#im not really gonna worry about this till im in school but i do think about it

[snekdood]

part of me still wonders how much the "trans men/mascs are bad" shit is bc of people believing my abusers version of me and then acting like thats all trans men/mascs and instead of ever actually confront me about any of the shit they accuse me of to see my side first of all which I think is important in these situations personally but also they dont want to know my side because I might prove them wrong and they might have to actually back off and then they wouldn't be able to have a scapegoat group of people of the week to hate anymore

[muirneach]

everyday i wake up and i still don’t know what i should take in university. envsci or indigenous envsci or agriculture or anthropology or canadian studies. how’s a guy to choose only two majors or a major and two minors because that’s not enough for me!! i want to do it allll

[spacespore]

im so over it with high school and especially with math class !!!!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

CAS,

IT'S ME HI!

IM CARING ANON

IT'S ME. (this was a shitty T Swizzle reference but hey im in a good mood.)

Get urself a snack coz this is gonna be longgg. And also this is the final update.

So last time when i had updated u Lottie had asked me if she could think over my proposition. And this morning she texted me saying that she wants to meet J & I at the local Starbucks before school. I was like ok, and i told J. He was suspicious coz he thought I had told Lottie about his plan (he was correct tho lmao).

So once we met her at Starbucks, Lottie did something i wasn't expecting her to do. She came out to J (and me)!!

This is kind of how it went down:

Lottie: so I have to tell you something very important.

J: what is it?

Lottie: I'm a lesbian.

Me: *choking on my coffee*

J: LMAOO ok.

Me:...

Lottie:...

Me: oh you're serious?

Lottie: yes

J: oh damn

J: *to me* you knew didn't you? that's why u were convincing me it's not a good idea.

Me: *awkward nod*

Lottie: it's not her fault, i had asked her not to.

J: wow ok.

( a very uncomfortable and long pause later)

J: I'm sorry idk how to react , nobody has ever come out to me b4r.

Lottie: it's ok. I just wanted to put it out there, coz this was causing a lot of awkwardness amongst us.

J: awkwardness? did u know that I fancy u?

Me: *very awkward laugh*

Lottie: no, actually i fancied *my name*.

J: WHAT

Lottie: yeah

J: why? there are a lot of other girls who are wayy hotter than her.

Me: *lowkey offended* excuse me?

J: it's true.

Lottie: *laughs*

J: all seriousness though, thank you for telling me. Do you want me to keep it a secret?

Lottie: yes, just for sometime. Till I'm confident enough to tell everyone.

Me: ofc, u need to come out when you're comfortable. There's no deadline. You can trust us.

Lottie: thanks.

After that we talked about some random shit and then we walked to school.

Also Lottie told me that she will be keeping some distance with us not because she doesn't want to be friends anymore but bcoz she needs to get over me.

(p.s- after school i took J to Nando's coz I knew he was sad)

So yeah that's the end of it, and I'm so fucking relieved that it all went well. And a huge part of it goes to you, Cas. Your advice really helped otherwise god knows what would've happened.

SO THANK YOU SO MUCH!! ILY 💕💕💕 YOU'RE LIKE AN AMAZING OLDER SISTER. EVERYONE IN UR LIFE IS SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!!!!

With lots of love,

Caring Anon ♥️

Hi!!!

Oh, I’m so glad things went decently! I was a bit worried for J, lol. Also, don’t give me too much credit, you did amazing! You definitely live up to your anon name! I hope you have such a great day!

<3 <3 <3

[runthepockets]

you know i appreciate your takes on some of the "discourse" topics here. everyone gets so heated and divisive when people are ignorant. and i dont think thats how decolonizing and dismantling oppressive systems of power is going to work! when i see ppl get mad at ignorant (but well meaning) people its like... a persons naturally gonna feel defensive after that. and this isnt to say i WOULDNT be mad at someone willfully ignorant either. im ndn. whenever people get all upset at someone, i think to myself this is not how my ancestors treated others. but rather how we are taught to confront people and "hold our own" so to speak, in a white supremacist and capitalist nation. theres a time and place for that. but it gets tiring. thats all

When I was in 2nd grade, a white boy transferred to our school from Ukraine. While we were in the library one day, he turns to me and asks, "how did your skin get so dark? Did you drink a lot of chocolate milk?" Of course I was miffed, but I figured, "hey, idk anything about Ukraine and he probably doesn't know anything about the south, he doesn't know all the social cues and the history of this country yet, afaik there aren't nearly as many black people where he's from as there are here, and he's only 8. I'll give him a quick little run down." But before I could even open my mouth the other kids in my (predominantly) black class got defensive and yelled at him in my defense till he started crying. That moment of "hey, I agree that he was wrong, but this is kinda overkill" is how I try to navigate my politics as an adult.

I appreciate this message! It makes me feel a lot better about posting my thoughts, specifically because the internet is such a divisive and unforgiving place that I worry a lot about getting "lol ratio'd" even though I wasn't really raised to be hostile and paranoid like that and have no reason to really be in the first place. I agree wholeheartedly that it gets exhausting, and I really feel the ancestor thing too. Idk most of us are pretty young and this is a lot of new information that no other generation has had access to, there's no blueprint yet. The journey to a recovered world is going to be long and hard, how are we supposed to get there if we're immediately distrustful and angry at everyone who's ever fucked up? It's the exact kind of shit fascists want us to do.

[erectedingold]

Blog Post #1

Writing to… absolutely nobody cause who tf is gonna see this LMFAO like nobody reads my shit like that.

