#idk man I get so anxious when I think I might not have 100% perfectly nailed a social interaction
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drygrasses · 10 months ago
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#stealing this post format bc I need something like a priv account to vent and ramble on but Twitter is fuuuuucked#and that was one thing Twitter did well#idk man I get so anxious when I think I might not have 100% perfectly nailed a social interaction#which includes everything from someone just not responding immediately to me actually saying something wrong#and saying something wrong is usually not actually saying something wrong it’s saying something only like 80% of the way right#but to my perfectionism that is 100% a failure#I sent a friend a post I’d sent him before I even knew I might’ve sent it before and joked about that#and it turns out I did send it before#fuck I fucked up!! wow how awful I thought of him twice (sarcasm)#like I know it’s fine but my heart doesn’t feel that it’s fine#and it doesn’t matter how close a friend is#if I say something that is arguably just not 1000% pleasant and amiable and lovely#like having An opinion (just one)#and they don’t respond right away? or don’t immediately agree if it’s a real life conversation?#then my insides start chewing themselves up#I used to have so many opinions actually when did I get this hesitant and this afraid#who am I trying to please?#(except everyone I like) (all of them all of the time)#not feeling awesome rn I don’t even know what caused it this time#I have suspicions but they’re all dumb#well ofc they’re dumb anxiety is a manifestation of pure illogicality#and my perfectionism will make a mountain out of any molehill#for the priv#also I need that dash so the emoji isn’t just like. comically big lmao wtf
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elysianslove · 4 years ago
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haikyuu boys that ━━
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━━ would absolutely, definitely, 100% get nauseous, dizzy, possibly might faint, while their s/o is in labor. one peak and they’re doubling over the hospital bed, inhaling deeply and exhaling sharply, steeling themselves. some are surprising, some are expected. all are stupid.
iwaizumi hajime; he just cannot. he cannot fathom what is happening. there is no way you’re going through that and surviving. no wonder you’re screaming in pain. of course you’re screaming in pain. he takes one look at what’s going on and just immediately takes a step back, eyebrows raised and hand pressed to his chest like “my god.” he’s an 8/10 though because he is incredibly supportive and those arms are great to grab onto. will not complain for a second (is strangely way too quiet), but he’s worryingly pale. maybe he’s quiet cause if he speaks he’ll throw up. 
miya atsumu; he’s this close to screaming. or crying. possibly both. he can’t tell if he’s scared in general or scared for you or if he’s hurting seeing you hurting. in fact, no one can tell. he just looks like he’s watching an alien abduction happen right before his eyes. like a 6/10 because he probably does actually faint. it’s almost as if he’s the one in labor. and he’s the annoying kind of supportive that makes you want to smack him like shut the fuck up i’m pushing a whole child out of me right now. but his reactions are extremely endearing and hilarious to watch back because he most definitely insisted on filming. 
akaashi keiji; the silent struggler. really doesn’t wanna make it obvious at all. like he really, really, really doesn’t want you knowing that he’s uncomfortable in any way, but he’s like, sweating from how nauseous he is. a big part of it is hating seeing you in pain; he cringes every time you so much as groan or pant. 7/10 because he’s incredibly supportive but his hands are way too clammy :/ like fr get a grip keiji. again, supportive, but his voice is shaky so it’s like, really ineffective. he cries when he sees his baby and it automatically makes him an 11/10.
sakusa kiyoomi; absolute coward. pussy. it’s not about hygiene, he’s just genuinely mortified. keeps asking you’re okay like,,, what do you think, sir? he keeps looking even though every time he does it doesn’t get any better? question mark? you can see him visibly gulping cause he’s in so much shock. like a 5/10 because he forgets to hold your hand. just stands there. eyes wide and mouth parted like a dumb fish. chokes back on his sobs when he hears his baby’s cries and it’s adorable how he brings his hand up to silence himself so maybe he’s a 7/10.
goshiki tsutomu; please he probably has a panic attack mid labor. definitely screams with you and all the nurses and the doctor are like ???? holds your hand tighter than you’re holding his. apologizes the whole time. the whole time. like the doctor asked him if he wants to see what’s happening, which idk why they would consider that a smart idea, and he just wailed like, “baby i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry, can we just adopt?” a 3/10. he’s so cute but. bring someone else if you don’t want to rip your hair out and his. 
