#etc etc like. DO YOU GET ME RN
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jason thinks he should be dead (sometimes he thinks he IS dead), he's just what crawled out of jason todd's grave but he IS jason todd why cant you see that im still the same person. but im not who i used to be and you have to accept i'm different now but i'm still the same bc i'm still your son and your brother and your friend but i'm not 15 anymore (but i am i never grew up i'm still stuck in that warehouse watching the seconds count down the joker is still laughing and i'm still in pain and broken and bloody and beaten and the warehouse is everything and i'm 15 i'm 15 i'm 15) i'm an adult now i'm not a sweet lil daddy's kid anymore i've grown up (i haven't. do you remember when i played with legoes? when we went to football matches togetehr? when you drove me to school and called me chum and smiled at me gently and put your hand around my shoulder and squeezed? i loved you.) when you look at me all you see is who i used to be, you don't see ME, you just see who i used to be and i can never measure up to that, i can never be as good or kind or gentle or loving as the ghost of me that lives in your brain, but when i look in the mirror my eyes are dead like a fish's and my corpse is still in the ground and i'm not breathing because my insides are decayed and gone but i'm still standing here like a zombie, like a bad dream, like a fraction of who i used to be because i'm dead and i'm 15 and i never grew up but i'm somehow still an adult and how dare you not see me for who i am because i'm still the same but i'm still different but aren't i your son? am i at least still your son? you took me in and you loved me and you cared for me and you were my father my god my everything? i'm still your son. i'm still your son. i'm still your son.
Do you love me? Can you prove you love me? Can you prove i meant anything and can you prove my death was real?
(I love you. Please say it back.)
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#red hood#...so how's everybody else doing!#i'm doing fine thanks for asking#sorry i was having thoughts abt jason and i feel like this is the only way i can showcase his mental state#cus like. theres contradictions and hypocrisies and everything stacked up on top of each other#all of it is him and all of it is false and he doesnt know who he is.#he's whatever's opposite of what you think of him#if bruce says he should never have been robin then fuck him. jason was a great robin and it was everything to him and he is not just a mist#ke.#but if someone else then says being robin was perfectly fine for jason and he chose it and it's his own fault he died#then no fuck that guy what the fuck is wrong with bruce to throw children out there in colourful undies and a cape?#etc etc like. DO YOU GET ME RN#ueghhj#this is only like 1% of what i'm rotating in my mind about him rn#jason loves bruce and that's the issue!!! that's the problem guys!!!! because he loves his dad too much to ever let go!!!!!!!#and he just wants his dad to say it back (to prove he means it to prove it's not too late to prove that theyre not too far gone yet)#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i have jason todd disease. when instead ofbrain there is. jhason
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hi everybody! i hope you’re all doing as ok as it is possible to be right now. im hopping on here super quickly to say that i FINALLY bit the bullet and h*cked my DS the other day and it has unironically been one of the most serotonin-producing decisions ive ever made LOL. i got pretendo earlier today and i would love to exchange my pretendo friend code with ppl on here in case anyone wants to add me!! i don’t have any games w online functionality rn but i would love to do some streetpassing and swapnoting… and once acnl is available on pretendo i would LOOOOVE to visit everybody’s towns :”~D i may not respond right away / add everyone (it’s nothing personal at all i just get overwhelmed LOL) but if ur interested please dm me! bonus pic of my mii (on the pretendo site)… this is my true physical form btw <3

#purrs#tomodachi life / acnl / streetpass plaza minigames have truly been keeping me going lately. i fucking love miis and the DS / wii era so muc#i missed miitomo SO much and getting into these games / this TREASURE TROVE of community support for miis and the 3DS makes my heart so ful#also tiny life update: im still struggling w mental health stuff but doing better than i was when i last posted :’~)#this app has changed so much omg. i still might slowly come back to using my sideblogs for things like ilomilo warrior cats etc but for rn#think not having a social media presence anymore has been very good and clarifying and healing for me#but that being said.. i do miss this place and all of you. if youve stuck around all this time thank you so much sincerely. im beaming#tenderness and courage and gratitude your way 🫂
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if star wars was pitched for the first time in today's entertainment industry it would be turned down. and so would any other thing that's currently a "big IP". where do idiot executives think the IPs come from to begin with???
