#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

its-stayville-forever · 1 day ago

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I stared at my laptop for so long, not knowing what I wanted or needed to say. What do I say? What will I say that will do justice to this beautiful, intricate, detailed piece of art you’ve craved with your hands? Do I start with the tears? Or the smiles? Or the plethora of questions that I have for you?

(Yes. Yes I am taking this apart and reading through the lines, underneath the lines, along the lines, you name it, I’m doing it. I think you knew what you were bringing upon yourself when you started writing this lol)

-The Title.

Listen, I’ve had my fair share of duolingo lessons with French, and I know that the title translates to ‘Tear’. Not the salty droplets of water (that’s la larme, but you don’t need to know that), but the ripping into shreds. So I really, really am soooo curious as to why you chose that word for the title. Is it because both the characters have their hearts torn and shred apart or is it that you ultimately wanted to tear OUR hearts apart? Or is there a reference that just went over my head? 🤓

-The Characters.

To create characters with depth, with hurt and suffering flowing through their veins? And to make it seem so easy for their hurt to seep into you? You know you’re actually fucking insane right? You’re so crazy SAHAR. Coming back to the point ehm ☺️. To write about a character that loathes a dead body, and to write her so intricately broken from the inside, to write a character that hurts from death and loss and to put the two with each other in a GRAVEYARD!? You put a person who’s hurt because of their mother (and father but 🤷‍♀️ ), and another individual who’s hurt due to the DEATH of their mother. Similar but such different causes. I absolutely hated the mom’s character, but I LOVE the way you wrote her and kept her character as it is throughout. The loss of a daughter and the need to see her all the time in the other one, literally everything about her character made my heart throb. I don’t, GOD I really don’t know the way your brain works wonders like these. How long did you put into developing the movie?

-The Story.

This is a personal preference but I’m a SUCKER for angst (you know that), and this hit alllll the spots. I shed so many tears, so many gasps, so many emotions all together, like you always do with your works.

Anyways. The story.

You know what this reminded me of? A movie. Reading through this entire thing, i felt like i was watching a movie unfold. Although I did feel that the story was slightly rushed (just a bit, i would’ve LOVED if it was two parts or longer but i ate this up anyways), I think the way you wrote from the beginning, her wishing death, that is her name on the stone than her sisters, to hyune finally putting down the flowers on her graveyard. Red lilies symbolize death and loss (yes baby i saw you there 😞) and i am in so awe of how you took out even the minutest of details like that one. I absolutely adored the quote and its use throughout the entire story and the relationship the two had as a ballerina and a figure skater. NOW. THE SCENE WHERE SHE GOES TO WATCH HIM IN THE OLYMPICS!?!? It reminded me of all the cute scenes we witnessed at the recent Olympics and it was just so 😿 I reached my peak at the end, I burst out crying in the last few paragraphs.

You are in a graveyard once more. You watch as Hyunjin sweeps the name atop the tombstone gently. Prima ballerina assoluta, he reads, the swan of my heart. His weathered hands shake as they clutch a bouquet of fresh red lilies, and your heart still aches at the sight.

It is late at night at the graveyard, the branches are still humming to one another, like a melancholic flute. You understand now that they speak to the buried ones. “Not so long now,” they reassure, “your loved ones will follow.”

You believe them, and you will wait. For now, you’ll find solace in the red lilies sitting atop your grave.

They are now meant for you, at long last.

THISSSSSSS OH MY GODDD 😭

Thank you sahar. Thank you from the depth of my heart for putting something out that I sort of relate to when I need it the most. Just like with this and the poem you posted when you visited Monet’s birthplace, you put it out when I needed it the absolute most. I hope the love and care you put out for others is given three folds back to you. Take care and a big kiss for you, mwah.

-your biggest fan

La déchirure

You exist to mourn, to ache for what was and all that will never be. Even if happiness brushed against your fingertips, dazzling and radiant, you would not recognize its face, you would distort its features into the terrible grief you’ve always known.

pairing: figure skater!hyunjin x ballerina!reader.

genre: angst. slowwww burn. heavy and recurrent grief. healing.

warnings: mc has a bad relationship with her parents. grief is a prominent theme here so please be aware. some allusions to sex but no smut. description of injuries.

word count: 21.8k

author’s note: heyyyy…. haven’t posted anything in 3 months i feel so shy AJNSJD i say this about every fic but this fic is truly my baby it took me so long to get it done and i poured my heart into it. so please if you enjoyed reading pls pls pls let me know. it means the world and more to me. happyyy reading!!! also thanks to @hyunverse for indulging all my brainrots about this fic i LOVE YOU

Your bare soles are bleeding across the graveyard. You don’t remember when your sandals slipped away from your feet, nor when your body decided to bring you here, heels scratched from the tiny rocks littering the ground.

But the pain doesn’t register in your brain, not yet. You’re only paying attention to the last name written on the tombstone— your last name, to be exact.

Right now, more than ever, you wished your first name was engraved beside it too.

You’ve memorized this graveyard like the back of your hand, know what sound the tree branches make during spring— gently swaying, like a melancholic flute, aching because flowers refuse to bloom upon them. And during winter too— even sadder, angrier, perhaps to mimic the sound of the souls left alone in the graves to fend off the cold.

Though you’ve never approached this tombstone before. You always remained a few feet back, each time your parents brought you to your late sister’s grave— every Sunday, for the past eighteen years of your existence, without fault.

You don’t know the person they’re mourning.

You don’t know the person they wish to mold you after.

Somehow, in a sick twist of fate, the course of your existence was set in stone before you could draw your first breath into this universe.

She looks just like her sister, your mom whispered in awe, tears brimming in her waterline as she beheld you close to her bare chest.

That is what your grandmother recalls about your birth, the rejoice of you being an exact copy of your sister’s features. There was nothing in her, in everyone’s memory about you. Everything orbited around your sister, the way the planets chase after the sun. You were, after all, born to replace the void she left behind.

You sometimes wonder, is your physique the first setting stone of your pain? Had your hair been lighter, darker than hers, your lips smaller, plumper, would your parents be forced to look at you, behold you for who you are, learn to love you for who you would be?

The question first popped into your brain at age five— maybe less intricate, a feeling that pressed against your ribcage: your parents don’t love you a lot, do they? You are now eighteen, the question has yet to desert you.

You’ve always been aware of this reality— there are more pictures of your sister than of you in your house. Your parents always spoke of her, the perfect little girl, whisked away by a terrible sickness, at age seven.

And she loved ballet.

So, you had to love ballet too.

You weren’t given a choice, per se. At age four, you were thrust into a ballet class with little oblivious girls; just like you. Flushed cheeks and glossy eyes as you all tried to follow the teacher’s instruction. It wasn’t easy, it never got easier, year after year, only more challenging, only harder on your body.

Bigger bruises, sprained ankles from time to time, you’ve lost count of the injuries this art has inflicted upon your body. But thankfully, you ended up loving it too. You loved how graceful it made you feel, how the music seemed to whisk you away to an enchanting world, how the applause roared each time you came first in a competition, all eyes on you alone.

Or so you hoped, you prayed. You wished to dance better, harder until all your parents could see was you. Not the daughter that came before you.

It was hard to admit at times, certainly something you never said out loud. But surely, yes, you were jealous of your deceased sister.

How could you not be when it seemed like you were competing with a ghost, someone whose absence weighed more than your presence?

Snippets of your life flash before your eyes as you stare at her grave. Pirouette, arabesque, plié, tendu— those are words engraved within your mind, ones you breathe in more than oxygen. You hear them in the voice of your ballet instructor, Jihyo. She’s a woman in her forties, though she looks older from the harsh lines framing her face.

Her voice is high-pitched, her hair always tied back in a sleek bun you’re sure pains her brain, her words are harsh each time she corrects your posture.

And she’s the only person who believes in you.

She’s not nice, she has made you cry more times than you can count. So, you knew when she leveled her eyes to yours when you were nine, when she told you, “I see something magical in you”— that she was telling the truth.

You wanted to prove her right, because for once, someone saw something in you, not in a ghost, not in ground-up bones.

In you.

You feel an uncontained anger swell within you, waves of relentless hurt swarming you as you fall to your knees.

You worked hard. You worked so hard. Between classes and ballet practice, the days strung you by like a puppet and sometimes you didn’t have enough time to breathe.

Your entire life revolved around ballet. spin, point well, adjust your posture, you can’t stop now. Suddenly it’s two a.m. and you only get four hours of sleep before your classes begin. You didn’t have time to socialize with your peers, to have a crush on the sweet guy in your maths class, to giggle at an arcade with your friends. Soon after you were in your ballet class, even more spins, points, arabesque.

But all of your exhaustion dissipated today. All of it seemed okay, for the first time in your existence, perhaps, the breath that escaped your chest wasn’t heavy. It was light, it was airy, it was one that yearned for the next, for the days that will follow, tinted with happiness, for once.

“I got into Julliard”

That is what you told your parents an hour ago, voice brimming with uncontainable happiness, tears dripping down your eyes in an uncontrollable flow.

Your mother’s eyes became teary in an instant. You thought the past was past you now. You’ll forgive eighteen years of coming second in your mother’s heart. Surely, she will only see you now.

But then her eyes set on the portrait of your sister on the wall, her tone desolate when she whispered—“she would have loved Julliard too.”

You don’t remember what happened after that. What curse escaped your mouth from the years of barely contained bitterness, when everything lashed out like venomous poison on your parents.

You remember screaming, lots of it, something breaking too, you don’t recall if it is you who threw the vase or your father. The latter seemed more plausible— he was always bound to these sudden bouts of anger. Effects of grief, consequences of your sister’s absence. Her, yet again, poisoning your life.

You remember feeling like a stranger in your home, a nobody, someone they��d kill in an instant to bring her back.

It was no longer a feeling, though. It was a fact. Your father cemented it loud and clear for you— “I wish she never died so you would’ve never been born.”

A pin-drop silence followed. Your father was always bound to bouts of anger, you knew that. He always regretted it afterward too, just like he felt in that instant, scrambling to apologize, to cup your cheek and say he didn’t mean it.

For how long has this thought festered in his brain, taken root in his veins, and flashed before his eyes each time he looked at you?

For how long did your parents wish you were dead instead?

You don’t remember how you got to the graveyard. You don’t recall when it started pouring heavily on you. You only register the rain because the earth is wet as you clench it between your fists, as you punch the ground under which your sister is buried.

You are crying, sobbing, a hysterical mess, you don’t know what you’re yelling, who you’re calling out for, what you’re trying to achieve by punching her grave.

Unearthing her body and burying yours there instead, perhaps.

“What are you doing?” a stranger’s voice startles you, cutting through the fog in your mind like a thunderbolt.

You don’t reply, simply turning around to look at the man standing a mere inches away from you.

“Do you know her or are you just desecrating her grave?” he asks calmly, as he brings a pink umbrella over your head. You realize that you’re drenched from head to toe, your feeble pajama does nothing to fight off the cold filtering between the fabric and your skin.

You are freezing. You fear there is no place warm enough for your soul, not anymore.

“She’s my late sister,” you say, voice raw, scratched like a broken record.

“She died young,” he says, looking at the dates engraved on the tombstone.

You feel so horrible, for a millisecond.

She was only seven.

Her grave is too small compared to your body.

But the anger quickly comes back to blind you. You invite it into your heart, push away the sadness and welcome the rage instead. It is the only thing comforting you in that instant.

“Did she do something to you?” he asks, his voice contrasting nicely against the heavy shatter of rain. It reminds you of the intro of your ballet music, soothing.

“No,” you admit, a bit shamefully. But all sense of guilt dissipates at his next question— “then wouldn’t she be sad seeing you do this?”

“What about MY sadness? MY anger?” you shout, lips trembling like the branches above your head. the storm picks up with your rising voice, the rain’s pitter-patter mimics the chaos inside your brain.

He remains silent and you can barely grasp the expression on his face, concealed by the umbrella’s shadows. You imagine that this conversation must have bored him, so you turn around yet again, your heart pounding angrily against your skin.

But then, he kneels beside you, his umbrella completely discarded. You don’t dare to tilt your face towards him, so you simply stare ahead, your breath caught in your throat— what is he thinking of your most vulnerable state?

“I am rage,” he says, his voice permeating your being softly, the storm seems to calm down too to follow the ebb of his voice. “It means I am alive, or better, I am life, according to Armand, a modern art painter. You are alive today, and you get to be angry. That’s not something anyone here can enjoy,” he points out, taking a fleeting glance at the graves surrounding you.

“You get to do something with that anger. But this, this won’t cure it.”

He’s young, roughly your age it seems, but he speaks as if he beholds a wisdom beyond his years. You wonder what he went through to understand rage doesn’t fix anything. You wonder if he has ever been this angry, too.

Did he move past it? Or did he drown the anger deep within the wells of his soul so he wouldn’t confront its ugly face?

The question roams in your head as you watch him place a bouquet of red lilies atop the grave. You didn’t even notice the flowers at first, your view was too distorted by tears to grasp anything beautiful.

“You’ll catch a cold,” the guy points out, smiling at you, or at least attempting to since the grin doesn’t reach his eyes. His words come out slower, as if weighed down by a sadness only he can feel.

He is in a graveyard after all, the flowers were meant for someone else than you.

“Wait here,” he says, quickly getting up and jogging out of the graveyard.

What a silly request, you think, it’s not like you would dare move. Your feet are aching and you have nowhere else to go.

He returns a few minutes later, a hoodie in his hands that he promptly pulls over your head. The warm fabric engulfs you in a cloud of roses and musk. “I tried to warm it up with the car’s heating,” he says sheepishly, and you blink slowly at his kindness, a pink tint blooming across your cheeks.

“Thank you.”

His eyes fleet to your bare, bleeding feet, and you fidget in place, trapped by a bout of embarrassment.

“I have spare shoes in my car. Do you want me to drive you home?” His voice is gentle, as if speaking to a wounded animal, too bruised by the hands of humans. Tears spring to your eyes once more, you wish the earth could crack open and swallow you whole.

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“You won’t,” he says, and as if sensing your hesitation, he adds, “I promise. Leaving you here is what would burden me.”

You are very tired as he drives you to your place. You speak once when you ask him if he wasn’t there to visit someone, he says that it’s okay, he can come back tomorrow.

You only dare look at him at the last red light before you arrive at your address. He’s beautiful, black strands sticking to his forehead, a tiny pout pulling his rosy lips forward. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, contrasting beautifully with the mole on his cheek. Then, by his jaw. Another at the beginning of his neck. You wonder if he has a map of ebony stars trailing down his chest.

You don’t know why this stranger instills such safety in you. Why would you rather stay in his car than set foot into your house once more. You dread what will await you behind those doors, you don’t think your heart could handle another tear at its tender flesh.

You don’t think you could handle looking at your parents and only seeing strangers.

But you know this safety has something to do with the way he placed the lilies atop the grave; as if it beheld someone dear to his heart and not a stranger. How he made sure you got home safely, how he didn’t seem to care that you dirtied his front seat and the carpet below your feet.

He looks like a good person.

You wish to tell your good news to a good person.

“I got into Julliard,” you quickly let out as soon as he parks. You don’t allow yourself time to regret your confession.

A breathtaking smile overtakes his face, the thunderstorm outside pales before the sun shining in his features.

“Really?” he asks cheerfully, and you nod, a tiny smile painting across your lips. “Mm. Really.”

“That’s amazing!” his grin further widens, his eyes disappearing into two lovely moon crescents. “I know I’m just a stranger but, I'm proud of you,” his voice softens, “I mean it. I hope you’re proud of yourself too.”

It takes you a few seconds to answer, you wish to bask further in the sound of his voice, to store his words into your memory, to revisit his kindness on nights that are too cold.

This was all you’ve ever wanted to hear.

“Thank you,” you smile softly. A moment of silence passes, you find yourself missing this stranger before you even leave his car. You wish to carry a piece of his memory within you, a souvenir of who he is— “I'm Yn, by the way.”

“Yn,” he repeats, his voice tender. “Nice to meet you, Yn. I’m Hyunjin.”

Four years later.

“You need to work on your landing more, but the rest is good.”

“Thanks, coach.” Hyunjin gives Jihyoun, his lifelong mentor, a thumbs-up as he loosens the laces of his ice skates. A dull ache is throbbing through his legs, like the faint buzz of bees circling roses.

His body is weary, every muscle reminding him of the sheer effort he’s poured into perfecting his routine for the upcoming figure skating competition— the most important one of his life, by far.

“Are you leaving now?” Jihyoun’s voice pierces the delicate silence and Hyunjin nods, resting his head against the cold concrete wall. “Just gonna take a breather.”

“I’ll head out then,” Jihyoun says, patting his back gently, “make sure you get some rest.”

Hyunjin waits till his coach is far out the corridor to release a relieved breath. A familiar silence wraps around the ice rink like a comforting cloak, the stillness sits beside Hyunjin like an old friend. It is here, amid the soft hum of machines and the chill of the rink that Hyunjin feels most like himself.

A few minutes trickle by, slow and silent. An uncomfortable feeling nudges at Hyunjin’s rib as he remains as still as a statue; he knows he’s on a losing bet to make time stretch forth, hoping that the sun outside will pause in its descent— a few more moments before the darkness completely sets in Seoul. Because the night will surely string along with it the next day, and the next day is one Hyunjin isn’t ready to face.

When does he ever?

But the sun always sets and rises once more, even if you dont wish for it to.

With a sigh, Hyunjin grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. He makes his way to the vending machine upstairs, in the dimly lit corner near the dance studio. He drops a few coins into the slot, punching the number for his usual drink. But it gets stuck—of course.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, pressing his forehead against the cold glass before frustratedly kicking the machine.

“I am rage,” a voice suddenly teases from behind.

Hyunjin is quick to distance himself from the machine, startled, and admittedly, very embarrassed. His shame morphs to surprise when he sees you standing there.

Your lips curve into a gentle smile, and your eyes sparkle with quiet amusement— that light, however, dims slightly when he doesn’t immediately respond.

It takes all of Hyunjin’s will to act like he doesn’t recognize you.

“You get to do something with your anger, but this won’t cure it.” You quote, your voice softer now. “You know, you told me this, near the graveyard…” You point vaguely behind you, each word growing quieter as if you’re no longer sure if that scene was real or a figment of your imagination.

Hyunjin nods in recognition, and you relax, the tension lifting from your shoulders.

“Miss Julliard,” he murmurs, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. Your grin brightens at his words and Hyunjin notices faint smile lines tracing your lips and eyes. It seems as if you’ve laughed quite often for the past four years. The thought brings him a strange sense of comfort.

“What did the vending machine do to deserve this?” you ask, tilting your head with playful curiosity.

“Stole my money,” Hyunjin mutters.

“You’ve got to hit the side when that happens.” You show him, tapping the machine with an experienced hand. His drink clatters down, and he shoots you a thankful grin as he bends to retrieve it.

In those brief seconds, with his head bowed, Hyunjin begs his heart to slow its frantic beating.

“What are you doing here?” you ask once he stands.

“I’m an ice skater,” he says, and your eyes widen with genuine surprise.

“Really? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah… I guess it is. Are you back from Julliard?” His voice is softer now, more tentative, reminiscent of the day you met.

“For a little while. Just a few months. This studio—” you glance around, “—it’s where I used to train before I went away.”

“I see,” Hyunjin nods, “I train upstairs, in the ice rink. Because I’m an ice skater,” he repeats, before closing his eyes in embarrassment as your giggles spill forth. No shit Hyunjin.

“I’ll see you around then,” he quickly mutters, eager to end the conversation, before turning around and hurrying away.

He’s almost by the stairs when your voice calls out his name, urgent, pressing.

“Hyunjin!”

His body freezes before his mind orders it to—he’s not the only one who remembers, then.

“Did you eat dinner?” you shout, a little out of breath.

“No,” he admits.

“There’s a place nearby that makes the best kimchi stew. Want to go?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“It’s my treat.” Your smile has slightly dimmed, and you’re unconsciously scratching the skin by your nails. Even from afar, Hyunjin can discern a shadow looming in your eyes, a plea unspoken.

“Are you lonely?” Hyunjin’s question comes out before he can stop it, blunt and raw. He’s always been honest, maybe too honest for his own good. Time has taught him that every moment matters, that each second slips away faster than you expect, and that it’s better to speak the truth before it comes back to poison you.

Your smile falters. “I just… don’t want to go home. not yet,” you confess quietly.

“So you’re using me?” he teases, leaning back against the wall with a smirk. You roll your eyes, muttering “Never mind” under your breath as you start to turn away.

“Fine,” he sighs, pushing off the wall. “But I’m craving sushi.”

…

Hyunjin’s eyes are more worn than the last time you’ve seen him.

Four years ago, they were puffy, soft with exhaustion, their brown dulled like the last flower clinging to life as fall sets in. But now, the lights have gone out completely, like a bloom crushed underfoot, its color bleeding into the cracks of the pavement.

You steal glances at him between spoonfuls of kimchi jjigae (he silently followed you to your restaurant), watching for any sign of recognition. But he doesn’t seem to remember your name, nor the day at the graveyard as much as you do.

The thought strips you of embarrassment and clothes you in sadness instead.

Hyunjin has written your name into his diary more times than he’d care to admit, even less so to you.

He has always walked this earth alone, a stranger even to his own emotions, especially his grief— no one understood how his mother’s death consumed him whole.

It is true that only one body was laid to the ground many years ago. But Hyunjin’s soul followed hers into the ground when he was just fourteen.

His sadness made sense to his teachers, his classmates, and even the distant relatives who only came around occasionally. But no one grasped the depth of his anger—at the universe for taking his mother when he was still a child, at the illness that wore down her bones, at himself, mostly, for still breathing when she no longer could.

That rage had devoured him, tore through his flesh with its canine teeth. He only saw its reflection once—when he met you.

Hyunjin didn’t know who or what you were mourning that day at the graveyard. But he remembers your screams on his way to his mother’s grave, raw and stripped down to the marrow. It was as if he had stumbled upon his younger self, begging his mother to dig through the earth and hug his frail body once more, just once more.

