him to date and make friends. So that's what he did, or at least, tried to do.

He considers you a friend. You live in the apartment right beside him, gave him a friendly smile and helping hand when he first moved in. You two chatted when you'd run into each other in the hall or in the laundry room. You were nice, attractive, funny. He honestly thought about asking you out a few times, but you were his friend, his only friend it seems. So he couldn't ruin that. Therefore, he resorted to online dating.

He signed up to a bunch of dating websites and apps: eharmony, match.com, plentyoffish, tinder-SO MANY. Why are there so many dating apps?!

He's scrolling through his phone, so overwhelmed by the different pictures and information. What does DTF mean???

He scowls, tossing his phone onto a pile of dry laundry he should be folding. You enter the laundry room with a chuckle, "Everything alright?"

He glances over his shoulder and sees you. He immediately smiles and faces you, "Hey, um, yeah," he gestures to his phone, "Just, um..." he lets out a sigh and asks, "Do you know anything about dating?"

You look at him curiously and reply, "A little. Why? What's up?"

"I'm just," he nervously scratches his head and places his hands on his hips, "I'm trying this online dating thing and it's...a lot."

You can't help but snort, "I feel ya," you give him a reassuring smile despite your heart dropping to your stomach, "So, uh, what sites or apps are you on?"

"Um...all of them?"

You snort again, "No way. Let me see your phone." you hold out your open palm to him and he places his phone into your hands after unlocking it. You swipe through his apps and your brows shoot up to your hairline, "Well it's not all of them , but it's definitely a lot." you look up from the phone to Bucky, "Can I give some advice?"

"Please, I'll take anything you can give me," he replies desperately.

You hop onto the washing machine and hold up his phone, "Okay. These apps are usually for the older crowd. Like thirty five and up, so if you're not picky about age, feel free to keep these. Now, these apps are what the younger generations use. Tinder is usually for hook ups, one night stands and all that. Not many people take Tinder seriously. Bumble, is a level up from Tinder. You'll find people who are more serious about finding a relationship with also a mix of people looking for something casual. Hinge, I think, is a level up from Bumble. You don't see people's typical lame ass bios, but their answers to some fun questions, what kind of relationship they're looking for, if they smoke or do drugs, etc. Also, I'm not sure if you know this, but you can change the age range on all of these apps. So instead of having it from 18 to 50, you can narrow it so 25 to 35 or however you want."

You look at Bucky and see his brows are furrowed in...concentration? Confusion?

"Was that too much? Do I need to slow down?"

He shook his head, "No, no, that's not it. Um, thanks, Y/N," he shoots you a grateful grin and you smile back, "No problem, Bucky." You see the gears turning in his head and you ask a question, he might be scared to ask you, "Do you want me to help you find some potential dates?"

"Will you?" he asks in that same desperate tone from earlier.

Again, you put on a smile, despite your breaking heart, "Sure!"

You tap on Hinge, double checking on his preferences, and then going to the main page.

"Oh! Look here. She's a single mom, but she's also a nurse. On the weekends, you're most likely going to find her wine drunk and watching movies with her kids. She has pets. She'd like to have more kids some day. She sounds nice. How 'bout it, Bucky?"

"Sure. She-She sounds good."

"Cool! So you tap on the heart on whatever thing on her page. So let's like her....answer here. If you want, you can comment something, but if not, you just forward it and hope to see that she'll like you back and you can start messaging her! Also, it looks like some people already like you! So you just tap on this icon here and you can scroll through the different people who've liked something on your page and it's up to you if you want to make contact or not."

Bucky hums and plucks his phone from your hands, "Wow. This-Thanks Y/N. This really helped."

"No problem, Buck! If you ever need more help, just let me know!" you hop off the washer and proceed to start up a load of laundry. You mind running back and forth about how you should shoot your shot, but you were too afraid of ruining the friendship you and Bucky have.

______________________

Bucky: Hey

You: What's up?

Bucky: can you come over? I need more help with this online dating situation.

You: sure!

You let your phone fall to your side with a sigh, Bucky has been asking for your help with his online dating for two weeks now and while you're always happy to help him, it just sucks seeing someone get his attention that you wish you had.

You roll out of bed, not caring about how you looked and exit your apartment, knocking on Bucky's door.

He swings open to reveal him in a tight blue henley and some black jeans, "Hey!" he shoots you a grin and moves aside to let you in, "So, um, this girl, Janine. We've been messaging for a few days now and she wants to meet up. Is that too soon? And where should I take her? I've," he pauses to chuckle to himself, "I haven't dated since the forties so..."

Despite your feelings for him, you knew Bucky deserved to be happy, especially after all the shit he's gone through.

"Hm, well, what kind of vibes are you getting from her?"

"Vibes?"

"Yeah, um, what feelings do you get when you talk to her? Do you feel happy? Do you want to get to know her more?"

"Uh, yeah, I suppose so. I think it'd be nice to meet her in person and get to know her more face to face."

"Then yeah, take her out. But since it's your first time meeting her in person, it should be something casual. Low key, no pressure. A decent restaurant or a bar is probably best."

Bucky nods, "Yeah. Okay. Um, do you think you could help me pick something out?"

You can't help but laugh, "Bucky, I'm sure whatever you choose to wear, you'll be fine."

"Okay. Thanks, Y/N," he slowly wraps his arms around you for a hug, but not too tight in case you're uncomfortable. You surprise him by hugging him back, giving him a little squeeze, "You're welcome, Bucky."

It was Saturday and you didn't have work. You friends asked you to hangout with them, but you didn't want to. You wanted to stay holed up in your apartment, wallowing because Bucky would be going on his date with Janine tonight.

You're mindlessly watching tv , curled up on the couch. You turn your face into the pillow and scream in frustration. You should've just asked him out when you had the chance, but now that chance is gone.

You groan as you roll off the couch and head to your balcony. You just need some fresh air. You push up your window and climb onto the metal balcony. You sit on the outdoor chair you have there and stare up into the night sky. The stars are twinkling, the moon is shining. It looks like a perfect night for a date and here you are, alone.

"Hey-"

"AAAHHH!" you scream by the sudden appearance of Bucky on his own balcony. You're staring at him wide eyed, hand on your chest.

Bucky couldn't help but laugh at your expression, "Sorry."

You shake your head and stand to meet him, "It's fine. What're you doing here? I thought you were on your date."

"Yeah, uh, turns out Janine didn't, what phrase did you use once, pass the vibe check?"

You snort, covering your mouth as you giggled. Bucky's smile grows at the sound and you pull yourself together, "Um, yeah that's it. But I'm sorry."

He shrugs, leaning against the railing, "Honestly, it's okay. I don't think the online dating thing is really for me. I think I'll probably stick to the old fashion way: meeting in person and asking them out on a date."

"That's understandable," you say with a nod.

"So how 'bout it?"

You look at him confused, "How 'bout what?"

"Do you wanna go on a date sometime?" you give a look of surprise and Bucky immediately adds, "But I totally understand if you don't want to. I just-you're nice, and beautiful, and funny I thought maybe-but we're friends so I totally understand if you don't-"

"No, no. Bucky, I just-I'd love to go on a date with you."

"Yeah?" You nod and he holds out his hand, "Come on then."

You give a nervous chuckle, "What?"

"I picked up a pizza after that disastrous date. We can eat and watch a movie. Casual and no pressure, right?"

You look from his striking blue eyes to his outstretched glove hand. You reach out to place your hand in his but then pull back, "Wait. I should probably change."

You step back to head back into your apartment, but Bucky grabs your hand, "You don't have to. You look great."

You chuckle and begin to climb from your railing to Bucky's, with his help, "Alright, Prince Charming. I expect to be wooed tonight."

"Of course you do, which is why I ordered pizza from your favorite place and I'm letting you pick the movie we watch."

"Bucky Barnes, I could kiss you!" you exclaim thoughtlessly but then you realized what you just said. You shook your head and began to ramble off excuses, "No no! I mean not now! Now that I don't want to kiss you. You're very kissable. Not that I imagine kissing you or anything it's just-"

Bucky leans in and gives you a little peck on the cheek, "I don't kiss until after the date's over, doll. So will that suffice for now?"

You could feel your cheeks heating up as you nodded and squeaked out, "Yup!"

He chuckled, taking your hand in his again and leading you to the couch where the pizza was waiting for you.

[solomonish]

How To Keep Your Demon Entertained At A Walmart

Congratulations! You've earned yourself a few demon date days up in the human world! But what's this? You have errands to run? Well, we all know these demons can't function without you for more than five minutes....but an entity that's thousands of years old gets a little bored and restless in the hyper-market wasteland of a Walmart...

Nowdateables: coming soon!

Lucifer

if you don't want him getting passive-aggressive about how you should've done this before he got here (yeesh Lucifer some of us have jobs or responsibilities that we can't shove onto our siblings for a day to see our precious mc) then you better be ready to make conversation

definitely not the type to allow you to even think about sending him off so you can get stuff done. he's not even that bothersome, so he'll get offended if you even think about it, but also wouldn't you rather keep him around to reach the top shelves?

basically if you don’t want to keep Lucifer entertained, you have to be the one he needs to keep entertained

do that thing where you roll around on the cart like a skateboard and he’ll be trying to put a stop to it immediately

put random things in your cart that he knows you don’t need and let him take it out and put it back where it belongs

stare him in the eyes as you put that party size brownie mix in your cart then speed walk away. he will come up from an aisle in front of you and silently pluck the box out and take it back. he will come back to see seven boxes of corn dogs and momentarily considers breaking up with you

does not need a treat as a bribe, but will definitely forgive your antics if you bought something from the bakery to snack on as you go home (especially if you did it without him noticing, considering the eagle eye he’s had to have on your cart the whole time)

just don’t have the nerve to complain about the crumbs in your car after that

Mammon

I would say to ask him to scan the area looking for dropped coins on the floor but he'd probably knock down shelves trying to look beneath them so....maybe don't?

also please keep an eye on him or he WILL be shoplifting. human jail is (probably?) a step up from demon jail but like. let's aim for no jail, ok mammon?

instead, give him a pre-portioned off list and tell him it's like a scavenger hunt. he'll scamper off to explore the walmart and his duty to keeping you happy has like a 70% chance of preventing him from stealing anything too important

make sure the stuff you put on the list is kind of hard to find but not too hard. you wanna keep him occupied without risking him freaking out because he can't find this super specific spice you want

either that or only make a really vague list like. tell him you need bread and he'll stand in the bread aisle trying to remember if you like white bread or whole wheat bread until you come to retrieve him

bring money for a treat. if it's near st patrick's day go in the seasonal aisle and hope they have chocolate gold coins

he's not too hard to deal with, but figuring out what's sneaky enough to put on the list is a chore of its own so going by yourself is less work anyway

Leviathan

taking him to walmart was your final fatal mistake

seriously? he has to go in? you could have just left him in the car!!

you take him intending to have him pick out some normie snacks (since you don't have any limited edition whatever-the-fucks in your house right now) but he looks so uncomfortable you make a detour towards the games

just leave him to play on the trial device and go pick out a few things for him to choose from when you circle back to him

arguable the least stressful trip for you until you have to wade through the pool of kids surrounding him and watching him play when it's time to pay and leave

you won't have to buy him anything but you will have to wait for him to finish the level he's on before he lets you drag him away. and he'll probably complain a little bit in the car about how terrible it was to go in in the first place, which a treat would help minimize.

so i guess just pick your battles with this one?

Satan

satan is a refined individual with startling amounts of self control. he does not need pointed in the direction of the books. he can entertain himself on a grocery run.

point him in the direction of the books anyway

their selection is always small (because it’s a walmart not a bookstore) and half of it is children’s anyway so he’ll probably wander off real quick

satan doesn’t need to be entertained, no, he’s past that. he needs to be kept on a leash

you have no way of knowing where he’ll end up. sometimes he’ll be somewhere that makes sense like in the stationary but sometimes you’ll find him staring at the paint samples like it’s a masterpiece in a museum or over by the fishing hooks reading up about local fish populations and how to get a fishing license and you’re just like “???? i’ve been looking for you for twenty minutes???? don’t give me facts about salmon???”

will ask you why you need to buy tires in the same place you get your food. isn’t that suspicious? what do they specialize in?

answer him only with the word “bargains” and he’ll stop asking once he understands or gets annoyed

you don’t need to buy him a treat unless he finds a book he wants. then come on mc, you dragged him out here and you’re NOT gonna let him get this one thing??

Asmodeus

he's fine with making an errand run with you actually!

he's up on the human world for you baby, just make sure to hold his hand so he feels appreciated

asmo is far too entertained with the concept of a walmart for his own good. don't go with him if you want it to be a quick trip because he'll want to go around the whole store

thinks at first that it's kind of nifty that humans just dump all the things they need in one store but is quickly turned off from the novelty when he realizes how short the distance is between the clothes and the nearest package of raw chicken

even if the selection is small, he will want to spend time in the makeup department. probably goes on rants about how he can’t imagine this quality of product is good for your skin

will still buy nail polish though if you let him

overall? not terrible to have around, but make sure you don’t have anywhere to be in the next hour when you take him

Beelzebub

pack a gallon bag of cheerios like he's a toddler and get ready to fucking book it in and out of there

you know how you should never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? what were you thinking bringing Beel around??

another brother who’s good for reaching tall shelves if you need it

Beel also has this talent where he can just list off the ingredients you need if you happen to forget your list

if you want, you can distract him momentarily by just throwing out random dishes and he’ll get the ingredients right every time (even though they’re human dishes!!) but you’ll end up giving him like five different cravings by the time you leave

only take him if you want to speedrun grocery shopping, because he will start eating food you haven’t paid for if you take too long

bring extra money for that too, just in case he gets caught :(

Belphegor

bringing belphie to walmart isn't a matter of keeping him entertained moreso than keeping him awake

which you will inevitably fail to do

so even if you only need like three things, get him a cart and let him fall into the basket

he’ll try to stay awake (and he’ll give very self-satisfied grins to the people who stare at him ((and especially the ones who say “wow i wanna do that”))) but he can only fight off his sin for so long

stop by the blankets so he can stuff a few soft things in (bc he’s gotta be uncomfortable cramped in the little basket) and he’ll make himself a tiny nest

the good news is you can put anything on top of him and he won’t complain. just don’t drop any gallons of milk on him or anything that’ll wake him up

go to a self check-out so the employees don’t yell at you

after you put your groceries in your car, just dump his ass on the pavement. he’ll forgive you if you bought him the blankets.

[squeeneyart]

Breathe in the Salt - Chapter 25

AO3

Beta reader as always is @thesnadger

Nothing to do but talk.

Martin and Jon settle in for a movie night.

The documentary, if it could be called that, was absolute bunk.

Littered throughout were vague interviews and wild assumptions on the part of the very on-screen director, all tied together with a final push for people to purchase a very specific brand of smoke detector. And the low quality of the video couldn’t be blamed solely on Martin’s internet.

They watched the thing from start to finish, though, and by the end of its 70-minute runtime (“I should’ve guessed by how short it was,” Jon had grumbled partway through) their viewing had turned primarily to Jon taking the piss out of it. Academically, of course.

On Martin’s end the film itself was bad in an enjoyable way, and while he didn’t have the context for all of Jon’s complaints it was easy for him to listen. He’d even made some jokes that got Jon to snort.

He did have to sit uncomfortably straight to keep from leaning against each other. Jon had turned it a bit so they could both see, but when viewed from too hard an angle the picture looked even worse. So, Martin did his best to give Jon space and not let the effort distract him from the screen.

All of this being true, Martin was grateful for the horrible film. Nothing filled silence better than movies and television, so the nights following they settled into a routine. Someone would make dinner (with no further… outbursts) and then they would find something to watch. Afterwards they would say goodnight and Martin would escape upstairs to decompress with his little notebook.

Jon’s original idea had been to find something related to their goals. However, after another let down on night two involving a very old retrospective on the mid-century fishing industry (“Wrong century,” Martin had said about five minutes in), Jon dropped the idea, thus opening up a whole new world of cable television and old vhs tapes on night three.

“You bought yourself a laptop but never had a dvd player?” Jon yawned, getting comfortable on his side of the couch. 

“We sort of… skipped it?” Martin dug through a box of tapes for something worth watching, sifting through sappier options and 80s action flicks alike. “Dunno how, but we never got one. The laptop ended up being the first thing I ever had to play dvds, but the telly is too old to be hooked up to it. S’fine, though. I like tapes.”

“And you never get bored of it? Flipping between tapes and whatever’s on at a given time?”

Martin rolled his eyes. “I have a phone for other stuff, obviously. To be honest I don’t watch a lot to begin with, nothing new anyway.”

“Hmph. Same for me,” Jon conceded, sinking further into the couch. “Feels like there are other things I could be doing.”

“Except for now?”

A wry smile. “Special case.”

Martin’s stomach did a flip. He didn’t feel guilty, per se, but he wished he had something for Jon to work on to stave off the boredom. Everything had been so quiet with Peter gone and Simon’s waiting that no new leads had popped up. It wasn’t fair that Jon had to sit around doing nothing after wandering about in the sea for weeks. The least he could do was provide some entertainment.

“Hm. Right, how about this one?” Martin looked back and waved a vhs set. It was some old fantasy series with a group of children on the cover standing in a hallway. “Haven’t watched it since I was a kid, but I remember liking it.”

“Two tapes’ worth?” Jon glanced up at the ceiling. “It’s in episodes, right?”

“Yeah, though if you’d rather find something else…?”

Jon waved his hand. "No, I can’t spend the whole evening making up my mind. If we don’t like it, then we can find something else.”

With that settled Martin popped the tape in and took up his seat. On the other end, Jon sat with the blanket pulled to his chest. He wore a new set of pyjamas Martin had picked up at the shop along with a few other things to save Jon from having to wear the same clothes day and night. 

The show was a simple series meant for children, easy enough to follow in plot that some side chatter didn’t interrupt things too much. Honestly, Martin was glad they weren’t paying a whole lot of attention. He hadn’t watched it in years and wasn’t looking to be embarrassed.

A few minutes in, the children from the cover were running up the stairs to explore a large house. “Safe to assume you don’t have siblings?” Jon asked.

“Hm? Oh, no, it’s just me. You?”

He snorted. “Even if my grandmother wanted another child running around, I was enough to deal with.”

Martin raised an eyebrow. “What, were you a terror?”

