#How to Cat Burglar a Family

[ratinthebins]

Fanart of this fic:

Be warned you will cry-

[paintedcrows]

Had a silly thought about hypothetical cat curse shenanigans with @dark-lord-of-awesomeness's How to Cat Burglar a Family ;)

Bonus doodle!!

[dimonds456-art]

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness's Cat Stan because I have not been able to stop thinking about him

(That's Fidds' wallet btw)

(Comms open!)

[naowominutella]

How to cat burglar a family fan art!

a gravity falls au by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness

In That scene where Dan picks him up, this was all I could think about 😂

And yes I sleep on the couch like that sometimes (very joxter inspired)

Also I really loved shifty! Adorable little bug!

[grillesscheese]

horrible yuck baby becomes somehow horrible-r and other captions by fiddleford mcgucket

from chapterr 12 of @dark-lord-of-awesomeness ‘s fic

[beetlbi]

Little drawing for How to Cat Burlgar a family by DarkLordOfAwesomeness :) link will be in the rbs, go read it!! It’s so cute!! unshaded under the cut

[punmasterintraining]

Baby’s first tumblr art post!! Hello!!

I’ve been HEAVY into Gravity Falls fanfiction lately and this Lemon Demon Spirit Phone album cover redraw is inspired by this fic by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness ! idk I was listening to the album one day and I was like “guy holding cat… jUST LIKE THAT ONE FANFIC-“

If you see this author I hope you like it!!! I loved your fic so much, seeing it update in real time made my day so much better!

[sourour-rl]

Drew doodles from @dark-lord-of-awesomeness fic called How To Cat Burglar A Family.

EDIT: click on the image for better quality.

[katszfandomartandaushit]

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness your cat stan fic changed my brain chemistry have a Nikola/Stan attempting to write. My bff gave me watercolors for Christmas and now it's your problem lol.

Anyways yall go read this fic. It's a requirement. Go do it.

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

For the Bill Wins au,

How would Ford react to if someone insulted Stanley because of his cat features or made fun of them?

Out of towner: Eww what’s with that grown man putting on a weird cat cosplay? Are those…whiskers? Does that man have no shame?

Ford: DEATH LASER ATTACKKKK

Carla: FORD NO!

Ford: FORD YES

Gideon: Well Stanley, at least between the two of us, I ain’t a tamed widdle pussy cat

Stan: *rolling up sleeves* Why you little twerp!

Ford: *places hand on Stanley’s shoulder* Settle down, I can handle this Stanley.

Ford: *loads up his portable portal sender* Now child, these next few seconds are about to become very important to you. If the next thing out of your mouth isn’t an apology, you will be sent to a hell dimension where you will immediately incinerate.

Stan: *does a double take* Moses, Ford!

Gideon: 😨

Haha pretty much! No one took that laser gun from him, I'm sure he'd love to try it out on a person at some point.

It would start out as full on assault in the beginning, tackling people and fist fighting in the street, but I think he'd get more subtle as the years went on and people kept yelling about it.

By the time Gideon rolled around he wouldn't say anything outright, just glare. Then later that night break into gideons house, kidnap him, then drag him into the woods for a full big bro overprotective talk about how if he didn't apologize to Stan the next day he would hunt him for sport in the woods. Kids 9, way easier to take down then an interdimensional demon.

Gideon, being 9, would scramble to do this. Ford was terrifying at 30 unhinged and sleep deprived, he's had years to perfect his technique at this point.

Stan would know something was up the moment Gideon showed up sweating and shooting Ford desperate looks. He wouldn't say anything, he loves the attention. Carla would though, she'd yell at him again, despite how subtle and non physical he was being.

[fartfacedfuck]

Tonight's mood is *drumroll* eating re heated Mac n cheese while reading fanfiction at midnight

Allso listening to my playlist

[paintedcrows]

There you are, hiding from your friend Bill, are we?

Or, why you should never let your demon near your brother pet cat. Fan art for the wonderful fic 'How to Cat Burglar a Family' by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness! It's now complete! And (despite how this looks) very sweet!!

[aissadraw]

This is me, starting the year with drawings about an amazing fanfic that I can't get out of my head called "How to Cat Burglar a Family" by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness

I said I would do fanarts at some point so here it is :D

[hopefullyyoursmcg]

Routine

Motherhood.

Motherhood wasn't something you had planned in your life.