“How long have you been skating ?” you ask suddenly, your gaze flickering over his face. He blinks slowly, as if to bring his consciousness back to the present moment.

“Since i was a kid, nearly two decades now,” he says.

“Do you like it?” it is a harmless question, a natural succession of the one that came before it. But nothing was ever that simple with Hyunjin, because ice skating reminded him of his mother, and his mother was the wound that had yet to stop bleeding.

“I do, I really do,” he speaks softly, a fragile smile curling his lips. He waits till you both finish the first bottle of soju to ask— how have you been? and it’s your turn to frown slightly. He notices the tightening of your fist around the spoon, the subtle tremor in your hand. You, too, carry an ever bleeding wound.

“I’m okay.”

The next question slips from him without thought, “are you still as angry?”

You remain silent for a few seconds, holding his gaze as the question settles between you. His cheeks flush, and he almost apologizes for his bluntness, but then you speak.

“Was I ever angry? I think I was just very sad.”

Snippets of a younger Hyunjin flash through his mind. The numerous brawls he got in with his classmates, the way he pushed away anyone who tried to show him kindness— He was all thorns, keeping others from reaching the tender petals beneath.

Tears spring in his eyes, unbidden, and he bites his lower lip. He understands what you mean perfectly, you understand what he feels perfectly too.

“I feel as if my heart is too tired now to bear such big anger,” you say with a smile. “Have you worn out yet? That’s what I’d like to ask.”

“Aren’t you afraid of the answer?” he pauses, adding in a quiet whisper, “I am.”

The chandelier above dances across his glossy eyes. You’ve never been optimistic—life hasn’t allowed you that luxury. But a small part of you wants to offer Hyunjin hope, to breathe life back into his weary heart, even though you no longer believe in hope yourself.

But no words of reassurance come. So instead, you offer something much simpler, much more realistic. “Let’s ask it another time, then,” you smile, pouring each other a new round of drinks. You quickly down three shots before laying your head on the table.

“Are you sleeping?” Hyunjin asks with a quiet laugh, the sound light, like a melody played softly on piano keys.

“It’s fine,” you wave a hand in the air. “The owner knows me. He’ll wake me when it’s time to close.”

Both of you are running from home, or what’s left of it. Hyunjin watches you, your face softened by fleeting peace, so different from the grief he’s etched into his memories.

Far more beautiful, too.

“Then wake me up, too,” he sighs, resting his head beside yours.

His eyelids close instantly, lulled to a nice sleep by the buzz of the fridge and the soft hum of your breathing.

Many minutes pass by— quiet and uninterrupted. Hyunjin finds that the next day has come much slower in your company.

…

The first time you saw Hyunjin figure skating, you were drawn like a moth to a flame to the music echoing from the ice rink.

You recognized the swelling violin of Can You Hear the Music, and paused by the entrance, torn between stepping in and turning back. What if it wasn’t Hyunjin? Worse, what if it was, and he didn’t wish to see you?

Still, your feet betrayed your hesitation, inching forward. You stood at the door, watching in quiet awe as Hyunjin leaped into the air, spinning with perfect grace. He landed effortlessly on one foot, the other extended behind him in a flawless arc.

The lights danced over his body, his flowing white blouse trailing his movements like a siren’s voice pulling in sailors. His black hair floated weightlessly with each spin, strands resting delicately against his forehead.

For the past four years, you had struggled to feel human. The world tasted bland, as if your heart had lost its ability to savor anything. You were afraid you’d lost the capacity to be amazed—by sunsets, by poignant art that once moved you to tears. So you chased after beauty, desperate for the feelings it could still stir in you, a fragile reminder of your humanity.

But watching Hyunjin skate— that gripped your heart more than anything else had in years.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” a voice startles you and you turn quickly, caught off guard by a man standing beside you, a bottle of water in hand and a kind smile on his face.

“Yes, he is,” you reply quietly.

“I’m Jihyoun, Hyunjin’s coach,” he introduced himself, extending a firm hand.

“Yn,” you hesitated, glancing at Hyunjin, who was still absorbed in his performance. “An acquaintance.”

Jihyoun nodded, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. You followed suit, unable to tear your gaze away from Hyunjin as he spun, cradling his chest as if holding a memory close, his body lowering toward the ground in a quiet ache. It was a pain you knew all too well.

As the music softened, Hyunjin stilled, closing his eyes, taking a moment to catch his breath. You were about to slip away, retreating like a shadow escaping the light, but Jihyoun would have found you weird, perhaps he’d think you were a stalker. So, you remained there.

“Hey, coach,” Hyunjin waved, skating toward you both. Anxiety flickered in your chest like a match that refused to light up—you regretted coming now. You had shared a meal just days ago, but Hyunjin hadn’t asked for your name, nor did he seem to remember it. Maybe you held onto his memory more warmly than he held onto yours.

“Miss Julliard,” Hyunjin greeted with a soft smile as his eyes landed on you, and just like that, your worries dissolved like sugar in hot tea.

“Julliard? That’s impressive,” Jihyoun whistled, but you shook your head. You often forgot how prestigious your school was—perhaps because no one ever celebrated your acceptance in it.

No one, except Hyunjin.

“Have you eaten?” Hyunjin asked, gliding to the edge of the rink, his blouse clinging to his sweat-soaked skin.

“No,” you shook your head. He nodded nonchalantly.

“I’m craving kimchi jiggae again,” he tipped his chin towards you, “we can go again, if you’d like.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” you grinned.

“Okay. Wait for me.”

…

Hyunjin’s routine has always been quite simple.

He’d work out in the morning, the rest of his day lost in practice, his nights reserved for painting or reading, sometimes pouring his thoughts onto paper. It was a life untouched by turbulence, a pattern he rarely swayed from— until you wove yourself into it.

For the past two weeks, you always came to see Hyunjin at the end of his practice. Some nights you’d go eat dinner at your usual spot; sometimes you’d simply buy a drink and find a quiet refuge on the rooftop, watching the city lights twinkle beneath the stars.

There was a strange sense of comfort, he had found, in two bruised souls sitting with one another— an unspoken understanding of what your tongues had often failed to express.

But you hadn’t come to see him in two days.

It’s past one a.m. when Hyunjin finally exits the practice building. He pauses outside, turning back to see that the lights are still on in the dance studio.

He hopes it is you dancing there.

With a faint sigh, he takes the stairs two at a time, not wanting to dwell on the fact that, for the very first time in a while, Hyunjin, the ever lonely man, is seeking someone else’s presence.

When Hyunjin pushes open the studio door, he finds you sitting on the floor, knees tucked to your chest. Your tutu encircles you the way petals would hug a stem— layers of soft tulle in pale pink, contrasting delicately against your sheer tights and pointe shoes.

You appear just like the water lily he sketched only yesterday—soft pastels and an unmatched delicateness. His cheeks flush at the comparison, and, in a hurried attempt to leave, he fumbles, catching his shirt on the doorknob and bumping into the door.

He’s frozen in place, wincing when you call out his name in surprise. Does he have to embarrass himself each time he’s around you?

He turns slowly, a sheepish smile creeping onto his face. “Miss Julliard,” he waves, and you grin in return, your eyes warm, “What are you doing here?”

The words are lost on him as you run over to him, stopping mere inches away from his figure. His fingers twitch for his sketchbook, a sudden urge seizes him to draw you.

“You didn’t come by yesterday so I came to see you,” he explains, voice soft like a summer breeze.

Your grin brightens like the sun. “Ah, did you miss me?” you tease, and he rolls his eyes playfully, walking past you to sit on the floor.

Did he miss you? no he didn’t, but his heart did ache, just a little, at your absence.

“Why did you look so defeated sitting on the ground?” he asks instead of replying, leaning against the mirrored wall.

You sigh, taking your place across from him, “practicing this dance is so hard, I got sick of it.”

He nods, understanding the frustration that stems from being a perfectionist, always chasing ideals in your work.

“You know what helps me? Performing to a song I love. Reminds me what I love about the sport.”

You hum, before a mischievous glint sparks in your eyes. “There is this one song.. From a barbie movie.”

He blinks in surprise, laughing as you dash for your phone.

“Barbie?”

“Yes! The 12 dancing princesses. My mom made me watch it to convince me to take up ballet.”

“Is that so?” he grins, placing his chin atop his palm.

“Yeah, she wanted me to follow my sister’s footsteps,” you say, and he thinks back to the small grave you were both kneeling next to. “I wonder if I wouldn’t have become a ballerina if I didn’t watch it,” you muse, before clearing your throat.

“Anyways,” you force a smile on your face, as a whimsical melody streams through the loud speakers. Your grin turns childlike as you stand onto pointe, your raised foot grazing the knee of your supporting leg.

You glide across the floor as if you are floating, your tutu catching the soft glow of the studio light. Your leaps are as light as air, and you slide to Hyunjin grabbing his hand to pull him up, drawing him into your orbit.

You laugh, spinning around him, your movements fluid and free, yet your arms frame your figure with a rehearsed prouesse. He can’t help but laugh with you, the warmth of your presence filling the room, the music wrapping around you both like a spell.

You’re a blur of pink and light, you appear like an angel dancing to the tune of childhood memories.

As the song reaches its end, you twirl one last time before bowing gracefully. Hyunjin claps, the sound echoing in the quiet studio.

“I haven’t danced to that in years,” you say, catching your breath. “I probably looked ridiculous.”

He shakes his head, his voice steady and sincere. “I think ballet would’ve found you anyway. It’s like you were born for it.”

Hyunjin is used to the cold bite of the ice rink, that is where he feels most like himself. But he is somehow drawn to the warmth of this particular studio—no, not just the studio. It’s the warmth you bring, the way your smile lights up the space at his words, that makes him feel, for the first time in a long while, that he could have a friend. That he doesn’t need to walk down the path of life alone.

…

You’re lingering at the doorstep of your home, keys gripped like a lifeline in your trembling fingers. It always takes you three heartbeats to open the door—one to shut your eyes, two to fill your lungs with air, and three to prepare for the tidal wave of hurt waiting on the other side.

You push the door open and slip inside, peeling off your shoes like a shadow trying to leave no trace. With each step, the house pulls you in, a black hole swallowing the warmth that once flickered in your veins, devouring any trace of light.

Dinner with Hyunjin still burns faintly in your chest, like the lingering heat of a fireplace after the flames have died. He makes you laugh a lot, because he’s clumsy, and a peculiar fan of weird debates. You had just spent an hour discussing whether humans have two buttcheeks or simply one.

But you wither down inside this home, your joy punctured like a balloon drifting too close to the sun.

The walls have permeated your sadness, they echo the killing sentence your father cast into your heart four years ago, a wound that festers no matter how much time has passed.

Hyunjin asked you a few days ago why you were back to Seoul. You told him you were competing in the Seoul International Ballet Competition, and he said that he was preparing for the Olympics selection. He then laughed, saying how strange it was that after a month of seeing each other every day, it was only now that you’d shared this.

You tried to laugh with him, but the sound felt like a stone sinking in your throat. Guilt gnawed at you, not because it was a lie, but because it wasn’t the whole truth. The ballet may have brought you back, but something else called you home.

At times you wonder if you had made the right call by answering it.

“You’re home,” your mother’s voice cuts through the quiet as you enter the kitchen. You nod, humming absentmindedly.

“I made pasta, it’s in the oven. And I bought that drink you like,” she says, but her words are too sweet, too forced—like the artificial flavor of apple in fizzy drinks.

“Thanks,” you whisper, barely loud enough to carry the word across to her.

“I’ll grab it for you,” she says, moving toward the fridge. But when she opens it, her hands falter, hovering over empty shelves. “That’s strange… I could’ve sworn I put it here.” You grip the counter tighter as she flits from cabinet to cabinet, her search growing frantic.

“It’s fine, I’m not thirsty,” you murmur, but she continues, finally pulling open the dishwasher.

“Ah, silly me,” she says softly, retrieving the can with trembling hands. You keep your eyes low, unwilling to meet hers. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, her voice as fragile as a cracked vase, “I forget so much these days.”

And just like that, she slips out of the kitchen, leaving behind a gaping hole in your chest that threatens to swallow you whole.

You hate it when she forgets in front of you, because it shatters the illusion. You see her now, as something frail, crumbling under the weight of time. Her mind, like a worn-out book, is losing pages faster than you can salvage them.

And the cruelest part is that it forces you to forgive her—to hold her in the softness of your heart, knowing that one day she’ll forget who you are entirely.

But has she ever known who you were to begin with? Has she ever dared to ask?

Has she ever cared to?

…

The first time Hyunjin spoke about his mother, you were both lying on the grass underneath a starry night.

You had been rambling about a specific bagel from New York that you missed, while he hummed absentmindedly, his thoughts entangled in memories like marionettes tugged by invisible strings from the past.

He hadn’t meant to ignore you; so when you turned to him, playful mischief dancing on your lips—“Are you listening to me?”—he could only offer a sheepish grin in response.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked, and he bit his lip, worry knitting his brow.

Hyunjin had never had anyone to speak to about his mother; her memory resided in the pages of his diary, the strokes of his paintings, the rhythm of his dances—never out loud, never to another soul.

But he suddenly felt an insatiable urge to speak of her; thorns pricking his throat, his skin growing feverish as he fought to form the words he longed to speak.

“What’s wrong?” you pressed, your tone shifting to one of concern. He thought you wouldn’t mind if he shared her memory, but what he would even say? There was so much to talk about, so much he admired, so much he missed.

“My mom…” he started, his voice tentative. He had your full attention now, he could tell by the way you fully turned around to look at him. “She used to make the best kimchi stew,” he confessed, closing his eyes in slight embarrassment. Is this really what he decided to speak about?

Still, he pushed through. “She made it for me whenever I was sick. I don’t attach it to bad memories because it was delicious, and I could feel that she made it out of love, out of concern.” He pauses, sucking in a deep breath. “I hadn’t eaten it at all since she passed away. I couldn’t bring myself to. Until you took me to that restaurant.”

His eyes glistened as they settled on you, “So thank you for taking me there. I think you would have liked her kimchi stew.”

Your eyes widened slightly, dewdrops brimming in your waterline before you smiled softly. “I’m sure I would’ve.”

He cleared his throat, somehow emboldened by the tenderness of your gaze. He thought that her memory would be safe within the confines of your mind. He thought that he wouldn’t mind sharing her with you. “She was the best figure skater I’ve ever seen.”

“Was she? Is she the one who inspired you to become an ice skater?” you asked, curiosity lighting up your expression. He nodded eagerly. “Yes, she was graceful with her moves; it felt as if she floated atop the ice. The media dubbed her the best figure skater of her generation,” he spoke, pride swelling within him as he noticed the admiration in your expression.

“It was always just her and me, so I’d stay late into the night watching her practice. That was my favorite pastime. She’d always buy me the food I wanted afterward, as a thank you.”

“She sounds like a good mother,” you said, and your words morphed into fingers pressing on his tender bruises.

“She was. She is.”

“Tell me more,” you smiled, and so he talked, and talked and talked. He shared everything he could recall: their weekly picnics beneath cherry trees, birthday candles they’d blow out together, the medals she dedicated to him, and her silly jokes that had once filled their home with laughter.

He spoke of her kindness, her joy that lingered even until her last breath, the love that she beheld for this life and her art, and him. He didn’t mention her illness; it was a mere passing moment, never defining her, never stripping her from the passion that bound her atoms together.

When he finished, he found his cheeks damp with tears, but his heart felt lighter than it had in years. The air around you was sweeter, for once, it wasn’t fourteen-year-old Hyunjin weeping over the memory of his mother. The ache had softened.

His last words hung in the air, echoing softly in the stillness of the empty park. You didn’t speak; instead, you gently placed your palm atop his.

It is his very soul that twitched at your touch.

“What are you doing?” he asked breathlessly, a foolish question, perhaps.

Your reply was even more obvious, simpler.

“Comforting you.”

“I…” he hesitated, eyes darting furiously over your face, then your hand resting upon his, then your eyes once more, watching him patiently, leaving him the space to retract his hand or intertwine your fingers with his.

“I’m scared,” he finally admitted, the shadows of his fears looming large. It terrified him even more to utter such words, yet he knew you wouldn’t use them against him; you understood what it felt like to be deprived of comfort— somehow that only saddened him even more.

“What if… What if I forget the coldness of her fingers wrapped around mine?”

“Your mom loved you, Hyunjin. And someone who loves you would want your hand to feel warm.”

Something shifted within his heart, atoms rearranging themselves to spell out a simple truth for Hyunjin— your mom would want you to be happy.

He nodded, willing his fingers to slip in the empty spaces between your fingers. You squeezed his hand—once, twice, thrice—each pulse a silent invitation for your warmth to seep through his veins, to permeate his bones and sink into his heart.

He could get used to this, he thought. He wants to get used to your warmth, he realizes.

What does that mean?

…

Hyunjin has always known who he was, memorized to heart the architecture of his personality.

He knew he loved art, that he found solace in learning about artists past who, like him, seemed to have sculpted their solitude into something lasting.

He knew he loved painting, he knew he hated egg plants, he knew he’d rather die than not achieve his mother’s dream, for him.

But something within him was shifting—unraveling.

His eyes are drawn to the entrance of the ice rink, like a compass needle to true north. His neck craned almost instinctively as the clock looms over 11 p.m.— the time you usually come by to the studio.

“Don’t worry, she’ll drop by,” Jihyon’s voice cut through his trance. Hyunjin startled, his cheeks blooming with the soft pink of a rising dawn.

“What are you talking about?” he mumbled, but Jihyon only grinned knowingly.

“Miss Julliard,” his coach teased. Was he that obvious? Did you notice it too?

That nickname clung to you both since the first time he uttered it near the vending machine. You never corrected him, never offered your real name, and he never asked—though he knew it well. He had thought of you often over these past four years, wondered if you had been well, wondered if you had ever moved on or if you still carried the anger, the heartbreak as if it were your own spine.

He felt guilty that he had found comfort in your pain all these nights past.

Did that make Hyunjin selfish? Or lonely?

“Don’t stay up too late,” Jihyon said as he waved goodbye.

“Don’t worry about me.”

Jihyon lingered by the door, as if wishing to say something else, but he simply sighed before leaving.

It feels odd now for Hyunjin to stand in the stillness of the ice rink, feeling like a hollow shell without you. The quiet is no longer familiar, nor comforting, not when he’s grown accustomed to your giggles spilling all over the place.

What does it mean, he wondered, when the heart learns to beat to the rhythm of someone else’s presence? When the mind begins to archive every detail, every smile, everything that the other person has ever loved?

Like clockwork you jog into the studio, waving at Hyunjin from afar. He skates over to you, leaning against the railing as he smiles, it is natural for him to smile at you.

“How was practice?” you asked, and he shot you a thumbs-up, his fingers drumming against the railing.

“Isn’t your competition next week?” you ask and he nods, “Can I come watch then?” you say and his heart stutters at your request.

“You can, if you want to, if you don’t it’s okay too, you actually don’t have to,” he mumbles, his words rushing out, until you pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him

“I’ll be there, I have to make sure everyone cheers for you when you win,” you grin, self-assuredly, as if you have never doubted that he’ll qualify for the Olympics.

His heart grows limp at your words, his limbs losing their strength as your finger lingers upon his lips. He gently grabs your hand, moving it away, goosebumps rippling across his skin at how soft your wrist feels.

This isn’t normal.

“Should I bring pom poms? Actually, should I make them from scratch? What’s your favorite color?”

“Will you actually come?” he whispers. Hyunjin has never had anyone cheering for him in his competitions, except for his coach, but he was obligated to do so, in a way. He doesn’t remember what it feels like to smile at someone in the stands anticipating your win.

Somewhat, you sense the gravity of hyunjin’s question, the vulnerability it entails, one he doesn’t try to hide. He has never attempted to hide his emotions from you, now that he thinks about it.

“Of course I will,” your voice softens, your playfulness melting away. “I promise. I…” you point your pinky to him and he chuckles quietly, “I pinky promise.”

You kiss your thumb pad and signal for him to do the same, he shakes his head before following your lead, pressing both your thumb pads together.

“There, sealed forever.”

You quiet down, before giggling for a reason that eludes you both.

“Have you ever tried ice skating?” he suddenly asks and you nod, “I know how to skate, but not how to do all those fancy spins of yours.”

“Do you want to try?” he smiles and you lighten up, “Actually? What if I fall?”

“I’ll be there to catch you.”

A few moments later, you were both on the ice, Hyunjin spinning around you as you found your balance. “This feels so different from ballet,” you chuckle and he grins, “do you like it?”

“Yeah, i do.”

“Come here,” he beckons, reaching for your hand, and you don’t hesitate, your fingers intertwining with his as he leads you across the rink.

Can you hear the music starts playing on the loud speakers and Hyunjin laughs, turning around to look at you.

“I’m scared,” you giggle happily and he shakes his head, “Let go of your fears and hold on to me.”

And then, without warning, he spins you, the motion sending your hair flying around you like wings unfurling in the wind. he’s spurred by the emotions this song alone can bestow on him. Can you hear the music?, it asks. Yes, he can, now more than ever, is his answer.

He wraps a secured arm around your waist, lifting you off the ground as he traces wide circles on the ice. Your laughter can be heard over the music, shouts of exhilaration ripping through you as you lift your leg to a ninety degree, as if doing ballet on ice.

He twirls with you in his arms, as the music hits its crescendo, before finally putting you down, his arm still around you, your chests almost brushing against one another.

You’re so close, closer than you’ve ever been, Hyunjin can decipher the specks of light in your eyes, can hear the booming sound of your heartbeat in his chest. Your hand wraps around his bicep as you catch your breath, and Hyunjin is wrapped in a cocoon of your scent.

He doesn’t wish to break free, he wants to remain in the chrysalis woven by the notes of your perfume.