#entertainment industry#animation industry#hollywood news#not art#this isn't common knowledge to most people so it's my mission to let people know just how bad it is out there#if its original its not getting picked up. if it does get picked up somehow it'll be cancelled by the second season.#unless its a shitty celebrity nepo project or the gazillionth generic Edgy Adult Animated Comedy with the fugliest art style you've ever se#n. how do we Great Chicago Fire all of hollywood. anyone got a cow and a lantern? we can do it.#maybe TWO cows and TWO lanterns#god the industry makes me sad. especially the animation industry its basically fucking dead#it literally IS dead actually. like. we lost cartoon network guys its over. indie is the future and the only future i guess#do you know how many animation folks are out of a job rn??? nobodys fucking hiring there aren't any jobs to begin with#nothing good will be coming out soon. i fully expect the animators to strike this year#capitalism kills art the CEOs are minmaxing profits to the extreme etc etc burn it all
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Hello :D
You're so cool
Anyway have you thought that in your rat sons au Splinter might outlive the boys?
You're very cool :D love your stuff dude
(tw for some blood, light gore, implied overdose (kinda??))
hi copper!!! this is a fantastic question!
so obviously typical irl rats have far shorter lifespans than the average irl tortoise. according to google (yes, be awed by my spectacularly in-depth wealth of research) the average pet rat lives between 2-4 years ish, and the oldest on record lived to be about 7. meanwhile, an African spurred tortoise (Splinter's species) averages more around a 50ish year lifespan in captivity, tho is suspected to possibly exceed 75 or more in the wild.
Now, the mutation does give us a lot of wiggle room for playing with these numbers. For the rat sons boys, id say their natural lifespan probably clocks in at about 45-55 years old? definitely not old by human standards, but not young young either. (though, its also important to note that the boys were exposed to the mutagen just days after being born.)
For Splinter, meanwhile, aging is slightly more complicated. He lived the vast majority of his life as a regular normal African spurred tortoise (well, non-mutated at least. there were perhaps some shenanigans of a more mystical variety going on before he was mutated, but thats a separate matter) He was about 70ish i think? when the boys were born and they were all exposed to the mutagen. so he is already distinctly an old man turtle papa. id guess he'd probably still have another eh lets say 25-30 years after his mutation. he could probably push it a little farther even with some mystic nonsense, but when push comes to shove id say his 'natural' post-mutation lifespan would put his death like a solid decade or two before his sons.
of course, the tricky part of the matter is that theres no way for Splinter to know any of this. theres no way for him to know how the mutation affected them all, or if it even affected them all in the same way. especially since the boys dont show many physical signs of mutation for the first few years, and just kinda look like normal rats, (albeit with a more human sort of intelligence) — what sort of health standard do you hold them to? what if they simply dont show external signs of sickness or old age anymore? how do you actually know if something is wrong?
for a while there Splinter is very worried that one of his babies will just essentially reach the end of their normal rat lifespan, fall and not get up again.
so mostly, he just tries to live in the moment, enjoying whatever time he does have with his little ones, taking each day as a gift <3
still,
that fear

never

really

goes

away.....

#cue the 2003 tmnt dramatic Shredder sound effect TM#my art#rat sons#tmnt au#ask reply#TOOK ME A FULL MONTH TO ANSWER AND IM STILL NOT SUPER PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS BUT#also apologies if shits incohierent im v sick rn#but thank you so much for the question copper!!#a parents grief and terror at the thought of outliving their children#always gets me#and boy howdy these rat babies do Not make that shit easy for ol Splinter#all of them have brushed too close to death too many times#tbh thats probably why he started teaching them ninjutsu etc#like yeah yeah discpline and routine and practice all excellent lessons#but also#yall squishy babies and ur father is Stressed please learn to fight good so its one less thing he has to worry about#sorry splints theyre hamatos now theyre destined for danger#cw blood#cw gore
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okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"
and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)
whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character
if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me
i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal
and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid
i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him
i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really
(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#person that send an ask about this in just as i was writing this- this isnt about you- i promise you#its soemthing thats been stirring in my mind since yesterday#and seeing so many of those comments- and even aonuma himself say it#just strikes a very very personal sore spot#also to that one commenter on a different post-#no- wanting female characters being allowed to wield a sword is not “badass female character mysogyni” (idk how to spell that rn)#the hollywood badass female character thing is annoying but thats bc-#its a super model woman (bc shes ALLOWED TO BE FEMININE you KNOW) fight people in high heels- bc you can be feminie AND badass-#and then does a cringy one liner 'what you thoguht a FEMALE couldnt kick your teeth in'#which comes with alot more baggage of tropes and hollywood etc etc#i long for the 'women are jsut as capable as men' in a very agender way#why do you think i intentionally design alot of female characters non tradtionally feminie or masculine#again this is a very pseronal thing to me#BUT i do think it IS questionable that its her that isnt allowed to fight with a sword#like i dont think thats much of my personal dislike there- but a valid thing to point out no matter the explanations you can come up with#anyway- i dont hate it- but its not for me- i dont want to talk much about it#i hope you can excuse me not answering the asks i got related to this- id just repeat myself#(i guess i should be glad that its the top down one that gets her as the protagonist-)#(i dont think i want to live through seeing her be animated like the typically girly feminine butt wiggle in your face tehehe)#(the botw/totk cutscnes were enough of that for me PERSONALLY)#i dont know how many times i have to say its my very biased personally personal opinion and no a judging of others#to make it clear that no one has to agree with me and i dont want to be convinced of the other opinions of this
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Been thinking about idw1's outliers lately, and how sort of wild the whole concept is from a worldbuilding standpoint, and it struck me that most confirmed outlier abilities tend to be really useful, or flashy, or powerfully dangerous, and few to none tend to be like, really boring, or totally impractical, or even entirely useless? Which, doesn't really make sense when considering the fact that outlier abilities are seemingly random.
