#emotional boundaries

[storytellerslense]

JJ Maybank character analysis

How parentification shaped JJ's personality

Part 2

Victim role, low self-esteem and compulsive caregiving

Especially in the first season of Outer Banks there are moments where JJ is not fully respected by his friends, the Pogues, and he often accepts this dismissive treatment. For instance, his ideas are frequently brushed off, and he is called names like "dumbass," reinforcing his belief that he is not valued or taken seriously. JJ tolerates this treatment, likely due to his low self-esteem and his desperate need to maintain these relationships, as flawed as they may be.

Additionally, JJ voluntarily gets himself into situations where he simply can't win, exemplifying his compulsive caregiving and martyr complex. For example, he confronts a group of Kooks alone to defend his friends, even though he knows he is outnumbered and likely to lose the fight. This behavior underscores his willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of others, even when it is detrimental to his own well-being. He also constantly highlights how the Kooks have the advantage, which, while often true, also shows how he puts himself in the victim role more than the other Pogues.

JJ's low self-esteem is most poignantly visible in his interactions with Kiara in Season 3 Episode 4.

JJ feels uncomfortable when Kiara is getting close to him

When Kiara confesses her love for him, JJ's immediate reaction is to dismiss it. Kiara tries to confront him again, reminding him of an affectionate moment on the boat where they almost kissed. But JJ shrugs her off, recollecting the moment as "just weird", later admitting that he has issues getting close to someone.

Considering that JJ probably had a lifelong experience with parentification, it has caused him to prioritize others' needs over his own, leading to poorly developed emotional boundaries and a lack of understanding of his own desires. Coupled with his low self-esteem from his abusive upbringing, JJ struggles to believe he deserves love and affection. So when faced with Kiara's romantic interest, he feels confused and uncomfortable, questioning his worthiness and feeling that someone as stable as Kiara couldn't genuinely want to be with him.

Another point is that the potential relationship with Kiara represents a significant change and requires vulnerability, which JJ finds unsettling due to his need to always be strong and in control. This internal conflict makes the near-kiss feel strange and out of place for him. When admitting to his feeling of unworthiness, describing it as "not even having a home or parents" Kiara offers him help, which he refuses, illustrating once again his difficulty in accepting care from others.

JJ's low self-esteem and compulsive caregiving are deeply rooted in his responsibility thrust upon him from a young age and the lack of nurturing from his father which led JJ to develop a skewed sense of self-worth, believing that his value lies in what he can do for others rather than who he is. However, this can also expose JJ to extreme stress and anxiety. This is notably seen when JJ and John B. encounter smugglers threatening Miss Lana at her house in Season 1, Episode 2.

JJ's decision not to help Miss Lana once the smugglers are gone can be attributed to a combination of emotional overload, psychological exhaustion, and his complex relationship with trust and authority.

Contrary to his usual impulsive and confrontational nature, JJ experiences an anxiety attack, urging John B. to leave rather than confront the danger. This reaction can be interpreted as a symptom of his chronic stress and trauma of having experienced his abusive father. The sound of someone being beaten and threatened might evoke a generalized trauma response, leading to anxiety and a desire to escape the situation. This reaction could be seen as a form of PTSD, where certain triggers cause an overwhelming urge to flee rather than fight.

******I am sorry. This time I had to hurry and I wanted to get this done before going on holiday tomorrow. Thanks you so much your support, for reposting and giving me thumbs up!!! I find JJ to be a very interesting character with surprisingly much depth for a series like Outer Banks, probably because he is portrayed most relatable and realistic. If you have any other suggestions and ideas on what to do next, let me know.******

[sarcasticdarkness]

Sometimes, moving forward means letting go—even when the past won’t let go of you. It’s never easy, but it’s necessary for your peace.

[thedixonsteele]

The Power of Silence, Distance, and Prioritizing Peace

In a world where we are conditioned to react, respond, and assert ourselves at every turn, the idea of silence, distance, and prioritizing peace can feel counterintuitive, even passive. But often, the most profound strength lies not in what we say or do, but in what we choose not to say or do. Silence can be an answer. Distance can be a response. And peace can be a priority.