“I’d use the word ‘adventurous’, but she would’ve agreed with that description. If we’d been in that house,” Jon gestured toward the screen, “she would’ve been in trouble. Until it ate me or something.”

“I don’t think that’s how it goes?” 

Jon frowned. “That’s- No, I mean if it were real it would probably mean harm. Supernatural houses aren’t trustworthy entities outside of fiction. In fiction they’re mischievous at the least.”

“Can’t imagine that, a building that likes to mess with you,” Martin said, grimacing. He really didn’t remember much about this story. Maybe that was how it went? “I’m sure they’ll be fine. I wasn’t into spooky things back then.”

“I’ll take your word for it, but I’m not letting my guard down,” Jon said. He watched as the children walked up a spiral staircase. “Would you have wanted siblings?”

Martin considered this. “I can’t imagine having them? But an older sibling would’ve been nice. Someone to know better and help me with things.”

“I think any other child would’ve found me irritating, older or younger. Best to keep to myself,” Jon said dryly. “Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yes, you can imagine the additional worry of raising a child who could explore the ocean like it was the woods. It’s not like she could follow me in.”

“I bet… She wasn’t like you, then?”

Turning back to the television, Jon said, “No. She was from my father’s side.”

“Oh.” He couldn’t tell if the question was wrong to ask, so looked back to the show. It was luck of the draw, then, whether someone was born with a selkie skin. Perhaps there was nothing to do with genetics in circumstances like this.

Back on the screen, one of the children had chosen to wander outside into the beginnings of a snowstorm with no thought to the cold. Outside the real world window it had begun to hail, and Martin realized how frigid it had become both outdoors and in.

“Well, at least this story is right for the season,” Martin said, standing up. “I’m gonna grab another blanket.”

With a start, Jon looked at him and held up the one he was under. “Do you want this one? I don’t-”

“N-no, that’s fine!” He walked briskly out of the room, feeling rude and stupid. All Jon had offered was for him to use the damned thing, not share it. And it wouldn’t have fit both of them even if he had meant it that way!

Opening the hall closet, he tried to calm down. He peered at the pile of folded sheets and blankets, lifting each layer to search for one he liked. There was a flannel one somewhere, deceptively warm for how thin it was-

Oh.

Tucked far down into the pile, far back enough so it was hidden if the one above wasn’t lifted, Martin saw something dappled and grey and out of place amongst the linen. Jon had left it to dry completely beforehand, so the surrounding fabric was unwrinkled. Considerate. And in a decent hiding place all things considered. It was a shame Martin had gone and ruined it.

He sighed, grabbing one of the blankets at the top that he’d initially passed on. Once he reached the doorway to the living room, he stopped and stared at Jon who was doing his best to seem unperturbed.

“So, I saw it,” he started, squeezing the blanket in his arms into his chest. “I use that closet a lot, if you want to put it somewhere else.”

Jon winced and stood. As Martin let him pass, he mumbled, “Right. I’ll just-” 

And then Martin was left to sit back on the couch and wait, pausing the tape out of courtesy. 

When the skin had disappeared from the shower that first morning he hadn’t considered anything but Jon hiding it, and there was an awful satisfaction in knowing he was right. He rubbed his arm and stared at the blanket in his lap, still neat and folded. 

After a couple of minutes, Jon returned empty handed and resumed his seat. Pulling his blanket back up, he said, “It’s nothing… personal.”

“I know.” He took a deep breath and pressed play on the old remote, letting the child continue their new solo adventure. “I figured you hid it.”

“I appreciate that you told me.” His voice was stilted and unsure. “That you found it.”

“Sure, whatever helps.” Unfolding the blanket, he pulled it up to his shoulders and leaned on the arm rest. He could feel Jon fidgeting in place, turning the blanket so it faced the right way and making it tuck under him in the right places. Martin kept his eyes ahead.

Finally giving up on any further adjustments, Jon slouched into place. “It does help. I know my caution can come off as distrust, but genuinely I just… I need to keep it hidden. I need to know where it is and to be the only one who does. For now.”

“You… don’t need to justify anything.” Martin sighed and had to fight back a yawn. “It’s your coat.”

A grunt of frustration. “No, you don’t- It’s not a rational thing. I trusted you enough to tell you the truth, and yet I was barely into my first night here before I panicked and stowed it away.” He sat upright and let the blanket fall to his lap, quiet distress written across the lines of his forehead.

Grasping for words, Martin said, “You still haven’t known me that long. It’s not wrong to be careful.”

“That’s not the point,” Jon replied quietly, resting elbows on knees. “It hasn’t been all that long in the grand scheme of things, but a lot has happened. I consider you a friend. And yet I can’t stop feeling like everything is about to go wrong if I’m not careful.”

The hail continued to slam against the window, almost overpowering the sound of the television and the faun describing the witch’s plans. On the far side of the couch, Jon remained hunched over his own knees with his face bent in irritation. 

A wave of shame broke against him, but there wasn’t time to dwell on it. Carefully, Martin scooted over just enough to reach out a hand. His trembling fingers hovered just an inch away, brushing against the fabric of Jon’s shirt before coming to rest on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Jon whispered, massaging around his eyes with his fingers. He reached his free hand up to tentatively cover Martin’s, giving it a tiny squeeze. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Do you… want to keep watching?”

Jon nodded, shaking himself out a little. Martin released the gentle grip on his shoulder, though he didn’t move away. They both settled into the back of the couch and watched.

The child had gone back inside with the shivers, but no one was to be found. Around the halls she wandered, calling her siblings’ names with indignation that slowly turned to concern and then to fear. Eventually she was running, and it wasn’t until she was on the upper floor that one of her brothers popped out to scare the living daylights out of her. 

Deep down he remembered this part making him cry. Perhaps siblings weren’t worth it with how cruel children could be. 

Martin coughed. “You explored the sea as a kid, then?”

Jumping slightly, Jon said, “O-only a couple of times. And not far from the land. And it’s not as fun when you can only grab one thing at a time, with your mouth. I sorely missed my pockets and picking up sticks.” As he spoke, he resumed the more casual tone from before with modest success. 

“You thought checking out the sea with no real limits was too much of a hassle?”

With a roll of his eyes, Jon said, “It wasn’t entirely that. Eventually my grandmother warned me away from it. Told me about dangerous animals that absolutely weren’t native to the coast where we lived.” 

“Great white sharks?”

“Surrounding our seaside village on every watery side, ready to eat hapless little seal boys who didn’t listen to their nans.”

Martin chuckled, relaxing further into his seat and listening to Jon go on about all the ways his grandmother had tried and failed to reign him in. He could see it, a younger, scrappier version of the man next to him stomping around the woods and climbing fences. 

The instinct wasn’t all that relatable to someone like Martin who’d kept to the front porch on nice days, but it sounded like an adventure. Maybe it meant he was less likely to get eaten by an evil wardrobe out of the two of them. In his position he could only hope that was the case.

They called it for the night when, out of nowhere, a man suddenly appeared at half opacity screen and let out a screeching noise to close out an episode, making Jon laugh in a way that only could’ve been from exhaustion. 

Martin lingered downstairs for a while after they shut the television off. It was Friday, after all. For many reasons they couldn’t go out to a pub, but without the need to get up early he could afford to stay up a little longer and listen to a sleepy Jon talk over the tapping on the window panes.

--

Tim: not next weekend, but the one after i think. finally time to call it on preparation and get down to business, if this is something we can be prepared for

Martin: encouraging

Tim: look its been rough over here, alright? 

Martin: i know, sorry. itll be easier to talk once we’re all in one place 

Tim: yeah

Tim: things are ok over there, then? youre sounding better

Martin: ?

Tim: it was starting to get scary if im honest, how quiet you were

Martin: oh, sorry. things are fine, just didnt have a lot to say

Tim: yeah, i get it. its hard to fill the space. dont be a stranger though. in a few weeks we’ll be there to get you out of this mess

Martin: looking forward to it

Sighing, Martin looked from the private chat to Jon, who was ignoring his breakfast to type away at the laptop. “Sounds like the others are making plans to get here.”

Jon looked up briefly. “Good. It will be… nice to see them.”

“And show them you’re not dead?”

Ignoring this, Jon said, “How is Tim doing?”

He glanced back at his phone. “Worried. About a lot of things, I think.”

“Thinking of how he’s going to break my disappearance to you, no doubt,” he said, taking a sip of his tea. He avoided Martin’s eyes. “That’ll be resolved soon enough.”

Martin poked at the eggs on his plate. “He… lost someone, didn’t he?”

It was only for a moment, but Jon froze in the middle of setting his mug down. He seemed to struggle with an answer.

“It’s fine if you can’t say, but he implied as much,” Martin said gently.

With a frown, Jon shut the laptop. “Sasha knows more than I do, but yes. His brother, a few years ago.”

“Oh. That’s… really sad.” He leaned back in his chair. “He seems like he’d be a good brother.”

“I’m sure he was. He certainly looks out for us.” Jon took a bite of his toast.

“As best as he can,” Martin added sheepishly. 

“Once this is all finished he’s earned a vacation.”

Yes, they’d all given poor Tim their share of heart attacks. Martin had managed to several times in the last month. But at least when the time came Tim would see that both of them were alive and themselves and able to apologize for making his and Sasha’s lives just a bit harder than they needed to be.

Once it was all finished.

[lunarliza]

JJ Maybank Must Die | Chapter 5: Hair Dyes

fuckboy!JJ x Reader

series masterlist | prev. chapter | chapter one

JJ Maybank is the island’s most infamous fuckboy- not that you ever cared. But when a group of tourist girls come to your surf shop crying to you about him, you agree to help them plot revenge. Sabotage is all fun and games, until you find that the playboy you were sworn to ruin happens to be falling head over heels for you.

Yes, this is based on John Tucker Must Die lol

note: sexual-like content ahead. also pls keep in mind that this is just a playful haha funny story, this stuff isn’t meant to be taken seriously at all 

“So are you a virgin?” 

You scowled at the phone perched on your nightstand. 

“No,” you lied, continuing to paint your big toe. 

Oddly enough, after the whole nature-calling theatre debacle, JJ not only apologized profusely when the movie ended, but he actually pursued you even harder the week following. The universe really did work in mysterious ways.

He quadruple texted you during the day, sent you funny pictures of him lallygagging around the town with The Pogues, and called you every night until you both fell asleep. 

At first you found it clingy as hell, but seeing JJ in the girl-filter or watching videos of him pranking John B sleeping had you entertained enough to actually respond. 

Tonight’s phone topic was 21 Questions, and like the fuck boy he was, ‘what’s your favorite color’ turned dirty in a matter of minutes. 

“What’s your body count?” you asked, actually curious about what that figure might be. 

“Hm,” you could hear him smacking his lips, “To be honest, I don’t really know.”  

“Are you serious?” 

“Well,” he spluttered through the line, “I stopped keeping count after like 30. If I had to give a range it’d probably be from 50 to 70.” 

Your nose crinkled. “Charming.” 

Just then, you heard your mom’s voice echo from the front door, “Y/n! Package came in for you!” 

“One sec,” you told the blondie on the phone and waddled down the hall on your heels, careful of your wet toes. 

Ripping open the box, you gasped at the rows of assorted lacy thongs Annalise ordered yesterday to be sent to your house. You forgot rich people could afford express shipping. 

“Everything good?” JJ questioned through the line. 

“Yeah, uh, just a little shocked at how big the, uh, water bottle I ordered is.”

Your hand clawed through the stash, feeling how nice the silk and lace felt. No surprise, it was also a very expensive brand. You considered keeping a few for yourself. 

“Hm, interesting,” JJ responded, “Anyways, continuing our game, do you have any kinks, like in bed?” 

You held up a red g-string, inspecting the tiny bows lining the crotch area. “Yeah, I have a few.” 

------------------------------- On your next day off, JJ invited you to go fishing with him and his friends. He picked you up early to grab some equipment from the store. Afterwards, you both sprawled on his bed, waiting for the others to arrive. 

“Hey JJ?” you asked, hand tangled in his gold locks while he played some game on his phone. 

“Hm?” 

“So do you remember the other night when we talked about our kinks?” you asked as seductively as your inexperienced self could. 

He immediately halted his game, a sly smirk danced its way across his lips. “Yeah...” 

“Well,” you bit your lip, “I do have this one that just really turns me on.” 

“I’m listening,” he piped, running a hand up and down your thigh. 

You put on your best amateur sex-minx face, blinking up at him. “It’s a little weird though.” 

He shifted positions so he laid between your thighs, kissing up your exposed stomach from your crop-top. “I don’t care. If it gets you wet baby, I’m all for it.” 

“Okay then... I actually have a present for you.” 

Sliding out from under him, you scrambled through your bag and pulled out the red g-string. JJ whistled from his bed in response, leaning back on his arms at the edge.

“That’s sexy as fuck,” he dragged you closer by the back of your thighs, “Try it on for me real quick, before the rest of the Pogues get here.” 

“Oh no no no,” you hung the underwear out to him, “It’s for you.” 

JJ’s mouth went agape, his eyes nearly exploding. “What the fuck y/n?! Are you kidding me?” 

You pouted and sulked away with a huff. “I knew it! I knew you’d make fun of me! I thought I could trust you JJ!” You covered your face and wailed like a child who couldn’t get her way. If this wasn’t your Oscar-winning moment you didn’t know what was. 

“Hey, hey, hey, wait,” JJ cooed, stroking his hand up your shoulders behind you. “I didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t making fun of you, I was just a little shocked that’s all.” 

“But you think it’s weird!” you cried out, refusing to meet his eyes. 

“Well,” he scratched the back of his head, “I mean... you really want me to wear it?” 

You sniffled and nodded. 

“And this turns you on?” 

You nodded again, facing him. “I just, I think it’s so sexy when a man can embrace his sexuality like this you know?” 

“I guess... do you just want me to try it on?” 

“That’d be nice,” you rubbed the side of your arm, “Maybe you could even wear it today when we go out? It’ll be under your shorts so no one will see.” 

“Are you kidding me? N-” 

Your puppy-dog eyes stopped him dead in his tracks, threatening to burst into tears again. Boy, was this guy putty in your hands. 

He sighed, swiping the underwear from your hand. “Fine, but we do not mention this to any of my friends, got it?” 

You quickly shook your head with an excited smile, knowing damn well the thong was high-cut.

Minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom, giving you a little show of his new undergarments. You had to admit, under all those baggy shorts laid a nice pair of perky buns. The sight of him trying to body roll on the floor made you fall back cackling at his Magic Mike attempts. 

Annalise definitely should’ve ordered a size up because his rising bulge was stretching out the lace that was clinging on for dear life. You had to shield your beet-red face. 

The ring of the doorbell sent JJ scurrying to find his pants while you walked to the front to answer it. In came his friends- John B, Kiara, and Pope- who you greeted just as the blonde sauntered out of his room as if nothing was fishy was going on. 

“So, who’s ready to hit the water?” John B asked as the guys gathered up the fishing equipment. 

You followed the herd out to the docks where the famous HMS Pogue sat. JJ walked a little ahead of you and Kiara, casually picking at the wedgie through his shorts. Kiara scrunched her nose in disgust while you snorted and had to bite your lip from bursting out laughing.

Riding along the marsh, you chatted with Kiara on the back deck while the boys casted the net at the front. She raved all about the new tarot deck she bought and even practiced some palm readings on you. You didn’t know her very well, seeing as she attended the Kook school, but you were glad she was easy to get along with. 

“So what’s the deal with you and JJ?” she asked out of nowhere. From the corner of your eye, you could see Pope do a discreet double-take at her question.

“Um, I’m not really sure,” you answered, “We’re just hanging out, I guess.” 

“Well, you’re the first girl he’s ever brought to hang out with us,” she revealed, “Or even really hung out with in general, for that matter.” 

A sharp gasp from the boys snapped you both out of your conversation. There, at the tip of the boat, was JJ bending over the net with the prominent lacy bows of his g-string exhibited for the world to see. 

John B and Pope doubled over cackling like a pack of hyenas. “JJ what the actual fuck!” 

The blonde whipped upright instantly once he caught on, hand flying to cover his backside. His entire face went the brightest shade of red. “Shut the fuck up! Or I’ll kill you both!” 

Pope fell to the wooden floor of the deck, trying to regain his breath from the laughter as John B doubled over on top of him. 

“Stop it you guys!” Kiara scolded at the boys who were practically in tears. She had to hold back a few giggles herself. “If JJ wants to wear that then let him! I think it’s,” she accidentally snorted, “I think it’s cool!” 

JJ fastened his shorts and began play-fighting the hyenas. Meanwhile you filled your girls chat in on the hilarious scene, trying to muffle your own snickering. 

-----------------------------

“You want to be a what when you grow up?” 

“A hairstylist,” you repeated through the phone. You hoped the pitch change in your voice wasn’t too much to give yourself away. Nevermind the fact that you knew nothing about hair as yours was always wet from surfing. 

“Uh okay,” JJ responded, “That was kinda unexpected but you do you I guess.”  

You slouched on the old-fashioned armchair in Annalise’s condo while your friends gathered around to listen in on yours and JJ’s call. A fit of snickers and shushes flew through the room as they tried to suppress their noise. 

“Yeah, I’ve been wanting to practice on people for a while now. I need to have experience to get into this beauty school I’ve been looking at,” you went on, “Do you think I could try something on you tomorrow?” 

You heard him scratch through the line. “Uh, why me? You don’t have any other friends that you could do it on?” 

“Because JJ! You’re like the only blonde I know. And I really want to perfect my bleaching skills. C’mon please! It’ll only be like a shade lighter. You’ll hardly even notice,” you promised in your well-rehearsed begging voice. 

“I’m not sure about this one, Y/n. It seems a little risky. Pope and John B are still ragging me for the underwear.” 

“Hmph,” you took the phone and held it closer to you, “Come onnnn JJ! I swear it’ll be fine. Please just do me this teensy little thing. I might even return the favor.” Your voice sang at the last bit.

He hiked in a long breath. “F-Fine. Just promise me it won’t be noticeable!” 

“Promise!” you cheered as the quad around you erupted in their silent happy dances. “Okay I’m going to go now, see you tomorrow before Sarah’s birthday Loverboy!” You sent him air kisses through the phone and hung up. 

“Men are so easy!” Sophia drawled, taking a huge bite of her ice cream pint. 

“You’re getting so good at this y/n!” Arabella pretend to wipe away tears, “I’m such a proud mama!” 