Surely not everyone who's born an outlier gets something useful?
And I don't mean like, "good" useful, but any sort of useful, even if that means you can kill people with your voice, or give a power boost by exploding yourself, those are still "useful".
But surely there had to be some with abilities that were totally impractical, or nonbeneficial, or at the very least just insignificant or purely aesthetic and pointless?
#mods. enhancements. and artificial outlier abilities are a different thing. with plenty of room for error and drawbacks#but being born inherently an outlier by the sheer whim of. idfk. primus or the planet itself. what's the chances there???#this definitely has to have been discussed before. i'm just too lazy to dig for it rn. but yeah. its a fascinating concept either way#idw transformers#tf idw1#mtmte#lost light#maccadam#maybe thundercracker's sonic booms count. but those have some use. also its funky. so he gets a pass i think#i had more thoughts about this earlier when i first jotted the thought down. but ive forgotten them now >:/#basically its just funny to think of like. shockwaves school and all. going around like ''what can you do?''#and you've got the group we see in the flashback. and then like. some guy whos like ''...i can change the color of energon''#or like. ''i can float! but only like... three inches off the ground''#i cant think of every example. but go down a list of useless superpowers and there ya go#omg. wait. if rewinds whole color changing deal was legitimately a outlier thing. i guess he would count#also. in a similar vein. its really funny to think of outlier abilities as like. stats and stuff? plus 1 to so and so but negative 1 to etc#so abilities had a sort of cost. this is smth ive seen here and there in fics and stuff. and its great.#but its sorta funny to think of working in the opposite way too#take misfire as an example. bcs its funny. negative boost to aiming. but positive boost to evasion#less of a chance to hit smth. but also less of a chance to be hit by smth#idk lol. sorry. ive been doing a lot of gaming lately bcs ✨️stress✨️. so ive got a lot of dumb stats rolling around in my head lmao#also its 4am. so... coherence has long gone to bed before me lol#struggling to sleep again tonight. but more so for anxiety reasons. all these federal job changes are hitting very close to home rn#it'll probably be fine tho. probably. got a lot of other personal shit to worry about anyways. like my fucking medical files being tossed?!#tricare when i get you. when i fucking grt you omg. i didnt even serve. why am i suffering omfg#sorry... thats off-topic. so its probably best i uh. put myself to bed. at 4am. so. goodnight and good morning 🥲👍#tf idw#tf worldbuilding
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does anyone else relate to dis btw. I keep thinking about it since someone posted it around the same time I was having this realization about myself
#talkys#i was thinking about it especially when i still thought id be moving out bc i worried missing my family but when#i was in college in another city i didnt miss any of them at all#i went over a year ish without convo with my best friend because well i assumed she was too#busy to chat and i otherwise can handle being alone#i havent seen my other close friend in maybe half a year and sure when they come down we have fun but i also#forget abt them until they message me (bc they dont respond to messages LMAO they decide when we talk)#i made another close friend recently and they went on a 2 week trip and during week 1 i was like i rly wish#i could message em right neow! but then by week too i kinda Forgot until they returned#and were an active presence again#out of sight out of mind if i dont already regularly talk to you daily (which is only 1 person rn)#*week 2#like if ur someone i talk to daily i get excited to talk and send messages but otherwise i forget#i guess its also the vibes. i do wonder what one close friend is up to but not the one i know wont give me a response etc
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mcdonald goodsir talking scene but its like an hour bc i just would like to see them talk more
#oh fics i must write things i must think#not to imply im not giving my two current fics my all i just am doing varying degrees of brain power on writing#i want to do a refresh on my one college gothic course bc i'm going to be doing ghosts in my next#multichapter fic where idk if this will change talk about things i need to pin down but#i think it will be collins crozier and eventually tozer who are able to see ghosts and they exist but i'm#going to be keeping it where generally ppl don't think this is real at all slash like#idk the spiritualism movement etc is like our real world but the thing is ghsots REALLY DO exist i guess osrt of just furthering#the yes and of tunnbaq actually eating these guys souls#but i also dont know what else im changing bc like rn its just like ok everything the