It’s a few hours later, Hyunjin laid on his bed, a pillow tightly pressed to his face. He wasn’t a stranger to late-night thoughts strung along by the twilight, but he had never thought before of this—of your lips, how soft they looked inches away from his, how it’d feel to press them on yours, to move slowly, tentatively, and then ravenously, hungrily, achingly.

“Fuck,” he mutters, further burying himself under his covers. Hyunjin wasn’t accustomed to these kinds of thoughts, he had never pursued someone, never had the time nor the energy to do so. Never had anyone grab his attention, in the first place.

Until you.

“Do I like her?” he murmurs to no one but himself, before shaking his head forcefully. “Go to sleep, Hyunjin,” he mutters, willing his eyes to shut closed, sewed so tightly together images of you cannot slip through his eyelids.

But to no avail.

He groans, kicking the covers off before heading to his desk. There, he opens his diary, grabbing a pen as if to write a new entry. But his fingers itch for the buried notebook from four years ago, the one he eyes from the corner of his eye.

He sighs softly before digging it out of its place, his fingers expertly going to his entry the night he came back from the graveyard. The night you met.

He remembers coming home slightly distraught after dropping you off, he had lingered by the door a bit, hearing echoing screams, a door being slammed, then an eerie silence once more.

Hyunjin had been too immersed in his pain to afford absorbing others’ sadness. A sponge that is too saturated, unable to welcome the woes of any other being.

But you had managed to crack through his defenses, frayed yourself a passage through the small gaps forgotten, shed sunlight on parts of himself he had thought were rotten, lost beyond salvation.

He felt an excruciating sadness for you, for your anger, for your sadness, for the way it consumed you whole, because he knew what would follow—when a body burns up, all that is left after is ashes, scattered everywhere, mingling with specks of dust, meaningless, a heart that serves no purpose anymore.

He never told you, he is unsure if he ever would, but it was the fourth anniversary of his mother’s death when he met you. He had planned to spend the night in a willowing state of sadness, an incapacitating one that didn’t allow for his limbs to move, similar to the first anniversary, then the second, then the third.

But he had spent the rest of it sketching your tearful eyes as you looked up at him, as you cowered away from his words, as you relaxed in his car.

That is the image he finds in his diary entry. But now that he thinks about it, he didn’t skillfully depict the moles scattered on your face, the crease near your eyes, or the way your hair reflects the sun’s light. He didn’t capture the arch of your eyebrow or the way beauty seems to reside in every nook and cranny of your face, seems to pour out of your pores like the sun brushing against a waterfall the way timid lovers do—magical, beautiful.

He sees you in a whole different light, now.

Hyunjin runs a tired hand through his hair, before grabbing his sketchbook. In the hours that ensued, in which he tried to do your beauty justice, erasing and retracing the shape of you time and time again, numerous questions ran through his mind, racing against time to find answers.

Does he like you? No, too simplistic of a question, too dim to encapsulate what knowing you feels like.

Is his soul drawn to yours?

Perhaps. Yes. Most definitely, his heart whispered.

Would he be a fool if he ever confessed it to you?

It is his mind that answered then. A bit forcefully, in fear, in warning: yes, a thousand times yes.

…

There are places in your parent’s house that you always stray from, the way oil stirs away from water. One, the vicinity of their bedroom, two, the living room— the ones in which you are most likely to stumble upon them. Three, the attic, in which you will most likely brush against ghosts from the past.

But somehow you found yourself exactly there, tonight.

It's 10 p.m. The sun has long sunk below Seoul’s horizon, leaving behind a sky awash in an exquisitely deep blue, so inviting you almost wish to disappear into it. Today was your rest day, no dance studio, no late night escapades with Hyunjin.

You find yourself missing his giggles and how they would linger in your mind long after you part ways.

The attic is still, the floorboards creaking beneath the weight of your feet as you fumble for a light switch, your hand sweeping along the dusty wall. It flickers on, weak and golden, and you squint as the air, thick with age, coats your lungs.

Old furniture crowds the room, remnants of a life you left behind four years ago. You’re surprised they kept your bed untouched in your room, one last string tying them to your memory.

Your eyes sweep over old paintings, broken suitcases, and wooden shelves, a hand mixer—useless now. And then, you see it, the reason you climbed here.

Your mother had once mentioned a box, in passing, filled with things your sister wanted to leave for you. Your mother wasn’t pregnant with you at the time nor did she intend to, but she’d entertain the idea to make her favorite girl happy.

You kneel and pull the box to your lap, the cardboard soft and weathered under your fingers.

“She was so kind,” your mother had said, too many glasses of wine in her system, her words loose and unguarded. “She gave up her favorite toys for you, before you were even born.” You never asked why they were never passed on, deep down you already knew the answer. She never deemed you worthy of having them.

Inside, you find a small doll with golden hair and big glassy blue eyes, its pink dress dotted with strawberries, a swan hairpin missing some crystals, and tiny, delicate ballerina shoes, pale pink, unused, small—so small.

And then, a note.

Your heart stumbles, the bile rising fast to your throat as you grip the worn paper in your hands.

Your sister had always been a myth, a memory passed down to you by your parents. An elusive figure you have only seen in photographs, until now.

You’ve never had words that she addressed to you.

The paper crinkles as you unfold it. You can somehow hear the rush of hot blood in your veins—uncomfortable, deafening.

The words blur together as your eyes skim over the paper. You catch fragments— to my future sister—then something about how she wants to play with you, urging you to hurry, come quickly, before I break all my toys.

Your vision wavers, the small, careful handwriting barely legible through the haze. I left you my favorite doll and hairpin. So simple. So kind. I also left you my new ballet shoes. You don’t have to like ballet but if you do that would be awesome.

I would love to dance ballet with you.

The note crumples in your hand as your heart lurches, body jolted upright as if struck by lightning. You stumble out of the attic, discarding the box as the walls close in on you. They press, like the past, against your ribcage until you feel like you might suffocate.

You’ve carried resentment like a stone in your chest, a tide pulled by the moon, ever present, ever rising. You resented her because her memory haunted you, grew larger than life as you did. But she never asked for that. She was just a child, a seven-year-old who loved you before you even existed.

How horrible are you?

Guilt is bitter on your tongue, sour as acid, and you swallow hard against it, tasting the metallic tang of regret. You don’t think as you barge into your parent’s room, blinded by feelings too entangled like vines to tell apart.

“What’s wrong?” your mother asks, sitting in a bed too big for her alone. You throw the crumpled note at her.

“Why did you never give me this?” you demand, and her eyes widen as she skims the lines, a sheen glazing her pupils.

“I…” she stammers, and you laugh—a hollow, jagged sound—as your hands press against your forehead, fingers digging into the migraine feeding off your pain.

“You know I hated her, right? I– I hated a child, my sister because I never felt loved by you,” you choke, voice fracturing, “how– my god how pathetic is that?”

“i’ve always loved you,” she says, voice tentative. but it is too meek of a reply, too hollow before the depths of your abandonment.

“I’ve never, NEVER felt once loved by you! YOU made me feel as if I was competing with a ghost. She wasn’t here but she was everywhere and I was never enough to fill her shoes!”

“I was a grieving mother!” she yells, standing up to face you, her face flushed and her hands trembling. “Do you know how terrible it feels to lower your child into the ground? Do you know how horrible I felt covering her grave when she was scared of the dark, when she hated the cold? She–” her voice cracks like fragile glass, unraveling as tears spill over her face, “She kept telling me that she didn’t want to leave us, that she didn’t want to die. How am I—“ She sobs, the sound raw, torn, “how am I supposed to forget my baby’s last breath? how am i supposed to be a perfect mother to you when I couldn’t protect her?”

“i never wanted a perfect mother.” you murmur, eyes shutting tight, chest heaving with hiccuped breaths. “I never said you had to forget her. But I was right here. I was alive. I was breathing, hurting, waiting for you to see me, to love me.” Your voice breaks, you sound like your seven years old self and you hate that. “Did I mean so little to you?”

You smile sadly before her silence, your shoulders dropping low. You are too tired for an offense, too tired to tear down her defenses. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t always a good child. I’m sorry that sometimes I threw tantrums. I’m sorry for all the ways I failed you. I know I’m not perfect. I hurt, I stumble, I make mistakes. I am filled with resentment. I choke with it, and sometimes I hurt others too. But I try. I always try to make things right. And I apologize if I do.”

Silence thickens between you both like browned sugar, though this moment is anything but sweet. You remain quiet, hoping for your salvation to come in the form of two words, two simple words— I’m sorry—that is all it would take to soothe your heart a little.

You wait, and wait, and more seconds pass as the silence stretches longer and your mother refuses to meet your eyes. And slowly, slowly the hope withers within you. You know she isn’t apologizing tonight. Maybe not ever.

“Forget it.” you whisper as you leave the room and hurriedly walk out of the house. You need something strong, something to burn away the ache, something to scald the memory from your bones, to forget.

It’s nearly midnight when Hyunjin finally steps out of the training building. The air is crisp, cool against his flushed skin, but his relief is short-lived as his eyes land on Sohee, the owner of the kimchi jjigae place nearby, hovering by the entrance.

Hyunjin’s frown deepens—something feels off.

“Ah, hyunjin,” the fifty something quickly jogs up to him. “The security guard told me you still hadn’t left.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Yn has been drinking for the past hours, she looks.. Sad. And I’m worried she can’t get home safely.” Sohee’s tone sets off the alarm in Hyunjin’s mind.

His worry tightens into a knot in his chest as he steps into the narrow restaurant. His eyes immediately fall on you—your cheek pressed against the table, five empty soju bottles scattered around you

He crouches in front of you, his heart twisting as he takes in the dried streaks of tears on your cheeks. What happened?

“Hey,” he whispers gently, afraid to jolt you awake. You stir, blinking groggily, trying to piece together your surroundings.

“Hyunjin,” you breathe, barely a whisper, and his heart softens at the sound. He nods, offering you a small smile, though concern darkens his eyes. “What’s wrong, hm?”

His words unlock something deep inside you, and your face crumbles like a porcelain vase breaking apart. The tears come swiftly, welling in your eyes until they spill over, your lower lip trembling like fragile branches in a storm.

“I’m a—I’m a horrible person,” you choke out between sobs, your voice trembling as much as your body. Your eyes squeeze shut as your shoulders quake, and Hyunjin’s hands move instinctively, gently covering your tightly clenched fists.

“No, you’re not,” he murmurs, his voice soft and steady, as if trying to hold you together with his words alone.

But you shake your head fiercely, a sob tearing from your throat, raw and unrestrained. “I’m a horrible sister,” you manage to whisper, your words barely audible as you wipe at your eyes, only for the tears to fall faster, harder.

Hyunjin watches you break, his heart aching with every tear that slips down your face. He feels weird, feverish, as if your pain has somewhat transferred to his heart. He glances at Sohee, who quietly steps out of the restaurant, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet, dim light.

With a soft sigh, Hyunjin gently cups your face in his hands, his palms warm against your tear-streaked cheeks. His thumbs trace slow, soothing circles across your skin.

“You didn’t even get to be a sister, how could you be a horrible one?”

“I hated her for so long when all she wanted was to dance with me. I hated a child for so long, I’m a-a horrible person.”

Hyunjin tentatively licks his lips, thoughts jumbled in his mind like wires. His heart is beating so fast as he wraps an arm around your back, bringing your face to the crook of his neck. You seem to melt in his embrace, tension loosening off of your back as he gently pats your spine.

“I don’t think you hated your sister. You hated how your parents treated you. Those are two different things.”

Your tears are unceasing, trickling down his skin as you sob more and more. He doesn’t mind the dampening of his shirt, he would never mind a lot of things when it comes to you.

“Humans aren’t straightforward lines, we bend and twist and stray from our paths because our hearts are too frail and sometimes we carry emotions too heavy for us to bear. Sometimes we are pushed to feel certain things when we’ve never wanted to go through them.”

He never stops patting your back gently, his hand traveling from the top of your hair to the base of your spine. “A bad person does not worry about being a bad person. I’m sure your sister knows you love her. You have nothing to feel horrible about.”

Your tears are unyielding and Hyunjin feels as if it isn’t enough— to press your body to his hoping the rhythm of his heart would calm down yours, to think of words of his own doing to soothe your pain. He has not had to comfort anyone in so long, he doesn’t know how to stop your ache. He wishes he could soak your sorrow into his heart instead— he’s used to it, he can handle your pain and his, at once.

He’s racking his mind furiously for things to comfort you. In his memory he stumbles upon the poem of Mary Oliver that has held his hand in the dark.

“Would you like to hear my favorite poem?” he asks, in a whisper.

He feels you nodding against his chest, and he peels himself away from you, painfully, like removing a bandaid from a wound that has yet to scab.

Hyunjin’s eyes are wide and glossy as he peers into yours, as he looks beyond your irises and gazes at your soul, as he recites to you, with a steady voice like a current that doesn’t fall prey to the hazards of storms— “You do not have to be good.” He smiles softly. “You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.” The verb strikes you like a thunderbolt. “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

It passes him like a vision, a flash of white that blinds him, him holding your cheeks but without tears, him cupping your face, in the mornings and in the nights, because it is you his soft clueless flesh aches to love.

It’s gone as quick as it came, his words come out much slower, much more disoriented as he continues— “Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.”

“I want to tell you,” you hiccup, your cheeks are all rosy, delicate red veins protruding the white of your eyes. Your lips are all swollen from how hard you bit them to muffle your sobs.

“I will listen,” he reassures. Hyunjin stays true to his words. He drives you to his place, there, atop his couch, lit by a flower shaped lamp casting warm shadows on you both; you felt safe, a vanilla tea in hand, to talk, to tell Hyunjin everything, how you felt and how lonely, excruciatingly lonely you have been for the past years.

And he listens, he listens well, nodding, holding your hand when it shakes, wiping your tears when they slip from your face.

You feel a sense of gratitude swell in your heart, as if a hundred tulips bloomed in your chest at once. You feel safe talking about your biggest fears to Hyunjin, handing him your heart on an open palm, bruised, bleeding. He would wrap it in a gauze for you, he would keep it safe till you can heal it once more.

You doze in and off sleep on the couch, you can feel Hyunjin placing a warm blanket atop you. You swear he sat by your side for a long while, his hand gently patting your hair and threading through your locks.

You resisted the urge to pull his hand, to beg him to climb near you on the couch and have him encapsulate you in his hold once more. It would be too much for him to bear. Too much of you to ask. Too hard for you to handle a no.

Because even in your drunken state, with a heart weighed down by alcohol and ten thousand stones of grief, when Hyunjin cupped your cheeks in his larger, warmer hands, when he peered into your soul with his brown glimmering eyes, when it looked as if he could mirror your pain, as if he could understand the guilt, as if he could hold your hand through the grief— for one second, for a fleeting instant, it was all forgotten.

The grief became a simple myth in your mind, a distant memory, something you could brush away as a bad dream slipping away with the march of time; simply because he was there for you through it.

…

Hyunjin is beautiful.

This isn’t new knowledge for you, per se. You've known it from the moment your eyes met his, through a veil of relentless rain and the sting of unshed tears. Even then, you recognized it—he was the most beautiful human you’d ever seen.

But somehow, you’ve managed to tuck this knowledge away, placed it in a forgotten recess of your mind. You had found other things to like about Hyunjin, things that wouldn’t be weird for a friend to admire— and Hyunjin made that an easy feat for you.

You enjoyed the poems, all the ones he’d recite to you from time to time. You loved watching people’s eyes turn to behold him, and him unaware of this magnetic aura coating his porcelain skin. You felt warm hearing his bright and unrestrained giggles, seeing traces of happiness carved into his eyes, watching his lips stretch into a wide grin that seemed to swallow the world whole.

But there are moments when it’s harder to forget. Like now—when Hyunjin stands before you, slipping on the finishing touches of his performance outfit. His sky-blue top clings to his frame, bedazzled with pearls and diamonds that cascade like teardrops, swooping around his small waist and hugging his broad shoulders. The fabric melts into his black pants, carving his silhouette like a chiseled statue.

There are only ten minutes left before his turn on stage. Last night, over quiet spoonfuls of miso soup, Hyunjin told you to please stay backstage with him, his voice so soft it felt like a secret only meant for you. And how could you refuse? Hyunjin wanted you close—Hyunjin asked for you.

He is nervous, you can tell by the slight tremble of his hands as he struggles with his earring, the delicate hoop slipping from his grasp. It falls, and before you know it, you’ve stepped forward, picking it up, your fingers steady as you help him clasp it into place.

His gaze is heavy on you, and your heart beats a little too fast. You avoid meeting his eyes—he’s too close, too vulnerable of a setting for you.

You finish, stepping back, but Hyunjin’s hand finds your wrist, gently tugging you close again. He doesn’t let go, his fingers playing with the hem of your sleeve. He bites his lip, lets go of the plush flesh before biting it once more, then he confesses. “i’m scared.”

Your fingers find his wrist, settle above his wildly beating pulse, a small part of you selfishly wishes it is because of your proximity. Your thumb gently swipes across his soft skin as you say, “you’ll do amazing. I’m sure of it.”

He nods, though something flickers in his eyes, something unsaid that lingers between you. He swallows it down, offering you a small smile. “Thank you. I’ll see you after.”

“Okay,” you grin back, “I’ll see you with a gold medal.”

You’ve seen this choreography countless times before, memorized every twist, every subtle motion of his body. But watching him perform, under the harsh, burning lights, is like witnessing something new.

Hyunjin moves with a grace that defies reason, a dancer molded by the music, his body bending to its rhythm, his face crumbling as the music swells.

Hyunjin glides around as if he is one with the ice, he glows, like the sun on stage, mesmerizing, dipping low with the music and soaring high with its rhythm. Your hand is on your chest as you watch him deliver the killing move, a deep dip, head thrown back, his body a perfect arch on his knees.

He finishes, under the roaring applause of everyone around. You’re first to stand on your feet and the entire arena follows, giving Hyunjin the standing ovation he deserves, the only one of the night. He bows deeply, a hand on his heart as he soaks in the praise.

You feel like throwing up as you anxiously await the results to show up on the screen. One minute of silence passes by, then, you see it. His name comes in first.

Hyunjin won. Hyunjin qualified for the Olympics.

He’s already skating towards you, and you’re moving, rushing down to meet him. You wrap him in a tight hug, feeling his chest rise and fall with quick breaths.

“How was it?” he asks, laughter bubbling in his voice. You find it to be such a silly question.

How could he be anything but extraordinary?

“You fucking did it, Hyunjin,” you say, the words leaving you in a rush. He tips his head back, laughing, his happiness so pure it aches. You reluctantly pull away from him as Jihyoun comes to congratulate him, pulling him too for a hug.

“Proud of you son,” he says and you can see Hyunjin’s eyes well up with tears. you wish you could kiss them away, the tears and the sadness, will it to desert his heart, kiss his smile and happiness, learn the taste of his joys and sorrows.

Oh god.

The thoughts submerge you like you’re doused in gasoline, and being near Hyunjin is the crickling match that will set you on fire.

“There’s an afterparty to celebrate the man of the hour,” Jihyoun grins, patting Hyunjin’s back in a fatherly manner. You can feel the pull of the crowd, people waiting to shower him with well-deserved praise, like waves gathering to meet the shore.

“Are you coming?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft as his gaze lingers on you. You hesitate, and he pouts, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his face. “I want you to come, please.”

“Okay,” you smile, though your feet are already inching away. “But I left my phone at home. I’ll go get it and come back.” That is the truth, or maybe just a shadow of it.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Hyunjin, ever the considerate one. His kindness cuts deeper than he knows, a dull blade slicing against your fragile skin. You hate how you pull his thoughtfulness to somewhere tainted with shadows. You hate how your mind cannot accept that someone could care for you. What if he pities you, still? It asks. What if he only sees you as the selfish girl sobbing at her sister’s grave?

How could someone like Hyunjin, radiant as the sun pay attention to a mere rock floating in space, aimless, too unimportant to even be given a name?

“No, it’s a quick drive. Enjoy your moment.” You flash a smile, hoping it covers the tremor in your voice. You quickly slip away before Hyunjin can notice, your pace quickening as his brow furrows behind you.

You’ve never dared to truly like someone. The harsh truth is that people like you, who were born sipping grief in their mother’s womb, only end up accustomed to its metallic tang on their tongues.

It’s been thirty minutes since you left and Hyunjin’s eyes keep drifting toward the door, pulled by some invisible force. Jihyoun is talking, excitedly introducing him to someone new, someone important from the sound of it. He hears snippets of the conversation— Switzerland, the best coaching center, a guaranteed win, but the words are distant, like murmurs underwater.

His mind is a whirlwind of paranoid thoughts as Hyunjin redoes the calculations: it was supposed to be a fifteen minute errand, at most. Where are you?

His heart feels tethered to a storm as he steps out, muttering a feeble excuse to Jihyoun, feet moving before his brain catches up. The air feels heavy like trying to inhale metal, only to end up crushed from all sides.

He searches the parking lot, scanning the faces mingling there, but he finds no sign of you. His feet keep moving, driven by instinct, by a chilling feeling pulling at his heart, desperate to glimpse you.

Then he sees it—flashing lights up ahead. His world dims as he watches a man on the phone, gesturing frantically toward a car. A car that’s all too familiar. Yours, crumpled like a piece of paper, flipped on its side, crashed against a tree.

A loud ringing floods his ears akin to the buzzing of a hundred angry bees, at once. His legs buckle, his hand slamming against a nearby car for balance, but it feels like the earth beneath him is giving way. His eyes squeeze shut, his back turning away from the wreck. Not again.

Please, not again.

His throat burns with bile, and it feels like nails are clawing at his chest, ripping his skin open and exposing his heart. It’s pounding wildly, erratically, like it’s trying to escape the cage of his ribs and splatter on his feet.

He can’t turn around—he’s too afraid of what he’ll see. But he has to. His breath comes in ragged gasps, his vision spotted with white as he stumbles forward. He taps the man’s arm. He struggles to find his voice as if it were never his to begin within. “Did someone get out of the car?” he whispers, broken, pleading. The man shakes his head.

