#LIKE MY BROTHER IN CHRIST it doesnt matter

[bell-swamp-fitzjames]

mcdonald goodsir talking scene but its like an hour bc i just would like to see them talk more

[irishmammonagenda]

How I Think The Obey Me Boys Would React to The Rumours™️

Summary: Rumours have been floating around the Devildom. Rumours about a certain Angel and Sorcerer...how will the demon brothers react? Word Count: haha great question Content Warnings: probably just swearing tbh Disclamer: This will probably not make a lot of sense unless you've read this fic here for context, but ykw life doesnt make sense you do you <3

[dateables & co version]

post dividers by @cafekitsune their post dividers r really cool check them out! (also sorry for the tag!!)

You had left the Sorcerers' Society feeling quite flustered, but also extremely pleased with yourself. Take that Solomon. You grin. In all the excitement of the following days, you'd forgotten about the rumour you had accidentally spread around the Devildom. Perhaps you shouldn't've pretended to be Archangel Michael to gain entry....

💙💙LUCIFER💙💙

When Lucifer heard the news from Beel, he was in the student council room, he turnt his D.D.D off and just placed his head in his hands.

Was this some elaborate scheme by Solomon to gain a pact with him?

Lucifer wasn't sure he even wanted to know.

Sighing; he pulled on his coat and traversed to Purgatory Hall where Michael was staying.

"Michael." The Avatar of Pride stood leaning against the kitchen counter, everyone else in Purgatory Hall was at RAD, so the Angel and Demon were alone. "Oh Jesus Christ!" The Angel in question brings a hand to his heart in mock dramatics, "Warn a guy next time Lucikins!" "..." The Silence was palpable. "...Lucikins?" Lucifer gritted out, his eye twitching. "Michael. This is not the time for your games. I am the Avatar of Pride and a Prince of Hell, show me some respect." Michael merely raised an arched eyebrow, a shit-eating grin on his face as he quickly closed the distance between them, pulling the Avatar of Pride into an ironclad headlock, bringing his other arm over with a clenched fist and messing up Lucifer's hair. "I'm sure you are Lucikins, but you're still my adorable little brother." Lucifer pushes his hands out in an attempt to get away, but even he had to admit, Michael had always been stronger than him. "Michael." The younger protests, "I swear to Lord Diavolo if you do not let me go, I will-" Michael interrupts him, pausing his brotherly tormenting to wipe a tear from his ruby red eyes. "-Ahh! You must've missed me so much, poor Wittle Wucifer! Always so heavy on the teenage angst!" Lucifer growled in a way too similar to Satan when he first fell. Like father, like son. "I don't have teenage angst. Now unhand me you bastard!" "Oh please! The amount of times I caught you in the Celestial Realm listening to My Chemical Romance and Panic at the Disco on repeat speaks for itself! And the eyeliner! Just because the others were too young to remember doesn't mean I was baby brother! Don't think I don't remember the wolf-cut!" Lucifer's eye twitches so hard he worries for his socket. He cab't even refute it. "You are two minutes older than me! And besides! I came here to talk about the rumours of you dating Solomon!" "The What." Michael immediately ceases all noogie-ing, his grip loose enough for Lucifer to slip through his arm. He scowls, smoothing the wrinkles from his suit and beginning to fix his hair. He moves a safe distance away from his older (estranged) brother. "The rumours of you showing up during a Sorcerers' Society meeting and making out with Solomon on his lap. Ring a bell?" Michael, for the love of him, just looks confused. "But I've never even-" He blinks slowly a few times. "I am going to kill MC." Lucifer, even with the ego bruising he had just endured, laughs, partly out of sheer relief, he doesn't want to imagine what a Solomon Michael duo could be capable of. But of course it was you. It always was.

💛💛MAMMON💛💛

HUH???!!!

This poor man's confusion is so strong.

He doesn't want to think about Michael's lovelife. Or Solomon's for that matter.

He immediately rushes to tell you.

"Oi! MC!" Mammon shoves his way into your room like he was auditioning for the walking dead, as per usual, he wasn't aware of the marvellous invention of knocking yet. You quickly closed you laptop lid, and placed the device down beside you on the bed, lest he saw the Archangel Michael/King Solomon 100k, Slowburn, Angst with a Happy Ending you were writing on HellO3. “Hi Mams!” Mammon scurries onto your bed like the floor is lava, resting his chin on your thigh and looking up at you with his usual puppy eyes. “Yer not gonna believe this MC.” He says seriously. "What's up?" You tilt your head, bringing a one of your hands to ruffle your First Man's hair, he leans into the touch happily before jumping up and acting like he wasn't. "Well, 'pparently Michael's after starting te date Solomon. Can ye believe it?" Mammon makes a face. "Michael...wi' Solomon...I don' wanna believe it...just...its mingin'..." You laugh nervously, "I don't think Michael's dating Solomon, Mams....someone must've uhh..." You hold in a laugh. "It's probably just a succubi or someone looking for chaos." Mammon nods seriously, laying his head back on your lap. "Yer prolly righ' MC." You pet his hair again, "Wanna watch a movie or something, Mams?" "Pffft- Of course ya would wanna watch a movie wi' the Great Mammon...alrigh' huma-...Angel...I'll allow it...!" He says with his usual bravado, it was almost convincing, if he hadn't nuzzled further into your hand, and he wasn't looking at you like you were the one reason his pulse was still going.

🧡🧡LEVIATHAN🧡🧡

He finds out after the first chapter to a certain Archangel Michael/King Solomon fanfic was published. Yes he is subscribed to your HellO3 account, and yes! he has emails turnt on.

What kind of person would he be if he didn't read his Henry's fanfics?!

