#but there’s so much that like. does not know or care about the doctor at all

[justmeinadaze]

Not Alone Part 2 (Medication)(Eddie X You)

A/N: This is what I mentioned writing the other night and is a part to this ask here.

I want to say that I have had so many experiences with medications since I was diagnosed with my mental health issues in 2016. I had watched it help people like myself after so many trials and errors and I've watched it hurt people to their core. I've been physically hurt to the point where I was vomiting and curled up on the bathroom floor. I've had pills that messed with my brain chemistry to the point a friend found me sobbing on the floor terrified I was going to die. All that fun stuff and to be honest the worst part was no feeling heard.

I would tell doctors how much pain I was in and they would tell me it was normal. After a couple of days I would tell them something wasn't right and I was told to give it more time. It wasn't until 2019 I finally found a doctor who worked with me and realized that my brain and stomach are extremely sensitive to meds and we have to start on the lowest doses first before moving up. Ive been on my current set of pills since then and it's changed my life.

Of course, mental health meds don't fix everything and I was suggested a vitamin that help with calming your mind. Yesterday, I took and what the reader feels about her quiet mind is how I felt. I didn't know what to do with myself. Honestly, I just wanted to be held and told everything is ok.

But yeah, my advise to you is trust your gut. If you want to take medication and notice somethings off voice your concern. If you don't like what a drug does or how it affects you, say something. DO NOT let a doctor walk all over you. If I've learned anything over the last few years, it's that all doctors are human and like humans...they make mistakes and can be assholes.

Warnings: Mentions of mental health concerns, details on medication symptoms (tummy ache, vomiting, change in personality, quiet mind), feels of "being a bother" More then anything this is Eddie taking care of you and him making sure you're ok. Mr. White Knight <3.

Word Count: 1579

“Ok and what should we be on the lookout for?”, Eddie asks as his hand remains intertwined with yours. 

The doctor you had just met at the insistence of your family heavily exhaled as your boyfriend asked him another question that seemed to annoy him. 

“Look, Mr. Munson, she’s going to be fine. This medication helps so many people to be relaxed and quiet their mind. At most, she’ll be so relaxed that you both will get a good night’s sleep. Now, I do have other patients waiting.”

As he begins to walk the door, the metalhead starts to follow before you grab his elbow and pull him back. 

“Stop it, freak.”, you tease as he tosses you a smile back. 

“Hey, I just want to know that you’re safe. I don’t like seeing you in pain or anything. I know your depression tells you no one cares but I do.”

Beaming up at him, you pull his lips to yours as he wraps his arms around you to hug you to his chest. 

***

“Y/N? How are you feeling so far, baby?”

It had been about an hour since you took the antidepressant the doctor recommended and Eddie noticed within 5 minutes of taking it your entire body language changed. You seemed…heavier…as if there was a weight baring down on you and folding your frame. 

His careful eyes followed you around the trailer as you silently grabbed a water bottle and sat cross legged on the couch to watch tv. The thing was…he could tell in your eyes that you weren’t really paying attention. You seemed to be looking through the tv instead of comprehending anything going on. 

“I’m…I’m ok.”

“Can you give me more than that, please?”, Eddie asked as he sat down beside you.

“I’m…calm. I don’t feel anything really. Like…I’m relaxed but…I kind of just want to curl up into a ball.”, you mumble raising another red flag in his brain. 

“Why is that do you think?”

“It’s going to sound dumb.”, you sigh as you hang your head. 

“Hey.”, he coos as his fingers lift your chin. “Nothing you say is dumb to me. I’m a freak remember?”

Eddie smirks at the sound of your laugh but even that sounds out of place. This particular metalhead was never a fan of medication. He believed it worked and helped people but in his experience it made things worse. His uncle once tried to put him on ADHD medication when he was a boy and promptly took him off it when he noticed his nephew’s personality completely change. In later years, weed helped calm him down along with his music and creating a campaign for Hellfire. 

You had told him once, you struggled with finding your purpose. Your family made you believe that paying bills and working a desk job is normal. It’s the only thing in realty that was attainable.

