#content warning: ed

[cappuccinco]

Cw: eating disorder (kinda?)

(Sorry if this post makes no sense my english sucks lol)

So i've had bad eating habbits on and off for most of my life (idk if i'd call it an ed but like i'd obssess over calories, starve myself, try to throw up, etc.) But i haven't done that in quite a while now (except for a few minor slip ups). And for the most part i haven't been thinking about it all the time like i used to. And I really thought i was done with all that.

But recently i changed adhd meds and one of the side effects of the new meds is that it makes me less hungry and have less of an appetite. And now i can't stop thinking about it. There was a day a couple weeks ago when i genuinely forgot to eat for the whole day and the moment i realised that it felt so... familiar. And strangely comforting. Like an old friend. I didn't realise i'd missed that feeling so much. And all of a sudden i'm spiralling back again. I've barely been eating except for when my mom makes lunch (which hasn't been happening a lot recently cause she's busy (and my dad doesn't cook because patriarchy lol)). I didn't eat much yesterday (and i think maybe a few days before that? I'm not sure) and i haven't eaten today (it's afternoon as i'm writing this). And i feel so light and my stomach feels empty and my body feels weak, which isn't supposed to be a good thing but it feels like it. When i came back home today i just had to stop at the store and buy a bunch of 0cal energy drinks because for some reason it feels really good drinking them on an empty stomache, and they also make it easier for me not to eat. I tell myself that i'm not doing it on purpose, that i genuinely just forget to eat. But come on, we know that's not true. It's on my mind all the time, i'm very aware that i'm not eating enough. It's not like i have a problem eating, i just feel less hungry. And i could force myself to eat a normal amount if i really wanted to.

I don't look at my body very often and i still don't (honetly i'm terrified to) but recently i've been constantly staring at my wrists, seeing how much smaller they got, how my bones stick out more.

And i don't even think it's really about losing weight this time, i've (for the most part) pretty much accepted my chubbier body. it's the sense of familiarity. I was addicted to that empy feeling for such a large amount of my life and it's just so comforting to feel that way again. It feels like coming back home. And seeing my body change, even though i didn't really mind the way it looked before, feels like an accomplishment, seeing the physical effect of what i'm doing.

I don't have a conclusion for this or anything, i just wanted to get the words out and share these thoughts with someone. And i can't talk about it to anyone irl without them worrying and trying to stop me so yeah;-;

I could say a lot more but honestly i'm tired of writing and i wanna go play the sims lol. (unrelated but the meds also kinda made me obssess over the sims?? Like I've been hyperfocusing on it almost every day since i started taking them. Anyway i'm not complaining, at least i get some dopamine for once lol. And it's not like i have anything better to do;-; )

[dollyie0]

“You will be tempted quite frequently. You will have to choose whether to enjoy yourself wholly for those 20 minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you will despise yourself cordially for the next three days.”

[wl-princess11]

no taste of food can compare to the feeling you get when you tell someone you’ve been losing weight and they say “yeah i can tell” 🫠🎀🩰

[emmaeatingdis0rd3r]

WHY DO MEN EXPECT YOU TO STAY SKINNY BUT GET ANNOYED WHEN YOU ORDER LOW CALORIE FOODS

Oh you want me to be visually appealing but eat a mcdonald's large meal with you twice a week? Sure, I'll just not eat the rest of the time so I don't annoy you with my "rabbit food" you entitled prick

[bloodycorpz3]

The anorexia leaving my body because someone told me to "just eat"

[catastrophicalcat]

Catwoman's Love Interests, Ranked

No. 1. Batman. Predictable? Perhaps. Correct choice? Absolutely. They work purrfectly together. I may roll around to write a similar post for Bruce, but from Selina's perspective, he is an equal to her, values her independence, and helps her believe in herself.

(From the double date in Batman (2016) # 37, where Lois is wearing Selina's outfit)

No. 2-10. Selina herself. She is independent! But seriously, one of the things I loved the most from her 90s run was how not romance-focused she was! It was a lot of fun and refreshing to see female main character just not give a fuuuuck about romance.