He throws his phone across the room.

When he finally wills himself to get up and retrieve it, he takes a screenshot and starts texting you frantically.

You're lazing about on your bed dong nothing, you'd just posted the first chapter of THE FORBIDDEN FRUITS: A GAY ROMANCE STORY THAT TRANSCENDS REALMS five minutes previous when your DDD began vibrating at such a speed you almost made a very unfunny sex joke. You pick up your DDD and sure enough, its Levi, heh; so he is subscribed to your HellO3 account! Leviachan <3: MC WHAT IS THIS NDVNRO DID YOU WRIT E FNAFICTION AOBOUT MCIAHEL AND SOLOMOMN You grinned. You: Fnaf fiction? Good idea for an AU! Leviachan <3: VFIBNODNORNGVNO MC IM LOOKING ON FORUMS WDYM THERES A RUMOU R ABORUT SOLOMON AND MICHAEL DATING You: In my defense, it was Solomon's fault. There's no response for 10 minutes, until your DDD pings again. Leviachan <3: Why is the fanfic good Leviachan <3: I MEAN OFC ITD BE GOOD, YOU WROTE IT BUT Leviachan <3: ITS SO Leviachan <3: THE CHARACTERS ARE SO COMPELLING AND THE PLOT IS SO GOOD RJRGNVDON Leviachan <3: AND THE TENSION??!! You grinned, you could always count on your Lord of Shadows to hype up your degenerate fanfics. You: thanks <3 satan's helping me write it, wanna help? Leviachan <3: I don't think I could write as good as you guys, im just a stinky smelly worthless otaku :( You: nuhuh. >:( Leviachan <3: But if you wanted... I could maybe beta-read??? You: OFC YOU CAN LEVI TANK YOU <33333 Leviachan <3: Haha tank LMAO ROFL You: I can never mispell anything around anyone in this house You kicked your feet like a catholic school girl holding hands with a boy for the first time in her life, knowing Levi probably was too.

💚💚SATAN💚💚

This man has a web of connections.

He found out almost as soon as the rumour started.

Like Mammon, he immediately finds you to tell you

Unlike Mammon, he actually knocks

granted he knocks for a second before just opening your door so he could've just not knocked and it would've had the same affect.

"Hello MC" "Mornin' Satie...What time's it?" You rub your eyes tiredly, having just woken up from a nap, you sit up and blink at him slowly with sleepy eyes. Satan can't stop himself from cooing, he movies towards your bed and ruffles your hair like you're a cat, you lean into the touch. "Sorry for waking you, dear..." You yawn. "You're fine Satie...what'd you need?" "Have you heard the rumours that Michael and Solomon are secret lovers-" Suddenly you're wide awake. "Oh no. Oh no no no." Satan raises a brow, "What's wrong, MC?" You grin sheepishly, "I maybe might've accidentally not on purpose started that rumour?..." Satan laughs in your face. Handsome bastard. "It's not funny!" "It is a little funny..." You gasp, eyes lighting up mischievously, "We should write a fanfic!" Satan tilts his head, "And why would we do that?" "Because the world deserves a Slowburn Michael x Solomon fic?" "Nope." "Pleaseee Satan! I'll pay you!" "Nope." "It'll annoy Luci?" "Tempting..." "I'll give you a kiss?" "I'm in. Let's write the best Michael x Solomon the Devildom's ever seen." You shake Satan's hand. Maybe you should've been reincarnated as a demon.

��🩷ASMODEUS 🩷🩷

Finds out through one of his gossip circles relatively fast.

He wants to get more details so he can tell you later! <3

By far one of the more supportive brothers

So he finds Solomon, who knows maybe he could give some advice!

Michael was strange, but he was always nice to Asmo growing up in the celestial realm, he might as well make sure one of his best friends is treating his former brother right <3

"Hiya Sol!~" Asmo smiles excitedly, pulling the sorcerer in for a hug, pouting when he pulled away again. "I cant believe you never told me! Ugh~...you must've been scared I wouldn't accept you!~ Poor thing...~" Solomon blinks slowly, his usual shit-eating grin replaced with pure confusion, lost in his own rant, Asmo doesn't notice. "Well! You have my blessing!~" "For what?" "For your relationship with Michael, silly!~" Asmo giggles, Solomon takes a deep breath. "For my what." A pause pauses all sound for a moment, only for a moment, before like all other moments, they begin the cycle of movemnt again. Solomon nods rather calmly, "Maybe I shouldn't have turnt MC into a sheep....or maybe I should do it again as payback...." He says to himself Asmo sighs, so it was just a rumour then....

He does still post a link to your fanfic on his Devilgram story, because he's so supportive! <3

No one tell Michael, or Lucifer pretty please

❤️❤️BEELZEBUB❤️❤️ & 💜💜BELPHEGOR💜💜

Being a member of the Anti-Lucifer League, Satan told Belphie who told Beel after taking a nap.

Beel, being the absolute legend that he is didn't really have any opinions on it. As long as they're happy :)

Belphie sits in on the fanfic plot planning sessions you and Satan host, with Beel sometimes joining and giving surprisingly interesting plot twists.

Belphie cackles when Beel tells Lucifer of the rumours, shortly before the first chapter of Forbidden Fruits is published.

