#cause my mom really wants me to see them
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le-velo-pour-dru Ā· 2 years ago
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youtube
Top 10 videos that are amazing outstanding incredible showstopping powerful breathtaking and freaking LIFE CHANGING-
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great-tusk Ā· 18 days ago
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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.
#vent in tags#chat sesh with iris#vent#tw vent#I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks Iā€™m not good enough for my f/os#and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations#(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ā€˜omggg these people are so weird!!!ā€™ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I donā€™t talk about it other than here)#people are like ā€˜omgggā€¦ I hate it when men like these characters. you donā€™t get them and theyā€™d never love you.ā€™ about my f/os#which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships#tw suicidal ideation#<- somewhat#I donā€™t like anything about myself and I donā€™t deserve anything that I have#man. I donā€™t even want to be here anymore#also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments#I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#Iā€™m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if Iā€™m gonna make it until then#probably I will because Iā€™m too depressed to gather the energy to do it#also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it#and this isnā€™t even why Iā€™m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win#also my mom was like ā€˜you havenā€™t given me another name so Iā€™ll just keep calling you the name I gave you šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š.ā€™ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide#okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now#I like know how Iā€™d do it and everything#I also had a panic attack because I couldnā€™t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover#obviously
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blizzardfluffykpop Ā· 4 months ago
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alright~ a few updates about everything! so this weekend I'll be seeing changkyun in chicago- so I prolly won't be posting until after I'm alive again from that šŸ˜‚šŸ˜… (I am vv excited about it- I just know I'll be vv tired when I return home). Anyways, I have a few fics in the works~ one of them that is a request šŸ¤­ I'm vv excited to work on them! But I think I'm going to change my masterlist a bit when I come back. I'm going to retire a few groups from the main masterlist and I've been debating for the past year about it... But I think I'm going to add a yearly masterlist- So it would go from most recent to the beginning of this year~
I'm also thinking about changing my pfp- I haven't been really into stray kids for uh... years- But I will be sure to make an update about that if I go thru with that too- (It may be ji changmin next šŸ«£šŸ¤­)
Anyways those are my few updates šŸ„°šŸ’–
#in general my brain is so muddled outside of talking to my three closest and my mom i'm just... fogged- but god how i want to be#writing rn- i have 4 smuts and 1 fluff in the works (who would have guessed my fluff writer self has moved from not only plain fluff to#angst & smut this year? not me- but i'm happy about it) two are poly aus and the other two are about a certain šŸŒ™~#kate rambles on from here#altho there is another vv big potential fic~ but i'm only counting ones i have lots of progress on-#and then the masterlist thing i've been thinking about forever- hwvr again i do not know if i'll have the energy bc i might be knocked#on my ass for another month after this trip (i'll be pretty much solely driving for 4 & 1/2 hrs there and another 4 & 1/2 back the next day#but the pfp thing has been on my mind for a while too- again idk when i'll get around to it but jinkoh has given me a vv good#idea esp for winter~ with mr. ji~ so i'm sure to have changed it by december~ (unless the change is too much for me- i haven't changed it#since 2018... so i'm kind of attached to it- even tho i don't even bias him or stan the group anymore...)#anyways this is full of me rambling- i could really go on tbh- bc i'm really trying to get my mind into gear- but these are my updates#let's see if i fulfill em- i'm bound to fill the fic ones- but the other two... yeah- we'll see-#kate rambles#blog updates#should i bring babydoll q & juyo to the concert bc if it wasn't for kyun getting me into dominic fike(and being into tbz during stealer era#i wouldn't have been a tbz ult... (outside of some other factors i haven't really disclosed) bc atp i'm vv close to packing them with me#i mean tbh a tbz pc was going- but now i'm šŸ«£: should i bring them to see the guy from my first ult group that caused the spiral-#that made me get into my newest ult group? (i love this butterfly effect more than i could ever express tbh- even tho i express it often)#anyways if someone actually reads these- i'm bound to bring babydoll q- legally that's my buddy- but juyo?? šŸ‘€
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solace-seekers Ā· 6 months ago
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who iā€™ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think itā€™s a manic episode but we donā€™t really know but itā€™s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks heā€™s genuinely jesus and that heā€™s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#heā€™s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ā€˜because itā€™s 6:20 this is trueā€™ and like ā€˜i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understandā€™#and heā€™ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but itā€™s all nonsense#iā€™m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i donā€™t know how to ensure that happens cause heā€™s 19. not a minor#heā€™s just. not him rn. heā€™s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you canā€™t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didnā€™t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but weā€™re leaving today and i donā€™t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but itā€™s just. scary. i donā€™t know what to do. i donā€™t think thereā€™s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain heā€™s Not Him rn so they donā€™t get concerned but who knows if theyā€™ll understand what iā€™m trying to say#i know itā€™s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she canā€™t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. weā€™re all too scared itā€™s going in the directon where he thinks itā€™s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but heā€™s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back itā€™s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. heā€™ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but heā€™s Not Him. and canā€™t give it#i just. really want this to get better but itā€™s so hard to see that happening rn
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the-kneesbees Ā· 6 months ago
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just watched my brother graduate
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acaciapines Ā· 7 months ago
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guys what if i told you ive been thinking about dess and actually i think dess/chara might be able to work out in the drkau...like ive been doing some thinking into dess and her reasons and why she does what she does and how she cares about people and im starting to nail down the role i want asriel to play, and. and.