With him, he showed you a new world that you absolutely loved and encouraged you to try new things like writing or learning an instrument for yourself. Since you had started seeing him, you felt like someone cared and put you first, constantly making you feel wanted and seen. 

Throughout your time together, he watched a personality unfold that made him fall more in love with you every day and truth be told he was terrified that medication would strip that away but if it could help you be happy and achieve your dreams than he was open to the idea.  

“My mind…has never been quiet. As far as I can remember something’s been…buzzing around in there, you know? This…this scares me…I don’t know…what to do with the silence.”

Eddie’s heart cracks listening to your explanation as he pets your head and kisses your temple. 

“Well, sweetheart, things will never be silent with me as your boyfriend.”

Giggling, you crawl into his lap and melt into his embrace as he softly plays with your hair.

***

Three hours later the energy changed as you felt a pain in your stomach you had never felt before. Rushing to the bathroom, you threw up over and over again as Eddie held your hair back. 

“Everything’s ok, baby.”, he whispered before turning his attention to the phone next to his ear. “No, I don’t fucking care that he’s not there! Then give me another fucking doctor to talk to. My girlfriend hasn’t stopped throwing up in the last thirty minutes. I refuse to believe that’s fucking normal!”

“Look, sir, there’s nothing we can do about it over the phone and like I said with mental health medication, it is common for it to cause the symptoms she’s experiencing. After a while, they will go away.”

“What is ‘a while’?”

“Usually after 2 weeks, your body gets used to the—”

“Oh, hell no! You’re saying she’s going to be in this much pain for that long?! What about her job, her life, her fucking sanity!? Aren’t these pills supposed to help with the depression!? How does that help!?”

“Eddie…”, you cry as you try to reach for his arm to calm him down. 

“Listen, we have an opening for you to see her doctor tomorrow morning. Bring her in and we can take a look.”

“Yeah we’ll do that.”, he sasses before hanging up the phone. “Here, sweetheart. Drink some of this water and then we’ll go lay down ok?”

“I’m sorry.”, you sob causing him to grab a tissue to wipe your eyes. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for—”

“I’m causing problems. I’m making things difficult for you—”

“No, baby, No. Listen to me, Y/N. The only thing that’s difficult for me is watching you hurt like this. I knew that fucker wasn’t taking you seriously. I swear to God when we get in there tomorrow—”

“Please…I just wanna lay down.”

Nodding, Eddie careful lifts you and lays you in his bed, bringing the covers up over your frame. After placing a trashcan by the bed and the water on his nightstand, he crawls in behind you and pulls you into his arms, gently kissing your shoulder as he listens to your breath. 

***

“Alright, Miss Y/L/N, now I heard you were having some symptoms in regard to the medication and—”

“She’s not taking that bullshit anymore. Check her over and make sure she’s not dehydrated or needs a hospital and then you can fuck off.”, Eddie growled from his place in front of you like the protector he was. 

“Listen there’s no need for—”

“There’s a huge fucking need. She came to you for help and you just toss any drug at her without really speaking to her about her history?! You didn’t properly warn her about the side effects. Trust me, the most that happened wasn’t ‘a good night’s sleep’. She threw up half the fucking night and sobbed in arms. Do you know what that’s like?! Having someone you love being in pain and feel so fucking helpless?!”

The doctor cleared his throat as he sighed. 

“She said it calmed her mind but to an extent she didn’t know how to handle. You don’t just thrust someone into that. You have to ease them in so they don’t get overwhelmed. You should know that…or did years in medical school strip you have your humanity and common fucking sense?”

“Let, um, let me look her over here.”

Eddie’s intense eyes watched the doctor as he checked you out and you confirmed you felt better since you didn’t take the pill again for day 2. 

“She seems fine and one day on the drug won’t hurt her mentally. I recommend a day to rest and then she’ll be as she was.”

The metalhead, seemingly satisfied with his answer, took you in his arms and gently placed you on the tile. 

“I’m not trying to be a dick, doctor. She’s been through so much already and all by herself. Lord knows I’m not perfect but if I can help her I will. You dropped the ball here, sir, and I hope you don’t again.”

***

“Thank you.”, you murmur as your arms wrap tighter around him while you both lay in bed listening to the music and the rain outside. “For standing up for me. My family and doctors always treat me like I’m being overdramatic.”

