#i don’t want to but i also don’t want to deal with ableism everything i do something non neurotypical that people have decided is

[halfricanloveyou]

“hey so we’re gonna need you to focus up and pay attention and not talk for 3 hours straight. and no you can’t look at your phone or ask brief questions or think out loud and 98% of what will be said won’t apply to you.”

“also i know you have adhd and that you said your adderall wore off but so do i. you just have to learn.”

do you seriously think i am capable of that. what if i blew you up with a cool wizard beam attack? what if the beam was purple.

[heliza24]

Being a physically disabled Dimension 20 fan breaks my heart sometimes

I’ve been thinking about this since last Wednesday’s episode when we finally got a real scene with Lydia, one of the few physically disabled characters in the entire canon of the show. It was nice, but it was really just a lore dump. An excuse for exposition. A moment for Kristen to look good by expending sympathy/pity. (I’m a little frustrated about how that interaction went down. Extending the help action was nice but patronizingly touching the neck of a full-ass adult without consent was not. It was weird and not something she would have done to a nondisabled character).

I have watched almost all of D20 (still missing a couple of seasons) and as far as I know here’s where our list of canon physically disabled characters stand: Lydia Barkrock, Jan de la Vega (who feels pretty problematic to me, maybe more on that in a later post), one of the Dwarven statues in the temple in The Seven (who is not given the dignity of being brought to life like Asha), and Pete’s coworker in TUC2 who is in exactly one episode and is so unimportant I have forgotten his name. I guess you could make an argument that Gunny is disabled, but I don't feel that Lou or Brennan really talk about him or play him through that lens. So in terms of canon physically disabled PCs-- that leaves us with 0.

We do a bit better with neurodivergent characters and characters with mental health problems; Ayda (my beloved) is very well developed and Adaine is a PC. There have been some openly neurodivergent players, like Omar and Surena, whose characters also read ND to me. But that isn’t labeled or discussed in canon, so it's hard for me to know where to class that. I am going to focus the rest of this post on physical disabilities, since that is my area of lived experience. If another fan wants to write about their perspective of neurodivergence rep in the show, I would love to hear that, and will happily amplify.

There has never been a character with a sensory disability or a limb difference or a chronic illness (not a fantasy one, a real one) on Dimension 20. The only NPCs we have are nondescript, similar wheelchair users. And there has never been a physically disabled player at the table. On the flagship show of Dropout, a company founded on diversity and inclusion. It feels extremely pointed to me.

In fact as far as I can tell there has only been one (1) physically disabled performer on any of Dropout’s shows. (Shout out to Brett, you were great on Dirty Laundry.) Obviously I haven’t seen every episode of everything they have produced. If I have missed someone, please do let me know in the comments/reblogs. But it’s a problem. And Sam Reich even agreed with this criticism when I asked him directly about.

I do really hope they’re working on it, as Sam says. But why has it taken so long?

Dimension 20 has had trans and nonbinary and queer players. It has had players of many different races. I’m not saying that the diversity here is perfect; there should always be more POC in the dome, more queer people. We should keep pushing for that. (And we should also push for performers at the intersections of these identities!) But we’ve seen the ways this diversity has expanded and improved the different seasons, because diverse players create sensitively drawn, diverse player characters. They add details to their PC’s experiences that make them feel rich and alive. I’m thinking about each of Ally’s PC’s incredible capital G gender and Aabria “all my characters (even the stoats) are Black” and how excellent they all are. D20 would not be the show it is without this input.

And yet. And yet.

There are 1,000 interesting and complicated themes to explore around disability. Dealing with access. Dealing with ableism. Dealing with compassion and community care. Dealing with none of it and just being a cool fantasy or sci fi character that happens to be disabled. We don’t get any of it.

I watch my favorite show and I see myself in the ace rep and the female characters. But I don’t see all of me. I see a silent but ever present message: you aren’t quite welcome here.

I have this fantasy that I play in my brain sometimes that someday I’ll get to talk to Brennan in person, like maybe if I buy a VIP ticket and risk Covid to go to a live show or we run into each other on the street or something. I am able to look him in the eye and articulate why he NEEDS to include a physically disabled player in an upcoming season. I reference the ways he’s talked about inclusion and writing diversely on Adventuring Party. Maybe I hand him a handwritten letter, or hell, a printout of this post. And because he really cares about diversity and his shows and his fans he would listen to me, and cast a physically disabled performer in the next season.

But I think that might be giving that nondisabled man (whose work I adore, who I respect so much) too much credit. Because he’s had Jennifer Kretchmer, a physically disabled actual play performer, on adventuring academy to talk about access in gaming. He’s hired disability consultants. He knows about physically disabled people, enough to give us shoutouts as inconsequential npcs. And he still hasn’t thought to include us at the table. In over 20 seasons. None of that other stuff matters if we aren't given a seat at the story telling table, and the agency to craft our own narratives equal to other participants in the game.

When Lydia was telling her story in the last episode, I kept wishing for a prequel, where she is more than a plot delivery device and a kind but unimportant parent. I want to know about her adventures with her adventuring party. I want to see a talented, wheelchair-using actor play out the scene when she decides to put the gem in her chest. I want to hear about what happened after. I want to know how she survived. I want it so badly it hurts.

I am in the process of trying to find new indie actual plays that feature more disabled talent. I am learning how to GM myself so I can tell these kinds of stories. But it’s not the same as being a fan of something. Sometimes I don’t want to have to make my own representation. Sometimes I just want to turn on my favorite tv show, the one that I have cosplayed from and written metas about and loved whole heartedly, and see myself included.

If you’re another disabled or neurodivergent fan I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. If you’re not, I’d love for you to reblog this. I would love for the absence of physical disability in this show to be a topic of fandom conversation, at the very least.

[cy-cyborg]

Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it - Writing disability quick tips

[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in blue, one is standing, the other is in a wheelchair. /end id]

One of the really common ways people push back against disabled people trying to give them feedback on how they’ve depicted disability in their work shows up as something along the lines of, “Well I have a child/parent/grandparent/friend with that disability, so I don’t need to consult other disabled people because I already know what a life like that is like!”

I see the most vehement pushback like this from parents of disabled children. the parents who are their child's advocates, their carers, they see everything their kids go through and have been with them through it all, so they "know what they're talking about already". And the thing about that is, while it means you have much, much more experience with the disability in question, it's not the same as direct experience living with it. Don't get me wrong, it's still an incredibly valuable experience to have, I'm not saying to disregard it, but it's not the same as having that disability. And when you're writing about characters who are disabled, and telling those stories to a public who already have a lot of misinformation about us going in, that lived experience is very, very important.

This isn't unique to parents of course, like I said, I've seen the same kind of pushback from children, friends and other loved ones of disabled people, and honestly, as someone who's been on both sides of the conversation (being a disabled person, but also having loved ones with disabilities different to my own), I do get where it comes from. But no matter how close you are with your disabled loved one, no matter how much you talk, no matter how much they explain everything, unless you yourself have that same disability, it's incredibly hard to understand the details of what life with a disability is like.

Let me use my partner as an example:

Often times, before these larger articles go up, I run them by my partner to ensure the tone and message I want to get across is actually what’s being conveyed. Which means he’s read pretty much every single article I’ve written on this blog. We talk about disability representation and tropes a lot, and he is one of the only people who sees my unmasked and unfiltered reactions to media when it’s done poorly. He’s also done a great deal of his own research on the subject, and worked with other disability sensitivity readers for his own writing projects. Not to mention, well, we live together, he sees pretty much every part of my day-to-day life and he’s one of the only people who doesn't share my disability who I talk to about the more complex emotions that come with it.

I think it’s pretty fair to say he’s quite knowledgeable on the subject of living with the specific disabilities I have for someone who doesn't have them. Despite that though, he still makes mistakes. He still misses things, and sometimes, internalised ableism - something everyone has, even disabled people - still creeps its way into his work. So do mistakes he simply didn't consider to run past me or his sensitivity readers. It’s not because he’s not listening or not trying, I’d confidently say he’s gone above and beyond in that regard, but it still happens. He still misses things that seem so obvious to me, specifically because of my lived experience as a disabled person who has to deal with these things all the time. It’s not unique to him either. A lot of people in my life are aware of the issues I talk about, but struggle to recognise them in practice or struggle to understand why them being depicted poorly is a problem.

