#but thats not new i am so tired all the time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

squeakadeeks · 10 months ago

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moodboard for this past week ❤️

#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane #i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile #this week was just horrible #there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe #even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment #during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll #the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab #AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly #i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window #im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner #which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment #where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough #and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful #and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out #debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago

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I should've been sleeping before my flight but instead I drew Seb as Antinous :D

Reference + Commentary:

SEB IS MY MODERN DAY ANTINOUS, OKAY!? I WOULD DEIFY HIM IF I COULD!!!

But seriously I spent like an hour obsessing over statues of Antinous just thinking; "holy fuck, he reminds me so much of Seb???"

Big, pretty eyes? Check. Magnificent curls? Check. Beautiful side profile? Check. Etc etc.

I read this description of a statue and was instantly struck with "this is so Seb.":

"The body and face of this sculpture are in idealized youth, with plump cheeks and round face, and his hair is usually unkempt. Antinous's hair has also been described as artificial looking, even wig-like, because of how similar the placement of his hair is across statues. His youthful appearance, large eyes, pouting lips, and layered locks of hair over his forehead are some of the iconography that can be used to identify him"(x)

Also which AU of mine is this hmmm. It can be either the Renaissance Muse AU(x) or the random Roman Caesar Fernando AU(x) I drew it with the latter in mind(bcs its basis is literally just Hadrian and Antinous), but it's fun to imagine the Martian version as well!! Maybe an AU of an AU, where Mark is Pygmalion, and Seb is Galatea 🤭🤭

#I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY BRAIN #cant draw all week when i have limitless free time #and then when i should really be sleeping: boom suddenly can draw something again #i am so tired rn its horrible. my flight got delayed so ill try and get a bit of sleep but yeah....#HAPPY WITH THIS THOUGH #tried to color it regularly and i didnt like it so then i made it more marbley ykow #but now i cant stop thinking of seb as antinous #THERES SO MANY GOOD STATUES AND BUSTS AND THEYRE BOTH SO PRETTY AAAAHHHH #this is just the boy king statue all over again okay.....(nothing can be as good as that tho hahaha)#well yes anyways antinous = seb. thats my new historical thesis #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #f1 fanart #formula 1 fanart #catie.art.#sv5 #renaissance muse au

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maybe-drawing · 1 year ago

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Loosely inspired by Joel's New Life episode 5 thumbnail

Horses are harder to draw than they look

-- Click for better quality! Speeddraw and Details under the cut! --

Speeddraw :

youtube

Details:

#Freddy Draws #joel smallishbeans #joel smallishbeans fanart #smallishbeans #new life joel #new life smallishbeans #new life smp #I struggeled so much to upload that dang video #Oh well I am tired and its like nearly 11 pm here so sleep time #Also i really love this new origin #its not easy drawing a horse skeleton ill tell ya #this one is also not fully correct #but thats is okay #we love all marvins equally in this house #new life marvin #new life dan #nlsmp

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carcarrot · 2 months ago

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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces

#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well #considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all #in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story #yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount #and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops #but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me #i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative #which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career #im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation #:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long #but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is #anyway . im taking it well

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piplupod · 4 months ago

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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more #but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse #i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society #and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this #but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on #and everyone else is just painfully oblivious #I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao #when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak #and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much #i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind #and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it #im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings #but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel #and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard #and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person #i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time #like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people #i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe #Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything #and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them #and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly #like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl #i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well #my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things #and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!

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orcelito · 20 days ago

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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

#speculation nation #IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha #this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test #an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc #very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA #but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep #(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.

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mithomite · 7 months ago

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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia #tw transphobes

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aromanticannibal · 5 months ago

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ppl really b acting as if there's only one specific ship that has weird shippers that will complain about ppl not shipping their otp. it's literally always the case you either get fucked over for liking a gay ship or for liking a straight ship or for liking a toxic ship or people just start going "oh there's nothing wrong with the ship but the shippers💀" and you don't fucking know what they're talking about. like can we all just chill. the weird shippers r everywhere it's called some ppl are assholes sometimes. it's not fandom specific

