#crush your goals

[byrachshop]

The ultimate guide to CRUSH your GOALS in 2023

2023 is coming our way faster than we thought. A few days ago it was October and we were all celebrating Halloween and then, as we blinked our eyes, Christmas was here and we were busy buying gifts and having dinner with friends and family. These last couple weeks of December always pass by so fast that we don’t even realize how close New Year’s Eve is. The next thing we know is that it is midnight and there are fireworks in the night sky.

Most of us like to write down some resolutions and things we want to change about ourselves to become our best version and to have the best year of our life - to be successful. However, after two or three weeks into January, we start getting lost, forget about our goals, lose motivation, and end up doing the same as the previous year, only to notice it when December comes again.

To overcome that, I’m bringing you this guide, explaining why such a thing happens, and how to crush all your goals and stick to new healthy habits this year.

Review Your 2022

It is a fact that we learn from our mistakes, so it isn’t an exception in this case.

Go back and think of who you were a year ago, on January 1st, and the goals you wanted to achieve through 2022. Reflect on your past goals and ambitions - did you accomplish all of them? If not, why?

It is important to remember that although we didn’t achieve all our goals and our year didn’t happen as planned, we still learned a lot and grew.

Resolutions for 2023

Knowing the highlights of 2022, you can wisely plan this new year. First, think about all the things you wanted to achieve last year, and write them down. Then, list other things you want to do this year - make sure they’re achievable since you want to work to get them and not do something impossible.

It’s also good to think about relationships and who doesn’t belong in our lives anymore. Don’t be afraid to cut people off when they’re not doing any good to you anymore, or when you don’t do any good to them.

SMART Goals

We don’t achieve our goals throughout the year because we don’t use smart goals. But, what are SMART goals, then?

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. What we mean by this is that you have to make sure you don’t grab a piece of paper and write "get healthier", "get good grades", or "get a lot of money", since they’re too generic.

Instead, you should take these generic goals and develop them into something like this:

To get healthier, I will walk 10k steps every day,  drink 2L of water, and go to the gym twice a week; I will lose 5kg by march.

Don’t go too heavy on yourself - you can increase the intensity as the year goes by.

New Habits

Sometimes bad habits hold us back from achieving our goals (for example, procrastinating, going to bed late, or scrolling endlessly on social media). Sit back, reflect on your past days, and point out which bad habits are in your routine. You will need to get rid of them. The best way to do it is by replacing it with a new healthy habit. For example, swipe the number of hours you spend on social media reading a book, practicing an instrument, or exercising. If you want to stop drinking soda, swipe it with water.

Make a list of new habits you want to include in your routine, then check them off every day and see how long you can keep the streak! Reward yourself after a certain amount of time (after a week, a month, you name it).

With these new habits implemented in your daily life, you’ll see your routine changing through the months. If you stick to these habits, you’ll feel a huge difference by the end of the year.

Motivation

Most of the time we end up not doing things because we lack motivation. It makes us procrastinate for hours and hours, searching for inspiration and trying to find just a little bit of motivation to get up and do what has to be done. That’s right, I’ve been there.

We always ask ourselves “how are they always so motivated?” The truth is, they are not! Motivation isn’t everything, and it won’t make us reach our goals - on the contrary: if we spend our precious time awaiting motivation to come to us, we will spend another year doing nothing. That’s why we create a system to reach our goals - we need to be consistent, even when we don’t feel like doing it. We have to get up and do our work, because who else will do it for us?

Vision Board

Last but not least, create a vision board.

Don’t throw just “cute pictures” on a board to create a good vision board. Instead, pick pictures that make you feel closer to your goals, that help you visualize them, and that is always there in front of you to remind you about the purpose of your day.

You can make a physical vision board or a digital one. To the physical, search for images, words, and phrases that remind you of your goals. Then print them and put them together on a board or in a notebook - but make sure it’s somewhere visible so that you can always reach for it and take a look.

If you rather do it digitally, it’s also quite simple. Instead of printing picture by picture, make a collage. The best way is to put them together in a document that fits your computer/tablet/phone screen. This way you can set it as wallpaper, and look at it multiple times throughout the day, even without thinking of it.

Conclusion

Let’s look at what has been said: before setting goals for 2023, think about 2022 and highlight good and bad moments. Revise the goals you have achieved, and those you didn’t, and try to understand the reason behind them. After that, let’s head to the next step, which is the actual goal-setting: write down your new year resolutions, keeping in mind the definition of SMART goals, so that they’re achievable. Among the new goals, set new habits you want to stick to and find bad habits in your routine you want to get rid of. The last step is to create a vision board and keep it close to you.

Last tip: Before concluding, I’d like to remind you to check your goals and resolutions throughout the year. I recommend taking a look at them every month, and then writing a journal entry by the end of each month and reflecting on what went well, and what went wrong. Always plan and set small monthly steps to achieve your final goals.

Now that you’re ready to set your goals and get started with 2023, grab now this bundle: 2023 Notion Planner + Crush Your Goals Workbook only for 9€. For the first 15 people, get 2€ off with the code decemberplanning.

