#especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones

[gotham-daydreams]

How would it have gone differently if Reader didn't try to be an "overachiever" and instead just stayed quiet and didn't interact with anyone besides Alfred until they left? Their room they left being mostly blank, with only the music journals? Giving up on trying to get their attention.

I think what's so funny about this ask, to me, is that I already have a concept like this written down (along with 3 others since the current reader I'm writing for the "Not [ ]" series is one of them but with a few missing details), so this'll be fun!

I guess it generally goes how you'd expect? Which is different for the most part, but the reader's perspective on what's happening is also different.

Granted, I would like to point out that, at least for this particular concept and the idea I have for it of how this would go, does have more stuff going on pre-Batfam that do affect how they perceive what's happening, and that's what makes things interesting in my opinion. Because someone can be naturally shy or just overall more reserved either out of nature or because they feel a certain way, but still feel bad about being neglected and, despite their lack of effort, feel that pain just as much as someone who's tried. Which is valid! Besides, someone's definition of 'trying' can vary as well.

Everyone should have a chance to have a family, and form some kind of connection with people. Just because you aren't going above and beyond for one person, doesn't mean you're undeserving of certain things. Especially not a chance to have a family, or feel like you have one. That's what I think anyway.

Nevertheless, back to the reader!

From the original concept, I will be tweaking a few things to fit the ask, but the same general outcome remains! Though again, the reader's perspective on things is a tad different. But how about this- I'll show two versions of the reader.

One that's quiet and more reserved because they gave up much earlier, or just generally hopeless really early on because maybe they felt as if anything they'd do just wouldn't be enough, who'll be accurately named Quiet!Reader. With the other being more closely related to the concept I wrote for such an idea, that we'll refer to as Waiting!Reader.

Quiet!Reader would change up things quite a bit! I won't lie!

They might already have bad self-esteem that's quick to develop at the start of things, which is something to note as that doesn't get better with time. They grow more cold and distant from the family at a quicker pace both from personal and external reasons.

Put simply, they don't feel good enough, and even if they did- anything they could do to get the Batfam's attention would never be enough in their eyes. To which, they see very early on when they try to engage and do some things with the family, only to be turned down. What doesn't help is when Quiet!Reader sees Damian get adopted and almost immediately showered with love, (compared to them) and that really cements some ideas that were already developing in their head about the family.

When Damian comes into the picture, they feel replaced. Seeing him as someone to fill in the 'youngest Wayne' role instead of them, so that Bruce and the others actually have someone to acknowledge for such a title. Just someone else to further take away the little they had.

So, they further step out of the way, glaring at the Batfam with tired eyes before that eventually stops too. Envy clawing at their heart, hatred being sent through waves of pain all throughout their body. Hurt unmatched. Yet they still remain invisible. Quiet as ever. Unnoticed. Everything they ever felt dies down, and forms a cold numbness that they begin to associate with the family.

Maybe through that, they feel closer to the family in some twisted way. Now just as cold as them. Just as talkative, and just as engaging. Almost mirroring them, but they're honest about how they feel. Honest about what they think, and therefore better. At least when compared to the Batfam- and to them, even if it wasn't a high bar to reach anyway, at least it counts for something.

It was never Damian's fault, or really about Damian at all. It could've been anyone else and Quiet!Reader would've still reacted the same way, they know that. Though just seeing the Batfam show love and care to him and not them just makes them feel... worse.

Clearly they're capable of love, and can notice new additions to the family (to which they may have mostly believed that the Batfam's neglect was just something the family did for whatever reason, and thought that them being the youngest had something to do with it for a while) and that breaks the reader. It doesn't hurt, not as much as it would've, maybe, but whatever hurt is there dies down quickly as Quiet!Reader, well, quietly accepts their fate.

The Batfam clearly wants nothing to do with them, so why should they try to do all of these things for them? It's simple, they shouldn't. So they don't. Quiet!Reader gives up, and continues to live their life without them.

The Manor just becomes a place they sleep in, and nothing else. It isn't anything close to a home, and not even Alfred can help with that.

It's because of that little fact, however, that Quiet!Reader leaves much sooner than the reader in the "Not [ ]" series. Maybe once they get a friend they can trust, they essentially end up living with said friend, hence why their room remains so empty. The notebooks they even keep in the room they have in the Manor is from when they were way younger, instead of just being from a few months ago or so. We're talking years since Quiet!Reader has touched those things now.

Maybe they do 'officially' leave a month or so before they usually would as an overachiever in the "Not [ ]" series, having only bothered to return so often before because of Alfred. Though even then, they'd forget to return most nights- only being reminded to even try and go back once Alfred would personally call them, and ask them where they were.

However now, after a while of just the time between them basically living with their friend and sleeping at the manor, they stop returning altogether. Though this time around they instead personally go to Alfred to say they're goodbyes. Not explaining much, but just saying that while they might still try to come and visit him sometimes, they don't live in the Manor anymore. Alfred already knows this, and the embrace they share fully hammers in that fact.

Yet when Quiet!Reader turns away, and leaves the Manor for good- even through the front door at that. Alfred can't help but just... miss them already.

You see, while Quiet!Reader is indeed quieter and more reserved, especially towards the Batfam, with Alfred really being the only exception, they still made music.

Maybe they didn't have as many concerts or physical, grand, live performances compared to the reader in the "Not [ ]" series, they not only started earlier, but may have actually started out on a social platform such a youtube. They really started out small, but were able to find and start their passion much earlier!

Most of what they played was when they were in the Manor, but slowly they started to get involved with things music related outside of the Manor and in Gotham- and from there were able to build themselves up even more. Hell, I'd even say that Quiet!Reader is a little more well-known and popular than the reader in the "Not [ ]" series because of the amount of extra time they dedicated to their passion.

So basically, Alfred this time around has more recordings and such of Quiet!Reader actually doing something they love than with the one in the series. However! Funnily enough, they're gone for a shorter amount of time despite having left earlier than normal.

Alfred is just, extra fed up with this nonsense, and so pulls his tricks more early on, but also make them hit harder.

He doesn't clean Quiet!Reader's room to show how long they've been gone, adding onto the emptiness and almost abandoned feeling the room itself gives off because of how bare and empty it is. They're music haunts the halls, subtle, sure, but still noticeable- especially to those who are hyper aware all the time. Pictures of Quiet!Reader and Alfred begin to be hung up, and if he can manage- some with Quiet!Reader and their friends during important parts of their life.

No one is safe from the guilt and anguish Alfred seeks to cause to not only have the Batfam look for you, but most importantly, to finally notice you.

Let's just say, things work out a little too well.

---

As for Waiting!Reader? Oh man, I've been wanting to rant about them for a while!

Unlike the reader in the "Not [ ]" series and Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader had some semblance of a life before getting adopted into the Batfam. Though the idea and character themself isn't musically inclined/involved in music, or even all that interested in music for that matter- for the sake of this ask, lets say they are!

I won't dabble too much into the life Waiting!Reader had before the Batfam, as if I do end up writing them I'd also like to keep some details vague (for the sake of leaving it up to interpretation and everything), but just know that during the time they were still with their original family, they were essentially taught that they should 'wait their turn', and eventually their parents would spend time with them and care for them. Hence the little name I've given them.

So! When they get to the Manor and are officially adopted, only to be neglected and ignored during their first few attempts- because of their young age, they immediately think "oh! they're just like mom and dad!" So they 'wait' for 'their turn', believing that eventually, should they wait long enough, they'll be rewarded with bonding and such from the Batfam just as they were with their previous parents.

This mindset changes what they do as well, as Waiting!Reader even goes out of their way to not bother anyone, or "get in the way" of whatever they could be doing. Waiting!Reader treats the situation so much like their previous home life, that sometimes they might even forget that the Batfam are completely different people from their parents. The only real difference that they can think of is that they're not acknowledged at all and it seems like their 'turn' never comes. Though for a while that doesn't get them down. The Batfam is busy like they're parents were! Waiting!Reader is sure that when things die down then they'll have their time.

... Hopefully.

I can imagine that part of the reason why Waiting!Reader holds on to hope for so long is because, again, their own parents constantly reassured them that they would have their time eventually. That if they behaved, and stayed out of the way, then they would go somewhere fun with their parents and essentially be rewarded for their efforts. They were conditioned to wait, to be patient, and just comply until those around them decided to actually take care of them, and spend time with them.

Of course, as they grow up the reality of the situation does hit them eventually, but during that time they do try.

Waiting!Reader helps Alfred around the house, and so they mostly bond over doing chores, among other things. They are also more mindful, and try to keep the amount of noise they back down— so they actually don't play at the Manor all that often, and instead play literally anywhere else. If and when they do play outside, around the area of the Manor like in the gardens or something, they make sure no one is around before even thinking of playing.

Alfred does help them break a few of their habits that they got while living with their parents, but the one thing he can't seem to 'fix' is how absolutely quiet Waiting!Reader is when they walk around. Which, as on can imagine, doesn't exactly help in a situation where the whole family, except for the butler, is neglecting you.

The amount of times Waiting!Reader has caught Alfred off guard is more then you'd think for someone that works with the Dark Knight, and his various sidekicks and such, over the years. Which does say something, sure, but it's also funny!

Regardless, similar to Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader is able to start their musical career earlier than normal, and thuse becomes a little more popular than they would originally. However, they're more known for their live performances and giving back to the community. Seemingly just like Bruce as they attend charity event after charity event, and try to do good by the people.

Waiting!Reader also does genuinely try to become a vigilante as well, but they do so in a way where they only take care of the smaller/medium guys, and leave the bigger ones to the rest of the Batfam. This is because they want to remove possible distractions for their family, and while they would try to take on "bigger guys", they don't think they're skilled enough or experienced enough to even think about it. So they don't even try. (They also don't have the same theme as the Batfam- since they don't want to 'ruin' their reputation with what they're doing or something. Which does hell them further detach themself from the family later on.)

