#especially as the adult child of an adoptee

[miseryinyou]

I need to talk about Eliot telling the team he was adopted because it's SO important.

Eliot is 50ish (we don't have canon confirmation but Kane turned 50 in June so I'm running with it). How much do you want to bet this is the FIRST TIME he's ever told anyone he was adopted (at least in 20+ years).

He grew up in a small town. People just knew he was adopted. There was no other explanation for a little white boy being raised by black folk. He didn't talk about his family when he enlisted - it hurt too much. Then it just didn't stop hurting to think about them let alone talk about them.

So here he is - 50 years old - daring his found family to judge him for being abandoned at a hospital and subsequently adopted.

He's still insecure about it. It doesn't matter that his adoptive parents loved him because a part of Eliot will always hold on to the fact that someone who was supposed to love him abandoned him at a hospital. Maybe they did it out of love - they knew they couldn't care for him the way a child deserved to be cared for. But there's still a tiny voice in Eliot's head that thinks "MAYBE they just didn't want him."

AND DAMN. The fact that he is a transracial adoptee. I mean. I'm just imagining things like his parents taking him on a rare family trip to Oklahoma City (where no one knows their family) and poor little Eliot being dragged to the police station because some stranger accused his parents of abducting him. What that must've done to baby!Eliot. To his self-esteem. To his view of the world. Depending on how old he was - he must've been so confused and scared.

My heart breaks for baby!Eliot and I just can't stop thinking about it.

AND OF COURSE. The team didn't care at all that Eliot's adopted. Breanna and Hardison seem genuinely delighted that Eliot was raised by a black couple. But mostly, the team just seems a little upset that Eliot never told them. Still, they swallow their hurt because they know Eliot's a private guy and they know he's in a lot of pain right now. They can talk about his adoption when this case is over.

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

There For Me (Harley Quinn X Batsis!Reader)

Characters: Harley Quinn X Batsis!Reader, Batfam X Batsis!Reader

Universe: DC, Batman

Warnings: Unhealthy family relationships (Parentification) Mild mention of a past abusive relationship (Harley & Joker) Mention of stalking, mention of death

Request: A bruce wayne and daughter, she is an adult. Mainly responsible for her siblings. She is sick of being the responible one. She is really good friends with harley and ivy and they take her in. She is secrectly dating harley. Batman comes too take her back but she tells him she is very happy and harley protects her girlfriend. Bruce accepts and lets them be.

Notes: Kind of strayed from the request near the end, I kind of got carried away with this lol

Ever since you were a child, you were well aware that your relationship and role within your family was different to a lot of other families. It wasn’t the norm by any sense, even for Gotham. Your mom was never in the picture, leaving you in the hospital you were born in with a note about where to find your dad, and after a test to confirm it, you were sent to live with your dad, who at the time was the opposite of responsible, and was a mess still, if the whole getting a woman pregnant who then left you without a second thought wasn’t something to go by. It was no surprise that Alfred ended up being your actual primary caregiver for your early years. That, and the whole secret life as Batman he actually had the foresight to know it was best you didn’t know about. 

You found out when you were 10, coming down in the middle of the night for something to drink after a nightmare, finding your dad badly beaten and barely conscious in the kitchen, also looking for something to drink. You stared at each other for a moment in horror, but after a moment, you swallowed, grabbing a cup, getting some cold water, and went back to bed without a word. Bruce told Alfred what happened, and Alfred explained everything after school the next day. That day changed a lot for you. You realised partly why your dad was almost always absent, that Alfred was helping him keep your city safe, and that anytime you needed help with something was basically time taken away from Alfred that he could be spending making sure your dad wasn’t bleeding out somewhere or in need of help. As soon as you got home that day, you immediately began the process of becoming as independent as possible. 

By the time your dad brought Dick home, you were entirely independent, but also very emotionally cut off from your dad and Alfred. You didn’t interact with Dick for a few days until he was up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare, and you came down as well, fixing a snack to share and then going back up to his room to keep him occupied till he was ready to go back to bed. It was after that point that Dick started to open up a bit more, especially with you. After Dick had grown into an adult and you two spent a night off drinking and catching up, he admitted to you that when he first joined the family, he wasn’t sure on what your role was in it, thinking maybe you were a recent adoptee as well and just weren’t adjusting well, and it took over a month for him to realise you were Bruce’s biological kid. 

When Jason arrived, you already had a rough idea of what to do as your role as a big sister to dysfunctional traumatised little brothers, though Jason’s anger issues did make it a bit more difficult to bond with him. However, you quickly found that if you challenged his own anger with your silent resentment and frustration with your dad for not actually doing what a dad is supposed to, you two would actually bond over your frustrations, cause a bit of havoc together to blow of some steam. 

Jason exposed you to two things. One, he showed you that you had every right to be more angry with Bruce about the fact that you had to raise yourself and now the kids he was bringing into the manor than you are. Two, it was because of you two causing a bit of mischief that you met Harley Quinn.

You had been doing some art outside to release some of your emotions in a healthy way, or as Bruce would call it, Vandalism in the form of graffiti, when you heard police sirens, and you both scattered to get away from the scene, getting separated and you ended up on the bad side of town, and was just trying to find a safe route home without having to call anyone, especially Bruce or Alfred, for help, and hoping that Jason was okay. Unfortunately, you ended up crossing paths with a group of business students, who decided to catcall, harass, and after you ignored them completely, decided to start following you. Fortunately, it was then that you took a sharp turn to try and lose them and bumped right into Harley, who was with her own posse of goons. You two stared at each other for no longer than a second, and in that second, you two had entire conversation purely through your eyes. Then she heard the men behind you, far enough away to not see who you had bumped into to realise they should run, but close enough for Harley to hear them laugh and tell the men surrounding her to grab you for them. He face contorted to anger for a moment.

“They bothering you?” She asked shortly, and you nodded, honestly scared to mutter a word. She took your arm, pulling you behind her. “Boys, time to teach these men some manners!” She ordered, and in a matter of seconds, Harley’s goons were chasing the men down the street and out of sight. You couldn’t help the small laugh that left your mouth at the sight. “You alright? Did they grab ya?” 

“No- no, they were just being creeps. Thanks.” You told her as she turned back to you, the streetlamp now lighting up your face better, and she was able to see your face clearer, and also now actually identify you, and you saw her eyes widen and realised she knew who you were. 

“Aren’t you Wayne’s daughter? What you doing out here? I’m sure daddy wouldn’t approve of you being out here.” She stated, hands on her hips, almost motherly, which was funny considering that you weren’t even a teenager anymore, now a young woman in your early twenties, only about 5-6 years younger than Harley. 

“I was supposed to be supervising my little brother while he released some stress in some street art.” You told her. She arched an eyebrow. 

“You and the younger Wayne were doing vandalism?” She clarified, and she saw the twinge of a smirk on your face before you tucked it back, and she grinned. “I like you, little trouble maker! Where’s your brother now?” 

“I don’t know, honestly. We heard sirens nearby and scattered. He’s a lot more street smart than me though- obviously.” You said, gesturing down the street to the incident Harley just prevented. 

“Why not call your dad?” She asked, and you couldn’t help the loud and quick laugh that left you, which told her a lot. “You two… not close?” 

“No… never were, honestly… I uh, I’ve always looked after myself, and these days I’m looking after my adoptive siblings. Bruce isn’t good with the whole kids having emotions things, so I’m trying to help Jason get his anger out in ways that don’t involve needing first aid kits constantly stocked up.” You explained to her, hands in your pockets, rocking back and forth, finding it hard to stand still. You had no clue why you were admitting all this to Harley, especially since she was literally an enemy of your dad, but the way she had immediately defended you, and was taking the time to listen to you made you feel safe with her. 

“That sucks, toots… you must be pretty lonely… say, if you ever find yourself back out here or just want a call or something and rant, call this number, okay? I might not answer right away, this is kind of a private cell, so don’t tell anyone, but I’ll get back to you, okay?” She said, plucking a gel pen from a pocket of her loud chequered jacket, grabbing your arm to pull your hand out your pocket and noting down a number on your palm. When she was done, she tucked it back into her pocket. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the edge of the nicer part of town, okay?” She said, wrapping her arm in yours and pulling you along with her. She did as she said, walking you to a safer part of town, reminding you to call her if needed (also if you couldn’t find Jason so she could look for him for you) and you parted ways.

She was the one you ended up calling when Jason was killed.

You didn’t talk to anyone for over a month after his death, other than the odd text to Dick to respond to him or to just make sure he was alright, but one night when things were really bad for you- your dad basically nearly killing himself every night, Alfred locked up in the cave trying to prevent him from actually dying, Dick away doing his own thing after arguing with Bruce, you were entirely alone in your mourning, completely lost in what you’re supposed to do next. You had no little brother to keep your mind busy with worrying and caring for, no one to make you feel needed. No one to make you feel wanted. You were completely alone.

You had called her as a last ditch effort, seeing no harm in at least trying, remembering she was once a psychiatrist. And sure, she was once affiliated with the Joker, but she had distanced herself from him, clearly a victim herself, and had been keeping a low profile ever since. You weren’t even sure she would pick up, probably changing her number, but she did pick up. “Hello?” 

“Harley?” You asked in a whisper. “This is… um, it’s Y/N. Wayne… you um, helped me out a while ago with some creeps, gave me this number…” You recollected to her. 

“I remember… heard about your brother… Not gonna say sorry, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard it a billion times and I’m probably a person you don’t wanna hear it from… you doing okay?” 