I wish you a happy new year, and hope you can reach all your goals in 2023!

Happy planning.

[sarahboyerdigiexpert]

Happy Fitness Friday, FitFam! 💪 It's that time of the week again when we come together to sweat, inspire, and conquer our fitness goals. Remember, consistency is the key to success, so keep pushing yourself!

[infernal-lamb]

Hey, I've seen your drawings from Neves. They are brilliant. I like her a lot, and are you writing fanfic about her?

Ahh thank you!!! That's really flattering fkljgfjf....It's always a pleasant surprise that people like Neves :'-) (and I love when I get an excuse to post my doodles of her and the Lamb lol)

I am in the works of trying to write a cotl fanfic abt this specific au (I call it The Apostate & The Martyr in my head lol), but writing doesn't come as easily as drawing to me SIGH. I've actually written quite a bit, but the problem is putting all these random excerpts together to make something coherent LOL. But yes, the fic is intended to be the story of The Lamb and Neves' friendship amidst the brutality and terror of the Lands of the Old Faith, how to deal with the consequences of their choices, and the mutual alienation they experience in their positions....as silly as that sounds lol. It's very self-indulgent! I just liked the concept of the "Outsider" POV, so to speak, being subjected to the sort of normalized violence that exists in cotl. Though, I might end up just making comics if I can't pan out this fanfic well enough!

[wanderingcas]

idk why people are so obsessed with writing a book within a timeline. like all the blogs/accounts/whatever are so focused on "how to write a book in a year" or "finish your editing in 3 months" nah bro. i'm going to take 10 years to finish one book, actually. because i have a day job and probably 20 minutes to write a day.

[mars-ipan]

my fellow anxiety havers what is one of your mundane day-to-day tasks that should by no means be anything remarkable but feels like you are being hunted for sport. i’ll go first: putting all of your groceries on the conveyor belt during checkout is like a long series of quick time events to me

[sweetfreedom2107]

They say we're fools to love this immensely but we say they're fools to not love with this intensity.

[fragmentedblade]

The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together

[best-enemies]

I have watched Red, White and Royal Blue twice now and i'm past that scene on the book so nothing can convince me that Henry didn't invite Alex to the polo match just so he could show off his riding abilities if you know what I'm talking about

[themagicalfancat]

Chase's 'it's Tuesday I still like you' bit was fucking unhinged can we talk about this?

[22degreehalo]

The stereotypical 'harem anime protagonist' revolutionises and disrupts contemporary heterosexual norms in regards to romantic narratives. Rather than envisioning a stereotypically masculine power fantasy, the 'harem anime protagonist' instead cultivates a more realistic perspective, portraying its character as decidedly average in his abilities and looks, if not an outright outsider to normal society. In this way, rather than presenting romance as a quality 'earned' via successful displays of masculine superiority - a one-sided dynamic which all too often relegates women to be nothing more than narrative 'rewards' for the protagonist's achievements, taking the position less of individuals in their own right than of symbolic gatekeepers for hyper-masculine worthiness - it is instead portrayed as the result of burgeoning relationships between persons through quality time spent together.

Instead of expecting said love interests to be 'impressed' by the protagonist's successes (thus putting him on a pedestal above them, and enabling the masculine need to be 'better' than his partner), romantic feelings are nurtured realistically through shared interests and hobbies, and as a result of the protagonist's kindness and interest in helping said women with their life problems. Rather than man as conqueror, and romantic success as signifier of competitive superiority, romantic feelings are naturalised as contextual and mundane - as a normal and everyday fact of life that any person, regardless of social status, may be able to experience through commonplace bonds between relative equals and sincere concern for others' wellbeing.

Likewise, the 'harem anime protagonist' inverts the manic dream girl archetype; rather than existing to kickstart his own character development, the focus is almost entirely on the personalities and circumstances of the female love interest. If the protagonist 'earns' his relationships at all, it is not by displays of dominance or charisma, but through a genuine interest in their lives and willingness to help the women around them achieve their own personal goals. Said goals are often far grander than any the man himself could grasp at, again positioning the men in supportive, even submissive positions; rather than be turned off by this lack of traditional masculinity, the female characters are shown to find these very displays of kindness and supportiveness (typically feminine qualities) attractive, offering a different path for lonely and sensitive young men.

In this essay I w

[miodiodavinci]

(single loud AA) (the forest goes silent immediately after) (birdsong returns moments later)

[shatterdome-underscore]

So, uh, Anthony was pushing way to hard way too early for the "just kill whoever is tied to the anchor" method to actually work. Like, from the get-go Tony Pepperoni was saying he would be okay with dying *as they pulled him into a condemned room nobody had checked for months.* While the kid's methods and rolls were definitely less to be desired for, the peaceful option seemed like it was set up to fail. The season 1 anchors all needed little rituals to go with them, and they didn't even try that. Plus just brazenly killing the personification of the doodler's emotional problems doesn't really fit with the theme of "working to heal generational trauma" that's going on. It's just more trauma, it's telling the doodler "he couldn't be fixed and neither can you."