Satan and You stand by the whiteboard in the attic, various spider diagrams and bullet points are written messily upon it, only this time, it's not a plan to 'prank' Lucifer. (Are they really pranks if they never succeed?) The sound of munching can be heard as Beel works away happily on a bag of crisps, offering everyone some as you work. "What if we made Solomon run after Michael in the rain." Belphie drawls out lazily, not even looking up from where he lies beside Beel. You stare at Belphie, "What is with you and the people chasing after people in the rain trope?" Belphie sticks his tongue out at you in response. Beel shakes his head. "That wouldn't be accurate. Michael hates getting his hair wet." Belphie smiles, "Good point Beel." Satan makes a sound of contemplation. "What if...we had Michael chase Solomon in the rain instead? The fact he hates getting his hair wet could show just how much he loves Solomon..." You laugh, imagining the scene in your head. "But why is Michael chasing Solomon?" Belphie smirks, "Because Michael said something bad about humans during a fight, Solomon got upset and ran like a maiden." Beel stops munching on his snacks, looking down approvingly at his twin. "That's really smart Belphie." "Thanks Beel." Belphie grins. "Yeah Belph, your angstiness is really paying off." You tease. "Oh shut up MC." He glares at you, but there's no real weight behind it. "Theyre right you know." Satan smirks. "I heard you blasting Paramore and MCR earlier." "Its good music!"Belphie says definsively. "Besides, it keeps me awake. Goodnight." He mutters, laying his head on his twins lap before closing his eyes. Five minutes of silence later, Beel opens his mouth, "He does wear eyeliner a lot when he's in our room y'know?" "Beel!" You and Satan laugh, Beel just smiles happily at everyone getting along. Belphie devises a plan to make you dream pigeons are going to take over the world tonight as payback.

im on a Lucifer being bullied by Michael spree rn 🧍‍♂️ also you can't convince me that Satan and Belphie aren't soso similar to Lucifer bc at the end of the day they're all just angsty emo teens &lt;3

[ifyouknowmenahyoudontt]

"death eaters kinda had a point" is actual crazy talk. like ACTUAL crazy behavior. how do you even say that with a straight face. it doesn't matter how badly muggles treat wizards in the past or whatnot, the death eaters quite literally believe in the eradication of ANYONE who doesn't believe in blood supremacy/purity. this does not solely include muggleborns/halfbloods; there were purebloods being killed in the first war for being "blood traitors". the death eaters DO NOT have a point. please go back and read the books.

media literacy is DEAD.

yall will defend anything!!! to keep publicly supporting and babying your favourite piece of shit i can’t

my brother in christ you believe what those loser racists are saying? that they did what they had to do?? DOESNT THAT SOUND FAMILIARRRR

[blorbocedes]

And just like Leclerc’s number of poles don’t matter, Norris finishing higher than where he qualified doesn’t either. Neither one is winning and a win is what matters. Both bottle it in high pressure situations.

FINISHING HIGHER THAN WHERE YOU QUALIFY DOESNT MATTER??????

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST THEY ARE IN A TIGHTLY CONTESTED CONSTRUCTORS BATTLE ?????

Abu Dhabi decides who is 2nd in constructors between merc and ferrari, and 4th in constructors between Aston and Mclaren. this decides which team gets more money for finishing higher in the constructors, and who gets more wind tunnel testing time. this directly impacts your car for next year, esp in the cost cap era. finishing higher than you qualify absolutely matters

[goji-pilled]

i love when people argue over who'd win a fight: spinosaurus or tyrannosaurus rex?

like my brother in christ they didnt even live during the same time it doesnt matter and not to mention: jurassic park is not a good basis either

[justicecaballer]

continuing to talk about The Fic

today i figured out the mechanics of whats happening. the How of it. and it took a while but i also managed to figure out the Why of it, from a purely plot-based perspective

thats great. but NOW i need to figure out how that all exactly relates to The Theme. i need to figure out how to make it resonate emotionally. i can draw parallels just fine i suppose but i need to be able to actually convey that in words. i will tell u it all feels Extremely Bullshint but thats what happens when u make stuff up on the fly. its ok tho because it doesnt actually matter How Extremely Bullshint something is as long as u can sell it

ITS MESSY. ive been reading save the cat and ive been trying to fit things into that structure: for the first time ever! ive written exactly one long form story, a nano novel, a few years ago, and i didnt know shint about the application of story structure so thats all over the place too. im trying this out on purpose and its hard but by god am i Trying

there are some nice serendipitous things happening though thay give me a little more confidence. the tighter im able to tie things together the more in control i feel. which is good. wild to think u can feel like youre not in control when (my good friend angie voice) my brother in christ u are the one writing the words. but thats just how it is sometimes

anyway i have to write like a two line description of an office and i dont feel like it

[noodle-the-queen]

no this is absolutely valid bc tell me why when people headcanon good characters as POC people flip the fuck out and say “WELL UHHH THERES NO CONFIRMED RACE SO IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER” like my brother in christ is it really that deep that someone drew pinkie pie from my little fucking pony as a black woman

white people go like “is anyone going to redesign this nonhuman evil character as a poc?” and not wait for an answer

[raspberryjamnnn]

chemtrails, ufos, lizard people, gmos

psychics, mentalists, bending spoons

fluoride in the pipes

bloodline of jesus christ

flat earth, hollow earth, hologram moon

president shapeshifters, stargates, robot hitler

space nazis, space commies, space isn't real

roswell '47, george bush, 9/11

bite sized microchips in your happy meal, oh

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire

they will feel enlightened when in fact they're frightened

armageddon, d-day, new world order, michael bay

denver colorado has a portal to hell

missing boats, missing planes, timewarp saddam hussein

multi-uni-omniverse running parallel

the moon landing was a lie

elvis presley didn't die

einstein had a hover car, my uncle was ringo star

rocks are soft

dogs are cats

fact is fiction, fiction's fact

doesn't matter what I spit cause people always buy my shit!