“No, baby, you’re not. You deserve to be heard. My mom’s medication used to make her sick all the time and she would brush it off saying it was part of the process. I know they helped her with her pain but…”

“Will you help me look into maybe some alternatives? Something that can help me without changing or hurting me? Or maybe we can find a doctor that will work with me…”

“Of course, sweetheart.”, he coos as he kisses your forehead. “You’re not an inconvenience or a problem by the way. You say that a lot when you’re low. I really do like helping you and or taking care of you. You’ve always been there for me and I see how you are with other people including some that don’t deserve your kindness. You deserve to have someone help you take the reins from time to time.”

“What did I do to deserve you, Eddie Munson?”, you smile up at him. 

His chest vibrates as he laughs and grins down at you. 

“I don’t know. Probably some voodoo chant or dance or something.” 

##########

Eddie Asks

[jellyskink]

Just another Manic Muesday (Sorry I couldn't think of a better title lol.)

"Alright Dr. Pines, I'm pleased to report that your lab results for your bloodwork have finally been logged and updated to our medical system since the last we saw each other."

"H-huh? Oh! I'm certainly glad to hear that Dr. Oleander! Forgive me, I'm afraid my mind was wandering just now."

Sunshine shown through the windows of the medical doctor's office, bathing parts of the room with it's comforting warm rays. Outside, leaves of different colors and types scattered in the breeze with an air of playfullness to them. It was truly a lovely autumn day.

At least... it was as lovely as it could get lately. When it wasn't the occasional inanimate object coming to life to either cause mischief, panic, harm, or all of the above, the slowly randomizing weather definitely made it trickier to enjoy nature. 

Quite literally the other day it was a record-breaking freezing winter, followed the day after by a sweltering summer so hot that not only could you fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you could fry the chicken that laid it as well if you wanted to.

"That's quite alright, I just wanted to let you know that we did find some rather... interesting results."

"What kind of results? A-anything my Muse should be concerned over? I must inform him if there's anything that would cause him to worry over me!"

"Er, it's nothing as dire as that I assure you. I moreso wanted to let you know that in comparison to your first blood test, there's improvement to your overall health! I'm really proud of you that you're making progress."

"O-oh um thanks I suppose? I don't believe it's because of my choices truthfully. If it wasn't for my Muse's instance and kindness about my health I don't believe I could've done it on my own!"

"Dr. Pines I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, only those who want help can accept it as they always say..."

"No, no! I'm serious! I'm truly thankful he's been stern that I see Stanley on a regular basis!

 I'm quite forgetful with taking care to see him regularly. Stanley's always worried about me, it pains me to see him filled with grief whenever I'm unable to talk to him for a bit due to my Muse and I's busy schedule.

Without him I'm sure my health and relationship with my Brother would be absolutely horrible!"

"..."

"Dr. Oleander? Is something the matter? You aren't speaking to me as much as you usually do."

"Forgive me Dr. Pines, I'm just a bit conflicted right now. I've just got a lot on my mind as well. On a similar subject, I do want to apologize for overstepping my boundaries with talking to you about your relationship with Mr.Cipher."

"..."

"I-it's fine. I know you didn't mean to be so crude on purpose. My Muse and I's relationship is often a subject to many due to it's complex and sublime love."

"Yes I believe you're right... Forgive me Doctor, I have a tendency to involve myself too much in my work."

"You d-don't need to apologize for that! It's a quality my Muse approves of you for! He wouldn't let just anyone treat any medical problems I have, the fact you have his trust is a sign you're great at what you do Doctor Oleander."

"... I appreciate your reassurance, though it still isn't very professional of me to be so casual with my speech with you about my troubles with my confidence as a medical practitioner."

"I don't mind! I swear!! I-I think you're a lot like the plant you share your surname with."

"I'm sorry?"

"Y-you know, Oleander? Also known as Rosebay? It's a perennial shrub and tree known and loved for it's vitality, resilience, and beauty. 

My Muse likes the fact every part of it is poisonous, it's definitely a kicker that's certain!

Personally I love the fact that certain species of caterpillars use the plant as both a food source and a way to defend themselves against predators! 

