#even if i struggle to enjoy them
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if anyone has read the catcher in the rye, please lmk if it’s worth continuing- i’m 1/4 of the way through and so far it’s letting me down majorly
#normally i finish books#even if i struggle to enjoy them#with the exception of colleen hoover because *oh my god* that was insufferable#but tcitr is *such* a slog to read#i’m in two minds because i want to finish it#but i just can’t seem to enjoy it like i’d hoped
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GORGEOUS DRAWING OMG YOU'RE SO TALENTED MATE!!!
We need more Magneto protecting his Charles with all his will>>>>>
thank you much my friend !!!!!!!!! might i offer you a small gift..
and a bonus. if you will.
#mcu#xmen movies#xmen apocalypse#xmen#xmen tas#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#hi i didnt mean to spend my evening on these vjAELKVJAE#i didnt know which verse i wanted to do and how serious i wanted to be ... lol ....#them protecting each other is always good this is true anon ... i hope my services are sufficient for now ...#i wish we got to see more of the apocalypse magneto outfit. all the outfits were great in apocalypse wtf#also hi can we tell i still dont know how i want to draw erik's powers yet. im in struggle city#perhaps ill dedicate a day to studying that but for now !!!!!!!!! may you please enjoy these
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender
…..I made the moodboard….
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. It’s an invitation haha#I love the fics that I can’t read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I don’t enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#it’s just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isn’t about them being ‘haha cute organics’#it’s ‘oh god. I was turned into something I’m not’#instead of teeheee they’re fluffy#it’s please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now I’m kind of stuck reading this fic because I just can’t stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror is….damn. Impressive. I didn’t expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#it’s not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuck….I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I read…..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do this……..#there’s a tiny chance they’re following me….if it’s true then I wanna tell I’m sorry pls don’t take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic is…the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesn’t even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which is…..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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#ep 2 is for their very particular form of dating 😉
Loki 1x02 // 2x02
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#the agents of chaos that they are#once again i ask who's doing it like them 😘✌️#now with that said the struggle is real not to go full on angst with my giffing but i'm trying to keep it light for the month of romance lo#and there's something so hilariously lovely about how they don't even hesitate to show excitement about enjoying this stuff together??#'this stuff' being. y'know. total destruction and all but let them have their moment 🥺#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs
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to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)
#ray's tag#keys' art#undescribed#skeletons#ok to reblog#the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr!#so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear#(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing#that i've ever drawn)#anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav#it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it#that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it.#often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to#especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently#it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow#my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints#but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us)#i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts.#so i put it into a spotlight.#ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients#I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i#a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie#especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones#we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone#or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare#so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone#will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay#we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it#(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont#actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)
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encore nnks
#you guys have no clue how many times I've drawn this stupid scene.#(<- enjoys it every time)#I think this is my first time actually Posting it though#usually I'm too nervous....lmao#and now I'm finally posting it :DDD good job me#my art#my aus#encore au#project sekai#nenekasa#nene kusanagi#tsukasa tenma#by the way. I spent like three or four hours on this. jesus.#I usually only spend ~1hr on like everything#but also this is Completely Painted#like. I didn't even do lineart. I made a very messy sketch and colored in messy then Did Shit#until it looked good#I kept having to redo nenes handssss#I don't really like her right hand still#but also there wasn't really a sketch I drew five lines as fingers and rendered them#so I think I did pretty good.#whenever I look at tsukasa your adventure plays in my mind cause I put it on loop and spent SO LONG struggling on his clothes#i had to do another sketch for his clothes. i literally pulled thed esign out of my ass becuase i didnt wanna pull out my old ref from like#a year ago#anywaanywayfnwaybywa. post
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congratulations christopher!