Hyunjin rushes to the window, desperate to find you, to see you breathing, but the glass is tinted, hiding whatever lies inside. Without thinking, he throws his fist against the window. Once. Twice. Again. And again. His skin splits, blood dripping down his knuckles, but he can’t stop. He pounds the glass until it shatters, only to find nothing within.

“Hyunjin?” A voice, so achingly familiar, cuts through the haze. He spins around, breathless, and there you are—limping, disheveled, but alive. You’re breathing.

In an instant, he’s in front of you, his eyes wide, frantic, searching yours as if they behold the answer to every fear, every prayer he has ever uttered. His hand trembles as it cups your cheek, thumb brushing your skin, needing to feel your warmth. His gaze flickers over your body, checking for any trace of life-threatening injury, his heart lodged in his throat.

“Are you okay?” His voice is raw, stripped bare.

“I am,” you reply, and your words are his salvation. A sigh shudders out of him, pulled from the deepest parts of his soul, as if he’s been drowning and you’ve finally pulled him to the surface.

He falls to his knees, palms pressing into the ground. Tears spill from his eyes, hot and heavy, streaking down his face like rain in a storm. You kneel beside him, and his arms instinctively wrap around you, pulling you close.

His fingers weave through your hair, pressing you to him, needing to feel you, needing to know you’re real. His body trembles as he buries his face in your hair, his tears soaking through your shirt, inhaling your scent, grounding himself in you.

“Yn,” he breathes, your name the only thing that could express the magnitude of his relief. He holds you tighter, the words tumbling out like a prayer, “I thought I lost you. My god, I thought I lost you.”

It takes a while for you to process his words, to understand the scale of his fear at the thought of losing you. Those are foreign notions for you, a sight you never thought you’d grasp one day. A sight you never deemed yourself deserving of.

“You’d care this much if I died?” Your voice is a whisper, small, uncertain.

Hyunjin’s bloodied hand smooths your hair, his eyes red, chest heaving. “Yn, I…” He squeezes his eyes shut, voice breaking. “Yn, please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry,” your lower lip quivers at the sight of his tears, somehow seeing him sob leads to your own unraveling, as if your emotions are tied by one red string. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you,” you apologize, you the forgotten one, the ghost in your own home, apologizing because for once, your absence did hurt someone, because for once someone would miss you if you were ever gone.

Hours later, you’re in Hyunjin’s home, tucked into the safety of his bed. You’d refused to call your parents, not wanting them to know what had happened, how close their wish had become reality.

The ambulance had taken you both to the hospital, where they patched Hyunjin’s wounds and checked you for a concussion. You repeated, over and over, like a broken record— “The brakes stopped working, and I jumped out of the car.” Hyunjin spoke for you when you grew tired.

“How are you feeling, Yn?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft, as he hovers over your figure. Your name sounds sweeter from his lips. It sounds as if it was always his to pronounce.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I ruined your night.” Your apology is quiet, but he shakes his head, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead. Your eyes shut closed as his lips caress your skin, as if wanting to drown out all the other senses, useless, needing to focus solely on his touch.

“If you’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.”

He goes to leave, but you catch his hand. You don’t overthink your next words, you think you’re long past that when it comes to him. “You called me by my name. I thought you didn’t remember it.”

“I never forgot,” he says, stepping closer. “I’ve known who you were since the moment I saw you. I… I thought about you a lot for the past four years, Yn. I think about you now too,” a pause, “for different reasons. Sweeter reasons.”

He remembered. He has come to know you and he still thinks of you.

“Me too,” you smile softly, “I think about you so much it feels as if you’re all I’ve ever known,” you confess breathlessly. Your eyes flicker to his lips, and his do the same.

Before you can think, you’re standing on your tiptoes, your lips resting on his, unmoving, driven by a desire so raw it blinded you.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You pull away, stumbling back.

But his hands find your waist, pulling you back. “Can I do that again, Yn?” His voice is soft, and you nod, dazed. How could you ever refuse him?

His mouth returns to yours, slow and deliberate, like a melody reuniting with its refrain. Sweetness spills from his lips onto yours, a blend of honey and wildflowers and something that is entirely his. His breath surrounds you, intoxicating, pulling you into a world where all you wish is to melt into him, to slip beneath his skin and flow through his veins.

Fireworks bloom behind your eyelids, explosions of colors you’ve never seen before, as if the universe itself has unraveled in the space between you both. His hands cradle your face, thumbs tracing circles along your cheeks that send a thousand butterflies flapping their wings throughout your being. Your fingers weave into the silk of his hair, a breath of relief escaping you as you touch him the way you’ve longed for.

You’re still kissing him and yet you already ache to do it again, again and again, till you forgive the world every cruelty it has inflicted into you, if it allows you to hold his warmth a little longer, to keep your sun cupped between your palms.

“Is this what happiness feels like?” he murmurs against your lips, a smile threading between your breaths, your teeth grazing his in the closeness. You laugh softly, your foreheads touching softly, “I think it is. It tastes so sweet.”

“Mm, I think I need to taste it again, to make sure,” he teases, his lips finding yours once more, playful and hungry. Time loses its meaning, minutes slipping away like sand grains between your fingers. By the time you part, your heart has memorized the rhythm of his breath and the weight of his lips upon yours, as familiar now as your own pulse.

…

“So, how do we do this?”

Your laughter echoes softly down the corridor. Hyunjin has you pinned against the wall near the skating rink, his right hand braced above your head, the other hovering over your waist—yet, it’s that mere sliver of air between his fingers and your skin that ignites a wildfire within you, burning bright with longing.

“Wouldn’t it be strange if we just walked in, holding hands? I mean, Jihyoun knows me, but…” Your voice drifts away like chimney smoke, dissolving into the background of Hyunjin’s thoughts. He’s no longer listening—he’s observing. Memorizing. His gaze skillfully captures every curve, every shadow of your face, as if this is the last dawn he’ll ever witness. As if, by morning, he’ll be blind, and this moment is his only chance to engrave you into his memory.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes, his voice soft, almost reverent. Your words falter, fading like the final notes of a song only he remembers. He leans in, his lips brushing your cheek with a tenderness that paints your skin crimson red.

He smirks, satisfied by the effect—perhaps, he thinks, that is how the sun feels as it kisses the horizon goodnight, leaving the sky a blushing mess.

“You were saying?” he teases, and you roll your eyes, pretending to be exasperated. “I was saying that it would be—“ But his lips find yours once more, plucking the words from your tongue like petals from a flower.

In the dim glow of the corridor, the world around you fades to an afterthought. It feels as though you exist only for this, only for him— to kiss and to be kissed by Hyunjin.

“Finally!” Jihyoun’s voice shatters the moment, ringing out like a bell, pulling you both apart. “Thank you for kissing him, Yn. Now he’ll stop with the longing stares at the door.”

“What stares?” you laugh, the sound bubbling sweetly up your throat. Hyunjin scratches the nape of his neck, shrugging innocently when your eyes meet, as if he has no idea what Jihyoun is talking about (though he knows all too well).

Hyunjin catches his coach’s eye over your shoulder, a wide smile tugging at his lips. Jihyoun once told him that he seems to bloom around you, like a flower starved of sunlight, finally nourished. The thought warms him—knowing that the people closest to him feel your presence like a balm to his soul. His mother would have loved you too, he’s certain of it.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Hyunjin whispers later, as you’re leaving the practice building, his arm draped over your shoulder, yours wrapped around his waist. Natural. Familiar. Like two rivers flowing into one.

“I don’t have anything of mine there,” you pout, and Hyunjin stops, cupping your cheek, his nose grazing yours in a gesture so tender it makes your heart float within your ribcage. “That’s part of my secret plan—to get you in my clothes.”

“Oh, what a very secretive plan,” you giggle, stealing a quick kiss. “And what would we do tonight?”

“Sleep together.” You raise an eyebrow, and he shakes his head, flushing crimson. “I mean—sleep, actual sleep, not that I wouldn’t want to make love to you,” Your laughter rings out, as his forehead finds its hiding place against your shoulder, embarrassed. “I just want to hold you close. That’s all.”

Your sweet Hyunjin.

“I want that too, Hyune.”

Hyunjin has never been much of a writer, his forté has always been to express himself with his body, spell out words out of the movement of his limbs. It is more evident as he opens the door to his apartment, with you trailing behind. As he looks at both your shoes sitting side by side near the entrance, your accessories resting next to his in the bathroom.

He lacks the words to explain how right, how natural it feels for him to have you in his space, for you to fill it with the music of your voice and the fragrance of your perfume. As if it has always been his reality, to walk home with you, to watch you slip into his clothes, to brush his teeth next to you, to lay atop the bed with your warm eyes staring at him instead of a cold wall.

“Do you believe in fate?” you suddenly ask, your thumb trailing alongside his neck, pausing right where his pulse beats. He has never been aware of the weight of life against his skin until he knew you.

“I never did, I didn’t want to believe in something pre-written for me. Wouldn’t that confine who I am, who I could be?” he muses and you nod softly, inching closer to him. “But somewhat,” he trails off, lifting your hand to his mouth, peepering the sweetest kisses alongside your palm and wrist, like dewdrops caressing leaves. “I believe in it now, because of you.”

“I think I was meant to find you that day in the graveyard. I think what I feel for you is too grand to be a pure coincidence,” he confesses.

“And what do you feel for me?” you ask, your voice soft, curious.

Hyunjin doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he gently twirls a strand of your hair away from your eyes, before tucking it behind the cuff of your ear. He presses his forehead to yours, like two pages of a book meeting one another, then he exhales slowly, like a man who has found peace after a lifetime of searching.

And in a way, he has. He can stop looking frantically for something that would stitch his soul up, he has found you, now.

“I used to resent hearing my own heartbeat. At times it felt like a punishment, because existing felt like a chore. I wanted the sound to quiet down, I didn’t want to hear anything, nor feel anything anymore.”

“But now,” he pulls you closer, your legs intertwining with his, like roots seeking comfort in one another, “it’s reassuring to hear, because it means there is still life within me to love you in it.”

Love. The word has long felt like a thorn ingrained into your skin. You have always recoiled from it, less from repulse and more in fear— if the people who were put on this earth to love you, didn’t, then weren’t you meant to remain unloved for the rest of your life?

But looking at Hyunjin now, at the way the word rests gently on his lips, rolls off his tongue with such ease, with such certainty, you don’t want to run.

You want to stay.

It is when Hyunjin traces maps along your skin with his lips, as you drift down the constellations of moles on his chest, as you find yourself lost within everything that makes up his being— his scent, his sounds, the weight of him pressed against you— that you find your words to reply, to breathe your first I love you to him.

And in that confession, another realization comes, though this one is bitter, sour, like a chilling premonition: if Hyunjin were ever to leave, what would be left of you after?

…

Hyunjin has never been fond of the concept of time, minutes seemed to march differently when it came to him— seconds stretching out like thin threads, nights unraveling in restless turns, sleep plucked right off from his eyelids.

But with you, time softened, as the hours spun forward, swift and gentle. Around you, Hyunjin no longer felt the weight of passing days on his heart.

Hyunjin didn’t feel the two months of happiness you bestowed upon him slipping from his grasp.

He was lost, adrift in the gentle tides of your being—swept by the melody of your laughter, cradled by the softness of your curves. He often wondered if he was deserving of this happiness, yet never lingered long enough to find an answer. He selfishly accepted the joy you gifted him, for once.

Your belongings filled the empty nooks of his apartment gradually, corner by corner—your satin pajamas settling just above his plaid ones, your skincare nestled near his on the bathroom shelf, your favorite mug clinking against his in the dishwasher.

In some way, it mirrored how you’d seeped into him, like sunlight breaking through the longest of nights— threads of the sun illuminating what was once lost to darkness.

He’d steady your chin to help with your mascara, your doe eyes looking up into his. You’d brush his hair, pressing gentle kisses along his shoulder blades. He’d do your laundry. You’d make his coffee each morning. He’d brew your tea each night.

You didn’t have much time to talk during the day, both of you engrossed in the practice of your respective arts. Yet, the knowledge that you were just a floor above him, close if he ever wished to see you, was enough to soothe his heart.

It was at night that you bared yourselves to each other, in ways that went beyond the tender grip of his hands on your waist, or the slow trail of your fingers down the curve of his back.

In the hush of the twilight, you’d unfold softly, revealing the hidden layers within—you’d share your dreams and hopes, and the moments that shaped you, letting the fragments of your pasts settle in the safety between you both.

“I think I know my purpose now,” you whispered one night, and he hummed, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. “What is it?”

“I think I kept ballet at a distance because loving it felt like surrendering to my parents’ dreams, like I’d be becoming what they always wanted me to be.” You paused, your voice a little softer, a little braver. “But I do love it, Hyunjin. I want to be the best at it. I want to honor my sister through it.”

His gaze softened, as a tender smile blossomed in his lips. “You already do.”

Some nights were less sweet, tangled with heavy grief and unshed tears, yet it felt easier to walk through them if you were there holding his hand.

“Would you go into her room with me?” he asked quietly one night, his gaze locked on his mother’s bedroom, its door sealed for a decade. He had never dared to enter it once more, afraid it would further cement the notion that she was gone.

That truth felt easier to confront with you near.

“Of course,” you replied softly. “Whatever you need.”

The room was just as he remembered, only stuffier with dust and heartache. Time hung in the air, dense and unmoving, clutching at her last moments alive, unwilling to let go.

He looked to the bed, and he could almost see the shape of her there, frail and thin, her clothes too loose over a body worn out with sickness.

You held him close, steadying him as he took in each familiar corner: their photos framed with gold on the desk, her countless medals hung on the wall, her perfume and hairbrush untouched on the vanity, her rings resting in a small seashell container.

He walked slowly to the vanity, his fingers reaching for the ring he had loved most—a thin band of gold, crowned with a small emerald, dulled by time. Gently, he wiped away the dust with his shirt, before turning to you and slipping it onto your finger.

“Keep it,” he whispered. “It will live again through you.”

In the days that followed, you helped him breathe light and air into the room once more, sweeping dust from the framed certificates and photographs, polishing the medals until they shimmered as they once had. You washed the linens and her clothes, packing them carefully for a donation to cancer wards—something he never found the courage to do, until now.

Grief no longer felt like a knife lodged into his heart, its metal rusting with the passing of time. He saw its true face now—a soft ache, a quiet longing, a thicket of thorns that can only grow from the roots of love.

Your voice floated in his mind that night, echoing like the bells of a long standing cathedral. “your mom loved you, hyunjin. And someone who loves you would want your hands to be warm”— would want you to be happy.

Happiness swept into Hyunjin like an endless, gnawing hunger—an insatiable ache that demanded to be fed. He was ravenous for joy, longing to sink his teeth into it, dip his tongue into its sweetness and let it spill all over him.

When an exoneree tastes freedom after decades of longing, it is the small breeze, the waves lapping hungrily at his bare feet that make his heart twitch. So it was with Hyunjin: the small joys swelled within his ribcage, vast and boundless. His heart strained against his chest, eager to burst free and feel it all.

Somehow, Hyunjin’s biggest joy came from watching you dance— the principal dancer of your competition team. Whenever he had a break, he’d choose to slip away from the ice rink and climb the stairs at a hurried speed, slip into the dancing studio and sit in the corner.

There, he’d watch you, leading the group of dancers you’ll perform with. You stood in the center, beckoning the attention of everyone around. Beautiful, so beautiful.

How foolish of him it was to try to deny it. How foolish of him to think that there was any outcome but to fall for you.

You always caught his eye across the mirror, your face breaking out in a wide grin, as you waved shyly at him, the strictness melting off your features and morphing into something warm. He felt special in a way, to be the sole recipient of such a breathtaking smile. He felt as if he could write hundreds of poems about that alone.

That smile feels even more precious as you stand on stage at the Seoul International ballet competition, seconds before the light would turn on and you’d begin dancing. In the split second of darkness, it is him your eyes sought after in the crowd, it is him you wink at, before switching into your professional mode.

You aren’t as nervous as he expected you to be. Somehow your facade only slipped when five minutes before the stage you beckoned hyunjin in for a hug. “Do you need anything?” he asked as he kissed your temple softly, tightening his hold on you.

“I just need to hug you for a minute. It helps me calm down.”

Hyunjin had always known you were a stellar ballerina. You were humble with your achievements, speaking of your art as if you don’t have years of practice to attest to your expertise, as if you hadn’t gotten acclaims nationally and internationally.

Still, seeing you on stage made a different pride bloom in his heart. You are the rightful star of the night, the swan of ballet as the media had dubbed you— delicate with your movements, spreading your arms like the unfurling of their feathers, spinning delicately into the air with a grace that made his breath catch in his throat. You were mesmerizing.

You didn’t simply move, or dance, that would be too simplistic to encapsulate how you breathed life into this art. Into him.

And it is hyunjin’s arms that you run into, scurrying down the stage steps, an overflowing bouquet in your right hand and a gleaming trophy held tightly in the other.

“You won, my love,” he shouts, ecstatic as you throw your arms around his neck, as he cradles your waist, spinning you around like how he always orbits around you.

He puts you down, leaning in to kiss you with no second thought, your eyes closed as you savor one another, as your lips move as if commanded by the stars, to part only to meet again, and again. Till your cheeks are both flushed and all he can taste is the strawberry in your lip tint.

Your eyes lock on his, your pupils widening till they swallow your irises, mirroring your breathtaking grin. Hyunjin felt as if the sun had left the sky and lodged within his chest.

But what Hyunjin failed to understand is that, for souls like his, happiness is only a fleeting passenger. Even then, it isn’t meant to be swallowed whole; it is to be eaten bite by bite, back hunched, hidden from the harsh glare of the universe. Perhaps this is the price he pays for defying the sadness that shadows him—his own eager canines sinking into joy, ultimately tearing it apart.

…

“I think I’ll go to Switzerland.”

It takes a few seconds for Hyunjin’s words to settle into your mind, for the syllables to unfurl slowly, like a wave gathering its strength before inevitably crashing on the shore.

Once, Hyunjin had spoken of a figure skating center in Switzerland, one that Jihyoun praised endlessly—the pinnacle for skaters reaching toward gold.

“Will you go?” you’d asked, and he’d only shrugged. “I’m thinking about it.” The conversation had dissolved then, lost in the press of his body against yours, in the paths his fingers traced down your stomach— dizzying enough to make you forget the sound of your own name.

But you should have known—some things cannot be buried beneath the covers. They always resurface, haunting, inevitable.

You draw in a deep breath, your gaze settling on your congratulatory bouquet. The flowers have started to wither now, despite the sugar cube Hyunjin dropped in the water.

Were they a trigger for the slow withering of your relationship, too? Did the fall of that first petal set the course for your own undoing?

“Okay,” you nod, biting your lip anxiously. “When will you go?”

“In three days. Or else I’ll miss the deadline to join.”

Oh.

You remain silent, feeling as though barbed wire coils around your throat, each metal spike pressing deep into your flesh. He steps closer, his warm hands cradling your cheeks. It takes you a few seconds to meet his gaze.

You suddenly imagine a life untouched by him. The thought fills you with a horrible urge to weep.

“I know it’s sudden,” he murmurs, voice low, “I tried to delay it as long as I could, but Jihyoun kept insisting, saying it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I don’t want you to feel abandoned.”

You shake your head, as if to push that thought away, as if the notion itself is meaningless.

“I’ve always known we wouldn’t stay in the same place forever. I have to go back to Juilliard soon, too. I just… never thought it would happen this fast.” You sigh softly, a tender smile slipping across your face as you bring your hands up to cup his cheeks. “But you’re meant for grand things, Hyunjin. If Switzerland is where you’ll find them, then I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“I love you,” he whispers, his nose brushing against yours, a gentle, aching gesture. “We’ll make it work, right?”

He searches your eyes, pleading, his brows drawn into a worried knot.

“Of course, we will.”

It is the first time you lie to Hyunjin.

“I love you,” he repeats, gripping your waist and lifting you onto the counter.

“I’ve only known love thanks to you,” you murmur. That much is true.

Hyunjin kisses you with hunger, his hand tangled in your hair, his body moving with a fierce rhythm—passion and love dripping from each one of his touches, each one of his spilled i love you’s between broken whimpers and moans.

He loves you tonight like he has something to prove. As if his fingertips must be etched upon your skin, as if his name should be the one carved deep within you, the one found if you were split open to your soul.

Lying against his bare chest, you feel his breath rise and fall beneath you, the tip of his fingers sketching aimlessly upon your skin. Yet, you sense as if there is already a rift between you both. As if the news of his living has seeped between your bodies— the distance has already laid its claim, separating you both.

…

You’re back in New York, slipping into the rhythm of your classes like a puzzle piece wedged into place, not quite fitting, yet you force it to. You spend each waking moment practicing your final dance at Juilliard—The Sleeping Beauty—the ballet that will close this chapter of your life.

Your apartment has remained unchanged; the conversations with your classmates are as futile as ever. And your heart still pulses, aches for Seoul, for the warmth you found there, in Hyunjin.

Winter settles in, snow gathering in quiet drifts along the streets. Two languid months slip by, time dragging its feet, as if too wishing to remain right where you left Hyunjin. You lose yourself in the pursuit of a perfect performance. And yet, the praise of your professors and peers no longer fills you as it once did.

It all feels hollow, empty, when you can’t remember the last time you and Hyunjin spoke, actually spoke, the way you used to.

You’d already seen this scene unfold in your mind the day he broke the news—more vividly still as he walked away in the airport. You had known the first few days would be good—frequent calls and texts, sharing the smallest details of his new life and of your familiar one.

But then, the silence would settle in, as it has. Because you and Hyunjin are both perfectionists. Because without your art, both of you are left with nothing but shadows of yourselves— hollow shells calling out in agony to what truly pleases your souls.

You’re afraid to say it out loud, but Hyunjin’s face is blurring in your memory, details softening as though sketched by an impressionist’s brush. All that remains clear are the shadows under his eyes on your last video call, dark circles carved deep into his soft skin, his exhaustion bleeding through the screen as he struggled to stay awake for you.

