If you used to be a heavy drinker & now you just smoke weed! YOURE DOING GREAT
if you used to smoke weed 24/7 and don’t now, but you just have a few beer or drinks every blue moon, YOURE DOING GREAT
if you were a pill head and now on methadone or subs, YOURE DOING GREAT
if you were a down head or a meth head and now you just smoke weed to cope with the side effects those drugs put on ur body for the rest of your life, YOURE DOING GREAT.
If you went cold turkey on everything all at once and never put a single substance in to your body after that, I’m proud of you! You’re doing great!
We are all just doing the best we fucking can!
don’t ever let someone tell your recovery journey isn’t “considered” recovery!
Is this why I feel a sense of sanctuary at AA Meetings like no other place? Haven't encountered homophobia yet, but as I've learned from others, "if nobody gets on your nerves at a meeting, you just haven't been going to enough meetings." All are welcome, and where the hell else can you speak your mind and people at least are quiet enough to listen?
It's also very draining. I'm in extreme mental pain right now, and I seemto absorb and feel way too much, so sometimes I feel it's NOT good for me to go so much. My life is hanging by a thread, and I have nowhere else to go, and people have been kind to me there. I can't help it.
And a weird thing too. It's taking me a little to break through my isolation and low self esteem, so it hasn't been easy going to my AA group, but in ways I feel more at home there than at NA. In one way it's because of my queerness. At my AA group it feels like that doesn't have to matter and I can leave everything else at the door while I come in and focus on my self and experience. The NA group does have many more queer people, I think like 40% of the group I went to was such and while the rules are the same, I feel more almost pressured to make that part of my recovery. I do have some resentments regarding the gay community and how I've been incapable of forming relationships that aren't anything other than chaotic and painful.
Is this internalized homophobia? Have I been fucked up for so long, and not knowing who I am for so long, and having used "coming out" alcoholically, I still really don't? Have I snapped my own mind? Am I an empty, hungry ghost, unliving and hating it, with no energy to pick up tools for my liberation from this life, from this cruel, ravenous world?
I met up with my sponsor the other day because I’m going through the steps again using the 12 & 12. This meeting we were talking about step two and what it means to have the willingness to hand over control to a higher power. I explained to her the research I’m doing and how I’m leaning more and more into witchcraft/paganism and apparently that’s step two. Even though I’ve gone through the steps before I have never felt this kind of connection to the world around me and my higher power. It feels amazing and I hope it bodes well for the rest of the steps. I am proud of myself for taking the initiative to go on this journey and finally figure out what I believe in. It’s a bit strange, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m not really sure how to talk to people about all of this, but I’m sure my friends are going to be supportive and helpful, especially my spiritual mentor. I’m just so happy :)