If you graduated university, a normal person’s life goal was to get a job, find a somewhat safe place to sleep under(if that even exists in Gotham City), and follow a reunion while, if you had any, keeping a close connection with your family.

Well, that last one wasn't an option in your case.

Yep, like most middle-class children, you were given the old tradition of losing your parents. In your case, it was your mom. She was a hard-working lady who used to work in big business but, after sleeping with her boss, got pregnant with you. She quit because she didn’t want the child to suffer the consequences of an unloved marriage or a possible hand-over situation.

Your parents had sex sure, but lust and love are two separate things.

Your childhood until your mother's death wasn't too bad. Your mother worked hard at a different business. You were dropped off at a nursery for most of the day, so you weren’t short on friends. At the end of the day, the two of you would eat and play together until it was time to sleep.

It was fine, not perfect but fine and most importanly you were happy.

When your mother died. It was a Friday. You were only 6, she was on a late-night shift and had left you with a trusted old lady that smelled like cat pee but was kind. She had promised you before you left that the two of you would go out to your favorite burger place after your first day of primary school.

That day never happened.

All that’s left of her is her pearl earring. Only one of them, as the burglar that murdered her snatched the other pearl off her ear before running off.

What happened afterward was a blur, the police picked you up, took you to the station, told you what happened, and gave you the hearing after it was processed. You didn’t cry until you saw the earrings. The earrings were a sign that she was dead, and she was never coming back.

How they found out about your father was very surprising. A policeman was told to grab the kid's things while waiting for child services.

While looking for some important documents, they found an envelope that had on its front:

“In case of my death”

The envelope contained a will. It was neat and tidy and straight to the point. Your mother was always two steps ahead and always wanted to be prepared for anything. So she created a trust fund the moment she gave birth to you, just in case something ever happened to you, you’d at least be fine financially. It wasn't a lot but there was an intrest plan included within the trust fund so as you grew so was the money.

That wasn't all, of course, your father was revealed within this letter as well, in the case where you were still underaged when she died, as she had no family of her own.

Bruce Wayne was your biological father.

So what happened after that, well like most neglected reader fics, yours wasn't any different.

 Bruce did take you in but this was during the time of Jason's death so emotionally Bruce couldn’t be there for you. Dick was already out of the manor so all you had left was Alfred.

The old man did take care of you yes. He made sure you were full of healthy and delicious food and brought you to places you needed to be like your fancy new school. But Alfred couldn’t always be there which left you to be alone.

One thing you noticed while being alone after a few years is that it hurts. I mean sure your mom had to work late, but at least you had grandma pee (yes you called her that, she thought you were saying the letter p as her name is Penelope), and as soon as she came back all her attention was on you.

Due to this, you grew up and fast. You knew this family wasn't going to include you so why should you bother, I mean as Bruce's army of children grew and grew, it was obvious he could spend time with them. He just didn’t want to spend time with you.

The moment you finish high school, you turn 18, and that was when you can access your trust fund, and with the money you were entitled to you used it for University and studied your ass off.

You had a plan. You were going to graduate, you were going to get a job and then you would be the furthest highest penthouse and you were going to do well in life. Like your mother, you had a stubborn drive and you weren’t going to just lie around.

So after a few years, you did it, you weren’t valedictorian or anything like that, but all that mattered was you graduated Gotham State University with a nice job as a receptionist at this office that was owned by the new founder of a women-only company. The benefits were great, the pay was good and some of your female friends had gotten jobs at the same place at other departments.

You were doing fine.  Your friends that you made along the way insisted on going out. To celebrate.

And I mean you earned it, you had just graduated from freaken university you deserved this big break before your boring work life started next month.

So you partied, you got drunk, and there were good-looking men everywhere.

What could possibly go wrong?

A positive Pregnancy test in front you would probably do it.

-----

This is my fist time writing something like this so please forgive me if this is bad. ill delete in a few days if it doesnt feel right.

[iamgonnagetyouback]

muggle christmas ⋆˚࿔

synopsis ⭑.ᐟ muggleborn!reader who introduces the slytherin skittles to muggle christmas

warnings: none

word count: 1,104 words

requested by: by @leeny-leens ➺ here ♡

author's note: thank you so much for the request, leeny! love ya <3

navigation┆skittles masterlist┆request here 𝜗𝜚

It all started on a chilly December morning in the Slytherin common room, where you, the lone Muggleborn among a brood of purebloods, found yourself stuck in a conversation about Christmas plans.