same but i get to describe how to certain characters#its MUCH worse actually like imagine tozer seeing irving in camp only for him to later see his body being brought back idk#i think im gonna combo i tmaybe with the one wild thing i started back when venus in furs had me GOT#where tozer makes his own mutiny but ugh we shall see#i'm considering letting manson also see ghosts idk man i know this fic cant to everything but im also like#oh tee hee i can write morfin and collins and oh tom hartnell is here and of course tozer#and then new we are also saying fuck it and adding crozier which opens#lots of things#ENSEMBLE CAST CURSE YOU like looove this show but why are there so many guys#if i want to write a sick and cool fic i have to think about too many guys and then i shoot myself in the foot by going#yeah ok..... and what if we explored so much in this one thing#says the guy who also has to go through hoops to write terror fic sorry i forget my roots#i act like i didnt fucking make fictional show mickey's sister the same as his real life one and made her a lesbain in high school#LIKE MY BROTHER IN CHRIST it doesnt matter#i guess its just bc i worry i dont get these guys and again theres too many of them#like what if i write c#well they are all fictional#anyways i shouldn't put in the tags so much if you read this im giving u a kiss
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saw some fanart that reminded me so very strongly of the mishap au that it had me reminiscing over it like a long lost lover. the one that got away..................
#mishap au#trousled rambles#what do you mean i haven't posted anything significant about it in like 4 years. coughs up blood#the worst part is i literally cant even DO anything about it rn my brain is still Nonfunctional. so i just have to sit here missing them ig#probably the only thing stopping me from having to add it to the AU graveyard is the fact that it still has its own non-orphaned fic lmao#oh BTW for context it was that kinda fanart where everybody gets to see each other again in The Unspecified Afterlife yknow#but it had one part with the bros hugging and sans was holding papyrus's head onto his neck bc it wouldn't stay otherwise. so what if i kms#ALONG WITH pointing out that sans & pap would be around the same height with pap's head lopped off. throws up explodes violently etc etc#i wanna rb some old art for it at least but i also dont wanna look at the tag bc god u can really tell when my big slowdown for art happene#bc wdym it occupied enough of my brain to develop and give it its own standalone fic and then i barely drew it outside of basic design refs#almost none of them are even COLORED its DISGRACEFUL#add it to the “maybe redraw one day” list that has 465782346 other ideas also on it. of course
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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also we are at the halfway point and like, nothing substantial has happened
#text post#we still haven't met the blonde lady either!#this is similar to s2 pacing problems#i feel like haolin has these really grand ideas and knows that he wants to get from point a to b#but has no idea how to like satisfyingly write the in between#so a lot of it ends up feeling like filler#idk just my opinion#it's...a tricky thing to balance#bc like if you want to make a story so plot heavy and filled with all these threads which may i remind you season 1 was NOT doing at all an#who knows if that was the plan all along or not#but anyway#if that's what you wanna do!!#it's not like filler DOESN'T have its place#it absolutely can be used to flesh out the world and characters etc etc#but that...doesn't feel like what's going on rn#it just doesn't feel like any of this was thought out#like steins;gate for example also spent a lot of time just chilling with its characters and exploring the dynamics and stuff#but like...all of that became relevant later iirc#whateverrrrr just me thinking thoughts#can't wait for next week! looks like some more plot to chew on
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Hi all!
So, as of this moment I do not have a drivers license, which means my job opportunities are quite limited. So, I am finally biting the bullet and opening commissions! These are my prices:
If you’d like to commission me, pls DM me here!
Some rules:
Pay is up front
You get a sketch preview and an option to make adjustments
No nsfw
No p*dophilic or inc*st ships. Asking for such will get you immediately blocked.
No hate speech or symbols of any kind. This will also get you blocked (and reported.)
No heavy gore.
No complex mech or furries/animals (<- should be noted i have absolutely nothing against furries, I simply cannot draw animals, it's something I'm working on but at the present this is not within my wheelhouse.)
If commissioning a drawing of an OC, please provide a clear reference
I reserve the right to refuse a commission if you and/or your request make me uncomfortable.
