#but to my perfectionism that is 100% a failure

[drygrasses]

🔇-

[girlwithrituals]

101 ways to improve self esteem

1) Master a new skill.

2) List your accomplishments.

3) Do something creative.

4) Challenge your limiting beliefs.

5) Talk to a counselor.

6) Don't worry about what others think.

7) Read or watch something inspirational.

8) Stay true to your character.

9) Let go of negative people.

10) Set healthy boundaries with others.

11) Care about your appearance.

12) Welcome failure as part of growth.

13) Be a lifelong learner.

14) Face your fears.

15) Become a mentor.

16) Accept compliments.

17) Eliminate self-criticism.

18) Practice coping skills to manage stress and big emotions.

19) Notice negative thoughts and beliefs.

20) Challenge negative thinking.

21) Think about what you learned from negative experiences.

22) Practice gratitude.

23) Exercise.

24) Eat healthy and limit junk food.

25) Get good sleep.

26) Spend time with positive and supportive people.

27) Encourage yourself.

28) Write a list of your strengths.

29) Don't compare yourself to others.

30) Avoid perfectionism.

31) Do at least one positive, enjoyable activity every day.

32) Celebrate small victories.

33) Be helpful and considerate to others.

34) Be honest with yourself and others.

35) Accept your flaws.

36) Don't give up.

37) Practice self-care.

38) Go easy on yourself.

39) Practice being assertive.

40) Practice saying "No".

41) Practice relaxation techniques.

42) Take on challenges.

43) Volunteer to help others.

44) Forgive others and yourself.

45) Set goals and work toward them step by step.

46) Seek balance in all areas of your life.

47) Discover your passions and purpose

48) Groom yourself.

49) Dress nicely.

50) Be kind and generous to others.

51) Practice good posture.

52) Change a small habit.

53) Smile.

54) Don't procrastinate.

55) Don't take things personal.

56) Organize your personal space.

57) Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself.

58) Spend time outside.

59) Notice the good things.

60) Celebrate your successes

61) Write a list of things you like about yourself.

62) Don't take too much on.

63) Do something for yourself every day.

64) Develop daily habits.

65) Remind yourself it's okay if not everyone likes you.

66) Practice mindfulness.

67) Learn to tolerate discomfort.

68) Use problem-solving skills.

69) Take responsibility instead of blaming.

Tell Yourself Positive Affirmations Such As:

70) I am grateful for every day.

71) I am worthy of happiness and love.

72) I am in charge of my own happiness.

73) I love, respect, and believe in myself.

74) I deserve to be happy and successful.

75) I approve of myself, right here and now.

76) I am learning and changing for the better.

77) I accept 100% responsibility for my own life.

78) Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.

79) I can learn to accept the parts of myself that I don't like.

80) I am thankful for my challenges as they make me a stronger person.

81) Write down three positives about each day.

82) Make a collage with your talents, goals, and dreams.

83) Practice laughing.

84) Be proud of yourself.

85) Say mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

86) Show respect to yourself and others.

87) Resolve conflict peacefully.

88) Ask for help or support.

89) Complete a daily task list.

90) Have a growth mindset.

91) Be optimistic.

92) Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

93) Focus on the things you have control over and can change.

94) Get started on tasks you have been putting off.

95) Practice good daily hygiene.

96) Focus on solutions not problems.

97) Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

98) Drink plenty of water.

99) Start a new hobby or join a club/sport.

100) Do random acts of kindness.

101) Create a dreams list.

[glowupwithamy]

Finish what you started and transform your productivity

Recently i picked up a book i hadn't read in a long time for the past week i hadn't been able to work properly my tasks were going unfinished so i opened my cupboard and saw that book right in front of me. Then i read the whole book in just a one night and it sparked inspiration in me ..So i thought why not share everything i learned with all of you?

So I'm giving you guys a structured summary of Finish The Art of Following Through - Taking Action, Executing & Self Discipline by Peter Hollins -

1. The Importance of Execution

The ability to follow through allows you to create the life you desire rather than settling for the one you currently have. The process consists of focus, self-discipline, action, and persistence

2. Barriers to Follow Through

- Inhibiting Tactics: These include setting bad goals, procrastination, succumbing to distractions, and poor time management.

- Psychological Roadblocks: These encompass laziness, fear of judgment or failure, perfectionism driven by insecurity, and lack of self-awareness.

3. Staying Motivated

To remain motivated holds both external and internal motivators -

- External Motivators: These involve utilizing other people or resources to encourage action, such as accountability partners upfront investments and self bribery

- Internal Motivators: These focus on understanding personal benefits and improvements. Ask yourself questions such as How will this benefit me? and How will my life improve?

4. Developing a Manifesto

A manifesto is a set of daily rules that guide your actions so her are the some key rules -

- Rule 1: Identify if you’re acting out of laziness and avoid it.

- Rule 2: Limit yourself to three major tasks per day.

- Rule 3: Establish daily limitations and requirements

- Rule 4: Reaffirm your intentions through statements like I want I , will and I won't

- Rule 5: Reflect on the future consequences of not following through

- Rule 6: Utilize the concept of "just 10 minutes" to push through discomfort.

5. Follow Through Mindsets

- Mindset 1: Recognize the worthiness of your efforts.

⭐ Mindset 2: Become comfortable with discomfort.

- Mindset 3: Understand that learning comes from completing tasks.

- Mindset 4: Manage stress and anxiety effectively

6. Overcoming Procrastination

Procrastination can be managed through strategies such as:

- Temptation Bundling: Combine unpleasant tasks with enjoyable activities.