self indulgent near-future in which when christopher graduates high school buck n eddie take hiim to hawaii to celebrate and they all have a nice vacation over here. friend n i were brainrotting it a bit and we decided buck definitely hyperfixated on hawaii and stuff (history, nature, geography, mythology, etc)
#buddie#christopher diaz#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 abc#mustasekittens#i still struggle drawing all 3 of them its a nightmare#anyways gavin is getting really tall and i thought it would be kinda funny if he was almost taller than eddie once he's an adult#my friend and i expanded on buck's hawaii hyperfixation so there's def gonna be a short comic to follow this up LOL#the lei christopher is wearing is called a maile lei#theyre usually worn by men but anyone can wear a maile :]#maile lei are usually worn at grads/proms/weddings or just cuz!#buddie are married at this point. (wink wink. bucks ring. wink)#i shouldve made buck more sunburned#idk if people even read tags this far but anyways more little details#also idk smth smth buck wearing yellow eddie wearing blue n chris wearing green (although not exactly) bc theyre a weird blended family#the brand of shirts the 3 of them r wearing is called sig zane and its a local (fancy) aloha wear brand here! its based in hilo!!#my local friend who's from big island brought it up to me and i remembered it existed#i see people wear sig zane all the time here on oahu but i am so shit at remembering names. that is extended to clothing brands LMFAO#what i mean by fancy aloha wear i mean these fucking shirts cost upwards of $130-145 EACH.#and they are fucking BEAUTIFUL.#i did take some liberties with the designs for the 3 of them tho#buck and christopher's are almost directly referencing existing designs from their catalogue while i smplified one for eddie's#christopher's is an ulu (breadfruit) pattern and i kinda ate that ngl#i was originally gonna just use some stamp brushes i found on the csp asset store but they looked so tacky i just decided to draw them LOL#anyways enjoy this self indulgent stupid stuff who cares anymore
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Ink October day twenty-five: Contexture
The act of weaving or assembling parts into a whole.
An arrangement of interconnected parts; a structure.
The arrangement and union of the constituent parts of a thing; a weaving together of parts; structural character of a thing; system; constitution; texture.
#will I ever be normal about them? no. fuck you.#kh xion#kh roxas#kh sora#xion kh#roxas kh#sora kh#roxas#Xion#kingdom hearts xion#xion kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts sora#sora kingdom hearts#roxas kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts roxas#kingdom hearts#kh#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 25#thinking about how Xion isn’t just Sora’s replica but Roxas’ as well. girlie has more identity issues then you can shake a stick at#she fights like Roxas she fights like Sora she might even like fighting but she was made for it after all#does the weopon like violence because it enjoys it or because it is a weopon to begin with#I’d say Sora to a certain extent enjoys fighting (see: the colosseum and the play fighting during childhood) I think he likes fighting peop#and likes fighting with people when the stakes aren’t too high. it’s fun. on the other hand I think the closest thing to fighting Roxas#likes is struggle. maybe with some play wrestling or something. but if the person your hitting isn’t dropping colour balls he isn’t into it#it becomes at best a chore at worst something that would fuck with his trauma. he doesn’t wanna be a keyblade master he wants to be normal.#Xion on the other hand is much more complicated. I think she enjoys it (her choosing to train on their day off) but more in the way that#she finds it satisfying instead of fun. she likes Completing Tasks and Improving and things that when she focuses on past reveal she finds#uncomfortable. running out of space but Phemiec’s All I Want. ‘all I want is to know the wanting is my own’ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgg
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natlan 5.1 was batshit insane but i won't deny cookery when i see it. last 1/3 of the archon quest is just brilliantly done in my opinion, from writing to level design to soundtrack. just genuine excellence
#sev.screams#natlan#the character centric parts were rather weak to me#ororon has an intriguing arc but i don't care enough about him to care about the arc#similarly i only felt a surface level investment with a lot of the other main cast; though funnily enough excluding citlali#she's a breath of fresh air amongst the cast and i really enjoyed her screentime#there are a lot of story decisions in this quest that i'm impressed and glad hoyo decided to take; it adds a layer of realism to natlan tha#was missing in inazuma and ultimately i believe was the reason inazuma flopped as a nation#there is real tangible weight in the things that happen in natlan; i felt moved by the story and i think that's the hallmark of a good stor#i hope in the next archon quest they don't undo or undermine these decisions in any way. they truly contributed so much to the overall tone#of the story that to remove them would be like taking the legs out from underneath it#writing aside the environmental storytelling and level design also contributed so much to crafting the atmosphere of this quest#it felt gut wrenching in a way inazuma never did. for even the briefest moment these npcs were people and you were watching them struggle#a poignant beautiful desperate struggle that i think is so incredibly human and both moving and heartbreaking to witness#also helped by the exquisite ost. hoyomix has certainly not lost their touch even with yu peng chen gone#despair hope triumph relief; all captured so wonderfully in a score i know i will be listening to for the next few weeks once it drops#i'm rambling so much but. i liked this a lot and i can only hope hoyo sticks the landing on this one#i hate having high expectations but i can't help it for this one i fear
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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tis the season !