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire

they will feel enlightened when in fact they're frightened

soylent green, devil pope, drag queen, horoscopes

jews own starbucks, tryna steal all our bucks

drug addiction, evil doctors,

Gravity won seven oscars

tiny frog, it's in my ear, feeding me the lyrics

big pharma, big brother

milk doesnt come from udders

pepsi, cola and coke, they're the same that's no joke

honey booboo is a man, iraq's actually iran

anime makes people gay but you still watch it anyway!

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire

they will feel enlightened when in fact they're frightened

rigged elections, propaganda, jesus christ comes from uganda

dragons guarding buckingham, shoes are just a fucking scam

bumblebees can hear you think, babies come from dirty sinks

lawns are just a metaphor, why arent there words that rhyme with door?

hate is good!

good is bad!

moths are making children sad!

greenday, alley way, I'm running out of things to say!

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire

they will feel enlightened when in fact they're frightened

drama always beats facts

people dont like feedback, they want answers that equate to their current mental state.

And if you reassure their fears, and wipe away all of their tears,

bring them hope,

give them love,

claim you're sent from up above

but if a little seed of doubt is planted then you'll want it out before it poisons and destroys obedient young girls and boys

so if you make a little peep, to the farmers, to their sheep,

I'll sneak into your quarters and I'll cut you in your fucking sleep!

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire,

but when I am gone the bullshit still goes on

and on

and on

and on...

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire

they will feel enlightened when in fact they're frightened

I love starting fires

oh the world is ending, now my blog is trending

I love to conspire

they will feel enlightened when in fact they're frightened

[kindlyfunkn]

how the fuck does telling someone she should reheat the soup already on the stove instead of making a whole box of kraft dinner (which i find disgusting so i wouldnt even be able to eat it myself) warrant any sort of fucking attitude. istg it feels like my OLDER, ADULT sister is a goddamned five year old

and she turned the burner on medium high, with very little left in a bigger pot, went and sat down while i used the washroom because i ASSUMED shed be watching it, and acted surprised that it was boiling so fast already. how she didnt smell or hear the thing is beyond me. oh yeah and there was less there than i thought, only enough for one bowl, so since she initially said she wasnt in the mood for any i took it up for myself because that was also why i wanted the soup heated up. and i fucking.

"are you having any?"

"yeah i guess"

"oh theres less than i thought."

"i thought you said you couldnt eat it all?😒"

"yeah because i thought there was more here. and i didnt want to have to throw any out. doesnt matter i'll eat this now and you can make your stuff."

"no i dont want to."

"didnt you say you havent eaten today? make your stuff."

"changed my mind."

christ almighty. chiller convo and paraphrasing but shes like a child. i feel like a parent to a teenager not the younger brother to a 21yr old.

and of course theres a million dishes to be washed and she wont do them because for the past three days im the only one whose done any. and when i was doing them if she was home she would not help or offer to take over. and i cant tell her to please to the dishes because she'll get pissy over that because everything is sarcasm to her apparently. actually yknow what not even just her i try to use any sort of manners around my family and every one of them sans my twin sister takes it as me being angry i dont understand. i hate telling people to do something because i dont want to seem like im ordering people around but istg its bare minimum shit that ive been doing myself for a while and i ask ONCE for someone to do it instead and its another argument. i dont even say anything like "could you do this for once"! or anything passive aggressive! i just ask "hey could you make supper" "could you please wash the dishes" and its a fiasco.

god and she was literally just about to cut my hair too that shes been putting off since friday (and shes the one who said she needs to cut my hair, i never asked for shit). Guess whats not happening today!!

[jakeyrooo]

i think my least favourite thing will always be being humiliated, being the butt of the joke and everyone laughing. its so isolating because the people doing it are never perfect either they just group up and decide its me they want to make fun of. its been happening since primary scho and no matter how big and tough ive made myself or how much i try to make it seem like i dont care it doesnt matter. and trust me, ive got good and making it seem like i dont care. i used to cry into my pillow when my dad would decide to make me the butt of the joke with my stepmom id cry for hours. theyd come in and tell me i was overreacting. now i sit there, straight faced, maybe ill even laugh with them. but the incessant feeling of worthlessness never goes away, being reminded how little everyone values me as a person or my thoughts. that will always be there and there will always be people who do it. and i tell people i think who understand time and time again but they dont listen, as soon as its someone they respect more than me they go right into that heard mentality and it eats my up inside i cant take people making fun of the personalities i have literally hand constructed for them, my brother in christ this is for you?? el oh el

[ddejavvu]

ANOTHER JAMES POTTER THOUGHT LMAOOO. k. so. hear me out. fake dating!James potter. sirius brings it up, the idea of you and James fake dating, cus youre all nervous about going to a family event cus it'll just be more comments about your lack of love life constantly. so sirius mentions that maybe you should just bring someone and say that theyre ur bf; it'd be easier AND you wouldnt be alone, muddling your way through awkward social conversations and such. remus, surprisingly, agrees with sirius when you laugh at the idea. ever the empath, he softly explains how it could be a great idea for you, and it'd solve a few issues at the same time. James doesnt really say anything till sirius suggests you bring him as your fake boyfriend, and James is immediately lighting up like "im your boyfriend??? yeah??" and he just.. cannot be told, no matter how many times you stress that he'd be a fake boyfriend, he just repeats that hes your boyfriiiieeeennnddd though. plain and simple.

he definitely takes his role seriously. makes excuses like, "we have to practice kissing, id kiss you ALOT as your boyfriend, yknow. and I dont want you to freeze up if I kiss you for the first time and you dont know how to react. we MUST practice." also holdsur hand all the time now and hes shameless about it - "but lovely, im ur boyfriend im meant to hold ur hand, cmonnn". even gets jealous like a real boyfriend would now (not that he didn't before, but now he lets it show).