- Creating Momentum: Make starting tasks as easy as possible to gain momentum.

- Leveraging Fear: Use productive paranoia to spur action but cautiously

7. Minimizing Distractions

Create a work environment free from distractions and focus on

⭐ Single Tasking: Avoid multitasking to eliminate attention residue ( I will also create a separate blog on this topic i used to face this problem earlier and i have used many methods to reduce my habit of multitasking so i will write a blog about it. Don't worry )

- Batching Tasks: Group similar tasks to improve efficiency.

- Creating a Don't-Do List : Identify tasks to ignore and avoid ( This method is literally too much helpful )

8. The 40–70 Rule

This rule suggests acting when you have 70% of the necessary information as waiting for 100% is unrealistic

9. The Importance of Rest

Recognize the value of rest and relaxation as essential for mental recovery

10. Common Pitfalls

- False Hope Syndrome: Avoid unrealistic expectations and set achievable goals.

- Overthinking: Avoid excessive rumination and focus on taking action.

- Worrying: Concentrate on the present and control what you can.

11. Developing Daily Systems

Establish daily behaviors that promote consistency and long term success

⭐ Keep a Scoreboard: Track progress for motivation ( Ive been using this method for the past four days it literally shows me where I am making mistakes and what I need to do to complete my unfinished tasks )

By following these structured advice you can improve your ability to finish what you start and achieve your goals

If you have any questions or tips to share feel free to drop them in the comments in here to chat , Stay connected for more tips and insights thanks :)

[farshootergotme]

Now that I have the confidence to send you asks, fully expect me to bug you periodically from here on out

Anyways- do you think Dick qualifies as a scapegoat? Cause I 100% think he's a scapegoat. People always try to shove the 'golden child' role onto Dick, and it always confused me cause like. He doesn't fit it at all if you actually look into what a golden child is.

Dick is definitely one of the scapegoats of the batfamily (Jason being the other) and it makes me sad that people always label him a golden child when he's the exact opposite. Seriously- he's hit, beaten, unfairly blamed, lashed out at, not told about important things (Jason or being replaced, Jason dying, Jason's funeral, probably other things, i wouldn't be surprised), etc. Definition of a scapegoat to me.

It's also why I hesitate to label him the 'favorite' even when the comics try to say otherwise. Mostly because... favorite children aren't really treated this way. Favorite weapon, maybe, as I've said in a post I've made before, but that's it. Bruce wouldn't kill for him or any of his kids. He's come close, yeah, but he's also come close to killing the Joker too after Jason's death and had to be threatened into not doing it. Every time, it's in a strong surge of emotion, and the second Bruce thinks rationally- well, he doesn't do it. Dick isn't at all unique, Bruce wouldn't kill for him either.

I think Bruce is the most proud of Dick, and has a unique relationship with him due to knowing him the longest and the parentification, but I don't think that makes him the favorite. Maybe to the other batkids, but probably not in reality.

I don't think Bruce really HAS a favorite- Dick is probably the closest to it, but still.

Though, if you wanna play around with angst and fanon ideas, maybe both Dick and Jason are the favorites and that's why Bruce treats them the worst? Dunno, it'd make a fun fic, even if it's not really grounded in canon (though I ignore RHATO and Comic UTRH).

Idk. Just,, gestures. Dick is a scapegoat to me.

Hope my 2 am rambling made sense lol

Okay, I see you, but I'll argue:

Dick Grayson is both the scapegoat and the golden child.

Now, you might not believe this since he doesn't tend to be both at the same time, and it isn't common for these roles to exist within the same individual. But Dick Grayson is praised and favored as much as he's blamed and pushed.

A golden child is the one who carries most of the expectations in the family. The parent expects them to be perfect, make no mistakes, take on roles they're pushed into with no issue (thus parentification can happen), and continue on and on to be good enough and meet the criteria so they don't make the parent disappointed.

The love is conditional hence they develop this unhealthy perfectionism and self-esteem and self-worth issues that will follow them till adulthood even when they're out of that environment and living their own lives.

The reason why a parent might choose a specific child (or children) to be the favored one is because they tend to see this child as an extension of themselves. And consequential to this, they will project their insecurities onto said child and force them to improve—be the best—where they fall short. All of their capabilities are overvalued, making the parent see them as special and much better than the rest, causing the unrealistic expectations a child must hold and fulfill so as not to “fail” their parent(s).

Although this child might seem like the favorite and who could do no wrong on the outside, the love they receive isn't something they can take for granted.

When a golden child underperforms or isn't as good as they're expected, the parent’s demeanor might change. They will feel the disappointment and fear this might cause the treatment they get to change. Sometimes the child might even fear abandonment or rejection from their parent as a result of their failures.

The mix of all this turns into a person who's over-competent, hard-working and someone that tends to take charge of things so they aren't at risk of failing, making them ‘natural’ leaders in any group they might be part of.

Sounding familiar yet?

Now, let's move on to the scapegoat:

A scapegoat child is the one that is blamed by all the things that go wrong in the family. They are constantly criticized and shamed by things they might've not even been part of, but somehow they're now involved and taking all the blame for the others so there are no consequences for anyone but them.

(All the blame also messes with their perception of certain events, making them prone to self-blame for the problems that occur in the family or their behaviors towards them.)

The scapegoating in the family may be due to subconscious projection from the parent when they're dealing with difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, rage, etc. They feel threatened by their own feelings and therefore they will try to escape from them by externalizing those feelings and making them their scapegoat’s problem.