It’s been an interesting month. I’ve felt a ton of growth in just the past month alone. Last month was really hard for me, I was struggling a lot. I’m getting better though slowly :)

Right now I’m taking time to be me? Just taking time to figure myself out, what type of music I enjoy, directors i like, hanging out with friends & other stuff. It’s been really nice. I’ve been on this “content grind” or whatever you call it since the 3rd grade & not worrying about posting to my story to be an “influencer” or some shit like that is nice :P I’ve just posted lil life updates now & then but most of it has been in my private life. I’m getting closer with people & Im so thankful for everyone in my life & who I surround myself with. Last year compared to now has been so much better & healthier for me. Everything does get better! I’m still healing from past traumas & recognizing that people from the past weren’t the healthiest for me. It’s been a little bad, I’ve noticed something’s that I’m trying to improve on but after feeling the need to be ashamed of the type of person I am for a year straight. I’m regaining the confidence in who I am as a person & artist i’m not giving a fuck about what people think because I’m going to be so unapologetically me, & fuck you it you think otherwise.

I applied to my dream college as well, I don’t hear about that till next month & Im nervous but oh my god am I so excited to start a new chapter in my life. I’m ready to leave this town behind. I’m ready to leave people behind. I’m ready for 1-18 to be done & the start of 19 in a new location to be amazing. I never thought i’d move from here for some reason? I knew it would happen but in less than 6 months I’m graduating high school, already would know where I’m going to school, & will be a whole new person. Wow.

I cannot wait. This will be the beginning of the rest of my life.

I’m also experimenting a little more, I finally decided to bite the bullet & buy myself a SHIT ton of new clothes LMAO. After being unemployed for a bit then last year never having enough money to spend on myself, I’m taking the time this year to do things for me. Not for anyone else. I bought shirts & jeans & hoodies that I like even if they’re “expensive” because it’s for me & I deserve to splurge on myself, plus I treat my friends & family with gifts a shit ton. It feels good to be independent.

I’m planning on getting 3 tattoos before college that I’m ready excited for :) Me & one of my friends are going to setup appointments at the same time to get our first tattoos together! Currently waiting for her ass to turn 18 before we do it 🙄 But I’m so excited. I also want to get a septum… But that’s scary, but also who gives a fuck I’ll be in college away from here. I’ll be brand new. I think i’ll go for black or silver or maybe gold cause that compliments my skin tone.

I’m currently working on my series. “Periodo Azul” was something I rushed into & then it all came crumbling down. I haven’t publicly said this but I’m planning for a 6-month break to write & produce these episodes along with just being a teenager in my final year here. But I have all the episodes listed & even started editing one as it was just a voice over. There’s no footage recorded yet but I got it planned out ;)

I also started antidepressants… I don’t know if it’s even something I should say right now but FUCK IT! I’m making a video for Periodo Azul about it anyways 🤷. I’ve been bad for as long as I can remember & I just had to do something about it. Nobody in this world is here for you besides yourself, do everything for you. Don’t dim your light for ANYONE. It’s never worth it. But It’s important to know what’s right & what’s not for you. It’s too early on my meds to feel anything but I’ve been in contact with my doctor & I feel myself getting better. I’m proud of me. I give myself a pat on the back. Give one to yourself as well.

School has been great as well, I’m an all A student & have amazing friends that like me for me :) I feel loved & appreciated. It’s strange feeling that cause I’ve always felt judged. I’ve never felt truly loved or appreciated. I know it’s only the beginning of it though. Once I find my people in college I’ll only flourish. I so desperately cannot wait to find my people.

Life has been interesting, but my manifestation of 2025 being my year seems to be working :) Only bigger & better things to come for me. Everything that isn’t needed is in the past, thank god for that.

Treat yourself with kindness & allow yourself grace.

- Diego Muñoz

[onmymasa22]

So this is the time in this apartment. Its been a ride. Year one of waking up to go to sculture class in my pajamas, changing to go to work, then 1am car rides with people till like 4am all to wake up at 8am the next day. Breaking my face on the door in apartment 3. Hanging out in the "lobby", doing schoolwork there. Moving to apartment 5 and spending most of my time on that balcony. apartment 4 which i wasnt supposed to be but we all became a family. Then back to apartment 5, most of us stayed together. Sleeping in the lobby, sleeping everywhere, dealing with crazy ppl, enjoying the year, food runs, shared dinners, coffee dates, going to restaurants. We were really a family at this apartment. Helping eachother through dates, lying on the carpet. Watching tv, ice cream in our coffee. When theres no light or hotwatwr in the bathroom so u put spamusic on ur phone and pretend ur in a cold water spa bath. This building, although it sucks and the people who run it suck, it made the last three years of college entertaining, and it brought me to live with people i really love.

Last night in the building I've lived in for the past three years... started here not knowing if I was meant to be in art school.

This is it. My last noght in the building ive lived in for the past three years of college life/art school. It's been a ride. From apartment 3 where i was working 6 shifts a week and going to school,

So i think i had a magical date with zev.

We took the train and had dinner and wine, then went out fir drinks, then watched a movie ahd cuddled. So jm thinking a out him alot lately. And hes texting me so its not just me. So i love everything abd my feet r pretty

So i went to yaakovs to see him before i leave. But i fekt weird. Chz im w him but fir some reason im thinking aboht zev. How i dont wanna kiss anyone else since we kissed. Like im interested in him, so i dont want to do the sane things with anyone else.

Im ok. All this stuff is replacable. I can 100% buy stuff before i need to be back

Someone asked me what i feel about finding someone. So i said my grandmother has told me since i was five ur pretty, ull never have to worry about boys liking u, u just work on ur insides. And so thats what ive been doing. Ill find the right person when im supposed to. Until then, im just trying to b a goood person, a decent human.

Is it weird that im not upset that druze kids were killed. Like let their nation mourn for them. I have too many jews in hospitals and dying to care about that. Anyone who isnt a jew, i just dont care if they die in this war.

I want a home where everything in the fridge belongs to everyone. If something runs out, let them just make more. I might tell my kids who want something to leave some for me, or that its their responsibility to make more that night. Which is fine. But they should live in a house where its not my food versus not my food. Its everyones food, everyone can take anything. If im home, whatever is in the kitchen i can use. Im supposed to clean it and im supposed to make it, but im not gonna get yelled at for taking something. Its all everyones.