In particular, there's a species of moths known as the Oleander Hawk Moth, that does this! It's a very interesting and rare kind of Moth to see! I personally consider it to be one of my favorites!"

"Haha! Is that so? W-well thank you Doctor for that compliment and the accompanying fact."

"..."

"Ick are you two nerds just about done being boring together?"

"O-oh! Mr. Cipher! My apologies! We were just about done with Dr. Pine's appointment. It's my fault for taking longer than usual with his appointment..."

"You know Doco? Normally I'd be furious buuut this does mean Sixer finally has a buddy to talk about his more boring nerd things with! 

Congrats! You've redeemed yourself from me needing to find Sixer a new doctor!

This is definitely a blessing in disguise for me as you humans say! Now, be a doll and tell Sixer to hurry on home now? We've got places to be and mayhem to cause!"

"Of course Mr.Cipher. I'll be sure to do that right away."

"Oh and Doco before I forget, just know that I'll be keeping a closer eye on the time in the future. Fordsy's on a pretty tight schedule you know! I'd hate to have to CUT into both you and him over not keeping track of time. 

Although that would mean I'd have the chance to change things up when my pet needs a reminder that he needs to behave... And I would have the chance to really see how your meatsacks work without needing to worry about needing to harm a hair on Sixer's head... 

Whoops did I say that out loud? Haha! My bad! Anyways, pleasure talking with you Doco! Byee!!"

"Ugghh..."

"Dr.Pines! Er, I'm sorry to have to cut this conversation short, but Mr.Cipher has requested I let you know that you've been out for a while and must return back to him as quickly as you can."

*Gasp* "O-Oh no! Please forgive me my Muse! I didn't mean to forget to watch the time! I'll be home soon!! ThankyouforyourtimeDr.OleanderbutIsimplymustbegoing!!"

"Dr.Pines, I'll have your meds refilled and ready by hopefully the end of today!!"

*Sigh* "I really need to think about changing professions..."

(Just as soon as she says this, Mcgucket falls out of a tree very ungracefully, scampering after Ford. 

"???"

"What the-? Okayyy and now cowboy hillbillies are just falling out of trees now. Why am I surprised?? 

I'm going home early today, I deserve it. It's too early for this. I can't wait to just go back to bed and hug Calamari soon..."

(I hope you likes my attempt at some fanfiction! I wasn't sure if I should write it like a book or like a visual novel. The font stuff is probably really wonky because I typed this all around 1am and on my phone so my apologies for that lol.

I'm glad you liked my idea at trying to write some fanfiction about your au's Ford and Irene. Or would it be friendfiction in this case?? Anyways, I think I like the platonic route too. Maybe if Ford and Irene were to be a ship it'd be a friends to lovers thing or something? Idk. I was thinking about writing a more Irene and Calamari focused sequal to this, but I'm not sure if I should? Idk lmaoo.)

THIS ANON WROTE A REALLY CUTE FRIENDSHIPPING FIC OF FORD AND OLEANDER looklooklook it's so cuuuuuute 💕

[dollcherray]

ㅤㅤ౨ৎ LETS DROP THE BEAT ⟡ ݁₊ .

₊⊹ TF2 MERCS WITH LUCIO READER

౨ৎ Pst! Cherry says: hello, it's been a while, i've been feeling better these days, but to refrain from feeling burn out again, I'll keep the requests closed and write some fanfics to cope for some time, hope this is okay<3 this was inspired by @papil0nglegs , make sure to check out some of their work 🫶🏼 (little bonus at the end)

｡𖦹° Type: Romantic/platonic, fluff, headcanons, reader isn't necessarily male, just has the same abilities as Lucio but can be seen as any gender u want <3

✧₊⁺ Characters: Scout, Medic and Spy.

♡ Song: PUNK TACTICS

⟡ ݁₊ . SCOUT

౨ৎ He's very normal about you. (he's not)

౨ৎ When Scout first met you, he was already really into your style and personality itself, finally someone who could keep up with his electric self! you two were inseparable at the moment you were put together.

౨ৎ Not only Scout likes your personality as a whole, he enjoys your way of battling, he finds it fun and its refreshing to hear some other noise other than the constant screaming and chaos of the battlefield.