I'd say that with Waiting!Reader, the difference between them and the Batfam is more clear to them? Like, to them, the Batfam are just so good at what they do that they have no hope of reaching them. So instead of trying to reach for them, they just do their own thing and try to help in their own way.

Because Waiting!Reader takes care of smaller guys, they are kind of closer to Waiting!Reader as a vigilante.

The best way I can put it is that while the community trusts Batman and the members of the Batfam to save their city, they trust Waiting!Reader to save their homes.

So basically- Batfam is the bigger picture while Waiting!Reader focuses on the smaller picture.

Nevertheless! Also like Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader actually leaves earlier. Except when they leave, they leave.

Waiting!Reader straight up leaves Gotham City to attend the college that they want to go to, in an area that has more opportunity for them, that isn't close to where the Batfam lives or patrols.

So they not only leave earlier, but it also takes the Batfam longer to find them. Especially because Waiting!Reader does still do some things in Gotham, they just don't live there anymore.

I feel like out of all three readers, Waiting!Reader definitely feels like the kind of person that someone would assume is some kind of "Phantom of the Wayne Manor," y'know?

So Alfred definitely tries to make the Batfam feel bad like he does with Quiet!Reader. Except how anyone in the Batfam is reminded that Waiting!Reader even exists, and that they've been gone for a while now is through a letter that is accidentally sent to the Wayne Manor from one of Waiting!Reader's fans. From there, some research does start and the more the Batfam learns, the more they want to go and find the reader- you know the deal.

I hope this answered your question even if I really did ramble on this time- if you'd like me to clarify anything or go into more detail on a specific part, feel free to send in an ask!

[thatcatangelwriter]

I think after her time at the spider society gwen can be very creepy at times, but like doesn't realize it or register it well.

Like she's gwen stacy. The cursed lover. The doomed girl. She is the face of thousands of corpses. The face of thousands of what ifs. A bittersweet dream. A constant longing.

Most of the time when people look at her they don't see her they see someone else. Her simply existing turns the entire society into a haunted house. She's a ghost, she's better off invisible and while I don't think it's intentional she gets pushed to the side a lot by most people I think Miguel, Jess and Peter might be the exception in this concept but even then its gets complicated due to her connection with Miles and eventually this kinda starts rubbing off in an unsettling way.

Gwen is implied to be very high ranking in the society. Jess calls her "her star pupil" and Lyla warned Gwen about the spot before Hobie and Pavitr. And Miguel's "You knew better, Gwen !" She justs seems to be a part of Miguel's gang of higher ups with Peter B and Jess and all that and considering the fact that she's been there for just a few months that's saying something.

I think Gwen took a lot of training and missions to prove herself, and maybe Miguel sent her on more missions to distract her from Miles and stuff. Hell he might have trained her along with Jessica at times which considering how stern they can be I wouldn't be suprised if this rubbed off on gwen who didn't really have anyone else besides Peter and Hobie. Like she has been Spider Woman more than gwen stacy at this point.

Speaking of Spider Woman, I think it's a good time to bring up how gwen's mental state gets fucked up around her identity as a superhero and how it plays into my idea of her being creepy thing. Because like Spider Woman is litteraly considered a murderer in her dimension and isn't very liked. And while yes its true that in most universes Spider Man has its haters. It's way worse in Gwen's dimension like in the comics she gets shocked when people thank her kinda bad. She has supporters but sadly the people who call her a monster are the most vocal. Like even her dad saw Spider Woman that way and even after finding out who she was still pulled a gun at her face so yeah.

Gwen already blames herself for Peter's death and general public opinion doesn't really help with leaving that guilt behind. She internalizes those things. So I think that do her deep internal feelings Gwen might be at times more ruthless and violent than your typical spider hero which can already be shocking especially in contrast to how graceful she can be as spider woman . I don't think she wants to be. But i think its just the internal intrusive thought "No matter what I do I am a monster why pull back ?" And with her whole canon event I think she might be prone to being reckless and throwing herself at danger and being the one to make the biggest sacrifice because hey she is already fated to die.

So yeah I think that at times when the stakes are high Gwen is one of the scariest spiders when she snaps. Like the treatment she received and internalized kinda jumps out and its not pretty at all. And even just in context of her not being in a mission i still think she can be cryptid looking because she kinda acts like she's invisible and just avoids being noticed due to all the peters around.

Like just imagine her beat up with a broken mask and all you see are her cold eyes and its weird because its almost like you have a dead person staring at you and in some ways that's exactly what it is. Or her accidentally scaring people because she's so quiet that they don't see her coming.

Just her looking like a dead girl walking and yeah maybe in a way she is but...it just looks to real and unsettling.

One last thing about this, Miles notices and hates every second of it. In fact I think all of her close friends hate it.

[plusvanity]

What’s your take on Pelle wanting a romantic relationship irl? Do you think it’s something he would’ve wanted? Or was he afraid that he was too odd for someone to accept him? (I don’t know if that sounds harsh). Since you think that he was sensitive.

Btw I love your analysis girl 🫶

I'm not so sure about relationships, but I firmly believe that he wanted to connect to someone, somehow.

In terms of friendships, I think Øystein was the closest friend he had (at least during his time in Norway), but even so, Pelle didn't open up much for various reasons that include the environment in which he was at that time and most probably trust issues. Talking at some point with Old Mayhem, she described an 'invisible wall' between Pelle and his friends/ the world and I couldn't agree more. It feels like Pelle would've wanted this meaningful connection with someone, anyone, but unfortunately, he didn't manage to form it. I genuinely think this had a massive contribution to why he took his own life.

I don't know if he would've wanted a relationship because a relationship comes with a lot of stress and pressure for being in a commitment, attending someone else's needs, etc, but he definitely felt alone and forgotten in this world. After all, he wrote in his last lyrics 'No one will ever miss you'. He longed to be seen, to be given attention and importance. There are a lot of signs of emotional neglect in how he developed, but I will try to keep it short. I consider him as being in the autism spectrum and a relationship would most likely feel overwhelming, especially since he would lack experience, confidence, etc. But if I have to imagine him in a relationship, I can only imagine him being with someone patient and calm.

People with strong trauma responses, PTSD and those who suffer from personality disorders need a partner who is a bit more mentally equipped to manage stressful situations than your average Joe. To see improvement in Pelle's mental health, he would need a very patient and mature partner.

Love can heal a broken heart. I am one of those people who believe that no matter how broken you are, if you find someone to love you for who you are, someone who is willing to accept you with all of your inner demons, with the the good and the ugly, you can start to heal. Currently, I'm following this process myself. The human brain can be programmed and re-programmed. We are very adaptable to our environments and if we make our senses realize we're not in danger anymore, we can finally allow ourselves inner peace. This is why I believe that Pelle could've been saved.

Hypothetically speaking, Pelle would have a hard time adjusting to a relationship. He was quite rigid, stubborn and unwilling to change for others. To make a relationship work, you need to make some compromises. Another aspect that I want to point out is that Pelle had outbursts or 'episodes' of impulsive behavior when he was living. That would be a serious problem. Øystein (and Metalion, if I remember correctly) had to literally hold Pelle down when he suddenly wanted to 'go to Transylvania'. The question is: Would someone be able (and willing) to deal with this again and again? He would definitely need psychiatric treatment, but would he accept that? There are so many factors that would make dating Pelle a real challenge. I also believe that he was suffering some sort of perceptual delusion. I won't call it Cotard's syndrome since it is not recognized in the DSM and since we have very little information about it, but my honest opinion is that he might have had something more that just depression and I'm kind of pointing towards Major Depression with Psychotic Features. If you believe something else, that's fine. Everyone does their own research and reaches their own conclusions.

I do think he was sensitive and there would've been room in him to grow positive feelings towards someone, to form a meaningful connection and learn to trust again. In the end, it doesn't matter if he would've had a romantic partner or a best friend, he would've liked to form a bond with another soul, someone who understands him, respects him and is there to stay.

I imagine him as being very honest, capable of showing tenderness, being mindful, quiet, contemplative and trustworthy in a meaningful relationship.

Sorry for my late response, I had an awful weekend.

[who-is-page]

Wag Those Tail Feathers: The Wonders of Alterhuman Courtship

Author: Page Type: Essay Words: 1,065 Summary: Page's perspective on alterhuman courtship, as an individual who has been both on the receiving and giving ends of it.

[Part of the Sol System’s Alterhuman Writing Project for 2024. If you don’t want to see these posts, block the tag #inkedclaws]

As a polyamorous alterhuman, I’ve had the wonderful experience of being in relationships with people who have a variety of different courtship instincts— sometimes even all at the same time! Including my own instincts, it’s led up to some interesting realizations about the variety and diversity of expressions of love, and how wonderful it can be to be loved by an alterhuman (and to be an alterhuman in love, too).

My personal experiences, notably, revolve specifically around being nonhuman and this applies to a majority of my partners as well, which influences the flavor of this discussion. It’s been a wonder to be the target of a feathery mating dance, to be wooed with draconic jewelry and treasures, or to have my partner jump out with a meal, as proud as could be at displaying their hunting skills for a mate. It’s not necessarily just a nonhuman thing, either, of course; my orthohuman partner exhibits some similar sort of feelings and actions, too! Something which comes across especially strong in his hunt-and-gather supply-hoarding behavior in video games. But there’s something so especially intimate about having your alterhuman partner court you in a way unique to their species identity. It’s a beyond flattering form of trust, love, and affection.

And as an alterhuman who has targeted my partners, alterhuman and orthohuman alike, with my own affections, it’s also uniquely affirming to have your partners engage with your varieties of courtship for your species. There’s something incredibly special to have them try to learn your rituals and woo you in turn, even if they don’t have the same instincts driving them. It’s love with intention, a conscious effort to learn a language that’s typically foreign to them or which they might otherwise never come across on such a personal level. It may not always be perfectly executed, but the intentions behind them make them perfect regardless.