[1d1195]

I looked up the songs and omg tell me why I got the urge to CRY during Black and white?! That’s such a cute song 😭and you do seem like a lyric girly! From the songs you’ve mentioned in your asks and even the songs for story inspo they tend to have strong lyrics that do seem to give story vibes! But ahh so happy you got see him live! I’m so glad you had a nice time!

Now idk if you ever answered this before but who was your “main guy” when 1D was still active? Did you go through phases or was it just hard to choose?

Not the trauma dump BAHHA it’s okay, I feel like we have all trauma dumped here😂 plus your blog is a very safe space (at least for me) so it’s okay lol but I’m a bit the same too, if I do something I have to personally feel like I gave it my all in order to feel “okay” about it. I think it’s a good quality to have but definitely not great in the long run if not learned how to manage so it’s okay! At least you’re aware of it! I’m also thankful I’ve had other things to obsess over hahah

I love ranting! I will gladly read anything you feel like ranting about lol I don’t have the kindle app on my phone, what I do is I search for free pdf versions of the book I’m looking for whether it be school related or for fun! If I can find it for free, I WILL BC I LOVE A DEAL! And I also use Apple Books depending on the vibe I’m in lol but overall I do prefer a physical book because I just love the whole experience of it!

And yeah it’s 13😭 idk if I’m gonna be able to commit to a full series because I haven’t been able to do that in a long time 😭 I prefer it that way too now! I don’t really have the time or energy to binge anything anymore, it’s very rare when I do it lol I LOVE watching once a week episodes like it’s so fun for me! When Succession was airing, I WAS LIVING FOR IT! It was so fun to see people’s theories/reactions to it and it was great. Plus I also love Drag Race so that is probably the only show I consistently keep up with lol oh don’t even get me started on the whole Part 1/2 thing IM SUCH A HATER OF THAT!!! Like it’s so unnecessary!! Oh and bestie I’m so excited for the next episode bc a great(and hot 🤭) character is coming back and I’m READY!

It’s always the English teachers that are like the best at explaining! My sophomore English teacher really helped me understanding Shakespeare because I just didn’t get it and I also didn’t care enough to get it lol but she made it bearable! She was also like the one who made me feel more confident in my writing skills even though I always did get good feedback, her enthusiasm for me really made me feel nice 🥹 I’m still a Shakespeare hater though 😗

Aww you’re so sweet! I mean tbh I’m still learning if I’m being honest lol I didn’t really know how to have a full on conversation in English till I started kindergarten. I knew some basic words but at home we mainly spoke Spanish. My dad actually started to teach me a bit before I started so I wasn’t completely clueless. My mom taught me a little bit in English too but she was more worried about my brother and I speaking Spanish well so she focused on that. It was okay like I was alway labeled a “smart” kid so I could make things out a bit quicker. Sometimes I would even help translate a bit for other kids who knew less English at an early age too which meant they were mainly my friends lol but mainly later on it was just ironically reading comprehension/ little bit of grammar that I was struggling a bit. It was mainly like American slang/culture references that would confuse me (idk wtf a cup of joe was until like the 3rd grade 😂). And sometimes even writing was difficult because I would only feel like I could properly express me thoughts/feelings in Spanish and sometimes it happens in convos lol and being a first gen/eldest daughter later on i helped my parents understand certain things in English too since i would have a better understanding in some aspects. But overall in terms of just language stuff, it wanst too bad considering I did have help and I was determined to understand things. Plus I’ve always liked learning lol AHH sorry that was so long it probably doesn’t make sense 😭

Omg Sam😭 that is just so sweet of you to say😭 would have loved to have shared a class with you too💗

Ooo yay the beach sounds so fun and idk a shopping trip sounds fun! AND I SUPPORT ANOTHER SILLY ROMANCE BOOK!!! ITS GOOD FOR THE SOUL!!

I actually went to Mexico today! It was to get a massage but not the relaxing kind lol I messed up my neck and leg somehow?? so I went to get it which I’m okay now lol but I did get to eat some food that I’ve been craving so it was a win lol. But other than that I don’t think I have any set plans! I dyed my hair and girl… it’s giving lava girl from that movie shark boy and lava girl 😀 Anyways lol Do you have any plans?

ALSO BESTIE I READ SUNFLOWER ANS LET ME SAY THAT WAS SO CUTE!! Okay im gonna try to keep it short bc I’ve yapped for too long! Okay he is SO ME WHEN LIKING SOMEONE LIKE I LITERALLY CANNOT LOOK AT THEM BAHAH I loved it though, it’s always so cute seeing a shy flustered Harry! A down bad shy guy! And you know I loved that little jealousrry moment give gave just the right amount of angst between them! And SAM DONT GET ME STARTED ON HER NUMBERS POEM! That was so beautifully written! I immediately thought that it was so YOU in the best way and I honestly loved the new perspective on how I view it! It’s was just perfect! Ahhh I would love to see how they turn out if you’re up for it! I loved it!!!! You did great as always my love!-💜

I was actually a Liam girl at the start! My serious line of thinking was "Harry's too popular I'll never have a chance 🤦‍♀️" and he was so cute. Liam also has the dad-vibe of the band and I'm the mom of the friend group so I figured we would be 🤞 But it lasted about two weeks because Harry is just too sweet and perfect. I still love Liam with all my heart. I def go through phases though! Anytime I see a picture of Louis I pretty much fall in love with him again. His voice and lyrics are CRIMINALLY underrated. Zayn is probably the most beautiful man I've ever seen and it lowkey feels illegal to look at him. But Harry and Niall are my main people these days. Old clips of them doing interviews together are hysterical. They're just so funny together. It was def Harry when 1D was active but my bf likes to make fun of me and say I have 5 celebrity crushes.

Free PDF versions is a move. That's how I read the first half of midnight sun when it was leaked 😂 I love a deal too! I def need to do more searching. But I love bookstores and I love holding the new book it's just so nice!