kageyama tobio; he absolutely tries to pretend that he’s okay but he just gets really, really quiet once you start delivering and his lips are chapped and his pupils are blown and his face is so pale. he looks like he just got off of a really bad rollercoaster. he’s not even holding your hand you’re just hanging onto an unmoving, lifeless limb. maybe 6/10, cause he could be better in the supportive department but, at least he was quietly panicking. he does have a mini panic attack once his baby is in his arms though. like just starts hyperventilating. it’s okay though! it’s actually kind of cute <3
lev haiba; actually faints. not probably. he actually faints. like all 6′5 of him just drops onto the floor by your bed and you’re like ,,, damn, guess i’m doing this alone then. he wakes up and the first thing he sees is your baby crowning and he just faints again pls. someone has to be there with you, just like to help him to you. he cannot stand straight at all, he’s leaning on the bed the whole time. 5/10 because it genuinely makes you laugh it kind of makes the pain bearable. they have to get a chair in case he just falls back cause he’s just so dizzy pls.
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━━ would be so fucking annoying. who the hell let them in this room? why did you agree to this? how are you going to raise a child with them? regrets. so many regrets. 
tanaka ryūnosuke; he’s like annoyingly scared. shut up and calm down for a minute i’m trying to birth your child here. swears so much like “holy shit holy shit that’s a big baby.” like pls you’re trying to push it out of you and he has the audacity to say shit like that? treats it like it’s some sort of volleyball match like he cheers whenever the doctor praises you. maybe a 5/10 cause he’s just annoying, but it’s motivating in a way. accepts any insult you throw at him too, like he’s so on board with it. “yes, i’m absolutely a piece of shit— what do you mean you’re not getting anywhere near my dick babe wait.”
bokuto kōtarō; listen :( you don’t want to think he’s annoying but he lowkey is. he’s trying his hardest to make this an easier experience for you but you just need him to be a little quieter. like this hurts bo, calm down please. you want to match his energy but it’s literally physically impossible. he’s an 8/10 though because you doubt it’d have been possible to go through it without him. bokuto’s incredibly ripped too so he lets you hang onto him and he holds you tightly too, like grips your hands and legs so strong that it’s v physically supportive too. 
kozume kenma; he’s so. quiet. like say something kozume. say anything. he’s just wincing and cringing. 4/10 cause where’s the emotion. lets you hold his hand, like wow you should be honored. insults you back if you insult him???? like what’s that about???? when he sees his baby he does like, sharply intake a breath or whatever cause he doesn’t want to cry but he’s really struggling not to, which is kind of cute you guess. films the whole thing and does like a peace sign with a very nonchalant face but he has a filter on and the filter scans your face too except you’re like screaming. actually a 3/10. 
sugawara kōshi; he’s incredibly supportive yes, but mans will be laughing at you. laughing. at you. probably films you and is like properly giggling and laughing boisterously. is so unfazed by anything and everything he sees. he would so easily be a 10/10 but he becomes a -1/10 just cause he’s an ass. definitely like is breathless and is so mind-blown when he sees his baby. just in awe and in shock that he laughs like, “we made that holy crap.” good to have in the delivery room because he does make the atmosphere easier and more lighthearted, but,,, at what cost? your sanity’s. 
suna rintarō; the amount of times you wanted to punch him you cannot count on your ten fingers. makes some sex joke about how you’re so stretched out. you literally want to deck him. films the birthing process and makes you watch the video when you’re not even done delivering the baby? cause he’s insane i guess? justifies it as “this is a reminder of how strong you are,” like shut up with your bullshit. it’s kinda smart tho cause you can pull this on your kid later but still. he’s so fucking annoying. if you hold his hand too hard he’ll be like “it can’t be that bad stop being such a baby,” and the baby is delivered like an hour early out of spite. a 6/10 tho cause somehow you love him and decided to have a baby with him. 