Maia whisked into her room and popped out seconds later, handing you a bottle of squeeze hair dye. “Here it is. Use it wisely young grasshopper.” 

------------------------------

You showed up to JJ’s house the next day. Thankfully, his dad was out a work so you had the entire house to yourself. Lord knows you needed it with the mild trauma you were about to put this boy through. 

You had JJ sit in the bathroom, away from the mirror with his head leaned back and eyes closed. Clumsily, you applied the dye like the Youtube video you watched the night before. Needless to say, you were getting it everywhere- on your clothes, JJ’s clothes, the counters. 

It was a disaster. But you played it cool, reminding JJ to keep his eyes shut or the dye will burn them. After wrapping his head in foil sheets and waiting 20 minutes, you bent him over the shower and washed everything out. 

Drying his still covered hair in the towel, you yanked it off him as he turned to the mirror and let out a deafening, ear-splitting shriek. 

“WHAT THE FUCK! OH MY GOD!” 

JJ looked like he was about to cry, horror-stricken, at his bright new bubblegum pink hair. 

“What the fuck is this?! What am I going to do?!” he paced back and forth in the clustered bathroom, “Sarah’s surprise party is tonight! John B’s gonna kill me if I don’t go! People can’t see me like this!” 

You bit your finger, glancing off to the side. “It was a mistake! I’m so sorry! It was supposed to be ash blonde but I might’ve gotten strawberry blonde instead.” 

JJ grabbed your shoulders, desperation drowning his eyes. “You have to fix this right now y/n! We have to be at the beach in an hour!” 

“You can’t bleach it again right now,” you protested, “You’ll fry your hair and then it’ll look like a bird’s nest!” 

“Then what are we going to do?! I can’t go outside like this!” 

---------------------------------

“Chug! Chug! Chug!” 

Throwing your head back, you finished the remains of the beer and tossed the cup into a nearby bin. The small crowd yelped as you threw your hands up. 

JJ crept up behind you and lifted you in the air, spinning you around. “Fuck yeah y/n!” 

You patted on the backwards cap on his head and he let you back down, pecking your cheek. 

Minutes before you guys arrived, he was able to rummage through is drawers for a hat big enough to stuff his Strawberry Shortcake hair into. Some specks still peeked out underneath, but, in the dark, you couldn’t really tell the island’s golden boy was now a pink poodle. 

The birthday girl, Sarah Cameron, skipped over to the group around you and thanked everyone for coming. She had her fingers linked with her new boo and party organizer, John B, as she hugged all her friends. 

You met her briefly after the big ‘surprise’ chant when she first arrived. When she referred to you as ‘JJ’s girl’ in front of everyone, you blushed and ignored her comment even though her and basically all the girls there were wondering the same thing. 

If only they knew. 

In your peripheral, you spotted your sabotage squad casually stroll into the beach and blend in with the pack of dancing kids. It was time to initiate Plan D. 

As the party progressed, you clung onto JJ side due to the fact that you hardly knew anyone there. You sat in his lap during a few drinking games and he even held you up while you did a keg stand. 

You were both dancing tipsy for a bit near the bonfire. His hands roamed your body while you pressed your ass to his crotch. You giggled when he bent over and kissed up your neck. 

“It’s getting kind of crowded now,” you mentioned at the growing swarm of people. Word probably got out about the party which definitely drew the hordes of tourists that were arriving by the dozen. JJ hummed against your skin. 

“We could get out of here for a bit,” you suggested, “Maybe go for a little dip in the water?” 

You felt his ears perk. He eyed you questioningly while you sauntered away from him and the throng of people, motioning for him to follow.

And he did. Just like a lost puppy. 

Both of you moved to a secluded section of the beach. The waves were calmer, and the music from the party muffled against the sound of the water crashing. 

“What is your cute little ass up to now,” JJ teased as you peeled off your top to set on a rock, revealing a sexy push-up black bikini. Again, one of Maia’s. 

“Come on! Let’s swim for a bit,” you coaxed, slipping out of your shorts. He grinned when you backed towards the water.

Here goes nothing. 

Sultrily, you undid the back string of your bathing suit and flung it onto the sand. JJ’s lips parted slightly. You swore his spirit left his body for a moment. 

You bit your lip. Still locking eye contact, you discarded your bottoms next. 

Twirling your nude body around, ass in full view, you cocked your head back at the awestruck teenage boy. “What? Cat’s got your tongue? Are you gonna come in or just stand there?” 

You’d never seen anyone undress at the speed JJ did, sans hat and everything. “Oh my God!” you squealed at the sight of him stepping out of the pink thong you gave him, “I can’t believe you wear those still!” 

He darted towards you and the ocean, the smile on his face stretched all the way to his sculpted cheek bones. “Hey, you like them and they make my ass look good. It’s a win-win for everyone!”

You also couldn’t help but notice his, uh, junk that was swinging while he ran with you. One peep at it and everything clicked in your head as to why women were obsessed with him. It was a very pleasing sight. 

Knees deep in the water, his hands drew up your sides. He ogled at your bare body, radiated by nothing but the moon, and you shifted a bit to make sure his back was fully facing the shore. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he rasped, resting his hands just atop the swell of your butt. “Fuck,” he purred, “C’mere.” 

Bending down, he crashed his lips onto yours, stroking up and down your backside. With one eye open, you peeked towards the rocks where two dark shadows hunched over and scurried away swiftly. 

Turning your attention back to the kiss, you briskly pulled away and splashed him before he could react. 

“Oh you wanna play huh?” he taunted and lunged at you while you playfully shrieked. 

You giggled as he picked you up, hand under your neck and knees, spinning you around a few times before dropping you at a slightly deeper end. You floated back up and splashed at him again with all your might. 

JJ swam towards you and wrapped your legs around his waist under the water, only your heads above the water at this point. “You’re so fun,” he gushed, kissing you again, a little more forcefully this time. 

You two stayed that way for a bit until you heard the kids from the party faintly singing ‘Happy Birthday’. 

“Fuck!” you shouted before scrambling out the water with JJ on your trail. You were able to pick up your bikini from the sand and pull it on. But once you got back to the rock, the only thing left was a single pink thong. 

“Where the fuck did our clothes go?!” JJ hollered, outraged. 

“Oh my God!” you joined, “Maybe some raccoons took them!” 

Not even bothering with your preposterous presumption, he held his hands up to his head in stress. “What the fuck am I gonna do? I have to go back through the party to even get to the car! And I have fucking pink hair!” 

“Uhh, maybe you could swim through the water past them? I could meet you on the other side with a towel.” 

“Okay okay! Just hurry!” he urged, hurrying back into the water in just the skimpy underwear. 

You jogged back to the party that died down by quite a bit. Only close friends remained. 

“Where’s JJ?” Pope asked as you surveyed the area, “He missed the whole cake. We were looking for a lighter for ages.” 

You merely shrugged. “Not sure, maybe he left for a bit?” 

Pope glanced around, confused until a voice- Sophia’s voice- shrieked from the sides. “Oh my gosh is that JJ?!”

A few gasps emitted from the crowd as Arabella and Annalise shone their flashlights at the bubblegum head perched on top of the water. 

“JJ what the fuck are you doing?!” John B yelled, “And why the fuck is your hair pink?!”

JJ looked as if he’d seen a ghost. He laughed sheepishly, “Yeah about that I-” 

Before he could finish, the tide pulled out to reveal the fuchsia g-string on his hips. John B face palmed himself and shielded Sarah’s eyes from the indecent scene. 

The party exploded in laughter, Pope and Kiara fell to their knees on the sand, joining the mass.

Middle fingers in the air, JJ dashed through the roaring flock and to the car. “Fuck you all! But happy birthday Sarah!” 

---------------------------------

note: hehehehhe. okay i had fun writing dis. pls msg me to be tagged!! 

chapter six

tags: @obxlife​​ @rudyypankow​​ @yeehaw87​​ @ilymarkchan​​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​​ @tangledinsparkles​​ @toloveortobeinlove​​ @pixelated-pogues​​ @normatural​​ @teamnick​​ @drizzlethatfalls​​ @hazelgirl355​ @wicked-laugh​ @jjmaybankswife​ @ponyboys-sunsets​ @5am-cigarette​ @everydayimfangirling​ @angvelics​ @poguecollins​ @xealia​ @floridabornandraised​ @girlsru1eboysdroo1​ @booksandshish​ @apoguecalledjj​ @bananasfromtarget​ @lulbabes @arthiriticcricket​ @lasnaro​ @aaleksmorozova​ @himarisolace​ @obxmxybxnk​ @lopineapples​ @x-lulu​ @danicarosaline​ @llvinlavidaloca​ @toofarawaytobreathe​ @llvinlavidaloca​ @danicarosaline​ @ilovejjmaybank​ @socialwriter​ @searchinfornarnia159​ @1-800-jjslut​ @jolomez​ @lopineapples​

[kuiinncedes]

HI JEANNE I AM SO GLAD UR DOING PROMPTS!!! can i prompt general #24 for quinntina with some kuinn friendship maybe pls???? 🥺🥺💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗

hi rae thanks for prompting!!! <333

General 24 “I haven’t seen (her/him/them) smile in months.”

this got longggg 2796 ish words 👀 (i edited it after pasting into tumblr tho so idk exactly :P) i think this is the longest thing i’ve posted?? i hope it doesn’t suck <3

(also small mention of homophobic parent(s) (mostly quinn’s mom) and just not great parenting... also blood and death mention warning (but like just in conversation?))

i’m like weirdly nervous about this one sdlhgkjf *screams and hits post*

--

“What’s wrong with Tina?”

Kurt gives Quinn a sideways look, fixing his hair in the mirror on his locker. “Tina Cohen Chang? Why are you asking about her?”

Quinn shrugs, trying to play innocent and nonchalant. “I haven’t seen her smile in months.” Because since the beginning of the year, Tina always smiled at her as she walked into their first class and the only one they share, but now she doesn’t, if she even comes to class on time at all.

Kurt looks at her knowingly and Quinn pushes his arm lightly. “Shut up,” she grumbles. “I’m serious.”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Kurt says after a moment, following Quinn’s gaze to Tina arriving at her locker. They watch as she hurriedly puts some books in her bag and quickly walks off again, head down and giving a wide berth to everyone she passes. 

“Yeah, and that,” Quinn says, “it’s like she’s… scared or something.” She looks at Kurt whose jaw has tightened. Quinn squeezes his arm lightly and he smiles a little at her. 

“I can ask Mercedes,” he says reluctantly as he shuts his locker and they start walking down the hall. “She’d know more than me, but… yeah, I don’t think she’s even been in glee lately.”

Quinn’s barely paying attention and almost runs into another student before Kurt pulls her out of the way. “You know, it’s a little creepy that you noticed this at all,” he teases, a glimmer in his eye, and Quinn elbows him and follows him into their next class.

-

Mercedes doesn’t give them any new information, and then Quinn -- Quinn wants to forget about it, but she can’t. She keeps stealing glances at Tina in the halls, during class, at lunch. She knows Kurt’s right, that it is a little creepy, but… 

They’ve been around each other’s circles since the beginning of high school, and a friendly wave from Tina one morning was the only thing keeping Quinn feeling normal when the least normal thing possible had happened to her the night before. She didn’t have Kurt yet, she barely had any friends because of her work to uphold her status as the ice-cold head Cheerio. Tina was kind to her when she was spiraling after her world had turned upside down and no one was around to support her, to turn it back around. 

So she just wants to know if Tina’s okay. Because of that. No other reason.

-

Quinn gets her chance a week later. 

She doesn’t expect to see Tina today -- she isn’t in English and hadn’t been for a few days. Quinn tries to ignore her growing concern; after all, she still doesn’t actually know anything about Tina’s life.

When Mrs. Harrison splits them off into groups of two for a new project, Quinn is last to pick her partner and everyone else has already paired off.

“Tina’s absent today, I’ll work with her,” Quinn says airily, playing with the end of her ponytail and tapping her pencil on the desk. She acts like she doesn’t care (why would Quinn Fabray have any reaction to getting paired with a relative social nobody for a project?) but part of her is… looking forward to it. Not only because of her persisting concern about what’s going on with Tina, but also because she does genuinely want to spend time with her. So maybe this is her chance.

She tells Kurt about it at his locker between classes and he rolls his eyes and smiles fondly at her. 

It’s the end of the day when Quinn realizes she doesn’t actually have Tina’s number to contact her; it’s too late to ask Kurt or Cedes, she stayed after school to retake a math test and she’s the only one here, as far as she knows.

Except she’s not. There’s another car in the student lot. Quinn glances at it and stops when she realizes someone is sitting in the driver’s seat -- Tina. Before she can talk herself out of it, Quinn walks over and taps on her window. 

Maybe she should’ve talked herself out of it, she thinks as Tina jumps and seems to steel herself before rolling down her window. Quinn smiles a little, apologetically. A wave of warm air comes from inside the car, like Tina’s been blasting the heat even in the relatively warm spring weather.

“Um, hey,” Quinn says awkwardly. “So… you weren’t in English today, but we’re doing a project and you and I are partners.” Her voice goes up at the end as if it’s a question. She’s really doubting this now. Tina looks like she’s sick and she’s gripping the steering wheel and not meeting Quinn’s eyes. “Or…” Quinn clears her throat slightly, putting her head Cheerio, most popular girl in school mask back on. “It’s fine if you don’t. Just tell Mrs. Harrison. I’ll do it myself.”

“No,” Tina says, looking up at her finally, and Quinn thinks there’s something different about her eye color. Her smile is tight and forced. “Sounds good.”

Quinn raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Doesn’t sound like it sounds good.”

Tina clenches her jaw. “Yeah, it’s good, sorry, I’m just tired,” she says in one breath. “Here, I’ll, um -- ” She fumbles with her phone and offers it to Quinn. “Put your number in, I’ll text you.”

Quinn’s fingers brush Tina’s when she takes the phone and she almost jumps at how cold her skin is, despite the warmth emanating from the car. Even Kurt, who runs cold, isn’t nearly this cold to Quinn’s own unnaturally warm body temperature…. Her concern grows and she watches Tina for another moment, who’s closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. 

“Are you… okay?” Quinn asks hesitantly.

“I’m fine.” 

“Forgive me for saying this? But you… don’t look fine.”

Tina gives her a sideways look. “Yeah, well.” She closes her eyes again.

Quinn enters her number but doesn’t give Tina’s phone back when she’s done. “Hey, seriously, I -- what’s wrong?”

Tina just exhales defeatedly. “I can’t tell you.” 

“Try me.”

She shakes her head.

“Your skin is fucking freezing, you have the heat on high in the car in almost 70-degree weather, you look different and not in a good way. I know -- I know we don’t talk much, Tina, but please, let me help you.” Quinn even surprises herself with the last part. It’s far from the hard facade she hides behind at school in her Cheerios uniform, even though she’s still wearing that right now. 

Tina stays still and silent and Quinn fidgets with her phone. 

“I really don’t know what to do here,” Tina says softly, opening her eyes, glancing at Quinn again then back away. “I literally… have no. Fucking. Clue.” It sounds like she’s talking to herself more than anything and Quinn isn’t sure how to respond.

“Well, I… whatever I can do -- ”

“Have you ever had something… absolutely, absolutely insane happen to you? Like… you would never believe it yourself but it happened to you and you have to fucking deal with it so you have to believe it.” Tina’s breaths come more quickly as she continues, her fists curling tighter around the steering wheel. “And I don’t know how to fucking deal with it, but I fucking have to because -- because I have to and I’m this thing now -- ”

“Hey, Tina, hey, breathe,” Quinn says hurriedly, trying to put a hand on her shoulder but the angle from outside the car window is awkward and she doesn’t know if it would be appreciated. Her mind spins with those words -- you have to believe it, I’m this thing now -- and it’s scarily similar to Quinn’s own thoughts when she first… turned, over three years ago.

But Tina can’t be a werewolf too, her skin… Quinn thinks. Thankfully Tina’s breathing has mostly gone back to normal and she just looks exhausted again, her forehead resting on the steering wheel and hands loose in her lap now. What the fuck. What the fuck am I about to do.

Despite all her instincts and rationale screaming at her not to do it, Quinn says shakily, “I think I get it,” and when Tina turns to look at her, she inhales and says in a whisper, so quiet she’s not sure if Tina can hear, “I’m a werewolf.”

Tina stares and Quinn starts thinking and thinking about how she can take it back, it was a joke, there’s obviously no such thing as werewolves, what the fuck was she saying, what was she thinking revealing this to a near stranger --

“I think… I think I’m technically a vampire.” 

Oh. Quinn stares back at her.

Some of the tension seems to have gone out of Tina’s body. There’s another silence. “Can I trust you?” Tina asks quietly.

“What -- ? I mean, yeah…” Quinn swallows. “Yes, you can. Of course. I think if there’s one person you could trust with this, it’s me.” 

Please trust me.

“Thank you,” Tina whispers, like she just has no energy to speak louder. “I just can’t think right now, I think I need… like, fucking blood, probably, I don’t know…” She looks down at her hands hopelessly. “I think I might be dying.” She laughs humorlessly. “Again, I guess.”

Quinn thinks for a moment, taking in the almost metallic pallor of Tina’s skin and the difference in her irises that she noticed earlier. “How long have you… been a vampire?” 

Is this the answer to what she’s been wondering about?

“A few months, I guess.” (There it is… Quinn wonders if anyone might have noticed something different in her for the months after her first night as a wolf.) “There was another vampire -- nicer than the one who bit me -- ” her voice goes hard and tight on bit -- “who gave me some blood for a while. But I don’t know where they are now. They said they never stayed in one place for a long time. So I guess I’m starving to death. I don’t know.”

“Can’t you, like, get blood… somewhere?”

“I can barely stand talking to you right now, to be honest,” Tina says. “I don’t think I could go near other people right now.”

Right. Quinn curses her complete lack of knowledge on vampires besides that from popular media, which probably doesn’t apply very well to this situation. This feels absolutely ridiculous, though she’s been through weirder herself… still. Her first full moon was a disaster and she doesn’t know how to deal with this either. But… 

“I might be able to help,” she says, standing up straighter and finally handing Tina’s phone back to her. Tina pauses before taking it, as if she forgot about it; Quinn has, too, for the most part. The project is definitely not a priority now. “I know absolutely nothing about vampires,” Quinn continues, “but I have my own needs as a werewolf. I know a place -- it’s where I hunt. Animals.”