This perspective challenges the notion that every situation requires our input, every conflict demands our correction, and every relationship necessitates our presence. In truth, stepping back and letting things be is sometimes the most powerful and liberating move we can make. Let’s explore why.

1. Silence as an Answer

Silence is often misunderstood as weakness or acquiescence, but it can be a deliberate, powerful act of self-control and wisdom. When faced with provocation, criticism, or chaos, silence can communicate more than words ever could.

Silence protects your energy.

Not every argument is worth engaging in. Not every insult deserves a rebuttal. Responding to negativity often feeds it, giving it more power over your emotions and mental state. Silence, on the other hand, starves it. It creates a boundary that says, “This doesn’t deserve my energy.”

Silence preserves your dignity.

Sometimes, the most dignified response to foolishness is no response at all. When someone is being irrational or unreasonable, engaging only pulls you into their chaos. Silence allows you to rise above it, maintaining your composure and self-respect.

Silence speaks louder than words.

In certain situations, silence is not just an absence of sound—it’s a statement. It can signal disapproval without hostility, distance without malice, and boundaries without the need for confrontation. Silence can say, “I see what you’re doing, and I choose not to engage.”

2. Distance as a Response

In a culture that celebrates constant connection, choosing distance can feel like a radical act. But distance is not necessarily about cutting people off or withdrawing completely—it’s about creating space for clarity, healing, and self-preservation.

Distance fosters perspective.

When you’re too close to a situation, emotions can cloud your judgment. Taking a step back allows you to see things more clearly, to evaluate what truly matters, and to determine the healthiest course of action. Distance gives you the room to breathe and think.

Distance protects your peace.

Not everyone deserves unfettered access to your life. Some people bring drama, negativity, or toxicity that disrupts your emotional well-being. Creating distance isn’t about punishment; it’s about protecting your peace and prioritizing your mental health.

Distance can be an act of love.

Sometimes, stepping back is the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and others. It can prevent unnecessary conflicts, give both parties time to cool down, and create the space needed for personal growth and reconciliation.

3. Peace as a Priority

In a society that glorifies hustle, conflict, and endless striving, prioritizing peace can feel like swimming against the tide. But peace is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. It’s the foundation of a fulfilling life, the anchor that keeps you grounded amid the storms.

Peace is a personal responsibility.

No one else can prioritize your peace for you. It’s something you must actively choose, often in the face of pressure to do otherwise. This means saying no to situations, people, and behaviors that disrupt your inner calm—even when it’s difficult or unpopular.

Peace requires discernment.

Not every battle is yours to fight. Not every wrong is yours to right. Choosing peace means discerning which issues truly matter and which can be left alone. It’s about focusing your energy on what aligns with your values and letting go of the rest.

Peace empowers you to live intentionally.

When you prioritize peace, you free yourself from the distractions of unnecessary drama and conflict. This allows you to focus on what truly matters—your goals, your relationships, your passions. Peace creates the mental and emotional space needed to live a life of purpose.

4. Letting Go of the Need to Comment, Correct, or Be Present

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that we must always have something to say, always have a solution to offer, always be involved. But this belief often leads to unnecessary stress and conflict. The truth is, not everything needs your commentary. Not everyone needs your correction. Not all situations need your presence.

Letting go of commentary.

In the age of social media, the pressure to comment on every issue, every event, every opinion can be overwhelming. But the constant need to weigh in often does more harm than good. It drains your energy, invites unnecessary arguments, and distracts you from your own path. Sometimes, the wisest choice is to say nothing at all.

Letting go of correction.

It’s natural to want to correct others when we see them making mistakes or holding misguided beliefs. But unsolicited correction is rarely received well. It can come across as condescending, provoke defensiveness, and strain relationships. Instead of trying to fix others, focus on being an example of the values you wish to see.

Letting go of presence.

It’s easy to feel obligated to show up for every event, every conversation, every conflict. But being present in situations that drain you or compromise your values does no one any good. It’s okay to step back, to prioritize your own well-being over the expectations of others.