(Look at her, just slapping this creep away as a squirrel laughs at him! From Catwoman (1993) #30).

No. 11. Christopher Castillo "Blondie". From Selina's adventures in Rome, the Blond was enamoured, charming, and helpful. Also, it wasn't clear if the attraction was truly reciprocal, or if Selina just got a fun vacation boy toy.

(Catwoman, When in Rome #6)

No. 12 Dean Hadley. I am not sure he really qualifies as a love interest, since I don't think that Selina was into him, but at least he died heroically trying to protect her.

(Can't compete with Batman, dies tragically, from Catwoman (2018) # 34)

No. 13 to 20. Selina on her own some more! Can't get enough of this girl on her own! Love the storyline where she unknowingly has a crush on a serial killer in a dog mask. You know what she did when she found out the truth about her crush? That's right, clawed the shit out of him!

(Catwoman (1993) #53. I think this storyline counts as her loving herself than being into this guy - she barely had any qualms about dumping him once she found out; none of that "but maybe I can fix him" for this cat!)

No. 21. The Riddler. Shocking choice, I know! But I'm thinking here of the Lonely City version - Batman is dead, time has passed, he made amends, they found each other. Doesn't work in other continuities, was fun here.

(Catwoman: Lonely City #3. The reveal that Eddie was a coke addict makes SO.MUCH.SENSE).

No. 22. James Thien. I guess he was fine. I didn't like it because her interest into him was really jarring - this was during the post-wedding break-up period when Selina was generally falling apart. But James was neither fish nor fowl. There wasn't enough development for her to be genuinely interested in him, and her interest was portrayed more like genuine interest than a random hook-up.

(Literally, I think that this is all the development there is! And then I don't remember what happened to him. Maybe he also died? That kind of seems to happen to her love interests a lot. Catwoman (2018) #12)

Nos. 22-90. Selina on her own some more! And Eiko. And others. Never enough of Selina being on her own! I also think that Eiko goes somewhere here probably, if not in my earlier "Selina on her own spot" - I just haven't read the New 52 run so I dunno. Other possible contenders in this range:

Onyx (but I don't think they had enough development)

The Trickster (Reddit tells me he's a Catwoman love interest but I don't remember it so it must have been neither good nor bad)

Spark (also new 52, so I dunno).

OK, this is where we get to bottom of the barrel, where unfortunately most other folks are. BTW, what's up with Selina having so many relationships with older mentor figures?

No. 91. Frank Baz. Some mafioso with whom Selina was hanging out in Italy. Ranked so low since he seems like a bad guy, there was a big age difference with her being really young, and he didn't do that much.

No. 91. Slam Bradley Sr. I think that Brubaker did a decent job making the romance between Selina and Slam Sr. work. I like how the run addressed how messy this relationship was, and how Slam was kind of preying on Selina's vulnerable emotional state. (Slam shouldn't have won that argument, but at least it was raised!) But unfortunately this is ranked so low since Slam becomes kind of a chump later on in the run and Selina's relationship with his son makes this very creepy.

(From Catwoman (2001) #17. Their relationship was actually pretty good in the beginning, but quickly got icky...)

No. 92. Wildcat/Ted Grant. I really like the backstory of Selina learning boxing from Wildcat. It's a sweet little bit setting up her eventual super-heroics, plus, Wildcat is awesome! He's a grumpy old man who is respected by everyone, even Batman (whom he also trained). Which is why I hated when Wildcat/Catwoman wrote her to have a crush on him. Gross! Did I mention that he's old?

(Catwoman/Wildcat #3. The art in this book is really 90s)

No. 92. Slam Bradley Jr. I totally get that hot people in costumes would have one night stands on rooftops after adrenaline rush situations. And the poor guy died right after sleeping with Selina! Nonetheless, ranked so low because it's sooo weird since she slept with his dad - which I think he knew - plus I'm pretty sure that their relationship started really antagonistic. Principles before hoes, bro! Also, not his fault but I don't like how he messed up Helena's paternity story some more.