Because of this treatment, the scapegoat might become an outsider in the family, feeling excluded and isolated from the rest. And for this, when push comes to shove and they're going through a rough patch, they will not have any reliable support they can go to inside the family as they'll be ignored or otherwise unfairly treated, having their feelings be invalidated.

Like the golden child, there's some aspects the scapegoat shares with the former:

Being treated differently by the parent/family.

Having unrealistic expectations placed upon them.

Being pushed into roles or responsibilities the child isn't meant to take.

Fear of expressing how they feel.

Self-worth issues and low self-esteem.

Although they're usually roles that are considered opposites, they aren't as incompatible as one might think. A child can alternate between being a scapegoat or the golden child, and this usually happens when the parent is very emotionally unstable, commonly due to a disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).

(I have so many thoughts about the latter applying to Bruce, but I will refrain from elaborating to not make this longer than it needs to be)

Having all I've said until now in consideration, I'm sure you've noticed how Dick meets both criterias—dare I say the golden child more often than the scapegoat.

Bruce is always speaking about how Dick is “better than him” and “the thing he's ever done right”, but in both of these statements you can see he's taking who Dick is and making it as something that's part of him, comparing Dick's accomplishments to his and putting him in this pedestal, and because of this projection happens and Bruce starts seeing Dick as an extension of himself.

This is why, when he or Dick fail, Dick will suddenly become the scapegoat, contrasting with the former golden child position he was in.

Here you can see the high expectations, praise for his accomplishments, his siblings feeling like Dick is better than them (i.e. treated differently than the rest), and you can also see how when he doesn't meet the expectations, he's met with disappointment (see: Alfred disappointed he's not as bright as he usually is) or judgment (see: Bruce angry at him because he isn't committing to his cause as much as he expects him to).

And these are examples of Bruce being too harsh on Dick and expecting him to do better, blaming him for his brother's death, and in result Dick having a habit of blaming himself and accepting mistreatment, thinking it must be his fault.

More often than not, Dick is put on a pedestal by his family and even his friends sometimes. They praise and love him, but when there's occasions in which he's acting less than perfect, the treatment towards him can change.

Dick Grayson can be the golden child as much as he can be the scapegoat.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Some Tips for Dealing with OCD

Been going through a bit of a rough patch lately and was revisiting my notes from the International OCD Foundation's annual OCD Conference earlier this year. Wanted to share in case these tips might help other folks too.

Apologies for the chunky list!

Use self-care to stack the deck in your favor à la Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Focus on the basics first (sleep, diet, water, etc).

Build a strong foundation so you can build on it without it falling over.

Focus on how you can handle the things that are 100% in your control to increase your resilience.

Set the bar low with goals. It’s only up from there and you have to start somewhere.

Don’t worry about whether or not something is your OCD. You’re not in the business of figuring that out. OCD rule of thumb, if there’s urgency attached to figuring it out, it’s probably your OCD.

It doesn’t matter what the content of your OCD thought is about, the response is the same. The same principles apply.

You’re building your muscles, maintain aspects of ERP and CBT so those muscles don’t atrophy. This helps prevent you from ending up in a more vulnerable/susceptible place to OCD.

Be aware of when your OCD is “getting loud.”

Know what you’re going to do if a lapse or relapse happens.

Medication is 20-30%, skills and tools are the rest.

You’re always learning what does and doesn’t work. Even if exposures don’t go the way you hope, it’s okay. It’s data. Gather experiences and data so you can learn from them. Your experiences expand you and help you grow and expand your resilience. You’re always learning what does and doesn’t work.

Think of “failure” as “failed experiments” for which you’re collecting data and can learn from.

Develop strong emotional regulation to keep yourself stable.

Keep an eye on where your life gives you opportunities for exposure and take advantage of those gimmes.

Micro avoidances add up, so work hard to handle even little ones. Recognize when you’re triggered by something and choose to do it anyway. Sometimes it’s OCD and sometimes it isn’t.

Even if what you fear happens, it doesn’t mean your OCD was correct. Your OCD is never correct.

Self-compassion is hard work. It’s not about being positive about everything but rather about being real/more realistic.

Reframe perfectionism as “I’m committing to x” and it doesn’t matter if it’s perfect or the best or whatever, just focus on that. For example, "I’m committing to exercising for 5 minutes,” and not thinking about if it’s perfect or not.

Remember when you’re having a tough time, think “I’m working on it.”

Think “yeah, and” rather than “yeah, but” because “yeah, but” often comes up when we’re negating positive things we did.

Even if you’re not certain something will give you a positive outcome, still do it. Even if it doesn’t do what you hoped, you still fought back. Give yourself the opportunity to see the outcome and with that comes flexibility. This can be as simple as making yourself a piece of toast.

Line out three small goals you want to complete each day. It can help to make the goals at night for the next day so you don’t have to deal with motivation in the morning. Use an index card on your bedside table. If the goals feel too big or intense, make them smaller or break them down further. This is behavioral activation.

[allureasdiary]

I think one of the most humbling nature experiences you can ever do for yourself and your life is properly hold yourself accountable. This includes knowing when you're the one that's actually in the wrong, being able to call out your own bs, humbling yourself towards those who actually are/do have more experience then you do and instead of trying to compete you learn from them and gain wisdom when needed, seeing your own red flags in yourself and actually work to better yourself.