I’m someone who’s fully public about my alterhumanity. I don’t hide that I’m a dog and (luckily) no one especially seems to care in the day-to-day when I’m meeting up with strangers and acquantinces. But it’s become an important part of my dating life that potential partners need to not only be aware of my alterhumanity and accept it, but they also need to interact with it. You could argue that my spouse set the bar high for any potential future partners with how he took to my canine-ness and plurality like a fish to water, but I’m of the opinion that it’s something that should be the norm, not something so utterly unexpected by many.

Being able to engage in alterhuman courtship with your partner, as serious or as silly as it may fundamentally end up being, shouldn’t be something that you feel is utterly unreachable, that you yearn for but never feel like you’ll be able to reach. Alterhuman courtship is a wonderous experience; something that I think it’s not only important for alterhuman folks to be able to freely do with those they love most, but also to be on the receiving end of, too. It can be easy to default to the status quo in relationships, because of the societal pressure around us. Normativity around romance, sex, and even platonic affections is something that is constantly at play in the backgrounds of our culture and which embeds itself into our conciousnesses in unexpected and often invisible ways; and it’s difficult to dissect these without exposing ourselves to what some might list as “weird” or “unusual” urges and behaviors. But we can’t unpack the shame or embarrassment that might be holding us back from engaging with these urges unless we actually let ourselves acknowledge the collective, confusing feelings abound within them. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to shrug our shoulders and simply say, “I suppose I’ll never find someone who can accept me as my [species] and all that entails,” or to just resign ourselves to having to hide a part of ourselves away forever to maintain relationships.

We should toss these types of negative feelings aside and embrace our alterhuman courtship urges in earnest: that sometimes we’re not fully human, or we’re human a little to the right, and that inevitably makes romance, sex, and platonic interactions a little different for us than it might look for standard folks as displayed on a big screen. It’s not a failure on our part, and it’s not something that needs to be squirreled away due to internalized respectability politics. We can love ourselves and find love in others, for and by being ourselves. We can experience unique forms of love and adore those factors in others. This is, to me, a part of the territory that comes with being alterhuman or knowing alterhumans. It’s a part of what makes life wonderous.

In my partnerships, I love getting to bring my partners gifts. I love to bring them tiny treasures, small things from my system’s hoard, to pebble at them almost like a penguin would (sometimes including a silly little dance, of love!) It goes beyond standard gift-giving in the way that most of the people I’ve met would think of it, where presents that large are often reserved for special occasions like holidays and birthday. But it’s something I do year-round, to show my partners that they’re always on my mind, and that what is mine is their’s, too. I do the same thing with food; while normally incredibly food protective, both due to species identity and past food insecurities, I make the effort to share my favorite foods with my partners for the same fundamental reasons. To share my food, my bed, my life— and to have my partners recognize that as not just general displays of love, but as specifically displays of love intertwined with what I am, is something which displays a deep level of understanding and acceptance for my species. It’s something I’m grateful for beyond words, but it’s also something that I don’t want us as a community to accept as unheard of, or as just a one-off, lucky occurrence. Love like this is achievable and rewarding, both as a recipient of such alterhuman affections and as the giver. And we all deserve to experience it, in whatever form of love that we feel most comfortable with. Don’t tell yourself otherwise; don’t settle for less just because you feel like you have no other choice.

[starwilliams]

my opinion on the portrayal of the PTSD representation in tlou- as someone who is diagnosed with ptsd.

trigger warning: ptsd, talks of mental health and traumatic events.

i personally think TLOU did a really good job with this. specifically what we would call a ‘ptsd attack’ during the farm.

some triggers can involve loud noises or sudden crashes (like the shovel and barn door) and in my experience, i am transported back to the traumatic experience like it is real. and im living it again, even with some details changing, like how ellie invisioned joel calling out for her, which did not really happen.

i also know there is a scene in the remastered with a boar i believe, and ellie is crawling through a tunnel and sees a skull or something and sees joel? (DO NOTTT quote me on this, as i genuinely am not sure.) but that is also realistic. my trauma involved a corpse of someone i love, and that image can pop up at any time, and it is scary!

i know many people view these scenes as things to make the game more emotional, and even scary. but these things. (even if exaggerated in game) are infact real.

again, yes. i think everybody in the tlou universe no question has trauma of their own. but pstd is different, and shows clearly in ellie. especially during seattle and afterwards.

ellie faced trauma all her life, and losing the man who helped her look past her trauma, was the biggest trauma of all, and she had nobody to stop her.

this theatre scene.

ellie shows vulnerability to dina for the first time since leaving for seattle, dina was ellie’s only real ‘clutch’ at this point. and learning of dina’s pregnancy and jesse’s arrival, wondering if maybe they will be back together, or even head back to jackson with eachother.

everything was so uncertain, ellie thought all she had to do was get revenge and take down all who were present at joel’s murder, but she began to realise it was no longer that easy.

ellie realises how far she’s gone, with torturing nora. and even seems to get maybe nauseous thinking about it? (in left pic, idk. my interpretation.) like how in the first game, ellie exclaims she feels sick after shooting a man.

being unable to draw/do justice to joel’s eyes.

there’s many different interpretations as to why ellie crossed out joel’s eyes, and tried them over and over again.

perhaps she felt she couldn’t get them right?

couldn’t do justice?

or perhaps she couldn’t look at his face, features and all without remembering it being bloodied and battered.

i still struggle to remember my loved ones face after seeing their corpse, and it took a while for the grief and trauma to heal until i remembered them in other ways too.

ellie leaving the place we would deem most peaceful.

even after some form of healing and time, ellie still struggled dearly at the farm. and once tommy had come back to remind her ‘her job was not over’ she felt guilty for feeling even a tinge of contentment in life, without getting joel justice.

het wearing and smelling joel’s jacket, wearing it as she leaves, ready to go on a suicide mission, that would either bring joel justice, or get killed along the way, which maybe she wouldn’t mind so much.

she left her home and family in hopes the voices and memories in her head would finally go quiet.

maybe she resented herself for not being able to move on, like she imagined dina was.

ellie’s acceptance.

as we all saw, ellie knew not to even hope for dina or jj at the house (maybe they reunited before this, maybe not. but this applies either way), she left joel’s guitar behind. she had realised at the beach trauma won’t heal from violence, and chasing after a cure.

sometimes even the happy memories have to be left in the past.

um guys i hope this is okay! likes and reblogs ect would be so appreciated! i wish i mentioned more of ellie’s trauma from p1, maybe another day :)

[deafeningfanlight23]

REAL TALK 😭

BRO, CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON IN THE TSAMS FANDOM??? 😭

DO SOME OF Y'ALL, ONLY SOME DON'T TWIST MY WORDS OR I'M GONNA TWIST YOU 😀 (/j!!), NOT REMEMBER THAT THIS IS ALL FICTION?? THAT THIS IS NOT REAL, JUST A GOOD SHOW ON A PLATFORM THAT EXISTS ON THE INTERNET??? YES, I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS SHOW BUT, LIKE, I STILL LIKE REALITY, TAKE BREAKS, HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY ESPECIALLY AND JUST LIVE MY LIFE, AND DON'T WANNA WASTE MY LIFE SITTING IN MY ROOM WITHOUT ANY GOOD REASON AND JUST SENDING HATE TO PEOPLE THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW JUST BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE SOME ARC OR SOME F*CKING FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT LITERALLY DOESN'T EXIST?? 😭🙏 DO SOME OF YOU NOT HAVE HOBBIES, LIKE HOW ABOUT LITERALLY COOKING SOME FOOD INSTEAD OF THINKING YOU ARE SOME CHOSEN HERO BUT IN REALITY YOU COOK SO BADLY THAT GORDOM RAMSEY FAINTS AND THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE??? 😐 CUZ NAH, YOU'RE NOT A HERO BY LITERALLY DAMAGING SOMEONE'S HEALTH, THAT'S SOME FUNKY WORLD CALLED CYBERBULLYING MY CHILDREN WHICH CAN DESTROY LIVES AND LEAD TO DEPRESSION AND NO IT'S NOT AS GIRLY AS TIKTOK MAKES IT SEEM TO BE 😍 Like for example I know I expressed my ✨complicated✨ relationship with Nexus BUT LIKE THE THING IS: I JUST DON'T LIKE HIS PERSONALITY AND DIDN'T SAY TO SOMEONE THEY SHOULD DIE JUST CUZ THEY LIKE HIM! IT'S SUBJECTIVE :'D AND SO SHOULD IT BE! You can express your opinions CUZ FREEDOM, BUT LIKE Y'ALL FREEDOM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN SEND DEATH THREATS??? 😶 THAT'S WHERE THE FREEDOM STOPS FOR ME, IDC WHAT Y'ALL THINK CUZ FREEDOM IS ONLY GOOD AS LONG AS NO ONE'S HARMED 😭 AND SOME EXPLOIT THIS FREEDOM! SOME OF Y'ALL CAN'T REALIZE THAT THO AND USE IT AS AN EXCUSE 😐 Tbh, I have narcisstic tendencies (Yes I'm a real life anime villain ✨💃 /j) cuz I'm not perfect y'all, I KNOW SHOCKING (Joke :D), BUT SERIOUSLY I'M SHOCKED BY HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE SO ENTITLED LIKE IT'S BLOWING MY MIND AND THROWING IT INTO SPACE???😭 ARE 90% OF THIS FANDOM COCOMELON VIEWERS OR WHY ARE THEY ACTING LIKE INFANTS??? 😭 Cuz as Invisible Davis said that and SPIT THE FACTS AND MADE A DISSTRACK (Damn I AM A RAPPER XD): Y'ALL, WE ARE JUST WATCHING THE SHOW! THEY DON'T OWE US ANYTHING AND VICE VERCA! MIC DROP! WE DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE AND CAN'T JUDGE HOW THEY ARE IN REAL LIFE 😭