I too do not enjoy long commitment series/binging anymore either (See also: my addictive personality). It's SO much energy and time. I caught up on Grey's Anatomy a few summers ago (I feel like I've mentioned this before) it literally took THE ENTIRE summer. I had stopped watching when I went to college and then I didn't really have great access to cable all the time so I didn't keep up. Then another 8 seasons had come and gone 🤦‍♀️

No it makes so much sense! I heard that dynamic a lot in my education classes when I got my SEI endorsement--a lot of families have the primary language at home and then English in school. I'm truly astounded that you picked up things so quickly. I literally cannot imagine. We have a teacher at our school that works with students coming from other countries/language backgrounds when they arrive and he tells all of us and the students that if there is slang they don't understand he can ask him and it doesn't have to be awkward or uncomfortable and I think it's really nice but it's what came to mind when I read the cup of joe thing HAHAHAHAHA. You got me looking up the origin of why it's called that 😂 I totally just use the phrases I hear now. Especially from my younger students. They get a kick out of me saying "no cap," "period," and "deadass." (I use that one sparingly and usually only repeat it after one of them say it lollll) ALL TO SAY the slang in America is nuts.

I will let you know, I want to write for an hour or so I think and then maybe read for an hour.

JUST CASUALLY GO TO MEXICO OKAY. That's so cool! I've never really traveled anywhere--but to be fair I'm not very close to any other places. I still want to see a lot of places in the US tbh. So am I to presume you live pretty close to Mexico? Do you mean the massage messed up your neck and leg? I always say I want a massage but then someone pointed out it's almost like a workout for your muscles and they can genuinely be sore afterwards. LAVA GIRL I'M SCREAMING. Does that mean you like it? I think either way it's cool you did something different and fun! I also love that you got food that you were craving. We went out for my sisters bday to a Mexican bistro. One of my favorite places. Truthfully, idk how authentic it was but my bf liked it and he would be the first person to say that it was un-authentic.

No plans for the weekend. Just relaxing and catching up on a few things! I started rewatching a show I had stopped watching after season 2 (of 4 total) so I'm hoping to get through that in the next couple weeks!

SO glad you loved Sunflower! I enjoyed writing it a lot! I lowkey wish I took it a little further and made them kiss or something, but that's what Part 2's are for! 😭 You're so sweet about the numbers and everyone really loves a jealousrry moment it seems 😉 💕💕

xoxo

[yourl0cal1ncorporealb3ing]

TW VENT AT SOME PARTS

(ALSO NONE OF THIS PROOF READ SO IT MAY NOT BE LEGIABLE I just wroet this and i already forgot half the stuff i wrote)

y'know the mix of horrid chronic fatigue and insatiable numbness and the dissociation just makes me feel like I missing out on life, I yearn to go outside, to go play, to have fun, just run around but I cant. I sit in my room on tumblr or youtube wasting the day away wishing I did something more productive. I feel like a husk of person I feel like Im in a movie theater alone watching the most boring movie ive ever seen, I feel lonely while also being too socially drained to watch and respond the the video my friend sent me. Not to mention when my parents used to fight, my moms road rage/anger issues, it caused me to fucking terrifed of conflict so sometimes I minimize my needs when around other people and constantly asking about things and if im doing it right but also worrying if im annoying them with all my questions because my grandma has gotton mad at me for that before i think either that or it was me asking why she loved my cousin more than me because she yelled and fought with my dad because i wouldnt give my cousin my fukcing chicken nuggets my dad bought for me like fuck you i mean im sorry grandma

The anxiety and hyperactivity of my ADHD spikes up at night so either i got to sleep and wake up in 13 hours or I can stay up till 4am, go to sleep and wake 13 hours (Just feeling a lot worse). Im literally shaking as I write this and i can tell if im just so fucking restless even if im fucking tired (its 3:38am) or anxiety or the entire kiwi strawberry monster I just drank Its ok im drinking water a lot of it i just need to get my thoughts out of my head because its like a thousond of the dvd bouncing tv screen in my head rn idk if its getting better idk if im gonna post this too maybe idk any ways im shaking oh btw i might have non-diabetic hypoglycemia and i have to get a bunch shots next week and I really hate the doctors it always makes me really scared and uncomfy n shit and idk why damn im shaking a lot. I almost freaked out bc i cant find my charger and my tablet almost died but i have another one ive been using so i just used that but i want to know where my charger went :(

istg ive been eating fucking pasta for the lat 3 weeks and i hate it i hate it i hate it HATE it every. fucking. meal. I cant. I have comfort foods I like and its mostly carby food like pasta so i eat pasta alot but since our oven stopped workin its all i know i can make that easy and i laike it but i secretly dread it so i have been eating a lot of candy to keep my brain happy but im not i should be happy ive been hanging with my frinds and its summr break but im just numb, i always am, yk the year I just finished? yeah for the majority of the i was fighting autopilot mode and disassociation but i was constantly in it i dont think i cant handle going to high school this year i think i might act pass out from exhaustion I barely survived middle school Im not okay i need something meds? idk I should not be this messed up i mean my family is great (yk...apart from the fighting which isnt that common anymore and moms anger issues) but theu love me so whats the problem? school school why is it so unoccomidating to neurodivergents same with ppl with social anxiety like i have had MULTIPLE bad panic attcks in class cause i had to do smthin in front of the class I fukcing hate the school system fuckfukcufkyoiuu school fuck the emercian school system FUCKYOUUUUUUUUU

Im too conflict avoident I cant

the afternoon feels so tiring in a stuffy way if that maks and sense i need to treat my FUCKING adhd already i can have music playing at all times thats not a good long term strategy to shut up my brain i mean ffuck i have music on rn and you can see my insane ramblings

anyyways I kinda think im a daave fiction kin (like DSAF) but im 90% sure im just and otherlinker and I just want to feel speacial or some shit but whos know i have the worst imposter syndrome known to man (I have almost every symptom of Cfs and my friend has asked if i have it but nahhh i defs dont) but also i had a weird experience once. I was like listen (its getting hard to type with the shakiness :0) ing to 2 dave and henry playlists and i kept listening to the henry one and I was in the car and i was falling and out of sleep when i saw like flash of dave but it didnt look like cannon dave he looked different he was mush more blue and he was leaning against a wall with messy longish hair and he had a hat and scars all over him and he had a purple buttoned shit that was fulled buttoned up and the perspective i saw was like a photo someone had taken and he seemed just chilling perhaps talking to jack? idfk but yeah theres my weird experience like the best way i can explain this feeling towards dave is "Idkk if i was you but probably mightve at some point like most likely at some point"

i hope i sound legiable (if i do post this AND someone actually reads this all) it is 4:08am and I feel too many things once i probably will sleep at 5 or 6 anyways byebye