This isn't to discourage creators from trying, mind you. But just to serve as a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and that's ok, so long as you're still trying and still listening. No matter how close you are to a disabled person, no matter how much work or effort you put into unlearning things like internalised ableism, it's still going to pop up occasionally. And that's fine, but it means that you still need to be open to the criticism you get from people with that disability.

[generational-atrophy]

tangerine with an autistic s/o

0.7k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: mention of ableism and subsequent violence

a/n: its my account i write what i want

Being somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum himself (don’t @ me,) along with his brother being autistic, it’s unlikely that Tangerine would end up with someone neurotypical anyway.

Constantly nicks you stim toys. It’s like a challenge to him since they’re usually bright and loud somehow.

He finds it so cute when you miss social cues, but he’d never say anything about it to you. He knows it can be embarrassing, and he doesn’t mind explaining what people mean.

He’s endlessly paranoid about the people he loves, so expect constant check-ins. Whenever you’re in public, he likes to hold your hand tight so he knows you’re safe (which is so, so nice when you’re in a crowd.)

When you’re on the verge of going non-verbal or having a meltdown, he notices immediately and gets you out of there. If anyone tries to say anything, he doesn’t even give them the time to do so.

“An’ who are you now? Nobody, tha’s right, fuck off.”

Whenever you talk about your special interests, he pretends he isn’t interested. He’ll sigh and make stupid snarky comments, but if you look closely, you can tell he’s still smiling a little. In reality, he doesn’t mind.

“Right, calm down luv, it’s really not tha’ big of a deal,”

“It’s a big deal to me!”

He sighs heavily and leans back in his chair before speaking again, “An’ by extension… me, now?”

“Yes!” Your ecstatic expression makes him groan, but he still has to cover his mouth to hide his smile.

But still, you might not notice he was really listening until he offhandedly makes a comment that only someone who had been paying crazy close attention would know. 

He might even know things you don’t, just because he comes to associate whatever you love with you. It comforts him to engage with your interests when you’re separated.

As you already know, Tangerine is a prickly person. Normally, he’s quite prone to anger and fits; but with you, he does his best to always remain level-headed. He doesn’t want to hurt you, especially he knows how sensitive you can be to anger. But he can’t help it sometimes. He’d never yell at you, at least. Anything too harsh is apologized for quickly. 

He’s working on it. You are one of the two most important people in his life, after all.

Speaking of which, expect to spend a lot of time with Lemon. Especially at the beginning of your relationship. He’s very nervous to make the wrong move and scare you off, and knowing that Lemon (also autistic) is there makes him worry a lot less. 

Generally, he doesn’t take criticism very well… especially when it comes to his behaviour… but he does try to be as receptive as he can when you’re the one criticising him.

Ableists get the shit beat out of them. Every time. Without fail. He will not stop this even when you ask. Although, if it makes you cry seeing him do that, he might stop himself early just so he can take you home and comfort you. 

Making you cry is the ultimate sin to him.

Even more “extreme” stims and tics don’t bother him. He just tends to tune them out like he does anything else.

He also might be even more vigilant about bringing along your comfort/accessibility items. Before you leave the house, he grabs you by the shoulder and checks you have everything. Again, paranoid.

Along with that, he may be a little infantilizing sometimes. He wants to always be by your side to make sure you’re alright, which can become… frustrating.

Like yes, it’s nice that he wants to drive you everywhere so you don’t have to worry about driving yourself or taking public transportation, but also you’re perfectly capable of doing those things by yourself (or if you’re not, I guess he’s just your knight in shining armour.)

If you’re otherwise incapable of doing some things, like speaking or cooking or whatever, he really doesn’t mind doing them for you. It makes him feel even more like your protector, which makes him so, so happy. As long as you pay him in affection, he won’t complain.

Actually, that’s not true. He complains about everything. But you’ll quickly learn what is “real” complaining, and what is just him being like that.

“Sweetheart, I wan’ you to know tha’ if anyone ever said anythin’ about you tha’s like- rude, in any way, I woul’ personally blow their brains out, understand?”

[blackcat419]

HotD themes part 2: Disability in the HotD universe and team green.

Disabilities, whether the character was born or gain it later in life, are all concentrated on team green characters.

Born with disabilities

Larys Strong

Larys is the first disabled character we see on screen. His clubbed foot affects everything from his walk, who he socializes with, and his costuming from the iron boot. Before the 10 year time skip, Larys seems like a Varys/Littlefinger type, a spy master who knows a lot of things and we as the audience don’t know how he knows that. After the time skip, Larys becomes expressly evil with his disability linked to his evilness. Having his fetish be feet is one of the worst writing decisions I have ever seen. So Larys is the most clearly visibly disabled character and is shown to be a kind later, abuser, and general creep.

Helaena Targaryen

While Helaena is not stated to have autism or being neurodivergent directly in text, her actor aphis has said she plays her as being neurodivergent. She is fixated on bugs, knowing lots of facts about them, and spends her time on screen with bugs. Helaena is also adverse to touching which is another trait common for people with neurodivergent or autism. Atleast helaena isn’t vilified for being neurodivergent but she does get the “disability superpower” trope with her prophecies.

Disabilities gained later in life

Aemond Targaryen

Aemond is disabled in an act of violence by his nephews, one which he is blamed for by his father and by fans. He’s also later framed as villainous, vengeful, and sadistic for having his eye cut out and for wanting justice. This is probably the most grievous examples of ableism in the show as Aemond is suppose to accept his disability and move on with life and not bother anyone about it. He’s not allowed to feel anger or want justice for it and is treated as unreasonable for wanting some form of justice.

Aegon Targaryen

Aegon is an alcoholic and is shown to be so from the age of 12. This is very concerning as alcohol affects your development as a kid. Instead of treating it like a serious issue, Aegon is beat up and reprimanded instead of trying to get help for him. It’s treated as a moral failing of his instead of an addiction that he’s been dealing with for over a decade.

To be shown

Jaehaera and Jaehaerys

While we have not formally met the dragon twins, we know from the book that Jaehaerys has 6 fingers (interestingly this is a dominate trait so it’s most likely due to a genetic mutation instead of inheritance) and Jaehaera is described as never acting like a normal child. So both are born with disabilities and we have seen how the fandom has treated these babies.

In conclusion, disabilities are only shown as part of the team green side and are used to other and vilify the characters. Even if the show writers did not intend it, it create ableist themes and encourages the fandom to be abelist to these characters.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for kicking someone from my server and not explaining why?

(emojis so I can find later: 🪨🪨🪨)

[This happened a few years ago, but I’ll write the ages as they were at the time.]

I (14M) made a server for a fandom I was in. It was a small fandom (I was mutuals with every single fan on tumblr) so I thought it’d be nice to have a place we can all talk other than the tumblr dashboard. This was also not my first server — I had 2 or 3 years of experience running them (having run a server with 100ish members a year or two beforehand) so I was fully confident in my ability to run a server with less than 20 people, especially since everyone knew each other and was friends already.

Now, there was this person in the server, we’ll call her B (16F). I wasn’t super close with her, but ofc I was friends with her through the fandom. We didn’t talk much — the only time I can recall us speaking outside of discord was to send fandom art requests to each other. Obviously I didn’t have a problem with her coming in, but as she spoke more in my server, I started to question whether she was somebody I wanted hanging around.

I won’t go into full depth of things she said or did (both for privacy’s sake and to keep things brief), but I’ll explain my biggest reasons for kicking her.

First, she vented a lot, which typically I wouldn’t judge, but I really didn’t want a fandom server associated with so much negativity — and not only that, but the way she vented was very… I mean, we would be telling her things she did wrong in general channels, and then she would go to the vent channel and say things like “I’m sorry I’m so stupid and such a bad person I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.” and then we’d (well, everybody else — I don’t play these games with people) all have to console her. Not only that, but she’d vent about shit like — “I’m such a bad person because I’m cis. I’m sorry for being cis.” In a server full of trans people.