at the event, also has a habit of stealing you away and keeping up the boyfriend role, im saying he lays it on THICK, doesnt matter if no one else can see it or is paying attention. im talking touchy, he probably nuzzles his face down into yours alot,constant love sick expression on his face. its gets so bad that even ur brother is like "wow, didn't realise youd get an actual boyfriend. like, what blackmail do u have on him?? did you finally submit to the devil and curse him or smthn cus Jesus fucking christ sis look at him, hes mooning over you from across the room. seems like an alright bloke though. maybe."

can imagine that hes touchy and sweet and etcetcetc but also. after ur little event is done, he stops joking and pretending, bends down to you and "so can I be your boyfriend now. pleeeaase?? ur auntie even said that I must be a lovely young man.. you think im a lovely young man too, right? so I can be ur boyfriend?? ]: please?"

FAKE DATING JAMES IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE he'd want to 'sell it' just like you mentioned, and he'd plan these insane grandiose gestures that have you melting for real and then you sneak off to a private area and he's giggling like they totally bought it!! and ur weak in the knees like yEah they did!!

you stress so many times to him that he's your fake boyfriend. fake. FAKE. but he absolutely refuses to say that, he calls it method acting. he's gotta get in character, he can't tell himself it's fake all the time or it'll seem fake!

no bc even before you get to your parents house he's like okay so let's practice our kisses. we're gonna need casual cheek kisses, the 'i-don't-want-to-make-a-scene kiss', the 'we-think-we're-alone' kiss, the forehead kiss, the hand kiss, the air kiss- and he's rambling on about all the ways he's gonna smooch you up and your cheeks are on fire.

the days leading up to the event he does practice! whenever you walk out of a room he grabs your hand and tugs you down to kiss your cheek, he makes you kiss him goodnight every night before bed, he even insists that you give it all you've got when no one else is around so that you get comfortable being passionate with him.

he greets your mom like the perfect gentleman, bringing her a bouquet and offering to help with dinner. but when she politely declines the help he sits on the floor at your feet while you're on the couch, spreads ur knees so that he can sit between your calves, and hangs out with the kiddos on the floor. he's their big jungle gym, constantly has children crawling all over him, and they definitely ask him scandalized questions like 'you KISS her?!?!?!' and then he gets this big shit-eating grin on his face and leans up to lay a big fat wet juicy smooch on your lips and they all chorus 'ewww!' and run off to giggle about it somewhere else. it leaves james with no more playmates, so he hoists himself up onto the couch and wraps an arm around you, proceeding to be sickeningly sweet and domestic and cute. definitely a nuzzler, ur so right <33333

YES THE TEASING FROM EVERYONE ELSE SKGNG ur grandma is like 'i'm glad you found a good man before i die' and ur auntie is like 'does he have an older brother??' everyone is enamored by this loverboy you've brought home, and he plays the part so well that no one ever realizes it was fake.

which is good, because it isn't for long. he definitely begs for you to give him a chance at being your real boyfriend, but you don't bother even giving him the chance, you just tell him you already know he'll be a fantastic real boyfriend because he went so above and beyond when it was only supposed to be fake :') ur so far gone for him and it's the best night of his life, i guarantee it :')

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

i think its interesting that youd post the original "my brother in christ meme" as proof it isnt antiblack appropriation only to show it appropriates the habitual "be" used in AAVE/BVE which is a prime example of how Black culture + specifically language is appropriated as "a funny way to talk" for jokes by people who arent Black. regardless of your race thats a pretty telling example of dismissing antiblackness, as is your doubling down afterwards.

like, at this point its not just that you didnt know better, you had every opportunity to learn, apologize, and move on. instead you decided that was beneath you and that somehow cultural appropriation that doesnt involve slurs isnt bad? like what? and no matter how you respond the vast majority of your followers will support you, you arent in danger of losing your platform by admitting that the majority of people spreading that meme are appropriating a culture that isn't theirs. You don't have to tell us your race in order to do that, or dismiss that it is antiblack regardless of whether or not the slur is used.

and just to be clear, this is a different anon.

My brother in Christ I literally said, in that exact post that you are referencing, that cultural appropriation is a serious issue. I quite literally did not know the original version of this meme until someone linked a know your meme page, this meme is not in any way still about censoring the N word. The site showed two examples of photo memes censored with the phrase. Everything else was said independently in tweets and tumblr posts because it became a funny thing to say in internet colloquial English.

Do white people appropriate AAVE? Yes. They do. They frankly embarrass themselves because they don’t know that AAVE is an actual dialect. However, with dialects in places where populations overlap, there are going to be some terms and phrases that bleed over. This whole drama is quite honestly reminding me of a few years ago when a few corners of twitter were trying to claim it’s racist to say “y’all“ if you weren’t black, despite that being a well-established part of southern US English. ”My brother in Christ“ itself was also not in fact appropriating AAVE in any way, shape or form, meaning the fact that it is more predominantly used as an absurdist thing to call people online is not an appropriation of black culture. It veered so far left of even being used to censor a slur, it’s become an independent meme at this point. This is also quite frankly the least productive thing to argue about. This isn’t white people proclaiming locs are unprofessional and banning them as a part of black culture then spinning them into a white person‘s bold and exotic fashion statement, this is people on tumblr using a meme that everyone will forget about in under a month. There just isn’t any benefit to starting a fuss over it.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

ive always had a soft-spot for a y/n who doesnt talk to communicate, even if theyre not mute. like instead of saying "yes" they nod or do that little "mh-hm!" hum noise.