“Not really…” You admitted, sniffling. “I’m not doing good… I know you said to call if I needed help with something… I just… I’m alone and I don’t want to be. Is there somewhere we can just meet even if it’s just for an hour?” You asked. 

“Yeah of course!” You weren’t honestly expecting her immediate agreement. “We can have a girl’s night, me, you, and Ivy- I’ve been staying with her for a while now, I’m sure she won’t mind! Where do you want to meet?” 

You met her a few blocks away, and she walked with you to a small one bedroom apartment where Ivy was waiting already, lounged on the cramped couch. She didn’t ask questions as Harley introduced you as Bruce Wayne’s daughter, who was in need of some TLC after everything that happened with Jason, in fact the only questions she asked was “Do you want to get wasted or hold onto the pillow of emotions and tell us all about it?” 

“The pillow of emotions?” You asked, and she held up the pillow right next to her- a blanket, that even in the dim lighting you could tell was as soft as a childhood teddy, the perfect size and shape to squeeze tightly as you cried your eyes out. You pointed to it, and she handed it over, and it wasn’t long till you were on the couch next to Ivy, Harley sat on the floor, both women listening and nodding along as you hugged the pillow, sobbing and ranting about everything. From you basically being raised by Alfred, to you being more like a mother than a sister to Dick and Jason despite not even being that much older than Dick, and how because of that, you felt like a failure when Jason died, like you failed at being his protector, and how now you were all alone- Dick doing his own thing, your dad acting like Jason never even existed, and Alfred being too busy making sure your dad was actually caring for himself to notice you might even need help. 

Honestly, a part of you expected these women, who themselves had been through hell and way worse than you, to roll their eyes, point out how you had daddy’s money to buy a therapist and figure it out yourself, but they didn’t. In fact in the end, when you finally got it all off your chest, both wrapped you in their arms, promising you that they were there, that they cared, and that this apartment always had space for you if you ever wanted to get away. You found yourself there at least once a week. When Bruce brought Tim home, you fluctuated between spending almost every day there or being at home keeping an eye and trying to care for the new brother, until Tim expressed his independence and you went back to spending more time with the girls. 

5 years after Jason’s death, a lot of things changed. 

One, your friendship with Harley became more than a friendship, and you three mutually agreed that it was time for an upgrade in apartment, and you officially moved out, creating much more distance between yourself and your dad, though with Tim around and Bruce now getting more of a grip on his self-destructive behaviours, you were able to call and come visit Alfred, Tim and Dick who had moved back in on occasion, though you now mostly interacted with Dick and Tim (who had warmed up to you a lot more) outside of the manor. 

Two, Jason came back. It was shocking for everyone involved, especially since he was full to the brim of rage and fury, especially against Bruce. He worked with Scarecrow to poison the entire city, and the second you heard it was him through Dick, you tried to leave the safety of the apartment that you had promised your girlfriend you wouldn’t leave to try and find him, only for Ivy to find you quickly, seeing you in a panic and trying to run into the city without anyway to protect yourself, and in fear that you’d been affected by the fear toxin, she sedated you herself until it was all over and hopefully the toxin had left your body. When she woke you up with Harley there, your immediate question was if Jason was okay. Harley thought you were having issues with your memory due to the sedation and the toxin, but after talking with you for longer, explaining the call you had gotten from Dick, and also letting slip that your family was also the bat family, and that Jason was the Robin that had been killed, the girls gave you the rundown of what they knew. Bruce was alive. Dick and Tim were alive, and the Arkham Knight, who was apparently Jason, had disappeared, not confirmed alive or dead. Harley escorted you back to the manor to get answers on what happened, and to try and get in contact with Jason. You got confirmation that he was alive, but was still pissed off at Bruce and was not contacting the family for the time being. 

That didn’t sit right with you. So you went out into the city to one of the places you two would hang around, mess around, graffiti, where you’d complain about Bruce together, and had the best time of your lives. And you waited. And waited. You ignored all your phone calls and texts, simply dropping a text to Harley promising you’d be home soon and you were alright before turning your phone off, and waited more. When the air started to become too nippy for you as you continued to pace in the small snicket, head low, arms crossed and noticing you could see your breath now, you finally thought about leaving. Giving up for now, trying another day or another technique. It was then you felt something heavy drop on your shoulders, and someone pat you on the back. You looked up, startled at the tall man beside you, but even more so at his features that you could recognize instantly. “Jason?” You asked, getting a faint smile from him. That was all you needed, pulling the man into a tight hug, his heavy leather jacket nearly falling off your shoulders. 

You caught up with Jason. You told him how you’d moved out of the manor, how no one in the family actually knew where you lived, and you let the cat out the bag about your roommates being Ivy and Harley, who was actually your girlfriend, and how you met Harley that night where you two got separated in the city, and how she was the one you came to when he died. In classic Jason style, he was far more angry over the fact that Bruce totally left you alone to mourn him and you had to turn to another victim of Joker’s for comfort than you living with two criminals and dating one. In fact, he warmed up pretty quickly to it, knowing they at least can protect you ‘unlike Bruce’. He walked you home, promising to be in touch. You went inside, seeing Harley beside herself with worry, and after her throwing herself at you to hold you close and make sure you were alright, you told her everything, and after Jason and you got a form of communication, Harley and Ivy gave Jason the thumbs up to be allowed into the girl cave, the only real rule being to not tell Bruce or the others about the living arrangement in any way, which was easy enough. 

For a while, things were tense but working in the Wayne family. Jason was still limited to no contact with Bruce, only talking to Dick on occasion when they ran into each other, but almost all contact between them was through you, which resulted in you having more contact with Bruce, though things were still incredibly tense between you two, so often Dick and Tim became a filter for you both, which you despised. Still, the boys would always called you when they needed you, and so it was them who called you to let you know that Bruce had another child- this one biologically his. Your half brother. Damian. 

You let yourself into the manor, quickly rushing down into the cave to hear everyone bickering, Dick and your now youngest brother in the midst of a fight, though when Bruce spotted you and called your name, they stopped and looked at you. Damian stepped towards you, and Dick immediately held one of his Escrima sticks in front of him to stop him, and Tim stepped forward to be in front of you slightly, telling you that those two didn’t trust him to not hurt you. You patted Tim on the shoulder to tell him it was alright before stepping around him, and then you looked at Dick. “Put it away.” You told him. He did as told, though hesitantly. Damian remained still, though he glared at you. You showed him the palms of your hands casually. “No weapons on me, other than a taser, but that’s for creeps in the street.” You told him. 

“Who are you?” He demanded. “Another stray my father picked up off the streets?” Ah. Volatile, lashing out, not caring about hurting feelings. Reminded you of a certain someone…

“In a way, I guess. I’m your sister. Your half sister. Biologically related.” You explained, nodding your head in your father’s direction, who was stood off to the side. His eyes widened, before his eyebrows knitted together and his frown deepended. 

“I wasn’t aware father had an older child.” 

“Yeah, he had me pretty young, and I’ve mostly been out of the spotlight- I like keeping a low profile.” You explained to him, stepping forward casually. “I always joked that father dearest never wanted a girl and always wanted to only have boys- why he had Dick, Tim and Jason, so hopefully now you’re here, I don’t have to worry about raising anymore boys on his behalf.” You joked, offering a hand to him. You felt Dick and Tim tense at your action and proximity. Damian stared at your hand, then back at you, before taking your hand and you shaked it with a smile. “Welcome to the family, Damian. I’m Y/N, the eldest Wayne sibling, and your big sister. If you need anything, anything at all, you call for me, okay? I’ll be there.” 

You kept that promise to him, like you had the boys. He didn’t call you or contact you for a good few months. He only really interacted with you when either Bruce, Alfred or one of the other boys called for you and you went to the manor to negotiate, or to meet one of them on patrol to talk, and he was tagging along with them because Bruce didn’t trust him alone, but he witnessed his ‘brothers’ call you the second they had a problem, especially at home with Bruce, and every time you picked up, arranged to meet them, and came over. At first he hated how you got into fights with Bruce, especially when advocating for Jason, but when he realised that you were doing it on the boys behalf, especially when you got into a fight with Bruce for him regarding his grades and getting calls from teachers, he finally asked Dick for your phone number, and he asked to speak with you while he was on patrol. You agreed, arranging to meet him nearby. 

“You okay Damian?” You asked as soon as you saw him in the snicket. He nodded, not saying anything at first. “You haven’t ever called me before, so something big must have happened.” 

“Why do you fight for me and the others on our behalf to father?” He asked bluntly. You stared surprised for a moment, before walking closer to him. 

“I don’t have a good relationship with…father. Never have, and I’ve accepted I’ll probably never will. A long time ago, I just kept my mouth shut, let him ignore my existence despite living in the same building, and I was mostly alone. The Dick came along, and he was far more present for him than he ever was for me, but still, he wasn’t… there, there. He was still lacking, mostly emotionally, and I found myself just… filling the gap. Making up where he missed the mark. I looked after Dick when he was going through mourning of his parents, I was the one who helped Jason get some of his anger out, I was the only one who accepted Tim into the family from the get-go… I’m the one the boys call when they need help. Not Bruce… My girlfriend- don’t tell dad about her- is a psychiatrist, and she calls it parentification. It’s when a child, often the oldest, takes on a role similar to that of a parent, caring for younger siblings, and at times, the parents themselves. It complicates relationships between the younger ones and the eldest as well- like you boys turning to me rather than Bruce when you have issues. It usually damages the relationships in the family later on.” You explained to him. 