ushijima wakatoshi; pt.2 to say fucking something??? he’s mostly quiet cause he doesn’t really know what to say, and cause he’s never seen you in this much pain and it’s kind of shocking him. he’s not scared though, cause it’s like, a natural process of human life and the life cycle and all that stuff, he’s just like. taking time to process it. lets you hold his hand though. also if you wanna like give up halfway through he’s annoyingly angry with you like “no. you can’t just give up halfway. stop being a coward.” like why don’t you give it a try toshi??? a 5/10. could do better. 
terushima yuuji; so hyperactive that it’s infuriating. doesn’t even hold your hand, he just stands back and observes and like cheers. literally will jump every time you push, like what the fuck, my love? makes really weird comments like “what does it feel like? does it feel like you’re pooping?” like???? it feels like i’m being torn in half yu :D a 4/10 only cause when you ask if you can slap him he wholeheartedly agrees and the doctor cannot hold their laugh back. also definitely plays like the chika dance and makes the nurses do it with him. probably films a tiktok too. you’re going to kill him after. 
oikawa tōru; he’s trying so hard to be supportive and your backbone but he’s just so jittery and nervous. he’s not going to faint or get nauseous, but he literally cannot stay still. he’s so anxious it’s making you anxious. his hands are shaking when they grip yours, but honestly, completely unbiased of course, an 8/10, cause it really is so endearing. like he’s breathlessly and exasperatingly praising you and you can tell he’s near tears just gasping back sobs so ,,, maybe he’s not that annoying. but he is. he is annoying. a little. 
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━━ would be the best of the best. perfectly supportive. a lovely anchor. not too quiet, not too chatty. is so soft and gentle with you. you fall in love with them all over again. 
miya osamu; definitely a 10/10. husband material. he has a cloth that’s just patting away at your sweat. kisses your hand and knuckles. soothingly rubs at your thighs. tells you you’re doing great, that it’ll all be worth it. kisses your forehead. grins at you halfway through when you need that extra motivation. literally all the nurses and the doctor are swooning over him. he’s very nervous deep down but he won’t show it, not for a moment, for your sake. 10/10. can’t stress this enough. 
kita shinsuke; another king! so soft with you when you feel like giving up. just speaks to you in hushed tones like, “you’ve come this far, lovely. you can’t back out now. think of all the happy moments we’ll get to share just a few hours from now.” and you’re like “alright i’m sold.” completely unfazed by anything he sees. okay maybe a little fazed but he just kisses your forehead after sneaking a peak and tells you you’re doing wonderfully. 100000/10. imagine him as the father of your children???? like literally who else would you want????
aran ojiro; wow another inarizaki i sense a trend. except atsumu he’s a pussy. cheers you on quietly, holds onto your legs, breathes with you, smooths your hair back, literally just an angel. if you take a small break he just spends it quietly talking with you to get your mind off the pain. his knuckles are just caressing your jaw and cheek softly till you’ve calmed down. 10/10 obviously. he’s just the right amount of loud supportive and quiet supportive. kisses you full on the mouth when he first hears his baby’s cries and can’t stop thanking you. literally wtf he’s so cute.
kuroo tetsurō; he’s actually surprisingly very serious when you’re delivering the baby. he’s cracking jokes and all before to try and get you less nervous but it’s actually because he’s freaking out. he’s mostly quiet, just holding onto your hand as tightly as you’re gripping his. he holds his breath every time you push. keeps whispering i love you and pressing kisses to your temple. a 9/10 cause he’s so quiet it’s a little scary but he cannot hold back his tears when he sees his baby. kisses you all over your face after. 
satori tendō; very emotional. like so emotional. he’s teary eyed the whole time, just thanking you even if you hadn’t given birth yet. it makes the nurses cry too cause it’s so lovely to see him get so visibly affected by this. he’s just whispering thank you’s and i promise not to let you down ever and i promise to love you forever and you’re pretty sure he’s speaking to the baby you’re birthing at this point. 9/10 cause he made you cry :( no but really he’s a 10/10. super loving, keeps asking you if you’re okay, if you need water, need to hold his hand, anything. angel, fr. 