idk why but it just makes me feel so much more emerged in a story because holy shit. they main character is acting and behaving like ME!!! granted i can and do talk, it just gets exausting very quickly.

sadly not a lotta people do stuff like that so im taking matters into my own hands, using my fave funky little guy - dark <3

i HC that he cant read minds cuz i find that the most boring soloution (and kinda uncomfortably because my brother in christ, you dont need to know what i think about)

i want at least one of them to ALWAYS carry around a little notepad and one of those tiny as hell pens that are technically there to be small, but do still work, just so they can write smth down

dark memorising y/ns orders at places just so they cant drain their energy by talkin to the cashier cuz wow that is TERRIFYING

them both only talking in private. if we go the route that all the mark egos live together, i bet the only people who have heard their voice (besides dark, ofc) are :

• wilford, who slammed open their bedroom door while y/n was talking

• google, cuz yknow. voice commands

• yancy, just because i like him a lot <3

everyone else just has NO idea they even CAN talk. only times theyve seen them do anything resembling that is whispering smth very quietly in darks ear

okay now time for the daily slice of hurt/comfort cuz i cannot exsist w/o it -

y/n pushes themselves too hard one day with the talking. maybe they had to give a speech and it made them EXAUSTED afterwards. so when they very sluggishly get trough the mansion door, i think dark can immediatly sense that.. uh oh.. y/ns on the edge of falling asleep while still trying to take off the shoes and coat.

this man fuckin THROWING himself at y/n cuz !!!!!! what!!!! is happening!!!!!! dont pass!!!!! out in the doorway!!!!!!

him realising y/n is basically nonverbal again, not even making their small noises and hums, and just carrying them to their bedroom so they can now rest. the speech must have really worn them out if theyre like this :(

👏 C U D D L I N G 👏

always good to cuddle this grayscale abomination <3 <3 <3

just them both laying in bed, y/n sleeping while dark messes with their hair or hands, being very worried for how his s/o is doing ):

maybe him (with CONSENT) hypnotising y/n so they can truly just... chill out and nap for a few hours. and if they seem to bot get better, i bet your ass that dr. iplier is gonna be called over by a dark whos freaking the hell out

but when they finally wake up, they just hug him a bit tighter and mumble a small thank you to him for putting up with them

Bonus : y/n always has their phone on them, and sometimes they text dark what theyre thinking as a way to communicate. maybe some of the randomest thoughts ever that leave poor dark staring at them and his phone like ???? huh ??? what ???????

fuck angry and angsty dark, im making him as soft and sweet as possible, but only to y/n because those are basically the laws of every dar x y/n fic

but yeah this was just very self indulgent cuz aint no way im talking that much irl

It is law that Dark is only soft around Y/N <3

Yeah I like the lack of dialogue we have in the w/ Mark series (aside from the one time we cough in heist's zombie route)

[antiloreolympus]

7 Anti LO Asks

1. i see LO fans say "she can rewrite the myths as much as she wants! it doesnt matter if it doesnt have to be 100% the same!" which to an extent i agree, but RS does it to such extremes and obviously changing everything and everyone to fit her narrative that it doesn't match any of the original myths. why even use the myths to begin with if you throw 99% of it out anyway? in the beginning she at least tried to tie it back, but now it's just fanfic, and it's not even good fanfic at that.

2. yall theres not even height diversity in LO, how the hell would there be body diversity? even the colors arent diverse, persephone isnt even unique anymore outside of her ugly red eyes (which other characters have anyway).

3. i saw someone say the reason LO is dragging so long is because rachel "needs all that time to set up hxp's relationship on a healthy base" which like first off what comic are you ready if you think any part of her depiction is anything but a toxic nightmare but also?? do they know only maybe three weeks have passed in all this time?? by all accounts they're actually rushing everything and not putting a healthy base on anything. its a slow burn for the readers, not the actual couple.

4. SO LIKE …. I WASNT AWARE OF ALL THIS AND I WAS INTERESTED IN LO FOR A GOOD WHILE BUT LIKE … “the damaging nature of purity culture” HELLO? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE UNAWARE OF THIS SHIT …… YIKES ………

same anon as the one who came in all caps freaked out about this shit unaware of it for the longest time but like . distressed since i spent MONEY to read this. ugegjhrh. the ableism, the blatant “pedophilia-but-not-quite”, the homophobia, the classism. i am quite literally jsut… Blind. to these things. not by intent, but bcos im just stupid by solid default. but jesus christ i dont like this author anymore.

5. part of the reason too LO rings hollow is because it keeps being "look how attractive and desirable hades is!" when thats not how it works. his desirability shouldnt be based off having a six pack or having the most money or having women fight over him, it should be that he has a good personality and is just all around a well written character, which he isn't. in fact he has more to him that makes him unattractive, and not even in a "attractive bad boy" way, he's just an awful person.

6. Hades “Minthe you need to take responsibility for your self” (offers her no support other than finically and a job aka controlling her life)

Also hades “don’t worry about murdering those people Kore you’re powerful, and you know what I’ll drive you to therapy after I have your family over for a party . While we’re at it let me spoil you with presents  and hide you from my brother. How about on top of that I’ll defend you against my brother instead of brushing this trial off.”

7. tbh i dont buy rachel's "im trying to have a laugh at' excuse for the age gap. you do not purposely make her so borderline underage and even have the characters point out its gross just to be like "its no big deal!" esp when hades and co are made to such extreme ages. she could still have the same personality and desires/goal at 1k+ years old, and its clear rachel is just trying to save face for making such an icky idea instead of just admitting LO is just a mix of her fanfic kinks.