So I'm looking at this like Tony Pepperoni was a sacrificial lamb. Not exactly a beloved npc, but everyone knew him and his death would matter in universe and to the characters, but wouldn't exactly matter as much as, say, any of the PCs family members (or the PCs themselves) should *they* turn out to be anchors. Someone who could get got to teach the kids a lesson.

My theory is that either: A. The anchor status gets passed on to someone else, currently alive, and the teens have to *actually solve the problem* for it to dissipate (and it's gonna get attached to someone important next), or B. Tony Pepperoni is now an undead doodler monster with the anchor curse still attached to him and they have to figure out how to fix him while he's a zombie. (Personally I'm leaning towards A)

[bywandandsword]

Hey, I just wanna say, it's okay not to know about every horrible thing going on around the world. It's okay not to spend every waking moment focused on these horrible things. It's okay to take a break from it, and it's okay to disengage entirely if you're burnt out or not in a mental or emotional place to engage with it in a healthy way. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human, and we humans need breaks

The road to a better world is going to be a long one, and no reasonable person is going to expect you to grind yourself to the bone to achieve it. Take a breath, focus on what you can handle and what you can effect, and trust that there are others will take your place when you need to tap out for a bit

That's the point of a community

[bumblingbabooshka]

-Remembers how T’Pring looked as she watched Spock & Chapel vanish into the bathroom together after seeing them kiss on the bridge (which she knew was for a mission and didn’t hold against them but perhaps she could sense something there since they do have feelings for one another), maybe attempting to calm herself and her suspicions as she’s left alone again (and later finds she’s been left out entirely this whole time) and how she doesn’t know that Spock almost told Chapel he loved her then and there, with T’Pring in the other room waiting, and how Amanda and Sevet both think she could have more confidence in herself and how T’Pring thought that she and Spock were in this together (her holding his hand, subtly letting him know to pour slower so the tea flowers would bloom correctly, a whispered ‘well done’, the ritual is over mother) and how mere hours after she expresses to Spock how she feels: Like he doesn’t trust her, like he doesn’t care to include her in his life, how she’s trying her best to show him that she will accept him wholly, how she wants to be his partner instead of an adversary or an obstacle, after all this he’s found Chapel within the hour and is kissing her.-

[mamamittens]

Room for Messes

This work was lovingly commissioned by @cebwrites

Feat Koby/OC(Takashi) with background Law/OC(Kirin)

Warnings: Pining, deep denial, envy/jealously, child abandonment, implied child abuse in past tense, emotional breakdowns, hurt/comfort, and college courses.

Word Count: 5,443

Under much protest, Koby would grudgingly admit that he… didn’t always make the best judgment calls.

Whether that’s seven years old and calling his foster mom ‘hideous’ after she tried a new makeup trend that did not flatter her in the least or at twelve begging his best friend’s grandfather to teach him how to fight. He was grounded for the former and as to the latter…

He doesn’t like to think about it.

But more to the point he kept going back, so yeah.

Koby could not ever claim with full honesty that he never makes bad decisions. At least Garp strong armed him into going to college. Luffy certainly wouldn’t, and Ace would just set the place on fire…

Koby strongly suspected that Sabo did an advanced degree and never told anyone, but that’s besides the point.

So, with all this in mind, Koby was doing their best to get through college. Even if he didn’t know what the hell he was doing. What he’d even use the degree for. He wanted to go military, or baring that, police force. And neither required a degree so he was left to the wind a little. Law enforcement?

Eh, he’d figure it out. First semester or so was a pretty good time to feel it out while taking their basic requirements.

And despite their difficulties, he’d been making friends! Friends that weren’t likely to implicate him in crimes by association—coughLuffycoughcough—so that was a bonus!

Honestly, he was a damn miracle worker. Koby wouldn’t say he necessarily excelled in any particular subject matter, but biology was a whole other monster for him to face. All the different bones, muscle groups, and the finer workings of the human body eluded them in a way few other things outside of calculus could. Technically, he could just fail out of this one and take a different science altogether, but as their first shot, Koby wasn’t sure they’d be able to face the embarrassment of losing so hard.

That’s where Takashi came in like he’d been personally delivered to Koby’s doorstep with an angelic choir. He was so patient with them despite being well on his way through pre-med classes. Joked that it was ‘a good brush up’, and ‘could never go wrong remembering the basics’. And that ‘teaching was the best way to master something’. All wise, objectively correct things to say while he was singlehandedly saving Koby’s GPA.

Tall and tan, with handsomely silvered brown hair like a man many years either of their senior, Takashi was objectively hot.

And that wasn’t just Koby saying it to be weird!

Koby had ears. He could hear the things whispered as Takashi and them walked to and from the library.

They also had eyes, thank you very much. So it wasn’t hard to agree with most of their statements.

Koby… tried not to think of the more inappropriate ones. Takashi was their friend! Not someone to ogle at! A friend with a wide, charming smile and laugh that captured a whole room. Soft freckles over nearly every inch of tanned skin. Loved by the sun with eyes to match. Koby felt a little pale and washed out next to their friend many times, but the feeling was always fleeting.