matsukawa issei; relatively surprising as well because you expected him to be more than just annoying, but he’s just. in awe. he’s so amazed by how much you’re going through, and he just stores it in the back of his brain. literally thanks you for the next 50 years to come. laughs endearingly with you to lighten the mood. 9/10. a point is deducted because he jokingly said that now you’ll be able to take his dick really easily. a nurse choked in shock pls. gets real close after to whisper i love you so that only you can hear. he’s just a dream <3
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━━ would not let you move an inch after giving birth. all the work is on them for the next 5 years. 
all of them. not a single one is left out in this one. they’re annoying but ,,, they all love very strongly <3
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end note; listen idk what this is. i had a vision where iwaizumi could not handle his s/o giving birth and the thought was actually so sweet to me, just the nurses laughing at him and he’s just breathing deeply to try and not throw up and then. this happened. anyways. this helped put me in a better mood so i hope it does/did for anyone else too! 
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spaceorphan18 · 6 years ago
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Finding Kurt Hummel: Homecoming
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Masterpost
6x02: Homecoming
I really need to knock the rest of these out -- hopefully soon I will! But man, there’s a lot more in season 6 than you might realize.  A lot of these episodes are pretty packed.  
At the beginning of the episode, we get a lot more Blaine-meta-ish things, and the one thing I’d like to pull from it is that Blaine’s getting therapy.  Yup, that’s right, both these boys are getting their heads checked by a professional - and that’s a good thing! Look, I don’t think Kurt and Blaine are going to live a 100% perfect and happy life-  no couple can accomplish that, but the fact that they’re both trying to better themselves is a huge thing, and recognizing that is a step forward in becoming adults (I mean, not even adults make the best choices to better their mental health).  So yeah, they might not patch up things perfectly, but I think there’s a lot of subtext (cause Glee’s always been subtext) that shows they’re both in better places by the time season 6 starts. 
The New Monday Night Dinner
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So, because Will is a character again (ug) we start having Monday night dinners at his place (ug, ug).  Okay, it’s not really that - but he’s supposedly having all the show choir directors over for a friendly chat? How convenient that they’re all former students.  And why is Sam there? You know what - I’m not gonna think too hard about this. 
The main thing is that Rachel and Kurt are already having issues being co-directors because it’s Rachel and Kurt. 
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And then Blaine arrives and Kurt feels super awkward about it.  I mean how do you act when you’ve dumped the person you love the most in the world and now have to be in a semi-casual social situation with them with your former teacher, former roommate whom your ex once made out with and who will some day carry your child, and former dude whom you both had a crush on.  This show is weird guys.  
Anyway, Kurt’s actually happy to see Blaine - even if Blaine is totally ignoring Kurt’s there.  And then Will turns the conversation to ‘everyone be nice to each other’, which lasts about five seconds when they try to give Blaine some advice about a girl being in the Warblers and Blaine is unsure about it.  It’s awkward.  But hanging out with your ex whom you aren’t actually speaking to at this moment is always gonna be awkward.  
Getting the Gang Back Together
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Um, what even is this outfit trying to say, Kurt?  Are you the colorful walking dead? 
Anyway - Rachel and Kurt start their tenure as semi-teachers by organizing sheet music.  And let’s just say it -- they both have the most absurd way of doing it.  Just -- no, genre than artist, that’s it you weirdos.  But of course, Kurt would do it by emotion.  
You know what - say what you will about Kurt and Blaine’s communication -- Rachel and Kurt have by far less communication going on.  They’ve worked for two hours at ‘organization’ before they realized they were doing two different things.  Oh Hummelberry.  
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Anyway, we get another argument from them - cause that’s what they do best.  And Kurt basically says what should have been said hours ago - that this is pointless without members.  However, if he’s doing his work study here (don’t ask me to define what exactly his work study is - I don’t get it either), shouldn’t he be proactive, too, in getting kids to sign up?  And what’s with the defeatist attitude Kurt? Kid’s still got issues relating to his break-up.  
(It’s also times like these that I do wish we had gotten a final career related story for Kurt, but alas, all the things we never had). 
Anyway, Kurt storms out as he usually does when having a fight and made his point.  
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So - after a scene of Rachel following a disembodied voice to the men’s locker room -- we get Kurt meeting her in the auditorium and, sigh, apologizing for hurting her feelings.  Again.  Cause he’s never done that before.  
I think I’m tired of Hummelberry, guys.  