Second was her ableism towards autistic people, in a server also full of autistic people (This is honestly the biggest thing I had against her). Since most of us were autistic, we headcanoned most (if not all) of the characters in the series as autistic, usually with little basis in canon. One person specifically said “I think X character is autistic” and most people agreed, until she came along and said “No, they’re too normal.” We were all kind of like “???” until somebody said “Autistic people are normal” and she said “No, they’re all learning disabled” and some other stuff I don’t remember off the top of my head. (Obviously nothing wrong with having learning disabilities and many autistic people do have them etc, it’s just the way she went about saying what she said — and also disagreeing with a harmless headcanon because a character was too “normal” to be autistic). Again, most of us are autistic and were offended by what she said.

These were the two biggest contributors as to why I kicked her from my server — there were more (usually smaller) things she did that made people uncomfortable or pissed me off, but again, I’m not going to mention everything.

So, I silently kicked her, not wanting to cause too much drama, but also fed up with her behavior. I think I also softblocked her on tumblr, not wanting us to be mutuals or friends anymore but also not seeing a block as necessary (I didn’t mind if she saw my fandom posts in the tag, for example). However, she ended up following me back and sent me an ask asking why she was kicked from the server. I believe I told her “I don’t owe you an explanation, I just didn’t want you there anymore”. I didn’t want to say “you did this, this, and this” and just have her say “I didn’t do that/That wasn’t a big deal” and turn it into an entire argument, you know? I also just didn’t want to talk to her at all. So after answering, I softblocked her again and she sent me a long rant calling me a bitch, to which I simply hardblocked her.

I’m pretty sure I was justified in kicking her from my server, but I’m not sure if I’m justified in not telling her why — I understand being confused and demanding an answer but I also know she’d been told off multiple times — and I still don’t think she’s owed a response. Maybe if we were closer friends, I would have explained why. But I don’t know. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

Us-the-voices intro card!

this is a work in progress but currently it will house the tags we use, our DNI, and alter intros and a couple other fun things!

Link to resource page, filled with many resources. LINK

-------- DC text post series ----------------

superfam being confusing and half clones:

part 1 luthor and Conner reconciliation arc

batfamily stuff: (note this is not in order this is parts of a series each part contains more than 10 posts)

part 1 introducing the batfam along with funny stuff

Part 2 actual batfam serious stuff

part 3 red hood oneshots about various things and how he reacted

part 4 Thomas Wayne being himself, a collection of previous posts

part 5

firestorm being 3 guys:

part 1 the origin + the first couple episodes.

random head cannons important to the series:

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 3 part 4

——————⭐️🦀SIDE BLOGS🦀⭐️————

@us-the-voices-xenogender-blog

A blog for all things blinkies, xenogenders and pixel art

@the-bad-advice-blog-3

you want awful. awful advice? send it in here!

@us-the-batfam-blog

Finally a blog dedicated to just Batman stuff

——————🛑‼️WARNING‼️🛑—————

THIS BLOG CONTAINS BLINKING, FLASHING, EYESTRAIN AND OTHER PHOTOSENSITIVE THINGS! PLEASE BE SAFE, WE WILL TRY TO TAG AS MUCH AS WE CAN BUT IT WILL SLIP THROUGH. PLEASE ONLY LOOK AT TEXT POST FROM US, IF YOU HAVE EPILEPSY BECAUSE I CANNOT GUARANTEE THIS BLOG IS SAFE

this blog talks about mature topics! Such as Sexual abuse, death, trauma, child abuse, ableism, sexism, racism, police brutality, some really depressing environmental issues, homophobia, transphobia, queerphobia, gore, capitalism, and MORE!

so please consider this your warning!

———————⚠️ DNI ⚠️—————————

Terfs/radfems, transphobes/queerphobes, (I have had enough of you. Why do you have to be so awful Jesus, it’s not like awful people don’t come in all shapes, sizes, races, and genders. I ain’t defending awful people. But trans people just exist and I believe in judging people on a person to person basis. I don’t think you are bad I just want you to shut up about it, I’ll always be loudly supportive of trans people and loudly a feminist too. So deal with it! Also I don’t hate men, why would i??? So shush)

ableists/sanists (like the people who discriminate against mentally ill people),

Tankies/marxist-lennists/maoists/north-korean socialist supporters (please fuck off I hate facists, and you are the types to argue that disabled people should all die for the glorious revolution but again fuck you we are 15% of the fucking world’s population and guess what I wanna live)

animal abusers/people who spread misinformation about animals and animal care, (I hope you stub your toes)

syscourse (yeah I don’t ever want to engage in it idc shut up this blog is about literally everything else BUT that.),

bad faith gender/other Identities (E.G BLM gender, transabled, ect.)

racists/xenophobes/antisemites, misogynists.

non-binary exclusionists.

pro-censorship people.

anti-therians/otherkin, (if you are it’s not a deal breaker lol, it’s just some of us are therian/otherkin due to plurality)

only NSFW blogs (like if you occasionally post NSFW your okay, if it’s less than 50% nsfw your fine on this blog lol),

MAP’s AND PEDO’s and people who like l*licon/sh**tacon (fuck off and stay off) (sorry I am actually anti censorship but following our most recent ban I’m being more “careful” when mentioning these topics so sorry)

Dream Stans (yeah I fucking hate that guy, I like MCYT but dream and co can stay off of here REAL) (I have always hated him and I will continue to, fuck off dream Stan’s),

anti-good faith xenogenders (yeah so what if the term xeno-identities is more the “right” term idgaf! I literally have no qualms nor problems with xenogenders, in my mind it makes sense because gender is a social construct and so why not have fun with it?)

And more to be added :)

WE ALSO BELIEVE PEOPLE CAN CHANGE AND GROW, AND HATE IS LEARNED SO IF YOU WERE ONE OF THESE THINGS IN THE PAST AND HAVE NOW REFORMED I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!

——————————- ALTER INTROS —————————————

Now expanded in our tumblr page!

Pop (hi I’m pop, I’m usually the one on here when it’s not everyone else. If you see me more than usual it means LIFE happened. I’m technically host? But me, Lena, And poppie kinda share that role. They/them he/him)

poppie (cat girl, you see her a lot on here. She’s SUPER into the veganism scene and animal rights and is a cat-therian lol we all love her she’s the best. She/her any cat neopronouns actually.)

Lena (demon, yeah she’s a demon! She’s nonsense hardworking and in the demonkin/otherkin scene. She/her)

belle (psychology nerd, actually knows how to write ANYTHING is honestly the best. She/her)

————————————. Tags ————————————————-

#Anticapitalism stuff (a tag that argues against capitalism, and trashing multinational corporations and a bit of environmental stuff.)

#anarchism stuff (a tag for all things anarchism)

#art stuff (a tag for stuff related to the ethics, discussion, or making of art.)

#music stuff (for all things music and music theory!)

#tv and movie stuff (the tag for film and television, kinda fun kinda sad! It’s good tho)

#anti-censorship stuff (a tag for anti-censorship stuff, and why it’s important!)

#trans stuff (a tag for all things trans! Includes dark topics, mostly happy stuff tho.)

#queer stuff (a tag for all things LGBTQIA+, mostly happy but with triggering and dark topics.)

#mental health stuff (A tag for all things mental health, let it be help or just memes or darker topics.)

#mental illness stuff (a tag for specifically mental illnesses, like anxiety or depression or whatever usually REALLY dark but sometimes happy usually dark tho.)

#veganism stuff (a tag for all things vegan, not recipes just ethics and whatever. I [pop] don’t usually add to it but poppie does ALL THE TIME.)

#disability (for all things disability, let it be activism stuff, vents, information, or just funny stuff! It’s a tag I tend to use for myself because fun fact I [pop] am not okay! Health wise lol.)