Tina seems to wince at the words. Quinn vaguely remembers hearing about how Tina doesn’t eat meat, for the most part. She could probably avoid thinking about it when someone else was getting her blood, but this will be direct. This will be a change.

Quinn presses on. “You need blood. Everything in history about vampires says that -- they can’t all be wrong. Please let me help you.”

“Okay,” Tina says weakly, nodding a little. “Give me the address, or whatever -- ”

“I’m driving you. In this car. And staying with you.” Quinn doesn’t back down as Tina’s eyes snap to hers, and her mouth opens to protest. “Seriously. I’m helping you with this. And you’ll crash the car if you drive yourself.”

Her head falls back against the headrest. “You’re lucky I’m exhausted and dying, Fabray,” she grumbles. She gets out and goes around the front of the car into the passenger seat, and Quinn slides into the driver’s seat, putting her bag in the back. She instinctively reaches to turn down the heat, but remembers Tina’s freezing skin.

“You can turn it down,” Tina says. “I don’t even feel cold. I just wanted my skin to feel normal to other people, which clearly wasn’t working.” Quinn gives her a glance to make sure, but Tina is just leaned against the window, body slumped and tired. 

She turns it down just a little.

Then remembering something else Tina said earlier, Quinn asks warily, “Are you okay with me in the car right now? I know you said earlier you could barely stand it…”

Tina shrugs. “I mean, I have to be, don’t I?” Quinn doesn’t answer, and Tina looks over at her and chuckles a little. “Don’t worry, Fabray, I won’t kill you and drain your blood. Although it does sound… appetizing right now.”

“Haven’t you read Twilight? My blood tastes awful to vampires,” Quinn jokes, trying to lighten the mood as she pulls the car out of the school parking lot. 

“Is that really a thing?”

Quinn laughs lightly. “I think so, I don’t know. But that is something I’m thinking about when it comes to vampires, so I must’ve heard it somewhere.”

Tina hums. “I never read or watched Twilight. My parents wouldn’t let me; my mom said she thought Kristen Stewart seemed like a bitch.” She lets out a short laugh. “The irony.”

“Do your parents know?”

“No. Yours?”

“No.” It’s honestly too easy for Quinn to hide it from her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. They’re never home and when they are, they leave Quinn alone, which is fine by her, especially on full moons or random weird days when she needs to leave. She does whatever the fuck she wants; they don’t question it. She supposes there are worse ways to live, especially while being a werewolf.

“How am I supposed to tell them?” Tina asks, looking out the window. “I thought I’d have to worry about telling them I thought Kristen Stewart was hot, not that I had basically become her -- or, her character.”

“Well, you could lead with the first thing? Maybe that’ll make it a little easier to accept. Or you could lead with the second, and while they’re freaking out about that, just drop in that you like girls.”

“Ha ha.”

“It’s good advice, I just might follow it myself,” Quinn jokes.

“…You like girls?” Tina asks. “Or -- you don’t have to answer that, sorry -- ”

Quinn glances at her. “Yeah.” 

“Cool. Let me know how it goes, if you do follow that advice,” Tina teases lightly.

Quinn laughs harshly at the mere thought of coming out to her mom. She might’ve been able to come around about her teenage pregnancy, but Quinn doesn’t miss the tone her voice takes on when she asks about Kurt or when Quinn mentions him, when Quinn’s watching something on TV or reading a book, when she sees something in the news. 

“Well I’m not coming out anytime soon.”

“That’s fine,” Tina says, her voice soft and tired but sincere. 

“Kurt’s the only other person who knows, though, so… yeah, you know… trust thing.”

“Of course. Thanks for telling me.”

And Quinn does trust Tina, with this, with the werewolf thing… she’s wondering how Tina managed to win her trust so quickly... and friendship.

Hopefully, Tina trusts her enough for what they’re about to do.

“We’re here,” Quinn says, pulling into a dirt area surrounded by woods. She puts the car in park and hears Tina take a deep breath. She looks nervous and Quinn doesn’t need to imagine to have an idea of what’s going through her head right now. She takes one of her freezing hands in her own, holds it between them. “Tina. I’ll be here for you, okay? I’ll help you. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely not. Do you know anything about vampires hunting?”

“Is it so different from turning into a wolf and hunting?” Quinn jokes, then asks seriously, “Do you need a minute?”

“No.” Tina removes her hand to open the door and Quinn misses the contact, the… warmth, even from her cold skin. 

When she gets out of the car and comes up next to her, Tina shoots her a grateful smile -- small, but genuine. Something Quinn hasn’t seen in months. She’s missed it. 

(Shit, Kurt was right, she thinks, and if this is any indication, she won’t ever get tired of that smile.)

“Thank you, Quinn, for helping me with this.”

“Of course.”

Quinn’s hand suddenly finds itself in Tina’s again, and she can feel Tina’s hand shaking a little. Quinn gives her a small, reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go.”

***

small notes for after bc i didn’t want to “spoil” this before lol !!

this is in the werewolf!quinn / vampire!tina au i’ve written in before :) if u wanna check that out hehe here’s my fic tag :P 

this and this are the two that are most connected to this one tho if u want to read :3 especially the second one -- i think that’s kind of a continuation of this fic, or like the next scene i guess

no one really cares but i started out with this prompt thinking about a more canon s1 au where it was tina saying the prompt about quinn during her pregnancy but idk somehow it turned into this instead slfdkjkd

i really didn’t have many notes lmao that’s it thanks for reading if u did <3

[kitykat18]

Behind Their Smile

Seven boys who meet each other, help one another, but will that help them to get them out of there misery. are they gonna be okay or is it gonna make it worse? who is able to help them? are they gonna be okay? 

Nethan

 After school I usually have a part time job in a tank station, but today I was free, lucky!! After school today I went to the convenience store and bought some food, when I arrived at my house, which is actually a hut in an abandoned train station. I heard someone behind me ‘’you live here?’’ when I turned around I saw Tobias there with a surprised face. ‘’what the hell are you doing here?! Did you follow me?!’’ I asked ‘’well…yes I did follow, but before you get mad I have a good reason’’ ‘’it better be good’’ ‘’well you see it’s your birthday today’’  ‘’I don’t celebrate my birthday, and you know that’’  ‘’well that’s the whole thing, I found that weird so I wanted to surprise you. But I didn’t know you were hiding something like this. Why did you hide it?’’  ‘’because I don’t someone’s pity because of my situation’’  ‘’but if you told me or showed me I could’ve helped you, even know I can help you. It’s not bad to ask someone for help and you know that because I got that from you. But how did you get in this situation?’’ ‘’first come in.’’ We walked in and I made him some coffee. We sat down, and he went straight to the point. ‘’now tell me what happened’’  ‘’well when I was thirteen my parent died in a car crash, I had no siblings, so I stayed with my uncle. My uncle was a nice guy, he had to work hard for money, so I also started a part time job at a convenience store, to help him with some groceries and stuff. After a few month’s my uncle died of overworking, he already had a weak heart. He did leave some money but it wasn’t enough, so I asked a friend of mine if he had a place for me to stay in,  with a low rent. After asking he showed me this abandoned train station and told me that if I built a house here, I could live here without rent. So I took the deal. I started building, I know it’s not the best, but I like it and I can survive. But the place was too far from my part time job so I quit and found a tank station close by, and now I work there.’’  ‘’I see. So that why you’re grades came down. I thought that was weird, you are the smartest guy I know. I should’ve known by then. I guess I was just that stupid’’ he said, but it wasn’t his fault ‘’it’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you because I was scared of what you would think of me, after you would find out about it.’’  ‘’come on dude we are friends’’ he said why he put his arm around me. I guess this is what I needed it, I should have told him sooner.                                                                            After talking a bit, he started looking around, not that there is a lot to see. ‘’what is this? Did you write these?’’ he asked, I didn´t know what he was talking about until he turned around with a black notebook in his hands. ‘’wait, no don´t read that’’ I said while walking towards him, but he started acting like a child and running out of the house. ‘’if you tell me what it is’’ he said. ‘’fine! I tell you so give it to me’’ ‘’no, tell me first and then I will give it to you’’ honestly he is such a child. ‘’these are lyrics, well rap lyrics’’ I confessed, ‘’I didn’t know you could rap, why didn’t you tell me?’’  ‘’I don’t rap, I just like making them’’  ‘’can you try and rap it for me’’ ‘’I just told you I don’t rap’’ ‘’yes, you said you don’t rap, doesn’t mean you can’t. so let me hear it.’’ After some complaining, I rapped a little part of my rap. ‘’see you can rap. Why aren’t you showing that to anyone else?’’ ‘’well because I can’t get anything from it. If I rap on the street I only hear people complaining, so I stopped’’ ‘’so you want to get some money for the rapping’’ I nodded. ‘’I just know the place, it’s a place I go for some easy money. You down?’’  ‘’is it illegal?’’  he nodded no ‘’I trust you on this, lead the way’’

After I asked him to lead the way, he took me to a restaurant. ‘’weren’t you going to show me where I could rap’’  ‘’be quit not everyone knows about this place. Chef!!’’ I heard him scream, after that I saw a tall man, taller than me, come out of the kitchen. ‘’suga, my man!’’ he said while laughing historical, he had a deep voice. ‘’how are doing, I haven’t seen you for a while. Why didn’t you come?’’ ‘’I was busy, sorry. But I brought someone and he is good’’ the tall man looked at me up and down ‘’well if you say he is good he must be. You know where to go’’ they shaked hands and Tobias walked to the door which was the back door. ‘’is suga your stage name?’’ I asked ‘’yes, you like it. Don’t worry you will get one too after they see you rap’’ ‘’I see, I cant choose my one name?’’ ‘’depends on how good you are, but since you will show a original. I think you can choose you own stage name. so I think its better if you think of one right now’’ I nodded.                                                                                                                                        After walking for a minute there was a stair that was going down, after we went down we could hear some music and someone rap. When we arrived at the door Tobias turned and said ‘’welcome to the MAZE’’ and he opened the door. I heard a loud beat and someone rap and the crowd cheering. After that person was done a man with a microphone ‘’and that was Ethan everyone give him a applause. Now it’s 9 pm and you guys now what that means, well expect for the newbies, yes I said newbies. cause today is audition time’’ everyone cheered. ‘’ calm down everyone, tonight we have not 2 but 4 participants, how about that. This is gonna be one hella of a night you guys. Goodluck to all the newbies’’ after that some music was played my lower than before. I saw Tobias walk to me ‘’well what do you think of it for your first time?’’                                                  ‘’it’s nice, but it’s not only rap is it?’’  ‘’your quick. But yes it’s also singing and dancing.’’ ‘’I see, but how is this going to work?’’  ‘’okey let me explain. There are three categories rap, sing and dance. You will go in group rap with me and some other people, there are different levels. The higher you go up with levels the higher the amount will be. But to go levels up you need to win competition, those are 1 on 1 in the beginning but the higher you go, the more people you need to work with. So  I hope you can work with people and can listen to other people, because if you can’t you wont be able to win the matches. Right now I’m at level 9, it’s a low level but that’s because I haven’t come in a while. There are 70 levels, every 10 levels later 1 person joins your group. Every group has 7 people in it, and when you have your group you still have one match of 10 levels you do with your group and that’s the last contest. Oh and on that day there is a high possibility that agents of some big companies and some small companies, and it’s the choice of the leader to pick the company you want to join. Does that answer your question.’’  ‘’yes it does, just one more question. Can you still choose me even if I am still not higher than level 10?’’                                            ‘’yes it is, I will just put your name on my list, but I can’t compete until you finish you first 10 levels.’’  ‘’I see, do you already have company you want to join?’’ ‘’what are you talking about, you are going to be our leader.’’ ‘’wait! What?! Why, I just started this stuff’’  ‘’yes, but I know from myself that I can’t keep up with people I get angry easy, and you have a way of talking to people that puts them in ease.’’ I know that he can get pretty angry ones he is annoyed, but still this is a lot of pressure. ‘’what if I pick a company the rest of the group don’t want, and what if’’ ‘’okey I’m stopping you there. Look you don’t have to choose the company on the day it self, they will leave there company cards with you and then you can talk to the rest of the group.’’  ‘’I see, can I still pick someone else as the leader later on the contest?’’  he nodded a no.   ‘’okey, bu’’ when I wanted to say something the host came up the stage.  ‘’you guys let get this started!!’’ everyone started cheering. ‘’our first participant is Jonathan and he will be singing for us, let all hear some applause for him!!’’ everyone cheered, whistled and started clapping. I knew i know that name it was Jonathan from our school, but what is he doing here, I thought he was loaded. He started singing and the whole room was in silence. His voice was so nice to listen to he had a high voice and clear, it was beautiful. When he was done it was still quit for a few seconds and then he started clapping and cheering, and me too. I really liked his voice. The judges were talking among them self, when they were done the told him he was accepted. One of the judge asked ‘’do you know what your name will be?’’ ‘’yes I chose the name Jin’’ after saying that he walked of the stage. I walked up to him, ‘’heyy Jonathan!’’ he turned around and was surprised to see me. ‘’wait you are… Nethan right.’’ ‘’yes I am, what are you doing here?’’ ‘’when I heard about this place I thought that I wanted to something new.’’  ‘’I see. You were amazing out there’’ ‘’thanx, when are you up?’’ ‘’I think I’m third’’ ‘’okay well good luck.’’ He waved and left.                                                                                         

After the second participant the host called my name, I went up the stage and it was frighting but I mustered up my courage and started rapping own of my own rap. When I was done one of the judges asked me ‘’I don’t know this rap, who’s is it’’ ‘’it mine sir’’  everyone looked shocked and then the judges started talking among them again, after the were done they told me I was accepted. The judge: ‘’ did you choose a name?’’  ‘’yes sir, I chose RM’’                                                  

The rest of the participants didn’t go through, they were good but most of them forgot there lyrics or there moves.   Now the game started. Let’s hope I can find people who are willing and want to join my group.

~note~

i’m sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, it’s my first time posting my story. Please leave down your opinion so that i can learn from them, and if you like you can put down your own ideas for books that i should write, mabey a short story. you can also message me :). 

This book is an idea I had from one of BTS their album, which is called; The most beautiful moment in life: young forever. It’s a very nice album, please listen to it and watch it. 

[bobasheebaby]

75 Siren Prompts

75 prompts perfect for your mermaid au.

1 Ted: “They know you're helping him/her, you know. They're looking for you.”

Ben: “I know.”

Ted: “Alright, go on. Be careful.”

Ben: “Thank you.”

2 Ben: “We don't know him/her! He/She could hurt him/her!”

Maddie: “I don't like it either, okay? Him/Her being with someone else. But we have to put our feelings aside.”

Ben: “You can do that?”

3 Xander: “Another weird night. Courtesy of the merpeople.”

4 Ryn: “He/She killed my people and it starts with love. Like NAME loves NAME.”

5 Ryn: “He/She lied to me. He/She should tell me about his/her family.”

Maddie: “He/She was afraid of losing you.”

6 Ryn: “In water we kill for food ... protection. NAME’s family kill because they are angry. Murder.”

Ben: “I am ashamed that I am related to someone who could do that.”

Ryn: “Yes. Shame.”

Ben: “I made a mistake! I should've told you.”

7 Ryn: “Why do humans do things like this?”

Ben: “Sometimes because they're afraid. Sometimes ... I don't know ... angry.”

8 Ryn: “These are our people. We stay.”

9 Ben: “NAME found out about my family ... what they did. He/She thinks that I was trying to hide it from him/her.”

Maddie: “Were you?”

Ben: “I don't know. Maybe.”

10 Ryn: “They are afraid?”

Ben: “They think that if humans knew, they would do something bad to them.”

11 Levi: “Maybe Ben and Ryn make baby.”

Ben: “That wouldn't help your species, though.”

12 Ryn: “We are many seasons without babies.”

Ben: “No one's gotten pregnant? How long?”

Ryn: “Very long.”

13 Nicole: “I'm on your side. I need you to remember that.”

14 Maddie: “NAME, what is this place?”

Ryn: “This is where NAME began.”

Ben: “You were born here?”

15 Xander: “Are you sure that this thing that's in your head ... it's not making you think that you have feelings for NAME? What if that's not real either? You have no idea what this thing could be doing to you.”

Maddie: “I had feelings for him/her before it happened.”

16 Maddie: “We're in love. The three of us!”

17 Nicole: “I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

18 Nicole: “I don't have to stick around anymore, but I am. For you.”

19 Ryn: “Military was bad to brother/sister, but good to NAME. “

Maddie: “For now. But we don't know what they want to do to you.”

20 Ryn: “In the water ... others in danger. He/She saved them, but he/she die.”

21 Xander: “Hey, good luck down there. Do your thing.”

22 Ryn: “We don't want this big fight. But we must, so we can go back home.”

23 Helen: “You don't have to stand there. If you're gonna be my night watchman, at least have a seat.”

24 Ryn: “NAME always with you.”

Maddie: “We/I love you.”

25 Dale: “Think. Think before you do anything.”

26 Dale: “So you killed him/her?”

Ryn: “Yes.”

Dale: “You saved my son’s/daughter's life. I'll never be able to thank you enough.”

27 Helen: “I know you don't understand me. No locks in the ocean, right?”

28 Ben: “You wanna stay involved? Okay. Tell them no. Make some noise, dad/mom. Do something.”

29 Helen: “Oh my God. You're beautiful.”

30 Helen: “They can't keep doing this. They're nocturnal. I'm not.”

31 Ryn: “He/She say NAME is human.”

32 Maddie: “I'm just glad I have this place. And the two of you.”

33 Ryn: “What do you think about?”

Maddie: “I think about NAME. And you.”

34 Helen: “Telling you wouldn't have worked. You have to feel it before you can believe.”

35 Maddie: “This is gonna take a miracle.”

Ben: “Well, lucky for us we've got duct tape.”

36 Susan: “Talk to me, please. Tell me what's going on. I want to help.”

37 Maddie: “NAME told us we couldn't stop the fight, but you tried anyway. Were you hearing it again? His/Her song? In your mind?”

38 Helen: “What the hell is going on?”

Ben: “Survival of the fittest.”