“Do you resent father for doing that?” He asked. You knew you couldn’t lie to Damian- he wasn’t naive by any sense, and you guessed he’d tell you were lying. 

“Honestly? Yes. Absolutely. I didn’t have a childhood, and I had to grow up quickly to care for the boys he chose to have.”

“Do you resent Dick, Jason and Tim? Do you resent me? You said yourself you think he only wanted boys, and while I’m biologically his like you, he’s present for me like he was Dick.” He inquired. You stepped even closer till you were both straining your necks to meet eye contact. You reached out, holding his face with your hands, warming his cheeks with your calms. 

“Never… Those few years before Dick came home… were some of the worst years of my life. I was… so alone. When you boys showed up, I wasn’t alone anymore. I had purpose, something to keep me busy. Whenever I get a text from Jason complaining about Bruce, or Dick asking me to stop by, or simply Tim asking to get him coffee… I don’t mind, because they need me, and they trust me, and they love me, and I love them. They’re my brothers. Your my youngest brother, and I love you unconditionally, okay?” You promised him, and he nodded, before stepping back, turning on his heel, and going to leave the alley, before he paused, turning and looking over his shoulder at you. 

“I won’t tell father about your girlfriend… Does anyone else know?” 

“Only Jason. I don’t trust the others to not freak out about her, especially Bruce.” You told him. He nodded, and carried on his way. He started to text you from time to time like Jason did. Short and blunt. He never told you straight out he loved you- Dick said it all the time when saying goodbye, Jason said it on occasion, usually concealing it with sentences, Tim said it usually in the middle of the compliment, but never Damian. Instead he would simply text you ‘hope you’re safe’ at the end of the beginning of a conversation. When you realised that was him saying he loved you, you realised he said it the most out of the boys. 

More time passed, things were going good in your family if you ignored Bruce, and things were going extremely well with you and Harley. You were both now looking for a new place to live away from Ivy- her idea, she was planning to move in with Selina. However, the move was postponed when signs of Joker being near your current apartment started to show up, and Harley became anxious, and with very good reason. You hurriedly moved Harley and Ivy into Selina’s apartment and you temporarily moved back into the manor. Just in time it seemed- your old apartment complex was the victim of arson, the substances used to light the fire making it burn green. It was obvious who set it. 

Jason heard first, rushing to the manor, ignoring Bruce’s calls to come and find you, holding you tightly, relieved that you were safe, before he explained what had happened, and that it was an attack by Joker. He said that, in front of not only Bruce, but all your other brothers. They all, including Bruce, freaked out.

“Joker targetted you?!” Dick freaked out.

“No he-” 

“You’re staying at a safehouse for now, alright? We’ll fit it up and make it homely.” Tim decided.

“No, that’s not needed-”

“Y/N, you’re in danger, you can’t leave our sight.” Bruce ordered. 

“He wasn’t targeting me!” You snapped, making them all stop. “He wasn’t targeting me. He was targeting my roommate… my girlfriend.” 

“Your girlfriend?” Bruce asked. 

“Why?” Damian asked. You glanced at Jason anxiously, the only person who knew all the details. He instantly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, ready to put himself between you and everyone else if they tried anything, and get you out of there in a timely fashion if necessary. 

“My girlfriend is Harley. Quinn. We’ve been dating for a few years.” You admitted. Everyone stood stiff for a moment. 

“What?!” Bruce finally snapped, moving forward. Jason immediately held his arm out, pulling you behind him. 

“You stay the fuck away from my sister, Bruce.” He glared. 

“You knew?” Tim asked at Jason. 

“I did too.” Damian spoke up, trying to show solidarity with you and Jason, jumping to be beside you as well. “I didn’t know it was Harley, but from what she’s told me, she treats her well and loves Y/N.” Damian defended. 

“I’ve met her. Harley loves Y/N. She was there for Y/N when I died, unlike you. She looks after Y/N.” Jason defended. Bruce stared at you. 

“Where’s Harley?” 

“I’m not telling you. Her life's in danger, she’s in hiding… we’re going to meet up soon and… we’re leaving Gotham. Temporarily. Just until Joker forgets she exists, then we’re getting a new apartment, maybe somewhere closer to Jason.” You explained. 

“You can’t leave Gotham with her!” Bruce snapped. 

“Why not?” Tim asked. Bruce’s head snapped around to him. “If Joker gets an inkling that Harley has a girlfriend, especially if it’s Y/N Wayne, he’ll go after her. It’s better safe than sorry.” 

“Anything we can do from here? We can get you two a safehouse in another city till things calm down.” Dick offered. You smiled at him and nodded, and he smiled sadly. “We should cause a scene to keep him occupied so he doesn’t have time to realise Harley’s gone off the grid. One of us should also escort you both just in case. 

“I’ll do that.” Jason decided. “Atleast you know if worst comes to worse and Joker tries to stop you leaving, I’ll fucking kill him.” 

“Do none of you care about what I think?” Bruce asked. 

“No. We don’t. This has nothing to do with you. This is to do about the safety of Y/N and her girlfriend from her girlfriend’s abusive ex. This is about what is best for them, and what we can do to make things easier for them. You’ve never cared about her. You’ve never put her first and done what’s best for her. Leave us to deal with this, and stay out of it.” Jason snapped at him. Bruce looked around, seeing to see if anyone- even you- would tell Jason off. No one did. Without another word, Jason pushed you to go with Damian and Tim to go pack some things while he went to get a car from the garage for you and Harley and your things, and Dick got his phone out to start making calls for somewhere safe for you to stay. Bruce stared at Dick, the only one left in the room. He saw that Bruce was waiting for him to talk to him, say anything to him. 

“Y/N has always been there for us, no matter what. This is the only time she’s ever said she’s needed our help. We’re taking it.” He told him simply, before putting his phone to his ear and leaving the room, leaving Bruce alone, unsure on what to do or what to say. 

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

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[britcision]

New day new conspiracy to be unhinged about woooooo

SO.

This right here.

The moment where Kabru reveals he’s Milsiril’s baby boy (and more relevantly the last survivor of Utaya)

Kabru telling them that he actually wanted to enlist in the Canaries directly, but couldn’t because of the racial barrier. How true that is……. Well let’s say I’m sure he wanted to when he was little, buuuuut by the time he left it wasn’t that they wouldn’t let him

And tbh the reason why is very much the next panel:

The Canaries learn he’s Milsiril’s little boy and immediately fucking claim him as theirs, asking if he’s been eating well, if he wants cake, telling him to cheer up and smile sometimes

It is notably the convicts, especially Otta and Fleki although Cithis has been leading the conversation; Pattadol is not in frame and Mithrun ruins all their fun by staying on track

Kabru is not 30 seconds out of saying he was raised by their vice commander before he is being babied, and there’s a fun read of just “well this is our child now we must care for him for Milsiril hello new nephew”

But. Given what we later learn Milsiril’s care is actually like. The room where Kabru could eat all the cake that he wanted, that he never ever wanted to return to even when freezing and starving.

Where she gave him such arduous and extensive sword training he thought he would die, with the stated intent of showing him how bad it could be to make him give up and stay with her forever.

“Wanna eat some cake” is suddenly a much darker comment, and doesn’t have a directional bubble, so I’mma pin it on Cithis on general Sketchy Bitch vibes

Now, that only makes sense if these folks know Milsiril directly, or have some way to know what her home life is like for her adoptees

(Or Cithis can read minds which let’s be honest absolutely no one needs to be true but she deserves it)

But. So does that immediate tonal shift

“Oh, you’re Milsiril’s kid. Now we care about you beyond being an interruption.”

We know Pattadol is on her very first mission. We know Cithis has been responsible for Mithrun’s care for long enough while he’s back on active duty that she gets bored of her new doll.

(And that she only started respecting him after they acquired Pattadol, whiiiiich. He got back to active duty 14 years ago. None of the other Canaries got their own timeline, but he’s also had long enough to have an established track record of getting his warden partners killed

When Flamela assigns Cithis to his wellbeing, she pretty clearly knows the extent of his caretaking issues, and this whole section of the timeline is fuzzy, but it is specifically Pattadol who is the first to tempt Cithis into telling Mithrun to hurt her

And specifically not until after he refuses that she begins to respect him)

Milsiril has been retired for the same 14 year period, taking Kabru and for some reason one of her own Canary convicts home with her, but she served with Mithrun when he initially became a Dungeon Lord 40 years pre series… and most of that squad died in Mithrun’s dungeon

(Also his lover became a snake person at some point for some reason sooooo monsterfucker ahoy)

(We know that’s the lover from both Mithrun’s initial vision and his Adventurer’s Bible comic which identifies his brother as the one with the short hair. Presumably they were not always a snake?)

None of the names he gave Kabru in his backstory refer to any of his current party members

Otta and Fleki mention Milsiril in Otta’s comic when teasing Otta about being a pedophile because she only dates halffoot women and breaks up with them when they turn 30

(This being past middle age for halffoots, who become adults at 13 and live to around 50; Chilchuck is 29.

One might expect… say… visible signs of aging to show up around 30. Reminders of how little time they have left. Although, frankly, how much free time does Otta actually have to be dating outside of work???? They’re so shorthanded Mithrun made captain the minute he could serve after Utaya)

Ahem. We digress.