Takashi also had an older brother who was often around.

Tall and broad with little shame and startlingly white hair. None of the freckles Takashi had but still utterly captivating. Looking at Kirin felt a little like learning a nice stripper did magic on the side. Kirin thrived in the spotlight in a way few could without shriveling up. Hardly caring of how older people tutted his piercings or crop tops beyond vague amusement. Koby half expected to come over to Takashi’s house one day to find Kirin lounging on the couch in nothing but a speedo with a cartoon hand flipping them off over the crotch.

It just��� seemed like something Kirin would do. Vulgar for amusement but with no heat to it. Koby didn’t feel unsafe with Kirin around, even if they were flustered by the unfairly pretty sibling duo.

Was it really any wonder Koby had… developed a bit of a crush on Kirin?

Not that they’d ever act on it! Good lord, no! Kirin would eat them alive if they showed even a hint of embarrassment or hesitation—something that was well and truly beyond Koby at this stage of their life. That and it would be so awkward to have study sessions with Takashi while actively mooning over his brother!

Well… more than they already were. But if Takashi knew, he didn’t say anything. And if there was mercy left in this universe for Koby, Kirin wouldn’t have noticed either. Not that Koby expected Kirin to notice with that—that—that hooligan hanging off him all the time!

That’s right, the unexpected, constant guest in the household.

Trafalgar Law.

Dark. That’s how Koby would describe them. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark tattoos, and a dark aura about them. They smirked constantly in a way Koby reluctantly recognized as handsome if it wasn’t so damn smug. Even their voice was low and deep. Words picked with a purpose to fluster or irritate them. Why Kirin tolerated them, Koby didn’t know. And it wasn’t their business besides but--!

Ugh!

Koby just might die happy if Kirin was unaccompanied by Law just once!

But no! Every time Kirin was there—Law wasn’t far behind. It almost seemed planned sometimes, Law just out of sight until Koby had seen Kirin reclined on the couch for just a moment before sliding into view. Crushing Koby’s hope—for what, they didn’t know!—in an instant.

“Ready for another study session, Koobs? I think you’re just about ready to ace this next test!” Takashi’s voice rolled across their skin and Koby felt their muscles relax instantly.

“Of course, couldn’t have done it without you, though!” Koby was a little surprised at the positive lilt to their words, registering the wide smile as the last syllable left their lips.

At least Takashi didn’t plague their thoughts.

Takashi looked pleasantly rumpled, sweats and a worn band shirt emphasizing how cozy he looked. Like he’d rolled out of bed just to see Koby on the path of academic success. Koby felt a little bad—like they’d actually interrupted Takashi’s sleep. It was on the tip of their tongue to beg off the study session just to let him sleep in more.

Takashi had to be awfully busy with pre-med classes, after all.

“Let’s head over to my place then. I think Law is making something to eat.” Takashi mused, missing Koby’s pout.

They were being useful, but Koby’s sentiment over them remained.

Actually, it was more infuriating than if Law had just smoozed all over Kirin’s space and whispered something into the man’s ear, eliciting a giggle. Eyes on Koby, watching for a reaction. It was… it was… premeditated irritation or something. A ‘look at me kindly making you food, am I such a bastard now?’ kind of irritation.

And the answer was yes. Yes, they were. Good food didn’t change how cocky that smug bastard looked cuddling up to Kirin.

If Koby was as self-absorbed as their foster mom, they’d assume this was all part of a calculated effort on Law’s part against them specifically.

Luckily they weren’t, but the end result wasn’t that much different than if it had been.

“Got your books with you?” Takashi asked, dragging Koby’s attention away from their one-sided beef with Law.

“Yeah, and a few of those guides from the internet you recommended. They’ve been helpful so far, but I’m not sure if they’ll cover everything I need for the final.” Koby admitted, fretting a little as their steps fell in line with Takashi’s to his apartment. Takashi waved his hand like it would remove all of Koby’s worries and frustration. And honestly, seeing him so confident kind of did something for Koby. A light feeling settled in their chest.

Koby was so used to being around reckless but confident people—it was a nice change of pace to be with someone who wasn’t so casually sure no one would notice them if they tried dine and dashing or something equally petty and criminal.

“That’s good! Those really saved my ass when I was taking that class, honestly. There wasn’t much else they missed, so I think a quick brush up and a few more things will have you set.” Takashi laughed with an easy smile that Koby reflexively mirrored.

How could he argue with that smile?

The smell as they got into Takashi’s apartment was mouthwatering. Spicy and hearty, like it had fatty meat simmering in a pot for hours.

Despite themselves, Koby admitted it smelled good.

“What’s the special occasion, anyway?” Koby couldn’t help but ask. “Usually Law kinda… hangs around.” Koby found themselves asking Takashi.

“I think it’s a recipe from their dad—some fancy dinner Cora could never manage to not burn so Law took over cooking it. It’s for their anni—”

“There you are! I was worried you’d miss dinner at this rate. Oh. And Koby’s with you too—joining us for dinner, sweetie?” Kirin asked, leaning against the kitchen doorway in tight, dark jeans and a crop top torn down the middle with laces barely holding it together over his chest. Smooth muscles on display—which Koby respectfully did not stare at.