39 Xander: “I'm not the risk! They're the risk!”

40 Ben: “What if the way I feel about you has nothing to do with the song?”

41 Ben: “What if the way I feel about you has nothing to do with the song?”

42 Ryn: “In the ocean, we move forward. Always.”

43 Ryn: “He/She was leader. Now he/she must ask NAME for help.”

44 Xander: “I didn't get a chance to tell you. I'm sorry.”

45 Ryn: “He/She sang to you to escape from you, not because he/she loves you. He/She will not do it again.”

46 Ryn: “NAME tried to help us.”

Maddie: “I know, NAME. But he/she didn't, did he/she?”

47 Maddie: “What's going on?”

Helen: “It's a matriarchy. It seems NAME is now the dominant female.”

48 Maddie: “I'm going to stick with my dad/mom right now.”

Ben: “NAME ...”

Maddie: “I'll be back later. For NAME.”

49 Sheriff: “Those creatures, NAME, they can't be here.”

Maddie: “I know. They can learn and evolve like NAME did.”

Sheriff: “I don't want to have to choose a side, but if I do, this town comes first.”

50 Ryn: “It's okay. NAME is love.”

Donna: “Love.”

51 Ryn: “They killed us -- so many of us that the water was red with our blood.”

52 Ben: “NAME, tell me what's going on.”

Ryn: “Not here to take back. Here to kill.”

53 Ben: “You can't just go back. I need you here.”

54 Donna: “We take NAME back to his/her home.”

Helen: “I thought you only killed for survival, but now, aggression, plotting revenge. You're more human than I realized.”

Donna: “We are his/her family. He/She must come back.”

Helen: “What if he/she doesn't want to go with you? He/She seems very attached to his/her human friends.”

Donna: “Where. Is. NAME?”

55 Ryn: “Is NAME OK?”

Ben: “Yeah. NAME is good.”

56 Ben: “Will you sing to me again?”

57 Ryn: “I know I am part animal but I am part human.”

58 Maddie: “NAME was hurt, he/she came for us for help.”

59 Xander: “Where is my damn mermaid?”

60 Donna: “You like human.”

61 Ryn: “This man/woman, he/she hurt him/her.”

62 Ben: “I know what he/she did to you.”

63 Ryn: “Not safe on land. Not safe in water.”

64 Helen: “You can trust me because I am one of you.”

65 Helen: “I thought you might be by the water.”

66 Ryn: “In water we fight. I kill or you kill.”

67 Ben: “We would like to know more about you.”

68 Helen: “You don't know what you are dealing with.”

69 Maddie: “He/She almost killed you in the water.”

70 Maddie: “How do you subtly ask about a mermaid?”

71 Helen: “In their natural state in the water, they see you as prey. Their instinct is to kill. Humans never understood that.”

72 Ben: “What if there is a new predator out there? One that we haven't seen before.”

73 Chris: “Maybe it is some big cover up, but I am done running.”

74 Ben: “If your dad/mom finds out.”

Xander: “I'm calling the shots on this one!”

75 Xander: “It was an accident.”

[raptorific]

Series 11 of Doctor Who catches a lot of flack for being the first in the revived series to feature absolutely no returning monsters, villains, or characters other than the Doctor herself, but honestly that makes sense on both a Meta level and an In-Universe level

The Meta level is, obviously, that the barrier of entry for most Doctor Who fans is the baggage of its long history. While children are a bit more willing to use context clues or just be satisfied in the assumption that someone has answers to their questions even if it’s not them, adult viewers new to the show are more likely to watch the show with questions like “wait, who is that?” and “there’s an octopus inside that robot?” The long history and deep lore of the show is one of the best aspects, but it’s also one of the aspects that’s really only fun once you’ve already Gotten Into It. 

The new series did a fairly good job correcting this, to the point where fans who have never seen an episode of the classic series can say “I’ve been watching this show for 15 years,” which is a fairly beautiful thing! However, in this age of serialized television, and with the amount of hype Jodie Whittaker’s casting brought to the role, it made sense to have series 11 be the “you don’t need to watch 26 seasons of the classic series or 10 seasons of the new series to jump onboard.” By the time a Dalek finally shows up in the New Year’s Special, the new fans aren’t New anymore. They’ve learned how to watch the show, where the context clues are, are finally ready to enjoy the fun the show’s history brings, and then after that, they’re ready for series 12′s deep-dive into old enemies, returning companions, and the ever-deepening jumble of Gallifreyan Historical Nonsense. I’m sure that somewhere around Series 18 (2040) they’ll do a similar “lore-lite” season and we’ll have this conversation all over again. 

The In-Universe reasoning is genuinely pretty solid. The Doctor has just come from an incarnation where, as far as they know, all of their companions have died horrifically at the hands of the Master and Cybermen. The Twelfth Doctor’s final acts before regeneration were being reminded of who and what the Doctor is supposed to be, and more importantly, what he started out as, and his final words are a speech reminding his successor of what he’s learned. The Thirteenth Doctor is born haunted by the death of Clara Oswald and the cyber-conversion and death of Danny Pink and Bill Potts, as well as the death of his wife River. 

The first thing she does is she meets a group of people who are obviously going to become companions, and the first thing that happens? One of them is killed. From that point on, the series embarks on an arc where the 13th Doctor desperately tries to keep her companions away from anything to do with her Lore. They exclusively go to planets and time periods where nobody’s heard of The Doctor or fought her before, and avoid any adventures that raise questions about her past, questions that she inevitably dodges when they’re eventually asked anyway. 

Series 11 is the story of the Thirteenth Doctor desperately fleeing from her past under the belief that it kills any of her friends who come in contact with her. This arc culminates in what I’ve come to view as a two-part story: “The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos” and “Resolution.” TBoRAK features a new returning enemy, one she met earlier in the season, who killed her new friend, who’s now caught up with her and threatens the rest of her friends, and her whole planet. The message, of course, being “like vengeful alien supervillains, you can’t run from your grief forever, it only goes away when you actually deal with it.” Resolution, of course, involves her first interaction with the Daleks in this body, marking the end of an era of her trying to keep her companions safe by avoiding her baggage and the beginning of the Series 12 arc, where all of her baggage (old enemies, old companions, old incarnations, her home planet, the word “Shobogans”) shows up on her doorstep.

Without having seen her spend a whole season being like “let’s go on low-stakes, friendship building adventures! Don’t ask about me or my past! My ever-growing Rogues Gallery can’t hurt you if we don’t see them,” it wouldn’t hit quite as hard when the Cybermen turn up again and the Doctor snaps at her companions that she refuses to “lose anyone else to that.” The Master’s return in series 12 has a deeper impact if it came from a place of “I hoped they were safe from you,” knowing that the last update the Doctor had on Missy was “she’s evil again, and she killed Bill.” 

I understand where the frustration, for die-hard fans who wanted to see 13 in the Established Formula straightaway, but the fact of the matter is that Chibnall’s debut arc delivered something that, with the show’s almost 60-year history, should’ve been impossible. He’s found a way to simultaneously “pick up where his predecessor left off by building on existing character development and plot threads” and “replicate the experience of watching Doctor Who in the 60s before there were Recurring Villains or an Established Formula, so that when all that stuff shows up, all the new fans are primed for it.”

But, apparently “narrative cohesion” and “character development” are less important to the nerds on GallifreyBase than “the SJWs are trying to indoctrinate us with Identity Politics and the dreaded morality lectures,” which they pretend are a new phenomenon and not “the thing the show has been known for since the 70s”

[askkrenko]

Let’s Talk about Secret Lair

Now that we’ve had a week to stew and they’re coming out tomorrow, I’d like to take the time to give my full thoughts on each Secret Lair line and give them something resembling a grade of my own. I gave them initial thoughts on reveal, but now I’d like to speak a bit more structured.  This might get a bit long, so... After the Break!

THE BOX: I don’t have the box. I can’t judge the box. If the box is good quality, it could be worth like $10 of the price. If the box is bad quality, it’s trash. For my discussion here I’m going to be ignoring the box. The box looks sturdy enough, and pretty alright, so keep in mind that they each come with a special box.

Bitterblossom Dreams:

Value: Bitterblossom alone costs more than Bitterblossom Dreams. Certainly it’ll drop after this comes out, but Bitterblossom Dreams’ raw value is undeniable. It’s a cheap Bitterblossom, plus tokens. Style: Extended Art cards are always cool, especially on well-known permanents. it’s clearly Bitterblossom, but still has the text there for those who need it. The four tokens are each extended art as well, have different but matching art, and create a lovely panorama. My only complaint is that, for gameplay purposes, I think the panorama should’ve put the Bitterblossom itself either on the far right or the far left so that the cards would line up properly on the battlefield. As is, during gameplay the Bitterblossom will be to the saide and the tokens all together, creating an odd effect. Still, this is a relatively minor complaint. Usability: Bitterblossom is super usable. Very popular card in Legacy and Commander that sometimes sees real Modern play. 

Overall: Do you want a Bitterblossom? Bitterblossom Dreams is the most cost effective way to get it, and it’s super cool. Pretty straightforward. This is a good product, and yet...

Something feels off about the whole thing to me. Magic’s always been about selling cards and often including cool alt art versions for sale, but somehow the idea of a $30 product that’s just ONE playable card, even with the four tokens, feels very... off to me. I can’t complain about it because it’s a great deal, it just feels... so weird. Eldraine Wonderland:

Value: It’s five basic snow lands.  Yeah, these are like $8 each in foil for the Modern versions, but they’re still five basic lands in foil. Modern Horizons just gave us FULL ART foil snow lands. And regular full-art snow lands are 50 cents each now. The value here is terrible. Style: It’s... a foil land. Sure, the art is nice, but not ‘different’ or ‘special.’ It’s just nice art. In a normal frame. I award this no points.

Usability: Very low. I like the Snow-Covered Swamp... but a playset of Snow-Covered Swamps is not 1, nor is it 4. It’s 20-30, depending on format. And this set is all five. I don’t need Snow-Covered Islands, Mountains, or Forests. I need Swamps and Plains, and only if I can get two dozen of each. A set of one of each foil snow land does nothing for me. Even if I was willing to spend the price of $6 per foil snow land (which, to be fair, I might be- I’ve been amassing foil Zendikar and BFZ forests for one of my decks at about that price), I don’t want to have to buy all five at once and then go through the effort of trading/selling the ones I’m not using. Overall: This is bad and feels bad. Basic lands should not be $6 a pop for foils, even if they’re snow-lands, and buying them in separate sets of five instead of, say, getting to buy each in sets of five on their own, just means if I do want enough for a deck, it’s a pain in the butt. I award this product no points. Restless in Peace:

Value: Non-foil versions of these cards are at about the $20 range combined, and these ones are alt-art but... not foil. So the value here isn’t great.

Style: The art here is good, and I certainly think it’s better than the previous arts for Golgari Thug and Bloodghast. The style isn’t TOO far out there for modern magic, but it’s still abnormal, especially with Bloodghast.  Once again, the panorama has a non-permanent in the middle, which means it can’t be assembled on the battlefield.

Usability: It’s Modern Dredge. Do you play Modern Dredge? Are you interested in Modern Dredge? Consider buying four of these. Otherwise, you might want a suite for a commander deck, but they’re pretty narrow cards. That’s good, though: they all have a shared home. This is a niche product with a clear, obvious usability that basically guarantees that if you want any of them, you want all of them. Overall: ...Why aren’t these foil? Okay, I get it, not everybody wants foil, especially for a tournament deck because foils can bend, but they’re asking premium prices for printings with new art that’s... good, but not really out there. Feels like a waste of time. At the very least they could’ve been foil. That Bloodghast would look great in foil. Seeing Visions:

Value: Serum Visions is a $2.50 card and foil versions can be gotten for under $4 thanks to the admittedly-icky-looking FNM promo.  The value in Seeing Visions is godawful.

Style: I love these cards. They’re so weird and cool and freaky and abstract and unique. Sure, the frame is normal, but the arts are all stuff we basically never get on Magic cards anymore. Usability: It’s a playset of Serum Visions. You can find a use for it easily. Some people don’t like to have different arts of their cards in their deck because it gives the opponent ‘information’ but screw that. This is perfect. Just put them into a blue deck and you’re good to go. Overall: This is cool and beautiful and really neat and interesting and $30 just seems so high for them, but if you’re already running a playset of Serum Visions in Modern, they’re just soooo cooool that maybe they’re worth it as a pure pimp factor. Unlike with Bitterblossom Dreams and Restless in Peace, this wouldn’t be your way to get the cards to begin with. It’s not a ‘hey, if you want Serum Visions maybe get this version.’ It’s pure pimping. ...And I like that.

<EXPLOSION SOUNDS>: 

Value: These cards in normal printing total about $20. I’m not impressed. If these were foil, well, Sharpshooter’s only foil printing is over $40, but no, they’re not. So there’s no real value in here. Style: This is a nice, unique, cartoony style the likes of which we haven’t seen outside of Un-sets since Phil Foglio in the earlier days of Magic. I’m not positive that I LIKE this art, but I do like that it’s unique and I appreciate that a lot. I also love the flavor text setting them up as a team. Usability: I’m not actually sure what I’m supposed to do with these goblins. At $30 for the five they’re clearly for the more engaged player, but two of them aren’t modern legal, and the ones that are don’t really see play in Legacy goblins. I want to put all five of these in a deck, but the only deck I can think to do so is in a Commander deck using either Krenko at the helm. This set would be a lot better if, like Restless in Peace, they had made sure all the cards were part of a single deck that was decent in at least one format.  Hell, if a Krenko had been printed in this set, at least it would’ve been clear what to do with them. Overall: I want to like this set, but I have no idea who it’s for and what should be done with it. It’s a panorama that clearly all wants to be used together, but only in a goblin tribal commander deck or a kitchen table deck, the art is interesting but I’m not sure it’s actually GOOD (it makes me think of cheap mobile games), Goblin Lackey’s the only card that really needed a reprint, and they’re not even foil. I’m disappointed. 

Kaleidoscope Killers: 

Value: Non-Foil Sliver Overlord is currently $33. This set costs $40. This has value. The other two aren’t slouches.

Style: I really, really like the style on these, but style is subjective so what really matters is that the art is very non-standard and the sort of thing you don’t see much on regular magic cards these days. And all three of them are there to be Commanders, so if you use them they’ll be front and center the whole time. Usability: Let’s face it, you only want one of the three. Look, they’re all great, but five color decks are expensive mana bases so unless you’re rich or one of those weirdos who reassembles their decks on the fly, you’re only building one, and they’re all tribal lords so they don’t go into the same deck at all. This is the sort of thing where you buy it for the one you want and then try to trade the other two... And they’re all really cool and worthwhile cards so you’ll probably have an easier time with this than with Eldraine Dreams, but it’s still inconvenient that you have to buy them as a unit. If the value weren’t so good here, I’d be complaining more, but I’m seriously tempted to buy this just for the Reaper King (normally a $70 foil) and trading the other two. Because seriously. SO GOOD value. And I don’t even have a Reaper King deck... yet. Overall: So tempted. They look really cool (especially the Ur-Dragon), it’s a great value, and of all the cards to have in alt-art foil, Commanders are the coolest because of how they’re front and center of your deck. Very niche- the purpose of these is to have one of these specific cards as your commander- but very good.

OMG KITTIES!

Value: Even in foil, most of these cards aren’t worth much. The value in this as far as actual cards go is less than the $40. If you’re talking about raw financial incentive to get these cards, this set is not worth your time. That said...

Style: OMG KITTIES! They’re so cute and fluffy and snuggable and like nothing that normally gets printed on Magic cards. They’re unique art, with unique tokens, and cute flavor text, and they’re just so cuuuuute! This style is really something SPECIAL on a Magic card.

Usability: This... is for an Arahbo deck. Hell, Arahbo’s even here. But there’s nothing else to be done with these cards. At all.  Here’s the thing, though, Feline Ferocity is currently bouncing around $90. If you don’t have that deck, you’re probably going to have a hard time using these cards... but if you DO have that deck, you’re only getting two new cards that are pretty cheap to get in the normal version.. Also, there’s two cats that each make two cat tokens, and each has a matching cat token, but only one matching cat token. This set should have two of each of the cat tokens. Overall: This is a supplemental product to a supplemental product. Yes, you can buy it without owning Feline Ferocity, and two of the cards will be new to it, but you know what’d be totally awesome? If instead of selling this OMG Kitties as a set of five cards and two tokens, they sold it alongside a reprint of the Arahbo deck so that people who hadn’t gotten it the first time could get it now with this upgrade? Maybe even offer it in both “Upgrade pack” version of just the new cards AND a version where you got the whole deck, plus these cards as a bundle.  And another of each token.

I really like OMG Kitties overall as an option to upgrade an Arahbo deck, but I don’t have an Arahbo deck and literally the only thing to do with any of the cards in this set is to make one.

Final Thoughts: 

If the foils curl too easily, most of these are a waste of money. Assuming they don’t, Bitterblossom Dreams and Kaleidoscope Killers are great purchases, OMG Kitties!, Restless in peace, and Seeing Visions are very much niche products that are pretty cool if you’re that particular niche, and  Eldraine Wonderland and <explosion sounds> are both outright failures as unified products.

[unibrowzz]

My 2020 reviews

All the cool kids were doing these so now I finally dragged my ass into doing them too lmao. 

Albania- Fall from the Sky

A song I swear cursed this whole contest from the moment it won Festivali i Këngës. Like with the shitshow this song caused I just knew the whole year was fucked. With half the fandom whining they didn’t get their first club song of the year to the other half smugly shoving it as their winner despite no other songs being around to compare it to, the whole fiasco just left me knowing that 2020 would end in tears, just hopefully not my own. As for the song, it’s lame. It’s a standard ballad with OBSCENE amounts of autotune, which is weird because the girl can actually sing pretty decently without it, so why they decided to make her sound like a damn computer is beyond me. And WHY did they translate it, haven't the past few years proven that Albania's better off leaving their songs in Albanian? 

Armenia- Chains on You

A bootleg Ariana Grande song, and a really shit one at that. The kind of song only people who think being young, gay and mean counts as having a personality would say is good.

Australia- Don’t Break Me

One of the few decent Australian entries (but that REALLY isn’t saying much coming from me, I barely care they’re in the contest by this point) but marred by a horribly untidy performance and lacklustre lyrics. At least it’s not fucking pop-opera, that’s all I can say. I’d rather listen to the sound of my face being dragged down the runway at Heathrow airport than be subjected to another Zero Gravity.

Austria- Alive

One of those pseudo-jazz dance songs, á la Olly Murs or Bruno Mars (I swear there’s a song like this in every recent contest). I mean, it’s good, but it’s just kinda meh since I’m kinda getting tired of this genre rearing its fedora-wearing head every time a new lineup rolls in.