Otta’s reaction (directly saying Milsiril treats shorter lived people like pets while she loves them as individuals, which Kabru Does Not Deny) might be because she’s seen Milsiril’s behaviour directly, or just being sick of the comparison. Hard to say, but Milsiril already doesn’t like elves

No, the conspiracy theory today is that CITHIS in particular has worked with Milsiril between Mithrun being rescued and Utaya’s destruction, possibly with Fleki and Otta

They’re all close to Mithrun’s age so there’s a very real possibility they were serving when Utaya fell, and either were lucky enough not to get sent there (there are so many dungeons in the world) or unlucky enough not to retire in the aftermath

Dumping Mithrun with Milsiril’s survivors makes perfect sense - the two had served together as wardens and Milsiril Barest Possible Minimum took a personal interest in Mithrun returning to duty after Utaya

She’s the one getting him to take his first steps and tells him she’ll get him back in a dungeon

Milsiril, known hater of elves, left the Canaries on good enough terms with her convicts to take one with her (Helki, shown in Mithrun’s story and Kabru’s training flashbacks - the only other survivor we know of from Mithrun’s dungeon)

And these particular convicts immediately brighten up knowing that Kabru is one of Milsiril’s; he’s in a very different position from Mithrun, who basically has direct power over their lives and deaths, but if you have a potentially unstable new captain who’s gonna be extra dependent on his convicts coming in…

Well, it’d be nice if the convicts have a reason beyond “well if both of our wardens die we can’t use magic so we will too” to keep him alive and moving

Note: they did at some point hand him directly over to fucking Cithis, who has an established track record of wrapping her captains around her little finger and doing whatever the fuck she wants anyway

(To the point that she’s left and “rejoined” the Canaries multiple times, and her behaviour with Mithrun is considered her having calmed down… while actively trying to have him hurt his subordinate wardens and plotting to kill Pattadol)

So. Not. Y’know. Convinced that anyone necessarily was thinking that particular assignment through. Although you could argue that they were just heading off the inevitable and letting her know this one is high maintenance

ANYWAY.

Tl;dr: Mithrun’s a monsterfucker, this is established fact and not a conspiracy theory

Kabru’s been adopted by the Canaries the second they know who his mom is, which may explain why no one actually tries to stop him when he grabs Mithrun later despite him not having a weapon

(Fear of Milsiril finding out they’ve hurt her boy > rescuing Mithrun or later even stopping Kabru from helping Laios repeatedly)

And Cithis, Fleki, and possibly Otta worked directly with Milsiril at one point before Utaya, which is why Mithrun was given them specifically - he was one of Milsiril’s projects too, Milsiril’s personal involvement unclear

How much this has to do with Mithrun getting all his warden comrades killed but apparently not his convicts: unclear

(Still bet Cithis “helped” with the warden before Pattadol)

[blackautmedia]

Ocarina of Time, Body Autonomy and Adoption

Bit of a hint for my next project, but I've been doing a lot of research into the nature and portrayal of adoption in media versus how institutions affect adoptees in reality.

It's not going to be confined to the context of Legend of Zelda and instead looking at media written by adoptees, by adoptive parents, and by the media landscape as a whole, so this is more just a silly post musing about Link for fun.

Link in multiple iterations of the series is an adoptee. Wind Waker, Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, and possibly Twilight Princess--to name a few--all make this pretty explicit and direct.

WW Link is under the care of his grandmother (via kinship adoption if we were to compare it to the real world institutions)

LTTP Link is under the care of his uncle.

TP Link's village is also extremely small and tight knit. From how we see the younger children treated where it's expected by all the older people there that they provide care and attention to everyone, Link was probably raised by someone there as the whole village gives collective care. Rusl perhaps?

But I think the most interesting is in Ocarina of Time's portrayal, especially when you factor in the matter of Link being a Hylian.

The game focuses a fair bit of narrative attention to the feelings of lost bodily autonomy and incongruence Link experiences in his adult body. But adding in an examination from an adoptee lens adds another layer to this since Link was taken under the care of the Great Deku Tree following his mother's passing.

He's led to believe he's a Kokiri, a people that doesn't age and lives with child-like bodies for most of their lifespan. So imagine Link's feelings not just when he's magically robbed of 7 years of his life and experiences this body change, but learning the fact that he's in fact an adoptee and has an entirely different heritage separate from those of his peers.

Furthermore, the Great Deku Tree knew this and raised him as a Kokiri but not connecting him to any of his heritage. Link was also a small child and there's also the prophecies the Tree saw of him, which is still in many ways dehumanizing to Link in how the Tree makes these choices.

You can really think of a lot of the subtext behind the return to Kokiri woods through an adoption lens in Link's bodily autonomy as well as the matter of his birth parents. When Link returns to Kokiri forest, it's swarming with monsters. The buildings there aren't sized to accommodate his body.

A lot of the feelings Link would be experiencing at this point in the story also tie a great deal to learning that he's not a Kokiri in the first place and that his birth mother passed in bringing him to his home.

A home he had to then leave behind soon after the Deku Tree's passing. The perspective of adoption isn't explored in-game nor are Link's birth parents ever really brought into focus, but you can see how understanding Link as he is adopted can help you understand or gain a new appreciation for the game.

Please don't laugh at me, but the reason I even thought of all of this was because I've been reading about the models of adoption and I thought it'd be nice for Ganondorf to give a lecture about the importance of centering the adoptee in conversations because of many of the misconceptions surrounding adoption.

Zelda as a series textually isn't really concerned with adoption, but it is useful in the way that adoption and characters as orphans are extremely prevalent in media.

It's also important to consider that while very common, the adopted characters themselves often aren't imagined as adoptees, so a lot of the dissonance in how adoption is portrayed in media often won't line up with how it affects real people.

The research is still in progress, but I'm looking forward to the finished thing and figured it'd be cool to make a post about it in the context of Zelda.

[scarlet--wiccan]

Do you think Billy and Tommy suffer from intergenerational trauma ? Also we never see Billy and Tommy interact with Max. If you could alter their origins what would you do ?

(You don’t have to answer all these questions sorry lol)

When we talk about intergenerational trauma, we are usually referring to trauma which persists in our cultural memories, or to trauma responses which become cyclical patterns in our families. One of the things that's really interesting about this family of characters is that none of them were raised by their birth parents or grew up with a complete knowledge of/relationship to their cultural heritage. This is slightly less true now for Wanda and Pietro, post-retcon, but my point is that the way these people have inherited intergenerational trauma is typically non-linear.

I tend to get in trouble for saying this, but I think that Billy and Tommy's reincarnation makes the most sense as a metaphor for interracial adoption. Specifically, their relationship to Wanda, their Romani heritage, and their family history maps fairly well to that experience. So, while the course of their lives has been impacted by the trauma of past generations in a very material way-- and there is something to be said for epigenetics-- they may not have internalized the Maximoff family's intergenerational trauma in the way that you're picturing. The nature of their existence and upbringing creates its own traumas and fractured identities, but a lot of what they've inherited is going manifest in the course of processing new information about their background as young adults-- not to mention the ramifications of being publicly known as Wanda's children in a post-Decimation world.

I am not an adoptee, so this is not my experience to speak on, and you can take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, but I am a person of mixed Romani heritage, and family separation and cultural disruption in the wake of WWII are big parts of my inherited trauma. That's part of why I find the Maximoffs-- Billy and Tommy included-- so relatable, because that's a specific form of cultural trauma that they have had to endure in every generation, and in ways that reflect multiple periods of Romani history. Part of why I like to really emphasize the fact that Billy and Tommy are Romani characters is because their positionality and way of arriving at Roma identity adds nuance and diversity to Romani representation. I think the spectrum of Romani cultural & ethnic identity is something that a lot of comic writers and fans just don't understand, but I think that digging in to how Billy, Tommy, and Luna relate to those identities would be a really good, organic way to have those conversations in the text and bring a more authentic understanding of the subject to readers. But you absolutely need a Romani writer to do it, and that's why they need to start hiring us!!!!!

I'd also like to point something out that I don't think anybody really talks about-- the current version of Wanda and Pietro's origin story and how they got their powers reflects the real history of human experimentation, reproductive rights violations, and child abductions that have plagued Romani communities for a long time, especially in mid-century Europe. Their "mutations" are a product of that violence, and the fact that Billy and Tommy inherited those mutations reflects the medical and genetic legacies of this racial trauma. This is presented in direct contrast and conversation with the Maximoffs' magical heritage as witches, which is is a racial stereotype that here is subverted as a positive, enduring legacy of cultural empowerment and survival.

Of course, the text itself does not fully commit to these ideas on paper, but my point is that when you have the knowledge and you're invested in how Romani people are imagined and portrayed in this world, it's a very rich text!!! I love comics and I love these characters! There's so much to talk about!

Since you did mention Magneto, I want to note that Wanda and Pietro's relationship to his & Magda's history and their inherited trauma is also non-linear, and has shifted several times based on retcons and varying character treatments. There's no doubt that they have a lot of baggage, but again, it's a situation where they didn't grow up as children of Holocaust survivors, so the way they process it might just be different. I certainly do think that the Holocaust and the war are part of their cultural memory, even if we don't know how much the Maximoffs were directly affected. Billy and Tommy are more removed from Magneto in this sense, but it should go without saying that one or both of them are Jewish and would already have a connection to that history through their foster/birth families.

