#can i say that? i know it wont change anything.
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so sick and tired of riku being called edgy.
do you know what depression is? do you know what a teenager is? did you actually play kingdom hearts or did you just see a few clips of riku being sassy? did you miss the part where riku couldn’t forgive himself for his mistakes? did you miss the part where riku fought tooth and nail for his friends and still tried to owe up to those previously mentioned mistakes?
or did you just see the fact that he uses darkness and previously struggled with it and said “lmao edgy”. because god forbid a character has a struggle, you know, the thing that makes a character interesting?
#robo ramble#sorry just had to get this shit off my chest#its a thing i have been seeing for YEARS.#and people still to this day make these jokes#im just tired#can i say that? i know it wont change anything.
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The original in the bottom
Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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merry xmas! im drinking rum with aleks and listening to some really old techno. i blurted everything about ouro and all the tough things surrounding, and its future, and i got so excited i yelled and yodeled into the dead and dark forest. it's been such. such a good christmas. 2025 got nothing on me. we live we die and we fucking live again. hold my hand. giggle with me. have some zacapa. i love you
#!!!!!!!#when the end of year actually feels like the exhale of a breath you've held for years? i mean. this feels almost too good to be true#not to say im not struggling. but its hard to acknowledge that when everything feels like this. like hope. like homecoming.#a force majeure of optimism but still. grounded? real? yeah. real. more real than anything has felt in years and years#i wish you a lovely holiday whether you celebrate or not#and i wish. i wish upon a thousand stars and the black matter in between that i can be present for the creativity that is a physical thing#an anchor in my body. an anvil. something i just yearn to make real and place in someone elses hands#i have no idea if im doing it the right way! if it reads as i recieve it from the frail ends of my synapses. but god damn it if i wont try#ouro got me this far (even if you had to wait for the story- the story gave me what i needed to just. change what needed to be changed befo#e I tell it to you. i truly don't know how to explain it. im just shaking your shoulders and rattling trees and telling the cosmos thank yo#!!!!! augh difficult to explain can't do it#im smiling angelically at you while man o to is playing on the speakers. and there are stars in the sky and good company beside me.#hope tonight treats you kindly#happy holidays<3
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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confession time!!! can't wait for bt bones
#how is it gonna happen tho#dont know if i like buck prioritizing eddie over t or buck and t just now really meshing more#ooooh#or they breakup cuz t doesnt want kids#thats always good#i dont want to villianize t just because i dont like him (jk i do)#so maybe buck and t just kinda dont work out#like its not a bad breakup its just one those i like you but we wont work long term breakuos#or t says no kids and bucks empty womb is like devastaed so obviously they have to break up (bpreg got to me im so sorry)#or they full send and make t the worst person ever#like fully sides with gerrard and tells buck to play into gerrards bs (not gonna happen but if it did tim i would love you forever)#anyway#cant wait for them to breakup#wait no#the funniest thing would be an offscreen breakup#especially after all that in season 7 hes just gone with buck saying yeah we broke up#💀💀💀#honestly manifesting that even tho its not gonna happen#a girl can dream#okay t hater hours are over#buddie#because ofc#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#sorrh i just dont like him and i dont think canon can do anything to change that#me thinks
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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reverse verse where soap takes on the mask instead of ghost. he wears his red skull mask so you can see the lower half of his face and his chin scar extends along his whole jaw to look like exposed teeth
#his chin scar is so gnarly and i think we gloss over it just a little too much#i like reverse verses but i think they can change just a little too much#like i wouldnt have soap act like ghost#if anything id have him act the same just more unhinged#hes still extroverted and will talk to people but people find him very unnerving#theres just this edge to everything he says and does that lets you know just bc hes being civil doesnt mean he wont rip your throat out#with his teeth#and hes just brutal in the field#preferring hand to hand wanting to get up close and bloody#very berkeresque where other soldiers learn not to go near him or interrupt him bc he cant always differentiate friend from foe#except for one deadpan brit who had a soldier’s eyes long before he ever joined the military#dour and depressing until he cracks a messed up joke and everyones shovked when they hear a scottish voice laugh#just soap who goes through roba and simon whos still ghost after living through his fathers abuse#just slightly less self isolating since he still has his family#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#we’re a team. ghost team
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always makes me sad when ppl outright decide to never try hrt (even tho they want to & even tho they could abstractly & even tho they're definitely dysphoric now) bc it 'wont do much'
you don't know that!! you don't! it could do everything! & also? you HATE yourself now! isn't /anything/ better than nothing? I'm not saying it's not hard, or that there's not obstacles, or that it'll be a huge wild drastic change leaving u unrecognizable. I'm just saying: you do not know what hrt can do for you until you try it.
