#and symptoms of several too
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Friendly (or unfriendly if you're against this) reminder that this blog is supportive of ALL disorders. This blog does not think ANY disorder inherently makes someone a bad person, and is against any disorder being demonized. This blog wholeheartedly believes that a bad person having a disorder, yes, even if things that are also symptoms of their disorder are part of what caused harm, does not make the disorder a "bad" or "evil" disorder or excuse ableism and demonization directed towards the disorder.
Yes this includes personality disorders
Including npd and aspd
Yes this includes all psychotic disorders & disorders that cause psychotic symptoms
Yes this includes paraphilic disorders. All of them.
Yes this includes disorders that cause, or are even characterized by, attention seeking
Yes this includes disorders that directly have lying as a common symptom
Yes this includes dissociative disorders
Yes this includes any disorder with "gross" symptoms
Yes this includes physical disorders too
Yes this includes disorders that can cause loss of control of any kind- control of speech, control of body movement, etc.
Yes tis includes disorders that make someone "look scary"
This goes for literally any fucking disorder. There are not exceptions.
#disability activism#ableism#demonization#disability awareness#personality disorders#npd#aspd#psychotic#psychotic disorders#paraphilic disorder#attention seeking#pathological lying#dissociative disorder#idk what other tags to put#also additional note I literally have a couple disorders on this list#and symptoms of several too#so if you're thinking of trying to argue on this post just fuck off#I guarantee you will not change my mind#and I don't want to hear it either
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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july is disability pride month, here's a skord link that Needs Salt
#so i have this salt wasting autoimmune condition#which is addisons slash APS type II#BUT symptom-wise it does have a big crossover with POTS#we both have. blood pressure. anyways. APS is uncommon; i don't think i'll find anyone else that has it here but that's fine. this is for M#me and people who enjoy claussen pickles#legend of zelda#link#skyward sword#art#shrimpdraws#happy disability pride month#i know several people with POTS in zelda so this one is also for you guys. together we stand up but not too fast and then we sit down after
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The Syd Poll
the topic of this poll is one that is frequently avoided in the pink floyd fandom, but inevitably one we all consider – our individual views on what we think caused syd's psychological struggles (and by extension, led to his departure from the band). I think that – at least in this neighborhood of tumblr – this is a conversation we are capable of having in a way that is civil, nuanced, and at least minimally disrespectful to syd.
So, to help facilitate this, here are some ground rules:
let's all assume we have a mutual understanding of the complexities of this. syd could never actually be reduced down to a poll, and all of our viewpoints are limited in various ways
the poll options just serve as just a conversation starter, and responses are not necessarily a statement of absolute beliefs
feel free to discuss as much or as little of your own perspective as you feel comfortable sharing.
in the case that debates break out, please try to assume good intent – and also demonstrate it (unless, for instance, someone is being blatantly insulting beyond a misunderstanding that needs correcting)
please do NOT vote if you are not actually a pink floyd fan with at least basic knowledge about what we're talking about here.
The options I've included below are not meant to be exhaustive, they are simply the "theories" that I have seen most commonly circulated. I have also decided not to include combinations. I'm fairly sure we'd all agree multiple factors were involved. Rather than make the poll too complicated, I ask you to instead select the one that you think is the "most" important to your viewpoint, and clarify further in your tags/comments as you wish.
so. here we go.