“Father’s hosting the annual gala, of course,” Regulus drawled, looking like he’d rather jump into the Black Lake than attend. “It’s a tedious affair. Wine, polite chatter, more wine, and some distant cousin inevitably gets hexed.”

“I’ll be in France,” Barty chimed in, lounging on the emerald-green sofa. “Mother insists we spend Christmas at the villa. Snow-covered vineyards are apparently very ‘in’ this year. Never mind that I despise snow.”

Evan, sprawled on the armchair like a cat, added, “We just exchange gifts and drink until someone passes out. Classic Rosier family bonding.”

Dorcas shrugged. “I’m just here for the food.”

“What about you, sweetheart?” Pandora asked, perched cross-legged on the carpet, her eyes sparkling with curiosity as she looked at you. “What do Muggleborns do for Christmas?”

The room went quiet. All eyes turned to you. You blinked, caught off guard by the question, but then your face lit up with an enthusiasm so un-Slytherin it almost made Regulus flinch.

“Oh, it’s amazing,” you gushed, leaning forward like you were about to unveil the secrets of the universe. “We watch Christmas movies, bake cookies, drink mulled wine—”

“Mulled what?” Barty interrupted, raising a brow.

“Wine, but it’s warm and spiced! Like… liquid Christmas,” you explained.

Barty squinted. “Sounds cursed.”

“It’s delicious!” you insisted. “And then there’s plum cake, gingerbread houses, carols…”

“What’s a gingerbread house?” Pandora asked, tilting her head.

You gasped audibly, clutching your chest. “You don’t know about gingerbread houses?!”

“Why would anyone live in a house made of bread?” Regulus muttered, looking genuinely baffled.

“You don’t live in it, you eat it! It’s a house-shaped cookie! Decorated with icing and candy!”

“So it’s a building you eat?” Evan asked, pen and parchment suddenly in hand. “How structurally sound is it? Is there a charm involved?”

You stared at him. “It’s not real architecture, Evan. It’s… it’s just fun!" you said, throwing your hands up. “Fun. You’ve heard of it, right? Or do purebloods have a ‘no joy’ clause in their family crests?”

Barty let out a bark of laughter. “I like Treasure’s energy today. Keep going.”

“Sounds inefficient,” Regulus sniffed, though he didn’t look away from your animated expression.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake,” you groaned, throwing your hands in the air. “I can’t believe this. How can you lot be so deprived? Do you even know about Christmas movies?”

“I’ve seen A Christmas Carol,” Pandora offered helpfully.

“No, no, no,” you said, shaking your head furiously. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s Home Alone, Elf, Love Actually, Grinch…”

“What’s ‘Home Alone’?” Barty asked, sounding both skeptical and intrigued.

“It’s a masterpiece!” you exclaimed, your voice echoing slightly in the cavernous common room. “A kid gets left behind when his family goes on holiday, and he outsmarts burglars with booby traps! It’s iconic.”

Regulus’s brows furrowed. “Why didn’t the parents use a locator spell?”

“It’s Muggle,” you sighed. “No magic. Just wit and… household objects.”

“Sounds dangerous,” Dorcas commented, but her interest piqued when you added, “Also, he eats a ridiculous amount of pizza.”

Pandora clapped her hands together. “Darling, you must show us all of this!”

“Show you?” you repeated, an idea already forming in your mind. “Oh, I’ll do better than that. I’ll educate you. Prepare yourselves for the most Muggle Christmas experience of your lives. I’m taking you home for the holidays.”

“Oh, treasure, you’re inviting us home?” Barty grinned mischievously. “How sweet.”

You ignored him. “PowerPoint presentation. Slides. Visual aids. You’ll see.”

Your cozy, fairy-light-strewn living room was a far cry from the grandeur of the Slytherin common room. The gang had been skeptical about “Muggle festivities,” but after hours of your enthusiastic explanations, their interest had piqued.

You stood before them with a literal PowerPoint presentation projected onto the wall.

“Slide one: Christmas Movies,” you announced, pointer in hand. “This is The Grinch. He’s green, he hates Christmas and people, and he’s iconic.”

“Relatable,” Regulus muttered, sipping mulled wine with far more sophistication than necessary.

“Slide two: Food!” you exclaimed. “Behold: mince pies, Christmas pudding, turkey with all the trimmings—”

Dorcas leaned forward. “You made all of this?”