[chocowhomps]

i forgot i said id use this blog for headcannon or more accurately i guess kin talk too that im too shy to talk abt on main so NICE im gonna do that

OK I DECIDED IM READ MOREING THIS BECAUSE ITS OBSCENELY LONG BUT

if you want to read it: its about kevin and eddys future relationship as a couple and also talks abt my fankid for them

im rly excited to draw my fankid for adult kevin n eddy bc im very obsessed w everyone sticking together as a big squad of friends post bps and just being each others support as they mature. and even when everyone grows up into adults theyre all a tight knit gang

and eddy and kevin move into eddy’s parents house bc they buy a house in hawaii or somewhere tropical and eddys been working at his dad’s used car lot since college bc he didnt wanna go back to school, and his dad basically retires and hands him the keys

(theres something to be said about them going through kevins attic to move all of his things out of his parents house too and kevin being all nostalgic and eddys griping about wanting to get it done already bc obligatory has a bad back and complains as if he is 50 years old or some shit but is secretly mostly embarrassed bc kevins been doing shit like pulling out their middle school grad book and saying eddy looked cute in the class picture)

and the two of them live right next door to kevins parents and eddy works full time at the lot and kevin doesnt have a stable job mostly stays at home and does the housework by choice bc he just cant find smth hes passionate for and the house is mostly paid off when they transfer it so they just get rly lucky like that. kevin doesnt mind doing the cleaning or anything either and they thoroughly discuss it, not like eddy doesnt help. but eddys hours are so sporadic since he owns the lot now and sometimes hes gone dawn to dusk. kevin likes the freedom and bakes a lot and honestly kinda has a fondness getting to take care of him bc its like a guilty pleasure (DO NOT AT ME PLEASE AAAH ITS SELF INDULGENT) but kevin DOES coach little league in his free time bc he gets antsy. he also just loves baking and stress bakes often so its not uncommon for eddy to come home early and theres fuking cooling racks on every surface and a hundred things on the go and kevins like “oh say less hey babe : ) you’re here early” and eddys like “jesus christ?”

kevin gets obligatory baby fever (dont at me) bc the moms bring babies to little league games sometimes and he just loves kids, its why he does little league aside from the sports aspect. probably brings the idea of them having a baby up over dinner and eddy chokes on a beer because the concept of kids is something hes also realized he heavily desires but is PETRIFIED of doing. he feels like he’d be a shit dad and desperately wants to be better than (God bless their souls) his parents made him feel.

he really doesnt want his kid to feel like they have something to be better than and constantly be told theyre “better than a dead beat” (ie his own brother) and even then in his like early 30s after his therapy has been consistent he STILL slips into anger and bad habits at the best of times no matter how he controls it. he is so scared he’ll hurt a kid and he doesnt want to allow himself to get attached. he’s done things thath ave hurt their friends or even kevin out of impulse and even conceptually doing that to his child, not even someone on his equal level makes him feel sick

but kevin just gets him so well. like he knows how his brain works down to every tick and he tells him exactly what he needs to hear while rubbing his shoulders. like tells him he’ll be there for him and he needs to just fucking trust himself for once and stop holding onto the little boy he was when he was a kid like that person whos still spiteful and lashes out at every opportunity is still him because he’s grown past it. gives him confidence and its so soft bc he can make him feel so proud of his growth so easy eddy literally just needs the most miniscule of validation and its AH

but they adopt this baby girl named nicole (nicky) and she is. my god shes the embodiment of both of them combined so shes a fucking nightmare. shes barely 8 and kevin finds her into the cookie jar on a sunday and wigs out like “what are you doing!! how did you open this!!” bc he fucking sealed it like his mom would have to do for him. and shes like “i pickeded it :p” and eddy fucking dry heave cackles leaning on the wall bc YEAH THATS MY GIRL 

i might talk more about her but this is so long and im shy lol if i dont stop now ill be too nervous to post this bye

[739337369137371082]

Hey so I found u thru the Halved Live Funnies and I gotta ask... whose Leon? What series these dudes from?

i got this ask and then forgot about it for like 2 days. anyways.

IVE ANSWERED THIS BEFORE BUT. GOD. LEON. ok so like....... long story short last year was when i first played resident evil........ bc we got a copy of re2remake in and.... jesus christ. i hyperfixated so fucking hard for the better part of a year going on into this year. and then i watched hl/vr and well. we know where that went. but now i am once again hyperfixated and now im back to where i was in like.... june of last year LMAO. but anyways i am once again going to ramble under the cut about them <3 (seriously. its very long and doesnt go much of anywhere. also spoilers)

tl/dr:

OK. SO. resident evil. the last time i answered this ask i either hadnt played some of them or just completely forgot the plot of others LOL but now upon beating/playing a large majority of them (besides 6 which i have not touched yet, and 7 is first person and im not rly interested in it rn)...... well others have said this as well but if you like cheesy b action movies you would love resident evil!!! 