Anyway - weirdly, he apologizes for the things he said in the previous scene about her life.  Which, um, is weird - cause he didn’t actually take any personal shots at her -- which means they edited out some extra dialogue.  Man, I wish they had left that in - but can’t be too mean to Rachel.  
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Anyway - Rachel says, yeah, they have to be proactive in getting people to join us - so she’s pulled in some favors.  Idk why Kurt is so -- who did you bring in Rachel?!?  He could have easily figured it out.  
Well everyone is all the former cast members who are still living and aren’t really part of the main cast anymore.  It’s Homecoming - so it seems fitting.  Though, I have to say.  Everyone looks like they’ve aged about ten years -- which isn’t a bad thing, it just means this little coda of a season would have felt better placed much further in the future.  
Anyway - Kurt’s surprised and happy to see all his old friends.  I have to say though - I miss that Blaine isn’t there.  I know he can’t because plot and the fact they’re trying to reset back to season 2 but still. 
Anyway - who cares if any of this makes sense, we have the gang back together again. 
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Go they gather everyone in the choir room and explain that they need help getting the kids to join.  And Kurt’s super frigidity.  Huh.  I think there’s some room to explore Kurt as someone who is an anxious kid with minor OCD tendencies.  Cause that feels very apparent here.  
It’s funny that they rattle on about how much they need their friends to band together and save glee club because the school needs it -- when really, both Rachel and Kurt need it.  I mean, that is kind of the point of this season, but...  it’s just interesting to think about.  I mean, it’ll come full circle when Kurt talks about choosing another path to take at the end of the season.  They both hit rock bottom and now they’re looking for something to fill the space that will help them get back on the right track.  And their cause is saving the glee club.  
Hm.  It’s just interesting that this season of Glee is kind of one last stop in Lima before going out in to the world to really be the person you’re supposed to be.  I’m sorry the story wasn’t developed a tad more (except in the case of Rachel) but that’s what it is.  It’s almost fitting, then that I’m wrapping these up with the same kind of mentality.  It’s nice to have that one last thought and move on.  Anyway -- I’m getting meta on myself, lol... 
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So - their brilliant plan is to sing in the school - cause that’s always worked in the past, lol.  And they do an 80s classic - because it’s Glee and the last season and Ryan Murphy has to get in all those hits that he didn’t use yet. 
But I think what stands out to me about this performance is that it’s less about the lyrics (which I don’t think make much sense anyway) and more about the visual style.  They’re recreating the music video, yes, but also adding the same elements of style used in the video -- the whole running from the police (Sue) thing, and it’s really pretty cool.  
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You can’t get a really good luck at Kurt’s 80s outfit - but here it is, and this goober is just having a lot of fun dancing on the tables and singing in his high register.  It’s nice that they’ve now fully incorporated Chris’s voice into the group numbers -- especially when he’s not going to be singing much on his own.  
Gay Legacy
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So, I guess later that day, Kurt goes to try to recruit the gay football player.  Cause, damn, if Ryan Murphy still is clinging on to his closested football player issues.  I really don’t know why Kurt’s wasting his time -- Spencer obviously doesn’t want to be a part of the team, nor have we seen any indication that he actually has some kind of performing arts talents.  But I suppose this scene is supposed to be a commentary on the current state of the LGBT community.  
Actually, that’s exactly what it’s about and it’s kinda fascinating.  The thing about this conversation is to show just how far things have come from 2009.  Society has become more accepting of the LGBT community (obviously, it’s got a long ways to go - but from when Glee started, a lot of progress has been made).  And we’re now here talking about different types of LGBT people.  Kurt can’t and isn’t the catch all for gay anymore - that definition has widen (even if it’s always been that wide and diverse, we can now, as a society, have that conversation).  And now even gay kids can have various inspiration to pull on - it doesn’t have to be musicals, it can be Modern Family.  And that even though Kurt and Spencer share a preference for men, doesn’t make them any more similar than any other two guys. 
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So, yeah, it’s interesting that this scene (and the following one that Kurt’s not in) has less to do with the story and recruitment, as it is Glee’s usual way of knocking down the fourth wall and saying - yeah, okay so we’re not relevant like we used to be, but we did have an impact.  