I didn't realize how much of a fucked up person I actually was until I sat with myself to figure out well why do I feel and react the way I do about certain things? And that's what led me to seeing my own terrible habits that don't serve me any good at all to myself or others. Knowing that I'm 100% not embarrassed or shamed to admit at all that yes I as an imperfect human being do get jealous/envious of others who have things that I felt unfourtanate not to have but wanted desperately, yes I can be toxic in relationships even when I'm being hypocritical advocating for not wanting that, yes I can get big headed and be a know it all, yes I have a terrible connection with women and lack sisterly bonds because of my own insecurities that isn't any of these faults, yes im very judgemental and critical but can't take it when it's done to me, yes i lack emotional maturity and yes im very insecure about myself abd life and no amount of bluffing can hide that, i have so many hopes and dreams and goals but lack the ambition to actually work for it and see it through because of my own fear of failure and wanting to to be perfect (aka perfectionism tendencies). There's truly so much I could go on and say but I say all that to say this. Sometimes you need a serious reality check with yourself and know when you need to sit in your own time out corner and actually get yourself together and stop bullshittin everyone else.

However just because I carry all this terrible qualities that I really don't like or want to admit about myself that shouldn't be a reason as to why you and I can't change for the better and start growing into a better version of ourselves even if the ego doesn't wanna allow you to see it.

[uncloseted]

I used to think I had ADHD bc it's so hard for me to get schoolwork done, but Ive realized that I really just procrastinate bc I'm scared of starting an assignment and failing. I mainly procrastinate on essays and projects bc it's usually a challenge and also a sum of everything you have learned in class, and I get scared because I feel like I'm not equipped to do it. So I avoid avoid avoid and do it last minute. Sometimes I get really good marks actually! So it proves that I am actually

Equipped to do the assignment even if I do it super late. But, I'm wondering how I can drill into my head to just DO the thing and not be terrified that I'm going to fail and avoiding it for fear of confronting the truth that I'm a "failure" and can't do the assignment (logically I know this isn't true but emotionally my brain automatically doesn't believe it).

Yes! Perfectionism is such a huge reason why people procrastinate and I don't think people talk about it nearly as much as they should.

The first thing I would do when dealing with procrastination from perfectionism is to remind yourself that the outcome of your work isn't a reflection of your worth as a person. You can be loved and worthy even if you aren't perfect at everything you do. I think oftentimes, people who struggle with perfectionism feel like being perfect at things is a necessary part of their identity, but we aren't our successes and failures. Letting go of the idea that the outcome of tasks define us makes it easier to complete work. And when you do fail at things, try to reframe what that means in your mind. Instead of "failing this exam means I'm a failure as a person", maybe try reframing it as "failure is a normal part of life. If I never fail, then I'll never be able to grow."

When you're starting an assignment, try and set reasonable goals and standards for yourself. Of course you want to give each assignment your best and get 100% on everything, but what's the bare minimum that would get you to achieve your goal? If you have a class you're taking, what's the bare minimum that you would need to get on this assignment and still pass the class? Figuring out what would be good enough can help to combat that feeling that the world is ending when an assignment isn't perfect. It can also help you to get started, since you can remind yourself that it doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to get done. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and remind yourself that you can always go through it again at the end and improve it if you need to.

In terms of general anti-procrastination strategies, there are a few things you can try:

Break your task into small, manageable steps that you can check off a list. These can be as simple as "open document" and "write name at the top of the paper". The more little tasks you do successfully, the more you'll feel like you can do.

Commit to only doing a little bit. Maybe you'll just do one step that's on your list, or you'll do two minutes of work. Usually, after that time is up, you'll feel like you've gotten over the hump of starting a new task and you can keep going. But if not, let yourself take a break. You've at least gotten a little something done, which is better than nothing.

Reward your progress. Once you get to pre-set milestones in the task you're going (like you've finished five of the small steps on your list, or you've finished writing a paragraph of an essay), give yourself a little treat. It sounds silly, but if you can train yourself to associate doing work with getting a treat, it's easier to start doing the work.

And more than anything else, I think it's important to be kind to yourself. If you had a friend that was struggling the way that you are now, what would you say to them? You'd tell them that they're capable of completing the assignment and even if it doesn't go well, they're not a failure of a person, right? Try to talk to yourself that same way when you're trying to get through doing an assignment. It will feel silly at first, but the more that we practice kindness and compassion towards ourselves, the easier it becomes to do it, and the more we believe the things we tell ourselves.

[sburbian-sage]

Hey, our session's Mage of Light has gone fucking crazy. He's taken over the frog breeding because he thinks our Bard of Space was being lazy about it, and he keeps doing all kinds of weird stuff to the frogs to try and "perfect" them. He says that it's our responsibility to make sure that they result in a universe without the problems of our own.

To wit, he's trying to make it so that all life in the universe is immortal (somehow without all the problems that would obviously cause?), trying to make computers in that universe run faster, trying to make it so that any planet that plays Sburb will have developed a meteor defense system ahead of time, and so on (he had a really long list, it was all like this).

A lot of his ideas sound kinda good to me, but our Space player says that it's not possible to just make changes like that, and that any fuck-ups would be catastrophic.

But our Light player is our only god tier, and none of the rest of us seem even *close* to ascending, so we can't really overpower him, and he's just not willing to listen to the Space player.

Since it's not likely that any frog he makes will be viable anyway, I guess we could just deploy new copies of the breeding equipment, but he took all the stuff the Space player *had* done already. I don't know the details, but the Space player says he'd basically be starting over more-or-less from scratch, and we're not sure we have time before the reckoning- especially since the Space player legit *is* kinda slow and bad at it.

Basically our Light player an overpowered control freak with a god complex who refuses to listen to the one person in the session who actually knows how to do anything with frogs. I mean, what the hell are we supposed to do???