And different topic, and yes, it may sound harsh, BUT THERE 👏 DOES 👏 NOT 👏 EXIST 👏 A 👏 FRIENDSHIP 👏 BETWEEN 👏 MOST OF US 👏 AND 👏 THE 👏 VAs! And yes, I say most of us because I don't know ALL of you! And yes, the community and the VAs interact with each other, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE HOMIES WTF?? 😭 A FRIENDSHIP INCLUDES THAT BOTH PEOPLE WITHIN MENTIONED FRIENDSHIP KNOW EACH OTHER BUT EVEN IF WE KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THEM, THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MOST OF US 😭 NO, WE AREN'T BESTIES WITH THEM, AND WE MUST ACCEPT THIS FACT! BECAUSE SOME OF YOU ARE SO PARASOCIAL IT'S INSANE ARE WE IN THE BTS FANDOM??? (/j!)😭 Of course, we should have a healthy relationship or something like that, that's cool, BUT Y'ALL IT'S STILL A RELATIONSHIP BUILT UPON THE TWO ROLES OF CONSUMERS AND PROVIDERS, AND WE ARE THE ONES CONSUMING THE SHOW AND THEY ARE THE ONES PROVIDING THE SHOW 😭 Seriously, LIKE I DON'T SEE THE HUMAN EVOLUTION, I SOMETIMES THINK WE ARE STUCK IN THE STONE AGE AND WE'RE ALL JUST SMALL BABIES FRESH OUT OF THE WOMB WHO PLAY ADULTS😭🙏

LIKE Y'ALL EDUCATION SYSTEM FAILED SOME OF US 😐

But again, IT'S NOT DIRECTED TO ALL OF YOU! Some of y'all are the sweetest people and so nice and I'm sending fist-bumps to y'all, BUT SOME OF Y'ALL SHOULD REALLY LISTEN TO WHAT I JUST SAID 😃✋

[yousaucygirl]

Hi, hello, here's my rant about Invisible Snufkin because Moomin has been the only thing on my mind and I have problems.

So I personally see the merit in it, especially after the 2019 series. In the most recent adaptation (which is so GOOD in my opinion), Snufkin seems to ride this line between having his space and straight up isolating himself. My main point of evidence for it is Season 1 episode 2, The Spring Tune. In this episode, Snufkin first acknowledges how alone he feels, and then states that he must be ill. This to me means that he's crossing from that place of solitude into something cold and lonely (same, Snufkin). The dream is probably the biggest point for me, as it straight up explains that he's scared of being forgotten. Throughout the entire series, this personal battle Snufkin has is hinted at. I mean, in The Invisible Child it's quite literally said that he's one of the lost souls during Too-Ticky's talk with Moomintroll (that scene STILL has me screaming). Someone can turn Invisible for a number of reasons. Ninny turned Invisible because she was made to feel that way, but I think if Snufkin were to canonically turn invisible, it'd be because of more personal struggles. I'd honestly love to see it at some point, I can just picture the change in relationship dynamics. If you read my rant, thanks! I just need to get it out because this has been the only thing in my brain.

[fenicenera83]

Do you think that Marius prefers Lestat in every way? He always seems to choose him over Armand. It feels like Marius has a bit of a lack of respect for Armand. Do you believe that Marius loves Lestat more?

I think it is fair to start with a premise, namely, that my personal opinion is that Lestat, somehow, especially in the last trilogy, has been elevated by Anne to the universally most beloved character of any vampire, regardless. Probably because Lestat has always been her favorite character, and also because it is through his voice, more so, that Anne has told the vampire chronicles. I think Lestat is somehow the platonic love of all the other vampires, because for Anne, they all had to love him immensely. And I would like to point out another thing as well, love, at least for me, in the chronicles is an immense term. It is not simple romantic love, or simple ship, or sexual attraction. What I see now often in fandom is this, and personally I find it mortifying and reductive. I find all this animosity aimed at showing how one character loves this character or this character more absurd. It is childish and not appropriate behavior in a lore like the vampire chronicles. The love in the chronicles, I repeat, is immense, and it embraces an infinite if not all types of love that human beings experience in their lives.

From romantic love, to brotherly love, to friendship love, or love that can be turned to a father figure or mentor, etc., and in addition, the love of these characters changes, expands, evolves, transforms, and never stays still. It is constantly changing, sometimes it detaches, although it remains strong and alive in the hearts of the characters, sometimes it remains and is experienced with more or less intensity, but it remains. Love in the chronicles always remains in the hearts of the characters even when it changes. Having said that, I think they are two extremely different relationships between Marius and Lestat and Marius and Armand. The first thing that comes to my mind is that I personally believe that Marius sees a lot of his younger self in Lestat. Marius and Lestat have always had a very similar view of the world, about humans and their relationship with them, about posing positively toward the world and life, they are kindred minds. I could even be presumptuous and say that Lestat is a little bit of a young Marius, we know that as a human Marius was prone to adventure, to searching, his was a wandering heart, full of questions and constantly searching for answers. Just like Lestat.

With the only big difference being that Marius has always been his own teacher, open and critical always willing to confront and question thinking. And I think here is one of the important points. Lestat seeks Marius because he wants answers, we could say that he seeks him fervently, almost maniacally, with determination and innocence at the same time. Lestat sees in Marius something to aspire to, something he can "lean on," something in which he can find peace in his wandering. As I said, it is a strong and love-filled relationship, Lestat loves Marius unconditionally, but their love is that of a son choosing a father, and of a father who is alone and defeated, and is moved by the ardor of this young vampire. And I would also like to point out, it is not exactly true that Marius is always ready to help or choose Lestat, in "The tale of the Body Thief" Marius decides not to help Lestat, he tries to make Lestat realize that he has gone too far, that he has pulled too far.

I would also like to say that in my opinion Lestat and Marius also share, unfortunately, the trauma that Akasha generated in both of them. They are traumas of different nature, but Akasha, she has somehow traumatized both of them. Akasha, she has always been evil, she is a villain, she is cruel and ruthless, and both Marius and Lestat have been confronted with Akasha's evilness. It's another commonality that somehow like an invisible thread, binds them, and brings them closer together.

On the other side Armand, it is a different story. Meanwhile, I think it is fundamental that Armand is the choosen fledgling of Marius. The one and only one that, Marius ever chose, the only one that he desired and for whom he fought himself, because he did not want to deprive him of his mortal life, because Akasha did not want Armand around, because Marius did not want to turn him so young, the thousand why all indiscriminately killed by an immense and indestructible love, on both sides precise, just for clarity.

I don't think any other relationship in the chronicles has the intense and burning passion the religious ardor of adoration and need for belonging that there is between Marius and Armand. I don't have any other way to talk about the two of them, they belong to each other, they both carried the ghost of the other inside for centuries, and they accepted that ghost as long as they didn't give up their love. Armand has a way of confronting Marius that no one else possesses. Armand knows very well Marius' limits, and Marius knows very well Armand's need to challenge him, in various ways, and with various results…which in the end are always pleasant I might add ;). Marius is everything to Armand, father, master, lover, creator, savior, guide, Marius is the reason why Armand accepts and wants immortality. And Armand is everything to Marius, son, disciple, lover, the one who was chosen, the precious love who saw him and longed for him and loved him with a human heart, and who saw the immortal creature and did not take a step back, on the contrary offered himself with even more love to him. I don't think Marius disrespects Armand, on the contrary, it is precisely because Marius appreciates and esteems Armand's mind and heart that he pushes him to study to understand to ask questions.Pushes him to confrontation, to growth through confrontation.

And finally, no, I don't think Marius loves Lestat more than Armand, I think he loves him differently, I think each of them loves the others differently, and I don't think there is a more or less. But instead, I think it is perhaps much more intense and in some ways even funny, how both Lestat and Armand love Marius in such a deep and dedicated way. And I find it beautiful that in the last trilogy Armand compares Lestat on this. It's a crossroads between the two of them this love that they have for Marius. It was one of the most beautiful things to see how Armand is jealous of Marius and that generates this strange love/hate relationship with Lestat.

In the end as I said at the beginning, love, whatever kind it is, is one of the wonderful constants in the chronicles. It is a little like watching a wave, the love in the chronicles comes and goes, but the sand remains wet from that wave, as the soul of these characters from love, and as that wet sand waits for the wave to return, so is love for Anne Rice vampires.

Thank you for the ask!

[velvetvexations]

i feel really selfish saying this, but i really wish there were more general trans movies with characters who aren't trans women. like, i'm really glad that they're there and there should be more, but on the other hand, its kinda all thats there? obviously there ARE movies like this, but 9 times out of 10 when there's a recommendation to go see a trans movie, its either a trans women or a character heavily implied to be a trans women there. and i'm really glad those movies are there! but i'd just wish there could be a big discussion about movie and there would be a trans man or a nonbinary person representing the community.

(this also goes for other types of media too)

i sent an ask complaining about how the majority of trans movies that the community talks mainly show trans women and i wanna take that back cause a lot of those media are shitty towards trans women. i dont think its fair to complain about that when those media are awful towards trans women. i apologize

anon of the trans ppl in media asks you can publish them! i retracted it cause im kinda emotional rn and i couldn't really remember if i was being fair or shitty

I think what you're forgetting, anon, is that while trans women are depicted badly in a lot of places - less so over the years, people mainly reference things from the previous century - there's still way more positive transfem rep than there is of anything for transmascs, and that doesn't mean transfems have it better, but as always hyper-visibility and invisibility are two sides of the same coin. It's okay for invisibility to not feel good. There should indeed be more media about transmascs.