(Catwoman (2001) #61. No idea why Selina tells the dad the story about how she banged his son?)

No. 93. Cat cult person who kidnapped Selina, dressed her up as princess Leia, and tried to marry her. Forgot this dude's name. Considering the stuff he did, he was a pretty nice dude. But - the stuff he did is pretty despicable!

(Catwoman #31. I really hated this storyline, so I feel like he should be lower, but I also really hated Stark and Valmont, so where can it go? Also not sure that kidnapping and forced marriage qualifies as a "love interest"; may rethink including him altogether but I also wanted to emphasize how much I don't like Stark or Valmont).

No. 94. Stark. Criminal who took Selina under his wing when she was still an underage sex worker, and slept with her. He's also a murderer. Pretty gross person overall, really creepy relationship.

(Selina's Big Score)

No. 95. Valmont. I really hate Valmont, OK? I wrote a whole giant post already about how much I hate him!

[silentlosing]

! TW !

I co, znowu coś jesz i nie zapisujesz tego do bilansu? Myślisz, że jeśli tego nie uwzględnisz, to ten tłuszcz się magicznie nie odłoży? Oszukujesz sama siebie. Jeśli będziesz nadal tak postępować, to nawet za miesiąc czy rok nie schudniesz.

Jasne, wmawiaj sobie, że „jedna czekoladka nic nie zmieni”. Jasne, jedna nie. Ale jedna tu, jedna tam, kolejna gdzieś indziej, a sadło rośnie. Powinnaś się wstydzić. Jesteś obrzydliwa. Oszukujesz siebie i innych. Możesz to zrobić, ale swojego ciała nie oszukasz. Nie oszukasz cukru i kalorii z tego batonika. Nie zmienisz się, jeśli nadal będziesz tak postępować.

Szczerze mówiąc, to żałosne jak cholera i śmieszne. Siedzisz cały dzień na tyłku i oczekujesz, że będziesz szczupła. Mówisz, że chcesz szybszych rezultatów, ale nie robisz nic, żeby w tym pomóc. Cały czas tylko marudzisz i narzekasz. I na dodatek masz czelność nienawidzić siebie po obżarstwie. Nikt cię nie zmuszał do obżarstwa, tylko ty sama. Nikt cię nie zmuszał... dosłownie nikt. Ani rodzice, ani przyjaciele, ani nikt inny. Więc możesz próbować przebaczyć sobie ile chcesz, ale pamiętaj, że to wszystko było twoją własną zasługą.

To samo z jedzeniem. Masz kontrolę. MOŻESZ kontrolować ile i co jesz. Więc dlaczego ciągle jesz? Głoduj i już. I nie obchodzi mnie, jeśli mówisz „ale już to robię”, bo oczywiście nie robisz, skoro nie osiągnęłaś jeszcze swojego celu. Jesteś grubą i leniwą kluchą, która nie ma determinacji, żeby osiągnąć swój cel. Smutno mi na ciebie patrzeć, bo wszystko o czym myślę, to to, gdzie mogłabyś już być, gdybyś nie zawaliła tyle razy.

- - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - -

Dużo bardziej jestem aktywna prywatnie - tam cenzura Tumblra jeszcze nie dotarła - i bardzo chętnie będę Was wspierać i pomagać 🦋

- - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - - ♡ - - -

Kilka lat temu miałam tutaj bardzo aktywne konto, dwukrotnie reanimowane od zera (fatgirlpig). Niestety zdążyłam zauważyć, że tutejsze restrykcje są zdecydowanie zwielokrotnione od czasu mojego trzeciego bana. Nie będę starać się prowadzić na siłę bardzo aktywnego konta, gdyż z obecną cenzurą mija się to z celem. Niemniej będę wrzucać meanspo i porady od czasu do czasu.