Azerbaijan- Cleopatra

One of the “better” trashy entries this year, comprised of about five different musical genres, six ancient cultures being appropriated and absolutely zero class. Probably sounds at least 50% better when you’re absolutely steaming drunk and face down on the floor in the middle of a gay bar.

Belarus- Da Vidna

Somehow, this song sounds both very unique and original yet trite and average at the same time. I couldn’t decide whether listening to it was a new experience or if I’d heard it a million times before.

Belgium- Release Me

A song which just drones on till it ends. I would say it’s ripping off the song that won last year, but it forgot that having a chorus stops your song from being three minutes of snooze.

Bulgaria- Tears Getting Sober

A typical breathy mumble-girl song, AKA a genre I can’t fucking stand. Really don’t see the hype with this one, the melody is pretty but the vocals are out for lunch and it’s otherwise completely and utterly boring.

Croatia- Divlji Vjetre

One of the token big dramatic ballads you listen to once, enjoy, then forget about until Darius in the Discord server plays it one night whilst you’re hitting up the radio bot with requests. You’ll find that “nice, but forgettable” is a common theme for this year.

Cyprus- Running

Ironically Cyprus didn’t send a crappy Fuego knockoff for 2020, and I say ironically because a crappy Fuego knockoff would’ve actually stood out this year, and I say crappy because honestly Fuego wasn’t even all that great to begin with. "Running” itself is just one of those edgy tortured soul pop songs which, let’s be honest, would have been paired with an impressive performance which would’ve overshadowed how bland it is. Kind of like “You’re the Only One”. Or even Fuego for that matter.

Czech Republic- Kemama

Standard Afro-pop, a genre we don't often see at the contest so I'll let it pass. I feel like this is the kind of song that’s infinitely better live, and that it would’ve been one of those songs that suddenly became a frontrunner after the semi finals, but I guess we’ll never know eh?

Denmark- Yes 

The quintessential mid-10s Eurovision song. It's got guitars, happy people, Scandinavian origins… it’s just a typical radio guitar song, nothing special.

Estonia- What Love Is

I mean it's better than La Forza. Granted, the sound of someone pissing directly onto a microphone installed in the bowl of a toilet would sound better than La Forza but still. Going back to this song, it’s just... a standard Eastern-ballad with some very desperate lyrics. It feels kind of outdated, if I’m honest. Like something about this just reeks of 2011.

Finland- Looking Back

Yet another dreary, forgettable ballad. It comes to something when the best song they COULD have sent was a party song which sounded like it was from the mid 90s. At least that song was memorable. That said, this one at least has some decent lyrics. Bravo for that I guess.

France- Mon Alliée

France decides to say “fuck it” to being an underground fan-favourite and takes a leaf out of the UKs book by sending the same rent-a-Swede schlock they’ve been sending since 2015. I’m just confused as to why anyone in their right mind would choose to follow the UKs example but you do you France.

Germany- Violent Thing

A rehash of Sweden's entry from two years ago, but this time sung by Justin Bieber circa 2008. Kind of alright if you can stomach the singer's whiny voice, but otherwise pretty dull and kinda forgettable.

Greece- Superg!rl

Hello fellow kidz, we are hearing you like the girl power? The super heroes? The t3xt $p3ech? We made you song, please give us the votes *dabs*

Georgia- Take me as I Am

I mean… this sure is a choice. This feels like one of those songs that everyone memes on because the lyrics are kinda janky and the singer’s voice (and accent) take a bit of getting used to, but other than that it’s just one of those NQ songs for hipster fans to declare as their unironic winner at a later date. All in all this just feels like the male equivalent of one of those mid-10s fat acceptance women’s songs, only a lot shoutier and this time he has more flaws than not being skinny.

Iceland- Think About Things 

A bootleg George Ezra song, performed by a load of disinterested tumblr users in their pyjamas. Because if there’s one thing that sells me on a song, it’s being given the evils by a bunch of nerds who look like they’ll send me death threats for not agreeing with their Pokémon headcanons. To be fair, the song is kind of groovy since it sounds so 70s, but the performance is very off-putting to people who aren’t in the Eurovision loop. And also people who are, because I sure as Hell don’t see the appeal in this myself and this whole performance just feels like Save Your Kisses for Me without the charm. I feel like this would’ve come second or third, definitely with a lot of televotes but either the jury would’ve dragged it down or it wouldn’t have scored enough televotes to win.

Ireland- Story of my Life

A song that’s at LEAST ten years out of date by this point, think like an early Katy Perry, Jessie J or Avril Lavigne song. I’ll forgive it because even though it sounds like it should’ve been entered in 2013 (at the latest), it at least evokes some nostalgic memories of shitty school discos and holiday parks.

Israel- Feker Libi

The female equivalent of the Czech song. Unsurprisingly, people went wild for it when it was released. I guess only women are allowed to sing Afro-pop at this contest. Like with the Czech song, I’ll forgive it since Afro-pop is a cool genre anyway, and even though this is just another club song I can at least see myself dancing to it.

Italy- Fai Rumore

Well, at least my wish of “Italy sends a typical power ballad devoid of anything the mainstream fandom likes” finally came true. It was pretty refreshing to have a year where people weren’t shoving Italy’s entry up my nose left right and centre. In terms of my actual thoughts I can’t deny that the guy has a tremendous voice, but for some reason the song just doesn’t… click with me. I guess I like my male Italian singers a little more gruff and raspy, if you know what I mean. They gotta sound like they smoke at LEAST five packets of cigarettes a day for me to take notice.

Malta- All of my Love

Listen I am 100% rooting for Destiny Chukunyere to win this contest some day but man was this song a disappointment. It feels so… un-special and generic, like it gets the job done and that’s it. It’s not the stand-up-and-belt-it-out soul anthem I’d hoped for, it’s just… there.

Moldova- Prison

All I remember about this song is that it vaguely reminds me of that one Meccano song about the gypsy who makes a deal with the moon or something. And I’ve TRIED to remember more about what it sounds like, trust me.

Latvia- Still Breathing

The one horrible weird song you get every year which overuses strobe effects to the point it comes with an epilepsy warning. Would be bearable if it wasn't for the singer’s insistence that this is actually some feminist masterpiece when it's really just a self-empowerment club song about the singer fingerbanging herself over the fact she writes music.

Lithuania- On Fire

One of the songs everyone thought was going to win at one point, even though it seems like a surefire non-qualifier to me. It’s one of those weird entries, but not the kind of over the top, batshit insane, you’d-have-to-be-drunk-to-enjoy-it weird, the kind of subdued surreal weird. Like this is weed instead of LSD or cocaine weird. Granted my mom, who I consider to be a "typical" Eurofan, actually really liked this song when she saw it in the recaps, so who knows maybe this would have done well with televoters after all.

Netherlands- Grow

I appreciate this song for how artsy and clever it is with its structure, since it starts off acapella and the instrumental builds up with the song until it stops suddenly, symbolising a person’s growth from a child into an adult, and ending suddenly with their death (Geddit? The song’s called “Grow”). But it feels like the kind of song that would be lost on a Eurovision audience. The juries would have taken note, for sure, but the televote… let’s be honest, they’d have been too busy drunk voting for Russia to care about anything else.

North Macedonia- You

Well, it's better than the miserable dirge they sent last year, but given how I'd rather pleasure myself with a steak knife than listen to that song, that really isn't saying much. Going back to “You”, it really just feels like a diet version of Switzerland’s entry from last year, combined with Sweden’s song from 2018. What I’m saying is it’s your average “I’m a man in a club and I want to dance with and probably fuck this hot girl I just met” song, which I a new genre I just made up. You’re welcome.

Norway- Attention 

One of those songs you appreciate because it sounds nice and the singer has a good voice, but instantly forget because it’s really not all that interesting. If I sound like I'm repeating myself, welcome to Eurovision 2020.

Poland- Empires

“Rise Like a Phoenix” but sung by a wannabe Adele and not a mascara-wearing Jesus in a dress. Like a lot of other songs on this list, it’s just average across the board, likeable when it’s on, but instantly forgettable as soon as the next song comes on.

Portugal: Medo de Sentir

Pretty, but also similar to their ill-fated 2018 entry, only with a bit more energy and less pink hair. What I’m saying is this would have been another NQ unless the crowd who enjoy subtle ambience music come in to save it like they did with Slovenia's entry last year.

Romania- Alcohol You

See Bulgaria, because this is practically the same song. It’s just as dreary, just as badly sung (if not worse because holy shit this girl sounds like she’s being suffocated), and I suppose you COULD excuse that by saying she’s drunk or hungover… but I don’t want to listen to someone ungracefully mumble into a microphone for three minutes.

Russia- Uno

A classic big camp party song, the kind of song people who haven’t watched Eurovision since 2003 think wins on the regular. I can see why people would like it (especially in this boring year lmao, I applaud Russia for taking the opportunity to loosen their corset and just send a complete mess instead of their usual clinical vote grabs), but it’s just not something I enjoy. It's the song that plays into the misconception that Eurovision is just a clown show for drunk people, like this is just here to be that one flash-in-the-pan meme song that only entertains people who don’t really care about Eurovision until the day before it airs. Kind of like the old ladies they sent in 2012 (remember them?).

San Marino- Freaky!

San Marino, in true Sammarinese fashion, have yet again sent a decade-ambiguous song which sounds like it was either released in 1978 or 2003. I feel like this would have been one of those songs which could have surprised us if it had a really wacky, creative performance (think like Moldova in 2018), but this is San Marino so you know that would never happen.

Serbia- Hasta la Vista

Insert unoriginal joke about a decade wanting their shitty trend back right here. Okay maybe that’s a bit harsh, especially considering how this song is actually, yanno, unique in comparison to the rest of this year. But it still feels weirdly dated, in a way where I can’t decide whether it sounds like it belongs in 1998 or 2018. I suppose girl power ages a song regardless of when it was released.

Slovenia- Voda

Yet another standard Balkan-European power ballad which you appreciate because it’s well sung, but forget the moment it ends because it’s kinda boring. … Does anyone else have a bit of deja vu?

Spain- Universo

For some reason I feel like this song is shilling itself out to someone but I have no idea who. Aside from the horny people voting solely because the singer is moderately attractive even with that wretched Jedward haircut.

Sweden- Move

Imagine soul but… boring.

Switzerland- Répondez Moi

Imagine Arcade but… in French.

United Kingdom- My last Breath

Not the best the UK could have done, but it’s at least a modern offering unlike the residual dregs of the mid-90s that we sent throughout the 2010s. It’s definitely a bit too generic to have done any better than maybe 15th, but hey at least the cancellation means we won’t have to see it not do as well as the BBC thinks it’s entitled to do, prompting a billion clickbait articles about how Brexit somehow affected our performance.

Ukraine- Solovey

At long last we come to something you probably weren't expecting: a song I actually really like. Which is weird because I usually don't care for or don't like whatever Ukraine vomits into the contest, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a song I liked from them in such a weak year. This song isn’t for everyone, it’s white noise singing which is a very acquired taste, but this is honestly the only 2020 song I find myself coming back to over and over. And it’s in Ukrainian too, so you don’t have to put up with their usual mangled English offerings.

[anuknowha]

Things You Probably Didn’t notice in Endgame.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!

​​1. Loki is alive. As my favorite villain, I was upset that he died, but hear me out. In the movie, he manages to steal the tess​era​ct which transports him somewhere else. In a different universe. Where he lives through the Thanos snap and doesn't have to worry about being killed. Loki has survived many times before so its not much of a surprise. Plus his new show just around the corner. It may not make sense now because the rules of the movie, but I'll get to that later. 2. Nebula's split mind. When they go back in time, they don't think about the outcomes of having a shared brain with another version of themselves. Now, in the movie that makes some sense due to the rules that they created, but, causes more trouble, which enhances the story. Out of the 10 people who went back in time, only two of them had to deal with some part of their past becoming an interaction. Tony Stark manages to run into his father, and they have a sweet talk. That shouldn't affect the future much because Howard isn't aware that that is his son, and therefore he doesn't have to worry about time becoming a mess. But Nebula faces herself directly, and is the only one faced with a mind splitting between "two people." Every Avenger, who went to the past, had a past version of themselves but didn't face the problem of having a "shared" memory. The argument for Nebula might be because she's a robot, even so she shouldn't be the only one with shared memories. If going to the past, doesn't affect it, than how are the two Nebula's able to connect? The old one shouldn't be able to gain memories of the new one if changing the past does not change the future. There should be no connection between old Nebula and new one because no one else faces this problem. It's as if the rules that the movie made are conflicting rules from other movies even if they said were not "true." 3. If they took all the stones in the past than how come Dr. Strange still exists? I assume he could exist outside that, but than his purpose wouldn't be as much. He wouldn't have to protect the stone in the current universe unless... 4. If Captain America went back in time and grew old, than what happened to the version of him from the past? When Steve is sent into the past one last time for the movie, he returns much older because he finally decided to live his life. With that being said, what happened to the younger version of him? Steve went back in time with his current body, the one after the experiment, and lived out the next 70 years of his life. Which is sweet until you remember there's still a Steve there that's walking around​.​. ​​But the question is where is he and what does he decide to do with that power? ​Outside of that, you gotta remember than that Bucky is no longer friends with him more than likely. And also, how did he manage to age like that? He shouldn't have been able to completely alter the future without this making a giant mess to the whole fact that he was Captain America. This openly affects the Avengers as a whole. 5. Endgame's time travel rules make no sense. In the movie, they mention a bunch of times, that if you change the past, it cannot alter the future. For years, because of other movies, books, and tv shows, there has always been a sense of relief believing that the past can be fixed. But, Endgame specifically names movies with travel and mentions that they are lies. Here's the thing, when they return to the future, currently, the one with this is old Nebula. This is the Nebula that is still loyal to Thanos. And knowing that, she shouldn't be able to exist in the current timeline without ruining the life of the future Nebula. Watching other movies mention two main things about the past; you should not meet your former self. It creates a ripple in time. And two, that if your past self dies in the future, you cease to exist. We see this rule being broken when future Nebula kills her past self which should have killed her present self on the spot, but it doesn't. Which makes this sound more confusing. But the major problem with this rule is that Thanos was brought to the future and killed off which doesn't change the future. But we all know it should've, it makes no sense that their world was still in "chaos". It shouldn't have been in ruins still unless the Thanos they killed was from an alternate universe in which they still lose. Because they had killed current Thanos, and beheaded him, after he destroyed the stones. Bringing him back from the past should've erased every single thing that was done between 6. No one in Infinity War died, they were transported to a different realm or a different place in which they were all able to live their lives. Thanos never intended to kill off the people of the world, he just wanted to let them live elsewhere in a place where they had enough resources to take care of themselves.

​7. When the stones were returned at the end of the movie, they were still crystals. How? When Captain America went back in time to return them, they had to be exactly how they found them, when they found them. That means, somehow, someway, he was able to turn them back into their original forms and give them back? I don't know how you would manage to turn a blue crystal into a blue cube? ​What magic did he manage to pull without telling anyone? 

If you have any more please let me know!

[daughterofluthien]

Fictober - Day 4

Fanfiction

Fandom: Spider-Man (MCU) and Captain America (MCU)

Relationships: Peter Parker & Steve Rogers

Rating: G

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.3K

Prompt 4 - “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Captain America lived in Brooklyn.

It made sense, really; Peter knew that. After all, Steve Rogers had grown up in Brooklyn back in the ‘20s, it only made sense that now that it was the 2020s and no longer in the superhero business, he’d want to move back somewhere familiar. Peter knew that he would, at any rate. If he ever woke up 70 years in the future, time travelled back to the past, then lived all the way to the future again, he would definitely move back to Queens. It only made sense.

But still. Captain America lived in an apartment in Brooklyn. 

Yeah, no, saying it multiple times didn’t make it sound any less crazy.

So that was why -- a couple days later after Peter tried really hard not to care that Captain freaking America was living in his city and was categorically unsuccessful -- Spider-Man left his standard Manhattan stomping grounds and made his way up to Brooklyn.

It wasn’t hard to figure out which building Captain Rogers lived in, but that was mainly because the tabloids had figured it out  practically as soon as he moved back. What surprised Peter was just how plain the building looked. Red brick, five stories. Normal.

He wasn’t sure what he expected, honestly. Red, white, and blue with flashing stars announcing ‘Captain America lives here’? Maybe a giant shield over the door? Of course the building was just a building -- Captain America was just Steve Rogers who was just a guy.

It still felt insane that someone could just walk by this building and never know that an actual legend lived there. Though, that was probably what he wanted, to be fair. Captain Rogers was probably tired of being recognized all the time and just wanted to be left alone.

Peter could relate. 

Ever since Mysterio doxxed him in the middle of Times Square, Peter found that he had started to spend as much time in costume as possible. Because yes, everyone and their cousin knew that Peter Parker was Spider-Man, but when he was Spider-Man, nobody really cared about Peter Parker. All they saw was Spider-Man.

It was Peter Parker that they never left alone.

Suddenly, Peter regretted coming out here in the first place. He was just another nosy fanboy busybody bothering a guy who just wanted to live his life, and what right did he have to do that? He was literally perched on his fire escape like a stalker. A super-stalker.

Yeah, there was a perfect headline for Jameson to run tomorrow. ‘Superhero or super stalker? Spider-Man harasses national hero.’

He should probably leave before he gave the ‘news’ sites any more ideas.

He was just about to jump off the fire escape and swing to the building across the street when he heard someone calling from a couple windows over.

“Hey, Queens! You planning on sitting out there all day, or are you gonna come inside?”

Crap. He’d been spotted. 

Of course he had been, he reminded himself, this was Captain America, not some garden variety thug he was staking out.  For one wild moment Peter considered just booking it, but accepting the invitation was probably more polite at this point. So he made his way over and climbed in the window. 

Peter started talking before his feet even hit the ground. “Look I’m really sorry, I know I shouldn’t be snooping around, it’s super rude, and I’ll just be going now, okay? Really sorry to bother you, Captain Rogers. Sir.”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down there,” Captain Rogers chuckled “Sit down, make yourself comfortable. And you’re an Avenger, kid. You can call me Steve.”

“Right.” Peter pulled his mask off. “Sorry.” He didn’t move to follow Capt-- Steve as the older man made his way to the sitting room.