“Some,” you admitted, “but most of it’s from the bakery down the road.”

“I love your Muggle bakeries,” Evan said under his breath, scribbling in his notebook.

“Slide three: Ugly sweaters,” you said, holding one up triumphantly. It was garishly red with a Rudolph nose that lit up.

Barty snorted. “You actually wear that?”

“Not only wear it,” you said, grinning, “but we have competitions for who wears the ugliest one.”

“This is ridiculous,” Regulus muttered, but he was watching with unnerving focus.

“Last slide!” you announced. “Mistletoe! Hang it in a doorway, and if two people stand under it…”

“They duel?” Barty asked, eyes sparkling.

“No, Barty. They kiss.”

“Oh,” he said, smirking. “Much better.”

As you launched into an enthusiastic explanation of Christmas traditions, complete with visual aids and holiday snacks, the reactions were… mixed.

“Wait, so you hang socks over a fire?” Pandora asked, horrified. “Why?”

“Stockings!” you corrected. “And Santa fills them with gifts!”

“Who’s Santa?” Evan asked, taking meticulous notes.

“A magical man who delivers presents to every child in one night,” you explained.

“That’s absurd,” Regulus muttered. “He’d need to Apparate faster than…”

“Regulus, it’s not about logic!” you exclaimed. “It’s about magic… the non-wand kind.”

Dorcas, meanwhile, was utterly focused on the food slides. “Do you have these… sugar cookies? Right now?”

Pandora was already halfway through decorating a gingerbread man. “This is delightful,” she said, adding tiny buttons with a concentrated frown.

Regulus, trying to appear disinterested, kept glancing at the screen as you explained Christmas movie plots.

“And in Elf, the main character…”

“Wait,” Barty interrupted. “You’re telling me a grown man thinks he’s an elf?”

“Yes, and it’s hilarious!” you insisted.

Regulus’s lips twitched as if suppressing a smile. “Ridiculous,” he muttered, but didn’t look away.

By the end of the evening, the room was littered with crumbs, icing, and half-decorated cookies. Evan was still taking notes, Pandora was humming a carol, and even Barty admitted he’d try mulled wine if you made it again.

Regulus lingered by the fireplace as the others left, staring at the stockings hanging there. “It’s… quaint,” he said quietly.

You grinned. “Muggle Christmas wins, admit it.”

Regulus didn’t look away from the stockings. “It’s tolerable.”

But the faintest flush on his cheeks said more than words ever could.

© iamgonnagetyouback ⋆.˚ please do not copy, translate, or repost any of my work.

[penny00dreadful]

Santa Baby

Word count: 1.2k Rating: G Tags: Christmas fluff, getting together, Modern Setting, Santa Steve @steddieholidaydrabbles Day 25: Christmas

AO3

Let it be known that Eddie had never been one to make good decisions. Or consistent ones.

Which led him here, he guessed. Sitting at his computer at two in the morning, on what was technically Christmas Day now because he had sworn to himself he would go to bed at a reasonable time, he was just going to play a few more minutes of his game.

So when he heard something go bump in the night in the dark of his shitty little apartment, he had probably been a little too overtired and not exactly thinking straight.

He had poked his head out into his living room/dining room/kitchen, a small, tiny space with barely enough room to fit a small Christmas tree, but fit a Christmas tree it did, and the sight that met him had him wondering if he needed a carbon monoxide alarm or if he was just straight up hallucinating.

The colourful lights lit up a gentle glow against thick strong arms dusted with hair and moles, the polo shirt pulling tight against his muscles. Large thighs and an even larger ass wrapped up tight in light wash jeans, a hip popped out as this Adonis before him checked off a clipboard with a slightly bored expression over his face.

The entire vision was topped off with a Santa hat sitting perfectly upon a glorious head of hair, falling gently over his forehead, looking like every dashing leading man in every romantic Christmas movie Eddie had ever seen in his entire life. 

He will blame his tiredness for what fell out of his mouth, almost in a whisper.

“Is it my birthday?”

The guy checking off a clipboard in front of his dinky little Christmas tree glanced up at the sound, completely unsurprised to see Eddie there. Giving him the once over with an appreciative smirk pulling at those tempting full pink lips, taking in the pyjama pants slung low on his hips and his cropped sleep top, the guys eyes trailed back up to Eddie’s face just before he turned back to the task at hand.

The only lasted for a second though, before the guy whipped back around in shock, staring Eddie straight in the eye.