[snoopygrl2005]

i don’t know it’s like. i know exactly what i did and not only do i feel nothing about it but now im gonna have to sit here and have you tell me everything i did wrong the last 2 months? i know i messed up, my point is i don’t care i messed up. i could tell by the way he was waving his hands around and rolling his eyes that he wouldn’t be past me bending over on my hands and knees and begging for him to let me fix it. kiss his shoe and lick it or something i don’t know. i guess i was kind of in denial about how bad i was really doing until he pulled me after class a week before the second to last test and told me so. and even then i just hmm i think. i think i didn’t care. within the same few moments of him rambling on i realized that not only am i going to fail this class, but im past the point of caring whether or not i actually do fail the class. i don’t think i recognized the last part till the next day but it was sort of gratifying in a lot of ways. freeing almost i guess? as cheesy as it sounds lol. the only thing i worried about was my mom and oh my gosh did i worry about her. i was terrified of what she would say if i (and i definitely would) fail my last 2 classes before the semesters over, what she would think about me and onward and i dont know. i cried to my brother quite a bit on our steps a few days after the my big mind blowing realization (lol). i talked about how i was stressed about my so far- mostly bad preformance in school but it kind of morphed into soething more on how i was actually stressed about how MOM would think of how i was performing in school. sometimes i think she’s the only reason i stay in school and sometimes i think i might actually want to go to college im not really sure which ones true because every time i really sit down and think on it my answer changes. i think it just depends on how i feel so i guess im just unsure for now. it was definitely a mistake not dropping earlier because im past the “game plan” point and there’s really no point stressing myself out for the next 4 weeks for what. 2 fucking credits on my stupid transcript? college feels like such a big scam now that im almost done with my second semester, i can barley even call it that because i dropped half my classes not even half way though the term. once i got through and flunked my midterms i kind of just realized like. is this even worth it? all that to get a C? all that studying and this is what i get? all those negative emotions? i even cheated for stuff i absolutely didn’t know and i still got the most average bare minimum outcome. it felt really bad i don’t don’t know i felt really stupid. it felt like high school all over again. i guess i understand my “bare minimum” doesn’t hold that much effort in the grand scheme of things but actually i don’t know. i’ve been writing this for a while and i don’t really care to write anymore so i will stop now and that’s the beauty of it.

[television-pil0t]

One of my favorite memories is my friend Roslyn having a panic attack. Sounds fucked up and if you think about it it kinda was but sometimes when things are out of control. When I have to deal with other peoples emotions. When I feel like I just can’t help then. I think back to that moment.

So the story is we alone in class. Sometimes I just don’t feel like eating lunch so I go to the library or to a empty class room and just sit there. It’s quiet and nobody ever notices. I guess this time he noticed and was following me. I sat down. Put all my stuff down and was gonna take a nap at the desk but he walked in right when I was gonna put my head down.

I looked at him and.. idk what happened to me but I went full father mood. Full “who the fuck did this to my child” mind set because he was crying. Not tearing up. Not frowning. Crying. Tears going down his face and he couldn’t stop.

Roz is a pretty big guy. Like I think 6’0 of at least 5’10 and built. He got some muscle and shit. He’s in weight lifting class. This matters because seeing someone like that crying is.. borderline insane.

So he walks in and crying. I instantly get up and run over to him. Asking him omg what’s wrong what happened whatever. We didn’t know each other too well either like.. this was last semester. We just met a few months ago at this point but we instantly click.

So I’m asking him what’s up what happened and he tells me he has frequent panic attack. Like every single damn day. Sometimes it feels like it never goes away. He’s just crying. Telling me he has such bad anxiety and it’s so embarrassing but he hates being around people and it just reaches a point where he just breaks down and cries.

He told me he can usually hold it in until after school since he only has 2 classes per day and shit so he’s only there till lunch and leaves. So he basically does what I do all the time and that’s hold in his panic attack as to not embarrass himself. I do the same thing. Everyday I have a panic attack but I just act like it’s not happening. Even if I’m just otp with my bf because it’s awful. I don’t want him to worry and he’s already goin though shit. Tbh i haven’t been able to talk to him much anyway because of that but back to the point. I have a panic disorder and so does this big fucking guy.

He tells me his heart just can’t stop beating and he’s so ashamed he can’t just hold it in, and he just leans on me and cries my name for a good minute.

At this point I close the door and sit him down at a desk. He’s in one chair and I’m in the other. He lays his head on my chest and wraps his arms around me. Just.. crying. Begging me to forgive him for doing this.

I’m usually awful at dealing with peoples emotions especially when it’s random like this but I just did it. I held him and told him it’s ok. I told him in not made and what’s important is he gets though this.

Ime really really sleepy so I’m gonna finish this tomorrow. I’d I reamemver. Sleep sleep.

Gbis him :3

[theantiproduct]

▪︎

[yourlocalcomfortcafe]

{+ S/O gets jealous from Komi's classmates +}

Summary: S/O trys to hang out with Komi but her classmates are stopping them

Warnings: Swearing, Let me know if i missed anything A/N: Komi might be OOC, Haven't written for her much. =====================================

You're pov:

You and Komi have been dating for a while, Though you do get quite annoyed when the class flirts with her and despise you for being seen with her. Though you can't really do anything about it, You can only go with it. You got ready for school getting out of your thoughts and ate some breakfast and left.

(Time skip)

You walked into the class and greeted your friends and Komi you sat down and chatted a little with Komi.

" Morning Komi! " You greeted her.