#punk stuff (A tag for all things punk, let it be C-punk, madpunk, neuropunk or whatever! It’s a tag for all things punk! Including art, crafts, sewing and punk beliefs and politics I love punks I am not really one due to a whole lotta reasons but I love them so much <3 )

#environmentalism stuff (Climate change, mass extinctions, greedy corporations and politicians, animal rights, and more stuff. Mostly climate/animal related but intersects with disability stuff, anarchism stuff, activism stuff, and veganism and punk stuff. Fun fact these types of things are extremely intersectional but are never presented as such due to infighting!)

#healthcare stuff (The weird tag related to health and healthcare, not a disability tag, not a environmentalism tag literally health and healthcare which is weird. Mostly PSA’s)

#animal care stuff (For all things animal care, I disagree with veganism’s doctrine here. Keeping Some animals and keeping animals can be done well and awesomely and help petstore and wild animals, but people who do animal care just absolutely trash just don’t deserve anything or anyone. It’s a fine line, but I genuinely believe if you take good care of your animals and give them an amazing quality of life I genuinely don’t see a problem with keeping animals.)

#animal abuse stuff (Goes hand in hand with animal care stuff, it’s pretty bad at times, it is what it says on the tin. Mostly also animal care stuff.)

#child abuse stuff (For stories, children’s rights, or experiences. It’s pretty dark.)

#youth liberation (for youth liberation stuff, it’s important honestly.)

#children's rights (A tag for all things children’s rights it’s super cool!)

#homelessness stuff (a tag related to homelessness and just all the things that come with it, it’s a dark tag. Sometimes happy.)

#uhoused stuff (Same same but different, more related to cost of living crisis’s and capitalism then disenfranchisement and outright just the sad reality that is being mentally ill and homeless or a substance abuser and homeless or trans/queer and homeless or any other absolutely insane and awful reason people are homeless.)

#communism stuff (For all things communist, I don’t believe it will fix anything and it is kinda extremely hard to get rid of monetary currency. But communism, socialism, anarchism, and punk theory are all connected in ways and have some BASED ideas and principles. So yeah that’s why it’s tagged on here!

Edit: I do not agree with communism; well Marxist Leninist, or Stalinist, or any variation of fucking facist dictators like North Korean communism/socialism or soviet communism and Maoist communism. Why? Because do I really have to spell it out they were facist DICTATORS, I do not believe a cult of personality is good nor that people instead of being solely valued on their money they are solely valued by their ableness which I think is harmful as shit. A lot of communists are literally tankies and for the death penalty and many other things I’m against including “making prisons torture chambers” “state mandated murder of people against communism” “leaving disabled and mentally ill people to rot because they can’t contribute to the work force and such are useless to the communist state” “stealing shit from people because it now belongs to the state” “forcing people into mandatory labor jobs with no way out of it unless they become disabled or die” and many many more! Communism can be interesting and helpful but in a lot of ways people drunk the “facists aren’t bad they are communists they are for the people!” Drink. And like I don’t believe in that shit, go fucking deconstruct your biases please because otherwise I’m blocking you, talkies fuck off)

#socialism stuff (I actually do believe socialism can work, it’s definitely not the end all be all of ways to govern/live life but I think it’s a good stepping stone to all different wonderful things that can change the world for the better, usually the CIA/FBI/US government appears a lot in this tag due to reasons that will become apparent. But it’s a fun one!)

#fat stuff (A tag about fatphobia, diet culture, ableism and just annoying stuff about being fat lol. Mostly medical negligence and malpractice because holy shit fuck is it bad in this tag. Also Eating disorders are talked about in every post in one way or another, it’s a big problem. Dark tag.)

#religion stuff (A thing for all things religion, it’s basically every criticism and deep cut anyone and everyone has on every single religion, which yk obviously no one literally agrees with anything. It’s mostly everyone going “QUEER/TRANS/DISABLED/WOMEN/“SINNERS” DONT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT IT MAKES NO SENSE!” Other religions “NO THEY DO” and it’s actually very well written and argued for. Also atheism is talked about a lot too, it’s mostly like a deep philosophical and ethical debate that has spanned literally everything and everywhere where it’s all boiled down to “yeah some fuckers deserve prison, but the average normal guy kinda just exists we guess??? Religious or not???? And there’s kinda nothing wrong with it but we would rather them be religious in some way????” And that is still the shittyist summary ever too. But it’s the gist of this tag. Also memes!)

(and where I put all stuff related to religion it’s very much a mixed bag i’m not making fun of anyone actually it’s that there is genuinely too much variety in this tag to accurately tell you what’s in there. It’s everything related to religion all religions!)

#autism stuff (Specifically for autistic stuff, it’s used from time to time.)

#activism stuff (a tag for all things ally posting, and human/animal/land/just everything rights. It’s fun!)

#food stuff (A tag about all things food related, sometimes recipes sometimes diet culture and why it’s bad. Sometimes it’s just cultural things related to food. Food is a big topic LOL)

#comics and book stuff (a tag about all things comics, books, and written works.)

#tv and movie stuff or #film and tv (a tag about all things TV and film, let it be discussion, gifs, or videos or fun facts.)

#neurodivergent stuff (For all things neurodivergent! Fun stuff, kinda happy kinda dark. Intersects with mental health stuff and mental illness stuff and disability tags. Because like why wouldn’t it???)

#animals (yes just for animals, nice calm usually no triggering animal stuff. It’s just cuteness usually! Unless I put something dark in there then sorry.)

#too queue for school (A tag for all queued stuff I remember to tag! Usually wholesome most times not. But it’s just a fun “today’s thing queued!” Thing if I’m not online.)

—————————————- Our post tags —————————————

#us-the-voices Cooks (a tag for recipes, food we make, and random cooking tips???)

#us-the-voices reviews (a tag for all things reviews! Let it be movies, shows, games, art, books, fanfics, whatever!)

#us-the-voices talks (A tag for like personal affairs? Or just “haha update stuff went DOWN in our personal lives” or just general chatting with mutuals who knows I haven’t decided yet.)

#us-the-voices recommends (weird tag for all weird recommendations of shows/books/tv/fanfic/movies it’s there it’s weird and if your bored and want something to do maybe you’ll like it lol.)

#us-the-voices rants (a tag for rants, don’t take them seriously it’s usually momentarily sad/existential/angry/fed up/annoyed/trauma dump RANTS. suggest you just block the tag lol, I will probably make half of these while I’m unwell and sick or just stressed and under all sorts of stress. So honestly it’s just a tag so you guys don’t have to deal with it because I will eventually be stupid on the internet and I’d rather you understand these are nonsense rants that are just a release of information that’s been annoying us.)

#the voices talk (A tag for talking about alters or specific things some alters want to talk about but not all.)

#poppie weblogs (poppies tag for her stuff, it literally has everything in it.)

and more to come!

——— User boxes ———————————

————————————————————————————————-

BLINKIESSSSS

below the cut because they strobe!!!!!

[thevirgodoll]

Hi Virgo, how are you? 💖 I’ve been a follows for some years now and your advice has really been invaluable, thank you.

I’m not too sure how to word this but how do you cope with the feeling of wasted time/youth? Unfortunately due to chronic health and mental health issues, I spent ages 18-22 not doing a whole lot. I start my first year of university in September. Due to my issues, I gained a lot of weight too. So Im comparing my “best” years to people who are thin, privileged enough to do exciting things like vacation etc.

I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah, that’s my situation and feelings. Any of your wisdom would be appreciated. Lots of love. 💖

Thank you for the luv💕 it’s always good to hear from people that have been longtime followers.

It took me a long time to figure out how to deal with wasted time. I took multiple medical semesters off of college and ended up having to take a fifth year. I also gained weight due to medication so you’re really asking the best person.

I saw it to be such a negative at the time, but it really helped me to get to know myself and, honestly, my internalized ableism. The biggest thing to understand is there is no rush when you’re sick. I know, I know, aaahh that’s a radical thought. But, really, we are always in a rush to “look well” & adhere to society’s norms with routine and daily life that we forget we will get worse by exerting all of that energy where it doesn’t belong.