There is no one to blame, and somehow, that only hurts you even more. You could sacrifice your hours of practice, and so could he. But then the guilt would come, ravenous, gnawing at your soul. And guilt is a hungry being, soon enough it won’t be satiated by you. Soon enough it will turn to your love for Hyunjin.

And you couldn’t afford that.

You miss him most on days like this, when nothing seems right from the moment you open your eyes. The city’s chill feels sharper, as though mocking you, reminding you of the warmth you left behind.

The wind bites as you step into the night, wandering aimlessly, your feet carrying you to nowhere in particular. Tears hover at the edge of your lashes, but you refuse to let them fall.

There’s no grace in the way you don’t allow yourself to cry, no mercy in how you hold yourself together. You've always been a performer, haven’t you? Even your pain feels like a scene you must perfect. Is it tragic enough? Does it carve deep enough to justify being felt?

You bite your lip, numb fingers pulling out your phone. You type out Hyunjin’s contact— my love. Your last message to him was two days ago.

With a sigh, you press call. He answers on the final ring.

“Hi, my angel,” he says, a bit breathless. Probably mid-training.

You force a smile, hoping he won’t hear the tremble in your voice. “Hi, baby. Practicing?”

“Yeah.” He hums. “Are you outside?”

“Im going for a walk.” Your voice quiets as the lump in your throat tightens, a chain wrapping around your words, binding you.

“Are you okay, my love?” he asks gently, and you nod though he can’t see.

“I am,” you lie. “I just miss you.” The confession slips out before you can stop it, and the weight of it crushes you. You miss him so much it’s killing you.

“I miss you too,” he says softly. You feel like throwing up. You have to make it quick before your courage betrays you.

“I think we should end things,” you say quickly, biting down so hard on your lip that blood beads up, sharp and metallic on your tongue— just like your words.

“What?” he whispers, and you hear his faint apologies, the rustle as he moves to someplace quieter, someplace where you can break his heart without an audience.

“Why do you want this? Don’t you love me anymore?” His voice is small, fragile, and you feel the tears welling in your eyelids, but not yet.

“You know there’s no one I love but you,” you say, drawing in a breath that doesn’t wish to be trapped by you. “But we’re both so busy it barely feels like we’re together anymore.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby, I’ll try to text more, I promise. I’ll cut back on my training for you, I’ll—.”

“You know I’d never ask that of you.” You cut him off, smiling sadly and he falls quiet.

You see him then, in a haze of memory—Hyunjin’s head resting in your lap, your fingers lost in his hair. You hear his voice again, soft and raw, “My mom’s last wish for me was to win that gold medal. I’m terrified of letting her down. Just thinking about it—” He’d let out a humorless laugh. “She isn’t here, and yet I still feel this debt to her. Isn’t that strange?”

You know it well—the pain of failing those you love, even those who don’t love you back.

“Your mom wanted you to win that medal, didn’t she?” you say softly. “I would never come between you and that.” A pause. “But doesn’t it hurt more to wait for a message that never comes?”

“I…” he stammers, a sniffle slipping through the phone, and it nearly undoes you.

“Yn, I- you know that I love you.”

And in that instant, you know he understands. It’s because Hyunjin understands that you love him.

“I love you too, my Hyune.”

“Then don’t say this,” he chokes out, “say something cruel—something that’ll make it easier not to miss you so much when you’re gone.”

You can hear him crying, and the sound permanently breaks a rib within your heart. It sounds so raw, so painful that you wish to abandon everything and run to him. Had life not been this harsh to you, perhaps you would. Perhaps you’d have enough courage to believe that love can suffice for everything.

“I came back to Seoul because my mother was sick. I thought…maybe it would bring us close again. But I think now that I came back just to meet you, Hyunjin.” His name falters, slipping from your lips in a stuttered breath.

“Thank you,” you whisper, voice cracking, “thank you for making me happy.”

The call ends, and you fall to your knees in the snow, finally surrendering to the grief tearing through you. Sobs wrack your body, raw and relentless, so fierce it feels as if your heart might just stop, as if you’ve become nothing but an ache, a bruised, throbbing mass of memories, pulsing with each thought of him.

Is this enough for you? you want to scream at whatever cruel hand pulling the strings of your fate. Has my suffering finally paid the debt of my existence— for both me and him?

…

You’ve come to understand that the expanse of human emotions is boundless, as vast and unknowable as the space that holds the universe. And with each passing day, it feels as if another star dies within you, its light dimming slowly, far from rebirth.

You once thought your heart had grown accustomed to grief—your life spent in mourning: parents you wished you had, love you wished had dared, even just once, to find you.

But mourning the happiness Hyunjin brought is something else. It’s a different kind of ache, not like the eruption of a volcano that fades into a quiet resigning. This pain lingers, dull and relentless, day after day, a wound that refuses to close, a pulse that never stills.

It has been a month since your fateful call. Hyunjin first sent you a bouquet of white roses, with a note nestled within—To the one who made me find love again, I will love you until my last breath.

You didn’t reply, but Hyunjin kept sending bouquets, each one arriving with a message that tore at your heart a little more than the last. I am thinking about you often; please think of me, too. As if you could do anything but that. If I am to exist in only one place, let it be in your mind.

You’ve hung each note on the fridge, their words staring back at you every morning as you make your coffee, exactly the way Hyunjin likes it.

Sometimes, you’d let the water run, overflowing in the coffee maker as you read his words again and again. Then, you’d catch a glimpse of your own distorted reflection on the water’s surface, wondering what it would feel like to drown in the sea, to let the liquid fill your lungs and wash over you.

But you never let the thought linger too long, chasing it away with the hum of a song. You know it will only lead you somewhere scary.

After three, maybe four months, the bouquets eventually stopped arriving. Hyunjin had surely grown tired of your silence.

The heart is no rigid thing; it doesn’t stay frozen in one place. It stretches and contracts, bleeds, then patches itself together again. But you hadn’t done much to heal it—truthfully, you hadn’t believed you deserved to feel good once more.

Then month five came, and there was no time left to dwell on anything. A strange relief, you thought, for a mind like yours, that never quite stops turning, even in sleep. Graduation loomed on the horizon, and you were terrified of your efforts going to waste, of them somehow never being enough to set you apart.

But one night, your professor placed her hand on your shoulder, her gaze warm as it met yours. Suddenly, you felt seven years old again. “I think you could be this generation’s prima ballerina assoluta, she said—absolute first ballerina, the best of the best.

“Really?” you whispered, hardly breathing, and she nodded. “Yes, if you keep going this way, you will be.”

You thought about calling Hyunjin to share the news, but quickly brushed the thought aside. Instead, you spent the night picturing his reaction. It was pathetic, maybe, but you liked to believe he would’ve said he was proud of you, called you angel, kissed the tip of your nose, his eyes crinkling into half-moons. You fell asleep with his words murmured on your lips, as if they’d been real.

Month six rolled in, then seven. You had been keeping tabs on Hyunjin’s name as the Olympics approached. There has been news of him wanting to attempt a quadruple axel spin— forty-four years after the triple one. An automatic win, some would say.

You knew that if anyone could do it would be hyunjin.

You wondered if he too read the articles released about your performances. Did he smile at them, his sweet dimple surging forth? Or did your name sting him, like droplets of acid falling into an open wound?

Month eight arrived, genuine joy weaving into your life once more. You took your final bow on the polished stage of Juilliard, the roaring applause ringing in your ears for days to come. You had the highest performance score of the history of the institution. Your professor’s eyes then searched yours— “where do you see yourself now? where would you feel happiest?”

Hyunjin’s arms. You almost said. Barely holding yourself.

“I don’t know. I think I’ll try at operas. I want to perform the white swan there.”

“Then go to opéra garnier in Paris. I have a friend there. Talk to him, feel it out.”

You had almost kissed her cheek right there and then. Not only because the Opéra Garnier had been your childhood dream but because now, Paris was where the Olympics would be held.

You now had an excuse to be there.

You kept looking for Hyunjin in every monument you visited. In the hush of night by the Louvre, along the quiet flow of the Seine, in the gentle strokes of Monet’s paintings at Musée de l’Orangerie. What would you do if you met him on a random street in Paris?

Thankfully, or unfortunately, you still hadn’t decided, you never had to find out. You didn’t see him.

It is the men’s singles day at the figure skating Olympics, and somehow, you feel more nervous than in all your own performances combined. You’re seated close to the ice, close enough to feel the chill radiating from it, close enough to capture every detail of the performances.

Then Hyunjin steps onto the ice. If not for your seat, you might have collapsed, your knees a mass of useless ground bones.

He’s dazzling—achingly, excruciatingly beautiful. His hair falls longer now, delicate strands brushing his forehead like a prince out of a fairytale. His outfit is pure white, adorned with emerald diamonds cascading like droplets of light. Instinctively, you reach for the emerald ring on your finger too.

Your gaze follows him everywhere, drinking in the sight of him tipping his head back in laughter, his nose crinkling as he talks to Jihyoun, every stretch, every step, every quiet act of his being.

He was still as lovely, still as beautiful as you have always known him.

You wonder if he’s thinking of you, too, as his eyes flutter shut before his music begins. What image knits behind his eyelids in that instant?

It has always been his face for you.

The air buzzes with anticipation, thick with belief and doubt alike as everyone knows what Hyunjin is attempting tonight. All eyes follow him as he skates, tracing wide circles across the ice, bending low to the ground, spinning in perfect arcs.

Then, he launches into the air.

The seconds seem to trickle by as slowly as blood droplets rushing to a dying heart. You see it— one spin, planets orbiting around the sun, aching to inch closer to the warmth.

Two spins— seconds marching forward to catch up with the next ones in a ticking clock.

Your breath freezes in your throat, your hands grip the chair so much your knuckles turn as white as the roses hyunjin sent you after you parted ways.

Three spins— fireflies dancing around the light, drawn to it like milky stars.

And then he does it.

His fourth and final spin— your heart orbiting around Hyunjin as he achieves his dream, as he breaks the world record he long yearned for.

You fall back in your seat, a rush of relief loosening the tension in your body as the crowd erupts into thunderous applause. Unbelievable is the word on everyone’s mouths.

But not on yours.

Your Hyunjin did it, like you knew he would.

Tears gather in your eyes as he stares at the scoreboard, his gaze fixed, waiting, breath held alongside every other skater.

Hyunjin’s name comes first.

He collapses to his knees, the weight of his victory pressing down his body, finally breaking him open. Jihyoun rushes over, cradling him, shaking him, laughing, “You did it, Hyunjin! You did it, son!” The tears won’t stop rushing down your face; they have a life of their own now.

You watch as Hyunjin circles the audience, waving at the crowd cheering his name. He drifts closer to your section, his eyes scanning the sea of faces until, finally, he finds yours.

The world stills, you force the earth to stop spinning to have this one moment with Hyunjin. You lock onto his gaze, holding it, savoring the way his lips form your name.

Then, as if pulled by a force greater than either of you, he climbs over the stands, moving swiftly across the seats until he reaches you. In an instant, his arms are around you, his head buried in the crook of your neck. “Yn, I…” he chokes, and you nod, whispering, “I know. You did it, Hyunjin.”

“I did it, Yn,” he echoes, his voice trembling. He pulls back to look at you, his hands resting on your shoulders, both oblivious to the flash of cameras, the seas of people flocking around you.

No one here could ever understand what this moment means to him. No one but him—and you.

As he takes his place on the podium, tears shimmer in Hyunjin’s eyes akin to the reflection of the sun across the sea. He bites his lip, struggling to hold it together as the bronze and silver medals are awarded. Then the official steps forward, gold medal in hand. Hyunjin extends his shaking hands, watching as the ribbon drapes over his head, at long last.

Suddenly, the past eight months of heartache are justified. You would endure it all again, twice over, if it led to Hyunjin having this moment.

“Miss Juilliard,” Hyunjin says softly as he meets you by the door. He had asked Jihyoun to tell you to wait for him. Jihyoun seemed happy to see you once more.

Hyunjin is different now than he was twenty minutes ago, when he threw himself into your arms, overcome by emotions too vast to name. Now, he stands before you, more composed, more guarded, though his gaze remains tender. He’s never been able to hide his eyes from you.

“Congratulations on your win,” you say.

“Congratulations on your graduation.”

He knows.

In that moment, you see it all—the two paths unfurling before you. You could smile at him and he would smile back. Then you would part ways. And you would meet again, in a ceremony of some kind. And he would have grown only more beautiful, and the ache would have not softened. And his loving gaze would set on someone else but you.

Or, you could speak now.

“I made some tiramisu back at my Airbnb,” you say, your voice tentative. “Would you like some?”

Hyunjin’s shoulders stiffen, a debate flickering in his eyes. Then he exhales softly. “Of course.”

You sit side by side in the uber. His phone keeps lighting up with congratulatory messages until he switches it off.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, feeling the need to break the silence. He tenses beside you.

“For what?”

“For stealing you away.”

His shoulders relax. “Don’t apologize. I wanted to come.”

The apartment you rented is small—studio-sized, really, but near Montmartre, where you’ve loved taking nightly walks by Sacré Coeur. Hyunjin slips off his shoes, placing them next to yours by the door.

For a moment, you both pause, staring at the sight of your shoes, side by side, once more.

He clears his throat as you gesture for him to make himself comfortable. He moves to the window, gazing at the city below, while you retrieve two plates, carefully setting a slice of tiramisu on each.

“Thank you,” he says softly when you hand him his plate. But neither of you takes a bite. It’s as if opening your mouth would lead to a torrent of words escaping, ones neither of you can contain.

He yields first.

“You came,” he whispers, glancing over at you.

“I couldn’t miss seeing you win.”

“I missed you,” he says, biting his lip. Hyunjin has always been honest, especially when it comes to you. “It hurt a lot to miss you, Yn.”

“I’m here tonight.”

Your words settle into the air as the hum of the world outside fades away. Hyunjin’s gaze, sharp and knowing, meets yours—those piercing eyes that have always stripped away your defenses, reading between the lines of your every unspoken thought.

He holds your gaze for a beat too long, and you fumble for your fork, needing something—anything—to diffuse the weight of what lingers in the silence between you.

Then, suddenly, his lips meet yours.

Kissing Hyunjin again feels like breathing in after being starved of air, like a cool breeze caressing your skin on a scorching day. A shiver spreads through you as he gently lowers you onto the couch, his body a pressing weight above you. Your hands find their way to his back, moving with the instinctive ease of muscle memory, while he kisses you with the fierce urgency of someone who’s finally tasted salvation.

You wish to never part from him. You wish for your body to liquefy and morph into the hot rush of blood within his veins— anything so you wouldn’t have to part from him once more. You don’t think you can handle it. You don’t think you can lose Hyunjin again. You know you can’t.

When he pulls back, his cheeks are flushed a soft pink, like fresh dahlias, his eyes glossy and filled with something unspeakable as they trace over your face. “Tell me, Yn,” he breathes, “do you still love me? I need to know, please. It’s been tearing me apart.”

“I love you,” you say, with every bit of honesty you can muster. “I loved you before I even knew what love is, and I will love you, Hyunjin. Whether you are near or not. I will always love you.”

A breathtaking smile unfolds across his face, warm enough to thaw every frozen corner of your heart, to make decades of loneliness melt away. You would endure it all again, face the heartbreak and the grief. Fall at your sister’s grave and repent once more. You’d do it all if it means your path will cross with Hyunjin.

“I was always ever yours to love.”

Epilogue.

Hyunjin has always felt as if he has lived many lifetimes at once. Like a serpent, shedding its skin, he had lost parts of his being in various places. Some he managed to retrieve, others not. He had a lot to learn, overwhelmed by certain things past. His thoughts weren’t always kind. His hands didn’t always sweep gently against his skin.

But on days like those, you were there to love him. He had learned and unlearned many things with you. Hyunjin had found that love wasn’t a sharp emotion, it didn’t slice away at the heart, it didn’t puncture. There were no sharp edges when it came to you. Even if he lost you along the way, he would round up a corner and find you there.

And he did. Hyunjin found you, even when you didn’t wish to be found. You scurried from place to place, set foot into Paris to Seoul, Alexandria and New York. The distance lessened then widened. But it never tore you apart once more. Your souls were satiated in a way. You could rest side by side now.

And you did, as you settled in Seoul, decades down the road. Where both you and Hyunjin built a new training center. Figure skaters on the first floor, ballerinas on the second. The days passed by in happiness, laughter and giggles. There was no curse. No punishment. Not anymore.

You believe them, and you will wait. For now, you’ll find solace in the red lilies sitting atop your grave.

They are now meant for you, at long last.

#I want to say more but #This chem chapter is calling out to me like no other #Ilysm i hope you know that #Big big kisses to my favorite author #Like I’m not even joking #You could lowkey be a full time author/director if you wished to do so #Because to make art is one thing #And to make a person so involved and dedicated to reading is another thing #And you’ve achieved both #I’m telling you SAHAR. You’re so talented and don’t let your mind or someone else tell you otherwise

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niecotine · 8 hours ago

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MAJOR LOSER ╱ kim jennie, m.

summary ― jennie was the campus it girl. she had a hot boyfriend, good grades, and all the popularity one could ask for. so why did jennie care if you, a nobody, were getting hit on? you were just a loser.

╭ pairings ― kim jennie x ( f! ) reader. ╭ genre ― mean girl au, smut. ╭ word count ― 5k words.

keywords ― cheerleader!jennie, sub!jennie, hard dom!reader, hate fuck, brat taming (!!!), dry humping, spanking, begging, masturbation, jennie receiving oral sex, messy, cum eating.

╰ “. . .isn’t that right, babe?”

╰ the sound of seokhun’s voice snapped jennie out of her daze and she turned to look at him. she hummed in response, mindlessly agreeing with whatever he said. she wasn’t currently dating him, but that might change soon. he was the captain of the college basketball team and she was cheer captain. they made sense.

╰ to everyone around them, they were the perfect match.

╰ right now though, jennie wanted nothing more than to send him away. his incessant talking was interrupting her while she glared daggers at the back of your head.

╰ jennie didn’t like you, or know you for that matter. the two of you had nothing in common besides one advanced chemistry class, in which the two of you were paired up for a project together. that was the only reason she knew your name, or else a loser like you wouldn’t have crossed paths with her anyway.

╰ despite her dismissiveness towards you, jennie had no idea why she was currently so worked up by the sight of you across the cafeteria, getting hit on by a pair of girls.

╰ you probably didn’t even realize what was going on, with the subtle way one of the girls brushed her fingers across your forearm, or shot her friend a look every time you looked away. ugh. jennie was going to be sick.

╰ her freshly manicured nails tapped against the wooden table, stomach churning. seokhun noticed jennie acting antsy and asked her if there was something wrong. despite jennie’s dismissive hum, she finally couldn’t take the sight anymore, getting up and deciding to make her way to you.

╰ seokhun, or their group at the table didn’t bother stopping her. her narrowed gaze was set on the way the girl beside you giggled and leaned against your shoulder, nudging your side.

╰ jennie convinced herself that she was just doing you a favor. yeah. that was it. if you got distracted by those girls, you could possibly put their project at risk. and jennie could end up with a subpar grade. yes, jennie was just doing this to preserve her grades.

╰ “hi.” jennie said, an almost sickly sweet smile plastered on her face as she stopped in front of your table. her eyes were glaring daggers at the girl until she stopped clinging to your side and sat up straight. jennie took that as her green light to wedge herself between you both, gaze not leaving the loser girl. “you can leave. me and her have a project to work on right now.”

╰ jennie rested her hand on your forearm, squeezing the flesh softly (and momentarily being surprised by the firmness). the project had to be submitted in two weeks but the retreating girls didn’t need to know that.

╰ “uh. . .” you started but trailed off, jennie watching the two girls wave at you and walk away in disappointment. “i thought you told me to do the project myself.”

╰ jennie’s nails were digging into your forearm slightly. she was still smiling, her lips curling up so politely that it almost looked sincere. almost. “yeah, but i have a new idea that i just love.”

╰ jennie was lying. obviously. it was the first and most obvious lie possible, but she was willing to take the chance. her grip on your arm only tightened the longer she had to sit there. the loser girls kept glancing back at you as they left the cafeteria. finally.

╰ “right. actually,” you started, tugging your arm out of her harsh grip and standing up, jennie’s eye twitching at the motion as she looked up at you with her sharp gaze. “i’m a bit busy right now. could we discuss it tomorrow? or you could just text your idea to me.”

╰ jenne’s smile dropped from her lips at the emphasis and side-eye you shot her, silently calling her out on her bullshit. the change in her demeanor was almost immediate. she was pissed.

╰ “busy? with what?” a small sigh passed between jennie’s lips as she looked up at you, craning her head back slightly.

╰ “with. . .” you trailed off and averted your gaze momentarily, obviously searching for an excuse, but you didn’t show much of an expression. “personal stuff. the project is due in two weeks. we can talk later.”

╰ jennie hated that neutral expression on your face. it drove her crazy, since she could never tell what you thought. sometimes she swore you were just emotionless.

╰ jennie’s bottom lip puckered in irritation and she placed her hands on her hips. a huff of air passed from her nose and she looked you up and down, pressing on the topic and clearly not wanting to let this go anytime soon. “what personal stuff?”

╰ “. . . nevermind.” you immediately dismissed the topic, as if not wanting to bother arguing with jennie. a flicker of irritation crossed your eyes. “go ahead then. what’s the killer idea for a stupid organic chemistry presentation that you couldn’t wait a day to tell me?”

╰ jennie was satisfied with the annoyed look on your face. it was better than that neutral look. at least irritation was an emotion she could read. as she watched your shoulders slump slightly, a smirk worked its way across her lips. jennie reached out and grasped your forearm again. it was becoming a bad habit. she began to pull you away from the empty table.