#it's like with the “x ship sent death threats to the author!”#first of all : proof?#second of all: I've heard this for multiple diff ships that is not new that is not exclusive to one fandom or one ship.#sometimes ppl in fandom r too invested and do stupid shit #god #I'm sorry I doomscrolled another Instagram reel comment section #it's just. I'm so tired of ppl talking about mha's fandom as if it's the worst thing of all time?#first of all no its not? fucking chill?#second of all. if the fandom is ruining the show for you then genuienly get off the internet #third. so sorry but half of the time when ppl say the mha fandom is awful they're either calling it cringe (fandom is always cringe get over #it it's ok) they're complaining about everything being gay (so you're a homophobe ok. literally what is wrong with making character queer #ON OUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS OF THE STORY. DUDE.#)#or theyre just.... picking up random shit thats been rumored to have happened or that's just an isolated thing that happens all the time in #every fandom (refer to my earlier points)#genuienly. if the fandom pisses you off that much. get off the internet . block the tags. like for your health.#it's so annoying to try and look at mha stuff or even TALK IRL #WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE MHA #(i am not fucking with you this has happened)#and being told or reading that oh mha is fun but the fandom sucks :///#sorry you don't experience whimsy and are incapable of curating your own experience?#Jesus #(there's also the ppl who r like ugh mha is mid mha sucks in like comments of mha fan but like fuck these guys #you're entitled to your opinion I if you don't like mha that's fine I'm not going to throw eggs at you but like...#why do u feel the need 2 go into a comment section of stuff that is about mha to say that mha sucks actually and the author is bad and the #characters r badly written and blah blah blah. LEAVE ME ALONEEEE)#Anyway maybe one day I will finally leave Instagram but for now I can't bc fukcing. ppl r on there #mumblings//#rant

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l0rd-0f-c0ws · 2 months ago

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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun

#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much #anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events #ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people #or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know #ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD #welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on #surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like #yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part #to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably #not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day #yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name #this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this #and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it #and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly #but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me #or shown me much physical affection #my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on #but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while #ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit #i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart #then getting some footing #then it falling apart again #okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD #hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good #damn i gotta use that more #welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol

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phagodyke · 2 months ago

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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....

#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it #i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks #and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance #but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day #and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs #but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it #i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it #which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit #but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space #yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz #.diaries #hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse #very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 7 months ago

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So I'm an area director at a summer camp, but yesterday my boss called me and asked if I'd be down to be the director of two areas and I said yes without thinking about the consequences. So now I'm the director of two areas? That means two groups of staff to train and lead, two sets of lesson plans, two areas to teach at and make the schedule for and make the lesson plans for, two physical areas to set up. They're right next to each other, but this is going to be fucking insane

#the reason this is happening is because we dont have a dining hall director anymore because the first decided to take summer classes #and the second got a research position. so the director of the area that my area is right next to. volunteered to switch #so the camp director called me yesterday and was like 'this is all happening would you want to take on another area?'#so i would be director of both. with kind of a concentration in the new one. while my assistant director concentrates on the first one #but id still have to lead both staffs. teach at both. be available to both. do records for both. set up both #i start thinking about it and i always realize another thing thats gonna be weird about it #but on the bright side ive decided i cant do the 5 mile hike requirement for my old area #every thursday we do a five mile hike for our class because its for requirements. and i hate it cuz its hard lol #but i realized that it wouldnt really work out for me to be across the lake with one area and leave the other area directorless #so guess i cant do that! oh nooo /s #but i have to make two teaching schedules.whoch i started last night #i have to both teach a suitable amount in both areas but also have enough free time to be flexible and available for both #i am so tired already. and i just got this news yesterday #i was up until 5am because i was planning shit and then i layed awake anxious for another hour #also i watched the disruptors which admittedly got me to stay up pretty late too. the grant obrien and ally Beardsley movie #its very good. but mostly i stayed up late because i was trying to figure out being the director of two areas #i think about it for two seconds and i realize another reason itll be super hard. i have to introduce two staffs at the campfire #i have to talk about two areas at the leaders meeting. i have to learn a whole bundle of new merit badges #im so tired

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bibimbinge · 3 months ago

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tired of being called inconsiderate and rude the second I say something thats not exactly in a nice tone when my brain is working 3× more to be considerate of everyone and everything else 99% of the time.

#i feel like im actually going insane #my own sister backs up her husband (who i now see in a different light ((negative)) over me #and I was understanding at first. fine. maybe I do need to pick up after myself more maybe i am messy #and my friends and family even told me that because theyve brought it up so many times now maybe i am the problem and thats okay #so i. like yeah. okay i take up too much space. i'll step back. i stay out more. i'll clean my dishes right after i use them #i already do all that #and then today she DOES IT AGAIN!! and i broke down cause she basically said this is the last warning #you need to start looking for a new place (ive been saving up PENNIES for years. it'll take 3 full months of salary to even rent a ROOM)#it took me even longer cause i was unemployed for 6 months and had to use EVERYTHING I HAD SAVED #and i gave up. im back at home and i gave in. i took a video of my room and the living room and asked my friend #is there really anything else i have to do because i am TIRED AND I CANT SEE WHATS WRONG AND WHATS MESSY PLEASE #because fuck i feel like im actually INSANE cause the way my sister has been wording it to me its like im so messy #and my friend just replies..... i am so sorry for ever being on your sisters side because you are not messy at all #and the RELIEF i felt. the weight off my shoulders LIFTED OFF INSTANTLY #IM NOT CRAZY!!! IM NOT MESSY!! IM HUMAN AND NORMAL #im just so upset right now cause it just dawned on me that.... not a single person in my famiy has my back the way i have theirs #not even my own sister.... and im tired.#personal

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girlcrushau · 8 months ago

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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carcarrot · 26 days ago

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its important to go see a low stakes concert sometimes