Steve had already lowered himself into an armchair, when he turned to see Peter still standing at the window. “Well, come on.”

“Oh, right.” Peter hurried to join him, and sat down on a couch across from the older Avenger. He then immediately proceeded to panic, as he had no idea what was supposed to happen next.

Figured, really. He was sitting in the living room of one of his childhood heroes, and he had no idea what to say.

When he finally settled on something, it came out a lot faster and more abruptly than it had been in his head. “I’m sorry I stole your shield that one time.”.

Steve actually laughed. “Ah, don’t worry about it, that’s ancient history. Literally. Besides, you were only doing your job. I was impressed, you know?”

Peter blinked. “Really? You were?”

“Like I said then, you had heart. And you obviously had the skills. Still do, from what I hear.”

Peter grinned. “Thanks!” The news might like to print more rumors than fact where he was concerned, but they did still do some actual reporting, and over the past couple of weeks Peter had managed to make the headlines in a less negative way as well. And Captain America was keeping tabs on him. “I just wish the news would focus more on what I’m actually doing than on all these rumors and conspiracy theories.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I know you didn’t ask for this, Peter. Being in the spotlight.”

“How did you do it?” He hadn’t meant to ask that, but it was out there now, so Peter hurried on. “Like, I feel like I’m going crazy. These days I have put on the mask just to be myself, because everyone knows who Peter Parker is and they’re watching me, and I can’t be me, because anything I do, it’s not Peter Parker who did it. All they’ll ever see is Spider-Man.”

“Like you’re a symbol instead of a person.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I know how that feels. And like I said, it was different for me because I knew what I was getting into. Well, to some extent, at least. I knew if the serum worked I’d be the poster boy of the program, at the very least.”

“You knew you’d be the guy punching Hitler in all the news reels?”

Steve chuckled. “No, that part came as a surprise to me as well.” He sobered. “I really am sorry it all got dragged out into the open like this. It should’ve been your choice.”

Peter shrugged. “It sucks, but it’s just something else I have to deal with, you know? What I worry most about is Aunt May. Practically the day after my name got out there, someone hacked into my school’s system and found out where we live. Me? I can take care of myself. But May?” He trailed off and his voice dropped lower. “I’m scared I won’t be able to protect her.”

“I’m sorry.”

Peter rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes, because he wasn’t going to cry in front of Captain America, and nodded. He was glad that the older Avenger didn’t offer any advice or try to make him feel better, because there wasn’t a solution, and he knew it. That genie could never be stuffed back in its bottle, so it was just something that he had to learn to live with. That included all of its ramifications.

“How did you do it?” Peter asked again, instead. “Not getting to ever be just Steve Rogers. How did you handle it?”

“I found people who knew me well enough that I was just Steve to them. You have to make sure you have friends, Peter.”

Peter did his best not to roll his eyes, he really did. “I do have friends, promise. Really good ones, even.”

The older man grinned wryly. “I know it sounds corny. But all of this, the spotlight? Trust me, it’s too much for any one one person to handle by themselves. Friends help.”

Right, he knows what he’s talking about. Obviously. “Okay, I’ll remember.”

“Good.” Steve looked satisfied. “And my door and/or window is always open, Peter. If you want to talk, or if you just want to get out of the spotlight, I’ll be here.”

Peter nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Steve.”

He planned to take the older Avenger up on that offer as often he could.

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #130

Fri Jul 26 2019

[07:17 PM] Bocaj: I wish that the frightful Four kept losing their female members so the writers would have to keep introducing more female villains [07:18 PM] Wack'd: Ehhh it would inevitably be because they turn face though [07:18 PM] maxwellelvis: Well, I think Thundra's more of a wild card, but [07:18 PM] Bocaj: Maybe they go independent because they realize the others are dinks? [07:18 PM] maxwellelvis: fair enough [07:18 PM] Wack'd: It'd be nice! [07:18 PM] Wack'd: But we've only just now hit the point where folks are thinking "hey, maybe female honorific shouldn't be defined entirely by marital status", so

[07:20 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out Thundra's fascination with Ben wasn't some weird sex thing after all--but it is now!

[07:20 PM] Bocaj: Dammit [07:20 PM] maxwellelvis: He's got kavorka, that rockmonsterman [07:21 PM] Wack'd: Flint tries to murder Ben to keep Thundra from turning face and Thundra stops him, claiming that her sole mission here was to humble and humiliate Ben [07:21 PM] Wack'd: So maybe it was a little bit a weird sex thing [07:22 PM] Bocaj: Thundra tops [07:25 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Wizard decides that with Johnny and Ben down their next task is to destroy the Baxter Building [07:25 PM] Wack'd: I'm sure Collins is gonna be thrilled [07:26 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile--Johnny! [07:27 PM] Wack'd: Turns out Black Bolt hasn't turned evil, he just wanted to get a word in with Johnny before he saw Crystal, and thought this was the only way to do it [07:27 PM] Wack'd: Johnny...reacts about as well as you'd expect [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Well okay he reacts better than you'd expect. He doesn't threaten genocide this time. [07:28 PM] Wack'd: He just leads the guards on a goose chase [07:29 PM] Wack'd: Intra-issue cliffhanger! Whatever is going on here we're not gonna find out until next issue. Which is lovely because I was planning on taking a break after this. Ah well.

[07:30 PM] Bocaj: Why is crystal still wearing her ff duds? [07:30 PM] Wack'd: Nostalgia? [07:31 PM] Wack'd: Inhuman cosplay contest? [07:31 PM] Wack'd: Budget cuts? [07:31 PM] maxwellelvis: Lost her old costume two Inhuman home bases ago? [07:31 PM] Wack'd: Back to Reed! Who can't focus on his work with all of the drama going on. He hears someone at the door and rushes to get it, hoping Sue or Johnny has returned so he can make amends. [07:32 PM] Wack'd: Reed: Sandman! I should've known! [07:32 PM] Wack'd: Flint: You should've known? That's what you always say--after I catch you flat-footed! [07:33 PM] Wack'd: Reed is incapacitated. Flint wants to know why they don't just murder 'em--turns out Thundra "holds no truck with ungallantry towards the weaker sex." [07:35 PM] Wack'd: So the Frightful Four make their way into Reed's lab to loot it

[07:36 PM] Wack'd: One of Reed's laser cannons goes off on its own, causing the team to presume betrayal--but nope! [07:36 PM] Wack'd: Sue gets some footprints in Pete's paste and is forced to reveal herself. [07:37 PM] Wack'd:

[07:38 PM] Wack'd: Unfortunately, Sue proves to be too much for them, so Wizard takes the low road and threatens Franklin to force a surrender [07:39 PM] Wack'd: OH SHIT HERE WE GO

[07:39 PM] Wack'd: MIRACLE BABY [07:39 PM] Wack'd: (Why didn't you free your mom, kid?) [07:41 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Wizard panics and forgets the Thundra-inflicted "no killing men" rule [07:42 PM] Wack'd: And gets his ass handed to him by Thundra [07:42 PM] Wack'd: Before he can kill Ben [07:42 PM] Bocaj: Good [07:43 PM] Wack'd: Ben frees Reed, Reed frees Sue, Sue frees Medusa. Four on four. Let's do this.

[07:44 PM] Bocaj: The Fantastic Four minus one of the jerks in it plus a Queen [07:45 PM] maxwellelvis: !!!!!!!!!!11 [07:45 PM] maxwellelvis: I think I know what the "End of the Four" they're talking about is. [07:45 PM] Wack'd: I fucking love that Sue's main strategy at this point is inflicting body horror on people

[07:46 PM] maxwellelvis: Sure is lucky Sandman is intensely stupid. [07:47 PM] Wack'd: This has fairly reliably worked on the other villains and even her own family members! [07:47 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure they're just weirded out and don't think she's actually disintegrating them like Sandman is. [07:47 PM] Wack'd: Fair [07:47 PM] Wack'd: Reed and Sue get into an argument about whether Sue should be fighting or getting Franklin out of here [07:48 PM] Wack'd: Sue's like "I can do both, Franklin's in a force field" and Reed is like *doesn't say anything because the Wizard ambushes him* [07:49 PM] Wack'd: I'm not sure if Thundra's "applying female stereotypes to men" shtick is good praxis but I'm finding it very amusing

[07:51 PM] Wack'd: Thundra decides to cut it short, fells Ben with a knee to the solar plexus, and engineers an escape for the rest of the Frightfuls in case she needs them later [07:51 PM] Bocaj: Hah [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Medusa's like "hey we kicked some real ass" and Reed's like "maybe we would've done better if Sue had listened to me" [07:52 PM] Wack'd: And then-- [07:53 PM] Wack'd: I'm assuming max guessed right

[07:54 PM] maxwellelvis: Yup [07:54 PM] Wack'd: Well dammit, now I have to keep reading, because I'm intrigued! [07:54 PM] maxwellelvis: I think this is like, the first time Reed and Sue are separated like this. [07:55 PM] Wack'd: I'm really hoping this sparks some real development from Reed, at least short-term [07:55 PM] maxwellelvis: Granted I think your thing was going to happen after Valeria was born, but still... [07:55 PM] Wack'd: Because he's being a massive dick here [07:56 PM] Wack'd: And, like, it's interesting because. I honestly think that if Thomas had just softened this behavior--written off the sexism as a relic of the 60s, simply moved forward as though Reed weren't a dink--I'd be a lot more generous to him now [07:56 PM] Wack'd: Doubling down is by far the more interesting choice--not as interesting as putting Reed in exile instead of Sue. [07:56 PM] Wack'd: But interesting. [07:57 PM] Wack'd: But what happens next will irrevocably color Reed as a character going forward. And I doubt it will be pretty. [07:57 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [07:58 PM] maxwellelvis: Reed being the one leaving the Baxter Building/4 Freedoms Plaza does have interesting implications of its own. [07:58 PM] Wack'd: There's definitely something to be said about the fact that Sue is like "you didn't think of me as a member of the team or as your wife, only as the mother of your child, so I'm going to stop being a member of the team and your wife and just be the mother of your child." That's incredibly clumsy. [07:59 PM] Wack'd: And makes this feel more like a spite move than a principled stand--which is definitely unintentional. [08:00 PM] maxwellelvis: Suddenly I'm picturing Reed being hounded by paparazzi whenever the news of a separation breaks in your thing. [08:01 PM] maxwellelvis: And then the thought just popped into my head, "Would the Daily Bugle be one of the news outlets trying to get in on that?" [08:01 PM] Wack'd: Depends on the writer [08:02 PM] maxwellelvis: I mean, would you see Jonah doing that? [08:03 PM] Wack'd: So let's go into how Reed deals with this. Firstly he projects--Sue *certainly* isn't the one neglecting Franklin. Just a few issues ago Reed completely missed an appointment to go see him, then sent Sue to retrieve hi on her own when Agatha retired. [08:04 PM] Wack'd: He doubles down. He refuses to engage with her critique of his behavior, or say anything to make this more amicable. In fact, he even stops Sue from trying to soften the blow. [08:04 PM] Wack'd: He frames this entirely as her decision, which is nice on an female agency level but means he's refusing to take any for himself. This is his fault. He needs to admit that. [08:05 PM] Wack'd: And then he decides he's going to continue to power around with her little brother? [08:05 PM] Wack'd: Jeez. [08:06 PM] Wack'd: And in the context of the Thomas run as a whole--I gave him shit for his "greatest hits" routine earlier but I think we definitely needed a reminder of what normalcy looks like before he pulls a move like this. [08:06 PM] maxwellelvis: And this is just like a handful of issues into his run, too [08:07 PM] Wack'd: And even if his plot structure is fairly rote, I have to credit him for pulling in Thundra and Kala--the fact that this is kind of a boy's club is clearly on his mind. [08:08 PM] Wack'd: This is actually closer to the end of his first (short, as all 70s *Four* runs are) run than the beginning [08:08 PM] maxwellelvis: Ahh [08:08 PM] Wack'd: Gerry Conway will be in shortly [08:09 PM] Wack'd: Thomas does come back a few times though, for fairly significant spurts of time [08:09 PM] Wack'd: He'll be in and out until 1977 [08:10 PM] Wack'd: So I guess this is kind of the beginning of an era for him? Just one with lots and lots of guest writers [08:10 PM] Wack'd: Which makes sense, he is also editor in chief. [08:10 PM] maxwellelvis: It's the beginning of an era for the Four, at least. [08:10 PM] Wack'd: I'm very curious to see how long this lasts.

[talabib]

Valuable Lessons About Investing

Financial mistakes: we all make them. From overdue library fees to parking fines, our financial mishaps can be frustrating – but they rarely cost us hundreds of millions of dollars.

And as it turns out, even the world’s most eminent investors miscalculate and end up deep in the red. Whether it’s overconfidence or an underperforming economy, it turns out the people we hold to be financial wizards are still just people too.

This post looks at a few investors and runs us through their worst investments. What’s more, it shows that we’re in a privileged position – by learning from the best’s mistakes, we receive the benefit of their hard-won wisdom without the cost of heavy losses.

In investment, methods and techniques are useful but not infallible.

Humans naturally seek explanations for events in the world; neat little rules and tidy formulas that package things up into clear explanations. Unfortunately, the world is far too complex for this to really work – and as the legendary investor Benjamin Graham demonstrated, this is particularly true with investment.

Graham had a wildly successful financial career and authored the most influential investment book of all time: The Intelligent Investor, which was deemed “the best book on investing ever written” by the legendary Warren Buffett. But Graham’s most important act was pioneering a powerful new financial technique called value investing.

And at the heart of this concept is Graham’s observation that the price of a company fluctuates more than its value. This means that the cost of a company’s shares – its price – often doesn’t reflect the company’s value, which is a combination of things like revenue, assets and future potential. So, why this difference between price and value?

Well, it’s because humans set prices while businesses set values – and because humans are more fickle and emotional than businesses, price and value can vary considerably. For example, when Graham watched General Electric’s valuation plummet from $1.87 billion to $784 million in the 1930s, he noted that nothing disastrous had happened to the company’s assets, employees or revenue that year – it was simply investor optimism and pessimism driving these changes.

But even Benjamin Graham couldn’t concoct a market-beating formula, and his philosophy almost ruined him during the Great Depression. After watching prices skyrocket during the 1920s, he sensed that prices and value were way out of sync. So, he decided to bet against the market, predicting prices would fall. And he was right – except he misjudged the extent of the fall.

By 1930, the stock market had taken a beating. Assuming that the worst was over, Graham began to invest heavily once again. But prices kept falling, and the market wouldn’t truly bottom out until 1932; by that time, Graham’s portfolio had lost 70 percent of its value.

Experiences like Graham’s prove there are no iron-clad laws in investing, and certainly no magic formula. Being aware of value is critical, but don’t be a slave to it. Cheap can always get cheaper.

Failing to manage your risk is fatal – even to seasoned investors.

The famous investment maxim “buy low, sell high” has endured for a reason; it simplifies one of the most complex industries around with sound logic. But ironically, the man who coined it had an irrational appetite for risk.

Jesse Livermore was born in Massachusetts in 1877. At 23, he moved to New York and secured a stockbroking job, where he made $50,000 in his first week. Things were going well, but soon Livermore made a fatal miscalculation – and it wouldn’t be his last.

In 1901, Livermore shorted 1,000 shares of U.S. Steel and 1,000 shares of Santa Fe Railroad stock. In investor parlance, going short is the opposite of buying: you predict stock will decline from its current price, and aim to pocket the difference if it does. It’s a risky tactic; if shares increase in price, you’ll lose money. The price of Livermore’s shares rose.

He lost around $50,000 on these two deals, his entire fortune. In fact, he was worse than broke: he owed his employers $500! But Jesse Livermore wasn’t finished yet.

After working to repay his debt, Livermore returned to New York to start speculating again. The next few decades were a turbulent time, and the talented but flawed trader made and lost millions of dollars. Even so, the 1929 crash created the perfect environment for going short, which suited the naturally skeptical Livermore. Soon, he’d amassed a fortune that’d be worth $1.4 billion today. Livermore was one of the richest people in the world – but this would be his high-water mark.

When the stock market reached its lowest in 1932, it had fallen to such an extreme that a corrective bounce seemed likely. In fact, days later it experienced its greatest bounce in history. The Dow Jones Industrial Average, an important stock market index, surged 93 percent in 42 days. But there was a problem: Livermore had bet his capital on further losses. He was crushed. Days later, he decided to reverse his bets and hope stocks would rise further. They didn’t.

After struggling in poverty for the next few years, Jesse Livermore committed suicide on November 29, 1940. Jesse Livermore is a go-to source for financial words of wisdom, but bankrupted himself multiple times by failing to manage his risk. So what’s the most important strategy to manage your risk? Diversification.

Concentrated investments are a risky business.

Imagine you’ve got a nest egg tucked away. You know investing it is a risky business, but you want to give it a go anyway. You split your money between ten stocks, but soon one crashes to zero and you’ve lost 10 percent of your capital.

But if you’d split your investment between 100 companies, you would’ve lost only one percent. This is diversification: a strategy the Sequoia Fund should’ve paid more attention to.

One of the most successful investment firms of all time, Sequoia prefers long-term and large-scale investments. This preference for potent positions is the very opposite of diversification, but it has worked magnificently: a $10,000 investment into Sequoia in July 1970 would be worth $4 million today.

But in 2010, the fund introduced shareholders to an ill-fated purchase: shares of Valeant Pharmaceuticals. On April 28, 2010, Sequoia began purchasing shares in Valeant at $16. By the year’s end, the company’s price had ballooned by 70 percent. The next year was just as auspicious: Valeant gained 76 percent in the first quarter, becoming the fund’s largest holding. Things seemed rosy, but financial disaster was just around the corner.

Sequoia described Valeant to its stakeholders as a company which cuts corners on research and development (R&D) but invests “heavily in its sales force.” This might sound like savvy cost-cutting, but the reality is far more crooked: Valeant skimped on R&D because its business model revolved around purchasing existing drugs and jacking up their prices.

Just take Valeant’s 2013 purchase of Medicis – a company who invented a treatment for people exposed to lead poisoning. Before the acquisition, the drug cost healthcare providers $950. Overnight, the price rocketed to $27,000.

Because of incidents like these, Valeant started receiving increasingly bad press. And when presidential candidate Hillary Clinton pledged to prevent price gouging in the pharmaceutical industry, Valeant’s shares slid 31 percent. One month later, Citron Research published a report accusing Valeant of accounting fraud. Shares tumbled another 19 percent.