This is pretty bad. Your Space player is absolutely right in that most of what this Mage of Light is trying to pull is genuinely impossible. I have no idea why he thinks he'll be able to dictate the technological progression of a civilization that doesn't even exist yet, just because he's creating the universe the civilization will eventually exist in. And that's putting aside the fact that most people who get into making the Perfect Frog concern themselves more with fixing the bug that forces replays, and not dicking with the game's progression system like he is. If anything that would cause more issues, but he doesn't even seem like he's intentionally trying to break things.

To deliver an armchair diagnosis that isn't just "he's insane", which to be fair he kind of is, I can see a few possibilities here. Light Players deal with probability, mainly in terms of good luck and favoring good outcomes. Normally a fine thing, however this constant fixation on guaranteeing the most favorable outcome can often manifest itself as a desire to force the 100% best possible outcome to come to pass, which leads to perfectionism and short-sightedness. To speak of Classes for a second, Seers sometimes act like this, as do Sages with less mental fortitude than I. However, he's not a Seer or even a Sage, he's a Mage. Cryptical classes are intended to act in bewildering ways in order to reach favorable outcomes, with the passive Mage prancing around like some sugarplum fairy, leaving "triggers" for the other Players to activate without knowing that they lead to positive outcomes.

My initial read of this is a man who, out of fatigue towards playing and replaying SBURB (join the club, buddy), is now taking direct control of the situation, abandoning his role as a Mage and abusing his aspect of Light in order to genetically engineer some sort of utopia. Between his acting like a nutter and the fact that he isn't a Space Player or even a Time Player, this frog venture is doomed to end in failure at worst and mega-cancer at best. This being said, a second possibility did dawn on me as I analyzed this. This might be part of the plan.

If he is a Mage, his role is to interpret mysteries relating to his aspect and "pass it down", so to speak. Taking over Frog Breeding and making the dumbest plans is pretty inscrutable, it's safe to say. I would say "you're weird and disconnected from reality in an unwholesome way" which is basically what Mages are meant to do. So it's possible that this is meant to provoke the other Players into action, and this action will advance his plans and the plans of the session as a whole towards a favorable outcome. I would believe this further if there was a Player whose role aligns with stopping this scheme (like a Protector or Champion), or if his fucking with the Frog-Breeding equipment leaves the Space Player in a more advantageous position once they recover it. If this is the case, then he's still bonkers because in addition to this being very straightforward behavior for a passive class, the crux is acting antagonistic and setting himself up as a "villain" to be taken down. If you do end up killing him, it could very well qualify as Just. My purpose in pointing this out is to say, you should still treat him like he's unstable, but keep in the back of your mind that he might be operating on a level higher than yours.

The nonviolent solution is to stage an intervention, of course. I would advise against the Bard of Space leading, as the Mage of Light seems to have a low opinion of them in general. But the following are threads to hit upon.

We all despise SBURB and its brokenness and its shittiness, but this is essentially trying to fix the game by hacking it. That never turns out well.

If he's still willing to listen to reason, point out that attempting to influence technological development via the Frog is flatly impossible. Liken it to planting a garden and expecting a pumpkin seed to grow and be able to speak. Once you create the Frog, things are "hands off" at that point. AND ALSO THAT CREATING IMMORTAL LIFE IS CLASSIC "hubristic bad guy" STUFF.

Whether or not he can listen to reason, let him know you all are there for him, and while you're willing to help him, he needs to listen to you as well. Basic therapy stuff, really, this might just be a very grand lashing-out.

If you strongly get the impression that this is some kooky Mage scheme, then call him on it and point out the self-sacrificial bullshit nature of acting so antagonistic. This might end things instantly if the "mystery" gets solved.

Mages are anti-explaining, so don't at any point try to make him explain why he's doing what he's doing. It might be worth re-iterating this if he tries to initiate an explanation.

If the nonviolent solution doesn't work, then you might need to try something more forceful. The fact that he's God Tier and you're not does complicate things, but the truth is that he's a Light Player. When you can manipulate luck, direct combat is doomed to fail. Your guns will jam, your swings will hit allies in the face at complete random, etc. I do know that Light-based luck manipulation doesn't generally stop oneself from getting hit in the face with a newspaper, since you don't need to be particularly unlucky for this to happen (and it's not that serious), so follow similar logic. Wrapping him up in a big hug is corny and awkward, but as long as you don't turn it into a suplex or whatever, this gives you room to talk. You could try a smash-and-grab to just take the Frog stuff away from him. In general, be thankful that Light generally lacks offensive capabilities, their main "attack" power is [Flare] and it's very inefficient at what it does. However, the luck manipulation is still strong. If he buffs his luck and starts shooting at random, he's going to score headshots. So if you're going to try and fight him, be tricky, be indirect, don't even "fight" him necessarily, but save it for Plan B if anything.

A final note, but your Bard of Space has got to get her shit together. I don't know whether or not Mage of Light's "lazy" judgement is sound or not, but by all accounts it seems like she's slow and somewhat incompetent. Combined with the fact that you're running up against the endgame when this clown took over, and it's just unacceptable. If you need to babysit her to make sure the Frogs get bred, so be it. And if she is going to take part of negotiations, it might be worth it to have her show signs of improvement or otherwise vow to set things straight, so the Mage of Light doesn't feel like they need to hijack breeding duties.

[lonelyflower01]

Academic Validation

100 %

I finally had acheived perfection.

I was never expected to be the prettiest, the funniest or even the most interesting person in a room.

But now, I was expected to be the smartest.

I was finally good at something,

I was going to make my family and friends proud.

100 %

Countless hours of lectures, math problems, essays and homework.

Tears staining most pages,

Countless sleepless nights,

But all goes unnoticed.