[tommming]

Adoption analogy for trans gender identity

One of my favourite analogies for being transgender (and people should use this more in my opinion, I came up with it idk if anyone else did too) is adoption. (and I am aware that adoption in our society has some problematic issues in its current state, but that’s not the point, especially because humans throughout history and the world can and do adopt children).

When an adult adopts a child, and the child is happier and healthier because they have someone to care for them, and the parent and the child both like to refer to each other as mom/dad and son/daughter, would you deny the reality of this relationship or refuse to use the words mother/father son/daughter?

Some adoptions will be more visually obvious than others (like inter-ethnic), and this can lead to mean and invalidating comments and assumptions about the relationship. 

In adoption situations, it’s clear that the medical implications (genetic diseases etc) are not the same as biological parents and children. 

And some kids will at some point decide they want to call their adoptive parents “adoptive parents” and reconnect with their biological parents, and maybe have two sets of parents, and this is accepted, because parent can mean different things. 

Everyone (idk i’ve never met an adoption hater) accepts that this is all valid and in a sense real, because who counts as a parent or son/daughter is just words, and even if they usually have a concrete biological basis, it would be quite disrespectful and unhelpful to refuse to use the words to include adoptive parent/child relationships. 

As you can piece together I am sure, the visually obvious adoptees are analogous to visually obvious trans people, medical concerns are analogous, and different sets of parents is somewhat analogous to the somewhat nuanced way sex and gender all fit together (like someone can be male and nonbinary or whatever) and that whatever the adoptee kid says about their relationships is probably what others should accept, and just the whole thing is analogous! Especially it’s really the same type of thing: People accept the fact of adoption / gender as something that is socially and psychologically real despite lacking the biological basis that typically defines these things, largely because many of the important parts of what defines these words/concepts actually does apply to the situation, and importantly I would argue everyone is better off because of it! (better both because of the actual adoption / transition itself and because of the validating language and people being understanding of it).

You could argue that adoption reduces the resources available for real parents/children (parenting clinics, family therapy, family lawyers, etc.) You could argue that is degrades  and distorts the meaning of what a child is (so that immigrant parents wanting their children to be reconnected with them might have less legal leverage, or that after someone dies it’s no longer enough to be a biological child to inheret their stuff if they have no will, because being a child no longer has any real definition). You could even argue that it perpetuates unhelpful stereotypes about parent/child relationships (for example I know someone that had an abusive mother and is lowkey triggered when people talk about maternal love, and it’s not helpful at all for people to assume that everyone’s parents are nice and caring and present or even existent/known because so many children’s parents are not, or that parents are responsible and have rightful authority over children, which is a dangerous idea for children that are abused by their parents). But are these realistic concerns? Why or why not? I’m not saying this is exactly the same as gender issues, but it has similarities for sure.

I think these ideas are interesting and important and I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I really think this is a great analogy, and shows how I wish the world would be about transgender people (accepting and validating, even legally, without suspicious concerns and without any delusions or misconceptions about what’s real or not).

Furthermore, if you want to really get into it, both the idea of being a parent and the idea of being a woman or man have an interesting similarity, due to both of them being being complex concepts that involve biology and social relations and stereotypical characteristics and all kind of stuff. Someone who is a father to a child that died before the child was born, and left nothing for the kid (wasn’t married lets say), is a parent, and so is an adoptive father, notice how there is absolutely no single fact that these two dads have in common except for the identification as a father. I think this is very similar to a very masculine cis woman that is consistently mistaken for a man, lives a very masculine life generally, lets say perhaps has had medical issues with her hormones throughout life, and has no real attachment her gender because she is a gender studies professor and knows about how its all bullshit (I knew a professor that was a lot like this), and a trans woman, who is technically male, but passes effortlessly as a quite feminine woman and has since being a little child gravitated strongly towards girlhood and said she’s a girl, and grown up to take hormones etc., although not yet done bottom surgery (you probably are aware of this, but there are many trans women that fit this description). There is not a single fact that makes these people both women other than their identification as women. Both are quite atypical, but both have good reason be called women. 

This is why I think that gender is actually a circular definition. Men are men because they are considered men, women are women because they’re called women. Just like parents are parents because someone called them a parent. There are a million and one things that are typical of a man or woman or parent, but none are completely definitive (in my view), and that’s okay because they are just words and words are tools to understand the world. And likewise I think other complex concepts are probably like this too. Religions, languages, families, crimes, salads, idk! Trans women are women because we regard them as women.

[transwolvie]

I think it's funny that Milsiril cooing over her babies is typically portrayed as a sign of her infantilizing shorter lived races, cuz it never really hits for me cuz we usually see her doing it to.....her actual children? There's a page where it says "relationships between long lived and short lived races can be complicated" and the whole page is Milsiril absolutely fawning over how cute she thinks Kabru is, but Kabru in the page is obviously like....8 to 10, maybe? So to me it really just reads as her being a mom.

Can she be an overbearing and overprotective mother? Sure. But the concept of infantilization just doesn't hit for me if she's constantly fawning over how cute an ACTUAL CHILD is, like it just reads as the exact behavior I would expect from a parent like her: she clearly wants to be a parent badly enough to adopt multiple times. She clearly cares a LOT about her kids and wants to spoil them, nearly excessively.

I'm biased cuz I will admit right now, I was raised as a spoiled only child myself. But the behavior of thinking that your kid is just the sweetest most cutest most adorable thing in the world is something I almost expect from parents, especially mothers.

I think it's a little funny how down on Milsiril a lot of the cast is because while I'm sure she genuinely does still treat Kabru as if he's still a baby NOW, a lot of what we see of her is, imo, perfectly excusable in the sense that she is just a very emotional and loving mom.

I get that part of why we don't see her interact with any of her adult children really is because her only adoptee that we follow in the story is Kabru, but I think that her being Weird™️ about shorter lived races would come across more strongly if we saw her treating not only children this way but adults. 🤷🏽

[ex-foster]

Reunification with birth parents for adult adoptees or foster kids can be upsetting due to various reasons. It may stir up complex emotions, including:

1. **Identity Confusion:** Reconnecting with birth parents can challenge the established sense of identity formed within adoptive or foster families, causing confusion.

2. **Unmet Expectations:** Expectations of a perfect or ideal reunion may clash with reality, leading to disappointment if the relationship falls short of anticipated emotional fulfillment.

3. **Past Trauma:** If the separation from birth parents was due to trauma or difficult circumstances, revisiting the past can resurface painful memories and emotions.

4. **Dual Loyalties:** Adult adoptees may feel torn between loyalty to their birth and adoptive families, struggling to balance and navigate complex relationships.

5. **Fear of Rejection:** There may be a fear of rejection or abandonment, especially if the reunion is initiated by the adoptee or foster child.

It's crucial to approach reunification with sensitivity, acknowledging the emotional complexities involved, and providing support for individuals navigating these challenging experiences.

[sweetlittledaisy7]

For those bashing me because I grew up conservative Christian who is against the abortion laws:

Most people can't look at all sides of why they're against something. It's all abortion is murder and it's wrong. Just give it up for adoption. Many conservatives live within their own heads. Everyone preaches love but spews the opposite.

Yes, I'm adopted.

Yes, I've been part of the prolife movement since I was a child. I was forced.

Yes, I don't believe in abortion for myself.

Yes, I'm still conservative Christian.

When will conservatives recognize their own hate? Many of you shame the very women you tell to choose life. Many of you wouldn't offer any money or support to families in need. Many of you aren't foster parents or adoptees or even foster kids.

I'll admit. I grew up pretty privileged. I grew up in a small bubble and just followed what I was raised in. I never questioned anything. I grew up in a nice town, nice home, went to private school, and my parents paid for my college education. My parents are even thinking about buying me my first home and want to fund my masters degree. Newsflash, most people don't have this.

There are women literally dying because they can't abort. These babies will not survive long, or the mothers health is at risk.

There are babies who will never ever get adopted. Let's be real here. I realized there are babies who aren't adopted. I was a white, healthy baby girl. If I had a disability or medical issue, the chances I'll get adopted go down a lot. Race matters as well. Most adoptive parents looking to adopt don't want to adopt a sick/problem non white baby. It sounds harsh, but it's true. I've met adoptees who were told their adoptive parents settled for them.

So shut the fuk up about putting it up for adoption.

Foster care has many kids we can't find homes for because most adoptive parents like I said are picky. Most want white baby girl newborns. Almost none want an older child or a teenager especially ones with issues.

Speaking of foster kids, did you know many foster kids are raped and abused in foster care? Many can't access health care. What if a teenage foster child gets pregnant? She can't abort. There are kids who spend half their lives foster care until they age out with nothing. Where are the conservatives helping them out? What about the aged out teenager who get pregnant and is homeless now? Will you help her?

Let's talk about the 10 year old pregnant rape victim. If you support a child carrying a baby after being raped you're sick af. I'll be the first one to tell you that if I had a child and she got pregnant from rape, I'll risk my freedom and life getting her an abortion. No child should be forced to not only be raped but be forced to carry a pregnancy from rape. What if it was your child? Grandchild? Cousin? Neighbor? Sister? Many of you call yourself prolife but don't care about kids at all. What about the 10 year old?

And rapists in many states have parental rights. Think about that for a second. Not only must victims bare the child but share custody with their rapist. This country is sick.