╰ “the killer idea is that we’re going somewhere more private to discuss it.” and then she began to push past other tables, pulling you along behind her. she could hear you grumble under your breath as you were pulled along, your annoyance increasing every time people turned to look at you. still, you were silent the entire time you were lead out of the cafeteria and into a private class.

╰ finally, you two were alone. once jennie was sure no one was behind the two of you, she dropped your arm and leaned up against the nearest desk, voice biting as she decided not to beat around the bush. “why were you talking to that loser?”

╰ jennie’s arms crossed over her chest and she raised an eyebrow as she waited for your answer. if looks could kill, you’d have already been six feet under. she watched the way your eye twitched in annoyance. you paused for a moment before replying blankly. “this has nothing to do with the presentation.”

╰ jennie rolled her eyes. she was used to that deadpan attitude of yours, but it pissed her off to no end.

╰ “yeah, well, i don’t care.” jennie pushed off the desk and stepped closer to you, shoving her index against your chest. she hated it, how towering you were. how she had to look up at you, while you had the perfect view of everything she didn’t want you to see. “just answer the question. why were you talking to her.”

╰ now it was your turn to roll your eyes. “i was talking to her because i wanted to. it’s a free country.”

╰ a scoff passed from jennie’s pretty lips at your answer. why’d she even ask? it was a stupid question to begin with. “of course you do.”

╰ her head tilted back and she looked at you, watching a few strands of your hair brush against your cheeks. she was tempted to reach out and touch. her fingers wanted to touch the skin behind them, feel your pulse. wait. no. shut up, mind.

╰ “you have bad taste.” she deadpanned.

╰ “sure. . .” you trailed off with a sigh. glancing at the wall clock, it showed you had 20 minutes left before class. “anything else?”

╰ jennie’s jaw clenched slightly. everything you said, the tone of your voice, the look on your face, even the way you held yourself ― it was all irritating. she wanted nothing more than to smack the indifferent expression right off your face.

╰ jennie stepped even closer until only a few inches separated the two of you and she refused to back away. her own expression mirrored yours as she leaned back slightly, still looking you up and down. “why didn’t you ever text me back last weekend?”

╰ you huffed sharply through your nose. she wasn’t going to let you go, was she? “there was nothing else to say. you were spamming.”

╰ her nose scrunched up in annoyance and jennie narrowed her eyes. that’s when a new feeling started rising in her chest. it was ugly, something she didn’t think she’d feel for someone like you.

╰ “i ―” she began, lifting one hand up to lightly shove your chest again.

╰ “don’t ―” again, her hand pushed against you.

╰ “spam.” and one more time. each word was punctuated with another push.

╰ your expression flickered with something akin to what one would look at an annoying fly, her little shoves not deterring you or moving you much either. “are you done?”

╰ jennie’s nostrils flared as she tilted her head back to glare at you. and why was it so much hotter when you glared? what a weird thing to be attracted to. attracted to. . . wait. she was not attracted to you. no damn way. you were annoying her right now, she should hate you.

╰ the pushes finally stopped as her hand balled into a fist and rested against your chest. “why didn’t you keep the conversation going?” she was getting a headache now from you. why did you have to be so indifferent all the time when she was here feeling so. . . so. . . ugh. what was the feeling she had? she pushed it away, the feeling of wanting to grab your face or punch it or press her own against your mouth. it was annoying.

╰ “because.” you shrugged, unphased. you hoped not reacting to her would bore her out and she’s leave you alone.

╰ she was getting more and more pissed off with every word that passed from your lips. jennie knew she was hot, she was petite and soft and pretty. she was used to getting her way, she was used to men, women and every gender in between falling all over her. but you were indifferent. it was irritating, stupid and infuriating.

╰ she wanted to push you. or punch you. or smack you. or kiss you. oh god. . . why did she want to kiss you all of a sudden?

╰ “anything else you want to say or do?” you scoffed, crossing your arms as you looked down at her, almost tired of being in a constant state of annoyance. “or is her highness going to allow me to get back to class?”

╰ highness? she was not a princess, far from it, but she did look like one. she was the epitome of doe-like perfection and she liked it that way. all the girls either wanted to be her or be with someone like her. and yet there you were, being disinterested and rude to her. acting like she wasn’t the most desirable person around. “oh, bite me.” the words left her mouth before she could even stop herself.

╰ “i will if you keep annoying the crap out of me.” you suppressed a groan, sitting down on one of the seats. you knew she wasn’t going to let you go any time soon until she had her fun with you. gaze flickering around the empty classroom, you eventually stopped to give jennie a once-over, looking at her properly for the first time. her skirt was too short, you noticed off the bat.

╰ jennie’s nose scrunched up with annoyance when she noticed you were checking her out. “shut up,” she huffed and leaned back up against the desk, her arms crossing over her chest. she made sure to shove her chest out more so you could get a better look.

╰ “excellent comeback.” you rolled your eyes and looked away, finding the window more interesting than this mind-numbing conversation.

╰ jennie hated the way you looked right now. arms crossed, shirt tight enough to show how well-built you were for a girl despite your pretty curves, sitting there and looking so relaxed. the more she looked, the more she realized the almost androgynous attractiveness you had. it confused her.

╰ friends, family, strangers alike would fall over themselves to compliment or please jennie, but here you were, acting like you didn’t even care who she was. she wanted to wipe the look off your face. jennie was too used to people unable to take their eyes off her. no one ever treated her like this before and it pissed her off. “ugh,” she groaned, stepping closer to you. jennie reached for your shoulder and shoved you gently. “look at me.”

╰ “there’s nothing much to look at.” you bit back without thinking, your lips twitching upwards slightly, suppressing a small laugh at your own response. “unless there’s something you want to show me that i haven’t seen before?”

╰ jennie’s nostrils flared the moment that last phrase passed from your lips. oh, she really wanted to smack you.

╰ jennie would show you something. show you there was plenty to look at. she stepped up to you and stood in between your legs. slowly, her hands came up and rested on your chest. “i’ve got lots of things i could show you.” she taunted in a low voice, her heart beating quickly. she felt almost lightheaded.

╰ you were momentarily surprised by the fact that she toyed back at you, head tilting slightly as you felt a flicker of interest in your chest (and somewhere else). this was a first. “oh really? then go on and give me an example before i walk out of here. . .”

╰ she’d give you a good example. the best example ever. her hand gripped your shirt and suddenly she was climbing into your lap, settling down heavily against your thighs, both hands now resting against your chest. jennie straddled your lap and she was close enough to see you, to smell you, to feel you.

╰ “does this example work?” jennie breathed out, forcing her voice to sound seductive and not needy like she felt underneath.

╰ “not really,” you looked down at her and your palms settled over her hips. “you’re not the first girl i’ve had in my lap. you’ll have to do more than that to get my attention.”

╰ “is that so?” jennie’s eyes widened for a split second before a defiant look crossed her eyes. she moved, grinding her hips slowly against your own as she bit her lip. her hands began to roam up from your chest, fingers tracing against the skin of your neck and jawline. a shiver passed down her spine the minute she touched you. “do you really think others did better?”

╰ “i guess you’ll have to prove otherwise.” you gripped her hips, fingers slightly digging into the curve of her ass as you made sure the tough material of your jeans rubbed against her clit through her panties with every grind.

╰ a soft gasp escaped jennie’s lips at the feeling and it was almost embarrassing how much she liked the pressure. and the look in your eyes. . . she’d never seen a look like that from you before. her heart was pounding in her ribcage now, feeling more intense than it ever had before. “prove it, huh?”

╰ jennie hummed, leaning forward until her chest was all but pressed against yours, her breath hitting your lips. damn, you smelled good. she felt your fingers slip under her skirt to feel the smooth flesh of her plump ass, squeezing the skin softly as she rolled her hips. jennie moaned softly at the contact.

╰ “you promised to show me a good time,” you mumbled in her neck, nipping the skin under her jaw teasingly. “and yet i’m sitting here and doing all the work.”

╰ jennie’s clit was throbbing softly and she felt her panties dampen as you grabbed her hips and pressed her further into your lap. jennie had the urge to press her face against your neck. she held back, just barely, and let out a slow breath. “you’re ―” she huffed, pushing slightly back into your hands while one of her hands tugged on your hair. she was not going to let you win. “you’re so insufferable, you know that?”

╰ “tch.” you smacked her ass, feeling the fat jiggle under your palm. “careful, brat. you’re not going to get your way with me.”

╰ jennie flinched slightly, but then her eyes narrowed at the fact that your expression didn’t change, still as emotionless as ever. “shut up.” she hissed out, her own grasp on your shirt tugging you closer so she could lean in again. jennie pressed her lips against the skin of your neck, and then nipped gently. “and i always get my way, mutt.”

╰ “that’s it.” your annoyance flared at her words. you grabbed her waist and lifted her off your lap and onto the table, tugging her harshly until she was bent over the surface. keeping one of your palms on the small of her back, you made sure she was pinned face down onto the surface, ignoring her yelp of surprise. “either you behave, or i’ll make you behave. and you’re going to call me ma’am.”

╰ jennie seethed. this was not how this was supposed to go. but the feeling of your hand on her back and the way you were holding her down was making her mind go all fuzzy. jennie pushed against the table, turning her head to glare at you. “i’m never calling you ma’am,” she protested defiantly. “i don’t care how big and strong you are, i’m not following your orders.”

╰ “wrong answer.” your free hand easily unbuckled her skirt and let it slip down her long legs. jennie’s skin was smooth and blemish-free, the sight making you want to mark every inch. your gaze set on her baby blue panties. the cotton fabric was high cut and barely contained the round globes of her ass. you kept her pinned with one hand while the other harshly smacked the right cheek, enough to leave a nice red mark. “apologize.”

╰ jennie hissed through her teeth as your hand came down. it hurt, but it didn’t hurt terribly. just enough sting that was quickly being overpowered by the fire that was starting in her gut. her heart was suddenly beating a hundred miles a minute and she gripped the wood of the table so hard her knuckles went white. “no,” jennie forced out. it came out like a strangled gasp and she wondered why the hell her voice sounded so weak.

╰ “no?” your gaze roamed over her sprawled form. a slight red mark was blossoming in her ass you spanked her harder. you didn’t miss the wobble in her voice and the patch of wetness on the crotch of her panties. “apologize. now.”

╰ “ah!” jennie cried out when another spank landed. another mark that would surely leave a bruise. why was her skin so stupidly sensitive? why was she feeling so weak? jennie should push back up, fight you harder, shove back against your hand. but the moment she tried, the hand came down again. and that’s when she felt that odd throb in her pussy. the need, the want. she was starting to get worked up. “just. . . just shut up, goddamnit.” she tried to snap back, but it no longer held the same confidence.

╰ “what a shame. . . we could be having so much fun,” your voice was cold, but teasing, which was the most emotion you’d ever shown around jennie. unable to hold back, your fingers dipped past her panties to rub her wet pussy teasingly, fingers drenching in her juices. when you heard her moan, you pulled back and spanked her again, mesmerized by the way her ass jiggled. you refused to give her what she wanted. “but you won’t to be a good girl and listen. don’t you know only good girls get rewarded?”

╰ jennie’s pussy pulsed. by now the wetness in her panties was obvious and uncomfortable, and the fact that you were being a prick was turning her on even more. jennie’s skin was burning and her heart was racing. she was starting to get lightheaded and her body was heating up. her breath came out in small pants and she found herself struggling against your hand.

╰ jennie wasn’t a bad girl. jennie was a good girl. jennie needed to be a good girl. “i am a good girl.” she forced the words out, voice almost sounding like a whine.

╰ “good. then apologize. and call me ma’am.” you smirked, feeling a rush as you enjoyed her giving in, but it wasn’t enough. you wanted to reduce her to a whining and needy mess. you wanted to break her princess act and make her beg you to get her off. you wanted her to beg for your fingers in her pussy, your mouth on her clit. “go on.”

╰ “n-no, i. . .” jennie couldn’t say it. she refused to believe she was going to give in this easily. jennie had never given in to anyone, she was used to being the one in control, the one calling the shots. but here you were, forcing her to give in. jennie felt her eyes burn and suddenly she realized she was shaking. her legs were quivering and if you kept this up she was going to collapse. this was embarrassing. “i’m sorry,” she said stubbornly. “i’m sorry, ma’am.”

╰ “beg.” you chuckled, kneeling behind her as you gave her another harsh spank before trailing your tongue over the pink and throbbing skin to soothe the sting. “beg for me to make you feel good.”

╰ “please.” the word spilled out involuntarily and it took jennie a moment for her brain to catch up as she processed what she said. oh god. had she just pleaded with someone like you? begged for you to give her pleasure. jennie was ashamed of herself and her face flooded with heat. her head leaned down, so her forehead was resting against the table. jennie’s voice was quiet as she forced the words out, unable to do anything but push past her shame. “please, ma’am. i’ll be a good girl. j-just make me feel good.”

╰ “hmm, finally.” your fingers hooked her panties and pushed it down, watching the faint wisps of her juices cause the panties to cling to her cunt before peeling off. you wasted no time before licking a long stripe from her throbbing clit to the rosy bud of her asshole, hearing her gasp. you could almost hear the wood creak from how jennie grasped the edge of the table. “and now you can get your reward.”

╰ jennie’s eyes squeezed shut as she shivered from her soaked cunt being exposed to the cold air. the utter shame from the action of being bent over and having her pussy licked in an empty class, especially by someone like you had her clenching and squirming. she felt your hands grasp the flesh of her inner thighs and push them apart to reveal more of her wet and puffy pussy lips so you could wiggle your tongue between more easily.

╰ jennie’s moans and mewls wouldn’t stop, especially when the hot appendage of your tongue laved over her swollen clit repeatedly, the sensitive bud throbbing. your tongue dipped lower and prodded her tight slit, feeling the walls of her cunt clench around the muscle. “needy, aren’t we?” jennie heard you tease, your hot breath brushing against her hypersensitive cunt and causing her to twitch. yet her legs remained spread for your mouth, hips pushing back softly as your tongue and mouth found a rhythm.

╰ “f―fuck. . .” jennie breathed, feeling you pull away to spit on her hooded clit, shaky hand instinctively reaching back to grasp your head and push you back until your mouth met her pussy again. “r―right there.”

╰ you smirked in her pussy as you followed her command, sucking the slippery fold of her clit in your mouth and feeling her jolt, tongue swirling through her dripping cunt. you felt your own panties dampen from the taste of her juices flood your palette, one of your hands slipping into the front of your jeans to rub your clit through your panties while you sucked on her clit and lapped up her juices.

╰ “please.” jennie whispered shakily, her eyes squeezed shut as she felt something tighten in the pit of her stomach. everything else forgotten, her body slipped into instinct as she chased the high that was building up. her thighs were shaking and her mind had blanked. she was unable to think or bother about anything except the feel of you sucking her clit, your head moving from side to side. tongue and teeth lashing on the sensitive bundle of nerves, jennie felt tears gather on her lashline. “please.”

╰ meanwhile you gripped her leg with one hand, your other hand furiously rubbing your own clit as you sloppily ate her pussy. jennie’s shaky fingers gripped your head in place between her legs while she moved her hips back to match your tongue. her cries were incoherent but you could tell how close she was by the way her thighs spasmed and her juices dripped down your chin.

╰ “i’m so close. . .” jennie sobbed, voice a trembling whimper as she struggled for breaths, propping her leg on the table and you paused to watch the way her pussy lips peeled open, dripping with a mix of her creamy juices and your saliva. you pressed your face between her legs, fingers working your own clit quickly while you lapped at the hardened bundle of nerves. you didn’t forget to give her fluttering hole some attention, pushing your tongue in and out of the sopping slit.

╰ jennie’s cries increased in pitch and volume while your tongue lashed at her cunt at a mind numbing pace, feeling her approach her orgasm while you felt your own build up. setting a pace between your tongue and fingers that you both reached your climax together, you felt jennie finally cum in your mouth with a scream, your hips jerking as your moans were muffled between her legs. you ended up coming in your pants with a muffled groan, the vibrations from your mouth prolonging jennie’s orgasm as she bucked her hips back into your face.

╰ her thighs continued to tremble and her eyes rolled back, expecting you to stop once your orgasm had subsided; however, you continued licking at jennie’s walls. she let out a pained groan, trying to tug your hair away from her over-sensitised pussy, but you were stronger and held yourself there as you continued eating her out until her legs shook and she cried out. “n―no more!”

╰ you panted softly as you hesitantly pulled away. strings of her juices connected her pussy to your mouth as you licked your lips and wiped your chin with the back of your hand. both of you were gasping your breath as jennie shakily turned herself over and glanced at you, her eyes dazed and head tipped back.

╰ jennie struggled for breath, glancing at the ceiling as she attempted to gather her wits and grasp what she had just done. she was interrupted by the sound of the bell, signaling her class starting somewhere in the building as dread began to settle in her chest. what had she done?

╰ she slowly sat up and pushed herself up off the desk. jennie’s movements were slow and careful, trying not to show just how weak her legs felt right now. her face was flushed and her breaths came out in pants. why the hell did she get so riled up like that? it made her mad. it made her want to punch you and kiss you at the same time.

╰ jennie quickly pulled her skirt up and tucked her blouse back in, avoiding your gaze still kneeling by her the whole time. “i’m―i’m just going to go to class.” she didn’t know what else to say. jennie was still in denial about the whole situation. it all still felt like a fever dream.

╰ “oh? already?” you cleared your throat, an amused glint in your eyes. you were unable to keep the smirk off your face as you watched her avoid your eyes and get ready to leave. it was pleasing to see how the bitchy little cheerleader reduced to a meek mess just from your tongue. “what a shame. . .”

╰ jennie was not a mess. she wasn’t. sure, her body was on fire and the ache between her legs was annoying and frustrating, but she was not a mess. in fact, she felt more clear headed than she had in a long time. only because of the kind of release she just had that left her satisfied beyond measure. not that she’d ever admit that to you.

╰ her eyes narrowed, but jennie still was avoiding your gaze. “i need to go to class,” she mumbled again before quickly turning to leave the classroom. ugh. she hated you.

╰ jennie stormed towards her locker with a frown. her body was a mess of emotions. frustration, anger and. . . need. wait, need? again?

╰ she took a moment to rest her back against her locker and let out a slow breath. the interaction ran through her mind and she huffed, trying to calm herself. god, you were so infuriating. jennie’s fingers gently touched her now-tender skin and she hissed slightly. you’d bruised her.

╰ this can never happen again, jennie told herself. yet every time she recalled the last glance she had of you wiping your lips after giving her the most mind-blowing head she'd ever received, she felt her pussy flutter in tandem with her heart.

╰ still, the dread didn't pass. god, what had jennie done? she put herself in an intimate position with a girl she claimed was a nobody. jennie had never been with a girl like that. did it always feel so good? it was hard to admit, but the truth was, she liked it.

╰ and fortunately for you, she wanted more. so who was the bigger loser now?

cred, niecotine.

#blackpink #jennie #kim jennie #blackpink jennie #blackpink imagines #blackpink scenarios #blackpink fanfiction #jennie blackpink #blackpink smut #jennie smut #kpop smut #female reader #gxg smut #jennie kim #jennie x reader #kim jennie x reader #₊ ˚ ʚ ━ entries.

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jeonscatalyst · 2 days ago

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Fuck Hybe and Fuck Min Heejin. I hate how they keep using their artists as meat shields.

Hybe made this whole thing public to try to use MHJ as a scapegoat to all of their wrongdoings, and used their artists for sympathy to get the public on their side.

Then Min Heejin manipulated NewJeans into ruining their careers for her and put this horrible mentality in their mind that they're nothing without her.

Then we find out Hybe has been mistreating Taehyung, letting the people who leaked Jimin's personal documents go without taking any legal action, committing fraudulent album sales, and prioritizing gaining money over their artists protection and wellbeing.

And now, Min Heejin is trying to use Taehyung for sympathy points by bringing up something that happened last year, and pretending she's his friend. He's already dealing with the hardships of military service and now she drags him into her mess. If she was really his friend she wouldn't use him like this, especially at such a delicate time for him.

I hope all the artists are well. I can't imagine how hard it's been for them to deal with all the consequences of the company's mistakes. I just wanna give them all a huge hug 😢💜

Let's protect ourselves as well, as infuriating as it is, we can't let this mess take over our lives and ruin our days. The best we can do is support the artists and remind them about how loved they are. Taking sides and sending hatred is only helping the perpetrators fight each other.

I hope you're doing well!

Borahae 💜

Hey @moo-mood

I understand what you are saying but I think some of the points your brought up are pure conjecture as there is not a single shred of proof from the documents that shows that any of the BTS members are being mistreated. I think that fans are so sensitive of their idols they don’t understand the difference between a label having an opinion on an artist and an artist actually being mistreated.

I have seen people read and misunderstand those documents and I don’t even know where to start from in correcting some of those things. I have seen Tae’s fans promise to bring down the company because apparently the company has been sabotaging Taehyung but there is actually nothing in those documents that support this claim. They had an opinion on Tae’s album and suddenly that was sabotage to Tae stans. The same way they mentioned that Tae’s dating rumors might have helped other members live more peacefully in their private lives and Tae fans took that to mean that Hybe orchestrated the rumours so other members could live freely. The lack of reading comprehension or even understanding what those documents were about in the first place is truly astounding.

Don’t get me wrong though. I don’t for one moment think that company is innocent. As a matter of fact I think they are just as dirty as any other entertainment company and everyone with a brain knows that for these companies to get so big, they have to dip their feet in dirty waters and Hybe definitely is no different. They all have to play the dirty game to keep up with the competition and taekookers are acting like they were right all along and are trying to link every mention of Jk , Tae and Jimin in those documents to a nonexistent romance between Tae and Kook. I don’t think of Bang PD as a saint but I think he actually cares about BTS members and this isn’t because of anything he does or says but because of what the members do and say and how I have seen them around him for years. Watching them, you could easily tell that he didn’t treat them like a boss would but actually like his little friends or younger brothers. You see how he allowed the boys to be able to give him their honest opinions of how he ran things starting from Rookie king when he made it possible for the boys to climb that platform and yell out any grievances they had towards him or anyone else and how Jimin wasn’t afraid to tell him that his previous melody for DNA sucked and he listened and changed it . That is not a dictator. That is not something someone who doesn’t care about the boys or their opinions would do. You also see how freely they tease him, how happy they seem around him, they even have this funny drawing of him that they always laugh about, the even go as far as teasing him about his weight and he just laughs it off.