" Good morning, " Komi wrote in her notebook

The bell rang and you sat in your seat, The teacher walked in and explained the lesson

(Time skip to after class )

You were about to walk up to Komi till most of the class swarmed her offering lunch, You had gotten quite annoyed at this and walked out irritated, Tho you didn't realize Komi was trying to talk to you.

(Third person pov)

Komi felt bad after she saw you trying to talk to her and give up so Komi got panicked thinking she did something wrong. Tadano noticed this and asked her about it,

" Hey, Komi? What's wrong? " Tadano asked her

"Nothing," She wrote as she was on the verge of tears

" Are you sure-? " Tadano asked again looking worried

Komi just nodded and got up to go find you. Soon after she found you at the vending machine getting a canned coffee to cool your nerves. She hid behind the wall-shaking of what shes gonna say, After a while, she finally got the courage and went to face you.

"Are you okay?" Komi wrote in her notebook.

"Yeah. Just tired is all" You replied calmly

Komi still thought you were mad at her, And after a good few minutes of her panicking and thinking she asked you

"Do you want to talk about it?" Komi wrote in her notebook

"I'm fine komi." You answered blandly

"Please don't lie," Komi wrote asked again

"Fine! You wanna know what's been ticking me off?! Everyone keeps fawning over you! I can't even talk to you normally without someone glaring at me and sending me death threats! Shouldn't i be able to talk to my girlfriend without the entire class trying to steal her away?! " You yelled until you realized what you did "Wait! Komi I'm sorry! " But it was too late as she ran away crying.

"Shit." You went to look for her

{Timeskip}

" So you're saying you made Y/N mad? " Tadano asked Komi

"Yes. " She wrote

" You could apologize " Tadano answered blandly

"I could but what if shes still mad! " Komi wrote

" I doubt it, Y/N couldn't stay mad at you for long. " Tadano replied

" Fine ill go apologize, " Komi wrote

Komi got up and left walking swiftly too look for you as you were looking for her

{Timeskip}

" Komi! " You called out getting her attention " I wanted to apologize, It wasn't your fault that the students are swarming you and i should not have yelled at you, Im sorry. "

She held her notebook up " Im sorry too, I didn't mean to make you jealous "

"You dont have to apologize to me! Im the one who is in the wrong, I shouldn't just yell at my girlfriend like that. " You scratched the back of your neck

Komi opened her mouth to talk she started stuttering until finally " I love you. " Came out of her mouth.

" I love you too Komi! " You replied smiling.

=================================

A/N: This is cringy asf the ending is bad- im better at headcannons so i just tried writing a one-shot/short story to practice-

[kaebedom-me]

Im not sure if you're open for requests rn but i am so inlove with your stories with the poly bois haha, (youre actually the only one ive seen really write for it and youre also the one who dragged me into liking it so thank you hahaha)

BUT anyways would it be alright if you could write something with childe and kaeya in a modern!college! au where perhaps the gn!reader has been secretly bullied for yknow, taking the two, most sought after, bois in the uni? But the readers stubborn and keeps it to themselves till maybe the bois notice a bruise of sorts or smth? 👁👁

sorry if this was long but have a good day!!

i lOVE this overused trope and aaa I'm so glad you enjoy they!! i think they're the best to this day they're my strongest main :')

if i were reader i'd honestly be thriving and be rubbing it in people's faces like hah sucks to be you bitch

maybe reader is like that uwu i also get that sometimes it's hard to deal with constant mean things being said about you uwu

i kinda see you not wanting to tell childe and kaeya about it because they won't let it slide so easily, they are protective over you after all

also you wouldn't put it past them to not do anything stupid drastic about it so you kinda just keep it on the down low hoping it'd pass you know

but boooy were you wrong, for the sake of plot I'm saying these people are relentless and lifeless and have nothing else better to worry about in their busy college life and the bullying just kept coming LMAO

it started out small, people not wanting to be in groups with you then maybe acquaintances started exclude you from activities the verbal bulling didn't come til after a while

the boys arent stupid they aren't blind and oblivious about it but you never made it out to be a problem so they don't want to risk making you upset by interfering

childe would call out someone for being mean to you though and that usually steers people away for a while

kaeya doesn't try to bully people back but he can't help the things his silver tongue spits out sometimes, ain't no one is gonna disrespect his s/o in front of him

hates that you're bummed about it for a while so will try to make it up to you by bringing you out of dates outside of the town do other uni goers don't see

til one day these high school bullies started to grow some balls, saw that the boys were protecting you a lot and just had to jab at you when they weren't around, some were brave enough to make a passive aggressive comment around them too v rude

i feel? they'd try to interfere like subtly? like want to deter the attention from you but somehow made it worse for awhile HAHHAHAHA

like leaving hickeys on you was not a good idea because you were tripped over by some fucking bitch when they saw it. they even made a comment about how humongous your insect bite was

you'll prolly try to stop them from doing anything weird to you for a while

it really started something when the tripping happened. maybe you still try to be meek about it and hope it'll go away but people are just that free you know? power trip or whatever

they just took it as encouragement and started to corner you while you were going around uni

that's when things became physical enough for childe and kaeya to notice

they'd hate themselves for letting it come to this because you are miserable and they could've done something much sooner and maybe they should've umu

will make you cough up names of the people who have been physically abusive and if you don't they'd be a lil frustrated and disappointed

i see it mostly being like them interpreting it as you don't trust the two of them enough to share your troubles with

they'll think they haven't been attentive enough or maybe they haven't been doing anything to let you know that you can lean on them for support