Eddie just raised his hand and gave him a dumbfounded little wave.

The guy blinked at him.

“You can see me?”

Eddie blinked back.

“Am I not supposed to be able to? You’re not exactly the most cat of cat burglars, dude.”

“Cat burglar?” The guy turned fully to him and Eddie was able to see the polo was pulled tight over a strong chest, a thick thatch of hair poking out over the top and his mouth began to water. “I’m not a fucking cat burglar, man I’m-”

The guy hesitated.

“You’re what?” Eddie grinned to himself, unable to stop the smile coming over his face or the step forward he took, remembering the appreciative look the guy gave him. “My own little Christmas present?”

The guy shook his head, his eyes taking in Eddie’s body all over again.

“What then?” Eddie asked. “Christmas elf?” He followed suit, taking in the full, thick muscled form of the guy in front of him shamelessly. “Shouldn’t you be wearing tights?”

“Not an elf, no. More of the big guy.”

“Big guy is right.” Eddie muttered appreciatively. “Wait… what then, like… You’re Santa?”

The guy shrugged, clipboard all but forgotten now, resting in the hand that was propped casually on that popped hip.

“It’s a family business. I’m taking over from my grandfather.”

Eddie nodded, well aware he should be freaking out more for a variety of reasons but not being able to find it within himself to care much as he stepped closer, the guy tracking him with bright eyes.

“Usually people take over from their parents, or so I’m told.”

“Yeah well, my dad never really had the heart for it.”

Eddie hummed to himself, telegraphing his movements in the hope he didn’t startle the man in front of him. He reached a hand out and when the guy didn’t flinch or back away, Eddie brushed his fingers lightly through the coarse hair peeking out over his polo.

“And how about you, sweetheart? Do you have the heart?”

“Steve.”

“Eddie.”

“I know.” Steve gave his clipboard a little shake, the green foiled holly and red berries bordering the pages, glittering against the lights of the tree and he happily let Eddie fondle his chest hair.

“This might be a little forward, Steve,” Eddie grinned again, tightening his fingers into the chest hair. “But I don’t suppose you need a Mrs. Clause tonight?”

Steve smirked back, his eyebrow cocking up. “I already have a Mrs. Clause-”

“Oh.” Eddie’s grin dropped along with his heart, and he pulled his fingers away but he was stopped by Steve’s hand wrapping around his.

“She’s a lesbian, though.”

“Oh?” Eddie could tell his confusion was radiating off of him. This was not like any Christmas story he’d ever heard before.

Steve shrugged.

“There was a clause in the Santa contract. I was told I’d need a Mrs. Clause in order to take up the position. Marrying my best friend seemed like the best option.”

Eddie tightened his fingers around Steve’s while Steve continued to watch him, biting his lip.

“While I would love to take you up on your offer, Eddie,” Steve had a regretful look in his puppy dog eyes. “I’m on the clock right now and ethically I don’t know if it would be a good idea to fool around with you tonight.”

Eddie shrugged to himself, almost accepting this was some kind of insane fever dream and he was going to wake up with the shape of his keyboard indented into his cheek.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”

Steve opened his mouth to answer, a sad smile dancing on his face but was interrupted by an insistent buzzing and overly cheerful jingle coming from his pocket.

“Shit, I have to go.”

Eddie brought Steve’s hand to his mouth, placing a kiss along the back.

“That’s alright, sweetheart, you go and bring joy to all the little kiddos.”

Steve smiled at him again.

“It was nice meeting you, Eddie.”

Eddie blinked his eyes open, somehow inexplicably bundled up in his own bed, the bright winter morning sunlight nearly blinding him through the crack in his blinds as he rolled over.

That had been one of the weirdest sober dreams he had ever had in his life.

Maybe this dry spell was getting to be too dry if he was dreaming up hot men appearing in his apartment and calling themselves Santa.

Though if it had been a dry spell dream, surely he would have actually gotten to at least kiss Steve rather than just-

Eddie paused as his hand brushed a piece of paper on the side of his bed.

He picked it up, unfolding it and knew his eyes were almost comically wide as he saw the same foiled holly and berries bordering the paper.

The grin that split over Eddie’s face and the disbelieving laugh that tore out of his throat did nothing to stop his own scrambling for his phone to punch in the number as fast as humanly possible.

AO3

As always, my biggest thanks and much love to @hbyrde36 for the beta work with this and to the @strangerthingswritersguild for their motivation!