Your youth isn’t wasted. You’re learning a lesson that some people in their 20s will take years to learn. Living slowly and intentionally. With chronic illness, everything you do has to be out of love and with intention.

We don’t have the privilege of being reckless (unless we want to self sabotage for the day), but we do have the privilege of realizing who we are way earlier. We are stuck with ourselves and whoever else acknowledges we are sick.

Most people don’t know about daily life with chronic illness, especially if it’s invisible. They may have a concept of someone being sick, but they don’t realize that we will have symptoms forever(may ebb and flow but there’s no cure ultimately). Once people realize you won’t “get well soon” they tap out. They stop asking how you are, and they focus on themselves. That’s why it feels so lonely - everyone’s living their life.

See, all of that wasted time is from watching everyone else’s business and not focusing on your own! You have to reject it and remember it’s a blessing you’re even alive!

Make your own rules for how your 20s will look. I suggest experience what life has to offer but also know your limits. If you exceed them for one (1) day, well, you have a memory kept.

It’s okay to need time. It’s okay to need meds. It’s okay to need doctors. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay have a “rotting in bed” day or week.

When we are sick in bed, we have to sit with ourselves. And we have to fall in love with ourselves over and over at our worst - life and death. That type of metamorphosis over and over is not for the weak. Good thing you’re built different.

[ana-snz]

My Dashboard is broken and I can’t see anything at all but tbh it’s kind of perfect timing bc I’m a bit burnt out and probably (hopefully) gonna take a lil break from here. Unfortunately with how much mental energy I’ve exerted over the past few days I’m crashing pretty badly and need to just turn my brain off for a little bit to recharge.

I know a handful of folks think this whole thing was overblown and unnecessary, but I think it did serve to highlight some underlying problems in the community. It sucks to see this pattern of minimization and dismissal that so many of us disabled folks are familiar with in the real world repeat in what is supposed to be a fun place to escape and enjoy ourselves. No one wants unnecessary drama or to argue over something like this, but disabled people also don’t want to be spoken over or dismissed when we’re trying to voice our concerns and point out ableism when we see it. Of course everything can be taken too far, policing the ways people can and cannot express or enjoy themselves on their personal blogs is also not a good or healthy thing to do, but occasionally pointing out harmful rhetoric when it occurs is part of all healthy kink spaces and helps keep our community safe, and it is disingenuous to equate that with being puritanical or overly rigid or moralistic.

Also I think it’s worth mentioning that yes, at the end of the day this is an online community and none of it is That Serious, but by nature of it being it a kink space it is also quite vulnerable and I don’t think it’s abnormal for people to want to feel safe and accepted in it, and that includes other people being respectful of the IRL shit we’ve all got going on, because we’re all real people outside of this app.

I will probably still be lurking (since I’m housebound I have very little accessible to me besides low-pressure scrolling on my phone) and depending on how long this particular crash lasts I might not be gone too long, but just wanted to give a heads up & also remind all my fellow disabled baddies to give themselves a little extra love & compassion this week. It might not seem like a big deal, but getting involved in this kind of discourse (idk why I keep using this word lol, my brain’s just latched onto it) can be more mentally taxing than we realize as it’s often tied to health / medical trauma for many of us.

I hope this doesn’t sound too ✨dramatique✨ lol I just want to highlight that with illnesses that impact energy levels, even things that are important and meaningful to us can put our bodies over their limit and make us sicker, so it’s crucial to make sure we’re pacing properly and taking good care of ourselves. This is supposed to a fun space and if it’s starting to feel more stressful than enjoyable, it’s probably a good idea to take a little break. Love y’all.

(Oh look, another long post! Haha a bitch likes to talk 📢)

[desceros]

Y'kno. Leo could have taken that little secret to the grave. Woulda sucked to live with it and he'd have deserved some inner turmoil for treating some random chick like dirt. Yet V was naive, trusting and loving enough to let it go if he'd never had brought it up.

But no, he had to clear his guilt. Unburden himself. Dump that shit on her.

And fuck, he's so used to her giving he was probably half-expecting forgiveness for it.

Gotamn, V can't catch a break. One one hand you got a guy you thought you were BFFs with who

a) hated you

b) used you as an emotional crutch for his whole family

and

c) couldn't even shut up about it to spare you the extra heartbreak after literally EVERYTHING ELSE.

And another guy who you thought was as into you as you were into him because he apparently can't communicate about feelings since he's shut himself out from that part of life and you gotta use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae.

None of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit and you're the giving type that gets easily taken advantage of, even unintentionally.

Honestly, neither of them are shitting rainbows to be worth all the effort you gotta put in their asses for any semblance of a functional friendship/situationship.

Also

"You weren't part of the family."

U kno what, he can keep it. They're the only people who'll be able to stand him at this rate.

so i addressed the first part of this in another ask re: ableism here but i'll briefly summarize things here.

leo didn't tell viola-chan what was bothering him because he wanted to "clear his guilt" or "unburden himself. dump that shit on her." he told her because she has made it repeatedly clear that she values honesty. i imagine he would have never told her... but keeping a secret felt like a betrayal. so when she asked, he told her. even though he knew it would hurt and change everything.

With a sigh, you fold your arms, then look at him. “What does this have to do with what you wanted to talk about, anyway?” “Everything,” Leo says, looking at you with a heavy stare. “Because… I have a confession to make. One that’s… that’s going to change how we are. One I really don’t want to make, but it’s—it’s eating me alive. And I don’t think I can continue being friends without telling you.”

that said. i'm not defending his actions. this is abominable behavior. but it's not selfish. not this time.

as for donnie. i'm going to take some righteous issue with how you're saying this. i've spoken before about ableism that's cropping up around this fic, but so far it's been pretty. hm. things i can brush off. but this, i feel, really crosses a line for me.

your framing of an autistic person needing someone to "use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae" is ringing quite poorly in my ears.

as an autistic person myself who has specifically made requests to my own loved ones that this is the exact kind of language i need to have smooth relationships, i don't appreciate your wording.

in symphony, donnie doesn't use the label 'autistic'. but he is. and he doesn't come up to you and say 'hey can i please have his kind of language used with me.' because he hasn't had to do that before. everyone around him has had his entire life to adapt to his needs. but viola-chan hasn't, hence why they have friction and misunderstandings. a large part of this story is the two of them learning to communicate. and part of that, i am sorry to tell you, is that autistic people often need language that can come across as "robotic" and "hyperspecific". so i'm going to ask you to deal with it, or perhaps look for a different fic. i'm not going to change that interpretation of things, because it comes from my own experiences as an autistic person.

lastly, you say "none of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit" and that just?? isn't true??? this is literally just poor reading comprehension. an inability to look past the limited point of view of the protagonist. the entire first arc of this fic (ch. 1-11) is donnie stretching out of his comfort zone to tackle this serious problem he has. the second arc (12-20) is him pushing past things he's never done before so he can heal and touch his brothers again. leo comes to you and tells you about his issues with his sleep, where they come from, and lets you help him. not to mention mikey and raph, whom i assume you're leaving out of this ask since you haven't mentioned them. draxum even mentions, specifically, that viola-chan's presence is making them change. and the way he says it is very specific.

“Blue has been much more lively since you came around, and Donatello is much less crabby. Michael was also telling me you gave him some good exercises for his wrist. I was impressed. I’ve been meaning to ask you to work with Red as well on his trauma response since you seem to have a knack for it.”

work with. not on. i know i'm subtle, but come on.

anyway. this got quite long, but i'm not going to put it under a cut because i want these things to be open and visible. i've had a couple people say some somewhat similar things about donnie's part in this and i'm. getting kind of tired of it lmao. but thank you for reading, and i do appreciate you taking the time to send in your thoughts!!

[blimbo-buddy]

New pinned hell yeah

Hey I'm Blimbo/Blimmy/Bilbo/whatever other funny versions of the name you make up. 15+ highly recommended for viewing/following. Pedos/abuse romanticizers (proship or anti-anti or whatever else is included) fuck off.