“Y-Yeah—if that’s alright with you.” Koby managed to stammer out, looking at Takashi despite addressing them both, more or less. At least it wasn’t so flustering to look at their friend.

“Sure! I was hoping you wou—”

“So glad you could join us~” Kirin said with a beaming smile before a low voice called out from behind him.

“Shouldn’t he be studying right now? Got another half hour before it’s done. Be a shame to waste all of Takashi’s efforts just to chat.” Law called out, their voice teased in a low, roll.

Koby’s face twitched.

“Of course not!” Takashi gently steered Koby to his room with an amused chuckle.

“Simmer down, you know he’s teasing. You’ve been a very diligent student for me—you’ll ace this class no problem.” Takashi sighed as they both retreated from the main area to the private space of Takashi’s room. It was clean and cute. Soft shades emphasizing the neat space with no harsh lines to be found. Even the shadows under Takashi’s bed seemed pillowed and airbrushed. An idea of darkness rather than any true dwelling of it.

A far cry from the somewhat chaotic mess of Koby’s own room. Desk spilling over with notes that Takashi himself had neatly tucked away in labelled folders. An array of tools for note taking where Koby made do with nervous scrawls. Its was a ridiculous contrast—Koby really should take the time to tidy up their room this week.

It was little wonder Takashi’s schooling was going so smoothly and put together.

“Alright, let’s do a quick review before we get into it. Maybe we’ll have time to organize our notes before dinner’s ready. We have until Friday, right?” Takashi asked.

“Yeah, that’s my final.” Koby confirmed with a sigh, pulling out their books and notes.

It occurred to them then that their sessions would be over very soon.

And then what? Would Takashi really be alright having Koby over once this semester was finished? It wasn’t like they intended to take any more science classes that Takashi could help with. Koby was hardly going to insist just to see Kirin, either—not that it would go anywhere if they did—the idea left a foul taste in their mouth. Just… using Takashi’s good will to ogle his brother.

Gross.

Koby would rather fail and face remedial physical training from Garp than do that. They’d deserve it at that point, too.

Koby… wanted to stick around Takashi longer, actually. Not that they had any right to—having taken up so much time already.

But Takashi made Koby feel… settled. In a way they’d never experienced before.

Luffy inspired a passion for life in that wild, reckless way of his that was further tempered by his brother Ace and Sabo. Pushed forward beyond their wildest dreams by Garp to do better. Challenged by his foster mom in her… unique way. If he could defend their stance against her earnest worry for their future.

But Takashi… Koby didn’t know how to describe it.

All their life, Koby had been pushed and pulled by fierce winds. Roaring fires. The weight of mountains asking if he was made of diamonds or coal. Soft and brittle or flexible and unyielding.

Takashi… he was like cool waters on their skin. A soft, gentle balm. Eternity passing like quiet rain. Koby didn’t need to run with Takashi. Could just…

Sit.

And breathe.

Koby had been reaching for a future their whole life, but Takashi made them feel comfortable enough to ask what he really wanted. Beyond just… forward. Which had been a whole other struggle to manage so many years ago when Luffy trampled into their life with a bright smile and reckless ambition, asking ‘why not?’ when Koby admitted he’d never amount to anything.

At the time, it felt like a revelation to that they could even be anything.

They’d make a good soldier. A dedicated cop.

‘But was that enough?’

Takashi’s gentle smile seemed to ask Koby this in the quiet contemplation of their thoughts.

‘Was that what you really wanted?’

Koby… didn’t know.

What they did know though, was that they needed to pass biology.

Questions about the future could wait after Friday.

So, with a deep sigh, Koby pushed those thoughts aside and gave their undivided attention to Takashi where it truthfully should have been the entire time. Once again, if Takashi noticed their lapse in attention, he never mentioned it.

Basic structure of the body was dutifully reviewed. Bones and the ligaments that connected them. Vascular nervous system. Parts of the brain and their connections between each other. Where hard lines met the unexpectedly resilient tissue.

“—this professor is a little squirrelly, so I can’t say for sure which area he’ll focus on, but everything flows together pretty well so it won’t be too bad. I promise.” Takashi swore, looking at Koby from the diagrams of the human body.

His hands… Koby watched as they smoothed over the words gently. Like he was soothing them into thoughtful contemplation.

Koby knew Takashi’s hands were calloused but not overly rough like their own. Firm grasp from kneading bread in his spare time, knuckles intimately familiar with kisses of flour and dough. Regardless of the end result. Koby tended to train for stress relief, the results evident in the thick muscles of their arms. They felt oddly gangly and lumpy next to Takashi at times.

Slender, elegant limbs next to their own corded muscles compacted with hours of practice.

Hard lines meeting unexpected resilience.

Even in the domestic, downright boring light of college studying, Takashi managed to look… capable. Whereas Koby was fumbling through as always.

A strangely familiar taste lingered in Koby’s tongue. Thin and watery. Almost delicate.