guys i think dess is actually going to be able to change. i think dess figures out how to change but asriel never does....
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fantasykiri5 Ā· 1 month ago
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Does anyone know where I can find target clothes from a few years ago? I have this specific pair of pants that need to be replaced soon but they are Literally my favorite pants ever and I would REALLY love to find the same ones. Iā€™ve found one of the pair for certain, Here, but theyā€™re a size or two too big, BUT it does mean I have the specific name of them now. Iā€™ve found one other listing that might be the same ones but the picture quality is too bad for me to tell for sure, and the size isnā€™t listed. (here)
Basically Iā€™m asking if anyone has any tips on how to search for them? Since google is giving me about 8 million other items from the same brand, which would be nice if I werenā€™t incredibly autistic and hated change. Hence wanting to get the exact same pants again.
If anybody has any clue how one would search please let me know!!
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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol Ā· 7 months ago
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though šŸ™ƒ
#hi bg mutuals šŸ‘‹ i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ā˜ŗļø'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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this-doesnt-endd Ā· 9 months ago
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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1ovestay Ā· 1 year ago
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wonā€™t lie, experiencing some horrors
#just cried uncontrollably for like 20 mins#cried like 3 times yesterday too#i have no energy for like anything rn.. went to buy new glasses today tried on 15 pairs hated them all and then went back to my car#and cried because i really need new glasses since i fucked up my current pair and they donā€™t sit right now and dig into my face#tw death . my grandma passed away while i was flying home from canada#and it sucks because everyone got to be with her and say goodbye but i didnā€™t#and thereā€™s a viewing tomorrow and my dad thinks i should go since it will be my last chance to see her but i donā€™t want to#i get that itā€™s a healing way to say goodbye for some people but i donā€™t want to see my oma lifeless#i know iā€™ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks but sheā€™s gone and i donā€™t want to see her like that#plus i have work and i already called in sick 2 days i donā€™t want to leave them short again even if itā€™s understandable#anyway the funeral is on tuesday at least i have the day off already and donā€™t have to worry about work#everything sucks soooooo fucking bad rn i wonā€™t lie iā€™m not doing too great#and i miss el so much like i would kill to be able to hug my gf right now#their mom sent me a video today of them laying on the couch with their parents cat cuz they visited for fatherā€™s day#and iā€™ve cried twice while watching itā€¦#argh. anyway. going to go watch a silly little video of some sort and maybe sleep early cause i havenā€™t been sleeping well#itā€™ll be ok šŸ§”#p
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medicinemane Ā· 10 months ago
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One big mistake people make is deciding that because someone they don't like enjoys something, that mean the something is bad
Easy example from my own life, Max who I'm no longer friends with and just... there were elements of a decent person in there once, but I don't think so anymore... anyway, Max likes Infected Mushroom
So my dad and my Mr Dumbass of a friend decided that Infected Mushroom is a bad band and it's like...
Mr Dumbass, you've been to a concert of there's with me and Max and another person (didn't care for the way the venue did things), you like them or at least have liked them... I'm pretty sure you introduced them to Max
They didn't become a bad band magically because one idiot likes them
Like people just lose the ability to judge things on merit when there's a chance to shit on something that someone they don't like enjoys and... it mostly screws you over and makes you look like a fool, you know?