౨ৎ Everytime he needs healing now he'll go to you for help, Medic also thanks you almost everyday from saving him from hearing "DOC!!" in that damn boston accent everyday, all day.

౨ৎ Is amazed by your social skills and how quick you are to befriend (almost) everyone in the team, Scout himself is a social guy but you just beat him easily.

౨ৎ So he matches your energy SO MUCH, everytime you go: "Lets do this team" or something of the genre, Scout always go: "HELL YEAH!!! U KNOW!" he loves when u do that.

౨ৎ Sometimes y'all race in the middle of the battle just for the fun of it, sometimes you win, sometimes he wins, but its always fun for both of you either way.

౨ৎ "Can't stop, wont stop!" "Hey! that's my line!"

⟡ ݁₊ . MEDIC

౨ৎ He's... neutral about you.

౨ৎ While Medic thinks your way of battling weird, he is quite fond of your way of healing, it's efficient and quick, but its kind of a bummer have to keep up with you in order to heal, and keeping up with you is something only Scout can pull off.

౨ৎ This old man also thinks your boom box so annoying, everytime you're near him, he gets an headache, seriously, Medic sometimes gets angry at how "unnecessarily" loud you are, but he doesn't say anything cuz he knows you don't really care about his annoyance anyways.

౨ৎ But like i said: you have some points with him for saving him from Scout: Medic could feel himself aging 3x faster just from hearing Scout calling him.

౨ৎ Doesn't really Uber you since you're also on the healing side too, so he thinks it would be a waste, maybe he would if you asked for i but if not Medic won't even cogitate.

౨ৎ I have to say: Medic's a bit jealous of your tech and healing skills, but his pride would never allow him to admit it, usually would just try to do something alike in secret, if you catch him, doc's going to deny it to the end.

౨ৎ Medic finds you polite too, a bit too electric, but polite, even when he ends up envying your tech and whatnot... you always is positive towards the old doctor.

౨ৎ Not much to say, this man is cool with you.

౨ৎ "You ready doc?" "Let's do this mein Freund"

⟡ ݁₊ . SPY

౨ৎ Oh please stop.

౨ৎ You guys are polar opposites, while he's all sneaky and silent, you're all intense and loud, he HATES that, is it so hard for you to keep it down??

౨ৎ Sometimes he asks himself how do you even is one of the most efficient mercs, Spy thinks the way you work is so unprofessional.

౨ৎ You two have beef and it shows, everytime you two ends up interacting in the battlefield you always got some funny remark to make about him, and so does he.

౨ৎ You may or may not blow up his plan of sneaking behind enemies by making noise to startle the enemy, consequently getting him eliminated.

౨ৎ Spy is getting gray hairs just from people mentioning you, another one that always ends up with headaches because of your music, but unlike Medic he voices his annoyance, but again: you do not care, so you just mock him.

౨ৎ You also sometimes switch your healing area to speed when Spy tries to enter it to heal himself, and your little smug ass go: "We need a healer!" while spy is just 🧍🏼

౨ৎ Spy labels you the #1 stressful merc to be around now, making Scout go to 2nd place! congrats 🎉

౨ৎ "Must you always be so loud?" "not my fault you don't like music."

⟡ ݁₊ . BONUS !!

⟡ ݁₊ . Little interactions dialog you have with them<3

౨ৎ "Yo Scout, you killing it with that bat!" "And ur killing with those skates!"

౨ৎ "We need a healer!" "Very professional..."

౨ৎ "Lets pump this battlefield!" "I like your enthusiasm mein freund."

[venomwrites]

Caitlyn waiting for Vi to wakeup.

Warnings: Spoilers for Ep. 8

“She’s alive?” 

The doctor looks surprised at her sharp, desperate inquiry. Caitlyn could care less about his opinions. For the money she’s throwing at him, he should have none. The doctor nods. 

“Yes. She’s stable,” he continues, “they are going to clean her up—“

“No,” Caitlyn cuts in, “I’ll do it,” the doctor hesitates, “my father is a doctor,” Caitlyn reminds him sternly, “I know what not to touch.”