These are for personal use only. You may not use commissioned pieces for monetary or commercial use.
or alternatively, if you'd like to support me monthly/just request one little sketch/doodle, I also have a ko-fi, where u can do so for just $5 ^-^
#open commissions#my art#ive never done comissions before so please pelase bear with me while i figure things out#i'm aware i've got a very bare bones set up here rn lol#even if u cant afford to commission me it'd be super helpful if you could even just rb the post ^-^#cus i gotta save up for when i actually DO get my drivers license#which unfortunately costs. money :/#like 90 dollars for the actual license#plus the cost of the drivers manuals and drivers ed etc etc#u get the point
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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!! DRUMINDOR SPOILERS IN TEXT AND TAGS !!
Listening to Drumnidor as a Hadrian girlie is not easy. My god they're assassinating his entire character and taking away his life purpose right in front of us! They're reducing him to a stupid comic relief character with no depth and no real influence on the people around him (to a greater degree than they ever did before) and they're taking away all his greatest achievements and attributing them to someone else to fit the plot! His main character status has been revoked and he's now apparently merely a supporting character in someone else's story. Please, everyone, a moment of silence for my blorbo 😔🙏 Rest in peace mr. Blackwater. At least they let you pull some impressive-arse sword moves, you looked really cool... but I am so sorry they did not let you be a practising hoe in this one 🥀
#riyria#drumindor spoilers#sorry everyone i am about five and a half hours into the audiobook and i just reached a conversation between hadrian and arcadius#and i want to fucking jump out a window#why is mjs doing hadrian like this???? what's even his fucking point in the story if it's gonna be like this????#literally and what is hadrian? chopped liver etc etc!!!!!#someone who is also reading the book please talk to me or help me see how i am misinterpreting this#i just want hadrian to be taken seriously and be valued and i want him to actually achieve something that is not just helping royce on his#journey to becoming a better person but yeah i guess he can't even have that - the one thing they kind of let him have in the other books#i am literally becoming a worse person as i listen lol#And listening to Drumindor as a Hadrian/Royce shipper is even harder!#lol#I'm sorry everyone#I can't even make any jokes about this point you'll just have to read the book yourself and find out.#i want to adopt hadrian out of that story my god i swear there is someone who cares about you and values you#crossing my fingers that the remaining 14 hours of this book is different 🤪🤡#(at least gwen is nice to hadrian and i love that we get to see them bond/see more of their friendship#it's so jarring though bc she actually treats him as an adult#and not as an idiot)#like am i losing my mind???#was it always like this????#was it different because there were other characters around to interact with???#i want to cry because i am so frustrated lol#as i reread my tags i must say it could also be that i am projecting my struggles onto him LOL#because my life is really bad rn in a suspiciously similar manner ...#either i'm a hadrian fan bc he's just like me fr or oh god i'm literally just misinterpreting everything and its not that deep#but i want him to also get the opportunity to be that deep :( ok enough tags now sorry everyone so sorry everyone#fellow hadrian fans what do we think#enter the hivemind (the replies to this post or my inbox/messages) and let me know#and royce fans what do you think about royce in this book?
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im in a good mood cause my work enemy is getting her life ruined while all i had to do was keep quiet and do my best 🥱
#basically shes been making management think for years that shes the only capable person there and they pay her sooooo much more than#everyone else#but now because me and two girls from my team have been quietly working hard and having amazing results#management decided to look into that and even trust us in more serious positions#and now management realized were all doing great and are on her level.. all while realizing shed been taking credit for our work all along#and to prove them wrong she decided to take a 2 week vacation thinking everything will fall apart when shes gone#(note: she genuinely thinks shes the best and smartest and master manipulator etc... shes not)#but everything was okay while she was gone ahahahaha#and the realization hit management like a truck#and i just do happen to have insider information on all of this teehee so im not speaking out of my ass#and the worst part is we keep working hard and getting praised#while shes going down with “idk how we ever let ourselves raise one person up that high”#WHILE#the three of us have fullfilling lives outside of work. while she literally has no life and her whole personality and activities in life#are this job#maybe im a little mean but this woman took credit for our work to get ahead. she constanly tries to frame us for her mistakes#she literally sets up situations against protocol so that a fuckup will happen in our shifts and she can point to iy#and has manipulated management into firing people just because they were a lil mean to her privately#my fav thing to do is not pay attention when she tells the whole group how amazingly she did smth (she boasts A LOT) and when she asks me#“omg adora are you even here?” and im like “sorry just focusing on this email rn”. anyway this drives her crazy cause she cant do anything#about it without looking insane#teehee#yapping#i wrote a whole essay but sry im just in a good mood cause i found out she wrote me a fake email about how management is unhappy w my work#only to find out that exact same manager is in fact extremely happy w my work and is unhappy with hers instead AHHAAHHA#i cant shes so pathetic 😭😭😭😭
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