Now I'm finally doing that. This year I made my first ever hand sewn cosplay. There are definitely mistakes, but it's pretty sturdy and I can't express the sheer sense of pride I got from wearing something I sewed myself. There are some things I wanna tweak on it, like I must have made a mistake when measuring the waistband because it's WAY too thick. But it's functional, it's accurate, and it even has a zipper! It was expensive because of course for my first ever sewing project I picked a character with a pleated skirt (you need 3x your waist in fabric and im fat which definitely adds up lmao, plus i got the fabric custom printed from a print-on-demand company) and the pleats took forever to do. But I'm so so so proud of it. I'm looking into armor crafting with EVA foam for a future cosplay, and it's intimidating but I'm really excited at the idea of working with it. I've seen so many amazing armor sets and props made with EVA foam and I can't wait to make my own. I'm thinking I'm gonna cosplay Maple from BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, So I'll Max Out My Defense.. Then again, that might be jumping off straight into the deep end again like I did for the last cosplay since she has a GIANT shield. At least I'm sticking to her main outfit, not the one with giant angel wings lmao. I may have watched several videos on wing crafting but even I'm not brazen (or stupid) enough to try making those for only my second real cosplay lmao. Anyway this has been your regularly unscheduled cosplay info dump. Thank you for tuning in, we'll see you next time!

Ambitious! I hope it all turns out great, it sounds like a lot of big projects to have on one's plate.

My opinions are a lot more nuanced than most takes on 'shipcourse' that ive seen, but I've gathered that im generally included when people say 'proshippers dni' based on how people define it in said dnis. I'm not gonna purposefully interact with someone who obviously doesn't want me there. But that makes it frustratingly difficult to find people to follow who also believe in things like transandrophobia. It happens all too often that I find someone with great takes and go to follow them, then see that they have a dni that includes me. It especially sucks when all the other things in the dni are things like "racist" and "transphobic". I'm sorry, but I just can't see having a nuanced opinion on fiction as being on the same level as being a bigot towards others. It sucks to be put on the same level as actively hateful people because I have concerns about the normalization of censorship. I believe that when you open the doors to censoring media because of morals, you set the groundwork for things like the Hays Code. Censorship has always been disproportionately used to silence marginalized groups. I just can't get behind that, no matter how 'noble' the intentions behind it might be.

If it helps any, I'm also what one would call a pro-shipper but find the word itself beneath my dignity because I think it's ridiculous it's an argument in the first place.

[greenerteacups]

I think I've seen you mention in previous asks that you didn't really like aspects (or possibly the whole thing) of DH. I'm curious if you could expound more on that? Was it the horcrux hunting? The hallows themselves? Did you think the final battle came too quickly? What did you want to see when you read it the first time? And looking back as an adult what ways do you think DH should have been altered?

I've always found DH has too many plot holes.... Almost like it tried to wrap itself up too quickly. When I was reading the books as a kid I actually thought there'd be more than 7 books. Like there'd be a least one more since the war began and ended rather quickly when the first wizarding war seemed to go on for years.

To make a long story short, I don't like DH because it's not a war story, and Books 5 and 6 read like the setups for a war story. They are books packed with espionage and spycraft, flareups of violence, and are simmering with tension. In contrast, most of DH is spent camping in a forest, far away from anywhere that the Death Eaters or the main battle could have been. The Order has vanishingly little to do and the friends that we spent the last 6 books making and learning to care about vanish until the last act, where half of them die in a big battle that only happens because Harry needs to find the last horcrux.

And the thing is, horcruxes are a great plot mechanic for the final book, because they give you discrete milestones that count down to the final battle. They also clearly establish why you can't just rock up and fight Voldemort the old-fashioned way, i.e., why the Order needs to run defense for most of the book. What they don't explain is why the Order isn't then a much bigger part of the horcrux hunt, because by all accounts, Harry's first move should be to tell them what's up with Voldemort and how they can help, including — especially!— if Harry and the Trio happen to die, in which case the only knowledge of how to kill Voldemort would die with him. This is the nightmare scenario, and I cannot think of a counterfactual risk attached to telling the Order that would outweigh the danger of this happening. But I could honestly tolerate plot holes if it weren't for the thematic problem — if the story is about love and familial sacrifice, why do we spend 75% of the last book completely disconnected from the found-family that Harry built? Why are the Weasleys gone? Where is Ginny? Where is Molly? Where is Lupin?

The book really should have been called "Harry Potter and the Last Horcrux," in my opinion. The Hallows are red herrings, and they're used more as excuses to set up nice scenes/moments than they ever are as mechanics that fully integrate into the world. The ring gives Harry the ability to talk to his parents before the final sacrifice, which is a nice touch, and it explains why his Invisibility Cloak is so OP, but (and I've complainted about this before, but TLDR) the Elder Wand stuff makes no sense except as a buff for Harry in the final battle to explain how he beats Voldemort in a 1v1. Which, fine, but it opens up more questions than it ties off: how does it work? What does this mean for wand ownership? Is it actually possible for a wand to be "unbeatable"? Also, why do wands respond to fucking monkey-in-the-middle rules? If you hand your wand to someone, does that count as disarming? Etc., etc. And it also weakens the final battle of the series, which should be about Harry as a person triumphing over Voldemort because he was capable of doing something Voldemort never could, i.e., fully and willingly sacrificing himself for another person (or people). You have a soft magic system! You don't need to invent these weird rules of wand ownership to give Harry the W here! There's so much more that could have been done with this!

So. To leave a long story long, I was disappointed with Deathly Hallows. It wasn't bad, in that there were no decisions I thought were galling or egregious breaks with someone's character, and nothing happened that ruined what came before; but there was a ton of missed potential, and that's why I still kvetch about it all these years later.

[mrbubblyurchin]

My thoughts on Imperial Commando and Republic Commando as a whole

RC

So, I started and finished Imperial Commando on an eight hour plane ride last night. This means I am done with the series overall and this will be me going over it and the characters. But let’s discuss my thoughts on this book first

Needless to say, I was disappointed. It’s not that it was bad or anything, it just wasn’t as good as Order 66 in my opinion, and, of course, even though it’s the last book of the series, the series was left incomplete, leaving me a bit disappointed in the end.

The author obviously planned on writing more Republic Commando books after this one, with how the Jusik and Arla plot line was set up, how the age reversing was going, and how Darman planned to kill the Jedi, but obviously, the sequel was never made, and thus, the overall story feels incomplete. But, enough about that. Let’s talk about RC as a whole.

Oh, and I’ll be completely omitting Karen Traviss from this conversation. She as a person has nothing to do with the plot or characters, which are the things I will be judging today. If you have a problem with me talking about the actual book and not ranting about the author who wrote it, then too bad. 

Let’s start off at the beginning. With Omega. Omega Squad was definitely a pleasant surprise for me. I enjoyed each of their characters and liked how most of them found peace in the end. That being said, I do have some notes.

The biggest is Atin. I feel like after Triple Zero he kind of fell into the background besides when he married Laseema in Order 66. (And his relationship with her fell into the background as well) And he felt practically invisible in Imperial Commando. And I get why Niner and Dar were more in focus for that story, but it would’ve been nice to see some Atin. Also, he’s he only OG Omega member who’s POV we never got to see. 

Next up, Niner. Niner got two POV’s in the series, in both the first and last books. And those books were where I enjoyed him the best. Niner was a solid leader for the squad, and was loyal to them through and through, especially in his friendship with Darman. He didn’t fade as much as Atin, but I still wish he had been a little more prevalent throughout the series.

Then we have Fi. Fi is my favorite from the squad still, and I love seeing him whenever he appears. His one liners are great, and to be honest, he’s kind of the opposite of Niner here. He was very prevalent for books 2-4, but fell into the background in the first and last book. He still appeared more than Atin in book 5, but I barely recall even seeing Parja. (Which was sad cuz I loved the two of them together)

The last of the OG Omega, Darman. Dar is definitely a strong character, and he has a very heavy theme of being used, manipulated, and lied to throughout the books. By the Kaminoans, the Jedi, and even Kal, Etain, and Niner at times! His mental resolve to protect Kad at all costs is what is barely keeping him together after Etain died, and while he does resolve to hunt Jedi at the end of the book, it’s a nice full circle moment to see that while Darman thought his one true purpose at the beginning of the series was to be a soldier, he now sees he was destined for a greater one all along. Being a father. 

Next let’s move on to Ordo, Corr, the Jedi, and Mandos. We got a LOT to cover here.

Ordo- Ordo is definitely one of my favorites. Him and Besany are cute and great and I love both of them. I like all the moments he gets throughout the series. However, I do think he was focused on a little too heavily. While I do wish some of the other Nulls like Jaing, Prudii, or Kom’rk had been given some time to shine, I still loved Ordo and I think he’s great. (That being said, I will be omitting the rest of the Nulls because I really only know enough to talk about Mereel and A’den for a couple sentences)

Corr- A really sarcastic, witty, and funny guy that did not deserve what he got. Losing both of his hands was tragic, but, with lost flesh, he gained a new family in Clan Skirata. He was a nice addition to Omega after Fi had to leave, and I liked him a lot. (He and Jilka were pretty cute in book 5)

Etain- So… Etain. I like her, I really do. But sometimes, there are some choices that I cannot get behind. (Like how she purposefully went behind Dar’s back to get pregnant in Triple Zero) But even still, she is a good person, and she just wanted to be a good mother to Kad and live a happy life with Darman, and she didn’t deserve to meet the end she got.

Bardan- An all around solid character. I liked his development from bright eyed Padawan to rugged ex Jedi Mandalorian, and I think his sense of responsibility to Clan Skirata and also to Kad is very important. He made sure to put others before himself no matter the consequences, a quality with several others lack. 

Walon- A hardened Mando bounty Hunter with good intentions at heart. (Probably). I mean, he did save Jilka, lend Kal credits, and he also did try to find Sev. He cares. Even if it is in his own twisted way sometimes. (Still, what he did to Atin was brutal)

Besany- Love her. Since the beginning, she was all about standing up for the clones and their rights. She cared about them as people and not as property, and she saw their differences as well, and what made them unique, and she really does love Ordo, and I think the two of them are very sweet.

Kal- Oh boy. Here we go. I know I’m gonna get hate for this. Here I go. Brace yourselves. If you need tissues to cry, grab them. 

I like Kal Skirata.