Anyways, to attain perfection, this is expected.

100 %

Friends scoff when they hear my grades.

Family doesn’t even ask to see them anymore.

Anything other than that sucks, right?

90 %

I can’t help but feeling like I’ve let down every expectation.

“You’re overreacting, this isn’t even bad”

Yet, I feel like I have failed

My friends,

My family,

But mostly myself.

Because once you’ve reached the top, the only way back is down.

***

At first, having perfect grades was enjoyable. I had finally learned that it was possible not to hate every aspect about myself. I was going to be able to prove to the world that I was maybe a chubby, loner weirdo, but at least I was smart.

But then the pressure came. I can’t really explain it, but even though it is not explicitly inquired, it is omnipresent. That pressure broke me. Not only because it came with an overbearing mix of a performance anxiety and perfectionism, but also because my self worth was now dictated by my performance on the academic level. Any time I did not overacheive, I felt like a complete failure. It didn’t matter what grade I got or what my friends or family would say in order to confort me, because I thought to myself that even in what I considered to be my strongest suit, I still wasn’t enough.

[danpuff-ao3]

New Goals!

While writing my dear friend Bethy this morning, I sort of made the decision to scale back and rethink all of my grand plans.

Now, I am a lady who can do a lot. That ADHD + OCD combo can be good for some things, I suppose, especially when properly medicated! Accomplishing a lot makes me feel good and happy and gets me all riled up to do more! What I at times fail to remember is that this energy and focus isn't endless. And my sense of responsibility and perfectionism will mean my doom when I inevitably slow down.

My therapist and I have been working on me recognizing and celebrating what I do accomplish, even when they're not on my "list." I have a bad habit of feeling useless when I did 10 things in a day but none of them were on my "list" or in my "plans" and so I chalk the day up as a failure. It helps me to stop and look and say "Hey! I did that! That is a thing that I did and that's very cool and good of me." And that helps.

But it also helps to recognize when my Brain (also named Brian, per my friend Nina, based on a misreading of a Tweet some months ago, haha!) is getting overexcited and dancing around and adding more and more grand plans to our plate. It also helps to verbalize because, for me, and my dang Leo Moon, I need to share and to be seen and understood.

So while there is plenty I'd like to do, I've narrowed down my goals for the year to 3 pretty solid goals:

Snarry-a-Thon

Snarry Bang

Project: Three of Hearts

While the plan is to complete and submit fics for the above fests, my Project is just what I plan to work on in between times. My goal is progress there.

So regarding the above goals, this is where I'm at:

Snarry-a-Thon: Rough Draft & Edit 1 done. Off for beta reading now.

Snarry Bang: teammate chosen and as of yesterday a plan nailed down!

Project: Three of Hearts: Very loose outline. And chapter 1 done! I figured my struggle with the outline might be helped by starting it, to help give me more of a feel for characterization and dynamics. I think it helped because my "vague outline" is starting to feel a bit more solid!

WIPs I would like to make progress on this year, but am refusing to to stress about:

Dralbus fic

Scarry fic

Lavmione fic

Contempt-verse fic (Kinktober?)

Contempt-verse fic (Christmas?)

The Christmas Prince 2

Goals I've cut: mostly Year of the OTP. I wrote Again (and Again) and Lovestruck to fill YOTP prompts, but while it seems fun, it's just too much. I have been panicking in the back of my mind about what to do for a March prompt and it's just not worth it. I don't want to feel obligations to finish things out. So I'm going to remove the Year of the OTP tags from those fics and try to forget I ever heard about it. The part of me that must finish everything it starts is deeply unhappy, but I need to scrub away all sense of needing to finish it, so I don't beat myself up when I fail.

The downside is that, with the idea of doing Year of the OTP and posting a new fic every month, I would definitely have reached 100 HP fics this year! I'm ever closer to that goal, but...if not this year, then certainly next year. There's no rush, really. Also: even though the OCD part of my brain rails at this a bit, I should at least celebrate that I do have 100 works on AO3! If we could my astro meta and my old Marvel fics, I'm actually at 103!!!! (Still trying to talk Brian into accepting that win.)

The thing is, I still do a lot, even if I don't get everything I hoped or planned to do done. Other plans for the year include:

More rec lists! (And I've already done rec lists for this year so everything here on out is gravy!)

More general meta (have I done this yet? Who knows. I'm sure I'll feel inspired sometime.)

More HP Astro posts (already done! All else will be bonus!)

2 fests to run! HP Chan will wrap up next Monday, and that same day HP Fruit Fest starts!

Reading and commenting! I've already done that! And I hope to do more!

Learn bookbinding! I still have supplies to gather, but I started doing test prints of short fics to play with programs and typesetting and printing and such. That's a start!

Mostly I just want to be involved in fandom. I want to interact with my community and chat with my friends and meet new friends. I want to give as much to the fandom as I can, in whatever form I can, be it recs or meta or fics or what have you. Or even just fangirling hard on Discord servers! It would be fun to do more podcasts this year (hint hint @careofmagicalshippers and @fanficmaverickpodcast LOL.) Or...idk, what else can I do? Idk, but no stress to me! I'm here to have fun and spread love.

And I need to keep that in mind. And give myself the love of self-care. And focus more on what's fun and what inspires me over how productive I am, or being self-critical.

Do I take fandom too seriously? Mayhaps. But only because I love it so much!

Anyway, 10 points to your House if you made it this far. Leo Moon = need to share. So thank you for letting me share with you!

