#comic parent

[aeturnum-mendacacium]

As Bruce grows older into his 50's or 60's the paparazzi and people crowding him becomes less and he thinks that people have finally decided that Bruce is too old to be attractive or mainstream and he's actually super fine with it and makes jokes( more like sarcastic remarks) about it. But in reality they've grown more freaky cause instead of looking wrinkly and a sappy old man the level of cunt he serves grows everyday,he doesn't look like a snack he looks like a buffet, 13 year olds are using his pics as the cover pages of their mafia wattpad stories, he looks majestic, absolute dilf, we don't talk about the amount of tags he's birthed just by ageing on ao3, and hes still an absolute UNIT, the reason he's not heard about it yet cause the batkids are blocking the shit OUT with all of their will and strength cause it doesn't matter if all of them are full grown adults they're still all like-THATSMYDADGETAWAYFROMHIMHEDOESN'THAVETIMEFORYOUHESBUSYBEINGOURDAD

[demonicsuffrage]

Bruce dropped out of medical school and as much as he tries to hide it, his kids all find out. Ofcourse they never let him live it down after that

Emo 21-year-old Bruce: You're not my father, Alfred!

Alfred: Quite right. I have a medical degree, and you don't.

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dick: Hey I'm dropping out of Gotham University

Bruce: What? You're quitting college halfway?! Unacceptable, you cannot just give up on your engineering degree-

Dick: I did not just hear the failed doctor say that

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce, fuming: You left my side tonight to go and gallivant around with harley quinn? A villain?

Steph: So what if she's a villain, Bruce? Atleast the villain has a doctorate.

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce, bandaging Duke's wound because Alfred was busy: There, all done

Duke: Woah, didn't expect that from a college dropout

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Stop ignoring my orders in the field! You need to listen, I have more experience-

Jason, as red hood, with his PhD in English: Which one of us actually has a Dr in front of their name?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim: So I'm dropping out of high school

Bruce: You too?! First Dick and now you?!

Tim: No, first it was you, then Dick, and now me

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Damian, your recent report card indicates you're falling behind in Biology

Damian: Tt. Must run in the family, then.

Bruce:

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Jason, freshly adopted from the streets. Still freaked out, wondering downstairs for breakfast.

Kid!Tim, munching on cereal: hi!

Jason: who are you?

Tim, wiping his hands clumsily on his pants and sticking it out for Jason to shake: Timothy Jackson Drake. Pleased to meet you!

Jason, shakes nervously before looking around: ah. Yeah. Jason.

Tim, seriously, eyes wide and innocent: did he steal you too?

Jason: What?

Tim: Did Batman steal you too?

[fanaticalthings]

Jason Todd with his goons:

[spicy-apple-pie]

Dick's puppy dog eyes are extremely powerful

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[sidewalk-cracks]

Bruce, visibly overwhelmed by Emotions as he watches a ten-year-old Dick goofing around in the batcave: Alfred. Alfred I think I'd die if something happened to him

Alfred: *carefully doesn't say that he thought the same thing when Martha and Thomas placed a newborn Bruce in his arms for the first time because he knows that'll completely destroy the little emotional bandwidth Bruce has*

[beartitled]

The squishy baby dorito is too squishy and too baby to kill

[kyri45]

Mamacaque reunion we all needed…

Shadowpeach Bio Parent AU (PREV/ FIRST / NEXT

Next part is coming on December 30th 1PM ET

[redsray]

i love the trope of Bruce's kids being yoinked by different parent figures in their lives, and the kids knowing full well and using it to their advantage when they've got any problems with him.

Tim, pissed at Bruce: That's it, I'm staying with Shiva for the week. Cass is now my official sister 2/3 of the way.

Cass, grinning: Baby brother.

Jason, annoyed with Bruce (more than usual): 'Kay I'm gonna go bunker up with Talia for a bit before I put a bullet through you. Cya.

Damian: Say hi to her for me.

Jason, with finger guns on the way out: Will do.