…

…

…

Okay. I’ll continue. I am not going to say I agree with him on everything, and I’m not going to pretend he is a saint or anything. But I like his character. He cares about his family, and he does make mistakes. Everybody does. The problem is everybody has gotten so used to pointing out Kal’s every mistake that they refuse to acknowledge anything he did right. And guess what? Kal makes mistakes. He’s flawed. He’s not perfect. And that’s the point. Characters are flawed. People are flawed. They aren’t perfect. And neither is Kal. And HE ADMITS THAT IN BOOK 5. In fact, NY ADMITS IT TOO! She acknowledges that Kal taking over the Nulls and not seeing the similarities to the Jedi taking children is arrogant! She acknowledges that! And Kal acknowledges that and his flaws later in the book! Kal is arrogant, yes, but he sees that! He knows it! So before you go around saying how Kal thinks he is some saint god or whatever. He doesn’t. And there is proof of that in the books.

So, uhh, yeah. Overall, I think the Republic Commando series was good. There were some things that definitely could have been improved upon, but I liked it. I liked the story, and I liked the characters, so yeah.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[caslyra]

the scars appeared in visual media because it's a visual shorthand. what makes remus distinctive in the books would make him look like he's 60 in a visual medium because that's the language that has been formed. there's a contradictory nature to his appearence that doesn't translate easily to image. scars are actually hard enough to balance correctly on their own: one extra line can add years to a character's age. i think the difference between mediums should be taken into account when complaining about other people's works: we may not always understand why certain decisions are made, but it's better to approach people humbly and with the awareness that they might know what they're doing by changing the source material.

Okay, firstly - I'm sorry if I hurt you or anyone else. That's never my intention. And believe me, I don't think I'm superior to any single creator out there. The mere thought made me laugh because, frankly, it's quite the opposite.

What bugs me about scarred Remus is that it's simply everywhere because to me there are good reasons against scarred Remus.

But of course not every creator is the same (that goes without saying, right?) and as I have said in the tag I have both read great fanfiction featuring scarred Remus and seen great fan art showing scarred Remus. And I get what you're saying... Especially since I am absolutely talent-free when it comes to drawing. I believe that it's very hard to capture his illness without the scars. But - and that's just my personal opinion - I still prefer Remus without visible scars, even in visual media. Because - as I have tried to lay out - I think it's important that it is an invisible condition - for many reasons. Not completely invisible, of course, because he looks sick. But I think it's important that there are no signs that hint at 'werewolf' that obviously because ... (I don't want to repeat myself, so... yeah). And that point is so important to me that it still holds for visual media - at least for me. Even if it's hard to capture the other aspects of his condition.

It's a matter of perspective and of what you want to show. And the things I laid out don't have to be so important to you as they are to me - or maybe you don't agree with me at all which is also fine. But I can still be annoyed to be confronted with scarred Remus everywhere.

But we can disagree, right? And believe me, there are some things where I digress from canon even without 'good reason'. Sirius's hair for example. I'm perfectly aware that he had most definitely short hair throughout his teenage years, because he had short hair in the order photograph in 1981 and he cuts his hair in GoF before it grows again in OotP. The long hair is meant to mirror his mental state. It's a depression look or at least a look of neglect. Still I see him long-haired in my head...

[weirdmageddon]

long meditation on jade and dave's relationship - part 1

here's a three-part heavy homestuck meta. took me about 3 days to scrobble together and format and everything

part 2 part 3 cooking

i apologize in advance for the disorganization of my thoughts. after writing it i realized this is probably one of the clearest glances into how my mind thinks associatively so everything relates in some way to something else in here. the foundations for my thoughts might be invisible to others because they can’t see the connections ive built upon but you can probably see them here, and that strong foundation is also why i care so much about them and why i chose to lay it all out. sometimes i feel like i have Got to get this tangled associative web out of my head and into some form of writing so other people can be like, “oh so This is why you have so much to say” and can just. see into my head and where it all comes from for me. people have expressed interest and the general opinion tends to be that people like hearing my thoughts a lot so yeah. pov you are in my brainwebs. seatbelts everyone get on the magic school bus in that bitch

some time ago i saw this post i saw as i was going through florals jade tag again. my homestuck hyperfixation flared up again and ive been hyperfocused on dave and jade and particular just absolutely entering these monotropic black holes over them and turning them around at different angles and looking at discussions and what people thought both now and in the past and now that im older i can appreciate them even more. ive always been a fan of dave and jade both, but i cant even lie dave has my whole heart so maybe im biased as well. but i like to believe that regardless of my liking for dave and interest in not even x-ray scanning him just straight up 3D mri scanning him and rotating him in my head that my argument is still very reasonable. i just understand his psychology a lot

i want to preface this by saying i absolutely love floral and im so glad she’s on the hsbc team because i know she can do jade harley justice. one of the best jadesters fr. we all come into media analysis with different personal experiences and perspectives, and i understand this was from her perspective as someone who had run ins with dumb boys and relates a lot to jade which is why she can put so much love into her <3 i just found myself disagreeing with some of the arguments that she presented in that post just as a peer who also read the comic from my own perspective. keep in mind i also love jade to bits and want the best for her

so yea this isn’t a targeted post at all. it just got the juices flowing and inspired me to actually write my pre-existing thoughts down and i used it as a springboard for them

i think it ended up being pretty insightful overall especially because i was stoned as fuck writing it and ive come to realize being stoned amplifies and improves the output of my deeply inwardly associative thought processes tenfold. or maybe weed just changes how significant it feels. maybe a little of both

part 1: on using davesprite as a basis for interpreting jade's relationship with all daves

i love what hussie does with alternate versions of characters and. it’s one of the coolest things about homestuck’s characterization. like floral quoted:

… we see that Jack is a simple man, no matter what name he goes by. He is, if not much else (and he’s not), impatient and violent. We only got the briefest glimpse into these qualities when we were first introduced to him on Derse. But now we get to spend much more time with him, albeit in the form of a completely different character. This is another bit of sneaky utility provided by this intermission tangent. It serves as an arc to help indirectly characterize the villain of the early acts. Having multiple copies of a character operating in totally different circumstances turns out to be a great stealth characterization tactic, and it gets used much more aggressively later in the story. In fact, it proves to be inseparable from one of the story’s most essential themes. (Hussie’s Intermission commentary)

so i agree in principle and think the alt self thing is fucking brilliant

however, i disagree with the argument it’s supporting.

So, not the same character, but if switched, I would go out on a limb and say that Dave would experience all the same issues as Davesprite did, but without the “bird” part acting as an easy explanation. That doesn’t make Dave responsible but it does speak volumes to how their personalities respond to each other, insinuates that a relationship involving any Dave would end badly for Jade and that “Real” Dave indeed has Some Issues To Deal With.

i don't agree that dave and davesprite should be compared in this context. yes they are splinters of the same character and floral is right on the money in that canon deflecting the relationship failing on "bird issues" doesn't really explain anything meaningful, but i do not think its the case that all of jade’s relationships with dave are doomed to fail because of what we saw with jade and davesprite.

yes, if switched, dave strider would be practically identical to davesprite since they were the same exact person until a branch in the timeline

however, it's the unique things davesprite has been through that made him like this. davesprite has baggage that dave doesn't. a timeline where john was tricked into fighting his denizen early and died and jade couldn't get in on time and was presumably wiped out dinosaur style on earth. with alt future dave's year-worth of knowledge, gear, loot, and experience, he rescinded his player status and "realness" as a human person to be a game guide for his naive past self right before the timeline split in order for himself and his friends to continue existing.

that would mess anyone up mentally. it's no wonder he's jaded, no pun intended. he's depressed as shit and bitter and probably has trauma issues unrelated to his bro, though they do compound on it. yes they both experienced bro's abuse but i'm talking about the differences between alpha timeline dave and davesprite; right now im not going to talk about things that are the same about them prior to the timeline split because it applies to them both so it's redundant.

essentially what's setting them apart is their experiences playing sburb, their chronological age (alt future dave/davesprite had been making timeloops over a span of four months and he says that in total the time from his chronological perspective is close to a YEAR in sburb grinding shit out before he goes back), their relationship to their friends and how their friends see them and how they see themselves, their ontological natures as beings, what their purposes are.

davesprite had his ontological status as a person and purpose changed. he assumed he'd be the one playing and doing important main shit in the alpha timeline with all his friends but then it turns out that wasn't the case due to the events that went down in his timeline. and becoming a sprite solidly changed his degree of existence. davesprite's best friend john asking if he can talk to "the real dave" is when i think he realized just how fucked up his existence as a person has become despite him doing pretty much everything for everyone for nearly a YEAR before the alpha timeline was even able to get properly started. if davesprite didn’t exist, nobody would have (john needed to live to do ectobiology). davesprite knew this and weaponized it against john who john treated as a secondary, lesser dave. so of course he’s kind of an asshole. it’s like his efforts and sacrifices meant squat to the people he considered his best friends because they didn’t experience it. to john he just suddenly appeared from the future and became a sprite.

this is heavy shit for davesprite that alpha timeline dave does NOT have to go through and it did change him in ways that cannot be said about alpha timeline dave. this is not a universal dave experience. so while it’s true that dave has the capacity of act like davesprite under those exact circumstances, alpha timeline dave didn’t undergo those that led to davesprite’s more miserable traits. therefore i don’t think it’s fair to conflate jade’s failed relationship with davesprite in particular as informing of how most of jade and dave’s relationships would unfold, because davesprite has been in exceptionally tragic circumstances, coming to terms with the state of his own existence. the last thing davesprite needs is romance. alpha timeline dave does not carry this burden.

Everyone believed that what was creating the dissonance wasn’t a central part to Dave’s character but an aftereffect of Bird Syndrome. Which you can’t blame them for because there’s nothing that would lead them to think differently. Every character besides Dirk is completely in the dark about Bro’s abuse and Dave stated he’d probably never tell any of the Betas. Which is fine, no one’s owed to know somebody’s baggage. But when you don’t give people a means to understand what you’re going through, especially when it leads you to hurt them, its only inevitable everyone’s going to be confused and going to come to conclusions using what they do know.

rebuttal to this: as i said earlier i don’t buy the whole bird issues thing and i get the handwaviness about being fused with a bird being john’s explanation for davesprite’s bullshittery. however i think it’s important to mention that john and jade both question if becoming a sprite might have had something to do with his change.

being fused with a bird never bothered him, as jade says. it was all the other baggage that came with the prototyping.

this includes playing the game for way longer than anyone else and mindlessly grinding from the ground up for about a year, then turning himself into a game construct and having his ontological level of existence as the platonic ideal form of dave strider lowered in the eyes of his friends.