[trlvsn]

I would consider a B to still be doing well. As long as it's not complete failure you're doing perfectly fine. Perfectionism is a hell of a drug, Ray.

eh, i'm not that frustrated! it's just very different from what i usually get, so it was mildly disappointing, but it's not like this grade will have any effect of my life.

to be fair, the questions were very badly constructed and i plan on talking to the professor about it. it's petty, but whatever, i need those 5 points to get me to a 90/100

overall, i wouldn't say i'm a perfectionist, at least not right now. used to be! life happened though

[hismercytomyjustice]

Feeling a little better today, mental health-wise. Hoping it lasts.

Tbh it was a little bit of a relief for my therapist to acknowledge how hard of a time I’ve been having the past few months. Made me feel like I haven’t just been whining incessantly lol.

Yes, I know that’s not self-compassion. I am TERRIBLE at self-compassion, but I’m trying to learn. I feel like half of my appointments lately are just “Please stop being so mean to yourself.” I am trying, ma’am. I am not very good at it. Idk why it is so fucking hard for me. T^T

That’s not true. I do know. A lot of it is my OCD…

Also not really getting treatment specific to OCD until the past year or so. Despite having it since I was at least 12. And taking on more than my share of responsibilities from a young age…

Ngl writing this kid!Alastor fic has me at times just being like ��I’m in this photo and I don’t like it!” I was talking to my bff about sneaky tropes that show up often in writing and getting read to filth over them, lmaooo.

Whaaaat? Parentification? Unhealthy obsession with perfection? A character’s belief they should be able to handle everything themselves or die trying? Said character bombing so hard/flying too close to the sun that they’re then forced to accept help from other people? Burnt out gifted kid to adult pipeline? Whaaaat? Couldn’t be me! Hahaha. Haha. Ha…

My therapist did tell me the other day tho that I was clearly putting in the work. And that she wished all of her clients were as motivated as I am to work on their mental health. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty sure that means I’m winning at therapy, which is definitely a real thing… ( ¬ᴗ¬) jkjk

It’d just be super nice if putting in the work was all it took. Even though I know that every little thing helps, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

Reminds me on some of the tidbits I found most impactful from the OCD conference I attended earlier this year.

Stuff like:

Use self care to stack the deck in your favor à la Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Focus on the basics first (sleep, diet, water, etc)

Build a strong foundation so you can build on it without it falling over

Focus on how you can handle the things that are 100% in your control to increase your resilience

Set the bar low with goals - it’s only up from there and you have to start somewhere

Don’t worry about whether or not something is your OCD. You’re not in the business of figuring that out. OCD rule of thumb, if there’s urgency attached to figuring it out, it’s probably your OCD

It doesn’t matter what the content of your OCD thought is about, the response is the same. The same principles apply.

You’re building your muscles, maintain aspects of ERP and CBT so those muscles don’t atrophy. This helps prevent you from ending up in a more vulnerable/susceptible place to OCD

Be aware of when your OCD is “getting loud”

Know what you’re going to do if a lapse or relapse happens

Medication is 20-30%, skills and tools are the rest

You’re always learning what does and doesn’t work. Even if exposures don’t go the way you hope, it’s okay. It’s data. Gather experiences and data so you can learn from them. Your experiences expand you and help you grow and expand your resilience. You’re always learning what does and doesn’t work.

Think of “failure” as “failed experiments” for which you’re collecting data and can learn from

Develop strong emotional regulation to keep yourself stable

Keep an eye on where your life gives you opportunities for exposure and take advantage of those gimmes

Micro avoidances add up, so work hard to handle even little ones. Recognize when you’re triggered by something and choose to do it anyway. Sometimes it’s ocd and sometimes it isn’t

Even if what you fear happens, it doesn’t mean the OCD was correct. OCD is never correct

Self compassion is hard work. It’s not about being positive about everything but rather about being real/more realistic

Reframe perfectionism as “I’m committing to x” and it doesn’t matter if it’s perfect or the best or whatever, just focus on that - “ex. I’m committing to exercising for 5 minutes” and not thinking about if it’s perfect or not

Remember when you’re having a tough time, think “I’m working on it”

Think “yeah, and” rather than “yeah, but” because “yeah, but” often comes up when we’re negating positive things we did

Even if you’re not certain something will give you a positive outcome, still do it. Even if it doesn’t do what you hoped, you still fought back. Give yourself the opportunity to see the outcome and with that comes flexibility.

Line out three small goals you want to complete the next day - can help you make the goals at night so you don’t have to deal with motivation in the morning. Use an index card on your bedside table. If the goals feel too big or intense, make them smaller or break them down further. This is behavioral activation.

We’re going to be focusing on some behavioral activation baby steps. And I’m looking at getting my meds adjusted too. It’s nice to have a plan. Lol she def told me yesterday “This one, single baby step is all you’re going to focus on right now.”

She knows me so well! Hahaha. But for real, that’s been one of my biggest problems. Trying to take small, manageable, consistent steps and acknowledging the progress I’m making. I think it’s helping with some of the spiraling I’ve been experiencing lately.

She also sent me this list of cognitive distortions to review when I start beating myself up or spiraling. To help me build up my defusion techniques.

I’m hoping to have some appropriately baby sized progress to share with her next week haha.

But it’s also good to know there are more intensive programs out there in the event I wind up needing one.

