#disability hearing

[thatonebirdwrites]

Disability Hearing is August 6th

I have been in and out of a state of panic. Discombobulated and bubbling in a stew of dissociation for weeks. This looms over me like a ghastly specter, making everything I do, write, or say a thousand times more difficult.

The endless fog is an unpleasant place to be, and it's tendrils drag me into the darkness of the psyche far too often. It sometimes feels like the brain is on fire, burning with the searing memories of half-remembered trauma and the emotional onslaught of their legacy.

I must wheel myself before a judge, who will hear my tale and decide if I am worthy of receiving care or not. If they decide to not grant me disability, then I will have to start the process all over again. It has taken me four appeals over four years to get this far.

I will not be able to afford my home or food.

Everything hinges on this hearing. If I can get a good decision before the election, then there is hope. Small hope but hope nonetheless.

Because even if the US election goes badly, I at least will get enough to survive for a few months.

But I'll never be able to save again because until we fix Federal Disability, the $2000 asset limit means I'll be trapped in extreme poverty unable to ever pull myself out of it. We need to fix this, to adjust the payout of Disability and the asset limit to fit the costs of living for today, but we can't do that if the US election goes badly.

For my life, my ability to exist at all, to hinge on things so out of my control is terrifying and maddening.

May the odds be in my favor.

If you wish to drop kind messages to me, I would be grateful. Or if you like what I write, leave a kind comment.

Be safe all.

[disagigglebilities]

Disability hearing went weird today. They had an "expert" cardiologist who completely ignored my diagnoses and then proceeded to tell the judge he thought I had somatic symptom disorder.

I was literally sobbing by the end of his testimony and the judge practically booted him from the call as soon as was possible. I now have a psychological evaluation sometime in the next month.

My lawyer said the judge appeared to not be happy with the way the "expert" treated me and my health issues and that the so called "expert" had been super unprofessional and that all and all it might end up helping my case still. But damn talk about traumatizing as fuck. My friend had to calm me down after all was said and done, I was crying so hard.

[ink-asunder]

Goddamn, I knew vocational experts could say some outrageous things during disability hearings, but mine just listed 3 jobs and Gave Up ☠️

We were only on the second hypothetical and the judge went are there any jobs for this sick animal and the VE was just like "no, not in my opinion" like bruh ☠️

[221bluescarf]

I did it I did it I did it it's OVER 🎉 🎉

[demonboyhalo]

collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:

even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body

you don't have to brush your teeth standing up

you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering

you don't have to shower with the lights on

if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath

if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria

eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food

you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it

some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them

kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time

if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are

we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it

if you have even a dollar to spare, please consider donating to Alaikum's family.

they're a large family at only 10% of their goal to evacuate, and could use any help you can give!!

[disableddyke]

[sanctumsfw-blog]

Sources:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/06/24/social-security-disability-benefits-jobs-list-outdated/

HAHAHA MICROFICHE MOUNTER MENTIONED

This is the job that the vocational expert said I could do at my disability hearing 😂😂😂😂

COOL. NOW FIX THE REST OF IT

[longlostdiaries]

I don't know who needs to hear this but:

-"it only hurts a little" is still pain

-"I can ignore it" is still pain

-"I can cope with/manage it" is still pain

-"it's bearable" is still pain

-"I can push through it" is still pain

-"it doesn't hurt that much" is still pain

-"it doesn't stop me from doing x" is still pain

You don't need to be in agonizing pain to be in pain.

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[thatonebirdwrites]

I have been disassociating and feeling ill, so my writing has been a struggle to do and edit.

It sucks.

I'm still recovering from the disability hearing honestly.

I slowly started to write up what it was like, but I'm afraid to post it until after I get the decision. Because I'm afraid they're still monitoring everything I do. Since disabled people aren't allowed to have privacy.

[i-say-stupid-things]

psa: you actually are worth it. you are worth the trouble. you are not too much to put up with. your disability doesn’t make you unlovable. you’re not too much of a burden to “put up with”.

you are amazing and lovely and the right person will come and see just how wonderful of a person you are. your disability changes nothing about that

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[chaos-in-one]

Friendly (or unfriendly if you're against this) reminder that this blog is supportive of ALL disorders. This blog does not think ANY disorder inherently makes someone a bad person, and is against any disorder being demonized. This blog wholeheartedly believes that a bad person having a disorder, yes, even if things that are also symptoms of their disorder are part of what caused harm, does not make the disorder a "bad" or "evil" disorder or excuse ableism and demonization directed towards the disorder.

Yes this includes personality disorders

Including npd and aspd

Yes this includes all psychotic disorders & disorders that cause psychotic symptoms

Yes this includes paraphilic disorders. All of them.

Yes this includes disorders that cause, or are even characterized by, attention seeking

Yes this includes disorders that directly have lying as a common symptom

Yes this includes dissociative disorders

Yes this includes any disorder with "gross" symptoms

Yes this includes physical disorders too

Yes this includes disorders that can cause loss of control of any kind- control of speech, control of body movement, etc.

Yes tis includes disorders that make someone "look scary"

This goes for literally any fucking disorder. There are not exceptions.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

“alt text for more info” “turn on cations for more info” no actually this is not where more info goes. These have a very distinct purpose. There are plenty of other places for more info. If you’re going to make your post inaccessible, the least you could do is not use accessibility tools at your own leisure for whatever purpose you see fit.

[cheesy-cheddar-sadness]

text could never portray the scream i wish i could let out

[gabbagepatch]

Listen guys, you don't need to look nice to go outside. Your health is more important than appearances.

I just went on a walk in my pajamas, greasy hair in a shitty bun, acne, and a pair of new balance sneakers. Cars passed by and I said hi to everyone who passed. Did I feel self-conscious? Of course, but it was worth it.

Now I feel a lot better, because I didn't A. Overextend by forcing myself to shower/get dressed/put on concealer beforehand or B. Avoid doing anything because I felt like a mess.

Go outside and be however you are. It's not your job to look good to random strangers, you deserve to go outside.