#the charcuterie board was devoured and ppl rly loved the cookies and the dates r usually popular#and the baked brie too!!!#and then ppl brought their own assortment of treats and drinks as well#i rly enjoyed my blackberry orange drink personally#my gf’s friend does really beautiful pottery and all the food she brought was in her gorgeous homemade pieces#was so fun i love feeding ppl and making things look pretty and festive#my gf did the insane lettering on the drink menu#and decorated so cutely#and then we all went to the halloween event at the amusement park afterwards and it was fun and cold and misty#and i mostly sat outside of haunted houses while they walked thru them haha#i struggle rly rly bad to recover from being startled and sometimes it just. turns into a panic attack even if im not like Scared?? idk#it’s stupid my body just can’t distinguish real danger from fun danger very well#but they had these “’no boo”’ necklaces i could wear so actors would then just interact w me nicely and creepily instead of jumping at me#which was still fun :-)#bummer tho i hate being mentally illlllllll#and rly embarassing bc the necklaces lit up rly bright so it was like i was wearing an im-a-weenie beacon#lolll#also shoutout to my mutual who recognized me while i was waiting for my friends and stopped to say hi LMAO that was crazy#won’t name names so i don’t dox u#but i’ve never been recognized from tumblr before was a very i like your shoelaces moment😭😭😭#top 10 most embarassing things to happen to me ever but thanks for saying hi !!!#personal
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My therapist told me something recently.
If you can't do the thing, sometimes it's okay to acknowledge that and say "okay, I can't do it now, but will try again later"
and later could be an hour, or a day, or whatever.
Maybe you'll practice coping skills to do it. I like to stand up and wiggle, it gets rid of the anxiety surrounding the thing. (also, it's fun)
You can even take it further than that, and make it a choice
"Do I want to do the thing, or do this other thing instead?"
because the choice is conscious, even if you're not doing the thing you initially wanted. You are still choosing. And your brain feels validated. Eventually, and it make take time, but you will choose to do the thing. Or maybe you won't. But you're thinking about it, which is a step in the right direction.
Does that make sense??
#Mental Health#Mental Illness#executive dysfunction#struggling to play games#even though I love and enjoy them#and this is part of the process#maybe it will help someone
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I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.
(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)
#bravely default 2#dag rampage#selene noetic#i only just recently reached ch2 in the game and i may have a problem#someone was like wait how have you not gotten farther in 25 hours#and im like im sorry its a problem i have an obsession you dont understand#and then he found out i had three of the four party members with two jobs capped at 12#and then the fourth only had one capped but a bunch high up#and then i told him i was trying to get the gambler asterisk and that meant i had to play a childrens card game#and then i had to do side quests when they popped up#and he was like wait at that point you probably dont need jobs at 12 omg#and im like i know its a problem i cant stop it#so anyway chapter 1 took me forever because i committed to the grind too much#the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real#like even the fact that you beat these two up in the prologue im like teehee funny lil blonde guy#then you dont interact with them in a ch1 quest but they show up again at the same time doing the same quest#and guys i am FEELING EMOTIONS theyre just funny lil mercenaries doin funny lil mercenary things#also please do not tell me anything about the game past ch1 because i want to continue to enjoy experiencing it#which is why i have my ask box closed bc its a game from 2021 and i know im really behind the times#but i managed to not know anything until now and i wanna keep it that way#also i dont really know how to properly draw noses especially when i doodle#but his nose is important and i already struggle with his big jaw so i had to include it somehow#and in the concept art it looks like he has a lil stubble but in game i dont see it so im like ... squinting at he
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Good Bones Maggie Smith
#this place could be beautiful#we can make this place beautiful#i think what i struggle with is that i thought that we'd get to appreciate that beauty#I thought we'd be the generation that the progression we'd made to this point would flourish and we'd get to really feel the impact of that#but i think i'm coming to terms with the fact that we're not and that we have to live for what we can and enjoy what we have#but we have to continue to be the makers and we have to continue to fight for that better place#even though we're not going to reap the benefits of that work#hope for the future i guess#these are my us election thoughts in as much as i can untangle them
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I feel like debating who Loki was talking to when he said "For You" in the last episode, is missing the point of the scene. And people referring to it as "cowardly" and a "no-homo" moment is just?? Baffling to me tbh because like;
First of all, it is obviously intended to be to both of them? If they only wanted to make it about Sylvie, Mobius wouldn't be there. If they only wanted to make it about Mobius, Sylvie wouldn't be there. If they wanted to make it about everyone they would've just framed it more equally, he does do it for all his friends ("for all of us"), but they have that scene to highlight these two specific relationships. The framing is quite clear, they have him take a last look at all of his friends before going down the stairs, but Mobius and Sylvie runs after him to have a final significant moment.