[strv4bnes]

deep cleaning the house the minute i’m home to not give myself a break and keep my mind off food + keep me active 😜😜

[spamziii]

WTF I'm 1 kg away from hitting my first gw

[armyn8758757]

⚠️WARNING⚠️

Contains swear words, content may be offensive to some people ❗️❗️❗️

I don't really know where the real source of the photo is because I found it on Pinterest :(

If anyone knows please help me

Yeah, some btch I met on Tumblr acted like they was "sPecIaL" 🥺😫✨️ by saying they didn't like our man 🙄

I can't take it anymore !

And hey !! They're like " oMg 😱!!! I'M dIfFeReNt fRoM OtHeR gIrlS beCaUsE i dOn'T lIkE miLkMaN LiKe tHeM 😇😊🥰😍🤩😘😚☺️😜🤪😝😏🥵🥶🤯🥺😭😱😨😰 !!!"

"oH No🥶 !! hE 🤯iS sO 🤧AnNoYinG😡 ThaT mAkE sLoWs🥱 dOwN my inTeRnEt sPeeD 😨😭"

"A bUnCH oF gUlLiBlE fAngIrlS 🙄😒🫤😨"

"hE kiNdA nOthInG bUrGer FoR me 🤯🥵🥶😭😱😨"

💔...

Hey, Francis..he didn't do anything wrong....

Why do they hate this poor guy ?..

LIKE STFU !!! YOUR PICK ME !!! ARE YOU TOO FREE TO HATE MILKMAN !?!!?

AND MILKMAN FANS HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU BUT YOU'RE GOING CRAZY ON HERE !!!

Ah !! I REPEAT AGAIN !!! THIS FANDOM IT'S BUILT UP BY MILKMAN AND HIS FANS THAT WE HAVE THE STANDING WE HAVE TODAY !! OTHERWISE YOU GUYS COULDN'T BE TREASONABLE NOW !!!

Yes, you can call me rude !!

I'm just protecting my man !

I can't stand by and watch he get criticized !!

The haters loser 😒🙄

[wl-princess11]

i know being boney isn’t seen as “attractive” but if i was that skinny, i wouldn’t worry about ANYTHING that i wanted to eat 🦋

[agtartzz]

pain

[bloodycorpz3]

"Write something real"

"Something raw."

Ok.

I cling onto ana because I am nothing without it. It's always there, stuck in my mind. There is no healing or recovery when I am a walking wikipedia page of tips and tricks and a catalog rattled with nutrition information on every single thing I've ever eaten.

An apple is never just an apple, it is 103 calories, and that is my curse.

[tinywriststinyhands]

Well besties. I’m absolutely humiliated and mortified because I’ve spent the last 6 months binging and wasting money on fast food because I’m stressed with work. I gained 20 lbs and none of my clothes fit right. I’ve just started a new job, in a new apartment, so I’m resolving to move forward with losing all this shit I put on my body these past few months.

[livingbrother]

LO and it's portrayal of S/A

A rant by someone who just finished EP. 98 and is incredibly furious

Cw: Mentions of S/A, it's effects, too much swearing, ED mention, personal stuff that happened to yours truly, lots of other stuff too, just no idea what to tag it as

Don't read this if you're not mentally doing well, I don't want you getting hurt because of my post, I love you, feel better soon

Boy. Oh fucking boy. I just got through episode 98 of this shit show and, I'll just say, I am beyond furious. Livid, in fact.

For context, I am a survivor or sexual abuse and mental abuse, I have dealt with those who act sort of like Apollo, I was never raped, but I was molested as a child. I, as a survivor, feel nothing but rage at how Rachel portrayed Apollo being a rapist. The way he acts is incredibly unrealistic for an abuser, as somebody who dealt with two abusers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I'm not saying everyone who has NPD are villains, I'm just saying what I went through), I see what Rachel was trying, but oh so tragically failed, to do. He tried to control, manipulate, and gaslight Persephone. Only for none of it to work, that's not how ANY of it fucking works!