Meanwhile, in actual story time - we get to remember that Kurt was once on the football team -- and learn that Spencer is an asshole, and I’m still not sure why Kurt’s trying so hard to recruit him. 
Recruitment
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Kurt next pops up when Brittany is giving him advice on how to win Blaine back -- which involves burning all his clothes (yes, nude Kurt) but getting normal clothes (um, he’s been dressing ‘normally’ for a while now), and then being honest with him (yes do that!) about being a Barbara Bush impersonator (wtf Brittany?).  Kurt’s equally confused as the rest of us and moves on with his life as he should.  
However - I have to wonder - did they know at this point that Brittany was gonna try to get them back together? I have no idea.  None of Brittany’s actions make sense most of the time, so I shouldn’t think too much about it. 
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Meanwhile - the main issue is that they’ve all failed to recruit members - mostly because none of them really know what they hell they’re doing.  But then Roderick’s magical voice floats through the vents (sure) and they’re all mystified and run to go find him.  
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They find Roderick in the library - and why do they all look terrifying in this scene?  Come join the cult - Roderick, lol.  Anyway - they get a new member.  
And I’ll take a second and talk about the season 6 newbies - who are actually pretty interesting.  They aren’t cut from the same cloth of the originals as the season 4 newbies, their story lines all converge with existing characters, and we’re not forced to sit through any awkward love triangles.  They served a function and it worked, too bad this didn’t happen way back in season 4 - the show might have lasted longer. 
And then we get a long speech about what it is to be in glee.  Cause apparently we needed that reminder.  Kurt doesn’t say anything but nod in the background as other people give speeches.  Ah yes, we’re back in season 1 again aren’t we. 
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Roderick auditions for Glee -- cause tradition - and Kurt... doesn’t really do anything.  But he’s there looking pretty so... 
First Meeting
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So, ha, okay.  Roderick is their only recruit and he shows up and Kurt has this nice speech about how you can’t go back again, but maybe you can make something new and better out of the ashes of the old thing.  And I think that’s kind of cool -- because it’s not just about glee or his career, but about his relationship with Blaine.  Like I said earlier, even though they’re all home again, the point is to go in a, god help me, new direction -- one that’s better than before, and as we’re coming to the ending of the show, I kind of like that there’s a sentiment that says - yeah you can and are allowed to start over and do things again.  Second chances are a thing. 
However, they’re stopped quickly because Blaine comes in, screaming about how Jane was poached by Rachel and will now be in New Directions instead of the Warblers.  Blaine, who is clearly still angry (and very confused about his emotions) at Kurt blames Kurt for making it all happen -- which is ridiculous, but c’mon Kurt, Blaine’s allowed to have some residual issues.  Kurt even tries to say that it’s fine because the Warblers have a lot of people and New Directions don’t - but Blaine’s pushing back.  Which is actually a good thing, tbh, even if he is a little off the handle here.  Blaine’s no longer going to be a doormat - and that works much better for the balance of he and Kurt in the long run.  
Kurt and Blaine are on their way to being on equal footing again, but here there’s still a lot of pain that hasn’t been healed yet.  Subtext!! 
Homecoming
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Alright, so official glee club has started! And they get two more members as the weird cheerleader twins join.  And it’s all happiness and joy as this new/final chapter has officially begun. 
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And then we get the final number - Home - where Kurt gets to sing in his lovely lower register.  :D  And the Homecoming celebration officially starts.  It’s a little weird to see the kids doing something so high school normal, lol, but hey it’s a fun time to celebrate.  
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So, um, Kurt, Sam, and Artie go spy on Spencer because -- tradition? I mean, that’s one of the themes of episode.  Let’s go with tradition. 
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Anyway, being back is actually kinda bittersweet for Kurt because being back home means that there are still a lot of unresolved issues from the past to deal with. 
Blaine and Karofsky are there - and Blaine is intentionally not looking at Kurt, as Kurt looks like he’s been stabbed in the heart watching from afar.  The song plays on - Home is when I’m with you.  Well, Rachel and Mercedes and McKinley is home, but there’s a bit ‘home’ that’s missing in Kurt’s heart.  We’re gonna get there - but we do have a little ways to go. ;) 
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