Born October 23rd 2005 and I use any pronouns

Yes I'm an adult but don't say nasty shit to me out of nowhere on here

A post compiling the various problems of the Warriors series from anti-indigenous writing to ableism

A lot of Warrior Cats stuff on this blog, but, this is just a general blog for whatever I feel like.

#1 Smudge Fan (5+ years going strong)

I’m highly critical of my favorite media (Especially Warriors) so expect a lot of posts/reblogs about it

You can use any of my art for your pfp with credit, as long as it isn't my own characters.

If you need me to tag anything just send me an ask I don't mind

Don't be afraid to @ me in any post unless it is NSFW

I tag homophobic and transphobic slurs, yes even in those funny joke posts. This is to help any of my followers who may not want to see them

ID's for my artwork are IN THE ALT TEXT

Mutuals/Friends can dm me for my discord. I'm not super active on there right now but I wouldn't mind chatting at all

I'm also on ArtFight

Tags:

#blimbo rambles - Talking tag, this also includes Asks

#blimmy art - Art tag, everything from actual pieces to mspaint shitposts

#blimbo designing cats - Warriors design tag, all are F2U with credit (Please for the love of god don’t say/make anything weird or gross about/with my designs)

#bug world no mercy - Bug centered xenofiction story of multiple bug kingdoms #wandering whispers - A non-wc related story about murder mysteries, corruption, and the likes. Still a wip #untitled animal war story - Another story that follows the animals of an area that has been ravaged by war and a nuclear bomb and their attempts to rebuild everything from the ground up. Still a wip #blimbo's twolegplace culture - A collection of posts that go over my attempts at fleshing out the world and culture of the Twolegplaces alongside the history of the ones we see INDEFINITE HIATUS

#bugs - This is just my general bug tag. I do my best to content tag bugs like spiders

#xenofiction - Anything that contains anything non-human doing something human-like OR stories about non-human characters. I have a very scattered definition of xenofiction so anything can go really

Au tags below the cut

#kittypet/clan cat swap au - A minor au where the Kittypets/Loners/Rogues are swapped with the Clan Cats. The clans are now referred to as "Districts" and the other cats live in one big clan together.

#badger!dovewing au - DoveWing but she's a badger. Goes in detail with how the clans deal with it, she faces a lot of prejudice.

#false fire au - Hattie is kidnapped by Thunderclan as a replacement after FirePaw turns up dead. She is followed around by his ghost and uncovers the secrets of the entire ordeal.

#sasha and darkstripe au - DarkStripe survives the Bloodclan battle and is tasked by TigerStar to watch over his(Tiger's) children. But, he begins to grow a bond between Sasha, Tadpole, Moth, and Hawk. Note: This au delves into themes of abuse, generational trauma/abuse, trauma bonding, and trauma healing process.

#the forest blood au - Princess, Hattie, and Smudge all are apart of Bloodclan. It follows them after Bloodclan is defeated, LongTail, SandStorm, and OneWhisker are also apart of the au. Bloodclan is shown in a more positive light in this au.

#ivy-rock au - IvyPool becomes Rock's successor after she screams at Starclan that she wants them to see her as something, as something special.

[bagelsunshinecoffee]

I have so many Shannon thoughts. She’s only physically in the show for a short time and I wish it was longer. I would have loved for the show to actually play out the Eddie/Shannon divorce and for us to get to see where Shannon’s journey takes her. I can’t help feeling like maybe the show didn’t know what to do with her character so they just killed her off. And I know a lot of people think Shannon is one dimensional but I don’t really agree.

We see Shannon break down and admit her deepest, most vulnerable fears. We see her stand up for herself. We see her make a difficult decision to step away from her marriage to do what is best for herself and her son. Through her we really understand for the first time that she and Eddie were just kids when they got pregnant and married. They are at the crossroads of deciding, as adults, if the path they started on is one they want to continue or if they have grown past it.

Shannon has grown past it. She loves Eddie but knows that at this point the foundation of their relationship is as much nostalgia and wishful thinking as anything. She is determined to prioritize Chris (and ughhh this is why I’m so mad she died because I want to see her stepping into her role as a mother again and learning and making mistakes and getting to have that relationship). Eddie…Eddie is lost, and he’s still lost in that same way by the end of season 7, chasing Shannon and what she represents long after she’s gone. I think there are a lot of reasons (besides the fact that Eddie is actually gay and Shannon represents the life he was supposed to live but will never be able to while being true to himself) including the fact that he struggles profoundly to deal with pain, probably due to being raised to be strong and having that reinforced in the military and then repressing years of trauma. You can’t grow without dealing with pain.

In a lot of ways their dynamic reminds me of Buck and Abby and I’ve seen people react to the two couples in similar ways: demonizing the women to some degree to focus on the hurt they caused the men. And they did hurt Buck and Eddie, and yes let’s deal with that as part of their characters. But both of these are examples of women who decided they needed space from their all-consuming caretaker roles in order to be ready to have real and healthy relationships and both get lambasted for it.

With Shannon there’s the extra layer that she left Chris. She hurt her child, that’s undeniable. I also think it’s true that there are times a person can not be a good parent. Shannon was raising a child she was not prepared for alone, with minimal contact with her husband, for years. She was also raising a disabled child with greater care needs, expensive treatments, and having to make life altering decisions for her child (surgery, etc) all by herself. When she expresses her fear that she harmed Christopher by causing his CP, there’s ableism there, the assumption that CP is a bad thing. There’s also the reality of a young woman who has seen her child experience pain, surgery, difficulties that other children do not and who has felt the full weight of an ableist society descend on her and her child. The world loves to blame mothers for everything about their children, that’s not made up in her head. She’s absolutely coming at it from the perspective of an able-bodied person who didn’t have to grapple with ableism at all until Chris was born and still has a lot to unlearn, but that doesnt make her evil. When Eddie came back into Chris’s life there were many struggles that were already over, that Shannon dealt with all by herself.

What does our society hate more than a woman who refuses to be a caretaker? And what does fandom love more than a woman who can be demonized so the man who steps up as caretaker or lives without her care can be idolized?

Shannon was right at the cusp of something. She was going to have a chance to be a mother on her own terms, to repair the harm she did, to find herself. And it would have been good for Eddie too, I think, to be forced to let go of the idealized image of Shannon in his head which her death only crystallized forever. And then she died because ???? Reasons. I guess.

[canadian-pug-cartel]

Houston has internalized ableism? I'm very curious to hear where you came up with that :O

OOOOOH OOOOOH PAJSHAHBSJWIAZB im so excited to answer this ask you don’t even understand OUGH

It’s just the way he grew up as well as his want to fit in (the metaphor for “masking” as hoxton and as a way of being normal drives me crazy actually)

Cause Dallas wanted so much for hous literally raised the kid when he himself was still a child wanting everything for Houston that he never got and that includes being ‘normal’ being normal means he wouldn’t have to turn to crime like Dallas had and being normal also meant that he would fly under the radar being different in Dallas’ eyes was a death sentence

And it’s not that Dallas is ableist he loves Houston so much and wants him to live a normal life

And also Houston’s relationship with himself I could get into so much detail about this he was raised in the 80s/90s he has no frame of perspective to understand that he’s different from everyone he absolutely thinks it’s normal to hate being touched and thinks everyone has to deal with this when he gets overwhelmed he absolutely thinks that he’s the only one in the world who can’t deal with these emotions or sensations punishing himself without even knowing or trying to

[aspd-culture]

Do you have any like actual tips for pro-socials who have antisocial loved ones, like friends or partners? So many sites are like “dealing with a [x]? Here’s ten ways to handle it!” and then it details abusive tactics (which is blatantly stupid, IMO, pwaspd/npd already expect the world to do this to them so idk where they’re getting the idea that pwaspd/npd wouldn’t expect this behavior because their upbringing TRAINED them to expect this behavior but hey, nobody said ableists actually knew what the fuck they were talking about).