The debacle was a disaster for Sequoia. Soon after, they sold their entire position – the fund’s biggest holding – and took a 90 percent loss. The company’s assets crashed from $9 billion to under $5 billion in the space of a few months. The lesson to take from this incident is that concentrated holdings can generate wealth quickly – and decimate it just as fast.

Emotions can cloud our judgements when it comes to business deals.

Mark Twain is one of the great American novelists. He combined a sharp writing style with wry humor and an ability to convey great emotion. And, like many novelists, he put passion before logic in everything he did. In 1893, he wrote “when you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” Good advice, sure – but with such a visceral mind, it's hard to think of someone more unsuited to investing. Yet that's exactly what he pursued in his spare time.

Twain was constantly searching for the “next big thing” to revolutionize our lives. In his time, he ploughed his fortune into many non-starters – but was particularly infatuated with inventors and their devices.

For example, in the 1870s an investor “invested” $42,000 – around $953,000 in today’s money – into a new technological process called a kaolotype. Charles Sneider, the inventor, claimed it would change the illustration and engraving industry by streamlining the process, and Twain was convinced. He put Sneider on a salary, and even funded a workshop in Manhattan without any agreement on deadlines. But the kaolotype was ineffectual, Sneider dishonest, and Twain didn’t receive a penny back from the episode.

Twain’s biggest blunder was yet to come. Sore over his mounting losses and bitter toward inventors, Twain passed on a golden opportunity: the telephone.

Twain was invited by his friend, General Joseph Roswell, to hear a pitch from a young inventor named Alexander Graham Bell. According to Twain, Bell gave a moving pitch filled with passion for his new product – but he still declined. Twain said he “didn’t want anything more to do with wildcat speculation.” At this, Bell even offered Twain the stock at a discount price. Twain’s reply? He didn’t want the stock at any price!

The trouble was that Twain was an emotional man and got attached to his investments. When they failed, he felt aggrieved – which then clouded his rational thinking for future investments. But what if Twain had set hard limits on what he was prepared to invest before signing on the dotted line? After all, a proven way to avoid rash decisions is to decide how much you’re willing to lose before you invest. This way, logic – not fear – drives your business decisions.

Traders should never overestimate their abilities.

As a schoolkid, did you ever take a test you were sure you’d fail, only to wind up with a decent grade? If so, you probably felt pretty good about your abilities, and maybe it even encouraged you to stop studying! One possibility you probably didn’t consider, though, is that it was an unusually easy test – just like how Jerry Tsai’s plaudits probably didn’t acknowledge that the 1960s was an easy decade for investments.

Jerry Tsai was managing the firm Fidelity Capital Fund before he’d turned 30. He was a character who exuded confidence; finance’s hot prospect in the 1960s and the first celebrity fund manager. His aggressive investment style involved executing many lightning-fast trades – often instinctive and perfectly timed.

Most importantly, though, he was effective: from 1958 to 1965, Tsai delivered Fidelity annual gains of 296 percent. He was hailed as a hero, and left Fidelity in 1965 to start his own fund: The Manhattan Fund.

And from there, Tsai’s star kept on rising. The Manhattan Fund offered 2.5 million shares in its company to financial professionals – but Tsai’s reputation had spread beyond the world of finance. Demand was ten times greater than anticipated: the Manhattan Fund issued 27 million shares in total and raised $247 million in capital. It was the biggest offering ever for an investment company.

This was a time of huge economic expansion: post-war austerity was over and many early tech companies were beginning to flourish. Between 1964 and 1968, the earnings of IBM and Xerox grew by 88 and 171 percent, respectively. Tsai himself was from a generation of investors who had only known extraordinary growth and affluence. In the 1960s stocks rose exponentially, and this gave Tsai an overinflated confidence in his own ability. But the 1969-1970 price plunge was just around the corner, and when it arrived, he was caught completely flat-footed.

Just take the Manhattan Fund’s investment in National Student Marketing. Tsai bought $5 million worth of shares at $143 each and watched this tumble to just $3.50 seven months later. Tsai’s machine-gun style of investment wasn’t suited to recessions and their aftermaths – the new climate rewarded patient, long-term trades. In 1969, the Manhattan fund ranked 299th out of 305 funds, and investors left in droves.

Tsai was playing an unwinnable game. He overestimated his personal ability in a time of great financial growth and paid the price when rapid trading became unprofitable. Remember: a rising tide raises all boats, so it’s a mistake to assume that yours is particularly buoyant!

Overconfidence has cost even the best investors millions of dollars.

Imagine you’re at a soccer game. To heighten the drama, you decide to place a wager on the outcome. But it’s a tough call - both teams seem equally skilled. Once you place your bet, though, you instantly feel confident about your choice. Suddenly a fan approaches you, offering to buy your bet slip – for more than you wagered. Would you do it?

Well, according to several psychologists, it’s unlikely you would. In a famous paper from 1991, academics Kahneman, Knetsch and Thaler described what they called the endowment effect. This hypothesis argues that we ascribe more value to things simply because we own them. But it doesn’t mean our possessions are inherently appealing – it’s just harder to give them up.

This illustrates two important points: first, objective thinking melts away when we own something; second, our confidence rises once we’ve made a decision.

It’s then that we fall prey to overconfidence. Just ask Warren Buffett, perhaps the most famous investor of all time.

Buffett has a stellar track record. Between 1957 and 1969, the “Oracle of Omaha” managed a partnership which returned gains of 2,610 percent. In 1972, Buffett and his company, Berkshire Hathaway, purchased See’s Candy for $30 million. Since then, it’s generated $1.9 billion in pretax revenue!

By 1993, Buffett had a long list of success stories. He was flying high and oozing confidence – but his biggest mistake was around the corner. That year, Berkshire purchased the Dexter Shoe Company for $433 million.

Dexter was an American-based manufacturer, and it had Buffett’s total confidence. He wrote to Berkshire shareholders “Dexter, I can assure you, needs no fixing: It is one of the best-managed companies Charlie and I have seen in our business lifetimes.” The legendary investor was so enamored of his new purchase that he failed to see the winds of change blowing through the industry.

Just five years later, Dexter was in freefall. The rise of manufacturing powerhouses like China and Taiwan crippled the US domestic shoe market. By 1999, Dexter’s revenue had declined 18 percent. It ended its US shoe production in 2001, and Berkshire folded the company into its other shoe firms.

Buffett had been on a run of successful deals and failed to be vigilant. Even the world’s best err.

Reducing unforced errors is vital to investment success.

A chess game between two grand masters is a remarkable thing, a master class in grace, accuracy and timing. Grand masters employ elaborate techniques, of course, and above all they orchestrate their pieces to cover vulnerabilities and force errors from the opponent. Just as it is in chess, so it is in finance.

The crucial idea is that professionals in any game rarely make unforced errors – their fate is usually sealed by errors that the situation forces upon them. In contrast, the outcome in contests of novices is determined by their own, avoidable mistakes. Novices shouldn’t focus on winning points – they should focus on not losing points.

But even professionals are guilty of unforced errors sometimes. Consider Stanley Druckenmiller. After a successful career running his own investment fund, Duquesne Capital Management, Druckenmiller was appointed lead portfolio manager for George Soros’ Quantum Fund in 1988. Druckenmiller thrived there: in his first four years, annual growth never dipped below 24 percent, mostly due to his strong knowledge of the world economy and foreign currencies.

However, in 1999, Druckenmiller ventured outside his zone of expertise and committed a string of unforced errors.

Tech stock was beginning its meteoric rise that year. Druckenmiller, however, believed that they were overvalued. He was so sure of this that he bet $200 million of Quantum’s capital on a price decline – except this didn’t happen.

Instead, these expensive stocks kept getting pricier, and soon the Quantum was down 18 percent for the year. Druckenmiller, deciding he was out of touch with the market, hired two young, tech-savvy employees and went back to his forte – foreign currencies.

But he couldn’t stay away from tech stocks for long. After Druckenmiller made a major investment in the euro only to see it decline in value, he watched with envy as his new employees were still raking in cash from tech stocks. Not wanting to be upstaged, he invested $600 million in the networking company VeriSign.

But the tech bubble was about to burst, and Druckenmiller would be left with a half-billion-dollar sized hole in his pocket. By May 2002, VeriSign was worth just 1.5 percent of its peak value.

From neglecting his areas of expertise to allowing himself to succumb to the fear of missing out, Druckenmiller illustrated the danger of unforced errors and why we should focus on stamping them out rather than casting around for our big wins.

Investors must take big losses in their stride.

Have you ever looked at the price history of Amazon stock? If so, you’ve probably kicked yourself for not realizing this sleeping giant would change the world. After all, an initial investment of $1,000 early on would have netted you $387,000 today! But such thinking is harmful and masks the superhuman nerve that would’ve been required to hold onto your Amazon stock. It was slashed in half on three separate occasions.

And this doesn’t just happen to the financial layperson: short-term losses test the resolve of seasoned investors too, including people like Charlie Munger.

Munger is best known as Warren Buffett’s long-time partner and the vice-chairman of Berkshire Hathaway. He has a formidable intellect that thrives on inverting questions and reverse engineering problems. This intelligence, along with his razor-sharp wit, have made him famous for his playful aphorisms, or “Mungerisms.” For example, “All I want to know is where I’m going to die so I’ll never go there.”

But Munger’s genius didn’t save him from some financial nosedives. In 1974, he threw diversification to the wind and invested 61 percent of his fund into Blue Chip Stamps – a company producing loyalty tokens redeemable for consumer goods. But soon there was an economic downturn, and firms producing non-essential goods were devastated.

Such a concentrated position was completely unadvisable, and this stake in Blue Chip was almost fatal: an investment of $1,000 in Charlie Munger’s company in January 1973 would have been worth just $467 in January 1975. Many investors were questioning his judgement, scrambling to cut their losses with him.

But Charlie Munger wasn’t beaten yet, and neither was Blue Chip Stamps. Munger’s investment company posted gains of 73.2 percent by December 1975, and Blue Chip later purchased several companies which would become some of Berkshire’s prize assets: See’s Candies, Wesco Financial and the Buffalo Evening News.

So, after a disastrous period in the mid-1970s, Munger bounced back stronger than ever. Ever since, he’s been a guiding light in one of the most successful investment companies of all time.

Charlie Munger’s Blue Chip investment shows how crucial it is to exercise patience and composure when investing long-term. It’s common for portfolios to take massive hits due to external factors like the wider economy, and you must be able to insulate yourself from temporary large losses. Remember: the time not to sell your investments is in a panic after a drop in value.

Investing is a dangerous game – even for the most talented players. But by studying the greats and their greatest blunders, we can benefit from their mistakes without the million-dollar price tags. If you’re an amateur, you should focus on avoiding unforced errors rather than shooting for big wins, and if you do win, stifling overconfidence is crucial. Above all, don’t become attached to your assets: emotions like fear, anger, envy and greed are your portfolio’s worst nightmare.

Action plan: Exercise due diligence and don’t over-trade.

If you’re new to the world of stocks and shares, you should know that making too many trades is one of the most common errors. Like a true venture capitalist, you should exhaustively research every company you plan to invest in and don’t be afraid to walk away. Warren Buffett once suggested that investors should act like they are only permitted to make 20 trades in their entire career. This way, you exercise extreme caution and keep yourself focused on high-quality trades.

[dprwolfgang]

100 Percentin // Chase Malone

Because it’s Friday and I’m vibing also because Chase needs more love so here’s some fluff or whatever.I was half way asleep when I thought of this so if it don’t make no sense that’s why.

“Munchkin,come on let’s go.” Chase shook you gently at the shoulders.He’d left you almost drunk about an hour ago to go over some last minute changes with Jay.Saving his work he shut down the system and scooped you up into his arms when you made no attempt to awake from your drunken slumber.

Chase had known you your entire life.Both him and Jay were close friends with your older brother and wherever your brother Miguel was they’d be sure to find you right behind him.After his death you’d distanced yourself from anything that reminded you of him.Dance,Chase and Jay. The three main things that had kept your brother alive and out of trouble but your mother had made deals with the wrong people and it cost both your brother and her their lives.

You had just graduated university and opened up your own studio/café in Seoul when you ran into Jay and Chase who were looking for a new place to eat.At first you pretended like you didn’t know them but Chase quickly cut the bullshit short when you tried to make an exit.

It took awhile before you got back into the habit of being around them again but once you did it was like nothing had changed except for the fact that you didn’t tell them exactly why you moved to Seoul.Jay could tell you were hiding something but didn’t push you,he knew you’d tell them when you were ready.

The next day you strolled into the studio behind Chase.Headphones plugged in and a bowl of açaí in your hand.It was your hangover remedy.Getting comfortable on the couch in his studio you finished your açaí and scrolled through your social networks until Jay and Gray strolled in.Sunghwa lifted your feet up sitting next to you and putting you feet on his lap.

Chase took notice of how close you and Sunghwa had gotten in the time you’ve been here and couldn’t help but feel some type of way about it.He was used to being the one you depended on.Even when you left he still checked up on you through your aunt.

He knew shit had changed between you both that night and that’s why you distanced yourself using Miguel as your getaway.Putting those thoughts to the back of his mind he focused on his work.Jay entered the recording booth and he started the beat but just as Jay was about to start someone else’s voice played over the track.

Didn’t know loving you came at a cost

You’re making me feel like I’m losing it all

Now you’re ducking and dodging and missing my calls  

Sitting pretty and patiently  

Cause I hope you’d be  

More than just another phase but you use my heart like it’s yours to waste  

Used to be 50/50 now we’re 70/30

Stealing my love while you’re doing me dirty  

Got a little comfortable,well enough that I should’ve known  

Yeah I should’ve known better

You say what’s yours is mine  

Didn’t know shit at the time  

Yeah I should’ve known better  

Extra boy you excessive,nigga who you impressin?

Think you 100 percentin but boy you’re just flexin  

Give me back my keys,my time  

My money,my piece of mind  

And no I ain’t flexin,that’s 100 percentin….

You could feel all eyes on you.Taking your headphones off you looked at the three men who were staring at you.

“Why are y’all looking at me like that?” You question not paying attention to what was playing.Jay was laughing his ass off in the booth,Chase looked flustered and Gray just looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here at the moment.

Jay knew he was right when he assumed something had went down between you and Chase that night but after Chase denied it numerous times he let it go.Now here you go confirming everything he assumed.

“How long?” Jay asked as he came out the booth.

“How long what?”

Chase could practically see the wheels turning in Jay’s head as Sunghwa made a quiet move towards the exit. “Jay I swear to god if you ask that question I’m gon put my foot so far up your ass you’ll be brushing my toes instead of teeth.”

The CEO smirked and looked at you. “How long has it been since the both of you slept together?” You knew Jay knew about what had happened but no one confirmed it.

“Don’t you dare answer him,” Chase looked at you. “We promised not to talk about it.”

You were frustrated with the fact that Chase always denied that there was something between you both.Everyone knows how you feel about him and yet his excuse is always the same bullshit.If it wasn’t your age,it was your different schedules and quite frankly you’ve had enough.

“You promised we’d never speak of it again Chase. I didn’t promise shit! You knew exactly how I felt about you and yet still you led me on,got me thinking you cared but left as soon as you got what you wanted right? Do you how stupid I felt when I woke up that morning and you weren’t there? Then you started ignoring me and running around with a different girl every week until you just left. You know what’s funny,” you laugh sarcastically. “ Miguel used to always tell me that if I was to ever settle down and get married look for a guy that treats me the way the three of you did but most importantly find a man who looks at me “the way Chase does.Quite frankly I’m starting to believe I would’ve been better off falling in love with Jay’s playboy ass cause-”

“Jay get out.” Chase spoke cutting you off.You knew you struck a nerve but it’s exactly what you wanted.Jay laughed and shook his head.

“Just remember only the recording booth is sound proof and if you really want to try some yellow in ya life,you know where my office is.” He winked playfully as he left the studio.

“How drunk were you last night?”

You shrugged. “So you don’t remember recording that song?” He asked.

“What song are you talking about?” Chase pressed play and sat back in his seat,arms crossed over his chest as you listened.

The events of last night coming back to you,you groaned and ran your hand down your face. “That isn’t about you,” You sighed. “Not all of it anyways.”

He gestured to you to keep talking and so you told him.You told him exactly why you came to Korea and that you didn’t any plans for staying until after you confirmed that your then boyfriend was indeed cheating with your old friend.

“So what I’m getting is that you basically put him on but he was sleeping with your friend behind your back.” You nodded at him.

“I still don’t understand how I fit into this.” You scoffed rolling your eyes.

“Of course you don’t Chase.After everything I just told you and you’re still denying it.” You slid your phone into your pocket standing up.

“Where are you going? We aren’t finished here.”  

“Quite frankly I think we are.You either tell me how you really feel or watch me and my feelings towards you walk out that door Chase. I can’t keep waiting for you because it’s starting to feel like waiting for rain in a drought. I can’t be just friends with you anymore and if you don’t feel the same-”

“I love you.” He cut you off again.

“You What?”  

You weren’t sure if you heard him correctly.So when he rose from his seat and walked over to you and put his full lips on yours,letting you feel every emotion he was hiding you couldn’t help but let the tears you’ve been holding back fall from your eyes.

“Why are you crying?” Chase mumbled against your lips.

“You love me.”

“I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw you hiding behind your brother all shy and flustered when I spoke to you.It was never about your age or my work habits, I just felt like you deserve the world and that I’m not good enough. I know it sounds stupid as fuck and I probably fucked up any chance of us but if you’ll have me I’d like to be your man and spend the rest of our lives making up for lost time. I’m not perfect but I’ll try my best.” He caressed your cheek,his forehead pressed against yours.Lips pushed against his as you kissed him slowly and softly,pouring your feelings into it.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Chase questions once you pull away.

“Yeah,” you whisper still not over the fact that he admitted to loving you.You had honestly thought it would take more than you threatening to leave.

“So we’re really doing this?” He asked.

“Yeah,I guess we are.Are you sure about this? Are you sure you wanna be in this?” You asked to ensure that he wasn’t doing this just because of how you felt.

“100 percentin Baby.” He captured your lips into another kiss,this one more intense than the last.

“Sunghwa you owe me money!” You both pulled away laughing as you could hear Jay’s travel down the hall no doubt on his way to Sunghwa.