#as in seeing someone in concert youre not an absolute nutbag about (as i have done this year and last year)#but last night me n my dad went and saw renaissance on their farewell tour #running on like 4 hours of sleep and seething to be at work right now #or rather i would be seething if i weren't so tired #new anger management hack: just get less sleep so your senses are dulled! anyway #funniest part of the night was the multiples times when my dad who is old was like 'everyone here is so old :/'#he was literally like 'if i ever get like these people just shoot me' LMAO #the concert was good i wouldn't call it like great or fantastic but such is the beauty of a low stakes concert #youre not living and dying on every song youre not singing along to everything youre just. enjoyin the show normally which is crazy #again as someone who has seen two bands (both bands two separate times and is seeing one of those bands a THIRD TIME soon) im crazy over #that experience is fun its bonkers and you definitely gotta do it for the bands youre crazy over. you gotta #but it was nice to just. have a regular time at a show #as far as the show itself there were a few little moments where things didnt go as smooth but that may have been bc it was the first show #and save for a few moments in some songs annie haslam knocked it out of the park she can still sing as insanely good as she used to #again some parts of songs were in a lower key? but most seemed to be the same and she was still hitting those bonkers high notes #so good for her. the band was pretty good but i felt they really only like all worked together well on a few songs #if that makes sense. but overall pretty good #and my anxieties about getting there and back were unfounded bc somehow it all worked. yay #our car service trip home was in a tesla i felt like i was gonna die the entire ride home lol #i am NEVER getting in one of those stupid cars again. big ass ipad as your dashboard this is insane???? im so scared???#anywho. old musicians are forever as ive been saying lately. and they really are #oh also we were at the town hall which is a nice small theater i was worried abt bein too far away but it's laid out really well #in that you're sure to get a pretty good view of the stage #it seems like half the size roughly of the beacon for whatever thats worth #OH i did see one dude somewhere in the audience with a sparks shirt so. hashtag represent #yet another concert report. yayyyyy #(im so tired)

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seiwas · 1 year ago

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when all the ideas come to you faster than you can type but you have to get it down so the doc now looks like chunks of red paragraphs barely cohesive and without punctuation but the Thoughts are there and that’s what matters 🥲

#finished 3/6 !!!! officially !!! unedited hehe #the first 2 scenes are super polished alr #i think ill just continue writing tho then do chunks of editing when im done #bc i feel like going back and forth writing new scenes and editing previous ones kinda slows my progress #started on the 4th scene too and got an influx of ideas ksndkd like the flow of everything but it all happened so fast #and i am now squeezed and too tired to finish it #i feel like …….. col 4 will come out next week and thats final JALXMKANZNS #i can finish it this week but i kind of want it to sit with me for a bit so i can let it simmer and take my time editing #because im really enjoying writing it actually 🥺#i get so deep into it every time im writing 🥹#my only fear now is that it’s boring 😭😭😭😭 or that … i had all these themes in mind but they dont come across 😭#it is the longest piece of fiction i have written thats for sure #jakxnwkcnks #i talked so much again #shotorus.process

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guinevereslancelot · 5 months ago

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so proud of myself for putting a big part of my last paycheck in my savings like an adult but now im gonna spend all my savings like an idiot 😵‍💫

#i mean i am paying cash for my first vehicle which is like...adulting pro level but....at what cost (the price) 😭#also its a very cheap rusty old car tbh but i need a truck for the farm basically #so even tho i could keep driving my dad's car to work since he works from home it makes sense #especially bc its three people sharing that car with me and my brother #and my little brother is a full time student w no job so im the full time employed one so i should be the one to get a car #but i was determined to not take out a loan so its not a super nice car #but i'm buying it from a friend of my mom at a steal basically #like who sells a decent working car for 1500 anymore #but thats literally my entire savings so.... 😬#no car payment tho which will be nice but aaaaaaaaa #and im worried its kind of a junky car and will need tons of repaira all the time and not be reliable #but my commute is really short and i never drive anywhere besides work which is good for an unreliable car #im not convinced its a great investment to put all my savings into an unreliable vehicle but my parents told me its a good investment so #😬👍#adulting yayyyyy #i am getting paid this friday tho so my savings wont be so alarmingly empty for long #but i have other big expenses so im stressed #however it is a nice christmassy red pickup truck which is good for a christmas tree farm #but last payday i was like why do i have so little money in my savings thats dumb and not very grown up im gonna put as much as i can spare #then a week later withdrew almost all of it for the car 🤡#possibly a stupid decision #but maybe a great one idk #and it saves my parents having to buy a trailer for my mom's car for farm stuff so they're gifting me $300 towards it #and it will be satisfying to buy it outright and have no debt on it #but oof it hurts so much to make big purchases #i've never spent this much money except on tuition #i dont know that its specially unreliable i just know its got rust and duct tape and they're selling it bc they'd rather have a car payment #bc they put more money into it than its worth #but its got new tires and brakes and passed inspection somehow with the rust sooo? maybe its not as bad as it looks 😂

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