READ BEFORE VOTING ^^^^
(note of correction: "late-onset schizophrenia" should just be "schizophrenia". the typical timeline for onset of symptoms is late adolescence/early adulthood, so syd would've been well within that period at the time)
#pink floyd#syd barrett#//#I will sacrifice myself and go first with way too much detail. hopefully it will help other people feel more comfortable talking#I chose consensual use of psychedelics. mainly bc I am fairly certain that he suffered from severe hppd#it stands for 'hallucinogen persisting perception disorder' –speaking crudely its 'did too much acid and got stuck like that'#I do NOT expect this kind of oversharing from anyone else but the reason I think that is because -I- definitely have that#its comparatively mild but I notice a lot of the same kind of impacts.#I'm more prone to dissociation and overstimulation. it takes more mental energy to communicate. my perception plays a bit fast and loose.#(again. it's not -that- bad. and NO pity for me this was a completely predictable outcome that I DO think is a little funny) but digressing#I can clearly see how if those symptoms were significantly escalated it would be just like what was described by ppl who knew syd#I think its very unkind to refer to him as a “drug casualty”#but I'm fairly confident anyone who's done acid would say by about hour 8 of the trip “okay. yah. too much of this could do that to someone#in other words –although I'm pretty sure syd was also neurodivergent– I do think its at least possible that the lsd couldve been enough#I'm happy to talk more about any of this in asks/dms if anyone wants. genuinely very cool with discussing it#but anyway. that's my take – obviously based entirely on anecdotal evidence tho so take that with as many grains of salt as you wish
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honestly even though a lot of the doubt/denial has faded for me, i'm still expecting to get a different diagnosis or a different opinion when we actually reach that step
because despite the amount of research we did into both CDDs and the various disorders one can get misdiagnosed with [and vice versa], we're obviously still not 100% sure our symptoms match with it specifically, since with self-dx there's always a chance you misinterpret something [though we're fairly confident we can identify what's solely from our imagination/daydreaming vs what's coming from headmates, since we don't have control over that and we can't mimic them at all lmao]
we've got a pretty extensive list of every major thing we've experienced related to stuff, since we've been dealing with discovering our system for the past few years now, and generally kept everything well documented, but even with all of that we do still expect to have the opinions of professionals differ.
#astra.post#actually osdd#osdd system#osddid#actually did#actually dissociative#did system#did community#sysblr#osdd community#did osdd#dissociative system#the trauma itself is at least entirely non-negotiable since we've had that confirmed several times over and how bad it was too#it's just whether or not it caused us to develop a CDD. or if the symptoms we've got are just a bunch of other things compounding
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i’d say it’s silly to be this tired from my first week at a job sorting garlic but like. it really is exhausting lol do you know how Hard it is to pick out yellow asters in garlic when it’s not instantly obvious but on the cusp of being totally rotten inside
#the owner: try not to peel back the garlic too much#me staring at the several I’d peeled back almost all the way before they finally gave obvious signs of rot: well#not to mention the ones that had ‘clear’ symptoms that the manager then cracked open entirely. only to show they were FINE!!!!#me squinting at the browning on the skins like. is this stained from dirt. is this just the color this one is. or is it bacterial rot.#I’m learning so much about garlic tbh. like legitimately#the manager and I bonding over being artists and thus both getting it when we say ‘this is the wrong shade of purple. yellow asters’#she’s like ‘no one else gets it they think I’m crazy for using the purple being the slightly wrong shade as a sign’ but I get it#i say things
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Once again no crafts to update, but here’s those fish I drew yesterday!
#the person behind the yarn#fish#sometimes I draw a new thing and it feels like I’ve unlocked a new skill#like I’ll get a pop up that says unlocked: you can now draw billowing and spots. congratulations!#or something? idk I don’t play many video games so idk how the achievements are worded lol#I am on new meds for my Symptoms Disease and they are helping a lot but there’s always an adjustment period#because when my body starts functioning better than usual my executive function kinda spins out for a while?#it’s getting better! but crafting has been slow#I also got some blood test results back! I test positive for autoimmune antibodies#which is one of the first quantitative blood test results I’ve had EVER in over a decade#I’m trying not to get too excited before I talk to a doc#but it’s actually four different blood test results that are abnormal this time and all four point toward autoimmune#…plus several more that point to me being a little bit anemic
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Things I’m currently worried about.
My sisters upcoming surgery to release her tethered spinal cord. She won’t be able to basic tasks for 2+ months. With potential 6 months to 1 year for full recovery. A walker for awhile after surgery, physical therapy to help. And her anxiety has ramped up to when she video chats me she is sobbing so bad she can’t breathe. She can only focus on the what ifs and worst possible outcomes and spirals out. She’s starting therapy soon to help with that because after talking with her I didn’t realize how bad she has gotten.