#this post is not ab ppl who don't want to medically transition or cant or have tried it & realized they didnt like it or ANY of that#so do not assume it is#this is ab people who WANT TO transition but have just outright doomerized themselves out of ever trying#and i say this with love bc this is often how i feel ab bottom surgery#(it probably wouldnt come out like id like it)#but you just rly dont know...#hrt#transition#transgender#fruitpost#just rly tired of all the trans doomer 'i will never be [insert gender] and even if i am no will ever see me that way'#y'all DO NOT understand how powerful hormones are & how much they can change in ur body#big to small#and even if it doesnt do anything visual it can do positive things mentally & emotionally!!#don't just write if off solely bc 'it wont do anything for you' that is like. literally the one outright bad reason imo
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holding onto the same ocs for years and years changing up their lore and everything with time is always wild. theres Secret Lore nobody i talk to knows about.
#this js about Dennis my cringe fail of a guy#I made him. when i was like. 12-13#for.. RPs...#it was fun rping as him but also looking back at how he used to be its like#He would NOT fucking say that#bro used to be flirtatious HES NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE HE SUCKS he gets no bitches whatsoever oh my god he used to have like. a bf#that my old friend owned. i miss shipping ocs with other's it was so fun 😭😭😭#i miss said friend we drifted away from eachother not on bad terms or anything just. lack of communication?#if u ever read this which i know you wont but ur just apart of my soul forever ok thanks#hm i changed the topic#anyways i hate denny he sucks. nobody can fix him
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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manifesting a new bee!chloe in season 6 🕯️🙏🕯️
#im imagining chloe is just Absent for like half the season off in new york#and then she's just Back. out of nowhere. maybe permanent maybe temporary#but shes just kinda. defeated. not nice or anything but just not really engaging. people try to rile her up re: her being an asshole#and shes just like. whatever. and doesnt engage further. shes over it all and just keeps her head down#does alright on classwork with the new freeform structure and having been Aggressively tutored while with her mom#(and also by not being distracted by being an asshole)#and then one day theres an akuma and zoe is unavailable for Reasons but pollen took her miraculous and goes for the nearest available holder#chloe!! one room over at the hotel lol#and they have a sweet reunion and maybe chloe actually feels Guilty for how bad she fucked it up in the past#and also worries that the team wont trust her as queen bee (fair)#and pollen is like 'it seems like chloe has changed a lot.... maybe queen bee can change too :)'#i like the idea of chloe being a New bee hero and not queen bee again#at least at first. give her a few chances to prove herself and learn to trust herself again#get used to like. positive attention and being appreciated on a genuine level#and then she or butterflila or whoever reveals her identity and its a whole thing but it WORKS OUT FINE#and maybe zoe and chloe figure each others identities out and have like. split custody LMAO#or maybe pollen just operates on vibes who knows#anyway. i feel like theyre setting up 1. Banishing chloe for an indefinite length of time#which i think is smart. gives lila more room to work lol#but 2. i think shell at least try to have a redemption arc#like her weeping miserably at the end didnt feel like a triumphant comeuppance of a bully. it just felt like a sad teenage girl#i think itd be easy to write that scene to read more victorious than they did. i think that was a Choice#but idk chloe has had such a wild track record in this show#give her the black cat for a minute i dunno#ooh that's another wishlist item. randomized miraculous swap for an episode#anyway. apparently i had a lot to say about chloe bourgeois!