Where is the fucking control, other than just fucking raping her? I get he wants to take the power away from her and be the one to control her, but I've seen none of that! I get she has PTSD over it (I'LL GET TO THIS POINT AGAIN). I NEVER GOT THE SENSE THAT SHE WAS POWERLESS EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE SCENE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HER QUESTION IF THAT WAS HIS INFLUENCE PICKING HER DRESSES, OR FUCKING EVEN HER FOOD! WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH ONE OF MY ABUSERS, SHE'D PICK OUT MY OUTFITS, ONE'S I HATED, AND I STILL CHOOSE SOME OF THOSE OUTFITS, TO THIS DAY! WHERE WAS HER LOSS OF CONTROL? SHE NEVER FELT ISOLATED, SHE NEVER FELT LIKE SHE WAS TRAPPED. YES. SHE WAS TRAPPED IN THAT ONE ROOM WITH HIM, BUT EVEN THEN! SHE HAD LEVERAGE OVER HIM WITH THE FUCKING LYRE. Ugh.

About her realizing she was raped, um. Excuse me? A lot of victims don't realize they were raped or abused until like, months or years later. I'm glad for the ones who instantly realized it, good for them. Given Persephone's personality and experience with the world, she wouldn't have known it was rape because she's not accustomed to dating and sexual culture. On top of that, she isn't really seen actually distressed when she remembers, oh, and lets not forget that she WAS FUCKING FINE WITH TOUCH AND PHYSICAL FLIRTING DAYS AFTER HER ASSAULT. Let me remind you that I have been through this thing myself, you do not just omg I was just assaulted! time to go let someone touch me! Nonono, you spend years jumping when people touch you, years of moving when someone tries to grab your shoulder, years of pushing someone's hand off your arm, years screaming when you get a hug. And then, maybe from flashbacks, maybe from googling things, you discover you were molested! And then it alllllll makes sense. I understand if she became hypersexual, cause same, but that usually doesn't set in until a good long while.

I also hate how Apollo is written, he should have stayed as a shitty ex boyfriend or whatever the fuck Rachel was gonna make him, he just comes across as a cartoonish villain than an abuser. The man just fucking rubs his hands together and fucking goes I'll get you next time my pretty! I fucking HATE his writing so goddamn much. I understand wanting to make him pushy, egotistical, and insecure, they're some of the hallmarks of the pushy nice guy she was going for. But when it comes to him being abusive, it's like watching a bad joke. Rapists don't usually, you know, CATCH FEELINGS FOR THEIR VICTIM (correct me if I'm wrong), unless it's to lure them back in to hurt them again. She made him so obviously evil it hurts, abusers don't usually act that way, they put on a pretty smile, act kind, and behind closed doors, act shitty. I respect 97-98 for getting that part right, but too many times, too many fucking times Rachel has gotten that wrong. I have dealt with this myself, my mother did this exact thing, she even put on the pretty smile for me so even I, somebody who knew he was being tormented, questioned whether or not I was being abused! We never see this with Persephone! We never see her getting gaslit with this, she never questions her reality! She knows everything that's going on for sure! I know what Rachel was aiming for, and she failed miserably!

God, on top of this, we never really get to see Persephone's PTSD unless the story fuckin says Apollo's here! She's never really fucking affected by her rape, we don't see her jump from touches, refuse sexual advanced from Hades, yeah, sure, we see her afraid of camera flashes, but that's about it!!!!!!!! She never really experiences the effects of s/a! I developed an ED and agoraphobia from my abuse! Where the fuck is that?! That would have been a lot more fucking interesting than the slop we fucking got!

I know I've missed some things, but I need to calm down before I pop a blood vessel. I might revisit this post when I'm less angry, I just needed to rant.

[strv4bnes]

i wanna be skinny so when i get a hip tattoo & belly button piercing i can show them off without shame 🤗