My mother just telling me she’s had a lump for 3-4 years that she finally mentioned to her doctor and is getting an ultrasound on it. Which should be fine but what they’re calling it if you look it up the potentials are infection in the limb (no signs of any of that) or possible lymphoma/leukemia symptoms. Upon reading those symptoms I’m nervous. Because she will get so weary and achey by the afternoons she can barely move. And will say it hurts in her bones, but chalks it up to she must have whole body arthritis.
My father’s calcium score test that shows he has a blockage in the artery they call the “widow maker” and is being put on a statin ASAP. They’ll call to schedule a stress test which will be the does he need a stent or not decision. He came home yesterday from the grocery store with his statin, ice cream and mini powdered donuts. He doesn’t seem to get that yes you exercise hard and are in shape but it doesn’t mean you get to eat whatever you want. Because that’s how he has thought about it for years. Now I get to be bad guy and change his diet.
I’m sure it will all be ok and everyone will be fine/recover. It’s just a lot at once and I’m always the calm, keep it together one who is the rock. And all I want to do is scream.
#my sisters surgery they said she will be in significant pain after and it can take 6months-1year for full healing and normal function#my mother has a lot of mysterious random symptoms of severe pain she has POTS and an arrhythmia that were just found#the lump is a lymph node near the groin and she was like well it never hurt me so 🤷🏼♀️#my dad is extremely active and had slightly elevated cholesterol but that calcium score test I would tell anyone to get#my mom had it too and she has high cholesterol but no blockages
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this pisses me off so bad, i shouldn't be thinking about it for my own mental health, but even with my somewhat limited knowledge of bnha canon the more i think about it the more examples i can find of boku no hero academia's rampant fucking ableism
#rant in tags#bakugo shouto nagant dabi toga twice shigaraki compress all might CHISAKI#the fact that the only 'hero' character who has canon symptoms of a psychological issue/trauma is bakugo#those symptoms of a psychological illness are anger issues#and the anger issues get treated as an immutable part of his character (and as the butt of jokes!)#AND he's presented/used as an antagonistic character despite being a 'hero' character#*AND* those anger issues are used as rationale for severe human rights violations done to bakugo!#(specifically i'm thinking of the sports festival bullshit)#<-ALL OF THIS SHIT WAS A DELIBERATE DECISION ON THE PART OF THE CREATOR/S.#the fact that the only presented psychological symptoms of the abuse shouto canonically suffered are being stand-offish and socially awkwar#and the “quirky cute” kind of socially awkward too. rather than the kind that makes you unpopular and deeply isolated and lonely#<-deliberate decision on the part of the creator/s.#nagant is presented as unrealistically unaffected by over a decade in solitary confinement#a torture method that can infamously produce severe and long-lasting trauma within a couple of DAYS#and it's even more egregious when you look at how chisaki responds to solitary confinement in the story#because chisaki was in solitary for a much shorter time than nagant#<-this shit was a deliberate decision on horikoshi's part. it was in the manga. i read it.#the fact that dabi's scars and shigaraki's skin conditions are both used to mark them as 'ugly' and therefore as villains#<-DELIBERATE DECISION BY HORIKOSHI. PART OF THEIR CHARACTER DESIGN.#toga's character is pretty clearly based off of the homophobic 'lesbian vampire' trope (which is homophobia not ableism)#AND her desire/need for blood is treated as something that makes her inherently 'weird' or 'deviant' or 'creepy'#suffusing even her character design and the way she moves and talks.#<-DELIBERATE. DECISION. BY. HORIKOSHI.#twice? yeah sure he's sympathetic. but his backstory presents his neurodivergence as a punishment for laziness/selfishness#and it's treated as a gag. twice is a gag character. and the gag is his neurodivergence.#<-DELIBERATE DECISION BY HORIKOSHI. you get the point by now.#compress loses his arm and gets it replaced with a prosthetic that functions exactly like an organic arm.#<-deliberate decision by horikoshi.#all might coughing up blood being used as humor#*and* the fact that his injuries and the way they disable him are treated as this oh-so-terrible-secret
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If you've never heard an LRAD go off in person, I *genuinely* do not want to hear your opinion about methods of resistance in the US.