And adoption isn't the answer. I'm adopted. I can honestly tell you it's not fun being adopted. Knowing your birth mom didn't want you. Everyone can say she made an adoption plan or she loves you so much. What a load of crap. I'm thankful for my life and my adoptive family, but honestly, at times, I hate being adopted. Everyone else can be with their biological families but me. Now that I'm an adult, it gets harder. I can't wrap my mind around carrying a child and birthing a child just to give your own baby away. It's not something to be proud of either.

Having no genetics around you sucks. Not knowing where you're from sucks. I literally have so many issues from being adopted it's not a joke. Conservatives can push adoption all they want but adoption has its own issues too. Women shouldn't be forced to carry a pregnancy just to give the baby away for adoption. Adoption should be for kids who truly need it when they don't have any family willing to take them in. Why do we want more kids born when we can't even take care of the kids we already have born?

And inflation is a bitch right now. My parents brought their houses for cheap. Their college degrees were cheap. Most people can't even afford to live, let alone pay their medical bills. Many people can't afford rent or a mortgage.

So, yes, I'm a conservative Christian adoptee who is against abortion laws. The prolife movement is a joke. I hate my damn state. And shut the fuq up about adoption. We don't need more babies born to be adopted anyway. Women aren't here to be your incubators.

And before y'all attack me, I believe in Jesus, the Bible, and I've attended Christian schools my entire life. My boyfriend is a preachers kid and grew up more religious than I did. I still attend church, and I still have my beliefs. I attended Christian college and came back a different person once I got outside of my bubble and my family. I see a lot of stuff differently and feel I was brainwashed on many things. I still don't support the abortion ban. Make abortion legal for all. Now shut up and actually practice what you preach if you're prolife. I'm not talking about preventing abortion or banning it either. The hard work of helping born kids and born people who are struggling.

[notreallyimportant]

Anyone else find it weird that we have people that feel entitled to another human being?

Like there are people saying “ I’m queer and disabled so I can’t have my own kids,” and that’s the argument they want to use whenever adoption comes up.

Like some of y’all aren’t prepared for the child you adopted to ask questions. Especially transracial adoptees asking why you’re white( because it’s almost always white parents) and they don’t look like you or their white siblings.

And that’s mostly because nonwhite kids are cheaper to buy adopt, but that’s another post for another time.

Like what makes whatever minority group you’re apart of entitled to another child? What about you being queer makes you entitled to another human being? What makes you being infertile entitled to another human being? Because you can’t say “ They deserve a family” because those kids do, but they also deserve to grow up in an environment that doesn’t make them an accessory or aesthetic. The kids also deserve to grow up and not have to worry about being kicked out for not fitting into whatever mold you or your family wants them in. Because someone y’all won’t ( not can’t because that’s an entirely different situation) cut off your racist or homophobic family. Or someone y’all will throw it in their face that you didn’t have to pick them, then moment they start questioning their family and family history( some sooner than later if it’s a transracial adoption).

And yes this has to do with the Indian Child Welfare Act and how white people are acting entitled to indigenous children despite the fact there are indigenous families willing to take these kids in to keep them in their culture. Because white people adopting them will( not could will) lead to them losing that culture. And we have historical documents and indigenous adults to back that up.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Stupid vent incoming, feel free to ignore.

I hate that some conservatives think that because gay/lesbian couples can't conceive naturally, our only option is adoption. Why can't we desire biological kids? How many straight couples are willing to adopt a child, especially one of foreign origin, when they can have a child with their genetic material?

Furthermore, we have people like Katy Faust (have you heard of her?) who claim that same-sex parents, instead of opposite-sex parents, set kids up for failure. I read about her story, and it looks like typical divorce kid trauma that turned into a save-the-kids political identity. I could understand drag queens and trans, but advocating to prevent gays from raising kids?

Some of us was truly born this way and want to lead responsible lives with kids despite that. We're not all adults chasing after the juvenile drugs, parties, and meaningless hookups scene that we should have already outgrown. To say that we're screwing up the kids and that the only scenario ideal in a same-sex parent context is nursing an abused adoptee back to a well-adjusted state is kind of rude. Taking care of adopted kids is not terrible, but we're not all willing to do that.

Studies that said that kids with same-sex parents fare as well or better than their heterosexual counterparts are untrue, according to her. I'm sure she'd done many good things with her work, but I disagree with her on this particular take. It makes me wonder if her views would be different had she not been religiously affiliated.

I'm gonna be honest here, I really don't care what conservatives say about gay adoption, or surrogacy. I know a few that think children can't be raised properly in same sex homes and I disagree, but I also think that the reason many kids with gay parents don't have the best upbringing is because their parents aren't ready to raise kids. The gay community encourages selfishness. It encourages behaviors that aren't compatible with raising a child. But not every gay couple will be bad parents.

As for surrogacy, I understand why some people don't like it, especially pro-life people, but I just can't agree. Surrogacy just doesn't bother me.

But this is a bad time to ask me about gay people and children, because I've never been more disgusted with the "community" and the way it goes out of its way to support grooming and other forms of child abuse just because they're being done by someone in the alphabet soup. I'm disgusted with how many "LGBT" people are raising their kids like some kind of social experiment, with gender neutral "theybies" and pushing their kids towards transgenderism. I think the community as a collective entity is toxic and abhorrent, and anyone with morals and common sense would distance themselves from it as fast as possible.

So I do agree that there are a lot of gay people who shouldn't be allowed within 500 feet of kids, let alone raise them. But I don't agree that just being gay should disqualify someone from being a parent.

[xythlia]

in your about it says your adopted do you think adoption is harmful? I've seen a lot of people talk about it like that but I always thought it was a good thing?

uh yea I was adopted at 13 after spending most of my life in foster care & bouncing between different states after prospective adoptions would fall through but me & my two brothers were adopted because our adoptive mom was infertile so it wasn't a child centered thing it was about her using other kids are a bandaid instead of getting real help for that + the major psychological issues it caused her.

our parents specifically were also hyper religious, we all didn't have traditionally american names prior to adoption for example my name was russian because my biological father is & my biological mother is czech they didn't like that so I was renamed entirely to a pretty run of the mill evangelical name (I go by my birth name now as an adult tho). I was also forcibly baptized into that religion, it was never an option for us to not be. We were all forced to participate in evangelical religious stuff, if we didn't want to they weren't afraid to get physical with us just to "teach us a lesson". most "lessons" were physical abuse.

There was a lot of abuse, physical and psychological, because we were never treated as individuals we were dolls our adoptive mom could tote around to make herself feel good, we were reflections of her. but if we tried asserting our own personhood it never ended well.

unfortunately a lot of adoption is motivated by what ours was motivated by: someone who has not properly dealt with their own trauma & deludes themselves into believing if they have a kid everything will be fixed but that's not how it works, she wanted lil baby dolls to dress up & force into whatever she wanted from us but couldn't cope with the fact that that's just not how children are, they grow up & naturally try to assert their own independence & make their own choices. She would have meltdowns anytime we did that even over the tiniest stuff & it would always get violent. A lot of adoptees have suffered violence in similar ways, adoptive parents often can't reconcile the difference between their fantasy children & the realities of what a flesh a blood child is like and we pay the price for that. Especially bc a lot of us carry other trauma & adoptive parents realize they don't wanna deal with it or put in the work to help that kid through it so they dump them back off wherever they got them from. It happens all the time.

I don't believe adoption is a good thing, I know my own experience colors that belief but there's just so many times a kid does not need to be yanked from their family so ppl like my adoptive parents can have their selfish feeling good fantasy moment.

It cost about 5k to adopt each of us individually. In my brothers cases that was 5k their biological families could've used to actually have a better quality of life, given them all a fresh chance and likely the issues they were taken away for would've been entirely resolved. Adoption, especially in western countries, is a private business just like any other, and like any other it's most often shady & horrible with little regard paid to the kids being shuffled around like products.

[hyperlexichypatia]

Written July of 2022, as part of my "How to Be Pro-Choice Without Being Pro-Eugenics" series.