They have spoken endlessly about how well he treats them and about how good he has been to them. He is usually in the habit of treating the boys to one on one meals and even invited Jin over and cooked for him. We even see how closely Jungkook worked with him in the solo era and I’m sure working with him wasn’t the only option he had.

One thing that I have always found funny is that Tae stans swear that Tae detests bang PD but watch these videos

youtube

And this one

youtube

Is this how people behave with someone who maltreats them? Pay attention to the part where bang pd calls them after they win first place, Tae is the one excitedly holding the phone and calling him “shiyuk hyung” instead of referring to him with more professional appellations. Also recently, bang pd did a show or something of the sort with JYP and Taehyung screenshotted it and posted it on his instagram story and captioned it something like “does this mean he “JYP” is now my uncle?” Why on earth would he do this if he hated bang pd? Why would he do this if he was sabotaged and mistreated so much by the company?

I think Bang PD is a piece of work and is just like any other money hungry and egotistical boss is but I think he always cared about BTS, I mean that was his first group and they came up together from nothing to something. This isn’t to say that they probably haven’t had misunderstandings but generally I think they have a good relationship with the company regardless of what some fans think.

As for Min Hee Jin, I am somewhat indifferent about her because I don’t know enough about her to form a strong opinion and I Know that in her fight with Hybe, both parties are definitely guilty of things but I think her move to mention how Tae contacts her amidst all of this was low, even for her. Dragging the members into their fights to gain sympathy is low and she knew exactly what she was doing because now she has supporters from within the fandom who are Tae stans and that is because they think she cares about him and Tae likes her. She claims she cares about NJs but look at the nasty things she said about them.

Anyways, hun, let’s just trust in the members and know that they are old enough to take care of themselves and know what is good for them and what isn’t. If at all they are being mistreated, I trust that they would know how to deal with it.

Thanks💜

#hybe #taehyung #Jimin #Jungkook #min hee jin #fandom discourse #bang pd

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4ranghaes · 3 days ago

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hi there i hope you’re having a wonderful morning/day/evening! ^^ i was curious… what do we think about sworn qenemy eric an choking/pushing your face into the mattress (and a little degradation never hurt no one).. maybe one day he just snaps or something along those lines… if ur cm uncomfy w this of course don’t answer. anyways have a good day/morning/night regardless ☺️☺️

a/n - heya anon :P sorry it took me so long to get to this i hope you enjoy!!!

eric sohn x reader [smut, fem!reader, brother’s best friend!eric, seems to be set in high school? idk why i’m kind of thinking of LA!eric as i write this]

warnings: hate sex, degradation, choking, kinda dub!con but im implying sexual tension/buildup between the two

18:50 - “eric, what are you doing here?”

he rolled his eyes, watching as you entered the kitchen, “don’t get all annoying with me, you know you love it when i’m around.”

“what do you mean don’t get all annoying?! i think it’s fair enough to ask why you’re in my fucking house, eric,” you hissed, “unless you’ve forgotten, you actually don’t fucking live here. you’re fucking always here, eating our food, watching our tv…”

“sorry your parents like seeing a child who is actually going somewhere with his life,” he smirked cockily, getting a carton of orange juice out the fridge and drinking straight from the bottle. you grimaced.

“yeah, the fucking mcdonalds dishwasher station,” you scoffed, moving closer to your brother’s best friend, grabbing his face with your hand as you pulled him to look at you, “eric, let’s face it. you come round here, swinging your fucking dick around in everyone’s face, tryna give us all of this bullshit about your grades and your future, but actually, none of it matters. you’re only here because your parents don’t fucking want you around! well guess what, sohn, no one here does either.”

“yeah you’d fucking love it if i was swinging my dick around,” he whispered, his face still in your grasp as he raked his eyes over your body.

you made a noise of disgust, rolling your eyes and turning to walk away when eric grabbed your hips, pressing you against the kitchen counter. you felt his stiffening length grinding against your ass.

“god,” he hissed, his touch bruising on your hips, “so annoying but such a great ass.”

“s-stop!” you exclaimed, “eric! m-my brother.”

eric smirked, leaning his body into yours, his lips grazing the shell of your ear as he whispered, “he’s at work. and i know for a fact that your parents are out late tonight. so what’s stopping you, princess?”

you fought out of his grasp, scoffing as you turned to look at him, an unbelieving look on your face. “i would never fuck you, eric. you little stuck up prick.”

eric smirked, “yeah, you would. ‘cause you’re a little slut.”

you tried to look offended, tried to hide how much that turned you on.

“i see you,” he murmured, following after you as you started backing out of the room, “you always are on at me, giving me insults and little speeches about how pathetic i am. you’re the pathetic one here, though, doll; i see you wearing less when i’m round, i see you bending over right in front of me, i see the eyes you give me at dinner when you’ve had a few too many.”

you laughed, rolling your eyes as you opened your mouth to reply. before you could get any words out, you found your back against the wall, eric’s hand moving to sit on your throat heavily. you swallowed.

“i also heard you, you know,” he whispered, his face millimetres from yours, “touching yourself late at night when no one else is awake. such a dirty fucking girl, aren’t you? whimpering under that vibrator.”

you whimpered involuntarily as eric let go of your throat. he walked away, entering your bedroom and looking around. you followed after him, after snapping out of your horny daze. “has to be around here somewhere, right?”

“eric, stop,” you scoffed, laughing nervously. you swallowed, swearing internally at your fucked up decision making before continuing on, “why would you need a vibrator, anyway? this looks like plenty.”

you moved towards him, cupping the bulge that had formed at the front of his jeans. eric shivered at your touch, a dirty smirk covering his face.

“i fucking knew it,” he hissed, grabbing your body and throwing you onto your bed, “you little slut. just waiting for the moment i could get into your pants, huh? how long have you been pining over me, you dirty little girl.”

you were laying on your stomach, feeling eric stood behind where you were laid, edging closer and closer until he was flat against your body, he held the back of your neck with one hand, ripping off your shorts and panties with the other, revealing your dripping cunt to him. he chuckled deeply, swiping a finger through the wetness.

“i’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever hated me,” he teased, his voice right behind your ear as he pressed soft kisses to the back of your head, juxtaposing his hard cock slamming into your body pretty much all at once.

you let out a loud whine, bucking your hips wildly and clenching around his thick length. you tried to move your head, but eric’s hand was ruthless around your neck, your face smushed against the mattress.

“yeah you fucking like that, don’t you?” he hissed, and once you’d stopped clenching he pulled his hips back before fucking into you at speed, “fucking cock slut, taking it all for me. take it! god!”

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darnell-la · 21 hours ago

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I need a JJ smut with a praise/degradation kink😩 ik it’s vague but just anything pls

note: send us more requests! we’ve been doing our best to posts our stories that have been sitting in our drafts to feed you all!

———

“Ssh, baby — Don’t want the others to hear this pussy getting fucked, don’t you? That would be so embarrassing right? You know, after you said all night to the girls that I’m not your type,”

Y/n felt horrible, knowing she would let JJ take her just like this if he had just asked. Well, he didn’t ask, he just took her however he wanted.

“I-I was just kidding,” y/n said, making the young man chuckle. “Yeah, of course you were,” JJ grabbed a hand full of y/n’s hair to tilt her head before looking directly in her eyes.

“You’re a horrible liar, you know? With them and me. You think I didn’t know you wanted me all over you? You’re always on me when you’re drunk, so of course, I knew you needed me,”

JJ’s ego was already huge before, but now, he went overboard with it. Having y/n under him, squirming and begging him to keep going was somehting any average man would want from her, and he had it.

“Gonna keep you tight on my hip. Need this pretty pussy soaking me whenever I want,” JJ smirked down at her as her eyes crossed, trying to control herself, but it wasn’t looking well.

“Gonna cum? Again, baby — So fucking pathetic,” JJ laughed as he snapped his hips harder. “Try to take it, baby. Lord know you fuckin’ can’t,” JJ pushed y/n’s waist down, pinning her into his mattress to trap her and give her limited movement.

“G-Gonna cum, Jay,” y/n whined low, trying to keep herself together, but it was far past that. The crew knew exactly what was going on in his room right after he pulled her in to have a serious conversation.

“Oh, yeah, pretty girl? Gonna cum for me? Cum on my bed like a good little pougie whore,” JJ teased, knowing she’s a Kook but would do anything to stay friends with the better people of the island.

“Cum on me, and I’ll forgive you. I’ll forgive your harsh harsh words,” y/n hated his mocking voice, but loved it at the same time. That what made her I’m all over his cock and sheets for the rest is the night.

#jj maybank x cubby!reader #jj maybank x y/n #obx jj maybank #jj mayback imagine #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #obx jj #outer banks jj #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x kook!reader #Dom!jj maybank #outer banks pogues #outer banks smut #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks x you #outer banks x y/n

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lucimaaie · 2 days ago

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dayum, i cant just not be liked by joel bro, its heartblade

petition to now make the ver. where u are like almost another daughter (almost because it'll be kinda weird 😝) to joel while dating/flirting his actual daughter

i got uu

the door swung wide open as you and ellie came in exhausted from patrol. it was still day but the cold had ran you guys from outside to the warm, isolated interior of joel's house.

ellie dropped her bag and flopped onto the couch. she stared at the fireplace longingly. "there's no way i'm sleeping in the garage tonight." she almost shivered at the thought.

"there's no way i'm letting you do that." you moved ellie's legs to sit on the bottom of the couch. "you could just sleep in my room." you said casually, slipping her shoes off and setting them by the couch. you lived with joel, but he wasn't your dad. not biologically, but after finding you almost freezing to death in a blizzard, he practically was.

ellie sat up. "grumps is not gonna like that," she tried not to show how your offer had peaked her interest. she barely got the time to be alone with you the way joel insisted on keeping the door open and being careful-all the trademarks of a dad speech.

"he doesn't have to." you said with a hint of mischief in your voice. that same mischief that ellie loved and joel most definitely didn't. "c'mon." you intertwined your fingers with ellie's, pulling her off the couch and up the stairs.

"you're gonna get me in trouble, just being in here."

you gasped. "now, i'm closing the door." the door shut with a soft click. " it's punishable by death. whatever shall i do?" you fell back on the bed dramatically.

"oh come off it." ellie smooshed your cheeks between her hands, hovering her face over yours. you could feel the developing calluses on her fingertips against your cheeks.

"never." you whispered, pecking her lips.

ellie would never get used to affection you shared now that you were dating. it took a minute to even realize that you weren't just best friends and another to get joel on board (luckily, you did with the promise that you'd be safe and never hurt each other.)

she wanted more. ellie chased your lips as you pulled away. her hands fell down to support her weight. she almost pouted. “we can’t kiss upside down.” you sat up, ellie did the same.

“why not? spiderman does it.”

“surprised you know who he is.”

“i’m gonna pretend that isn’t hurtful and kiss you.” and she did. it was as gentle as she always was, but not hesitant. she’d kissed you enough times to know you wouldn’t break if she wasn’t the gentlest person in the world.

so she let her hands roam. one on your jaw, like always. she liked being able to feel your speeding heartbeat there. the other was on your thigh doing nothing too crazy, just a slow rub across the skin.

not that she hated short kisses, but she found the extra time your lips across hers was usually the exact thing she needed. maybe that’s why did she didn’t notice joel’s voice yelling downstairs or his footsteps getting closer.

you were quick to split as the doorknob was turned. you had forced on your headphones and ellie had picked up a book on your nightstand.

“hey, you okay—” joel froze as he took in the sight before him. you were on opposite sides of the best preoccupied with things that weren’t each other, which let’s be honest, was never the case. he knew something was up. “huh.”

“hi pops.” you said in your best attempt to not sound outta breath.

“hey. y’know, i do remember saying something about keeping the door open-“

“heard.”

“loud and clear.”

joel felt placated. the whole reason he’d been hesitant on you two dating was just how close you were. that kind of thing, so young and fast, was worrysome for him. so yeah, he wasn’t ignorant to what two teenagers in love were doing behind a closed door. he would have words for that later, but seeing you both grinning like you held some secret he wasn’t privy to, made it okay for now.

thank you for reading!

#ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie the last of us #ellie willams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie x y/n #ellie x you

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fruitylittlewriter · 1 day ago

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I love you, I'm sorry - [Agathario]

Summary: shameless Agathario fix-it-fic because I cannot stand how Marvel left them.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: loss of a child, regret, death (not explicit)

The idea that death might ever come for her without the sweet face of the woman she’d loved for centuries was enough to turn her ancient, iron stomach. How could she ever succumb to the end looking into anything but the eyes she came to know as her sons? Nicky had looked like Agatha, it’s true, but those eyes were Rio’s, and so too had been the tip of his nose which she kissed every night.

...

"I never wanted to take him from you,"

"You didn't, he was never mine to keep,"

...

Whether the wind whipping around them had calmed or Agatha had simply ceased to notice it she did not know.

No, Agatha thought. It was all wrong.

Rio was right, she wasn’t mad at her, possibly never had been. And as the guilt and shame settled in her chest, she cursed the time they’d lost with each other, with Nicky. Why don’t you want me? Rio had asked. Why? She couldn’t face him. Her baby deserved a mother better than she, one who wouldn’t muddy his innocence with her fear of being betrayed. Though she would abhor forever what her coven had done to her, Nicky deserved softness. Agatha cringed at the thought of her son’s last day, cringed again upon remembering what she’d said to Rio on the road. How could she have said that? You took. It was Rio that had given her their son to begin with, with whom she had made that beautiful boy from scratch. How could she have been so cavalier with her words, as if Rio had not had to take their son from the arms of his sleeping mother? They both loved Nicky, but no one in the world loved Agatha like Rio did. Her sobs the morning she awoke cradling Nicky’s lifeless body rattled around inside her head like the echo of a tolling bell, though now she thought of Rio. Had Rio heard her cries? Had the sound ripped the black, beating heart clean from her chest? Agatha had never considered the tears Rio must have shed, how much she gave up, what she risked to give Agatha the time she got. And after everything-

Agatha felt everything, the rough bark against her back through the cloth of her dress, the earth beneath her; her hair was sweaty and plastered to her forehead, pressure bearing down in her whole body. Something was wrong, she could feel it as she tried desperately to bring her son forth. Never had Agatha thought that the sight of Rio’s face would make the blood run cold in her veins the way it did when she appeared by the lakeside, green cloak draped over her shoulders. Agatha begged and pleaded, why would Rio come? Surely it could not be. Surely, she would not take her son away. “Please, my love,” Anything, Agatha would do anything to save her child. Rio’s blushing cheeks and raven hair should have been such a comfort, but she was there to steal. To steal the breath of Agatha’s child from its lungs, to steal the life from her womb. In that moment, Agatha was an animal, a mother, and Rio was a threat. Not the love of her life or Nicky’s mom, but a something to be stopped. Rio was powerful and Agatha her only weak spot, so Agatha drew her knife and pressed it into the only place on Rio she could hurt. “If you do this I will hate you forever,”

After everything-

Agatha’s gaze felt a thousand pounds, weighed down and stuck staring at the ground before her. It was this same weight that would keep her from her son if she let it.

Agatha Harkness, the way Rio said her name had always made her feel powerful, but she had been a coward for so long now.

Formidable.

The formidable Agatha Harkness ought not to be defined by her fear, by her shame…

I ought to have killed you the moment you left my body. She had always been evil, hadn’t she? Agatha thought back to Nicky’s first moments; holding him, gazing into his beautiful, familiar eyes for the first time, how nothing in the entire world could have changed how she felt about him. That moment she held him, and realised that forever her heart would be walking around outside of her chest. Nicky was so perfect, he deserved everything she had to give.

Perhaps looking up would be the bravest thing Agatha ever did. And so for Nicky, for Rio, for herself, she found strength.

It was her eyes, the look on Rio’s face that tore clean through the armor she’d spent years tending. Agatha must have hurt her profoundly to have earned the stoney mask that slipped over Rio’s features.

Her feet were iron and the ground a magnet, but she willed her legs to move. Just one small step.

“Rio,” Her voice was a whisper, almost lost in the distance between them. Her eyes burned, could she do it?

Rio met her gaze, her mouth wired stubbornly closed, attempting to fortify herself in preempt against whatever Agatha had cooked up to force her hand, to let that teenaged witchling continue to hitch a free ride in one of her bodies. “No, Agatha,” She bit. “I have to take him, it’s my job, I can’t--”

Agatha cut her off, legs finally finding the strength to carry her forward. The distance between them disappeared into nothing as Agatha threw herself into her lover’s arms. Like a stone sinking into water Agatha was enveloped. Then, Agatha kissed her. Rushed and reflexive, and for no reason but to feel Rio against her again. Their mouths slotted together, teeth and tongues, all surrendered to passion, to love. All that could not be said passing between them. What a relief, to feel Agatha so closely, to feel her pulse under her fingers as they tightened around her wrists, to feel Agatha’s touch on her face, their bodies a hairsbreadth from melting into one another such that they might never be pulled apart by anything ever again. Her hand found the back of Rio’s head, pulling her close, protecting her from what, she did not know, but something great and looming. “I don’t hate you,” She sobbed into the tiny gap between them, their foreheads pressed together. There was a pause, a silence where Agatha worried Rio might never believe her, might never let her back in. Then, all be damned, Rio pulled her in and Agatha felt Rio’s ribs shake softly against her as Rio’s fingers took fists of her dress.

“I’m sorry,” Rio’s voice wavered in Agatha’s ear.

Agatha pulled away, clutched Rio’s face between her palms and stared into her watering eyes with more command and purpose than she had ever done. “No,” She said, her voice stern. “My love,” Rio gripped Agatha’s wrist, eyebrows knitting together. It had been a long time since she’d heard that name, and the last time had changed something in her, leaving it broken and mangled. “You have nothing to apologize for,” Her eyes burned once more, brimming with tears. “I am so sorry,”

“I never wanted to take him from you,”

“You didn’t,” Hot droplets rolled down her face as she remembered their boy; his laugh, his voice, his face. Rio had bent the world in half to give her time with him. Agatha leaned in, her chin tilted up so that her lips could meet the tip of Rio’s nose, tears streaming down her cheeks. “He was never mine to keep,” Her throat tightened. “He was always meant to go with you… as I am,”

“Agatha,” Rio’s head tilted to the side, her eyebrows tightening.

“I have lived without you long enough,” Agatha’s words ghosted Rio’s lips as she chased after them, her eyes coming up to meet Agatha’s. “If it’s quite alright with you I’d like to amend my last request,”

“Please,”

“Lay me next to Nicky?”

Agatha felt another tear roll into her palm.

“As if I could ever leave you to rest without him,”

Rio lets Agatha pull her in once more, as if she might ever get enough of Agatha’s lips on hers, as if her need for her might ever be sated. “Take me home?”

“With pleasure, my love,” Rio pulled away from her and Agatha reached out, already missing her touch. What was she doing? She watched Rio’s eyes land on something in the grass before leaning over to pick it up. “I believe this belongs to you,” Rio took Agatha’s collar in her fingers, affixing her broach to the fabric. Her hands worked their way to Agatha’s hair, tucking a flower behind one ear. “Shall we?”

...

Let me know if you have any requests!!

#agathario #agatha all along #agatha harkness #rio vidal #agatha x rio #agatha harkness x rio vidal #mcu #marvel #wandavision #wlw post #sapphic #fix it fic

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pdriesta · 1 day ago

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a love like this — 6

an — a series of blurbs based on the main couple of "something real". if you're someone that read it, let me know if you have requests <3 this chapter is based on this request, i hope you enjoy!

masterlist

it started with the little things.

the way she moved a fraction slower in the mornings, her usually sharp replies softened with an edge of fatigue. the way her hands—steady, sure hands that were always so careful, so gentle when treating him or any other player—would tremble slightly as she reached for her coffee cup. jude noticed it all, his gaze lingering on her a moment longer every time, concern gnawing at his chest as he tried to piece together what was wrong.

“late night?” he’d asked casually one morning, leaning against the kitchen counter as she rushed around the kitchen, her brow furrowed in concentration.

“something like that,” y/n had replied, flashing him a quick smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “busy week, you know.”

he’d hummed, watching as she downed her coffee in record time before darting out the door with a hasty kiss to his cheek and a promise to text him later. jude stayed in the kitchen long after she left, the unease in his chest growing stronger. she was always busy, always pushing herself, but lately… lately it felt like too much.

it wasn’t just at home. he saw it at work, too—how she threw herself into every session, every treatment, working longer hours than anyone else, her focus unwavering even as exhaustion tugged at her features. when she was with the players, she was a force of nature, a whirlwind of energy and expertise, and yet… the moment she thought no one was looking, her shoulders would droop, and her smile would falter.

jude caught those moments. every single one. and each time, it made his chest tighten with guilt.

because he knew—he knew that she gave everything she had to her job, to the players, to him. she poured herself into every role she took on, leaving nothing for herself. and now, it was starting to show. he hated it. hated that she felt like she had to push herself so hard, that she wouldn’t slow down even when her body was clearly screaming for rest.

“you’re worrying too much,” she’d said one evening when he brought it up again, her voice gentle but firm as she rubbed soothing circles on his chest. they were curled up on the couch, the soft glow of the living room lights casting warm shadows across her face.

“i just don’t want you running yourself ragged,” he murmured, his fingers tracing absent patterns on her back. “you’ve been working so hard, y/n. you’re exhausted.”