Wasn’t this what yearning felt like?

Knock-knock!

“Oi, dinner’s ready. Come eat.” Law’s voice managed to cut through the door with ease, making Koby’s hackles rise instantly.

“Ah, well, we made good progress. You barely had to think about your answers this whole time, Koby. Congrats!” Takashi cheered with a wide, proud grin. Koby smiled back, flushing softly under the praise.

“A-Ah! W-Well, I have a good teacher.” Koby excused sheepishly, almost stumbling as he stood from the desk, shocked at how close they’d gotten over the course of half an hour. “Pick back up after dinner?” he asked softly.

“Of course!” Takashi grinned, his expression faltering slightly with a grimace. “If Law doesn’t scare you off before then.”

“Law doesn’t scare me.” Koby muttered petulantly, opening the door to find Law towering over them with a predatory grin, like they’d been waiting to spook Koby in particular. “Can I help you?!” Koby hissed, jerking when Takashi’s warm, reassuring hands pressed against their shoulders.

“Yeah. You can come eat already instead of mooning over each other.” Law teased, Koby’s mind instantly freezing between shock and denial.

They had not--!

Then what was all that earlier? How often do you think about someone else’s hands, Koby?

Luffy didn’t count. They were young and easily impressed back then!

Neither did Ace…

And for that matter, Sabo doesn’t either because he deliberately crafts his persona to haunt people’s dreams in a way Luffy and Ace do on accident in vaguely different manners.

Usually with horror and the way one would regard an avalanche bearing down on them. With a sense of helpless awe at the oncoming destruction.

Somehow, while Koby was defending their own poor taste in their head like a maniac, Takashi steered them to the kitchen table. Woodenly, Koby took a seat and admired the gumbo soup.

Odd to think the clumsy, gangly older man had tried to make this dish so valiantly Law, the utter asshole, mastered it. Likely to save their house from burning down but still.

Perfectly cooked shrimp and sausage served with a side of white rice, the broth thick and rich as it pooled in the bowl with a palpable, inviting scent. How Koby had forgotten about it for even a moment spoke of how hard they’d been fixated on their studies.

And it tasted just as good as it looked, too. Law seemed particularly smug about that but it was well and truly beneath Koby to lie just because the chef was an ass most of the time.

“…You know, not that I don’t appreciate having you both here today, but why…?” Takashi asked quietly between bites, eyeing his brother pointedly.

Kirin smiled, eyes narrowed in amusement.

“Oh, you know how important family is to me. Besides, we planned to go out to the movies afterwards and it’s closer from here. Why, am I not allowed to see my sweet baby brother~?” Kirin grinned.

Having witnessed some truly baffling sibling arguments, Koby chocked the undercurrent at the dinner table to some hidden tease they couldn’t fathom at the moment. Made just as much sense as any other explanation.

If this had been at Luffy’s house, Koby would be elbowing their way to one bowl of gumbo before even sitting down, the brothers were so competitive about their food.

“Of course not. I just thought the date was odd is all.” Takashi sighed, voice heavy with discontent.

Koby made the mistake of looking at Law to see if they were the only one lost only to be met with a deeply amused gaze.

Yeah.

They were the only one at the table utterly lost to the context of the admittedly mild disagreement.

And Koby would be damned before they asked for one either.

“Couldn’t make more sense to me. Saturday traffic is nothing to sneeze at, you know. I’d hate to be late to the movies.” Kirin commented breezily.

“Yeah. I’m sure that’s the only reason for you two being here.” Takashi replied dryly.

“It was Law’s idea, you know. They wanted to do something nice for you two since we’ve been around so much while you’re trying to study.” Kirin explained with a smile to Law.

A… very loving smile.

Wait.

Wait…

Koby froze, nose wrinkling in thought.

All those times they cuddled up on the couch… maybe it really hadn’t been to tease them?

Not that Koby thought they occupied that much of Law’s thoughts, let alone Kirin’s, but still…

Hadn’t Takashi been interrupted earlier saying something?

“It’s for their anni—”

Anniversary.

Anniversary…

Anniversary?!?

Suddenly, Koby was so grateful they’d never made any move before. Not even the hint of one.

“So. How long has it been for you two now?” Koby found themselves asking, Law and Kirin looking surprised. “It’s your anniversary, right?”

Takashi looked oddly relieved but conflicted.

“We’ve… been dating for four years now.” Law admitted, blush evident on their face.

The first time Koby had seen them sheepish before. It was kind of nice to be on the other side for once… and weirdly cute.

Maybe… Kirin didn’t have that questionable of taste after all.

Kirin reached out and held Law’s hand, the look they both shared familiar now that Koby wasn’t being a ridiculous shit.

Oh, they were crazy about each other, weren’t they?

Faintly, Koby wondered how much of their ill-advised crush was envy.

Hard to say in hindsight, let alone so soon after realizing such a key detail.

It wouldn’t surprise them to realize now that they were jealous of how… comfortable they were together.

Wasn’t that most of Kirin’s appeal to Koby anyway?