I personally struggle with an aspd trait here or there alongside a bigger bpd/npd comorbidity so I get the pathological aspect of this disorder but truly, it is hard to like. believe them when they say they care or whatever because even though I know, mentally, that the bare minimum is pretty much their way of trying to care when they don’t get anything out of it like I do, a small part of me wishes for the mask back where I got the effort and adoration I used to. It sucks but I also don’t think pwaspd should also be left behind in society just because their relational instincts got fucked up before they had a chance.

Idk. I feel like there’s a lot of ableism that people without aspd need to unpack (myself included) but it’s also like, what do you do when someone quite literally admits to manipulating you (in an effort to hold themselves accountable) and frequently lies to make their lives easier? Like I get it Mentally and I can pinpoint why their actions Are them trying to care and show care, especially if they actually do care and well, aspd innit? but the mental understanding is one thing and the craving for the emotional connection with them is another.

I hope this is cohesive and I hope I’m not imposing or being an ableist dick or anything, I just. Don’t think it’s fair to hold the disorder against them and a grand majority of people who think “HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE” about mental illness advocacy is almost always punitive and withholding and expecting an exorbitant amount of groveling or self-flagellation on part of those with “scary” disorders and idk how to approach this with sensitivity and nuance that it deserves and requires.

Ok, so first part of your question asked for tips for prosocials who have antisocial loved ones. Here I go into how to support someone with ASPD (suspected or diagnosed).

Following the tips further down in this post can avoid conflict as well as help you communicate in ways that are effective to pwASPD.

As for dealing with someone telling you they are manipulating you, try and remember that much of the socially acceptable (and even some mandatory behaviors) are manipulation. Manipulation is just trying to affect someone's feelings, thoughts, or actions, or trying to change the end result of a situation. This includes flirting, job interviews, college applications/essays, pay raise negotiations, court proceedings (on the part of everyone in that room except the judge and jury), etc etc etc. If you have ever apologized with the hope or expectation that you will be forgiven, you have manipulated for your own gain. If you've ever bought someone dinner before asking them a favor, you have manipulated someone. One of the most romantic things someone can do - an elaborate proposal where you take them on a lovely date to their favorite places and make them feel special and then list all of your favorite things about the person before asking them to be with you forever is MASSIVE manipulation. It's just not malicious manipulation. Have you ever tried to convince someone to get out of an abusive relationship? That's manipulation for the purpose of sabotaging a relationship because you believe it is what is best for another person, even at the expense of what they think about it and what they want. Does that make it wrong? Of course not. There is such a thing as being manipulative in neutral and/or positive ways - society just doesn't like calling all of that stuff manipulation because the word manipulation has been given a nasty connotation.

As for the lying, though, if they are lying to *you* consistently and not making effort to change despite communication about it (including reassurance that you will allow them to explain themselves fully without interrupting and do your best to remain calm even after that no matter what they tell you - people with ASPD need that if you expect us to give up a coping mechanism as big as lying in a close, vulnerable relationship/friendship that we don't want to lose), that is a problem. It is not acceptable for them to lie to you. You are entirely in your right to make boundaries and separate yourself if they can't be honest with you, especially about big/important things, but honestly about anything. If they're lying to other people in a way that doesn't affect you, though, why is that a problem? They are dealing with their symptoms and making certain they are doing so in a way that doesn't harm you. That is very difficult for someone with ASPD, as it would be for anyone with any personality disorder, and that effort should be respected and appreciated.

Also who *doesn't* do things to make their lives easier? If you were being asked by a creep at a bar for your number, would you give it to them? Would you maybe lie about having a partner or give them a fake number or say you had to go for a pretend emergency to get out? Yes, those lies are for your perceived safety because that situation could be dangerous, but for pwASPD (people with ASPD), every interaction with other people has as much potential for danger as the situation I described. It is understandable to not be used to seeing things that way, but that was our life during vital stages of development and there are things we had to do to adapt to that reality. ASPD literally changes how your brain is wired, so there is only so much that you can expect us to change, and one thing you cannot expect from most of us is to get rid of that belief that we are in danger. Trying to only really makes us see *you* as a danger trying to get our guard down so you can hurt us.

I also don't think "the bare minimum" is a fair way to describe the way pwASPD show love. It not being what you're used to is not the same as it being the bare minimum. It takes an exceptional amount of work on the part of someone with ASPD to try to understand, accommodate, communicate with, and avoid hurting prosocials what with all the extra effort that requires for us. We literally work more than a prosocial does to be "extra" in a relationship just to manage what you call the bare minimum. What is caring about someone if not inconveniencing yourself purely for the sake of understanding them and making them happy? What is love if not effort?

I do understand wishing for the mask to come back, but as someone who has disorders you mentioned in your ask, I'm hoping you understand why asking them to do that would be unfair, unrealistic, and ableist. However, it is none of those things to privately miss that time, and it sounds to me like you're doing the latter which is in no way problematic in my opinion.

There are ways to ask for some of their previous behavior and treatment back without asking them to mask again, if it's things that aren't symptoms of ASPD themselves. For example, if they initiated hangouts/dates more often before, it's completely reasonable to ask them to do that again. If they no longer are expressing interest in your emotions, you can address that concern. Things like that don't have to be asking them to mask - it can just be asking them to do some things within your love language. That's not unreasonable if you're being kind, communicating with them, and making sure your requests are made within reasonable expectations with their symptoms.

You're allowed to have needs and most pwASPD will respect you much more if you can effectively communicate exactly what they are, rather than a generic "I don't feel like you care about me as much anymore" or expecting us to read social cues we aren't wired to understand/look for. I have given (and stick by!) more than one pwASPD the advice to not engage with guessing games and make boundaries expecting their partners to communicate in a way they can understand easily - and thus to not adjust behavior unless they have been told that it is causing harm unless it is *blatantly obvious*. When I say that, I don't mean obvious to prosocials; I mean things like physical or sexual abuse. Even raised voices are pretty normal to plenty of pwASPD, to the point where it isn't obvious that that would scare or hurt someone.

However, if no amount of simple behavioral changes or verbal reassurance can convince you that someone with ASPD cares about you without them basically not having the disorder or letting you cherrypick allowed symptoms, then I feasibly see two choices for you. This isn't me trying to be a jerk, just being objective to what I think makes sense for you and them. The first is that you can put in the work yourself to unlearn the ways that you're used to care being shown to allow you to accommodate your loved ones with ASPD without feeling hurt. If that isn't something that can work for you, that's okay. It's okay to have boundaries and be honest with yourself about what things you are incompatible with. However, at that point, the only thing to do that would be fair in my opinion is to separate yourself from the people with ASPD that are in your life.

I'm not suggesting you never speak to them again (although you are certainly allowed to make that choice for yourself). I'm suggesting you may need to restructure your relationships with those people such that feeling like they don't care (so long as they are doing their best to show they do) won't negatively impact you. In other words, for example, if you can't handle a partner showing they care the way they do because of their ASPD, then it's your job to end that relationship with them and either entirely remove yourself from their life, or just be friends.

If that's the choice you need to make for yourself, then I think it's important that you stress to them that this is not anything they have done wrong or need to work on - that it is an issue with how you are able perceive people caring about you. It's hard to say this in a way that won't sound ableist, because admittedly the issue would be rooted in some societal ableism (not really ableism on your part, just that the way children are taught to perceive love is incompatible with ASPD and even other disorders that can affect empathy and such).

It is very important to note that most of this does not apply if what you are dealing with is abuse - meaning for the purposes of this that they know they are hurting you, they are in control of the behavior that is hurting you, and are choosing to continue it without making any effort to change despite you clearly communicate your pain and what exactly is causing it. To evaluate that, you need to be objective and really ask yourself if you're coming from a reasonable place or not. Are you asking this person to either not have a disorder or allow you to pick and choose what symptoms you find acceptable? Or are you communicating boundaries to protect your wellbeing and making compromises that work for both of you while respecting their past and their symptoms? Those are two very different things, and there are shades of gray inbetween. Asking another prosocial who has not intentionally worked to unlearn their ableism against ASPD and done their research into its symptoms or a pwASPD who has not taken reasonable steps to heal their trauma and not hurt those close to them is not going to be truly objective. If you have a therapist who is aware of and respectful of ASPD, they would be a relatively objective place to evaluate what is abusive vs symptoms they can't be expected to control, assuming you could keep your language neutral (moreso than in your ask, which while not disrespectful or ableist, was definitely not entirely neutral). However, as a person with ASPD I would always prefer my partner speak to me about their concerns over my behavior before they ask anyone else - so if you haven't done that, I would certainly advise you to start there.