Disclaimer #1: I am an American writing within a United States context because that is what I am familiar with. Many other people have written about family law issues in other countries or in international contexts. Disclaimer #2: I am not an adoptee, nor am I currently a parent involved in adoption. Adoptees are the most affected parties in adoption, and as such their perspective should always be given the greatest weight. Parents involved in adoption are the second-most affected parties whose perspective should be given the second-most weight. Please listen to adoptees over me.   With that said, let's talk about why almost all discourse around adoption in the U.S. is rooted in harmful underlying assumptions and structural inequalities, especially the oppression of children and framing of children as property. Family law in the U.S. is deeply flawed and limiting. This is true not only in the context of adoption, but in every family situation other than that of two cisgender adults married to each other, sharing a household, and solely raising their shared biological children. Every other type of family situation (including single parenting, extended family co-parenting, adoption, fostering, step-parenting, and any other type of family structure) is contorted to fit into an approximation of this nuclear family model.  Multi-parent families are not acknowledged, with children allowed only two "real" parents. Non-biological parents can only gain parental status if biological parents lose theirs. Parenthood is equated with marriage or romantic partnership between parents. Mandatory child support is imposed on families who are not seeking it in order to qualify for public benefits that should rightfully be available for all. Custody disputes center around the "rights" of adults over children rather than the wishes or best interest of children, and when the interests of children are considered, they are interpreted through the lenses of sexism, racism, classism, ableism, and heteronormativity. Disabled parents and poor parents are considered inherently inferior to wealthy abled parents (I've written about this in other posts, most recently this one). Poor families can have their children removed from the family simply because they lack money to pay for their children's needs, and states will transfer the children to foster or adoptive parents, who receive state subsidies to pay for the children's needs. In short, the system is broken, and everything is wrong with it.   The system is so broken that, in a rare national consensus, almost everyone agrees that the system is broken, even if no one agrees on how to fix it. But because the problems are rooted in pervasive, unquestioned societal prejudices such as ableism, classism, racism, sexism, and most of all, ageism, most analyses of the problem and proposed solutions also perpetuate those same pervasive, unquestioned societal prejudices. Many people, including elected officials and supreme court justices, argue that the ability to place a child for adoption is a reason that pregnant people have no need to access abortion. Other people, attempting to rebut or expose the "hypocrisy" of those people, argue essentially that no one wants adopted children, or that since biological mothers are forced to have custody of children (which they are not), someone other than the biological mother should be "forced" to have custody of children. Many people (purporting to be from varying points of a political spectrum) oppose adoption across the board, and especially oppose state-mandated termination of biological parents' custody, from essentially a property-rights stance ("taking" "their children"). Others oppose nonbiological families based on children's perceived intrinsic need to be raised by their two biological parents -- but the fact that they don't oppose all nonbiological families equally (for example, very few people oppose sperm and egg donation on this basis) reveals that their belief is less than sincere. These arguments do not acknowledge the humanity, needs, or agency of children -- specifically, their need and human right to be loved and wanted by their families, whether biological or nonbiological. These arguments also do not acknowledge the humanity, needs, or agency of parents of origin who choose to place their children to other families. In addition, these arguments do not differentiate between parents who abuse their children or otherwise make intentional choices which make removal necessary for children's safety and well-being, and parents who either fail to conform to societal norms or lack the material or external resources to meet a child's needs. So let's run through some common conditions for which adoption is proposed as a solution, and clarify whether or not adoption is the correct solution to the issue at hand (or what the correct solution would be).

Note: This is about whether the CONDITIONS for adoption are correct or incorrect, not whether the individual adoption SITUATIONS are positive or negative. Conditions in which adoption is necessary can still lead to harmful individual adoption situations. Conditions in which adoption is not necessary can still lead to beneficial adoption situations. Defer to adopteees on their own adoption situations. Condition: A parent does not have the money to pay for their children's physical necessities, like housing, utilities, food, or healthcare. Is adoption the correct solution? No. The correct solution is to make subsidized housing, utilities, food, and healthcare available to all members of the family. Condition: A parent is disabled and needs additional assistance to perform activities of daily living or to help their children perform activities of daily living. Is adoption the correct solution? No. The correct solution is to assign the family a publicly subsidized personal care attendant to help with activities of daily living as needed.

Condition: A parent is psychiatrically disabled and behaves in ways that are perceived as "odd" or "strange" by those around them. Is adoption the correct solution? No. The correct solution is for the people around them to get over their neurobigotry and accept neurodivergent people as they are. Condition: A parent does not have the skills or knowledge to effectively care for their children. They make make choices that endanger or harm their children, but motivated by ignorance, not malice. Is adoption the correct solution? No. The correct solution is to provide the parent with education on child care, and ensure that they have the material resources to implement it. To prevent this situation from being so widespread, the correct solution is to make child care and child development classes standard in every public school. Condition: A parent is an immigrant or noncitizen in the U.S., and has a native-born child who is a U.S. citizen. The parent is being deported to their home country. Is adoption the correct solution? No. The correct solution is to abolish deportations and allow citizen and noncitizen families to live together.

Condition: A parent has conceived a biological child, but for whatever reason, does not want to take on the role of being a child's primary caregiver. Is adoption the correct solution? Yes. Many people who conceive children do not actually want to be primary caregivers or do not feel that this familial role is right for them. They may love and care about their children, and want them to be raised by loving parents, but do not want to be those parents themselves. This is entirely fine and valid! Raising a child, even under ideal circumstances, is an intensive physical and emotional commitment, and if a parent does not feel that this is the right familial role for them, allowing their child to join another loving family unit is a loving, justified, and good option. Condition: Parent(s) and a child's family of origin have died or are otherwise unavailable to be full-time caregivers. Is adoption the correct solution? Yes, it can be, although it is better for a child to be adopted by someone close to them, someone they already know, so as to minimize the traumatic disruption to their lives and the trauma of losing their family of origin. Condition: A parent intentionally, repeatedly chooses to physically abuse or neglect their child. This is not a result of ignorance or lack of resources, but because of the parent's own choice. Is adoption the correct solution? Maybe. It can be. Children are not property, and parents should not have the right to abuse their children. Children may need to be rescued from abusive parents. And child abuse is, in fact, a choice, not an aspect of "needing help." The nominally progressive discourse that there is no such thing as a bad parent, only a parent who "needs help," equates a parent who is poor, a parent who is disabled, and a parent who chooses to abuse their child as the same thing. Two of those parents need help (material resource help, not psychiatric treatment (unless they choose it)), while the third needs to have their child rescued from them. Choosing to abuse a child is not attributable to disability or circumstance; it is in fact, a choice for which individuals can and should be held accountable. But more to the point, children have a right not to be abused. Children have a right to be rescued from abusers. If parents refuse to stop abusing their children by their own choice, the best way to keep their children safe may in some cases involve transferring them to another family unit. Condition: A person is pregnant and does not want to, or cannot safely, use their body to gestate and give birth. Is adoption the correct solution? No. Adoption can only happen after birth. The only solution to this condition is to terminate the pregnancy.   In short -- any discourse on whether adoption is correct based on the family of origin's CIRCUMSTANCES (poverty, disability, age, singlehood) rather than the family of origin's DESIRES and CHOICES is inherently the wrong framing. "Poor/disabled parents should just place their children for adoption" is wrong, but so is "Adoption is wrong because parents just need help." Parents "needing help" is not the only reason that adoptions happen. Parents also choose to place their children of their own volition, or choose to abuse their children of their own volition and choose to create a situation from which their children need and deserve to be rescued. Parents are capable of making choices. "Biological imperatives" are fake. Everyone who conceives a child should have every opportunity and every resource necessary to raise that child, but should not be compelled to if they do not want to. Nor should their parental rights override a child's rights to safety and freedom from abuse. This is part of my existing series "How to Be Pro-Choice Without Being Pro-Eugenics" written in July of 2022. For information on adoption from adopted people:

bastards.org

adopteerightscampaign.org

adoptee-voices.com

adopteevoicesrising.org

thisadopteelife.com/community

[actuallyadopted]

Developing a positive racial identity is incredibly important to the lives and mental health of all people of color, but is something especially neglected among transracial adoptees.

Dr. Aisha White, in her interview for the article "In My Skin: Supporting Positive Racial Identity Development in Black Children" summarizes positive racial identity as follows:

Developing a positive racial identity can be difficult for people of color who did not have a lot of support from or experience with people from their own race/culture. Many transracial adoptees grow up in white families, white communities, and in a white society. It's important for adoptive parents, and adopted adults to surround their child/themselves with varied and positive influences that can meet the complex needs that come with transracial experience.

[agentofmischief]

Birthstone Legacy Challenge

Ok, I don’t post a lot on here, but I’m a huge fan of the sims. I’ve been playing it since gen 1 back in 2000. So, I’ve been having fun with challenges, especially the past couple years with 100 Baby, and I’ve found online. And after reading hearing and reading up on Lilsimsie’s Not So Berry Challenge, I had an idea of my own challenge. So, I thought I’d share if anyone else wanted to play along.

Disclaimer: These challenges mean nothing in regards to people born in that month. I simply took symbolism and cultural aspects of each stone to create a challenging and interesting playthroughs you might not think to do.

Lifespan requirements: Normal (not sure if it’s possible on Short, but if you want hard mode, do it).

The idea is to start with your month’s birthstone, then each generation is the next month’s stone for either 10 generations (traditional Legacy), or 12 if you wan to do the full year. You could also start on the month after your birth month with a full year play-through, so your birth month acts as a “finale”. Might be helpful if say your birth month is April, and you know your month’s stone is Diamond and to you it sounds like a finisher, or if your birth month is December, and you’d just prefer to start with January’s stone. It’s up to you.

These will just be listed month by month, so they are easy to find.

Like in the other color challenges, you want to model your sim with the stone’s colors in mind. You should also build their house with their stone’s color in mind.

1. January stone: GARNET

    Color: Dark Red

Garnets have a high refractive index, which causes them to look as if they are emitting light. Due to this phenomenon, travelers during the crusades would carry them to ward off evil. The stone represents Faith, Love and Constance.

Traits: Good, Ambitious, Cheerful

Goals:

 - Complete the Soulmate aspiration

- Complete the Law career as a judge.

- Must maintain career until death (meaning no retirement, quitting, or being fired).

- Must have at least 2 kids after the soulmate aspiration is fulfilled.

- All children must be raised with all green character values and no lower than Bs in school.

2. February stone: AMETHYST

    Color: Purple

The word Amethyst comes from the Greek word, amethystos, meaning “not drunken.” This comes from a myth where Dionysus was so enraged, he vowed his wrath on the next human he saw, which was a young woman, Amethystos. To “save” this woman, Artemis turned her to stone (note to self, don’t ask Artemis to save you ever, because her track record sucks). Dionysus calmed at seeing the stone’s beauty, and poured his wine on it, giving the stone it’s purple color. In more recent centuries, amethysts have been associated with piety and rank in the Catholic Church, as bishops are given amethysts when they are appointed.

Traits: Genius, Bookworm, Snob (If you have Snowy escape, replace one of these with Proper).