5. The Strength in Stepping Back

Choosing silence, distance, and peace is not about avoidance or apathy. It’s about recognizing your limits, valuing your energy, and understanding that not every situation is yours to fix. Stepping back is an act of strength, not weakness.

Stepping back allows growth.

When you step back, you give others the space to learn, grow, and take responsibility for their own actions. Constantly stepping in to correct or control can stifle growth, both theirs and yours.

Stepping back fosters resilience.

Life is full of challenges, and not every one of them requires your intervention. By stepping back, you allow situations to unfold naturally, trusting that they will resolve as they are meant to. This builds resilience—for you and for others.

Stepping back creates freedom.

When you let go of the need to comment, correct, or be present, you free yourself from the burdens of unnecessary obligations. This freedom allows you to focus on what truly matters, to live with intention and purpose.

6. Practical Steps to Embrace Silence, Distance, and Peace

If this philosophy resonates with you, here are some practical steps to incorporate it into your life:

1. Pause before reacting.

When faced with conflict or provocation, take a moment to breathe and consider whether your response is necessary. Often, silence is the better choice.

2. Set boundaries.

Protect your peace by setting clear boundaries with people and situations that drain you. Distance is not abandonment—it’s self-care.

3. Choose your battles wisely.

Not every disagreement is worth your time and energy. Focus on what truly matters and let the rest go.

4. Practice mindfulness.

Cultivate a sense of inner calm through mindfulness practices like meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature.

5. Let go of guilt.

Choosing silence, distance, or peace may disappoint others, but remember that you are not responsible for their feelings. Prioritize your well-being without guilt or apology.

Silence can be an answer, distance can be a response, and peace can be a priority. These choices may feel countercultural, but they are acts of courage, wisdom, and self-respect. By letting go of the need to comment, correct, or be present in every situation, you free yourself to live a life of intention, purpose, and peace.

Not everything needs your voice. Not everyone needs your hand. And not every problem needs your presence. Sometimes, the most powerful move is simply stepping back and letting things be.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

Once I lose respect for you there's nothing you can do to win it back.

[joitotheworldstuff]

Do You Need a Break? From What? (I Do Need a Break from Users)

In a world where we’re always “on,” always connected, and constantly expected to perform at our best, it can feel impossible to hit pause. Whether you’re working full-time, studying, running a business, or just juggling the demands of life, taking a break often feels like a luxury rather than a necessity. But here’s the thing—taking a break isn’t just a luxury; it’s a fundamental part of…

[josephkravis]

Your Mental Illness Will Not Become My New Normal

Your Mental Illness Will Not Become My New Normal

What’s On My Mind Today? Setting Boundaries with Care Compassion is the cornerstone of any functioning society—at least that’s what the optimists keep telling me. And yes, I believe in empathy, connection, and lending a hand when someone’s struggling. But let’s get one thing straight: your mental illness is not a backstage pass to dictate my life, my boundaries, or my priorities. Before you…

[samw3000]

For Someone Else

You Are in my past alreadyEven in my rearview I cannot see youPresently Your access to the best of meHas reached its expiry Photo by giano currie on Unsplash © 2024 Samantha Williams. All Rights Reserved.

[umbratticalksp]

Grooming, incoincidentally, does not take age or maturity to perpetuate. Learn the signs, and protect our rights. ✊💙🩵💖🌠✨✨

grooming doesn't stop when you turn older than 18 btw

[justposting1]

How to Set Boundaries & Stop People Pleasing

Learn to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, and have healthier relationships with others and yourself 💞 Today, we’re diving into the important topic of boundaries—how to set healthier ones, foster better relationships, stop acting out of guilt or obligation, and break free from people-pleasing habits. If you find it hard to say “no,” then this is for you. Hi, loves! Welcome back. I’m excited…

[pebblegalaxy]

Quiet Strength: Beena’s Journey of Trust, Shyness, and Meaningful Connections

Title: Embracing the Quiet Strength: Beena’s Journey of Connection and Confidence In today’s fast-paced world, where people seem eager to overshare their lives on social media, Beena stands out as someone who values a more reserved approach. She’s a bit shy when it comes to sharing too much about her background with others—until she feels a meaningful connection. Her story is one of quiet…

[daisys-notes]

The Whisper Game: Trust Shattered? Respect Lost!