“i’m fine,” she’d insisted, smiling up at him with that same, tired smile. “really, jude. it’s just a busy period. things will calm down soon.”

it didn’t get better.

even though she swore it would calm down, it didn’t. if anything, things got worse. more injuries, more stress, and more hours piled on her already overflowing plate. jude tried to help where he could—making her breakfast, bringing her coffee, even sneaking into her office to leave little notes of encouragement for her to find. but it never felt like enough. not when she was still coming home late, eyes dull and movements sluggish.

it wasn’t until a few days later, when he found her in the treatment room, that everything came to a head.

“y/n,” he called softly, knocking lightly on the open door. she was hunched over a table, scribbling something on a clipboard, and she didn’t look up as he entered. “hey, baby.”

“mm,” she hummed, barely acknowledging him.

his frown deepened, and he crossed the room, stopping a few feet behind her. “you okay?”

“fine,” she murmured, her voice strained. she didn’t turn around, didn’t even lift her head, and that’s when he noticed the slight tremble in her shoulders, the way her breathing seemed just a little too labored.

“y/n,” he said again, softer this time, reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder. she flinched, the movement almost imperceptible, and his heart dropped.

“jude, please,” she mumbled, still not looking at him. “i’m fine. i just—i need to finish this.”

“no, you don’t,” he murmured, his hand sliding down to her arm, gently tugging her back. “come on, love. look at me.”

she resisted at first, her body stiff and unyielding, but then—slowly, reluctantly—she turned. jude’s breath caught in his throat.

she looked awful. pale, her skin tinged with an unhealthy sheen, her eyes glassy and unfocused. there were deep shadows under her eyes, and her lips were chapped, a stark contrast to the vibrant, lively woman he was so used to.

“y/n,” he breathed, stepping closer. “you’re sick.”

“no, i’m not,” she muttered, her gaze darting away. “i don’t get sick.”

“bullshit,” he said softly, his hand cupping her cheek, feeling the warmth of a fever that was definitely not supposed to be there. “you’re burning up.”

“jude, i—”

“why didn’t you say anything?” he asked quietly, his thumb brushing gently over her cheek. “you’ve been pushing yourself too hard, and now—”

“i couldn’t,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “there’s too much to do. the players—”

“the players can wait,” he said firmly, his gaze intense as he stared down at her. “you need to rest.”

“i’m fine,” she insisted, but even as she said it, her knees wobbled, and jude had to catch her, his arms wrapping around her waist as she slumped against him.

“no, you’re not,” he murmured, his voice soft but unyielding. “you’re not fine, y/n. and you’re not going back to work like this.”

“but—”

“no buts,” he said quietly, his arms tightening around her. “you’re coming home, and you’re going to rest. no more overtime, no more late nights. you need to take care of yourself, love.”

she opened her mouth to argue, but the exhaustion in her eyes spoke louder than any words could. with a soft sigh, she let her head fall against his chest, her body going limp in his arms.

“i’m just… tired,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“i know, baby,” he murmured, his hand cradling the back of her head as he pressed a kiss to her hair. “i know. but you don’t have to do this alone, okay? let me take care of you.”

and that’s exactly what he did.

he bundled her up, supporting her weight as he guided her to the car, his heart aching at how fragile she seemed, how small she felt in his arms. when they got home, he didn’t let her lift a finger—he tucked her into bed, brought her water, and fussed over her like she was made of glass.

“you’re being ridiculous,” she mumbled, a faint smile tugging at her lips as he hovered by the bedside, making sure she was comfortable.

“maybe,” he admitted, kneeling beside her so they were at eye level. “but you need this, y/n. you need to rest and recover.”

“you sound like me,” she teased weakly, her hand reaching out to brush his cheek. “always nagging.”

“well, i’ve learned from the best,” he murmured, catching her hand in his and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “so no more overtime, okay?”

“okay,” she whispered, her eyes already drifting shut. “no more… overtime.”

“good,” he breathed, his gaze soft as he watched her fall asleep. “because i need you, love. i need you healthy and happy. and i can’t lose you to exhaustion.”

it wasn’t until she was sound asleep, her breathing finally evening out, that jude allowed himself to relax. he stayed by her side the entire night, watching over her, his heart heavy with worry and love.

she’d always been the one to take care of him. but now? now it was his turn.

and he’d be damned if he let her burn herself out again.

by the end of the week, it all came crashing down.

the first sign was the alarm. the shrill beeping shattered the early morning quiet, but instead of y/n’s usual groan and sluggish movements to silence it, there was… nothing. no sleepy mumbles, no irritated grumbling as she fumbled for her phone. just stillness.

jude blinked, disoriented by the unfamiliar sound, his arm still curled protectively around her waist. “y/n?” he murmured, voice thick with sleep as he shifted beside her. but she didn’t stir.

the alarm kept blaring, louder and more insistent. jude reached over her, grabbing the phone off her nightstand to silence it. the sudden quiet felt jarring, like a weight pressing down on his chest. he turned to look at her, heart beating faster.

“y/n,” he whispered again, his hand brushing over her arm, shaking her gently. “baby, it’s morning.”

still nothing.

a ripple of unease washed over him as he sat up, his gaze sweeping over her. her usually vibrant face was pale, flushed slightly at the cheeks, dark circles bruising the delicate skin under her eyes. her lips parted slightly, but no sound came out. she was limp against the mattress, barely moving except for the shallow rise and fall of her chest. jude’s worry deepened, his throat tightening.

“y/n,” he called softly, more urgently this time, cupping her cheek. “hey… wake up.”

her body responded with a soft, pitiful groan, but her eyes didn’t open. her hand twitched, fingers curling weakly into the sheets, but it was clear she didn’t have the energy to move. jude’s heart twisted painfully.

“baby, come on,” he murmured, his thumb tracing circles along her cheekbone. “you’ve got to get up.”

“i can’t” she mumbled, her voice so faint, he had to strain to hear it. “jus’… so tired…”

his frown deepened, eyes scanning her face. the exhaustion in her voice, the complete lack of energy — it was unlike anything he’d seen from her before. she was always the one up and ready before him, even on her most stressful days. seeing her like this made a knot form in his chest, one that wouldn’t loosen.

“you don’t have to get up,” he murmured, shifting closer, one hand cradling the back of her neck. “it’s okay, love. you’re not going anywhere today.”

“but… work,” she whispered, her brow furrowing, though her eyes remained closed. “i can’t… i have to go…”

“no, you don’t,” jude said firmly, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering. her skin was far too warm, almost feverish. “you’re staying here. i’ll call in for you. you’re not working like this.”

“jude… no… i can’t…” she tried to protest, but the fight was weak, her voice barely audible.

“yes, you can,” he countered gently, his heart aching at how fragile she seemed. “you’re not well, y/n. you’ve been working nonstop, and now look at you.”

she opened her mouth as if to argue, but no words came. instead, she just sighed, sinking further into the bed, as if the very act of talking was too much for her now. “’kay…”

jude exhaled, his chest loosening only a fraction. “good,” he whispered, brushing his fingers through her hair. “just rest now. i’ve got you.”

he stayed beside her, his body curled around hers protectively, one arm draped over her as if to shield her from the weight of the world. his fingers traced soothing patterns along her arm, the only sound in the room her labored breathing. it was too quiet, too still, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to move. something told him he needed to be here, that she needed him close, even if she didn’t say it.

for hours, jude didn’t budge. his phone buzzed on the nightstand — messages, reminders, calls that went unanswered — but none of it mattered. all that mattered was her.

by the time afternoon light spilled through the curtains, she stirred again, her eyelids fluttering open just a sliver. jude’s heart leapt in his chest, immediately leaning closer.

“hey,” he whispered, brushing a stray curl away from her face. “you awake?”

y/n blinked, her eyes glazed with fatigue. she looked confused, disoriented, as though she couldn’t quite piece together where she was. “jude?” her voice was hoarse, barely more than a croak.

“i’m here,” he murmured, thumb tracing along her temple, his touch soft and careful. “how are you feeling?”

her face crumpled slightly as she exhaled a long, strained breath. “terrible,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “i don’t think… i can get up.”

“you don’t have to,” jude assured her quickly, his hand slipping down to hold hers. “you’re staying right here.”

“but… work…” her brow furrowed again, but even the thought of it seemed to exhaust her.

“no, y/n,” jude said firmly, his gaze locking with hers. “you’re not going to work. not today, not tomorrow, not until you’re better. that’s final.”

she stared at him, her lip quivering as tears welled up in her eyes. “i… i didn’t mean for this to happen,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “i just wanted to be strong.”

jude’s chest tightened painfully at the sight of her so vulnerable, so utterly drained. he leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead, his thumb brushing away a tear that slipped down her cheek. “you are strong, y/n. you’re the strongest person i know. but even you need rest. and that’s okay.”

her eyes fluttered shut, more tears spilling over as she exhaled shakily. “i’m sorry,” she whispered.

“hey, no,” jude murmured, his hand cupping her face. “don’t apologize. this isn’t your fault. you just pushed yourself too far.”

she nodded weakly, the last of her energy fading as she sank into the comfort of his touch, her breathing evening out once more.

jude held her close, his heart aching as he watched her drift back into sleep. he wouldn’t let this happen again — he’d take care of her, just as she always took care of everyone else. nothing mattered more to him than making sure she was okay. not a single thing.

with a soft sigh, he gently untangled himself from her, careful not to wake her as he slipped out of bed. her exhaustion was palpable, and he wanted to do everything he could to help her unwind. padding quietly to the bathroom, he started running a warm bath, the scent of lavender and vanilla filling the air as bubbles formed under the gentle stream.

once the tub was ready, he returned to the bedroom, carefully scooping her up into his arms. “baby, come on,” he whispered softly, his lips brushing against her temple. “let me take care of you, yeah?”

y/n murmured something incoherent, too tired to fully respond, but she didn’t resist as he carried her to the bathroom. jude settled her onto the edge of the tub, his hands working with care to peel off her clothes, making sure she didn’t have to lift a finger.

“just relax,” he said gently, pressing a kiss to her shoulder before helping her sink into the warm water. “i’ve got you, baby. everything’s okay.”

the sound of gentle splashing filled the small bathroom as jude leaned over the tub, his hands moving slowly through the soapy water. y/n lay back, eyes closed, exhaustion lining every inch of her face, and he was careful not to disturb her too much. just enough to ease some of the tension from her tired muscles.

“you’re doing so well,” he murmured, his fingers moving in slow, soothing circles over her shoulders. “just let me take care of you, love.”

she hummed softly, her head lolling to the side as she surrendered to the warmth of the bath and the gentleness of his touch. jude’s heart ached seeing her like this, knowing how much she always gave to everyone else, how little she left for herself.

“you work too hard, you know that?” he whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her damp forehead. “you need to rest more. i need you to rest more.”

“mm... ‘m fine,” she mumbled, barely coherent.

jude smiled softly, shaking his head. “no, baby, you’re not. but that’s okay. i’m here now, and you don’t have to do anything but relax.”

his hands slid down her arms, gentle and comforting, as he whispered more loving things to her. “you’re everything to me,” he breathed, watching her settle further into the water. “and i’m gonna take care of you. always.”

the bathwater sloshed softly as he continued to massage her shoulders, his touch light but firm, soothing her tired muscles. he watched as the tension slowly ebbed away, her body going limp in the water as she sank deeper into the tub, trusting him completely.

she hadn’t stirred much when he’d carried her from the bed to the bathroom, too drained even to put up the token protest he’d half-expected. the only thing she’d managed was a small, sleepy murmur of confusion as he’d undressed her and lowered her carefully into the warm water.

“just relax, love,” he whispered softly, his fingers brushing along her arm in a soothing rhythm. “i’ve got you.”

she sighed, a soft, contented sound that tugged at his heart. her head rested against the edge of the tub, her skin flushed from the heat of the bath, and jude took his time, letting the moments stretch between them. he ran the washcloth gently over her shoulders, down her back, careful not to startle her as he moved.

“this… is nice,” she mumbled, her eyes still shut, lips barely moving.

“yeah?” he asked softly, a smile tugging at his lips. “not too much?”

“no… it’s good,” she breathed, the words slurring slightly. “feels… good.”

jude’s chest tightened. god, how long had it been since she’d let herself rest like this? to just let go and let someone else take care of her?

“good,” he murmured, his voice low and tender as he dipped the cloth into the water again, wringing it out slowly. “you deserve it.”

she didn’t respond, but a soft, sleepy hum slipped past her lips, and he knew she’d heard him. he stayed like that for a while longer, just letting the warmth of the bath work its magic, his touch light and careful as he washed away the stress and fatigue that seemed etched into her skin.

jude watched as y/n settled deeper into the warm bath, her exhaustion melting away with each gentle ripple of water. sensing that she was finally beginning to relax, he quietly stepped out of the bathroom, his mind racing with thoughts of how to help her recover. without hesitation, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to y/n’s mom.

hi, auntie! y/n isn't feeling well. i'm really worried for her

but jude knew y/n’s mom too well to think that would stop her. within minutes, her reply came through, filled with warmth and concern. “don’t worry, mi niño! i’m on my way.”

just as he was finishing up in the kitchen, he heard the familiar sound of her mother’s voice echoing through the flat. “jude! where is my daughter?” her commanding presence filled the space, making him smile despite the situation.

“in the bathroom,” he called back, meeting her in the hallway. he gestured for her to follow him, but before he could explain further, she was already striding past him with purpose.

when she entered the bathroom, she immediately knelt beside the tub, her expression shifting from concern to tenderness as she brushed a gentle hand over y/n’s hair. “mi niña,” (my daughter) she whispered, her voice filled with love.

“auntie, she’s just exhausted,” jude said softly, leaning against the doorframe, feeling both grateful and slightly overwhelmed by her presence.

"mi rabajadora incansable,” y/n’s mom replied, shaking her head with a knowing smile. (my tireless worker) “when she was in school, she would spend all night in the library, never taking time for herself. always wanting to make the most of her time.” her gaze turned serious as she looked up at jude. “but she forgets to care for herself in the process. it’s not good.”

jude nodded, feeling a swell of protectiveness for y/n. “i’m trying to help her rest, auntie. i really am. she just… she pushes herself.”

“you’re doing a good job, jude,” her mother said, her voice warm and reassuring. “but make sure you’re keeping her fed. i’ll stock the fridge with meals and remedies. she needs nourishment, and she’ll listen to you.”

“i’ll make sure she eats,” jude promised, his heart feeling lighter with each word. “thank you for coming. it means a lot to both of us.”

“just doing my job as a mother,” she said with a soft smile, then added, “you know, when she was little, she always wanted to be a superhero, saving everyone. i think that’s still in her heart. she feels responsible for everyone around her.”

“she is a superhero,” jude replied, his voice filled with sincerity. “but even superheroes need a break. i just want her to know that it’s okay to slow down, that she doesn’t have to carry the weight of the world alone.”

her mother nodded, her eyes glistening with pride. “that’s exactly what she needs, jude. someone who understands her, who can remind her that it’s okay to be vulnerable. you’re doing that for her. you’re making a difference.”

“i just want to protect her,” jude admitted, a hint of desperation creeping into his voice. “i can’t stand seeing her like this. it breaks my heart.”

“you’re doing a wonderful job,” her mother assured him, a gentle hand resting on his arm. “just remind her how loved she is. remind her that she’s not alone in this. it’s important.”

jude nodded, feeling the weight of her words. “i will. i promise.”

“and keep practicing your spanish,” she said with a playful grin. “she loves it when you try.”

“i will, auntie” jude replied with a chuckle. “i’ll keep working on it.”

“good,” y/n’s mom said, her smile warm as she turned to gather her things. “now, let me run to the kitchen and prepare some meals for you both. you keep an eye on her. i don’t want to see her until she’s feeling better. she needs to rest.”

“understood,” jude said, a smile tugging at his lips as he watched her leave the bathroom, feeling a renewed sense of purpose.

once y/n’s mom was gone, jude returned to sit beside the tub, his eyes fixed on her as the water rippled gently around her. he leaned closer, brushing a few stray strands of hair from her face, his heart swelling with affection as he watched her. he thought of what her mom had said, the glimpse he’d gotten into y/n’s past. it was bittersweet learning how she’d always been this way—always pushing, always working. and it only fueled his desire to protect her even more.

as the minutes ticked by, he stayed there, watching her, his hand wrapped around hers gently as the water slowly began to cool. the soft sound of her breathing calmed him, a reminder that she was there, safe, but exhausted beyond measure. he never wanted her to feel the need to push herself this hard again. not when she had him now. not when he’d do anything to carry some of the weight she bore so quietly.

when the water turned tepid, he knew it was time. leaning over, jude whispered gently, "hey, baby… let’s get you out." her eyes fluttered open slightly, barely conscious, and she gave a small, sleepy nod. jude carefully stood, reaching for the towel. he wrapped it around her, his hands tender as he lifted her from the bath, cradling her in his arms. "i’ve got you," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her damp temple. "i’m here."

he held her close, feeling how limp she was, her head resting on his shoulder, utterly drained. slowly, he carried her into the bedroom, placing her down on the edge of the bed before carefully drying her off. he moved with such care, not wanting to disturb her as he slipped her into one of his oversized shirts, the fabric soft against her skin. "you’re so strong," he whispered, his fingers grazing her cheek. "but you don’t have to be strong all the time."

she barely stirred, but he caught the way her lips curved into the faintest hint of a smile at his words. it made his heart ache and swell all at once.

once she was dressed, jude scooped her back into his arms, her body curling instinctively against him. "let’s go to the living room, yeah?" he murmured. she didn’t answer, just nuzzled further into his chest. he carried her with ease, feeling her weight settle into him, trusting him completely. when they reached the couch, he sat down, pulling her into his lap, her head resting against his chest.

for a while, they stayed like that, her quiet breaths filling the space. he didn’t want to move, didn’t want to let go of her even for a second. but when he shifted slightly, preparing to get up, y/n whined softly, her fingers clutching at his shirt.

"shh, i’m right here," jude soothed, kissing the top of her head. "just going to get you something to eat."

"don’t go," she mumbled, sounding so unlike herself—so clingy and vulnerable. it broke his heart. he’d never seen her like this before, and it killed him that it took her being so worn down for him to see it.

"i’m not going far, promise," he assured her, stroking her back gently. "i’ll be back before you even miss me."

reluctantly, she let him go, and jude slipped into the kitchen, reheating the soup her mom had brought over. he moved quickly, not wanting to leave her alone for too long, and once the soup was ready, he returned to the couch, sitting beside her once more.

"baby," jude whispered, holding out the bowl of soup. "you need to eat."

y/n blinked, her eyes still heavy with exhaustion. she allowed jude to feed her a spoonful of the warm broth, and the second it hit her tongue, something familiar made her pause. her brow furrowed as she swallowed, looking up at him with tired confusion.

"wait…" she mumbled softly, her voice weak. "this… this is my mom’s soup."

jude nodded, his heart squeezing at the realization dawning on her. "yeah, love. she came by earlier while you were resting. stocked the fridge, left a bunch of meals for you."

her eyes widened slightly, tears welling up before spilling over. "she came?" her voice cracked, overwhelmed with emotion. she hadn’t even realized, too deep in her exhaustion to notice.

"she did," jude said softly, wiping her tears away with his thumb as they slid down her cheeks. "she loves you so much, y/n. and she told me you’ve always been like this… working yourself too hard, forgetting to take care of yourself. she’s worried. we all are."

y/n sniffled, overwhelmed by the love surrounding her, but jude wasn’t done. he set the bowl down gently and cupped her face in his hands, his voice tender but firm. "you don’t have to do it all, baby. you don’t have to carry everything by yourself. let us help. let me help. you’re so loved, y/n. and you need to let the people who love you share the load when it gets too heavy. especially me."

his words broke through her defenses, and she sobbed softly, leaning into his touch, overwhelmed but comforted by the realization that she didn’t have to do everything alone. she never had to, not when jude was by her side.

"i’m here," he whispered, pulling her into his arms, cradling her against him as she cried. "i’ll always be here. let's eat some more soup, okay?"

y/n shook her head with as much strength she has left, "jude, i can't. 'm tired"

“i know, baby,” he murmured, his voice a low murmur as he dipped the spoon into the soup, bringing it carefully to her lips. “but just a few bites, yeah? for me?”

her eyes fluttered open, a sleepy, dazed look in them as she blinked up at him. “for you?” she echoed weakly, her voice hoarse and fragile.

“yeah,” he whispered, his gaze soft and unwavering as he held the spoon to her lips. “just a little. and then you can sleep again.”

she hesitated, then nodded slowly, parting her lips just enough for him to slip the spoon inside. the soup was warm, the rich, comforting flavors washing over her tongue, and a tiny, relieved sigh slipped past her lips.

“good girl,” he murmured softly, his heart swelling at the way she relaxed against him, her body melting further into his chest. “just a little more, okay?”

she ate slowly, her movements sluggish and clumsy, but jude was patient, his hand steady as he fed her each spoonful, murmuring soft words of encouragement between bites.

“you’re doing so good, baby,” he whispered, his voice low and soothing. “just a few more. that’s it. you’re so strong.”

by the time the bowl was empty, she was barely awake, her head drooping against his shoulder, her breaths soft and even. jude set the bowl aside carefully, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a gentle kiss to her temple.

“see?” he murmured softly, his lips brushing against her hair. “you did it.”

“’m sleepy,” she mumbled again, her voice a sleepy murmur against his chest.

“i know,” he whispered, his gaze tender as he held her close, his heart aching with a fierce, protective love. “but you’ll get better, baby. you just need to rest.”

she didn’t respond, already slipping back into the warm, comforting embrace of sleep. jude stayed like that for a long time, just holding her, his fingers tracing soothing patterns along her back, his heart swelling with every soft, even breath she took.

“no more overtime,” he murmured quietly, his voice barely more than a breath. “no more pushing yourself like this.”

she shifted slightly, a small, contented sigh slipping past her lips, and jude’s heart clenched painfully.

“you’re going to get better, y/n,” he whispered, his gaze fierce and unwavering as he held her close. “and i’m going to make sure of it.”

because he couldn’t bear to see her like this—not ever again.

no more overtime. no more pushing herself past her limits.

this time, he’d make sure of it.

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