(but it's actually your brain that's stupid and stubborn umu)

but it's ok because it's time to fix everything so you can be happy again

childe and kaeya have enough friends and intel to know snuff out the morons that's been bothering you

and if it happened to be someone they used to associate with they'll prolly going to be chewed out by kaeya and beat up by childe

i wanna say they gather evidence and send it to the bullies' respective profs but i think they're more the type to settle this on the down low and make people really regret what they've done to you

they do gather evidence and send it school and put the info public to ruin people's lives but that's not until they got their revenge uwu

they type to go and confront the bullies uwu what you can't take what you dish out? childe and kaeya can be even meaner bullies too if they chose to but instead they use their charm for good smh

will scare bitches into never wanting to set foot outside of their room again

but won't do anything drastic enough to draw attention to them, they're better than these people ofc

childe and kaeya can be a very scary combo and you wouldn't want to piss them off. they're both schemers and nasty

one will break your bones while the other would break you emotionally uwu all for shits and giggles because that was what seemed to get them off when it was you

when all is said and done and they've completely ruined your bully's life they'll come back to you for a long talk

wants to know whats up and wants to make sure you don't feel like you have to carry something like this alone again

pampers you a ton

if you're like sdfalfgh about them handling it their way you're gonna have to deal with it because it was the only way

(it wasn't they were just in a bad mood because you were sad)

they'll!! reassure you a ton too!! and talk enough to uncover why you handled it the way you did

they want to be there for you and want you to rely on them for things like these!

also you made them worry a whole fuck ton so you better apologise!!!!!

soft make up and reassurance sex tho :bottom emoji: because you three were really hurt during this time

[cinefairy]

PART 5 — AFFIRMATIONS, HOW TO USE, WHAT ARE THEY? THE DETAILS.

okay so if you’ve been in the law of assunption community for a while you will know that affirmations are literally EVERYWHERE! EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

In this post i will explain:

• What are affirmations

• How to use affirmations to manifest

• Types of affirmations

• Why affirmations will benefit you in the long run.

WHAT ARE AFFIRMATIONS?

affirmations are sentences/statements that will help you bring you either your manifestation, better self concept or just anything in general. you can use them in any aspect of your life whether that is relationships, school, money etc.

HOW TO USE YOUR AFFIRMATIONS

using affirmations is really freaking simple- all you do is say them, you can either say them in your mind or say them outloud! whatever you prefer. some people repeat them 24/7..i personally wouldn’t recommend to do so, you dont have to- but why would u affirm 24/7 or something?? some people like to affirm whenever they think of their desire so lets say you are affirming to look like ariana grande whenever you think of ariana grande or your df you’ll say “i look like ariana grande”.

others like to drift off and say affirmations till they sleep in wish fulfilled aka lullaby method. ill talk about that in detail in another post. literally say them however you please! it doesnt really matter.

people often ask “does it matter if i say it past, future or present tense? NO. this is such a limiting belief when people say if you speak your affirmation in the future it will come in the future like NO. thats not true it doesnt matter what tense you say it. just remember to STAY IN THE STORY. DONT REPEAT THE OLD STORY

TYPES OF AFFIRMATIONS

theres a wide range of affirmations you can use so i will go through them ALL dont worry.

1 - Basic Affirming

this could just be like “I have what i want”, “I have all my desires” aka general umbrella affirmations, where they cover all. or just something like “I have xyz”

2 - Askfirmations

askfirmations are basically “Omg why did I manifest getting a million dollars so quickly” “Omg why am i such a fabulous pretty dream girl” literally anything like that.

3 - Complaining affirmations

okay so this is for people who like to complain or find it tough to simply put faith in their desires as a fact. so they would say “uggh i cant believe i manifested my desire so quickly” “uggh its so annoying have the most hugest ass in the entire world like”

4 - Rampaging!

rampaging is basically like just GOING ALL IN. you dont hold back you just go “yeah i have the most hugest fattest ass in the whole entire world i am so beautiful and amazing im stunning im a stunner people are literally mesmerised by how beautiful i am i feel like marilyn monroe.”

these are the ones i could think of atm but yeah there are LOADS its not just the ones i listed above there a whole wide ass range.

WHY AFFIRMATIONS WILL BENEFIT YOU IN THE LONG RUN

affirmations will help you in the long run because you are practicing every single damn day that you’re what you’re telling yourself, you repeating that story you are FOCUSING on that story and persisting in the affirmations so ofc you’re gonna get what you want literally no matter what.

affirmations can vary from person to person but they all lead to success :)

happy manifesting <3

[hellz-gate]

Pregnant Reader x Ray/Norman part 2

Part 1

YOU,NORMAN AND RAY ARE OVER 16 IN HERE

@aoinanase here ya go

This was gonna be athoner fanfic but school is being shit so have a headcannon sorry

WARNINGS FOR SHE/HER PRONOUNS AND PREGNANCY SLIGHT SMUT MENTION

RAY

You thought he was overprotective before but oh boy was he OVERPROTECTIVE now

Whenever you got out of bed he would always carry things for you and make sure you were sitting down and resting 24/7

"Y/N? Why are you holding a knife?!"

"Because im chopping up food"

"What? No let me do it thats unsafe you'll hurt the brat inside you"

"RAY I'VE BEEN COOKING SINCE I WAS 7"

He helped you alot with morning sickness and those days you couldn't get yourself up he would come up and bring you dinner and feed you himself

He'd often rub your stomach when you had kramps

"Oi little devil stop giving your mother a hard time"

Your sex drive went alot higher then it usually is

Not like hes complaining

You guys waited and didn't tell anyone till you were 3 months in only Glida,Emma,Don and Anna knew (due to medical reasons)

And in those 3 months alot happened

For one Norman was alive and apparently he is now an overlord ruleing an empire

You were hella glad to see Norman was okay but also glad of the new home he provided you

This place was safe away form demons and would be safe for you and Rays child you no longer had to live in that old temple anymore

Norman soon found out by himself of your pregnancy

"So Ray finally confessed? To be honest im suprised this is your first child"

You and Ray blushed at Normans teasing

You eventually tell the rest of your family of your pregnancy most kids are happy however some were curious

"Where did Y/N and Rays baby come form?"

"Yeah where do babies come form?"

"Don't you guys know? Storks fly them down and hand them thier babies!"

"If so then why is the baby in Y/Ns tummy?"