JOHN: like what? JADE: its hard to explain JADE: just some slight differences in personality i guess JOHN: he still raps sometimes. JADE: yes... JADE: so? JOHN: i just thought i would mention that. JADE: ok i will admit i cant really tell if his rapping style has changed JOHN: trust me, it hasn't. JADE: i dont know if the differences are because he is a sprite JADE: or because he lived for a while in a different timeline... (p.4733)

JOHN: why is he such a basket case? he's like regular dave, but like, aloof enigma edition. JOHN: maybe it's because he's part bird? i think becoming a bird and a sprite did something weird to him. JADE: i dont think being a bird ever bothered him JADE: like i said... its all more complicated than that JOHN: normal dave was so much more level headed. JOHN: i have to admit, i spend a lot of time wondering what he and rose are up to. JADE: me too JOHN: ehh... JOHN: maybe it's for the best he broke up with you. JADE: why? JOHN: well, what kind of future do you think you would have with him? JOHN: he's a sprite. like really, what even is a sprite? how long do they live? will he still be around if we win the new game we are allegedly trying to get to? JADE: i dont know (p.5294)

as for the bro abuse thing, i can’t tell if floral’s position here is that davesprite is fucked up and had a failed relationship with jade because of bro’s abuse, and that dave would also necessarily have failed relationships with jade because he had the same experiences and also doesn’t tell anybody? the wording there is kind of vague and can be interpreted in different ways but that’s how i interpreted it.

they are right that bro’s abuse is something dave keeps to himself. but remember that dave has also deluded himself about it to cope. he doesn’t know what to think of it himself. both alpha timeline dave and davesprite have this baggage, but we explore it more with alpha timeline dave.

i know dave said in the post-retcon timeline when having a conversation with dirk that he could never tell karkat all of this or any of the betas about his abuse. but i still find this pesterlog interesting and i want to put a spotlight on it. even while dave was still chugging that copium, jade was the person he was closest to opening up about the nature of his relationship to his bro at this point. remember this is quite early on in the comic and he didn’t have 3 years on the meteor to contemplate it yet when he said this to her, his bro had just died at this point

GG: anyway dave im really sorry about your bro/dad GG: you were pretty close with him right? TG: meh it was a pretty bizarre relationship by any standard TG: fightin off wave after wave of face pumicing puppet ass every day TG: always being on guard for stealth attacks in the middle of the night while getting up to go to the fucking bathroom GG: heheh TG: but i guess it all sorta amounted to some vague unspoken semblance of kinship TG: if thats a thing TG: like if honor among thieves is something then lets call it camaraderie among ironic rapping roof ninjas TG: but thanks GG: sure TG: i thought about taking his sword TG: when i was there TG: but i couldnt TG: couldnt really bring myself to try to pull it out it was too weird GG: dave we have to stop him!!!!! TG: what GG: jack! GG: he shouldnt get away with this TG: you think (p.3204)

even if he’s in denial about it, deciding to point out the positivity he can rationalize about it to avoid spending too much time thinking deeply about it (it makes him uncomfortable), he’s getting closer to acknowledging the truth here that shit wasn’t normal, about it being “bizarre” and you can tell hes being genuine here when he thanks jade for her concern about his loss

dave then continues talking about his thoughts/feelings on the situation after jade says “sure”, as if he took her concern as an invite to open up about his thoughts even when it’s something vulnerable for him that he tried putting on false bravado in front of terezi about. jade then abruptly changes topic to what’s to be practically done about these tragedies—dave was still on the topic of his bro and she changed the topic to jack noir without clarifying, hence he goes “what”

this is interesting because terezi tried to get something out of him about this and was met by riddly puzzlecock and false bravado but he’s pretty straight up about his current feelings with jade. basically it really depends on the person dave is talking to.

in this specific argument, floral approaches grimbark jade solely from the position of her being uninhibited which is true in many ways, but grimbark jade is also quite nefarious and not in her right mind. i think that even if jade were unihibited and spoke her mind, she wouldn’t have it in her push the mayor into lava to get dave to fight her. thats the evil. floral does acknowledge this in a separate post though, but it’s not really touched on in her argument im discussing. i also want to reiterate that even though it might seem like im violently ripping this post limb from limb its really just something to bounce my pre-existing thoughts off of. this is all written with civility towards and respect for floral

even roxy says something about this—that the schtick doesnt suit her. like it doesnt feel like something she’d have the natural capacity to really be without some external influence

ROXY: so alt grannydaughter english ROXY: whyre u part dog + evil lookin JADE: DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!! ROXY: what JADE: my surname is harley not english JADE: but you may refer to me as jade, or ma'am if you are feeling especially nervous and deferential JADE: which as it turns out is the way you should be feeling about me, ALWAYS >:B ROXY: LOL!!! JADE: lol WHAT ROXY: jade i am in no way buying that ur normally this pompous and tyrannical ROXY: the shtick rly doesnt suit you its so obvious (p.6291)

so i don’t think everything jade says here should be taken to heart about her real feelings or how she would express them if she was being genuine as her normal self. we know jade can get mad but i think we’re giving her evil possession a little too much credit

that’s why i was personally disappointed in grimbark jade when homestuck was ongoing, is it felt like it didnt really give us anything? it was like empty calories while just waiting for the regular jade to come back which she never did. it is interesting to look at in retrospect to see if there’s anything there but…grimbark jade isn't exactly a reliable narrator. i guess none of them are but like, especially not grimbark jade. if i can’t separate what’s genuinely jade under this mess from what isn’t then what’s the point?

like for example this was left out of floral’s argument when showing this part, but in the comic grimbark jade tells dave that he’s “more messed up inside than davesprite” …. right after dave wouldnt comply with her demands to fight her and doesnt want to fight lord english. that’s…not really telling about anything at all for either of them. jade is evil and if things dont go the way she’s programmed to get them to go she’s gonna flip her lid. this is what i mean about her not being in her right mind

JADE: the fact is youre going to have to rely on those powers if you want to stand any chance against a lord of time JADE: it is safe to expect he can only be challenged by someone with a similar command over the aspect DAVE: why is that safe to expect DAVE: where are all these presumptions coming from DAVE: if you can use swords why dont you take the welsh cueball sword and fight him yourself DAVE: i bet you could fuck him up DAVE: youre probably even more extra strong now that youve succumbed to the bark side DAVE: did you ever think about that JADE: dave i am perfectly aware of the awesome powers granted to me by the bark side JADE: it does not matter JADE: i cant be the one to wield your sword against english JADE: it has to be you JADE: it is the will of the empress, and thats final DAVE: the empress can suck it DAVE: i have no intention of fighting him DAVE: and this isnt even me pulling more lame self aware reluctant hero junk DAVE: i am just straight up not going to do it DAVE: see thats not reluctance its just petulant refusal on my part DAVE: reluctant hero shit is when the guys like aw shucks i dunno if i wanna but deep down we all know he really does DAVE: but i really dont DAVE: why should i DAVE: i dont give a damn about lord english or his nebulous atrocities out in nowherespace DAVE: what kind of villain is someone you never met who hardly did anything evil to you or your friends directly DAVE: or even to anyone in your universe for that matter other than through some vague insidious influence DAVE: who even is this guy and why should i hate him DAVE: am i really supposed to be pissed off at a green muscle monster i never met DAVE: cause i aint pissed off at no muscle monster DAVE: hell wasnt he in some ass backwards way responsible for us existing in the first place? DAVE: or all of humanity for that matter?? DAVE: maybe i should thank him before chopping him up via welshscalibur JADE: jeez you sure have some issues JADE: honestly it has become very tiresome listening to this sort of thing JADE: i thought davesprite had problems JADE: his issues i could kind of understand JADE: i thought you might be different, being the alpha dave and all JADE: but no JADE: you might be even more messed up inside than he was! DAVE: what DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this (p.6385 / 6386)

part 2

[mischas]

Do you think The OC aged well?

I am probably the last person to pose this question to, lol. I guess it depends on the individual and what they want out of their media. I've never been able to ignore how this show hated its female lead character and it's been apparent to me this year more than ever that it stemmed from their mistreatment of their female lead actress. I am unable to ever separate the two now, and I reckon we still only know like 5% of the shit that went down on that set 20 years ago.

I think a show that consistently tortures its female lead without recompense is sick, especially one that purports itself to be about family and friendship and love. It's extremely obvious when writers have hate boners for specific female characters. So that does not age well to me and Marissa is 95% of what I care about when it comes to this show. I'm not impressed with hardly any female rep here either. That also comes from my preferences. I think arguments could be made about Julie/Summer/TT but I respectfully don't feel like sharing my opinions about the trajectory of all that. I think Kirsten is a great example of what ~can~ be done with a character and how that potential is squandered at every opportunity.

Julie/Luke ages horrendously. It being played off as a joke in 2023 and beyond is just... so gross. And considering JS only made Luke 18 because he had to is really gross on its own but even worse when you contextualize it with the irl relationship happening on set that very season.

The DJ storyline is terrible and the show clearly knows it from the jump but keeps it going for... some reason. And speaking of, they dropped the ball on race. There are quite a number of racist jokes/lines that absolutely make me cringe. Like anti-Asian jokes. We're supposed to believe Ryan is from Chino and dated a Latina and had friends in the neighborhood and they just... barely ever touch on cultural differences. And barely ever touch on class differences. It's more showing us that rich people are just as miserable as everyone else. And sure that's entertaining and JS/SS have made careers off of it but... sigh. I don't think the messaging of either show actually works for how we're supposed to think it's working, but whatever.