Which absolutely makes sense and is consistent with the show we have seen so far, s1 and s2 combined, which is what I love about it. And it was to be honest a surprise! Going into this season, I had little hope for Loki/Mobius interactions, just didn't want to expect too much since S1 had a lot of their connection, but that could've been it. I was shocked when s2ep1 was full to the brim with Loki and Mobius scenes? And then they kept reinforcing every week that they care about each other, is a funny duo to watch, and are important to one another.
And despite this, I expected the rug to at some point be pulled, especially compared to Loki's relationship to Sylvie. No matter people's personal viewing on the show, she is still cited as a love interest by showrunners and is just portrayed as that by the narrative a lot of the time. Sidelining that, even in s2 when the romantic hints are more vague, she's still a very important person in Loki's life. She played a central part of the plot and Loki's own character development of understanding himself.
So to me, I was surprised seeing Mobius and Sylvie side by side in the end. Both being framed as The important people in Loki's life. Then, however you wanna see in what ways they are important is up to you, but they are the people he keeps coming back to for advice and self-reflection. You can frame it as "oh it should've been only been Mobius and they added Sylvie to downplay it", which, I just disagree with (If they wanted to go for explicitly canon Lokius they needed to set that up even more earlier in the season but that's a post for another day). Sylvie is still like, a constant in the narrative and driving force of s1, even if s2 changes things around a bit, and imo it would be inconsistent if she just vanished here. I guess I am used to media that downplays a meaningful dynamic between two dudes in more aggressive ways, which they absolutely could've done, and would've taken me out of the story to be honest... but they didn't, Mobius and Sylvie got to be side by side in the end and that imo validated the Loki/Mobius dynamic way more than downplays it.
TLDR; The "For you" was for both Mobius and Sylvie because why would you frame it that way otherwise, and having them side by side like that validates Lokius way more than downplays it in a "no-homo" way considering the full context of the show.
#marvel blogging#amanda rambles#loki#lokius#putting it in the tag in case people have other thoughts id be curious#ive been struggling with this post but needed to gET IT OUT bc it has been rattling in my brain#sorry if it ended up incoherent anyway#loki spoilers#kinda decided against putting it in the s*lki tag bc i feel like i downplay it a bit here and i know u dont want that#like i dont reALLY enjoy playing the 'my ship is VALID and sUPPORTED BY CANON' debating and i feel like i touch on it here.#but i kinda just want to like. throw my thoughts in#to why i DID feel good about this.#like whenever they do those almost looking into the camera no-homo moments it just breaks immersion COMPLETELY#if all the actors today said in interviews that it is never intended and would never be intended to be anything else that is one thing#but when a character says something like that that feels like it is ONLY to dismiss any chances in canon. even if unnatural etc. feels bad#and this wasnt IT#i know the big mcu show doesnt need me defending it but this sure reads like a defense of the show huh#tbh it started with the first paragraph bc this is also about media analsys#ALSO if u hc that it was to one of them it's like. ok. but like.#maybe not throw conspiracies out there.#also these posts AND tags are becoming longer. im losing my mind but it's fine.
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This isnt new or original at all but i gotta say some of my favorite characters are always those absolutely awful charismatic bastard villians who in fiction I enjoy but if I met in real live I would punt into the stars. Bonus points when they get their inevitable and extremely satisfying comeuppance and get their ass handed to them
#bill cipher#william afton#dr robotnik#good trio of these kinda guys#there are of course more#and this isnt like#anything new or original#as i said#but i think it should be reiterated#especially in an era when like people really struggle understanding that liking and enjoying a villain and depicting them as fun or likeable#does not in fact mean that you support anything that they are about#or that you wouldnt either punt them into oblivion or just quietly skulk away#idk its wild to me ive seen so many people getting angry about people liking bad characters#and obviously there are nuances and such but again we must recall fictional characters arent real#but yeah characters like these are like fucked up barbie dolls to me#fun to play with and pose and dress up and also somehow quite satisfying to rip their head off or watch their head get ripped off#i think the joker could also qualify but hes more dicey bc people cannot be normal about him#i think joker fanboys might be why this opposition to people enjoying villains comes from#welcome back to posts where an essay is hidden among my tags#i like the format it lets me ramble#uhh there are definitely more guys in here#the joker#and dont get me wrong i dislike certain villians too and it sometimes squicks me out to see people being so obessed with them even healthily#but like i just keep it to myself cause thats a me thing#belos definitely fits into this but only sometimes for me#sometimes i just get irritated seeing him but again#me problem therefore keep it to myself#this is so chronically online but yeah#jekyll and hyde#victor frankenstein
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