Goals:

-Complete the Knowledge - Renaissance Sim aspiration.

-Complete the Education Career as a Professor.

-Can not go to bars or nightclubs

-Max out Logic, Writing, and a musical skill (Violin, Guitar, Piano, or Singing)

-Can never marry or enter into an official dating relationship; HOWEVER must have at least 1 kid at some point to continue the legacy. This can be through adoption, which is more likely if you want to play pure piety or you have an Ace sim in mind, and the adoptee must be a child or teen. The other option is through secret woohoos if you want to play the more historically accurate, seedy way. **If you are playing with Risky Woohoos, you can have max 2 kids living with you. All others children must be removed from the house and into a Townie’s home once they become toddlers.

3. March stone: AQUAMARINE

    Color: Light Blue

Due to aquamarine’s sea-like color, they’ve long been associated with traveling and the sea. Sailors used to put them under their pillows to calm themselves. They are said to inspire peace and ward off poisons.

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Glutton, Loner

Goals:

-Complete Angling Ace aspiration.

-Eat out of the trash 5 times without getting sick.

-Have an aquarium with 10 fish.

-Catch a vampire squid. ** Or if you have Island Living, you must become a mermaid.

-Must eat and learn to make Pufferfish Nigiri.

4. April stone: DIAMOND

   Color: White/Silver

Diamond is the hardest stone on Earth, and is often associated with wealth and treasures. The word diamond comes from the greek word adamas, meaning unconquerable. They are the most popular of the stones, and so recently have been “Lab Grown.”

Traits: Ambitious, Insider, Perfectionist

Goals:

-Complete the Scientist career.

-Complete Leader of the Pack aspiration.

-Find all the crystals.

-Must clone a diamond.

-Become best friends with Judith Ward and have a framed selfie with her in your house.

-Date/marry someone in the Style-influencer career.

5. May stone: EMERALD

    Color: Dark Green

Emeralds are an old stone, first mined in ancient Egypt. Cleopatra was known to wear them frequently. They are said to symbolize fertility, wisdom, and Spring. It’s also said to heal heartbreak.

Traits: Jealous, Romantic, Materialistic

Goals:

-Master Gardening skill.

-Date and 100% romance a politician, then break up with them.

-Have at least 3 kids from multiple partners (each must have reached 100% romance first).

-Breed a frog worth over $100

-Must complete Fabulously Wealthy aspiration

-Does not marry, UNLESS you have Strangerville, and can marry an Officer in the Military Branch. However, when they die, so does your sim.

6. June stone: PEARL

    Color: White/Cream

Pearls are created by oysters and are considered the “perfect” gem, as it needs no man-mad alterations. Pearls are often attributed to wisdom through experience, as well as innocence and fertility.

Traits: Childish, Perfectionist, Family-oriented

Goals:

-Must have 5 kids before becoming an adult.

-Must complete the Curator aspiration.

-Must master 10 skills. ** If you are using Tiny House perks, 15 skills.

7. July stone: RUBY

    Color: Bright Red

Rubies are well known for their blood-red color, earning their association with health and vitality. They are also symbols of love, passion, and prosperity.

Traits: Self-Assured, Romantic, Self-Absorbed

Goals:

-Complete Serial Romantic aspiration.

-Master Cooking, Athletic, and Charisma skills.

-Complete Doctor Career.

-Must Woohoo at least once in each: Closet, Jacuzzi, Observatory, Bush, Spaceship, Lighthouse, Pile of leaves, Shower, Coffin.

8. August stone: PERIDOT

   Color: Light Green

Peridot is the stone of compassion, bringing health and peace to emotions and the mind. It inspires eloquence, creativity, and good cheer.

Traits: Creative, Vegetarian, Goofball

Goals:

-Complete the Painter Career.

-Master Painting, Photography, and Handiness skills.

-Paint 5 Masterpieces.

-Craft a bathtub of excellent quality.

-Complete Painter Extraordinaire aspiration.

9. September stone: SAPPHIRE

    Color: Royal Blue

With the most famous sapphires being Princess Diana’s iconic engagement ring and The Heart of the Ocean in Titanic, it’s now wonder Sapphires hue long been associated with nobility and power. The stone symbolizes strength, loyalty, and focus through self-discipline.

Traits: Materialistic, Genius, Insider ** If you have snowy escape, Proper takes place for Materialistic.

Goals:

-Complete the Law Career as a Private Attorney.

-Complete the Mansion Baron aspiration.

-Must start a club with Wealthy requirement ($30,000+). *If you start a fraternity/sorority in University, it counts if wealthy is listed as a requirement.

-Max out Charisma, Logic, and Writing skills.

-Must marry another club leader.

-Must get Gold in Wedding Social Event, and pay full $1750. Minimum of 10 guests.

-Must have a son. (He does not HAVE to be the continuation of the Legacy, but he can if you want. Also, if you have a born daughter, but decide to transition her, that does not count. Since it’s a click of a button without game mechanic influence, it’s kind of cheating. HOWEVER, if you decide your born son should transition, it still counts. This is mostly to take the steps during pregnancy to make a boy (since we’ve all watched others influence for a girl 1000x), That or to keep going until “the odds are in your favor.”)

10. October stone: PINK TOURMALINE

      Color: Pink

Pink Tourmaline, also known as October rose, represents humanity, sympathy to others, and humanitarian work. It’s believed to carry the virtue of love that is unconditional, offering comfort to children and lasting friendships.

Traits: Unflirty, Gloomy, Outgoing

Goals:

-Complete the Politician career as a Charity Organizer.

-Complete Friend to the World aspiration.

-Adopt 2 kids (Do not have to be legacy continuation).

-Max out friendship/be best friends with 4 sims before becoming an Adult. The friendship must be maintained throughout life.

-Have a rose garden.

-Write 5 Children’s books.

-Volunteer with family 5 times.

*If you get the pop-up asking to donate to charity, you must if you have the money.

11. November stone: CITRINE

     Color: Dark Yellow (almost Gold)

Citrine’s yellow stone radiates happiness, creativity, and wealth. Named for it’s citrus like color, it’s no wonder it’s the stone for a month known for it’s food. Citrine is known also as the Merchant’s stone for it’s golden color.

Traits: Cheerful, Foodie, Creative

Goals:

-Complete Culinary Career.

-Complete Culinary aspiration.

-Master Cooking and baking skills.

-Own a fruit and vegetable garden with every possible fruit and veggie in your game.

-Own a Bakery or Restaurant.

-Cook an Excellent quality Grand Meal.

-Learn 10 Food Stall recipes.

12. December stone: Turquoise

     Color: Blue/Green (Teal)

Turquoise is an odd one. In European cultures, it’s the stone of friendship and attracts money and luck, but is also frequently used in Evil Eye talismans. Historically, Montezuma II gifted these gems to Cortez, the Spanish Conquistador. The Apache used turquoise as well, as a charm on their bows for better aim.

Traits: Evil, Outgoing, Kleptomaniac

Goals:

-Max out Mischief and Charisma skills.

-Complete the Criminal Career.

-Complete Public Enemy aspiration.

-Start a Kleptomaniac club.

-Steal an object worth $10,000

-Marry someone with the Good trait, and cheat on them 5 times.

Happy simming!

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Not to sound like an Anti.... I go by Anti Anti within fandom myself and prefer that to the alternative...

Though, “proshippers” realize .....How there is a world of distance, cognitive dissonance, and also just a sense of tonal dissonance between someone drawing NSFW BDSM smut of their own 18+ original furry characters whom people constantly perceive to be underage.........

And then a person under someones employment being let go because some Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends Guro they drew got leaked, right?

Like, threats, doxxing, stalking, and harassment and abuse are NEVER okay, but Viv was never under an obligation to make a public statement in support of that person, nor is she a traitor for having enough boundaries to rightfully, automatically block the people who try to elude to her own original sketches, in order to make her feel a sense of shame about what happened to someone who used to work for her.

Nor is Viv a “hypocrite” for expressing having her own limits, in publicly tweeting out a “mood” implying a sense of vague discomfort, brought on by people constantly hounding her about her former employee and trying to make her feel bad. 

About Cartoon Gore and Porn involving something as extremely niche as basically muppet adoptees, taken from a show that doesn’t even belong to the person who drew that, nor was the show in question within this artists intended age range.

What I’m saying is, no two “tolerances” are the same and you can’t blame someone for having a boundary or shame them into making positive statements over a situation that may have rightfully squicked them. It’s none of anyone's business especially if it involves a professional issue with someone they previously hired.  The employer shouldn’t be obligated or *expected* to state “support” of anything.

Also, just stop implying that Viv gives non apologies for stuff that she’s already apologized for a million times over and like, never needed to apologize for in the first place.

“Oh well, Viv had this one zoophobia OC that was a pedo...”

Yeah, she did, and if you’re over the age of 18-20 and liked children's media growing up and had crushes on villains who were there to be an antagonist to a child character, you had a crush those villains because the dynamic was already vaguely predatory and taboo,  so you felt like you were getting away with something and this is why modern villains of children’s media lost their bite because artists back then weren’t afraid to make their villains that predatory and push those boundaries, so there’s no real sense of dread or danger present within the majority of children's media anymore .

It was an element of story telling at the time, and that sense of danger and intrigue is why we had good story telling and you’ll need to get over it.

In Viv’s case she made an outright, one off adult joke about this.

Leave her alone already guys. Enough.