So try not to do that, try not to shit on something just cause someone you don't like likes it
#cause it would be hard for me to say specific people here; but I certainly see it happen#and it's a trap that even smart people fall into#also don't forget that maybe people you like actually enjoy whatever it is and you're being an asshole to them for no reason#like evaluate things based off their merits; that's all I'm arguing for#anyway; in other news Max enjoyed Infected Mushroom wrong#see... he hate anything with vocals (unless it was something like U2 that his mom played him when he was young)#he had this idea he was enlightened for not liking vocals because... well cause he was a snob and liked feeling smart#so a lot of their best tracks he couldn't stand and would skip#and like listen... they've got some good instrumental tracks for sure#but sorry something like Becoming Insane grabs me a hell of a lot more because it actually speaks to me#also like... voice is an instrument... and it's one I have access to#I honestly often find myself singing the chorus to Wish; in fact anytime 'the game' comes up; all it does is triggers me to sing that#'I play the game; the one that will bring me to my end; I'm waiting for the rain to wash who I am'#I'd sing the rest of it but I don't have it memorized other than stray lines like#... well I know it as being like#'I want to - to - to -... and to bring it all back; I want to - rewind - - - - - and enjoy the consequence'#so you see why I can sing either of the main verses and only have the chorus#but nah; Max is an idiot and enjoys them wrong so I don't really care about his opinion#doesn't make them a bad band dummies; one of you even likes them#don't be 5; don't just go opposite of what someone else likes to spite them
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selvepnea Ā· 10 months ago
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A strange shirt sort of dream?
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muirneach Ā· 10 months ago
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everyday i wake up and i still donā€™t know what i should take in university. envsci or indigenous envsci or agriculture or anthropology or canadian studies. howā€™s a guy to choose only two majors or a major and two minors because thatā€™s not enough for me!! i want to do it allll
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todayisafridaynight Ā· 2 years ago
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me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)
im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal
#snap chats#I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA#rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous#i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything šŸ„“#i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...'#when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish#but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out#my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts#and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me#i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO#like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO#UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left#i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier#my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig#ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes#like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot#i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason.#idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao#and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake#also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more#uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ā˜ ļøā˜ ļø#if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit#ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY
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pzos-amiserableidiot Ā· 1 year ago
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was watching tiktok and a video had the song michael in the bathroom playing and I was vicerally reminded of being in middle and high school and mom always mentioning how much I looked like my dad (his name is michael) and how I slowly was able to start noticing it too and whenever I sang the song it reminded me of him and I felt like we were overlapping too often felt like id never be anyone but a shadow or his mirror and then i began learning i was trans and now the song makes me think of him even more (heā€™s not a bad dad he tells me heā€™s proud of me and stuff thereā€™s just two really big moments he unknowingly failed and one long continuous one but he loves me and heā€™s proud and he supports me and he didnā€™t mean it and ive learned to make that enough) and the weird flashback I got when I heard that song and overlapping with his face and how if I transitioned I almost fear Iā€™d be his clone and yeah Anywyas banger song
#the moments were that time he told me how he used to want something to be wrong with him and heā€™d cut himself to try and prove something was#and he showed me his incredibly faint scars and this was after I told them I was depressed and his solution was to tell me he faked it????#and didnā€™t even see anything wrong or worrying that heā€™d cut himself or was self destructive or wished something was wrong so heā€™d have#something to blame for being the way he was and like DAD THATS DEPRESSION but I was too numb and shocked and felt so so so betrayed becuase#it felt mocking at the time like his way of comforting me. his child. was to fucking show me his scars and be like I faked it so I know#itā€™s real and sorry I donā€™t understand WTF DAD#Other time was when he gave me his phone to play PokĆ©mon go and I betrayed his trust (he didnā€™t like anyone going through his phone) and#went looking through and found Grindr and saw some shirtless photos and people messaging before I left#dad had a shirtlesss photo on there. and I had to pretend everything was fine and erase the evidence and give the phone back and help look#for furniture for our new house and never tell mom cause sheā€™s been through so much already (I really shouldnā€™t have known I wasnā€™t her#therapist but this is about daddy issues right now not the mommy ones) so anyways I never told him and years later he told me his friends#signed him up for Grindr as a prank and to make friends and thatā€™s why he thinks someone from his work I pranking him by signing him up#for a gay furry dating site and yet I saw him on his bed sometimes messaging people and yeah#oh and the long continous one was not divorcing mom and defending her saying she loves us when she rejected me and my sister for being trans#and being gone for most of my childhood working and never understanding the fucked up dynamic of home that took place and resenting him for#ruining the perfect routine (sharp words scary feelings always wanting to cry)#anyways michael in the bathroom always gives me weird feelings#cause I hate and love my dad and I looked up to him so much and loooking like him wouldā€™ve been a dream but sometiems the wrongs he did#come back haunt my thoughts and I want to scratch and tear apart every feature that makes me look like him. I look nothing like my mom so#thereā€™s nothing physical to tear apart (I just act like her sometimes and have to force myself not the throw up and attack myself from the#disgust)
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supercantaloupe Ā· 1 year ago
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my poor body. she does not work so good
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