#i'm so fucking sick#wifey and i are pretty sure we got COVID so we've been isolating and trying to stay well#this is now at least my 2nd infection though#and you can tell too#wifey has been having trouble keeping me fed and hydrated and CONSCIOUS because I'm so tired I can barely function#this is despite sleeping for 12 hrs a day the past two days#and being fully medicated (or as fully medicated as I can be)#and on top of that my hypotension has been acting up severely since getting sick and I can barely walk 10ft b4 losing consciousness#i've haven't started throwing up my food and water yet but I've come pretty close especially early in the morning#anyway the point is that I am like. visibly being hit with an autoimmune aggravator not just a normal cold#and unfortunately#I'm taking it harder this time than the last#wifey is doing okay and mostly experienced it as a headcold with severe fatigue#she's pretty much better now a week or so out from starting to show symptoms#we....don't like when she gets hit that hard tho because it usually means I'm about to get bodied#pattern is holding so far regrettably lmao#anyway#my point is that I'm sick and angry and grieving and I really want to hit something or set it on fire#but i can't because i can barely move or even stay awake#and this is literally all my personal hell#as a result i am finding that I have a uhhhhhhhhhh unreasonably low threshhold for irritation recently
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nothing i say today should be taken seriously because i have a migraine-adjacent tension headache so bad i spent the afternoon feeling like i don't exist and then went to bed and vaguely hallucinated between naps while listening to an audiobook about trees
and then just now i cried over a Tumblr post that wasn't even emotional
so basically i feel really really bad
#it doesn't even really hurt i'm just absolutely fucked up by it#had several hours of Profound Dread before it really kicked in too#that kind of pre-headache symptom is why i wonder if it is actually a migraine#cos I don't think normal tension headaches do that#personal
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they should invent an anemia treatment with measurable physical effects that also doesn't kill you (difficulty impossible)
#:)#it's so boringgggggg being tired and sleepy 24/7#all these treatments might not even fix that because of my fuckass kidneys#boo hoo they lost the ability to produce the hormones/proteins that handle hemoglobin#and the best synthetic treatments can do is bring my anemia up to 'severe' from 'life threatening'#because the strain of trying to raise my levels any more would pretty much kill me horribly#before me are three paths: osteoporosis and heart failure if i don't get treatment#moderate weakness/fatigue/coldness from clinically managed hemoglobin of like 100-110#or hypertensive stroke from returning to normal hemoglobin levels#they were very clear to tell me there's a good chance these treatments will fix my bloods but might not help my symptoms#which suuuuuuuuucks because am i just supposed to be exhausted now for the rest of my life or#ALSO it's been a week since my infusion and my saliva still tastes of metal. im cranky >:(#i suppose i should be lucky because basically every treatment option only came about during my lifetime but still#can someone travel back in time like 25 years and hold a bunch of senior WHO officials at gunpoint#and force them to spend everything developing better research into kidney disease#so that in the present day i'd have better options at my disposal#or failing that go back 5 years and locate covid patient zero and stop the pandemic so i never got the infection that triggered hypertensio#either one would be good! i'd do it. but i am too sleepy.
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“hey so we’re gonna need you to focus up and pay attention and not talk for 3 hours straight. and no you can’t look at your phone or ask brief questions or think out loud and 98% of what will be said won’t apply to you.”
“also i know you have adhd and that you said your adderall wore off but so do i. you just have to learn.”
do you seriously think i am capable of that. what if i blew you up with a cool wizard beam attack? what if the beam was purple.
