#emotional boundaries

[storytellerslense]

JJ Maybank character analysis

How parentification shaped JJ's personality

Part 2

Victim role, low self-esteem and compulsive caregiving

Especially in the first season of Outer Banks there are moments where JJ is not fully respected by his friends, the Pogues, and he often accepts this dismissive treatment. For instance, his ideas are frequently brushed off, and he is called names like "dumbass," reinforcing his belief that he is not valued or taken seriously. JJ tolerates this treatment, likely due to his low self-esteem and his desperate need to maintain these relationships, as flawed as they may be.

Additionally, JJ voluntarily gets himself into situations where he simply can't win, exemplifying his compulsive caregiving and martyr complex. For example, he confronts a group of Kooks alone to defend his friends, even though he knows he is outnumbered and likely to lose the fight. This behavior underscores his willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of others, even when it is detrimental to his own well-being. He also constantly highlights how the Kooks have the advantage, which, while often true, also shows how he puts himself in the victim role more than the other Pogues.

JJ's low self-esteem is most poignantly visible in his interactions with Kiara in Season 3 Episode 4.

JJ feels uncomfortable when Kiara is getting close to him

When Kiara confesses her love for him, JJ's immediate reaction is to dismiss it. Kiara tries to confront him again, reminding him of an affectionate moment on the boat where they almost kissed. But JJ shrugs her off, recollecting the moment as "just weird", later admitting that he has issues getting close to someone.

Considering that JJ probably had a lifelong experience with parentification, it has caused him to prioritize others' needs over his own, leading to poorly developed emotional boundaries and a lack of understanding of his own desires. Coupled with his low self-esteem from his abusive upbringing, JJ struggles to believe he deserves love and affection. So when faced with Kiara's romantic interest, he feels confused and uncomfortable, questioning his worthiness and feeling that someone as stable as Kiara couldn't genuinely want to be with him.

Another point is that the potential relationship with Kiara represents a significant change and requires vulnerability, which JJ finds unsettling due to his need to always be strong and in control. This internal conflict makes the near-kiss feel strange and out of place for him. When admitting to his feeling of unworthiness, describing it as "not even having a home or parents" Kiara offers him help, which he refuses, illustrating once again his difficulty in accepting care from others.

JJ's low self-esteem and compulsive caregiving are deeply rooted in his responsibility thrust upon him from a young age and the lack of nurturing from his father which led JJ to develop a skewed sense of self-worth, believing that his value lies in what he can do for others rather than who he is. However, this can also expose JJ to extreme stress and anxiety. This is notably seen when JJ and John B. encounter smugglers threatening Miss Lana at her house in Season 1, Episode 2.

JJ's decision not to help Miss Lana once the smugglers are gone can be attributed to a combination of emotional overload, psychological exhaustion, and his complex relationship with trust and authority.

Contrary to his usual impulsive and confrontational nature, JJ experiences an anxiety attack, urging John B. to leave rather than confront the danger. This reaction can be interpreted as a symptom of his chronic stress and trauma of having experienced his abusive father. The sound of someone being beaten and threatened might evoke a generalized trauma response, leading to anxiety and a desire to escape the situation. This reaction could be seen as a form of PTSD, where certain triggers cause an overwhelming urge to flee rather than fight.

******I am sorry. This time I had to hurry and I wanted to get this done before going on holiday tomorrow. Thanks you so much your support, for reposting and giving me thumbs up!!! I find JJ to be a very interesting character with surprisingly much depth for a series like Outer Banks, probably because he is portrayed most relatable and realistic. If you have any other suggestions and ideas on what to do next, let me know.******

[sarcasticdarkness]

Sometimes, moving forward means letting go—even when the past won’t let go of you. It’s never easy, but it’s necessary for your peace.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

Once I lose respect for you there's nothing you can do to win it back.

[family-trauma]

Part 2 of the series. Some insightful info on how to set boundaries with those who absolutely deny and ignore the fact you are an individual with needs and feelings, and that they need to respect your time and life as well.