[keyecard]

i always lose myself to perfectionism every time i put the pen to the page. its so easy to classify anything i draw that i dont 100% like as a failure. its kinda paralyzing, like i never allow myself this sense of vulnerability.

even when i put something down in a sketchbook no one sees, if its not perfect its at least gotta develop my skill, grow my technical ability, and i struggle with the thought that i cant achieve that.

i still celebrate the small victories though. every time i find the courage to draw something differently or try something new, even if it doesnt turn out how i want,

i reassure myself that just by doing this, it becomes an exercise in accepting myself and my growth, learning how not to see everything i do as a failure

though it would be nice to have a sketchbook thats pretty to flip through eventually

[nasskg]

Friday was officially my last day at work, yay. On Thursday I begin working in a new place. I'm fucking anxious but very excited still. I get very nervous because I always want to pick up and learn fast, so that my perfectionism is fulfilled from the start. This is an issue which also makes it hard for me to pick up new hobbies: I sometimes get frustrated because I am not doing well from the beginning, so I drop them down altogether. The good thing is that I've noticed this, acknowledged it, and have started working on it. Finding a new job to start is a test for me to work on it, too.

I think that right now, at this point in my life, might be the most social I've been. I've had tons of new people I've met, and I have started going out despite not genuinely wanting to every time. I try to balance it by acknowledging the fact that I am a homebody, but that I also need to push myself not to isolate for prolonged periods and go out more often.

Consequently, I also started going to the gym again, despite feeling uncomfortable around so many people and especially comparing their physical appearance to mine. The most I've done which was a great leap of faith for me, was going against my fears and contacting the driving license school to see when we can eventually schedule driving lessons for me. I'm terrified, petrified and in general just dying by thinking of driving - but I will try to face my fear.

A situation I would love to be in right now - but I can't get around it for real - is to have a boyfriend. I would love to have somebody to hang out with, share intimate moments, do things together, hug and sleep in the same bed. I just can't find a person I like, I can feel comfortable with, I can trust, I can be with. Gay dating has been the biggest constant failure of my life in a sense. I recognize that it takes two to tango, and that it's not 100% my fault, but it kills me not having an intimate relationship with someone compatible.

Before I conclude, I just want to remember to practice some gratitude and say thank you to my family and dogs, my psychiatrist, my antidepressants, and of course my dear self. If it wasn't for us, I wouldn't be here today alive, appreciate the little things in life and going forward.

Now, let's enjoy Sunday.

[strawberriesnstruggles]

Been trying to apply for jobs and finding I feel entirely incapable. It’s not just a “this is hard so I don’t want to do it” but a “I’m not good enough or professional enough for this”. Writing feels impossible when it’s about selling myself. My inability to bullshit also is detrimental, as anything that isn’t 100% authentic feels dishonest. I sell myself short for fear of not disclosing my faults before someone else notices them. I can’t fake it till I make it, or pretend I have myself put together or I feel like a fraud. I don’t know how to balance being realistic and putting myself out there. I know it’s rooted in fear of failure and perfectionism, if I can’t do it perfect I think I shouldn’t bother at all. Perfectionism is so praised when you are young and when you grow up it completely destroys you.

[cazort]

i agree with the analysis of outcomes but not the analysis of causality here.

i think the less-moral outcomes are caused not by being "too moral in spirit", but rather, by a philosophy and practice of micro-management.

i will admit that this is something i have struggled with too. i think it is very hard, because Western society practically drills things into us from an early age, including perfectionism, reductionism (understanding things by looking to micro-scales), denial of self-care, and lots of other things that feed into it.

and when you challenge these things, you're criticized and even ostracized. i've seen this firsthand.

challenge reductionism, especially in STEM fields, and you get marginalized or even pushed out of academia. it's why I went in wanting a Ph.D. and in spite of having all the skill and resolve to get one, i left after a master's. i felt academia was an outright toxic place for me as a holistic thinker. but even outside academia, if you challenge reductionism, people often will dismiss or ignore your analysis of causality. an example would be, if i'm discussing decline of trees in my neighborhood, people will point to pathogens like fungal or viral diseases, or insect infestations (reductionism, looking to the micro-level cause) and ignore systemic factors like soil health, negative effects of lawn equipment, selecting the wrong tree for a site, or the commercial nursery industry selling trees not derived from local populations.

prioritize self-care and you get condemned as lazy, selfish, self-indulgent, hedonist, just think of all of the different negative labels hurled at people who are just trying to take care of themselves first, often so we can do a better job of helping others

perfectionism is drilled into us in our educational system, like the grading system in which skipping even a single assignment often leads to failure, in teachers who explicitly tell us that we need to do all these things just right or we won't "succeed", and even in activities that are supposed to be "recreational", like sports in which we are told to "always give 100%". we are taught that "average" is a bad word, and when we just try to get by, we get chastised by authority figures. and people who take perfectionism to an unhealthy extreme are praised and even given public awards, like "perfect attendance" awards in school that recognize kids that come to school even when sick, often spreading illness to others. we reward and praise people who even take perfectionism to the point of hurting others!

so all of these things, reductionism, perfectionism, and denial of self-care, feed into outcomes where we focus on micro-level things and ignore the big picture, and often run ourselves into a poor state of physical and mental health to where we can no longer make decisions with optimal moral outcomes (i get behind on sleep to where i get irritable and lose my temper at people over stupid little things, or i'm just not thinking clearly to the point of fixating on a tiny thing while ignoring a big thing)

the solution isn't to be "less moral". the solution is to be less perfectionist, to be more holistic and less reductionist, and to practice self-care.

I think it's pretty common to be more moral in practice because you're less moral in spirit. I think it's pretty common for people who are deeply concerned about everything wrong with the world to actually make stuff worse by fucking around too punctiliously, for the same reason George Lucas made the Star Wars movies worse with every edit and people tend to look worse after a lot of plastic surgery and stuff like that.