The doctor hesitates for only a moment longer before he nods. Someone leads her down a long hallway. Caitlyn reminds herself over and over that Vi is alive. Right now, that is the only thing that matters. It still takes her a moment to push open the door and step inside. 

The room is silent except for the beeps of monitors and the hiss of oxygen. Caitlyn can categorize all the numbers. They are stable. Barely. But understandable for someone who has just come out of major surgery. She knows that but it doesn’t make it any easier to approach the bed where Vi is laying. 

She looks like a stranger. 

Tubes snake from under the blanket to carry away waste. One peeks out from her ribs and drains into a rust colored bag of fluids. Above her are more bags. Liquids, blood, antibiotics. They snake through the clear tubing and into her arm. All Caitlyn can think of is how much she would hate this. 

Someone has left a tray with water and sponges. Caitlyn picks one up and wrings it out. She isn’t sure where to start. Brown antiseptic washes Vi’s chest, neck and face. It coats around the white bandage that wraps her head. There’s flecks of it underneath the oxygen mask that covers her face. 

Part of Caitlyn screams that she has no right to do this. No right to touch her after she shoved her away. She’s spent as many nights cursing her as she has longing for her. What right does she have to touch her? But then Caitlyn thinks how much Vi would hate people seeing her like this. Vi trusted he enough to at least try to work together. Caitlyn focuses on that. Jinx is imprisoned, Vander is dead. She’s the closest thing Vi has to a friend. Even if she is a poor excuse for one. 

She starts with her neck. 

Underneath the black greasepaint is the pale, tattooed woman Caitlyn remembers—and it’s not. There are new muscles that coil under Vi’s skin. Vi has always been strong and spent most of her life existing on a diet of prison food. Now she is solid muscle. Caitlyn gently moves the hospital gown to wipe at her chest. She takes care not to disturb the tube that drains the damage from the Noxian spear. 

She feels tears cloud her eyes as she works. 

It feels like her fault that Vi is laying here. No, it is her fault. She went along with Ambessa. She wasn’t fast enough to outsmart her. The knot of anger that has been loosening in her chest unravels faster as she wipes Vi’s leg. The best she can tell Vi hasn’t been taking care of herself. Of course she hasn’t. Caitlyn wanted to hurt her when she dumped her there. Now she feels like a child learning her actions have consequences. 

Before she can get to Vi’s shoulders, she turns to her hands. 

They’ve cut off the bandages Vi always wears. It’s the first time Caitlyn’s seen Vi’s bare hands. She hasn’t been taking care of them either. Some of the marks on her knuckles are pink and bright, they are new. That cracks something new in Caitlyn’s chest. Vi’s entire life is in her hands. Literally and proverbially. And because of Caitlyn they are littered with half healed marks and patches of raw skin. 

“Gods,” Caitlyn can’t quite contain the words, “I’m so sorry.” 

She dabs at her knuckles. Anger has clouded her judgement for so long. All she has wanted is Jinx. But looking at Vi’s mangled hand, Caitlyn knows she would trade anything to undo this. 

She slides a hand under Vi’s neck enough to clean the grease and antiseptic from her shoulders. Then her face. Until the only thing left is her hair. Caitlyn only hesitates a moment before she wipes the sponge across it. Of course the paint comes off. Of course it’s paint. Vi is right there under this hard shell. Just waiting. 

She is such a fool. 

She tucks the gown around Vi’s prone form and unfolds the blanket on top of that. She hopes Vi will open her eyes but she doesn’t. The puff of her breath against the oxygen mask and the beeps of the monitors are the only things that let Caitlyn know she is alive. 

But she is alive. 

Caitlyn doesn’t know why but she reaches into the cabinet and opens out a roll of gauze. She cradles Vi’s arm in her lap and winds it around the skin. Her forearms are the only unblemished part of her. Because they were locked around her sister as she covered her with her body. But Caitlyn wraps them anyway. If Vi wakes up she wants her to know someone thought of her preference. Even if she know Vi will be furious if she finds out it was her. 