You and Ray had a deep shade of dark red covering your faces

Ray recalled the night he guessed he got you pregnant

You were up late doing chores while everyone was asleep

Ray didn't like the fact that you weren't asleep in his arms and came over

It started as a few kisses now and then but you pulled his hair which was his biggest turn on

The pair of you snuck out where noyone could hear you and...

You and Ray didn't wanna explain that

"Thats something you will learn when you are older" Gilda cut in as you and Ray sighed in relief

When you do enter labour Ray is...VERY worried for you.

It was actually a funny story how your water broke

He was holding you close in bed

His hands rubbing your back humming mothers lullaby

The kramps were really bad tonight your head was tucked into his chest

"Huh?" You felt a cold liquid go down your legs

"Uh Ray...i think my water broke"

"What i thought you pissed yourself again"

Well everyone is but Ray is worried most.

Anna, Gilda, Emma had never delivered a baby before in fact you were the first to have a child out of all the gracefiled children

But they have done thier research so has Ray

Ray never leaves your side once

Hes holding your hand tight no matter how much you end up crushing it

He gives you soft kisses on your hands while holding them whenever he can see your struggleing

Eventually your child is born healthy and screaming

Its a girl

She has rays dark hair and your deep/light E/C eyes

Ray had chosen a name and it was Isabella

There was no argument with him you argeed completely

Some kids didn't get why you would name your kid after the woman who lied and sold off your siblings for years

But deep down everyone still loved mom

And you probably missed her the most

Ray was afraid he wouldn't be a good dad since he never had a father figure in his life

However once you were sleeping few hours after labour Ray had gone to check if Isabella was okay

He looked at her sleeping figure and was about to go to bed himself when he felt her tiny little hand wrap around his finger

He looked back at her with a suprised face

You and Ray made this child

This was the lasting proof of your love

If 11 year old Ray had found out he was gonna have a child with you he wouldn't believe it

11 year old Ray had thought he was gonna die in that house

God was he glad you guys stopped him

He felt a tear prick his eye he wiped it away lightly

He was gonna protect you and Isabella at all costs

He was usually was the one who got up late at night to check Isabellas needs

You were the one who got up early on the morning to check her needs

Ray baby talked Isbella alot when noyone was looking

You bet your ass he sings his mothers lullaby to calm Isabella down at night

Isabella was loved by your whole family

Norman and Glida would usually read stories to Isabella

While constant piggybacks were given to Isabella by Don

And Emma wouldn't mind taking Isabella off your shoulders so you could rest

Ray was a very overprotective dad

"Oi! Little devil! Stop crawling everywhere!"

"Don be careful with her"

"Im not overprotective i just dont want her to get hurt!"

Her crib is right next to you and Rayd bed

Most nights she ends up sleeping in between you and Ray

He cradles you both holding you close

Hes lost alot of people over the years he doesn't wanna lose you both

NORMAN

Norman wanted to make sure you had an easy pregnancy

He always made sure someone form the team was keeping an eye on you

He has to work aswell but you mean to world to him you come first

He knows youre a though chick your besties with Barbara for a reason

That doesn't stop him form wanting to protect you and his child

He would often help you with morning sickness

He'd stay up late doing his work and you would usually have your lonely moods during the night

"Is our little miracle keeping you awake agien sunshine?"

He wouldn't mind having you sit in his lap as he does his work

You were very tiny afterall

You'd often fall asleep in his arms

You wait on telling the others in Normans group untill 3 months in

Alot happened in those 3 months

For one Norman found his long lost family

You got along with his family great especially Emma

Its werid since Norman used to have feelings for Emma (which are gone now he loves you) and you girls get along so well

Barbra though still claims you as her bestie and keeps you close

Its funny to watch to be honest

When you do tell the others its all a shock to be honest

Norman had changed alot over the years to be honest

They didn't expect to see him alive

And they definitely didn't expect for him to have a girlfriend

Let alone a pregnant one

All are happy for him though

Barbara gave Norman a death glare knowing very well how babies were made

However the little ones had no idea and were very curious

"Wait how are Norman and Y/N pregnant?"

"Yeah that makes sense"

"Norman how did Y/N get pregnant?"

When i say his face was red i mean his face was RED

Recalling the night you snuck into his office

You had teased him like you usually did being the horny mess you were

Norman had decided to play your game

In short he fucked you over his desk

He didn't wanna tell his innocent younger siblings of the dirty deeds you guys did

"Yeah Norman tell them" Ray smirked at his best friend

Before he could say anything else Emma hit him over the head with her hand

"Thats something you'l guys learn when your older" Emma said "for now leave them be"

Emma I've known you for a month but oh my god i fucking love you

Is what you wanted to say to the red head but you kept it in

When your water breaks Norman was up late working as usual

He was hella suprised when Barbara kicked open his door and shouted

"BOSS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS IN LABOUR"

He quickly rushed to make sure you were okay

He had done ALOT of research on pregnancy and labour

Nevertheless he was nervous as hell

He was sure he was prepared for any complications that might come

But he didn't want anything bad to happen to you or the baby

He stays by your side the whole time holding your hand

He swore his hand broke at least a thousand times during labour

He forgot how strong you were compared to him

When your baby is born he is relieved to see you and your...son in shape

"Wow...i just did that" you sighed tired looking into your sons eyes

He had your h/c hair and Normans light ocen eyes

He looked at his newborn son in awe

"Hey Norman i was wondering can..we name him Akira? It means bright and dawn in Japanese and i think-Norman are crying?"

"Huh?" Indeed he was

"Oh sorry" he said wiping his tears away

"Im just so happy, we can name him whatever you want i don't care the name to be honest because hes still our miracle"

Norman loved Akira so much and would give him constant biggy back rides

Would baby talk him with no shame

Legit noyone thought the boss could be this kind

Everyone loves Akira

He would constantly pull on Rays hair

And he loved Emma and Barbara he was always seen laughing or giggling with them

Everynight would always end up with Norman holding you and Akira close

"Goodnight my little sunshine" he whispered before kissing Akira on the forehead

"Uh? I thought i was sunshine"

"Uh...he can be sunshine number 2?"