Dick, needing a break from Bruce (again): If anyone needs me I'll be in Kansas.

Tim, nodding: Understandable.

Steph: Kansas?

Dick: I need Uncle Clark therapy.

Duke: Alright I'm gonna go crash at Jeff's for a bit.

Cass: B?

Duke: ... A bit overbearing. I'll tell Anissa you said hi.

Cass, grinning: Good. Bring back Grace's cookies.

Duke, laughing: Got it.

[thisdudedoesntexist]

Danny doesn't know he's the Ghost King, or that he's scaring the shit out of other people.

So, Danny and Jazz moved to Gotham for a new start in their life and un-life ( ignore that he and Jazz are rather young to be moving across the country, ignore that his parents died saving them from the GIW ). They've got an "ok" apartment, and a job at this cute little flower shop run by an eccentric "possibly former supervillains" lesbian couple.

He's even making friends with the ghosts. Like Richard and Mary Grayson (trapeze incident) who are teaching him to fight like a human, if Danny didn't know better he'd think they were stalking those vigilantes. or Dr. Hamish (killer clown?) who's helping Jazz with her studies.

Apparently some time before they met Danny they were just shades who couldn't even manifest, weird. There's also the weirdly active shades telling him where all the good spots to watch the city are and how to find the cheapest prices at stores.

Nobody knows what's wrong with this creepy kid. Every time some mugger even looks in the scrawny boy's direction their loved ones show up and yell at them until the kid's down the street.

Batman tried to investigate the potential meta until he saw his parents waving in a nearby window. Danny's neighbor swares his grandma is haunting him and Danny for some reason, and any time the Joker goes within a city block of ivy and Harley's flower shop/home he becomes blind and deaf by the sheer number of his "volunteers" telling him to die.

[paintedcrows]

Had a silly thought about hypothetical cat curse shenanigans with @dark-lord-of-awesomeness's How to Cat Burglar a Family ;)

Bonus doodle!!

[olailamajnoon]

Dick on the phone, at 3 pm in the afternoon: Forgive me father for I have sinned.

Bruce, just woken up, squinting at the alarm clock: Dick it's 3 pm. what is this.

Dick, tearfully: My confession! I couldn't sleep, Bruce. I was the one who drove my hamster to suicide! I didn't feed him malt cookies like I was supposed to! He climbed on the exercise wheel and didn't stop running until he died.

Dick: *continues sobbing*

Bruce: okay so first of all.

Bruce: I'm not a priest.

Bruce: And second of all. Animals don't commit suicide.

Dick: Mari did!

Bruce: You named your male hamster after your mother...?

Dick: NOT THE POINT, BRUCE!

Dick: but yes.

Bruce, sighing: There's so much to unpack here I don't know where to start.

Dick: I killed him, Bruce. I should have died along with him!

Bruce:...

Bruce: It's possible that you've associated your hamster's death with the trauma of your parents' death, possibly because of shared names, and you've displaced your survivor's guilt from the first onto the second.

Dick:...

Dick: So what should I do.

Bruce: In my experience, the best way to deal with survivor's guilt is to save as many people as you can, possibly people in the same situation as the loved ones you have lost, hoping that the heroic nature of your deeds lets you sleep at night.

Dick: And what if that doesn't work?

Bruce: Then you drink. Get shitfaced drunk every time you feel a pang. Or you can pray to a nonexistent god and an uncaring universe.

Dick:...

Dick: If I come over, will you break out the good whiskey.

Bruce: I thought you'd never ask.

[akanemnon]

Tough crowd.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[zorangezest]

custody battle

aka I really reeeealllyyy like the dynamic that @crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington gave soundwave and bee. they are adopted father adopted son they adopted each other

[hyperblue]

one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason

some random reporter: who's your favorite child?

bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally

dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason

tim: rest in peace

[spicy-apple-pie]

There are two things that someone learns when they attempt to hold the first Robin hostage.

All the playground gossip

Don't fuck with Robin

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)