Just how at home in his skin the man was where Koby could barely muster pride at how much effort they put into their body?

Koby felt…

Small and silly now.

Like a child lashing out at Alvida, so sure the self-centered woman would kick them out instead of dealing with their shit. But when she decided on something, she stuck to it.

‘You’re going to make something of yourself one day—I don’t give a shit about statistics, I know what I see. And you, you brat, have potential. And it’s my job to make sure you use it!’

Just goes to show that sometimes, you never really grow out of being small and lost.

You just grow a little taller.

If there was anything else of note said, it went in one ear and right out the other for Koby. Their heart and head a mess of resurfaced pain.

No one’s fault, really.

Koby’s always been a mess. It was only a matter of time before he dragged it out into Takashi’s tidy room and spilled it all over the floor.

“Hey. Koby, are you alright?”

Koby blinked, suddenly aware he’d been staring at a diagram of the heart for a solid minute. Gumbo still faint on his tongue with regret and unspoken words.

Takashi was looking at them with worry, expression so open and sincere.

“Yeah… I’m alright. Just… Just overthinking again. You know how it is.” Koby laughed it off. But Takashi closed the book anyway, giving Koby his full, undivided attention.

“Why don’t you tell me how it is. I want to help. You’ve been pretty lost in your head for a while now. All day, in fact. What’s wrong?” Takashi asked, voice soft and inviting. Practically begging for Koby to unload everything onto his shoulders.

The stupid, messy crush on his brother.

The ridiculous, conspiratorial rivalry with Law.

The tangled expectations of a future Koby didn’t even know about anymore.

“I-It’s nothing—”

“No. It’s not nothing. It’s clearly really bothering you, Koby.” Takashi said, soft voice holding an edge of firm, sharp concern to it.

It was heavy on Koby’s tongue to lash out at Takashi, even though the mere thought made their heart ache.

‘You wouldn’t understand!’

Why would he, when Koby never said anything?

‘You’ve got it all figured out and I haven’t done shit!’

As though Koby knew how long it took for Takashi to come to his ultimate decision to become a doctor. To take pre-med. When Koby was nearly finished with their first semester and still didn’t know what to do beside spin their wheels in the dirt.

Koby already felt like shit. Throwing a fit wouldn’t help matters.

‘I can’t even like the right person!’

And how was that his problem?

“I…” Koby felt their face burn, vision smearing and blurring with bubbly tears. Takashi’s shocked and worried face consumed by their weakness. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Koby’s breath hitched, lungs shuddering as a weight lifted off of them all at once as emotion crashed down around their ears.

It felt like relief was a knife in their gut that begged to sink between their ribs a second time.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

It was the truth.

Had been the truth for so long Koby didn’t remember the last time they’d had a single clue what they were doing.

Warm, gentle fingertips slipped over their cheeks, brushing through the streams of tears and pulled them close into a soft fabric. Hands carding through their hair and over their shoulders.

A cool lake on a warm, summer day.

Let it all out. Spill your troubles into the sweet waters, you’ve no end to safety on these shores.

Koby clutched Takashi close and did so.

It would have been less messy to just slit their belly onto the floor. But the pain was about the same until it twisted into relief.

Luffy wouldn’t have understood.

Ace perhaps understood too much in all the ways that almost mattered, the same as Sabo.

If Garp ever did, or would, Koby couldn’t imagine he’d admit it.

Alvida… their mom would have held them too, but after hours of crying she’d still struggle to find the words to say.

“—and it’s so stupid but I liked your brother too but not really? Like, I liked how comfortable he always is, no matter what he wears—not that I’d ever wear what he does but if I did I’d want to look as confident as that? I feel so stupid, Takashi. You all look so put together a-and I-I’m crying and it isn’t even over my final?!” Koby sobbed somewhat pissed at himself now. “A-And more than any of that, I’m upset I won’t have an excuse to visit you anymore!”

The gentle, soothing hands paused as Koby took sniffled, trying to clear their nose enough to take in the scent of baked bread that lingered on Takashi’s skin before every big test he took.

“Why would you need an excuse?” Takashi asked softly, confusion clear in his voice.

“Well…” Koby shrugged helplessly. “I just… you’re pre-med. You’ve got a lot riding on these tests and how well you do. You’re already so busy and you’re not even in your doctorate courses. I can’t distract you from that and I only need one science course for my basics—not that I even know what major I’ll be in but still, it definitely won’t be pre-med too.” Koby babbled, having given up any remaining vestige of dignity they might have had before tonight.

Koby felt themselves be squeezed tightly, chest shuddering with an abrupt chuckle from Takashi.

“Koby… you don’t need an excuse to come over. I’m going to get busier, that’s true, but… I’d be happy if you just hung out with me. We could both do homework and eat takeout between cramming sessions. I don’t care.” Takashi sighed, finally pulling away, his hand cupping Koby’s face. “I just want to see you.”

They were so close together.

The gentle heat of Takashi’s shy face evident even with the burning of Koby’s cheeks from their impromptu crying session.

Koby’s eyes were wide, mind sluggishly racing to make sense of what they’d just heard.