Even if any of the things I said are ableist or are rooted in ableism apply to you, it's worth noting I'm not saying or implying you are ableist yourself. Evidently, you came to a blog to get help with this situation from someone who understands the perspective of your loved one as much as possible, and that shows you likely aren't ableist - but as you mentioned one can have ableism to unlearn while not being ableist themselves. Please do not take any of this post as aggressive or attacking. It was all written in a neutral tone, I promise. I am aware how my text tone can come off to prosocials, which is why I specify this. If I was upset with the ask or thought you were just an ableist person or that the ask was disrespectful/not in good faith, I would just delete it.

I hope this helps and if you have or need any clarification, have any other questions, etc. you are more than welcome to submit them to me./gen

[circular-bircular]

It drives me up a wall that ppl argue “anti endos are the only harassers!!!” And yet the past few days the sys course tag has been nothing but going against anti endos for? Some reason? Like just outta nowhere I started to see posts going on and on about how anti endos are sooo horrible and how dare they want anti endo only spaces like hello pot??

It’s just… infuriating to see it all bcs why the hell would anyone even consider looking at a different perspective if the first thing they see is people bashing anti endos (and often CDD systems in the same breath) and using that to uplift pro/endos like you can’t seriously claim to want anti endos to listen when everything is about insulting/shaming anti endos in a number of ways some less subtle than the last

I’m neutral on it all but if I was still anti today and thought “well maybe I should try to understand their side” and saw all that then?????? Hell no

Hell even being neutral I’m still not favorable to interactions bcs I don’t want that kinda energy in my space

Sry I’m just so GAH about it all and saw your post on syscourse stances and the harassment thing and was just “finally”

(Ough I’m so sorry I’m rambling hard on this one)

I fully agree that anti-endos aren’t the only harassers. But I also agree that endogenic systems are going through a lot right now. It’s easy for me to not see, but that’s because I’ve got a lot of folks blocked. There really are a lot of anti-endo assholes popping up each day lately, and I’m sorry for all the Endogenic systems dealing with that hatred. I’ve been there. It fucking sucks. I also am sorry for the CDD systems suffering through hatred currently, regardless of syscourse stance. It’s all hellish sometimes.

In my eyes, the way a lot of pro-endos tackle things isn’t beneficial. It’s either bait to encourage anti-endos to rage (which is often triggering to boot), or it’s just vocalizing hatred into a public space. Neither of these things are needed, especially if the goal is to make it so that anti-endos “aren’t a thing anymore.” Anti-endos fall into this same trap; many are trying to protect their disorders, but they do so via harassment, mockery, or similarly vocalized hatred. All in some attempt to “make things better for ‘real’ systems.”

It feels like many people in syscourse are doing something I like to call Aimless Activism. They know something is wrong (fakeclaiming, bad sources, ableism, etc), so they rally against it loudly and boldly, because That’s The Point. You’re Supposed To.

I’m guilty of this myself honestly. But… you need a goal. You need to have a point beyond This Is Activism, because if you don’t have an actionable goal, then you’re not actually working toward anything. You’re just shouting.

My goal on my blog is to share my personal experiences and talk about things that interest me. That’s it. I’ve tried to be an Aimless Activist for awhile now, convincing myself that it’s activism to argue online. And I don’t know, maybe to some, my blog fits that description. But at this point, I don’t… think it matters. I’m tired of playing in this giant sandbox where everyone is kicking the sand in each other’s faces while I try to build my sand castle.

I think a lot of other people are too. Has anyone else noticed how many new faces there are here? How a lot of the old faces have gone away? People are tired of the sandbox games where everyone kicks around sand. People want real things, real conversations, real connections — regardless of some stupid arbitrary label.

And that’s where it comes back to. “Stupid arbitrary label.” The ones who care about the labels are still playing in the sandbox and they’re gearing up for another round of fighting with “the other side.” Meanwhile, they don’t realize that the sandbox is only one tiny part of an enormous playground, and I’m over on the swings with friends I made in the sandbox, laughing about how nice it is to no longer have sand in my eyes.

I wish folks the best for getting out of there.

[malevolentaroweek]

Frequently Asked Questions

✦ How can I participate?

Create any kind of fanwork, post about it here and @ us using the appropriate tags! As long as it’s Malevolent and related to aromanticism/arospec identities, you’re good to go. Fics, art, cosplay, music, crafts, headcanons, etc; any and all types are welcome! We just ask that if you include an image in your post, please include an image description in the alt text or in the body of the post.

✦ Why aromanticism and not just queer?

While Malevolent is not an explicitly queer podcast, the show lends itself to queer readings, and as such has built an audience of predominantly LGBTQ+ folks. Due to the nature of the characters, the ways they relate to one another and their environment, we believe that particular respect should be given to arospec identities within the show, as in fandom such identities are typically overlooked in favor of romantic dynamics. The creators of this week are both aromantic and wanted to create an event that further explored those aspects of their favorite podcast :)

✦ Does it have to be strictly aromantic?

If you mean, does the content created have to be strictly and exclusively non-spectrum aromantic, then no. This event includes all kinds of aromanticism from all across the spectrum. You want to write a fic about John being grayro and falling in love with Oscar? Go for it! Wanna draw a comic about Arthur being a loveless aromantic? Be our guest!

However, we only ask that the main focus of the week be aromanticism and not other related orientations. Exclusively arospec content is rare in online spaces, and we'd like to change that.

✦ What if I don’t like a specific day’s prompt?

You’re welcome to go off-script and create anything you like as long as it relates to some aspect of arospec identity within the podcast. Posts off-script or without a prompt will be reblogged on the final day (Dec 10th.)

✦ What content is allowed/not allowed?

We encourage any and all varieties of fanwork and the content within it, as long as it remains on-topic and related to aromanticism. As the source material also deals with a variety of heavy and challenging content, we believe that listeners are well aware of their own limits and can curate their online experiences accordingly. That said, NSFW content and colloquial “triggering” content will be allowed and may be shared on this blog, as long as it remains in line with Tumblr’s policies, though we will do our best to tag accordingly; feel free to refer to our tag guide for examples. Any content that is discriminatory or categorised as hate speech (homophobia/transphobia, racism, sexism, ableism, etc) will not be shared.

✦ How does the pairings aspect work? 

Alongside each day's prompt, we've added two suggested pairings of characters through which to explore the prompts. This is not mandatory, but if you’re unsure of what direction to take a specific prompt, those characters/pairings may serve as a guide to help you build a framework for that day. While the characters are suggested through “slash” pairings colloquially viewed as romantic, their involvement in a work can be through shipping character studies, or simply having the characters interact in some way.

✦ Will there be spoilers?

While we cannot determine what participants will create over the week, it is safe to assume that spoilers for episodes of Malevolent will occur. We will tag #malevolent spoilers for content related to the most recent episode(s), as Part 38 will most likely be out by the time of the event. Beyond this, it would be unrealistic to tag any content relating to spoilers for any point in the show as such, as due to the storyline, almost everything would be tagged as such. If you are concerned about spoilers, we recommend catching up to the show before engaging with content created for the event.

✦ Who’s running this event?

The creators of this event are Red @arthurtaylorlester and Finch @parkeryangs

✦ Have further questions?

Send us an ask! Anonymous asks are welcome, though if requested we can also answer user asks privately. (Asks being discriminatory/hateful/etc or that are harassment/spam will be deleted; we are trying to curate a positive, welcoming fandom space here, so please be considerate of that when sending inquiries.)