What ages best is probably the Ryan/Seth dynamic but that's mostly irl chemistry imo and the classic Odd Couple trope. Not exactly rocket science to figure out why it endures in viewers' minds. For a show that can be so melodramatic, the only thing that consistently grounds us is Ryan/Seth and that's what TPTB have latched onto since everything else turned to trash *sent with invisible ink*

Basically my long answer is no it did not. But I imagine it did for others who care about other things I don't care about. The Marissa/Mischa of it all will grate on me forever. And imo they can never really be separated thanks to contexts we've gotten in the past couple of years.

[always-is-always]

An idol's response-ability

This is something that cannot really be ingored per se, nor attributed to a thoughtless moment. When a person is so famous that they literally have millions following their every word and action, that person IS fully responsible for how they respond to life.

This isn't 2013, when there was a naïveté to everything that the guys did on SM. This is 2024.

An idol is responsibile for their actions and words. Their ability to respond matters.

What would people in that sub-crowd be doing had Park Jimin shared a clip on his IG story that came from a jikook-supporting account? We know the answer to that question.

Park Jimin would never do such a thing.

Who knows what is going on inside of Kim Taehyung. When we look at the events prior to his enlistment (the breakup with Jennie) and the pressures of stepping out of the limelight and into being a man serving the military, I do think he was struggling just like anyone would. He is human.

That share of topless Kook on his IG story just before enlistment was the big flag to me, that V was navigating some stress and probably even some fear about stepping into bootcamp. As I said, he is human. Most who enlist go through levels of fear and stress. That is normal. How people deal with it is a varied as the people themselves.

I just think that his coping looks different. I think that his antics on SM are a way for him to feed the ego, numbing an emptiness, even though he knows that that storyline is false. A person who needs attention/energy (especially the narcissist) will accept any form of attention/energy, be it positive or negative. Energy is energy.

If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, then you understand this dynamic. Attention is attention. They have to get attention, no matter what form it is in. They don't actually know any other way to navigate their lives. The narcissist never recognizes that they are a narcissist.

As one who navigates this life with awareness of energy and the dynamics of energy, I see what is happening. Energy is the basis of everything, whether a person sees it, feels it, is aware of it, or not. Energy can be really messy and hard to understand, for those who are not aware. It is the invisible Web, that every human being is connected to. Navigated consciously, it can be a flow of ease and harmony. Navigated unconsciously, it can be a tangled mess that is really hard to move through, and it can hold people within patterns, relationships, and lives that are challenging.

A person who is in constant need for attention is a person who is not fully balanced and connected (to Source/the Divine and Earth) in a healthy way. This isn't judgement, it is simply an energetic dynamic. V is navigating as one who is not quite sure how to sustain himself energetically, through a clear connection with the Divine that is grounded, and connected to the Earth. Imagine a column of Light that flows from above the head (from Source) down through the spine entering into the earth. That's how One's basic energy is intended to flow. (Hope that made sense!)

We have 17 more months to get through. More than likely, we will witness more of these types of actions. Nothing can obviously be done to change those, yet we CAN be mindful about how we RESPOND. It is our response-ABILITY that matters. The ability to respond in a way that is either neutral energetically, or one that brings a loving and compassionate energy into the situation. Without any negativity whatsoever.

I didn't know that this was going to be written. As always, it is my sense, my opinion, and just some food for thought. After seeing some of the inflammatory words that have been put out there, I feel like it is important to also offer thoughts that might just help with maintaining a neutral energy.

Sometimes, I sort out my thoughts and senses through typing.... I think that this is what just happened, here... I hope this helps someone else sort through their thoughts, as well. 💜

[masha-nikita]

How strong is his Mars?- Bernard Montgomery-

Here I am, two episodes of “How strong is his Mars? all at once. I am going to test a theory in Astrology community- you’ve got to have a strong Mars to be competent in the military.

Whether that theory is true or not, you guys know I have to talk about Monty.

Monty has Mars in Virgo; you see, I am writing about his Mars back to back with Patton’s, because Patton also has a Virgo Mars- so far, that makes 3 outstanding generals with Virgo Mars-- even though it is my opinion that Manstein’s Moon, not Mars, is where his military magic happens. Here I can say, Monty and Patton’s Mars works against the odds, and performs better, above Erich’s score.

I commented on Manstein’s Virgo Mars as follows- if stands alone without any other aspects, this Mars is too detail-oriented for its own good, especially in a fast-paced battlefield. An earth sign Mars has poor ability to take actions by intuition and improvising, unless favorably aspected by Neptune or moon. Virgo Mars possesses delicate tendencies to handle smaller details but may easily lose sight of what needs to be done on a grand scale. This Mars makes its native a fussing workaholic.

Monty’s Mars trines Neptune; this indicates that he intuits enemy actions reasonably well. With Mercury and Sun in harmonious sextile aspects, he’s supposed to be very reasonable, and his decision making process grounded in reality. A 3rd house Mars endows active mind. Any malefic astro body in 3rd house becomes innovative and stimulating to the wits (yes, Mars is considered a malefic), which allows the native to be very smart during arguments. I do not think Monty appreciates small talks—small talks would be regarded as petty nonsense by him. His speeches do have very good leadership quality, very exhilarating to listen to.

This is actually a pretty good Mars, but poor Monty has other aspects that aren’t that good.

Monty’s Sun opposites Pluto and Neptune, just like Manstein’s. This brings the native great difficulty in assessing their ego (represented by Sun). This flaw would destine them on a long, hard journey to find who they truly are as an “independent self”. Manstein’s Sun is in 8th house opposite 2nd house Pluto-Neptune; he might have been secretly very concerned with how posterity would value him after his death. What is of personal value that belongs to Erich may be a source of great illusion and inner tension, if handled unwisely. This value struggle may render him a hard cynic whose only concern is money and self-preservation.

Whereas for Monty (4th house sun, 11th house Neptune-Pluto), it looks like worldly reputation for the Montgomery family name is the struggle here—or maybe it is just his own name to be his desperate concern. Family is where a person was born into, and where they eventually establish themselves, and then dies into. He may have an exaggerated sense of patriotism if he could not agree with the family he was born into, or could not find his own family to belong to. He might view anybody who’s outside of his immediate circle “the troublesome other”, a great source of power struggle. It is not easy for him to acquire a smooth friend circle. With a 11th house Pluto, some explosive shit constantly goes down between he and his supposed social groups—he’s a bit antisocial, in a neutral sense of the word.

Now moving on to his Saturn—any planet in conjunction with the ascendant should be given special attention. I admit it is not an amateur astrologer’s place to call a person’s chart “unfortunate”, but there’s something so deeply karmic with Monty’s Saturn.

This Saturn—which symbolizes rigid structure, hard disciplines, delays and pessimism, could act like an invisible iron prison for the native; the tighter the conjunction with the ascendant, the tighter the iron grip. Either he secretly denies himself any personal enjoyments possible, or life would strip him of happiness by taking away important loved ones from him. A positive side of this aspect is that, while it does not give good creativity to weasel oneself out of a danger, it is unphased by any kind of pain and suffering the danger brings.

A Leo Saturn is not fun to deal with, because Saturn is in detriment in Leo. Leo’s natural ruler is Sun; the key words of Sun are “accomplishments, authority, and self-worth”. Saturn not only hollows out Leo’s self-worth, but the native is also very suspicious of any authority over them. Monty may constantly question how come somebody deserves such authority, and how does himself deserve anything? We could hear from Churchill’s single quote on Monty showing how bad he is in getting along with authority- “In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.”

It is very difficult for the native to learn about love, because love always involves a level of surrender. With such a karmic aspect, occasionally when Leo Saturn finds someone to love, he'd lose that person in a traumatic fashion. The native might end up going “fuck it, I give up.” Given this Saturn conjuncts ascendant, Monty sees no problem in denying himself worldly love and enjoyment. Leo Saturn is able to maintain some lightheartedness, a little bit of warped hero complex, thus the native is capable of dark humor.

Monty’s Saturn actually conjunct his ascendant from 12th house- a 12th house Saturn doubles down on certain problems. Saturn generally seeks to hold onto anything structured and concrete, yet 12th house is anything but. 12th house rules the afterlife, the disappearance, dissolution, the invisible worlds and creatures—dreams, unconscious, psychic realms, and illusions. Saturn in 12th native secretly believes in his own original sins, and is acutely conscious of and anxious about the existence beyond death. This Saturn has a tendency to draw the native into hermetic isolation and practices, because it is the world of the beyond that he looks at, the world where his loved ones have gone before he does.

However, sometimes this 12th house Saturn gives the exact opposite effect—what is beyond death and what is out there where everything dissolves into inmateriality, is such an acute issue that the native holds onto things and powers of this world to an excessive degree. For example, Vladimir Putin has a 12th house Saturn.

This series so far does draw a conclusion that perhaps it is not the Mars that brings forth a good general—I see no fire sign Mars. I haven’t even seen a Capricorn Mars (Mars is exalted in Capricorn). But I do see an unexpected common denominator- these commanders are all psychic on some level. I couldn’t help but wonder- what does “being psychic” really mean?

Perhaps it means the special ability either to reach into death, or to walk upon thousands of men’s life and death, the strength of coming to terms with the mortality of all the mortalities.

It might be a hot take for some people, but I really don’t see much psychic power from those famous 20th century occultist, especially Aleister Crowley. Neither his 8th nor 12th house is prominent; I don’t know what’s up with him. Maybe Crowley’s strength lies in his knowledge. I can statistically compare my own psychic ability against my friend, by measuring whose Tarot readings have longer projection into the future via client feedbacks, but what I see featured the most in many self-proclaimed magi isn’t psychic power, but the ego. Ego attracts egos, so there you go, a guru whose ego as big as the universe for the rainbow unicorn groupies to resonate with.

I digress. I love that there’s always smile in the corner of Monty’s eyes despite his Saturn, that’s the sign of an indefeatable man. This song is for him. May warmth and may love conquer all.