#this is NOT a threat aimed at anyone specifically AT ALL#i will not commit violence NOR WILL I CONDONE IT#but honestly i’m so fucking TIRED of being told to ‘just pay attention’ and ‘work harder on focusing’#i have a fucking DISORDER WHERE MY BRAIN DOES NOT FUCKING WORK CORRECTLY#well i have adhd too. everyone does.#okay? what type then? you on adderall? how many jobs did you lose because of it?#how many times have you almost had to deal with legal issues because of it? how many times did you almost fail college because of it?#i’m tired of ableism by people that ‘have adhd too’#you know good and goddamn well we aren’t all the same and severity and symptoms differ from person to person#honestly this is about a hobby that i love doing that i’m now considering quitting#i’m not the only victim to the overall ableism BUT#refusal to accommodate and demanding compliance in a space that’s supposed to be accepting#yeah no. i can’t sit for 4 fucking hours off adderal and do nothing#and it’s like i do do something for a cumulative 1 hour of that time#i am seriously considering quitting and it breaks my heart#adhd#ableism#i don’t want to but i also don’t want to deal with ableism everything i do something non neurotypical that people have decided is#‘distracting’#i’m making quiet comments under my breath not to anyone next to or near me#and i’m not really willing to go through the process of trying to explain this shit to ableists who claim having the same disorder makes#our experiences and disability levels the same#i’ve had to fight this shit my whole life. i do this hobby because it’s fun#it’s not fun if you’re gonna tell me to sit and do nothing for 4 hours and get mad when i stop paying attention#or if i ask questions or talk to myself.#i’m so fucking tired of this shit.#my grown adult ass is now at the point where i do whatever the fuck i want forever#and sitting around for 3 cumulative hours is not what i fucking want to do
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skin pain is the wooOOOoOOoOoOoRrrst! the worst!!!
#kit talks#i’ve said it before. will say again. i can deal with SO MANY symptoms better than the skin pain#there’s just no escaping it. holding perfectly still naked would still hurt from the cold air#so you wear clothes and wrap in a blanket and try to not move too much bc moving makes it worse (as does pressure or touch)#and then you cling to your sanity by your fingernails#tylenol helps SOMETIMES but i took it earlier already#god it’s not even the worst pain i’ve ever felt! not by a long shot! this is not the most severe!#it’s just so goddamn inescapable jesus fucking christ#anyway. hopefully i can go to sleep soon and be better in the morning and this won’t be heralding something worse#alphabet soup of chronic illnesses
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I had something to say about how tiring it is for people to get exasperated with me for things that ARE FUCKING SYMPTOMS of things they KNOW I HAVE but it's been said more times than I can count and in better ways so instead
#like physical symptoms too#i know i talk about being in pain a lot its because im IN PAIN A LOT#“you NEVER feel good” yes thats the SEVERAL ISSUES that ive got#im trying to manage them i am#i know its irritating#and i dont let myself talk about it in detail or anything much bc i know people are so tired of hearing it#i know its inconvenient for you IM the one that lives like this#this is not directed at anyone or anything im just thinking
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it is frustrating to have spend over a decade putting in so much effort to maintain my hand health only for something i cant control to give me paresthesia, muscle weakness, And reducing my fine motor skills everywhere including my hands. it definitely has made sure its not worse than it is but man
#the only thing i had happen before was the start of cubital tunnel from my pizza job at 18#bc of how tall the tables were vs how short i was and how dull our pizza cutters were.. so i had to push weird#but a coworker gave me some stretches that solved it and it doesnt give me problems as long as i stretch it like once a month#i keep having to learn how to draw again with every new thing that happens. my symptoms come and go in severity in the moments and#in the long term and getting worse really quickly actually. its really upsetting to be doing this thing ive loved my entire life#that is my best way of expressing myself and thinking through stuff. that has saved my life. that i wanted to be my j for so long#and then i go through hours or days where my body cant move right. my fingers shake too bad. my hand and arm twitches too bad#my nerves stop talking to my muscles so im too weak to do anything for long.#i already cant Feel temperature or texture in most of my body. the tips of my fingers are completely dead numb now.#its. frustrating. and upsetting. but i will still make art even if i can only fingerpaint or have to learn to draw some other way.#sorry for getting a little too real on this acc. its unfortunately something that affects my art a Lot#both in the actual art and how frequently im able to do anything in the first place
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