the orig 1-2 are more survival horror which is what i like the most. 3 is where it starts branching into more actiony stuff but is still survival horror. but 4 and after is just like..... cheesy action stuff which is fine but not really like.... my thing. altho i do think that they are fun in a “this plot is hilariously bad” type way because i do enjoy horrible things. but people who like resident evil dont like it for the plot they like it for the characters. and for me i latched the fuck onto leon kennedy and tyrant t-00 aka mr fucking x

listen.......... you guys know me relatively well enough to know that i have a type......... and i would define leon as not really fitting under it usually because he is 1. under 6 foot 2. human and 3. very much not a villain. but something about (mostly remake) leon hits fucking different!!!!!! hes kind and means well, thinks about others constantly, looks like an actual fucking person in the in game graphics instead of being some manufactured perfect model, nice voice, etc....... i fucking care him so much. also gameplay wise i find his weapons to be more enjoyable than claires so i always end up playing his route/2nd route the most compared to hers. but i do also like claire :) shes nice and epic

i dont really like the newer leons (4 and afterwards) as much.... i mean a lot of it has to do with trauma and general “growing up” after what happened in re2 but hes just so constantly... snarky? jaded? constantly spouting lines to make him seem cool? when in my head hes very much like... a loser LMAO. i mean dont get me wrong hes a badass. he survives a fucking zombie outbreak and nearly gets murdered dozens of time. thats the definition of badass. but also you cannot change my mind that hes also a anxious loser twunk. there is literally nothing you can do to convince me he is “cool” like the games and movies want to think. this is probably heresy to re fans but this is my truth

https://youtu.be/aVZWuSfGStk?t=129

here is a vid of his cutscenes. obvious spoilers in there but you can skip around and see how cute he is. also yes in his first cutscene he is listening to butt rock. i switch between thinking hes just listening to it because nothing else is on the radio or his taste really is that terrible

also you literally CANNOT convince me that he is straight. the games try SOOOOO hard to get you to ship leon/ada or leon/claire but like...... i cannot see it. he has one of the gayest run animations i have ever seen in re2 remake and i mean... he just radiates gay trans man energy to me. also please look at this small scene from one of the animated movies where a licker jumps on top of him and he wraps his legs around its hips and lifts it off of him to not die. gay king

https://youtu.be/d-VNikxYBPw?t=9

but yes ive basically decided to ignore all characterization from re4 and onwards regarding leon at least. every leon after that is not my leon (except in special cases when im thinking about something like leon/jd from re damnation..... they did jd so dirty and they should have fucking kissed. or how cute he looked in vendetta sometimes)

ANYWAYS. MR X

so basically there are these enemies in resident evil called “tyrants” that are manufactured by the evil capitalist company umbrella that are near indestructible save for like.... rocket launchers or super heavy artillery that youre not buying at your local gun store. and in re2 one of them get sent to the police station where leon and claire are and is told to wipe out all witnesses. (i also do think that 2 or more were sent there... or at least in the area when this happened due to some very obvious plot hole stuff on each route no matter how you play, even tho the devs have come out and said that only 1 existed in the game and that each route is like “a parallel dimension” to each other. i wont go into it more than that but i choose to ignore that)

and well. when i first played it i knew of mr x but didnt like... know much about him other than that he was a monster and Tall (like 7 or 8 feet tall) and that he chased you around. that already sold me on him but then. well. you first encounter him because he lifts up an entire goddamn helicopter and then proceeds to chase you. and it was then that i knew i was in deep shit because he fucking stomped his way into my heart and never left.

mr x basically has serious Side Character Disorder where (even tho the remake made him very cool and epic and did him really well compared to nemesis in re3 remake which is an entire different can of worms) he has LITERALLY no personality or like. thoughts. or anything. hes only there to chase you around and be on screen for like 10 seconds for a couple of cutscenes and then not show up again until the very end of the game for you to fight on leons route. but god. he means so fucking much to me. 

you know how people latch onto random side characters that have no personality and essentially flesh them out more than the creators ever will? thats me with mr x. its gotten to the point where certain songs come on on my spotify and i actually get EMOTIONS or even TEARS because they remind me of him, but its not even really HIM, its the fucking ideas that ive come up with regarding him because all he ever does in game is chase you around and punch you and then die and is never brought up again

but anyways. mr x is a tall monster who chases leon and claire around in their routes but mr x is leons main monster in the game (claire has a different one). he chases leon around, literally never stops looking at him as he chases him, gets hit by an entire fucking car which then explodes BUT THEN chases him down into the sewers and into a secret underground lab just to get to him like a fucking bloodhound who, once he has the scent, will never stop chasing him

(you can see why this made me kind of insane)

just. AGHHH. the tyrants in this series get treated so dirty. i desperately want capcom to give us some sort of tyrant that can actually fucking like.... go against orders and brainwashing or whatever and actually have emotions and thoughts!!!!!!!!!! but capcom would never do anything with it cause its a rough and tough action series and people arent here to see tyrants have some sort of thought process beyond punching and killing and people only want to shoot guns at them instead of thinking about the possibilities of a tyrant that goes against its programming.

i so desperately want an au where mr x got the transmitter shot off of the side of his head (and while capcom never mentioned this ever many re2 fans have since decided that it is what feeds info/orders to him. i flip flop between thinking that it either is near controlling him and prevents free will and thought or that its just giving him orders and that hes just burying/hiding/not showing free will and thought in fear of being killed. either that or someone at umbrella is “piloting” him but also the whole point of tyrants is that theyre supposed to be smart enough to think for themselves somewhat so... eh). GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive explained a bunch of this stuff in my other ask about it but just...... xleon means so much to me when it should not and will never be actually canon

anyways please play re2 remake at least, you dont have to know everything about re1 to like it, just go into it knowing that a few months ago in the mountains outside raccoon city claires brother chris and a few members on his team went to a mansion where they discovered umbrella doing shady zombie shit there. re2 remake was hyped up for years for a reason and it is really good, even if its short (altho i do appreciate short games in this day and age cause not every game needs to be like 60 plus hours long). 

maybe one day when its not late and i can actually think i will explain all this better but todays not that day <3

(EDIT: ALSO RE DAMNATION TYRANTS ARE 14 FEET TALL. AND CHASE AROUND LEON AND ACTUALLY FUCKING RUN. FUN FACT! anyways while i do think jd in that movie and leon should kiss i also want leon and a tyrant from that movie to kiss. bye)