Let’s start with a fact: people talk. They babble, gossip and let their mouths run faster than their brains can keep up. Fine, that’s life. But the moment you and I have a relationship—whether it’s friendship or something else—the game changes. When I find out that a third person thinks they have the space to talk to you about me, something is fundamentally wrong in our connection. And that, my…

[meme-loving-stuck]

If you genuinely struggle with this, consider: it is a problem that can be solved

First, think of an early lesson of socializing: don't assume to know the feelings and intentions of others. You wouldn't want people to never communicate their feelings with you, and just assume you're a mind-reader, right? That's an unreasonable expectation for you. So why act like one? Consider: They're not trying to force you into something. If you're upset, they're not helping you to make themselves feel better. They genuinely want to help.

Second, stop viewing relationships as transactional. Obviously, every relationship has give and take, but framing it as "It's your responsibility" makes it sound like a chore, doesn't it? Yes, it takes effort, but if someone you care about is hurting, is it really always going to just be a chore for you to handle? Or do you care about them, and want to help them?

This isn't a trick question, btw, and it isn't meant to make you feel bad. If you genuinely answered no, you don't really care about anyone enough to help them emotionally, it could help to think about why. Do you always feel that way? Or is emotional labor just more work for you than it seems like it is for others? It's work for everyone, whether they want ro recognize it or not, trust me. So you arent a bad person for acknowledging that. But it's also not the end of the world if your friend might need reassurance when theyre in a bad mood.

Sometimes we do "owe" it to our friends or loved ones to put in that work, you know? They would do the same for you, and again, when they do it's well-intentioned! They are NOT just trying to burden you with a social obligation of "validate me for helping you".

Lastly, it can help to look at this on a case-by-case basis. And communicate! If you aren't in the right mental place right now to comfort someone, you need to just communicate that to them. If you don't want to be comforted by someone right now, you need to communicate that to them. That is just common decency and boundaries, and you aren't going to get in trouble for it.

Anyone else have that thing where you get stressed out when someone else is in a bad mood because now it's your responsibility to make them feel better, but if you're in a bad mood and someone tries to cheer you up you get stressed out because now it's your responsibility to pretend that it's helping to make them feel better.

[shreeisspecial]

In a world that constantly demands our time, energy, and attention, learning the art of saying no is crucial for maintaining our well-being and fostering healthy relationships. Setting boundaries with grace allows us to prioritize our needs, values, and goals without guilt or resentment. This blog delves into the importance of saying no, the challenges it entails, and practical strategies to set and maintain boundaries with confidence and compassion.

[mydayswithtarotbystella]

Boundaries You Can Set & Steps to Setting Healthy Ones

Physical Boundaries: Personal space (e.g., keeping a certain distance from others) Touch preferences (e.g., who can hug or touch you) Physical privacy (e.g., not sharing your bed or room) Emotional Boundaries: Sharing personal information (e.g., deciding who you confide in) Emotional support (e.g., setting limits on how much emotional labor you provide) Managing reactions (e.g., not taking…

[joitotheworldstuff]

It’s Okay to Be Petty: Treat People How They Treat You (Bad)

Let’s face it—life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes people hurt us, and it can feel like there’s no justice. We do our best to be kind, understanding, and forgiving, but there are moments when you just snap. Someone says something rude, cuts you off in traffic, or betrays your trust, and all you can think is, “Why should I be the bigger person?” Is it okay to be petty sometimes? To…

[1introvertedsage]

As your sensitivity increases, you may feel more empathy for those around you. Be mindful of keeping firm emotional boundaries, so you don't feel overwhelmed by what you pick up on. Ideally, you can protect your time, so that you can focus and listen to your internal dialogue.