It sounded like…

It really sounded like…

“…Takashi?” Koby asked, their voice trailing off, too scared to make another dumb mistake by assuming. “…as like, a friend?” they finally asked.

Takashi snorted.

“No.” He looked almost rueful, like he expected Koby to lash out.

“Oh…”

Koby’s mind reeled, connections snapping into place.

“I-I mean, if that’s all you want, yes! But…”

“If I wanted more?” Koby asked leadingly, face burning for a whole new reason.

Takashi’s expression lit up with cautious hope.

“I want more too—but I thought you liked…?” Koby grimaced, already regretting that they never had time to quietly bury that with the dignity of an unmarked grave.

“Well, it’s was way easier to justify a crush on him than my friend and tutor…” Koby sighed, reluctantly making peace with the embarrassing way this was all unfolding. “I’m such a mess, are you sure you want to deal with me?”

Koby sputtered as Takashi leaned in and kissed their cheek with a soft laugh.

“Well, as you can see, I specifically made room for a little bit of a mess.” Takashi gestured to his very tidy room.

“I’m more than just a little bit of a mess, Takashi.” Koby sighed, utterly floored at the sudden, emotional turn of events.

“Then I guess we’ll just have to get used to being close.” Takashi smiled, Koby snorting at how cheesy it sounded.

“You’re such a dork.” Koby wheezed, wiping their face with stuttering laughs.

“Is this news?” Takashi whipped around to see Kirin’s head tucked into the cracked door.

“Would you get out?!? Leave! Begone, thot!” Takashi yelped, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at the door where it landed with a soft thud.

“So proud of you two! You’re so cute together~” Kirin called through the door. “Anyway, we’re leaving now, so just make sure to be safe. If you need me to pick something up, just send me a text before ten thirty~”

“LEAVE!” Takashi screamed, face just as flushed as Koby’s with the innuendo hanging over their heads.

“…Takashi.” Koby quietly called as Kirin’s laugh echoed through the apartment before the door slammed shut. “If we ever have to text Kirin for that, just ask for a gun to shoot me.”

“We’ll go together.” Takashi promised solemnly, pressing his forehead to Koby’s shoulder with a soft whine of embarrassment.

…it could have gone worse?

“Takashi?”

He made a soft noise of question.

“Hmm?”

“… do you mean it?” he asked, feeling compelled to make sure he wasn’t being small and lost—stupid and unobservant again.

“Completely.” Takashi responded instantly. “And Koby?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay to need time to figure out what you want to do.” Takashi said softly, pressing another kiss to Koby’s face. “I’m here to talk anytime you need me.”

“Yeah? Even if I’m being stupid?” Koby asked thickly, tears spilling over their lashes again.

“It’s not stupid to be unsure of something. Not for anything.”

And because Koby continues to make questionable decisions, he felt compelled to ask further.

“Even when I thought I like your brother?”

Takashi made a twisted, conflicted noise of discontent.

“He’s got… some good qualities. Somewhere. At least you never stared at his ass—which is more than I can say for Law. They’re so gross and shameless, I swear.” Takashi complained. “So… I remember you said law enforcement. Why’s that? Maybe you can get into something adjacent if it’s not what you want to do.”

“Well… remember how I’m a foster kid?” Koby sighed, sitting back in their seat but their hand remained lingering over Takashi’s arms. Finding comfort in the steady warmth.

“Yeah, with Alvida… she’s… interesting?” Takashi said awkwardly, to which Koby laughed in agreement.

“Yeah… I was abandoned in a fishing shack as a kid. Took almost a month for anyone to notice. And that’s only because Luffy was on summer vacation in the area and wondered to his gramps—that’s Garp—why I lived in a ‘shit hole’.” Koby chuckled dryly. “The police were really nice when they came by and asked me questions about my parents. The social worker sat with me in that rickety shack for hours as the cops settled the investigation. Held my hand the whole time and made sure I was okay… I stayed with Garp for a while until they figured some stuff out. I want… I want to help other kids feel safe too. Even when they don’t know what safe really means anymore.” Koby admitted.

Takashi looked at Koby with a gentle, proud expression.

“Well, you could definitely make a difference. There’s a lot of good options besides law enforcement. That social worker did a pretty good job after all.” Takashi pointed out, “Didn’t need a badge for that.”

Koby felt a spark of something in their chest at those words.

“No… He really didn’t need a badge to make me feel safe.”

Koby’s mind was everywhere in that moment.

Back in that creaking, dilapidated shack. Dirty, scrapped knees and hunger pains three days deep. A large, calloused hand holding their small, bony fingers. Towering, intimidating police officers milling about, taking notes and pictures.

Down by cool, sweet waters offering a kind of peace that settles in their chest for a lifetime.

Pride and expectations in dozens of faces.

Total confidence that Koby, awkward and stumbling kid-not-quite-a-man would make it. Bruised but never totally beaten.

Never once truly defeated.

“Sounds like you know what you want.”

Koby smiled.

“Yeah… I think I do.”

[gothsuguru]

let it be known…. bestie!sukuna does a killer winged eyeliner