[josephkravis]

Your Mental Illness Will Not Become My New Normal

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[samw3000]

For Someone Else

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[justposting1]

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[umbratticalksp]

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grooming doesn't stop when you turn older than 18 btw

[pebblegalaxy]

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[daisys-notes]

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[meme-loving-stuck]

If you genuinely struggle with this, consider: it is a problem that can be solved

First, think of an early lesson of socializing: don't assume to know the feelings and intentions of others. You wouldn't want people to never communicate their feelings with you, and just assume you're a mind-reader, right? That's an unreasonable expectation for you. So why act like one? Consider: They're not trying to force you into something. If you're upset, they're not helping you to make themselves feel better. They genuinely want to help.

Second, stop viewing relationships as transactional. Obviously, every relationship has give and take, but framing it as "It's your responsibility" makes it sound like a chore, doesn't it? Yes, it takes effort, but if someone you care about is hurting, is it really always going to just be a chore for you to handle? Or do you care about them, and want to help them?

This isn't a trick question, btw, and it isn't meant to make you feel bad. If you genuinely answered no, you don't really care about anyone enough to help them emotionally, it could help to think about why. Do you always feel that way? Or is emotional labor just more work for you than it seems like it is for others? It's work for everyone, whether they want ro recognize it or not, trust me. So you arent a bad person for acknowledging that. But it's also not the end of the world if your friend might need reassurance when theyre in a bad mood.

Sometimes we do "owe" it to our friends or loved ones to put in that work, you know? They would do the same for you, and again, when they do it's well-intentioned! They are NOT just trying to burden you with a social obligation of "validate me for helping you".

Lastly, it can help to look at this on a case-by-case basis. And communicate! If you aren't in the right mental place right now to comfort someone, you need to just communicate that to them. If you don't want to be comforted by someone right now, you need to communicate that to them. That is just common decency and boundaries, and you aren't going to get in trouble for it.

Anyone else have that thing where you get stressed out when someone else is in a bad mood because now it's your responsibility to make them feel better, but if you're in a bad mood and someone tries to cheer you up you get stressed out because now it's your responsibility to pretend that it's helping to make them feel better.

[shreeisspecial]

In a world that constantly demands our time, energy, and attention, learning the art of saying no is crucial for maintaining our well-being and fostering healthy relationships. Setting boundaries with grace allows us to prioritize our needs, values, and goals without guilt or resentment. This blog delves into the importance of saying no, the challenges it entails, and practical strategies to set and maintain boundaries with confidence and compassion.

[mydayswithtarotbystella]

Boundaries You Can Set & Steps to Setting Healthy Ones

Physical Boundaries: Personal space (e.g., keeping a certain distance from others) Touch preferences (e.g., who can hug or touch you) Physical privacy (e.g., not sharing your bed or room) Emotional Boundaries: Sharing personal information (e.g., deciding who you confide in) Emotional support (e.g., setting limits on how much emotional labor you provide) Managing reactions (e.g., not taking…

[1introvertedsage]

As your sensitivity increases, you may feel more empathy for those around you. Be mindful of keeping firm emotional boundaries, so you don't feel overwhelmed by what you pick up on. Ideally, you can protect your time, so that you can focus and listen to your internal dialogue.

[ash-and-starlight]

Sokka baulked. "I'm not getting on that." "That," said Zuko, "is my baby." Zuko's baby, a fifty foot dragon, huffed. Great white plumes of smoke issued out of his nostrils and buffeted around Sokka. "Play nice, Druk," said Zuko, laughing

for The Mercy of Magpies chapter 2!

as always written by thee wonderful showstopping incredible @ranilla-bean ✨

chapter post || cover || map and characters

[turtleofthehollow]

It's easy to understand why you get hung up on others' opinions of you when you realize the world is like a mirror reflecting back to you what you see in yourself

If your mind is full of self loathing thoughts, than hearing someone criticize you just feeds into that self hatred

So you fixate on what people say about you hoping that if you just explain yourself well enough that they'll finally be kind to you, and if they're kind to you, than maybe the self hating voice in your head will finally quiet down

But that's a losing strategy

You can't control what people say or think about you

The real trick to silencing that self hating voice in your head is to, metaphorically speaking, stop looking in the mirror

What someone says about you is not a reflection of your true character, so don't internalize their words. If they can't even take the time to get to know you, than they don't have the right to define you