Caitlyn draws the blanket up and tucks it around one shoulder. Even though she can hear it on the monitors, she leans forward and places her ear against Vi’s chest. Her heart beats steady against Caitlyn’s cheek. Her chest rises and falls evenly. It’s a drugged sleep but Caitlyn closes her eyes and tries to match it. That way if Vi’s heart stops again, maybe hers will too. She hopes when she opens her eyes Vi will be looking at her. But she doesn’t. 

Caitlyn lets herself look for just a moment. With the black paint stripped away, it’s the Vi she remembers who lays there. The Vi whose haunted her dreams since she left her. Everything in Caitlyn aches to touch her cheek. But she’s overstepped in so many ways. She settles for a press of fingers to Vi’s wrist before she forces herself up. She tucks Vi’s arm underneath the blanket and makes sure it is pulled all the way up. 

There are a thousand things Caitlyn wants to say. 

But words are cheap and Vi won’t hear them. She pushes the cart of cleaning supplies to the side and washes her hands in the bathroom. The greasepaint is stubborn under her fingernails. Even when she tries to scrape at it halfheartedly. She hates the dirtiness but it’s also fitting. Vi doesn’t deserve the stain, she does. Caitlyn allows herself one last look at Vi’s prone form before she leaves the room. 

“Commander?”

“We’re going to the bunker to see the prisoner,” she says, “tell them to expect us.” 

[aq2003]

ten

[spliqi]

higuchi thoughts of the day: as much as i love the idea of her having some devastatingly destructive ability… her having a healing/support ability would explain so much of her character. like. her high ranking in the mafia despite (as far as we know) not being extraordinarily strong. her assignment to akutagawa + his resentment of her + her being so overprotective of him. the irl author’s connection to mori and yosano. dw about it

[spiralmode]

wait im rewatching saw 2004 and as a germaphobe one of the cruelest things i had to watch adam endure was dig around in that toilet ("find anything?" "no solids!" 🤢) anyway so he had just taken out the play me tape out of a ziploc bag and that stuck with me because I was like okay that's something he could use idk for what but for something, and so then that toilet scene happens and im like yelling at my screen adam!!! no!!!!!!!!! use the ziploc bag as a glove ahhhhhhh !! but he just went right in there with only one small moment of hesitation

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

[laniidae-passerine]

see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back

[ficoandleo]

[Please convince your violent husband to use the sensory deprivation tanks at Darkwick General instead of committing crimes against his own body. I've already wrangled permissions for him to use them freely, he just needs to show up.]

@ask-doctor-isami

He starts to type 'He's not my husband' but concludes that it's besides the point and a waste of time to say. He knows who he means.

He hasn't done anything abnormally dangerous since then, but if I think he's acting strange again I'll see what I can do

Not that that BTH listens to me. But he might consider it more if I suggest it

On the other hand the more I think about it the more I don't know if leaving him alone with nothing but his thoughts is a good idea

He flies off the handle at random. He might just feel worse in there

Maybe he'll tell me why he doesn't like the idea at least

[therewithinthestars]

my brain feels fucking fried idont understand whats wrong anymore i dont know what to do

[perfektblau]

If 🔪 all those politicians, ceos, and those who perpetuate the nightmare American healthcare system that only exists to prey and profit off from human lives would stop it, I'd do it even if it means cutting down half of my lifespan or going to purgatory. If it means people won't have to suffer anymore, I would.

[innocet]

I don’t even like flux all that much but so much of empire of death felt like a poor man���s flux

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

sometimes I think about The Last and want to scream

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i love the way the doctor loves

[quietwingsinthesky]

the doctor also wouldn’t call even autistic simply because he doesn’t think about neurodivergence that way, a way that’s all human and categorized down into neat boxes. he references how others label him, like clara saying he’s adhd, with a sort of acknowledgement of it fitting but also a waving away of it as real explanation or an accurate view. even wouldn’t call themself autistic because they don’t know what autism is. (and the master also wouldn’t for the same reasons.) BUT. multiple of the doctor’s companions would pick it up. clara certainly would, clara would say it to even’s face (<- woman who has been masking so hard her whole life and literally doesn’t know how to stop anymore and Needs to point out when someone else isn’t Doing It Too.) donna would notice, too, mention it off-handedly to the doctor at some point like she’s not sure if he’s noticed even having difficulty when he’s already so weird himself.