#guilt

[whumpster-dumpster]

Whumpee may feel terrible and get progressively worse in the process but at least they get the satisfaction of making the one who accused them of faking/playing up their condition for attention now eat their words and feel guilty about it

[xfilesinamajor]

the men who were killed by Poseidon were not the ones who goaded him. All of the remaining crew members were the ones on Odysseus’s ship

This is freshly horrific for me! You're absolutely correct, the men killed by Poseidon were the ones on other ships in the fleet, who had no knowledge or control of what was going on.

Granted they did somehow hear Ody/Eury's orders to shoot harpoons at the sky in "Storm" despite being on different ships, but we ignore that for the sake of the narrative

Ouch. Odysseus is the one who pissed off Poseidon and gave the information that helped the god find them. Eurylochus is the one who opened the wind bag. And the men on the other eleven ships are the ones who paid the price.

y’all, don’t imagine that when multiple people go into the underworld they see different things based on their relationship with a person/group of people.

don’t think for a second that while odysseus was wracked with guilt about not being able to persuade poseidon, eurylochus is getting his own wave of guilt over being pushed to open the bag.

don’t try to envision the second in command hearing screams of the crew members who goaded him on, asking him to open a bag of winds they thought was treasure.

don’t think eurylochus doesn’t get punished like odysseus does.

[grungekitty-77]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[academic-vampire]

[fakedoe]

[simonn0el]

I Hope The Guilt Eats You Alive

[ky-landfill]

[acewhowantsspace]

Why are romantic relationships valued way more than platonic relationships? You telling me I have to pretend I'm not hurt because the bond I've spent my whole life building with my sibling is being placed lower than hers with her partner?

You telling me I have to be okay with that?

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

In Darkness and in Solitude

[feral-ballad]

Craig Morgan Teicher, from To Keep Love Blurry; “Lines in the Rain”

[whumpster-dumpster]

The moment of dawning horror when they register that they just hurt someone they didn't mean to (especially if it's that one specific person they swore to protect)

[liakunemui]

“ Your friends are wrong about you. The person they love isn't you at all. ”

speedpaint!

[bamsara]

Not sure if I'm reading too hard into to things, but I'm wondering if there's an intentional change in the way Dream Lamb behaves with Narinder in his dreams? Like in the beginning Dream Lamb used to flirt with and mock Narinder for his feelings for Lambert back when he was still in denial. But now as we're progressing in the story and Narinder is slowly accepting that he has these feelings, Dream Lamb is instead reminding Narinder of all the bad things he did to Lmabert, while intentional or not. Basically trying to convince Narinder that even though he has these feelings, Lambert will never reciprocate them.

death cat begins to experience remorse

[gloomyanon]

Hmmm

[abuzd]

[guiltyidealist]

"I'm sorry I vented and took up your time with my bullshit" ❌

feeds abandonment fears, implies having needs and being helped with them are wrong, makes it all about you

"Thank you for being patient with me through that, I appreciate that you took the time" ✅

shows your gratitude, affirms your affinity, no "using up" anybody's effort, makes it about you both as equals

"I'm sorry I dumped without checking consent first. I need to act respectfully and ask for your permission before I vent" ✅

"I'm sorry I said x, that was inappropriate of me to put on you" ✅

"Was it okay when I said x the way I did?" ✅

"Would you like to place a boundary around that?" ✅

"What could I do/say instead that's healthier for us both?" ✅

correct an actual wrong, seize due accountability, consider their rights as much as yours, make amends, work to correct missteps going forward