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first find the pronouns character designs..... and also some notes abt how they are designed and how they work
#heart art!#find the pronouns#noober!#hersay!#i had trouble sleeping last night bc i kept thinking about all the things i wanted to do with ftp..... sigh.....#tags exclusive facts coming up next:#when prounian's find a new set of pronouns they want to use parts of them (namely clothing) will tint towards their new pronoun preferences#the only thing that wont change is their skin tone#nubirans do not change when they find new pronouns to use#though nubirans that do use pronouns for themselves will often add accessories on their person denoting their pronoun preference#think like pronoun pins. though usually it's just a solid color. especially when it's common pronouns (she/he/they/it/etc)#also extra clarification: noobs use they when speaking about someone they do not know the name of#noobs that use pronouns are rare. bc the no gender thing. but noober is definetly not one of a kind. i'd say like 1/500 noobs use pronouns.#noober is an exception when it come's to noober's name though. noober's parents were not very creative.#anyways i can make anything about being transgender. just so you know#i will prolly model these 2 eventually. but for now they live as silly doodles
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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my #analysis or whatever but its really interesting with how much they cut out of the Jon at the banquet 1x01 scene compared to (at least the leaked version online) the original pilot and book. like not to be like yeah grrm put this much detail in there for a reason but a lot of the detail that they removed really hurts jon as a character and its so jarring to see how much they cut to take the chapter down to about 3 minutes of the episode.
#twist rambles#thrones posting#im picking it apart bc im enjoying rewatching and knowing whats coming but it actually drives me insane bc imo jon gets fucked over SO bad#in the show w/o having his internal thoughts. like him and da/ny get fucked over the most w that to ME. and the cutting of the sa/nsa tower#scene in 1x10 also really was a big loss to MEEE personally. like when u have characters that are introspective and dont figure out any way#to incorporate all their thoughts- it hurts them a lot and kind of fucks over their characterization a lot#not saying got has sucked since 1x01 or anything but its been interesting to rewatch it and pour over the text as i do so because the small#changes do end up hurting it a bit the further u get in. like changing cer.sei to have birthed rob.erts child vs abortion i think definitel#does some damage to her character/that reveal. where like a lot of things that they added even in 1x01 are REALLY good changes. like the#addition that they did to the “the things i do for love” line were really good because it does kind of reassure the viewer haha he is askin#questions and let go of his shirt he SURELY wont and then he does. like that is a rly good change and again i think its kind of a mixed bag#w the additions and things they took away (namely i wish the amt of really over the top sex scenes were a bit closer to the book bc it kind#of takes away from a lot of it when its like SO much of an episode. its way more jarring how cruel th.eon is during sex when its very#different to what is surrounding it (which it is in the books) instead of like. it being INSTANTLY followed up w another similar scene they#added in. like i can definitely see the misogyny arguments esp when comparing book 2 show because the books are nowhere near as bad w that.#also forever mad that they didnt make da.ny bald at the start of s2. can we get silly NOW. anyways god. its been interesting to pick it#apart upon rewatch and more familiarity w the source material.
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Gonna watch doctor sleep, jerk off and forget im lonely
#i literally have a problem#i just hung out with ppl today#i got to socialize and talk to beautiful girls#iv had a good day#and the moment im alone in my house im miserable again#there something rooted deep in me that i dont know how to fix i think#sorry im being melodramatic#but im sick of working and spending 90% of my free time alone#i can do alone! i can do it im a big boy#and i can handle and do it#but i wish someone was excited for the next time we got to see each other or talk to each other#that wanted to spend their time with me#its the adhd acting up again#i literally have this probably every few months and have a fucking melt down because im not the important person in anyones life#but im about to be 25#and iv never been in love with anyone who was able to love me back#which isnt their problem its my own#i just get infatuated with ppl who im not their type or im just not a fit for the life they want#which is fine thatst just how it is#but iv been getting sad realizing the few times iv been infatuated enough to consider it romantic feelings of love#its always been to ppl im well aware im not built for#i can love them all i want but that wont change the fact that im just not what they want or what they need#and i just keep having to tell myself that its ok and im fine with it because i have to be#everyone tells me to just go for it#but i know already i wont get anything out of it but heartache#i may be a bit thick and not always aware when someone is interested in me until they say it to my face straight up#but i think im p good at telling when someone has NO interest in me ykno#i can look at someone i like and someone i know and see their interest and life and know im not meant to fit into it that way#so i shouldnt bother them with this going after it nonsense ykno#but idk where else to go
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